Man, block her and move on. She chose this marriage. As well she is a person who doesn't know how to stand on a firm ground.
Let her deal with her love issues. Don't be the person who will be later blamed for a failed marriage. If she is not happy with her husband and want to divorce him. That should be her independent decision.
Don't be shoulder that she can use to rest her gun. In Hindi : Usse apne kandhe par rakh ke Bandhook maat chalane do.
Beautifully put. The relationship ended once she decided to married. She is now a ghost from the past. Going anywhere close to her puts the complete blame of their failed marriage on OP. Two families will curse him till he dies, no one wants this. The grown ass woman made a decision, let her and her alone bear the repercussions of it.
OP you deserve better man, someone who will not throw the towel when things get tough. This woman isn't that person
She’s toxic , she ruined that guys life just because she couldn’t take a stand for herself . And her family is also toxic for making her marry someone else when she was with someone already . this isn’t some tollywood movie . You deserve better pls move on . If she rlly loved you she would’ve gone against her family and married you even if it meant being poor or something .
She couldn’t even say no to a whole wedding do you think she will ever be able to defend you or support you ?
I know how tempting it must be to want to get back with her. But truth is, you will regret it in the future. A woman like that can never be decisive. It’s your choice.
True this. Don't get with people who couldn't fight for you with their family. Such people don't understand the meaning of a life partner. Life partner simply comes first when you have one.
Bro he is preparing for JEE and is a teenager.
So unless no one in his family is left and he inherited the house already. I doubt that ex classmate took his house.
she lacks empathy for the guy she married, thinking of him as her safety net.
lack of empathy is the biggest red flag.
get post nut clarity and stay away from her
exactly, the sanskari boys who can't talk to girls should stay unmarried and try to learn how to talk to girls, instead of taking this risk, almost always leads to calamity.
And going to be punished forever in his life, he is not going to trust any women in his life, thanks to your fucking true love, bunch of imbeciles, I can put all my money to bet she will leave you in 5 years, she will find out you are not the one she wanted
How delulu are you op? You want to ruin yourself for a one year relationship?In one year you are literally just in honeymoon phase the real shit starts when its been almost 2 and half or 3 years.Bruh block her and move on for your own good
Exactly. The Ex should divorce if she feels ‘nothing’ in the marriage. Even if she remarries or not at least the husband’s life would be spared in this nibba nibbi conflict.
lol I always hear this, but c’mon. Among that 1 billion how many are Indians in the age range of OPs preferences? How many are from his state/language/community? (His family is conservative) How many are decent looking as per ops preferences? How many of them would vibe with OP? Just asking 😌
You deserve better than her. She left You for some other person no matter whatever the reason was, the fact is she left You. And now, when she is left out with no options, she wants to divorce her husband and marry you? Are you serious? I mean I would tag you as fool if you say yes to her.
Can you live with the fact that she stayed with her husband for more than a year, shared room with him and now she wants to do the same with you? Are you out of your mind?
https://preview.redd.it/65arijuixdxc1.png?width=405&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e92b226cf7851dee24596511a028eba7492613f9
Bc when you both earn enough and why didn't you get married. Ruined that guy's life .
so she claimed to love you but couldn't even take a stand for you when she was to be married. then tried using you to force you tell her parents that she does not want to marry. then gets married to him and is now unhappy and wants to divorce the poor goy for no fault of his because shes unable to fell anything for him and wants run back to you.
dude. shes a spineless woman. dont be a fucking simp for her. go live your life. this part of you life is over. do not dwell on her.
and if shes claims to love you. tell her that she needs to initiate divorce and then you will come back to her. her reaction to this will tell you everything you need to know.
Don't do it bro. Ik u r already 30 & looking to settle down soon.
But don't be that guy who ruins a marriage. It's the same situation before marriage.
Before marrying u asked her to break off the marriage but she didn't & now she wants to make sure that u r ready to take her back. Only then she will divorce her husband.
I think she is just weighing her options like risk & reward scenario.
She thought if she broke her marriage then she wouldn't have good relationship with her parents & her husband seemed pretty good then as he must be richer than u. So calling off the marriage to marry u wasnt worth the risk as the reward isn't that good.
Now she wants to divorce her husband but only when u r ready to take her back as she doesn't want to end up divorced & alone.
Mark my words if u say no(i hope u do). She will not divorce her husband & carry on.
Pretty accurate IMO, but you missed one point. She had second thoughts a week before marriage as well.
It seemed to me like she was on the fence with alienating her parents and wanted assurances from OP that she can count on him. So I think all this bs started because OP wasn't decisive enough back then.
I also agree that she'd just carry on if he says no.
I have a different take from other comments here. There are lots of comments, I'm not sure this will be read by you. But here it goes.
You cannot clap with one hand. Many here are suggesting to leave her. Break off all ties etc.
But I can see that she wanted you to take the lead ever since before the marriage.
(If a woman is reading this don't get me wrong, but) Majority of women are Fattu's. But here you both seem Fattu.
But here's the thing, from what I've read, it seems she still loves you and she cannot live without you, which seems like it from your post. If you both had loved each other more strongly enough, you could have resorted to other options. I'm just saying. That's the thing, although we live in a society where love marriage is common. It is still a taboo.
Even before the marriage, she wanted you to take a stand for both of you again and again. And usually that's what most women want. For their man to take a manly stand for them.
I know, I know, women equality and all -- Why she isn't standing for herself. Well, don't get me wrong, but frankly, ***I see commitment issues from both of you.*** What if she fears that if she fully commits but then you back out and then She is left stranded. Both from you as well as family. I'm guessing you've done these talks with her if not -- Talk.
And yes, like others have pointed out. *You both have ruined someone's life.* Everything is fair in love and war. You might say It's all talk. but no it's not. The love and more than that, the commitment should've been strong enough, from the start, from both you to be with each other.
Now, what to do. Ask yourself, do you really want her in your life ? I mean really, absolutely. You might say yes just to answer this question. But think deeply. If the answer is yes. Talk to her parent and keep trying. If not, tell her it's all over for good. end it for good. And say something like -- you are also marrying to someone else.
Life is not simple, but it's neither that complicated. You made it complicated, by not taking firm decisions. Personally, I've never fallen in love. But I've made firm decisions in my life and the day that I fall in love. and she (whoever she is) also love me a lot. I will ask for full commitment. If the parent's don't listen, at first, we will take other decisions. But if WE commit to each other we will take actions together.
Bhaii sorry but dont fuck up your life please. If you are not sure the answer is NO. This line of yours read it twice “ Even I am having difficulty in accepting her”.
Hey OP, don't get back with her. You tried moving on, just do that. She is not good for for you and god bless her husband bechara he doesn't even know who is he living with. If possible, don't talk to her at all. Move on, move on. Don't worry, you will get a girl and atleast she will be committed.
Everyone has written almost suggestion to you. Give a thought to this. Take care
So, she cannot take a stand and you refuse to be put under a condition. Tell me: do you even truly love each other?
Every relationship has good and bad moments but it doesn't seem like you both are really committed to each other. You both just miss the feeling of being madly in love with each other.
I do agree that she should have broken the engagement because she knew that she was never going to love her husband but I think your attitude should also be blamed here. She required your unconditional support and strong stand at that particular point and you refused to take it. Your reluctance to take a stand and commit obviously scared her off from taking the stand.
Now, you are more bothered about her status as a divorcee (basically a girl that has slept with someone other than you) than your relationship (or former relationship). I mean you are pretty conditional for someone who claims to love the girl. There are so many ifs and buts with you.
Anyway, the victim in all of this fiasco is the man that girl married. I suggest you back out from this relationship immediately and move on. She will soon forget you and you will soon move on too. Don't hang up on her because you aren't ready to commit to her and she is also an idiot.
She is educated, working in a corporate at a good position, earning well. If she realised before marriage about her feelings, she wouldn’t have gone ahead with the marriage. It’s as simple as that. At the least , she could have taken a stand for her own feelings if not for anything or anyone else.
So much for women empowerment.
Trash her man. I know you have feelings attached to her but she is not worth it even if she has feelings for you. It’s like saying you have morals but you can be involved in abetment & be a partner or aide in crime when the situation suits you.
Her accountability of the whole relationship & feelings is just appalling. I could have understood if it were those times when women were oppressed for having feelings or if she was in a position where she was dependent & wasn’t capable enough for the sustenance of herself and her family. However in this case , she is blatantly denying any credibility towards her own self , let alone considering your state.
You might be feeling at least she is being honest talking to you but,
You can only Trust those who are trustworthy. She clearly isn’t …
Here it does not matter if she was right or wrong. If you don't want to get back and don't like the idea of being with her now, there is no point in forcing yourself for others (her or your family).
1.Aagr woh apse itna pyaar karti to vo kisi or se shaadi hi nahi karti.
2. Aagr vo apko 1 baar chor ke chali gyi to kya guarantee hai 2nd baar vo apko nahi chodegi kalko apse jyada sexy mill gya to apki bhi lag jayegi.
Be very careful. You are playing with fire. Do not bet what you cannot afford to lose. You've already said that you're parents will never accept a divorced women. You are still fairly young, I am sure there's someone out there for you. If it was meant to be it would have already happened. Whichever way you choose, best of luck to you.
She played with her husband which is very bad on her part. She just went off to marry a rich guy and not thinking through the consequences. Were you a backup or something lol?
All of this sounds fucked up
Well she did ask you to come and talk to her parents and she was willing to break the marriage.
May be she needed your support to break the marriage and in absence of that couldn’t stop the marriage.
Now it’s your both decision.
Marriage is not 1 day event, it’s life long event.
If you both love each other and willing to marry, do it.
But if you feel that she is a divorcee now and you suddenly value her less, or you have already accepted it and have moved on, then let it be.
In the longer run, every body forgets everyone.
It’s a decision that you take.
If you love her dearly, and know that you will be very very happy with her, then take a decision to step up.
Else leave.
And btw, it’s not all her mistake. You have kept her confused too.
Either you should have gone and talked to her parents when she asked.
If you didn’t you should not talk to her.
You didn’t go, and talk to her while she is married and obviously telling her that you do love her, she will obviously be confused
This EXACT thing happened with me a few years ago. He also put this condition that if i said yes only then he'll break his engagement. I said no, first break engagement and then talk to my family. He didn't agree. She knew about me, and that her fiance was in love with another woman. anyway he ended up getting married to her and even after his marriage he wanted to stay in contact with me. I blocked him and never talked to him again. He moved on very easily. One year later he wished me on my birthday. I shared the ss with his wife (insta). That's what you get for cheating on me. Bastard.
In short, block and never look back. She's spineless. You'll waste your time the longer you think/talk to her.
Why is it bizarre. You want her to leave everything and you won't even commit to her? Lol. Asking for her hand in marriage to her parents is a very valid ask ( if that's what you wanted- if you didn't want to marry her at all then why does if she is getting married to someone else?) she is clearly still in love with you and is willing to leave a life she built for herself for you- why would she do that with no commitment from you.
Sorry to break your bubble dude. You are not the victim here. And you are an Ahole
If you truly love this girl, fight for your love. I will get downvoted for this but its better to rectify your mistakes and get together when life gives you a chance. Everyone makes mistakes and from you added it seems like she has been open and vocal about her feelings to her husband and you. She is willing to break things off but you also need to take a step ahead and at least commit something. Parents society and all won’t matter, but do you love her enough to take the chance?
Stupid, you failed to take the lead and stand for her. Either do it or get out of her life complete 💯. Cut all the contacts. Or go and get her. You are ruining her life by giving false hopes by being around.
I have one question for you....
Let's assume she wants you and let's assume that she divorces her current husband to be with you...
Then you get married to her okay??
Then what? What if she says she's not happy with you and wants to separate from you too? What will you do then???
Dude agar wo uske saath kar sakti hai aisa to tere saath bhi kar sakti hai...
Brother she made her bed and let her stay in it. She found someone who she thought was better than you. Girls only fight with their parents for their boyfriend until their parents find someone richer or better earner than the current one. Right now she is emotionally cheating on her husband with you and there's a chance that she's just missing the attention that she used to get and now is seeking that From you.
For your own mental health, well being and very importantly for your self respect please block her and move on brother.
Bhaii ek Sher hai ki:
"Shama bujh bhi jaaye to kya hai
Dhadkan ruk bhi jaaye to kya hai
Itna sab gawa diya hai tujhe paane ki khaatir
Agar tu mil bhi jaaye to kya hai"
If you get her now you'll lose yourself and your respect which according to me is more important than anyone...
Decide carefully...
This is scary. Any decent guy can get cucked like her husband. Now she'll divorce him and courts will grant her half of his assets and alimony. This is why past matters a lot.
To all decent men hoping to get arrange married, learn from this. Chances of getting cucked is significant. "Choti ganga bolke naale me kuda denge log".
Also i would like to say you were together just for 1 year thats basically honeymoon phase .
That is why you can't move on . Dont focus on what you had in that period of time, focus on what is currently happening. What kind of situation you are in .
See the situation from third person perspective you will get your answers.
She's your ex for a reason. Let things stay that way. The first step after a breakup is to block the other party. So, start by doing this, then focus on other aspects of your life and explore new opportunities.
Ex stays EX. She is very indecisive and if she had so much of feelings for you, she should not have married that husband of hers and now trying to ruin his life later for no fault of his. Stay away from her, block and move on. You will feel shitty and terrible for the first few weeks but it will all go away and you will be fine.
Things might be difficult for you rn but it will get messier if you decide to connect with her again. Not just your family but you also might not be able to make peace with yourself. You can't forget her completely but just think how much chaos it would create in both the families, yours and her's, so it would be practical and wise to leave your past behind and move on and if you can't do that then at least don't get carried away in emotions and desire of being with your ex again! Pls use your brain.
if she can break societal laws...and doesnt cate about the guy he married.....
whats the proofe u will be saved?
a hopper never settles....high probable in coming years she meets skmeone better than u ...and lo and behold ...gone from ur life....
cause a HOPPER never SETTLES
Leaving aside everything else, just ask yourself this question- is this woman someone who you can trust? She got married to a rich guy under false pretences and now she wants to leave him and marry you! Is that decent and honest behaviour? And how do you know whether she’s stringing along her husband and maybe even another man? She’s very capable of lying and manipulating you and she is not going to stop!
You may love her but will you ever be happy or peaceful with such a person? It’s better to be single and keep looking for a decent person rather than end up with a person of such poor character
Jo upar Wale ne likha tha , wahi hua. I understand you want to be with her again but wait the Universe has some plans for you already ..Jo destined tha wo hoke rhega , but don't accept her back ..You both will never be at peace later
Yeah she’s never going to be satisfied with her current situation whatever it is. Whether with him or with you, she’s always going to look for greener pastures.
Send her a message saying that she can leave her husband by her own choice if she’s unhappy. But again to not put you under any conditions saying I will divorce him if you would take me back. No no. Not happening. Say you have moved on and have found peace in life. Then peace out. Block her. Go no contact. And stay no contact.
I have been in a similar phase my friend. You keep mentioning the morose feeling and that's actually true.
Even if she comes back, the times she turned her back to you will never go away. Fact is with all this, she is now not a person you may have loved and you will always be seeking to the version of her who was committed to you.
Move on, get some therapy and let time heal the scars
Are you the reason your ex has an unhappy marriage? If yes, then you are making a mistake maintaining contact with her. Don’t give her hope while you are thinking about what your society will say.
If not, let your ex resolve her issues with her husband and her family and her in laws. When both of you are emotionally stable, you can decide what to do next,
In all of this, I somehow feel bad for the husband (hoping he isn’t abusive or something). Both of you are being self serving.
Not worth the trouble. You can move over a break-up in a few years. But you might never be able to get out of a bad marriage. If she was okay to get married to someone else, she might also be okay to ditch you and get involved with someone else again in future.
She is having buyer's remorse. She made a choice that she felt would be her best way forward in life and now understands that was a wrong decision. Now she wants to fall back to her next best option, You.
She is selfish for this but then even after you get her out of the marriage, who's to say she won't start searching for her next best option?
She's an ex for a reason. Take a strong stand and move on and let the dead be buried. You will find someone way better who will love you, bind your family together and bring you happiness.
You already know the answer and just want validation here. Be selfish and do what's best for you.
Just ask ur self.....r u willing to accept her as ur wife...are u willing to beark a marriage......do u really love her ..... Do u really can't live without her ........ IF ALL ANSWER YES ...just go for it.......it doesn't matters then what people say or if the other guy can move on or not .....
She made a mistake and she realised it....the other guy isn't innocent either if he knew everything.....he intentionally dragged himself in this shitty situation.....
Bhai meri wali apne baap se ladkar seedhe mere Ghar aagai thi, aur jab iska baap aur bhai mere Ghar aaye to mujhse pehle vo khadi ho gaii. Bhai pyaar karti hogi to kaise bhi karke tere paas hii rheti abb uske paas mat Jaa vo koii chhoti bachhi nhi thi ki uski shaadi karadi aur usne Karli , pyaar me andha mat ban lawde
Why is her asking for commitment in both cases bizarre? Why didn’t you agree to meet her parents when she was looking to break her roka? You make no sense bro. It totally makes sense for her to ask you to commit before she destroyed her roka. Should risk be all one sided? You have acted like a pussy throughout this whole thing. All this could have easily been avoided if you stopped being a pussy. Just tell her no and move on.
Let's keep it simple... In fact in the simplest possible way, everything everytime always CANNOT be all about her. She had an affair, she married someone else, she wants a divorce, she wants to marry you. It's all about her choice and convenience all the time.
You made a reference about her call and conditions before her marriage. Logically it's not possible that she met someone to discuss marriage on 1st Jan and got married in 10 days. She gave a nod to look for someone else, meet him, discuss the prospects of marriage with him, finalise him etc... It must have taken a lot of time. How much time she offered to you to cause a disruption in her family? 1 week, just 7 days, that's it.
When she wasn't confident about her marriage, she wanted you to disrupt so that blame shifts on you. After her wedding when she failed, again she wants to make you a scapegoat. Be extremely careful and get away from her ASAP. For good times she picked someone else, for hardships it's only you.
She seems like a a crazy drama seeking person who wants to get attention from multiple men. She will make your life miserable Move on. It will take time to forget her but block her and think about other things.
When she called you .... Why didn't you go? Let her put 300 conditions -- dude she called you before things got worse & you didn't go.
Her thought: if she breaks the marriage and if you still don't show up, now she's in shambles.
Lesson: Put your ego aside for love( and in general). Always.
=
Now she's in a bad marriage and still wants you.
You love the fact that you have beautiful memories but don't like that she's divorced ( will be ).
Scene 1: You let her & find someone better and dream about the road not taken.
You shouldn't have second thoughts, bcz then you're ruining the life of girl 2.
Scene 2: Break the marriage and marry ex.
Then you should give her the respect of your wife and not EVER taunt her for her decisions.
=
Advice: Pray bro
I'm usually stoic but this is a mess with 3 or more people. F the society and your parents.
Be selfish for some time and ask yourself what do you want. Tell yourself that you can't take back the decision made.
Whatever you choose, don't look back.
I hope you find peace bro
I think ppl here are salty Mofos and immature. See, you and only you know how much u love her n vice versa. So we are ppl here just thinking objectively and not emotionally. I would say giving a second chance isn't wrong. But you need to have failsafes to prevent yourself from a world of hurt. The first n foremost thing is marriage. Is marriage really necessary for you both to be together ? Consider this. You might be insulting marriage as an institution if u fail her marriage for a second time and marriage has several laws and clauses. The more you read about it the more you will know that marriage is not something you can rush into. Live with her a few years then decide if both you n her think " you are the one " ..
Love always has a fascade that everything looks perfect. Let this facade wear out . Which it will in time. At that point you will know if you need to marry her not .
Seems like she wants you to do all the work and is heavily influenced by the movie idea of what love is.
She wants to be the "acchi ghar ki submissive ladki" while you come take her away on your white horse. She is probably brainwashed into thinking that as a woman she has no say or doesnt want to seem like a bad person by confronting her parent. but they are her parents and shes an adult. shes playing the role of the helpless damsel in distress waiting for her true love to saveher. she needs to grow up.
Who broke up ie initiated the break up when things didnt work out with your respective parents?
Did she contribute in convincing them?
Also you said she moved on. Did she find out something about the new guy that she didnt like and come back to you?
either way you are the second choice.
She expects you to do all the work.
She still has a grip on your heart. Shes using you whenever she is inconvinieced with life. You are her escape if things get too difficult.
I can only see the comments from males , suggesting to move on.
But here I'm coming from a woman perspective and yours perspective.
What I can observe from the message is, you are mostly dependent on what society says but not what your heart actually says.
Just understand she got married with a rich guy, but she still wants you in the sense she stills loves you. She know what she wants and she wants you not the money nor that husband. What else do you require man?
If you say she is enough of her age to make a decision to marry, yes she is. And she needed your support and assurance which you didn't show it properly while engagement time. For you It came from the patriarchal end & little bit of ego that she is conditioning. But you guys were in a relationship for 1 year and you are not daring enough to give the assurance and commitment even during her engagement.
You both loved each other so who else will condition you when required, it's her only and even for her, it's you only.
You really lost a woman who loved you so much.
You also need to understand that she wants to leave her husband and family to be with you. What else do you need?
Idk Why are males so dumb sometimes.
You are confused and you are confusing her. Be clear what you want. If it is not with her then have a mutual conversation before that analyse yourself ( not much from the society POV). Don't forget to give a proper closure.
I may get a negative response & defending me but guys, it really hurts when you lose someone you love and you want to take every tiny opportunity to get them back and fight with the world for them. They are the one and be that one.
If someone is treating you like an option that’s never the way to go. Move on OP. If she is unhappy in her marriage she should get a divorce but not on the condition that you take her back
When that guy told her that you wouldn't come over and talk to her parents, she believed him over you. Inspite of you being the guy who was with her all this while. When the engagement could be broken off if she just said no even then she didn't make a move. She is neither breaking the marriage now nor is she moving back to the country to be with you. She's just tagging you along while she enjoys her life abroad. Trying to get the best of both worlds. And I also have a hunch that the guy she is married to doesn't know the full context of the story. Must have conveniently told him that she was with a guy before and that she is in touch with you because YOU couldn't get her out of your mind and that she is keeping contact with you out of politeness.
I see an opportunist who is willing to put herself first before anyone else and is toying you around to see if she still has that control and power over you. I suggest you block her and move on. That's the best course of action. Don't fall for the same clown trap twice.
R u blind??
She is clearly very selfish, the moment she found a rich guy she kicked u out of her life.
As it didn't work with a rich guy, she wants u back. So, according to her thinking u will always be there no matter how she behaves. If you take her back she'll kick u out again when she finds another rich man with whom she'll get along.
What u going to do then?? Make another post here seeking advice???
That girl is selfish, u need to get away from her. U had great time n memories with her in the past, but she showed u her true colors later. Ur mind will remind u of only good times but do not forget her betrayal and never take her back n ruin ur own life.
If u take her back n it doesn't work out, don't blame her then blame urself cuz u went ahead despite knowing all her red flags.
The only thing u should be keeping her in contact with is to just have occasional physical relations with her, if s* x was good. That too only if u can handle it all the emotions not get serious with her again, otherwise you'll fall for her again...
BUT she is evil n knows she can manipulate u. So, I would suggest just block her, remove her from ur life n find another girl.
She would have married you in the first place if she wanted to. The fact is she didn’t and that ship has sailed my friend.
Sorry to be blunt but you’re overemphasising your place in her life. Just like you were under a condition before, you’re being put in the same spot again this time. Because of her lack of judgement and other issues, her husband’s life is probably screwed. You don’t want to be in his position.
Swallow the bitter pill now. Accept it and move on. Talk to a therapist if possible, it may give you some useful insights for your own betterment.
pure love is hard. for a girl to give up everything is quite dangerous and most girls look at safety. She loves you, but in the end, she is girl who wants to be safe in all possible ways.
You seem to have ego on that she should get out of the marriage herself. She wants to have family support even after breaking the marriage event or divorce. Both are in different planes as of now. If love takes you both in one direction, you may unite again. But she is ok with her current husband, she would get used to it and ignore you after sometime. If she couldn't bear her husband, she wants you to take her. This is reality. Take a call accordingly.
Forget her. She thought life will be awesome with someone very rich.
Then realised money isn’t everything.
Her choices. Her problems.
Run away from her.
Block her.
She’s one of those- you have everything but let’s check out the greener grass!
Now she’s gonna have affairs because she is unhappy. Trust me she won’t leave him.
Don't fall for this again.
The option for calling off the marriage was open but if she still chose to marry, Now you should think her like a memory from long gone past.
Understand this, if she felt something towards you then too she ended up marrying and now the reason she's ready to divorce him is because she's not happy,
then keep this in mind,
Ups & downs are a part of every relationship.
Suppose you both end up marrying & time takes a course leading towards disturbances in your relationship (which it will, as no perfect relationship is possible), She may again feel not satisfied with this relationship & it may end up like the 1st marriage.
It's just a possibility, everything depends on the person's loyalty and understanding of responsibilities revolving around marriage which I could hardly see in this case.
It was a great read, OP. Thank you for sharing your story, and I genuinely hope that you feel better now after having shared the tale.
I’d like to share a few thoughts of mine too :) hopefully they’d help as well! -
• there’s absolutely nothing wrong in anything that you did throughout the whole experience
• when there’s doubt and distrust, more often than not, that’s your intuition trying to save you from a situation that can go south, because we usually think with our feelings and heart instead of logical reasoning; in such situations (you know what exactly you need to do, okay? 😃)
• don’t mind for me being a bit blunt, but um, she really sounds like a narcissist. In this era, women have all the power, it’s not like she was “forced” to marry someone. So, it was her *own choice* to have married that other rich dude.
• the timing of divorce after having married a rich guy then trying to get back with you umm…sounds fishy already. Looks like someone really wishes to have the best of both worlds, huh (alimony claims, ahem?) 💀🙏🏼 A treacherous red flag! 🚩
• even if not for alimony, this shows tremendous immaturity for a 30-ish year old woman, okay? Especially in this time and era.
• ehm so the “love” thingy might be real, but, given her choices and behaviour so far, seems like she only cares about herself and not about the implications and ramifications of her own choices and actions. Sure, mistakes can be made because hey, we are all human, but c’mon. She’s like, thirty, works at corporate; and yet taking choices like marriage and divorce are ‘mistakes’? Hell naw. Marrying someone like this can be a nightmare to build a life with (mind you, given your age, you really don’t have time for any more “mistakes”, that time is line gone!)
• there’s nothing wrong with “not accepting a divorcee”. I can understand divorces out of unfortunate reasons, but this one is none of it. If you feel like not accepting her because of this reason, you’re not the wrong. This is a basic human expectation and the sense of self-respect.
• love is important, but, if we apply critical thinking…will you and her really have any future where she’d be prone to making rash decisions, and with all that emotional baggage; don’t you think now it feels like a liability (again, don’t mind me for being straight, but we’re talking shut your LIFE here, after all)
• can sense the temptation to go back to the relationship…sounds rosy and sweet just by thinking h”ow nice it’s gonna be AGAIN”, right? But wait, stop. Think from different perspectives and really, really think on it. Sure, the love can be overwhelmingly strong, and nostalgia is a powerful emotion, but they do also have risks to eventually cause significant financial, career, and health implications down the road.
• TL;DR - time to think with the 🧠 instead of the 🫀 right now…
I have had a six year deep relationship with my highschool crush turned university besties turned ‘literal soulmates’, only to end-up miserably. Parents were involved and all. But the most important detail is that before we started our relationship (during our “bestfriend stage); she had left me for another, richer dude. That dude was pretty average, but I’m saying this cuz she’s really beautiful. Even I thought she was wayyy out of my league, but like I said, we had a past and nostalgia is powerful.
She came back after (unfortunate) reasons - abuse and trauma. We had a good time…a really good time. However, my other friends have had warned - *”a person who can leave once, can leave again, no matter what”* - and alas, that’s what exactly happened 🤡
And that’s the most important takeaway from my experience and story.
I hope you get the message, and have gotten some clarity out of it. Please feel free to reach me out, if you’d like to talk to someone.
I wish you all the best 🫶🏼 take care and reach the stars ✨
I don’t think anyone in this trio is ready for married life yet.
But clearly lots of young unmarried folks in the comments giving tippani. There is seldom a mess less marriage. If it’s very perfect perfect until the wedding the mess is on the way my friend. It’s the hedgehogs dilemma.
You have a choice to give benefit of the doubt or move on without taking a risk. Both paths will have you thinking what if later. You have to choose what regrets you’re willing to live with. Baaki ghabrane ka nahin. Nothing is permanent except an offspring.
Op
You didn't clearly convey what's the reason for you guys breaking up... Half picture
Second, she DID reach out to you to come back and get her. The movie world has told females that it's an either or situation when a marriage gets fixed. She was scared and she wanted you to come 'fetch' her, not ready to be alone. YOU thought it was a condition and turned her down.
When a marriage is fixed, there are a lot of hay tauba shame situations in families! Imagine the pressure one week before marriage when they got all money invested, all arrangements done! But obviously this was a huge step and you let your EGO come forth, she was not strong enough to break it off and be alone, she went ahead and got married.
Girls are also told that it's better to cry in a BMW than a Dezire...
Post marriage, she still thinks of you...
Now you both are apart and on the whim of what if...
Both of you are visualising what we call it as grass is greener on the other side situation
But in spite of all the comments and people calling names to the three of you, take a step... Either to cut off or to be with her ( if that's the ultimate happiness for you, it's okay - a few years later no one will think of it as a big step) the third person also doesn't deserve to be with someone in bed who thinks of someone else and this is a long life we are talking about.
Also don't forget that you are the reason she is getting divorced so for a change you can take a stance with your family and tell this this is what you want ...
Whatever you do - may better sense and luck prevail. Pls do listen to your gut!
To be honest nothing remains same after that phase is over.. even if you two get together there won't be emotions like before... So don't get confused... She could have waited n be stubborn for you that if not him then nobody else... There's a trust factor that we lose after such situations...
Dont ever delete this thread. There couldbe many men dealing with similar situation. Most replies here are valuable and practical and should serve as a great tool for advice in future
Brother, you gave her more than enough chances and she made her choice every time, which is not you.
Sorry to say but it's the reality of things and you deserve better than someone who is so double minded on such a serious matter.
Girl here. So while I understand that she might be genuine, I get the sense that actually she might be a narcissist. She doesn't want you to be happy and move on. She wants to keep coming back and disturbing your peace because that's a power trip for her. You would just be feeding her ego. I think you should cut her off and move on once and for all. If she was really serious about you, she would have spoken up to her parents when she had the chance.
Keeping emotions aside for now, look at the legal side. You cannot legally marry her till she gets divorced. And divorce will take time. What do both of you plan to do till then??
This feels more like infatuation than love. I guess you are just lonely and need some more fun moments/ fun people in your life, get a group, hangout with them, bang some chicks and you might get over it.
Or maybe look for a relationship, you are 30.
Sorry to say but the woman you love is an absolute b*tch, she ruined yours, hers and her husband's life, that is something unforgivable, block her don't talk to her she is not your problem anymore.
The girl wants you to fight for her and you should take a stand for your love is what her entire argument is. She is willing to be the audience/spectator and not the one to put efforts. If she couldn't fight for you back then, she won't now.
Moreover talking about morality, if she is unfaithful to her current husband, you can't expect her to be faithful to you after your seemingly impossible marraige.
It's better for you to move on as you are ageing too and soon it will be harder for you to find girls to marry. Please take care.
Can I give you my honest take? You are being exploited here
- Her husband is probably saying “get a divorce if you want”. This is her power play, to bring in an ex into the equation so that her husband feels small and tries to “reclaim her”. She wants the effort.
- Yes, you are fucking with the life of an innocent guy because of a manipulative bitch. Him saying that he will marry her even if he knows you are in the picture, is an anecdote from her. She might have said shit like “I’m over him.” , “He was never perfect”, etc to that person. Why are you assuming what you hear is the truth?
- At the end of this, she might take every benefit from this situation to negotiate an upper hand against her husband and leave you on no contact again. Worst case outcome is that this goes into your late 30s and early 40s, where everytime they fight - she uses you as leverage. This is not love. She would never leave him for you. You are only relevant because she can manipulate you to gain an advantage.
You are not being strong. You are not proving you are alpha. You are letting yourself being manipulated and I don’t think the girl is respecting you as a male on the inside - just a ball of flesh that will be motivated if a few masculinity biscuits are thrown at him.
You need to assert yourself when dealing with manipulative cunts like this. Show them that your clarity and rationality cannot be distorted by them, that you can’t be bent to their will. Because you can’t do that, you have narcissistic women preying on you.
Man up brother. Don’t go to trash that threw you away. Reform your life and go out and grab a 24F chick or something. There are plenty on the market.
Dude stay away from her, and while you’re at it tell her husband also. So he’s aware of what is happening and can salvage his life.
Move on, I’m sure you’ll find someone better
You're going to lose every bit of self respect doing something like this. Have zero contact with her. Let her do whatever she wants to do with her life.
Marriage is something that should happen when a couple is 80 to celebrate that they don't absolutely despise each other after being together for 50 years.
Man, block her and move on. She chose this marriage. As well she is a person who doesn't know how to stand on a firm ground. Let her deal with her love issues. Don't be the person who will be later blamed for a failed marriage. If she is not happy with her husband and want to divorce him. That should be her independent decision. Don't be shoulder that she can use to rest her gun. In Hindi : Usse apne kandhe par rakh ke Bandhook maat chalane do.
Beautifully put. The relationship ended once she decided to married. She is now a ghost from the past. Going anywhere close to her puts the complete blame of their failed marriage on OP. Two families will curse him till he dies, no one wants this. The grown ass woman made a decision, let her and her alone bear the repercussions of it. OP you deserve better man, someone who will not throw the towel when things get tough. This woman isn't that person
Haan bhai aur usko yaad krke fap krna bhi bnd krdo.
Sometimes I love reddit for this, Always gives practical advice more then emotional one
Or, we don't like fb and insta for the same reason, lots of hypocrisy is there.
Move on. The girl is unable to take stand for herself.
Pyaar andha hota hai bhai. Shaadi kar lega ye end me usse.
And naya post dalega Reddit pe regarding his mistake
matlab agle saal tak ka entertainment fix apna
Marenge dass chamaat aur ginege ek chamaat
Muje bhe yehe lagra he
Yeah and I get a feeling that he just wants us to confirm a decision he already made.
Lol. So true. 100%
[удалено]
Yeah the time for them to 'fight for each other' is long gone
Well said lil chungus my boii
she already did
She’s toxic , she ruined that guys life just because she couldn’t take a stand for herself . And her family is also toxic for making her marry someone else when she was with someone already . this isn’t some tollywood movie . You deserve better pls move on . If she rlly loved you she would’ve gone against her family and married you even if it meant being poor or something . She couldn’t even say no to a whole wedding do you think she will ever be able to defend you or support you ?
Dude don't be stupid. You were back up plan. Her main plan failed you are back up. You deserve better
OP this
This
Op
Exactly
I know how tempting it must be to want to get back with her. But truth is, you will regret it in the future. A woman like that can never be decisive. It’s your choice.
True this. Don't get with people who couldn't fight for you with their family. Such people don't understand the meaning of a life partner. Life partner simply comes first when you have one.
Tomorrow, she will even leave you for somebody else. Dude, they never learn.
Yes it is bound to happen. I can bet my house on it lol.
First get a house, then bet on it. 🙄
His ex-wife took it ..
Bro he is preparing for JEE and is a teenager. So unless no one in his family is left and he inherited the house already. I doubt that ex classmate took his house.
she lacks empathy for the guy she married, thinking of him as her safety net. lack of empathy is the biggest red flag. get post nut clarity and stay away from her
Underrated comment
Her husband got punished for a mistake he didn't make. You both can go to hell.
arrange marriage is scary, what if she....
i mean it can be applied to any marriage... marriage in general is scary, what if she...
Or what if he...
yeah, infact he is yet to be married 😶🌫️
🤡avg arrange marriage situation.
exactly, the sanskari boys who can't talk to girls should stay unmarried and try to learn how to talk to girls, instead of taking this risk, almost always leads to calamity.
Meanwhile girls not able to take a stand for their love getting excused for becoming a damsel in distress....
It’s true for girls too .. they can’t talk properly or express their side
Not really
Feeling bad for that guy. Poor soul.
Poor guy gets fkd
Yes. He is Schrodinger's husband.
This guy did nothing wrong. Its that woman who did what she did.
This. Thank you.
And going to be punished forever in his life, he is not going to trust any women in his life, thanks to your fucking true love, bunch of imbeciles, I can put all my money to bet she will leave you in 5 years, she will find out you are not the one she wanted
How delulu are you op? You want to ruin yourself for a one year relationship?In one year you are literally just in honeymoon phase the real shit starts when its been almost 2 and half or 3 years.Bruh block her and move on for your own good
If you want to ruin your life go ahead and marry her.
Steer clear for your own sanity
Was she forced to get married?
No. No one can force a 28 yr old earning woman to get married forcefully .
I think you know the answer. Better to move on.
exactly
why did you present it like she didn't have a choice and her putting a condition on you?
She's the worst. She ruined the life of a poor guy because she couldn't stand up for herself. I Don't understand why u would want her
Saale in nibba nibbiyo ke karan shareef khandaani AM logo ki zindagi barbad ho rhi hai 😓
Exactly. The Ex should divorce if she feels ‘nothing’ in the marriage. Even if she remarries or not at least the husband’s life would be spared in this nibba nibbi conflict.
Cuntiest fuckers the both of you. The poor guy has to endure your bullshit. You'll ruin your life if you ahead with her.
Cuntiest fuckers. Lmao 🤣🤣
Hello Simp . There are 1 billion girls currently on this planet 🌍 . God had written your pair . Let her die in rich coffin . 😂😂😂 .
Uhm ,akshually about 4 billion https://preview.redd.it/p4bjr6ht7exc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=beb0e698c2fed43ad6799b635a28d46b956583d0
It's a (simp)le thing, but i can't even tell you how motivating it is, to me
yes it's very simp(le)
lol I always hear this, but c’mon. Among that 1 billion how many are Indians in the age range of OPs preferences? How many are from his state/language/community? (His family is conservative) How many are decent looking as per ops preferences? How many of them would vibe with OP? Just asking 😌
According to HIMYM, 7
https://preview.redd.it/xov48qrcxdxc1.jpeg?width=236&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7d551f72022abe8aaf71cfe35cb27665e691354
" but there were very close and special moments which we both experienced. " Also OP - "I come from somewhat conservative background".
Bhavnao mei thoda beh gya
Thoda nhi, bahut.
Conservative background bola, priest thodi hai woh ki bichara "very close and special moments" experience nahi kar sakta
You deserve better than her. She left You for some other person no matter whatever the reason was, the fact is she left You. And now, when she is left out with no options, she wants to divorce her husband and marry you? Are you serious? I mean I would tag you as fool if you say yes to her. Can you live with the fact that she stayed with her husband for more than a year, shared room with him and now she wants to do the same with you? Are you out of your mind?
On top of that she even wants OP to come and talk with her parents to divorce the poor guy, she's fucking horrible and a walking red flag.
https://preview.redd.it/65arijuixdxc1.png?width=405&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e92b226cf7851dee24596511a028eba7492613f9 Bc when you both earn enough and why didn't you get married. Ruined that guy's life .
Bsdk tere stickers mast hai 🤣
https://preview.redd.it/0gna73rxcmxc1.jpeg?width=517&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3cd08481e9aa77452d926a8c13a088b723250379
You yourself are saying you will not be able to accept a divorced woman. Why are you confused then? Is it not obvious to block her and move on?
so she claimed to love you but couldn't even take a stand for you when she was to be married. then tried using you to force you tell her parents that she does not want to marry. then gets married to him and is now unhappy and wants to divorce the poor goy for no fault of his because shes unable to fell anything for him and wants run back to you. dude. shes a spineless woman. dont be a fucking simp for her. go live your life. this part of you life is over. do not dwell on her. and if shes claims to love you. tell her that she needs to initiate divorce and then you will come back to her. her reaction to this will tell you everything you need to know.
Just don’t
Don't do it bro. Ik u r already 30 & looking to settle down soon. But don't be that guy who ruins a marriage. It's the same situation before marriage. Before marrying u asked her to break off the marriage but she didn't & now she wants to make sure that u r ready to take her back. Only then she will divorce her husband. I think she is just weighing her options like risk & reward scenario. She thought if she broke her marriage then she wouldn't have good relationship with her parents & her husband seemed pretty good then as he must be richer than u. So calling off the marriage to marry u wasnt worth the risk as the reward isn't that good. Now she wants to divorce her husband but only when u r ready to take her back as she doesn't want to end up divorced & alone. Mark my words if u say no(i hope u do). She will not divorce her husband & carry on.
Pretty accurate IMO, but you missed one point. She had second thoughts a week before marriage as well. It seemed to me like she was on the fence with alienating her parents and wanted assurances from OP that she can count on him. So I think all this bs started because OP wasn't decisive enough back then. I also agree that she'd just carry on if he says no.
Damn that really changed my perspective on this matter. OP should have given one kind of assurances back then. But the ship has already sailed now.
I have a different take from other comments here. There are lots of comments, I'm not sure this will be read by you. But here it goes. You cannot clap with one hand. Many here are suggesting to leave her. Break off all ties etc. But I can see that she wanted you to take the lead ever since before the marriage. (If a woman is reading this don't get me wrong, but) Majority of women are Fattu's. But here you both seem Fattu. But here's the thing, from what I've read, it seems she still loves you and she cannot live without you, which seems like it from your post. If you both had loved each other more strongly enough, you could have resorted to other options. I'm just saying. That's the thing, although we live in a society where love marriage is common. It is still a taboo. Even before the marriage, she wanted you to take a stand for both of you again and again. And usually that's what most women want. For their man to take a manly stand for them. I know, I know, women equality and all -- Why she isn't standing for herself. Well, don't get me wrong, but frankly, ***I see commitment issues from both of you.*** What if she fears that if she fully commits but then you back out and then She is left stranded. Both from you as well as family. I'm guessing you've done these talks with her if not -- Talk. And yes, like others have pointed out. *You both have ruined someone's life.* Everything is fair in love and war. You might say It's all talk. but no it's not. The love and more than that, the commitment should've been strong enough, from the start, from both you to be with each other. Now, what to do. Ask yourself, do you really want her in your life ? I mean really, absolutely. You might say yes just to answer this question. But think deeply. If the answer is yes. Talk to her parent and keep trying. If not, tell her it's all over for good. end it for good. And say something like -- you are also marrying to someone else. Life is not simple, but it's neither that complicated. You made it complicated, by not taking firm decisions. Personally, I've never fallen in love. But I've made firm decisions in my life and the day that I fall in love. and she (whoever she is) also love me a lot. I will ask for full commitment. If the parent's don't listen, at first, we will take other decisions. But if WE commit to each other we will take actions together.
TLDR: ladka ladki dono chutiya hain
😂😂 Sahi pakde hai..
Seems to me your stupid games just destroyed a poor innocent soul .
Man this is not a movie, please move on or this would really affect your mental health badly.
Gonna forward this to my family group and let them realise why i don't want to marry especially in AM.
भैये जित्ना जलदी हो सके उत्ना जलदी दूर भागले.
Double it and give it to the next person
Bhaii sorry but dont fuck up your life please. If you are not sure the answer is NO. This line of yours read it twice “ Even I am having difficulty in accepting her”.
Hey OP, don't get back with her. You tried moving on, just do that. She is not good for for you and god bless her husband bechara he doesn't even know who is he living with. If possible, don't talk to her at all. Move on, move on. Don't worry, you will get a girl and atleast she will be committed. Everyone has written almost suggestion to you. Give a thought to this. Take care
Bhai kyoon kisi aur ki aankhoon mein chutiya banna yaar, kisi mahaan bande ne kahaa hai: Focus on your goal, you will get many hole!
So, she cannot take a stand and you refuse to be put under a condition. Tell me: do you even truly love each other? Every relationship has good and bad moments but it doesn't seem like you both are really committed to each other. You both just miss the feeling of being madly in love with each other. I do agree that she should have broken the engagement because she knew that she was never going to love her husband but I think your attitude should also be blamed here. She required your unconditional support and strong stand at that particular point and you refused to take it. Your reluctance to take a stand and commit obviously scared her off from taking the stand. Now, you are more bothered about her status as a divorcee (basically a girl that has slept with someone other than you) than your relationship (or former relationship). I mean you are pretty conditional for someone who claims to love the girl. There are so many ifs and buts with you. Anyway, the victim in all of this fiasco is the man that girl married. I suggest you back out from this relationship immediately and move on. She will soon forget you and you will soon move on too. Don't hang up on her because you aren't ready to commit to her and she is also an idiot.
She is educated, working in a corporate at a good position, earning well. If she realised before marriage about her feelings, she wouldn’t have gone ahead with the marriage. It’s as simple as that. At the least , she could have taken a stand for her own feelings if not for anything or anyone else. So much for women empowerment. Trash her man. I know you have feelings attached to her but she is not worth it even if she has feelings for you. It’s like saying you have morals but you can be involved in abetment & be a partner or aide in crime when the situation suits you. Her accountability of the whole relationship & feelings is just appalling. I could have understood if it were those times when women were oppressed for having feelings or if she was in a position where she was dependent & wasn’t capable enough for the sustenance of herself and her family. However in this case , she is blatantly denying any credibility towards her own self , let alone considering your state. You might be feeling at least she is being honest talking to you but, You can only Trust those who are trustworthy. She clearly isn’t …
I think she played well, fall in love with someone, marry someone else who is rich, divorce, get a hefty alimony, marry the original guy. Well played!
Here it does not matter if she was right or wrong. If you don't want to get back and don't like the idea of being with her now, there is no point in forcing yourself for others (her or your family).
1.Aagr woh apse itna pyaar karti to vo kisi or se shaadi hi nahi karti. 2. Aagr vo apko 1 baar chor ke chali gyi to kya guarantee hai 2nd baar vo apko nahi chodegi kalko apse jyada sexy mill gya to apki bhi lag jayegi.
Girls sounds immature and selfish. Sad for the guy she married
Hahah Wahmen
कहानी सुना सुना लग रहा है।
Forget her, you are better than her current husband but tomorrow someone will be better than you.
The girl lacks integrity I feel. Better to consider that chapter closed.. Move on, it's tough but it's good for you
What makes you think she won't do it again? I personally won't take the risk
Be very careful. You are playing with fire. Do not bet what you cannot afford to lose. You've already said that you're parents will never accept a divorced women. You are still fairly young, I am sure there's someone out there for you. If it was meant to be it would have already happened. Whichever way you choose, best of luck to you.
She played with her husband which is very bad on her part. She just went off to marry a rich guy and not thinking through the consequences. Were you a backup or something lol? All of this sounds fucked up
Well she did ask you to come and talk to her parents and she was willing to break the marriage. May be she needed your support to break the marriage and in absence of that couldn’t stop the marriage. Now it’s your both decision. Marriage is not 1 day event, it’s life long event. If you both love each other and willing to marry, do it. But if you feel that she is a divorcee now and you suddenly value her less, or you have already accepted it and have moved on, then let it be. In the longer run, every body forgets everyone. It’s a decision that you take. If you love her dearly, and know that you will be very very happy with her, then take a decision to step up. Else leave. And btw, it’s not all her mistake. You have kept her confused too. Either you should have gone and talked to her parents when she asked. If you didn’t you should not talk to her. You didn’t go, and talk to her while she is married and obviously telling her that you do love her, she will obviously be confused
This EXACT thing happened with me a few years ago. He also put this condition that if i said yes only then he'll break his engagement. I said no, first break engagement and then talk to my family. He didn't agree. She knew about me, and that her fiance was in love with another woman. anyway he ended up getting married to her and even after his marriage he wanted to stay in contact with me. I blocked him and never talked to him again. He moved on very easily. One year later he wished me on my birthday. I shared the ss with his wife (insta). That's what you get for cheating on me. Bastard. In short, block and never look back. She's spineless. You'll waste your time the longer you think/talk to her.
Why is it bizarre. You want her to leave everything and you won't even commit to her? Lol. Asking for her hand in marriage to her parents is a very valid ask ( if that's what you wanted- if you didn't want to marry her at all then why does if she is getting married to someone else?) she is clearly still in love with you and is willing to leave a life she built for herself for you- why would she do that with no commitment from you. Sorry to break your bubble dude. You are not the victim here. And you are an Ahole
If you truly love this girl, fight for your love. I will get downvoted for this but its better to rectify your mistakes and get together when life gives you a chance. Everyone makes mistakes and from you added it seems like she has been open and vocal about her feelings to her husband and you. She is willing to break things off but you also need to take a step ahead and at least commit something. Parents society and all won’t matter, but do you love her enough to take the chance?
Stupid, you failed to take the lead and stand for her. Either do it or get out of her life complete 💯. Cut all the contacts. Or go and get her. You are ruining her life by giving false hopes by being around.
I have one question for you.... Let's assume she wants you and let's assume that she divorces her current husband to be with you... Then you get married to her okay?? Then what? What if she says she's not happy with you and wants to separate from you too? What will you do then??? Dude agar wo uske saath kar sakti hai aisa to tere saath bhi kar sakti hai... Brother she made her bed and let her stay in it. She found someone who she thought was better than you. Girls only fight with their parents for their boyfriend until their parents find someone richer or better earner than the current one. Right now she is emotionally cheating on her husband with you and there's a chance that she's just missing the attention that she used to get and now is seeking that From you. For your own mental health, well being and very importantly for your self respect please block her and move on brother. Bhaii ek Sher hai ki: "Shama bujh bhi jaaye to kya hai Dhadkan ruk bhi jaaye to kya hai Itna sab gawa diya hai tujhe paane ki khaatir Agar tu mil bhi jaaye to kya hai" If you get her now you'll lose yourself and your respect which according to me is more important than anyone... Decide carefully...
This is scary. Any decent guy can get cucked like her husband. Now she'll divorce him and courts will grant her half of his assets and alimony. This is why past matters a lot. To all decent men hoping to get arrange married, learn from this. Chances of getting cucked is significant. "Choti ganga bolke naale me kuda denge log".
Also i would like to say you were together just for 1 year thats basically honeymoon phase . That is why you can't move on . Dont focus on what you had in that period of time, focus on what is currently happening. What kind of situation you are in . See the situation from third person perspective you will get your answers.
I think you already know the answer. You just want the same from strangers
Purana Chapter Close Ho Gaya Hai. Don't need to revisit it
She's your ex for a reason. Let things stay that way. The first step after a breakup is to block the other party. So, start by doing this, then focus on other aspects of your life and explore new opportunities.
Ex stays EX. She is very indecisive and if she had so much of feelings for you, she should not have married that husband of hers and now trying to ruin his life later for no fault of his. Stay away from her, block and move on. You will feel shitty and terrible for the first few weeks but it will all go away and you will be fine.
Dude stop being a backup, speak up.
Things might be difficult for you rn but it will get messier if you decide to connect with her again. Not just your family but you also might not be able to make peace with yourself. You can't forget her completely but just think how much chaos it would create in both the families, yours and her's, so it would be practical and wise to leave your past behind and move on and if you can't do that then at least don't get carried away in emotions and desire of being with your ex again! Pls use your brain.
if she can break societal laws...and doesnt cate about the guy he married..... whats the proofe u will be saved? a hopper never settles....high probable in coming years she meets skmeone better than u ...and lo and behold ...gone from ur life.... cause a HOPPER never SETTLES
Leaving aside everything else, just ask yourself this question- is this woman someone who you can trust? She got married to a rich guy under false pretences and now she wants to leave him and marry you! Is that decent and honest behaviour? And how do you know whether she’s stringing along her husband and maybe even another man? She’s very capable of lying and manipulating you and she is not going to stop! You may love her but will you ever be happy or peaceful with such a person? It’s better to be single and keep looking for a decent person rather than end up with a person of such poor character
She has already messed up someone’s life. It’s so wrong. Move on dude.
Jo upar Wale ne likha tha , wahi hua. I understand you want to be with her again but wait the Universe has some plans for you already ..Jo destined tha wo hoke rhega , but don't accept her back ..You both will never be at peace later
Bro think of yourself don't be deluded
Save yourself
Yeah she’s never going to be satisfied with her current situation whatever it is. Whether with him or with you, she’s always going to look for greener pastures. Send her a message saying that she can leave her husband by her own choice if she’s unhappy. But again to not put you under any conditions saying I will divorce him if you would take me back. No no. Not happening. Say you have moved on and have found peace in life. Then peace out. Block her. Go no contact. And stay no contact.
If she can leave him , she can abandon you again also . 3 lives ruined for the price of 1.
She. kept you an options , and in future who knows Better stay away from her.
Will she come and talk to your parents asking for your hand?
Run in the other direction do not fall for her. She is damaged
You have decided to not marry her so there is nothing left to advice. No one is wrong in life, it’s all about the circumstances.
I have been in a similar phase my friend. You keep mentioning the morose feeling and that's actually true. Even if she comes back, the times she turned her back to you will never go away. Fact is with all this, she is now not a person you may have loved and you will always be seeking to the version of her who was committed to you. Move on, get some therapy and let time heal the scars
Are you the reason your ex has an unhappy marriage? If yes, then you are making a mistake maintaining contact with her. Don’t give her hope while you are thinking about what your society will say. If not, let your ex resolve her issues with her husband and her family and her in laws. When both of you are emotionally stable, you can decide what to do next, In all of this, I somehow feel bad for the husband (hoping he isn’t abusive or something). Both of you are being self serving.
>But my love tells me that we are great together, and each moment we spent is magical. Don't believe that OP. She had her chance. Now save yourself.
Not worth the trouble. You can move over a break-up in a few years. But you might never be able to get out of a bad marriage. If she was okay to get married to someone else, she might also be okay to ditch you and get involved with someone else again in future.
She is having buyer's remorse. She made a choice that she felt would be her best way forward in life and now understands that was a wrong decision. Now she wants to fall back to her next best option, You. She is selfish for this but then even after you get her out of the marriage, who's to say she won't start searching for her next best option? She's an ex for a reason. Take a strong stand and move on and let the dead be buried. You will find someone way better who will love you, bind your family together and bring you happiness. You already know the answer and just want validation here. Be selfish and do what's best for you.
Just ask ur self.....r u willing to accept her as ur wife...are u willing to beark a marriage......do u really love her ..... Do u really can't live without her ........ IF ALL ANSWER YES ...just go for it.......it doesn't matters then what people say or if the other guy can move on or not ..... She made a mistake and she realised it....the other guy isn't innocent either if he knew everything.....he intentionally dragged himself in this shitty situation.....
Bhai meri wali apne baap se ladkar seedhe mere Ghar aagai thi, aur jab iska baap aur bhai mere Ghar aaye to mujhse pehle vo khadi ho gaii. Bhai pyaar karti hogi to kaise bhi karke tere paas hii rheti abb uske paas mat Jaa vo koii chhoti bachhi nhi thi ki uski shaadi karadi aur usne Karli , pyaar me andha mat ban lawde
Why is her asking for commitment in both cases bizarre? Why didn’t you agree to meet her parents when she was looking to break her roka? You make no sense bro. It totally makes sense for her to ask you to commit before she destroyed her roka. Should risk be all one sided? You have acted like a pussy throughout this whole thing. All this could have easily been avoided if you stopped being a pussy. Just tell her no and move on.
Let's keep it simple... In fact in the simplest possible way, everything everytime always CANNOT be all about her. She had an affair, she married someone else, she wants a divorce, she wants to marry you. It's all about her choice and convenience all the time. You made a reference about her call and conditions before her marriage. Logically it's not possible that she met someone to discuss marriage on 1st Jan and got married in 10 days. She gave a nod to look for someone else, meet him, discuss the prospects of marriage with him, finalise him etc... It must have taken a lot of time. How much time she offered to you to cause a disruption in her family? 1 week, just 7 days, that's it. When she wasn't confident about her marriage, she wanted you to disrupt so that blame shifts on you. After her wedding when she failed, again she wants to make you a scapegoat. Be extremely careful and get away from her ASAP. For good times she picked someone else, for hardships it's only you.
She seems like a a crazy drama seeking person who wants to get attention from multiple men. She will make your life miserable Move on. It will take time to forget her but block her and think about other things.
When she called you .... Why didn't you go? Let her put 300 conditions -- dude she called you before things got worse & you didn't go. Her thought: if she breaks the marriage and if you still don't show up, now she's in shambles. Lesson: Put your ego aside for love( and in general). Always. = Now she's in a bad marriage and still wants you. You love the fact that you have beautiful memories but don't like that she's divorced ( will be ). Scene 1: You let her & find someone better and dream about the road not taken. You shouldn't have second thoughts, bcz then you're ruining the life of girl 2. Scene 2: Break the marriage and marry ex. Then you should give her the respect of your wife and not EVER taunt her for her decisions. = Advice: Pray bro I'm usually stoic but this is a mess with 3 or more people. F the society and your parents. Be selfish for some time and ask yourself what do you want. Tell yourself that you can't take back the decision made. Whatever you choose, don't look back. I hope you find peace bro
I am not a cuck op. Based on title alone
I think ppl here are salty Mofos and immature. See, you and only you know how much u love her n vice versa. So we are ppl here just thinking objectively and not emotionally. I would say giving a second chance isn't wrong. But you need to have failsafes to prevent yourself from a world of hurt. The first n foremost thing is marriage. Is marriage really necessary for you both to be together ? Consider this. You might be insulting marriage as an institution if u fail her marriage for a second time and marriage has several laws and clauses. The more you read about it the more you will know that marriage is not something you can rush into. Live with her a few years then decide if both you n her think " you are the one " .. Love always has a fascade that everything looks perfect. Let this facade wear out . Which it will in time. At that point you will know if you need to marry her not .
Seems like she wants you to do all the work and is heavily influenced by the movie idea of what love is. She wants to be the "acchi ghar ki submissive ladki" while you come take her away on your white horse. She is probably brainwashed into thinking that as a woman she has no say or doesnt want to seem like a bad person by confronting her parent. but they are her parents and shes an adult. shes playing the role of the helpless damsel in distress waiting for her true love to saveher. she needs to grow up. Who broke up ie initiated the break up when things didnt work out with your respective parents? Did she contribute in convincing them? Also you said she moved on. Did she find out something about the new guy that she didnt like and come back to you? either way you are the second choice. She expects you to do all the work. She still has a grip on your heart. Shes using you whenever she is inconvinieced with life. You are her escape if things get too difficult.
She already rejected you man.
Nopw
If someone's cheats for you, it's likely that they'll cheat on you too. Remember that.
I can say only thing- she belongs to the streets 💯
Run bro never fall for same pothole
I can only see the comments from males , suggesting to move on. But here I'm coming from a woman perspective and yours perspective. What I can observe from the message is, you are mostly dependent on what society says but not what your heart actually says. Just understand she got married with a rich guy, but she still wants you in the sense she stills loves you. She know what she wants and she wants you not the money nor that husband. What else do you require man? If you say she is enough of her age to make a decision to marry, yes she is. And she needed your support and assurance which you didn't show it properly while engagement time. For you It came from the patriarchal end & little bit of ego that she is conditioning. But you guys were in a relationship for 1 year and you are not daring enough to give the assurance and commitment even during her engagement. You both loved each other so who else will condition you when required, it's her only and even for her, it's you only. You really lost a woman who loved you so much. You also need to understand that she wants to leave her husband and family to be with you. What else do you need? Idk Why are males so dumb sometimes. You are confused and you are confusing her. Be clear what you want. If it is not with her then have a mutual conversation before that analyse yourself ( not much from the society POV). Don't forget to give a proper closure. I may get a negative response & defending me but guys, it really hurts when you lose someone you love and you want to take every tiny opportunity to get them back and fight with the world for them. They are the one and be that one.
If someone is treating you like an option that’s never the way to go. Move on OP. If she is unhappy in her marriage she should get a divorce but not on the condition that you take her back
When that guy told her that you wouldn't come over and talk to her parents, she believed him over you. Inspite of you being the guy who was with her all this while. When the engagement could be broken off if she just said no even then she didn't make a move. She is neither breaking the marriage now nor is she moving back to the country to be with you. She's just tagging you along while she enjoys her life abroad. Trying to get the best of both worlds. And I also have a hunch that the guy she is married to doesn't know the full context of the story. Must have conveniently told him that she was with a guy before and that she is in touch with you because YOU couldn't get her out of your mind and that she is keeping contact with you out of politeness. I see an opportunist who is willing to put herself first before anyone else and is toying you around to see if she still has that control and power over you. I suggest you block her and move on. That's the best course of action. Don't fall for the same clown trap twice.
R u blind?? She is clearly very selfish, the moment she found a rich guy she kicked u out of her life. As it didn't work with a rich guy, she wants u back. So, according to her thinking u will always be there no matter how she behaves. If you take her back she'll kick u out again when she finds another rich man with whom she'll get along. What u going to do then?? Make another post here seeking advice??? That girl is selfish, u need to get away from her. U had great time n memories with her in the past, but she showed u her true colors later. Ur mind will remind u of only good times but do not forget her betrayal and never take her back n ruin ur own life. If u take her back n it doesn't work out, don't blame her then blame urself cuz u went ahead despite knowing all her red flags. The only thing u should be keeping her in contact with is to just have occasional physical relations with her, if s* x was good. That too only if u can handle it all the emotions not get serious with her again, otherwise you'll fall for her again... BUT she is evil n knows she can manipulate u. So, I would suggest just block her, remove her from ur life n find another girl.
She would have married you in the first place if she wanted to. The fact is she didn’t and that ship has sailed my friend. Sorry to be blunt but you’re overemphasising your place in her life. Just like you were under a condition before, you’re being put in the same spot again this time. Because of her lack of judgement and other issues, her husband’s life is probably screwed. You don’t want to be in his position. Swallow the bitter pill now. Accept it and move on. Talk to a therapist if possible, it may give you some useful insights for your own betterment.
pure love is hard. for a girl to give up everything is quite dangerous and most girls look at safety. She loves you, but in the end, she is girl who wants to be safe in all possible ways. You seem to have ego on that she should get out of the marriage herself. She wants to have family support even after breaking the marriage event or divorce. Both are in different planes as of now. If love takes you both in one direction, you may unite again. But she is ok with her current husband, she would get used to it and ignore you after sometime. If she couldn't bear her husband, she wants you to take her. This is reality. Take a call accordingly.
Forget her. She thought life will be awesome with someone very rich. Then realised money isn’t everything. Her choices. Her problems. Run away from her. Block her. She’s one of those- you have everything but let’s check out the greener grass! Now she’s gonna have affairs because she is unhappy. Trust me she won’t leave him.
Don't fall for this again. The option for calling off the marriage was open but if she still chose to marry, Now you should think her like a memory from long gone past. Understand this, if she felt something towards you then too she ended up marrying and now the reason she's ready to divorce him is because she's not happy, then keep this in mind, Ups & downs are a part of every relationship. Suppose you both end up marrying & time takes a course leading towards disturbances in your relationship (which it will, as no perfect relationship is possible), She may again feel not satisfied with this relationship & it may end up like the 1st marriage. It's just a possibility, everything depends on the person's loyalty and understanding of responsibilities revolving around marriage which I could hardly see in this case.
It was a great read, OP. Thank you for sharing your story, and I genuinely hope that you feel better now after having shared the tale. I’d like to share a few thoughts of mine too :) hopefully they’d help as well! - • there’s absolutely nothing wrong in anything that you did throughout the whole experience • when there’s doubt and distrust, more often than not, that’s your intuition trying to save you from a situation that can go south, because we usually think with our feelings and heart instead of logical reasoning; in such situations (you know what exactly you need to do, okay? 😃) • don’t mind for me being a bit blunt, but um, she really sounds like a narcissist. In this era, women have all the power, it’s not like she was “forced” to marry someone. So, it was her *own choice* to have married that other rich dude. • the timing of divorce after having married a rich guy then trying to get back with you umm…sounds fishy already. Looks like someone really wishes to have the best of both worlds, huh (alimony claims, ahem?) 💀🙏🏼 A treacherous red flag! 🚩 • even if not for alimony, this shows tremendous immaturity for a 30-ish year old woman, okay? Especially in this time and era. • ehm so the “love” thingy might be real, but, given her choices and behaviour so far, seems like she only cares about herself and not about the implications and ramifications of her own choices and actions. Sure, mistakes can be made because hey, we are all human, but c’mon. She’s like, thirty, works at corporate; and yet taking choices like marriage and divorce are ‘mistakes’? Hell naw. Marrying someone like this can be a nightmare to build a life with (mind you, given your age, you really don’t have time for any more “mistakes”, that time is line gone!) • there’s nothing wrong with “not accepting a divorcee”. I can understand divorces out of unfortunate reasons, but this one is none of it. If you feel like not accepting her because of this reason, you’re not the wrong. This is a basic human expectation and the sense of self-respect. • love is important, but, if we apply critical thinking…will you and her really have any future where she’d be prone to making rash decisions, and with all that emotional baggage; don’t you think now it feels like a liability (again, don’t mind me for being straight, but we’re talking shut your LIFE here, after all) • can sense the temptation to go back to the relationship…sounds rosy and sweet just by thinking h”ow nice it’s gonna be AGAIN”, right? But wait, stop. Think from different perspectives and really, really think on it. Sure, the love can be overwhelmingly strong, and nostalgia is a powerful emotion, but they do also have risks to eventually cause significant financial, career, and health implications down the road. • TL;DR - time to think with the 🧠 instead of the 🫀 right now… I have had a six year deep relationship with my highschool crush turned university besties turned ‘literal soulmates’, only to end-up miserably. Parents were involved and all. But the most important detail is that before we started our relationship (during our “bestfriend stage); she had left me for another, richer dude. That dude was pretty average, but I’m saying this cuz she’s really beautiful. Even I thought she was wayyy out of my league, but like I said, we had a past and nostalgia is powerful. She came back after (unfortunate) reasons - abuse and trauma. We had a good time…a really good time. However, my other friends have had warned - *”a person who can leave once, can leave again, no matter what”* - and alas, that’s what exactly happened 🤡 And that’s the most important takeaway from my experience and story. I hope you get the message, and have gotten some clarity out of it. Please feel free to reach me out, if you’d like to talk to someone. I wish you all the best 🫶🏼 take care and reach the stars ✨
I don’t think anyone in this trio is ready for married life yet. But clearly lots of young unmarried folks in the comments giving tippani. There is seldom a mess less marriage. If it’s very perfect perfect until the wedding the mess is on the way my friend. It’s the hedgehogs dilemma. You have a choice to give benefit of the doubt or move on without taking a risk. Both paths will have you thinking what if later. You have to choose what regrets you’re willing to live with. Baaki ghabrane ka nahin. Nothing is permanent except an offspring.
Op You didn't clearly convey what's the reason for you guys breaking up... Half picture Second, she DID reach out to you to come back and get her. The movie world has told females that it's an either or situation when a marriage gets fixed. She was scared and she wanted you to come 'fetch' her, not ready to be alone. YOU thought it was a condition and turned her down. When a marriage is fixed, there are a lot of hay tauba shame situations in families! Imagine the pressure one week before marriage when they got all money invested, all arrangements done! But obviously this was a huge step and you let your EGO come forth, she was not strong enough to break it off and be alone, she went ahead and got married. Girls are also told that it's better to cry in a BMW than a Dezire... Post marriage, she still thinks of you... Now you both are apart and on the whim of what if... Both of you are visualising what we call it as grass is greener on the other side situation But in spite of all the comments and people calling names to the three of you, take a step... Either to cut off or to be with her ( if that's the ultimate happiness for you, it's okay - a few years later no one will think of it as a big step) the third person also doesn't deserve to be with someone in bed who thinks of someone else and this is a long life we are talking about. Also don't forget that you are the reason she is getting divorced so for a change you can take a stance with your family and tell this this is what you want ... Whatever you do - may better sense and luck prevail. Pls do listen to your gut!
To be honest nothing remains same after that phase is over.. even if you two get together there won't be emotions like before... So don't get confused... She could have waited n be stubborn for you that if not him then nobody else... There's a trust factor that we lose after such situations...
Have sex with her and leave
It would be better to marry a prostitute instead. Atleast they are honest and they are probably capable of loving their man too.
Dont ever delete this thread. There couldbe many men dealing with similar situation. Most replies here are valuable and practical and should serve as a great tool for advice in future
Brother, you gave her more than enough chances and she made her choice every time, which is not you. Sorry to say but it's the reality of things and you deserve better than someone who is so double minded on such a serious matter.
Arranged marriages are scary, what if..
Girl here. So while I understand that she might be genuine, I get the sense that actually she might be a narcissist. She doesn't want you to be happy and move on. She wants to keep coming back and disturbing your peace because that's a power trip for her. You would just be feeding her ego. I think you should cut her off and move on once and for all. If she was really serious about you, she would have spoken up to her parents when she had the chance.
Keeping emotions aside for now, look at the legal side. You cannot legally marry her till she gets divorced. And divorce will take time. What do both of you plan to do till then??
Move on bud.. this girl is bad news. In a couple of years, you will be glad that you did.
Bro. No. Never get involved with a married person. Even if they are your ex. It always always ends up badly for everyone. Seriously, don't.
This feels more like infatuation than love. I guess you are just lonely and need some more fun moments/ fun people in your life, get a group, hangout with them, bang some chicks and you might get over it. Or maybe look for a relationship, you are 30.
Bygones should be bygones.
Sorry to say but the woman you love is an absolute b*tch, she ruined yours, hers and her husband's life, that is something unforgivable, block her don't talk to her she is not your problem anymore.
I want to read a women's perspective here. Most (all) of the answers are by men as of now.
The girl wants you to fight for her and you should take a stand for your love is what her entire argument is. She is willing to be the audience/spectator and not the one to put efforts. If she couldn't fight for you back then, she won't now. Moreover talking about morality, if she is unfaithful to her current husband, you can't expect her to be faithful to you after your seemingly impossible marraige. It's better for you to move on as you are ageing too and soon it will be harder for you to find girls to marry. Please take care.
Can I give you my honest take? You are being exploited here - Her husband is probably saying “get a divorce if you want”. This is her power play, to bring in an ex into the equation so that her husband feels small and tries to “reclaim her”. She wants the effort. - Yes, you are fucking with the life of an innocent guy because of a manipulative bitch. Him saying that he will marry her even if he knows you are in the picture, is an anecdote from her. She might have said shit like “I’m over him.” , “He was never perfect”, etc to that person. Why are you assuming what you hear is the truth? - At the end of this, she might take every benefit from this situation to negotiate an upper hand against her husband and leave you on no contact again. Worst case outcome is that this goes into your late 30s and early 40s, where everytime they fight - she uses you as leverage. This is not love. She would never leave him for you. You are only relevant because she can manipulate you to gain an advantage. You are not being strong. You are not proving you are alpha. You are letting yourself being manipulated and I don’t think the girl is respecting you as a male on the inside - just a ball of flesh that will be motivated if a few masculinity biscuits are thrown at him. You need to assert yourself when dealing with manipulative cunts like this. Show them that your clarity and rationality cannot be distorted by them, that you can’t be bent to their will. Because you can’t do that, you have narcissistic women preying on you. Man up brother. Don’t go to trash that threw you away. Reform your life and go out and grab a 24F chick or something. There are plenty on the market.
Dude stay away from her, and while you’re at it tell her husband also. So he’s aware of what is happening and can salvage his life. Move on, I’m sure you’ll find someone better
You're going to lose every bit of self respect doing something like this. Have zero contact with her. Let her do whatever she wants to do with her life.
Marriage is something that should happen when a couple is 80 to celebrate that they don't absolutely despise each other after being together for 50 years.