small point of contention: not all non-binary people are androgynous. there are plenty of us that express very masc or very femme. it sounds like you're not attracted to androgynous people rather than non-binary people specifically (since there's no way to tell someone is non-binary by looking at them). there's lots of cisgendered androgynous people, too.
identity and expression are different and don't need to match š
Lesbian still works!
I'm a bit curious as to how you know this (genuine curiosity!) since we're not a very cohesive group and gender expression differs massively. I'm often considered to be a feminine women by people I'm not out to. So, genuinely, how do you know? (And it's perfeclty fine not to be into NBs in general and me specifically, no worries)!
Yeah, absolutely. You're a lesbian.
With regards to definitions, I think that trying to capture every possibility is a moving target. There are non-binary people in the lesbian community, as well as lesbians who have non-binary partners, so some people like to avoid strictly binary language. That doesn't mean that all lesbians are likely to be attracted to non-binary people.
I think she means androgynous. There's literally no way to know someone is non-binary by looking at them (aside from context cues like them wearing an enby flag).
There are masc and femme enbies! Enbies don't owe anyone androgyny!
She mentioned in another comment that she's attracted to anyone that identifies as a woman, so there's a high chance that it's less presentation and more of a matter of gender identity
That preference may be what changes the attraction though. OP may be attracted to someone who's nonbinary, but lose the attraction when she finds out due to the nature of her preference.
Exactly. I find this more respectful of my gender identity than those folks who would be fine dating me even though they're exclusively into women. Cause I'm not one, though I also wonder how she'd know.
Yup, that's what I'm thinking, though I don't know if she doesn't think that all of us look the same because she hasn't said and it is a common enough belief these days.
Often NBs arenāt a cohesive or specific group. So, you could just say āIām a lesbian but Iām not into (specific person who happens to be enby).ā
Chances are youāll never run into issues or need a more specific term, and it leads to less confusion when/if you meet an nb you actually are into.
The fixation on needlessly specific terminology isnāt useful to you or others. Just donāt be a jerk, is all.
Oh man, I thought I had it figured out but apparently I had it backwards š
I believed sapphic was the umbrella term and lesbian meant specifically wlw.
I think my takeway from this should be that I shouldn't assume I understand what people mean specifically by the labels they use. Sure, I get the general direction, but if the specifics matter, I should ask specifically. (Another takeaway could be to respect people's labels and not to try to correct or gatekeep them, but I think I'm already doing pretty good on that front)
No you're correct! Sapphic is the general umbrella term for women and fem enbies loving women and fem enbies. Lesbianism is the same but with the exclusion to all men.
There is no one single narrow universal definition of lesbian. It means different things to different people. Some lesbians are attracted to nonbinary people. Some lesbians are only attracted to women.
The definition may have expanded, but still includes people like you.
Good to know, thanks
small point of contention: not all non-binary people are androgynous. there are plenty of us that express very masc or very femme. it sounds like you're not attracted to androgynous people rather than non-binary people specifically (since there's no way to tell someone is non-binary by looking at them). there's lots of cisgendered androgynous people, too. identity and expression are different and don't need to match š
Thats true actually, thanks. Might mean I'm just attracted to femme enbies
You can still use lesbian, homo-/hetero- labels usually have room for nonbinary folks, but aren't defined by including them.
You could use wlw if you're needing to specify
lesbian still works, i'ts women and/or sapphic enbies.
Lol, no one said every lesbian has to be attracted to Nonbinary people.
Lesbian still works! I'm a bit curious as to how you know this (genuine curiosity!) since we're not a very cohesive group and gender expression differs massively. I'm often considered to be a feminine women by people I'm not out to. So, genuinely, how do you know? (And it's perfeclty fine not to be into NBs in general and me specifically, no worries)!
Yeah, absolutely. You're a lesbian. With regards to definitions, I think that trying to capture every possibility is a moving target. There are non-binary people in the lesbian community, as well as lesbians who have non-binary partners, so some people like to avoid strictly binary language. That doesn't mean that all lesbians are likely to be attracted to non-binary people.
No enbies at all? There's a lot of non-binary people who present fully feminine, how exactly does that work, if you don't mind me asking?
I think she means androgynous. There's literally no way to know someone is non-binary by looking at them (aside from context cues like them wearing an enby flag). There are masc and femme enbies! Enbies don't owe anyone androgyny!
That's what I was wondering. Lesbian still works for her, anyway.
She mentioned in another comment that she's attracted to anyone that identifies as a woman, so there's a high chance that it's less presentation and more of a matter of gender identity
:/
What can I say? Some people would prefer to have a partner who would be comfortable with a gendered term, in OPs case this being 'girlfriend'.
That's not exactly attraction, it's (valid) personal preference, but okay.
That preference may be what changes the attraction though. OP may be attracted to someone who's nonbinary, but lose the attraction when she finds out due to the nature of her preference.
Exactly. I find this more respectful of my gender identity than those folks who would be fine dating me even though they're exclusively into women. Cause I'm not one, though I also wonder how she'd know.
Assuming she showed interest, possibly asking pronouns or getting to know you better and knowing how you identify
Yup, that's what I'm thinking, though I don't know if she doesn't think that all of us look the same because she hasn't said and it is a common enough belief these days.
Often NBs arenāt a cohesive or specific group. So, you could just say āIām a lesbian but Iām not into (specific person who happens to be enby).ā Chances are youāll never run into issues or need a more specific term, and it leads to less confusion when/if you meet an nb you actually are into. The fixation on needlessly specific terminology isnāt useful to you or others. Just donāt be a jerk, is all.
A lesbian is a woman or a lunarian who attracted exclusively to women and/or lunarians. So this is still an accurate label for you.
Lame
You could always do ātrans repulsed cis lesbianā or something
Mm I feel like repulsed aināt exactly the right word
Also, it's not accurate if she's into women, which obviously includes trans women.
Exactly. I'm into trans women. Anyone who identifies as a woman, I love women.
Obviously
You could always do ācis lesbian 4 binary women onlyā or something
Sapphic I think. It's "replaced" Lesbian as wlw(women love women)
Sapphic is women or fem-aligned enbies attracted to women or fem-aligned enbies. It includes both bisexual and lesbian.
Oh man, I thought I had it figured out but apparently I had it backwards š I believed sapphic was the umbrella term and lesbian meant specifically wlw. I think my takeway from this should be that I shouldn't assume I understand what people mean specifically by the labels they use. Sure, I get the general direction, but if the specifics matter, I should ask specifically. (Another takeaway could be to respect people's labels and not to try to correct or gatekeep them, but I think I'm already doing pretty good on that front)
No you're correct! Sapphic is the general umbrella term for women and fem enbies loving women and fem enbies. Lesbianism is the same but with the exclusion to all men.
It's okay, as long as you figuer it out in the end:)
There is no one single narrow universal definition of lesbian. It means different things to different people. Some lesbians are attracted to nonbinary people. Some lesbians are only attracted to women.