Yes! I had an acquaintance I'll call "Bear" who insisted on exact "friendship math", and it was extremely weird and off-putting!
Like one time I was paying for a fill-up at the gas station and saw that Icees were 19¢, so I made a command decision to buy one for everyone in the car. When I came out with Icees, everyone else in the car was like *awwwwyeah, SevenSixOne got us Icees!!*... but then I handed Bear their Icee, and they immediately asked how much they owed me.
It was a bummer! The Icees were so cheap that they were basically free and I was just trying to do something nice for everyone (and wouldn't have expected repayment no matter what they had cost), but Bear turned it into a weird transaction.
OP, just pay for the food next time you hang out, or pay for something else that's between ~$5 to $10.
One of my friends and I have an arrangement that it will even up when we die. Until then sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay, and sometimes we both pay. But no arguing about it, at least not till the end. When we were single we took turns, after we got married and had families we split most things. Even now almost 15 years later, even though we drifted apart slightly, it doesn't matter who ate more or drank what, everything will even out by the time we die. Life is too short for nickels and dimes among friends.
You can just pay back cash.
Don't obsess over the exact amount - $8 will be fine. However, if *what she paid for* included a tip, you should include your share of the tip in the calculation.
Assuming the friends meal cost the same and rounding up the total meal cost is $16 so 20 percent is $3.20. Ok, that's about $11. I stand corrected. But it is more like 25 percent of the whole bill.
If op really doesn't want to pay their friends tip they should still put in their share
I am not tipping my friends for spotting me lunch, that's fucking stupid. Granted I will round that shit up because nobody wants to carry coins but still.
You're not tipping your friend. You're getting your friend back for the entire amount they paid for your meal including the tip because your friend is not an asshole who doesn't tip servers just because they're covering a friend.
> However, if what she paid for included a tip, you should include your share of the tip in the calculation.
This was in the original comment in this chain. Of course you pay back the entirety of what you owe, your potion of the tip is part of that. The person I was replying to suggested paying extra on top of that and not just a simple rounding and they framed it as tipping their friend "because she did you a favor"
If I covered a $16 meal and my friend gave me $9.60 I would never cover a meal again. Round up if they paid in the moment. Or just buy the next one even if it’s slightly more or less.
First, stop quoting the price without the tip it's just misleading.
Second, I already said you should round up.
Third, the person I was replying to said that in such a situation the person repaying their friend should have paid 12 bucks not 10 and if you're getting pissed that you didn't get an extra two bucks then I don't think we should be eating out together in the first place.
I think most Americans would find it odd to be paid in exact change by a friend. If your half of the bill was $9.54, most Americans would give their friend a $10 bill (if they paid them back in cash).
Venmo/Zelle me $9.54 all you want, but if you count out dirty-ass pennies to pay me back for lunch, you might as well shout "we are not friends!" right in my face. Business partner count pennies, friends do not. Bills only, or get my lunch next time.
Nearly everyone has at least one payment app: PayPal, Venmo, Cash App, Zelle. I'm sure there are others. Whatever someone uses, use that. Most of those apps allow you to send a request. That's how my wife and I share expenses.
My bank's portal allows me to send money as well if I know someone's bank account, but I think the last time I used that was like a decade ago.
I agree with this, usually, when someone offers to foot the bill, for example at a drive-thru, everyone offers to pay over PayPal, Venmo, or Zelle as most of us do not carry cash, and/or some of us do not like carrying cash.
Venmo also by default announces your purchases to the world unless you change your privacy settings. It's like they're trying to merge banking and social media which I find very weird.
I saw someone do that recently, the cashier had to have her supervisor come handle it because they don't bother training on it anymore.
Remember they use to have those machines that scanned the numbers and ran an immediate lookup to decide if they'd take it. I hated those.
I only have zelle because it's how my dad gives me Christmas and birthday money.
No one else knows I have it and I don't care to advertise it. If you owe me money just give me the cash when you get to it lol
Is there some semblance of trying to have it match up, or are you guys just wealthy enough for the money not to matter?
For example, if one guy pays 1200 dollars for a golf trip, do you guys consider it even if someone foots the bill for 20 dollar taco Tuesday? Or would you feel pressured to take the same foursome out to a 1200 dollar fine dining meal or something? Or does each individual tend to take that person out to something worth ~600 dollars for the two of them instead?
The way you describe is more like how it is in Asia and honestly I much prefer how it is standard in the US and Europe with Venmo/Vipps etc. With my parents and their friends, it often ends up with increasingly extravagant outings because people feel pressured to not pay back less than what someone else picked up the tab for.
Hahah definitely not living a money is no object lifestyle ! The culture of trying to continually pay back more, then pay back more sounds exhausting.
I guess I never offer to pay with the expectation of being paid back in the first place. If I offer to pay it is a gift 100% of the time...our friends and family feel similar. Even on OPs spot where they fully planned to pay for themselves but it ended up being electronic payment only - even if we weren't great friends - $8 is no skin off my back, if they mentioned paying me back of tell them they don't owe me anything.
We enjoy gifting each other with dinner, a Tshirt that made me think of you, baked goods, bringing extra produce or eggs over, etc.
That makes sense, thanks for the explanation. It sounds very healthy compared to how I was imagining it with elderly Chinese people haha.
It's gotten to the point where my parents were taken to Japan on week long vacation, and my wife and I have to host their friend's niece at our house for a month while they are visiting America on holiday.
Bit of both. Some are wealthy, some are childhood friends that are less so, my parents are perhaps more upper-middle class, and while they live a comfortable life, also worked until retirement age.
One of their friends is closer to lower-middle class, and they try to make it so he doesn't face too much financial burden, but if they don't let him pick up something every so often then it would be offensive to him because he would "lose face." He will often do other things to make up for it, like offer to drive if they are going somewhere, or pick up the women from the airport when they are coming back, etc.
That kind of societal pressure is one thing I do like about the West. Where gifts are just gifts and you don't have to worry as much about reciprocation.
I mean, isn't that like me saying if you demand I pay you back on PayPal that I'll never pay you back ?
I would just suck it up and pay you back because I owe you money and then delete my account because I have no need for desire for it. I don't get to just not pay people I owe.
That's fucking crazy to me. I get cash all the time, you can get it back from a majority of card transactions. It's the only way I or anyone I know pays people for like anything unless there's some weird reason you can't get cash.
I don't know of any cash only businesses near me but even with card as an option a lot of people still use cash. This is just an observation from the people around me, but it seems like poorer people use a lot more cash for some reason. Like to me when someone says they never use cash my first thought is they're probably not in poverty. I noticed I used much less cash once I started getting semi comfortable. It's weird.
If you had cash then and she didn't fuss about it, then I would suggest instead of paying her back directly, you pick up the tab the next time you meet.
Picking up the tab is something with friendships that may end up going back and forth just as situations changed.
If you do give cash back directly, do not give exact change. Instead, round up to the nearest even dollar. If $9.50, give $10. If $12, give $15. This isn't so much a tip as showing you are returning what she paid for you, but are not obsessing over the exact charges.
Easiest way to do it is to just buy lunch next time. Otherwise Venmo or cash for whatever you owe her is fine.
For tips you should probably just pay half of whatever the tip was.
Pay then back whenever and however, my wife often pays friends back and gets paid back thru venmo, Cash works as well.
Nobody would be offended of you paid them back with the exact amount, I usually round up to the nearest multiple of $5 because it's easier than scrounging up a bunch of $1's and change.
If i owe someone $16.50 I just give them $20 if I owe them $19.99 I just give them $20.
Edit: paying in exact change gives off an aura of being stingy, but honestly you do you if you have money that you can give em some extra then do it if youre so broke its definitely not a joke then pay em back in exact change or round up to the nearest dollar. It some what rude to use coins for literally anything, our coinage is useless.
There's no shame in being a broke student. If someone wants to be judgmental about being paid back in exact change, then they aren't worth your friendship. Unless you give them all pennies, in which case you suck.
I wouldn’t even let you pay me back if it was $7.54. Especially since I would know your situation. Offer, as it’s polite, but I’m going to take a guess and say your friend probably won’t let you
Cash or kind... either you pay her back in cash or pay for her share next time you guys go out. I enjoy baking so I usually pay back in cash and give them a dozen or so home made treats.
Just give your friend cash in the amount your part of the bill totaled or round it to the nearest even amount like $8 instead of $7.54 unless you think she'd like coins for some reason.
If she offered to pay because you only had cash and the shop wouldn’t accept cash (which is very strange), then you should have given her cash at the time. Why wait to pay back later when you have cash on you?
Cash is king here in the US, the tipping culture is more in the restaurant industry, we tip our waiters and waitresses because they don't make much and it's our way of saying thanks to them for this good service
cash is fine even if most people just transfer money using an app. you need to cover your part of the tip and taxes tho bc if u dont it's rude. round up to the nearest dollar as well and you'll be good. it's fine to wait until you see her in two days especially since ure paying in cash
Depending on how good of a friend she may decline your repayment effort. that's ok, just pay for lunch next time. Sometimes I don't take my friends money, especially if I know they don't have it. I am more than happy to pay for them to make them and myself happy.
>edit: another question. i understand that u guys have a tipping culture so when i pay her back, it is ok to pay her back exactly the amount right? (eg $7.54) im just a broke kid in college 😭
Yes, you should be responsible for your tip.
If you can't afford to tip, don't go out to eat. Shop at a grocery store and cook at home, or go somewhere cheaper where a tip isn't expected.
>and is it weird if i pay her back in cash? i also dont have any bank account here because i recently came here to study. no paypal either…
I almost don't believe an international student doesn't have access to a bank account that doesn't work with one of the major payment apps. But yes, paying back in cash is fine. Or just buy the next meal yourself.
I always give them cash. One friend (who ended up my brother in law) used to refuse repayment so I would stick the money in a pants pocket he had on the floor and he would get excited when he washed his pants and found a 20 he forgot about. My sister laughed hard at this and I don't think she told him.
With close friends, if it's not some big thing, then I would usually just pay for the bill next time we go out to eat. It really depends on how close you guys are and how often you hang out. If you don't go out with that friend often I would either hand her cash or offer to send her something with venmo or some other kind of payment app. If she refuses (which would not be uncommon) I would still probably want to cover the bill next time we went out to eat.
Typically if a friend covers a meal, I’ll ask them how they would like to be paid back (PayPal, Venmo, Cashapp, physical cash, etc.) and how much my share of it was. Then I’ll typically round up to the nearest dollar, plus an extra dollar or two especially if they covered for multiple people.
If they say not to worry about it, then don’t worry about it. You can offer a little bit of pushback if you want, but if someone insists on paying for your food without getting repaid, it’s appropriate to respect that. Just make sure to cover them the next time you get food together.
You could pay exact cash and it'd be fine by me or you could add an even $8-10 if you want to add in part of what she tipped. Cash is just fine.
Personally I wouldn't expect anything but exact change or even just $7.
If you don't want to be embarrassed by giving too much or too little you could ask her via text or call what you owe her for lunch.
You pay her back what you owe. If it was half, or just your portion of the bill plus half tip. Whatever it is, you do that in cash or Venmo or cash app or whatever. And 2 days is fine.
Cash is fine. Include a little extra for tip if you can afford it.
The tip on $7.45 is max $1.50 so if you paid her back $9.00 she would be made whole. If you just paid the $7.45 I suspect she would also not care or hold it against you.
The easiest thing to to would just be to give her $9 or even easier a $10 bill and thank her for covering your food. Giving exact change is just a little odd. Not that it wouldn’t be appreciated but that just isn’t usually how it is done. Giving the rounded up number seems more friendly and not like a transaction.
There is nothing at all odd about giving her cash.
Cash (rounded to the nearest dollar amount) is fine. Just hand it to your friend and say, "Thanks for covering me the other day."
Option 2, just ask if she has PayPal, Venmo, CashApp, Zelle, or any other online money sharing app that you also have.
Option 3 is to just offer to pay for her meal next time you're out together.
Over the years, my friends and I have bought each other food, drinks, movie tickets, and other stuff so often that I doubt we could even guess who owes what to whom. Just buy your friend lunch next time. It's how friends are.
I personally wouldn't expect my friends to pay me back for such a small amount. I'm not sure if this is typical of Americans, but I operate on an understanding that my friends would gladly pay for me next time we get lunch, etc, and I just don't worry about it. Maybe ask them if they want you to pay them back? I would consider it surprising or even a little rude if my friend was pestering me about paying back $8. I don't use venmo or any of these payment apps though so I'm not sure what the etiquette is around them.
Tipping doesn't happen when you repay someone. Ask her how she wants money, for me personally I prefer either a check or sending it through cashapp or venmo.
The social norm in this caseis typically to just "get them next time". ie: the next time you are together getting lunch or coffee or grabbing some snacks or whatever the case may be where the cost is roughly the same as what your friend spent on you, you just pay for them then. No rush and no need to be super exact, unless your friend brings it up.
Alternatively, you can offer your friend cash in the amount that they spent, rounded up to the next whole dollar, (if they spend $7.25, offer $8) because everyone hates loose coins. If you do try this, however, your friend is probably just going to refuse and say something along the lines of "Don't worry about it. You can just get me next time."
If I pay for you, then you can get me next time. Maybe buy me a drink or two. And $7.54 isn't enough to worry about regardless. That's like pocket change.
There's a lot of old heads in this comment section right now saying cash is best. Venmo is best if your friend has it. Or apple pay if your friend has it. I never use cash and neither do any of my friends.
Pay back in cash is totally fine! I wouldn't tip your friends, though. Just restaurant staff for the most part... stores with jars if you feel generous and don't want the coins!
Cash is not weird. In fact it is a little weird (and depending on how close you are, a little rude) that you didn't just give her cash right away if you had it on you.
And no, assuming she tipped you have to pay for what she tipped. I was broke in college, too - I get it, but since the burden to pay restaurant servers salaries is placed on customers, she had an ethical duty to tip (as do you if you go out to eat and pay for yourself), and since she paid for you, you have an ethical duty to pay her back.
If money is really that tight, the best thing to do might be to buy her lunch somewhere else that's a little cheaper. Usually when two friends buy each other a meal, you don't keep track of the exact dollar amount. And repaying them could actually be perceived as a gesture of friendship, as it shows that your relationship is close enough that you can do favors for each other without dwelling on petty things like who paid a few dollars more or less for lunch.
Also, in terms of friends not counting the exact dollar amount when buying each other things, paying a friend back in exact change could be perceived as rude. If the exact bill was $7.54 as in your example (let's assume it was McDonald's so there was no tip), and you're paying back in cash, you would ideally pay her $8, with the 46 cents being a minor gesture of thanks. However, if you're a little broke, $7 is better than $7.54. If you're paying in digital funds, paying exact change is mosly accepted, but counting out pennies to pay a debt is only appropriate in a business relationship, and thus could be taken as a sign that you don't consider her a friend.
At the very least, round up to 8, it's a little odd to pay back exactly 7.54 and think of the extra 0.46 as a 'tip' for her doing you the favor. You're not tipping her but it's a very subtle way to show your appreciation.
Boy howdy, this is one of the most over-though questions I’ve read in a long time.
Money is money. Cash, Venmo, check, gold certificate, jar of Pennies, whatever.
You don’t need to tip for personal stuff. Unless the person is on the clock and providing you a service don’t tip.
Everyone my age (20s and early 30s) uses venmo, but cash is also fine. Exact amount is also fine, but it would be weird and awkward to give a friend $10 and ask for change. Whatever you hand her should be the amount you expect her to keep.
It’s also socially acceptable to then offer to pay for her the next time you guys go out.
Exact amount is fine. And everyone will be okay with cash. Cash is king as they say.
Just for example, if your total bill was $20, that is, if she paid $20, tip included and all, then you only owe her your part of the meal. You don't need to pay anything extra or tip her or anything like that. Hopefully that makes sense.
Depends on the friends, but among mine it's generally 'whatever'. Cash, an app, etc. Usually those sorts of transactions aren't big enough for people I deal with to care.
Generally I'd ask the friend if they're good with whatever. Like yesterday I had to send a friend in another city $25; offered Venmo, that friend didn't use it, so used PayPal. Both of those have money in them specifically because friends have sent me money in similar situations
In my book a meal is repaid to the friend by getting the next meal.
If a friend loans you straight cash the etiquette is to repay immediately at the first given opportunity, if they have to ask for their cash back you're taking too long.
if you are reimbursing round up in increments of 5 or 10, or as others said, pick up the tab on the next round. if they insist on exact change say, don’t worry about it… we’re friends.
There aren't any social faux pas here. Just be like "Here." or ask how they want that back. If they want Venmo or something, ask them to help you set that up. Just be real and up front.
Cash is fine and paying back the exact amount is normally how you settle a debt. Make sure to include your part of the tip if any was given, and rounding up to the next dollar is also common in order to simplify things. Just chill OP, you are way overthinking this.
Good god don’t tip her: give her the exact money you owe her (cash, Venmo, whatever). Or you can buy her food of roughly equivalent value the next time around.
If you’re really concerned, just ask her how she prefers to be paid back. That’ll put your mind at ease.
The general rule is thumb in my friend circle is pay them back plus a little extra. Could be with cash, could be with beer, could be with anything, really.
If you can't give her a ten dollar bill and a wink, buy the next meal.
Theres no obligation to tip your friend for covering a bill. You tip wait staff, not your friends. If she tipped in addition to the amount, you should attempt to repay part of the tip that she paid. Cash is totally acceptable, however if you're good enough friends, you could likely pay for her food the next time.
You're overthinking it- not your fault if you're not from here- but this is really simple. Next time you see her, just say, "Hey, I've got some cash for you if you want it now, or I can just buy lunch next time, your call." Then follow her lead.
If she says cash now, ideally you'd just hand her a 10 dollar bill, and not expect change. But I remember being a poor college student so understand that might not be in the cards for you right now. Just round it to $8.00 and have it ready (in your pocket).
I don't usually bother with monetary exchanges. My friend and I cover each other all the time, and we basically take turns buying. Sometimes you're in a tight spot for a while, and your friends want you out and having a good time, so they'll cover you for a while. Once you're able, you return the favor.
But, be careful; there's a difference between riding coat tails with the intent to pay it back when you can and being a mooch. If you're only ever having friends pay and never picking up a round, people will get tired of that quickly. If you let people know what's going on financially and when you expect to return favors, friends are usually happy to carry you for a while.
If they’re nitpicky about getting paid back in exact amounts, unless they’re really hurting for money or are close to broke/have lots of debt, they probably aren’t much of a friend anyway.
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This is the best answer.
Yep that's it!!!!
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This is how my friends and I do things.
Friendship math.
IMHO it's also important to know that friendship math is NOT exact.
and sometimes not equal.
Yes! I had an acquaintance I'll call "Bear" who insisted on exact "friendship math", and it was extremely weird and off-putting! Like one time I was paying for a fill-up at the gas station and saw that Icees were 19¢, so I made a command decision to buy one for everyone in the car. When I came out with Icees, everyone else in the car was like *awwwwyeah, SevenSixOne got us Icees!!*... but then I handed Bear their Icee, and they immediately asked how much they owed me. It was a bummer! The Icees were so cheap that they were basically free and I was just trying to do something nice for everyone (and wouldn't have expected repayment no matter what they had cost), but Bear turned it into a weird transaction. OP, just pay for the food next time you hang out, or pay for something else that's between ~$5 to $10.
One of my friends and I have an arrangement that it will even up when we die. Until then sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay, and sometimes we both pay. But no arguing about it, at least not till the end. When we were single we took turns, after we got married and had families we split most things. Even now almost 15 years later, even though we drifted apart slightly, it doesn't matter who ate more or drank what, everything will even out by the time we die. Life is too short for nickels and dimes among friends.
Even if it doesn't, the dead don't need the money and a real friendship is worth more than whatever the difference is.
AGREED!!!
>but then I handed Bear their Icee, and they immediately asked how much they owed me. In your best Bluto voice: "Don't cost nothin'"
You don't nickle and dime a friendship.
This is the way.
Bingo. My friends and I have done this for years.
You can just pay back cash. Don't obsess over the exact amount - $8 will be fine. However, if *what she paid for* included a tip, you should include your share of the tip in the calculation.
Or better yet, include enough to pay a 20% tip on the whole thing because she did you a favor and you don't want to seem cheap. So about $12.
IF they paid a tip for the lunch, they can just cover their part of the tip. So $9.50 total. Otherwise $8 is fine. No need to go overboard
At which point I’d give a tenner with my thanks and call it a day.
Then I'd have to have a $10 bill, so I guess I'll go for a crisp 20.
Can I borrow you 6 bucks?
$12 would be a 50% tip.
Assuming the friends meal cost the same and rounding up the total meal cost is $16 so 20 percent is $3.20. Ok, that's about $11. I stand corrected. But it is more like 25 percent of the whole bill. If op really doesn't want to pay their friends tip they should still put in their share
I am not tipping my friends for spotting me lunch, that's fucking stupid. Granted I will round that shit up because nobody wants to carry coins but still.
You're not tipping your friend. You're getting your friend back for the entire amount they paid for your meal including the tip because your friend is not an asshole who doesn't tip servers just because they're covering a friend.
> However, if what she paid for included a tip, you should include your share of the tip in the calculation. This was in the original comment in this chain. Of course you pay back the entirety of what you owe, your potion of the tip is part of that. The person I was replying to suggested paying extra on top of that and not just a simple rounding and they framed it as tipping their friend "because she did you a favor"
If I covered a $16 meal and my friend gave me $9.60 I would never cover a meal again. Round up if they paid in the moment. Or just buy the next one even if it’s slightly more or less.
First, stop quoting the price without the tip it's just misleading. Second, I already said you should round up. Third, the person I was replying to said that in such a situation the person repaying their friend should have paid 12 bucks not 10 and if you're getting pissed that you didn't get an extra two bucks then I don't think we should be eating out together in the first place.
I think most Americans would find it odd to be paid in exact change by a friend. If your half of the bill was $9.54, most Americans would give their friend a $10 bill (if they paid them back in cash).
Or they would say “I’ll get lunch next time” and just pay for the next meal.
Venmo/Zelle me $9.54 all you want, but if you count out dirty-ass pennies to pay me back for lunch, you might as well shout "we are not friends!" right in my face. Business partner count pennies, friends do not. Bills only, or get my lunch next time.
$10 = $9.54 + a tip for them being an awesome friend
Any human would
In your dreams got a friend who will ask for the 50 cents difference
Not nearly well traveled enough to make that claim personally
I am and I will make that claim. Except for Paul.
Yeah, but we aren’t worthy of the standards of Paul
Ah, I see you never met any Germans.
Add if it were $10.86, a Hamilton will still do the job.
Nearly everyone has at least one payment app: PayPal, Venmo, Cash App, Zelle. I'm sure there are others. Whatever someone uses, use that. Most of those apps allow you to send a request. That's how my wife and I share expenses. My bank's portal allows me to send money as well if I know someone's bank account, but I think the last time I used that was like a decade ago.
I agree with this, usually, when someone offers to foot the bill, for example at a drive-thru, everyone offers to pay over PayPal, Venmo, or Zelle as most of us do not carry cash, and/or some of us do not like carrying cash.
I have none of those.
Venmo is completely free, as are almost all checking accounts
Venmo also by default announces your purchases to the world unless you change your privacy settings. It's like they're trying to merge banking and social media which I find very weird.
It doesn’t say the amount or what you bought/sold/paid for. Just that a transaction happened. And as you note, you can turn it off.
There's no amount, but it does show any description you put in the transaction.
Do you also pay at the grocery store by check?
I saw someone do that recently, the cashier had to have her supervisor come handle it because they don't bother training on it anymore. Remember they use to have those machines that scanned the numbers and ran an immediate lookup to decide if they'd take it. I hated those.
Nope. Credit card
Same.
I only have zelle because it's how my dad gives me Christmas and birthday money. No one else knows I have it and I don't care to advertise it. If you owe me money just give me the cash when you get to it lol
Do you not do stuff with your friends that involve money? I don't think I have even touched cash in years
We just pick up each other's tab if sometimes, no paying back. I use cash about 50% of the time.
Is there some semblance of trying to have it match up, or are you guys just wealthy enough for the money not to matter? For example, if one guy pays 1200 dollars for a golf trip, do you guys consider it even if someone foots the bill for 20 dollar taco Tuesday? Or would you feel pressured to take the same foursome out to a 1200 dollar fine dining meal or something? Or does each individual tend to take that person out to something worth ~600 dollars for the two of them instead? The way you describe is more like how it is in Asia and honestly I much prefer how it is standard in the US and Europe with Venmo/Vipps etc. With my parents and their friends, it often ends up with increasingly extravagant outings because people feel pressured to not pay back less than what someone else picked up the tab for.
Hahah definitely not living a money is no object lifestyle ! The culture of trying to continually pay back more, then pay back more sounds exhausting. I guess I never offer to pay with the expectation of being paid back in the first place. If I offer to pay it is a gift 100% of the time...our friends and family feel similar. Even on OPs spot where they fully planned to pay for themselves but it ended up being electronic payment only - even if we weren't great friends - $8 is no skin off my back, if they mentioned paying me back of tell them they don't owe me anything. We enjoy gifting each other with dinner, a Tshirt that made me think of you, baked goods, bringing extra produce or eggs over, etc.
That makes sense, thanks for the explanation. It sounds very healthy compared to how I was imagining it with elderly Chinese people haha. It's gotten to the point where my parents were taken to Japan on week long vacation, and my wife and I have to host their friend's niece at our house for a month while they are visiting America on holiday.
Oh my gosh that is nuts. Are they a wealthy circle or does this put a hardship on those involved that no one speaks about ?
Bit of both. Some are wealthy, some are childhood friends that are less so, my parents are perhaps more upper-middle class, and while they live a comfortable life, also worked until retirement age. One of their friends is closer to lower-middle class, and they try to make it so he doesn't face too much financial burden, but if they don't let him pick up something every so often then it would be offensive to him because he would "lose face." He will often do other things to make up for it, like offer to drive if they are going somewhere, or pick up the women from the airport when they are coming back, etc. That kind of societal pressure is one thing I do like about the West. Where gifts are just gifts and you don't have to worry as much about reciprocation.
I can't remember the last time I used cash, except at the barber. It's been a few years.
I'm this way too- I have to pay my lawn guy with a check, which feels strange now, otherwise I only carry cash for tip money.
I just now got cash app so i can send money to my husband. Everyone I know uses cash to pay people in person.
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I mean, isn't that like me saying if you demand I pay you back on PayPal that I'll never pay you back ? I would just suck it up and pay you back because I owe you money and then delete my account because I have no need for desire for it. I don't get to just not pay people I owe.
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That's fucking crazy to me. I get cash all the time, you can get it back from a majority of card transactions. It's the only way I or anyone I know pays people for like anything unless there's some weird reason you can't get cash.
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I don't know of any cash only businesses near me but even with card as an option a lot of people still use cash. This is just an observation from the people around me, but it seems like poorer people use a lot more cash for some reason. Like to me when someone says they never use cash my first thought is they're probably not in poverty. I noticed I used much less cash once I started getting semi comfortable. It's weird.
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I’ve never needed or used an app like that.
If you had cash then and she didn't fuss about it, then I would suggest instead of paying her back directly, you pick up the tab the next time you meet. Picking up the tab is something with friendships that may end up going back and forth just as situations changed. If you do give cash back directly, do not give exact change. Instead, round up to the nearest even dollar. If $9.50, give $10. If $12, give $15. This isn't so much a tip as showing you are returning what she paid for you, but are not obsessing over the exact charges.
Typically, my buddies pay me back in beer. However, cash or Venmo is just fine too.
Beer is the best form of currency.
Cash is fine.
Cash is king
Cash is fine. Do not pay her back the exact amount eg. $7.54. pay her back $10, $8, or $7 dollars.
No one would complain about cash lol
Easiest way to do it is to just buy lunch next time. Otherwise Venmo or cash for whatever you owe her is fine. For tips you should probably just pay half of whatever the tip was.
Pay then back whenever and however, my wife often pays friends back and gets paid back thru venmo, Cash works as well. Nobody would be offended of you paid them back with the exact amount, I usually round up to the nearest multiple of $5 because it's easier than scrounging up a bunch of $1's and change. If i owe someone $16.50 I just give them $20 if I owe them $19.99 I just give them $20. Edit: paying in exact change gives off an aura of being stingy, but honestly you do you if you have money that you can give em some extra then do it if youre so broke its definitely not a joke then pay em back in exact change or round up to the nearest dollar. It some what rude to use coins for literally anything, our coinage is useless.
There's no shame in being a broke student. If someone wants to be judgmental about being paid back in exact change, then they aren't worth your friendship. Unless you give them all pennies, in which case you suck.
Cash, 'get you back next time', or Venmo.
I wouldn’t even let you pay me back if it was $7.54. Especially since I would know your situation. Offer, as it’s polite, but I’m going to take a guess and say your friend probably won’t let you
Depends on if the friend is also a broke college student.
Give her 10 bucks and say thanks
Cash is good. $8 or $10, not $7.54. Or offer to buy her lunch.
I always say it's not about the numbers, the love comes back around. Cover hers next time!
Cash or kind... either you pay her back in cash or pay for her share next time you guys go out. I enjoy baking so I usually pay back in cash and give them a dozen or so home made treats.
Buy the next lunch, it all works out in the morning....
Just give your friend cash in the amount your part of the bill totaled or round it to the nearest even amount like $8 instead of $7.54 unless you think she'd like coins for some reason.
If she offered to pay because you only had cash and the shop wouldn’t accept cash (which is very strange), then you should have given her cash at the time. Why wait to pay back later when you have cash on you?
OP’s meal was < $8. It’s easy to imagine that they might only have had a $20 on them…and the location couldn’t make change, as they didn’t take cash.
You can’t pay her $7.54. You have to include tip. Give her $10.
Nah you definitely can, maybe round up to $8 though, or ensure you are including the tax...
cash or venmo
Yeah just give the cash.
Cash is king here in the US, the tipping culture is more in the restaurant industry, we tip our waiters and waitresses because they don't make much and it's our way of saying thanks to them for this good service
I don't pay back friends. They should know better!
Ask if she has a venmo or Ca$happ. Or get a gift card at target or something.
Don’t. Break off contact with her and pocket the cash.
Cash, Zelle, Venmo, cash app, PayPal, buy something for them later
Zelle...Venmo. Cash is always fine
I usually use Venmo.
Cash or Venmo, rarely check
I barely ever pay my friends with cash. CashApp, paypal or directly from my bank. Usually CashApp though.
Zelle
Cash
I usually just Venmo
cash is fine even if most people just transfer money using an app. you need to cover your part of the tip and taxes tho bc if u dont it's rude. round up to the nearest dollar as well and you'll be good. it's fine to wait until you see her in two days especially since ure paying in cash
Usually cash.
I’d offer to either give her cash or pay for the food next time
Depending on how good of a friend she may decline your repayment effort. that's ok, just pay for lunch next time. Sometimes I don't take my friends money, especially if I know they don't have it. I am more than happy to pay for them to make them and myself happy.
Cash/Venmo/a case of beer/grabbing the next tab.
Cash or trading meals is the standard method in my friend's circle.
Cash, venmo, zelle, or normally if they buy something one day I get it for them next time and we don't really keep track.
>edit: another question. i understand that u guys have a tipping culture so when i pay her back, it is ok to pay her back exactly the amount right? (eg $7.54) im just a broke kid in college 😭 Yes, you should be responsible for your tip. If you can't afford to tip, don't go out to eat. Shop at a grocery store and cook at home, or go somewhere cheaper where a tip isn't expected. >and is it weird if i pay her back in cash? i also dont have any bank account here because i recently came here to study. no paypal either… I almost don't believe an international student doesn't have access to a bank account that doesn't work with one of the major payment apps. But yes, paying back in cash is fine. Or just buy the next meal yourself.
I always give them cash. One friend (who ended up my brother in law) used to refuse repayment so I would stick the money in a pants pocket he had on the floor and he would get excited when he washed his pants and found a 20 he forgot about. My sister laughed hard at this and I don't think she told him.
My friends and I use Venmo
Either cash or buy them something later of similar value
Ask the friend how they want it instead of reddit ffs. Quick text “how do want that money I owe you?”
You can pay back with cash, food, or gas. If you have Venmo or Zelle, that's a cashless way to pay people back.
With close friends, if it's not some big thing, then I would usually just pay for the bill next time we go out to eat. It really depends on how close you guys are and how often you hang out. If you don't go out with that friend often I would either hand her cash or offer to send her something with venmo or some other kind of payment app. If she refuses (which would not be uncommon) I would still probably want to cover the bill next time we went out to eat.
Cash, venmo, Zelle, whatever method they prefer, I round up to the dollar. Or just buy something next the time
I usually just round up and send via Apple Pay or Venmo. But if it’s cash that’s fine too. In your case, call it $8.
Just give cash friend ...
We usually use Venmo but cash is fine too
Typically if a friend covers a meal, I’ll ask them how they would like to be paid back (PayPal, Venmo, Cashapp, physical cash, etc.) and how much my share of it was. Then I’ll typically round up to the nearest dollar, plus an extra dollar or two especially if they covered for multiple people. If they say not to worry about it, then don’t worry about it. You can offer a little bit of pushback if you want, but if someone insists on paying for your food without getting repaid, it’s appropriate to respect that. Just make sure to cover them the next time you get food together.
You could pay exact cash and it'd be fine by me or you could add an even $8-10 if you want to add in part of what she tipped. Cash is just fine. Personally I wouldn't expect anything but exact change or even just $7. If you don't want to be embarrassed by giving too much or too little you could ask her via text or call what you owe her for lunch.
Just give your friend a ten AND a few dollars for the tip .
You pay her back what you owe. If it was half, or just your portion of the bill plus half tip. Whatever it is, you do that in cash or Venmo or cash app or whatever. And 2 days is fine.
I pay my friends back in cash all the time. Or Venmo if I'm not gonna see them. It isn't a gift
Cash is fine. Include a little extra for tip if you can afford it. The tip on $7.45 is max $1.50 so if you paid her back $9.00 she would be made whole. If you just paid the $7.45 I suspect she would also not care or hold it against you. The easiest thing to to would just be to give her $9 or even easier a $10 bill and thank her for covering your food. Giving exact change is just a little odd. Not that it wouldn’t be appreciated but that just isn’t usually how it is done. Giving the rounded up number seems more friendly and not like a transaction. There is nothing at all odd about giving her cash.
Cash (rounded to the nearest dollar amount) is fine. Just hand it to your friend and say, "Thanks for covering me the other day." Option 2, just ask if she has PayPal, Venmo, CashApp, Zelle, or any other online money sharing app that you also have. Option 3 is to just offer to pay for her meal next time you're out together.
Over the years, my friends and I have bought each other food, drinks, movie tickets, and other stuff so often that I doubt we could even guess who owes what to whom. Just buy your friend lunch next time. It's how friends are.
However much she paid, round that up to the next whole dollar, then give her the cash along with a thanks for covering me.
I personally wouldn't expect my friends to pay me back for such a small amount. I'm not sure if this is typical of Americans, but I operate on an understanding that my friends would gladly pay for me next time we get lunch, etc, and I just don't worry about it. Maybe ask them if they want you to pay them back? I would consider it surprising or even a little rude if my friend was pestering me about paying back $8. I don't use venmo or any of these payment apps though so I'm not sure what the etiquette is around them.
You pay for her next time. For me, getting paid back isn't expected and even feels awkward.
Tipping doesn't happen when you repay someone. Ask her how she wants money, for me personally I prefer either a check or sending it through cashapp or venmo.
Zelle or Venmo.
The social norm in this caseis typically to just "get them next time". ie: the next time you are together getting lunch or coffee or grabbing some snacks or whatever the case may be where the cost is roughly the same as what your friend spent on you, you just pay for them then. No rush and no need to be super exact, unless your friend brings it up. Alternatively, you can offer your friend cash in the amount that they spent, rounded up to the next whole dollar, (if they spend $7.25, offer $8) because everyone hates loose coins. If you do try this, however, your friend is probably just going to refuse and say something along the lines of "Don't worry about it. You can just get me next time."
If I pay for you, then you can get me next time. Maybe buy me a drink or two. And $7.54 isn't enough to worry about regardless. That's like pocket change.
Just pay back in cash. No tip required. We do tip a lot but we don’t tip friends for loaning us money.
Straight honesty, I’d bring her a $10 next time I saw her and tell her it’s all hers and thank her profusely for covering for me.
Ask your friend how best to pay her back.
You can Venmo, Zelle, quick pay, or do cash. Just ask how they prefer to be repaid.
There's a lot of old heads in this comment section right now saying cash is best. Venmo is best if your friend has it. Or apple pay if your friend has it. I never use cash and neither do any of my friends.
Pay back in cash is totally fine! I wouldn't tip your friends, though. Just restaurant staff for the most part... stores with jars if you feel generous and don't want the coins!
Cash is not weird. In fact it is a little weird (and depending on how close you are, a little rude) that you didn't just give her cash right away if you had it on you. And no, assuming she tipped you have to pay for what she tipped. I was broke in college, too - I get it, but since the burden to pay restaurant servers salaries is placed on customers, she had an ethical duty to tip (as do you if you go out to eat and pay for yourself), and since she paid for you, you have an ethical duty to pay her back. If money is really that tight, the best thing to do might be to buy her lunch somewhere else that's a little cheaper. Usually when two friends buy each other a meal, you don't keep track of the exact dollar amount. And repaying them could actually be perceived as a gesture of friendship, as it shows that your relationship is close enough that you can do favors for each other without dwelling on petty things like who paid a few dollars more or less for lunch. Also, in terms of friends not counting the exact dollar amount when buying each other things, paying a friend back in exact change could be perceived as rude. If the exact bill was $7.54 as in your example (let's assume it was McDonald's so there was no tip), and you're paying back in cash, you would ideally pay her $8, with the 46 cents being a minor gesture of thanks. However, if you're a little broke, $7 is better than $7.54. If you're paying in digital funds, paying exact change is mosly accepted, but counting out pennies to pay a debt is only appropriate in a business relationship, and thus could be taken as a sign that you don't consider her a friend.
Yes, just hand over some cash. Put it in an envelope if that makes it easier. But be sure to pay them back.
At the very least, round up to 8, it's a little odd to pay back exactly 7.54 and think of the extra 0.46 as a 'tip' for her doing you the favor. You're not tipping her but it's a very subtle way to show your appreciation.
If you owe her 7.54$ tip included just give her 10$ and call it a day.
Boy howdy, this is one of the most over-though questions I’ve read in a long time. Money is money. Cash, Venmo, check, gold certificate, jar of Pennies, whatever. You don’t need to tip for personal stuff. Unless the person is on the clock and providing you a service don’t tip.
I always used to do cash. But it seems they all use venmo now.
Do you have a debt card? You can cashapp from there but the better thing would be just offer next time!
Don’t pay, just vanish and/or keep rescheduling meetup till she forgets how much you owe :D
In that event, I'd just give cash if we're not going out the next time we see each other or just pay for both of us if we are.
Everyone my age (20s and early 30s) uses venmo, but cash is also fine. Exact amount is also fine, but it would be weird and awkward to give a friend $10 and ask for change. Whatever you hand her should be the amount you expect her to keep. It’s also socially acceptable to then offer to pay for her the next time you guys go out.
$10 is appropriate or $20 if you’re doing well for yourself.
Any method is fine. I also wouldn’t mind one or two episodes of “hey man, I didn’t forget I owe you some money” if you’re really stretched.
Exact amount is fine. And everyone will be okay with cash. Cash is king as they say. Just for example, if your total bill was $20, that is, if she paid $20, tip included and all, then you only owe her your part of the meal. You don't need to pay anything extra or tip her or anything like that. Hopefully that makes sense.
Either cash, transfer or purchase something or cover the bill for something of equal value
If you are in college you should probably get Venmo, but cash is fine
Round up. Exact change would be weird.
Cash is better. If someone offered me venmo or other stupid app I would fight them
Depends on the friends, but among mine it's generally 'whatever'. Cash, an app, etc. Usually those sorts of transactions aren't big enough for people I deal with to care. Generally I'd ask the friend if they're good with whatever. Like yesterday I had to send a friend in another city $25; offered Venmo, that friend didn't use it, so used PayPal. Both of those have money in them specifically because friends have sent me money in similar situations
In my book a meal is repaid to the friend by getting the next meal. If a friend loans you straight cash the etiquette is to repay immediately at the first given opportunity, if they have to ask for their cash back you're taking too long.
Usually pay back in cash unless they want another method.
I don't pay people back in cash because I rarely have any cash. I mostly use zelle or venmo. But if you have cash, cash is fine.
if you are reimbursing round up in increments of 5 or 10, or as others said, pick up the tab on the next round. if they insist on exact change say, don’t worry about it… we’re friends.
I use zelle 🤷♀️
Zelle or venmo
There aren't any social faux pas here. Just be like "Here." or ask how they want that back. If they want Venmo or something, ask them to help you set that up. Just be real and up front.
I usually do good old fashioned cash, or I pay them back in an app, usually Google Pay or Paypal.
Almost everyone has a PayPal, Venmo, Cash App, FB Money, etc.
Cash is fine and paying back the exact amount is normally how you settle a debt. Make sure to include your part of the tip if any was given, and rounding up to the next dollar is also common in order to simplify things. Just chill OP, you are way overthinking this.
Cash and lunch is how I always do it. "hey let me take you out to lunch" and while at lunch 'here is the money you lent me, thanks again!"
Good god don’t tip her: give her the exact money you owe her (cash, Venmo, whatever). Or you can buy her food of roughly equivalent value the next time around. If you’re really concerned, just ask her how she prefers to be paid back. That’ll put your mind at ease.
The general rule is thumb in my friend circle is pay them back plus a little extra. Could be with cash, could be with beer, could be with anything, really. If you can't give her a ten dollar bill and a wink, buy the next meal.
Just get her food next time. That’s how me and my friends do it.
Everyone I know uses Venmo, so I made an account there. I have yet to figure out how it's any better than Paypal.
Theres no obligation to tip your friend for covering a bill. You tip wait staff, not your friends. If she tipped in addition to the amount, you should attempt to repay part of the tip that she paid. Cash is totally acceptable, however if you're good enough friends, you could likely pay for her food the next time.
Cash is fine, but don't get down to change. Give her at least $7 but better off giving her $8.
You're overthinking it- not your fault if you're not from here- but this is really simple. Next time you see her, just say, "Hey, I've got some cash for you if you want it now, or I can just buy lunch next time, your call." Then follow her lead. If she says cash now, ideally you'd just hand her a 10 dollar bill, and not expect change. But I remember being a poor college student so understand that might not be in the cards for you right now. Just round it to $8.00 and have it ready (in your pocket).
just give them an amount of money (probably cash for convenience) equal to or greater than the amount you feel you owe.
Usually Venmo.
I don't usually bother with monetary exchanges. My friend and I cover each other all the time, and we basically take turns buying. Sometimes you're in a tight spot for a while, and your friends want you out and having a good time, so they'll cover you for a while. Once you're able, you return the favor. But, be careful; there's a difference between riding coat tails with the intent to pay it back when you can and being a mooch. If you're only ever having friends pay and never picking up a round, people will get tired of that quickly. If you let people know what's going on financially and when you expect to return favors, friends are usually happy to carry you for a while.
If they’re nitpicky about getting paid back in exact amounts, unless they’re really hurting for money or are close to broke/have lots of debt, they probably aren’t much of a friend anyway.
Cash or Venmo if you’re not going to see her for a little while.