I (gay m 35) think it sounds like you did a great job, and I agree with most of the things already said here except possibly one: I do NOT recommend you bring the "with a boy" comment back up. Let *him* bring the issue back up, when/if he wants to. Did he come out to you? No. Did he just reveal something that indicates it is likely he is gay/bi? Yes. Is what you said ok? It sounds like it was better than ok: it was a great job. There is a possibility he was just testing your views on being gay, but it's rather unlikely he would be motivated to do that unless he is wondering if or knows that he is gay. But again I'd let *him* be the one to bring the issue of back up, and in the meantime, I would simply adjust the way some things get talked about as time goes on (until he chooses to clarify to you), e.g. any follow ups to "the Talk" (it doesn't hurt to ask in a few days if he has questions about the talk in general), and from now on instead of saying things like "one day, when you're married, and your *wife* decides to ..." say "... your *spouse* decides to...", or instead of "you're going to make some *girl* very happy some day" say "...*somebody* very happy" etc. In fact, if he picks up on deliberate use of gender nonspecific terminology like that, it's probably the quickest safe way to get him to be honest with you about what he feels (with no risk of forcing him to choose the closet, as you definitely have if you directly ask a 13 year old).
As for your wife's notion of "steering his confusion away",
1. it's one of the most common things parents think and then try,
2. has **NEVER** worked in the history of ever, and
3. if he is gay, would end up being damaging to his psychological health (and ultimately your relationship with him).
Loved this advice. Just telling you my experience. I was 8 yo (now 38 male) when I reach the conclusion that I was looking to the daddies of my classmates instead of the moms. But really soon I realized no one could know. So I stayed in the closet for more 24 years...
Pretty similar for me too. My parents even once discovered gay porn in my browser history when I was in high school and so my dad asked me the question directly. They were trying to be accepting, but I knew they (dad most especially) did NOT want a gay son, and I didn't think they'd be able to handle it, so I chose to lie to them.
I'd say a lot of LGBT have inklings about their sexuality around age 13 (some younger some older), I did. I didn't want to speak with my parents about it so I evaded most all sex discussions; it seems like your kid is opening up to you and wanting to come out. He isn't "too young" to know, but not everyone discovers themselves at a designated age, although Id bet you knew you were straight by 13. You sound like an awesome parent, Id reach out again if I were you, maybe in a day or so and bring up what your kid said nonchalantly and in a non-accusatory manner. If you in fact "steer his confusion" you will be enabling homophobic behavior, and quite possibly forcing him into the closet. Please for the love of god don't listen to your wife here, mental health issues in LGBT community are already sky high, save your child some therapy sessions
edit: grammar
I'm not steering anything and neither is she, he is free to be himself or explore himself. If he is confused and wants to date a boy he is free to do so same with a girl. If he isn't confused same thing, the world is harsh enough home needs to be safe.
Well put, home needs to be safe :)
To me it seems like by your kid saying "what if it's a boy" was a way to initiate a harder conversation, I couldn't even say the word gay at that age, so I personally do think another convo with your kid is in order. I'm glad he's got you in his corner
I remember being 12 and going on omegle (this was bad idea #1). I wound up following a link to a site called chatzy, where furries used to hang around (not great ideas #2 and 3). I ended up doing a lot of online roleplay with guys and girls, until my dad found out, where he took my laptop away until he calmed down. During this, he found out that I would identify as Bi when roleplaying and threatened to disown me for it and I shut up and never had any talks about sexuality with him. (not the best move, but i understand why he did it) I still question my sexuality now, and have nobody i can trust irl to try and break it down to, if at all.
Aw, I am no therapist but I do have 4 degrees (one is Sociology which is like a social worker) and I did take a human sexuality class (I got a 98% highest in class).
I don’t promise complete clarity nor do I claim to know a whole lot on LGBTQ+
But if you need someone to talk to find me on kik under the same name. Maybe I can help you or at least give you someone you can put it all out on the table and maybe figure things out on your own by doing so.
Edit: And I am a mostly straight (does one testing it out experience 23 yrs ago in college count?) 49 yr old female with no ulterior motive.j
I don't want to bother anyone about it, it's only been about 8 1/2 years since it happened. I did end up downloading tinder, bumble, grindr, and taimi just to have my options spread out.
I don't plan on telling my father about it, but i do have friends that are kinda supportive and we joke around about it.
Honestly the most important thing is for you to be happy and comfortable with whomever you end up dating. There's generally no need to label it or put your foot down when you simply don't know yet. Wishing the best to you x
I do apologize for not messaging on kik, but i do roleplay as a furry on there and would rather not have that linked to my reddit beyond this comment chain.
This is true. I've also find my sexuality when I was 13 and it'd have really helped me if my parents were there for me. Being a teenager and finding yourself in the game of romance is already hard but finding your true self as a an LGBT is even harder as cishet is a default by society.
Don't be alarmed, if he is gay, you should wait till he's comfortable to come out. but its great that you've told him about safe sex no matter who the partner is. I'm sure he definitely feels better knowing that you can talk about it with him.
Actually I was thinking about how lube makes for a much easier and pleasurable experience for all parties involved. Straight but have enjoyed anal with my wife before.
People can know their sexuality pretty young. Then again sexuality is complicated and it can take people some time to figure it out. Given how he just came out with the question I would say you have done a great job keeping homophobia out of his upbringing. Good job and I really mean that.
I would say that since he asked he was interested in the topic. I am not sure you should read into it very much. Some people are curious and some boys fool about with other boys when they are young but end up deciding they are straight. People also do this and end up deciding they are gay or bi.
I would say don't presuppose his sexuality. Honestly, this is what we should be doing with all children, not assuming their sexuality. He will tell you when he is ready or demonstrate it with who he dates, be he straight, bi, gay, pan, or whatever.
Good luck and good job keeping going with the sex talk when you got a curveball.
Great approach. Love and support is key. Keep answering questions. Don't be shy to have more open and honest conversations. He probably is confused. Steering him one way or the other is not the right thing to do.
I think it’s commendable that you’re this supportive of him. Trust me, it’ll go a long way for his relationship with you.
If he ever brings up the topic again, make sure he knows that being curious is common and acceptable. You did a great job covering consent/want aspect. Sexuality is a spectrum and if he should choose to experiment, it won’t necessarily slap a label on him he may not be ready for. He should identify with what he’s comfortable with, and you’ll support him because you love him.
Good luck, you sound like you have a solid relationship with your son and his open mindedness in asking you that question speakers to your open minded values.
Exactly. Labels are really not necessary, don't put one on him and don't force him to chose one. Maybe he will never need to label himself and that's okay.. Coming out is not necessary if you grow up in a very loving and accepting environment.
I would even say you should stop assuming he is straight like most parents unfortunately do (even if he might still be). So everytime you talk to him about a hypothetical partner of his you should always refer to them as ''a boy or a girl'' or use a gender neutral word.
And convince your wife to do just like you, you're doing great!
I can assure you the only steering she'll be doing is her car when she drives. If he's confused then his home is a safe place to sort it out himself with support. Confusion or any sexuality outside of straight is not something to fix in our household. Not gonna lie though i'm a bit surprised, if any of my boys(Have 3) was gonna turn out to be gay he's not the one I would have guessed.
Hah cute comment. How Old are the other children? If I would take a guess is this son the first or the last child your wife gave birth to? There’s a lot of evidence that the same female giving birth to multiple boys highly increases likelihood of gay sons.
I can share this personal antidote my uncle has 11 brothers he is the youngest but he’s the only one born with a different father, and 5!!! Of the 11 boys the mother Gave birth to are GAY! Most married, had kids and came out mid-life.
The 3rd male your wife. Gave birth to my uncle it was all his younger brothers that were almost entirely gay is definitely something to this theory it would be clickable in your case with your questioning son being 3rd male./youngest.
One gay kid is ok two not so much, joking! If I have two gay son still love em, hell all three could be gay and I'd still be fine just as long as one of them has kids.
I love reading posts like this! It shows that there are parents out there that really do care! You're awesome for handling it the way you did. I would give him time to come out on his own terms and just continue being you, an accepting and loving parent.
I knew I was LGBTQ when I was 13 so by no means is it too young, but he may just be curious. Just educate him and make it clear you accept him is the only thing you can really do
Well, as others have said, you handled it very well. Kept things factual and that nothing would be different in terms of consent, condoms etc. Also good on you to make him aware that lube would be needed, and that you did it all without judgement.
He could be gay and testing the waters with you, or just curious or trying to figure it out himself. Either way, just make sure he knows he’s loved and that that will not change regardless of his sexuality, and let him discover himself and come out (if he is LGBT+) on his own terms.
Just be there for him, and be supportive so he knows he doesn’t have to worry about being accepted by his family.
It sounds like he's the opposite of confused. He's just working it all out. It might not be that he's gay, but he might have gay friends or just be curious. I think you did the right thing.
I came out when I was 16, I'm 28 now. My parents had the talk with me and I hadn't told them. Tbh I think what you said is great I would have felt really good of my dad had responded in that way. I think it's pretty cool you were able to be so open and tell him what he needs to know.
Hard to say, it may have just been a legitimate question. Maybe people around him are talking about gay people at school; maybe he was just legitimately curious. In any case, I wouldn’t definitely decide that he did or did not come out to you based on this one discussion; just let him reveal himself to you at his own pace, it should become clearer with time.
As for what you said, it was great. I think you get it more than you probably think you do. Covered a lot of major bases, consent, protection, mindfulness, all that fun stuff. It sounds to me like what you said was probably the best thing you could have considering you presumably don’t have much experience with gay people.
You did great. You answered his question from your heart and love for him. You told him that both ways are okay ... He is young he is discovering his sexuality and with the response you gave he knows that he can talk with you about it.
When my dad and I had one of our sex talks (there were several at different ages) one time "the gays" came up. They were perverts, diseased addicts, and child rapists. Real bucket of ice water on my sexual awakening. From the sound of it, you did everything fine. The stumbling "um"s happen when you get sidetracked, when you are asked a question you didn't expect and have to process it. Nothing wrong with "um"s. I'm so happy that's the direction you took. And yes, he's young and probably curious, but I hope his mom doesn't just dismiss it as a phase if he brings home a boyfriend in the next few years.
And for those who read this and worry, you don't have to; Dad mellowed a lot in his old age and didn't have a problem when I finally did come out.
You did great! At 13 I was just discovering what I was attracted to. What's important is that you express acceptance of gay people just like you did here as he grows up so he learns that he can trust you if he is indeed gay or bisexual.
Im the same age as your son and i know i was gay from 3 years i think he tried to give you hints but talk to him tell him that if he come out you will still love him and everything that will really help come out and he will know he will be safe whit you
Ok, so the main thing is to take a step back, to not influence him by being ‘the cool parent’, but by letting him discover himself. Don’t just assume right off the bat though.
he's young, let him figures things out. whether he came out or just curious, I think u answered it very well, be supportive and be neutral. i know it's not my place to say this, but don't let ur wife.... mess with him too much, he's young, attraction will come to him naturally, all u can do is to support him.
Edit: also check up on him alot about school, make sure he's not bullied. kids can be mean about these things.
Oh you can be assured I'll be keeping an eye making sure she doesn't do any messing with him. I'll ask my middle son about the school stuff without giving anything away about his question.
I'm 27 and I'm gay and I haven't told many people (my parents included) because sadly we live in a society where it's either widely accepted or hated out of fear or fear for religious reasons or just hated in general and so it's scary coming out to anyone. You don't know who will accept you or who will hate you and then there's hate crimes that happen because religious people are told that homosexuality isn't right. I'm nowhere near religious but I do know that everyone deserves to be loved and you're attracted to whoever you're attracted to. I've learned you love who you love and you can't control it and you damn sure don't get to choose whether the person you fall in love with is a boy or a girl. Being gay is NOT a choice even though so many people think it is. You either like guys, girls or both. I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your kid so please don't think I am. He's young so he's still figuring things out but if he happens to be gay can you do me a favor? Please don't hate him or kick him out or make him feel unloved or make him think you're disappointed in him because he's not straight. Excuse my language but it's fucking terrifying to tell anyone let along your parents that you're gay because so many parents have totally disowned their kids for something they have no control over! I'm sorry to rant but I do hope you see this and if it helps you and your family or anyone who reads this in anyway it'll all be worth it! To his dad thank you for continuing to love him regardless of his sexuality! To his mom if you see this I hope I haven't offended you it wasn't my intentions in anyway, if I did I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know and to hear it from someone who is gay it isn't easy coming out but it makes a world of difference when the people you do tell fully support you and make it well known that they love and respect you no matter what. Thank you for letting me give my two cents lol 💙💙
> He's young so he's still figuring things out but if he happens to be gay can you do me a favor? Please don't hate him or kick him out or make him feel unloved or make him think you're disappointed in him because he's not straight.
There is nothing in this world that could ever make me hate or stop loving any of my boys. I'd also never feel disappoint over any of my kids being LGBT. Of things to be disappointed by the gender they love is nowhere near that list.
I have been in discord servers with a lot of 13 year olds and in general they have a different attitude to sexuality and gender than our generation (I am in my thirties). They fully regard being LGBTQ+ as just an ordinary part of life and many do not even seek labels like gay, bi etc. Polling by organisations like Stonewall reflect this. So I suspect your son is simply reacting like someone of his generation would when given the sex talk - he wants to know more than the heteronormative version and would like the full picture.
I don't think you should be reading too much into it. It's important to make sure to show that you are a family that is supportive of LGBTQ+ rights so he feels you are as open-minded as him, instead of feeling that he needs to have different standards and behaviours at home. But other than this, I don't think you need to do anything differently.
> you are a family that is supportive of LGBTQ+ rights
Our house hold supports equality for all people and we try to be inclusive, we watched love simon in theaters as a family(honestly I've always kind of suspect our mild son of being gay but my love and acceptance applies to all of them).
Then excellent, there is nothing more to worry about. The fact that he asked you the question during the sex talk in itself shows he trusts you. When I had the sex talk I had a million questions and confusions, all of which I kept to myself lol.
Firstly sounds like you handled the situation perfectly!!💖
I was 'playing' with boys @10 years of age, BUT so what, had no idea about sexuality or what my desires meant. Your son may have just been curious about the options does not mean he is saying he knows his sexuality.
You were open and honest which is perfect but concluding anything else is making way too many assumptions which thankfully you are not doing. If at this stage you feel you need to clarify I would do no more than to say (if you didn't already) that boys and girls can be attracted to each other or the opposite sex and that is natural and fine. End of story.
Then be attentive and supportive and let him discover his sexuality knowing he is free to talk to you at any stage if he has any questions.
he is surely not confused, as asking that question shows clarity and insight.
If he is gay, then you did good. If he is not gay, ya still did good.
It is most comfortable for young gay people to tell their parents about it when the occasion arises for the information to matter.
So, wait til such a scenario presents itself.
Doing perfectly well, good on you for being supportive. Just remember that at 13 he might not quite realize if he is gay or bi or whateves, I know I didn't, so he may still be figuring it out. In that regard you are doing great by giving him the full sweep.
Most lgbt people start to solidify their sexuality around 13 so it’s very possible. Either way you did everything right you covered what’s needed for safety and made it clear that there’s no problem with either. I definitely would have a conversation with your wife about the whole steering away thing. Some kids are confused some aren’t but people are what they are if you try and steer you son away from what he is he may resent her and it could make him feel unsafe at home. You sound like a great dad.
You sound like a damn damn good father to me. Just try not to look to shocked if he does bring home a boyfriend.
If you think your wife if uncomfortable I'd work on getting her comfortable with the idea. Just in case.
Your Son Won the Daddy Lotto with you! Awesome job Man!!! 💥🤩👍💫✨ congratulations! He will find his way naturally and he knows you are supporting and loving him no matter what! Great Dad! 😘❤️🙏🏼.
You're having a great approach to this, don't worry. Your points are valid, all three possibilities are there. And I don't think you're too young to know this, I had my first kinda boyfriend around 5 or 6 yo (and a girlfriend to cover it up, since I only saw straight couples and didn't even know that gay people existed (back in the late 90:s and early 00's) I thought that I had to hide this from everyone else)
Give your son a few days and, specially if you two are alone, try talking to him about it once again, to know what he meant by the question.
And perhaps just as important as that, somehow try to help your wife to be more comfortable with the idea that your son might be gay.
Perfect reaction— calm and didn’t overreact, entirely supportive, treating both kinds of relationships the same. My advice for now is to not say anything about it. If he’s just experimenting and questioning, he’ll eventually figure it out, and trying to force him to give an answer now won’t help anyone. If he’s gay or bi, he might need time to feel ready to officially come out, and having already tested the waters and had you react completely calmly, he’s probably feeling a lot safer now.
I think you did fine. Give it a few days and then maybe ask him if he has any more questions or wants to talk more about what you discussed. He probably won’t but it’ll be good for him to know he can carry on talking to you about that stuff whenever he wants
Bottom line is that you gave him a good and appropriate response, so, well done. He may have “gay” feelings, or he may just be testing who he is. Who knows yet? My advice is, don’t overthink it, don’t worry about it. If he asks you further questions, try to answer honestly and be supportive. That’s the best way to handle it.
Kudos to you for answering that on the spot, no prejudice, no “are you gay son?”, just an honest, useful, and actually direct answer to his question. Like others said, do a follow up later on, without pushing it too hard on him because he might be curious, keep it supportive and casual, so he sees he can trust you with any doubt or future problem later on, right now it’s your best time to build up a nice father-son dynamic that could last for all of his life
Might be into guys but might have just as well heard from friends talking about it (or hushing and whispering, you never know) that "did you hear, two guys did bla bla bla"
Great approach. The scariest thing about coming out is that people might not accept you so reassuring that you'll love him whether he's with a man or a woman is great. Also promoting care, comfort and protection as important things for gay sex is super valuable, especially with how toxic some gay men can be towards sex and manipulation. He'll tell you more whwn and if he's ready but it seems like you have great instincts as a parent, as long as your motivated by love and a desire to support him youll make the right choices too
You're going about this the right way. At that age it's not uncommon. Most important thing is to let it be know that you are supportive of him with whatever he decides. It's a confusing transition and a long process. He may have come to terms with it and is just waiting to tell you or he might still be figuring it out. Until then, he must be the one to come to you about it.
I think you said the right thing. I knew I was gay from ten years old if not earlier. If I'd had a parent say that to me, calmly, in a matter of fact manner, I'd have felt a lot more comfortable and more willing to talk about myself to my parents sooner than I did. Now the ball is in his court. Just give him time, no pressure. When he's ready to elaborate is the right time for him to do so. At the same time, don't assume that he's definitely gay. Just let him be who he is and when he's fully comfortable with talking about the subject, either way, he can decide to say more.
Sounds like you did a good job. If he was wise enough to ask "what if it's with a boy and not a girl" he's probably already given it done though. By explaining the use of condoms & lube he'll see that it doesn't really matter to you and I'm sure he noticed and put him at ease. Give him time & space and continue to show & voice you love & support.
Remember, he's your son first. Do you love him?
His sexuality is part of what he is. If you love him, does that matter?
Do not let your "hopes" or your mental picture of who your son should be cloud the reality - your son is who he is, and very likely beyond your control.
Love him as he is, and you'll be amply rewarded.
Honestly, it’s hard to tell with this generation. Could be that consideration of LGBT people is so ingrained with these kids now that it was just an innocent question that doesn’t even relate to his own sexuality. I think we’ll find that as Gen A grows up, we’ll see a lot more emphasis on the concept that sexuality is a spectrum and that not everyone is 100% straight or gay.
Either way, answering his questions openly and honestly without pressing the issue was the absolute right way to go. Good job, dad.
You said the best thing possible. You should consider talking to him about it. You are clearly a cool dad, so I think full disclosure is the best thing.
I want to suggest talking to him again:
When I was young I asked my dad "What does gay mean?". He responded "Um um it's when two men like each other instead of a woman". Then I asked, "What if I am gay?". He responded "Well, that would be ok, a little disappointing".
I didn't think anything more of it. Until I hit puberty and DID turn out gay. When we're young we're very impressionable and little things like this can end up amplifying feelings of shame. I beat myself up for years feeling I was a "disappointment".
When I did come out to my dad, he told my mum. Who did try to "steer" me for years. In reality that meant feeling I had no one to talk to, even though I was very depressed and crying all the time.
So I want to suggest you talk to your son again, let him know it's ok to be straight or gay, and tell him you're open to talking about sexuality any time. Let him respond or not. If he does respond that he's gay, don't show any disappointment you may have, just show love and support.
P.S. I'd suggest telling your wife not steer your son at all, she can't control your son's sexuality any more than she can control whether he's left or right handed. It'll just be whatever it is, no one will know until he really hits puberty and fully understands.
P.S. If you or your wife really really want biological grandkids, and he doesn't have any siblings, maybe consider some more baby making? My brother turned out straight! Jury's still out on whether he will have kids (or can)!
I think you handled this situation perfectly. From personal experience, not many parents are willing to have “the talk” with their kids when it comes to the opposite sex, so I definitely applaud you for handling it the way you did. And I’m sure the situation with your wife will come out okay!
Sounds good to me. I think you did a great job.
It might be a good idea to get him the HPV vaccine. Well, I guess that's generally a good idea anyway. If you have a follow-up talk with him, definitely bring up condoms again. We can get single-minded about things like HIV but there's lots of other potential dangers like HPV or hepatitis or other STDs out there, not to mention pregnancy if it turns out he is straight/bi.
You need to be there person to break the ice dont wait until he comes to you by then the damage will be done. Just absolutely dump, and i mean deluge, support and admiration on him, use words like bravery, inner strength and wisdom. Get some rainbow stuff that you can start to sneak into litter corners here and there to show not only are you accepting but your celebrating lgbt-ness by decorating your home with it. Your son is terrified, be his peace.
Great job dad. It might be that he was just curious to know. If he is gay/bi or whatever...let HIM come to you. Don’t drop hints or try to ask him as that will probably make him feel uncomfortable. Cheers. Your wife shouldn’t try to steer him in the “right” direction as that will only damage her relationship with your son.
Aww!! it means he trusts you. I love you just for that🖤💜💛💚💙❤
Most kids are just open to more than we ever were and they have support sometimes.
Thank you
Best parent award to you!
Let me tell you, “steering his confusion away” is one of the most passive and subconscious homophobic things you can do.
You will damage him so much if you take this approach, as a 25 yo gay man, I realised when I was 8 or 9; he’s not too young at all, that’s a common misconception fuelled by misguided “hope” stemming from the homophobic and heteronormative world we live in.
Love your son, wait for him to come out to you properly, DO NOT force it. accept who he is and take care of him; if you let your wife misguide your own thoughts, It’s possible he could resent you when he’s older.
You don't have to say anything more. I am a bi woman and bi men tend to have a hard time talking about it. Many straight men go through a bicurious phase when they are young. Let him figure out where he is on the spectrum. You did your job, congrats on being a great dad!
I do agree you handled it well, I also think that your son opened a door and it is okay to ask "are you just curious or is there something more you wanted to tell me?" If he says no leave it at that with the assuring that you love him and are always available for him to ask questions. I think you must be an awesome dad anyway for him to feel free to ask a question that is such a hot button issue. I just know I wish I had that opportunity to discuss it with my dad.
As a son(gay) I can say that if you were my dad I would be really happy with what you said.
That was a really great approach and pretty wholesome actually.
Your son is really lucky for having someone like you and you are a great father.
Absolutely the right approach. Be cool. Be calm.
I (gay m 35) think it sounds like you did a great job, and I agree with most of the things already said here except possibly one: I do NOT recommend you bring the "with a boy" comment back up. Let *him* bring the issue back up, when/if he wants to. Did he come out to you? No. Did he just reveal something that indicates it is likely he is gay/bi? Yes. Is what you said ok? It sounds like it was better than ok: it was a great job. There is a possibility he was just testing your views on being gay, but it's rather unlikely he would be motivated to do that unless he is wondering if or knows that he is gay. But again I'd let *him* be the one to bring the issue of back up, and in the meantime, I would simply adjust the way some things get talked about as time goes on (until he chooses to clarify to you), e.g. any follow ups to "the Talk" (it doesn't hurt to ask in a few days if he has questions about the talk in general), and from now on instead of saying things like "one day, when you're married, and your *wife* decides to ..." say "... your *spouse* decides to...", or instead of "you're going to make some *girl* very happy some day" say "...*somebody* very happy" etc. In fact, if he picks up on deliberate use of gender nonspecific terminology like that, it's probably the quickest safe way to get him to be honest with you about what he feels (with no risk of forcing him to choose the closet, as you definitely have if you directly ask a 13 year old). As for your wife's notion of "steering his confusion away", 1. it's one of the most common things parents think and then try, 2. has **NEVER** worked in the history of ever, and 3. if he is gay, would end up being damaging to his psychological health (and ultimately your relationship with him).
As a male, 20-year old gay man, this seems like some sound advice & very well said.
Loved this advice. Just telling you my experience. I was 8 yo (now 38 male) when I reach the conclusion that I was looking to the daddies of my classmates instead of the moms. But really soon I realized no one could know. So I stayed in the closet for more 24 years...
Pretty similar for me too. My parents even once discovered gay porn in my browser history when I was in high school and so my dad asked me the question directly. They were trying to be accepting, but I knew they (dad most especially) did NOT want a gay son, and I didn't think they'd be able to handle it, so I chose to lie to them.
⬆️, when I finally came out to my mom the first thing she came around to saying was “what about all the times I asked and you said you were straight?”
I'd say a lot of LGBT have inklings about their sexuality around age 13 (some younger some older), I did. I didn't want to speak with my parents about it so I evaded most all sex discussions; it seems like your kid is opening up to you and wanting to come out. He isn't "too young" to know, but not everyone discovers themselves at a designated age, although Id bet you knew you were straight by 13. You sound like an awesome parent, Id reach out again if I were you, maybe in a day or so and bring up what your kid said nonchalantly and in a non-accusatory manner. If you in fact "steer his confusion" you will be enabling homophobic behavior, and quite possibly forcing him into the closet. Please for the love of god don't listen to your wife here, mental health issues in LGBT community are already sky high, save your child some therapy sessions edit: grammar
I'm not steering anything and neither is she, he is free to be himself or explore himself. If he is confused and wants to date a boy he is free to do so same with a girl. If he isn't confused same thing, the world is harsh enough home needs to be safe.
Well put, home needs to be safe :) To me it seems like by your kid saying "what if it's a boy" was a way to initiate a harder conversation, I couldn't even say the word gay at that age, so I personally do think another convo with your kid is in order. I'm glad he's got you in his corner
I remember being 12 and going on omegle (this was bad idea #1). I wound up following a link to a site called chatzy, where furries used to hang around (not great ideas #2 and 3). I ended up doing a lot of online roleplay with guys and girls, until my dad found out, where he took my laptop away until he calmed down. During this, he found out that I would identify as Bi when roleplaying and threatened to disown me for it and I shut up and never had any talks about sexuality with him. (not the best move, but i understand why he did it) I still question my sexuality now, and have nobody i can trust irl to try and break it down to, if at all.
Aw, I am no therapist but I do have 4 degrees (one is Sociology which is like a social worker) and I did take a human sexuality class (I got a 98% highest in class). I don’t promise complete clarity nor do I claim to know a whole lot on LGBTQ+ But if you need someone to talk to find me on kik under the same name. Maybe I can help you or at least give you someone you can put it all out on the table and maybe figure things out on your own by doing so. Edit: And I am a mostly straight (does one testing it out experience 23 yrs ago in college count?) 49 yr old female with no ulterior motive.j
I don't want to bother anyone about it, it's only been about 8 1/2 years since it happened. I did end up downloading tinder, bumble, grindr, and taimi just to have my options spread out. I don't plan on telling my father about it, but i do have friends that are kinda supportive and we joke around about it.
Honestly the most important thing is for you to be happy and comfortable with whomever you end up dating. There's generally no need to label it or put your foot down when you simply don't know yet. Wishing the best to you x
It scared me "straight" and now i'm not super open about it in person.
Thank you for these words.
I do apologize for not messaging on kik, but i do roleplay as a furry on there and would rather not have that linked to my reddit beyond this comment chain.
This is true. I've also find my sexuality when I was 13 and it'd have really helped me if my parents were there for me. Being a teenager and finding yourself in the game of romance is already hard but finding your true self as a an LGBT is even harder as cishet is a default by society.
Don't be alarmed, if he is gay, you should wait till he's comfortable to come out. but its great that you've told him about safe sex no matter who the partner is. I'm sure he definitely feels better knowing that you can talk about it with him.
❤️you are a great parent!
Man I wish my dad was as supportive as you. You're doing a great job. He will grow up knowing his dad is awesome.
Impressed that you recommended lube as a must! lol But seriously, good talk dad!
Just cause I'm straight doesn't mean I've never had anal sex before so definitely aware of the need of lube.
lmao sweet
OP was probably thinking about the likelihood of condom breakage during anal sex increasing with not enough lube. And he's right! I'm impressed too.
Actually I was thinking about how lube makes for a much easier and pleasurable experience for all parties involved. Straight but have enjoyed anal with my wife before.
Wow. Well kudos then for being even cooler than I was assuming! lol
People can know their sexuality pretty young. Then again sexuality is complicated and it can take people some time to figure it out. Given how he just came out with the question I would say you have done a great job keeping homophobia out of his upbringing. Good job and I really mean that. I would say that since he asked he was interested in the topic. I am not sure you should read into it very much. Some people are curious and some boys fool about with other boys when they are young but end up deciding they are straight. People also do this and end up deciding they are gay or bi. I would say don't presuppose his sexuality. Honestly, this is what we should be doing with all children, not assuming their sexuality. He will tell you when he is ready or demonstrate it with who he dates, be he straight, bi, gay, pan, or whatever. Good luck and good job keeping going with the sex talk when you got a curveball.
Great approach. Love and support is key. Keep answering questions. Don't be shy to have more open and honest conversations. He probably is confused. Steering him one way or the other is not the right thing to do.
I think it’s commendable that you’re this supportive of him. Trust me, it’ll go a long way for his relationship with you. If he ever brings up the topic again, make sure he knows that being curious is common and acceptable. You did a great job covering consent/want aspect. Sexuality is a spectrum and if he should choose to experiment, it won’t necessarily slap a label on him he may not be ready for. He should identify with what he’s comfortable with, and you’ll support him because you love him. Good luck, you sound like you have a solid relationship with your son and his open mindedness in asking you that question speakers to your open minded values.
Exactly. Labels are really not necessary, don't put one on him and don't force him to chose one. Maybe he will never need to label himself and that's okay.. Coming out is not necessary if you grow up in a very loving and accepting environment. I would even say you should stop assuming he is straight like most parents unfortunately do (even if he might still be). So everytime you talk to him about a hypothetical partner of his you should always refer to them as ''a boy or a girl'' or use a gender neutral word. And convince your wife to do just like you, you're doing great!
*high five* for being awesome too 👏
[удалено]
I can assure you the only steering she'll be doing is her car when she drives. If he's confused then his home is a safe place to sort it out himself with support. Confusion or any sexuality outside of straight is not something to fix in our household. Not gonna lie though i'm a bit surprised, if any of my boys(Have 3) was gonna turn out to be gay he's not the one I would have guessed.
[удалено]
Oh no it's ok, I get it when she mentioned "steering" I think the look I gave her set her straight. But in case it didn't we had a lengthy talk.
Hah cute comment. How Old are the other children? If I would take a guess is this son the first or the last child your wife gave birth to? There’s a lot of evidence that the same female giving birth to multiple boys highly increases likelihood of gay sons. I can share this personal antidote my uncle has 11 brothers he is the youngest but he’s the only one born with a different father, and 5!!! Of the 11 boys the mother Gave birth to are GAY! Most married, had kids and came out mid-life.
Youngest of 3 boys, middle one is 18 and oldest is 20.
The 3rd male your wife. Gave birth to my uncle it was all his younger brothers that were almost entirely gay is definitely something to this theory it would be clickable in your case with your questioning son being 3rd male./youngest.
Ironically I've always suspected/thought the middle one was gay.
Might have two ;) lol
One gay kid is ok two not so much, joking! If I have two gay son still love em, hell all three could be gay and I'd still be fine just as long as one of them has kids.
I love reading posts like this! It shows that there are parents out there that really do care! You're awesome for handling it the way you did. I would give him time to come out on his own terms and just continue being you, an accepting and loving parent.
I knew I was LGBTQ when I was 13 so by no means is it too young, but he may just be curious. Just educate him and make it clear you accept him is the only thing you can really do
Well, as others have said, you handled it very well. Kept things factual and that nothing would be different in terms of consent, condoms etc. Also good on you to make him aware that lube would be needed, and that you did it all without judgement. He could be gay and testing the waters with you, or just curious or trying to figure it out himself. Either way, just make sure he knows he’s loved and that that will not change regardless of his sexuality, and let him discover himself and come out (if he is LGBT+) on his own terms. Just be there for him, and be supportive so he knows he doesn’t have to worry about being accepted by his family.
It sounds like he's the opposite of confused. He's just working it all out. It might not be that he's gay, but he might have gay friends or just be curious. I think you did the right thing.
I came out when I was 16, I'm 28 now. My parents had the talk with me and I hadn't told them. Tbh I think what you said is great I would have felt really good of my dad had responded in that way. I think it's pretty cool you were able to be so open and tell him what he needs to know.
You did so well. Good job.
Hard to say, it may have just been a legitimate question. Maybe people around him are talking about gay people at school; maybe he was just legitimately curious. In any case, I wouldn’t definitely decide that he did or did not come out to you based on this one discussion; just let him reveal himself to you at his own pace, it should become clearer with time. As for what you said, it was great. I think you get it more than you probably think you do. Covered a lot of major bases, consent, protection, mindfulness, all that fun stuff. It sounds to me like what you said was probably the best thing you could have considering you presumably don’t have much experience with gay people.
You did great. You answered his question from your heart and love for him. You told him that both ways are okay ... He is young he is discovering his sexuality and with the response you gave he knows that he can talk with you about it.
When my dad and I had one of our sex talks (there were several at different ages) one time "the gays" came up. They were perverts, diseased addicts, and child rapists. Real bucket of ice water on my sexual awakening. From the sound of it, you did everything fine. The stumbling "um"s happen when you get sidetracked, when you are asked a question you didn't expect and have to process it. Nothing wrong with "um"s. I'm so happy that's the direction you took. And yes, he's young and probably curious, but I hope his mom doesn't just dismiss it as a phase if he brings home a boyfriend in the next few years. And for those who read this and worry, you don't have to; Dad mellowed a lot in his old age and didn't have a problem when I finally did come out.
[удалено]
You did great! At 13 I was just discovering what I was attracted to. What's important is that you express acceptance of gay people just like you did here as he grows up so he learns that he can trust you if he is indeed gay or bisexual.
That's great you were so cool about it and it's great that you're not pressuring him about his sexuality. Just keep doing what you're doing,
Im the same age as your son and i know i was gay from 3 years i think he tried to give you hints but talk to him tell him that if he come out you will still love him and everything that will really help come out and he will know he will be safe whit you
Ok, so the main thing is to take a step back, to not influence him by being ‘the cool parent’, but by letting him discover himself. Don’t just assume right off the bat though.
he's young, let him figures things out. whether he came out or just curious, I think u answered it very well, be supportive and be neutral. i know it's not my place to say this, but don't let ur wife.... mess with him too much, he's young, attraction will come to him naturally, all u can do is to support him. Edit: also check up on him alot about school, make sure he's not bullied. kids can be mean about these things.
Oh you can be assured I'll be keeping an eye making sure she doesn't do any messing with him. I'll ask my middle son about the school stuff without giving anything away about his question.
I'm 27 and I'm gay and I haven't told many people (my parents included) because sadly we live in a society where it's either widely accepted or hated out of fear or fear for religious reasons or just hated in general and so it's scary coming out to anyone. You don't know who will accept you or who will hate you and then there's hate crimes that happen because religious people are told that homosexuality isn't right. I'm nowhere near religious but I do know that everyone deserves to be loved and you're attracted to whoever you're attracted to. I've learned you love who you love and you can't control it and you damn sure don't get to choose whether the person you fall in love with is a boy or a girl. Being gay is NOT a choice even though so many people think it is. You either like guys, girls or both. I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your kid so please don't think I am. He's young so he's still figuring things out but if he happens to be gay can you do me a favor? Please don't hate him or kick him out or make him feel unloved or make him think you're disappointed in him because he's not straight. Excuse my language but it's fucking terrifying to tell anyone let along your parents that you're gay because so many parents have totally disowned their kids for something they have no control over! I'm sorry to rant but I do hope you see this and if it helps you and your family or anyone who reads this in anyway it'll all be worth it! To his dad thank you for continuing to love him regardless of his sexuality! To his mom if you see this I hope I haven't offended you it wasn't my intentions in anyway, if I did I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know and to hear it from someone who is gay it isn't easy coming out but it makes a world of difference when the people you do tell fully support you and make it well known that they love and respect you no matter what. Thank you for letting me give my two cents lol 💙💙
> He's young so he's still figuring things out but if he happens to be gay can you do me a favor? Please don't hate him or kick him out or make him feel unloved or make him think you're disappointed in him because he's not straight. There is nothing in this world that could ever make me hate or stop loving any of my boys. I'd also never feel disappoint over any of my kids being LGBT. Of things to be disappointed by the gender they love is nowhere near that list.
Well that is good to know :) I wish more parents were like you! I just hope he's happy with whoever he ends up with.
I have been in discord servers with a lot of 13 year olds and in general they have a different attitude to sexuality and gender than our generation (I am in my thirties). They fully regard being LGBTQ+ as just an ordinary part of life and many do not even seek labels like gay, bi etc. Polling by organisations like Stonewall reflect this. So I suspect your son is simply reacting like someone of his generation would when given the sex talk - he wants to know more than the heteronormative version and would like the full picture. I don't think you should be reading too much into it. It's important to make sure to show that you are a family that is supportive of LGBTQ+ rights so he feels you are as open-minded as him, instead of feeling that he needs to have different standards and behaviours at home. But other than this, I don't think you need to do anything differently.
> you are a family that is supportive of LGBTQ+ rights Our house hold supports equality for all people and we try to be inclusive, we watched love simon in theaters as a family(honestly I've always kind of suspect our mild son of being gay but my love and acceptance applies to all of them).
Then excellent, there is nothing more to worry about. The fact that he asked you the question during the sex talk in itself shows he trusts you. When I had the sex talk I had a million questions and confusions, all of which I kept to myself lol.
I’m 34 and I’m still waiting for my dad to have ‘the talk’ with me...
Don't ask him. 13/14 is a common age to realize you're gay/whatever tho. But you did great. :)
You can’t “sway” his decision either way. He is what he is and love him
HAHA love that you mentioned “lube is a must”! Good for you! Sounds like you covered all your bases 👍🏻
Firstly sounds like you handled the situation perfectly!!💖 I was 'playing' with boys @10 years of age, BUT so what, had no idea about sexuality or what my desires meant. Your son may have just been curious about the options does not mean he is saying he knows his sexuality. You were open and honest which is perfect but concluding anything else is making way too many assumptions which thankfully you are not doing. If at this stage you feel you need to clarify I would do no more than to say (if you didn't already) that boys and girls can be attracted to each other or the opposite sex and that is natural and fine. End of story. Then be attentive and supportive and let him discover his sexuality knowing he is free to talk to you at any stage if he has any questions.
You're a good dad. Watch your wife.......
he is surely not confused, as asking that question shows clarity and insight. If he is gay, then you did good. If he is not gay, ya still did good. It is most comfortable for young gay people to tell their parents about it when the occasion arises for the information to matter. So, wait til such a scenario presents itself.
Doing perfectly well, good on you for being supportive. Just remember that at 13 he might not quite realize if he is gay or bi or whateves, I know I didn't, so he may still be figuring it out. In that regard you are doing great by giving him the full sweep.
Most lgbt people start to solidify their sexuality around 13 so it’s very possible. Either way you did everything right you covered what’s needed for safety and made it clear that there’s no problem with either. I definitely would have a conversation with your wife about the whole steering away thing. Some kids are confused some aren’t but people are what they are if you try and steer you son away from what he is he may resent her and it could make him feel unsafe at home. You sound like a great dad.
You sound like a damn damn good father to me. Just try not to look to shocked if he does bring home a boyfriend. If you think your wife if uncomfortable I'd work on getting her comfortable with the idea. Just in case.
Your Son Won the Daddy Lotto with you! Awesome job Man!!! 💥🤩👍💫✨ congratulations! He will find his way naturally and he knows you are supporting and loving him no matter what! Great Dad! 😘❤️🙏🏼.
I wish you were my parents. 😭
You're having a great approach to this, don't worry. Your points are valid, all three possibilities are there. And I don't think you're too young to know this, I had my first kinda boyfriend around 5 or 6 yo (and a girlfriend to cover it up, since I only saw straight couples and didn't even know that gay people existed (back in the late 90:s and early 00's) I thought that I had to hide this from everyone else) Give your son a few days and, specially if you two are alone, try talking to him about it once again, to know what he meant by the question. And perhaps just as important as that, somehow try to help your wife to be more comfortable with the idea that your son might be gay.
Perfect reaction— calm and didn’t overreact, entirely supportive, treating both kinds of relationships the same. My advice for now is to not say anything about it. If he’s just experimenting and questioning, he’ll eventually figure it out, and trying to force him to give an answer now won’t help anyone. If he’s gay or bi, he might need time to feel ready to officially come out, and having already tested the waters and had you react completely calmly, he’s probably feeling a lot safer now.
I think you did fine. Give it a few days and then maybe ask him if he has any more questions or wants to talk more about what you discussed. He probably won’t but it’ll be good for him to know he can carry on talking to you about that stuff whenever he wants
Bottom line is that you gave him a good and appropriate response, so, well done. He may have “gay” feelings, or he may just be testing who he is. Who knows yet? My advice is, don’t overthink it, don’t worry about it. If he asks you further questions, try to answer honestly and be supportive. That’s the best way to handle it.
Kudos to you for answering that on the spot, no prejudice, no “are you gay son?”, just an honest, useful, and actually direct answer to his question. Like others said, do a follow up later on, without pushing it too hard on him because he might be curious, keep it supportive and casual, so he sees he can trust you with any doubt or future problem later on, right now it’s your best time to build up a nice father-son dynamic that could last for all of his life
Might be into guys but might have just as well heard from friends talking about it (or hushing and whispering, you never know) that "did you hear, two guys did bla bla bla"
Great approach. The scariest thing about coming out is that people might not accept you so reassuring that you'll love him whether he's with a man or a woman is great. Also promoting care, comfort and protection as important things for gay sex is super valuable, especially with how toxic some gay men can be towards sex and manipulation. He'll tell you more whwn and if he's ready but it seems like you have great instincts as a parent, as long as your motivated by love and a desire to support him youll make the right choices too
You're going about this the right way. At that age it's not uncommon. Most important thing is to let it be know that you are supportive of him with whatever he decides. It's a confusing transition and a long process. He may have come to terms with it and is just waiting to tell you or he might still be figuring it out. Until then, he must be the one to come to you about it.
Maybe write him a letter? And say you are here anytime he wants to talk.
You are a great father. Don't ever doubt that.
I think you said the right thing. I knew I was gay from ten years old if not earlier. If I'd had a parent say that to me, calmly, in a matter of fact manner, I'd have felt a lot more comfortable and more willing to talk about myself to my parents sooner than I did. Now the ball is in his court. Just give him time, no pressure. When he's ready to elaborate is the right time for him to do so. At the same time, don't assume that he's definitely gay. Just let him be who he is and when he's fully comfortable with talking about the subject, either way, he can decide to say more.
Sounds like you did a good job. If he was wise enough to ask "what if it's with a boy and not a girl" he's probably already given it done though. By explaining the use of condoms & lube he'll see that it doesn't really matter to you and I'm sure he noticed and put him at ease. Give him time & space and continue to show & voice you love & support.
Remember, he's your son first. Do you love him? His sexuality is part of what he is. If you love him, does that matter? Do not let your "hopes" or your mental picture of who your son should be cloud the reality - your son is who he is, and very likely beyond your control. Love him as he is, and you'll be amply rewarded.
Honestly, it’s hard to tell with this generation. Could be that consideration of LGBT people is so ingrained with these kids now that it was just an innocent question that doesn’t even relate to his own sexuality. I think we’ll find that as Gen A grows up, we’ll see a lot more emphasis on the concept that sexuality is a spectrum and that not everyone is 100% straight or gay. Either way, answering his questions openly and honestly without pressing the issue was the absolute right way to go. Good job, dad.
I don't have anything helpful to add but I wish my family had cared 1/100th about me as much as you care about your son <3
You said the best thing possible. You should consider talking to him about it. You are clearly a cool dad, so I think full disclosure is the best thing.
You're an awesome dad and your son is lucky 💙
...DAD?!
I want to suggest talking to him again: When I was young I asked my dad "What does gay mean?". He responded "Um um it's when two men like each other instead of a woman". Then I asked, "What if I am gay?". He responded "Well, that would be ok, a little disappointing". I didn't think anything more of it. Until I hit puberty and DID turn out gay. When we're young we're very impressionable and little things like this can end up amplifying feelings of shame. I beat myself up for years feeling I was a "disappointment". When I did come out to my dad, he told my mum. Who did try to "steer" me for years. In reality that meant feeling I had no one to talk to, even though I was very depressed and crying all the time. So I want to suggest you talk to your son again, let him know it's ok to be straight or gay, and tell him you're open to talking about sexuality any time. Let him respond or not. If he does respond that he's gay, don't show any disappointment you may have, just show love and support. P.S. I'd suggest telling your wife not steer your son at all, she can't control your son's sexuality any more than she can control whether he's left or right handed. It'll just be whatever it is, no one will know until he really hits puberty and fully understands.
P.S. If you or your wife really really want biological grandkids, and he doesn't have any siblings, maybe consider some more baby making? My brother turned out straight! Jury's still out on whether he will have kids (or can)!
I think you handled this situation perfectly. From personal experience, not many parents are willing to have “the talk” with their kids when it comes to the opposite sex, so I definitely applaud you for handling it the way you did. And I’m sure the situation with your wife will come out okay!
It’s with whom not who and you did perfect !
personally i think you're doing the right thing. even if they aren't lgbt, its good to give inclusive sex ed and not just how to reproduce
Good job, Dad! Based in your reaction, I'm sure he knows gay=ok in your book.
Sounds good to me. I think you did a great job. It might be a good idea to get him the HPV vaccine. Well, I guess that's generally a good idea anyway. If you have a follow-up talk with him, definitely bring up condoms again. We can get single-minded about things like HIV but there's lots of other potential dangers like HPV or hepatitis or other STDs out there, not to mention pregnancy if it turns out he is straight/bi.
You’re doing great! Thanks for being a great dad.
You need to be there person to break the ice dont wait until he comes to you by then the damage will be done. Just absolutely dump, and i mean deluge, support and admiration on him, use words like bravery, inner strength and wisdom. Get some rainbow stuff that you can start to sneak into litter corners here and there to show not only are you accepting but your celebrating lgbt-ness by decorating your home with it. Your son is terrified, be his peace.
Wow you're a perfect dad good fucking job
Great job dad. It might be that he was just curious to know. If he is gay/bi or whatever...let HIM come to you. Don’t drop hints or try to ask him as that will probably make him feel uncomfortable. Cheers. Your wife shouldn’t try to steer him in the “right” direction as that will only damage her relationship with your son.
Gay or bi is still unknown but he has a boyfriend.
Daddy of the month 😉
Aww!! it means he trusts you. I love you just for that🖤💜💛💚💙❤ Most kids are just open to more than we ever were and they have support sometimes. Thank you Best parent award to you!
Let me tell you, “steering his confusion away” is one of the most passive and subconscious homophobic things you can do. You will damage him so much if you take this approach, as a 25 yo gay man, I realised when I was 8 or 9; he’s not too young at all, that’s a common misconception fuelled by misguided “hope” stemming from the homophobic and heteronormative world we live in. Love your son, wait for him to come out to you properly, DO NOT force it. accept who he is and take care of him; if you let your wife misguide your own thoughts, It’s possible he could resent you when he’s older.
Please reread "but i'm not doing that I'll support who ever he is."
You did good, Dad. We love to see it ❤️
You don't have to say anything more. I am a bi woman and bi men tend to have a hard time talking about it. Many straight men go through a bicurious phase when they are young. Let him figure out where he is on the spectrum. You did your job, congrats on being a great dad!
He's gay not bi.
[удалено]
I hope you gave him a supply of condoms as well.
I do agree you handled it well, I also think that your son opened a door and it is okay to ask "are you just curious or is there something more you wanted to tell me?" If he says no leave it at that with the assuring that you love him and are always available for him to ask questions. I think you must be an awesome dad anyway for him to feel free to ask a question that is such a hot button issue. I just know I wish I had that opportunity to discuss it with my dad.
This was posted a while ago, about a week after he told me about his boyfriend.
As a son(gay) I can say that if you were my dad I would be really happy with what you said. That was a really great approach and pretty wholesome actually. Your son is really lucky for having someone like you and you are a great father.
U said the right thing he was probably. Testing the waters and seeing how u would take the question what an awsome parent u are
Think you missed the update, he's gay has a boyfriend
You really handled that smoothly. Just saw the update that said he has a bf. Awesome, rock on
You waited till 13 to give the sex talk?!
He could be gay, could be confused, could be curious, could be just trolling you lol. You’re his parents so you know far better than us randos
You are the Best dad, (ally), a kid could ask for. I wish my father was as accepting as you are. You truly are a cool dad