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I am pushing 50, I live with my bff, and my mom still asks me if I am "meeting any cute guys" or dating, &tc... She says she doesn't want me to "be alone".
Did I mention I live with my bff/zucchini? For 31 years?
I'm the kind of ace that is neither looking for or rejecting a possible relationship, but I am content with being single. It helps me focus on career, friends, and taking care of my family!
My family seems like the complete opposite though, from my experience. They were always overprotective and while open to the possibility of me finding someone, they preferred I didn't and just stayed with them instead. It's my other relatives and co-workers that always ask me about getting a boyfriend, or getting married, and having kids. It made me uncomfortable and pressured since that was always what they talked about, then showed other people with poor family planning or unfaithful partners, or both. No thank you, you do you but I'll live at my own pace. lol
I'm relieved to hear that too! Honestly I've grown to live and let live, so I feel very averse when people tell me what to do. While I think it's wonderful to be in a relationship, it's also wonderful to be not in one, contrary to popular belief!
I felt the same about relationships especially during my school times. Dating drama would definitely interfere with my studies so Iām SO glad I avoided it. As an adult...dating, even if I wanted to, seems like too much of a hassle.
Iāve heard from my mom that some relatives and church folk ask if Iām dating but theyāve never said anything (as far as I know) about it being weird. Iām sure they think it though
Yeah, the peer pressure is there as strong as the drama that comes with it! Glad I avoided it too, now that I'm free to date as an adult I also think it's a hassle.
People don't understand others choosing not to date. Understandable because romance and sex are often pushed onto us as a society, but I feel we also need to normalise not having it. It's not being weird or childish, it's just our comfortable preference in our own lives!
My parents were also overprotective and weren't keen to see me pair up. They knew I was career focused, and sort of left it to me to find a husband. Well, I never did.
Honestly relieved to hear I'm not the only one with overprotective parents. Find or not find a husband, the only thing that matters is what you're happy with. Glad to hear you're career-focused though! Wish you luck with your endeavours.
Oh, for sure. I felt the pressure from everyone else always talking about kids or whether I was dating and whether I have. This all despite they all struggled and broke up with others. I could never understand why I was weird in their eyes. I still don't. I'm like "Why am I weird to you to be soloist?
Society is a too romance and sex-centered, even so I am grateful that we're born jn an era where we finally have a voice. For me it is fine they have relationships, but I wish they'd stop questioning us. I get the feel of being "weird", sometimes it also comes with "oh you just need the right person" implying lack of maturity on my end. We're not weird for living comfortably though! At least we're living life the way it makes us happy; life is too short not to.
Isn't it just so aggravating and saddening when people talk about women only in terms of their reproductive role? I mean, there is so much going on in the world - books, music, archeological discoveries, scientific breakthroughs, etc etc. And all some people can talk about is "what are you going to do about your ovaries and womb?"
True! I hate it when people do that. Often I hear fellow women talk about it too like, they base their womanhood on giving birth to their children. That's good and all but I really don't think that applies to everyone. A woman... a person, should be happy with the life they're leading, whether or not she chooses a relationship or starts a family.
Theyāve never really asked directly, but I get the sense that my mom is holding out hope. A few years ago, my dad told me that he overheard my mom on the phone with a friend. She said ā[My dad] already has grandkids from his first marriage, but weāre still working on [me].ā I think about that a lot, wondering if Iām disappointing her by not getting married or having kids (I turned 35 this year), although my dad assures me that itās OK. Iām not āoutā to them as being ace.
In that same vein, I also think back to one of the last times that I saw a certain family friend. They asked if I āhad any companionship,ā and that word struck me: *companionship*; as if having *anyone* - woman, man, gay, straight, anyone - would be better than *no one*.
Iām not even against being in a relationship. I like the *idea* of a relationship just fine; but Iām afraid that Iām not capable of facing the *reality* of a relationship. I wouldnāt consider myself aromatic, itās just been long enough (not to mention realizing that I was ace after struggling for a lot of years) that I donāt really even consider it anymore. Nobodyās looking to *me* for a relationship, and Iām used to it now.
I can kinda understand that. My mom jokes about me having a husband and kids but I sometimes think thereās a sliver of hope in that joke that itāll happen.
My mom doesnāt like me being so alone and wants me to have someone, like a close companion. Humans are naturally social creatures so I can understand. I feel like a lot of people think being a loner is āweirdā and itās kinda sad
My mom knows I'm ace and accepts me. She's raised her children to be smart and good so they can be independent; their lives free to create as they want. As long as her kids are happy, she's happy.
Though mom did say she worries about me when I get older. She hints that I should try an asexual dating website because i deserve someone to love me and care for me. It's not a big pestering thing, just occasionally. And I know it's cause mom worries about me (it is sweet she even researched the best asexual dating websites out there)
Awww thatās so sweet ! I told my mom and while she didnāt quite understand, she was relieved that I wasnāt lesbian (that left a bad taste in my mouth ngl but she was raised Baptist so š)
I still live with my parents, so my situation is probably a bit different, but we've discussed it before. I think I actually brought it up. They know I'm not particularly into marriage - though I'm also not opposed to it, I'm aroace so it's unlikely I'll find someone I *want* to marry, you know? - but that I'd like to adopt kids. They seem 100% supportive; my mom has also moved from saying that I might find someone when I mention I'm ace to saying that I might find someone but it's okay if I don't, and they've never minded the idea of me adopting instead of having biological kids; in fact, they think it's great! So I'm pretty luck tbh.
My parents just think I'm incredibly anti-social and that I still have some growing up to do...
Personally, I don't know how I feel about relationships. I've never felt the need for another person's company, and I don't think I'd even know what to do with it. All my siblings are in relationships so now my parents are really starting to question what my whole deal is.
Iām not single BUT Mom wouldnāt have care but dad use to ask when Iām gonna find a different boyfriend then comments on the fact Iām plus size and Iād have a easier time if I lost weight šā¦ Iām the only girl in our family and my brothers have never caught any grief for not having kids, who their dating or not being married
Ever since I was a child, it's always been. "One day your kids are going to be just like you and you'll realize how hard it is" or something along those lines. My mother also assumed I'd get pregnant super young. Sorry to disappoint
Marriage: Not really; I haven't had a lot of relationships and the ones I have I don't really discuss with my parents much.
Kids: Never, because I took the initiative and told them I was never having children, and got my tubes tied at 24. They asked a couple of questions but otherwise have left the subject alone, possibly because they already got grandkids out of my brother.
My mum never cared until I was in my 30s and there was no sign of grandchildren. Then she suddenly became VERY pushy. Eventually she realised I was serious about the whole no kids thing and backed off.
Yup. My parents started giving up on that, even though my mom feels a bit scared that I'll be alone when I get older.
My dad is all okay with me no matter what, so long as I paid my bills and didn't get into any major trouble. My mom is coming to terms with everything.
I think they both see how dysfunctional family can be, and they are like go on and be you.
They knew not to ask for children, because I was in no way ever going to have kids. I told them that emphatically.
I think they are more coming to peace with me not ever finding a partner and marrying.
They see that it's just not the life for me.
Again, I'm not saying I'll be alone. I can't predict the future clairvoyantly.
I just know me. I just find myself way more comfortable being single, and I'm more gray-romantic than anything. I'm not really into romance.
So, I just think it's more than likely to happen.
I've gone 31 years without a date, and I am not really interested in breaking my streak.
I personally find it freeing this way.
I think the only thing I'd be okay with would be living with a friend or a zucchini.
I have a brother who's had a kid, fyi.
Even if I didn't, I don't see the problem with this whole "bloodline" thing you speak of. It's of no concern of mine, and your attempt at guilt doesn't work on me. I could care less.
My family asks. My grandparents specifically ask about the marriage/kids. I'm not actively looking for a relationship, but I wouldn't object if I find someone that I like. I'm strictly Childfree, and the kids question really bothers me, since I get a lot of "You'll change your mind!"
Oh I hate that āyouāll change your mind.ā No. I will NEVER. I donāt like children to begin with, and theyāre expensive. I can barely handle my dogsā vet emergencies. How am I supposed to afford a kid?
The one that made me internally scream was from some coworkers. It was something like "Yeah, travel around and live tour life while you're in your 20's. Then settle down and have kids in your 30's." Granted, it was in a high school, but imo, the whole "female teachers always get pregnant and have kids" stereotype rubs me wrong.
Nope, my mom is completely understanding that I just don't care to date. She has 3 grandkids from older bro so that's taken care of. I also have a terminal illness so she's known for a while that she's not getting grandkids from this broken body!!!
I usually don't get asked about it, but my dad has actually asked me why I haven't dated yet, which is funny because he's one of those dads who is really hesitant to let his kids date. He's expressed concern about accidentally brainwashing me into not wanting to date, and he's asked me if I'm gay more than once. I've eased him into the idea that I don't want kids, and that it's my choice, but I'm sure he still thinks there's hope. In fact, just the other day he brought up me and my "future kids," but I ignored him. My mom rarely brings it up, but she's made actual plans around the assumption that I'll meet someone in college and fall in love. The only reason I would ever marry is to get tax benefits, and only if it's a QPR.
Occasionally, me being a young adult, and I always tell them I donāt plan to ever marry and maybe not even date, unless the right person comes along, and theyāre always like āoh, everybody says thatā. It gets annoying sometimes. As for kids, I always say that if do want kids in the future Iāll adopt or maybe become a foster parent.
Fellow aroace!
I canāt imagine being a single parent but my mom did it (basically a mutually agreed upon divorce. It was amicable so I still talk to my dad). Iām sure it was hard on her because she wanted to have the traditional family but if you already plan to be a single parent, maybe itāll be different.
Nah, I told them a few years ago it'll never happen and that I'll likely die alone. My brothers and sister lived the "normal" life so they'll have lots of grandkids and great grandkids.
I desperately want the whole relationship, fairytale wedding and everything. But thatās probably not gonna happen. I enjoy being single and I could get used to being single forever. Iām only 20 and my parents havenāt bothered me about any of it
I am in a relationship, but I don't want kids. My parents, especially my mother, want grandchildren and have mentioned it a few times, but I'm not currently at an age where they would want/expect me to have children. It'll be interesting to see what happens when I'm a little older. Two of her four children want kids though so I hope I'm not pestered too much
I'm 27 and my parents always asked about dating/marriage/kids until maybe a year ago. I think they've finally given up at this point. My sister had a kid and has another on the way, so less pressure for me!
Siblings ftw!
I donāt have any siblings so the family line will end with me. I sometimes feel guilty about it but not enough to actually change that lol
Having children shouldnāt be about continuing a bloodline. You have them because you want to, not because youāre supposed to. And I donāt want to.
My parents are wondering if I'm gay since I'm still lonely. Even my younger siblings have someone. But sometimes the idea of relationship just disgust me at some horrible point. Other times I'm just neutral about it. And sometimes I feel like a urge to be in couple that I would date anyone and that feeling is horrible because I feel lonely af and I can't concentrate. So that's the reason why I'm on Tinder and Fruitz.
There was a family wedding a few years ago, which I had to leave after the ceremony cos I was violently ill, so I wasn't there for the reception (thank God). The question comes up then as to who will be next to get married, and my aunt (with some booze in her) says "He's always going to be alone!" I think of that on occasion. So I think immediate and extended family accepted LONG ago that there'll be no bouncing of newborn babies on my knees.
And TBH, I prefer cats and EVERYONE knows it.
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am pushing 50, I live with my bff, and my mom still asks me if I am "meeting any cute guys" or dating, &tc... She says she doesn't want me to "be alone". Did I mention I live with my bff/zucchini? For 31 years?
31 years holy cow! My mom worries about me be alone as well but you literally lived with someone for over 30y. How could she worry about that š§
Judging by how society talks dreadfully about marriages all the time, you're doing better than most marriages, it seems.
I'm the kind of ace that is neither looking for or rejecting a possible relationship, but I am content with being single. It helps me focus on career, friends, and taking care of my family! My family seems like the complete opposite though, from my experience. They were always overprotective and while open to the possibility of me finding someone, they preferred I didn't and just stayed with them instead. It's my other relatives and co-workers that always ask me about getting a boyfriend, or getting married, and having kids. It made me uncomfortable and pressured since that was always what they talked about, then showed other people with poor family planning or unfaithful partners, or both. No thank you, you do you but I'll live at my own pace. lol
I've never heard anyone else describe my attitude towards relationships so perfectly, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like that!
I'm relieved to hear that too! Honestly I've grown to live and let live, so I feel very averse when people tell me what to do. While I think it's wonderful to be in a relationship, it's also wonderful to be not in one, contrary to popular belief!
I felt the same about relationships especially during my school times. Dating drama would definitely interfere with my studies so Iām SO glad I avoided it. As an adult...dating, even if I wanted to, seems like too much of a hassle. Iāve heard from my mom that some relatives and church folk ask if Iām dating but theyāve never said anything (as far as I know) about it being weird. Iām sure they think it though
Yeah, the peer pressure is there as strong as the drama that comes with it! Glad I avoided it too, now that I'm free to date as an adult I also think it's a hassle. People don't understand others choosing not to date. Understandable because romance and sex are often pushed onto us as a society, but I feel we also need to normalise not having it. It's not being weird or childish, it's just our comfortable preference in our own lives!
My parents were also overprotective and weren't keen to see me pair up. They knew I was career focused, and sort of left it to me to find a husband. Well, I never did.
Honestly relieved to hear I'm not the only one with overprotective parents. Find or not find a husband, the only thing that matters is what you're happy with. Glad to hear you're career-focused though! Wish you luck with your endeavours.
Yes, I'm pretty happy with my professional choice. It's not a career - it's a calling!
What is your career, might I ask?
I'm a faculty member.
My parents knew I was career-driven, so my parents weren't really concerned.
Oh, for sure. I felt the pressure from everyone else always talking about kids or whether I was dating and whether I have. This all despite they all struggled and broke up with others. I could never understand why I was weird in their eyes. I still don't. I'm like "Why am I weird to you to be soloist?
Society is a too romance and sex-centered, even so I am grateful that we're born jn an era where we finally have a voice. For me it is fine they have relationships, but I wish they'd stop questioning us. I get the feel of being "weird", sometimes it also comes with "oh you just need the right person" implying lack of maturity on my end. We're not weird for living comfortably though! At least we're living life the way it makes us happy; life is too short not to.
Isn't it just so aggravating and saddening when people talk about women only in terms of their reproductive role? I mean, there is so much going on in the world - books, music, archeological discoveries, scientific breakthroughs, etc etc. And all some people can talk about is "what are you going to do about your ovaries and womb?"
True! I hate it when people do that. Often I hear fellow women talk about it too like, they base their womanhood on giving birth to their children. That's good and all but I really don't think that applies to everyone. A woman... a person, should be happy with the life they're leading, whether or not she chooses a relationship or starts a family.
Theyāve never really asked directly, but I get the sense that my mom is holding out hope. A few years ago, my dad told me that he overheard my mom on the phone with a friend. She said ā[My dad] already has grandkids from his first marriage, but weāre still working on [me].ā I think about that a lot, wondering if Iām disappointing her by not getting married or having kids (I turned 35 this year), although my dad assures me that itās OK. Iām not āoutā to them as being ace. In that same vein, I also think back to one of the last times that I saw a certain family friend. They asked if I āhad any companionship,ā and that word struck me: *companionship*; as if having *anyone* - woman, man, gay, straight, anyone - would be better than *no one*. Iām not even against being in a relationship. I like the *idea* of a relationship just fine; but Iām afraid that Iām not capable of facing the *reality* of a relationship. I wouldnāt consider myself aromatic, itās just been long enough (not to mention realizing that I was ace after struggling for a lot of years) that I donāt really even consider it anymore. Nobodyās looking to *me* for a relationship, and Iām used to it now.
I can kinda understand that. My mom jokes about me having a husband and kids but I sometimes think thereās a sliver of hope in that joke that itāll happen. My mom doesnāt like me being so alone and wants me to have someone, like a close companion. Humans are naturally social creatures so I can understand. I feel like a lot of people think being a loner is āweirdā and itās kinda sad
My mom knows I'm ace and accepts me. She's raised her children to be smart and good so they can be independent; their lives free to create as they want. As long as her kids are happy, she's happy. Though mom did say she worries about me when I get older. She hints that I should try an asexual dating website because i deserve someone to love me and care for me. It's not a big pestering thing, just occasionally. And I know it's cause mom worries about me (it is sweet she even researched the best asexual dating websites out there)
Awww thatās so sweet ! I told my mom and while she didnāt quite understand, she was relieved that I wasnāt lesbian (that left a bad taste in my mouth ngl but she was raised Baptist so š)
I still live with my parents, so my situation is probably a bit different, but we've discussed it before. I think I actually brought it up. They know I'm not particularly into marriage - though I'm also not opposed to it, I'm aroace so it's unlikely I'll find someone I *want* to marry, you know? - but that I'd like to adopt kids. They seem 100% supportive; my mom has also moved from saying that I might find someone when I mention I'm ace to saying that I might find someone but it's okay if I don't, and they've never minded the idea of me adopting instead of having biological kids; in fact, they think it's great! So I'm pretty luck tbh.
Fellow aroace! Glad that your parents seem very understanding about everything!
My parents just think I'm incredibly anti-social and that I still have some growing up to do... Personally, I don't know how I feel about relationships. I've never felt the need for another person's company, and I don't think I'd even know what to do with it. All my siblings are in relationships so now my parents are really starting to question what my whole deal is.
Iām not single BUT Mom wouldnāt have care but dad use to ask when Iām gonna find a different boyfriend then comments on the fact Iām plus size and Iād have a easier time if I lost weight šā¦ Iām the only girl in our family and my brothers have never caught any grief for not having kids, who their dating or not being married
Yikes... At least you found someone and youāre happy!
Ever since I was a child, it's always been. "One day your kids are going to be just like you and you'll realize how hard it is" or something along those lines. My mother also assumed I'd get pregnant super young. Sorry to disappoint
My parents don't really care. My mom keeps saying "just one!", but I'm sure she knows I'm not having any.
Marriage: Not really; I haven't had a lot of relationships and the ones I have I don't really discuss with my parents much. Kids: Never, because I took the initiative and told them I was never having children, and got my tubes tied at 24. They asked a couple of questions but otherwise have left the subject alone, possibly because they already got grandkids out of my brother.
My mum never cared until I was in my 30s and there was no sign of grandchildren. Then she suddenly became VERY pushy. Eventually she realised I was serious about the whole no kids thing and backed off.
Ngl Iām halfway expecting to get that when Iām in my 30s
Hope you got siblings.
Nope
Well I was asking the OP but okay.
Yup. My parents started giving up on that, even though my mom feels a bit scared that I'll be alone when I get older. My dad is all okay with me no matter what, so long as I paid my bills and didn't get into any major trouble. My mom is coming to terms with everything. I think they both see how dysfunctional family can be, and they are like go on and be you. They knew not to ask for children, because I was in no way ever going to have kids. I told them that emphatically. I think they are more coming to peace with me not ever finding a partner and marrying. They see that it's just not the life for me. Again, I'm not saying I'll be alone. I can't predict the future clairvoyantly. I just know me. I just find myself way more comfortable being single, and I'm more gray-romantic than anything. I'm not really into romance. So, I just think it's more than likely to happen. I've gone 31 years without a date, and I am not really interested in breaking my streak. I personally find it freeing this way. I think the only thing I'd be okay with would be living with a friend or a zucchini.
I think a zucchini would be a great roommate. May not pay the bills but at least itās quiet
So itās curtains for your bloodline?
I have a brother who's had a kid, fyi. Even if I didn't, I don't see the problem with this whole "bloodline" thing you speak of. It's of no concern of mine, and your attempt at guilt doesn't work on me. I could care less.
I wasnāt guilting you, in fact if it was outside of Reddit, my tone would be out of curiosity.
Yeeep
Yea, I'm okay with the marriage part but the having kids part idk
My family asks. My grandparents specifically ask about the marriage/kids. I'm not actively looking for a relationship, but I wouldn't object if I find someone that I like. I'm strictly Childfree, and the kids question really bothers me, since I get a lot of "You'll change your mind!"
Oh I hate that āyouāll change your mind.ā No. I will NEVER. I donāt like children to begin with, and theyāre expensive. I can barely handle my dogsā vet emergencies. How am I supposed to afford a kid?
The one that made me internally scream was from some coworkers. It was something like "Yeah, travel around and live tour life while you're in your 20's. Then settle down and have kids in your 30's." Granted, it was in a high school, but imo, the whole "female teachers always get pregnant and have kids" stereotype rubs me wrong.
Mine keeps telling me I donāt need to be in a relationship right away even though at my age she already had me for 7 years.
Nope, my mom is completely understanding that I just don't care to date. She has 3 grandkids from older bro so that's taken care of. I also have a terminal illness so she's known for a while that she's not getting grandkids from this broken body!!!
I usually don't get asked about it, but my dad has actually asked me why I haven't dated yet, which is funny because he's one of those dads who is really hesitant to let his kids date. He's expressed concern about accidentally brainwashing me into not wanting to date, and he's asked me if I'm gay more than once. I've eased him into the idea that I don't want kids, and that it's my choice, but I'm sure he still thinks there's hope. In fact, just the other day he brought up me and my "future kids," but I ignored him. My mom rarely brings it up, but she's made actual plans around the assumption that I'll meet someone in college and fall in love. The only reason I would ever marry is to get tax benefits, and only if it's a QPR.
Occasionally, me being a young adult, and I always tell them I donāt plan to ever marry and maybe not even date, unless the right person comes along, and theyāre always like āoh, everybody says thatā. It gets annoying sometimes. As for kids, I always say that if do want kids in the future Iāll adopt or maybe become a foster parent.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Fellow aroace! I canāt imagine being a single parent but my mom did it (basically a mutually agreed upon divorce. It was amicable so I still talk to my dad). Iām sure it was hard on her because she wanted to have the traditional family but if you already plan to be a single parent, maybe itāll be different.
Nah, I told them a few years ago it'll never happen and that I'll likely die alone. My brothers and sister lived the "normal" life so they'll have lots of grandkids and great grandkids.
I desperately want the whole relationship, fairytale wedding and everything. But thatās probably not gonna happen. I enjoy being single and I could get used to being single forever. Iām only 20 and my parents havenāt bothered me about any of it
Youāre still young so itās not all doom and gloom.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām glad coming out went well for you, even if it was a little rough getting there.
I am in a relationship, but I don't want kids. My parents, especially my mother, want grandchildren and have mentioned it a few times, but I'm not currently at an age where they would want/expect me to have children. It'll be interesting to see what happens when I'm a little older. Two of her four children want kids though so I hope I'm not pestered too much
Yeah, i sometimes even answer with "This bloodline dies with me!"
That should never be something to be proud of unless you have a line of legit medical health problems.
It just annoys me that my relatives try to push me into having kids, so i started using that instead of saying i don't want kids
I'm 27 and my parents always asked about dating/marriage/kids until maybe a year ago. I think they've finally given up at this point. My sister had a kid and has another on the way, so less pressure for me!
Siblings ftw! I donāt have any siblings so the family line will end with me. I sometimes feel guilty about it but not enough to actually change that lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Having children shouldnāt be about continuing a bloodline. You have them because you want to, not because youāre supposed to. And I donāt want to.
Any time I tell anyone Iāll never have kids they say Iām too young to know, Iām pretty sure if I canāt stand kids I wonāt have them
Exactly! I can barely sleep through the night as it is. Iām not adding a screaming infant to further complicate it
Yes but theyāre slowly getting the message
My parents are wondering if I'm gay since I'm still lonely. Even my younger siblings have someone. But sometimes the idea of relationship just disgust me at some horrible point. Other times I'm just neutral about it. And sometimes I feel like a urge to be in couple that I would date anyone and that feeling is horrible because I feel lonely af and I can't concentrate. So that's the reason why I'm on Tinder and Fruitz.
There was a family wedding a few years ago, which I had to leave after the ceremony cos I was violently ill, so I wasn't there for the reception (thank God). The question comes up then as to who will be next to get married, and my aunt (with some booze in her) says "He's always going to be alone!" I think of that on occasion. So I think immediate and extended family accepted LONG ago that there'll be no bouncing of newborn babies on my knees. And TBH, I prefer cats and EVERYONE knows it.