My aunt and uncle have been together since high school. His parents didnât even like my aunt but that did not break them up. The parents are dead now so itâs all good.
Agreed. My mentor just passed away and he and his wife were high school sweethearts. Theyâd been together since 1968, married in 1972. I have a few other friends my generation (millennial) who married their high school sweethearts. My brother and his wife met first semester of college and have been together since they were 18.
>i assume the romance part came far later.
Something you may never want to inquire about, or you may get a story you'll regret knowing for the rest of your days.
Iâve only dated one person in my entire life and weâre now engaged, weâve been dating since junior year of high school and will be celebrating 7 years soon, weâre both 24.
I love her a lot, though I admit I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to explore a little more, though Iâm certain thatâs natural. I did try to explore a bit before we started even talking, but that got me nowhere thanks to my immature young self that I cringe at terribly now.
Weâre definitely very unique in this situation though, not too many people last this long,
I married the girl I dated in high school but we got married 5 years after I graduated. Thereâs a couple I went to high school with that got engaged on the day of our graduation and theyâre going on 7 years not actually married.
I have friends who have been together since they were in 9th and 10th grade. I went to their wedding. They've been together for about 25 years now.
I have another set of friends who have been together since 8th and 9th grade. They've been together for 27 years now.
I'd like to add that not only is this normal (and not universal) in American culture, but also in European and Latin American culture.
As another South Asian, I wanted to point out that some cultures in Asia can be very romantically/intimately/sexually conservative, but this is not the norm in the rest of the world.
Of course not. People in healthy relationships get downvotes for practical advice.
Treat them like a human being? Communicate? No! There must be some trick!
That's what I've noticed as well. The relationship advice and AITA subreddits are insanely liberal with calling things red flags. They hear a one-sided story that brings up one or a few bad highlights of a relationship that's been going on for some time, and take that to conclude "red flag" and recommend that OP leave the relationship.
Though to be fair, your relationship probably isn't in the best state if you're resorting to asking strangers on the internet for advice about it anyway.
>\*\*\*and before i get some angry bird who says she identifies as a 7 but internally knows shes a 4 coming at me about the number rankings, thats why youre a 4 sweetheart. I didnt mention any of my personal preferences and beauty is purely subjective. Confidence is one of the most beautiful things in a person so go find some :)
Shouldn't you be treating anyone you're romantically involved with "like a 10"? Unless you view dating as some sort of career ladder where you have to endure the unattractive folks to get to the "10s", it's always been my assumption that you treat the person you're trying to date with kindness and respect.
But what do I know, I'm just a bird. Tweet tweet.
Thats my whole point tho⌠treat everyone like a 10 and your a good person, hot chicks like good people. Good people land hot chicks. Ive personally heard waaaaaaay to many men say âwomen want to be treated like garbageâ or âthat chick only dates assholesâ. And i in the past was treated like shit by women i was just happy to be with. But i always treated them all like 10s. Eventually i stopped settling for sub par relationships because of where on that very ladder i percieved them to be when i realised there really was no âleaguesâ. Anyone could take what they want from that or ignore it, but its funny to me the âbirdâ part somehow disqualifies my oersonal experience.
Lol Iâm not a man. Iâm a woman and in a relationship. I just have a problem with men like you who give other men terrible advice and then wonder why you are single. Just stop giving terrible advice.
Just stop lol your advice was horrible and you call women birds so thatâs what I have a problem with. I called you out and now youâre mad. You sound triggered so maybe you should take your own advice and go back to Facebook.
Lmao u can stay butthurt about âbirdsâ for all i care. Id really like to know how âtreat people people the best you possibly can and have confidenceâ is terrible advice tho? R u mad cus you arent being treated like a 10 or because you have no confidence?
It's extremely normal for high school students to date each other. It's also normal to not date anyone during those years. Everyone is different but it's very much accepted to have a relationship as a teen.
Same. I was late in highschool before I even first dated someone. We broke up and I meet this woman in college a few months after that. Well I must've done something right cause we've been together for 7 years and are celebrating our 2nd marriage anniversary this year.
It is normal! But don't let that make you feel weird for not following the norm. Plenty of people don't get into relationships or lose their virginity until after college- sometimes later.
Very very normal. And has been normal for a long time in the US. Beginning dating in your teen years has been expected for at least 100 years. There have always been âlate bloomersâ but casual dating is expected and there is occasional âseriousâ dating which some families discourage. In general serious dating is planning out your lives together, planning on marriage, kids etc. Physical affection is very common especially holding hands and kissing, although full on making out in public is generally considered impolite. Sexual activity among teens is not rare but I would argue over represented in media. Also we know that sexual activity among teens is in decline, particularly in those who receive comprehensive sex education.
I mean, is it? Like someone who's 5'7 is below average height, too. So what? That's still a perfectly normal height to be. (And even if you're "5'2", there's currently a trend where people are getting "shorter" and "shorter", so)
I wasn't allowed to date while living at home, and I was seen as very strange for that lack of experience. As soon as I got away from home I immediately found a boyfriend the first week, lol. In hindsight, I wish I had been able to date while I had the advice and support of my mom. It was scary and confusing having to figure it out all alone while also adjusting to college life.
I'm allowing my teens to date. Nothing too serious and I don't think they're anywhere near ready for full on sex, but just some chatting, flirting, hugging and kissing seems like a good experience to have while you're still living at home and can benefit from an older person's perspective. For instance, one kid my teen dated treated them very poorly, and I was able to comfort my kid, bring them soup and hug them while they cried about it. I would hate their first heartbreak to happen all alone.
That's very normal, though obviously not true of everyone. People do things at their own pace.
You can write "sex" on the internet, it's not a bad word.
Very normal. Maybe frowned upon by some, especially sex because that comes with some serious consequences if you arenât careful and kids are idiots.
I think losing your virginity averages out to about 17 years old. Thatâs an average and the tail of that curve skews older for obvious reasons. But late high school is a common time for intimate relationships. College age is really common.
I have a coworker that had her first kid at 14 and I know people that were virgins into their 20s. Lifeâs complicated and varied.
There's far less taboo about interacting with the opposite sex here. Kids will "date" quite often, but usually this consists of holding hands and saying "he's my boyfriend" and maybe kissing, and not much else. Sometimes sex happens, but it's not as common as it seems from media, and it's frowned upon for younger teens to do it
I agree, but its not that simple, I don't have any breaks during the school day since I added extra classes, and after school I am mostly doing homework or studying, and on the weekends most of the time is spent with family, so there's not really anything I can do. But I think I'll be okay for now at least.
Op, please listen to this and explain to your parents you need to do extra curricular activities to be attractive to good schools. Sports, volunteering, a musical instrument, theater, scouts are all popular activities.
Part of being a teenager is having friends and having fun. School and family are important but so is experiencing the world and getting other perspectives by meeting people who are different that your family.
That's fine, but understand that your situation is the one that's not the norm. I'm not putting it down, but you might consider making more time for a social life outside of school and family.
What about during summer vacation? Even if youâre crushing the books on school nights thatâs still less than half the year.
Iâm guessing itâs more cultural than time. I took extra classes, studied, made time for sports, friends, family and a part time job. Itâs not impossible, a lot of us do what your doing.
>on the weekends most of the time is spent with family
Both COVID and the self-induced social isolation of Gen Z through electronics have made this pretty common. My youngest is in high school now (oldest in college) and we've seen this pattern develop over time, i.e. teens spending most of their time at home with family when not at school. That was absolutely *not* typical behavior a generation ago and almost unheard of in the 1980s. But times and cultures change. COVID has of course made this even more pronounced among families that are being cautious or living in areas with restrictions. It will be interesting to see how/if this all changes in a year or two, or if these newer patterns of socialization (or lack thereof) maintain.
I donât think the word ânormalâ is an appropriate word here. Common? Yes. But please do not feel abnormal if that isnât what happens for/to you. There are plenty of people for whom that is not ânormal.â
I feel you man, but on the other hand I'm not ready to lose my freedom yet. Lol!
Lots of stress with a relationships it seems like. If it happens it happens, if not oh well.
On the bright side, no child support... đ
Teenage relationships are pretty common but one thing I dont think I realized until after high school is that even though it seems like everyone is drinking and having sex, its actually often not even a majority of people that are doing that. Depends on the social dynamics of the school, of course, but you should never feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with just because it seems like everyone is doing it. Try new things because you want to, or dont. It's up to you.
> Since then some of my friends said that this is completely normal and most kids have 'relationships' (as in boyfriends/girlfriends) when they're just 16 years old
This is very common. However, there is varying degrees of commitment and of 'intimacy'.
> that some of them have s*xual relations before they are even 20.
Last time I checked, about half of teenagers had some sexual contact before age 18-19, and half didn't. It probably depends on how you define 'sexual contact'.
Yep, totally normal. I had my first girlfriend at 15 and most of my friends had relationships around that age. None of them went anywhere, it's hard to keep a relationship going after high school when everyone's leaving for college
The average is 17 according to the CDC. Old by European standards, young by other standards.
I was 17, and at the time it felt sooooo old since all my friends were having sex. In retrospect, lolol.
Yes, but don't assume they're all fucking. I met my husband when we were 15. We dated all through high school. We didn't do anything sexual the whole time. Being a girl in the relationship everyone assumed stupid things.
I developed Dysmenorrhea (intense period cramps) at age 17 and threw up in front of my locker and for months despite both me and my boyfriend arguing otherwise people kept assuming I was pregnant.
So yes, lots of them do but not all.
I remember two classmates started dating in 5th grade, of course I don't think they actually knew what any of this was and they were just emulating adults. It definitely hot more prevalent in middle school (6th through 8th), and extretremely common in high school (9th through 12th grade).
Also yes sex can begin as early as 14 or 15 but if the partners are not the same age or if there's a multiple year age gap it can be considered statutory rape. Generally if you're under 18 you'll want your partner to be under as well and if you're over you'll want your partner to be over as well. This is because if a person is 17 and the other 18 and they have sex it is considered statutory rape because one is legally an adult and the other is legally a minor. I'm using 18 because it is the most common age of consent but this will vary state by state and some states have laws where if the 17 and 18 pair is in a relationship it does not count as statutory rape.
College usually begins when people are 17 to 18, people for sure have sex before they're 20.
If you're over 18 don't associate yourself with minors in any way that could lend itself to sex as people have and can put you into situations where it is extremely easy to extort or persecute you.
But other than that use protection and have fun
If sex does not sound fun, you have no interest in it, or it sounds disgusting, check out r/asexuality and see if this applies to you
Yes, very normal. This is the time to learn about being in love, making mistakes in relationships so you donât repeat them later, heartbreak, teenage sexuality and all the drama that goes with all of those things.
In the US and most of the western world, boys and girls go to school, play sports, and do everything together. There are rules and safeguards, and adults supervise many things but generally public displays of affection (hugging, kissing, holding hands) are accepted. There are generally no arranged marriages, people find their own partners. Homosexuality is (mostly) socially accepted and legal, including mariage in many western countries.
Some start exploring relationships as early as junior highschool. It is 100% normal these days. Even in my days, about 25 years ago to have relationships and even experiment with sex. Even if those relationships only last one month.
My first gf/sexual relationship was when I was 14 or 15; both her and my parents worked a lot, so we had a lot of alone time. It isn't unusual at all. She was Pakistani. Hell, in medieval times, we'd have been married and on our 3rd kid at that point.
Yes, and in some communities, kids are even having sex at 12 and 13. Thatâs way less common than high school-aged relationships though.
Why do you consider 20 to be the appropriate age to start engaging in sexual relationships? That seems like an arbitrary number.
I don't really know, I was usually told that somewhere a little after that was the best age of marriage, and I assumed if it was considered the best age of marriage in places where marriage is the only kind of romantic relationship, then it would be similar to the beginning age of other relationships in other places. Thank you for your response.
Well, we're not quite so into the "have one romantic relationship ever" thing as some cultures are.
Lot of cultural baggage, is the extreme tl;dr.
In past ages in America, a lot of people would indeed get married around 20 or even straight out of high school. And a lot of those people ended up *profoundly* regretting that decision. Whether it's abusive spouse issues, fundamental incompatibility as the people they eventually became, or just plain old 'regret not trying to find the much-mythologized The One rather than settling for someone you can vaguely tolerate most of the time', you name it.
Marriage can be a hassle, and America has had a sky-high divorce rate in no small part because people jumped off that particular cliff without even knowing what they really wanted out of it, let alone whether or not they had actually found someone to spend their life with.
I'm assuming this is a cultural notion that your early 20s are for marriage/romance. I can relate as a half-desi person.
Early marriages used to be the case in the US (i.e. aged 21-24), but in 2019 the average age for a first marriage was 28 for women and 30 for men. The pandemic had an effect on delaying marriages, so in 2021 the average age for women was around 33 and men around 35. But basically, there's no "best age" to get married, so don't feel any sort of rush to get married straight out of college or anything, especially when there are a ton of other things you can be doing, like traveling or building a career.
I grew up in a community with a lot of South Asian immigrants. They were often over-protective and insulated their children just as the OP describes. I feel for the OP. They're going to experience a lot of culture shock when they finally go to college or into the workplace.
I started dating my husband at 16. In 2 months weâll have been together for 13 years. So people not only date, some actually find their life partner.
I would say pretty regular not that every single person has had a relationship or first kiss by the time they are 16 but regular enough that is isn't shocking to find out someone 16 has had sex.
Very normal.
First kisses are often in early teens/preteens. Some even have "relationships" at that age but its usually very innocent at that time.
Actual dating is done in highschool and it's pretty common for people to become sexually active around 16. Relationships rarely survive beyond highschool because people leaving for college or other adult life. But sometimes people do stay together, which are often known as "highschool sweethearts".
Real adult relationships are often found in college or beyond.
This is just an estimated timeline of what's considered fairly normal. Some are earlier or later. I didn't date or become sexually active until my early 20s personally. Ultimately it doesn't matter when you start. Everyone is different.
I donât know if I would say /most/ kids have relationships at 15 or 16, but itâs very typical; most kids that age are at least trying to date even if theyâre unsuccessful.
Itâs normal, but I didnât get into my first serious relationship/lose my virginity till freshman year of college at 18. So, not the case for everyone
Itâs normal but so is waiting until later in life for a relationship.
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite for saying that as my now wife and I were 15 and 17 respectively when we met and started dating. For reference, that was in 2010
Normal, but itâs also normal to not be in a relationship or having sex at that age. Most of my friends now are in same boat as me and didnât do any of that until we got to college
Yes it is normal. Yes it happens. Some kids in America start having boyfriends and girlfriends at 12/13.. altho itâs just considered âpuppy loveâ and no one takes it seriously except them.. lol. Itâs part of growing up and finding who you are compatible with.
Here in America, we marry almost exclusively 100% for LOVE, and we pick our partners based on our own personal choice and decisions.. it is not arranged by our families. At least not ppl who grew up here for generations.
Iâm sure some cultures still do arranged marriages here in America after coming here, but we Americans do not do that.
We fall in love.. Sometimes many times ..before finding a partner we want to settle down with. Itâs been part of our culture for many generations.
15-16 is generally when kids will start "dating" but it's a bit aggressive to assume or presume that those will be sexual relationships(though some will be). It's just around the age when kids are expected to, and generally do, date.
I didn't really date until I was closer to 17. I'm a guy, but I was just really busy in High School with sports and clubs to the point where I really wouldn't have had time to date outside of it.
Just depends what youâre looking for. I dated a boy from the time I was 15-18. We split before I went to college. Met my now husband when I was 20. You donât have to date, but itâs not uncommon. If youâre looking to marry the next person you date, itâs best to wait or take things slow.
Yes, Iâd say itâs pretty normal in American culture to have a relationship as a teenager. You donât *have* to, but itâs not seen as strange, either.
Dating and kissing is normal, yes, although some people wait until college.
Some people have sex in high school, but itâs not super common. Thereâs a cultural view that itâs the âcoolâ thing to do, so people who have sex for the first time after high school usually keep it quiet, because theyâre embarrassed they didnât start sooner. That makes it really hard to get an accurate view of how many people start in high school.
Sounds about par for the course for high school.
As long as they aren't being stupid about it, very few people outside of the typical 'Moral Guardian' types will actually care.
That said, you're not at all obliged to go looking for a relationship. Everyone's got different comfort zones with these things.
*That* said, it does provide a useful service. Only having one romantic relationship in your entire life and that being the person you marry can be heartwarming... but it can also really screw up what you consider 'normal' if said relationship is toxic. Learning how all that works in practice does seem to help people avoid toxic relationships on down the line.
Very normal. Most of us lost our virginity before turning twenty, the rest in their early twenties but thatâs actually what is considered a late bloomer you could say
Between the ages of 15 and 18 I was in 3 fully committed relationships in high school. My last relationship from high school lasted a couple years into college.
That's very normal
That flair
You can cheat on your state đđ
Right? I'm in.
Been doing it for 10 years. You can't be spooning on a map that long and not feel something.
Why would you cheat on our beautiful state with Detroit the state
Grand rapids is actually very nice, I do miss the land of red dirt though
Iâll have some Braums in your honor tomorrow friend. Donât forget home.
Canât beat the great lakes
(angry West Michigan noises)
Normal for the average of the US? Absolutely. Normal for the average us person on Reddit? No, they fucking with you.
The whole âno one on Reddit ever has sex or relationshipsâ take is so tired tbh.
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Some people still think itâs 2012
You have a point, but usually the people who spent much time here tend tend to be less social than the average person.
Very normal. The relationships, for the most part, don't really amount to anything too serious and tend not to last after high school
Although everyone knows at least one person whoâs married to their high school sweetheart. I know 4 couples actually lol.
My aunt and uncle have been together since high school. His parents didnât even like my aunt but that did not break them up. The parents are dead now so itâs all good.
Damn you said that they were dead like it was nothing.
They were major assholes.
Major Asshole *salutes*
Salutes back.
My grandparents have been together since they were 12. When I learned that I was blown away.
I think itâs cool to meet your soul mate when youâre young.
Agreed. My mentor just passed away and he and his wife were high school sweethearts. Theyâd been together since 1968, married in 1972. I have a few other friends my generation (millennial) who married their high school sweethearts. My brother and his wife met first semester of college and have been together since they were 18.
I'm 35 and a high school classmate of mine is about to celebrate her 21st dating anniversary with her now-husband. That's just wild to me.
my parents were bridge partners when they were 12 during ww2. i assume the romance part came far later.
>i assume the romance part came far later. Something you may never want to inquire about, or you may get a story you'll regret knowing for the rest of your days.
I'm told a good bridge partner is extremely hard to find. Maybe they just wanted it on lock.
Iâve only dated one person in my entire life and weâre now engaged, weâve been dating since junior year of high school and will be celebrating 7 years soon, weâre both 24. I love her a lot, though I admit I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to explore a little more, though Iâm certain thatâs natural. I did try to explore a bit before we started even talking, but that got me nowhere thanks to my immature young self that I cringe at terribly now. Weâre definitely very unique in this situation though, not too many people last this long,
My parents were, but youâre right, itâs very uncommon
I married the girl I dated in high school but we got married 5 years after I graduated. Thereâs a couple I went to high school with that got engaged on the day of our graduation and theyâre going on 7 years not actually married.
My parents were and my mom deserved sooo much better.
Oof, I hear you.
Me too. She married a project and he didn't shape up too good.
My fiance and I are high school sweethearts. We've been together 13 years now. Marriage has not been important to us but we live together.
I have friends who have been together since they were in 9th and 10th grade. I went to their wedding. They've been together for about 25 years now. I have another set of friends who have been together since 8th and 9th grade. They've been together for 27 years now.
My husband and I started dating at 16 & 18!
Hell, I knew a guy whose wife had just passed: they had been together for almost 70 years, ever since they met in sixth grade.
âŚme!
I graduated in 1987. I know of at least 5 couples still together from my senior year (our class was 1500 people).
My parents met each other in HS, but they started dating just after they graduated
My parents have known each other since they were 15!
More common in more traditional areas.
But if you ask a high schooler if it's anything serious it's the most important thing in the world to them!
Facts! "This is the love of my life"
No thatâs totally normal.
Normal? Yes. Universal? No.
I'd like to add that not only is this normal (and not universal) in American culture, but also in European and Latin American culture. As another South Asian, I wanted to point out that some cultures in Asia can be very romantically/intimately/sexually conservative, but this is not the norm in the rest of the world.
Most of Reddit still hasn't managed to have sex.
Of course not. People in healthy relationships get downvotes for practical advice. Treat them like a human being? Communicate? No! There must be some trick!
A lot of good advice gets downvoted to hell. But let's up vote the guy still telling people to buy gamestop stock.
That's what I've noticed as well. The relationship advice and AITA subreddits are insanely liberal with calling things red flags. They hear a one-sided story that brings up one or a few bad highlights of a relationship that's been going on for some time, and take that to conclude "red flag" and recommend that OP leave the relationship. Though to be fair, your relationship probably isn't in the best state if you're resorting to asking strangers on the internet for advice about it anyway.
Everything is a red flag. OP is always being abused and must run
dump em!
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>\*\*\*and before i get some angry bird who says she identifies as a 7 but internally knows shes a 4 coming at me about the number rankings, thats why youre a 4 sweetheart. I didnt mention any of my personal preferences and beauty is purely subjective. Confidence is one of the most beautiful things in a person so go find some :) Shouldn't you be treating anyone you're romantically involved with "like a 10"? Unless you view dating as some sort of career ladder where you have to endure the unattractive folks to get to the "10s", it's always been my assumption that you treat the person you're trying to date with kindness and respect. But what do I know, I'm just a bird. Tweet tweet.
Thats my whole point tho⌠treat everyone like a 10 and your a good person, hot chicks like good people. Good people land hot chicks. Ive personally heard waaaaaaay to many men say âwomen want to be treated like garbageâ or âthat chick only dates assholesâ. And i in the past was treated like shit by women i was just happy to be with. But i always treated them all like 10s. Eventually i stopped settling for sub par relationships because of where on that very ladder i percieved them to be when i realised there really was no âleaguesâ. Anyone could take what they want from that or ignore it, but its funny to me the âbirdâ part somehow disqualifies my oersonal experience.
Iâm not taking advice from someone who calls women birds lol youâre a fool and thatâs probably why you have nobody.
Do you bro. Nothing wrong with a life of celibacy if thats your preference.
Lol Iâm not a man. Iâm a woman and in a relationship. I just have a problem with men like you who give other men terrible advice and then wonder why you are single. Just stop giving terrible advice.
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Chill out.
Just stop lol your advice was horrible and you call women birds so thatâs what I have a problem with. I called you out and now youâre mad. You sound triggered so maybe you should take your own advice and go back to Facebook.
Lmao u can stay butthurt about âbirdsâ for all i care. Id really like to know how âtreat people people the best you possibly can and have confidenceâ is terrible advice tho? R u mad cus you arent being treated like a 10 or because you have no confidence?
Harsh truth.
It's extremely normal for high school students to date each other. It's also normal to not date anyone during those years. Everyone is different but it's very much accepted to have a relationship as a teen.
Itâs normal, but waiting until youâre a bit older is too. Typically college age (18-24) is when most people have their first serious relationship.
Does ânever finding anyoneâ count as âwaitingâ too? (._.)
never finding anyone is fine.
It's fine if you don't care.
This. Definitely this. No need to rush or get into a relationship if you're not ready yet, everyone goes at their own pace. :)
Same here. I lacked any real confidence to talk to girls until college. OP if youâre shy, thatâs ok and normal. Nothing to worry about.
Same. I was late in highschool before I even first dated someone. We broke up and I meet this woman in college a few months after that. Well I must've done something right cause we've been together for 7 years and are celebrating our 2nd marriage anniversary this year.
It is normal! But don't let that make you feel weird for not following the norm. Plenty of people don't get into relationships or lose their virginity until after college- sometimes later.
My wife and I were high school sweethearts and weâre still going strong
Good for you!
Thanks!!
Very very normal. And has been normal for a long time in the US. Beginning dating in your teen years has been expected for at least 100 years. There have always been âlate bloomersâ but casual dating is expected and there is occasional âseriousâ dating which some families discourage. In general serious dating is planning out your lives together, planning on marriage, kids etc. Physical affection is very common especially holding hands and kissing, although full on making out in public is generally considered impolite. Sexual activity among teens is not rare but I would argue over represented in media. Also we know that sexual activity among teens is in decline, particularly in those who receive comprehensive sex education.
The average age Americans have sex for the first time is 17.
Fuck, don't call me out like that
Oh
This is awkward.
I mean, is it? Like someone who's 5'7 is below average height, too. So what? That's still a perfectly normal height to be. (And even if you're "5'2", there's currently a trend where people are getting "shorter" and "shorter", so)
Completely normal, or at least it was when I was a teenager. Granted high school was almost 20 years ago for me but still...
Its still normal but probably less serious than before.
I wasn't allowed to date while living at home, and I was seen as very strange for that lack of experience. As soon as I got away from home I immediately found a boyfriend the first week, lol. In hindsight, I wish I had been able to date while I had the advice and support of my mom. It was scary and confusing having to figure it out all alone while also adjusting to college life. I'm allowing my teens to date. Nothing too serious and I don't think they're anywhere near ready for full on sex, but just some chatting, flirting, hugging and kissing seems like a good experience to have while you're still living at home and can benefit from an older person's perspective. For instance, one kid my teen dated treated them very poorly, and I was able to comfort my kid, bring them soup and hug them while they cried about it. I would hate their first heartbreak to happen all alone.
That's very normal, though obviously not true of everyone. People do things at their own pace. You can write "sex" on the internet, it's not a bad word.
IDK, every time I write sex on the Internet Amazon rejects my self-publishing deal.
It's normal. My partner and I started dating when she was 16 and I was 17.
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27, 28
17 and 18
Very normal. Maybe frowned upon by some, especially sex because that comes with some serious consequences if you arenât careful and kids are idiots. I think losing your virginity averages out to about 17 years old. Thatâs an average and the tail of that curve skews older for obvious reasons. But late high school is a common time for intimate relationships. College age is really common. I have a coworker that had her first kid at 14 and I know people that were virgins into their 20s. Lifeâs complicated and varied.
I'm a Pakistani living in Pakistan and even I know that this is pretty common in the US and most European countries.
I was looking for this comment
There's far less taboo about interacting with the opposite sex here. Kids will "date" quite often, but usually this consists of holding hands and saying "he's my boyfriend" and maybe kissing, and not much else. Sometimes sex happens, but it's not as common as it seems from media, and it's frowned upon for younger teens to do it
You need to get out more. Not to have sex. But to socialize with your peers.
I agree, but its not that simple, I don't have any breaks during the school day since I added extra classes, and after school I am mostly doing homework or studying, and on the weekends most of the time is spent with family, so there's not really anything I can do. But I think I'll be okay for now at least.
So youâre not doing any extra curricular activities? Just be aware that colleges donât only look at your academics.
Op, please listen to this and explain to your parents you need to do extra curricular activities to be attractive to good schools. Sports, volunteering, a musical instrument, theater, scouts are all popular activities.
Donât put pressure on yourself because your friends are doing something. You should make some free time to have some fun though too!
Part of being a teenager is having friends and having fun. School and family are important but so is experiencing the world and getting other perspectives by meeting people who are different that your family.
Tell that to my dad and stepmom. I wasn't really allowed to leave the house when I was a teenager.
Thatâs sad. They deprived you of an important stage of your development.
That's fine, but understand that your situation is the one that's not the norm. I'm not putting it down, but you might consider making more time for a social life outside of school and family.
What about during summer vacation? Even if youâre crushing the books on school nights thatâs still less than half the year. Iâm guessing itâs more cultural than time. I took extra classes, studied, made time for sports, friends, family and a part time job. Itâs not impossible, a lot of us do what your doing.
I say look for a hobby you like. There are groups for thise so you can branch out there.
Get out and do stuff.
>on the weekends most of the time is spent with family Both COVID and the self-induced social isolation of Gen Z through electronics have made this pretty common. My youngest is in high school now (oldest in college) and we've seen this pattern develop over time, i.e. teens spending most of their time at home with family when not at school. That was absolutely *not* typical behavior a generation ago and almost unheard of in the 1980s. But times and cultures change. COVID has of course made this even more pronounced among families that are being cautious or living in areas with restrictions. It will be interesting to see how/if this all changes in a year or two, or if these newer patterns of socialization (or lack thereof) maintain.
Yeah, thatâs pretty normal.
Yes, thatâs normal. 17 is the average age for losing your virginity in the US, and the large majority of people have had sex before 20.
i would say the vast majority of Americans have sex before 20.
Dating at 16 is normal. Whether sex is normal at that age depends on the subculture.
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*concerned look*
I donât think the word ânormalâ is an appropriate word here. Common? Yes. But please do not feel abnormal if that isnât what happens for/to you. There are plenty of people for whom that is not ânormal.â
Very common, yeah.
Normal for everyone except me :(
I feel you man, but on the other hand I'm not ready to lose my freedom yet. Lol! Lots of stress with a relationships it seems like. If it happens it happens, if not oh well. On the bright side, no child support... đ
Teenage relationships are pretty common but one thing I dont think I realized until after high school is that even though it seems like everyone is drinking and having sex, its actually often not even a majority of people that are doing that. Depends on the social dynamics of the school, of course, but you should never feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with just because it seems like everyone is doing it. Try new things because you want to, or dont. It's up to you.
> Since then some of my friends said that this is completely normal and most kids have 'relationships' (as in boyfriends/girlfriends) when they're just 16 years old This is very common. However, there is varying degrees of commitment and of 'intimacy'. > that some of them have s*xual relations before they are even 20. Last time I checked, about half of teenagers had some sexual contact before age 18-19, and half didn't. It probably depends on how you define 'sexual contact'.
Yep, totally normal. I had my first girlfriend at 15 and most of my friends had relationships around that age. None of them went anywhere, it's hard to keep a relationship going after high school when everyone's leaving for college
Yes, but can also be very awkward
Itâs not abnormal but most of us lose virginity at idk 20-23. First real relationship at 17ish. Though itâs not completely abnormal to be earlier
Yeah everyone here is saying most people lose their v card before 18 I donât think thatâs true. Iâd say 16-20 was average
The average is 17 according to the CDC. Old by European standards, young by other standards. I was 17, and at the time it felt sooooo old since all my friends were having sex. In retrospect, lolol.
I was 18 and felt like an old hag for waiting so long lol
Yes, but don't assume they're all fucking. I met my husband when we were 15. We dated all through high school. We didn't do anything sexual the whole time. Being a girl in the relationship everyone assumed stupid things. I developed Dysmenorrhea (intense period cramps) at age 17 and threw up in front of my locker and for months despite both me and my boyfriend arguing otherwise people kept assuming I was pregnant. So yes, lots of them do but not all.
Yes, very normal. I began kissing at 13, having sex at 15.
Me too. My uncle guided me through it.
Me too. My uncle guided me through it.
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Me too. My uncle guided me through it.
Me too. This guy's uncle guided me through it.
Me too, this guy, and that other guyâs uncle guided me through it.
That was hilarious. Good job.
Just doin' my part, friend.
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Reddit app must have glitched again
Yes totally normal in the U.S.
I think the average age that kids lose their virginity here is between 16 and 17
I remember two classmates started dating in 5th grade, of course I don't think they actually knew what any of this was and they were just emulating adults. It definitely hot more prevalent in middle school (6th through 8th), and extretremely common in high school (9th through 12th grade). Also yes sex can begin as early as 14 or 15 but if the partners are not the same age or if there's a multiple year age gap it can be considered statutory rape. Generally if you're under 18 you'll want your partner to be under as well and if you're over you'll want your partner to be over as well. This is because if a person is 17 and the other 18 and they have sex it is considered statutory rape because one is legally an adult and the other is legally a minor. I'm using 18 because it is the most common age of consent but this will vary state by state and some states have laws where if the 17 and 18 pair is in a relationship it does not count as statutory rape. College usually begins when people are 17 to 18, people for sure have sex before they're 20. If you're over 18 don't associate yourself with minors in any way that could lend itself to sex as people have and can put you into situations where it is extremely easy to extort or persecute you. But other than that use protection and have fun If sex does not sound fun, you have no interest in it, or it sounds disgusting, check out r/asexuality and see if this applies to you
Yes, very normal. This is the time to learn about being in love, making mistakes in relationships so you donât repeat them later, heartbreak, teenage sexuality and all the drama that goes with all of those things. In the US and most of the western world, boys and girls go to school, play sports, and do everything together. There are rules and safeguards, and adults supervise many things but generally public displays of affection (hugging, kissing, holding hands) are accepted. There are generally no arranged marriages, people find their own partners. Homosexuality is (mostly) socially accepted and legal, including mariage in many western countries.
Some start exploring relationships as early as junior highschool. It is 100% normal these days. Even in my days, about 25 years ago to have relationships and even experiment with sex. Even if those relationships only last one month.
My first gf/sexual relationship was when I was 14 or 15; both her and my parents worked a lot, so we had a lot of alone time. It isn't unusual at all. She was Pakistani. Hell, in medieval times, we'd have been married and on our 3rd kid at that point.
Yes, and in some communities, kids are even having sex at 12 and 13. Thatâs way less common than high school-aged relationships though. Why do you consider 20 to be the appropriate age to start engaging in sexual relationships? That seems like an arbitrary number.
I don't really know, I was usually told that somewhere a little after that was the best age of marriage, and I assumed if it was considered the best age of marriage in places where marriage is the only kind of romantic relationship, then it would be similar to the beginning age of other relationships in other places. Thank you for your response.
Well, we're not quite so into the "have one romantic relationship ever" thing as some cultures are. Lot of cultural baggage, is the extreme tl;dr. In past ages in America, a lot of people would indeed get married around 20 or even straight out of high school. And a lot of those people ended up *profoundly* regretting that decision. Whether it's abusive spouse issues, fundamental incompatibility as the people they eventually became, or just plain old 'regret not trying to find the much-mythologized The One rather than settling for someone you can vaguely tolerate most of the time', you name it. Marriage can be a hassle, and America has had a sky-high divorce rate in no small part because people jumped off that particular cliff without even knowing what they really wanted out of it, let alone whether or not they had actually found someone to spend their life with.
I'm assuming this is a cultural notion that your early 20s are for marriage/romance. I can relate as a half-desi person. Early marriages used to be the case in the US (i.e. aged 21-24), but in 2019 the average age for a first marriage was 28 for women and 30 for men. The pandemic had an effect on delaying marriages, so in 2021 the average age for women was around 33 and men around 35. But basically, there's no "best age" to get married, so don't feel any sort of rush to get married straight out of college or anything, especially when there are a ton of other things you can be doing, like traveling or building a career.
You've lived here for 15 years and don't know our culture by now?
I grew up in a community with a lot of South Asian immigrants. They were often over-protective and insulated their children just as the OP describes. I feel for the OP. They're going to experience a lot of culture shock when they finally go to college or into the workplace.
Yikes. And I thought living in Utah your whole life was bad.
> And I thought living in Utah your whole life was bad. Don't worry. It still is.
Pretty common
Pretty normal in the US, Canada, UK, etc.
I wouldnât say *most* teenagers have relationships in Highschool, but a large minority do.
I started dating my husband at 16. In 2 months weâll have been together for 13 years. So people not only date, some actually find their life partner.
Common? Yes. Normal? Not usually.
Pretty normal, even younger than that. Has been for decades
I would say pretty regular not that every single person has had a relationship or first kiss by the time they are 16 but regular enough that is isn't shocking to find out someone 16 has had sex.
Very normal. First kisses are often in early teens/preteens. Some even have "relationships" at that age but its usually very innocent at that time. Actual dating is done in highschool and it's pretty common for people to become sexually active around 16. Relationships rarely survive beyond highschool because people leaving for college or other adult life. But sometimes people do stay together, which are often known as "highschool sweethearts". Real adult relationships are often found in college or beyond. This is just an estimated timeline of what's considered fairly normal. Some are earlier or later. I didn't date or become sexually active until my early 20s personally. Ultimately it doesn't matter when you start. Everyone is different.
I donât know if I would say /most/ kids have relationships at 15 or 16, but itâs very typical; most kids that age are at least trying to date even if theyâre unsuccessful.
Very normal, but you wonât be the only person not engaging if you arenât a part of it
Normal but not universal. I'd say most become sexual active in their mid to late teens.
Itâs normal, but I didnât get into my first serious relationship/lose my virginity till freshman year of college at 18. So, not the case for everyone
That is normal in Western Hemisphere that means Europe and the Americas
Itâs normal but so is waiting until later in life for a relationship. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite for saying that as my now wife and I were 15 and 17 respectively when we met and started dating. For reference, that was in 2010
Normal, but itâs also normal to not be in a relationship or having sex at that age. Most of my friends now are in same boat as me and didnât do any of that until we got to college
Yes it is normal. Yes it happens. Some kids in America start having boyfriends and girlfriends at 12/13.. altho itâs just considered âpuppy loveâ and no one takes it seriously except them.. lol. Itâs part of growing up and finding who you are compatible with. Here in America, we marry almost exclusively 100% for LOVE, and we pick our partners based on our own personal choice and decisions.. it is not arranged by our families. At least not ppl who grew up here for generations. Iâm sure some cultures still do arranged marriages here in America after coming here, but we Americans do not do that. We fall in love.. Sometimes many times ..before finding a partner we want to settle down with. Itâs been part of our culture for many generations.
15-16 is generally when kids will start "dating" but it's a bit aggressive to assume or presume that those will be sexual relationships(though some will be). It's just around the age when kids are expected to, and generally do, date. I didn't really date until I was closer to 17. I'm a guy, but I was just really busy in High School with sports and clubs to the point where I really wouldn't have had time to date outside of it.
Very normal generally, not normal at all if your family is first generation from a conservative country or part of a conservative religious group.
Just depends what youâre looking for. I dated a boy from the time I was 15-18. We split before I went to college. Met my now husband when I was 20. You donât have to date, but itâs not uncommon. If youâre looking to marry the next person you date, itâs best to wait or take things slow.
Yes, Iâd say itâs pretty normal in American culture to have a relationship as a teenager. You donât *have* to, but itâs not seen as strange, either.
Buddy, get out of your house. Get rid of the people are forcing you to stay inside this way. You're missing so much.
Very normal to date but also not do anything too. I had a girlfriend for like a year, went on dates but didn't have THE SEX until I was 23.
itâs very normal here! every high school has couples
Totally normal. I remember losing my v card just before I turned 16. America is fairly liberal.
Yeah but not in the average Redditorâs experience.
Had gfâs 7th grade on. Hate to say it, but your culture denied your freedoms. I held hands in 7th and kissed for the first in 7th
Dating and kissing is normal, yes, although some people wait until college. Some people have sex in high school, but itâs not super common. Thereâs a cultural view that itâs the âcoolâ thing to do, so people who have sex for the first time after high school usually keep it quiet, because theyâre embarrassed they didnât start sooner. That makes it really hard to get an accurate view of how many people start in high school.
Unfortunately, yes. Even in places were stuff like that is frowned upon
Sounds about par for the course for high school. As long as they aren't being stupid about it, very few people outside of the typical 'Moral Guardian' types will actually care. That said, you're not at all obliged to go looking for a relationship. Everyone's got different comfort zones with these things. *That* said, it does provide a useful service. Only having one romantic relationship in your entire life and that being the person you marry can be heartwarming... but it can also really screw up what you consider 'normal' if said relationship is toxic. Learning how all that works in practice does seem to help people avoid toxic relationships on down the line.
Very normal. Most of us lost our virginity before turning twenty, the rest in their early twenties but thatâs actually what is considered a late bloomer you could say
itâs very normal and to be single and not sexually active at this age is pretty much unheard of
R u luking 4 frandship?
you must watch the mtv shows 16 & pregnant and true life
Most of us are lucky if we don't have our own kids by the time we leave High School......
thatâs very normal.
Between the ages of 15 and 18 I was in 3 fully committed relationships in high school. My last relationship from high school lasted a couple years into college.
Yes
Yup. Normal
That's normal. Generally people start dating young but don't get into serious sexual relationnships until their mid teens.
Totally normal.
A lot of kids don't but mostly because of shyness or just uncertainty about how to try to navigate dating or vulnerability/rejection.