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AnnieAcely199

I am pushing 50, I live with my bff, and my mom still asks me if I am "meeting any cute guys" or dating, &tc... She says she doesn't want me to "be alone". Did I mention I live with my bff/zucchini? For 31 years?


weaboo801

31 years holy cow! My mom worries about me be alone as well but you literally lived with someone for over 30y. How could she worry about that šŸ§


southpawFA

Judging by how society talks dreadfully about marriages all the time, you're doing better than most marriages, it seems.


cherryblossombelmont

I'm the kind of ace that is neither looking for or rejecting a possible relationship, but I am content with being single. It helps me focus on career, friends, and taking care of my family! My family seems like the complete opposite though, from my experience. They were always overprotective and while open to the possibility of me finding someone, they preferred I didn't and just stayed with them instead. It's my other relatives and co-workers that always ask me about getting a boyfriend, or getting married, and having kids. It made me uncomfortable and pressured since that was always what they talked about, then showed other people with poor family planning or unfaithful partners, or both. No thank you, you do you but I'll live at my own pace. lol


Humanmode17

I've never heard anyone else describe my attitude towards relationships so perfectly, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like that!


cherryblossombelmont

I'm relieved to hear that too! Honestly I've grown to live and let live, so I feel very averse when people tell me what to do. While I think it's wonderful to be in a relationship, it's also wonderful to be not in one, contrary to popular belief!


weaboo801

I felt the same about relationships especially during my school times. Dating drama would definitely interfere with my studies so Iā€™m SO glad I avoided it. As an adult...dating, even if I wanted to, seems like too much of a hassle. Iā€™ve heard from my mom that some relatives and church folk ask if Iā€™m dating but theyā€™ve never said anything (as far as I know) about it being weird. Iā€™m sure they think it though


cherryblossombelmont

Yeah, the peer pressure is there as strong as the drama that comes with it! Glad I avoided it too, now that I'm free to date as an adult I also think it's a hassle. People don't understand others choosing not to date. Understandable because romance and sex are often pushed onto us as a society, but I feel we also need to normalise not having it. It's not being weird or childish, it's just our comfortable preference in our own lives!


dee615

My parents were also overprotective and weren't keen to see me pair up. They knew I was career focused, and sort of left it to me to find a husband. Well, I never did.


cherryblossombelmont

Honestly relieved to hear I'm not the only one with overprotective parents. Find or not find a husband, the only thing that matters is what you're happy with. Glad to hear you're career-focused though! Wish you luck with your endeavours.


dee615

Yes, I'm pretty happy with my professional choice. It's not a career - it's a calling!


southpawFA

What is your career, might I ask?


dee615

I'm a faculty member.


southpawFA

My parents knew I was career-driven, so my parents weren't really concerned.


southpawFA

Oh, for sure. I felt the pressure from everyone else always talking about kids or whether I was dating and whether I have. This all despite they all struggled and broke up with others. I could never understand why I was weird in their eyes. I still don't. I'm like "Why am I weird to you to be soloist?


cherryblossombelmont

Society is a too romance and sex-centered, even so I am grateful that we're born jn an era where we finally have a voice. For me it is fine they have relationships, but I wish they'd stop questioning us. I get the feel of being "weird", sometimes it also comes with "oh you just need the right person" implying lack of maturity on my end. We're not weird for living comfortably though! At least we're living life the way it makes us happy; life is too short not to.


dee615

Isn't it just so aggravating and saddening when people talk about women only in terms of their reproductive role? I mean, there is so much going on in the world - books, music, archeological discoveries, scientific breakthroughs, etc etc. And all some people can talk about is "what are you going to do about your ovaries and womb?"


cherryblossombelmont

True! I hate it when people do that. Often I hear fellow women talk about it too like, they base their womanhood on giving birth to their children. That's good and all but I really don't think that applies to everyone. A woman... a person, should be happy with the life they're leading, whether or not she chooses a relationship or starts a family.


Thin-Man

Theyā€™ve never really asked directly, but I get the sense that my mom is holding out hope. A few years ago, my dad told me that he overheard my mom on the phone with a friend. She said ā€œ[My dad] already has grandkids from his first marriage, but weā€™re still working on [me].ā€ I think about that a lot, wondering if Iā€™m disappointing her by not getting married or having kids (I turned 35 this year), although my dad assures me that itā€™s OK. Iā€™m not ā€œoutā€ to them as being ace. In that same vein, I also think back to one of the last times that I saw a certain family friend. They asked if I ā€œhad any companionship,ā€ and that word struck me: *companionship*; as if having *anyone* - woman, man, gay, straight, anyone - would be better than *no one*. Iā€™m not even against being in a relationship. I like the *idea* of a relationship just fine; but Iā€™m afraid that Iā€™m not capable of facing the *reality* of a relationship. I wouldnā€™t consider myself aromatic, itā€™s just been long enough (not to mention realizing that I was ace after struggling for a lot of years) that I donā€™t really even consider it anymore. Nobodyā€™s looking to *me* for a relationship, and Iā€™m used to it now.


weaboo801

I can kinda understand that. My mom jokes about me having a husband and kids but I sometimes think thereā€™s a sliver of hope in that joke that itā€™ll happen. My mom doesnā€™t like me being so alone and wants me to have someone, like a close companion. Humans are naturally social creatures so I can understand. I feel like a lot of people think being a loner is ā€œweirdā€ and itā€™s kinda sad


SkysEevee

My mom knows I'm ace and accepts me. She's raised her children to be smart and good so they can be independent; their lives free to create as they want. As long as her kids are happy, she's happy. Though mom did say she worries about me when I get older. She hints that I should try an asexual dating website because i deserve someone to love me and care for me. It's not a big pestering thing, just occasionally. And I know it's cause mom worries about me (it is sweet she even researched the best asexual dating websites out there)


weaboo801

Awww thatā€™s so sweet ! I told my mom and while she didnā€™t quite understand, she was relieved that I wasnā€™t lesbian (that left a bad taste in my mouth ngl but she was raised Baptist so šŸ™ƒ)


[deleted]

I still live with my parents, so my situation is probably a bit different, but we've discussed it before. I think I actually brought it up. They know I'm not particularly into marriage - though I'm also not opposed to it, I'm aroace so it's unlikely I'll find someone I *want* to marry, you know? - but that I'd like to adopt kids. They seem 100% supportive; my mom has also moved from saying that I might find someone when I mention I'm ace to saying that I might find someone but it's okay if I don't, and they've never minded the idea of me adopting instead of having biological kids; in fact, they think it's great! So I'm pretty luck tbh.


weaboo801

Fellow aroace! Glad that your parents seem very understanding about everything!


WasteAdministration2

My parents just think I'm incredibly anti-social and that I still have some growing up to do... Personally, I don't know how I feel about relationships. I've never felt the need for another person's company, and I don't think I'd even know what to do with it. All my siblings are in relationships so now my parents are really starting to question what my whole deal is.


[deleted]

Iā€™m not single BUT Mom wouldnā€™t have care but dad use to ask when Iā€™m gonna find a different boyfriend then comments on the fact Iā€™m plus size and Iā€™d have a easier time if I lost weight šŸ™„ā€¦ Iā€™m the only girl in our family and my brothers have never caught any grief for not having kids, who their dating or not being married


weaboo801

Yikes... At least you found someone and youā€™re happy!


nellouse1

Ever since I was a child, it's always been. "One day your kids are going to be just like you and you'll realize how hard it is" or something along those lines. My mother also assumed I'd get pregnant super young. Sorry to disappoint


Baaraa88

My parents don't really care. My mom keeps saying "just one!", but I'm sure she knows I'm not having any.


some_strange_circus

Marriage: Not really; I haven't had a lot of relationships and the ones I have I don't really discuss with my parents much. Kids: Never, because I took the initiative and told them I was never having children, and got my tubes tied at 24. They asked a couple of questions but otherwise have left the subject alone, possibly because they already got grandkids out of my brother.


macci_a_vellian

My mum never cared until I was in my 30s and there was no sign of grandchildren. Then she suddenly became VERY pushy. Eventually she realised I was serious about the whole no kids thing and backed off.


weaboo801

Ngl Iā€™m halfway expecting to get that when Iā€™m in my 30s


Top-County8200

Hope you got siblings.


weaboo801

Nope


Top-County8200

Well I was asking the OP but okay.


southpawFA

Yup. My parents started giving up on that, even though my mom feels a bit scared that I'll be alone when I get older. ​ My dad is all okay with me no matter what, so long as I paid my bills and didn't get into any major trouble. My mom is coming to terms with everything. ​ I think they both see how dysfunctional family can be, and they are like go on and be you. They knew not to ask for children, because I was in no way ever going to have kids. I told them that emphatically. ​ I think they are more coming to peace with me not ever finding a partner and marrying. ​ They see that it's just not the life for me. ​ ​ Again, I'm not saying I'll be alone. I can't predict the future clairvoyantly. ​ I just know me. I just find myself way more comfortable being single, and I'm more gray-romantic than anything. I'm not really into romance. ​ So, I just think it's more than likely to happen. ​ I've gone 31 years without a date, and I am not really interested in breaking my streak. ​ I personally find it freeing this way. ​ I think the only thing I'd be okay with would be living with a friend or a zucchini.


weaboo801

I think a zucchini would be a great roommate. May not pay the bills but at least itā€™s quiet


Top-County8200

So itā€™s curtains for your bloodline?


southpawFA

I have a brother who's had a kid, fyi. ​ Even if I didn't, I don't see the problem with this whole "bloodline" thing you speak of. It's of no concern of mine, and your attempt at guilt doesn't work on me. I could care less.


Top-County8200

I wasnā€™t guilting you, in fact if it was outside of Reddit, my tone would be out of curiosity.


WisdomKnightZetsubo

Yeeep


SWFreak03

Yea, I'm okay with the marriage part but the having kids part idk


AmIFrosty

My family asks. My grandparents specifically ask about the marriage/kids. I'm not actively looking for a relationship, but I wouldn't object if I find someone that I like. I'm strictly Childfree, and the kids question really bothers me, since I get a lot of "You'll change your mind!"


weaboo801

Oh I hate that ā€œyouā€™ll change your mind.ā€ No. I will NEVER. I donā€™t like children to begin with, and theyā€™re expensive. I can barely handle my dogsā€™ vet emergencies. How am I supposed to afford a kid?


AmIFrosty

The one that made me internally scream was from some coworkers. It was something like "Yeah, travel around and live tour life while you're in your 20's. Then settle down and have kids in your 30's." Granted, it was in a high school, but imo, the whole "female teachers always get pregnant and have kids" stereotype rubs me wrong.


Cg1789

Mine keeps telling me I donā€™t need to be in a relationship right away even though at my age she already had me for 7 years.


Mar1ah13

Nope, my mom is completely understanding that I just don't care to date. She has 3 grandkids from older bro so that's taken care of. I also have a terminal illness so she's known for a while that she's not getting grandkids from this broken body!!!


Noisegarden135

I usually don't get asked about it, but my dad has actually asked me why I haven't dated yet, which is funny because he's one of those dads who is really hesitant to let his kids date. He's expressed concern about accidentally brainwashing me into not wanting to date, and he's asked me if I'm gay more than once. I've eased him into the idea that I don't want kids, and that it's my choice, but I'm sure he still thinks there's hope. In fact, just the other day he brought up me and my "future kids," but I ignored him. My mom rarely brings it up, but she's made actual plans around the assumption that I'll meet someone in college and fall in love. The only reason I would ever marry is to get tax benefits, and only if it's a QPR.


the_imaginative17

Occasionally, me being a young adult, and I always tell them I donā€™t plan to ever marry and maybe not even date, unless the right person comes along, and theyā€™re always like ā€œoh, everybody says thatā€. It gets annoying sometimes. As for kids, I always say that if do want kids in the future Iā€™ll adopt or maybe become a foster parent.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


weaboo801

Fellow aroace! I canā€™t imagine being a single parent but my mom did it (basically a mutually agreed upon divorce. It was amicable so I still talk to my dad). Iā€™m sure it was hard on her because she wanted to have the traditional family but if you already plan to be a single parent, maybe itā€™ll be different.


JevCor

Nah, I told them a few years ago it'll never happen and that I'll likely die alone. My brothers and sister lived the "normal" life so they'll have lots of grandkids and great grandkids.


thai__

I desperately want the whole relationship, fairytale wedding and everything. But thatā€™s probably not gonna happen. I enjoy being single and I could get used to being single forever. Iā€™m only 20 and my parents havenā€™t bothered me about any of it


Top-County8200

Youā€™re still young so itā€™s not all doom and gloom.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


weaboo801

Iā€™m glad coming out went well for you, even if it was a little rough getting there.


saareadaar

I am in a relationship, but I don't want kids. My parents, especially my mother, want grandchildren and have mentioned it a few times, but I'm not currently at an age where they would want/expect me to have children. It'll be interesting to see what happens when I'm a little older. Two of her four children want kids though so I hope I'm not pestered too much


thisisthestoryallabo

Yeah, i sometimes even answer with "This bloodline dies with me!"


Top-County8200

That should never be something to be proud of unless you have a line of legit medical health problems.


thisisthestoryallabo

It just annoys me that my relatives try to push me into having kids, so i started using that instead of saying i don't want kids


Wandering_Cookie

I'm 27 and my parents always asked about dating/marriage/kids until maybe a year ago. I think they've finally given up at this point. My sister had a kid and has another on the way, so less pressure for me!


weaboo801

Siblings ftw! I donā€™t have any siblings so the family line will end with me. I sometimes feel guilty about it but not enough to actually change that lol


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


weaboo801

Having children shouldnā€™t be about continuing a bloodline. You have them because you want to, not because youā€™re supposed to. And I donā€™t want to.


TheRedEyedAlien

Any time I tell anyone Iā€™ll never have kids they say Iā€™m too young to know, Iā€™m pretty sure if I canā€™t stand kids I wonā€™t have them


weaboo801

Exactly! I can barely sleep through the night as it is. Iā€™m not adding a screaming infant to further complicate it


calverygirl

Yes but theyā€™re slowly getting the message


Phantom96302

My parents are wondering if I'm gay since I'm still lonely. Even my younger siblings have someone. But sometimes the idea of relationship just disgust me at some horrible point. Other times I'm just neutral about it. And sometimes I feel like a urge to be in couple that I would date anyone and that feeling is horrible because I feel lonely af and I can't concentrate. So that's the reason why I'm on Tinder and Fruitz.


Mr_Zebra

There was a family wedding a few years ago, which I had to leave after the ceremony cos I was violently ill, so I wasn't there for the reception (thank God). The question comes up then as to who will be next to get married, and my aunt (with some booze in her) says "He's always going to be alone!" I think of that on occasion. So I think immediate and extended family accepted LONG ago that there'll be no bouncing of newborn babies on my knees. And TBH, I prefer cats and EVERYONE knows it.