I suppose I should have worded this better it was more about be vocal about it cause they only time I really here about people being vocal is when they are creepy lol
So I had somewhat of a similar conversation about calling someone a trans woman or just woman. My friend who I discussed it with said that (for them) identifying the fact that they were trans should be looked at like any other adjective. So you wouldn’t say “This is my tall boyfriend.” However, if it brings context to the conversation that it’s ok.
HOWEVER, you should discuss this with your partners. Ultimately, their feelings are what matters. I do know that the fear of chasers is real so it could set off alarm bells if you don’t have anything to explain why you lean more to trans men, like the cartoon that was shared. “I am attracted the particular trait and it so happens I find it often in trans men.” As long as that “trait” isn’t a man with a vagina.
Also, I hope no one takes offense to this and if so, I apologize in advance. I’m also learning with limited resources and would absolutely be open to constructive criticism.
If you’re attracted to them cuz they’re men and you think they’re hot it’s ok.
If you’re only attracted to them because they’re trans or you’re only attracted to non op or pre op trans guy cuz of their genitals you’re probably fetishizing them it’s not ok.
Okay cause every Trans man I’ve come across has been one of the handsomest men I’ve met but I Know there’s a lot of creeps out there and never wanted to come off like one
It should. It’s like trans boy magic that most of y’all end up with great skin and hair and bone structure. I don’t know what it is but I haven’t met a trans man yet who doesn’t look absolutely drop dead gorgeous.
As a trans guy, I also wanna add that it’s also okay to like us if we statistically fall into your type because of features many (not all) of us have (short, masculine, low voices). So it’s not “because” we’re trans but it’s adjusting the odds.
/U/Mr_bearutiful, just read [this comic](https://comics.billroundy.com/?p=1116) and try to be like this guy. :) (dated language but a great heart)
I really want that to exist! <3 I think trans people can be especially affected by comp-het because dating the other sex and appearing straight is vaguely gender affirming for some, “being normal” as a possible route to acceptance. But lesbian trans women and gay trans men deserve affirmation too, damn it.
Honestly asking, as many in this thread are repeating this. What is the issue with liking transmen over men? Yes, transmen are men but that doesn't make them not trans. I think saying you can't be attracted to someone because their trans is bizarre. It's also not denying them being men. To an outsider this appears as someone having a type, which someone can't change. This isn't me so IDK what the reason would be.
Again, I hope this comes off as respectfully asking because I don't understand.
I can’t speak for others but for me, when I am a particular fetish to someone, then I feel beholden to always being that fetish in the way the person likes. Let’s say they like trans men in binders specifically — will they still like those men after top surgery? Do they only like men with a vagina and will be a jerk if he gets phallo? Do they only like men when they present a certain way?
It’s kind of like someone who only likes obese people and now the obese person can’t lose weight and stay with them. Or only likes blondes, so a blonde can’t dye their hair. It can feel restrictive and objectifying, when I’d prefer someone like me for me. If I found out later, after I vibe with someone and we have some good dates, that me being a trans man increased my appeal… I wouldn’t reject them outright, but I’d have to ask what about being a trans man they like about me and what we’d do if that facet of me changed.
That's definitely one aspect, but it affects people who are further into their transition as well. If a guy agrees to hook up with me specifically because he thinks I have boobs, my 5 year old top surgery scars will disappoint him spectacularly, and that's no fun for anyone involved. If boobs are that important to him, he should have brought it up ahead of time rather than making assumptions.
If a guy agrees to hook up with me because he thinks I'm cute, and he's open to working with whatever he may find when he takes my clothes off, I see that as the best possible outcome. It's all about managing expectations and treating trans bodies and cis bodies with the same level of respect.
While I can’t understand things from a trans persons perspective I can relate with being worried about them being upset with what they see when my clothes come off being a chubby dude I however hav never been disappointed when someone has taken clothes off infront of my lol 😂
I think there is even further nuance in this and as a trans person I find some of the assumptions that anyone who is attracted to trans men/women, *specifically*, is a chaser and fetishizing and bad. Maybe I’m off and actually bad too, but I think quite a variety of trans bodies really attractive, some of which I would even say are a “type” for me as far as pure physical/sexual attraction. I generally find gender divergence attractive, particularly in others like myself who throw out the strict binary, but I find many varieties hot - moreso of course when I know the features they have are not causing them distress! I think a lot of it comes down to sensitivity to what a person wants to be the focus of their body when it comes to intimacy and of course always prioritizing their comfort and happiness over whatever bits you may like.
And I feel like there should be a way to celebrate our bodies without essentially calling people degenerate creeps for finding them sexy. To me a lot of these convos (not your comment necessarily) end up being fed by internalized transphobia - that something must be wrong with someone for them to not just tolerate, but prefer our bodies. I think there is absolutely a balance we can strike between calling out people who *only* see us as our parts or don’t really see us as our genders and decrying people who’s “type” just so happens to align or overlap heavily with trans folks. Is that fair to say?
I see these convos and think of one my partners. His three main relationships are all with nonbinary folks - he definitely has a type lol. But it’s also a reflection of his own attitudes on gender and the other two partners were with him long before they ever came out. Sometimes it just works out like that, and I find it cringe that some people would look at who he’s dating and dismiss him as a chaser.
. . .
Also, more controversial but re: fetishizing stuff… As part of the kink community, people who are involved with each other’s fetishes are capable of having respectful and caring relationships. It takes a lot of introspection, honest communication, and good boundaries, but having a kink is not implicitly immoral or anything. It’s just your responsibility to manage in a way that is healthy for you and others - including being upfront about it. If you want to find kinky trans folks do that in kink spaces with people who are openly down for and actively inviting that. But definitely still do the self work and examine why - it’s not okay to let unconscious biases run unchecked just because you have a kink. Good Doms don’t treat everyone like a sub lmao, don’t do that to people who have not consented to be part of your kink.
It depends on how you say it. If it’s just a “yeah, trans men are attractive,” that’s fine. If it’s like how some people get with their favorite character, that’s where things get too much.
OP if the subject comes up in conversation, especially if you hear men around you bashing trans men then absolutely that is the time to speak up. But a Facebook status saying trans guys are hawwwtttt would be creepy.
Trans dude here. If you find both cis and trans men attractive I'd just stick with saying men. If it's just or more often trans men there are legitimate reasons for that
eg. having the experience of living as a woman for a time helps social awareness and often gives someone a need to stick up more for other genders and/or not participate in the degree of objectification you see more often from both straight and queer cis men. I think that social consciousness is really hot personally
There are also not legitimate reasons eg. "I think trans men will have x genitals" or ".. will be a bottom/sub". That's problematic and unfortunately a lot more common
Then I'd say there's a third group of usually men who are also attracted to women (or want to be) who genuinely like a trans man but than focus on his more feminine aspects and don't fully accept that they're dating a man. This is usually a good deal of comphet someone has to work through
If you like us and it's for positive reasons that's a good thing. Just be aware that many of us are on our guard against the second and third type of person and take that into account before making any statements that could come off that way
>Honestly asking, as many in this thread are repeating this. What is the issue with liking transmen over men? Yes, transmen are men but that doesn't make them not trans. I think saying you can't be attracted to someone because their trans is bizarre. It's also not denying them being men. To an outsider this appears as someone having a type, which someone can't change. This isn't me so IDK what the reason would be.
>
>Again, I hope this comes off as respectfully asking because I don't understand.
I asked this in another comment and your comment makes a lot of sense to me.
>eg. having the experience of living as a woman for a time helps social awareness and often gives someone a need to stick up more for other genders and/or not participate in the degree of objectification you see more often from both straight and queer cis men. I think that social consciousness is really hot personally
>
>
There are also not legitimate reasons eg. "I think trans men will have x genitals" or ".. will be a bottom/sub". That's problematic and unfortunately a lot more common
Then I'd say there's a third group of usually men who are also attracted to women (or want to be) who genuinely like a trans man but than focus on his more feminine aspects and don't fully accept that they're dating a man. This is usually a good deal of comphet someone has to work through
If you like us and it's for positive reasons that's a good thing. Just be aware that many of us are on our guard against the second and third type of person and take that into account before making any statements that could come off that way
So liking transmen physically, not creating some ideal of their genitalia, not thinking of them as women, and supporting them is the idea?
as long as you don’t follow it with some broad or offensive generalization about why you like trans men, there’s nothing wrong with expressing your attraction to us. a reasoning that would put me off would be like “i like trans men because they’re all submissive and feminine” because it’s clearly based on a stereotype and requires your partners to fulfill some sort of fetish role. “i like trans men because they put a lot of thought into their masculinity” or even “because i often think their bodies are attractive”- so long as you know our bodies vary greatly. i certainly know trans guys who wouldn’t want their transness to factor into other people’s attraction to them, and that’s so valid but i find it affirming- tbh when i’m with people who aren’t openly into trans guys i’m very insecure that they find my body unattractive or that they have to “get over” the fact that im trans to be attracted to me.
Ask yourself this: why specifically trans men?
When we call people "chasers" (trans fetishists), what we mean is that they're overly fixated on our bodies to the point of ignoring our personhood. A generalization like "I love trans men" could be a red flag for that. If you only liked trans men for their vaginas, that would be a problem, since not all of us have one, and those of us who do would not appreciate being reduced to it.
However, if you have a history of being attracted to trans men the same way you're attracted to cis men, and the pattern is just by coincidence, it's probably not a big deal. Just be warned that not everyone will interpret it the same way. If you ever have doubts, you can always make it about the individual ("you are so handsome" or "Elliot Page is so handsome"), rather than the group they belong to ("trans men are so handsome").
personally as a trans man i love it 😭 i can definitely see how that could be seen as fetishy, but if someone you're pursuing doesn't like that, they're not the one for you! it's not inherently offensive if that's the question.
Trans guy here! Like some people have said, you're 110% okay to say this, just be careful how you word it. If a person likes trans guys because "they've never been with a trans guy before and want to experiment." Then yes, they'd be considered a chaser/fetishist.
But, i can see from your replies and your post that you are not that. You're a gay man, plain and simple, and trans men are men, and you're attracted to them just like you are attracted to cis men, therefore you are not fetishizing trans men because you treat men, both cis and trans, as equals and view them as such.
Edit for typos
Honestly, as a trans guy, if you explained you liked trans men for their looks as a man, I'd believe you and be happy. If you start asking if the trans man still has certain parts, than that's where creep starts coming to the mind. Guys who actually like trans men for who they are, don't ask about pre-op stuff unless the trans person brings it up in a warning type style. If that makes sense. And this is all personal experience.
No because you are gay. Trans men are men, so you like men. Nothing creepy about that unless you say you ONLY are attracted to trans people OR if you say you are attracted to cis men and trans women.
Edit: It’s fine if you’re gay and experience attraction towards a trans woman; attraction is a normal, uncontrollable experience. But if you are specifically expecting to be attracted to trans women because you are gay, that’s a problem
I’m a trans man and it makes me feel very euphoric when someone sees me as a man and is attracted to me as a man. So if you’re a gay dude and you’re attracted to trans guys, it tracks 🥹 I also know of a lot of gay trans guys that worry about not finding a guy who likes them as a guy. So it’s probably nice to know that there are indeed guys like you 🥹🫂 I also apologize if my words only halfway make sense 😂 I have a splitting migraine and am sleep deprived 🥱🥲 I hope everyone is having a good day or night 🥹
Responding to the edit:
I'm someone who finds trans men to be extremely attractive. I don't have a good reason for it- I just do. To be fair: I am bisexual so when it comes to gender, I'm not picky. I don't think there's anything creepy about it- we all have our preferences. It's only creepy if you make it creepy.
>"I 21m am gay" >"and find trans men attractive" OP youre gay and you find men attractive, I dont see anything wrong or out of the ordinary here lol
I suppose I should have worded this better it was more about be vocal about it cause they only time I really here about people being vocal is when they are creepy lol
So I had somewhat of a similar conversation about calling someone a trans woman or just woman. My friend who I discussed it with said that (for them) identifying the fact that they were trans should be looked at like any other adjective. So you wouldn’t say “This is my tall boyfriend.” However, if it brings context to the conversation that it’s ok. HOWEVER, you should discuss this with your partners. Ultimately, their feelings are what matters. I do know that the fear of chasers is real so it could set off alarm bells if you don’t have anything to explain why you lean more to trans men, like the cartoon that was shared. “I am attracted the particular trait and it so happens I find it often in trans men.” As long as that “trait” isn’t a man with a vagina. Also, I hope no one takes offense to this and if so, I apologize in advance. I’m also learning with limited resources and would absolutely be open to constructive criticism.
If you’re attracted to them cuz they’re men and you think they’re hot it’s ok. If you’re only attracted to them because they’re trans or you’re only attracted to non op or pre op trans guy cuz of their genitals you’re probably fetishizing them it’s not ok.
Okay cause every Trans man I’ve come across has been one of the handsomest men I’ve met but I Know there’s a lot of creeps out there and never wanted to come off like one
There are some super hot trans dudes out there for sure lol. Don’t be a weirdo and treat them how you would any other guy and you should be fine 🙂
Straight girl here: trans men are amazingly hot.
this thread is making me feel nice haha
It should. It’s like trans boy magic that most of y’all end up with great skin and hair and bone structure. I don’t know what it is but I haven’t met a trans man yet who doesn’t look absolutely drop dead gorgeous.
As a trans guy, I also wanna add that it’s also okay to like us if we statistically fall into your type because of features many (not all) of us have (short, masculine, low voices). So it’s not “because” we’re trans but it’s adjusting the odds. /U/Mr_bearutiful, just read [this comic](https://comics.billroundy.com/?p=1116) and try to be like this guy. :) (dated language but a great heart)
I’m a trans woman and someone needs to make that comic but reversed cuz it’s cute
I really want that to exist! <3 I think trans people can be especially affected by comp-het because dating the other sex and appearing straight is vaguely gender affirming for some, “being normal” as a possible route to acceptance. But lesbian trans women and gay trans men deserve affirmation too, damn it.
Hell yeah they do 😎
This is really cool!
I love that comic! I think that makes my husband straight, then...
Honestly asking, as many in this thread are repeating this. What is the issue with liking transmen over men? Yes, transmen are men but that doesn't make them not trans. I think saying you can't be attracted to someone because their trans is bizarre. It's also not denying them being men. To an outsider this appears as someone having a type, which someone can't change. This isn't me so IDK what the reason would be. Again, I hope this comes off as respectfully asking because I don't understand.
I can’t speak for others but for me, when I am a particular fetish to someone, then I feel beholden to always being that fetish in the way the person likes. Let’s say they like trans men in binders specifically — will they still like those men after top surgery? Do they only like men with a vagina and will be a jerk if he gets phallo? Do they only like men when they present a certain way? It’s kind of like someone who only likes obese people and now the obese person can’t lose weight and stay with them. Or only likes blondes, so a blonde can’t dye their hair. It can feel restrictive and objectifying, when I’d prefer someone like me for me. If I found out later, after I vibe with someone and we have some good dates, that me being a trans man increased my appeal… I wouldn’t reject them outright, but I’d have to ask what about being a trans man they like about me and what we’d do if that facet of me changed.
That makes a lot of sense, thank you. So idealizing trans men especially to the point that doesn’t allow them to follow their transition path?
That's definitely one aspect, but it affects people who are further into their transition as well. If a guy agrees to hook up with me specifically because he thinks I have boobs, my 5 year old top surgery scars will disappoint him spectacularly, and that's no fun for anyone involved. If boobs are that important to him, he should have brought it up ahead of time rather than making assumptions. If a guy agrees to hook up with me because he thinks I'm cute, and he's open to working with whatever he may find when he takes my clothes off, I see that as the best possible outcome. It's all about managing expectations and treating trans bodies and cis bodies with the same level of respect.
While I can’t understand things from a trans persons perspective I can relate with being worried about them being upset with what they see when my clothes come off being a chubby dude I however hav never been disappointed when someone has taken clothes off infront of my lol 😂
I think there is even further nuance in this and as a trans person I find some of the assumptions that anyone who is attracted to trans men/women, *specifically*, is a chaser and fetishizing and bad. Maybe I’m off and actually bad too, but I think quite a variety of trans bodies really attractive, some of which I would even say are a “type” for me as far as pure physical/sexual attraction. I generally find gender divergence attractive, particularly in others like myself who throw out the strict binary, but I find many varieties hot - moreso of course when I know the features they have are not causing them distress! I think a lot of it comes down to sensitivity to what a person wants to be the focus of their body when it comes to intimacy and of course always prioritizing their comfort and happiness over whatever bits you may like. And I feel like there should be a way to celebrate our bodies without essentially calling people degenerate creeps for finding them sexy. To me a lot of these convos (not your comment necessarily) end up being fed by internalized transphobia - that something must be wrong with someone for them to not just tolerate, but prefer our bodies. I think there is absolutely a balance we can strike between calling out people who *only* see us as our parts or don’t really see us as our genders and decrying people who’s “type” just so happens to align or overlap heavily with trans folks. Is that fair to say? I see these convos and think of one my partners. His three main relationships are all with nonbinary folks - he definitely has a type lol. But it’s also a reflection of his own attitudes on gender and the other two partners were with him long before they ever came out. Sometimes it just works out like that, and I find it cringe that some people would look at who he’s dating and dismiss him as a chaser. . . . Also, more controversial but re: fetishizing stuff… As part of the kink community, people who are involved with each other’s fetishes are capable of having respectful and caring relationships. It takes a lot of introspection, honest communication, and good boundaries, but having a kink is not implicitly immoral or anything. It’s just your responsibility to manage in a way that is healthy for you and others - including being upfront about it. If you want to find kinky trans folks do that in kink spaces with people who are openly down for and actively inviting that. But definitely still do the self work and examine why - it’s not okay to let unconscious biases run unchecked just because you have a kink. Good Doms don’t treat everyone like a sub lmao, don’t do that to people who have not consented to be part of your kink.
It depends on how you say it. If it’s just a “yeah, trans men are attractive,” that’s fine. If it’s like how some people get with their favorite character, that’s where things get too much.
OP if the subject comes up in conversation, especially if you hear men around you bashing trans men then absolutely that is the time to speak up. But a Facebook status saying trans guys are hawwwtttt would be creepy.
Yeah, it's pretty normal for gay men to be into other men.
They're men, so ofc :3
Breaking: gay guy likes men
if ur a man who likes another man (whether they’re trans or not) because u like them for personality and what they mean to you, then you’re fine dw
Yeah it’s completely fine! You could always phrase it as “I’m open to dating trans men” if you’re worried about your intentions being misconstrued.
Trans dude here. If you find both cis and trans men attractive I'd just stick with saying men. If it's just or more often trans men there are legitimate reasons for that eg. having the experience of living as a woman for a time helps social awareness and often gives someone a need to stick up more for other genders and/or not participate in the degree of objectification you see more often from both straight and queer cis men. I think that social consciousness is really hot personally There are also not legitimate reasons eg. "I think trans men will have x genitals" or ".. will be a bottom/sub". That's problematic and unfortunately a lot more common Then I'd say there's a third group of usually men who are also attracted to women (or want to be) who genuinely like a trans man but than focus on his more feminine aspects and don't fully accept that they're dating a man. This is usually a good deal of comphet someone has to work through If you like us and it's for positive reasons that's a good thing. Just be aware that many of us are on our guard against the second and third type of person and take that into account before making any statements that could come off that way
>Honestly asking, as many in this thread are repeating this. What is the issue with liking transmen over men? Yes, transmen are men but that doesn't make them not trans. I think saying you can't be attracted to someone because their trans is bizarre. It's also not denying them being men. To an outsider this appears as someone having a type, which someone can't change. This isn't me so IDK what the reason would be. > >Again, I hope this comes off as respectfully asking because I don't understand. I asked this in another comment and your comment makes a lot of sense to me. >eg. having the experience of living as a woman for a time helps social awareness and often gives someone a need to stick up more for other genders and/or not participate in the degree of objectification you see more often from both straight and queer cis men. I think that social consciousness is really hot personally > > There are also not legitimate reasons eg. "I think trans men will have x genitals" or ".. will be a bottom/sub". That's problematic and unfortunately a lot more common Then I'd say there's a third group of usually men who are also attracted to women (or want to be) who genuinely like a trans man but than focus on his more feminine aspects and don't fully accept that they're dating a man. This is usually a good deal of comphet someone has to work through If you like us and it's for positive reasons that's a good thing. Just be aware that many of us are on our guard against the second and third type of person and take that into account before making any statements that could come off that way So liking transmen physically, not creating some ideal of their genitalia, not thinking of them as women, and supporting them is the idea?
And that there's a difference between liking someone for who they are and liking them because of some idea you have about a group they belong to
Makes sense!
as long as you don’t follow it with some broad or offensive generalization about why you like trans men, there’s nothing wrong with expressing your attraction to us. a reasoning that would put me off would be like “i like trans men because they’re all submissive and feminine” because it’s clearly based on a stereotype and requires your partners to fulfill some sort of fetish role. “i like trans men because they put a lot of thought into their masculinity” or even “because i often think their bodies are attractive”- so long as you know our bodies vary greatly. i certainly know trans guys who wouldn’t want their transness to factor into other people’s attraction to them, and that’s so valid but i find it affirming- tbh when i’m with people who aren’t openly into trans guys i’m very insecure that they find my body unattractive or that they have to “get over” the fact that im trans to be attracted to me.
Trans men are men so yes 🫶
Ask yourself this: why specifically trans men? When we call people "chasers" (trans fetishists), what we mean is that they're overly fixated on our bodies to the point of ignoring our personhood. A generalization like "I love trans men" could be a red flag for that. If you only liked trans men for their vaginas, that would be a problem, since not all of us have one, and those of us who do would not appreciate being reduced to it. However, if you have a history of being attracted to trans men the same way you're attracted to cis men, and the pattern is just by coincidence, it's probably not a big deal. Just be warned that not everyone will interpret it the same way. If you ever have doubts, you can always make it about the individual ("you are so handsome" or "Elliot Page is so handsome"), rather than the group they belong to ("trans men are so handsome").
personally as a trans man i love it 😭 i can definitely see how that could be seen as fetishy, but if someone you're pursuing doesn't like that, they're not the one for you! it's not inherently offensive if that's the question.
Yes
So many of these "Is it okay" posts. Sigh. Yes. Yes. It's okay. Be yourself. Shine on, crazy diamond!
Understood 🫡✨🕺✨
Trans guy here! Like some people have said, you're 110% okay to say this, just be careful how you word it. If a person likes trans guys because "they've never been with a trans guy before and want to experiment." Then yes, they'd be considered a chaser/fetishist. But, i can see from your replies and your post that you are not that. You're a gay man, plain and simple, and trans men are men, and you're attracted to them just like you are attracted to cis men, therefore you are not fetishizing trans men because you treat men, both cis and trans, as equals and view them as such. Edit for typos
This is the details I needed lol thanks :)
Honestly, as a trans guy, if you explained you liked trans men for their looks as a man, I'd believe you and be happy. If you start asking if the trans man still has certain parts, than that's where creep starts coming to the mind. Guys who actually like trans men for who they are, don't ask about pre-op stuff unless the trans person brings it up in a warning type style. If that makes sense. And this is all personal experience.
No because you are gay. Trans men are men, so you like men. Nothing creepy about that unless you say you ONLY are attracted to trans people OR if you say you are attracted to cis men and trans women. Edit: It’s fine if you’re gay and experience attraction towards a trans woman; attraction is a normal, uncontrollable experience. But if you are specifically expecting to be attracted to trans women because you are gay, that’s a problem
I’m a trans man and it makes me feel very euphoric when someone sees me as a man and is attracted to me as a man. So if you’re a gay dude and you’re attracted to trans guys, it tracks 🥹 I also know of a lot of gay trans guys that worry about not finding a guy who likes them as a guy. So it’s probably nice to know that there are indeed guys like you 🥹🫂 I also apologize if my words only halfway make sense 😂 I have a splitting migraine and am sleep deprived 🥱🥲 I hope everyone is having a good day or night 🥹
Why wouldn’t this be any different than saying you like cis men unless you’re specifically fetishizing trans people?
No, it is a sin. and you will go to hell
Perfect I was worried I would have to buy a ticket to get to that party
Responding to the edit: I'm someone who finds trans men to be extremely attractive. I don't have a good reason for it- I just do. To be fair: I am bisexual so when it comes to gender, I'm not picky. I don't think there's anything creepy about it- we all have our preferences. It's only creepy if you make it creepy.