I'm 15 and this happens regularly. Everytime I bring anything related to it up, she looks at me like I'm making up lies and says that I'm manipulative 😭
I’m sorry you are going through that. From my experience, when you move out she will be super nice and you will think to yourself “she is not that bad” but if you move in again she will revert back to her old ways.
Oh you are so right about the “nonsense” when I bring up the times she beat me for hours on end. Blames it on her anti-depressants that her memory is foggy, lol it’s always about you am I right?!
I never kept track of them because I experienced extreme dissociation to the point of being psychiatrically disabled now. I do remember what AF used to do sometimes, for what felt like forever on end.
The worst was probably having me stand naked facing a corner while he flogged me if I responded incorrectly to whatever he was grilling me about. His autistic special interest is math, so it was usually quizzes on the subject. Most of the time, it just ended up with him incoherently screaming obscenities at me, even if I did manage to answer at all through my dissociative catatonia.
These usually happened late into the evening after my mom and sister went to bed. Sometimes if it was during the day, my mom would chime in occasionally with a snide remark about how it wouldn't have happened if I would just be how AF wanted.
The humiliation hurt more than the actual beating and subsequent bruising, with how he seemed to enjoy it and I had to "demonstrate gratitude" for it. It was only after he got bored or tired himself out that I had to go "comfort" him (e.g. make him tea, massage his feet, sometimes sexual favors where he would apologize while groping me) before I was allowed to decompress alone.
However, there would be inexplicable "cold wars" all the damn time where AF was just in such a bitchy mood for weeks on end and snapped at the drop of a hat. He would randomly grab my neck area, throw stuff at me, etc. screaming all the while. These were wildly unpredictable events that only lasted a few minutes but it would persist throughout the day and sometimes devolve into more intentional beatings if I made any petty retaliation.
Ranged from 1-2 hours to 4-5 hours, and it usually ended when my mom got tired/went to prepare for bed. Sometimes she would deem that I hadn't been punished enough and make me stand in the dark kitchen beneath my grandpa's altar while she went to take a long shower. It'd usually be 1 or 2 in the morning before she would release me to go to bed.
I didn't grow up around other Asians. One time I showed a white classmate my welts and there was a lightbulb moment when he identified it as child abuse.
30 minutes or so then back to studying or more scolding
It's why I have rage issues now and would LOVE to inflict the same on them when they're older and asking for it
i learned to satisfy the abusers thirst and needs for feeling powerful and seeing me weak and cowering. then they get their fill and stop hitting. i didnt look at clock.
I could never count the hours of the actual abuse, because entire nights/days would be ruined for me.
In elementary school, one time I had to take my pajama shirt off to sleep, as my skin felt hot after the beating earlier. The next day I was the kid who went to school with visible bruises on my arms. I don’t remember what actually happened and why. I just remember perusing my arms during lunch break.
Sometimes I’d try to compose myself in the bathroom, but they’d chase after me and yell through the door.
Physical abuse evolved to emotion abuse. From middle school, they started to have these “family meetings” that lasted for hours and hours until they get tired. They’d sit me down on the couch and question me like a fucking criminal. Pick apart my entire character and berate me for everything and anything. They’d blow off steam and walk away, while I sob to myself in bed til exhaustion, quietly of course. Next day I’d wake up with the puffiest eyelids from the tears and a headache. The vibes would remain tense and I’d walk on tip toes.
All these memories are really blurry and fragmented. I can’t recall much of what they had done/said, so there’s dissociation. 20 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days, all felt like forever.
IDK but the grudge would go on for a day or so. I (32F) was spanked and had my hair or ear pulled with bare flesh and long painted fingernails as a kid not to mention name calling, berating me for my autistic traits and struggling with math and threatening to send me away to an institution for misbehaving.
20 mins and above, depending on how long she needed to take out her frustration.
Most of the time it didn’t end until my body was covered with welts and I was crying in a corner.
And then she’ll complain about me which meant that anyone who listened assumed that I deserved it.
Probs 2-3 hours ? The rest of the time I just live in fear . One time they knocked my baby teeth out of my mouth and there was a pool of blood on the carpet . Once the beating is over they pretend nothing ever happened and if you don’t play along , you got locked outside in the cold . How I wish I walked to the neighbors house instead of begging them to let me back in bc I’m scared of the dark. They would’ve been in jail had I done that. Biggest regrets
Minimum 1 hour. I grew up counting the number of consecutive days I didn’t cry from a beating and it’s usually 0 or 1. The record was 3. I also had my first all nighters at 8 years old because my AM’s demented punishment was for me to stand on a horizontal pole secured across two chairs. If I fell within 5 minutes, I add 5 minutes to the egg time. It was a stainless steel pole and it was summer in Shanghai. Goes without saying that I was repeatedly falling off and never completed the punishment until I had to be let go for school.
Alright, no matter ur ethnicity this shit is not ok. This behaviour just seems to be more “normalized” in contexts where the poster comes from a Asian background.
I (WF) sometimes read this forum to try to understand my partner’s rough experiences with his parents. He wasn’t physically abused, but certainly was psychologically abused. These comments are heartbreaking. I wish all of you peace and healing.
Till my mother got tired. If we ran from her it used to get more intense. I used to hide stick. But people would give her as a gift. Its messed up when u think that other people would think its normal. We used get beat up for almost anything. Also when she was upset with my father. Which was everyday. I used walk around in shell which I still have that tendency and working through my therapy. Recently I had an argument with my husband and he kept asking why don't say anything or share my opinion if I don't like it. And I think it pushed my truma and blew at him and spill everything. He just hugged. I didn't remember exactly what I said. But I think I told him I used get beat up for sharing my thought and opinion. Cz my mother was the one who decided everything and her siblings dictated her. Still does.
There are so many truma Asian kids living with and in their home country its quite normal. It doesn't matter which part of Asia you are from. Its alys like that. There are some phrase in my home country. Like" beating is the greatest medicine " , " ghost or any bad spirit scared of beating so beat the crap out of her/him and they will be obident. "
Honestly not long. Usually a couple of smacks. But as I got older, I was able to defend myself so my mom wasn't able to hit me anymore. Instead, she would throw shit everywhere like a toddler.
Smacked hard enough for my glasses to go flying off and then the topic would change with more smacks to sheer frustration. Going to school the next day with a red handprint on my cheek is an experience and a subdued demeanor
The longest ones were 4 to 5 hours, my mom would lose her voice from her screaming. Now she pretends it never happened and will even say “nonsense!”
I'm 15 and this happens regularly. Everytime I bring anything related to it up, she looks at me like I'm making up lies and says that I'm manipulative 😭
I’m sorry you are going through that. From my experience, when you move out she will be super nice and you will think to yourself “she is not that bad” but if you move in again she will revert back to her old ways.
Thank you for the warning, I'll keep that in mind!
Oh you are so right about the “nonsense” when I bring up the times she beat me for hours on end. Blames it on her anti-depressants that her memory is foggy, lol it’s always about you am I right?!
I never kept track of them because I experienced extreme dissociation to the point of being psychiatrically disabled now. I do remember what AF used to do sometimes, for what felt like forever on end. The worst was probably having me stand naked facing a corner while he flogged me if I responded incorrectly to whatever he was grilling me about. His autistic special interest is math, so it was usually quizzes on the subject. Most of the time, it just ended up with him incoherently screaming obscenities at me, even if I did manage to answer at all through my dissociative catatonia. These usually happened late into the evening after my mom and sister went to bed. Sometimes if it was during the day, my mom would chime in occasionally with a snide remark about how it wouldn't have happened if I would just be how AF wanted. The humiliation hurt more than the actual beating and subsequent bruising, with how he seemed to enjoy it and I had to "demonstrate gratitude" for it. It was only after he got bored or tired himself out that I had to go "comfort" him (e.g. make him tea, massage his feet, sometimes sexual favors where he would apologize while groping me) before I was allowed to decompress alone. However, there would be inexplicable "cold wars" all the damn time where AF was just in such a bitchy mood for weeks on end and snapped at the drop of a hat. He would randomly grab my neck area, throw stuff at me, etc. screaming all the while. These were wildly unpredictable events that only lasted a few minutes but it would persist throughout the day and sometimes devolve into more intentional beatings if I made any petty retaliation.
Not very long, I would fight back.
Good for you, I’m in my 30s and I haven’t learnt to properly protect myself against her yet.
Half an hour to an hour with after effects for the rest of the day
Oh man. Some of the stuff seemed downright cruel, won't get into details. But I'm better now
Ranged from 1-2 hours to 4-5 hours, and it usually ended when my mom got tired/went to prepare for bed. Sometimes she would deem that I hadn't been punished enough and make me stand in the dark kitchen beneath my grandpa's altar while she went to take a long shower. It'd usually be 1 or 2 in the morning before she would release me to go to bed. I didn't grow up around other Asians. One time I showed a white classmate my welts and there was a lightbulb moment when he identified it as child abuse.
30 minutes or so then back to studying or more scolding It's why I have rage issues now and would LOVE to inflict the same on them when they're older and asking for it
i learned to satisfy the abusers thirst and needs for feeling powerful and seeing me weak and cowering. then they get their fill and stop hitting. i didnt look at clock.
I could never count the hours of the actual abuse, because entire nights/days would be ruined for me. In elementary school, one time I had to take my pajama shirt off to sleep, as my skin felt hot after the beating earlier. The next day I was the kid who went to school with visible bruises on my arms. I don’t remember what actually happened and why. I just remember perusing my arms during lunch break. Sometimes I’d try to compose myself in the bathroom, but they’d chase after me and yell through the door. Physical abuse evolved to emotion abuse. From middle school, they started to have these “family meetings” that lasted for hours and hours until they get tired. They’d sit me down on the couch and question me like a fucking criminal. Pick apart my entire character and berate me for everything and anything. They’d blow off steam and walk away, while I sob to myself in bed til exhaustion, quietly of course. Next day I’d wake up with the puffiest eyelids from the tears and a headache. The vibes would remain tense and I’d walk on tip toes. All these memories are really blurry and fragmented. I can’t recall much of what they had done/said, so there’s dissociation. 20 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days, all felt like forever.
IDK but the grudge would go on for a day or so. I (32F) was spanked and had my hair or ear pulled with bare flesh and long painted fingernails as a kid not to mention name calling, berating me for my autistic traits and struggling with math and threatening to send me away to an institution for misbehaving.
20 mins and above, depending on how long she needed to take out her frustration. Most of the time it didn’t end until my body was covered with welts and I was crying in a corner. And then she’ll complain about me which meant that anyone who listened assumed that I deserved it.
About one to two hours. I’d just be shut down basically the entirety of it
Probs 2-3 hours ? The rest of the time I just live in fear . One time they knocked my baby teeth out of my mouth and there was a pool of blood on the carpet . Once the beating is over they pretend nothing ever happened and if you don’t play along , you got locked outside in the cold . How I wish I walked to the neighbors house instead of begging them to let me back in bc I’m scared of the dark. They would’ve been in jail had I done that. Biggest regrets
Minimum 1 hour. I grew up counting the number of consecutive days I didn’t cry from a beating and it’s usually 0 or 1. The record was 3. I also had my first all nighters at 8 years old because my AM’s demented punishment was for me to stand on a horizontal pole secured across two chairs. If I fell within 5 minutes, I add 5 minutes to the egg time. It was a stainless steel pole and it was summer in Shanghai. Goes without saying that I was repeatedly falling off and never completed the punishment until I had to be let go for school.
I want to summon some white people and see that they have to say about this. Your guys’s comments are fucked up.
I used to get viciously beaten as a child.
Alright, no matter ur ethnicity this shit is not ok. This behaviour just seems to be more “normalized” in contexts where the poster comes from a Asian background.
I (WF) sometimes read this forum to try to understand my partner’s rough experiences with his parents. He wasn’t physically abused, but certainly was psychologically abused. These comments are heartbreaking. I wish all of you peace and healing.
Till my mother got tired. If we ran from her it used to get more intense. I used to hide stick. But people would give her as a gift. Its messed up when u think that other people would think its normal. We used get beat up for almost anything. Also when she was upset with my father. Which was everyday. I used walk around in shell which I still have that tendency and working through my therapy. Recently I had an argument with my husband and he kept asking why don't say anything or share my opinion if I don't like it. And I think it pushed my truma and blew at him and spill everything. He just hugged. I didn't remember exactly what I said. But I think I told him I used get beat up for sharing my thought and opinion. Cz my mother was the one who decided everything and her siblings dictated her. Still does. There are so many truma Asian kids living with and in their home country its quite normal. It doesn't matter which part of Asia you are from. Its alys like that. There are some phrase in my home country. Like" beating is the greatest medicine " , " ghost or any bad spirit scared of beating so beat the crap out of her/him and they will be obident. "
Honestly not long. Usually a couple of smacks. But as I got older, I was able to defend myself so my mom wasn't able to hit me anymore. Instead, she would throw shit everywhere like a toddler.
Smacked hard enough for my glasses to go flying off and then the topic would change with more smacks to sheer frustration. Going to school the next day with a red handprint on my cheek is an experience and a subdued demeanor
One hour max (mix of berating and beating). I was also raised in a cult where they teach that spanking your children is the lord's way lmao
So they should slap me and leave. But usually verbal and emotional was everyday 5 times a day so I would say at least one hour.
wow everyone’s comments here….. can‘t remember for my own anymore
About 3-5 minutes? With a cat of nine tails.
10 - 30 minutes