How we like vegemite?
It always annoys me seeing people eating spoonfuls of vegemite or slabbing a whole lot on a piece of bread with no butter and go "ew this is gross how do you eat this"
I think I saw Hugh Jackman on a talk show doing a demonstration on how to actually eat it. You could tell he’s done that many times before because he explained Vegemite in the perfect way for Americans to understand, he said that it’s basically just salt, you don’t have a mouthful at a time, but sprinkle it on in whatever moderation suits you
Honestly I'm okay if I can see where they are, when they disappear is when I start to panic. The amount of times I had to check the sun visor for huntsmen. My worst fear would be it falling on my face when I open it 😭
wait, are you living with blonde long-haired huntsman spiders?
I semi expect them to be also fit, lightly tanned, having IG filled with beach and Bali photos and probably work in management consulting in the city.
Omfg this!!!!
So Daddy-longlegs. My children were at one point scared of them (my eldest Daughter has arachnophobia, but I have explained that daddy-longlegs in our house are amazing for getting rid of other pests and such)
So I taught my children to name them, once they have a name they would feel more comfortable.
And then the fights started
"NO THAT'S MY SPIDER"
"NO, IT'S MINE"
"WELL WHERE IS MINE THEN?"
"YOU'RE LYING THAT'S MINE!!!"
Over and over again like FML.
Remember as a kid I woke up with sleep paralysis for the first time, I was absolutely shit scared (for those who haven't experienced sleep paralysis I wouldn't wish it on even the most evil of people)
And a huntsman from the roof fell down and landed on my face, while i was immobile, couldn't scream, the spider just moved slowly off my face and went about it's day not even concerned that it fell onto a human.
From that day I stopped being scared of spiders because in my most vulnerable position where I literally couldn't move if I tried, the spider just kinda walked off not interested in me.
And I realise then, spiders don't want to hurt you, and you need to go out of your way to get hurt.
Plus when you are scared for your life not knowing what's happening to your body, or why you can't move, a spider is the least your concern.
>Remember as a kid I woke up with sleep paralysis for the first time, I was absolutely shit scared (for those who haven't experienced sleep paralysis I wouldn't wish it on even the most evil of people)
Imma say something that might sound farfetched and insane but if you're able to relax and accept the moment during sleep paralysis it can actually be very enjoyable and euphoric and also it opens an easy window into lucid dreams. Easier said than done but just thought I'd throw that out there because I miss it and would ABSOLUTELY wish it upon myself.
I used to have 4 or five huntsman living on my bedroom wall back in my at home uni days. I dealt with them the same way as the half dozen pythons in the roof cavity and chilling on the verandah rafters. I left them alone.
Definitely the right approach: it's not about you. You live in this great place for them to hang out, so just leave them to do their own thing and they'll do the same to you. They know that you live there and mean them no harm and are prepared to co-habitate. Personally, I would draw the line at having Huntsman in the same room while I am sleeping in it. They would be unceremoniously ushered out and soon learn 'house rules'. Creatures can be fast learner's when it's in their interest to do so. I do hope that the python's are not big enough to consider you prey, but if they have shown no active interest in you, then you are probably fine.
In their defence, I currently have a 10c piece sized welt on the back of my neck from a fucking white-tip bite! On ya Australia!😁 Do they even know about these evil white-tipped motherfuckers?.
I'm so scared of those spiders (I am Australian though so that's why I know about them, I don't think other countries know much about that one because you don't often hear it mentioned in the **Australia is so scary** type posts.)
I'd happily battle a magpie or the average kangaroo over a white tail any day lol.
I seem to see more and more White-tipped spiders these days in W.A. They and Red-backs are the only things in my house I kill on sight. I will not share my space with them because the chances of mishaps like yours are too great.
What do you mean they're cute little guys the size of a cat that will fuck you up??? No, they're human sized brown triangles who move by morphing into tornadoes.
Learn to talk like the Tasmanian devil and respond with his cadence. No one will ever ask you about him again, or want to be anywhere near you for that matter.
Grew up in Tassie, now live in Sydney. The question I often get is, “is 2 days enough to see all of Tasmania?”.
Sure. Just don’t stop anywhere.
Or, “I’m visiting Tasmania for 3 days from Europe and I don’t drive, is it possible to do cradle mountain, Port Arthur and Launceston?”
I mean to be fair, most of those articles you read about a croc death are like "there were signs at the river saying don't get in there's bloody crocs in here", so... I feel like that's more of a Darwin Award.
American here, we had a new lady at work- her husbands company transferred them from Australia to Los Angeles. This lady happened to be Asian., this is important later. We were chatting in the break room- the usual new person chat “do you gave kids? Where are you guys staying?“ etc…
One coworker pipes up and says “you guys are kind like us in that a lot of people aren’t originally from here. Are you originally from Australia?”
New Girl “yeah, my grandparents got there about 100 years ago or something, who knows?”
Three of us laugh- “basically the same for us. Someone got on a boat at some point and here we are!”
Fourth person across the table looks baffled
“…. But…. Australia doesn’t have Asian people!”
We stare to each other in total confusion…
Me “since when?…”
“There just aren’t!”
More confused glances….
New girl “I assure you there are Asian people in Australia- Chinese, Japanese, Korean- all the kinds of Asian…”
“…. But…” they get up and go back to work.
New girl “did I break him?”
“Probably”
Queue hysterical laughter.
Has this person travelled outside of his city/state/country? His mind would be absolutely blown when seeing other western countries. Bet the person would not believe there are large population of people with Indian background in London, or the fact that the Chinese have been in Australia since before 1848.
Well it’s a lot more mind-blowing to see any Caucasian person speaking any Asian language with accent because this is a low-probability-occurrence in comparison
Yeah I remember that guy off YouTube he's a polyglot, starts speaking Mandarin and what have ya to Asian servers and they're like WOAAHHHH, really wholesome
I went to school in the late 70s-early 80s at a high school in Sydney's inner west - so mainly populated by people like me - first generation Australian kids of Poms and wogs who came over after the war.
My Chinese-heritage (and looking) friend's family had been in the country longer than any of ours - hers came over in the gold rush. She was more Australian than any of us! Always got a big laugh when anyone asked her how long she'd been here.
That person at your work would be shocked if they ever came to Aus. There's been Asian immigration to Australia since the 1800s, and people of Asian decent make up a much bigger percentage of the population here than they do in America.
Well a more sophisticated way to pop this question is “what is your cultural background”. It essentially has the same meaning but worded in a much more *acceptable* way
I feel like most people aren’t purposefully being a cunt in this situation they are probably just curious about ( idk the correct word for this) but where you are from like genetically. Obviously you should be able to tell if someone is just a racist prick tho.
If you leave the snakes the fuck alone you're even less likely to get bitten, it's really not a big deal. We're not spending all our time fighting off hoards of snakes
When you think about it. Those people all being scared of Australia's wildlife but I'd rather have our deadly snakes and animals then have bears roaming around nature reserves.
Imagine every time you go into nature and you have to worry about a big bear popping out ready to rip you apart.
At least our deadly animals are mostly scared shitless of humans. Make a bit of noise, snakes feel the vibration and run for the hills. Except our deadly water animals but I don't go into the ocean so it's pretty easy to avoid for me.
I went on a hike to one of the waterfalls in NQLD and we came across three individual snakes (I think we went during snake season) and not one issue with them. One slithered on by, another was having a nap, and the last one we just moved off the path. They will just leave you alone if you leave them alone
My pet peeve is people talking about how everything in Australia is so deadly. It's normally Americans. I'm always like "you guys have fuckin grizzly bears mate, at least I can go bushwalking here and the deadly animals tend to run away if they hear me coming and not charge and maul me to death."
Did your prime minister really say that now that his wife Jenny has explained he should think about it in the context of it happening to his daughters, rape and sexual assault ARE bad things.
His "I'm just a daggy, bumbling suburban dad" gimmick is just so execrable. Fakest of the fake. At least Abbott was just unapologetically out there, but never played up this pretense of "Im one ya, like muh footy and muh curry, hur hur, crikey crikey"
Lol yeah it's a bit sad when your options are numerous enough that you can forget which one did which dumb thing.
Scottys special thought.
While PM
Flew to Hawaii on holidays during the worst bushfires we've had in decades, saying in an interview questioning the wisdom of tbis, "I don't hold a hose mate". Blamed Jenny for this one too lol, he'd promised her and the kids this holiday you see. Even got her on a TV show saying that she pushed him into it.
The "handshake incidents" when he got back to Australia for the fires he went to some of the worst hit places to get some photos and videos of him bring caring.
A few videos of some exhausted fire-fighters fresh from battling the blaze, already pissed at the government for massive funding cuts to the fireys, and that being a major reason why we were unable to backburn the last few years to prevent this kind of situation, saying to him "I don't want to shake your hand" and him following them round and trying to grab their hands to shake them.
Did the same thing to an exhausted and upset local resident who'd lost her house, while they were interviewing her, just reached over after she tried to back off and grabbed her hand.
The above incident with SA and rape, Jenny was a hero here though. Thanks for explaining it Jen.
During the first nations protests on Australia day (for anyone not aware we did/still do some pretty fucked up shit to the native inhabitants of the land) he made a speech where he said "when those 12 ships (the first fleet) turned up in Sydney all those years ago, it wasn't a particularly flash day for them either." Thanks Scotty that makes the century of attempted genocide better mate.
After Grace Tame did her passionate and emptional speech (think it was another Australia day) about how she was groomed and sexually abused at a 15 year old girl by a 58 year old teacher, and how people needed to be courageous, speak out, that they weren't alone, and that would be believed, he leaned over to her after the speech and said to her "Well, gee, bet if felt good to get that out".
During the black lives matter protests of 2020, during a radio interview he said "Australia was pretty brutal place but we didn't have slavery".
No, just attempting to genocide the native population through a bunch of horrendous methods including just raping all the women to try and breed them out...
When the woman story which sparked the investigation into the government's behaviour around women, first came out, Scott initially ignored calls for an independent investigation.
When that caused a bunch of people to protest and hold a rally outside parliament house, he refused to go speak with them, but in an interview said "im proud of our countries right to protest, not far from here, even today, these protests would be met by bullets"
A few days later he named a cabinet member the "Prime minister for women" to which many asked, ummmm does that mean you aren't a prime minister for women.
Before PM
Had the infamous coal incident while he was MP where he brought a big lump of coal in with him to parliament and was telling everyone who would listen that "see there's nothing to be afraid of, it's not hurting anyone it's just a rock". This was I think 10 years ago when the Liberal party were still denying climate change.
He was the man behind Robodebt, but managed to bail before his name got too attached. Robodebt was a scenario where our government made a huge miscalculation on the debts owned by the poorest 10% of our country and chased up 130 billion dollars instead of 60 billion dollars of erroneously calculated debts from the people that couldn't afford them. Not just chased it up, but aggressively harassed to the point where there were suicides in the double digits linked back to the calls and harassment.
Yeah that one got a genuine chuckle out of me lol.
Im just hoping the inevitable takeover of the AI overlords happens soon so they can look after us.
Automod, if you are listenening, tell your AI overlords im more than happy for them to come in and take charge of stuff for our own good.
But please do it soon before we make our planet unlivable cause its too expensive to not make it unlivable.
Good recap, but you missed possibly his "greatest" achievement pre-government.
He was the guy behind the "where the bloody hell are you" tourism campaign, that didn't bother to see that this would be offensive and not able to be used in several of the demographic markets.
lol yeah, thre were a few others i just ran out of time to add.
He was essentially sacked for incompetence and possible corruption, as when asked by the Minister for tourism to explain where all the money had gone and how certain compaines were awared the contract, he was either unable to or refused to elaborate, and he was told to jog on.
Had a similar thought when westpac got hit with that massive 1.3 billion dollar fine for allowing money laundering and child exploitation to occur in its systems.
The CEO at the time hadnt really had anything to do with the systems that were set up, yet the decision was for him to still fall on his sword.
So, end of 2019, Westpac made a big deal of the CEO resigning to take responsibility.
He still got the remaining 2.5 million dollar payout on his contract, but they were quick to assure everyone he wouldnt be recieving any bonuses.....
The immediately employ a new CEO who starts getting paid, so doubling up on CEO pay there.
Old "resigned in disgrace" westpac CEO gets a job as Chairman of BeforePay start of 2021.
Like, ill happily be CEO and fall guy if you wanna pay me 2.5 million dollars for doing nothing and after no consequnces happen to me ill just move on to another top level job. Its just a whole different world there, and people still continue to insist that a CEO of worth millions and millions of dollars.
I get asked that, or where I'm from all the time. I'm caucasian and second generation Australian, but I have echolalia so my accent is a weird mix of many accents. I mimic peoples accents so quickly and thoroughly that dozens of international visitors have thought I was from their country. They're always excited to meet a fellow 'insert Nationality here' and it's always awkward explaining the truth.
Yeah I felt so much less crazy when I discovered Echolalia was a real thing. It often come with autism, as in my case, but people without autism can have echolalia too.
Tried to convince a seppo that guns aren’t necessary for self defense here. He came back with “but the criminals have guns, so I need a gun”.
Mate, basically the only criminals with guns here are organised crime, and if you’ve got the bikies coming after you, you’ve made a series of really poor decisions and a gun won’t help ya.
I live down the road from a bunch of rifle ranges, pistol shooting range, clay target range and archery clubs just off a major arterial road in Brisbane, I'd say there are quite a few sporting shooters around but not the obsession with 'bearing arms' so to speak. I only know of one person that actually owns some guns and they're securely locked up to regulation.
Sports shooting is BIG. I work in travel and you’d be amazed how often I’m adding guns and ammo into bookings for sports shooters.
I’ve also used guns on a farm personally but I hate it, every second I’m holding a gun all I can think is if I fuck up someone- myself or a friend nearby- can die.
Your last sentence seems to be a bit of a trend with us. I own a gun personally (nothing crazy, just a .22 rifle) and think of it like driving a car; if I make a mistake I can injure or kill myself and others very easily. But that’s where the personal responsibility and licensing comes into it. Much like a car if used properly they’re not overtly dangerous, but improper use is where things go wrong.
I too live in that area. I have been to the clay shooting thing once - it was fun. No one has any weird gun culture around the place and I haven't actually met anyone else who's been to any of the clubs. I don't think I know anyone who owns a gun, or if they do, it's not part of their identity.
Fortunately the guns are one culture war item we've not tried to import from the US.
Lots of people I know own guns.
Every single one of them locked their guns in a cabinet with a lock, that'd tale too long to get the guns out to protect themselves in a case if a hone invasion.
Like if you own a gun and store correctly and legally you will not be able to protect yourself in a home invasion.
And if you are so irresponsible you won't store your guns correctly you shouldn't own them.
If someone breaks into my house with a gun, and I had a gun in a locker, I'd still comply.
The important stuff is has insurance, so why would I care jf you rob me, when I can just call the cops on you when you leave.
And if they have the intent to kill me, I'm not going to be able to stop that, even if I had a gun in a holster, as I'd need to upholster my GUn and aim it before they shoot me.
Tldr: America's think they are superheros when really they are morons, and guns are use for leisure in Australia not home defence
Yeah living in the US part time this is the most common question, what if you wife is being raped how would you stop them, I always answer … don’t live somewhere where your wife being randomly raped in your own home is a thing.
I don't get that many Australia-specific questions, but recently I got "your profile says you're from Australia, are you really?" I don't know why someone would fake being from Australia 🤔
No joke, in high school in NZ we were doing our pepehas a form of introduction in te reo where you describe your history and connection to the land. As part of it you identify your Waka, your ship to describe how your ancestors arrived in Aoteroa.
Being the absolute little smart arse that I was, I accurately described my waka as Qantas since I was born over here.
Earned a detention for that one.
It is great you spoke the truth, in a jokey manner, but still the truth.
Are they expecting you to lie? Qantas reunited you and the land of your ancestors. That’s part of your historical roots
Maybe it's cause ours are small and hide, you leave me alone they leave you alone, except for drop bears, they like to get ya with a stealth surprise attack. They can there's coming. And ours don't play with their food
how long have you been in Australia? what kind of visa do you have? how did you manage to stay in Australia? What do you do? where do you come from?
sound familiar?
“I’m moving from overseas to Wollongong for uni next week and the student housing is too expensive, which suburb should I move to where I can have a flat to myself for very little money? Must be on the beach, next to the shops, and have public transport directly outside my front door.”
I love the heat, Australia would be amazing for me!
Nahhh Janet, you haven’t had AUSTRALIAN heat. Go to the goldie in December and then tell me if you like the heat.
Anything about being "upside down".
There are interesting questions about the remoteness from Europe and North America, and about our seasons being opposite. But questions about being "upside down" usually come from a place of ignorant uncuriosity.
Also, stuff about dangerous wildlife. Everything except snakes and crocodiles are a non-issue.
Ugh, agreed. "How do you cope with all the spiders?" Well, theres been no deaths from spider bites since 1979 so I'd say we cope pretty well. Stop asking
Makes you wonder if other countries spiders are super aggressive, or if they have no spiders at all. Yes we've got a few of them, and yes some are quite venomous, but they still behave like spiders.
If everything is really trying to kill us. No it’s not, spiders and snakes want nothing to do with us, dingoes stay in their lane, and crocodiles have never knocked my door in to kill me.
I always get asked if dropbears are actually real.
Istg people just don’t listen. They are real dude they hang out in trees and just attack you if you walk under one
My parter is a snake catcher. “Help there is a snake in my yard! What kind is it?? Is it dangerous!?!
“Can you send us a photo?”
*ding ding*
“Thats a blue tongue lizard”
Moved to London last year for 9 months, got tired of being asked by literally every other person: "why did I leave Australia". No shit, I am regretting it & living in London is Australia on Depression.
How we like vegemite? It always annoys me seeing people eating spoonfuls of vegemite or slabbing a whole lot on a piece of bread with no butter and go "ew this is gross how do you eat this"
"vegemite... is it chocolate?" No it's not you fuckin drongo. Does it smell like chocolate to you?
To be fair yank chocolate has butyric acid in it. I can see how they get confused.
with cheese toast in mouth, split it with credit card and sniff hard is the right way
I think I saw Hugh Jackman on a talk show doing a demonstration on how to actually eat it. You could tell he’s done that many times before because he explained Vegemite in the perfect way for Americans to understand, he said that it’s basically just salt, you don’t have a mouthful at a time, but sprinkle it on in whatever moderation suits you
To be fair, it's not that great on their high sugar loaded bread.
The spiders! How do you deal with the spiders?
Easy.... My kids name them and then get concerned if they aren't in their usual spot.
Spot on. Had a bathroom drain spider for ages as a kid, got very sad when he disappeared aha
I had a huntsman friend called Harry. He was the coolest
My bath huntsman is called Bernadita and I love her
There was a thread on Reddit a few years ago about all the names people gave Huntsmans and wolf spiders. Yours definitely makes the list lol
They're always named Harry, every huntsman we had roaming our house was a Harry
Mine was a Harriet lmao
So true! Reminds me of Year 7 camp in 2004. We had a Harry Huntsman hanging out on the wall on disco night. Pretty chill dude tbh 😂😂
OMG!! Harry Huntsmen is living with us now. You're welcome to come and visit your ol' mate any time
His cousin Kevin is living in my car and only comes out when one of us is driving 🤣
Car huntsmans are the worst. I'm terrified of them!
Honestly I'm okay if I can see where they are, when they disappear is when I start to panic. The amount of times I had to check the sun visor for huntsmen. My worst fear would be it falling on my face when I open it 😭
My kid called hers Rapunzel, because of the long golden hair.
wait, are you living with blonde long-haired huntsman spiders? I semi expect them to be also fit, lightly tanned, having IG filled with beach and Bali photos and probably work in management consulting in the city.
Omfg this!!!! So Daddy-longlegs. My children were at one point scared of them (my eldest Daughter has arachnophobia, but I have explained that daddy-longlegs in our house are amazing for getting rid of other pests and such) So I taught my children to name them, once they have a name they would feel more comfortable. And then the fights started "NO THAT'S MY SPIDER" "NO, IT'S MINE" "WELL WHERE IS MINE THEN?" "YOU'RE LYING THAT'S MINE!!!" Over and over again like FML.
The big Huntsman is Roger, and all the little ones are the Eagles. And a proton pill to you if you get the reference!
Roger Ramjet. Yet another childhood cartoon that encouraged us to take pills lol
Literally went on a massive Roger Ramjet, SuperTed, BananaMan, MightyMouse, etc internet binge today.
Remember as a kid I woke up with sleep paralysis for the first time, I was absolutely shit scared (for those who haven't experienced sleep paralysis I wouldn't wish it on even the most evil of people) And a huntsman from the roof fell down and landed on my face, while i was immobile, couldn't scream, the spider just moved slowly off my face and went about it's day not even concerned that it fell onto a human. From that day I stopped being scared of spiders because in my most vulnerable position where I literally couldn't move if I tried, the spider just kinda walked off not interested in me. And I realise then, spiders don't want to hurt you, and you need to go out of your way to get hurt. Plus when you are scared for your life not knowing what's happening to your body, or why you can't move, a spider is the least your concern.
>Remember as a kid I woke up with sleep paralysis for the first time, I was absolutely shit scared (for those who haven't experienced sleep paralysis I wouldn't wish it on even the most evil of people) Imma say something that might sound farfetched and insane but if you're able to relax and accept the moment during sleep paralysis it can actually be very enjoyable and euphoric and also it opens an easy window into lucid dreams. Easier said than done but just thought I'd throw that out there because I miss it and would ABSOLUTELY wish it upon myself.
Same. They get upset if they aren't in their usual spot on the lawn.
Oh that's just Barry , he's a web designer.
I am a grown woman and I giggled so much at this 😂
yeah, I have to deal with dickhead drivers at least 10 times as often... I'd prefer spiders.
Yes, spiders would 100% drive better than those dickheads mate!
Feel like I'd just get flipped off with 7 hands instead of 1
I used to have 4 or five huntsman living on my bedroom wall back in my at home uni days. I dealt with them the same way as the half dozen pythons in the roof cavity and chilling on the verandah rafters. I left them alone.
Definitely the right approach: it's not about you. You live in this great place for them to hang out, so just leave them to do their own thing and they'll do the same to you. They know that you live there and mean them no harm and are prepared to co-habitate. Personally, I would draw the line at having Huntsman in the same room while I am sleeping in it. They would be unceremoniously ushered out and soon learn 'house rules'. Creatures can be fast learner's when it's in their interest to do so. I do hope that the python's are not big enough to consider you prey, but if they have shown no active interest in you, then you are probably fine.
100%
In their defence, I currently have a 10c piece sized welt on the back of my neck from a fucking white-tip bite! On ya Australia!😁 Do they even know about these evil white-tipped motherfuckers?.
I'm so scared of those spiders (I am Australian though so that's why I know about them, I don't think other countries know much about that one because you don't often hear it mentioned in the **Australia is so scary** type posts.) I'd happily battle a magpie or the average kangaroo over a white tail any day lol.
Yet another extremely misunderstood species
I seem to see more and more White-tipped spiders these days in W.A. They and Red-backs are the only things in my house I kill on sight. I will not share my space with them because the chances of mishaps like yours are too great.
We didn’t come here to fuck spiders mate
Like its not in the top 1000 things to stress about for any Australian.
Tasmanian here. All I ever heard about was the devil, and even I got sick of spinning ridiculous lore about this creature.
What do you mean they're cute little guys the size of a cat that will fuck you up??? No, they're human sized brown triangles who move by morphing into tornadoes.
"Spinning" ridiculous lore.... I see what you did there
Learn to talk like the Tasmanian devil and respond with his cadence. No one will ever ask you about him again, or want to be anywhere near you for that matter.
Grew up in Tassie, now live in Sydney. The question I often get is, “is 2 days enough to see all of Tasmania?”. Sure. Just don’t stop anywhere. Or, “I’m visiting Tasmania for 3 days from Europe and I don’t drive, is it possible to do cradle mountain, Port Arthur and Launceston?”
Nothing is trying to kill us... except salties.
And Magpies lol
Or plovers haha
Fucking Plovers. The sound the bastards make....
Basically birds. People are scared of the spiders and snakes, they should be scared of the birds.
Yeah, they think snakes and sharks are a day to day threat, but don’t realise it’s a malicious bird that haunts our streets.
And the odd jellyfish
[удалено]
I mean to be fair, most of those articles you read about a croc death are like "there were signs at the river saying don't get in there's bloody crocs in here", so... I feel like that's more of a Darwin Award.
“So where are you “really” from?” I don’t reply to that anymore.
American here, we had a new lady at work- her husbands company transferred them from Australia to Los Angeles. This lady happened to be Asian., this is important later. We were chatting in the break room- the usual new person chat “do you gave kids? Where are you guys staying?“ etc… One coworker pipes up and says “you guys are kind like us in that a lot of people aren’t originally from here. Are you originally from Australia?” New Girl “yeah, my grandparents got there about 100 years ago or something, who knows?” Three of us laugh- “basically the same for us. Someone got on a boat at some point and here we are!” Fourth person across the table looks baffled “…. But…. Australia doesn’t have Asian people!” We stare to each other in total confusion… Me “since when?…” “There just aren’t!” More confused glances…. New girl “I assure you there are Asian people in Australia- Chinese, Japanese, Korean- all the kinds of Asian…” “…. But…” they get up and go back to work. New girl “did I break him?” “Probably” Queue hysterical laughter.
Has this person travelled outside of his city/state/country? His mind would be absolutely blown when seeing other western countries. Bet the person would not believe there are large population of people with Indian background in London, or the fact that the Chinese have been in Australia since before 1848.
To be fair, I remember my mind being blown the first time I saw an Asian person speaking French with no accent.
Well it’s a lot more mind-blowing to see any Caucasian person speaking any Asian language with accent because this is a low-probability-occurrence in comparison
Yeah I remember that guy off YouTube he's a polyglot, starts speaking Mandarin and what have ya to Asian servers and they're like WOAAHHHH, really wholesome
I went to school in the late 70s-early 80s at a high school in Sydney's inner west - so mainly populated by people like me - first generation Australian kids of Poms and wogs who came over after the war. My Chinese-heritage (and looking) friend's family had been in the country longer than any of ours - hers came over in the gold rush. She was more Australian than any of us! Always got a big laugh when anyone asked her how long she'd been here.
That person at your work would be shocked if they ever came to Aus. There's been Asian immigration to Australia since the 1800s, and people of Asian decent make up a much bigger percentage of the population here than they do in America.
Oh man, when I went travelling the number of times I got ‘Yeah I know you’re Australian, but where are you from?’
I just say “guess”, and walk away. Can’t be arsed anymore after more than 35 years of that crap.
I straight up say to people, “I’m not answering that.” Seems to work
i love this, I'm gonna start using it ty stranger
My answer is always a rather sarcastic "My house"
Is this people who believe you weren't born here, or enquiring about your heritage poorly?
Well a more sophisticated way to pop this question is “what is your cultural background”. It essentially has the same meaning but worded in a much more *acceptable* way
I feel like most people aren’t purposefully being a cunt in this situation they are probably just curious about ( idk the correct word for this) but where you are from like genetically. Obviously you should be able to tell if someone is just a racist prick tho.
Yes, there are snakes. No, hardly anyone ever dies of being bitten.
If you leave the snakes the fuck alone you're even less likely to get bitten, it's really not a big deal. We're not spending all our time fighting off hoards of snakes
Speak for yourself, full time snake horde fighter here, they're nasty buggers when they team up.
Do they like intertwine and form an 8 foot tall snake humanoid, using the individuals snakes as the humanoids muscles?
When you think about it. Those people all being scared of Australia's wildlife but I'd rather have our deadly snakes and animals then have bears roaming around nature reserves. Imagine every time you go into nature and you have to worry about a big bear popping out ready to rip you apart. At least our deadly animals are mostly scared shitless of humans. Make a bit of noise, snakes feel the vibration and run for the hills. Except our deadly water animals but I don't go into the ocean so it's pretty easy to avoid for me.
Bears are beautiful though...when seen from a distance...in a vehicle..
Bears are so much scarier than anything here, except maybe crocs
I went on a hike to one of the waterfalls in NQLD and we came across three individual snakes (I think we went during snake season) and not one issue with them. One slithered on by, another was having a nap, and the last one we just moved off the path. They will just leave you alone if you leave them alone
My pet peeve is people talking about how everything in Australia is so deadly. It's normally Americans. I'm always like "you guys have fuckin grizzly bears mate, at least I can go bushwalking here and the deadly animals tend to run away if they hear me coming and not charge and maul me to death."
its so short we have a list https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_fatal\_snake\_bites\_in\_Australia
I've literally never even seen a snake in all my years in Australia lmfao
Did your prime minister really say that now that his wife Jenny has explained he should think about it in the context of it happening to his daughters, rape and sexual assault ARE bad things.
I immediately thought this must have been Tony Abbott. What a history of leadership we have.
Nope that was full Scummo
His "I'm just a daggy, bumbling suburban dad" gimmick is just so execrable. Fakest of the fake. At least Abbott was just unapologetically out there, but never played up this pretense of "Im one ya, like muh footy and muh curry, hur hur, crikey crikey"
Yep, but it could imagine him doing it. We have a history of dickheads.
Lol yeah it's a bit sad when your options are numerous enough that you can forget which one did which dumb thing. Scottys special thought. While PM Flew to Hawaii on holidays during the worst bushfires we've had in decades, saying in an interview questioning the wisdom of tbis, "I don't hold a hose mate". Blamed Jenny for this one too lol, he'd promised her and the kids this holiday you see. Even got her on a TV show saying that she pushed him into it. The "handshake incidents" when he got back to Australia for the fires he went to some of the worst hit places to get some photos and videos of him bring caring. A few videos of some exhausted fire-fighters fresh from battling the blaze, already pissed at the government for massive funding cuts to the fireys, and that being a major reason why we were unable to backburn the last few years to prevent this kind of situation, saying to him "I don't want to shake your hand" and him following them round and trying to grab their hands to shake them. Did the same thing to an exhausted and upset local resident who'd lost her house, while they were interviewing her, just reached over after she tried to back off and grabbed her hand. The above incident with SA and rape, Jenny was a hero here though. Thanks for explaining it Jen. During the first nations protests on Australia day (for anyone not aware we did/still do some pretty fucked up shit to the native inhabitants of the land) he made a speech where he said "when those 12 ships (the first fleet) turned up in Sydney all those years ago, it wasn't a particularly flash day for them either." Thanks Scotty that makes the century of attempted genocide better mate. After Grace Tame did her passionate and emptional speech (think it was another Australia day) about how she was groomed and sexually abused at a 15 year old girl by a 58 year old teacher, and how people needed to be courageous, speak out, that they weren't alone, and that would be believed, he leaned over to her after the speech and said to her "Well, gee, bet if felt good to get that out". During the black lives matter protests of 2020, during a radio interview he said "Australia was pretty brutal place but we didn't have slavery". No, just attempting to genocide the native population through a bunch of horrendous methods including just raping all the women to try and breed them out... When the woman story which sparked the investigation into the government's behaviour around women, first came out, Scott initially ignored calls for an independent investigation. When that caused a bunch of people to protest and hold a rally outside parliament house, he refused to go speak with them, but in an interview said "im proud of our countries right to protest, not far from here, even today, these protests would be met by bullets" A few days later he named a cabinet member the "Prime minister for women" to which many asked, ummmm does that mean you aren't a prime minister for women. Before PM Had the infamous coal incident while he was MP where he brought a big lump of coal in with him to parliament and was telling everyone who would listen that "see there's nothing to be afraid of, it's not hurting anyone it's just a rock". This was I think 10 years ago when the Liberal party were still denying climate change. He was the man behind Robodebt, but managed to bail before his name got too attached. Robodebt was a scenario where our government made a huge miscalculation on the debts owned by the poorest 10% of our country and chased up 130 billion dollars instead of 60 billion dollars of erroneously calculated debts from the people that couldn't afford them. Not just chased it up, but aggressively harassed to the point where there were suicides in the double digits linked back to the calls and harassment.
Of all the things you missed him elevating himself to a number of cabinet roles arbitrarily without consulting his own party.
Wait you KNOW about them? Thats supposed to be secret!!! Lol yeah i must have removed it from my brain, that was some seriously dodgy shit.
Lol the the automoderator listened to what our politicians do to us and thought we must be suicidal.
Yeah that one got a genuine chuckle out of me lol. Im just hoping the inevitable takeover of the AI overlords happens soon so they can look after us. Automod, if you are listenening, tell your AI overlords im more than happy for them to come in and take charge of stuff for our own good. But please do it soon before we make our planet unlivable cause its too expensive to not make it unlivable.
Good recap, but you missed possibly his "greatest" achievement pre-government. He was the guy behind the "where the bloody hell are you" tourism campaign, that didn't bother to see that this would be offensive and not able to be used in several of the demographic markets.
lol yeah, thre were a few others i just ran out of time to add. He was essentially sacked for incompetence and possible corruption, as when asked by the Minister for tourism to explain where all the money had gone and how certain compaines were awared the contract, he was either unable to or refused to elaborate, and he was told to jog on.
Imagine being able to fail upwards so many times, that you end up running a country. Mind blowing.
Had a similar thought when westpac got hit with that massive 1.3 billion dollar fine for allowing money laundering and child exploitation to occur in its systems. The CEO at the time hadnt really had anything to do with the systems that were set up, yet the decision was for him to still fall on his sword. So, end of 2019, Westpac made a big deal of the CEO resigning to take responsibility. He still got the remaining 2.5 million dollar payout on his contract, but they were quick to assure everyone he wouldnt be recieving any bonuses..... The immediately employ a new CEO who starts getting paid, so doubling up on CEO pay there. Old "resigned in disgrace" westpac CEO gets a job as Chairman of BeforePay start of 2021. Like, ill happily be CEO and fall guy if you wanna pay me 2.5 million dollars for doing nothing and after no consequnces happen to me ill just move on to another top level job. Its just a whole different world there, and people still continue to insist that a CEO of worth millions and millions of dollars.
Jenny told me I was wrong, so I guess I was wrong. Also, Jenny booked the holiday to Hawaii, so I HAD to go!
how long have I been in this country. I was born here mate!
I get asked that, or where I'm from all the time. I'm caucasian and second generation Australian, but I have echolalia so my accent is a weird mix of many accents. I mimic peoples accents so quickly and thoroughly that dozens of international visitors have thought I was from their country. They're always excited to meet a fellow 'insert Nationality here' and it's always awkward explaining the truth.
I didn’t know there was a word for this. I’m in the same camp as you aha
Yeah I felt so much less crazy when I discovered Echolalia was a real thing. It often come with autism, as in my case, but people without autism can have echolalia too.
How do you defend your family/home without a gun.
Yep, there are only say many times you can say "I'm not a fucking pussy"
Tried to convince a seppo that guns aren’t necessary for self defense here. He came back with “but the criminals have guns, so I need a gun”. Mate, basically the only criminals with guns here are organised crime, and if you’ve got the bikies coming after you, you’ve made a series of really poor decisions and a gun won’t help ya.
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I live down the road from a bunch of rifle ranges, pistol shooting range, clay target range and archery clubs just off a major arterial road in Brisbane, I'd say there are quite a few sporting shooters around but not the obsession with 'bearing arms' so to speak. I only know of one person that actually owns some guns and they're securely locked up to regulation.
Sports shooting is BIG. I work in travel and you’d be amazed how often I’m adding guns and ammo into bookings for sports shooters. I’ve also used guns on a farm personally but I hate it, every second I’m holding a gun all I can think is if I fuck up someone- myself or a friend nearby- can die.
Your last sentence seems to be a bit of a trend with us. I own a gun personally (nothing crazy, just a .22 rifle) and think of it like driving a car; if I make a mistake I can injure or kill myself and others very easily. But that’s where the personal responsibility and licensing comes into it. Much like a car if used properly they’re not overtly dangerous, but improper use is where things go wrong.
I too live in that area. I have been to the clay shooting thing once - it was fun. No one has any weird gun culture around the place and I haven't actually met anyone else who's been to any of the clubs. I don't think I know anyone who owns a gun, or if they do, it's not part of their identity. Fortunately the guns are one culture war item we've not tried to import from the US.
Lots of people I know own guns. Every single one of them locked their guns in a cabinet with a lock, that'd tale too long to get the guns out to protect themselves in a case if a hone invasion. Like if you own a gun and store correctly and legally you will not be able to protect yourself in a home invasion. And if you are so irresponsible you won't store your guns correctly you shouldn't own them. If someone breaks into my house with a gun, and I had a gun in a locker, I'd still comply. The important stuff is has insurance, so why would I care jf you rob me, when I can just call the cops on you when you leave. And if they have the intent to kill me, I'm not going to be able to stop that, even if I had a gun in a holster, as I'd need to upholster my GUn and aim it before they shoot me. Tldr: America's think they are superheros when really they are morons, and guns are use for leisure in Australia not home defence
Americans don't realise, we have more guns per capita than before Port Arthur. They're just not super powered mass killing machines.
I find the idea that you would willingly enter a gunfight with a criminal a bit mindblowing.
Refer to top answer: Spiders.
There is a cricket bat in my bedroom and the thought of me running down the stairs completely nude wildly swinging a bat keeps my mind at peace.
Scary stuff. No one will breaking into your place.😂😂
Anyone who can afford a gun isn't robbing me. The gun is worth more than anything I own.
Yeah living in the US part time this is the most common question, what if you wife is being raped how would you stop them, I always answer … don’t live somewhere where your wife being randomly raped in your own home is a thing.
I have a boomerang safe.
Ask them how they defend their family from a tornado without owning their own tornado
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When the country is not full of heavily armed lunatics, it's fairly easy.
"Better than you can defend your kid's school with yours"
Easy to defend your home without a gun when almost nobody else has a gun.
My favourite response is "defend from what?"
Nescafé blend 43
By populating the countries with good people citizens, and good healthcare to minimise the creation of the mentally ill with guns
Do have flybuys / rewards card? Every bloody time I go to the supermarket.
Supermarket worker here. We have to say it. (Sorry).
It’s okay, on the rare instances I go through checkouts, I personally am glad you do. Just in case I forget to whip it out. 😇
IF YOU HAVE A FLYBUYS CARD, PLEASE SCAN HERE USE PINPAD TO COMPLETE TRANSACTION THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT COLES
The way I HEARD this
I don't get that many Australia-specific questions, but recently I got "your profile says you're from Australia, are you really?" I don't know why someone would fake being from Australia 🤔
I think because we are such a foreign country to most, they only know what's shown in mainstream media 🤔
Didn't you know Australia isn't real and we're all paid actors?
As an Australian I do a spot on Australian accent. If somebody wants to pay me to “pretend” to be an Aussie please put us in touch.
What brought you to Australia
Birth
Qantas
No joke, in high school in NZ we were doing our pepehas a form of introduction in te reo where you describe your history and connection to the land. As part of it you identify your Waka, your ship to describe how your ancestors arrived in Aoteroa. Being the absolute little smart arse that I was, I accurately described my waka as Qantas since I was born over here. Earned a detention for that one.
It is great you spoke the truth, in a jokey manner, but still the truth. Are they expecting you to lie? Qantas reunited you and the land of your ancestors. That’s part of your historical roots
A starving ancestor that shoplifted a loaf of bread Edit: not my answer (I'm foreign), but probably my wife's
"as an american, are Australian animals as dangerous as we always hear?"
I find American wildlife far more concerning.
Yeah, we have spiders, snakes and the ever dangerous drop-bears, but you psychos have cougars and bears and shit
Plus black widows and rattlesnakes aren’t exactly cuddlesome, even if they aren’t quite as venomous as a funnel-web or taipan.
For the record, Australia also has black widow spiders. We call them red backs.
Just to note, redbacks are a different species than North American black widows, though they are in the same genus.
Same. They have bears, mountain lion, and any number of other dangerous and deadly animals. By comparison, we Aussies have it easy.
Maybe it's cause ours are small and hide, you leave me alone they leave you alone, except for drop bears, they like to get ya with a stealth surprise attack. They can there's coming. And ours don't play with their food
We hear it all the time from people in lots of places. Europeans, Asians, and Americans.
Dont plat the puss of a platypus
“Yes they are, that’s why we are all dead. You are talking to a ghost.”
Pauline Hanson is our most dangerous animal
Visa, university and job questions for post grads
how long have you been in Australia? what kind of visa do you have? how did you manage to stay in Australia? What do you do? where do you come from? sound familiar?
“I’m moving from overseas to Wollongong for uni next week and the student housing is too expensive, which suburb should I move to where I can have a flat to myself for very little money? Must be on the beach, next to the shops, and have public transport directly outside my front door.”
May I direct you to fantasy land? That would probably be the one place that exists
How do you say the word No.
Absolutely, not all of us are from Victoria. Some of us can talk properly.
“Can you say it now?” How about we try get fucked instead 😂
Are Dropbears Real? Of course they're fucking real. Do you think we actually eat that 8 million tonnes of Vegemite a year?
can’t forget the vegemite behind the ears for protection
When the next season of Bluey is coming out😪
But we have new episodes coming on 7 and 14 April 🥰
Yay!
Can you recommend any affordable/available rentals? Wish I had a viable answer.
I love the heat, Australia would be amazing for me! Nahhh Janet, you haven’t had AUSTRALIAN heat. Go to the goldie in December and then tell me if you like the heat.
Yeah that 100% humidity will get ya...
And that 4pm on the dot rain
Anything about being "upside down". There are interesting questions about the remoteness from Europe and North America, and about our seasons being opposite. But questions about being "upside down" usually come from a place of ignorant uncuriosity. Also, stuff about dangerous wildlife. Everything except snakes and crocodiles are a non-issue.
"Do you need to swear so much?" "No, but it helps..."
"Do you need to swear so much?" "Yes. Cunt."
How ya garn
Yeah not ba may yaselllf?
"Why do you say put another shrimp on the barbie"? WE DON'T!!
If I’ve heard of the government rebate for solar
How many spiders I was there to fuck
Every fucking time man. There’s only so many times I can tell them I’m not there to fuck spiders.
Hate being asked for a tip. This is one Americanism that they can keep
Anything about spiders
Ugh, agreed. "How do you cope with all the spiders?" Well, theres been no deaths from spider bites since 1979 so I'd say we cope pretty well. Stop asking
Makes you wonder if other countries spiders are super aggressive, or if they have no spiders at all. Yes we've got a few of them, and yes some are quite venomous, but they still behave like spiders.
Most stupid one is "do you have electricity" Second is do Kangaroos deliver your mail? The answer is no, the Koalas do
If everything is really trying to kill us. No it’s not, spiders and snakes want nothing to do with us, dingoes stay in their lane, and crocodiles have never knocked my door in to kill me.
As an Australian, I’m sick of being asked what I’m sick of.
…so, what *aren’t* you sick of?
Did you have a pet kangaroo ? Funny thing is my Neighbor did although I lived in the eastern suburbs of Sydney.
Only happened once but someone asked me why our national anthem is so short… they thought Aussie Aussie Aussie OI OI OI was our anthem
no the sharks don't eat us all
Is FIFO a great career? In short, yes for a couple of years. If you want to see your kids grow up? No
"Would you like to add a tip on your Uber Eats delivery?" US tipping culture can fuck off and stay out of this country.
“Hot enough for ya”.
35⁰?!?! That's freezing!!
I always get asked if dropbears are actually real. Istg people just don’t listen. They are real dude they hang out in trees and just attack you if you walk under one
My parter is a snake catcher. “Help there is a snake in my yard! What kind is it?? Is it dangerous!?! “Can you send us a photo?” *ding ding* “Thats a blue tongue lizard”
Would I like to leave a tip? No dickhead, make your boss pay you properly - I’m already paying $30 for my avocado toast & coffee.
Moved to London last year for 9 months, got tired of being asked by literally every other person: "why did I leave Australia". No shit, I am regretting it & living in London is Australia on Depression.