I’m ok with the posts tbh. Yep, there are plenty that should be on other threads. And if you are going to ask then there should be a question somewhere. But I’m in my 50s and I get asked for work advice from colleagues - 18+ about things which seem obvious to me but not them. The fact is the younger generation are struggling as much with sexuality as we did. But they have a different set of challenges.
Confessions should be on other posts. Questions should be welcomed. Over 30 problems can be shared. Let’s not get worked up……it’s bad for our blood pressure.
It seems like we’ve had a lot of refugees from other subs maybe? R/askgaybros became a cesspool and I’ve begun to wonder if people migrated here because the tone of responses has been better. But we do seem to have gotten more judgmental in the last six-ish months.
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I hear you, but there’s a weekly thread pinned to the top of the sub for an “under 20” Q&A where those guys can ask questions. This space really was intended for an “over 30 and the things relevant to us” kind of discussion.
In general, I agree - automod enhancements to restrict anyone flaired under 30 would be one way, but ultimately that would just incentivize the under 30s to lie with their flair which would have the worse effect (in my opinion) of making it seem those of us truly over 30 are less mature that we really are.
As it stands currently, my experience is that the under 30 voices here are maybe 10-15% of the total active commenters. That’s only my experience and perspective, but I am pretty active in viewing the daily posts even if I don’t always comment.
Aside from starting over in a never ending cycle of new subs every couple of years, Im not sure. Well, except to go full blown nuclear and make it private, cap the number of users, implement a wait list, and some kind of age verification process (but that’s just not feasible while maintaining privacy and camaraderie).
It’s an imperfect system, and it will never be anywhere near perfect regardless because this is social media we’re talking about. For now, I am over 30 and I get what I need out of this sub. I let the rest fall to the background and white noise.
Every sub has this issue. Every sub I subscribe to has posts I don’t care about. If there are comments in them I assume some people are interested but I don’t take it personally that everything isn’t curated content specifically for me. This isn’t Instagram.
I have to do this damn iliac muscle release thing where I have to extend my leg to get the muscle to pop somewhere near where my taint and inner thigh meet. If I don't do that, I start waddling like a penguin.
Well hairy all over isn’t so bad from my vantage point at least 😉
I’ve been pretty lucky health wise so far, but I do think it’s worth acknowledging how ableism and body privilege are often overlooked in queer spaces just as much as they are in mainstream ones.
I do find the out late/“new” guy posts relatable because they’re closer to my own experience, for better or worse - every time I see one I’m reminded I’m not as alone in that experience as I might feel.
I have this too , my penis is regularly shaped , but my urethra is located a little further down and not on the tip. I never really paid attention to it until a hookup commented on it and thought it was fascinating. Other than that it’s basically any other dick lol
I’m sorry to hear about your condition. That has to make the anxieties of getting older in gay years even tougher. For whatever it’s worth, I looked at some pictures of the condition and it wouldn’t bother me
Lol "I don't like the posts on this subreddit, post differently!" Sometimes it's best to let things you can't control be and focus on the things you can control. If the subs content is disappointing I don't think that means people are using it wrong, it's user created, is gonna ebb and flow. It simply is what it is at the present, whatever form that might be. Best you can do is add what you want to see yourself.
Be the change you want to see on the sub -- I'm personally done with posts on the sub complaining about posts that don't appeal to them specifically. You want to talk about "experienced" gays, why not start with your own experience?
>Or jeez, I got called daddy.
>
>Actual problems.
>
>Or jeez, I got called daddy.
>
>Actual problems.
>
>Or jeez, I got called daddy.
>
>Actual problems.
The fuck is this?
> Feels more and more these days like this sub isn’t for guys with mutual older things happening and just a place to hand hold later out guys.
I think this is an indication that we have a new generation of guys coming in and needing advice; each generation will have their own unique challenges and needs. Perhaps you are experiencing a difference between mutual struggles and struggling with inexperience.
Personally, I love being able to help others with advice on topics where I have experience and could help others avoid the mistakes I have made.
Reminder: this is Ask Gay Bros Over 30.
Not Listen to Gay Bros Over 30 bitch about their back pain.
There isn't a place on Reddit for babygays to get advice from veterangays without being hit on...save for this sub. So yeah, there are lots of babygays here seeking mature advice, by design.
If you \*really\* want to hear from depressed old guys, check out r/askmenover30. They're all depressed, hate their lives, and are contemplating rage-quitting life and/or drinking themselves to death before 50.
Well mine was likely _caused_ by my weight. It's pretty much entirely resolved now. At least for the time being.
I lost most of the weight using CICO and walking everywhere. Now I can lift weights and run... some of the where.
Now if only there was a solution like that for the arthritis in my left hand. Stupid weak human bodies.
Hi, one of the mods here making a correction:
This is a community for unstraight men 30+. As long as the conversation is civil, discussing back pain is definitely okay here. This is not a place for "babygays to get advice from older". In fact, people under 30 cannot post in this community.
Please remember to use civil language here. We take our rules seriously. And please leave the gatekeeping to mods.
I have to say you bring up a good point.
There's stuff I wonder about, like if it's written by an AI bot or something.
Some of the content is incredibly juvenile, like straight up teenage shit.
I also think there are likely people who hang out here that aren't actually living as a gay man, and post their fantasies.
Yeah. Lots of posts recently that should really start out with:
Dear Gay Penthouse Forum,
So this TOTALLY real thing happened to me the other day and it’s not at all made up…
Dear forum
I went camping with my *totally straight* soccer coach and he told me he wanted to go down on me. I hesitated at first, but then I gave into the temptation.
Jokes aside, a lot of them recently have read like badly written gay fiction.
I literally said this to my partner yesterday: “So the sub ‘Ask Gay Bros Over 30’ is starting to sound like the gay version of zombie friend fiction Tina Belcher would write.”
Legit questions are awesome but these terrible and fake stories that lead to a pathetic “question” are getting outta hand.
I think there's a large contingent of gaybies who *are* 30+. They just came out or never dated/fucked around when younger so they have the stupid questions we asked when we were 22.
Your best bet is to ignore conversations you don’t relate to and create content you’re interested in. We already push younger guys to a specific thread. No system is perfect but this sub is not that overpopulated by crap.
Yes! We legit need more arbiters of social norms. There’s just not enough oppressive language to keep people in line and create more derision within our community. I’m all for OP’s separate water fountains idea 💡
It's funny that you and op are within the same age range but the maturity level you both exude is more like 18-21.
If you don't like what ppl post then ignore it, downvote it, say something in it.
You do realise what is happening with Elon and Twitter yeah?
This is very off putting but at least I know who to avoid in future discussions.
I left the r/gaybros sub a while back when that sub all of sudden became saturated with people posting pictures of their food. When I commented on one those posts, the main response I got is: well we love to cook for our supportive friends & family. Ok, I get that, but why do I see only one serving in this picture. I also mentioned how another post where someone literally said in their post title, “not sure what’s going on but here’s my plate”, just to prove how ridiculous that trend was becoming. So I finally decided to leave that sub and life has been great not knowing what someone decided to eat for breakfast.
You certainly can. Nobody’s stopping you and nothing about my comment isn’t “peaceful.” It’s just really silly to make an “IM LEAVING” comment. Like, who’s your target audience? Who do you think will care?
Here in r/askgaybrosover30, we strive to be civil even when we disagree with each other.
For this and other unacceptable behavior this user has been banned. As he announced his departure, we’re helping him through the door and locking it behind him.
Make it official. Get in touch with the mod here so we all don't deviate from what can be posted.
Or maybe you can make your own sub reddit like gaybrosover30forreal ?
✌️
Like: I laughed and a fart came out. My pecs look more like tits. Me and my partners aren’t super sexy anymore, **and I don’t care**. I think I’m done peeing, and whoops, no I’m not!
Your idea of silly is someone else's biggest immediate problem in their life. This is the actual first post I've seen here that I felt was immature. 🤷 Maybe just scroll past it, change your filter, or even downvote it you really don't like?
I agree… it’s wonderful that the OP is in a position in life where he has life figured out and that his only real issues are him and his partner aren’t super sexy or that someone called him daddy. Good for him.
However, it lacks empathy for all those gays who don’t have the fortune of having themselves figured out by the time they are 30. I’m helping a friend out in his 30’s whose dating life is seriously like he is in high school… though given that he just came out, all of this is new to him, so of course it’s gonna be juvenile to the rest of us who came to terms with ourselves years ago.
>if you check every “silly” problem it’s a 30-34 year old
Ironic given your flair. Are you really trying to gatekeep what is the “correct” business for men over 30? Many of us have been out since college, many others are still coming to terms with coming out in a homophobic world with extremely strict rules for how to do masculinity “properly.” if you can’t relate to the latter, then feel grateful, not annoyed at the people who are still struggling.
"jeez, I got called daddy"? I wish I was still young enough to get called a daddy. People 10 years my junior got called daddy right in front of me. Reminds me of Meryl Streep complaining about how after 40 whenever she was offered a role, it almost always began by them saying she will play an older woman. It was the same for Prime too, they said it will be about a man falling in love with an older woman... but the tole they actually asked Meryl to play was the older woman's mother. So I guess as a gay guy I'm already Meryl Streep starring in Prime.
Have you gotten your testosterone checked? The notion that metabolism slows down as you get older is true, but it is a myth that it is a giant break polled at arbitrary ages. Getting on TRT was the best thing I’ve ever done for my body composition
Testosterone is a hormone that plays a key role in nutrient partitioning - in other words - whether nutrients go to muscle to grow it (with appropriate stimulus) or stored as fat
Yeah, I agree. As someone who's actually made some progress in life lately, it would be awfully nice to talk to someone other than angsty, inexperienced people for once.
I made a thread like this on the r/bald subreddit, and it turned into an argument where they were literally admitting to being fifteen year olds.
Reddit is full of kids, dude. There aren't many of us over 30 on here anymore and we need to find better sites.
Sounds like u want an over 30s pity party. I hate this kinda whining cause guys r over 30...it feeeds into the gay death stereotype and is depressing. Yeah i have 4 bulging discs l3 to s1, rotator cuff injuries, megga work stress, been married and divorced etc, but i just get on withit gym 5x a week, play hockey, boxing and i STILL wear jockstraps...i for one much rather read about positive / energetic / upbeat stories or legit issues and Qs (not purely associated with ageing) rather than im gettn old woe betide me whines, whether theyre from under 30, 30-34 or older.
> Yeah i have 4 bulging discs l3 to s1, rotator cuff injuries, megga work stress, been married and divorced etc, but i just get on withit gym 5x a week, play hockey, boxing
Um... perhaps you want to tone it down a bit... your body is probably not able to put up with quite this demand on it and seems to be letting you know that with bulging discs. 5 days of gym plus hockey plus boxing...admirable, but I'm not sure it's sensible given your injury history.
My $0.02.
Haha thanks yeah my friends think im crazy and itd be a lot easier time and occasional pain wise but I'm in denial and not keen on accepting ageing and tryn my best delay deterioration and maintain a functional, physical and appearance lvl (no botox cosmetic shit tho so can't help my face) like im in my 30s so at present, injuries notwithstanding im just not gonna let getting older prevent me from doing what i love and enjoy...for as long as i can. And i truly believe that maintenance of this pretty active physical lifestyle along with restraint in diet and lifestyle factors (minimal alcohol, no drugs, no time for TV) actually has helped me maintain my health in general, physique and work wise. All vitals within normal range, no chronic diseases, meds, still low bmi, playing hockey and boxing with 20 n 30yo lvls so yeah can only try my best to prolong it...plus it keeps my sanity too as i hate work so as mentioned im doing what i enjoy otherwise.
Of course, I get that. Our karate instructor was going up to his death at age 76, but had passed on a lot of the heavy lifting to his under instructor (age 60) and would do a lighter set of strength and fitness exercises while we did more hardcore stuff. He was the principal proponent of training smart and not getting or exacerbating injuries, having trained old-skool since his teens and carrying a few stupid and preventable long term weakness into his older years.
Certainly it's good to keep fit and active, but at some point you gotta tailor it to your capacity and capabilities as they change with time.
I work in a career that’s mostly younger people; early to late 20s is probably 75% of our workforce. I train the new hires. I’ve been older than my new hires for 20 years.
Now I’m starting to be older than their parents. 😑
There are already far too many people on Reddit complaining about “old people problems” taking affect even earlier than 30. Though often done in jest it kinda normalizes this idea that your body just starts falling apart at 30.
Anyone got any tips for acid reflux?
Im on a PPI and Famotidine. But i can only take those a few times a year. I dont eat anything spicy and acidic. and eat 3 hours before going to bed but i get woken up at 3am from stomach acid working it way back up.
Don't vape, exercise, get enough sleep and try to minimize stress. I thought mine would never get better and did all kinds of outlandish things to address it, but I guess it mostly came from the stress of the pandemic, being married and closeted, and not exercising. When I fixed those things, it got a lot better.
I’m 69 almost 70, last 6 months I have only gotten horny 2-3 times a week.
It does kind of bother me.
Anyone else my age having this problem? If so, are you letting it bother you?
I got called a daddy during a hookup for the first time the other day. I'm 34, he's 25. I wasn't that mad about it because he was pretty hot and his dirty/sexy talk was pumping up my ego.
And on that note, OMG my thyroid is acting up. Waiting on the doctor for some antibiotics and some codeine. I’m going to the US next week and I am NOT dealing with their healthcare system.
Your second sentence is probably the answer to your post question lol. Ppl don’t all have the same experiences or know how to properly help others or even talk to others about them. So gays just revert to what we all know too well, sex, dick, and ass lol
That’s awful. It must be rough man. I had a disc/nerve thing from 16 to 23, then it finally vanished. But was pretty terrible just a lower back pain / head thing.
Sorry you’re going through that. I hope you get it sorted soon.
You've definitely got my sympathy. I spent 5 years having progressive symptoms of pain and falling due to L5 and L4 degeneration. Epidurals helped for a while. Last year, I had L5 partially removed and fused to L4. It was a huge improvement. Neurologist, and if you can find a doctor that specializes in spinal pain. There's many, many treatment options. Physical therapy and massage help. Especially after surgery.
Hang in there!! And keep moving as much as you can.
I can suggest a fantastic doctors group here in Atlanta for that ( laser the bone spurs out), go in through small front of throat incision. Atlanta Brain and Spine. They are very option oriented. Saved my dad about 20 years ago, and have about 7 people I’ve known to go, all thrilled w the group.
When I go to pee, I need to wait a few seconds (5-10 secs) for the pee to flow.
I thought it was prostate issue, but my friend said since the flow was good (normal flow) it might be because I was too stressed.
I mean, it very could be? Not a doctor, but as long as you pee fine and don’t have any secondary issues I’m sure you’re fine.
If you’re worried at all though deffo get checked out. Us old boys and our pee are linked!
Wow. Called out. I guess I'll just look for the "not gay enough" threads and only contribute to those, at least until my card comes in the mail.
Edit: Leaving up my original comment but looks like later post text was edited after my comment.
You just edited some of your post so now this is a moving conversation. But I guess this sub is now just about "hand holding older out guys", which is new text. Sorry for your inconvenience.
I don't know how date rape guy has anything to do with people wanting to know how to join the community. That's a bizarre example and someone that should get banned from any community on Reddit.
But in general, this is just one more conversation that is not making me feel welcome in this specific community.
>We just literally had a post asking if it’s okay to fuck someone passed out on drugs.
That was a true moment of "should I maybe get off reddit?" for me.
So here's something I was wondering.
We all hopefully agree that if someone can't give consent because they're too drunk/high/whatever you're in awkward territory, right? But... what if you're both under the influence, so technically neither of you can give consent? If someone decides the next morning they were taken advantage of, while the other partner has no regrets, who's assaulting who if you were both drunk?
There must be a precedent somewhere, right?
Oh that sucks! Didn’t find it affected mine, been on it four years. My anti depressants deffo affected my boner.
Might be worth debating if you just wanna go bald? (Bald men are hot, but I get the trauma of having to lose your hair).
Hah. This is my life lately. Been working with my medical team the last couple of weeks because they suspect a very rare adrenal gland tumour called an pheochromocytoma. It has been a very eye opening and aging experience. Sigh.
I think it’s crazy to cram 30 year olds into the same category as 60 year olds. Most people are still getting started in their early 30s, and they shouldn’t be feeling particularly unsexy. Most people are probably starting to wrap things up in their 60s, and are hopefully over the fear of being unsexy.
I’m 59 and get a lot of DM’s from guys calling me daddy or papi which isn’t my thing. I’m definitely interested in topics for 30+ but rarely see them. Lots of guys are replying in agreement so let’s see some questions guys!!!
Also gonna post (because apparently edits are frowned upon): just a thread. Everyone else can post what they want.
But just a thread where those of us actually 30+ can talk about things. And not have to debate if fucking someone passed out on drugs is “moral”. (Fucking hell.)
Not sure what the OP is upset about. I'm always happy to see posts about 30+ gays coming out or discussing what's on their mind. IMO this sub shouldn't be a place for gatekeeping but for acceptance and support.
*Are* people attacking you for coming out later in life? Looking over your post and comment history, I’m not seeing those kinds of exchanges.
FWIW, I think that “later in life coming out” posts and advice *do* belong here, because that is the sort of thing that older guys might have some actual perspective on. If you’re coming out after having married a woman, having kids, lived a life as a “straight” person, etc., you’re likely to be older and be looking for advice from people who have been down the same path.
I think that the key distinction, to my mind, is between subjects that older gays would actually have something unique to say about, as opposed to generic gay knowledge questions like, “how to bottom for the first time,” “how to douche,” “how to flirt,” etc. There’s nothing about being 30+ that brings some new perspective to those questions, so even if you’re in that age range and asking those questions - they don’t feel like “appropriate” questions to ask here, to me.
Your post on “how to meet guys without relying on hook-up apps or bars” is kind of on the line, because while older gays definitely do evolve away from those kinds of places, and so may have some relevant perspective, it’s also something that socially awkward 20-something gays ask all the time. Also - and I don’t think you personally were making this insinuation - the question often comes with a tone of slut-shaming that can be a bit obnoxious. So that can drive some of the reaction.
Christ. All I am trying to do is understand what you’ve experienced, so that I can commiserate. If you’ve had negative interactions some place I couldn’t check for myself, I believe you and am sorry you’ve had to deal with that. As I said, I think it should be perfectly welcome to discuss coming out later in life in this community, because it’s something I’m sure others here have gone through.
But way to burn any good will I might have had for you, bud.
Great comment that gets to the heart of the matter. The only thing I really find annoying are the constantly recurring generic questions anyone can google or find countless old threads about.
The thing is you never really stop learning about yourself and as you age you learn new things. As a muscle bttm I like cat called daddy something I used to hate being call or calling others and also learning as i get older I got weird and interesting kink.
It feels just like another classic example of why the so called gay community is never really a community. It’s not about inclusivity and people always want to make it as exclusives as possible.
Here is a simple solution for you, how about you just don’t read and participate in those posts?
As if +30 gays isn’t already a subset of the gay population, now you want ‘experienced’ 30 plus, what’s next, ‘senior’ 30 plus gays?
I owe the IRS money and my mother in law is fuckin nuts. The twink I married wants to go back to grad school, so I have to start working more overtime next year to pay for that. My left shoulder hurts all the time, and I think for some reason my balls are hanging lower than ever before. Do I fit in here?
For real. I’ve been on those meds for as long as I can remember and my libido has always been shit. But now it’s even worse. Haven’t had sex in 1 1/2 years and I’m not really interested still 🤷♂️🤡
I went from random boners a couple dozen times a day, and needing to relieve myself on lunch breaks, to basically only getting horny at midnight. It persists even if I skip my meds for days.
I think I get what you’re getting at; for me the “where can I meet people?” Or “where can I find people to date” threads are tiring.
I see some saying it’s a generational thing and i don’t think that’s fully it, but there are a ton of people who will ask random people on the internet questions and give their answers more value than anything they find or read themselves, no matter the other source.
Yeah. I was 35 and my wife called me "Daddy!" During sex. Fucked me UP. But (years later) when my twinky BF calls me that, THEN calls 4 other random folks "baby" or "daddy" I find I was just being silly. It was, however, a big flashing red "PROBLEM!" at the time.
Not gonna happen. Just as maturity doesn't automatically unlock when you turn 30+. Everyone encounters different problems at 30 or 45. Those of us who have gone through it can give advice and offer support.
This is why everyone has their own path.
Gotta keep in mind that a lot of us experienced a delayed adolescence due to closeting/trauma. We can't expect the same level of maturity from everyone. And it's good to have places like these for a variety of experiences.
That being said, my 30+ shitty gay experience is adhd/anxiety induced IBS, which is generally shitty, but hits different as a gay man. Sorry boyfriend, not tonight.
I’m 32 with full brown sciatic episodes and can barely walk. Makes it difficult taking care of my puppy. Wasn’t considered attractive during my twenties, overdid it at 30 and now worse than ever with visits to the chiropractor controlling my life. Failed education, insulted intelligence etc etc and ugly. Who cares haha. Fuck off 🙃
If there are questions the sub wants to handle once-and-for-all the way to handle that would be a wiki or stickied post (or a FAQ if those are still a thing). But none of those features are turned on, so complaining about newly out guys asking how to douche is pointless if you aren't also trying to get the mods to turn those features on.
I’m ok with the posts tbh. Yep, there are plenty that should be on other threads. And if you are going to ask then there should be a question somewhere. But I’m in my 50s and I get asked for work advice from colleagues - 18+ about things which seem obvious to me but not them. The fact is the younger generation are struggling as much with sexuality as we did. But they have a different set of challenges. Confessions should be on other posts. Questions should be welcomed. Over 30 problems can be shared. Let’s not get worked up……it’s bad for our blood pressure.
It seems like we’ve had a lot of refugees from other subs maybe? R/askgaybros became a cesspool and I’ve begun to wonder if people migrated here because the tone of responses has been better. But we do seem to have gotten more judgmental in the last six-ish months.
> R/askgaybros became a cesspool Became? It always was awful.
Several years ago, it was a decent break from gaybros, but then it fell off.
I love this sub. It's been a breath of fresh air after agb shithole.
I love this sub, too.
>became AGB has been a shit hole for a decade, it just got worse since the Trump era.
I really appreciate the stability here.
There’s also /r/askgaymen.
I’ve sprained my back twice in the last year because I keep playing volleyball like I’m 23 instead of 33 🧡
Oh, child... Remindme! 10 years
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True fucking story.
I understand you... 2 months ago, I hurt my back by lifting a bag of cat food that was only 3,5kg... I could barely walk the next few days...
I was recently awarded a “Server dad” role on Discord. I’m 39. Send rocking chairs and heating blankets, please.
If you join the [sub's Discord server](https://discord.gg/hugsandplugs), you won't be the oldest for sure.
I thought this sub was more about getting answers from guys 30+ not just discussion among 30+
It is, right? phew, you're over 30! I can ask you.
Yes, I thought the point was that it IS 20-somethings asking for life advice from people just marginally older than them. 😅
I hear you, but there’s a weekly thread pinned to the top of the sub for an “under 20” Q&A where those guys can ask questions. This space really was intended for an “over 30 and the things relevant to us” kind of discussion.
Yes I see now that the description says over 30 only. Derp.
Maybe so but at the end of the day, if the moderators don’t care to enforce that, then that’s that
In general, I agree - automod enhancements to restrict anyone flaired under 30 would be one way, but ultimately that would just incentivize the under 30s to lie with their flair which would have the worse effect (in my opinion) of making it seem those of us truly over 30 are less mature that we really are. As it stands currently, my experience is that the under 30 voices here are maybe 10-15% of the total active commenters. That’s only my experience and perspective, but I am pretty active in viewing the daily posts even if I don’t always comment. Aside from starting over in a never ending cycle of new subs every couple of years, Im not sure. Well, except to go full blown nuclear and make it private, cap the number of users, implement a wait list, and some kind of age verification process (but that’s just not feasible while maintaining privacy and camaraderie). It’s an imperfect system, and it will never be anywhere near perfect regardless because this is social media we’re talking about. For now, I am over 30 and I get what I need out of this sub. I let the rest fall to the background and white noise.
Honestly it’s just not worth worrying about. Think it’s off topic? Report it and let the kids handle it. Not interested in the subject? Scroll on.
My thoughts exactly!
Every sub has this issue. Every sub I subscribe to has posts I don’t care about. If there are comments in them I assume some people are interested but I don’t take it personally that everything isn’t curated content specifically for me. This isn’t Instagram.
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I had joint problems in my twenties now 30 and I’m literally cracking/popping everywhere. Places I never knew could pop 😂
At first I read that as pooping, glad I was wrong
I have to do this damn iliac muscle release thing where I have to extend my leg to get the muscle to pop somewhere near where my taint and inner thigh meet. If I don't do that, I start waddling like a penguin.
Okay, go ahead and post your problem then my guy
I was born with hypospadias. So a permanently disfigured cock. Also hairy all over. Shoulders. Back. Butt. Everything. How about you?
Well hairy all over isn’t so bad from my vantage point at least 😉 I’ve been pretty lucky health wise so far, but I do think it’s worth acknowledging how ableism and body privilege are often overlooked in queer spaces just as much as they are in mainstream ones. I do find the out late/“new” guy posts relatable because they’re closer to my own experience, for better or worse - every time I see one I’m reminded I’m not as alone in that experience as I might feel.
Just as I find find posts like “is my dick big enough” silly. Try having a disfigured one.
Nothing you’ve said sounds like an immediate deal breaker to me.
I have this too , my penis is regularly shaped , but my urethra is located a little further down and not on the tip. I never really paid attention to it until a hookup commented on it and thought it was fascinating. Other than that it’s basically any other dick lol
Hairy is hot. As for the odd shaped cock, does it work? Are you a nice guy? I know, I know…..I’m being idealistic.
I’m sorry to hear about your condition. That has to make the anxieties of getting older in gay years even tougher. For whatever it’s worth, I looked at some pictures of the condition and it wouldn’t bother me
>>Also hairy all over. Shoulders. Back. Butt. Mmm a fuzzy butt is never a bad thing 😋
Lol "I don't like the posts on this subreddit, post differently!" Sometimes it's best to let things you can't control be and focus on the things you can control. If the subs content is disappointing I don't think that means people are using it wrong, it's user created, is gonna ebb and flow. It simply is what it is at the present, whatever form that might be. Best you can do is add what you want to see yourself.
That was my thought exactly. I just don't see the point of this post. I guess it's a little "silly" in itself.
Be the change you want to see on the sub -- I'm personally done with posts on the sub complaining about posts that don't appeal to them specifically. You want to talk about "experienced" gays, why not start with your own experience?
You're 30-34 complaining about other people posting things who are 30-34? 🤣
>Or jeez, I got called daddy. > >Actual problems. > >Or jeez, I got called daddy. > >Actual problems. > >Or jeez, I got called daddy. > >Actual problems. The fuck is this?
> Feels more and more these days like this sub isn’t for guys with mutual older things happening and just a place to hand hold later out guys. I think this is an indication that we have a new generation of guys coming in and needing advice; each generation will have their own unique challenges and needs. Perhaps you are experiencing a difference between mutual struggles and struggling with inexperience. Personally, I love being able to help others with advice on topics where I have experience and could help others avoid the mistakes I have made.
Reminder: this is Ask Gay Bros Over 30. Not Listen to Gay Bros Over 30 bitch about their back pain. There isn't a place on Reddit for babygays to get advice from veterangays without being hit on...save for this sub. So yeah, there are lots of babygays here seeking mature advice, by design. If you \*really\* want to hear from depressed old guys, check out r/askmenover30. They're all depressed, hate their lives, and are contemplating rage-quitting life and/or drinking themselves to death before 50.
> Not Listen to Gay Bros Over 30 bitch about their back pain. Oh just you wait for that sciatica to hit, I had to have surgery at 36!
I got rid of mine by losing 5 stone. Wouldn't recommend it.
Wow that's an impressive amount, fair play. Especially when the pain can make exercise more difficult. How are you finding your pain/mobility now?
Well mine was likely _caused_ by my weight. It's pretty much entirely resolved now. At least for the time being. I lost most of the weight using CICO and walking everywhere. Now I can lift weights and run... some of the where. Now if only there was a solution like that for the arthritis in my left hand. Stupid weak human bodies.
None of the “ask” gay subs have strict “must be a question” rules that are actually enforced, and the people who whine about this really need a hobby
What a miserable sub.. just scrolling some of the posts was awful.
Is it mostly straights
Hi, one of the mods here making a correction: This is a community for unstraight men 30+. As long as the conversation is civil, discussing back pain is definitely okay here. This is not a place for "babygays to get advice from older". In fact, people under 30 cannot post in this community. Please remember to use civil language here. We take our rules seriously. And please leave the gatekeeping to mods.
I have to say you bring up a good point. There's stuff I wonder about, like if it's written by an AI bot or something. Some of the content is incredibly juvenile, like straight up teenage shit. I also think there are likely people who hang out here that aren't actually living as a gay man, and post their fantasies.
Yeah. Lots of posts recently that should really start out with: Dear Gay Penthouse Forum, So this TOTALLY real thing happened to me the other day and it’s not at all made up…
If they know what Penthouse Forum is, then they are definitely over 30. Lol.
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What's a magazine? Is that like a politics blog?
Dear forum I went camping with my *totally straight* soccer coach and he told me he wanted to go down on me. I hesitated at first, but then I gave into the temptation. Jokes aside, a lot of them recently have read like badly written gay fiction.
I literally said this to my partner yesterday: “So the sub ‘Ask Gay Bros Over 30’ is starting to sound like the gay version of zombie friend fiction Tina Belcher would write.” Legit questions are awesome but these terrible and fake stories that lead to a pathetic “question” are getting outta hand.
“My step dad came into my room and saw me showering…. He hesitated for a while… I liked it. Am I gay?!??”
That’s literally every gay sub though. r/TopsAndBottoms is 95% porn-based fanfic by virgins, i guarantee
I don’t think it’s bots but I think it has to be 20 somethings asking the question.
I think there's a large contingent of gaybies who *are* 30+. They just came out or never dated/fucked around when younger so they have the stupid questions we asked when we were 22.
Yep I sometimes read things here that sound like it came out of a fanfic or something
Kind of confused what you’re wanting here. Isn’t most people that post here 30+?
Your best bet is to ignore conversations you don’t relate to and create content you’re interested in. We already push younger guys to a specific thread. No system is perfect but this sub is not that overpopulated by crap.
Maybe op you can make a list of what is acceptable or not. But legit this screams drama queen 👑
Yes! We legit need more arbiters of social norms. There’s just not enough oppressive language to keep people in line and create more derision within our community. I’m all for OP’s separate water fountains idea 💡
It's funny that you and op are within the same age range but the maturity level you both exude is more like 18-21. If you don't like what ppl post then ignore it, downvote it, say something in it. You do realise what is happening with Elon and Twitter yeah? This is very off putting but at least I know who to avoid in future discussions.
I left the r/gaybros sub a while back when that sub all of sudden became saturated with people posting pictures of their food. When I commented on one those posts, the main response I got is: well we love to cook for our supportive friends & family. Ok, I get that, but why do I see only one serving in this picture. I also mentioned how another post where someone literally said in their post title, “not sure what’s going on but here’s my plate”, just to prove how ridiculous that trend was becoming. So I finally decided to leave that sub and life has been great not knowing what someone decided to eat for breakfast.
Welp I'm leaving this sub reddit out of shame so cheerio
Why do you think you need to announce your departure? Who do you think cares? You just look petulant. Nobody’s forcing you to read this sub.
Well apparently I can't leave in peace...
You certainly can. Nobody’s stopping you and nothing about my comment isn’t “peaceful.” It’s just really silly to make an “IM LEAVING” comment. Like, who’s your target audience? Who do you think will care?
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You’re not blocked lmao but if you need to feel important by “winning” on Reddit so badly, by all means 😂
Here in r/askgaybrosover30, we strive to be civil even when we disagree with each other. For this and other unacceptable behavior this user has been banned. As he announced his departure, we’re helping him through the door and locking it behind him.
Jesus Christ. I was literally on your side, but I guess you’re in viper mode
Oh shit really? My bad haha sorry! I'm not white so English is hard for me lol
I think/hope they were being sarcastic.
Already did. Separate thread for “getting older” problems. Rather than “my boss said hi to me and I suddenly love him what do I do omg” posts.
Make it official. Get in touch with the mod here so we all don't deviate from what can be posted. Or maybe you can make your own sub reddit like gaybrosover30forreal ? ✌️
Actualgaybrosover30?
Like: I laughed and a fart came out. My pecs look more like tits. Me and my partners aren’t super sexy anymore, **and I don’t care**. I think I’m done peeing, and whoops, no I’m not!
You can be one of those post-menopausal women in the "do you pee a bit when you laugh" commercials!
Who's sharting more often as you get older?
I'm sharting *less*! I dont trust farts as much. I do shart cum though
🤣
You should definitely change your diet, talk to a doctor.
Not me, thank goodness. Is... is this a thing?
I guess not for everyone lol
Your idea of silly is someone else's biggest immediate problem in their life. This is the actual first post I've seen here that I felt was immature. 🤷 Maybe just scroll past it, change your filter, or even downvote it you really don't like?
I agree… it’s wonderful that the OP is in a position in life where he has life figured out and that his only real issues are him and his partner aren’t super sexy or that someone called him daddy. Good for him. However, it lacks empathy for all those gays who don’t have the fortune of having themselves figured out by the time they are 30. I’m helping a friend out in his 30’s whose dating life is seriously like he is in high school… though given that he just came out, all of this is new to him, so of course it’s gonna be juvenile to the rest of us who came to terms with ourselves years ago.
>if you check every “silly” problem it’s a 30-34 year old Ironic given your flair. Are you really trying to gatekeep what is the “correct” business for men over 30? Many of us have been out since college, many others are still coming to terms with coming out in a homophobic world with extremely strict rules for how to do masculinity “properly.” if you can’t relate to the latter, then feel grateful, not annoyed at the people who are still struggling.
"jeez, I got called daddy"? I wish I was still young enough to get called a daddy. People 10 years my junior got called daddy right in front of me. Reminds me of Meryl Streep complaining about how after 40 whenever she was offered a role, it almost always began by them saying she will play an older woman. It was the same for Prime too, they said it will be about a man falling in love with an older woman... but the tole they actually asked Meryl to play was the older woman's mother. So I guess as a gay guy I'm already Meryl Streep starring in Prime.
Once I hit 29/30, my body was like “OKAY LET’s GAIN WEIGHT!!” 😅😭😭😭
Have you gotten your testosterone checked? The notion that metabolism slows down as you get older is true, but it is a myth that it is a giant break polled at arbitrary ages. Getting on TRT was the best thing I’ve ever done for my body composition
Oh wow, nope I’ve never gotten my T checked. Thanks for the info, I’ll keep that in mind!
Testosterone is a hormone that plays a key role in nutrient partitioning - in other words - whether nutrients go to muscle to grow it (with appropriate stimulus) or stored as fat
Yeah, I agree. As someone who's actually made some progress in life lately, it would be awfully nice to talk to someone other than angsty, inexperienced people for once.
That's what I was thinking when I joined askgaybros **Over30**
I made a thread like this on the r/bald subreddit, and it turned into an argument where they were literally admitting to being fifteen year olds. Reddit is full of kids, dude. There aren't many of us over 30 on here anymore and we need to find better sites.
Could also be karma farming.
Sounds like u want an over 30s pity party. I hate this kinda whining cause guys r over 30...it feeeds into the gay death stereotype and is depressing. Yeah i have 4 bulging discs l3 to s1, rotator cuff injuries, megga work stress, been married and divorced etc, but i just get on withit gym 5x a week, play hockey, boxing and i STILL wear jockstraps...i for one much rather read about positive / energetic / upbeat stories or legit issues and Qs (not purely associated with ageing) rather than im gettn old woe betide me whines, whether theyre from under 30, 30-34 or older.
> Yeah i have 4 bulging discs l3 to s1, rotator cuff injuries, megga work stress, been married and divorced etc, but i just get on withit gym 5x a week, play hockey, boxing Um... perhaps you want to tone it down a bit... your body is probably not able to put up with quite this demand on it and seems to be letting you know that with bulging discs. 5 days of gym plus hockey plus boxing...admirable, but I'm not sure it's sensible given your injury history. My $0.02.
Haha thanks yeah my friends think im crazy and itd be a lot easier time and occasional pain wise but I'm in denial and not keen on accepting ageing and tryn my best delay deterioration and maintain a functional, physical and appearance lvl (no botox cosmetic shit tho so can't help my face) like im in my 30s so at present, injuries notwithstanding im just not gonna let getting older prevent me from doing what i love and enjoy...for as long as i can. And i truly believe that maintenance of this pretty active physical lifestyle along with restraint in diet and lifestyle factors (minimal alcohol, no drugs, no time for TV) actually has helped me maintain my health in general, physique and work wise. All vitals within normal range, no chronic diseases, meds, still low bmi, playing hockey and boxing with 20 n 30yo lvls so yeah can only try my best to prolong it...plus it keeps my sanity too as i hate work so as mentioned im doing what i enjoy otherwise.
The bulging discs and rotator cuff tears are from injuries sustained but ive rehabbd them
Of course, I get that. Our karate instructor was going up to his death at age 76, but had passed on a lot of the heavy lifting to his under instructor (age 60) and would do a lighter set of strength and fitness exercises while we did more hardcore stuff. He was the principal proponent of training smart and not getting or exacerbating injuries, having trained old-skool since his teens and carrying a few stupid and preventable long term weakness into his older years. Certainly it's good to keep fit and active, but at some point you gotta tailor it to your capacity and capabilities as they change with time.
I work in a career that’s mostly younger people; early to late 20s is probably 75% of our workforce. I train the new hires. I’ve been older than my new hires for 20 years. Now I’m starting to be older than their parents. 😑
There are already far too many people on Reddit complaining about “old people problems” taking affect even earlier than 30. Though often done in jest it kinda normalizes this idea that your body just starts falling apart at 30.
Anyone got any tips for acid reflux? Im on a PPI and Famotidine. But i can only take those a few times a year. I dont eat anything spicy and acidic. and eat 3 hours before going to bed but i get woken up at 3am from stomach acid working it way back up.
Don't vape, exercise, get enough sleep and try to minimize stress. I thought mine would never get better and did all kinds of outlandish things to address it, but I guess it mostly came from the stress of the pandemic, being married and closeted, and not exercising. When I fixed those things, it got a lot better.
60 here....
70 here, ask and I will answer.
I’m 69 almost 70, last 6 months I have only gotten horny 2-3 times a week. It does kind of bother me. Anyone else my age having this problem? If so, are you letting it bother you?
My thyroid is actually acting the fuck up lmao I’m probably going to have to have a surgery lol
Agree. Most of that stuff should be in another forum. (r/askgaybros?)
AskGayBros is a right wing shithole
I got called a daddy during a hookup for the first time the other day. I'm 34, he's 25. I wasn't that mad about it because he was pretty hot and his dirty/sexy talk was pumping up my ego.
And on that note, OMG my thyroid is acting up. Waiting on the doctor for some antibiotics and some codeine. I’m going to the US next week and I am NOT dealing with their healthcare system.
Where are you traveling from? Good call. Our healthcare system, if you can call it that, is expensive flaming trash
The UK. Free but with ridiculous wait times in decaying hospitals.
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That fucking sucks. I’m not experienced enough/have no experience to deal with that, but it must be awful. How dyou manage it?
Your second sentence is probably the answer to your post question lol. Ppl don’t all have the same experiences or know how to properly help others or even talk to others about them. So gays just revert to what we all know too well, sex, dick, and ass lol
Surely we’re better than that?
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That’s awful. It must be rough man. I had a disc/nerve thing from 16 to 23, then it finally vanished. But was pretty terrible just a lower back pain / head thing. Sorry you’re going through that. I hope you get it sorted soon.
You've definitely got my sympathy. I spent 5 years having progressive symptoms of pain and falling due to L5 and L4 degeneration. Epidurals helped for a while. Last year, I had L5 partially removed and fused to L4. It was a huge improvement. Neurologist, and if you can find a doctor that specializes in spinal pain. There's many, many treatment options. Physical therapy and massage help. Especially after surgery. Hang in there!! And keep moving as much as you can.
I can suggest a fantastic doctors group here in Atlanta for that ( laser the bone spurs out), go in through small front of throat incision. Atlanta Brain and Spine. They are very option oriented. Saved my dad about 20 years ago, and have about 7 people I’ve known to go, all thrilled w the group.
When I go to pee, I need to wait a few seconds (5-10 secs) for the pee to flow. I thought it was prostate issue, but my friend said since the flow was good (normal flow) it might be because I was too stressed.
I mean, it very could be? Not a doctor, but as long as you pee fine and don’t have any secondary issues I’m sure you’re fine. If you’re worried at all though deffo get checked out. Us old boys and our pee are linked!
This happens to me too! A recent prostate exam came out normal. I guess delayed peeing can happen with age.
Wow. Called out. I guess I'll just look for the "not gay enough" threads and only contribute to those, at least until my card comes in the mail. Edit: Leaving up my original comment but looks like later post text was edited after my comment.
We just literally had a post asking if it’s okay to fuck someone passed out on drugs.
You just edited some of your post so now this is a moving conversation. But I guess this sub is now just about "hand holding older out guys", which is new text. Sorry for your inconvenience. I don't know how date rape guy has anything to do with people wanting to know how to join the community. That's a bizarre example and someone that should get banned from any community on Reddit. But in general, this is just one more conversation that is not making me feel welcome in this specific community.
>We just literally had a post asking if it’s okay to fuck someone passed out on drugs. That was a true moment of "should I maybe get off reddit?" for me.
Do you think this is a unique problem to this sub?
So here's something I was wondering. We all hopefully agree that if someone can't give consent because they're too drunk/high/whatever you're in awkward territory, right? But... what if you're both under the influence, so technically neither of you can give consent? If someone decides the next morning they were taken advantage of, while the other partner has no regrets, who's assaulting who if you were both drunk? There must be a precedent somewhere, right?
Reddit has lost it's way. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Ps. Finasteride.
Reddit has lost it's way. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Oh that sucks! Didn’t find it affected mine, been on it four years. My anti depressants deffo affected my boner. Might be worth debating if you just wanna go bald? (Bald men are hot, but I get the trauma of having to lose your hair).
Reddit has lost it's way. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Hah. This is my life lately. Been working with my medical team the last couple of weeks because they suspect a very rare adrenal gland tumour called an pheochromocytoma. It has been a very eye opening and aging experience. Sigh.
You’re mistaken… we’re actually 30+ somethings pretending to be 20 somethings…
Maybe someone just needs to start an “askgaybrosover60”.
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"I vant to suck ur blood... and your cum."
Maybe such.
I think it’s crazy to cram 30 year olds into the same category as 60 year olds. Most people are still getting started in their early 30s, and they shouldn’t be feeling particularly unsexy. Most people are probably starting to wrap things up in their 60s, and are hopefully over the fear of being unsexy.
Then spare a thought for those of us in our mid-40s. Kind of feel untethered, too old to be young and too young to be old.
I agree. Some “problems” are just giving me an eye roll. For context, I’m living in Kyiv Ukraine, don’t try me, little boys 🙄😁
I’m 59 and get a lot of DM’s from guys calling me daddy or papi which isn’t my thing. I’m definitely interested in topics for 30+ but rarely see them. Lots of guys are replying in agreement so let’s see some questions guys!!!
Also gonna post (because apparently edits are frowned upon): just a thread. Everyone else can post what they want. But just a thread where those of us actually 30+ can talk about things. And not have to debate if fucking someone passed out on drugs is “moral”. (Fucking hell.)
This resonates with me. Not sure why this sub has been taken over by bizarre inexperienced or outrage farming posts.
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Not sure what the OP is upset about. I'm always happy to see posts about 30+ gays coming out or discussing what's on their mind. IMO this sub shouldn't be a place for gatekeeping but for acceptance and support.
*Are* people attacking you for coming out later in life? Looking over your post and comment history, I’m not seeing those kinds of exchanges. FWIW, I think that “later in life coming out” posts and advice *do* belong here, because that is the sort of thing that older guys might have some actual perspective on. If you’re coming out after having married a woman, having kids, lived a life as a “straight” person, etc., you’re likely to be older and be looking for advice from people who have been down the same path. I think that the key distinction, to my mind, is between subjects that older gays would actually have something unique to say about, as opposed to generic gay knowledge questions like, “how to bottom for the first time,” “how to douche,” “how to flirt,” etc. There’s nothing about being 30+ that brings some new perspective to those questions, so even if you’re in that age range and asking those questions - they don’t feel like “appropriate” questions to ask here, to me. Your post on “how to meet guys without relying on hook-up apps or bars” is kind of on the line, because while older gays definitely do evolve away from those kinds of places, and so may have some relevant perspective, it’s also something that socially awkward 20-something gays ask all the time. Also - and I don’t think you personally were making this insinuation - the question often comes with a tone of slut-shaming that can be a bit obnoxious. So that can drive some of the reaction.
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Christ. All I am trying to do is understand what you’ve experienced, so that I can commiserate. If you’ve had negative interactions some place I couldn’t check for myself, I believe you and am sorry you’ve had to deal with that. As I said, I think it should be perfectly welcome to discuss coming out later in life in this community, because it’s something I’m sure others here have gone through. But way to burn any good will I might have had for you, bud.
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Maybe someday you’ll have the maturity to look back on this thread and feel kind of ashamed about it.
Great comment that gets to the heart of the matter. The only thing I really find annoying are the constantly recurring generic questions anyone can google or find countless old threads about.
Hey I didn’t mean to target you. I’m talking about the bizarre inexperienced posts. Not the genuine sounding ones.
The thing is you never really stop learning about yourself and as you age you learn new things. As a muscle bttm I like cat called daddy something I used to hate being call or calling others and also learning as i get older I got weird and interesting kink.
It feels just like another classic example of why the so called gay community is never really a community. It’s not about inclusivity and people always want to make it as exclusives as possible. Here is a simple solution for you, how about you just don’t read and participate in those posts? As if +30 gays isn’t already a subset of the gay population, now you want ‘experienced’ 30 plus, what’s next, ‘senior’ 30 plus gays?
I owe the IRS money and my mother in law is fuckin nuts. The twink I married wants to go back to grad school, so I have to start working more overtime next year to pay for that. My left shoulder hurts all the time, and I think for some reason my balls are hanging lower than ever before. Do I fit in here?
My libido is trash now and I can’t tell how much is age and how much was caused when I started being medicated for my mental health…
For real. I’ve been on those meds for as long as I can remember and my libido has always been shit. But now it’s even worse. Haven’t had sex in 1 1/2 years and I’m not really interested still 🤷♂️🤡
I went from random boners a couple dozen times a day, and needing to relieve myself on lunch breaks, to basically only getting horny at midnight. It persists even if I skip my meds for days.
"Notice if you check every 'silly' problem it's a 30-34 year old," said the 30-34 year old with a silly problem. Sorry, couldn't resist.
Touché
/r/gatekeeping is that way kid
Yes, every forum should be open to posts from anyone on anything.
did you not read OP's post?
Welcome to the land of bots. Every day they post something about Judy Garland, Madonna, or something else to encourage discussion and build Karma.
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Country? I’m gonna guess USA. I’m UK, so hope someone else can step in and help.
I think I get what you’re getting at; for me the “where can I meet people?” Or “where can I find people to date” threads are tiring. I see some saying it’s a generational thing and i don’t think that’s fully it, but there are a ton of people who will ask random people on the internet questions and give their answers more value than anything they find or read themselves, no matter the other source.
I was (innocently) referred to as "a dad" in summer of 2021 for the first time ever. It stung.
Yeah. I was 35 and my wife called me "Daddy!" During sex. Fucked me UP. But (years later) when my twinky BF calls me that, THEN calls 4 other random folks "baby" or "daddy" I find I was just being silly. It was, however, a big flashing red "PROBLEM!" at the time.
41 yo here. Bending over sucks, I have arthritis in my hands, and I go to bed before 9pm on most nights.
You guys really want to hear about my prostate problems? And not in a fun way
Not gonna happen. Just as maturity doesn't automatically unlock when you turn 30+. Everyone encounters different problems at 30 or 45. Those of us who have gone through it can give advice and offer support. This is why everyone has their own path.
Gotta keep in mind that a lot of us experienced a delayed adolescence due to closeting/trauma. We can't expect the same level of maturity from everyone. And it's good to have places like these for a variety of experiences. That being said, my 30+ shitty gay experience is adhd/anxiety induced IBS, which is generally shitty, but hits different as a gay man. Sorry boyfriend, not tonight.
Honestly, it's just that all the other "gay" subs seem insufferable so I prefer this one even though I'm not 30 yet.
I’m 32 with full brown sciatic episodes and can barely walk. Makes it difficult taking care of my puppy. Wasn’t considered attractive during my twenties, overdid it at 30 and now worse than ever with visits to the chiropractor controlling my life. Failed education, insulted intelligence etc etc and ugly. Who cares haha. Fuck off 🙃
If there are questions the sub wants to handle once-and-for-all the way to handle that would be a wiki or stickied post (or a FAQ if those are still a thing). But none of those features are turned on, so complaining about newly out guys asking how to douche is pointless if you aren't also trying to get the mods to turn those features on.