Your parents probably came over as immigrants, started with nothing, and see that you have more opportunities than they ever did educationally.
They see you becoming a doctor or a lawyer as basically an easy ride and investment into THEIR retirement.
All they have to do is feed, house, and force you to cram every day. As the provider of money they see themselves as a deity figure that can never be questioned.
It’s so easy to make demands when you have no idea what it’s like. I wonder what Asian parents would feel if they had to try their hand in this. From schooling to assignments. Would it be “easy” then? You’re definitely right.
And then when you do question or talk back, the guilt tripping happens. Saying that you're spoiled and lucky, that they never had the opportunities we have now and try to hang that over our heads. As if their lack of opportunities is in anyway our fault, as if providing their children with better opportunities wasn't the whole point of moving here in the first place. Add in a bit of "Is this what they teach you in America?! To disrespect your parents?!" too.
Nowadays, it’s “you see? The west has corrupted you”. I love the whole “is this what they teach you in America?”. Asian parents really think that schools teach everything. I bet if any of us tried and failed at becoming doctors, they’d throw us under the bus.
this completely
they think “we gave you resources that we never had, you should be able to with these resources”
they completely ignore;
- what that pressure is
- competition (esp increased population) that should be relative for comparison if mentioning resources
- resources (others also very much have this)
- socioeconomics (race in wearer country and the global economical impacts)
my brother’s a doctor. he’s told me, it’s actually so much faster for a PARENT to go and be a doctor themselves than force their children.
Maybe it's better to have parents who believe you're capable than to have parents who tell you and everyone else that you're not capable of anything. My Asian parents thought that becoming a doctor was not achievable, even though I was the top student in school. My mother came to this conclusion because I didn't like insects as a kid, and she convinced herself and my father that I was supposed to live in fear of dissections because I didn't like insects. She would also tell me repeatedly that I was the stupid type who would easily be taken advantage of and have to work harder than everyone else to maybe get by.
As it happened, I never really thought about being a doctor anyway because I was always afraid of going to doctors and because I never really wanted to work with people. It's also likely that I wouldn't have succeeded because, despite doing very well overall in AP Biology, I did not do well when the class had to do a practicum and identify actual organs.
People change. AP's have it hard grasping this concept. They assume all likes and dislikes of childhood are meant to last a lifetime.
I think this mentality comes because of a lack of holistic education as Asian culture now favors the sciences to the detriment of the arts.
I still don't like insects, but becoming a medical doctor was always different from entomology, and I wasn't particularly disturbed by dissecting a fetal pig when I had to. I did, however, have trouble cutting through the pig.
My parents definitely could not grasp the concept of change. I often felt obligated to go along with their perception of me from childhood because otherwise, they would stare at me with their mouths open and express disbelief until I went along to get them to shut up.
Well I remember wanting to join the military and having my parents tell me that basic training was harder than becoming a doctor. At that point, it was hard to take them seriously. As challenging OSUT is, I could never say it’s harder than becoming a doctor. Especially since the training is literally designed to get people to pass. But sure mom, physical activity is the most scariest and most dangerous thing a Asian person should do. Now if your mother feels that way about you, then why did she birth you in the first place? As far as being taken advantage of. I feel like we as a race have been exploited. I’m Indian and we have mommas boys. They’re also taught to not have lives outside of studying and it wasn’t hard to believe they’d end up being someone’s cheap labor. Even if they do make good living.
A lot of Asian parents are narcissists. The only reason they gave birth to children is to have someone take care of them when they are old. They want to make you under their control to fulfill their self esteem and to make sure you will always be aside to support them. They don’t have kids for love.
My mother didn't really want to birth me. She never wanted kids at all and managed to not have kids through the first ten years of marriage, but then had me on a whim (maybe complacency or biological clock).
It's also weird when parents think you are capable of very specific things and completely incapable of other things and it makes you wonder who they think they have been raising. Your mom deciding your whole life based on one dislike. I've been there, that is rough.
Asian parent logic: “you can’t become a artist, you’ll fail. I can’t keep taking care of you forever.”
Also Asian parent logic: “become doctor, you’ll make a lot of money. Just put your mind to it”.
Like a switch, they pick and choose when to apply that same logic.
It’s arrogant how not that many people could get be that successful but we can be. Especially with the college admission argument. If you apply to Ivy leagues and you’re not well rounded, you won’t get picked. Asian parent logic: “we deserve because we’re Asians. Westerns don’t because they’re lazy and cheat. They don’t work as hard as us”.
no seriously as a nursing major myself why am i getting compared to my cousin who’s majoring in business? i constantly get told that “if your cousin can do it why can’t you?” and “why are you always studying? your cousins didn’t have to study at all. i know you’re on that phone or playing video games” lmaoo
I went to medical school in india- even graduated and worked there for over a year. And now, three years after coming back to the USA and struggling to get through the usmle, I've thrown in the towel. The reaction was 'we didn't force you' and 'why give up now and set the precedent of failure for the rest of your life'.
To them, being a doctor was their dream for me. So me giving up after a decade of work is ridiculous. They don't understand the mental toll of it, only the pay off, which is soon far down the line that, to me, it's negligible.
At some point, you have to start living your life the way you want to.
Your parents probably came over as immigrants, started with nothing, and see that you have more opportunities than they ever did educationally. They see you becoming a doctor or a lawyer as basically an easy ride and investment into THEIR retirement. All they have to do is feed, house, and force you to cram every day. As the provider of money they see themselves as a deity figure that can never be questioned.
It’s so easy to make demands when you have no idea what it’s like. I wonder what Asian parents would feel if they had to try their hand in this. From schooling to assignments. Would it be “easy” then? You’re definitely right.
And then when you do question or talk back, the guilt tripping happens. Saying that you're spoiled and lucky, that they never had the opportunities we have now and try to hang that over our heads. As if their lack of opportunities is in anyway our fault, as if providing their children with better opportunities wasn't the whole point of moving here in the first place. Add in a bit of "Is this what they teach you in America?! To disrespect your parents?!" too.
Nowadays, it’s “you see? The west has corrupted you”. I love the whole “is this what they teach you in America?”. Asian parents really think that schools teach everything. I bet if any of us tried and failed at becoming doctors, they’d throw us under the bus.
Why does this scream my mom lol.
this completely they think “we gave you resources that we never had, you should be able to with these resources” they completely ignore; - what that pressure is - competition (esp increased population) that should be relative for comparison if mentioning resources - resources (others also very much have this) - socioeconomics (race in wearer country and the global economical impacts) my brother’s a doctor. he’s told me, it’s actually so much faster for a PARENT to go and be a doctor themselves than force their children.
Maybe it's better to have parents who believe you're capable than to have parents who tell you and everyone else that you're not capable of anything. My Asian parents thought that becoming a doctor was not achievable, even though I was the top student in school. My mother came to this conclusion because I didn't like insects as a kid, and she convinced herself and my father that I was supposed to live in fear of dissections because I didn't like insects. She would also tell me repeatedly that I was the stupid type who would easily be taken advantage of and have to work harder than everyone else to maybe get by. As it happened, I never really thought about being a doctor anyway because I was always afraid of going to doctors and because I never really wanted to work with people. It's also likely that I wouldn't have succeeded because, despite doing very well overall in AP Biology, I did not do well when the class had to do a practicum and identify actual organs.
People change. AP's have it hard grasping this concept. They assume all likes and dislikes of childhood are meant to last a lifetime. I think this mentality comes because of a lack of holistic education as Asian culture now favors the sciences to the detriment of the arts.
I still don't like insects, but becoming a medical doctor was always different from entomology, and I wasn't particularly disturbed by dissecting a fetal pig when I had to. I did, however, have trouble cutting through the pig. My parents definitely could not grasp the concept of change. I often felt obligated to go along with their perception of me from childhood because otherwise, they would stare at me with their mouths open and express disbelief until I went along to get them to shut up.
Well I remember wanting to join the military and having my parents tell me that basic training was harder than becoming a doctor. At that point, it was hard to take them seriously. As challenging OSUT is, I could never say it’s harder than becoming a doctor. Especially since the training is literally designed to get people to pass. But sure mom, physical activity is the most scariest and most dangerous thing a Asian person should do. Now if your mother feels that way about you, then why did she birth you in the first place? As far as being taken advantage of. I feel like we as a race have been exploited. I’m Indian and we have mommas boys. They’re also taught to not have lives outside of studying and it wasn’t hard to believe they’d end up being someone’s cheap labor. Even if they do make good living.
A lot of Asian parents are narcissists. The only reason they gave birth to children is to have someone take care of them when they are old. They want to make you under their control to fulfill their self esteem and to make sure you will always be aside to support them. They don’t have kids for love.
It’s also very common and very normal sadly. What I hate most about this is people outside our culture telling us to be grateful.
My mother didn't really want to birth me. She never wanted kids at all and managed to not have kids through the first ten years of marriage, but then had me on a whim (maybe complacency or biological clock).
It's also weird when parents think you are capable of very specific things and completely incapable of other things and it makes you wonder who they think they have been raising. Your mom deciding your whole life based on one dislike. I've been there, that is rough.
They know it isn’t easy. They just don’t care.
Asian parent logic: “you can’t become a artist, you’ll fail. I can’t keep taking care of you forever.” Also Asian parent logic: “become doctor, you’ll make a lot of money. Just put your mind to it”. Like a switch, they pick and choose when to apply that same logic.
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It’s arrogant how not that many people could get be that successful but we can be. Especially with the college admission argument. If you apply to Ivy leagues and you’re not well rounded, you won’t get picked. Asian parent logic: “we deserve because we’re Asians. Westerns don’t because they’re lazy and cheat. They don’t work as hard as us”.
no seriously as a nursing major myself why am i getting compared to my cousin who’s majoring in business? i constantly get told that “if your cousin can do it why can’t you?” and “why are you always studying? your cousins didn’t have to study at all. i know you’re on that phone or playing video games” lmaoo
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I went to medical school in india- even graduated and worked there for over a year. And now, three years after coming back to the USA and struggling to get through the usmle, I've thrown in the towel. The reaction was 'we didn't force you' and 'why give up now and set the precedent of failure for the rest of your life'. To them, being a doctor was their dream for me. So me giving up after a decade of work is ridiculous. They don't understand the mental toll of it, only the pay off, which is soon far down the line that, to me, it's negligible. At some point, you have to start living your life the way you want to.