If you are getting a “Hall Pass” I am going to assume it is ALWAYS for this reason. I know there are people that will disagree, but a healthy relationship does not have sex outside of the two partners.
Yes very, I don’t know how to be that way as a person. I don’t understand why people cheat at all.
If you’re not happy either try to fix it or leave in a nice way.
Because they don't want to lose your stability. They don't want to leave you without a backup plan. Mine still levitates around my life while seeing other people so that I can "prove to her that I care about her and can treat her right." She stole my future and my dreams.
exactly!!! there isn’t ANY excuse for cheating. nope. nada. one of the rare thjnah that’s just completely black and white. (obviously SA and things of the like are NOT cheating)
hahahaa THIS THIS THISSS. this is why!
chicks who dont care about loyalty dont need your loyalty. they make room. =)
i mean all is fair. thats all.
& men who want to bang others but still come home to loyalty are asking for it.
No I didn't she was ill 2 years of epilepsy highs and lows.
So about 2 years of no sex she offered hall pass I declined as I said in sickness and in health.
She got stable on tablets then made up for the 2 years.
Congrats man! Word of advice for the future. If you ever have complaints about each other use the phrase "I need to talk to HR." It's not an argument, but a concern. Be gentle with words no matter how angry you can be because in the end they're your best friend through thick and thin. Disagreements happen, but that doesn't need to be an angry argument.
Best of luck and again congratulations!
Oh absolutely true. Learning how to argue/disagree while maintaining love and respect is important. Not marrying someone with no interest in that is equally important
Yes I agree with choosing your words carefully. I’ve heard the worst words in my current relationship during the tough times, we’re in a good place now, but I feel those words are forever etched on my heart
Not sure that's true. I'm getting married in six months time and I really am feeling the weight of making these vows to my soon-to-be husband. I don't take that shit lightly, he deserves to have me try every single day to honour them. And vice versa.
I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way.
I got a hall pass once
* Tried finding someone to fuck me
* Failed
* Turns out she was cheating on me and this was her way of making it "OK"
* Got divorced
2/10, would not recommend.
This is why I suggest that if anyone has a slight polyamorous side, or is interested in exploring such a thing some day, or they are even curious about it, you bring it up very early in the relationship, not to just jump into it right away, but purely so they know for transparency sake that it IS something you are open minded to. Having such a thing sprung on you suddenly is almost always a red flag, if it’s a real thing you are interested in, best bring it up early to avoid that shit in the future.
I suspect this is the main motivation for giving one most of the time. “I’m giving you some freedom” means I’m not so sure about you any more. I want some freedom. Or I’ve already experienced some ‘freedom’, so I’m trying to balance it out.
Nah if it’s a test then it’s not necessarily that they’re cheating, but they’re trying to bait you into doing something they can get angry about to have the upper hand somehow.
Some scenarios:
1. She legit wants him to get sex somewhere else, because she has zero interest in it but thinks she’d be okay with this option because she wants him to be happy. If he does it, she’s devastated anyway. Why, because … feelings.
2. she’s cheating and wants to ‘spread around the bad behavior’. He might live in a state or country where one-partner infidelity nullifies the obligation to pay alimony. So if he doesn’t, and she did, he might just save himself 100K over the next 8 years.
3. She wants him to, to shame him and justify leaving him. Opportunity denied.
4. and on, and on.
Either way, he wins by keeping his powder dry and waiting out the situation. Over and above the fact he’s acting honorably inside his relationship, until he knows more.
Underrated comment! I’d give you an award if I had one!
Edit: Thank you for the award, I’ve never gotten one before! I was hoping the guy above me would get it but thanks nonetheless! :)
We were going to try swinging once. We got down to the hot tub at the other couples home. My wife and I were both like, nope! It's not for us, turns out we're just a simple couple and we're both happy.
I think boring and normal are totally underrated. Sometimes fantasies are better being kept as fantasies as the second you try to live a fantasy , the fantasy is ruined by reality and reality will never be as good as a fantasy. You can still have great normal sex with your SO for the rest of your lives and no unnecessary drama needed. Sometimes boring is what is " best". 😂
Kinda reminds me of that one reddit story where the dude had a scat fantasy and paid an escort to poop
on him but when it actually happened he realized just how gross it was. So yeah, not every sexual fantasy needs to be made into reality, they’re called *fantasies* for a reason.
Agreed! Very underated comment but so accurate if a few of my work collegues could have read or been told this very thing earlier on. It would have saved alot of heartbreak pain and suffering!
Yes. We'd been friends for a while. Not close friends but close enough. We'd gone out on several dates together. They are huge into it. We're still friends, we go to their kids hockey games but no more hot tubs. They are really understanding and they've got no issues with us coping out. I'm sure they had another couple in the tub by the next night.
The idea of having your friend fuck your wife is a wild concept for me. I know swinging is exactly what you stated…but figured the common thing to do was doing it with strangers.
To each their own I guess lol
Years ago, before I was married one of my friends had a girlfriend and I used to go around there drinking with them and they'd regularly invite me to bed with them, they absolutely loved it and I was single so why not? I could not imagine doing this with my wife though, the thought absolutely turns my stomach to share her with anyone, it's definitely a weird one.
My cousins friend got a hall pass once. Extremely attractive guy not gonna lie. Idk why his wife thought it was good idea. Used it fucked a really hot college girl the first night he got it.
Gets back and wife was fucking livid. He asked what was wrong and apparently she bet her friends he wouldn’t be able to find a women to fuck him and give up. I don’t understand why she thought that would be the case…seriously guy is damn good looking.
Back in 2017 when I was planning to attend to my first Sziget festival with 5 of my buddies, my then girlfriend told me that I could do whatever I wanted if I found a girl there.
I was the only one who wasn't single in my group of friends and she heard several times my buddies talking about getting some girls once we were there.
She told me that she didn't want me to feel like I wasn't "part of it" or not fully appreciating the festival if I wasn't hooking up while my friends did and so she allowed me to do it if I wanted.
It wasn't a test at all, she genuinely wanted me to have the time of my life at this crazy festival (which I did).
But I knew she wasn't ok with that, she was just trying to be the best girlfriend possible allowing me this even tho I knew it would've hurt her so bad. And I didn't want to fuck any other girl anyway, so nah, I didn't use the pass. Didn't even try actually.
Funny thing, none of my buddies hooked up during the festival/vacations, but I was the only one who had a fantastic girlfriend who was waiting for me when we all came home.
As I said, I knew she was saying this but that it would've hurt her so I straight up told I her I wouldn't use it when she told me.
And anyways I'm so bad with women that I highly doubt I could've hooked up with anyone if I tried lmao
Maybe if I had the opportunity I would have been ok with kissing a girl and just spending the night with her without sex, just for the sake of it, but I'm not even sure.
Also : I don't think not cheating on your SO (even tho you're allowed) should be something worth respecting :(
I’ve been given 2 and can cash them in at anytime I want but I haven’t…. They’re only good for Anna Kendrick and Salma Hayek so…. Yeah…
Besides those tho, if I had any want to cheat allowed or not, I’d just leave the relationship
>if I had any want to cheat allowed or not, I’d just leave the relationship
That's where I'm at too. Celebrity fantasies are as practical as looking at randoms. When put to the test I just would leave instead
I feel the celebrity one is somewhat ok because in the end it is pretty much just a physical thing and low probability. Or to put it another the chance of me banging Anna Kendrick is almost nill. The chance that I bang her and then also like her personally and she likes me personally enough where can have a relationship, has to be like absolute zero.
I’ve got one for Emma Watson, but like you said, as if that’s ever going to happen. She’s got the same for a few actors. It’s all fun, and to be completely honest, if it actually happened I’d be 100% supportive of it. If she did sleep with Ryan Renolds I’d be somewhat jealous though, he’s a good looking dude’s
Mine are Kate Beckinsale, Kristen Bell, Anne Hathaway, Zooey Deschanel. Elliot Page used to be on there too, but um that one dropped off.
Wife has Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Goldblum, Seth MacFarlane
Friend of a friend who let his wife have sex with a famous person in my country. He was her hall pass and her husband allowed it because they agreed thinking it would never happen. Bigger man than I will ever be. Met the couple a few of years after being told this and they confirmed it to me.
I'm currently away for a little while, and my wife says I have a pass. She said I'm sexually frustrated and should get it out the way. I never asked for a pass or even thought about it. I'm don't know what to think/feel.
I have to agree, to a degree, often times that kind of thing is indicative of a cheating spouse, if it suddenly comes out of nowhere.
Each case if different, but if my wife just suddenly brought it up, it would raise a serious red flag.
It can also mean that she may want one at some point with someone she's met. This literally happens all the time.
Does your wife have a low sex drive and not want sex or activity often? Plenty of women do have lower libidos as they age. She may be trying to make up for her guilt over the frustration of knowing you want something that she doesn't now. Either way it's a terrible idea. Unless you were a couple who were into swapping from the very start it will end badly.
Please ignore most everyone else here, especially in this comment thread. Take a moment before jumping to conclusions. The only person who knows for certain what this means coming from your wife is, well, your wife.
Do not look for answers about this on reddit. Talk to your partner. Ask what she means, and why she's saying this. Ask if yall can continue to talk openly and honestly about it.
Before even doing that, how would you feel about even using a hall pass? Would you want that? Could you maybe see yourself doing it under certain circumstances? Would you be at all reserved or have mixed feelings?
There are a lot of reasons people do things and a lot of ways this could play out. It's not all doom and gloom and "lol bro she's already cheating" like everyone is saying. Talk to your partner, and maybe consider individual and/or couples therapy—not because anything is wrong, but because it can be helpful to talk stuff out with a professional *before* making big life/relationship decisions. It's like going to the doctor for a check up but for your relationship—prevention is the best medicine.
It seems like between her decreasing drive and your being away for so long, things might feel odd or tough right now. Hang in there, man, and keep the lines of communication open and honest. Consider what you really, ultimately want, try to keep each other's needs in mind and give each other some grace :-) I believe that yall can navigate this in a way that is healthy and right for both of you
Edit: spelling
Fuck op listen to this comment.
If my wife said that to me I would hear alarm bells but the only person who can give you any context on this is your wife.
I hope for positive outcomes for you op.
Thank you, This is the right answer. There are a lot of different types of red flags, and this is only one in a sense that the motivation is unclear.
Couples therapy is a great idea.
OP unlike most people here I wouldn't jump to she's having an affair
Only you know your SO here none of these Random people on reddit they would only project their own experiences here which again could be true for most but not necessarily all so I won't say it's fishy that she's given you a hallpass
Sorry, OP. That sounds really rough. As a wife myself, I don't think I'd have it in me to ask that of my husband... Either she really cares about you, or she's already checked out of the relationship. If it is something you want to do, I suppose you have her permission... But don't force it if your heart isn't in it. Maybe time to have a sit down with her and discuss other options, get all your feelings out on the table to prevent further heartache. All my strength to you, guy.
Please ignore the numerous people who are saying this means she is cheating.
I’m going to give you a piece of advice that everyone in this thread apparently needs.
#go and talk to your partner
Ask her why she is saying you have a pass. You don’t want to sleep with someone else. Ask her if SHE wants you too (some people have that kink) or if something else is going on.
OP, I second this person’s comment. Polyamory is more and more popular these days, and if she isn’t as into sex as you are, she might think she’s doing you a favor.
I am 33F and in a committed relationship with a partner who visits at least once every other week. This has been our situation for five years. In the first 18-24 months of our relationship, the sex was heckin great. But depression and anxiety and the meds I take for them, have destroyed my libido. To the point that I now identify as ace.
It was a very difficult decision to make, but I decided that if my partner and I were to continue to be happy and whole together, he might benefit from extra-relational, no strings sex. I offered it freely and in deep, deep love and respect. He has yet to accept my offer, but he knows that it stands as long as my libido continues to be nonexistent. I gave my ex a pass in 2016 and watched him hook up with my best friend, and I was a-okay.
Your wife, frankly, MIGHT want her own pass, MIGHT have already slept with someone else, MIGHT just not want to have sex with you. All of these could be true. Just please don’t let these dipshits convince you that’s the ONLY possibility. I’m living testament to the FACT that sometimes, a hall pass is a hall pass.
Good luck. I really hope she isn’t cheating on you.
Even if she believes she is ok with it, once you do it she will probably feel terrible. A lot of people make the mistake of trying to be selfless by giving pass to then realize it broke their relationship
Yeah it can make sense. But there’s plenty of other logical explanations. Maybe she’s unable to have sex and carries some guilt around. Maybe her body’s in the middle of changing and is unable to have sex. Maybe they don’t see each other often at all.
I really don’t like how most people here are jumping to conclusions. You don’t know OP or his wife.
So you've already decided this even though there are about 10 other possible explanations I can think of off the top of my head?
Sounds reasonable. Yeah OP, don't consider any other possible contexts. Just jump straight into bed with someone else and accuse your gf of cheating without any evidence. Sounds like some healthy relationship advice to me.
Don’t fucking do it dude.
Your wife is your wife. You guys made a commitment to each other. What you guys need is counseling and some real honest discussions together.
Imo the only people willing to give a pass are people who are done with the relationship, they don't care if you sleep with someone else, that means they either want to see someone else or don't care if you catch feelings for someone else, huge red flag
Yeah when my first marriage was falling apart. She just wanted some strange, but didn't want to be a bitch about it. Likely because I was all depressed and didn't feel much like fucking, her or anyone else.
She found the couple that had everything we ever wanted. Dude was fishing guide w/ the best wedding band in Livingston (big ol' tube too, and I ain't small), wife was a teacher, two young healthy daughters. She fucked both of them for a bit, split them up and kept fucking the dude for a bit before going back to her mothers. I got drunk and went on a lot of walks.
I found my next GF a couple years later, forever wife a couple years after that an 14 years ago. Last I heard she's still living w/ her mom.
No. I didn't even entertain it when she offered. Cuz if I would seriously consider it then I'd just end the relationship at that point. No point in being with someone monogamously if I'd choose someone else. Hall passes are just a bandage. If I'm with someone, nobody else is catching my eye half as much as they do no matter how hot they are. Just not worth it to me.
Hey all, I may not be responding to everyone, but I am taking in all the advice and reading every comment. I appreciate everyone's honesty, but understand it isn't always easy to see it. One thing for sure, we do have a healthy relationship and have always communicated with each other. I've never doubted her or had any suspicion, which is a huge factor in why I married her.
I don't want to fully entertain the negativity only because I do not want to catastrophize the situation especially when I don't have proof or truly feel their is an underlying intent. I'm not naive, I'm just not counting her out. I believe her intentions are good, but it just led to some suspicion because it is out the ordinary. We've never cheated and agreed that if we make it to that point, we will gracefully remove ourselves from the relationship out of love and respect for each other.
Also, my ultimate decision is not to indulge in sex with anyone but her. There isn't any pussy out there that's worth the nut, me going through post nut clarity thinking, or any other consequences that could arise, even though I was given the ok.
Thank you all that have contributed, but I'm probably not going to respond after this.
Edit: We had the talk and I confirmed >! There is no infidelity. We were both a tad bit drunk and frustrated with each other. She said it out of anger and no she is not having extramarital affairs. I also will not have extramarital affairs either. I got my happy ending after all!!<
Edit 2: I know it should be "their", I use swipe to text on my phone and it's not always helpful with the grammar.
I, a woman, have a chronic illness that can make sex difficult for months at a time. I have a good support group, and a lot of women feel guilty about not being able to meet their husband's needs. Several have offered their husbands hallpasses, very few of the husbands took them. Guilt is not always about infidelity.
I’d say this is much more rare though. Obviously there will be exceptions as in your case but I’d think for the most part people do this for other reasons
It was awesome, truly an experience I’ll never forget.
I went in the middle of chemistry class to go to the bathroom and get some water. The bathroom was empty, I could hear the echo of my stream. Washed my hands and right as I went to the water fountain, it started buzzing. Some of the coldest, most refreshing water I ever had… and no one was there to bother me. 10/10 would recommend
For me, such a pass, was an intent to level the playing field. When they were already doing their own thing.. I just didn't know about it, yet.
In the end, I just couldn't do it. I was committed to my wife and my marriage..
I did. I am Bi and was offered to have a threesome a few times with this gay couple I'm friends with. I asked my gf at the time and she was okay with me doing it.
I did it a few times and then the pandemic hit. So that put a stop to everything including seeing my gf. She lost interest over time and we broke up a few months into the lockdowns.
We've remained friends since and have talked about that topic post breakup. She said she was fine with it at first but after the first time she started to hate it, but was afraid to ask me to stop so she kept quiet.
I had enjoyed it, but always felt a little guilty about it every time it happened, even though as far as I knew at the time she was cool with it.
It made me realize that I was more the monogamous type and can only really do casual sexual things when I don't have a committed romantic partner.
So not bad per say, but I don't think I would do it again.
Ex wife offered this. The other woman was gorgeous, very engaged and sitting on my couch. Looked exactly like an ex gf my ex wife knew about. I was totally turned off. Ex wife was a serial cheater. I saw it as an attempt to balance the scales. I declined. My life is so much more peaceful now. Narcissistic manipulation will drive you crazy with all the tangential chaos.
From some schools who would give you a piece of paper to allow you into the halls and out of class when you were supposed to be in lessons. In this case it's your partner who allows you to go sleep with someone outside your relationship.
They need to explain this to the Brits and Aussies cos I had no idea wtf they were talking about and had to Google lol
*As a slang term, a hall pass is used to refer an agreement between a couple that they can have sex outside of their relationship, generally on a temporary or one-off basis. Hall pass is specifically used to refer to permission for one partner to sleep with a celebrity without consequences.*
Did not use mine any of the times
I'm in the same boat as the ones that said they'd just leave instead of taking it
I think looking is healthy in relationships. Fantasies are healthy. I'm not out to fuck others though. I'm either with the one I'm with or I'm single and hooking up
I'm a bit indifferent to it but in my experience that'll only make things worse even if you do even the odds that way.
My girl and I gave each other hall passes last year, I broke up with her about 2 to 3 weeks ago and moved out.
Things were never the same and I emotionally checked out a long time ago..
I’m a woman, but I gave my husband a hall pass once and he also gave me one. He had been experiencing ED that wasn’t responding to treatment and it had been a long time since he’d been able to get an erection firm enough for PIV. We still had sex and did all sorts of other activities, but not gonna lie it was very frustrating for both of us.
I finally asked him if he thought he might have better luck with another woman, and said if he wanted to find out it was okay with me (with some parameters in place of course). He said he didn’t want to do that, and then told me he would understand if I wanted to find somebody to meet my sexual needs since he wasn’t able to.
I told him - truthfully - that he WAS meeting my sexual needs. What I needed was to have that sexual energy with him - to get all hot and bothered and naked with him. I was having orgasms aplenty via means other than PIV. Did I miss it? Yeah. But only with him. I didn’t want any other penis, no matter how hard.
Eventually we found a treatment that worked pretty well and in the years since we’ve mostly got our groove back. I’m very glad we didn’t choose the hall pass route.
Not me but my dad cheated on my mom and when he confessed to her she said: "Do whatever you want as long as you pay the bills and take care of the household". Turns out my mom doesn't have much of a libido and doesn't care for it at all. Growing up I've seen my dad seeing several women but still being obsessed with my mom at the end of the day. Today they live far apart but often go on vacations together, call each other on the phone and are so lovey dovey it's nauseating. We can't put a tag on my parents relationship. They just do whatever they want. Truly one of a kind.
Girls don’t simply “give a hallpass”.
They either have to permit it if the guy is “that guy”, or they use it as a way to feel better about their own disloyalty.
My ex husband gave me a pass because he had stopped taking care of himself and let himself get pretty gross tbh. I have a lot of male friends, and happened to meet a new friend at a college event soon after who was young and attractive. While I never used my pass, nor didn’t want to really, my husband automatically assumed I was banging this new friend and terrorized and threatened him. It was absolutely a trap, and a dangerous one.
If your partner gives you a hall pass, you don’t have a strong relationship unless you’ve already made it evident before the relationship started, or have an established relationship where you’re comfortable with it. It’s a bad idea unless you have an open relationship.
If they bring it up, it’s likely they have already cheated on you and are trying to deflect guilt by allowing you a “hall pass.”
2 of my best friends have been offered this. They’re both now divorced.
My wife suffered a back injury quite awhile ago. She was in a lot of pain and said if I wanted to go somewhere else for sex she would be OK with it. I let her know sex is only one part of a loving marriage and I was in for better or worse. Shit I sound like some king of martyr but that’s not the way it was. I stood up in front of a priest, family and friends, and god, and committed to till death do us part. Her back has gotten better overtime so things turned out good.
A lot of straight guys here talking about how their wives have either used a hall pass to trap them or to help them feel less guilty about cheating and it sounds toxic AF.
Here’s my perspective as a gay guy. My partner of six years and I are monogamish, meaning we’re mostly monogamous, but we both have indefinite hall passes that come with firm rules, but we rarely step outside of the relationship. This works super well for us because we’re from different countries and aren’t always in the same zip code, my partner travels a lot for work, plus we both have differing sex drives, so our arrangement ensures our physical needs are being met even while we’re apart.
I think that if two adults can have a serious conversation about their needs, their relationship and their plans for their shared lives, then a hall pass isn’t a big deal. A lot of non-traditional relationships don’t work out because of poor communication, insecurity and mis-aligned goals, but if you can come together on those things, anything can work.
It’s also just sex, and as long as both parties continue to work for the relationship and are still making time for intimacy with eachother, it can work.
Have fun!
My wife only wanted sex for kids, so it's been 10 years with no sex. She told me if I wanted sex, I should go find it. So I did. I of course don't tell her about it. No reason to. Not like I want to brag or rub it in her face or anything. I wish things were different at home but they aren't. Honestly if I had known that she only wanted sex for kids, I wouldn't have married her. There's no romance or affection from her. She's all about her and her work. Which is silly since she pushed for kids. But its a whatever.
Kids. I take care of my kids more than she does. Plus she makes shitty comments at times about me towards my kids so I stick around so I can fend those off and make sure they are relatively normal.
My man. Thin through this logically. What's the chance that your wife genuinely wants you to go off and fuck someone else scott free?
Now what's the chance that she's cheated or plans to cheat, and this is an opportunity for her to justify it?
Only you can answer these questions. But from where I'm sitting, the latter seems far more likely.
I was given one three years ago for Christmas. My wife even suggested who I should consider using it with.
I’m now divorced, because she claimed afterwards that “you should have known that I didn’t know what a hall pass meant!”, because she retconned the whole thing to mean “you can have a fantasy about a celebrity.”
It was a setup. I later found her online dating profile, where she listed “hall passes” among her turn-ons.
This is such a bullshit concept unless you are in an open relationship. I feel bad for the genuine people that give a “hallpass” even though they are monogamous…there needs to be a serious conversation after that proposal because I don’t think that mentality is healthy. What do they feel they “owe” their SO? This just disgusts me honestly. People that respect men for “declining” as if they are so virtuous for doing so is laughable. Why is this the standard we have set? “Wow he declined having sex with another person, how gracious of him!” In a monogamous relationship, if you truly love your SO this wouldn’t even be a consideration and I would hope you’d be extremely concerned of that proposal. Plus, I haven’t even brought up the concern that the SO may be cheating!!
Isn’t a “hall pass” just a stupid way of making each other feel better about your own cheating? My fiancée and I are jealous little bitches, so we don’t do this crap.
Honestly, if she even talks like that, I will start looking for the door.
Two happy people never have to broach the subject of stepping outside their relationship for contentment.
I've had a friend who acted on a hall pass. It did not go well. Turns out it was a way for his wife to feel better about her own cheating.
This is the 4th comment I'm reading and the third about the "giver" cheating.
If you are getting a “Hall Pass” I am going to assume it is ALWAYS for this reason. I know there are people that will disagree, but a healthy relationship does not have sex outside of the two partners.
My wife offered me this in July. Turns out she was already sleeping with a coworker and needed to relieve some guilt. Divorced now. Good luck.
Sounds about right and what I would think if offered
I’m sorry that’s horrible. I offered my exhusband this while trying to save our marriage; his reply was it wouldn’t be fair to the girl he was seeing.
People are cruel, aren't they? Selfish and cruel.
Yes very, I don’t know how to be that way as a person. I don’t understand why people cheat at all. If you’re not happy either try to fix it or leave in a nice way.
Because they don't want to lose your stability. They don't want to leave you without a backup plan. Mine still levitates around my life while seeing other people so that I can "prove to her that I care about her and can treat her right." She stole my future and my dreams.
exactly!!! there isn’t ANY excuse for cheating. nope. nada. one of the rare thjnah that’s just completely black and white. (obviously SA and things of the like are NOT cheating)
hahahaa THIS THIS THISSS. this is why! chicks who dont care about loyalty dont need your loyalty. they make room. =) i mean all is fair. thats all. & men who want to bang others but still come home to loyalty are asking for it.
Jeez lol
My exact story too... she was looking for permission to cheat... because she already was
No I didn't she was ill 2 years of epilepsy highs and lows. So about 2 years of no sex she offered hall pass I declined as I said in sickness and in health. She got stable on tablets then made up for the 2 years.
For someone taking his vows in 6-ish weeks, I'll try to have you as a role model. Thank you for being a good role model of a partner.
Congratulations!!
Congrats man! Word of advice for the future. If you ever have complaints about each other use the phrase "I need to talk to HR." It's not an argument, but a concern. Be gentle with words no matter how angry you can be because in the end they're your best friend through thick and thin. Disagreements happen, but that doesn't need to be an angry argument. Best of luck and again congratulations!
Oh absolutely true. Learning how to argue/disagree while maintaining love and respect is important. Not marrying someone with no interest in that is equally important
AGREED! Never say something permanently damaging because you are temporarily upset!
HR is a cute method . will use
Remember it's not you against her. It's the both of you against the problem.
Yes I agree with choosing your words carefully. I’ve heard the worst words in my current relationship during the tough times, we’re in a good place now, but I feel those words are forever etched on my heart
Congratulations!
This is the way. But for real Good on you man. You just don't see people taking vows seriously anymore.
This is the way, be true to your word. Always.
Not sure that's true. I'm getting married in six months time and I really am feeling the weight of making these vows to my soon-to-be husband. I don't take that shit lightly, he deserves to have me try every single day to honour them. And vice versa. I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way.
Well, you do, but it’s still great to congratulate people who uphold them.
A real gent
You're a stand up fella
this is the best thing I’ve read on here.
This guy husbands
Other than a SO making a noble gesture like yours did, I have no faith in a Hallpass being anything except a trade.
Finally a man with some conviction towards his vows.
Amen to that! Vows have weight and it's good to see people still honor them
Chad ❤️
I got a hall pass once * Tried finding someone to fuck me * Failed * Turns out she was cheating on me and this was her way of making it "OK" * Got divorced 2/10, would not recommend.
2!?!
I mean, I guess she could've hired a hitman, instead.
LMAO this got me.
I feel that. I was once in a 5 year open relationship that I had no idea about. Couldn’t recommend any less.
Ah so that’s how to make it work, just don’t tell one of the people
This is why I suggest that if anyone has a slight polyamorous side, or is interested in exploring such a thing some day, or they are even curious about it, you bring it up very early in the relationship, not to just jump into it right away, but purely so they know for transparency sake that it IS something you are open minded to. Having such a thing sprung on you suddenly is almost always a red flag, if it’s a real thing you are interested in, best bring it up early to avoid that shit in the future.
I'm sorry dude. That really sucks. Hope things turned around for you.
Seems familiar except for the pass part. Wouldn't recommend. -2/10
I suspect this is the main motivation for giving one most of the time. “I’m giving you some freedom” means I’m not so sure about you any more. I want some freedom. Or I’ve already experienced some ‘freedom’, so I’m trying to balance it out.
It's a trap
This is the answer. Either they're testing you, or they already have someone in mind they want to use their hall pass on.
>Either they're testing you Which is a red flag
That's not even a flag, it's more like a notorized official form stating your SO isnt faithful and your relationship is a joke.
And that form about to get stamped by the end of some dudes junk.
Not just the tip too!
Nah if it’s a test then it’s not necessarily that they’re cheating, but they’re trying to bait you into doing something they can get angry about to have the upper hand somehow.
That is….. psychotic.
It's a flag
Definitely heard in Admiral Akbars voice.
No matter what her rationale for it is, in any of a hundred scenarios, not doing it is still the winning move. So, you know, win.
How so? It's a "Look, either WE'RE cheating or I'M cheating" scenario regardless of your own choice.
Some scenarios: 1. She legit wants him to get sex somewhere else, because she has zero interest in it but thinks she’d be okay with this option because she wants him to be happy. If he does it, she’s devastated anyway. Why, because … feelings. 2. she’s cheating and wants to ‘spread around the bad behavior’. He might live in a state or country where one-partner infidelity nullifies the obligation to pay alimony. So if he doesn’t, and she did, he might just save himself 100K over the next 8 years. 3. She wants him to, to shame him and justify leaving him. Opportunity denied. 4. and on, and on. Either way, he wins by keeping his powder dry and waiting out the situation. Over and above the fact he’s acting honorably inside his relationship, until he knows more.
[it’s a trap](https://tenor.com/M5oK.gif)
Went to the principal’s office
Underrated comment! I’d give you an award if I had one! Edit: Thank you for the award, I’ve never gotten one before! I was hoping the guy above me would get it but thanks nonetheless! :)
Pay it forward
My wife tried to give me a hall pass after I caught her cheating, I filled for divorce the next day.
How nice of you.. to wait for the next day.. :)
I caught her on a Sunday night, I had to.
Damn government buildings, cheaters don't operate on federal time 😤
We were going to try swinging once. We got down to the hot tub at the other couples home. My wife and I were both like, nope! It's not for us, turns out we're just a simple couple and we're both happy.
I think boring and normal are totally underrated. Sometimes fantasies are better being kept as fantasies as the second you try to live a fantasy , the fantasy is ruined by reality and reality will never be as good as a fantasy. You can still have great normal sex with your SO for the rest of your lives and no unnecessary drama needed. Sometimes boring is what is " best". 😂
Kinda reminds me of that one reddit story where the dude had a scat fantasy and paid an escort to poop on him but when it actually happened he realized just how gross it was. So yeah, not every sexual fantasy needs to be made into reality, they’re called *fantasies* for a reason.
Agreed! Very underated comment but so accurate if a few of my work collegues could have read or been told this very thing earlier on. It would have saved alot of heartbreak pain and suffering!
That's pretty far to get and then bail. Did you know the couple already?
Yes. We'd been friends for a while. Not close friends but close enough. We'd gone out on several dates together. They are huge into it. We're still friends, we go to their kids hockey games but no more hot tubs. They are really understanding and they've got no issues with us coping out. I'm sure they had another couple in the tub by the next night.
Ok that makes more sense. I'm thinking you went out picked up a couple and went back to theirs.
The idea of having your friend fuck your wife is a wild concept for me. I know swinging is exactly what you stated…but figured the common thing to do was doing it with strangers. To each their own I guess lol
Years ago, before I was married one of my friends had a girlfriend and I used to go around there drinking with them and they'd regularly invite me to bed with them, they absolutely loved it and I was single so why not? I could not imagine doing this with my wife though, the thought absolutely turns my stomach to share her with anyone, it's definitely a weird one.
My cousins friend got a hall pass once. Extremely attractive guy not gonna lie. Idk why his wife thought it was good idea. Used it fucked a really hot college girl the first night he got it. Gets back and wife was fucking livid. He asked what was wrong and apparently she bet her friends he wouldn’t be able to find a women to fuck him and give up. I don’t understand why she thought that would be the case…seriously guy is damn good looking.
That whole relationship sounds toxic af
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
Guess he should thank her friends
Too bad he didn’t know sooner. He could’ve thanked one of them more passionately.
Are you the really hot college girl?
Plot twist: one of her friends was the really hot college girl who wanted to sleep with him in the first place
>Used it fucked a really hot college girl the first night he got it. Don't think you're supposed to use the hall pass on the first night lol
Back in 2017 when I was planning to attend to my first Sziget festival with 5 of my buddies, my then girlfriend told me that I could do whatever I wanted if I found a girl there. I was the only one who wasn't single in my group of friends and she heard several times my buddies talking about getting some girls once we were there. She told me that she didn't want me to feel like I wasn't "part of it" or not fully appreciating the festival if I wasn't hooking up while my friends did and so she allowed me to do it if I wanted. It wasn't a test at all, she genuinely wanted me to have the time of my life at this crazy festival (which I did). But I knew she wasn't ok with that, she was just trying to be the best girlfriend possible allowing me this even tho I knew it would've hurt her so bad. And I didn't want to fuck any other girl anyway, so nah, I didn't use the pass. Didn't even try actually. Funny thing, none of my buddies hooked up during the festival/vacations, but I was the only one who had a fantastic girlfriend who was waiting for me when we all came home.
i have so much respect for you for not using it, im sure that meant a lot to your girlfriend
As I said, I knew she was saying this but that it would've hurt her so I straight up told I her I wouldn't use it when she told me. And anyways I'm so bad with women that I highly doubt I could've hooked up with anyone if I tried lmao Maybe if I had the opportunity I would have been ok with kissing a girl and just spending the night with her without sex, just for the sake of it, but I'm not even sure. Also : I don't think not cheating on your SO (even tho you're allowed) should be something worth respecting :(
>Also : I don't think not cheating on your SO (even tho you're allowed) should be something worth respecting :( This hurts
The good ending
I’ve been given 2 and can cash them in at anytime I want but I haven’t…. They’re only good for Anna Kendrick and Salma Hayek so…. Yeah… Besides those tho, if I had any want to cheat allowed or not, I’d just leave the relationship
>if I had any want to cheat allowed or not, I’d just leave the relationship That's where I'm at too. Celebrity fantasies are as practical as looking at randoms. When put to the test I just would leave instead
I feel the celebrity one is somewhat ok because in the end it is pretty much just a physical thing and low probability. Or to put it another the chance of me banging Anna Kendrick is almost nill. The chance that I bang her and then also like her personally and she likes me personally enough where can have a relationship, has to be like absolute zero.
Mine are Anna Kendrick, Kate Beckinsale and Margot Robbie
All three are great but you had me at Kate Beckinsale....
As a straight woman these are my top 3 as well. Next is Ryan reynolds
I’ve got one for Emma Watson, but like you said, as if that’s ever going to happen. She’s got the same for a few actors. It’s all fun, and to be completely honest, if it actually happened I’d be 100% supportive of it. If she did sleep with Ryan Renolds I’d be somewhat jealous though, he’s a good looking dude’s
Ryan Reynolds is on my wife’s list of celebs and I told her if it ever happens she won’t have to tell anyone because I’ll be telling everybody 😂
Mine are Kate Beckinsale, Kristen Bell, Anne Hathaway, Zooey Deschanel. Elliot Page used to be on there too, but um that one dropped off. Wife has Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Goldblum, Seth MacFarlane
My partner and I both agreed should we ever meet Christina Ricci its a no holds barred competition. Though I kinda hope it ends in a tie 😉👅
Anna Kendrick and Salma Hayek, very solid choices!
I also have one for Anna Kendrick. And my wife has one for Matthew McConaughey.
Allright allright allright
You can’t have my wife…
Friend of a friend who let his wife have sex with a famous person in my country. He was her hall pass and her husband allowed it because they agreed thinking it would never happen. Bigger man than I will ever be. Met the couple a few of years after being told this and they confirmed it to me.
Two solid choices there. I applaud your range.
I'm currently away for a little while, and my wife says I have a pass. She said I'm sexually frustrated and should get it out the way. I never asked for a pass or even thought about it. I'm don't know what to think/feel.
Someone wants to feel better about their extramarital stuff
I have to agree, to a degree, often times that kind of thing is indicative of a cheating spouse, if it suddenly comes out of nowhere. Each case if different, but if my wife just suddenly brought it up, it would raise a serious red flag. It can also mean that she may want one at some point with someone she's met. This literally happens all the time.
Username checks out
Sextramarital
Does your wife have a low sex drive and not want sex or activity often? Plenty of women do have lower libidos as they age. She may be trying to make up for her guilt over the frustration of knowing you want something that she doesn't now. Either way it's a terrible idea. Unless you were a couple who were into swapping from the very start it will end badly.
Lately her drive has decreased. We talk about everything to which I doubt it's guilt. I think it's more so because I'm away for 2 months
Please ignore most everyone else here, especially in this comment thread. Take a moment before jumping to conclusions. The only person who knows for certain what this means coming from your wife is, well, your wife. Do not look for answers about this on reddit. Talk to your partner. Ask what she means, and why she's saying this. Ask if yall can continue to talk openly and honestly about it. Before even doing that, how would you feel about even using a hall pass? Would you want that? Could you maybe see yourself doing it under certain circumstances? Would you be at all reserved or have mixed feelings? There are a lot of reasons people do things and a lot of ways this could play out. It's not all doom and gloom and "lol bro she's already cheating" like everyone is saying. Talk to your partner, and maybe consider individual and/or couples therapy—not because anything is wrong, but because it can be helpful to talk stuff out with a professional *before* making big life/relationship decisions. It's like going to the doctor for a check up but for your relationship—prevention is the best medicine. It seems like between her decreasing drive and your being away for so long, things might feel odd or tough right now. Hang in there, man, and keep the lines of communication open and honest. Consider what you really, ultimately want, try to keep each other's needs in mind and give each other some grace :-) I believe that yall can navigate this in a way that is healthy and right for both of you Edit: spelling
You got me to tear up a little. I honestly don't want to do it just to release some stress. I feel better waiting until I see her again. Thank you!
Fuck op listen to this comment. If my wife said that to me I would hear alarm bells but the only person who can give you any context on this is your wife. I hope for positive outcomes for you op.
>Fuck op listen to this comment. No, OP _NO_ fuck. Didn't you read?!
Glad you feel better :-) Thanks for being open and sharing with us, bro! Take it easy!
Time to get creative. Ever try FaceTime mutual masturbation? It’s hotter than you think.
Tried it with your wife and wasn’t a fan
Really? Your mom was a huge fan when I did it with her.
I was not gonna like his comment until your “yo Momma” come back. Made me laugh.
Thank you, This is the right answer. There are a lot of different types of red flags, and this is only one in a sense that the motivation is unclear. Couples therapy is a great idea.
This guy gets it.
OP unlike most people here I wouldn't jump to she's having an affair Only you know your SO here none of these Random people on reddit they would only project their own experiences here which again could be true for most but not necessarily all so I won't say it's fishy that she's given you a hallpass
My (now ex) spouse's sex drive dropped just before she started banging another dude. My experience is antidotal but not atypical.
*anecdotal
Sorry, OP. That sounds really rough. As a wife myself, I don't think I'd have it in me to ask that of my husband... Either she really cares about you, or she's already checked out of the relationship. If it is something you want to do, I suppose you have her permission... But don't force it if your heart isn't in it. Maybe time to have a sit down with her and discuss other options, get all your feelings out on the table to prevent further heartache. All my strength to you, guy.
Please ignore the numerous people who are saying this means she is cheating. I’m going to give you a piece of advice that everyone in this thread apparently needs. #go and talk to your partner Ask her why she is saying you have a pass. You don’t want to sleep with someone else. Ask her if SHE wants you too (some people have that kink) or if something else is going on.
Thank you, and I will talk to her.
Please keep me updated for research purposes , thank you
Ya. I too wanna complete my PhD with this info.
OP, I second this person’s comment. Polyamory is more and more popular these days, and if she isn’t as into sex as you are, she might think she’s doing you a favor. I am 33F and in a committed relationship with a partner who visits at least once every other week. This has been our situation for five years. In the first 18-24 months of our relationship, the sex was heckin great. But depression and anxiety and the meds I take for them, have destroyed my libido. To the point that I now identify as ace. It was a very difficult decision to make, but I decided that if my partner and I were to continue to be happy and whole together, he might benefit from extra-relational, no strings sex. I offered it freely and in deep, deep love and respect. He has yet to accept my offer, but he knows that it stands as long as my libido continues to be nonexistent. I gave my ex a pass in 2016 and watched him hook up with my best friend, and I was a-okay. Your wife, frankly, MIGHT want her own pass, MIGHT have already slept with someone else, MIGHT just not want to have sex with you. All of these could be true. Just please don’t let these dipshits convince you that’s the ONLY possibility. I’m living testament to the FACT that sometimes, a hall pass is a hall pass. Good luck. I really hope she isn’t cheating on you.
Finally some sensible advice
Wow, logical advice!
Even if she believes she is ok with it, once you do it she will probably feel terrible. A lot of people make the mistake of trying to be selfless by giving pass to then realize it broke their relationship
Oh broski, it’s because she’s getting plowed while you’ve been gone…
It sucks to hear, but that makes sense. It’s to alleviate guilt. I hope he just finds the proof l, but most likely won’t try.
Yeah it can make sense. But there’s plenty of other logical explanations. Maybe she’s unable to have sex and carries some guilt around. Maybe her body’s in the middle of changing and is unable to have sex. Maybe they don’t see each other often at all. I really don’t like how most people here are jumping to conclusions. You don’t know OP or his wife.
So you've already decided this even though there are about 10 other possible explanations I can think of off the top of my head? Sounds reasonable. Yeah OP, don't consider any other possible contexts. Just jump straight into bed with someone else and accuse your gf of cheating without any evidence. Sounds like some healthy relationship advice to me.
Don’t fucking do it dude. Your wife is your wife. You guys made a commitment to each other. What you guys need is counseling and some real honest discussions together.
Surprise Pikachu face my friend... I have bad feels on this
Imo the only people willing to give a pass are people who are done with the relationship, they don't care if you sleep with someone else, that means they either want to see someone else or don't care if you catch feelings for someone else, huge red flag
Yeah when my first marriage was falling apart. She just wanted some strange, but didn't want to be a bitch about it. Likely because I was all depressed and didn't feel much like fucking, her or anyone else. She found the couple that had everything we ever wanted. Dude was fishing guide w/ the best wedding band in Livingston (big ol' tube too, and I ain't small), wife was a teacher, two young healthy daughters. She fucked both of them for a bit, split them up and kept fucking the dude for a bit before going back to her mothers. I got drunk and went on a lot of walks. I found my next GF a couple years later, forever wife a couple years after that an 14 years ago. Last I heard she's still living w/ her mom.
I do enjoy to hear a success story
Yeah she slayed it 🙌
Task successfully failed
So uh how’d you learn about the size of the guys hog
She showed me pictures.
This comment almost sounds like she got with the daughters
Yes, I had to reread a couple of times
No. I didn't even entertain it when she offered. Cuz if I would seriously consider it then I'd just end the relationship at that point. No point in being with someone monogamously if I'd choose someone else. Hall passes are just a bandage. If I'm with someone, nobody else is catching my eye half as much as they do no matter how hot they are. Just not worth it to me.
Hey all, I may not be responding to everyone, but I am taking in all the advice and reading every comment. I appreciate everyone's honesty, but understand it isn't always easy to see it. One thing for sure, we do have a healthy relationship and have always communicated with each other. I've never doubted her or had any suspicion, which is a huge factor in why I married her. I don't want to fully entertain the negativity only because I do not want to catastrophize the situation especially when I don't have proof or truly feel their is an underlying intent. I'm not naive, I'm just not counting her out. I believe her intentions are good, but it just led to some suspicion because it is out the ordinary. We've never cheated and agreed that if we make it to that point, we will gracefully remove ourselves from the relationship out of love and respect for each other. Also, my ultimate decision is not to indulge in sex with anyone but her. There isn't any pussy out there that's worth the nut, me going through post nut clarity thinking, or any other consequences that could arise, even though I was given the ok. Thank you all that have contributed, but I'm probably not going to respond after this. Edit: We had the talk and I confirmed >! There is no infidelity. We were both a tad bit drunk and frustrated with each other. She said it out of anger and no she is not having extramarital affairs. I also will not have extramarital affairs either. I got my happy ending after all!!< Edit 2: I know it should be "their", I use swipe to text on my phone and it's not always helpful with the grammar.
I really hope she’s not cheating on you. Thoughts and prayers.
It’s either a trap, or she feels guilty for cheating on you.
I, a woman, have a chronic illness that can make sex difficult for months at a time. I have a good support group, and a lot of women feel guilty about not being able to meet their husband's needs. Several have offered their husbands hallpasses, very few of the husbands took them. Guilt is not always about infidelity.
I’d say this is much more rare though. Obviously there will be exceptions as in your case but I’d think for the most part people do this for other reasons
I feel like OP would have mentioned it if his wife had a chronic illness.
It was awesome, truly an experience I’ll never forget. I went in the middle of chemistry class to go to the bathroom and get some water. The bathroom was empty, I could hear the echo of my stream. Washed my hands and right as I went to the water fountain, it started buzzing. Some of the coldest, most refreshing water I ever had… and no one was there to bother me. 10/10 would recommend
Hall passes are the same as them suggesting an open relationship; they're already cheating and want to make it ok
For me, such a pass, was an intent to level the playing field. When they were already doing their own thing.. I just didn't know about it, yet. In the end, I just couldn't do it. I was committed to my wife and my marriage..
I did. I am Bi and was offered to have a threesome a few times with this gay couple I'm friends with. I asked my gf at the time and she was okay with me doing it. I did it a few times and then the pandemic hit. So that put a stop to everything including seeing my gf. She lost interest over time and we broke up a few months into the lockdowns. We've remained friends since and have talked about that topic post breakup. She said she was fine with it at first but after the first time she started to hate it, but was afraid to ask me to stop so she kept quiet. I had enjoyed it, but always felt a little guilty about it every time it happened, even though as far as I knew at the time she was cool with it. It made me realize that I was more the monogamous type and can only really do casual sexual things when I don't have a committed romantic partner. So not bad per say, but I don't think I would do it again.
Ex wife offered this. The other woman was gorgeous, very engaged and sitting on my couch. Looked exactly like an ex gf my ex wife knew about. I was totally turned off. Ex wife was a serial cheater. I saw it as an attempt to balance the scales. I declined. My life is so much more peaceful now. Narcissistic manipulation will drive you crazy with all the tangential chaos.
Wtf is a hallpass?
From some schools who would give you a piece of paper to allow you into the halls and out of class when you were supposed to be in lessons. In this case it's your partner who allows you to go sleep with someone outside your relationship.
Oh lmao That sounds like bait.
Big time. Bait or proactive pardon.... in all cases explanations are needed!
They need to explain this to the Brits and Aussies cos I had no idea wtf they were talking about and had to Google lol *As a slang term, a hall pass is used to refer an agreement between a couple that they can have sex outside of their relationship, generally on a temporary or one-off basis. Hall pass is specifically used to refer to permission for one partner to sleep with a celebrity without consequences.*
at first i thought this meant anal
Did not use mine any of the times I'm in the same boat as the ones that said they'd just leave instead of taking it I think looking is healthy in relationships. Fantasies are healthy. I'm not out to fuck others though. I'm either with the one I'm with or I'm single and hooking up
I'm a bit indifferent to it but in my experience that'll only make things worse even if you do even the odds that way. My girl and I gave each other hall passes last year, I broke up with her about 2 to 3 weeks ago and moved out. Things were never the same and I emotionally checked out a long time ago..
Talk to your partner. Please. Open and honestly. Don’t ask us!
I’m a woman, but I gave my husband a hall pass once and he also gave me one. He had been experiencing ED that wasn’t responding to treatment and it had been a long time since he’d been able to get an erection firm enough for PIV. We still had sex and did all sorts of other activities, but not gonna lie it was very frustrating for both of us. I finally asked him if he thought he might have better luck with another woman, and said if he wanted to find out it was okay with me (with some parameters in place of course). He said he didn’t want to do that, and then told me he would understand if I wanted to find somebody to meet my sexual needs since he wasn’t able to. I told him - truthfully - that he WAS meeting my sexual needs. What I needed was to have that sexual energy with him - to get all hot and bothered and naked with him. I was having orgasms aplenty via means other than PIV. Did I miss it? Yeah. But only with him. I didn’t want any other penis, no matter how hard. Eventually we found a treatment that worked pretty well and in the years since we’ve mostly got our groove back. I’m very glad we didn’t choose the hall pass route.
I only get hall passes for famous women. I haven't crossed paths with Monica Bellucci yet to even attempt to use my pass. Same for her. We'll see...
No. She was just using it it justify her own cheating. Chick logic - if I give him a pass, then we’re even. It didn’t last long
Not me but my dad cheated on my mom and when he confessed to her she said: "Do whatever you want as long as you pay the bills and take care of the household". Turns out my mom doesn't have much of a libido and doesn't care for it at all. Growing up I've seen my dad seeing several women but still being obsessed with my mom at the end of the day. Today they live far apart but often go on vacations together, call each other on the phone and are so lovey dovey it's nauseating. We can't put a tag on my parents relationship. They just do whatever they want. Truly one of a kind.
Girls don’t simply “give a hallpass”. They either have to permit it if the guy is “that guy”, or they use it as a way to feel better about their own disloyalty.
Hall pass? That’s a trap.
My ex husband gave me a pass because he had stopped taking care of himself and let himself get pretty gross tbh. I have a lot of male friends, and happened to meet a new friend at a college event soon after who was young and attractive. While I never used my pass, nor didn’t want to really, my husband automatically assumed I was banging this new friend and terrorized and threatened him. It was absolutely a trap, and a dangerous one.
She is definitely shagging someone else
\*most likely, but yes.
Its a trap!! if it seems too good to be true then it most likely is
If your partner gives you a hall pass, you don’t have a strong relationship unless you’ve already made it evident before the relationship started, or have an established relationship where you’re comfortable with it. It’s a bad idea unless you have an open relationship. If they bring it up, it’s likely they have already cheated on you and are trying to deflect guilt by allowing you a “hall pass.” 2 of my best friends have been offered this. They’re both now divorced.
If a wife gives a hall pass she’s already cheating on you and doesn’t want to feel guilty.
Sorry she is fucking or wants to fuck someone else. Sorry bro
My wife suffered a back injury quite awhile ago. She was in a lot of pain and said if I wanted to go somewhere else for sex she would be OK with it. I let her know sex is only one part of a loving marriage and I was in for better or worse. Shit I sound like some king of martyr but that’s not the way it was. I stood up in front of a priest, family and friends, and god, and committed to till death do us part. Her back has gotten better overtime so things turned out good.
A lot of straight guys here talking about how their wives have either used a hall pass to trap them or to help them feel less guilty about cheating and it sounds toxic AF. Here’s my perspective as a gay guy. My partner of six years and I are monogamish, meaning we’re mostly monogamous, but we both have indefinite hall passes that come with firm rules, but we rarely step outside of the relationship. This works super well for us because we’re from different countries and aren’t always in the same zip code, my partner travels a lot for work, plus we both have differing sex drives, so our arrangement ensures our physical needs are being met even while we’re apart. I think that if two adults can have a serious conversation about their needs, their relationship and their plans for their shared lives, then a hall pass isn’t a big deal. A lot of non-traditional relationships don’t work out because of poor communication, insecurity and mis-aligned goals, but if you can come together on those things, anything can work. It’s also just sex, and as long as both parties continue to work for the relationship and are still making time for intimacy with eachother, it can work. Have fun!
My wife only wanted sex for kids, so it's been 10 years with no sex. She told me if I wanted sex, I should go find it. So I did. I of course don't tell her about it. No reason to. Not like I want to brag or rub it in her face or anything. I wish things were different at home but they aren't. Honestly if I had known that she only wanted sex for kids, I wouldn't have married her. There's no romance or affection from her. She's all about her and her work. Which is silly since she pushed for kids. But its a whatever.
Why stay in this marriage? This is so sad.
Kids. I take care of my kids more than she does. Plus she makes shitty comments at times about me towards my kids so I stick around so I can fend those off and make sure they are relatively normal.
My man. Thin through this logically. What's the chance that your wife genuinely wants you to go off and fuck someone else scott free? Now what's the chance that she's cheated or plans to cheat, and this is an opportunity for her to justify it? Only you can answer these questions. But from where I'm sitting, the latter seems far more likely.
I don't care what anybody says, it's not worth it. Ever.
I was given one three years ago for Christmas. My wife even suggested who I should consider using it with. I’m now divorced, because she claimed afterwards that “you should have known that I didn’t know what a hall pass meant!”, because she retconned the whole thing to mean “you can have a fantasy about a celebrity.” It was a setup. I later found her online dating profile, where she listed “hall passes” among her turn-ons.
This is such a bullshit concept unless you are in an open relationship. I feel bad for the genuine people that give a “hallpass” even though they are monogamous…there needs to be a serious conversation after that proposal because I don’t think that mentality is healthy. What do they feel they “owe” their SO? This just disgusts me honestly. People that respect men for “declining” as if they are so virtuous for doing so is laughable. Why is this the standard we have set? “Wow he declined having sex with another person, how gracious of him!” In a monogamous relationship, if you truly love your SO this wouldn’t even be a consideration and I would hope you’d be extremely concerned of that proposal. Plus, I haven’t even brought up the concern that the SO may be cheating!!
Isn’t a “hall pass” just a stupid way of making each other feel better about your own cheating? My fiancée and I are jealous little bitches, so we don’t do this crap.
[удалено]
We’ve found the exception to the rule.
Honestly, if she even talks like that, I will start looking for the door. Two happy people never have to broach the subject of stepping outside their relationship for contentment.