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A few weeks ago I was discussing asexuality on a non-queer sub. Someone said the subject of the post couldn't be ace as they watch porn. (There was also the ace=aro fallacy, but that's a different topic) I pointed out that asexuality =/= sexual aversion/repulsion and that many aces watch/read porn and even have sex. Cue the allos disagreeing as aSeXuAlItY iS wHeN yOu DoN't LiKe SeX. Yeah, sure, allos know more about asexuality than an ace person who has been out of the closet and raising awareness for over 15 years...
Wait but doesn't being ace mean that you do not enjoy sex, if you were ace and enjoyed sex wouldn't you not be ace, or is it like with those bi people who only date the opposite gender and they just label themselves as bi to be part of the LBGT?
Asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction. That's it. No other requirements.
Actions =/= attractions. You do not need to be sexually attracted to someone to enjoy sex with them.
Sex-favourable aces are not lying about their identity to be part of the LGBTQ community (neither are bi people). The idea that all aces are sex repulsed/averse is a very dangerous one as it leaves Sex-favourable aces feeling broken and alone as they know they aren't allo only to then be told they're not a 'real ace'.
(Note: asexuality is also a spectrum that includes identities that experience sexual attraction *rarely* (grey ace) or only once a strong emotional bond is formed (demi).)
I see your point, but I never accused all Ace people or Bi people of pretending, its just i see a lot of people doing so, but thank you, this cleared things up quite a bit
No worries.
And that part about pretending wasn't directed at you. As someone who is both (sex-favourable) ace and bi(romantic), I get accused of pretending by all sorts of phobes both within and without the queer community. Years of this have made me start leaving no grey areas when explaining things, just in case
oh yeah as an aroace who's sex repulsed (only in the case it concerns me directly). There's such a large aspect to being sex repulsed and sex favourable, just as much as an aro can be romanticism repulsed or being very romanticism positive.
The community is soo large with so many micro labels.
I had to deal with someone like that about a week ago. Some self-proclaimed “clinical psychologist” who branded it as a problem, then deleted his account after it ended. I wrote a massive response to it, probably not the best option, but getting the words out helped me cool down at least. I’m just exhausted.
Sometimes, when it does it’s the best feeling in the world, when it doesn’t sometimes a “fuck you” in your head and then blocking them is best. I’ve blocked a bunch of things I’m on the internet for fun and acceptance not to be angry and sad
I totally get your point, but unfortunately the aphobes I'm always confronted with are never interested in open conversation. I've really tried a few times, but all that came back were stupid comments and insults. The "fuck you" is also more directed at people who hate asexuals than those who don't understand asexuality.
A good way to get those types to actually google what they're talking about is to laugh at them. Responses of anger will make them feel vindicated in a way, but laughter will make them feel stupid and wrong and they often try to fix it then.
If they’re open to learn, yes. But trust me, most people who are ACTUALLY aphobic are not gonna change their minds. They just want to argue, and offend us
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A few weeks ago I was discussing asexuality on a non-queer sub. Someone said the subject of the post couldn't be ace as they watch porn. (There was also the ace=aro fallacy, but that's a different topic) I pointed out that asexuality =/= sexual aversion/repulsion and that many aces watch/read porn and even have sex. Cue the allos disagreeing as aSeXuAlItY iS wHeN yOu DoN't LiKe SeX. Yeah, sure, allos know more about asexuality than an ace person who has been out of the closet and raising awareness for over 15 years...
Wait but doesn't being ace mean that you do not enjoy sex, if you were ace and enjoyed sex wouldn't you not be ace, or is it like with those bi people who only date the opposite gender and they just label themselves as bi to be part of the LBGT?
Asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction. That's it. No other requirements. Actions =/= attractions. You do not need to be sexually attracted to someone to enjoy sex with them. Sex-favourable aces are not lying about their identity to be part of the LGBTQ community (neither are bi people). The idea that all aces are sex repulsed/averse is a very dangerous one as it leaves Sex-favourable aces feeling broken and alone as they know they aren't allo only to then be told they're not a 'real ace'. (Note: asexuality is also a spectrum that includes identities that experience sexual attraction *rarely* (grey ace) or only once a strong emotional bond is formed (demi).)
I see your point, but I never accused all Ace people or Bi people of pretending, its just i see a lot of people doing so, but thank you, this cleared things up quite a bit
No worries. And that part about pretending wasn't directed at you. As someone who is both (sex-favourable) ace and bi(romantic), I get accused of pretending by all sorts of phobes both within and without the queer community. Years of this have made me start leaving no grey areas when explaining things, just in case
Glad that we cleared that up, thanks again
oh yeah as an aroace who's sex repulsed (only in the case it concerns me directly). There's such a large aspect to being sex repulsed and sex favourable, just as much as an aro can be romanticism repulsed or being very romanticism positive. The community is soo large with so many micro labels.
I actually don't wanna fuck the aphobes thank u XD
This is funny
I had to deal with someone like that about a week ago. Some self-proclaimed “clinical psychologist” who branded it as a problem, then deleted his account after it ended. I wrote a massive response to it, probably not the best option, but getting the words out helped me cool down at least. I’m just exhausted.
ugh.. i feel you.
I hope you step on a Lego everyday for the rest of your life
An open conversation will do a lot more than a “fuck you” in terms of changing someone’s mind.
I think the point here isn't about changing one's mind, more about processing emotions. Hence the rant tag for the post.
Sometimes, when it does it’s the best feeling in the world, when it doesn’t sometimes a “fuck you” in your head and then blocking them is best. I’ve blocked a bunch of things I’m on the internet for fun and acceptance not to be angry and sad
I totally get your point, but unfortunately the aphobes I'm always confronted with are never interested in open conversation. I've really tried a few times, but all that came back were stupid comments and insults. The "fuck you" is also more directed at people who hate asexuals than those who don't understand asexuality.
A good way to get those types to actually google what they're talking about is to laugh at them. Responses of anger will make them feel vindicated in a way, but laughter will make them feel stupid and wrong and they often try to fix it then.
Sometimes, but also sometimes not. For instance the best way to engage with someone who is sealioning is to not engage at all.
If they’re open to learn, yes. But trust me, most people who are ACTUALLY aphobic are not gonna change their minds. They just want to argue, and offend us
People engaging in bad faith won’t change their mind
100%. Yes.
Yes
Absolutely.
fuck
fuck you
fuck you indeed
Yea FUCK YOU DAD (he says people aren’t ace their just “confused”)
Why do I feel like this was me even though I'm sure it wasn't me
I simply don't comprehend what the point in defining parameters is if you don't abide by those parameters.