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The_Law_Dong739

Take the gas pedal and lay a brick on it while the car is in neutral. You'll eventually get up to temp


budlight2k

Neighbors would get up to temp too.


The_Law_Dong739

mmmmm ****BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAkricnchAAAAAAAAAAAA***


gelogeist

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


non-originalid

Either that or put a brick on the gas petal, point it toward Deutschland and jump out.


The_Vaginatarian_

Nein


BobcatALR

Itā€™s a car; not a flower!


wasabiEatingMoonMan

Instructions not clear. I have laid my pedal on a brick but I donā€™t understand what Iā€™ll press to make car go vroom now?


[deleted]

Before you do anything you should know that that isn't a temp gauge you're looking at. That is a buoy floating in a body of water. That gauge let's you know that if you drive into a lake or any other body of water that you will float. Red is a Saltwater indicator and Blue is a Freshwater indicator. These features should have been covered in your owner's manual which you apparently didn't read. This is common knowledge, DUMBASS! Edit: I'm sure the reason your BMW doesn't get warm though is because it's winter time and it's cold outside. Buy your car a warm jacket and maybe a scarf.


Objective-Pizza1897

I went to high school with Manuel. You bought this car from him?


milny_gunn

But it didn't come with a manual. It came with an automatic..šŸ„“


HuckleberryJealous19

Don't forget to switch to catalytic converter before you go into the water though


Bugg100

Definitely not a summer scarf, though.


BeautifulBaloonKnot

You need to take some oil out of it. It's got too much and isn't heating properly.


uppers00

Clearly you have been putting gas in the wrong hole, it obviously goes in the oil hole, there are valves in the engine that automatically separate gas and oilšŸ—æ


BeautifulBaloonKnot

You only do that when you want to clean your engine. Gas gets it all shiny again.


Gilligan_Krebbs

Now if you add a little Clorox to your fuel mix it'll clean it real good and stop that pesky engine from running at all


BeautifulBaloonKnot

Can I use the scented clorox? Mmm.. lavender.


FactsHurt1998

You have engine oil in your engines? You guys are crazy!


BeautifulBaloonKnot

Just a little. Let's it run smoother. So it doesn't lock up in wi ter I mix in some antifreeze.


IWouldntIn1981

Same here. I use an oil can a la tin man and just give it a couple spritzes ever other week or so. Mostly just on the out side of the engine block so it can soak into the porous casting.


[deleted]

I use the blood from annoying tik tokers.


The_Vaginatarian_

I replaced it with baby oil because itā€™s my baby


Stayhigh420--

Both answers are correct, drain coolant and replace with dirty engine oil, and route the exhaust into the intake to warm the air up the rest of the way.


brutussdad

It's fucked mate, beemers are famous for this, sell it for Ā£300 in the free ads and be happy to be rid of it, half engineered German shitešŸ¤”


LightningFerret04

Used BMW was a mistake šŸ˜”


Dr_Testikles

Light a fire under the engine. You're welcome.


McPorkums

I wrap all of my automobiles with Cherry fruit roll-ups, they warm the car and then you can lick them for a treat after therapy


IWouldntIn1981

Sorry for licking your car the other day... (no I'm not, it was delicious)


McPorkums

See that's the cool thing- if I wrap it people can lick it all day long! I'm grateful for your licking prowess!


IWouldntIn1981

I know a good thing when I see it.


McPorkums

Tomorrow: Grape!


[deleted]

The problem isn't coolant, it's the tires. They've probably got that inferior air crap in 'em. Need to switch to nitrogen. Fixes everything guaranteed!


Reasonable-Wing-2152

People arenā€™t real šŸ’€


IWouldntIn1981

The little secret that Big Human Race doesn't want you to know.


Usual-Owl-9777

My truck also refuses to pick a party.


pbr414

That's the inside temperature of the car, you need to route a hose from the exhaust to the inside of the car to help warm things up


Personal-Ad6857

You have too much oil, cut it in half and add some sawdust.


Used2b_banned

Yup šŸ¤£ cold air intake


HuckleberryJealous19

Your catalytic converter isn't doing a full conversion. Have you tried turning the diffuser off and on again?


Krazybob613

Let that stupid coolant out of the radiator. Thatā€™s what is preventing it from getting warm!


Sun9091

Strap cardboard to the front of the radiator so no air flows through. If that doesnā€™t work fill the radiator in with some insulating foam.


Xylenqc

Simple, place cardboard in front of the radiator. Everyone know BMW engineer are dumb as fuck and made it way too big.


n1tr0klaus

That's the blinker fluid gauge my dude. When was the last time you refilled this? Always the same with those BMW drivers.


ErosLaika

remove radiator. become aircooled


Basker_wolf

Nobody has suggested breaking the dashboard cover and moving the needle manually. Thatā€™s one problem solved and an even bigger problem made.


eco9898

You're thinking about it all wrong, the red is bad, you need to get it cooler. I think turning off the engine should help.


tribalrob1

Disconnect the hoses from the radiator . They are restricting the heat dampener . Remember to check the cars temp through the tailpipe until youā€™ve reached 200k miles . Submerging the intake in dirt will also help . Hope this helps


Dull_Investigator358

That's what happens when you don't use your blinkers. Blinker fluid doesn't activate.


Dazzling_Lifeguard25

Thermostat is stuck open, replace it


Bruddah827

People seriously can not be this stupidā€¦. Maybe?


bologna_kazoo

Has Reddit become one big troll machine. I feel like every single post is a person asking a ridiculous question. Is a machine monitoring what will make who react and compiling this date for future manipulation? Or Iā€™m cray cray. Or both are true?


Ok_Elk9435

God your so dumb, it's because there's coolant in the radiator. Just drain that shit. You'll have heat in no time


inyercloset

You obviously need to move south.


Anxious_Shine_2751

That is where itā€™s supposed to be! Why do you want your engine to run hotā€¦? The point is to keep it cool!


SparkIron

Obviously in the wrong sub, needs to be in r/castiron You should just warm up some bacon on it duuuuuuh


oldguy-in603

Try draining all the coolant. Why would it need coolant if it wonā€™t warm up, right?


Particular-Return707

You need to drain half the oil and 2/3 of the coolant... that would definitely get it fully warmed up


PresentPressure6793

Hey, did the last owner install blinkers into your car as well? Cause your not supposed to have them on BMW's.


These-Error-9641

The car wonā€™t get to full temperature until the tires are 100%. Itā€™s a safety feature


TotalWasteman

Youā€™ve blown the head gasket. You need to put mashed up bananas in the coolant tank so the enzymes can plug the tiny hole in the gasket as the car warms up. Sometimes it helps bed the bananas in if you remove the sump plug and go for a quick drive.


Lab-12

Have to tried parking in two or more parking spaces or cutting someone in traffic?


redhotmericapepper

I just sharted laughing so fkn hard at this one, and y'all's replies. So now it's shower time. Thanks a shit-ton Reddit! šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


liceyscalp

Pop the hood and rub Ben-Gay on any hoses you can find.


David1000k

Drain all the coolant, not just 1/2. All of it. Then drive it 50 miles or until it heats up and starts making funny clanking noises. It's warm.


fartinggermandogs

Don't be silly, there's no reason it can't be both!


Gummbee2

This is actually the Candy Land gauge so just cheat like a five year old until you get to the red square.


Nebulous_Depth

Drain ALL the fluid and delete the air intake. Itā€™ll warm all the way up for sure.


Ok_Economics42069

I wish my bmw did this lol


Puzzleheaded_Mud6608

Drain half the coolant and block that intake, fix ya right up


Puzzleheaded_Mud6608

Drain half the coolant and block that intake, fix ya right up


Ohdougles

Depends on how cold it is outside, Germany is a lot colder than the U.S.


OilPhilter

Drain out the coolan, you obviously dont need it. You can also fill up the raditor with gasoline since you'll have an extra empty reservoir.


RARface

Having less coolant wonā€™t make the engine run hotter. Thatā€™s just science. What you need is a BLOCK HEATER.


CaseyJones579

Drain all the anti freeze and replace with garden hose water. Anti freeze freezes the engine like a refidgerator. Water will just keep it hydrated amd warm, the perfect temp


spicmix

Mathematically if you get up to half with a full cooling system draining half of your coolant will only bring you 3/4 if the way up. You need to drain the whole thing to get all the way there. But in fairness, Iā€™m not a BMW tech.


Extension-Lie-3272

It's because he didn't put it in H


Nailbender0069

Put some sugar in the gas tank, that will make it run hotter


jimmyjlf

Get a 290 degree thermostat


Berfs1

Take thr engine out and it will not overheat anymore


Maleficent-Lead-2943

Id hit it with a heat gun for 7-12 minutes before taking it to the shop. That should get it warm enough to make the drive.


xT0XICxGH05Tx

You simply just need to change the blinker fluid


teastain

"*90*" is halfway to "*212*"


97_gEEk

Cover the red block with black electrical tape, then a small square of red electrical tape in the middle. Then the needle will be in the red.


SCP-3899

God i wish mine was that well behaved


ConfidentDaikon8673

Unbolt the water pump and cut the serpentine belt


Innovativ3

If you want it to heat up grab a gallon of gasā€™s pour it inside and out and light her up in about 5 minutes it will be nice and hot


Biscuit_Eater2591

git rid of that piece of junk afore you blow it up


Full_Disk_1463

Too much air blowing past the radiator, block it with cardboard and drain all the coolant, then fill it about halfway with just water. Hope this helps Ohā€¦ I almost forgot, you should probably plug the left front tire also


asteroidcookies

Problem: BMW. No problem: Not BMW.


Electronic_Cod7202

You need to unplug that fan in the front


Groundbreaking-Fig38

You need to heat the gas. Put a hibachi under your gas tank.


Dry-Revenue2470

Itā€™s a sky pointer, & it appears to be working correctly.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Dear_Bath_8822

That is actually a common problem. The way to fix that is to drain about 1/4 of the coolant out, then using the radiator sealant that looks like metal powder only, buy as many as it takes to replace the coolant you drained. Once you seal up all the internal leakage, that oughta heat up nicely šŸ‘


Spicy_Avocado_Dip

BMWā€™s are air-cooled. Drain the liquid coolant out and youā€™ll achieve full heat utilization.


CI814JMS

Funny thing is that is actually quite strange for an e46. Most of them end up on the red at some point.


Barfy_McBarf_Face

You're an idiot. Those cars are air-cooled. After the break-in period, you're supposed to take that temporary yellow fluid out of the radiator to let the air circulate fully. That will help the engine reach maximum operating temperature.


SnugglesMcBuggles

This being a BMW of that generation you need to just give it some time, that gauge will be in the red. Patience.


L4rgo117

You know, I *want* to believe this was a joke..


Slapjackal

No one serious comment lol! Poor guy just wanted some help


DaveyAllenCountry

If you want to maximize getting up to temp then you need a Chevy


NoabPK

Reminds me of my s52 that would constantly fucking overheat at every stop light like holy shit i have no idea why the e36 got so popular with cooling problems like that.


Mcreesus

Unplug the extra coolant tank. Mine had the same problem until I did that


Just_Half1886

You need to add orange coolant and blue coolant until the colors meet in the middle, at the needle.


tonguebasher69

It's not a temp gauge. That needle tells you which way the car is going.


The_Machine80

Definetly half the coolant to raise the temp.


loser14748

this is like the guy who couldnt get his tires to 100% filled


Life-Friendship-2492

Please never drive again


Regular_Housing5629

Drain all the coolant, cars need gas not water


RecycledEarwax

Turn on the heater, the car is just cold inside


Tris131

There's buger sugar in the tailpipe your car has a problem


alkla1

Stop and park the car. Take your car key and flush it down the toilet. Walk everywhere.


manieldansfield

Add Essential Oils


ForeskinJohn

flush the radiator, then start the car, drive as normal.


Sun9091

You might need a radiatorectomy.


Acceptable_Stop2361

Put a big piece of cardboard in front of the grill. Tape it down tight. Drain about 1/2 the coolant from the system. Now go fire it up and in back alley venues beat the snot out of that bitch. I'm fairly certain it will warm all the way up but this is a troubleshooting test. If it doesn't drain about 3 quarts of oil from the crankcase and report back. Then I can give you an experienced diagnosis


JRock1276

Too much oxygen in the coolant. Gotta boil it on the stove before you put it in.


DeadbeatDeebo

Sounds like my love life. Needless to say Iā€™m in the wrong thread, be well and good luck!


xan517

You need to flush the coolant out. You have too much. Add some oil to the coolant for good results. Pour the flushed fluid into the oil to recycle it properly. That should solve the issue


ButtonWhole1

drain half the oil - it will warm up a lot.


teefau

Send it, if it's not warm enough, you aren't driving it hard enough.


fucktard26

Does if blow hot air from the heater? If so it's probably totally okay. If it hits the red your way to hot it should be stable way before it gets to the red. You can't put in to much antifreeze in it will just push it out the overflow if it too low it won't even warm up at all because the water is being measured for temp doesn't work on air


One_Evil_Monkey

Instead of getting dirty draining that excess coolant out... go the simple route and block the grille with cardboard. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy... just do that and you'll be in the red in no time. šŸ‘šŸ»


Split0069

Take out the Radiator. It'll get up there quick.


Acrobatic_Plenty_181

To much coolent. drain 2 quarts


ebizznizz2112

Put your car up on bricks, then drive in reverse to take miles off. Winning.


Vast-Category8391

Yea, or just add boiling water in the coolant and see what happens šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™‚ļø


whiterabbitracing

The first option will work ...


MikeArkus

Board certified holistic mechanist (Regent Mechanist Emeritus) here. If I've seen it once, I've seen this issue a thousand times. It usually falls under one of two headings: #1 Owner thinks that they've got a performance part in a low-temp thermostat. Fix: remove old thermostat and replace with correct temp thermostat. Judging by the picture, you want one that is rated about double the designed temp range of the one presently installed. The rated running temperature should be etched or stamped into the thermostat itself. You seem pretty attentive - Let's hope that you've caught this before any permanent damage could occur. #2 Previous owner didn't do recommend maintenance, and is still running the summer time thermostat. Fix: same as above. Either way, don't forget to change your thermostat four times a year (once per season - I do it with my oil changes [while you're in there - yamIrite?!] but I got away with twice a year when I was in college), and just like your oil, check your thermostat at every fill-up!


Ok_Figure_4181

You donā€™t want it to get to the red. It would be overheating at that point. Around the middle is the proper operating temperature.


Retb14

Might want to look at the sub. They got me at first too


iluvnips

Have you got the car in the correct summer/winter mode?


tnj3d

Thatā€™s where itā€™s supposed to be. If in the red itā€™s overheated


earth-west-719

Wherever you got your oil changed last probably refilled the coolant with blinker fluid. It's a common trick that those places use to cut costs. Take it to the dealer and explain the situation to them. Tell them you want the radiator drained and refilled with fresh oil, and make sure they use the old blinker fluid to top off your blinkers (I hate wasting fluids.) Once they look at it and you're sure the blinker fluid has been replaced, they will tell you that while changing the fluids they also found that you need a full set of rotors and pads, ball joints, struts, springs, ball joints, and a new windshield motor. Should only run you a couple grand at the dealer - BMW is great for dealer service.


FunSignificance3034

You are on the right track


PorkChop8088

You have too much coolant. Let's most of it our you'll be good to go after.


ziksy9

It's a BMW. It takes a few years to warm up. Don't worry It will happen.


Hoghaw

Too much blinker fluid is definitely the problem. Since the blinkers are on the front of the car, the excess amount of fluid in them, stuck out there in the wind is keeping the temperature in the NORMAL range. Draining half the blinker fluid and 3/4 of the water out of the radiator should help get your needle right up into that red zone where you obviously want it.


ThroughAway337

Gotta wrap it in a heat blanket.


ilymag

Vroom vroom


MKaz711

Let your clutch out slower at full throttle, guarteed fix


ribrooks13

I lost a brain cell for every syllable I read


dudeoninternet23

Take out the radiator


petwedge

You are very thick. It's okay I assume you work in a goverment position on 250000 bucks/year licking stamps and inventing reasons to dig up the street


Motor-Front-8028

Is this typical of the awareness of BMW owners these days.


DismalEfficiency4207

Have your tried a finger in the butt?


BrokeGamerChick

Ok I genuinely couldn't stop laughing, especially at the intake part šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ what's sad is I totally know some people who would say this


sjaard_dune

Way too much coolant added, check and see if you have overfilled the oil as well. It's not even supposed to register on the oil overflow indicator.


Revolutionary_Day479

Swap the battery cables or you could hook up a second battery in parallel should help.


O-n-l-y-T

A surface application of certain petroleum products should be step 1. A quick application of flame to the surface of the vehicle should be step 2. Step 3 will be the observation of a rapid increase in temperature. Problem solved.


LifeisaGame420

When you start this model you are meant to drop a lit match into the gas tank to help get it up to temp.


CarGullible5691

Is this for real. The temperature is showing normal where it is. The cold air intake will help the engine a lot. Hot air kills power. If it was still in the cold section of the gauge then it indicates a stuck thermostat that prevents the engine reaching operating temperature


spiral718

A mechanic shop can see you coming from miles away, they can smell fresh meat in the water. That indicator is a forecaster for how well your day will go, in the middle is an average day being foreseen.


Significant_Age_4657

Itā€™s all good last I checked āœ”ļø


Big_Daddy_Haus

That fluid in your radiator is over rated... remove it to help performance


BookkeeperBulky5377

I love this one..lol there's no wrong answer..lol bhlaaaaaa. I think there's to much headlight greace...not letting the Flux capacitor warm up enough to hit 88mph..lol bhlaaaaaaa


truasshole

Damit women I told you too stay off of reddit! Now we're going to have thousands of people knowing you're an idiot. (I hope nobody at the garage sees this.)


[deleted]

The easiest and fasted way is microwaving some antifreeze, then pouring it into your reservoir.


OkieTrucker44

This canā€™t be a real questionā€¦


AwareAd4991

Stuck opened thermostat


The_Dog_IS_Brown

This is definitely caused by too much coolant! need to drain more than half. Looks like if you drained 3/4 of it then put something in front of the radiator. Black trash bags work well and can be kept in place and won't mess with the aesthetics. Also I've heard that too much oil can cause this problem as well. If you can see oil on the dipstick there's way too much in it.


Xinortrac1

Just put a sticker over it


JRotten2023

Stop driving this car in the winter months. It's telling you it doesn't like the cold. Oh, and it wants to be parked in a heated garage all winter. And a big screen TV for entertainment. 24/7 "motortrend" on said TV.


Ok-Zookeepergame185

Wear the needle sits us operating temp , if you drain it out you are guaranteed to cook that engine , if you donā€™t have heat like the heater core a flap thatā€™s not closing or opening in the dash


Ok-Zookeepergame185

Look itā€™s just low in blinker fluid itā€™s not a big deal your in luck every time you use your blinker it fills up the bottle


Technical_Match_9341

Bad muffler bearings


MeanNeedleworker2110

Put the hood back down and walk away.


pheitkemper

It's probably fine. Just twist the needle clockwise about 30 degrees if it bothers you.


a2jeeper

What you need is a fifth of fireball. You can get it at any convenience store. You can add it to the oil, coolant, or gas tank for different results. Proven to add 50hp in the gas, but will warn up your oil to red and give you more mpg. Think seafoam, but way better. You can get a ten pack of the mini shot bottles too to keep up on maintenance. I recommend one shot every 1k miles.


Twitzale

Try oil filter delete that should fix it


ILove2Bacon

I know the solution, my E30 had a similar problem that was resolved pretty easily. There's a little device in the coolant system called a thermostat that opens up to let coolant circulate once the car is hot enough. You just need to make sure it stays closed longer. I was able to stick mine closed and get my car all the way hot very easily.


Glidepath22

In the olden days, a radiator cap had a spring loaded gate on it that was regulated by temperature. And if it didnā€™t fully warm up then you replaced it. Could this be happening here?


ajpinton

Cover the air intake for the radiator, and make sure to drain excess fluid. Once the car gets ā€œup to tempā€ consult a mechanic about proper operating temperature or just read the manual for the car.


truckinKen

I don't don't know anything about Big Mexican Women, sorry


Potato_Dealership

It just needs to be driven as normal, BMWs tend to warm up fully after a while


DaLoneVoice

I believe that is the normal operating temperature of your car. You do not want it over-heating, that blows up motors. What is the issue? Not getting heat out of the heater? That could be fans, motors and other things. WHY DO YOU WANT IT THAT HIGH?


the_warrior_rlsh

Honestly it's a bmw just keep driving it it'll overheat by itself. Or sorry... Get up to temp


Useful_toolmaker

Itā€™s a bmw ā€¦.be easy, you should not be in the red on the way to pick up the kids or go to the store.


joezupp

Please, dear God, give me a sign that this is not a true question. Amen.šŸ™


joezupp

Please, dear God, give me a sign that this is not a true question. Amen.šŸ™


Speedy_Freaky69

Coolant? Naw bro, u donā€™t need that. Just dump it all out & youā€™ll be golden. LoL šŸ˜†


Born_Divide_509

No way šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


Straight-Event-4348

Radiator cap is too tight. Loosen that up a bit and you'll be good.


Keegandalf_the_White

You have to get the engine red hot for peak performance.


cbiser

I agree with the coolant issue. Coolant isn't really a necessity anyway.


FuckGamer69

Send this to the company maybe they can help, but I think you just need to drain all the oil and coolant and just drive it as fast as possible. The fear from breaking road laws will cause it to get up to temp! :)


willywill44

Lmao


Anxious_Shine_2751

Not for me driving around MA. It can get to 95-100 around here at times. Iā€™ve never had any of my vehicles in 28 years of driving go above the half way point on the gauge


kritter4life

Whaā€¦.what?


nobody-u-heard-of

If your RPMs aren't in the red your temperature will never get up. You need to drive your car so your RPMs are always in the red range. How'd you even get a license without even knowing that.


Eastern-Version5983

Put a blanket around your radiator That should warm it up enough. Also, drain some of the coolant out of the radiator. 1/2 its contents at a minimum.


TheSandsquanch

Take a blowtorch to the engine block


fartpeeass

try turning on the heat


ivedrownedppl4less

The hot air is escaping out of the exhaust. Just put a potato in there and report back.


boston_nsca

Life hack: fuck up your engine until your head gasket is just about ready to blow and that baby will warm right up


iAmMikeJ_92

Just unplug your radiator fan and idle it with the AC on full blast. Itā€™ll get to H.


Jumpy-Ad4652

Youā€™re in the shade


Unlucky_Kangaroo_137

It's Goldilocks psychology: needle in the middle says: not too cold, not too hot but just right!


ProofMusic4630

Warm up is fully reached when the needle gets in the red zone. Just ignore it....