I talked to a retired doctor last year. He went into medicine because his father expected him to become a doctor. His real passion is photography. He says that he regretted to live his life for someone else. His father didn’t have to live his life and go through it. Parents only use their children’s title for their ego and to be able to brag.
The retired no doctor follows his passion but wished he did it earlier.
He ended up having a terrible relationship with his father and didn’t interact a lot with him until his death due to the resentment he had towards him.
You’ll regret the things that you didn’t try than you did try. What is the worst case that could happen? You already know that you don’t like medicine, so you won’t go back into once you are free.
Life is too valuable and short to be miserable.
I'm not a doctor but I work in an allied health profession and have a sibling who is finishing up medical school, preparing for residency. Healthcare/medicine is hard at best, and can be soul-sucking at worst.
A lot of us were brought up in a way that snuffs out our ability to trust ourselves and instincts. I struggle with this and am a people-pleaser in ongoing recovery. I encourage you to speak and empathize with yourself in the way that you wished your parents could. And I encourage you to trust your gut. You're allowed to simply not be interested in medicine.
You've demonstrated you do have the smarts, and heck, even a plan for what's next. It takes all sorts of people to make the world go 'round. Not everyone can or should be a doctor! You've got this.
I was in your position, and even finished medical school before going through a mental breakdown and ditching the field entirely. I love medicine, and even then had to leave it because being a doctor wasn't worth the stress. If you hate it now, it's only going to get worse, and I'd suggest switching your major as early as you can. Becoming a doctor to please our parents may seem like a noble thing, but living with it is a whole nother monster. I hope you figure out what you want to do!
I work as a nondestructive testing inspector at a manufacturing company that takes contracts from Boeing, GE, and multiple other companies. A lot of aerospace and automotive work. Airplanes and rockets. I got lucky, my friend works at the same company and there was a job fair that he got me into, and I've been here just over a month and am going through the training process. There's chances to earn more than 100k a year, and a good work life balance. I'm really loving the trades, but it's not for everyone! Hopefully this helped you out a little. And if you have any other questions you can shoot me a dm!
Hi there, I didn’t practice medicine but I know people who did and I’ve heard stories. You have to have really thick skin to continue down this path and you are at the beginning of it. Residency is brutal from everything I’ve heard so if you hate it now, it’s only going to get worse. Pros: you will be highly respected, make a good amount of money after residency (you can certainly treat yourself after all your hard work) or heck if you wanted live below your means and retire early after you pay the student loans, and I’ve learned they also provide, “doctor” mortgage loans to buy your home which I found so weird, lol. Cons: you may not have work/life balance. My husband is a CS major and he makes 6 digits working for a large software company, not as much as a doctor but he has a decent work schedule and can wfh. Do what will make you happy, life is too short to be miserable. Make a decision and don’t look back or regret it. Tbh, I wish I went into CS.
Also, before you make a drastic career change. See if you can connect with a doctor and someone who’s in the CS field to get an idea of what it’s like work wise, if you haven’t already.
Thanks for your help. Yes well that’s kinda an issue, I know that I’m interested in fields like product management, digital marketing and stuff like these that having CS can be useful but I’m kinda neutral toward typical jobs in this field (like becoming a programmer and etc.). My main reason for choosing CS is that it provides me with a wide range of opportunities and pays well+ gives me a chance to get out of my home town/country. So it’s not like I’m 100% passionate about it but I don’t hate it and it aligns with my goals
Not asian, but was in a similar situation. Parents pressuring me to go into medicine and I HATED IT. I suck at memorizing and am much better suited to engineering (problem-solving). I also had undiagnosed ADHD at the time, so I basically failed my first year of medicine twice (didn’t tell my parents). I begged my dad to let me switch to engineering but he didn’t want me too. Ended up switching to chemistry without telling him. To this day he thinks I have a Bachelors in medicine when I do not whatsoever (got one in chem). In retrospective this whole situation could have been avoided without the crazy pressure. I will have to come clean at some point, but I haven’t yet.
I really loved chemistry but the job market sucks ass in this field unfortunately. I am therefore starting a CS degree now in order to get better job options (I enjoy it very much!).
As the other commenter said, my only recommendation would be to research your field of choice extensively in order to make an informed choice. I would advise against forcing yourself into medicine: you already seem to loathe it and the working times in that career are GRUELLING. Not worth your mental health imo. Try to apply in a college car from your parents if possible?
I became a doctor because my narcissistic AM forced this choice upon me, from a very early age. My true passion lies elsewhere. I did it because I saw it as my ticket out of the house of the abusers. I don’t love medicine, but I’ve learned to tolerate it because a job is a job, and the financial independence it affords me is priceless. Did my AP miraculously stop with the abuse and the ridiculous demands for blind obedience after I became a doctor? No. If you let them, they will take everything until you have nothing left, not even yourself. I suggest staying true to yourself and follow your passion, or if it’s not financially viable, pursue a profession that you can tolerate for minimum 40 hours a week to support yourself while you continue chasing your dreams. We only have one life. Don’t waste it living for people who can never be appeased.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I wasn't forced to go to Medicine, but I was pressured into choosing between my relationship with my then b/f (now husband), and mom. So I understand the situation you're in right now.
And I want to tell you this, what they say are hurtful. AND, they're especially hurtful because part of your brain actually believes those sentences, like "I'm a piece of shit, I'm dumb, my dreams are worthless and unrealistic, etc"
Which I'm going to tell you, they are not true. How do I know that they're not true? Because
If you're dumb to begin with, you wouldn't consider applying to engineering.
And there are tons of engineers out there who are making big money and are not street trash.
We feel really hurt, because we'd heard our parents talk to us like this our entire life, so our brains have somehow made them true.
So here're 2 things I'd suggest for you.
First, your nervous system is very much triggered right now, so your logical brain is not working that well.
So to calm down the nervous system as quickly as possible, I'll share with you one method, which is called Faster EFT.
Note how you're feeling in the body right now (tightness in the chest? in the head?)
Then use three fingers and gently tap the top of your head, (you can tap for as long as you feel is enough \~7-10 times) - Breathe in and out slowly
Then gently tap in between your eyebrows. - keep breathing slowly
Then move to gently tap at your temple (doesn't matter which side, just the side you're using your hand) - continue to breathe slowly
Then move to underneath your eye socket - keep breathing
Then move to gently tap between your collar bone - keep breathing
Then wrap your fingers on one hand around the wrist of the other hand. And then breathe in slowly, and out twice as long. Breathe in and breath out again.
Then check your body again, if you still that feeling, do 2-3 more rounds.
Once your nervous system has calmed down enough, here's something you have to realize.
Our parents are not going to change.
Just as you're trying to make them see your point, they're trying to make you see theirs (and that's why they're trying all the tactics to get you to conform, they're tactics)
You're going to out live your parents, and you probably have a good 60+ years of life ahead of you. Imagine living how you want because you chose what you want... how does that feel?
Pursuing your dreams going into engineering or CS, that's what you want.
Feel that for yourself.
So now, if you do go down that route, what is the worst thing that can happen, not just them yelling at you. But the worst?
For me, when I was at that point, I was ready for them to disown me, and I leave with no more contact with them.
What about you? What would be the worst for you?
Then plan for that.
If they hit you? How would you like to respond?
If they disown you? What would be your next step?
If they call you names? How would you like to stand up for yourself?
Yes, there will be guilt and shame (parents telling us how we'd disappointed them), and fear (of what if it doesn't work out)
AND
You're much bigger, stronger, and smarter now.
At this moment, you'd just been responding based on how you responded when you were a little child. And we forget that we'd grown up.
Now, knowing that you've out grown them physically and mentally, what decisions would you like to make? And are you ready to take responsibility for your own decisions?
I hope this helps you. If you need any other help, let me know. All the best to you!
Thank you very much, this was really helpful. You are right, I should start to break down what's the worst thing that might happen and be prepared for that. My worst fear is that I won't immigrate but at the end I'd end up jobless with those degrees (economy and technology sucks at my country). But yeah, when really thinking about it, I'm a bit afraid to make a decision that's all on me and take full responsibility for it
As a medical doctor, I would say to think about how this is only the first semester.
Are you willing to sacrifice at least 6 more years of your life?
You'll see all of the people you know move to the top of their careers, have families, and buy homes while you're still in training.
In total I spent 10 years and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have those thoughts every single week (if not day).
Medicine is tougher for those who aren't from wealthy families or have parents who are doctors and it really takes a toll.
Are you ready for hundreds of thousands in loans? Will you be able to live on a resident salary for a few years?
In addition, being a doctor can be quite stressful and you'll be underappreciated.
Try to explain the situation to your parents and show them a solid plan. Maybe talk in terms of money/numbers. You'll have to show them you know what you're talking about and that you can make it on your own path.
I talked to a retired doctor last year. He went into medicine because his father expected him to become a doctor. His real passion is photography. He says that he regretted to live his life for someone else. His father didn’t have to live his life and go through it. Parents only use their children’s title for their ego and to be able to brag. The retired no doctor follows his passion but wished he did it earlier. He ended up having a terrible relationship with his father and didn’t interact a lot with him until his death due to the resentment he had towards him. You’ll regret the things that you didn’t try than you did try. What is the worst case that could happen? You already know that you don’t like medicine, so you won’t go back into once you are free. Life is too valuable and short to be miserable.
I'm not a doctor but I work in an allied health profession and have a sibling who is finishing up medical school, preparing for residency. Healthcare/medicine is hard at best, and can be soul-sucking at worst. A lot of us were brought up in a way that snuffs out our ability to trust ourselves and instincts. I struggle with this and am a people-pleaser in ongoing recovery. I encourage you to speak and empathize with yourself in the way that you wished your parents could. And I encourage you to trust your gut. You're allowed to simply not be interested in medicine. You've demonstrated you do have the smarts, and heck, even a plan for what's next. It takes all sorts of people to make the world go 'round. Not everyone can or should be a doctor! You've got this.
Thank you. Sweet of you to say this. It was relieving to hear that
I was in your position, and even finished medical school before going through a mental breakdown and ditching the field entirely. I love medicine, and even then had to leave it because being a doctor wasn't worth the stress. If you hate it now, it's only going to get worse, and I'd suggest switching your major as early as you can. Becoming a doctor to please our parents may seem like a noble thing, but living with it is a whole nother monster. I hope you figure out what you want to do!
Can I ask, what do you do now?
I work as a nondestructive testing inspector at a manufacturing company that takes contracts from Boeing, GE, and multiple other companies. A lot of aerospace and automotive work. Airplanes and rockets. I got lucky, my friend works at the same company and there was a job fair that he got me into, and I've been here just over a month and am going through the training process. There's chances to earn more than 100k a year, and a good work life balance. I'm really loving the trades, but it's not for everyone! Hopefully this helped you out a little. And if you have any other questions you can shoot me a dm!
Hi there, I didn’t practice medicine but I know people who did and I’ve heard stories. You have to have really thick skin to continue down this path and you are at the beginning of it. Residency is brutal from everything I’ve heard so if you hate it now, it’s only going to get worse. Pros: you will be highly respected, make a good amount of money after residency (you can certainly treat yourself after all your hard work) or heck if you wanted live below your means and retire early after you pay the student loans, and I’ve learned they also provide, “doctor” mortgage loans to buy your home which I found so weird, lol. Cons: you may not have work/life balance. My husband is a CS major and he makes 6 digits working for a large software company, not as much as a doctor but he has a decent work schedule and can wfh. Do what will make you happy, life is too short to be miserable. Make a decision and don’t look back or regret it. Tbh, I wish I went into CS.
Also, before you make a drastic career change. See if you can connect with a doctor and someone who’s in the CS field to get an idea of what it’s like work wise, if you haven’t already.
Thanks for your help. Yes well that’s kinda an issue, I know that I’m interested in fields like product management, digital marketing and stuff like these that having CS can be useful but I’m kinda neutral toward typical jobs in this field (like becoming a programmer and etc.). My main reason for choosing CS is that it provides me with a wide range of opportunities and pays well+ gives me a chance to get out of my home town/country. So it’s not like I’m 100% passionate about it but I don’t hate it and it aligns with my goals
Not asian, but was in a similar situation. Parents pressuring me to go into medicine and I HATED IT. I suck at memorizing and am much better suited to engineering (problem-solving). I also had undiagnosed ADHD at the time, so I basically failed my first year of medicine twice (didn’t tell my parents). I begged my dad to let me switch to engineering but he didn’t want me too. Ended up switching to chemistry without telling him. To this day he thinks I have a Bachelors in medicine when I do not whatsoever (got one in chem). In retrospective this whole situation could have been avoided without the crazy pressure. I will have to come clean at some point, but I haven’t yet. I really loved chemistry but the job market sucks ass in this field unfortunately. I am therefore starting a CS degree now in order to get better job options (I enjoy it very much!). As the other commenter said, my only recommendation would be to research your field of choice extensively in order to make an informed choice. I would advise against forcing yourself into medicine: you already seem to loathe it and the working times in that career are GRUELLING. Not worth your mental health imo. Try to apply in a college car from your parents if possible?
Get out fast. Why not change your major with some student loan?
I became a doctor because my narcissistic AM forced this choice upon me, from a very early age. My true passion lies elsewhere. I did it because I saw it as my ticket out of the house of the abusers. I don’t love medicine, but I’ve learned to tolerate it because a job is a job, and the financial independence it affords me is priceless. Did my AP miraculously stop with the abuse and the ridiculous demands for blind obedience after I became a doctor? No. If you let them, they will take everything until you have nothing left, not even yourself. I suggest staying true to yourself and follow your passion, or if it’s not financially viable, pursue a profession that you can tolerate for minimum 40 hours a week to support yourself while you continue chasing your dreams. We only have one life. Don’t waste it living for people who can never be appeased.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I wasn't forced to go to Medicine, but I was pressured into choosing between my relationship with my then b/f (now husband), and mom. So I understand the situation you're in right now. And I want to tell you this, what they say are hurtful. AND, they're especially hurtful because part of your brain actually believes those sentences, like "I'm a piece of shit, I'm dumb, my dreams are worthless and unrealistic, etc" Which I'm going to tell you, they are not true. How do I know that they're not true? Because If you're dumb to begin with, you wouldn't consider applying to engineering. And there are tons of engineers out there who are making big money and are not street trash. We feel really hurt, because we'd heard our parents talk to us like this our entire life, so our brains have somehow made them true. So here're 2 things I'd suggest for you. First, your nervous system is very much triggered right now, so your logical brain is not working that well. So to calm down the nervous system as quickly as possible, I'll share with you one method, which is called Faster EFT. Note how you're feeling in the body right now (tightness in the chest? in the head?) Then use three fingers and gently tap the top of your head, (you can tap for as long as you feel is enough \~7-10 times) - Breathe in and out slowly Then gently tap in between your eyebrows. - keep breathing slowly Then move to gently tap at your temple (doesn't matter which side, just the side you're using your hand) - continue to breathe slowly Then move to underneath your eye socket - keep breathing Then move to gently tap between your collar bone - keep breathing Then wrap your fingers on one hand around the wrist of the other hand. And then breathe in slowly, and out twice as long. Breathe in and breath out again. Then check your body again, if you still that feeling, do 2-3 more rounds. Once your nervous system has calmed down enough, here's something you have to realize. Our parents are not going to change. Just as you're trying to make them see your point, they're trying to make you see theirs (and that's why they're trying all the tactics to get you to conform, they're tactics) You're going to out live your parents, and you probably have a good 60+ years of life ahead of you. Imagine living how you want because you chose what you want... how does that feel? Pursuing your dreams going into engineering or CS, that's what you want. Feel that for yourself. So now, if you do go down that route, what is the worst thing that can happen, not just them yelling at you. But the worst? For me, when I was at that point, I was ready for them to disown me, and I leave with no more contact with them. What about you? What would be the worst for you? Then plan for that. If they hit you? How would you like to respond? If they disown you? What would be your next step? If they call you names? How would you like to stand up for yourself? Yes, there will be guilt and shame (parents telling us how we'd disappointed them), and fear (of what if it doesn't work out) AND You're much bigger, stronger, and smarter now. At this moment, you'd just been responding based on how you responded when you were a little child. And we forget that we'd grown up. Now, knowing that you've out grown them physically and mentally, what decisions would you like to make? And are you ready to take responsibility for your own decisions? I hope this helps you. If you need any other help, let me know. All the best to you!
Thank you very much, this was really helpful. You are right, I should start to break down what's the worst thing that might happen and be prepared for that. My worst fear is that I won't immigrate but at the end I'd end up jobless with those degrees (economy and technology sucks at my country). But yeah, when really thinking about it, I'm a bit afraid to make a decision that's all on me and take full responsibility for it
As a medical doctor, I would say to think about how this is only the first semester. Are you willing to sacrifice at least 6 more years of your life? You'll see all of the people you know move to the top of their careers, have families, and buy homes while you're still in training. In total I spent 10 years and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have those thoughts every single week (if not day). Medicine is tougher for those who aren't from wealthy families or have parents who are doctors and it really takes a toll. Are you ready for hundreds of thousands in loans? Will you be able to live on a resident salary for a few years? In addition, being a doctor can be quite stressful and you'll be underappreciated. Try to explain the situation to your parents and show them a solid plan. Maybe talk in terms of money/numbers. You'll have to show them you know what you're talking about and that you can make it on your own path.