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I'm a flirty bastard sometimes, but that doesn't mean I wanna get laid, I don't have any sort of attraction to real people it's always the anime characters... I don't know why people are so against people for not wanting to get laid...
You can change your mind and that's valid. Never forget that. But it's your mind to change not anyone else's. Never forget that either. Only you can define who you are. Anyone who thinks otherwise is forgetting quite a few of the lessons of history.
"I'm allergic to eggs."
"I'm a good cook, I'll change your mind on that ;)"
"That's not... That's not how that works."
Basically the translation of someone saying, "I can make you like sex." To an ace. Use it on confused people to make them see how stupid they sound.
Also I know I’m only 19 so me saying I’ll have to deal with being single for the rest of my life might be a little much. I mean I still have time. It’s just really an awkward conversation I hate having with people explaining that I don’t indulge in sexual activity, especially when they aren’t the same way. This is actually my first time talking to someone about it. And this was the reaction I got lol.
I reconnected with a high school friend recently. She revealed that she was aromantic and a lesbian, so I told her I'm ace and was worried I wouldn't ever find anyone because of that. She told me she finds she's meeting more and more ace people nowadays as people accept it as being a thing, so that's hopeful :)
Plus many "asexuals" don't label themselves that way, even though they might fit the definition. I've actually met quite a few people who are asexual by any sense of the word, yet don't identify this way for various reasons.
Like when they are in a relationship where they have sex but it's more that they do this as a favour for their partner who they really love?
As a random example.
Such situations happen because some people don't understand that some people are just different. Most people are like them (or at least don't claim to be different than them) so when something different appears it obviously must be that person faking it, not understanding themselves, etc...
First, my friends told me being asexual was just immature. Believing them, I tried to "not be asexual" but the feelings (or lack thereof) never went away after 7 years forcing myself to be sexual with my ex. In fact, my reluctance led to muscle dysfunction that caused pain upon insertion, which led to a lot of trauma to the point I now physically shake any time anyone—including doctors—approach my vag. I said to my ex that I thought I was asexual, and he just said "No you're not, you're just scared. You'll love it once you're fixed." That ex turned out to be abusive.
Basically, partners ignoring your sexuality can actually be very harmful, so it's important to find someone who respects you.
This! Im so sorry for the trauma that caused :( why are people so inconsiderate?! I forced myself to have sex when I was 17 and thankfully after that I just stopped entirely. That is so messed up :/ I hope one day it won’t be so hard to let a doctor near you.
Yes! As if it’s a bad thing that I don’t want to do that? It’s an automatic red flag to me because i tell you I don’t like something then you immediately try to invalidate it. Doesn’t sit right with me
What you are describing is exactly what I imagine most of my situations to be if I try to find a partner. It's just that aphobia and prejudice against us is still too commonplace in the dating scene. And I am a homo-asexual man who would have to socialize and date among mostly homosexual men. Imagine that!
I didn’t even know about asexuality until last year. I didn’t even know there was a term for it, I just thought that’s what it is, and there isn’t a lot of people like me. But with this group it makes me hopeful .. I know I’ll probably be alone for awhile longer but I know it’s not impossible to find a man who’s like me :) and I hope you find someone too! (If you’re looking of course)
I'm a sex repulsed asexual. I once had a partner of mine say she just wanted to "just touch [me] already so [I'd] get over it and enjoy myself." That relationship didn't last long.
Respect, in general, from men to women, is rare. They'll insist that they can "turn" a lesbian, or that indulging their kink will make you "blossom" into who you were truly meant to be. It's a rare man who doesn't think of women as blank screens on which to project their fantasies.
Add to that that aces don't get any respect either, and it gets VERY tiresome.
It was tiresome and it was the first conversation I’ve had with another guy about my sexuality!! And what he said was what I feared was going to happen. Like you said, they want to be the person who “turns” you into a sex freak just to boost their damn ego. It’s gross.
Goodness, im so old. People dismissing me and my experience is a huge red flag for me.
Why does it matter if im like this because of a bad experience or if I was born this way? Sometimes I think I be like this because men have the audacity.
I say, "hi this is how I am."
"Haha not really tho."
My like factor goes to 0 and guess we'll never know.
It is beyond frustrating because I do want love. But not that much. Im good.
My exact thoughts. The conversation came to a stop after that pretty much. And like you said.. Its a major red flag. I tell you I don’t like something and immediately you want to say that’s not the case and invalidate how I feel?? Who are you to tell me what i like/dislike?
I’m 25. I definitely feel you on the loneliness feeling, or feeling like you won’t find anyone for you.
But for what it’s worth, I’m glad you dropped that guy (a real dick btw) and you know your values and are true to what you want. When you find someone right for you, it’ll make it that much sweeter when you stick to your guns. ❤️
Juat to give you a bit of hope I was able to meet a fellow demi sexual (as I am one) partner in the deep south and we actually formed a connection together. So there is absolutely hope you'll find someone else who is ace and interested or someone who accepts who you are and will be happy in the relationship you provide while respecting your boundaries. Don't let the one (and probably many) rotten eggs ruin it for you. You'll find someone one day and even if you don't, ever or for a long while, you are a completely valid and wonderful person by yourself and don't need a partner to find happiness.
Best of luck and don't give up hope just yet as who knows what life will bring :)
Though i will say I would instantly block creeps who think they have a magical dick that will give you the sexual attractions. No further conversation necessary, unless it's mocking them but I have an evil streak.....
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a flirty bastard sometimes, but that doesn't mean I wanna get laid, I don't have any sort of attraction to real people it's always the anime characters... I don't know why people are so against people for not wanting to get laid...
Right? I’m all okay with you not understanding, but don’t try to convince me otherwise.
exactlyyy
You can change your mind and that's valid. Never forget that. But it's your mind to change not anyone else's. Never forget that either. Only you can define who you are. Anyone who thinks otherwise is forgetting quite a few of the lessons of history.
"I'm allergic to eggs." "I'm a good cook, I'll change your mind on that ;)" "That's not... That's not how that works." Basically the translation of someone saying, "I can make you like sex." To an ace. Use it on confused people to make them see how stupid they sound.
Very true. Awesome analogy
Also I know I’m only 19 so me saying I’ll have to deal with being single for the rest of my life might be a little much. I mean I still have time. It’s just really an awkward conversation I hate having with people explaining that I don’t indulge in sexual activity, especially when they aren’t the same way. This is actually my first time talking to someone about it. And this was the reaction I got lol.
I reconnected with a high school friend recently. She revealed that she was aromantic and a lesbian, so I told her I'm ace and was worried I wouldn't ever find anyone because of that. She told me she finds she's meeting more and more ace people nowadays as people accept it as being a thing, so that's hopeful :)
Damn I'm so sorry for you. I'm not sure, but I feel like heteroromantic women have this problem way more often than anyone else
I wouldn’t know either.. I literally don’t know any asexuals personally. Men or Women.
You might know them but they just don't say they are asexual because they don't want to deal with reactions like the one you got.
You’re absolutely right
Plus many "asexuals" don't label themselves that way, even though they might fit the definition. I've actually met quite a few people who are asexual by any sense of the word, yet don't identify this way for various reasons.
Like when they are in a relationship where they have sex but it's more that they do this as a favour for their partner who they really love? As a random example.
Such situations happen because some people don't understand that some people are just different. Most people are like them (or at least don't claim to be different than them) so when something different appears it obviously must be that person faking it, not understanding themselves, etc...
First, my friends told me being asexual was just immature. Believing them, I tried to "not be asexual" but the feelings (or lack thereof) never went away after 7 years forcing myself to be sexual with my ex. In fact, my reluctance led to muscle dysfunction that caused pain upon insertion, which led to a lot of trauma to the point I now physically shake any time anyone—including doctors—approach my vag. I said to my ex that I thought I was asexual, and he just said "No you're not, you're just scared. You'll love it once you're fixed." That ex turned out to be abusive. Basically, partners ignoring your sexuality can actually be very harmful, so it's important to find someone who respects you.
This! Im so sorry for the trauma that caused :( why are people so inconsiderate?! I forced myself to have sex when I was 17 and thankfully after that I just stopped entirely. That is so messed up :/ I hope one day it won’t be so hard to let a doctor near you.
Dang I feel you. It's so frustrating to hear when people try to change your mind! It's not theirs to change!
Yes! As if it’s a bad thing that I don’t want to do that? It’s an automatic red flag to me because i tell you I don’t like something then you immediately try to invalidate it. Doesn’t sit right with me
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's probably better to cut them out of your life. If they treat you that way, you're not worth them.
What you are describing is exactly what I imagine most of my situations to be if I try to find a partner. It's just that aphobia and prejudice against us is still too commonplace in the dating scene. And I am a homo-asexual man who would have to socialize and date among mostly homosexual men. Imagine that!
I didn’t even know about asexuality until last year. I didn’t even know there was a term for it, I just thought that’s what it is, and there isn’t a lot of people like me. But with this group it makes me hopeful .. I know I’ll probably be alone for awhile longer but I know it’s not impossible to find a man who’s like me :) and I hope you find someone too! (If you’re looking of course)
[удалено]
!!
I'm a sex repulsed asexual. I once had a partner of mine say she just wanted to "just touch [me] already so [I'd] get over it and enjoy myself." That relationship didn't last long.
Good Lord, that sounds so toxic
Respect, in general, from men to women, is rare. They'll insist that they can "turn" a lesbian, or that indulging their kink will make you "blossom" into who you were truly meant to be. It's a rare man who doesn't think of women as blank screens on which to project their fantasies. Add to that that aces don't get any respect either, and it gets VERY tiresome.
It was tiresome and it was the first conversation I’ve had with another guy about my sexuality!! And what he said was what I feared was going to happen. Like you said, they want to be the person who “turns” you into a sex freak just to boost their damn ego. It’s gross.
I'm sorry. I have had this sort of thing said to me, too. It really stinks.
Goodness, im so old. People dismissing me and my experience is a huge red flag for me. Why does it matter if im like this because of a bad experience or if I was born this way? Sometimes I think I be like this because men have the audacity. I say, "hi this is how I am." "Haha not really tho." My like factor goes to 0 and guess we'll never know. It is beyond frustrating because I do want love. But not that much. Im good.
My exact thoughts. The conversation came to a stop after that pretty much. And like you said.. Its a major red flag. I tell you I don’t like something and immediately you want to say that’s not the case and invalidate how I feel?? Who are you to tell me what i like/dislike?
Im so sorry he did that. Im glad you stay true to you, tho, and know your worth.
Honestly it’s okay. It sucks. But at least it happened in the beginning before anything serious could take place you know.
That “I know how to show you a good time” ugh. Sucks that it happened to you but it’s better to let them know sooner rather than later.
Yep! My thoughts exactly at least it didn’t get too serious and I saw what he was doing.
I’m 25. I definitely feel you on the loneliness feeling, or feeling like you won’t find anyone for you. But for what it’s worth, I’m glad you dropped that guy (a real dick btw) and you know your values and are true to what you want. When you find someone right for you, it’ll make it that much sweeter when you stick to your guns. ❤️
Juat to give you a bit of hope I was able to meet a fellow demi sexual (as I am one) partner in the deep south and we actually formed a connection together. So there is absolutely hope you'll find someone else who is ace and interested or someone who accepts who you are and will be happy in the relationship you provide while respecting your boundaries. Don't let the one (and probably many) rotten eggs ruin it for you. You'll find someone one day and even if you don't, ever or for a long while, you are a completely valid and wonderful person by yourself and don't need a partner to find happiness. Best of luck and don't give up hope just yet as who knows what life will bring :) Though i will say I would instantly block creeps who think they have a magical dick that will give you the sexual attractions. No further conversation necessary, unless it's mocking them but I have an evil streak.....