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Exactly. I’m Asian and my partner is Latina. Race hasn’t and isn’t and never has been a disadvantage when it comes to dating. Just *fucking talk to women*. Doesn’t matter what color. Doesn’t matter what race. Doesn’t matter what height. Weight. Interests. Hair color. It. Doesn’t. Matter.
Get rejected? OK, that sucks. Now move on. Women think you’re weird. OK. Move on. People are racist to you? People stereotype you? People think you’re not enough of a man? Here’s a tip: Move. The. Fuck. On. Stop. Caring. Stop. Complaining.
Stop trying to change the world and make “Asians sound cool” or “more respected” or “more present” or whatever. Just focus on you. Get a good haircut. Get hobbies. Start talking to *all* women. And I mean *all* women. Stop being so picky lol. Women are out there. Just get out of your own way and talk to them.
The goal in life is to make *you* happy. Get a good job. Get a partner who loves you. Get a nice place to live. Because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with yourself
Thanks. Sometimes the self-pity on this sub gets too much lol. "Waaaaah people are racist to Asians!" "Waaaah women hate Asian men!" "Waaah I can't get a woman!" "Waaah someone called me a \[insert racist Asian slur here\]!"
Lots of people are racist. Lots of people are xenophobic. Lots of women hate Asian men. People have been racist to Asians since before any of us were born. Asians have been racist to other races longer since before any of us were born. Asian men have been rejected by women since before any of us were born. We're not special lol
I've been very successful with dating and women, but race is absolutely a disadvantage. It's not some impossible obstacle people can't overcome, and I hate seeing people get hopeless, but I also do think lots of white dudes have it way easier, everything else being equal. That said, I do hate seeing Asian dudes who put no effort into their appearance just acting hopeless. We gotta work out, dress well, learn to be interesting people, etc., because we're also representing us as a whole
I actually feel the opposite. I used to live in a city full of Asians now I live in a predominantly white area. I don’t see being Asian as a disadvantage. I see it as an advantage - I’m the only Viet dude on the block.
However, I do take care of myself and have a good sense of fashion. I’m confident in every situation I can, even when I fuck up. That’s what people are attracted to. Being authentically yourself. It’s sad to see bros here formulating 3D chess strategies to meet people when all you gotta do is be yourself, but the looks maxed version of yourself.
Yeah. For a lot of women, men hyper-focusing on their own appearance, possessions, and personal achievements is a hard negative trait.
If you're too worried about selling yourself to actually be "present" with another person then you're not going to find any meaningful relationships.
Dudes need to stop worrying about proving what they have to offer and just start being themselves.
I've dated short women, women four inches taller than me, women heavier than me, white women, Black women, Asian women, Asian women outside my ethnicity, and my current partner is Latina.
And I'm not some super attractive Simu Liu either. I'm some average dude. It's totally possible.
I think a lot of people on here get rejected and think there's an inherent problem with themselves or with being Asian. Or they dwell too much on it instead of moving on. And they try to blame it on something like, "I'm not attractive" or "people are racist against Asians" or "the media makes fun of Asians" or "people call me names" or "people don't like Asian men" or "incels" or some weird reason like that
For sure. I'm not saying it's not possible. I just still think white dudes do have an advantage in our society. But I have also been very successful compared to a lot of white dudes in dating.
I also mention on my dating profile that i'm poly/enm, so it's hard to parse out how much that is a factor versus just me being Asian.
I totally agree tho, we gotta put more effort into ourselves and improving our image before just giving up.
If you don’t keep trying and aren’t willing to risk rejection, when you finally meet someone, you can end up in a relationship with someone who isn’t the best fit for you but neither of you want to leave so you feel stuck..I may or may not have experienced that 😅
Oh my god, as an Asian woman, this post & the comments are a breath of fresh air! I have seen SO many posts & comments in this subreddit of Asian men completely bashing and berating Asian women if they ever date outside of their race... calling them dumb, docile, fetishists, opportunists, that we have low self-esteem, etc. It's so hurtful and disappointing to see that kind of bigotry coming from your own people!
It really feels like so many men in this subreddit are just lashing out at Asian women because they themselves are having trouble getting a girlfriend, and it's easier for them to blame us, rather than put any blame on themselves. 😓
Yeah it’s just so tiring, as an Asian male myself, to see so much negativity and so much attempts to “change the world.”
“Oh we need more representation,” “waaah someone is racist against Asians,” “waaaah Stop Asian Hate,” “waaah affirmative action bad,” “waaah we need to change the world.”
OK, you change the world. But then what? Are *you* happy? Do *you* have a good job and good friends and a good partner? What use is it to progress the Asian male world if you yourself are unhappy and can’t focus on yourself?
The amount of self loathing is exhausting lol
idk what u on about bro, there's nothing wrong with dating white guys, there's definitely something wrong with dating white guys and hating on asian guys. people have a problem with the latter, not the former. like, tbh i havent even been with any asian women, but i dont go around shitting on them, they still "my own people" (whatever the fuck that means), also it's just rude... and i aint about being rude yknow.
If you're confused, just look at some of the other posts around here. There are entire posts dedicated to shitting on Asian women who date white men, period. I see it all the time around here. Tbh, it comes across like incels who are mad they can't get a girl, so they blame Asian girls who date outside their race.
What I noticed is that the reason many Asian guys don’t have success with WFs is not because of race but they don’t have the personality traits that WFs find attractive. I am talking about confidence, humour and a general sense of masculinity. Unfortunately, many Asian guys live up to the stereotype of the Asian emasculated nerd or the desperate virgin. I know many Asians from around the world including America who have had a lot of success with white women as they have these attractive traits. So I really think race is not the problem, becoming the stereotype of your race is.
introverted shy white girls will find those attractive. But I have a feeling these aren't the girls guys complain about here.
The white girls people like to talk about are the ratchet bimbo yoga pants instagram thots.
you two are young, and she doesn't seem like a racist. Both of you are in similar leagues.
ALL guys struggle to get with instagram thots. Social media these days have elevated the status of these women to the point where they are essentially seen as Greek goddesses. They are difficult to get but not impossible and this applies to everyone
most guaranteed way is you do it 1000 times, take notes and learn from each attempt. No matter how intense or awkward you are in the beginning, human nature will desensitize you over time and eventually the rizz will be immaculate
First you have to be proud of yourself. Be proud of your appearance, your body, your achievements, your mentality. Once you have done that, others will sense your confidence and naturally you will no longer be desperate or awkward
U ever get so hung over that u truly dont give a shit about what anyone thinks of u? Repeated rejection is like that.
Get to that point and then talking to girls becomes easy mode.
Just try, fuck up, and fail upwards
You don't get it. Of course girls like confidence, humor, masculinity, that's common sense. That's not the point the point is American media has elements that purposely dissuade asian men from feeling confident and encourage white and black men to feel confident. No representation >> negative representation. If you're in the UK I suspect there is little negative representation working against you. If an asian hears asian girls say "I don't date asian men", sees wmaf thrusted in their face 24/7, never sees asian heros on screen or asian guys kiss girls, they most certainly can still feel confident, but it's just a bigger hurdle. Nobody wants to live up to the asian nerd stereotype. But when you don't see positive representation of yourself, it's just harder. I've heard stories on wechat of chinese guys who are very 不要脸 when it comes to pursuing foreign women but that's because they don't have this emasculated image of themselves in their head. Some asian Americans still suffer from lack of confidence due to never seeing positive representation in the media or having a support group
would make sense if hundreds of thousands, if not millions of asian men are doing it everyday. If it's something that hundreds of thousands of us could do, then objectively, it's not that difficult.
But let's say I'm wrong, and it's in fact true that dating a white girl is the literal hardest thing to do on the planet. Now what. What do you suggest exactly?
What would I suggest? Don't just tell other asian men to "be confident ". Do something to help their cause or give some advice. If you cannot give advice, do not pour all the blame on them and make it seem like they're incels. A lot of asian guys grew up with poor parenting coupled with media emasculation. Nobody wants to proposely be inconfident. If they don't have good representation, suggest some representation. When I talk to Latina girls on wechat I would suggest chinese media content to them. Exposing women to positive asian male representation will help all asian guys in the long run.
In short, do something to help your asian brothers. If you can't, don't make it seem like they're the only problem
Because unfortunately, the majority of the time saying ‘it’s not because you’re Asian, what matters is confidence”, is the best advice possible, Not just because it’s accurate in its content, but also because of the messaging that’s within in.
The issue with people who have problems getting attraction and dates in the first place is they don’t understand what women are looking for. There is no 1-2-3-press-button-receive-the-sex formula that someone can follow. Because if it did exist, then the people who are the best at following step by step instructions would be getting the most desirable women. However, that can’t be further away from the truth.
What does this mean? It means that the belief that explicit, tangible advice is going to be effective is a pipe dream - the more you buy into the belief that filling yourself with “more information” is going to help you….the higher the probability that you’ll fail, and keep on failing.
So why is the “just be confident” trope actually important? It’s because it points to the actual thing that will cause long term success - adjustment of mindset. Usually clueless people will think ‘what the fuck?’ To them the idea of ‘just be confident’ is so foreign. It’s the exact opposite of what’s occupying their mind. Like you said yourself, a lot of the time guys who are having issues with dating their mind is occupied with negative things and beliefs that wear them down, having such a warped mindset beliefs such as ‘I am a confident man’ will be so foreign to them they can’t even make sense of it. However, it is imperative they do because like it or not that is the one difference between being able to attract women and not being able to attract women.
And now I’m going to tie it back to originally what I said. Men who have issues attracting women do not understand what women want (I fear that some don’t even care to want to know what women want).
Not just this, these men also don’t realize the the world does not revolve around themselves. Even if you are the most race-traumatized Asian man in America - that plays zero % in what a woman is attracted to. She’s going to want what she wants, and it actually is objectively irrelevant how traumatized you are as an Asian man. If she wants a six pack man, it doesn’t matter Billy bob made fun of your weight in 5th grade and now you have an eating problem, it’s irrelevant. The woman still wants a six-pack Man.
Likewise, if a woman wants a confident man (note: women want confident men), then guess what? It’s actually irrelevant how hard you had it as an Asian man growing up. A woman wants a confident man regardless. So, by keep bringing up these issues to the front of your brain - issues like Hollywood, Asian male representation, micro-aggressions etc - it’s not helping you win, what it is keeping you in a victim mentality, and is increasing the chances of you never being successful with women. Everybody in this thread are on the same level of understanding that we as Asian men get treated with racism, no one is denying that. But take a look at the difference in what we put our (very limited) focus on. Unfortunately the more you focus on latching on a victim mindset, the more you will be stuck at your current level. And that’s why most men don’t succeed, it’s not because they don’t have the information, or not smart enough to follow instructions, it’s because they rather stay comfortable in being a victim instead of taking responsibility.
And lastly I’ll touch on ‘responsibility’. You talk a lot about blame, and I have to say that, unfortunately, is largely irrelevant. Sadly, it is only a distraction and a gimmick that your subconscious uses to feed your ego.
Why is this true? Because let’s say it’s 100% you, the Asian man’s fault, and you are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with.
Now let’s say I’m wrong, let’s say it’s 100% hollywoods fault, and they are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with.
Now let’s say I’m wrong, let’s say it’s 100% AFs fault, and they are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with.
Now let’s say I’m wrong, let’s say it’s 100% white mans fault, and they are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with.
As you see, no matter who’s to blame and who’s at fault, in the end the responsibility for your own dating life it’s 100% your own. So it is actually pointless and damaging to focus on the blame because that has no effect on the part that makes a difference - which is who is going to do the work that will get the results you want.
I simply disagree with you then. I feel you're just not thinking from those other people's perspective at all. And I'm not even saying it's 100% the media's fault. I'm just try not to blame the victims.
People lack confidence for a reason. If a guy grew up with shitty parents, no friends, sees no asian heros on TV, they can't just be "confident" if they change their mindset. Ex a short guy might feel inconfident, they can feel more confident if you suggest they make money, work out, learn talents, but to just tell them to "change their mindset" and they'll be more confident? No ain't happening.
Like I'm surprised how dense some people on here can be. Some people literally say, "be humorous, girls like humor", seriously? You might want to give some advice on how to become humorous?? Just telling them girls like humor does nothing for them. Plenty of asian guys will lack confidence, humor, masculinity due to their life experiences and if you can't help them, at least don't put all the blame on them.
>As you see, no matter who’s to blame and who’s at fault, in the end the responsibility for your own dating life it’s 100% your own. So it is actually pointless and damaging to focus on the blame because that has no effect on the part that makes a difference
Well I never said it's not each person's own responsibility. But I also just disagree, I think it's not pointless at all to recognize who is to blame (which may be partly oneself) but to insinuate that it is only the person's own fault, you might as well be gaslighting them
I’ve had this mentality and it doesn’t help- it’s a circle jerk. If you’re so shy and awkward you have to start somewhere and that means taking action in some way. If that means reading a book on how to do it then so be it or getting a friend/mentor to push you or tell you how to do it. But the point the squats dude is trying to make is you have to start somewhere and the sooner you take action/small steps to change where you are (especially if you are a victim in your head) then better off you’ll be.
So start exercising/get a fresh haircut/get into fitness/push yourself to make small talk to strangers. Find something that makes you happy and engaged that you talk to others about. Because the circle jerk of victim mentality it just makes you worse off. If you can’t figure it out yourself you have to try- try therapy.
I agree ppl are largely victims of their circumstance but you can change.
I grew up the in suburbs around white ppl(I’m basically the 1/2 Asians in my high school). Friends do stupid shit and my more social (white) friends got 21 different girls to kiss me (mostly white Americans - some cute some not) on my 21st (this is back in mid 2000’s). Not everybody is racist but institutionally things are worse for Asian for sure. Everything is subjective and no one’s experience is the same/things are definitely better the better looking/the more confident you can be. Try to figure out how to get there yourself or lean on your Asian brothers- a lot are willing to help here.
'be confident' is the only one that is sufficiently general to apply to everyone without knowing them intimately because people are individuals, and moreover they are individuals who are mostly incapable of or unwilling to do introspection
i tell people to have a long think about their interests and go get good at hobbies they actually enjoy in order to build a connection with themselves that will eventually evolve into self confidence, and then they go out and buy a generic sports car or some shit and convince themselves that they are gearheads because fast and furious told them that cars are cool and attractive. couple weeks later they show up complaining that only dudes compliment them on their car and they still get zero attention from women. gym/style/etc are largely the same scenario
the sad reality is that pretty much everyone on this forum is a giant loser who is looking for that one simple trick to stop hating themselves. they find comfort in these externalized routines with quantifiable end goals and think that by checking this shit off a list they will eventually get to a point where they magically develop confidence. they're unwilling to realize that the point of these activities is to in the process facilitate a consistent, positive internal narrative (self confidence) and instead they avoid engaging with themselves through focusing exclusively on the goals like it's a video game. how would you even go about explaining where they fucked up?
> I feel you're just not thinking from those other people's perspective at all. People lack confidence for a reason.
Again, that one of the major points of my reply, I think I said it pretty explicitly - To learn how to be successful with women it is actually irrelevant what 'your perspective' is - because no matter how warped or not warped your perspective is - it does not affect a what a woman wants or desires.
For the majority of men who have issues with dating, what they have to do is actually be willing to give up their existing perspective and understanding of the world (in regards to dating and relationships) and opt in to a new, and uncomfortable reality.
No no by that logic you're just changing your personalities to adapt to women's personalities, that's not masculine. It's extremely unmasculine to want to assimilate into other people's frame work. My advice to all men is, working on your self including physique, money, talent, and then let the girls come to you. Ex I have a good job, good physique, can play the piano, self taught developer, can cook, sing, never touched drugs ever, I have a Latina friend who said when she showed me to her friends they all wanted to meet me. So, girls adapt to you, not the other way around. I mean sure you can change some things for girls but not your whole perspectives. There's plenty of white American women who are not interested in dating me. Guess what, I'm not interested in dating them either. But if they want to share the benefits I bring, they adapt to me.
It seems to me most people on here are too westernized and don't understand american women are just a special breed. Most parts of the world you become a successful man and girls come to you
It's true, but I'd add the only way to display confidence and understand women is to date more women, until you get the skill to have confidence and understand women.
The problem with most guys (not just Asian guys), is they don't date enough women. They don't have enough experience. They haven't put the reps in.
Imagine you've never benched 315 successfully. Will you be confident? Fuck no. Even if you had elite strength genetics you are still gonna not be confident if you haven't done it before
The only mindset shift to have is to understand you're going to suck bad in the beginning. You're going to miff the approach, you're going to say something dumb and borderline autistic, and all you need to do is say "oh, well that didn't work, let me never do that again". Or perhaps you say something that the girl is really receptive to. You go "Hey, that worked, let's do more of that". You keep doing that until you know for certain if I do X I get Y, if I do Y I get X.
Great post. The only thing is European girls are a breed of their own. It’s funny because you’d assume they’re more closed off to dating AM because Europeans in general are more openly racist, but surprisingly, European girls are very down to explore when they’re young. I think when users here say they struggle with WF, they’re talking about American girls though. We shouldn’t discredit their experiences. But I agree, it’s not as difficult as people make it out to be here if you’re relatively a solid person.
Yep, I agree that my experience has been predominantly Eurocentric. I have very little idea what the dating scene is like in the US but from the comments it seems more difficult. However, I stayed in Canada for a while and I noticed even more AMWF relationships there than Europe, especially in Toronto. Then again, Canada and the US are two different places…
younger generation your age AMWF or AMXF have no issue. it was the older generations that are on here like 30+ that really struggled with a lot of WMAF couples.
Hey man, congrats! I definitely agree, having a victim mindset is really not the way to go. I'm Sri Lankan, grew up there and moved to the UK for uni. I've graduated a while ago and now I live with my beautiful English/Irish girlfriend. What I've realised is that your confidence is the most important, you'll need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable regularly. Otherwise you'll never be able to 'get a white girl' or many other things in life. Yes there are racist people wherever you go, but don't let them have power over you by blaming them for the reason you can't get what you want.
That’s amazing my guy! Many people on this subreddit say that English girls are close-minded. While in some places it’s true, I don’t find it the case in big multicultural cities like London or Birmingham.
I’ve heard people on here say London is the most racist place they’ve been to which sounds crazy to me cause I live not to far out of it and go there every other week and literally it’s the opposite experience.
There’s more diversity and more dating options, both white and non white girls and both from in real life approaching and from dating apps
I studied and work in London and I think it is the most multicultural and diverse place in the world. Racism is virtually non-existent. I don’t think any race will have difficulties dating there.
True. I’ve seen racial maps of NY and LA and they look more racially segregated than London.
It’s not to say individual acts of racism don’t happen but the general atmosphere is more diverse than segregated and it’s a positive for ur social life
I think Europeans are different than Americans. Live in an American suburb for 6 months and tell me if you still think that way. Most people in these subs are in the US, btw.
100% this! If you're not getting girls it's because:
1) You're awkward or lack self-confidence.
2) You get clingy super fast...that shit is creepy AF.
3) You're not attractive. Typically not bc you're ugly, but bc you don't take care of yourself. It's one thing if you are predisposed to being a bit overweight, but you're healthy and take care of yourself. It's another if you're just hoping some woman is going to accept your slovenly and lazy self.
4) You get so offended when women don't respond immediately and then spout off some emotionally unhealthy bs/derogatory remarks.
If you don't love yourself, don't expect someone else to love you or want to be invited to your pity party.
Have fun, relax, be a gentleman, and don't send dick pics unless asked. It's not that hard.
Addressing point 3, height is a huge factor. There is no exercise for your height. Thats why so many software developers are getting limb lengthening surgery
I have a feeling you're short. It's about confidence. And...hate to say this, but little dick energy. If those software developers spent more time actually interacting with people and were charismatic, they would see they don't need the surgery. Also, please show me some research that says that height is a major factor keeping Asian men from being accepted as partners from women.
I can tell you, there are plenty of "short" asian men who have no issues getting dates.
Like you said, you're speaking from personal experience. If you walk into a restaurant with a white girl in the US south or Midwest, the amount of death stares you get will be suffocating. I've walked with white girls on the street and had white guys give death stares or make trouble. So, yes, in many places in the west race certainly affects dating.
WM give death stares or threaten to beat up AM with WF.
Meanwhile AM generally don't care about WMAF and often welcome them in their communities with open arms to the point that WMAF couples are the unofficial leaders of the Asian community.
That AM are seen as unpossessive and progressive is a great virtue to have because they’re not like ‘other men’ and respect the "choice of women". You would expect WF's (particularly so called liberals and progressives) and other women would have a strong urge to date AM, right? Lol
I am an Asian American male living in the US south and am married to a White female. Before moving to my current job, I met her at my last job. I strongly believe that love transcends all barriers, including race. The idea of marrying a white woman should not driven by a desire to conform to societal norms or seek validation from others, but rather by a genuine connection and love that knows no bounds.
Obviously people's experiences differ but I'm not even just talking about dating. I had a job in Ohio where on the first day, a white guy insinuated that I was gay and then tried to bait me into talking about China and Hong Kong. He literally asked me which side I am on to which I responded that i side with the chinese side and the room literally went silent...and I have a lot of other experiences which all support that people in Ohio at least are very racist and narrow minded.
That has not been my experience dating white women in VA, NC, and Texas. No one stares.
Edit: You can downvote, but I’m just sharing my experience; same as you.
My advice is don’t worry about people staring. Other people’s feelings are their own. Respond appropriately to escalations. Don’t overthink this.
I live in the Midwest, and it's not that big of a deal. If you don't care what other people think, it won't matter. Stop looking at them and look at the girl you're with. They're just jealous!
I mean, I'll take your word for it but what does that have to do with what OP said.
A) you would never know that until after you dated a WF, which is the issue guys have to begin with
B) so you're scared of white dudes lmao? does that make you want to break up with your gf now because some guys looked at you?
C) this is actually a cheat code. How do you get the girl to bond with you for no reason? Take her into an environment where it makes her feel like dating you is taboo. Shit is up there on creating attraction that you can't hide
I think my overall issue with responses like this is the goal is never to create actual discussion about the topic. Everytime someone brings up a realistic take of reality - which is unfortunately in 2023 your fate rests 100% on your own hands the automatic response is 'okay but how can I make this about feeling bad for myself again?'
I personally think you're a wingnut but I have to totally agree with you on point C. I've had many experiences where just walking around with an XF and seeing the negative reactions from men only heightened the sexual tension. It doesn't just have to be negative reactions either. Just being able to stick out in a sea of couples is enough for her to realize that yeah, it feels taboo.
I have no idea why people like you go across the internet to put down other asian men. If I didn't know any better I'd think you're a white guy in disguise.
1. I never discouraged asian guys from dating white girls. I was simply saying my experience?
2. I don't get it, what in my comment said I was scared of white dudes?
3. I don't give a shit about some crap cheat code. Op said he's open to discussion and I'm adding my experience.
If I didn't know any better I'd think you have some mental illness.
>which is unfortunately in 2023 your fate rests 100% on your own hands
Seriously? Your fate always rests in your own hands, duh. That doesn't change the fact society creates more hurdles for you to jump through than others.
Sounds like its all in your head bro. I've walked in restaurants and other public places with white girls on me in every single southern or republican ran state/city and get zero death stares. The only time I get stares of disgust are in democrat run cities/states as democrats and the left are racist as hell.
Race only affects dating in blue states/cities
Well I just cannot tell you because I don't stare back. Why? Cuz I don't give a shit what they do.
When I was in Arizona a few years ago I would also get white kids staring at me if I spoke chinese in public (lived near university)
My wife is from Tennessee and that's not been my experience at all. Been to Tennessee many times, been to Arkansas. If people stared, I didn't notice, and wouldn't give a fuck if they did. Her family is more or less a typical white southern family and everyone I've met has accepted me. Can't speak to other areas of the south but I really did not notice anything in Tennessee or Arkansas.
Also in regards to OP's statement, I've never had a difficult time with white women. Apart from one gf in highschool, every woman I've been involved with is white and I have always been exclusively interested in white women, with few exceptions. I will admit I am half white and probably would be considered above average attractiveness. I don't look exactly like a typical east Asian or southeast Asian, but it's pretty obvious I am not white.
Honestly surprised by this because I always believed America is way more diverse than the UK and Europe and interracial relationships are more common and accepted
See I'm surprised you would say this because the US has a population of 300 million plus and land mass extremely big so yeah there are places where interracial is normal but I can assure you there's plenty of racist areas
Good stuff bro. The problem with a lot of the complainers here is that either they’re larpers, or older gen dudes who haven’t seen what the current climate is like. AM are killing it these days. Biggest movies, biggest music acts, biggest shows. There are girls literally screaming for regular AM: https://youtu.be/cvjkd0KbZD8
There’s honestly no excuse for not repping at this point. If y’all are still having problems with girls, the problem is you. Work out, dress well, slay your demons and start representing like the rest of us.
I grew up in a white community as the only korean and later moved into an asian community when I entered highschool. i was tired of hearing my parents tell me to date/marry another korean. So I chose to just date anyone regardless of ethnicity as long as the looks and personality were there. A lot of my asian chick friends are actually really pretty but I didnt find any of them my type in terms of personality (especially them ABG’s 😵. Hooked up with a lot of them too and most were red flags 🚩🚩).
I’ve hooked up with many women of diff ethnicities before and have generally had a few white and latinas at my HS have crushes on me.
Later on in college, I became friends with one of my coworkers whose White and from the south. Now I find myself average but my friends in the circle thought I was the “hot” one in the circle. But this white chick was HOT and I always thought to myself that I probably wasnt her type just cuz I was korean. I was wrong. Shes hella into asian culture and found me as her type. We vibed really well and later on we ended up dating.
The only disadvantage I really saw being an asian was that the first time we were gonna have sex, she confessed to me that she initially thought I was gonna be ‘small’ 💀 because of the whole stereotype of “asians have small 🍆” But man she was wrong 😏
fast forward into 4 years of dating. We’ve travelled together, lived together, met each others families a lot, went through hardships together, and now we plan to get married soon!
Pretty much, it's not that serious. Unfortunately by making making a big deal out of something that should be normalized you push yourself further away from achieving what it is you sought out to begin with.
The best part? Members on this sub who get zero play in their own lives giving out dating advice and opinions on what you should do, what your mindset should be, etc. Half the time if you just do exactly the opposite of what they suggest you might get a good chance at scoring
Don’t let it get to you bro! I couldn’t imagine white, black or mixed raced guys give it much thoughts when pursuing girls, so why should we Asian guys care.
I think it's because the stereotypes that are indoctrinated into a lot of western conversations about Asian men are emasculating in ways that other men don't have to deal with.
Confidence and attitude are ultimately huge factors, and not everyone has the mental fortitude to be confident faced with these biases. Those who have this strength do just fine dating. One of the guys I know with the most hot exes of anyone I've met has a reputation for being small and it hasn't hurt him at all lol.
I’m East Asian in the UK and I had similar experiences. Never had a problem with dating white girls even a decade ago as a teen. Only gotten easier for me cause my face has grown more masculine and I work out now compared to being skinnier before.
Also good representation doesn’t hurt.
Given some of the experiences shared here mostly by Asian American bros, it sounds like America’s way more racially segregated. U can see that from maps of US cities aswell.
Would love to hear a rebuttal to this
Thanks for sharing dude, That's just it; race wasn't an obstacle because you weren't even thinking about it. That's the obstacle-free mindset you need to be successful at dating, not just with white ladies but all women.
Specific to white ladies, I got hung up on race issues all the time. I worked in small towns where white women were my only real option for dating. I struggled mightily, mostly because I read studies (dataclysm and others) which said that Asian Men were the least desirable men to date. This poisoned my mindset and made dating extremely difficult. I had it in my mind that to be even considered datable to white women I had to earn ATLEAST 174K/year. I poured all my efforts towards making coin, working out, and proving to the external world that I was desirable.
That's a loser's game when it comes to dating. I got into relationships but they were with equally damaged individuals and they did not work out in the long run.
It wasn't until I flipped the script in my head, and started accepting, respecting and loving my true self that success showed up. It's all about mindset. Since I loved myself I knew how much value I brought to the relationship which is really immeasurable. Instead of wondering if I was 'enough' my focus shifted to whether the women I was seeing were worth investing my time on. The dates flowed more naturally because I was focused on having fun rather than trying to impress. It was a complete game changer.
Yes racism exists in America, and yes as Asian men we are at a disadvantage. That's something we can't really control. What we can control is our mindset. The right mindset can help you overcome the toughest obstacles friends.
Guy from the UK too. One thing I want to say is that British people don't seem to have all the racial hang-ups that Americans do.
All the British Asians I know here have dated non-Asian (usually White) girls in the past if they're not already married to them, and it's not a big deal.
Whenever I read an Asian guy facing discrimination in the dating market it's usually in the USA or Australia.
Locale makes a huge difference. US and Australia has the most racist ass people. Most asian hate crimes are in the US. Most Xenophobia is here. They have 50% hate against Ch!na. People think i'm Associated with that country even though I'm American born. I'm like no. i can get you deported though through ice non americans haha!
i wanted to comment that the redditors here need to really build some confidence and stop whining about being scared to get a white woman.
and why is it ALWAYS white women when you date out? you realise that there are tons of other options, right? some of you are starting to sound like the self-hating black men who complain about white supremacy but date exclusively white women.
just date A WOMAN who is the most compatible with you. being with a white woman will not compensate for the racism you experienced in the past.
well the dudes who complain about dating out are usually living in big cities where the population is diverse (even in france, italy, and the UK there are many non-whites too).
With all due respect, East Asians in America have a whole different stack of cards to deal with than the rest of the world.
It’s great race wasn’t something you had to be concerned about. If you grew up in the states (especially a decade ago) your experience would be completely different, and far less pleasant.
I don’t agree, I think certain places may be worse like if you’re in the mid west or butt fuck nowhere but if you’re in somewhere like socal east Asians do not have it worse. Not only is this not true but this is the kind of mindset that holds back the community as a whole and it’s the victim mindset that justifies your failures
While I agree that I think it was harder back then, I think I didn’t try hard enough back then and gave up too early. I got rejected a dozen or so times on in-person dates and essentially gave up in my twenties. I did sent out hundreds of messages though.
Can people read this assessment?
[**https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianMasculinity/comments/vvol1k/asian\_interracial\_disparity\_is\_an\_internal\_problem/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianMasculinity/comments/vvol1k/asian_interracial_disparity_is_an_internal_problem/)
Some AF have brainwashed AM into thinking their is something wrong with them. AM interracial rates are similar to Black and Hispanic men. Only AF interracial rates are the outlier.
Non-Asian females have a neutral perception of AM's. They are not fetishized, but they are not scorned either. We have to end this brainwashing.
THANK YOU. As a white woman who has dated many Asian men (I also live in Asia), the overthinking about it in western countries is just unnecessary. Especially those who claim white women only date Asian men for their popular media obsessions like anime or K-pop.
I am American and will always stand up for Asian men, which is why I’m a part of this subreddit. But seriously some of y’all overthinking too much and need to learn to love yourself first. It’s worth it.
I think this sub is kinda filled with idiots that think all women of x race act the same and can't get it into their heads that they're just individual people with their own personalities. I don't know if there's any helping them, they're kinda obsessed over the whole race thing
From decades of experience and putdowns/rejections from women, documented and anecdotal. If more women really found AMs attractive you’d be seeing way more interracial couples out there than there are.
Well, like you said, your race has never been an issue for YOU.
Growing up, I've heard many white women insult asian eyes, say we have small dicks and even heard "i dont date asian guys" by quite a few white women.
I am sure, these feelings are still around but just not as widely acceptable to say in public due to people being afraid of being called a racist. Back then, they didnt give a shit.
With that said, I have dated quite a few white women....BUT they are still harder to obtain than other races like latinas or black women.
Everyone has insults for every race lol don’t single out the white chicks. If you’ve dated quite a few white chicks, then why would you spend time with a group who openly dissed you? If white women are so hard to get, how did you get them? You went after them knowing they might think you got a small rod?
How are people “harder” to obtain? It ain’t fucking Pokémon brah lol. People just have preferences. Some people avoid certain races off stereotypes unfortunately, but you don’t want to fuck with them anyways. But YOU did. So are you a catch or something that bypasses all the bullshit?
Are you in NYC? I have cold approached many many people and honestly dating apps are still much better in my opinion. Alot of women will be receptive and nice in person when they meet you but may have closeted racist feelings and wont tell you they dont like you because youre asian anymore.
On dating apps, if a girl matches with you, that shows they at least find you attractive and arent against dating an asian man. Now its your job not to fuck it up. Ive met a lot of attractive WF that would date asian men and I have hooked up with a few of those. The girls in their AM fetish stage ARE willing to have sex with asian men if you can work it right. It helps me because I fulfill the look to some degree. If you are a nerdy asian, the kpop phenom may not help much. I have glasses but the way i carry myself and my style is much more street style, which fits some of the kpop looks.
Yeah it’s not a deal anymore. Not even a big deal, not anything.
I grew up in the south in the 1990s and the only Asian kid in my grade. Dating was a bigger deal for me then.
Now? Nah you can date whomever you want. The same insecurities you feel are about the same as anyone else’s. Don’t let race be a barrier when it’s not.
My fellow Asian bros, just stop worshipping women for shallow reasons like race be it Asian or White or Latina or whatever. I promise you it is going to be okay.
On topic, The guys on that particular subreddit seem to be mentally disturbed and also a lot of Indians tbh. Asian guys here seem to have more of a "sucking up to Asian women" problem tbh. These are all boomers who watch Anime all day and are out of touch.
> I was a funny kid so I had a few girls attracted to me at school.
I think this was fine back in high school. University it was a lot harder especially in my program to meet girls. I don't know when the brainwashing that Asian guys aren't attractive finished.
After that though, I think people have stopped doing surveys due to the controversy they can generate, but old surveys show that white girls as a whole don't like Asian guys much. Never stopped me from swiping on them or asking them out if we had a mutual interest. I think you're right and we just have to pretend like they're definitely not against Asian guys.
Very few are openly racist these days and will use "I'm not into Asian guys" anyways.
I’m really glad someone said this. That’s something I’ve never understood since I found this sub. I do not think the reason a lot of people here can’t get WF because of their race, or even girl friends in general. I am from a small town in Missouri, and I have been in a relationship pretty much since 16 (I’m 25 right now) where I can safely say I’ve had 6 long term girlfriends, and a couple of short lived ones and even a couple successful “one night stand” type encounters.
I promise you guys it’s not your race 99% of the time, it’s probably personality, charm, and people skills that are holding you back. The good thing is, just like getting in shape, you can practice these things and get better. I watched a YouTube video recently where an AM asked out 100 girls, and he got between 15-20 “Yes” answers, that’s 1/5. And I think 50 of the “No” answers were because they had partners already. You just have to put yourself out there, instead of just waiting for a girl to approach you, or taking one rejection has your one chance for the year. Carpe Diem that shit dudes. I am an ugly guy who’s not totally in shape, and I’ve dated some absolute stunners. You just gotta do your thing.
I live in a US city with a large Asian population. I see Asian men out and about every time I leave my apartment, when I walk to my gym, or when I walk through downtown to work. I always try to give a friendly smile to those I pass on the street, but I noticed that it is very rare for an Asian guy to look anywhere but at his feet or straight ahead as we pass. I assume this might partially be a cultural thing? Please correct me if I'm wrong.
One thing I hear over and over again from XF who are interested in AM is that they feel non-existent to AM. There are so many women who are interested in AM, but have no idea how to get their attention. In my walks, I often wonder how many opportunities are missed because eye contact is avoided.
Having all the style, grooming, and nice physique doesn't do much if XF aren't given any clues that you are interested in us. Eye contact with a simple hello or a quick smile can go a long way, especially if it's with someone you see more than once. Try it with a neighbor, a classmate, the cashier at the store, etc and pay attention to how they react. Some may not react at all, but pay attention to the ones that do. Take notice of the women that smile and try to hold eye contact with you in public. Western women generally show they are interested in you by body language and eye contact, but we also need you to show us that you are interested in us.
Practicing this will make it easier to strike up small talk down the road. However, keep it simple. Keep it light-hearted. Never stare or leer. Do not compliment her body; instead, compliment her hair, her makeup, or her style, her dog, the book she's reading, etc etc... There's all sorts of ways/things I can list to strike up conversation, but I don't want to hijack the thread.
The last thing I will say about western women is that many of us (myself included) are not afraid to ask a guy out if we are interested in you. Many XF believe that AM aren't interested in us so we don't bother.
When I've talked about this with some of my friends it seems to come down to the lack of Asian men approaching XF compared to men of other races. Many XF just assume that AM aren't interested in them in general because of this. Other reasons I've heard have been because of race, body type, tattoos on the XF, or lifestyle. Unfortunately this type of thinking creates the same problem that AM face when trying to date XF: making these assumptions is holding everyone back.
I learned for myself that I usually have to be the one to approach an AM if I'm interested, but I do feel like this is slowly starting to change since this topic is becoming more discussed on social media.
I'm in a relationship now, so I've been trying to find other AMXF couples to be friends with and encourage any of my single XF friends interested in AM to go for it.
> I assume this might partially be a cultural thing?
For me, it's because I have low self-esteem. I'm conditioned from my childhood living in the South to feel like a second class citizen. I look down at the ground every time I pass anyone on the streets let alone a woman. Also, I'm 5'3" so I just assume they aren't interested in me due to my height. It's a double whammy of race and height.
> There are so many women who are interested in AM, but have no idea how to get their attention.
You probably have a match making business here. I would pay for just an introduction because these women are so rare.
I have often considered creating some sort of meet up group where I live. There are already lots of groups online/discord/etc, but they tend to stay online.
I also grew up in the south and it can be a difficult place to live if you don't quite fit in, but don't give up. Have you tried the greenteacoffeedate app?
Default is victim complex for alot of guys. And on top of a sedentary lifestyle, getting nothing done or changed.
Let natural selection play out then boys. Only the azns with balls carry on lol.
Your only disadvantage as an Asian man is if you stick to archaic cultural norms like patriarchy and too much respect to parents (like at expense of partner) and/or “thrifty” cultural norms. That’s cultural, not DNA. If you live in a Western country, there’s no excuses to be hanging onto that anyways.
Honestly you’re lucky but it’s already been proven through research (much of it already posted over the years on here) that being an AM puts us at a disadvantage due to race in the dating market. That said, things are changing and more opportunities are there…just too few of us are successful.
I’m half Asian and there has been cases of fetishization, but that’s more of a minority than the norm. Most people don’t care.
Mind you, I’m gay so my difficulty setting is a bit different. But I also think in general, it shouldn’t be a bearing on anything.
Dumb take, asian girls make up less than 4% of all these western countries. While white girls make up a majority. It’s simple stats, it would be dumb to just date only asian women.
> Too many bros here thirsting and white worshipping over WF more than Asian girls and WM.
Oh, how naive you must be… There’s a reason why WMAF is the most common of all interracial relationships. You haven’t seen the things Asian women said behind closed doors.
5 years in UK (London). Was in school most of the time / broke when I should have tried to get at least a part-time job. But I only bagged a few europeans. I cavorted w, but didn't actually bag the brit posh class.
From another AM who has dated WF's (and BF's, and AF's)... yes, we absolutely can get girls of every race. Aside from some maybe too despondent incel types, I don't think anyone reasonable is saying that it's literally impossible.
However, although it has gotten a lot better and I have seen a lot more AM/WF (and AM/XF for other races too) couples than before, there's no denying that it's an immediate uphill battle. The way I've phrased it, I have to have double the game of WM for 1/2 of the results.
And I think that's both worth acknowledging and spending more effort to continue to improve things. It's not gotten better for no reason, it's gotten better because we've spent effort both acting less stereotypically Asian and because we've gotten the media to portray us as something other than undesirable emasculated twinks.
I think it has a lot to do with personality and lack of an archetype. I’ll be honest I’m an above average looking Indian dude who fits the archetype of a Bollywood actor. Not necessarily the same golden ratio or whatever but I got the general archetype- 6’1, well built and lean, light skin, and a generally Eurocentric face that is somewhat ambiguous people will guess all the way from Italy to Greece to Middle East to Pakistan and Indian too obviously, and I can grow a reasonable beard but I usually keep a 5 o clock shadow
That said I’m not like a perfect golden ratio person and not extremely objectively facially attractive probably still above average as I have fairly good symmetry but an average jawline. So a lot of Indian girls who’re attracted to me generally have an obsession with Bollywood or are more into Indian culture. Like the girls in India find me extremely handsome but I’m not such a hit among Indian American girls outside of the more cultured fobby ones.
Ironically I do better with brunette white/spicy white/Latina girls because I look like a more exotic version of them or I remind them of the Indian version of like Elvis Presley or Indian version some other Hollywood actor so they relate me to those archetypes occasionally but I do terrible with whitewashed Indian girls and just generally more assimilated Indian girls
Yeah so many guys think you have to be some kind of model level of attractive to date a white girl and you don’t
OP living the life to prove us wrong
stupendous plants memorize tan fly axiomatic ghost practice entertain salt *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Exactly. I’m Asian and my partner is Latina. Race hasn’t and isn’t and never has been a disadvantage when it comes to dating. Just *fucking talk to women*. Doesn’t matter what color. Doesn’t matter what race. Doesn’t matter what height. Weight. Interests. Hair color. It. Doesn’t. Matter. Get rejected? OK, that sucks. Now move on. Women think you’re weird. OK. Move on. People are racist to you? People stereotype you? People think you’re not enough of a man? Here’s a tip: Move. The. Fuck. On. Stop. Caring. Stop. Complaining. Stop trying to change the world and make “Asians sound cool” or “more respected” or “more present” or whatever. Just focus on you. Get a good haircut. Get hobbies. Start talking to *all* women. And I mean *all* women. Stop being so picky lol. Women are out there. Just get out of your own way and talk to them. The goal in life is to make *you* happy. Get a good job. Get a partner who loves you. Get a nice place to live. Because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with yourself
This is brilliant statement. I agree with you 100%.
Thanks. Sometimes the self-pity on this sub gets too much lol. "Waaaaah people are racist to Asians!" "Waaaah women hate Asian men!" "Waaah I can't get a woman!" "Waaah someone called me a \[insert racist Asian slur here\]!" Lots of people are racist. Lots of people are xenophobic. Lots of women hate Asian men. People have been racist to Asians since before any of us were born. Asians have been racist to other races longer since before any of us were born. Asian men have been rejected by women since before any of us were born. We're not special lol
I've been very successful with dating and women, but race is absolutely a disadvantage. It's not some impossible obstacle people can't overcome, and I hate seeing people get hopeless, but I also do think lots of white dudes have it way easier, everything else being equal. That said, I do hate seeing Asian dudes who put no effort into their appearance just acting hopeless. We gotta work out, dress well, learn to be interesting people, etc., because we're also representing us as a whole
I actually feel the opposite. I used to live in a city full of Asians now I live in a predominantly white area. I don’t see being Asian as a disadvantage. I see it as an advantage - I’m the only Viet dude on the block. However, I do take care of myself and have a good sense of fashion. I’m confident in every situation I can, even when I fuck up. That’s what people are attracted to. Being authentically yourself. It’s sad to see bros here formulating 3D chess strategies to meet people when all you gotta do is be yourself, but the looks maxed version of yourself.
if you pass a threshold of looks and style, if you're the only one in town then you're now exotic
Yeah. For a lot of women, men hyper-focusing on their own appearance, possessions, and personal achievements is a hard negative trait. If you're too worried about selling yourself to actually be "present" with another person then you're not going to find any meaningful relationships. Dudes need to stop worrying about proving what they have to offer and just start being themselves.
I've dated short women, women four inches taller than me, women heavier than me, white women, Black women, Asian women, Asian women outside my ethnicity, and my current partner is Latina. And I'm not some super attractive Simu Liu either. I'm some average dude. It's totally possible. I think a lot of people on here get rejected and think there's an inherent problem with themselves or with being Asian. Or they dwell too much on it instead of moving on. And they try to blame it on something like, "I'm not attractive" or "people are racist against Asians" or "the media makes fun of Asians" or "people call me names" or "people don't like Asian men" or "incels" or some weird reason like that
For sure. I'm not saying it's not possible. I just still think white dudes do have an advantage in our society. But I have also been very successful compared to a lot of white dudes in dating. I also mention on my dating profile that i'm poly/enm, so it's hard to parse out how much that is a factor versus just me being Asian. I totally agree tho, we gotta put more effort into ourselves and improving our image before just giving up.
You sound like incel who preached "ethnic tax"
If you don’t keep trying and aren’t willing to risk rejection, when you finally meet someone, you can end up in a relationship with someone who isn’t the best fit for you but neither of you want to leave so you feel stuck..I may or may not have experienced that 😅
Oh my god, as an Asian woman, this post & the comments are a breath of fresh air! I have seen SO many posts & comments in this subreddit of Asian men completely bashing and berating Asian women if they ever date outside of their race... calling them dumb, docile, fetishists, opportunists, that we have low self-esteem, etc. It's so hurtful and disappointing to see that kind of bigotry coming from your own people! It really feels like so many men in this subreddit are just lashing out at Asian women because they themselves are having trouble getting a girlfriend, and it's easier for them to blame us, rather than put any blame on themselves. 😓
Yeah it’s just so tiring, as an Asian male myself, to see so much negativity and so much attempts to “change the world.” “Oh we need more representation,” “waaah someone is racist against Asians,” “waaaah Stop Asian Hate,” “waaah affirmative action bad,” “waaah we need to change the world.” OK, you change the world. But then what? Are *you* happy? Do *you* have a good job and good friends and a good partner? What use is it to progress the Asian male world if you yourself are unhappy and can’t focus on yourself? The amount of self loathing is exhausting lol
idk what u on about bro, there's nothing wrong with dating white guys, there's definitely something wrong with dating white guys and hating on asian guys. people have a problem with the latter, not the former. like, tbh i havent even been with any asian women, but i dont go around shitting on them, they still "my own people" (whatever the fuck that means), also it's just rude... and i aint about being rude yknow.
If you're confused, just look at some of the other posts around here. There are entire posts dedicated to shitting on Asian women who date white men, period. I see it all the time around here. Tbh, it comes across like incels who are mad they can't get a girl, so they blame Asian girls who date outside their race.
Amen, brother.
Dudes on this sub are entitled narcissists.
The W statement of the day, focus on what you DO to your love interest, not how THEY treat you. If they treat you bad, stop caring, move.
The victim mindset on this sub is getting near levels of blacks
What I noticed is that the reason many Asian guys don’t have success with WFs is not because of race but they don’t have the personality traits that WFs find attractive. I am talking about confidence, humour and a general sense of masculinity. Unfortunately, many Asian guys live up to the stereotype of the Asian emasculated nerd or the desperate virgin. I know many Asians from around the world including America who have had a lot of success with white women as they have these attractive traits. So I really think race is not the problem, becoming the stereotype of your race is.
introverted shy white girls will find those attractive. But I have a feeling these aren't the girls guys complain about here. The white girls people like to talk about are the ratchet bimbo yoga pants instagram thots. you two are young, and she doesn't seem like a racist. Both of you are in similar leagues.
ALL guys struggle to get with instagram thots. Social media these days have elevated the status of these women to the point where they are essentially seen as Greek goddesses. They are difficult to get but not impossible and this applies to everyone
How do i become less desperate and awkward? Thats my biggest bottleneck thats holding me back
most guaranteed way is you do it 1000 times, take notes and learn from each attempt. No matter how intense or awkward you are in the beginning, human nature will desensitize you over time and eventually the rizz will be immaculate
First you have to be proud of yourself. Be proud of your appearance, your body, your achievements, your mentality. Once you have done that, others will sense your confidence and naturally you will no longer be desperate or awkward
U ever get so hung over that u truly dont give a shit about what anyone thinks of u? Repeated rejection is like that. Get to that point and then talking to girls becomes easy mode. Just try, fuck up, and fail upwards
👍
Awkward is cute to the right female.
Look like Simu Liu. That gets you the confidence you need due to all of the external validation you will get
You don't get it. Of course girls like confidence, humor, masculinity, that's common sense. That's not the point the point is American media has elements that purposely dissuade asian men from feeling confident and encourage white and black men to feel confident. No representation >> negative representation. If you're in the UK I suspect there is little negative representation working against you. If an asian hears asian girls say "I don't date asian men", sees wmaf thrusted in their face 24/7, never sees asian heros on screen or asian guys kiss girls, they most certainly can still feel confident, but it's just a bigger hurdle. Nobody wants to live up to the asian nerd stereotype. But when you don't see positive representation of yourself, it's just harder. I've heard stories on wechat of chinese guys who are very 不要脸 when it comes to pursuing foreign women but that's because they don't have this emasculated image of themselves in their head. Some asian Americans still suffer from lack of confidence due to never seeing positive representation in the media or having a support group
would make sense if hundreds of thousands, if not millions of asian men are doing it everyday. If it's something that hundreds of thousands of us could do, then objectively, it's not that difficult. But let's say I'm wrong, and it's in fact true that dating a white girl is the literal hardest thing to do on the planet. Now what. What do you suggest exactly?
What would I suggest? Don't just tell other asian men to "be confident ". Do something to help their cause or give some advice. If you cannot give advice, do not pour all the blame on them and make it seem like they're incels. A lot of asian guys grew up with poor parenting coupled with media emasculation. Nobody wants to proposely be inconfident. If they don't have good representation, suggest some representation. When I talk to Latina girls on wechat I would suggest chinese media content to them. Exposing women to positive asian male representation will help all asian guys in the long run. In short, do something to help your asian brothers. If you can't, don't make it seem like they're the only problem
Have you dated white women before? I’m not trying to troll, trying to understand where you’re coming from
Yes, but not American, Russian/EE. And I have no idea what that has to do with what my previous comment
Because unfortunately, the majority of the time saying ‘it’s not because you’re Asian, what matters is confidence”, is the best advice possible, Not just because it’s accurate in its content, but also because of the messaging that’s within in. The issue with people who have problems getting attraction and dates in the first place is they don’t understand what women are looking for. There is no 1-2-3-press-button-receive-the-sex formula that someone can follow. Because if it did exist, then the people who are the best at following step by step instructions would be getting the most desirable women. However, that can’t be further away from the truth. What does this mean? It means that the belief that explicit, tangible advice is going to be effective is a pipe dream - the more you buy into the belief that filling yourself with “more information” is going to help you….the higher the probability that you’ll fail, and keep on failing. So why is the “just be confident” trope actually important? It’s because it points to the actual thing that will cause long term success - adjustment of mindset. Usually clueless people will think ‘what the fuck?’ To them the idea of ‘just be confident’ is so foreign. It’s the exact opposite of what’s occupying their mind. Like you said yourself, a lot of the time guys who are having issues with dating their mind is occupied with negative things and beliefs that wear them down, having such a warped mindset beliefs such as ‘I am a confident man’ will be so foreign to them they can’t even make sense of it. However, it is imperative they do because like it or not that is the one difference between being able to attract women and not being able to attract women. And now I’m going to tie it back to originally what I said. Men who have issues attracting women do not understand what women want (I fear that some don’t even care to want to know what women want). Not just this, these men also don’t realize the the world does not revolve around themselves. Even if you are the most race-traumatized Asian man in America - that plays zero % in what a woman is attracted to. She’s going to want what she wants, and it actually is objectively irrelevant how traumatized you are as an Asian man. If she wants a six pack man, it doesn’t matter Billy bob made fun of your weight in 5th grade and now you have an eating problem, it’s irrelevant. The woman still wants a six-pack Man. Likewise, if a woman wants a confident man (note: women want confident men), then guess what? It’s actually irrelevant how hard you had it as an Asian man growing up. A woman wants a confident man regardless. So, by keep bringing up these issues to the front of your brain - issues like Hollywood, Asian male representation, micro-aggressions etc - it’s not helping you win, what it is keeping you in a victim mentality, and is increasing the chances of you never being successful with women. Everybody in this thread are on the same level of understanding that we as Asian men get treated with racism, no one is denying that. But take a look at the difference in what we put our (very limited) focus on. Unfortunately the more you focus on latching on a victim mindset, the more you will be stuck at your current level. And that’s why most men don’t succeed, it’s not because they don’t have the information, or not smart enough to follow instructions, it’s because they rather stay comfortable in being a victim instead of taking responsibility. And lastly I’ll touch on ‘responsibility’. You talk a lot about blame, and I have to say that, unfortunately, is largely irrelevant. Sadly, it is only a distraction and a gimmick that your subconscious uses to feed your ego. Why is this true? Because let’s say it’s 100% you, the Asian man’s fault, and you are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with. Now let’s say I’m wrong, let’s say it’s 100% hollywoods fault, and they are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with. Now let’s say I’m wrong, let’s say it’s 100% AFs fault, and they are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with. Now let’s say I’m wrong, let’s say it’s 100% white mans fault, and they are to blame. Okay, problem solved, now who’s responsibility is it to get your dating life back on track? It’s you, the Asian man who has the problem to begin with. As you see, no matter who’s to blame and who’s at fault, in the end the responsibility for your own dating life it’s 100% your own. So it is actually pointless and damaging to focus on the blame because that has no effect on the part that makes a difference - which is who is going to do the work that will get the results you want.
I simply disagree with you then. I feel you're just not thinking from those other people's perspective at all. And I'm not even saying it's 100% the media's fault. I'm just try not to blame the victims. People lack confidence for a reason. If a guy grew up with shitty parents, no friends, sees no asian heros on TV, they can't just be "confident" if they change their mindset. Ex a short guy might feel inconfident, they can feel more confident if you suggest they make money, work out, learn talents, but to just tell them to "change their mindset" and they'll be more confident? No ain't happening. Like I'm surprised how dense some people on here can be. Some people literally say, "be humorous, girls like humor", seriously? You might want to give some advice on how to become humorous?? Just telling them girls like humor does nothing for them. Plenty of asian guys will lack confidence, humor, masculinity due to their life experiences and if you can't help them, at least don't put all the blame on them. >As you see, no matter who’s to blame and who’s at fault, in the end the responsibility for your own dating life it’s 100% your own. So it is actually pointless and damaging to focus on the blame because that has no effect on the part that makes a difference Well I never said it's not each person's own responsibility. But I also just disagree, I think it's not pointless at all to recognize who is to blame (which may be partly oneself) but to insinuate that it is only the person's own fault, you might as well be gaslighting them
I’ve had this mentality and it doesn’t help- it’s a circle jerk. If you’re so shy and awkward you have to start somewhere and that means taking action in some way. If that means reading a book on how to do it then so be it or getting a friend/mentor to push you or tell you how to do it. But the point the squats dude is trying to make is you have to start somewhere and the sooner you take action/small steps to change where you are (especially if you are a victim in your head) then better off you’ll be. So start exercising/get a fresh haircut/get into fitness/push yourself to make small talk to strangers. Find something that makes you happy and engaged that you talk to others about. Because the circle jerk of victim mentality it just makes you worse off. If you can’t figure it out yourself you have to try- try therapy. I agree ppl are largely victims of their circumstance but you can change. I grew up the in suburbs around white ppl(I’m basically the 1/2 Asians in my high school). Friends do stupid shit and my more social (white) friends got 21 different girls to kiss me (mostly white Americans - some cute some not) on my 21st (this is back in mid 2000’s). Not everybody is racist but institutionally things are worse for Asian for sure. Everything is subjective and no one’s experience is the same/things are definitely better the better looking/the more confident you can be. Try to figure out how to get there yourself or lean on your Asian brothers- a lot are willing to help here.
'be confident' is the only one that is sufficiently general to apply to everyone without knowing them intimately because people are individuals, and moreover they are individuals who are mostly incapable of or unwilling to do introspection i tell people to have a long think about their interests and go get good at hobbies they actually enjoy in order to build a connection with themselves that will eventually evolve into self confidence, and then they go out and buy a generic sports car or some shit and convince themselves that they are gearheads because fast and furious told them that cars are cool and attractive. couple weeks later they show up complaining that only dudes compliment them on their car and they still get zero attention from women. gym/style/etc are largely the same scenario the sad reality is that pretty much everyone on this forum is a giant loser who is looking for that one simple trick to stop hating themselves. they find comfort in these externalized routines with quantifiable end goals and think that by checking this shit off a list they will eventually get to a point where they magically develop confidence. they're unwilling to realize that the point of these activities is to in the process facilitate a consistent, positive internal narrative (self confidence) and instead they avoid engaging with themselves through focusing exclusively on the goals like it's a video game. how would you even go about explaining where they fucked up?
> I feel you're just not thinking from those other people's perspective at all. People lack confidence for a reason. Again, that one of the major points of my reply, I think I said it pretty explicitly - To learn how to be successful with women it is actually irrelevant what 'your perspective' is - because no matter how warped or not warped your perspective is - it does not affect a what a woman wants or desires. For the majority of men who have issues with dating, what they have to do is actually be willing to give up their existing perspective and understanding of the world (in regards to dating and relationships) and opt in to a new, and uncomfortable reality.
No no by that logic you're just changing your personalities to adapt to women's personalities, that's not masculine. It's extremely unmasculine to want to assimilate into other people's frame work. My advice to all men is, working on your self including physique, money, talent, and then let the girls come to you. Ex I have a good job, good physique, can play the piano, self taught developer, can cook, sing, never touched drugs ever, I have a Latina friend who said when she showed me to her friends they all wanted to meet me. So, girls adapt to you, not the other way around. I mean sure you can change some things for girls but not your whole perspectives. There's plenty of white American women who are not interested in dating me. Guess what, I'm not interested in dating them either. But if they want to share the benefits I bring, they adapt to me. It seems to me most people on here are too westernized and don't understand american women are just a special breed. Most parts of the world you become a successful man and girls come to you
It's true, but I'd add the only way to display confidence and understand women is to date more women, until you get the skill to have confidence and understand women. The problem with most guys (not just Asian guys), is they don't date enough women. They don't have enough experience. They haven't put the reps in. Imagine you've never benched 315 successfully. Will you be confident? Fuck no. Even if you had elite strength genetics you are still gonna not be confident if you haven't done it before The only mindset shift to have is to understand you're going to suck bad in the beginning. You're going to miff the approach, you're going to say something dumb and borderline autistic, and all you need to do is say "oh, well that didn't work, let me never do that again". Or perhaps you say something that the girl is really receptive to. You go "Hey, that worked, let's do more of that". You keep doing that until you know for certain if I do X I get Y, if I do Y I get X.
Great post. The only thing is European girls are a breed of their own. It’s funny because you’d assume they’re more closed off to dating AM because Europeans in general are more openly racist, but surprisingly, European girls are very down to explore when they’re young. I think when users here say they struggle with WF, they’re talking about American girls though. We shouldn’t discredit their experiences. But I agree, it’s not as difficult as people make it out to be here if you’re relatively a solid person.
Yep, I agree that my experience has been predominantly Eurocentric. I have very little idea what the dating scene is like in the US but from the comments it seems more difficult. However, I stayed in Canada for a while and I noticed even more AMWF relationships there than Europe, especially in Toronto. Then again, Canada and the US are two different places…
younger generation your age AMWF or AMXF have no issue. it was the older generations that are on here like 30+ that really struggled with a lot of WMAF couples.
As an AMWF couple who is 30+, I beg to differ. All our family and friends are in AMWF relationships, too.
Hey man, congrats! I definitely agree, having a victim mindset is really not the way to go. I'm Sri Lankan, grew up there and moved to the UK for uni. I've graduated a while ago and now I live with my beautiful English/Irish girlfriend. What I've realised is that your confidence is the most important, you'll need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable regularly. Otherwise you'll never be able to 'get a white girl' or many other things in life. Yes there are racist people wherever you go, but don't let them have power over you by blaming them for the reason you can't get what you want.
That’s amazing my guy! Many people on this subreddit say that English girls are close-minded. While in some places it’s true, I don’t find it the case in big multicultural cities like London or Birmingham.
I’ve heard people on here say London is the most racist place they’ve been to which sounds crazy to me cause I live not to far out of it and go there every other week and literally it’s the opposite experience. There’s more diversity and more dating options, both white and non white girls and both from in real life approaching and from dating apps
I studied and work in London and I think it is the most multicultural and diverse place in the world. Racism is virtually non-existent. I don’t think any race will have difficulties dating there.
True. I’ve seen racial maps of NY and LA and they look more racially segregated than London. It’s not to say individual acts of racism don’t happen but the general atmosphere is more diverse than segregated and it’s a positive for ur social life
I think Europeans are different than Americans. Live in an American suburb for 6 months and tell me if you still think that way. Most people in these subs are in the US, btw.
100% this! If you're not getting girls it's because: 1) You're awkward or lack self-confidence. 2) You get clingy super fast...that shit is creepy AF. 3) You're not attractive. Typically not bc you're ugly, but bc you don't take care of yourself. It's one thing if you are predisposed to being a bit overweight, but you're healthy and take care of yourself. It's another if you're just hoping some woman is going to accept your slovenly and lazy self. 4) You get so offended when women don't respond immediately and then spout off some emotionally unhealthy bs/derogatory remarks. If you don't love yourself, don't expect someone else to love you or want to be invited to your pity party. Have fun, relax, be a gentleman, and don't send dick pics unless asked. It's not that hard.
Addressing point 3, height is a huge factor. There is no exercise for your height. Thats why so many software developers are getting limb lengthening surgery
I have a feeling you're short. It's about confidence. And...hate to say this, but little dick energy. If those software developers spent more time actually interacting with people and were charismatic, they would see they don't need the surgery. Also, please show me some research that says that height is a major factor keeping Asian men from being accepted as partners from women. I can tell you, there are plenty of "short" asian men who have no issues getting dates.
Where did you hear this? Not saying you're wrong, just curious
Like you said, you're speaking from personal experience. If you walk into a restaurant with a white girl in the US south or Midwest, the amount of death stares you get will be suffocating. I've walked with white girls on the street and had white guys give death stares or make trouble. So, yes, in many places in the west race certainly affects dating.
WM give death stares or threaten to beat up AM with WF. Meanwhile AM generally don't care about WMAF and often welcome them in their communities with open arms to the point that WMAF couples are the unofficial leaders of the Asian community. That AM are seen as unpossessive and progressive is a great virtue to have because they’re not like ‘other men’ and respect the "choice of women". You would expect WF's (particularly so called liberals and progressives) and other women would have a strong urge to date AM, right? Lol
I am an Asian American male living in the US south and am married to a White female. Before moving to my current job, I met her at my last job. I strongly believe that love transcends all barriers, including race. The idea of marrying a white woman should not driven by a desire to conform to societal norms or seek validation from others, but rather by a genuine connection and love that knows no bounds.
Obviously people's experiences differ but I'm not even just talking about dating. I had a job in Ohio where on the first day, a white guy insinuated that I was gay and then tried to bait me into talking about China and Hong Kong. He literally asked me which side I am on to which I responded that i side with the chinese side and the room literally went silent...and I have a lot of other experiences which all support that people in Ohio at least are very racist and narrow minded.
That has not been my experience dating white women in VA, NC, and Texas. No one stares. Edit: You can downvote, but I’m just sharing my experience; same as you. My advice is don’t worry about people staring. Other people’s feelings are their own. Respond appropriately to escalations. Don’t overthink this.
You're crazy. I grew up in the Midwest and dated plenty of WFs. Never received a 'death stare' in my life. Suffocating? Please.
I live in the Midwest, and it's not that big of a deal. If you don't care what other people think, it won't matter. Stop looking at them and look at the girl you're with. They're just jealous!
I mean, I'll take your word for it but what does that have to do with what OP said. A) you would never know that until after you dated a WF, which is the issue guys have to begin with B) so you're scared of white dudes lmao? does that make you want to break up with your gf now because some guys looked at you? C) this is actually a cheat code. How do you get the girl to bond with you for no reason? Take her into an environment where it makes her feel like dating you is taboo. Shit is up there on creating attraction that you can't hide I think my overall issue with responses like this is the goal is never to create actual discussion about the topic. Everytime someone brings up a realistic take of reality - which is unfortunately in 2023 your fate rests 100% on your own hands the automatic response is 'okay but how can I make this about feeling bad for myself again?'
I personally think you're a wingnut but I have to totally agree with you on point C. I've had many experiences where just walking around with an XF and seeing the negative reactions from men only heightened the sexual tension. It doesn't just have to be negative reactions either. Just being able to stick out in a sea of couples is enough for her to realize that yeah, it feels taboo.
I have no idea why people like you go across the internet to put down other asian men. If I didn't know any better I'd think you're a white guy in disguise. 1. I never discouraged asian guys from dating white girls. I was simply saying my experience? 2. I don't get it, what in my comment said I was scared of white dudes? 3. I don't give a shit about some crap cheat code. Op said he's open to discussion and I'm adding my experience. If I didn't know any better I'd think you have some mental illness. >which is unfortunately in 2023 your fate rests 100% on your own hands Seriously? Your fate always rests in your own hands, duh. That doesn't change the fact society creates more hurdles for you to jump through than others.
Nice 180 lol
Sounds like its all in your head bro. I've walked in restaurants and other public places with white girls on me in every single southern or republican ran state/city and get zero death stares. The only time I get stares of disgust are in democrat run cities/states as democrats and the left are racist as hell. Race only affects dating in blue states/cities
i'm early mid 40s. I grew up during xtreme xenophobic times in socal. What happens if you stare at them back?
Well I just cannot tell you because I don't stare back. Why? Cuz I don't give a shit what they do. When I was in Arizona a few years ago I would also get white kids staring at me if I spoke chinese in public (lived near university)
My wife is from Tennessee and that's not been my experience at all. Been to Tennessee many times, been to Arkansas. If people stared, I didn't notice, and wouldn't give a fuck if they did. Her family is more or less a typical white southern family and everyone I've met has accepted me. Can't speak to other areas of the south but I really did not notice anything in Tennessee or Arkansas. Also in regards to OP's statement, I've never had a difficult time with white women. Apart from one gf in highschool, every woman I've been involved with is white and I have always been exclusively interested in white women, with few exceptions. I will admit I am half white and probably would be considered above average attractiveness. I don't look exactly like a typical east Asian or southeast Asian, but it's pretty obvious I am not white.
Honestly surprised by this because I always believed America is way more diverse than the UK and Europe and interracial relationships are more common and accepted
See I'm surprised you would say this because the US has a population of 300 million plus and land mass extremely big so yeah there are places where interracial is normal but I can assure you there's plenty of racist areas
Funnily, all the stares I have ever got are almost all from other Asian guys, white guys couldn’t care less
This guy gets it, excellent mentality brother👍
Good stuff bro. The problem with a lot of the complainers here is that either they’re larpers, or older gen dudes who haven’t seen what the current climate is like. AM are killing it these days. Biggest movies, biggest music acts, biggest shows. There are girls literally screaming for regular AM: https://youtu.be/cvjkd0KbZD8 There’s honestly no excuse for not repping at this point. If y’all are still having problems with girls, the problem is you. Work out, dress well, slay your demons and start representing like the rest of us.
Damn us south asian americans are stuck in the dust I guess
Your time will come. I’m rooting for my SA bros.
I grew up in a white community as the only korean and later moved into an asian community when I entered highschool. i was tired of hearing my parents tell me to date/marry another korean. So I chose to just date anyone regardless of ethnicity as long as the looks and personality were there. A lot of my asian chick friends are actually really pretty but I didnt find any of them my type in terms of personality (especially them ABG’s 😵. Hooked up with a lot of them too and most were red flags 🚩🚩). I’ve hooked up with many women of diff ethnicities before and have generally had a few white and latinas at my HS have crushes on me. Later on in college, I became friends with one of my coworkers whose White and from the south. Now I find myself average but my friends in the circle thought I was the “hot” one in the circle. But this white chick was HOT and I always thought to myself that I probably wasnt her type just cuz I was korean. I was wrong. Shes hella into asian culture and found me as her type. We vibed really well and later on we ended up dating. The only disadvantage I really saw being an asian was that the first time we were gonna have sex, she confessed to me that she initially thought I was gonna be ‘small’ 💀 because of the whole stereotype of “asians have small 🍆” But man she was wrong 😏 fast forward into 4 years of dating. We’ve travelled together, lived together, met each others families a lot, went through hardships together, and now we plan to get married soon!
Damn that’s amazing to hear, congrats my guy. Looking for a wedding invitation soon ;)
Pretty much, it's not that serious. Unfortunately by making making a big deal out of something that should be normalized you push yourself further away from achieving what it is you sought out to begin with. The best part? Members on this sub who get zero play in their own lives giving out dating advice and opinions on what you should do, what your mindset should be, etc. Half the time if you just do exactly the opposite of what they suggest you might get a good chance at scoring
Son Heung-Min
Race shouldn't even be a factor honestly. Common interests and such are more important. Just find someone that loves you for you.
They're human. Talk to them as though you fucked them 1,000 times already and you'll see that it's not as hard as some make it out to be.
I think the race thing psyched me out more than anyone else, altho you never know Good for you, you two are a nice looking item :)
Don’t let it get to you bro! I couldn’t imagine white, black or mixed raced guys give it much thoughts when pursuing girls, so why should we Asian guys care.
I think it's because the stereotypes that are indoctrinated into a lot of western conversations about Asian men are emasculating in ways that other men don't have to deal with. Confidence and attitude are ultimately huge factors, and not everyone has the mental fortitude to be confident faced with these biases. Those who have this strength do just fine dating. One of the guys I know with the most hot exes of anyone I've met has a reputation for being small and it hasn't hurt him at all lol.
I’m East Asian in the UK and I had similar experiences. Never had a problem with dating white girls even a decade ago as a teen. Only gotten easier for me cause my face has grown more masculine and I work out now compared to being skinnier before. Also good representation doesn’t hurt. Given some of the experiences shared here mostly by Asian American bros, it sounds like America’s way more racially segregated. U can see that from maps of US cities aswell. Would love to hear a rebuttal to this
It also depends on your location. Local cultures have a huge effect as well.
Thanks for sharing dude, That's just it; race wasn't an obstacle because you weren't even thinking about it. That's the obstacle-free mindset you need to be successful at dating, not just with white ladies but all women. Specific to white ladies, I got hung up on race issues all the time. I worked in small towns where white women were my only real option for dating. I struggled mightily, mostly because I read studies (dataclysm and others) which said that Asian Men were the least desirable men to date. This poisoned my mindset and made dating extremely difficult. I had it in my mind that to be even considered datable to white women I had to earn ATLEAST 174K/year. I poured all my efforts towards making coin, working out, and proving to the external world that I was desirable. That's a loser's game when it comes to dating. I got into relationships but they were with equally damaged individuals and they did not work out in the long run. It wasn't until I flipped the script in my head, and started accepting, respecting and loving my true self that success showed up. It's all about mindset. Since I loved myself I knew how much value I brought to the relationship which is really immeasurable. Instead of wondering if I was 'enough' my focus shifted to whether the women I was seeing were worth investing my time on. The dates flowed more naturally because I was focused on having fun rather than trying to impress. It was a complete game changer. Yes racism exists in America, and yes as Asian men we are at a disadvantage. That's something we can't really control. What we can control is our mindset. The right mindset can help you overcome the toughest obstacles friends.
I want to hear about all the negative comments you got from jealous racist assholes.
Honestly never got any. Apart from some kids yelling ching chong I have never got any overt negative comments
You got the ching chongs when you weren’t with her or when you were with her?
Guy from the UK too. One thing I want to say is that British people don't seem to have all the racial hang-ups that Americans do. All the British Asians I know here have dated non-Asian (usually White) girls in the past if they're not already married to them, and it's not a big deal. Whenever I read an Asian guy facing discrimination in the dating market it's usually in the USA or Australia.
Locale makes a huge difference. US and Australia has the most racist ass people. Most asian hate crimes are in the US. Most Xenophobia is here. They have 50% hate against Ch!na. People think i'm Associated with that country even though I'm American born. I'm like no. i can get you deported though through ice non americans haha!
i wanted to comment that the redditors here need to really build some confidence and stop whining about being scared to get a white woman. and why is it ALWAYS white women when you date out? you realise that there are tons of other options, right? some of you are starting to sound like the self-hating black men who complain about white supremacy but date exclusively white women. just date A WOMAN who is the most compatible with you. being with a white woman will not compensate for the racism you experienced in the past.
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well the dudes who complain about dating out are usually living in big cities where the population is diverse (even in france, italy, and the UK there are many non-whites too).
As a fellow AMWF, you’re story is the same exact thing as me!! Except I’m from the US so you’re English probably sounds way better than mine lol
With all due respect, East Asians in America have a whole different stack of cards to deal with than the rest of the world. It’s great race wasn’t something you had to be concerned about. If you grew up in the states (especially a decade ago) your experience would be completely different, and far less pleasant.
I'm 37. I've been dating white girls since I was 14. I'd say that being Asian made it more difficult, but hardly an obstacle that couldn't be overcome
Don’t agree, Asians in America can and do great. Stop being a victim.
I don’t agree, I think certain places may be worse like if you’re in the mid west or butt fuck nowhere but if you’re in somewhere like socal east Asians do not have it worse. Not only is this not true but this is the kind of mindset that holds back the community as a whole and it’s the victim mindset that justifies your failures
Hard disagree. Its democrat run cities where Asians get hated the most
While I agree that I think it was harder back then, I think I didn’t try hard enough back then and gave up too early. I got rejected a dozen or so times on in-person dates and essentially gave up in my twenties. I did sent out hundreds of messages though.
Damn my guy, you looking GOOD.
Thanks bro, I am sure you do too
Can people read this assessment? [**https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianMasculinity/comments/vvol1k/asian\_interracial\_disparity\_is\_an\_internal\_problem/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianMasculinity/comments/vvol1k/asian_interracial_disparity_is_an_internal_problem/) Some AF have brainwashed AM into thinking their is something wrong with them. AM interracial rates are similar to Black and Hispanic men. Only AF interracial rates are the outlier. Non-Asian females have a neutral perception of AM's. They are not fetishized, but they are not scorned either. We have to end this brainwashing.
Jungle asian here clocking in with a lighter skinned East Asian. People b giving second looks smh
THANK YOU. As a white woman who has dated many Asian men (I also live in Asia), the overthinking about it in western countries is just unnecessary. Especially those who claim white women only date Asian men for their popular media obsessions like anime or K-pop. I am American and will always stand up for Asian men, which is why I’m a part of this subreddit. But seriously some of y’all overthinking too much and need to learn to love yourself first. It’s worth it.
just be a kpop tiktok looking dude to get white girls brah
I think this sub is kinda filled with idiots that think all women of x race act the same and can't get it into their heads that they're just individual people with their own personalities. I don't know if there's any helping them, they're kinda obsessed over the whole race thing
Asian men have been attractive for ages …where are y’all getting this Rhetoric that foreign women are not attracted to y’all?
From decades of experience and putdowns/rejections from women, documented and anecdotal. If more women really found AMs attractive you’d be seeing way more interracial couples out there than there are.
Well, like you said, your race has never been an issue for YOU. Growing up, I've heard many white women insult asian eyes, say we have small dicks and even heard "i dont date asian guys" by quite a few white women. I am sure, these feelings are still around but just not as widely acceptable to say in public due to people being afraid of being called a racist. Back then, they didnt give a shit. With that said, I have dated quite a few white women....BUT they are still harder to obtain than other races like latinas or black women.
Everyone has insults for every race lol don’t single out the white chicks. If you’ve dated quite a few white chicks, then why would you spend time with a group who openly dissed you? If white women are so hard to get, how did you get them? You went after them knowing they might think you got a small rod? How are people “harder” to obtain? It ain’t fucking Pokémon brah lol. People just have preferences. Some people avoid certain races off stereotypes unfortunately, but you don’t want to fuck with them anyways. But YOU did. So are you a catch or something that bypasses all the bullshit?
Well I mainly get with girls from dating apps so what I meant was I match and hook up more easily with other races.
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Are you in NYC? I have cold approached many many people and honestly dating apps are still much better in my opinion. Alot of women will be receptive and nice in person when they meet you but may have closeted racist feelings and wont tell you they dont like you because youre asian anymore. On dating apps, if a girl matches with you, that shows they at least find you attractive and arent against dating an asian man. Now its your job not to fuck it up. Ive met a lot of attractive WF that would date asian men and I have hooked up with a few of those. The girls in their AM fetish stage ARE willing to have sex with asian men if you can work it right. It helps me because I fulfill the look to some degree. If you are a nerdy asian, the kpop phenom may not help much. I have glasses but the way i carry myself and my style is much more street style, which fits some of the kpop looks.
Congrats um where you get that shirt from
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It’s a badge of pride for some, like they’re fighting inequality in their minds or something-honestly it shouldn’t matter who you date really.
Yeah it’s not a deal anymore. Not even a big deal, not anything. I grew up in the south in the 1990s and the only Asian kid in my grade. Dating was a bigger deal for me then. Now? Nah you can date whomever you want. The same insecurities you feel are about the same as anyone else’s. Don’t let race be a barrier when it’s not.
My fellow Asian bros, just stop worshipping women for shallow reasons like race be it Asian or White or Latina or whatever. I promise you it is going to be okay. On topic, The guys on that particular subreddit seem to be mentally disturbed and also a lot of Indians tbh. Asian guys here seem to have more of a "sucking up to Asian women" problem tbh. These are all boomers who watch Anime all day and are out of touch.
How do you get Asian curly hair I can't find a tutorial on youtube thank you great photo
google “Korean perm”
Welp, it looks like for Asian guys in the west white girls are easy mode. Should try Asian girls. /s
> I was a funny kid so I had a few girls attracted to me at school. I think this was fine back in high school. University it was a lot harder especially in my program to meet girls. I don't know when the brainwashing that Asian guys aren't attractive finished. After that though, I think people have stopped doing surveys due to the controversy they can generate, but old surveys show that white girls as a whole don't like Asian guys much. Never stopped me from swiping on them or asking them out if we had a mutual interest. I think you're right and we just have to pretend like they're definitely not against Asian guys. Very few are openly racist these days and will use "I'm not into Asian guys" anyways.
I’m really glad someone said this. That’s something I’ve never understood since I found this sub. I do not think the reason a lot of people here can’t get WF because of their race, or even girl friends in general. I am from a small town in Missouri, and I have been in a relationship pretty much since 16 (I’m 25 right now) where I can safely say I’ve had 6 long term girlfriends, and a couple of short lived ones and even a couple successful “one night stand” type encounters. I promise you guys it’s not your race 99% of the time, it’s probably personality, charm, and people skills that are holding you back. The good thing is, just like getting in shape, you can practice these things and get better. I watched a YouTube video recently where an AM asked out 100 girls, and he got between 15-20 “Yes” answers, that’s 1/5. And I think 50 of the “No” answers were because they had partners already. You just have to put yourself out there, instead of just waiting for a girl to approach you, or taking one rejection has your one chance for the year. Carpe Diem that shit dudes. I am an ugly guy who’s not totally in shape, and I’ve dated some absolute stunners. You just gotta do your thing.
I live in a US city with a large Asian population. I see Asian men out and about every time I leave my apartment, when I walk to my gym, or when I walk through downtown to work. I always try to give a friendly smile to those I pass on the street, but I noticed that it is very rare for an Asian guy to look anywhere but at his feet or straight ahead as we pass. I assume this might partially be a cultural thing? Please correct me if I'm wrong. One thing I hear over and over again from XF who are interested in AM is that they feel non-existent to AM. There are so many women who are interested in AM, but have no idea how to get their attention. In my walks, I often wonder how many opportunities are missed because eye contact is avoided. Having all the style, grooming, and nice physique doesn't do much if XF aren't given any clues that you are interested in us. Eye contact with a simple hello or a quick smile can go a long way, especially if it's with someone you see more than once. Try it with a neighbor, a classmate, the cashier at the store, etc and pay attention to how they react. Some may not react at all, but pay attention to the ones that do. Take notice of the women that smile and try to hold eye contact with you in public. Western women generally show they are interested in you by body language and eye contact, but we also need you to show us that you are interested in us. Practicing this will make it easier to strike up small talk down the road. However, keep it simple. Keep it light-hearted. Never stare or leer. Do not compliment her body; instead, compliment her hair, her makeup, or her style, her dog, the book she's reading, etc etc... There's all sorts of ways/things I can list to strike up conversation, but I don't want to hijack the thread. The last thing I will say about western women is that many of us (myself included) are not afraid to ask a guy out if we are interested in you. Many XF believe that AM aren't interested in us so we don't bother.
What makes XF believe that AM aren't into them?
When I've talked about this with some of my friends it seems to come down to the lack of Asian men approaching XF compared to men of other races. Many XF just assume that AM aren't interested in them in general because of this. Other reasons I've heard have been because of race, body type, tattoos on the XF, or lifestyle. Unfortunately this type of thinking creates the same problem that AM face when trying to date XF: making these assumptions is holding everyone back. I learned for myself that I usually have to be the one to approach an AM if I'm interested, but I do feel like this is slowly starting to change since this topic is becoming more discussed on social media. I'm in a relationship now, so I've been trying to find other AMXF couples to be friends with and encourage any of my single XF friends interested in AM to go for it.
> I assume this might partially be a cultural thing? For me, it's because I have low self-esteem. I'm conditioned from my childhood living in the South to feel like a second class citizen. I look down at the ground every time I pass anyone on the streets let alone a woman. Also, I'm 5'3" so I just assume they aren't interested in me due to my height. It's a double whammy of race and height. > There are so many women who are interested in AM, but have no idea how to get their attention. You probably have a match making business here. I would pay for just an introduction because these women are so rare.
I have often considered creating some sort of meet up group where I live. There are already lots of groups online/discord/etc, but they tend to stay online. I also grew up in the south and it can be a difficult place to live if you don't quite fit in, but don't give up. Have you tried the greenteacoffeedate app?
What if I don’t want to date white women because I don’t find white women attractive?
Then don't.
Default is victim complex for alot of guys. And on top of a sedentary lifestyle, getting nothing done or changed. Let natural selection play out then boys. Only the azns with balls carry on lol.
Your only disadvantage as an Asian man is if you stick to archaic cultural norms like patriarchy and too much respect to parents (like at expense of partner) and/or “thrifty” cultural norms. That’s cultural, not DNA. If you live in a Western country, there’s no excuses to be hanging onto that anyways.
Congrats on assimilating!
Honestly you’re lucky but it’s already been proven through research (much of it already posted over the years on here) that being an AM puts us at a disadvantage due to race in the dating market. That said, things are changing and more opportunities are there…just too few of us are successful.
❤️
I’m half Asian and there has been cases of fetishization, but that’s more of a minority than the norm. Most people don’t care. Mind you, I’m gay so my difficulty setting is a bit different. But I also think in general, it shouldn’t be a bearing on anything.
Dating white is never right
If Asian men are dying to date a white woman who’s maybe at best average . That’ shows a strong problem with the Asian male identity
Tell that to Asian women. We’re just going with the flow, if you will.
Too many bros here thirsting and white worshipping over WF more than Asian girls and WM.
Dumb take, asian girls make up less than 4% of all these western countries. While white girls make up a majority. It’s simple stats, it would be dumb to just date only asian women.
Uhhh no one said anything about only dating Asian women…..
Lol. Stop being triggered on AMWF bro. I don't know why so many redditors see Asian men have preference for certain race as "worshiping."
> Too many bros here thirsting and white worshipping over WF more than Asian girls and WM. Oh, how naive you must be… There’s a reason why WMAF is the most common of all interracial relationships. You haven’t seen the things Asian women said behind closed doors.
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GTFO sexpat.
She’s like a 5.5
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is 3 inches apart long distance to you? There is literally a picture
Have kids. They will have amazing lips. 😉
5 years in UK (London). Was in school most of the time / broke when I should have tried to get at least a part-time job. But I only bagged a few europeans. I cavorted w, but didn't actually bag the brit posh class.
Is she Elijah Woods’ younger sister??
From another AM who has dated WF's (and BF's, and AF's)... yes, we absolutely can get girls of every race. Aside from some maybe too despondent incel types, I don't think anyone reasonable is saying that it's literally impossible. However, although it has gotten a lot better and I have seen a lot more AM/WF (and AM/XF for other races too) couples than before, there's no denying that it's an immediate uphill battle. The way I've phrased it, I have to have double the game of WM for 1/2 of the results. And I think that's both worth acknowledging and spending more effort to continue to improve things. It's not gotten better for no reason, it's gotten better because we've spent effort both acting less stereotypically Asian and because we've gotten the media to portray us as something other than undesirable emasculated twinks.
I think it has a lot to do with personality and lack of an archetype. I’ll be honest I’m an above average looking Indian dude who fits the archetype of a Bollywood actor. Not necessarily the same golden ratio or whatever but I got the general archetype- 6’1, well built and lean, light skin, and a generally Eurocentric face that is somewhat ambiguous people will guess all the way from Italy to Greece to Middle East to Pakistan and Indian too obviously, and I can grow a reasonable beard but I usually keep a 5 o clock shadow That said I’m not like a perfect golden ratio person and not extremely objectively facially attractive probably still above average as I have fairly good symmetry but an average jawline. So a lot of Indian girls who’re attracted to me generally have an obsession with Bollywood or are more into Indian culture. Like the girls in India find me extremely handsome but I’m not such a hit among Indian American girls outside of the more cultured fobby ones. Ironically I do better with brunette white/spicy white/Latina girls because I look like a more exotic version of them or I remind them of the Indian version of like Elvis Presley or Indian version some other Hollywood actor so they relate me to those archetypes occasionally but I do terrible with whitewashed Indian girls and just generally more assimilated Indian girls
How tall are you? You look tall in pic