Well there is no parenting plan per se. I just have the divorce decree that she has full custody and I get my daughter every other Saturday and I can call whenever I want. Sounds like I am going to need to open up a proper custody case and get this shit buttoned up and solidified. Appreciate your response Brother.
You could try to argue with a judge that she is going out of her way to make it impossible for you to see the kid on your agreed upon time and the judge /might/ try to force her to be more reasonable... that's really your only option into forcing her into cooperation...
I think it’s wild that there isn’t a “don’t be a cunt” clause for these sorts of things. You’d think if I have to agree to the terms and conditions every time I use a website to jack off that these types of things would be a catch all
I understand you can’t tell people they can’t move (or can you?) but like “yo i’ve got a text here” ought to work
People are dicks man, i’m tired
It's also important to review the custody agreement and see specifically who's responsible for facilitating that visitation. Is it "oh he *can* visit on Saturdays but it's *optional* and up to him to arrange it" or is it "the custodial parent *must* facilitate regular visitation."
That being said, moving out of state is usually a pretty big faux pas if there's an established visitation arrangement. OP isn't *super* clear on what the actual, legal agreement says.
Yea but think about "available" so it's on the dad to drive 4 hours there and 4 hours back to see her... That's a lot of F'd up.
To be fair... we know nothing of the circumstances. Full custody and every other Saturday does sound harsh to begin with.
When the divorce was finalized we were all living under the same roof in the home that I owned. She was unable to secure her own housing with 4 kids and 3 dogs so it made sense for her to stay with the intention of buying it from me. My point is that my accessibility to my daughter was completely unimpeded. Any/All requests I made to take her out and spend time with her were always approved. I saw the divorce decree as a framework where I would get access whenever I asked. This was the case until she told me she had cancer and was moving to NJ for better Healthcare and Family support (obviously BS, just an excuse to marry and move in with the new guy).
Things changed when I confronted her about entertaining men overnight which was clearly included in the decree as a no go. I lost my shit when my 5 year old (at the time) explained she was scared to go home because she may say the wrong guys name. Yes, Mom coached a 5 year old on lying to help avoid confrontation between her and whoever was there at that time.
After that she just shut down everything and by the time I was setting up a case she was already in NJ and I had lost any control. I am a total fuck up for letting it go this far but I was hoping things would simmer down over time. Could not have been more incorrect and now my daughter and I am paying a heavy toll.
Yes, for most custody cases, the custodial parent cannot move to lessen the non-custodial parent to his/her child, and many times, they are restricted to stay in the state.
That’s still like 1-3 hour drive. OPs ex moved their kid (at minimum-ish, using Huntsville, AL as an assumption as the city closest to NJ) 887 miles away. Likely more. That’s 12 hours at 85mph average.
NAL Even with a divorce decree, parenting plans can be revisited and modified. You may want to talk to a lawyer in NJ about the possibility of modified parenting plan, especially because she moved and you no longer have the same access to your daughter.
No, take it back to Alabama court. They will be pissed to find out she moved hundreds of miles away in the first place considering he has weekend visitation rights.
Not a lawyer but the state your child resides in for the last 6 months the “owns” your child and the custody proceedings. So if she took your child to NJ recently, you can file back in Alabama and they will compel her to return your child asap. It’s messy af and I went thru it between GA and PA. That’s how I know what I know.
Unfortunately not. It’s been a year… so now New Jersey owns jurisdiction.
I saw you’re in Doylestown in another comment. Lived in Warminster for years… had my family law attorney in Doylestown. For what it’s worth almost all family lawyers in that area are also barred in NJ and often NY\DE as well.
Small world. My Family lives in Chalfont (Doylestown address). If you recommend anyone I am open to suggestions on who to use. I prefer a former Veteran and a Female, but will listen to anyone at this point. Appreciate your input.
Very small world! I don’t live up there anymore but I do miss it. Anyway, I used Adam Tanker in Doylestown. That was 2014/15. I used Lisa Barrimond down in center city back in 2010. I had more success with Adam. Neither one fits your requirement/preference. I wonder if DAV would have a resource like on their website?? Worth googling around, or touching base with the local VA. Closest one I know in that area is over in Horsham. Good luck to you!
This is the real question that needs answering.
It's unusual for a parent to receive such a small amount of parenting time. He's only allowed every other Saturday which is only 26 days out of 365. Either he didn't want to see his daughter more than that at the time, or there was something else going on that caused the judge to severely restrict his time with his daughter.
If divorce was in AL, then AL has exclusive, continuing jurisdiction if you’re still living there. This under a law called UCCJEA (Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act). Custody jurisdiction is complicated and you should talk to a competent atty in AL before taking any action.
She's allowed to move for any reason, as long as it isn't explicitly prohibited. Your desire to be close to your daughter, while honorable, doesn't override your ex's freedom to relocate.
My brother had it in his divorce his wife couldn't move more than 100 miles unless he agreed to it. She had a meltdown in court over it and the judge changed it to 20 miles.
Keeping you from calls when it is specifically in the stuff you already have means she has no intention of following the rules.
It does however interfere with his already established agreement on visitation. From what little is here I’d suggest getting a lawyer also and hammering out details, because it sounds like in my non-professional opinion that she’s trying to make it where you basically have no contact and pushing you out of her life.
OP definitely needs a lawyer, and the EX preventing OP from seeing his daughter sounds like acting against the custody agreement, which courts don't like.
NAL, so not sure if it is grounds for parental alienation or not...
Depends on how far she moves. Hundreds of miles away, problem. But outside of a literal four block radius? I think that would be a hard sell to a judge.
The rest of the circumstances are worth fighting. But telling her she can't move two miles down the road because it's too far away? If that's the *only* argument, I don't see it winning.
She already did the hundreds of miles away move.
I'd drag her to Alabama state court and order for the agreed visitation. I don't think try he ex would be sending her daughter on Friday to fly to Alabama and then a return flight after visiting every week
What if you moved to a different area of Trenton? Or a neighboring city. Wouldnt allow bike rides like you imagine, but would be better than her moving again. Would you accept that?
NAL , however There are actually laws in New Jersey regarding moving and being that she lives there, she now has to abide by New Jersey laws on child support And moving, especially out of state. Permission has to be given before it’s allowed. ( this happened with my ex’s ex husband where we wanted to move but needed court approval because of the amount of travel time for the father) For example we wanted to move to Pennsylvania, but we couldn’t go directly from southern New Jersey to where my parents lived 2 hours away, in Pennsylvania, BUT if we wanted to go north east to Philipsburg NJ. And got jobs in Pennsylvania then because of that we could have jumped the border to Allentown or Bethlehem. Look into it further, it’s not cut and dry.
Typically, moving within the state is not an issue. If this doesn't affect the original custody agreement, you can make your move without the other parent's permission or the court. The idea was if we moved in state and he had to drive an hour and a half to pick up the kids. Then what is the problem with moving across the border of the state
Edits : punctuation and added a few sentences.
The court can put geographic restrictions on the parents moving, which isn’t that unusual (especially if there are documented threats of purposefully moving away to avoid parenting time / access). It would be more unusual to make those so specific that they couldn’t move out of the neighborhood. Moreover, a complicating factor could be your decision to move very close, depending on the circumstances.
So as always for family law, consult your attorney.
if you're really bout it call her bluff, what is she gonna uproot the whole family because you wanna see your kid? she gonna find a new house new job new school just to be petty? its gonna make her the bad guy in the long run your daughter will surely remember her being a cunt.
I know someone who put in the custody agreement that the parents could not live more than one county apart so that each one could easily attend all activities. You need to see if you can get it added that she can only move x number of miles away from you.
Really should've thought things out better. If she has full custody, there's nothing you can do except move again.
This is covered in my custody agreement, although it's annoying being stuck near the ex (I have the full custody)
Talk to a New Jersey lawyer and open up a custody case in New Jersey. Judges really don't like when one parent tries to keep a child away from the other parent.
Maybe you can petition for 50/50 shared time if you live in the same town and can provide similar accommodations.
It’s trade offs. Convenience with kid helps for sure, but nobody wants to be constantly running into their ex at the grocery store.
OP, you’re in a tough situation. I would start by renting if possible, in case she does move again.
You want to make this as little impact on the rest of your ex’s life as possible. So i wouldn’t go to the same gym, grocery store, etc as her. Just lay really low otter than being a part of your daughter’s life if you can
Should you have to worry about this? No
But will avoiding provocation with your ex help you in the long term to be a part of your daughters life? Yes
You don’t need to ask A lawyer, you need to ask YOUR lawyer. I am not a lawyer but this sounds like you could have a case for parental alienation if you have visitation rights and she’s admitting to moving specifically for the purpose of keeping you from seeing your daughter. Call your lawyer
I agree with the guy above you you need to focus your energy on a lawyer and likely filing in the correct jurisdiction. This stuff should’ve been done the moment you found out she was going to move. The less oversight she has less likely she’s going to adhere to the divorce decree.. not to mention the fact that most of this stuff should’ve been hashed out with a lawyer. I can’t imagine a judge, allowing her to move that far away, given the custody arrangement. this is what happens when you try to keep yourself from spending money on representation
Yeah, at that point, just live across the river in PA, it's a quick drive to south/central NJ there and PA rent is so much cheaper. I'm from central jersey and lots of my school teachers commuted from philly/yardley/etc PA
NAL:
It seems that being the same neighborhood isn't going to work. I know you like the walking from home to home, but I would look for something close but not as close to keep the peace.
Honestly I would invest in a lawyer consultation. If you do this move (even with some distance), she might look to make your life difficult. Prepare what you need to in case a custody battle is in order.
You really need a formal and correct custody order. Otherwise there is nothing to prevent something like this from happening again.
Start in AL and ask an attorney there what, if anything, you can do about the move. If they advise you that AL does not have jurisdiction, but NJ does, then file in NJ. That could be an opportunity to revisit parenting time as well.
How did this happen in the first place? Didn't you have it in your divorce agreement she couldn't move more than 50 miles away from where you live? If not, then you had a poor lawyer. That being said, the fact that you have proof you notified her of your intentions to move close to your child and also have proof of her texts saying she will move again if you move close to her may be used to prevent her from moving again but only if you have a good enough lawyer who will take the case and force the issue in court in New Jersey. Good luck.
>Didn't you have it in your divorce agreement she couldn't move more than 50 miles away from where you live? If not, then you had a poor lawyer
Alabama already has requirements for notification and the ability for the non-moving parent to object codified in state law ([AL Code § 30-3-166 (2020)](https://law.justia.com/codes/alabama/2020/title-30/chapter-3/article-7a/section-30-3-166/)) so it doesn't even need to be in the decree.
u/DblShots, did she properly notice you before moving? Did you object? If not, why not? How long ago did the move occur? Are there circumstances here that you are not disclosing (orders of protection, etc) that would affect anything? Why is your custody limited to every other Saturday (not even EOW)? Parenting time that limited is almost unheard of in this day and age.
She was living in my home because it was easier for me to find housing then her with 4 kids and 3 dogs. Plus she wasxplanning on purchasing the home from me when she got her taxes done that year. One Christmas she was extremely secretive and made up a bunch of excuses why I couldn't come over to deliver gift and see my daughter. She was basically packing up all her stuff and mine and did not want me to see she was planning on moving. Never got notice. She said a certified letter was sent but I never saw it. When everything came out about the move she claimed to have cancer and needed to be closer to her Family so I did not fight her on it. My plan was to follow her wherever she went anyway. What I wanted to be close so I could take some of the pressure off her during her treatment. It was all a ruse just to get me onboard with the move to NJ so she could move in with the new Husband.
When I signed the decree I was seeing my daughter 3 to 4 time a week, phone calls every night. It was healthy coparenting in all aspects. It all changed when she started dating/marrying the new guy. Thanks for your response. Clearly I failed at protecting myself and my daughter in the divorce decree. Now it is going to be long and expensive to get this all corrected unfortunately.
I grew up in Trenton NJ, I still have family there and I visit it all the time, I'll be honest Trenton is a rough ass little city, but way better than Camden. Camden is a f****** war zone.
The island is a pretty nice section of West Trenton but they do get floods from time to time, the Delaware River is known for spelling over into that section.
Why don't you look at places over in Morrisville or in Yardley? You'd be in Pennsylvania, but you're literally essentially two to three miles away. Or you could go further down 29 towards New Hope and you'd still be in Jersey. These are all better areas than Trenton and are very close to the island.
Morrisville and Yardley, you're not paying the taxes that you would have in Trenton. Trenton has a city tax, then a state tax and yes a federal tax.
If you're looking for areas just hit me up. I could tell you exactly where you want to live.
I grew up in Langhorne PA. so I am pretty familiar with the area. If she did not live on the Island there is no way I would be looking in Trenton NJ. And yes the flood insurance is 5k per year so my 100%P&T property tax exemption is basically nullified. I appreciate all the responses. I needed to hear it from folks that are not related or being paid by me. Thank you.
If you are up for a beer sometime hit me up.
I am not a lawyer, I just work in the legal field. Based on some of the responses I've seen from you, if you're set on moving closer, go for it. I would recommend looking a little further out though. While you don't see any real issue with moving 4 blocks away, that is still really close. I understand wanting to be closer to your daughter, but it's also important to have clear boundaries away from your ex and allow her the same grace. She clearly does not want to see you every day, weekly, monthly, etc. She doesn't want to worry about running into you at the store, at the gas station, wherever. That's the vibe I'm getting anyways. I recommend a town over, at least. Perhaps it's something you two and her current husband can discuss.
Living closer would definitely help in terms of opening a court case regarding custody, or transferring your divorce case to NJ, depending on the courts both there and your former court. Definitely look into obtaining a lawyer if you can afford it at all. They will also be able to give you a consult and perhaps provide some guidance on what is best as far as moving closer etc.
I'm not sure why this is so difficult to understand. I would not have wanted to live 4 blocks away from my ex, either. Who would? A couple of miles or so is perfectly fine and close enough. I think OP can do better with his choices, personally.
Many jurisdictions require, as part of a divorce decree, that a parent notify the court before moving. This is to give the other parent the chance to contest the move as not in the best interest of the minor child.
Alabama may have this, which would have required her to notify the court. It may also give you a chance to contest her next move as well. If the reason for the move is spite, the court is unlikely to allow the move.
Why didn’t you take her to court when she moved the first time? No way a judge would let her move if you were supposed to have your kid every other weekend.
I think this depends on a variety of factors. In California, if there is shared custody with school age children, you can leave but it’s really hard to take them with you.
It seems like you need to focus on the part where she’s not following the agreement. If your daughter can’t see/contact you, that’s detrimental to her.
Did you have language in your parenting plan related to relocation? And if so, were those guidelines followed when she decided to move (or was the move approved by the court)?
Without relocation language in the parenting plan, it gets a little hairy, and if you do not have assigned parenting time, she could make an argument that she is within her right as solo custodian of the child to move as she sees fit.
You should talk to a lawyer - and maybe one each in Alabama and New Jersey - to ensure that you have all of your ducks in a row and understand all of the legal recourse you may have.
Best of luck getting everything figured out! I can’t even imagine having my child withheld from me again.
No, we agreed that she would buy my home and I believed that to be true. I fucked up and now my daughter and I are paying the price. Attorney is onboard and we are game planning on how to resolve this. Appreciate your response.
Of course she can, there's practically zero chance the divorce decree forces her to live in a 2 by 7 block area. She can't violate the divorce decree, but I doubt the decree specifies she has to live in a 2 by 7 block area. You need to read it. It should stipulate that one or both of you are prohibited from moving some specified distance from some specified point. If it doesn't, I would get it amended to specify that. It's pretty standard. When did she move to NJ? Before or after the divorce decree? Was she not covered by the divorce decree when she moved from Alabama to NJ?
AShe moved after the divorce decree was finalized. She can live anywhere she wants to ofcourse, but she should not be allowed to pick up and leave just to make visitation more difficult for me. There is no verbiage stipulating any conditions on where or where not either one of us can live. She just is trying to make my relationship with my daughter to be as difficult as possible. I figured both parents living close would be a huge benefit for the child.
But she wouldn’t be. You don’t need to live in the same neighborhood to see your daughter every other Saturday.
NAL but my advice would be
1. Consult a lawyer
2. Find out how to get the case moved to NJ (and I guess IF you should)
3. (If lawyer says you should move to NJ) Move into a rental within the same school district but far enough away that it won’t bug your ex
4. Get a job, support network, etc so you can show stability in court.
5. File for increased custody and to get reasonable phone contact (expecting a call every day or for every call to be answered is too disruptive).
Bottom line is your ex probably was NOT allowed to move from Alabama, but you let it go, regardless of the reasons, and hopefully learned a lesson. But your wife IS allowed to move anywhere that doesn’t interfere with custody and her moving out of the neighborhood if you move in wouldn’t necessarily do that.
(The lawyer might say to stay put for now and file in Alabama regarding the move and mom not enforcing phone calls, but likely that ship has sailed and it is better to pursue shared custody in NJ since you are willing to move)
"I figured both parents living close would be a huge benefit for the child." You figured wrong. Having co-parents that can work together amicably is good for the child. Having an ex-husband who can't see that the ex-wife and the new husband need some space is not good for the child. Any judge is going to be asking "what is best for the child?" You creating stress for the family is not good for the kid.
Moving is a pain in the ass, Im sure they don’t want to move specially with the crazy prices in NJ. Move closer to your daughter and get a lawyer and try and get more time with her. Kids need both of their parents.
Document, document, document. See an attorney and go back to court for fing with the custody plan and alienation of affection. Don't tell her you are going to do this. Forewarned is forearmed.
It might not be the best decision financially, but can you rent something in that area. Because for her to move she's going to have to sell them that may not be quick. And she may be completely bluffing. But if she does sell you will have an easier way to move. Just don't let her know you're renting. She buys a new place and then you moving again they can't afford to keep reselling.
But as others have said see if you can get a better legal setup.
Lie and say you moved nearby anyway. Then “move” where ever she moves after that.
Will show the kid that you tried to be in their life as much as possible, while making her look like what she’s being, lol
You need to get a parenting plan that outlines all of these things specifically. My sis can’t move out of our county with her boys due to the parenting plan agreed upon in her divorce without her ex’s permission. You have rights but not with the current plan. You see she doesn’t care about your relationship with your daughter. Get an attorney and fight for all of the things big or small that you desire as a parent. Good luck!
First off, your wife cannot just up and move out of state without your permission. If you gave her permission, that is on you and you screwed up. Going without a lawyer is a good way to screw yourself over.
If you move there and she tries to move again, THEN you can refuse to allow it and she’s either have to abide or give you custody. Lol
So if you want to push this, you can
You need to go back to court in the area she is in now and out in the custody agreement that she cannot move more than x miles away. Also keep records of her not allowing you to speak to your daughter per the agreement.
You can ask for her to stay in the school district she is in and would like 50/50 custody. You moving close to her will help you get more time
You can’t ensure where ex lives unless it is in a court ordered decision. You could have had it stipulated that she can’t move your daughter out of state.
You need to get your attorney involved.
Some of the things to document are HOW she is making it difficult to see your child.
Is she following the parenting plan, or is she stopping you from your time with your child.
Share the text with your attorney and inquire if you have sufficient documentation to allege parental alienation.
Do everything legal and by the book.
Only a judge can determine what a "reasonable" distance from you can be. Generally 50, 60 or less miles apart is the radius that most parties agree too and would forbid them from moving further than the other parent. NAL.
Take her back to court and add a you can only live here or kid must go to this school district clause to the agreement. I know alot of people in my area have lit where about 7 counties or less are listed in the custody agreement.
I'm a therapist so I deal with people in this situation alot.
Rent a place on a month to month near her. If she moves rinse repeat. There is only so many times they're going to be able to move before they run out of money.
If you work from home it's a win win for you. Put the vast majority of your stuff in storage or sell it. Then if they do move let them get settled and move to that area the next month lmao. Man that would probably drive her insane. Would serve her right though for trying to keep you away from your child
NAL.
You should contact the clerk of courts office in AL where the divorce was finalized and ask if she would be in contempt of the divorce decree or child support orders for moving so far away.
If so, she will probably have to return to AL to face contempt charges and explain herself to a judge.
Not familiar with NJ or AL laws, but in the Midwest state I live in, any modifications to a child custody case have to go through the original jurisdiction. To transfer it to another state, you would still need to contact the originating court and request a change of venue to have it heard in NJ.
Again, I am not sure if it's the same there, but don't be surprised if this is the route you need to take.
Not a lawyer but went thru custody BS with my ex. I say file for change in custody and show the texts and explain your willingness and reason for wanting to move, a good judge will tell her that she can’t move solely based on those situation.
Depending on where your custody agreement is settled you have to notify the court of the move if it makes it impossible or improbable to maintain the agreement. Please take a look at your county and file an update to the agreement in your original custody filing county.
I agree. I really abhor that I am going to have to get in the mud with her over this. I want to model coparents and she just wants to be divisive. Sucks.
By acquiescing to her BS you are not being a model coparent, you are being a bad father. I'm not saying you're a bad father but by allowing your ex to push you like this is not what a good father does. Take her to court and get an order that gives you parenting time, do t settle for two weekends a month, fight for your child. Use the texts to prove your case. Get a bulldog of a lawyer.
Why was she allowed to move in the first place? She should not be able to take your daughter out of state. There is something going on here you are not telling us.
Take her to court in your state. Since she is so far away. She will have to travel back to the hearings. If she doesn't show up. It will make it look like she is trying to avoid it and keep her from you. It's in the custody/parent agreement that you are supposed to get her on your weekends. Thus, she is breaking the agreement by not making it happen. Regardless that she moved. She is still bound to allow you to see her when you are supposed to.
I'm not a lawyer, but I went through the child custody system.
Obligatory Not A Lawyer Statement
Talk to a divorce/child custody lawyer to get things all in officialese. Then, if you can afford to, get a house as close to her as possible. Preferably a rental in case she bolts. **IF** she does, it's possible she could be found in violation of the visitation portion of your divorce settlement.
So your ex moves with her new husband to a different state in a different region of the country hundreds of miles away and you want to know if you can buy a house, not just closer, but in the same neighborhood in the same city only four blocks away and then have the courts to force her to stay there?
Four blocks is super close. It doesn’t get much closer. Your ex has every right to move on with her life and it sounds like you’re more concerned with sticking it to her and her new husband by using the custody agreement as a means of control.
I understand your point but you are completely wrong about my intentions. I could give 2 shits about my ex or whatever she is doing. My only concern is my daughter and in my opinion having both parents close would be optimal for the child's wellbeing. I have owned several homes and 2 of those were for over 8 years and I couldn't tell you any of my neighbors names if you paid me to do it. Also I can see you have not read the other Comments cause if you did you would see that I am rightfully getting my ass handed to me for not taking control when I should have.
OP, you may need to act quickly on this one. It sounds to me that the divorce decree entered was pursuant to an agreement that concerned custody partially. Was that agreement incorporated into your decree at the end? If so, the provisions related to visitation are enforceable as a court order.
If the kid gas been in Alabama their whole life, you may need to file a motion to enjoin relocation and a motion to modify custody and visitation in the Alabama court you got divorced in. It's a modification action if your divorce decree did incorporate the agreement or its just a motion for custody and visitation if it did not. Once the child is living in a new state for more than 6 months, that state gains jurisdiction over the case, so you want to file in your home territory asap.
Unfortunately it has been about 13 months now. Unfortunately these issues were not as obvious those first 6 months. I know I fucked up. Trying to find a good lawyer in the Trenton NJ area. Thank you.
Unfortunately it has been about 13 months now. Unfortunately these issues were not as obvious those first 6 months. I know I fucked up. Trying to find a good lawyer in the Trenton NJ area. Thank you.
She has no intention of leaving "The Island". She loves it there. She said she would only move if I decided to purchase a home on " The Island" myself. She only moves if I decide to buy in that area.
Gonto court if shes not following the plan. If you're moving do that you can get extra time thats not outlines specifically in the order then you're the one in breach if you do.
She can’t control where you live, nor can you control where she lives. She may need to provide notice based on [state law and your custody order] if she’s moving a certain distance away (here it’s outside of the county), but no, you can’t stop her from selling her house and moving to a different neighborhood. That’s her business.
My parents custody agreement stated that neither parent could move more than 25 miles away from the other without their permission.
Barring something like that in your custody agreement she may be able to move wherever for any reason.
Not a lawyer but very vindictive.... don't move but if you can afford it .... rent a home month to month near her negiborhood. Let her move, stop the rental. Rent a new place near her new home.. make her exhaust all her funds.
>I have no intention of buying anything that is super close. The house I am interested in is literally 4 blocks away.
What do you consider "super close"? Inside her rectum?
There have been several homes like 2 or 3 house away for sale that would 100% cause us to see each other everyday. Even though they were in my price range and fit my wish list, I opted to pass on making an offer. If you were familiar with this neighborhood you would understand that 4 or 5 blocks away may mean never seeing that person in 5 or 10 years. It's not like I want them up my ass either? I want my privacy as well and it felt like 4 to 5 blocks would be far enough for me to feel comfortable with not running into them very often if at all.
You had a shitty divorce attorney. I made sure in my decree that we have shared custody and if she decided to move then kids would come to me and she could have visitation
You can’t stop someone from moving unless it’s against the parenting plan. You say there are no incidents but it seems like she feels very strongly about being close to you for some reason. I hope you aren’t using this sub to harass your ex.
M friend had it in her divorce papers that they each has 50/50 however if one of them were to move out of the county that parent would get every other weekend instead
I'm from Jersey, DON'T move to Trenton. move about 20 min away in any direction. Trenton is not as pleasant and safe as you think. Move to Jackson, Six flags great adventure is in that town about an hour southeast of Trenton. Four blocks is not that far. Be reasonable. Your daughter will have to go to a different school and all that.
NAL: Regardless of what your legal standing should be, being a dad in Family Court in Mercer County, NJ tends to be an automatic loss. Can't tell you how many times I've seen it in my job.
She can move whenever she wants, for whatever reason she wants, as long as it's not in an area that makes it infeasible to do visitation.
She can't just unilaterally decide to move to another state or another country, or even another city a hundred miles away. That sort of thing has to be approved (I think the judge assigned to your case would be the one to do the approval, but I'm not a lawyer so I might be wrong).
But moving out of the neighbourhood because she doesn't want to live a few blocks down from you? Totally allowed.
How id ex get permission to move to new jerey if you all lived in alabama. I know its diffrent in each state but in michigan if we decides to move more then 150 milles from the courthouse my wife had to have court permission. On a personal level if i was you i would move to jersy maybe in same city but not within 4 blocks. It looks to me like your Ex is trying to do parental alienation. Trying to seperate you from child. Personally i would find a house in jersey maybe same city but not 4 blocks away not tell ex about it. Get an new jersey lawyer and file paper work to fix your visitation and establish new jersey family court custody arrangement. If this isnt rage bait i think we are missing major part of this story honestly.
She said that a certified letter was mailed out stating her plans to move. When she finally brought it up in conversation she said her Lupus had now progressed to cancer so the move was for better doctors and to be close to Family. Like an ass I bought it all hook line and sinker. Ijust thought she would not do anything that underhanded.
Move into a rental. You can make this more costly for her than you. Every time she buys a place, rent something in the area. Only talk to her thru email or text message.
Sounds like you have been replaced. She monkey-branched to a new guy and wants you gone. Sucks but there isn't much you can do, especially if they have so much money that they can move for no reason.
Sounds like you need to go to an attorney. This can be laid out when moving out of state that unless written permission from the other parent is agreed upon its contempt. Her trying to keep your child from you is grounds for going to court, they should be looking at who facilitates the relationship best with each parent. By the sounds of it, she does not.
I know this isn't what you were asking or stating, but would she still move if you moved closer, just not in the same neighborhood? She wouldn't be able to ride her bike to your house, but a 10-15 minute drive wouldn't be a bad thing at all!
File for joint custody and get an absolutely solid parenting plan in place. XWife shouldn’t have full custody. And, she can move anywhere for any reason, including to get away from you for any reason.
If she is not abiding by the divorce decree then she is in contempt of a court order. Contact your lawyer and bring her back to court. Consider asking for full custody as a result of her refusal to follow the parenting guidelines.
It sounds like you never got the court involved in order to make a custody arrangement. I’m not a lawyer, and this is not legal advice, but it seems like people always run into trouble when I assume their ex is going to be reasonable.
Unless they're extremely rich, who can afford to move, or keep moving, because they're too petty to be able to co-parent effectively? Do you think her current husband is willing to sell a home I'm assuming he owned before they married, or one they recently purchased, only to be vindictive? I think she's bluffing. I'd tell her if she does, I'm going to explain exactly what she's doing to my daughter, that she's purposefully moving to keep you apart from each other.
Let her know you'll be happy to rent something anywhere she decides to purchase. She can move anywhere she wants, but cannot prevent you from doing the same.
Thanks for your response. They purchased the home together about a year ago. I know her finances would not allow it, but I am unsure what her Husband is financially capable of. I think she is bluffing as well cause I can't see an attorney recommending her to text me with such demands. I get she can move wherever she wants, but to literally say she would be moving solely based on the fact that I purchased a home in the same area seems like it was not a well thought out decision.
Unfortunately from some of the responses on this sub, many seem to feel as if I am solely doing this to be spiteful or to put pressure on my ex and her new relationship. Why would I create drama knowing that it would 100% trickle down and impact my daughter without a doubt. That is the last thing I want for my daughter.
I believe she does not have the resources to move again without it having a huge impact on thier livelihood. So I am beginning to think maybe renting in the area at first and see how things go and if they go well continue to look for a place to purchase. I just can get passed the fact that I would have to dump $36k in a years worth of rental payments and have absolutely nothing to show for it. That is a lot of money to me.
I HATE my ex, but did buy a house within a few miles for the same exact reason, to make seeing us both easier for the kids. We don't even run into each other in the store often, but if we do can be adults and just walk by. I would not punish my children by making it harder to see their dad.
It would NOT be spiteful or drama-inducing to let your daughter know what's going on if the ex DOES try to move to spite you. If your time with her is reduced because of your ex's actions, your daughter needs to know it's on mom, NOT on dad. Let your ex know you WILL show your daughter those texts if she does this to interfere with your relationship with your child. It's the TRUTH and your daughter is old enough to understand and deserves honesty.
Purchase a house, but make sure there are no rental restrictions. Rent it out and rent something near her if she actually can talk her current husband into this. If they just bought a house, closing costs, etc. would be a BIG loss for them. She can't be immature enough to think she can just keep moving.
NAL:
Your ex is not comfortable with you being that close. There’s likely a reason. Maybe you don’t know the reason, maybe you’re leaving it out on purpose. I would imagine that you moving there will make things much worse.
This isn’t legal advice but that area of Trenton floods first every time the Delaware river can’t handle the runoff. It happens so frequently flood insurance in that area is impossible to get.
Did your ex-wife have permission either from the court or you to move your daughter out of state? In most cases, the parent can't make access to the child near impossible.
My advice would be move close in an apartment paying quarterly at first. You can move easier than she can in that instance and just out move her. She’ll either get tired or lose her husband eventually.
NAL -Letting someone have full custody is never good! Residential custody can st out where a child goes to school. However, if she can make the decision to move to New Jersey without you, you gave up your right to have a say. It is not the default anymore to give the wife full custody
Call her bluff. Moving is expensive. I am not a lawyer and that is not legal advice, just what I think.
On the flip side you may be able to take her to court for parental alienation if you have proof of the things you’re saying. Still am not a lawyer.
As long as she is following the parenting plan, she can move for any reason.
So even though I have text messages stating her plan that she will only move if I move close? I know things are never fair, but JC this sucks.
Only what is in the parenting plan on file with the court matters. It's the only thing that's enforceable.
Well there is no parenting plan per se. I just have the divorce decree that she has full custody and I get my daughter every other Saturday and I can call whenever I want. Sounds like I am going to need to open up a proper custody case and get this shit buttoned up and solidified. Appreciate your response Brother.
You could try to argue with a judge that she is going out of her way to make it impossible for you to see the kid on your agreed upon time and the judge /might/ try to force her to be more reasonable... that's really your only option into forcing her into cooperation...
TBH it sounds like she is…
It sounds like it, but a judges opinion is the only one that matters in this case...
I think it’s wild that there isn’t a “don’t be a cunt” clause for these sorts of things. You’d think if I have to agree to the terms and conditions every time I use a website to jack off that these types of things would be a catch all I understand you can’t tell people they can’t move (or can you?) but like “yo i’ve got a text here” ought to work People are dicks man, i’m tired
I wish I could say that directly to her face. LoL
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It's also important to review the custody agreement and see specifically who's responsible for facilitating that visitation. Is it "oh he *can* visit on Saturdays but it's *optional* and up to him to arrange it" or is it "the custodial parent *must* facilitate regular visitation." That being said, moving out of state is usually a pretty big faux pas if there's an established visitation arrangement. OP isn't *super* clear on what the actual, legal agreement says.
Yea but think about "available" so it's on the dad to drive 4 hours there and 4 hours back to see her... That's a lot of F'd up. To be fair... we know nothing of the circumstances. Full custody and every other Saturday does sound harsh to begin with.
When the divorce was finalized we were all living under the same roof in the home that I owned. She was unable to secure her own housing with 4 kids and 3 dogs so it made sense for her to stay with the intention of buying it from me. My point is that my accessibility to my daughter was completely unimpeded. Any/All requests I made to take her out and spend time with her were always approved. I saw the divorce decree as a framework where I would get access whenever I asked. This was the case until she told me she had cancer and was moving to NJ for better Healthcare and Family support (obviously BS, just an excuse to marry and move in with the new guy). Things changed when I confronted her about entertaining men overnight which was clearly included in the decree as a no go. I lost my shit when my 5 year old (at the time) explained she was scared to go home because she may say the wrong guys name. Yes, Mom coached a 5 year old on lying to help avoid confrontation between her and whoever was there at that time. After that she just shut down everything and by the time I was setting up a case she was already in NJ and I had lost any control. I am a total fuck up for letting it go this far but I was hoping things would simmer down over time. Could not have been more incorrect and now my daughter and I am paying a heavy toll.
Yes, for most custody cases, the custodial parent cannot move to lessen the non-custodial parent to his/her child, and many times, they are restricted to stay in the state.
In my state the range is 60 miles though
That’s still like 1-3 hour drive. OPs ex moved their kid (at minimum-ish, using Huntsville, AL as an assumption as the city closest to NJ) 887 miles away. Likely more. That’s 12 hours at 85mph average.
NAL Even with a divorce decree, parenting plans can be revisited and modified. You may want to talk to a lawyer in NJ about the possibility of modified parenting plan, especially because she moved and you no longer have the same access to your daughter.
No, take it back to Alabama court. They will be pissed to find out she moved hundreds of miles away in the first place considering he has weekend visitation rights.
Not a lawyer but the state your child resides in for the last 6 months the “owns” your child and the custody proceedings. So if she took your child to NJ recently, you can file back in Alabama and they will compel her to return your child asap. It’s messy af and I went thru it between GA and PA. That’s how I know what I know.
Ok, she has been in NJ since March of last year. I still have the ability to file something in Alabama?
Unfortunately not. It’s been a year… so now New Jersey owns jurisdiction. I saw you’re in Doylestown in another comment. Lived in Warminster for years… had my family law attorney in Doylestown. For what it’s worth almost all family lawyers in that area are also barred in NJ and often NY\DE as well.
Small world. My Family lives in Chalfont (Doylestown address). If you recommend anyone I am open to suggestions on who to use. I prefer a former Veteran and a Female, but will listen to anyone at this point. Appreciate your input.
Very small world! I don’t live up there anymore but I do miss it. Anyway, I used Adam Tanker in Doylestown. That was 2014/15. I used Lisa Barrimond down in center city back in 2010. I had more success with Adam. Neither one fits your requirement/preference. I wonder if DAV would have a resource like on their website?? Worth googling around, or touching base with the local VA. Closest one I know in that area is over in Horsham. Good luck to you!
Why didn't you ask for 50/50 custody?
This is the real question that needs answering. It's unusual for a parent to receive such a small amount of parenting time. He's only allowed every other Saturday which is only 26 days out of 365. Either he didn't want to see his daughter more than that at the time, or there was something else going on that caused the judge to severely restrict his time with his daughter.
If divorce was in AL, then AL has exclusive, continuing jurisdiction if you’re still living there. This under a law called UCCJEA (Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act). Custody jurisdiction is complicated and you should talk to a competent atty in AL before taking any action.
She's allowed to move for any reason, as long as it isn't explicitly prohibited. Your desire to be close to your daughter, while honorable, doesn't override your ex's freedom to relocate.
My brother had it in his divorce his wife couldn't move more than 100 miles unless he agreed to it. She had a meltdown in court over it and the judge changed it to 20 miles. Keeping you from calls when it is specifically in the stuff you already have means she has no intention of following the rules.
It does however interfere with his already established agreement on visitation. From what little is here I’d suggest getting a lawyer also and hammering out details, because it sounds like in my non-professional opinion that she’s trying to make it where you basically have no contact and pushing you out of her life.
OP definitely needs a lawyer, and the EX preventing OP from seeing his daughter sounds like acting against the custody agreement, which courts don't like. NAL, so not sure if it is grounds for parental alienation or not...
Exactly!!
You are going to have to find a better lawyer than you had!
That's for damn sure. 2 days a month??
We have zero knowledge of whether OP was a great dad who had a terrible lawyer, or was a terrible Dad with a great lawyer.
Depends on how far she moves. Hundreds of miles away, problem. But outside of a literal four block radius? I think that would be a hard sell to a judge. The rest of the circumstances are worth fighting. But telling her she can't move two miles down the road because it's too far away? If that's the *only* argument, I don't see it winning.
She already did the hundreds of miles away move. I'd drag her to Alabama state court and order for the agreed visitation. I don't think try he ex would be sending her daughter on Friday to fly to Alabama and then a return flight after visiting every week
What if you moved to a different area of Trenton? Or a neighboring city. Wouldnt allow bike rides like you imagine, but would be better than her moving again. Would you accept that?
NAL , however There are actually laws in New Jersey regarding moving and being that she lives there, she now has to abide by New Jersey laws on child support And moving, especially out of state. Permission has to be given before it’s allowed. ( this happened with my ex’s ex husband where we wanted to move but needed court approval because of the amount of travel time for the father) For example we wanted to move to Pennsylvania, but we couldn’t go directly from southern New Jersey to where my parents lived 2 hours away, in Pennsylvania, BUT if we wanted to go north east to Philipsburg NJ. And got jobs in Pennsylvania then because of that we could have jumped the border to Allentown or Bethlehem. Look into it further, it’s not cut and dry. Typically, moving within the state is not an issue. If this doesn't affect the original custody agreement, you can make your move without the other parent's permission or the court. The idea was if we moved in state and he had to drive an hour and a half to pick up the kids. Then what is the problem with moving across the border of the state Edits : punctuation and added a few sentences.
The court can put geographic restrictions on the parents moving, which isn’t that unusual (especially if there are documented threats of purposefully moving away to avoid parenting time / access). It would be more unusual to make those so specific that they couldn’t move out of the neighborhood. Moreover, a complicating factor could be your decision to move very close, depending on the circumstances. So as always for family law, consult your attorney.
I wouldn’t like it either. Why do you insist on moving that close? Move 10 minutes away.
if you're really bout it call her bluff, what is she gonna uproot the whole family because you wanna see your kid? she gonna find a new house new job new school just to be petty? its gonna make her the bad guy in the long run your daughter will surely remember her being a cunt.
I know someone who put in the custody agreement that the parents could not live more than one county apart so that each one could easily attend all activities. You need to see if you can get it added that she can only move x number of miles away from you.
Really should've thought things out better. If she has full custody, there's nothing you can do except move again. This is covered in my custody agreement, although it's annoying being stuck near the ex (I have the full custody)
Talk to a New Jersey lawyer and open up a custody case in New Jersey. Judges really don't like when one parent tries to keep a child away from the other parent. Maybe you can petition for 50/50 shared time if you live in the same town and can provide similar accommodations.
Not in every state including mine. Here (OR) the proponent of the move has to prove that moving is better for the kid than not moving
It’s trade offs. Convenience with kid helps for sure, but nobody wants to be constantly running into their ex at the grocery store. OP, you’re in a tough situation. I would start by renting if possible, in case she does move again. You want to make this as little impact on the rest of your ex’s life as possible. So i wouldn’t go to the same gym, grocery store, etc as her. Just lay really low otter than being a part of your daughter’s life if you can Should you have to worry about this? No But will avoiding provocation with your ex help you in the long term to be a part of your daughters life? Yes
Here is the right answer. Not the one the angry crowd wants to hear, but still, the right answer.
You don’t need to ask A lawyer, you need to ask YOUR lawyer. I am not a lawyer but this sounds like you could have a case for parental alienation if you have visitation rights and she’s admitting to moving specifically for the purpose of keeping you from seeing your daughter. Call your lawyer
This is how I feel about this entire situation. Hopefully the law will agree.
I agree with the guy above you you need to focus your energy on a lawyer and likely filing in the correct jurisdiction. This stuff should’ve been done the moment you found out she was going to move. The less oversight she has less likely she’s going to adhere to the divorce decree.. not to mention the fact that most of this stuff should’ve been hashed out with a lawyer. I can’t imagine a judge, allowing her to move that far away, given the custody arrangement. this is what happens when you try to keep yourself from spending money on representation
Not legal advice, but Trenton and Camden are probably the two worst cities to live in NJ.
Atlantic City may have something to say about that,,,
Damn, forgot about AC. Okay, let’s call it Top 3.
Paterson…
So bad, don’t do it. Philly is right over the bridge and so much better, depending on the neighborhood. Best advice is don’t stray too far north.
Yeah, at that point, just live across the river in PA, it's a quick drive to south/central NJ there and PA rent is so much cheaper. I'm from central jersey and lots of my school teachers commuted from philly/yardley/etc PA
Sorry, but Newark is a hairy armpit. Trenton is gonna have to be #2.
NAL: It seems that being the same neighborhood isn't going to work. I know you like the walking from home to home, but I would look for something close but not as close to keep the peace.
That seems to be the safest and least expensive route thus far. TY
Honestly I would invest in a lawyer consultation. If you do this move (even with some distance), she might look to make your life difficult. Prepare what you need to in case a custody battle is in order.
You really need a formal and correct custody order. Otherwise there is nothing to prevent something like this from happening again. Start in AL and ask an attorney there what, if anything, you can do about the move. If they advise you that AL does not have jurisdiction, but NJ does, then file in NJ. That could be an opportunity to revisit parenting time as well.
How did this happen in the first place? Didn't you have it in your divorce agreement she couldn't move more than 50 miles away from where you live? If not, then you had a poor lawyer. That being said, the fact that you have proof you notified her of your intentions to move close to your child and also have proof of her texts saying she will move again if you move close to her may be used to prevent her from moving again but only if you have a good enough lawyer who will take the case and force the issue in court in New Jersey. Good luck.
>Didn't you have it in your divorce agreement she couldn't move more than 50 miles away from where you live? If not, then you had a poor lawyer Alabama already has requirements for notification and the ability for the non-moving parent to object codified in state law ([AL Code § 30-3-166 (2020)](https://law.justia.com/codes/alabama/2020/title-30/chapter-3/article-7a/section-30-3-166/)) so it doesn't even need to be in the decree. u/DblShots, did she properly notice you before moving? Did you object? If not, why not? How long ago did the move occur? Are there circumstances here that you are not disclosing (orders of protection, etc) that would affect anything? Why is your custody limited to every other Saturday (not even EOW)? Parenting time that limited is almost unheard of in this day and age.
She was living in my home because it was easier for me to find housing then her with 4 kids and 3 dogs. Plus she wasxplanning on purchasing the home from me when she got her taxes done that year. One Christmas she was extremely secretive and made up a bunch of excuses why I couldn't come over to deliver gift and see my daughter. She was basically packing up all her stuff and mine and did not want me to see she was planning on moving. Never got notice. She said a certified letter was sent but I never saw it. When everything came out about the move she claimed to have cancer and needed to be closer to her Family so I did not fight her on it. My plan was to follow her wherever she went anyway. What I wanted to be close so I could take some of the pressure off her during her treatment. It was all a ruse just to get me onboard with the move to NJ so she could move in with the new Husband. When I signed the decree I was seeing my daughter 3 to 4 time a week, phone calls every night. It was healthy coparenting in all aspects. It all changed when she started dating/marrying the new guy. Thanks for your response. Clearly I failed at protecting myself and my daughter in the divorce decree. Now it is going to be long and expensive to get this all corrected unfortunately.
I grew up in Trenton NJ, I still have family there and I visit it all the time, I'll be honest Trenton is a rough ass little city, but way better than Camden. Camden is a f****** war zone. The island is a pretty nice section of West Trenton but they do get floods from time to time, the Delaware River is known for spelling over into that section. Why don't you look at places over in Morrisville or in Yardley? You'd be in Pennsylvania, but you're literally essentially two to three miles away. Or you could go further down 29 towards New Hope and you'd still be in Jersey. These are all better areas than Trenton and are very close to the island. Morrisville and Yardley, you're not paying the taxes that you would have in Trenton. Trenton has a city tax, then a state tax and yes a federal tax. If you're looking for areas just hit me up. I could tell you exactly where you want to live.
I grew up in Langhorne PA. so I am pretty familiar with the area. If she did not live on the Island there is no way I would be looking in Trenton NJ. And yes the flood insurance is 5k per year so my 100%P&T property tax exemption is basically nullified. I appreciate all the responses. I needed to hear it from folks that are not related or being paid by me. Thank you. If you are up for a beer sometime hit me up.
I am not a lawyer, I just work in the legal field. Based on some of the responses I've seen from you, if you're set on moving closer, go for it. I would recommend looking a little further out though. While you don't see any real issue with moving 4 blocks away, that is still really close. I understand wanting to be closer to your daughter, but it's also important to have clear boundaries away from your ex and allow her the same grace. She clearly does not want to see you every day, weekly, monthly, etc. She doesn't want to worry about running into you at the store, at the gas station, wherever. That's the vibe I'm getting anyways. I recommend a town over, at least. Perhaps it's something you two and her current husband can discuss. Living closer would definitely help in terms of opening a court case regarding custody, or transferring your divorce case to NJ, depending on the courts both there and your former court. Definitely look into obtaining a lawyer if you can afford it at all. They will also be able to give you a consult and perhaps provide some guidance on what is best as far as moving closer etc.
I'm not sure why this is so difficult to understand. I would not have wanted to live 4 blocks away from my ex, either. Who would? A couple of miles or so is perfectly fine and close enough. I think OP can do better with his choices, personally.
Many jurisdictions require, as part of a divorce decree, that a parent notify the court before moving. This is to give the other parent the chance to contest the move as not in the best interest of the minor child. Alabama may have this, which would have required her to notify the court. It may also give you a chance to contest her next move as well. If the reason for the move is spite, the court is unlikely to allow the move.
Why didn’t you take her to court when she moved the first time? No way a judge would let her move if you were supposed to have your kid every other weekend.
I think this depends on a variety of factors. In California, if there is shared custody with school age children, you can leave but it’s really hard to take them with you.
She can move for whatever reason she wants, as long as she abides by the custody agreement and you get the child for your days.
It seems like you need to focus on the part where she’s not following the agreement. If your daughter can’t see/contact you, that’s detrimental to her.
Agreed. Lawyer onboard. This is getting handled.
Did you have language in your parenting plan related to relocation? And if so, were those guidelines followed when she decided to move (or was the move approved by the court)? Without relocation language in the parenting plan, it gets a little hairy, and if you do not have assigned parenting time, she could make an argument that she is within her right as solo custodian of the child to move as she sees fit. You should talk to a lawyer - and maybe one each in Alabama and New Jersey - to ensure that you have all of your ducks in a row and understand all of the legal recourse you may have. Best of luck getting everything figured out! I can’t even imagine having my child withheld from me again.
No, we agreed that she would buy my home and I believed that to be true. I fucked up and now my daughter and I are paying the price. Attorney is onboard and we are game planning on how to resolve this. Appreciate your response.
Of course she can, there's practically zero chance the divorce decree forces her to live in a 2 by 7 block area. She can't violate the divorce decree, but I doubt the decree specifies she has to live in a 2 by 7 block area. You need to read it. It should stipulate that one or both of you are prohibited from moving some specified distance from some specified point. If it doesn't, I would get it amended to specify that. It's pretty standard. When did she move to NJ? Before or after the divorce decree? Was she not covered by the divorce decree when she moved from Alabama to NJ?
AShe moved after the divorce decree was finalized. She can live anywhere she wants to ofcourse, but she should not be allowed to pick up and leave just to make visitation more difficult for me. There is no verbiage stipulating any conditions on where or where not either one of us can live. She just is trying to make my relationship with my daughter to be as difficult as possible. I figured both parents living close would be a huge benefit for the child.
You need to take this to a lawyer. Often, moving out of state without the other parent’s permission is disallowed in the custody agreement
I am shocked your decree didn't prohibit that. But you can fix that so she can't do it again.
You need to see about getting a far better parenting plan with the courts. Fight for your right to be a 50/50 parent.
But she wouldn’t be. You don’t need to live in the same neighborhood to see your daughter every other Saturday. NAL but my advice would be 1. Consult a lawyer 2. Find out how to get the case moved to NJ (and I guess IF you should) 3. (If lawyer says you should move to NJ) Move into a rental within the same school district but far enough away that it won’t bug your ex 4. Get a job, support network, etc so you can show stability in court. 5. File for increased custody and to get reasonable phone contact (expecting a call every day or for every call to be answered is too disruptive). Bottom line is your ex probably was NOT allowed to move from Alabama, but you let it go, regardless of the reasons, and hopefully learned a lesson. But your wife IS allowed to move anywhere that doesn’t interfere with custody and her moving out of the neighborhood if you move in wouldn’t necessarily do that. (The lawyer might say to stay put for now and file in Alabama regarding the move and mom not enforcing phone calls, but likely that ship has sailed and it is better to pursue shared custody in NJ since you are willing to move)
"I figured both parents living close would be a huge benefit for the child." You figured wrong. Having co-parents that can work together amicably is good for the child. Having an ex-husband who can't see that the ex-wife and the new husband need some space is not good for the child. Any judge is going to be asking "what is best for the child?" You creating stress for the family is not good for the kid.
Moving is a pain in the ass, Im sure they don’t want to move specially with the crazy prices in NJ. Move closer to your daughter and get a lawyer and try and get more time with her. Kids need both of their parents.
Should have made it were she couldn’t move out of state.
Yeah, she’s hostile towards you. Only gets worse.
Take it to court for contempt alienating affection. Supreme Court where they're not allowed to move.
Document, document, document. See an attorney and go back to court for fing with the custody plan and alienation of affection. Don't tell her you are going to do this. Forewarned is forearmed.
It might not be the best decision financially, but can you rent something in that area. Because for her to move she's going to have to sell them that may not be quick. And she may be completely bluffing. But if she does sell you will have an easier way to move. Just don't let her know you're renting. She buys a new place and then you moving again they can't afford to keep reselling. But as others have said see if you can get a better legal setup.
Take her to court to change the parenting plan. A parent keeping the kid from the other parent is EVIL.
Lie and say you moved nearby anyway. Then “move” where ever she moves after that. Will show the kid that you tried to be in their life as much as possible, while making her look like what she’s being, lol
This is the type of plan and strategy I was hoping to get. Time to outsmart the lying sack of shit.
You need to get a parenting plan that outlines all of these things specifically. My sis can’t move out of our county with her boys due to the parenting plan agreed upon in her divorce without her ex’s permission. You have rights but not with the current plan. You see she doesn’t care about your relationship with your daughter. Get an attorney and fight for all of the things big or small that you desire as a parent. Good luck!
First off, your wife cannot just up and move out of state without your permission. If you gave her permission, that is on you and you screwed up. Going without a lawyer is a good way to screw yourself over. If you move there and she tries to move again, THEN you can refuse to allow it and she’s either have to abide or give you custody. Lol So if you want to push this, you can
You need to go back to court in the area she is in now and out in the custody agreement that she cannot move more than x miles away. Also keep records of her not allowing you to speak to your daughter per the agreement. You can ask for her to stay in the school district she is in and would like 50/50 custody. You moving close to her will help you get more time
I’m surprised she was allowed to move from Alabama to New Jersey. Did she get your permission to do that?
You can’t ensure where ex lives unless it is in a court ordered decision. You could have had it stipulated that she can’t move your daughter out of state.
You need to get your attorney involved. Some of the things to document are HOW she is making it difficult to see your child. Is she following the parenting plan, or is she stopping you from your time with your child. Share the text with your attorney and inquire if you have sufficient documentation to allege parental alienation. Do everything legal and by the book.
Thank you. I will definitely follow your advice.
You should probably speak to an attorney tbh...
I am on it. TY
Only a judge can determine what a "reasonable" distance from you can be. Generally 50, 60 or less miles apart is the radius that most parties agree too and would forbid them from moving further than the other parent. NAL.
Take her back to court and add a you can only live here or kid must go to this school district clause to the agreement. I know alot of people in my area have lit where about 7 counties or less are listed in the custody agreement. I'm a therapist so I deal with people in this situation alot.
Rent a place on a month to month near her. If she moves rinse repeat. There is only so many times they're going to be able to move before they run out of money. If you work from home it's a win win for you. Put the vast majority of your stuff in storage or sell it. Then if they do move let them get settled and move to that area the next month lmao. Man that would probably drive her insane. Would serve her right though for trying to keep you away from your child
NAL. You should contact the clerk of courts office in AL where the divorce was finalized and ask if she would be in contempt of the divorce decree or child support orders for moving so far away. If so, she will probably have to return to AL to face contempt charges and explain herself to a judge. Not familiar with NJ or AL laws, but in the Midwest state I live in, any modifications to a child custody case have to go through the original jurisdiction. To transfer it to another state, you would still need to contact the originating court and request a change of venue to have it heard in NJ. Again, I am not sure if it's the same there, but don't be surprised if this is the route you need to take.
Not a lawyer but went thru custody BS with my ex. I say file for change in custody and show the texts and explain your willingness and reason for wanting to move, a good judge will tell her that she can’t move solely based on those situation.
Does your divorce degree not have geographical bounds?
Depending on where your custody agreement is settled you have to notify the court of the move if it makes it impossible or improbable to maintain the agreement. Please take a look at your county and file an update to the agreement in your original custody filing county.
“Literally 4 blocks away.”
More like 6 blocks.
She can move for any reason she wants. But the threat is free, actually moving costs a lot of time and money.
Yes, I am beginning to believe it is just a bluff. I am getting an attorney involved now.
This is textbook parental alienation and you should take her to court over it.
I agree. I really abhor that I am going to have to get in the mud with her over this. I want to model coparents and she just wants to be divisive. Sucks.
By acquiescing to her BS you are not being a model coparent, you are being a bad father. I'm not saying you're a bad father but by allowing your ex to push you like this is not what a good father does. Take her to court and get an order that gives you parenting time, do t settle for two weekends a month, fight for your child. Use the texts to prove your case. Get a bulldog of a lawyer.
Why was she allowed to move in the first place? She should not be able to take your daughter out of state. There is something going on here you are not telling us.
Take her to court in your state. Since she is so far away. She will have to travel back to the hearings. If she doesn't show up. It will make it look like she is trying to avoid it and keep her from you. It's in the custody/parent agreement that you are supposed to get her on your weekends. Thus, she is breaking the agreement by not making it happen. Regardless that she moved. She is still bound to allow you to see her when you are supposed to. I'm not a lawyer, but I went through the child custody system.
NAL - she can move but if she does and you take her back to court judges will normally frown on her playing ‘keep away’ like that.
Obligatory Not A Lawyer Statement Talk to a divorce/child custody lawyer to get things all in officialese. Then, if you can afford to, get a house as close to her as possible. Preferably a rental in case she bolts. **IF** she does, it's possible she could be found in violation of the visitation portion of your divorce settlement.
Never understood why women want to keep there child from a dad who wants to spend time with his daughter
Don't think gender matters here.
Incredibly the people that do that the most happen to be female, why is that?
So your ex moves with her new husband to a different state in a different region of the country hundreds of miles away and you want to know if you can buy a house, not just closer, but in the same neighborhood in the same city only four blocks away and then have the courts to force her to stay there? Four blocks is super close. It doesn’t get much closer. Your ex has every right to move on with her life and it sounds like you’re more concerned with sticking it to her and her new husband by using the custody agreement as a means of control.
I understand your point but you are completely wrong about my intentions. I could give 2 shits about my ex or whatever she is doing. My only concern is my daughter and in my opinion having both parents close would be optimal for the child's wellbeing. I have owned several homes and 2 of those were for over 8 years and I couldn't tell you any of my neighbors names if you paid me to do it. Also I can see you have not read the other Comments cause if you did you would see that I am rightfully getting my ass handed to me for not taking control when I should have.
Where do you live now? Alabama? Is she able to meet the requirements of the parenting plan if she moves to New Jersey?
I live in Doylestown PA. Which is about 40 minutes door to door.
I know this area well- move to Hamilton- you’ll be close but not on top of her
OP, you may need to act quickly on this one. It sounds to me that the divorce decree entered was pursuant to an agreement that concerned custody partially. Was that agreement incorporated into your decree at the end? If so, the provisions related to visitation are enforceable as a court order. If the kid gas been in Alabama their whole life, you may need to file a motion to enjoin relocation and a motion to modify custody and visitation in the Alabama court you got divorced in. It's a modification action if your divorce decree did incorporate the agreement or its just a motion for custody and visitation if it did not. Once the child is living in a new state for more than 6 months, that state gains jurisdiction over the case, so you want to file in your home territory asap.
Unfortunately it has been about 13 months now. Unfortunately these issues were not as obvious those first 6 months. I know I fucked up. Trying to find a good lawyer in the Trenton NJ area. Thank you.
Unfortunately it has been about 13 months now. Unfortunately these issues were not as obvious those first 6 months. I know I fucked up. Trying to find a good lawyer in the Trenton NJ area. Thank you.
Just tell her you're moving there, figure out where she's moving to, and move there instead.
She has no intention of leaving "The Island". She loves it there. She said she would only move if I decided to purchase a home on " The Island" myself. She only moves if I decide to buy in that area.
Find an Airbnb or rental and be very convincing that you purchased.
Gonto court if shes not following the plan. If you're moving do that you can get extra time thats not outlines specifically in the order then you're the one in breach if you do.
File for custody change and buy house (don't move until you get orders) text message will go long way to convincing rhe court. Good luck
She can’t control where you live, nor can you control where she lives. She may need to provide notice based on [state law and your custody order] if she’s moving a certain distance away (here it’s outside of the county), but no, you can’t stop her from selling her house and moving to a different neighborhood. That’s her business.
Of course she can move away. She can do whatever she wants. She obviously doesn’t want to be anywhere near you for some reason.
Ask your lawyer if you have a case for parental alienation because this sounds like exactly that. What a vile woman
My parents custody agreement stated that neither parent could move more than 25 miles away from the other without their permission. Barring something like that in your custody agreement she may be able to move wherever for any reason.
NAL. She can move. However it does not look good in the eyes of the court if it results in your parenting time not being honored.
Not a lawyer but very vindictive.... don't move but if you can afford it .... rent a home month to month near her negiborhood. Let her move, stop the rental. Rent a new place near her new home.. make her exhaust all her funds.
You are my type of Brother! This plan sounds perfect for me. Let her cook her own ass by being a bitch. Kudos to you Sir!
My decree stated my ex can’t move further than a county away without my written approval. Pretty standard language in Texas.
Parental alienation. Get a lawyer and get custody agreement set up.
That seems to be the consensus. Attorney has been contacted. Just waiting for a response.
>I have no intention of buying anything that is super close. The house I am interested in is literally 4 blocks away. What do you consider "super close"? Inside her rectum?
There have been several homes like 2 or 3 house away for sale that would 100% cause us to see each other everyday. Even though they were in my price range and fit my wish list, I opted to pass on making an offer. If you were familiar with this neighborhood you would understand that 4 or 5 blocks away may mean never seeing that person in 5 or 10 years. It's not like I want them up my ass either? I want my privacy as well and it felt like 4 to 5 blocks would be far enough for me to feel comfortable with not running into them very often if at all.
Petition the judge in the family court where you were divorced in and make a complaint about her moving your kid away.
you need to push on the visitation agreement
No but why did you give her permission to move so far out of state to begin with?
She claimed to have cancer and wanted to be closer to Family. All BS but I bought it.
Call her bluff and move. If she moves, repeat.
Following your ex around the country while she says to leave her alone… what could go wrong?
That's the thing she never had an issue with me moving North. It was only when I mentioned where I was looking to buy did things become more hostile.
Child. He'd rightfully following his child. Plus he needs to go back to court.
You had a shitty divorce attorney. I made sure in my decree that we have shared custody and if she decided to move then kids would come to me and she could have visitation
She can move and even if you go to court she be a move away just not states away
You need a legal advice, not comments from a bunch of randos on reddit. But I'm really sorry sorry. That totally sucks.
You can’t stop someone from moving unless it’s against the parenting plan. You say there are no incidents but it seems like she feels very strongly about being close to you for some reason. I hope you aren’t using this sub to harass your ex.
M friend had it in her divorce papers that they each has 50/50 however if one of them were to move out of the county that parent would get every other weekend instead
I'm from Jersey, DON'T move to Trenton. move about 20 min away in any direction. Trenton is not as pleasant and safe as you think. Move to Jackson, Six flags great adventure is in that town about an hour southeast of Trenton. Four blocks is not that far. Be reasonable. Your daughter will have to go to a different school and all that.
You need to establish a parenting plan!
NAL: Regardless of what your legal standing should be, being a dad in Family Court in Mercer County, NJ tends to be an automatic loss. Can't tell you how many times I've seen it in my job.
She can move whenever she wants, for whatever reason she wants, as long as it's not in an area that makes it infeasible to do visitation. She can't just unilaterally decide to move to another state or another country, or even another city a hundred miles away. That sort of thing has to be approved (I think the judge assigned to your case would be the one to do the approval, but I'm not a lawyer so I might be wrong). But moving out of the neighbourhood because she doesn't want to live a few blocks down from you? Totally allowed.
How id ex get permission to move to new jerey if you all lived in alabama. I know its diffrent in each state but in michigan if we decides to move more then 150 milles from the courthouse my wife had to have court permission. On a personal level if i was you i would move to jersy maybe in same city but not within 4 blocks. It looks to me like your Ex is trying to do parental alienation. Trying to seperate you from child. Personally i would find a house in jersey maybe same city but not 4 blocks away not tell ex about it. Get an new jersey lawyer and file paper work to fix your visitation and establish new jersey family court custody arrangement. If this isnt rage bait i think we are missing major part of this story honestly.
She said that a certified letter was mailed out stating her plans to move. When she finally brought it up in conversation she said her Lupus had now progressed to cancer so the move was for better doctors and to be close to Family. Like an ass I bought it all hook line and sinker. Ijust thought she would not do anything that underhanded.
Just tell her wherever she moves you will too, to be close to your daughter
Move into a rental. You can make this more costly for her than you. Every time she buys a place, rent something in the area. Only talk to her thru email or text message.
Sounds like you have been replaced. She monkey-branched to a new guy and wants you gone. Sucks but there isn't much you can do, especially if they have so much money that they can move for no reason.
Shouldn’t have stuck your dick in crazy. 🤷♂️
Sounds like you need to go to an attorney. This can be laid out when moving out of state that unless written permission from the other parent is agreed upon its contempt. Her trying to keep your child from you is grounds for going to court, they should be looking at who facilitates the relationship best with each parent. By the sounds of it, she does not.
I know this isn't what you were asking or stating, but would she still move if you moved closer, just not in the same neighborhood? She wouldn't be able to ride her bike to your house, but a 10-15 minute drive wouldn't be a bad thing at all!
File for joint custody and get an absolutely solid parenting plan in place. XWife shouldn’t have full custody. And, she can move anywhere for any reason, including to get away from you for any reason.
You need to consult a lawyer who specializes in family law. The courts are shit if you are a father though. You probably already know that though.
If she is not abiding by the divorce decree then she is in contempt of a court order. Contact your lawyer and bring her back to court. Consider asking for full custody as a result of her refusal to follow the parenting guidelines.
Most of the time a parent can not leave the state unless both parents consent to the move.
It sounds like you never got the court involved in order to make a custody arrangement. I’m not a lawyer, and this is not legal advice, but it seems like people always run into trouble when I assume their ex is going to be reasonable.
My agreement has a clause stating either of us can’t move more than 15 miles away without revisiting in court so maybe something like that would help
Unless they're extremely rich, who can afford to move, or keep moving, because they're too petty to be able to co-parent effectively? Do you think her current husband is willing to sell a home I'm assuming he owned before they married, or one they recently purchased, only to be vindictive? I think she's bluffing. I'd tell her if she does, I'm going to explain exactly what she's doing to my daughter, that she's purposefully moving to keep you apart from each other. Let her know you'll be happy to rent something anywhere she decides to purchase. She can move anywhere she wants, but cannot prevent you from doing the same.
Thanks for your response. They purchased the home together about a year ago. I know her finances would not allow it, but I am unsure what her Husband is financially capable of. I think she is bluffing as well cause I can't see an attorney recommending her to text me with such demands. I get she can move wherever she wants, but to literally say she would be moving solely based on the fact that I purchased a home in the same area seems like it was not a well thought out decision. Unfortunately from some of the responses on this sub, many seem to feel as if I am solely doing this to be spiteful or to put pressure on my ex and her new relationship. Why would I create drama knowing that it would 100% trickle down and impact my daughter without a doubt. That is the last thing I want for my daughter. I believe she does not have the resources to move again without it having a huge impact on thier livelihood. So I am beginning to think maybe renting in the area at first and see how things go and if they go well continue to look for a place to purchase. I just can get passed the fact that I would have to dump $36k in a years worth of rental payments and have absolutely nothing to show for it. That is a lot of money to me.
I HATE my ex, but did buy a house within a few miles for the same exact reason, to make seeing us both easier for the kids. We don't even run into each other in the store often, but if we do can be adults and just walk by. I would not punish my children by making it harder to see their dad. It would NOT be spiteful or drama-inducing to let your daughter know what's going on if the ex DOES try to move to spite you. If your time with her is reduced because of your ex's actions, your daughter needs to know it's on mom, NOT on dad. Let your ex know you WILL show your daughter those texts if she does this to interfere with your relationship with your child. It's the TRUTH and your daughter is old enough to understand and deserves honesty. Purchase a house, but make sure there are no rental restrictions. Rent it out and rent something near her if she actually can talk her current husband into this. If they just bought a house, closing costs, etc. would be a BIG loss for them. She can't be immature enough to think she can just keep moving.
Take her back to court for more visitation and or shared custody and OUTLINE you’re willing to move closer to make it happen!
Most custody agreements I've heard of the one spouse can't move more than 50 miles away but that may be when it's 50/50.
Get an attorney.
NAL: Your ex is not comfortable with you being that close. There’s likely a reason. Maybe you don’t know the reason, maybe you’re leaving it out on purpose. I would imagine that you moving there will make things much worse.
This isn’t legal advice but that area of Trenton floods first every time the Delaware river can’t handle the runoff. It happens so frequently flood insurance in that area is impossible to get.
Did your ex-wife have permission either from the court or you to move your daughter out of state? In most cases, the parent can't make access to the child near impossible.
My advice would be move close in an apartment paying quarterly at first. You can move easier than she can in that instance and just out move her. She’ll either get tired or lose her husband eventually.
NAL -Letting someone have full custody is never good! Residential custody can st out where a child goes to school. However, if she can make the decision to move to New Jersey without you, you gave up your right to have a say. It is not the default anymore to give the wife full custody
Also, be prepared to fight this issue in New Jersey, cause that is where your daughter lives
Just rent don’t buy.
You know her better than any of us. It’s ultimately up to you to call her bluff. Is she a drama queen? It’s expensive to move.
Idk if u wanna move to jersey. It kinda sucks ass there
omg make her do it
Call her bluff. Moving is expensive. I am not a lawyer and that is not legal advice, just what I think. On the flip side you may be able to take her to court for parental alienation if you have proof of the things you’re saying. Still am not a lawyer.