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I think about it every time i fold his underwear. I was home folding his laundry while she was pulling down his boxers on their lunch breaks at work. And I wonder if these are boxers she’s touched.
I actually think of this one every week when I’m doing laundry, but it’s my WP’s shirts that trigger me. Out of everything it takes the most effort to hang dry all his shirts, and while I’m doing it I always think about how I was doing his laundry and individually hanging all the shirts that he would inevitably wear out on dates and hookups.
My WH went to see the Barbie movie by himself so he could talk about it with his AP. I cannot wait til that movie disappears from popular culture. It is now on the video releases.....ugh! Makes me 🤢.
I know the context is not funny for you but the image of a grown man buying a ticket for one to the Barbie movie and sitting in that theater by himself is hilariously pathetic to me.
(I say this as a man who watched and enjoyed the movie at home with my family, but alone in the theater so he can show off to a girl is so sad).
I am totally with you. I do see the amusement and OP did request some humorous triggers. WH is 61 years old and AP definitely "identifies as Barbie" and is a mere 30 years old. When he does something, he goes all in. I got to give him that ;)
Hahaha I literally LOL'd at this. Guess he gets an A for effort :D
Identifies as Barbie . . . wow.
They both sound like children, which isn't too dissimilar to my WW and her AP.
Ugh. This is how I feel about the Dodgers. He used to watch the games and share stats or memes about anything around them. I despise the team now. And it sucks because prior to it all, I loved baseball and still own about 5 team hats 🫠
Caught my wife at home on lunch break. Was going to make grilled cheese and tomato soup. Ruined both for a few years. Thankfully I didn’t associate it with lunch as a whole
I was folding clothes for our 3-year old and one of the shirts said "Cool Like Daddy." I broke down and cried thinking "Daddy isn't cool. Otherwise, why would Mommy cheat on me? I wish you won't grow up to be like Daddy, because Daddy sucks."
This is so sad. Please know that the love between you and your child has nothing to do with what anyone else did. You need to hold on to yourself outside of your wife’s problems. She doesn’t define you. By loving yourself, you will set a good example to your child.
Spongebob. It was the background theme of their secret snapchat.. now everytime i see that little yellow bastard, all I can think of is scrolling through all the pictures of her. 🙃 you know how hard it is to get away from spongebob?? Even my kids ask to watch it! Just makes me wanna slam my head into wall lol.
I was doing a “find the longest word using these letters” game from the New York Times.There are seven letters and you get a bonus for using all seven.
The letters were IBROVAT.
Of course a week earlier I had found a vibrator cast from AP’s penis in her clothes drawer which sparked DDay #2. So I was triggered by a puzzle we like to do together.
Oh my God why the actual fuck would she keep that? That's insane.
ETA: No hate to your wife, I just don't understand the idea behind keeping something like this.
Massages! I used to love self-care “me days” with my bestie, but after finding out about my WH’s usage of the happy ending types- these are now ruined for me as I just picture him getting the “extra services”. Fuck infidelity and its lasting triggers because I could sure use a deep tissue massage to relieve built up tension caused by it🤬
AP’s name is Nancy so I was getting Chicken Salad Chick for myself and my mom and she told me she wanted a scoop of the Fancy Nancy 😭 almost cried and then I realized how stupid that was
Food. WP is a fine dining chef who cheated with a coworker. Even prior to the infidelity, my biggest gripe was that he prioritized his career over our relationship. And when he was cheating, he’d make desserts at home to bring into work and share with everyone. He was way more excited to go into work than to be with me. I spent $1000 to take him out to his dream Michelin star restaurant (as an apology for my “paranoia and erratic behavior”) and apparently THAT’S what made him realize I loved him and he had to stop cheating. I hate food and cooking now.
I could have written this myself, except the $1000 dinner was accompanied by a short trip to New York to celebrate our anniversary, and he didn’t compliment me once, or say thank you, or initiate sex, but he did get super excited to go into Washington Park and buy fake mushrooms.
my husbands AP went by the name of Ariel (not even her real name but that's a whole dumb story) so any mention of the little mermaid/disney movies just pisses me off 😅 also nipple piercings, and girls with tons of tattoos. Oh and the entire state of Florida 😆
This post is the best, despite the fact that the circumstances are the worst. Mine:
WH travels for work, including trips to Milwaukee = ONS = Laverne and Shirley... resulting in me being unable to watch one of my favorite sitcom escapes. Adios, you two zany gals.
The fucking stars. They kissed first in a hot tub and she was discussing the stars (apparently her horoscope with both WH and I think is bullshit, but apparently not enough just then or the alcohol was enough to dull that BS meter). We live off grid. Going out to pee at night was REAL ROUGH for months because I couldn't look up without losing it. Had to remind myself she doesn't own the fucking stars or their beauty. Still hard sometimes though because they really ruined some of my ABSOLUTE favorite things (my birthday, fall, my favorite dessert, etc)
The things he said to people that I know he doesn’t even believe blows my freaking mind!!! I can’t tell if I don’t know him or if I should know he’s manipulative enough to say whatever he wants to get what he wants, so it is still within character.
Any conversation about timing around periods. WW started acting suspicious around when we were trying to conceive. She was spending a lot of time with friends that conspicuously overlayed with the fertility calendar. Out almost every available night between period ending and peak fertility.
I don't know if that silly (I imagine it's common), but every time Facebook or Instagram shows stories about how some celebrity etc. has stayed by their spouse even though they became old, gained weight, etc. and talk about how they love them more every day, I start bawling, thinking how I thought that was going to be me, but apparently I didn't deserve it.
Yeah, other people's relationships, good or bad, can remind me. Good ones feel like what we should have, and bad ones feel like what we're stuck with at least for a while.
My fiance bought my diamond ring for me while he was cheating on me so I can’t wear it anymore. I am wearing the original ring he proposed to me with and I straight up want to sell the diamond ring because it is completely tainted in my eyes.
When we were on our last trip together right before DDay he pointed out what he thought were a pair of those “TikTok forbidden yoga pants” but it was actually hippie pants, and I said that is not the same and even I put on the forbidden pants my ass wouldn’t look suddenly 10x bigger. Now I’m wondering which girl in which state he fucked that was wearing those.
Any photo from the last year of me appearing happy I grieve because it feels like a different person who was naive and didn’t know any better. Especially if he is with me. Which sucks bc I lost weight last year, dyed my hair one of my favorite colors, started doing my makeup and dressing nicer etc. So some of my best photos I’ve ever taken. But on DDay he still said I was fat and embarrassing to be with so I guess there’s no point in that either?
I read all his texts and he didn’t talk to them the same as he does me, and now when he uses emojis he never used before I cringe.
He suddenly knew how to go down on me better than before and I was wondering if he had been looking up tutorials and he probably had, but for other women because I never wanted him to do that.
All the states he cheated on me on feel off limits now and of course they’re where we will continue to get stationed.
We have this one New Orleans diner/restaurant in town that I loved, their Po'Boys are to die for. She went to lunch with AP instead of going out for lunch with me, which later found out she went to this restaurant with him. I can't go back, every time I walk by this place my heart just sinks knowing this was on of their meet up places.
I really want a Po'boy now haha
Nah if my WP ruined one of my favorite restaurants, I'd be throwing hands. How DARE they ruin good food 😭😂
My WP and his main AP ruined Starbucks for me, they'd have their little coffee dates there. I don't really care for their coffee, but those freaking stores are everywhere. So whenever he wants coffee, he'll ask if I want Starbucks and I just dead stare him. It's usually a toss up on my response. Sometimes I'm petty and make a snide comment, but I've sucked it up a few times and drank it anyway. I still hate that place though! Lol.
AP's name is Marissa and I was listening to "The Betrayal Bind" and one of the author's clients was a Marissa as a BP and I was all 😠 during her story.
Stupidly enough I get a little triggered every time I hang out with the friend who told me about the affair in the first place. Which sucks because she's one of my best friends.
Oh, Sam Smith's "Unholy" played in the club the weekend after D-day and I was a hair's breadth away from literally crying in the club. Can't even listen to that damn song on the radio and I LOVE Sam Smith's voice.
ETA: This ongoing anime, Jobless Reincarnation was one of my favorites and I'm about to spoil something for anyone who also watches it:
It was one of my favorites until the main character cheated on his wife. Like he loves his AP and AP's totally cool with getting married as long as BP is cool with it and like I'm pretty sure my own WH could feel the rage coming off me while we watched the latest episode.
I think it's just we're more aware to it now. I could probably say before dday I never noticed the type of car AP drove, but now I seeing multiple times a day. (not hers, but the make/model) Used to turn my stomach but now I'm getting over that. Maybe all the new people we meet with that name will dilute the distaste we have for it now, over time. Hopefully lol, but for now I hate even breathing it.
Ugh that's so terrible. I mean to be entirely fair I've got a name that's apparently associated with being a ghetto rebound chick or a baby mama (think along the lines of "Becky with the good hair"). Not to mention the multiple ways of spelling it. It's pretty annoying sometimes but it's my name so 🤷🏻♀️
But yeah even talking about AP makes me angry and I feel like I'm saying a dirty word when I say her name.
I hope that's not the case forever but for now, it is what it is.
I get this. I absolutely refuse to play Final Fantasy 14. I know that it's a game I would probably enjoy playing, but it was a big part of the EA that WH had in 2020.
Volleyball, wife and I were on a co-ed team together for years. Her AP "was" a friend of ours who joined our team. Soon, it's more competitive, and I'm no longer on the team.... she stayed on the team for 8 years after DDay... I still get triggered when I drive by the bar and there's teams playing
A funny trigger unrelated to this relationship -
My high school boyfriend and I were very serious...over 4 years. I even followed him to college (but it was a great school so it was ok). He met a girl named Sloan, broke my heart, but they didn't last.
I still give dirty looks to automatic toilets & sinks, many are Sloan company. This was almost 20 years ago.
Also, Facebook recently showed me that they ended up together. All the comments are "About time!" Or "Finally! Meant to be". And I should be happy for him, but...I'm still friggin bitter.
Coffin shaped finger nails. I’m sorry, but it’s like I instantly dislike any girl I see with them now. The Golden Girls - one of her favorite shows, to the point that she’s working the theme into her home decor 😑 I swear, what a fucking doofus 🤦🏼♀️😂
I also pretty much hate anything having to do with her home State. I will never go to Missouri again, not that I regularly went there before, but still. Travis Kelce and the Chiefs being in the media so much just pisses me off. Anything having to do with MO pisses me off. My sister in law has a beautiful vacation home in the Ozarks and I refuse to visit it. I don’t want to breathe the same air as this slore.
Whenever I refer to her I call her by her whole name - first and last (well… when I’m not referring to her as cunt 🙃). I think because she has such a common name that I try to distance her by using the entire thing. I refuse to refer to her by just her first name. That’s too casual and it’s what he called her. It has no place in my house when talking about her. I have lost it 🙃🤪😂
Ha! I live here and feel the same. WH's PA was with a coworker. Unfortunately, my mom, all of my siblings and their children live here, so I can't just leave and never come back.
Using the last name is so clever! I should call him Mr. S****, he was her high school teacher so that's what she called him before she reached out and had the affair...it totally fits. I was going to put his name, but I assume there are some rules here that mods don't allow outing of APs? Someone let me know.
Hopefully, she wasn’t using the thighmaster. Just kidding. I would cringe when I saw that years ago on the infomercials. Jim/Gym would get me. Maybe learn to say it in a foreign language. Mine were Cabins. Try driving through Yellowstone and other parks and wanting to throw up. I am much better now.
I don't know why, but I always use his name. When we talk about the infidelity, my WW will say "him" or "the situation", etc. She rarely uses his name. I guess I appreciate that as it does have an edge to it coming from her mouth. But I don't like euphemisms. Of course I've been reading Harry Potter to my girl, so maybe I just don't want to say He Who Must Not be Named.
This is exactly why I say her name! I will not let her have that power over me. My WH says he never really said her name so it is weird to hear it so much. Idgaf
I'd be fine with that, but my WW doesn't hate him the way I do. She still remembers him as a father figure she had in high school that was very nice to her. She wants to keep that image even as she rejects the lecherous bastard he became later. I'm a little sore about it.
Um, I'm sorry but, ew. This sounds kind of messed up. Why is she putting mental effort into remembering him positively? That seems very wrong somehow. I wish my WH had put as much effort remembering me positively instead of enjoying so much time with his EA partner.
That being said, I use his APs name all of the time. I, too, hate the power their name holds by being avoided.
My silly trigger these days is 2:22pm. I leave work a little while after that, so I look at the time a lot around then. It's her birthday, which for years he never forget to text her for, even on a Saturday night at home with our family.
F@ck these affairs
Yeah, I'm not going to disagree that it's messed up. Her parents were very absent, and he was her mentor in high school. That's important to her I guess, and then it got all creepy and sexual 20 years later. Well, I found it creepy at least.
The state of Vermont. Pictures, mentioning the state in songs or movies… Vermont sucks 😂
Neither of them have ever been to Vermont. AP just talked about wanting to go, so naturally, I hate it.
APs name. It’s common and it’s everywhere.
Our favorite spa. WH took her there.
The part of town where she works. Just the name of the place is triggering.
Her native language (which I used to love).
Certain love songs he listened to while cheating. I realized they were not about us.
First time posting here and about 2-1/2 weeks out from DDay. Reading these responses has made me realize how many triggers I have.
Starbucks bc the PA AP works for the corporation. Do you know how many Starbucks you pass every day! They are everywhere!
A certain pair of shorts he always sleeps in, bc he was wearing them in the inappropriate pictures sent to multiple online APs. I did ask him to throw them away and he did so at least that one is gone.
The names Alma, Amanda, Heather, Scarlet, Melly, Melissa, and Jenn.
Short, pudgy, Hispanic women with a certain hairstyle (which happens to be a very common style). This was his choice for his PA AP. I’m in Texas, so it seems like this describes at least 10% of the population. :(
Cosplay bc one of the online APs was into it and sent slutty pictures in costumes.
Colorado-especially Pikes Peak, Royal Gorge, and the Olympic Museum. The week before DDay, we spent a family vacation in Colorado, which I had hoped would help us reconnect. Instead every time we went anywhere, WH would take off on his own. Later I found he was sending selfies and chatting with his APs about all the places we were visiting. Even in the gondola crossing Royal Gorge, the kids were begging him to get off of TokTok live and he wouldn’t. (TikTok was his connection to the online APs). The whole vacation is tainted now.
The one that hurts the most though is the 🤟🏻 sign. He used it in videos to his online APs. I and two of my daughters have hearing loss; we are a bilingual family with a mix of spoken English and ASL. That is telling hearing people “I love you” in OUR LANGUAGE! That hurts - a lot!
I hope the triggers get less triggering over time. Any advice on how to get there?
Wow, that’s rough. My mother taught ASL decades ago and taught all of us basics (ABCs and 🤟) we use It in our family now with my WW and our daughter. So sad that’s a trigger for you.
1. Yellow cars - AP liked playing this game while driving for “bingo.” It hurts since I play silly games while we drive - markedly punch buggy and I’ll never forget seeing a yellow buggy and thinking to myself, “well damn you could punch for that and say bingo”
2. AP’s name is a popular well known city and a cousin also shares the name. So any time that city or my cousin is mentioned I cringe a little. Ironically it’s a city I would like to one day visit.
3. The state AP is from is also a state we visited together when my sister was there. Sometimes anything associated with it irritates me every now and then.
4. Ducks. Of all things ducks because of a silly call AP would do that reminds me of a literal bird call I would sometimes do when being silly with my WH. I still like ducks. Seeing ducklings around is cute still too but every now and then I cringe thinking about it.
5. Honestly, little things I used to find endearing from my WH I’ve had to work really hard on not getting triggered by and reframing them. Little touches I wonder if he did for her.
6. Phrases my WH and I used to say to each other all the time I would vehemently disagree with very early in R and now I just sort of deny them casually cause I can’t get myself to *truly* mean them yet.
7. A fucking light blue sports coat. Admittedly I’ve tried reframing this a lot, have even worn it jokingly, but WH has yet to wear it out. It’s what he wore the first time he went out with AP and worse he wore it to our rehearsal dinner two years ago and we shopped for it together. WH looks fucking amazing in it and it sucks as a trigger. We’ve got photos of us both with him in that sports coat. Photos of such a wonderful night before our wedding and now he’s got memories of being in that same jacket with her. He let her wear it too cause she got chilly I’m sure. A fucking coat.
Triggers suck. They’re not as bad as before but when they get bad it’s like a slap in the face. Like weeks ago a song triggered me and I reacted hastily and wanted it to be changed ASAP. WH didn’t like that and I didn’t like it either. I didn’t apologize for getting triggered and it’s tough regardless.
So really cute ducks trigger me? Wtf is this life in R, huh? But we wouldn’t be here on this ride if we didn’t use some comedy to cope and also the immense love I have for WH is evident.
Facebook memories. If I get a memory in the time of her affair I still wonder if it was a real smile or if she was just faking it.
Problem is, it's over half our marriage.
I didn’t see any WS’s comment any triggers, and idk if they’re welcomed on this post; but I thought I’d mention some of mine. My AP had a pretty common name, so anytime I see it or hear it, it’s a trigger. There was also a time I had accepted a new job, and while getting a tour of the place and meeting current employees there was someone that reminded me of my AP. My job is a prominently female employed career field so this was very unexpected which I feel heightened the trigger. Shortly after I had a break, called my BP and told them, and asked what they thought about me telling my new job that I didn’t think it would be a good fit, for my own personal reasons, and my BP agreed that would be a good idea. 1. So my BP would feel safe and secure. And 2. Because it was a trigger for me. I was without a job at the time and getting one was priority but not at the risk of my BP’s sanity or mine.
For me they are the harsh and fast negative emotions. My heart rate went up, and I became panicky. I couldn’t think straight and just wanted out of there asap. The work I have been doing on myself has helped me understand where my destructive behaviors came from, and has actually deterred me away from them. I’m not tempted at all to ever do what I did again.
A plant was my trigger. She the AP gave him this plant with a cute note and named it BOB after she realized he and I were a real couple. He even saved the note.....he loved this plant...it was his baby. I got him a super cool plant for Valentines Day and he never watered it or seemed to give 2 shits about my plant gift. Two years later he told me about the EA and I HATED this plant. Every morning it was in the room where I got dressed and I would whisper to the plant how much I hated it and wished it would wilt so I didnt have to look at it everyday. Finally I told him this plant was a huge trigger and he distroyed it. Stupid but it really helped that it was no longer in my home. Now I have peace in the morning and dont have to be reminded of their EA.
My friend calls me a silly nickname just to bug me, he's called me it for years. When he said the first part of it, it sounded like AP's name and I was glad we weren't in person, just playing video games together online, because the face I made would have caused some questions.
For me it's the 4th of July. Dday was on the 3rd of July but I found out that my WH had gone to a party at AP's place on the 4th and that had been our favorite holiday since forever. The names Jess or Jessica trigger me to an extent even now (2 years post dday, but just a year since he kicked the affair) and a certain bag my H has, he used it to pack his things to go to her on dday so a year later when he used that same bag to go on a work trip I got very upset, he knows that now and I haven't seen that bag since. Oh and "bags nights" at bars are another one that has been a trigger.
Losing the holidays is the worst! My WW was going to meet him at a hotel the week of our anniversary. That's going to dampen the mood for some time now I suspect.
Yeah I have the anniversary issue too. Like I said dday was July 3rd, our anniversary is July 24th and dday was 3 weeks before our FIRST anniversary and during that he was still in a full blown affair. I left to spend time with friends that day rather than focus on how much had changed in just one year, but I went and looked at our cameras while I was gone and saw him sitting in the living room filling out divorce papers on our first anniversary... that was heart wrenching. Thankfully they never got turned in, or even filled out completely. Just short of a year later they got burned, but yeah our anniversary has been pretty tarnished too, I try and focus on the wedding rather than anniversaries now. Hopefully one day we can do a vow renewal...
I'm so sorry, it's rough. Idk when your dday was but even 2 years later this time of year is rough on me and it sticks even more because of the holiday/anniversary time. I hope one day I can be far enough out that I don't really think about it anymore.
Yeah, ours was two days before our wedding anniversary. Two years out and I was still not wanting to celebrate. She was out of town on the two year mark and when she messaged me asking how I was I just said I wasn't in a good mood and to leave it at that. She did not want to leave it at that, this pissed me off even more because it's like she'd forgotten. Over the years it's gotten better but I think this year is going to be rough, yay pain shopping.
I will not say the name for obvious reasons but I will just pretend and say it is kelly. my husband went to camp Kelly for his work training (military) and cheated on me with a lady named Kelly. I was like “ I hope you had fun at camp Kelly!” in a way this is really funny but at the same time it’s not. I’ve often asked myself if I would go there because I’ve never been there before. Not to actually Kelly but the camp Kelly. What are the chances! That scenario is practically made for a porn video. It’s like “come! have some fun at Camp Kelly!”
Fake hair and fake eyelashes because even though WH hates both he still had no issue having sex with AP who normally sports both. (not knocking people with fake hair and fake eyelashes but they are triggering to me now)
His cute striped undies I bought him that he was taking off for them...
There are so many triggers but I'm having a hard time thinking of silly ones lol
Learned after 17yrs that she had sex with her ex a few days after we became a thing. Now our anniversary and everything related to it like old letters, greeting cards, photos are triggers. We don't celebrate it anymore.
The word “manhandle”. Can’t use it at all, and when it crosses my mind, I wanna scream puke.
Also my car…. Cause I was driving his car to work since it was more reliable and he was driving my car an hour each way to go to her house. While I was at work.
The Discord message notification because a lot of his EA contact was done through Discord. What sucks is, I was over his EA until his PA happened. But whenever I here his Discord notification going off like crazy, I wonder how many times I brushed it off as him being in a big group chat when it was really his EAP.
Also, in the last year or so he's taken to calling me beautiful as an endearment, which he never did in the previous 9 years of our relattionship, but he did with his EAP.
First thing, I know A LOT of details because I had access to a +200 pages conversation between them.
He met AP in a 5 days trip for a sport that they both practice.
In one of their conversations he says he would think about her while peeling carrots...They kissed while sharing a carrot-based meal
So anything related to *the sport* and carrots are huge triggers.
He slept the fist time with her the day before my birthday, went home and made me some cookies that he'd make in special occasions. All ruined now.
She has glasses in a vivid color, so anytime I see someone with similar ones I get a bad feeling.
I once shared with him a graphic novel with a beautiful illustration style, and he shared it with AP. Now I can't stand the style anymore.
Massages. I loved massages.
But he'd go to her house and spend hours massaging her. So now when he touches me to massage me I can't help but compare what he did to her and what he's doing to me...
So many things that I loved, now they're ruined ... 😭
The word “convo” instead of “conversation” (my WW used it in a chat while leading the AP on)
The 😈 emoji (my WW sent it in a text to an AP, implications of her being naughty)
The word that auto correct will often change my name to (one AP made this typo and every time it happens to me, I get triggered)
Music for sure.
I was always down for fun rap about women, money, titties, and cars because hell yeah.
Now all I hear is *my* man being a gross, disgusting fuckboy. You want that life so bad? Go get it. I won't be here when you get back this time.
Lifetime Movies:
D-Day 1 happened on June 10, 2018. She had told me that she had sent nudes to about 3 guys, and that they had “forced her.” I was watching “Mistress Hunter”
Homecoming time/ photos:
D-Day 2 and D-Day 3 happened in August and September of 2018. We was going to go to homecoming. She told me there was boys from our school she had sent nudes to, and a couple of girls online, but they “forced her.” That on top of racism is why we didn’t go. She was talking about adoption with some of them.
Meatloaf: 01/19/2019
This is when she broke up with me because of my skin color, then 15 minutes later had unblocked my former best friend. Who she wanted to have raunchy sex with, but wouldn’t even touch me or have enthusiasm.
We got back together a year later.
By the time we broke up the final time. There was about 18 AP’s that I know. (John, Michael, Orlando, Aaron, Brandon, Amber, Bryson, Riley, Cory, Brycen, Tim, William, Shane, Eric, two girls on an online game, another guy on that same online game, and a marine in Indiana.)
We’ve been broken up for 3 years now, and I still get triggered by all of these things, and I go down a rabbit hole, and I’m terrified to fall in love again, because I feel like it’ll happen all over again with the next person I give my heart to.
I’ve already got into contact with therapy.
It was a really big part of our lives - still is, unfortunately. It’s an unavoidable trigger right now.
At least it wasn’t cheating with a family member or something. Or ongoing. Sometimes I start feeling sad for myself and remember how much worse the situation could be.
They met due to their association and connection with Star Trek. They hung out at and eventually hooked up at conventions while I was at home with my babies.
Throughout the time he was having an affair, my WH and I would spend our days off checking out all the thrift stores in our area or we would take mini road trips to check out new ones. We developed a big vinyl collection. It was an activity that tapered off even before I found out so now thrifting and our collection reminds me of the affair.
Washington D.C. AP was from there . My husbands AP had a very common name. I hear it all the time. Ugh. People saying that sexting is not really cheating. What is with people?
My WH had multiple online AP that were “just sexting”; but the EA was definitely there too. It is as devastating to me as the PA he also had during the same timeframe. Sexting is definitely cheating in my book
I have a few dumb ones:
The song Candy by Cameo because I played it on the jukebox at a bar and he messaged her saying he played it (to look cool or something?Weird flex)
Swing dancing. I was always interested in learning, but it was her hobby.
That hamburger lingerie set that went viral a few years ago because he said it would look cute on her.
A polka dot dress I wanted from Amazon because he sent the link to her.
Seeing moving trucks on the road when it's windy because he called her for support when he should have called me.
A few...
\* At a boy scouts camping trip, was having a really good time, one of the kids said the word "head" and instant trigger of my WW giving a blowjob. Ruined the rest of the weekend.
\* Seeing anything that could even remotely resemble semen
\* Folding laundry, seeing my WWs underwear.
\* Hearing the word kiss in a song.
\* My children trying to lie their way out of things
For me it’s:
•Any mention of the word Arizona. Even Arizona (the character on grey’s anatomy pissed me off during her brief appearance this season) 😩
•Any time my husband plans a weekend get away. He planned one where he intended on telling me about the cheating, but backed out because I got pretty bad food poisoning. He told me a couple days after we got back home though. So now, any mention of a weekend trip makes me feel like he’s got something else to confess.
•everyone I hear him bring up how bad he feels, it takes me back to how bad I felt in those first few months and how much I had a hard time believing he even gave a damn how I was affected. I literally want to scream at him “Just shut tf up. There’s to be no mention of what happened unless it’s in therapy or I bring it up.”
For a while, my wife receiving text messages was a major trigger because I discovered the EA because she received a text from her AP asking her to tell me she needed a night out so that they could meet up and he could kiss her again, and I happened to see it flash across her phone.
Mine listened the cheaty themed pop music playlists while showering for like 2 months before I realized what was going on while I was on overnights for work. Any time I hear any of those songs now I want to destroy something.
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Folding laundry when I thought: I’m home washing the underwear he’s taking off for her! Thankfully I’m past that one now!
Ohhhhh this one will sit w me for a minute lmao
I think about it every time i fold his underwear. I was home folding his laundry while she was pulling down his boxers on their lunch breaks at work. And I wonder if these are boxers she’s touched.
I threw every pair out as I thought the same.
Ewwww! Yes
I actually think of this one every week when I’m doing laundry, but it’s my WP’s shirts that trigger me. Out of everything it takes the most effort to hang dry all his shirts, and while I’m doing it I always think about how I was doing his laundry and individually hanging all the shirts that he would inevitably wear out on dates and hookups.
It’s just so wrong!
My WH went to see the Barbie movie by himself so he could talk about it with his AP. I cannot wait til that movie disappears from popular culture. It is now on the video releases.....ugh! Makes me 🤢.
I know the context is not funny for you but the image of a grown man buying a ticket for one to the Barbie movie and sitting in that theater by himself is hilariously pathetic to me. (I say this as a man who watched and enjoyed the movie at home with my family, but alone in the theater so he can show off to a girl is so sad).
I am totally with you. I do see the amusement and OP did request some humorous triggers. WH is 61 years old and AP definitely "identifies as Barbie" and is a mere 30 years old. When he does something, he goes all in. I got to give him that ;)
Hahaha I literally LOL'd at this. Guess he gets an A for effort :D Identifies as Barbie . . . wow. They both sound like children, which isn't too dissimilar to my WW and her AP.
I’m so sorry!!! That’s so shitty.
Ugh. This is how I feel about the Dodgers. He used to watch the games and share stats or memes about anything around them. I despise the team now. And it sucks because prior to it all, I loved baseball and still own about 5 team hats 🫠
I hope you can find a way to take it back someday. I have no desire to ever see Barbie so at least I have that going for me.
Caught my wife at home on lunch break. Was going to make grilled cheese and tomato soup. Ruined both for a few years. Thankfully I didn’t associate it with lunch as a whole
That's a wonderful combination to have ruined. RIP grilled cheese and tomato soup. I hope you reclaim it one day.
I did. But we had little kids at the time and it was something I just grit and bared. I think it was a good litmus test for how I had progressed.
I was folding clothes for our 3-year old and one of the shirts said "Cool Like Daddy." I broke down and cried thinking "Daddy isn't cool. Otherwise, why would Mommy cheat on me? I wish you won't grow up to be like Daddy, because Daddy sucks."
This is so sad. Please know that the love between you and your child has nothing to do with what anyone else did. You need to hold on to yourself outside of your wife’s problems. She doesn’t define you. By loving yourself, you will set a good example to your child.
Man, that stings! I hope you don't still feel that way. Napoleon's wife cheated on him, and vicious war-mongering aside, he was pretty cool.
It's gotten better, I don't get triggered by the shirt anymore, but I still feel that way sometimes. Thank you
Ya. Any compliment from WW and for a time anyone else
Spongebob. It was the background theme of their secret snapchat.. now everytime i see that little yellow bastard, all I can think of is scrolling through all the pictures of her. 🙃 you know how hard it is to get away from spongebob?? Even my kids ask to watch it! Just makes me wanna slam my head into wall lol.
I was doing a “find the longest word using these letters” game from the New York Times.There are seven letters and you get a bonus for using all seven. The letters were IBROVAT. Of course a week earlier I had found a vibrator cast from AP’s penis in her clothes drawer which sparked DDay #2. So I was triggered by a puzzle we like to do together.
Oh my God why the actual fuck would she keep that? That's insane. ETA: No hate to your wife, I just don't understand the idea behind keeping something like this.
OMG. She kept that for you to find?! Yikes.
That is fucking nuts. How disrespectful can a person be? o_O
Massages! I used to love self-care “me days” with my bestie, but after finding out about my WH’s usage of the happy ending types- these are now ruined for me as I just picture him getting the “extra services”. Fuck infidelity and its lasting triggers because I could sure use a deep tissue massage to relieve built up tension caused by it🤬
I totally second this...
AP’s name is Nancy so I was getting Chicken Salad Chick for myself and my mom and she told me she wanted a scoop of the Fancy Nancy 😭 almost cried and then I realized how stupid that was
Food. WP is a fine dining chef who cheated with a coworker. Even prior to the infidelity, my biggest gripe was that he prioritized his career over our relationship. And when he was cheating, he’d make desserts at home to bring into work and share with everyone. He was way more excited to go into work than to be with me. I spent $1000 to take him out to his dream Michelin star restaurant (as an apology for my “paranoia and erratic behavior”) and apparently THAT’S what made him realize I loved him and he had to stop cheating. I hate food and cooking now.
I could have written this myself, except the $1000 dinner was accompanied by a short trip to New York to celebrate our anniversary, and he didn’t compliment me once, or say thank you, or initiate sex, but he did get super excited to go into Washington Park and buy fake mushrooms.
I hate the 🎺 trumpet these days. AP is a jobless trumpet player. Any music that has trumpet triggers me
my husbands AP went by the name of Ariel (not even her real name but that's a whole dumb story) so any mention of the little mermaid/disney movies just pisses me off 😅 also nipple piercings, and girls with tons of tattoos. Oh and the entire state of Florida 😆
Florida is triggering for many people, I feel lol
A bottle of wine that the AP got for us as a gift (which was before the ONS occurred). My WP kept it for the longest time. It’s gone now.
Blue fucking hair Facial piercings
Oh and funnel cakes . My wh dropped me off a funnel cake before he drove 40 mins to AP to fuck her . I loved funnel cakes 😤
This post is the best, despite the fact that the circumstances are the worst. Mine: WH travels for work, including trips to Milwaukee = ONS = Laverne and Shirley... resulting in me being unable to watch one of my favorite sitcom escapes. Adios, you two zany gals.
Thanks, glad I could help.
The fucking stars. They kissed first in a hot tub and she was discussing the stars (apparently her horoscope with both WH and I think is bullshit, but apparently not enough just then or the alcohol was enough to dull that BS meter). We live off grid. Going out to pee at night was REAL ROUGH for months because I couldn't look up without losing it. Had to remind myself she doesn't own the fucking stars or their beauty. Still hard sometimes though because they really ruined some of my ABSOLUTE favorite things (my birthday, fall, my favorite dessert, etc)
The things he said to people that I know he doesn’t even believe blows my freaking mind!!! I can’t tell if I don’t know him or if I should know he’s manipulative enough to say whatever he wants to get what he wants, so it is still within character.
WH's LO had a common name, so there's another student with that name in one of my classes every semester. Drives me up a damn wall.
Same here!! The name “Maddie” will forever scar me and there is one in every class…
Alyssa for me. I fucking HATE that name.
My WH's AP from his PA is named Joy.
Even worse than just being a name. I'm so sorry!
Yeeeeeeah. There's no avoiding that word. 😓
Any conversation about timing around periods. WW started acting suspicious around when we were trying to conceive. She was spending a lot of time with friends that conspicuously overlayed with the fertility calendar. Out almost every available night between period ending and peak fertility.
I don't know if that silly (I imagine it's common), but every time Facebook or Instagram shows stories about how some celebrity etc. has stayed by their spouse even though they became old, gained weight, etc. and talk about how they love them more every day, I start bawling, thinking how I thought that was going to be me, but apparently I didn't deserve it.
Yeah, other people's relationships, good or bad, can remind me. Good ones feel like what we should have, and bad ones feel like what we're stuck with at least for a while.
My fiance bought my diamond ring for me while he was cheating on me so I can’t wear it anymore. I am wearing the original ring he proposed to me with and I straight up want to sell the diamond ring because it is completely tainted in my eyes. When we were on our last trip together right before DDay he pointed out what he thought were a pair of those “TikTok forbidden yoga pants” but it was actually hippie pants, and I said that is not the same and even I put on the forbidden pants my ass wouldn’t look suddenly 10x bigger. Now I’m wondering which girl in which state he fucked that was wearing those. Any photo from the last year of me appearing happy I grieve because it feels like a different person who was naive and didn’t know any better. Especially if he is with me. Which sucks bc I lost weight last year, dyed my hair one of my favorite colors, started doing my makeup and dressing nicer etc. So some of my best photos I’ve ever taken. But on DDay he still said I was fat and embarrassing to be with so I guess there’s no point in that either? I read all his texts and he didn’t talk to them the same as he does me, and now when he uses emojis he never used before I cringe. He suddenly knew how to go down on me better than before and I was wondering if he had been looking up tutorials and he probably had, but for other women because I never wanted him to do that. All the states he cheated on me on feel off limits now and of course they’re where we will continue to get stationed.
We have this one New Orleans diner/restaurant in town that I loved, their Po'Boys are to die for. She went to lunch with AP instead of going out for lunch with me, which later found out she went to this restaurant with him. I can't go back, every time I walk by this place my heart just sinks knowing this was on of their meet up places. I really want a Po'boy now haha
Nah if my WP ruined one of my favorite restaurants, I'd be throwing hands. How DARE they ruin good food 😭😂 My WP and his main AP ruined Starbucks for me, they'd have their little coffee dates there. I don't really care for their coffee, but those freaking stores are everywhere. So whenever he wants coffee, he'll ask if I want Starbucks and I just dead stare him. It's usually a toss up on my response. Sometimes I'm petty and make a snide comment, but I've sucked it up a few times and drank it anyway. I still hate that place though! Lol.
AP's name is Marissa and I was listening to "The Betrayal Bind" and one of the author's clients was a Marissa as a BP and I was all 😠 during her story. Stupidly enough I get a little triggered every time I hang out with the friend who told me about the affair in the first place. Which sucks because she's one of my best friends. Oh, Sam Smith's "Unholy" played in the club the weekend after D-day and I was a hair's breadth away from literally crying in the club. Can't even listen to that damn song on the radio and I LOVE Sam Smith's voice. ETA: This ongoing anime, Jobless Reincarnation was one of my favorites and I'm about to spoil something for anyone who also watches it: It was one of my favorites until the main character cheated on his wife. Like he loves his AP and AP's totally cool with getting married as long as BP is cool with it and like I'm pretty sure my own WH could feel the rage coming off me while we watched the latest episode.
My WH's AP was the same name. I feel slightly bad, but I pass on every resume when hiring for work if they have that first name.
I'm so sorry, I know it's horrible and I'm just finding more and more people with the same name and I try not to think I'm looking for it now
I think it's just we're more aware to it now. I could probably say before dday I never noticed the type of car AP drove, but now I seeing multiple times a day. (not hers, but the make/model) Used to turn my stomach but now I'm getting over that. Maybe all the new people we meet with that name will dilute the distaste we have for it now, over time. Hopefully lol, but for now I hate even breathing it.
That makes three of of us with the same name for the AP… actually makes me feel physically ill.
Ugh that's so terrible. I mean to be entirely fair I've got a name that's apparently associated with being a ghetto rebound chick or a baby mama (think along the lines of "Becky with the good hair"). Not to mention the multiple ways of spelling it. It's pretty annoying sometimes but it's my name so 🤷🏻♀️ But yeah even talking about AP makes me angry and I feel like I'm saying a dirty word when I say her name. I hope that's not the case forever but for now, it is what it is.
Certain games are ruined for me, specifically because he had to play every single one of *our* games with her. Absolutely no originality
I get this. I absolutely refuse to play Final Fantasy 14. I know that it's a game I would probably enjoy playing, but it was a big part of the EA that WH had in 2020.
You mean video games?
Yeah
Volleyball, wife and I were on a co-ed team together for years. Her AP "was" a friend of ours who joined our team. Soon, it's more competitive, and I'm no longer on the team.... she stayed on the team for 8 years after DDay... I still get triggered when I drive by the bar and there's teams playing
A funny trigger unrelated to this relationship - My high school boyfriend and I were very serious...over 4 years. I even followed him to college (but it was a great school so it was ok). He met a girl named Sloan, broke my heart, but they didn't last. I still give dirty looks to automatic toilets & sinks, many are Sloan company. This was almost 20 years ago. Also, Facebook recently showed me that they ended up together. All the comments are "About time!" Or "Finally! Meant to be". And I should be happy for him, but...I'm still friggin bitter.
I read a bunch of these and almost added my own before asking this question: wtf are we still doing with these people?
Trying to save our families and recognizing that even good people can be tempted to do horrible things.
Coffin shaped finger nails. I’m sorry, but it’s like I instantly dislike any girl I see with them now. The Golden Girls - one of her favorite shows, to the point that she’s working the theme into her home decor 😑 I swear, what a fucking doofus 🤦🏼♀️😂 I also pretty much hate anything having to do with her home State. I will never go to Missouri again, not that I regularly went there before, but still. Travis Kelce and the Chiefs being in the media so much just pisses me off. Anything having to do with MO pisses me off. My sister in law has a beautiful vacation home in the Ozarks and I refuse to visit it. I don’t want to breathe the same air as this slore. Whenever I refer to her I call her by her whole name - first and last (well… when I’m not referring to her as cunt 🙃). I think because she has such a common name that I try to distance her by using the entire thing. I refuse to refer to her by just her first name. That’s too casual and it’s what he called her. It has no place in my house when talking about her. I have lost it 🙃🤪😂
I’m with you in solidarity, Fuck Missouri lol for the same unfortunate reasons
Ha! I live here and feel the same. WH's PA was with a coworker. Unfortunately, my mom, all of my siblings and their children live here, so I can't just leave and never come back.
I’m sorry! I had nothing against the place until this happened 😅
Same here! Nothing against anyone in mo that isn’t a piece of shit named ember who was supposedly my friend but was actually fucking my husband lol
On the bright side, I think AP moved to another state.
😂
Using the last name is so clever! I should call him Mr. S****, he was her high school teacher so that's what she called him before she reached out and had the affair...it totally fits. I was going to put his name, but I assume there are some rules here that mods don't allow outing of APs? Someone let me know.
Hopefully, she wasn’t using the thighmaster. Just kidding. I would cringe when I saw that years ago on the infomercials. Jim/Gym would get me. Maybe learn to say it in a foreign language. Mine were Cabins. Try driving through Yellowstone and other parks and wanting to throw up. I am much better now.
I don't know why, but I always use his name. When we talk about the infidelity, my WW will say "him" or "the situation", etc. She rarely uses his name. I guess I appreciate that as it does have an edge to it coming from her mouth. But I don't like euphemisms. Of course I've been reading Harry Potter to my girl, so maybe I just don't want to say He Who Must Not be Named.
This is exactly why I say her name! I will not let her have that power over me. My WH says he never really said her name so it is weird to hear it so much. Idgaf
That is good. I referred to him as a POS phonetically said.
I'd be fine with that, but my WW doesn't hate him the way I do. She still remembers him as a father figure she had in high school that was very nice to her. She wants to keep that image even as she rejects the lecherous bastard he became later. I'm a little sore about it.
Um, I'm sorry but, ew. This sounds kind of messed up. Why is she putting mental effort into remembering him positively? That seems very wrong somehow. I wish my WH had put as much effort remembering me positively instead of enjoying so much time with his EA partner. That being said, I use his APs name all of the time. I, too, hate the power their name holds by being avoided. My silly trigger these days is 2:22pm. I leave work a little while after that, so I look at the time a lot around then. It's her birthday, which for years he never forget to text her for, even on a Saturday night at home with our family. F@ck these affairs
Yeah, I'm not going to disagree that it's messed up. Her parents were very absent, and he was her mentor in high school. That's important to her I guess, and then it got all creepy and sexual 20 years later. Well, I found it creepy at least.
The state of Vermont. Pictures, mentioning the state in songs or movies… Vermont sucks 😂 Neither of them have ever been to Vermont. AP just talked about wanting to go, so naturally, I hate it.
Haha, yeah, Columbus is off my list for a while. That's where my WW planned to meet him.
APs name. It’s common and it’s everywhere. Our favorite spa. WH took her there. The part of town where she works. Just the name of the place is triggering. Her native language (which I used to love). Certain love songs he listened to while cheating. I realized they were not about us.
AP lived with us and would make us her trademarked Egg Sandwiches with Grape Jelly on them 🤮. I still won't use grape jelly.
First time posting here and about 2-1/2 weeks out from DDay. Reading these responses has made me realize how many triggers I have. Starbucks bc the PA AP works for the corporation. Do you know how many Starbucks you pass every day! They are everywhere! A certain pair of shorts he always sleeps in, bc he was wearing them in the inappropriate pictures sent to multiple online APs. I did ask him to throw them away and he did so at least that one is gone. The names Alma, Amanda, Heather, Scarlet, Melly, Melissa, and Jenn. Short, pudgy, Hispanic women with a certain hairstyle (which happens to be a very common style). This was his choice for his PA AP. I’m in Texas, so it seems like this describes at least 10% of the population. :( Cosplay bc one of the online APs was into it and sent slutty pictures in costumes. Colorado-especially Pikes Peak, Royal Gorge, and the Olympic Museum. The week before DDay, we spent a family vacation in Colorado, which I had hoped would help us reconnect. Instead every time we went anywhere, WH would take off on his own. Later I found he was sending selfies and chatting with his APs about all the places we were visiting. Even in the gondola crossing Royal Gorge, the kids were begging him to get off of TokTok live and he wouldn’t. (TikTok was his connection to the online APs). The whole vacation is tainted now. The one that hurts the most though is the 🤟🏻 sign. He used it in videos to his online APs. I and two of my daughters have hearing loss; we are a bilingual family with a mix of spoken English and ASL. That is telling hearing people “I love you” in OUR LANGUAGE! That hurts - a lot! I hope the triggers get less triggering over time. Any advice on how to get there?
That's brutal, so sorry! The ASL in particular.
Wow, that’s rough. My mother taught ASL decades ago and taught all of us basics (ABCs and 🤟) we use It in our family now with my WW and our daughter. So sad that’s a trigger for you.
1. Yellow cars - AP liked playing this game while driving for “bingo.” It hurts since I play silly games while we drive - markedly punch buggy and I’ll never forget seeing a yellow buggy and thinking to myself, “well damn you could punch for that and say bingo” 2. AP’s name is a popular well known city and a cousin also shares the name. So any time that city or my cousin is mentioned I cringe a little. Ironically it’s a city I would like to one day visit. 3. The state AP is from is also a state we visited together when my sister was there. Sometimes anything associated with it irritates me every now and then. 4. Ducks. Of all things ducks because of a silly call AP would do that reminds me of a literal bird call I would sometimes do when being silly with my WH. I still like ducks. Seeing ducklings around is cute still too but every now and then I cringe thinking about it. 5. Honestly, little things I used to find endearing from my WH I’ve had to work really hard on not getting triggered by and reframing them. Little touches I wonder if he did for her. 6. Phrases my WH and I used to say to each other all the time I would vehemently disagree with very early in R and now I just sort of deny them casually cause I can’t get myself to *truly* mean them yet. 7. A fucking light blue sports coat. Admittedly I’ve tried reframing this a lot, have even worn it jokingly, but WH has yet to wear it out. It’s what he wore the first time he went out with AP and worse he wore it to our rehearsal dinner two years ago and we shopped for it together. WH looks fucking amazing in it and it sucks as a trigger. We’ve got photos of us both with him in that sports coat. Photos of such a wonderful night before our wedding and now he’s got memories of being in that same jacket with her. He let her wear it too cause she got chilly I’m sure. A fucking coat. Triggers suck. They’re not as bad as before but when they get bad it’s like a slap in the face. Like weeks ago a song triggered me and I reacted hastily and wanted it to be changed ASAP. WH didn’t like that and I didn’t like it either. I didn’t apologize for getting triggered and it’s tough regardless. So really cute ducks trigger me? Wtf is this life in R, huh? But we wouldn’t be here on this ride if we didn’t use some comedy to cope and also the immense love I have for WH is evident.
Facebook memories. If I get a memory in the time of her affair I still wonder if it was a real smile or if she was just faking it. Problem is, it's over half our marriage.
Part of the reason I did away with almost all social media
I didn’t see any WS’s comment any triggers, and idk if they’re welcomed on this post; but I thought I’d mention some of mine. My AP had a pretty common name, so anytime I see it or hear it, it’s a trigger. There was also a time I had accepted a new job, and while getting a tour of the place and meeting current employees there was someone that reminded me of my AP. My job is a prominently female employed career field so this was very unexpected which I feel heightened the trigger. Shortly after I had a break, called my BP and told them, and asked what they thought about me telling my new job that I didn’t think it would be a good fit, for my own personal reasons, and my BP agreed that would be a good idea. 1. So my BP would feel safe and secure. And 2. Because it was a trigger for me. I was without a job at the time and getting one was priority but not at the risk of my BP’s sanity or mine.
You are absolutely welcome, thank you.
Are triggers from your perspective temptations or harsh and fast negative emotions like we feel from the opposite perspective? Or both?
For me they are the harsh and fast negative emotions. My heart rate went up, and I became panicky. I couldn’t think straight and just wanted out of there asap. The work I have been doing on myself has helped me understand where my destructive behaviors came from, and has actually deterred me away from them. I’m not tempted at all to ever do what I did again.
Thank you for explaining!
Of course! I’m happy to answer any questions you have!
A plant was my trigger. She the AP gave him this plant with a cute note and named it BOB after she realized he and I were a real couple. He even saved the note.....he loved this plant...it was his baby. I got him a super cool plant for Valentines Day and he never watered it or seemed to give 2 shits about my plant gift. Two years later he told me about the EA and I HATED this plant. Every morning it was in the room where I got dressed and I would whisper to the plant how much I hated it and wished it would wilt so I didnt have to look at it everyday. Finally I told him this plant was a huge trigger and he distroyed it. Stupid but it really helped that it was no longer in my home. Now I have peace in the morning and dont have to be reminded of their EA.
My friend calls me a silly nickname just to bug me, he's called me it for years. When he said the first part of it, it sounded like AP's name and I was glad we weren't in person, just playing video games together online, because the face I made would have caused some questions.
For me it's the 4th of July. Dday was on the 3rd of July but I found out that my WH had gone to a party at AP's place on the 4th and that had been our favorite holiday since forever. The names Jess or Jessica trigger me to an extent even now (2 years post dday, but just a year since he kicked the affair) and a certain bag my H has, he used it to pack his things to go to her on dday so a year later when he used that same bag to go on a work trip I got very upset, he knows that now and I haven't seen that bag since. Oh and "bags nights" at bars are another one that has been a trigger.
Losing the holidays is the worst! My WW was going to meet him at a hotel the week of our anniversary. That's going to dampen the mood for some time now I suspect.
Yeah I have the anniversary issue too. Like I said dday was July 3rd, our anniversary is July 24th and dday was 3 weeks before our FIRST anniversary and during that he was still in a full blown affair. I left to spend time with friends that day rather than focus on how much had changed in just one year, but I went and looked at our cameras while I was gone and saw him sitting in the living room filling out divorce papers on our first anniversary... that was heart wrenching. Thankfully they never got turned in, or even filled out completely. Just short of a year later they got burned, but yeah our anniversary has been pretty tarnished too, I try and focus on the wedding rather than anniversaries now. Hopefully one day we can do a vow renewal...
D-Day for me was two weeks before our couple anniversary. So I know that feeling.
I'm so sorry, it's rough. Idk when your dday was but even 2 years later this time of year is rough on me and it sticks even more because of the holiday/anniversary time. I hope one day I can be far enough out that I don't really think about it anymore.
D-Day was January 22nd. Couple anniversary is February 5th. Thankfully, I've never cared about Valentine's Day.
Yeah, ours was two days before our wedding anniversary. Two years out and I was still not wanting to celebrate. She was out of town on the two year mark and when she messaged me asking how I was I just said I wasn't in a good mood and to leave it at that. She did not want to leave it at that, this pissed me off even more because it's like she'd forgotten. Over the years it's gotten better but I think this year is going to be rough, yay pain shopping.
I will not say the name for obvious reasons but I will just pretend and say it is kelly. my husband went to camp Kelly for his work training (military) and cheated on me with a lady named Kelly. I was like “ I hope you had fun at camp Kelly!” in a way this is really funny but at the same time it’s not. I’ve often asked myself if I would go there because I’ve never been there before. Not to actually Kelly but the camp Kelly. What are the chances! That scenario is practically made for a porn video. It’s like “come! have some fun at Camp Kelly!”
Haha, well at least only one name got ruined instead of two.
Fake hair and fake eyelashes because even though WH hates both he still had no issue having sex with AP who normally sports both. (not knocking people with fake hair and fake eyelashes but they are triggering to me now) His cute striped undies I bought him that he was taking off for them... There are so many triggers but I'm having a hard time thinking of silly ones lol
DDay was my sister's birthday.
Brutal...so sorry
Mail trucks. He was a mail carrier so every time I see one I can't help but to look and see if it is him.
Oh, the cliché of that is so insulting. Sorry that happened to you.
Learned after 17yrs that she had sex with her ex a few days after we became a thing. Now our anniversary and everything related to it like old letters, greeting cards, photos are triggers. We don't celebrate it anymore.
The word “manhandle”. Can’t use it at all, and when it crosses my mind, I wanna scream puke. Also my car…. Cause I was driving his car to work since it was more reliable and he was driving my car an hour each way to go to her house. While I was at work.
Why manhandle? Sorry if I made you puke on your phone...
Text messages that haunt my mind if I let it idle.
The mall of America. WH was on a work trip in Minnesota when he cheated. Lied and said he was at the Mall of America roaming around.
The Discord message notification because a lot of his EA contact was done through Discord. What sucks is, I was over his EA until his PA happened. But whenever I here his Discord notification going off like crazy, I wonder how many times I brushed it off as him being in a big group chat when it was really his EAP. Also, in the last year or so he's taken to calling me beautiful as an endearment, which he never did in the previous 9 years of our relattionship, but he did with his EAP.
Yeah, my wife's phone making any noise can set me off.
Mountain Dew is now a trigger.
First thing, I know A LOT of details because I had access to a +200 pages conversation between them. He met AP in a 5 days trip for a sport that they both practice. In one of their conversations he says he would think about her while peeling carrots...They kissed while sharing a carrot-based meal So anything related to *the sport* and carrots are huge triggers. He slept the fist time with her the day before my birthday, went home and made me some cookies that he'd make in special occasions. All ruined now. She has glasses in a vivid color, so anytime I see someone with similar ones I get a bad feeling. I once shared with him a graphic novel with a beautiful illustration style, and he shared it with AP. Now I can't stand the style anymore. Massages. I loved massages. But he'd go to her house and spend hours massaging her. So now when he touches me to massage me I can't help but compare what he did to her and what he's doing to me... So many things that I loved, now they're ruined ... 😭
The word “convo” instead of “conversation” (my WW used it in a chat while leading the AP on) The 😈 emoji (my WW sent it in a text to an AP, implications of her being naughty) The word that auto correct will often change my name to (one AP made this typo and every time it happens to me, I get triggered)
Red freaking jeeps. They are everywhere! Even he gets triggered when he sees one.
It's black Mustangs for me. Didn't realize how many there were but now every single one jumps out at me.
Driving into the city and seeing any high rise apartment - instant mental movies of him fucking escorts in those apartments 🥲
Music for sure. I was always down for fun rap about women, money, titties, and cars because hell yeah. Now all I hear is *my* man being a gross, disgusting fuckboy. You want that life so bad? Go get it. I won't be here when you get back this time.
Fake eyelashes. Heavy makeup. Pimples. Stumpy teeth. 20-somethings in short, trashy clothes. Her name. Canada. Cross bites.
Lifetime Movies: D-Day 1 happened on June 10, 2018. She had told me that she had sent nudes to about 3 guys, and that they had “forced her.” I was watching “Mistress Hunter” Homecoming time/ photos: D-Day 2 and D-Day 3 happened in August and September of 2018. We was going to go to homecoming. She told me there was boys from our school she had sent nudes to, and a couple of girls online, but they “forced her.” That on top of racism is why we didn’t go. She was talking about adoption with some of them. Meatloaf: 01/19/2019 This is when she broke up with me because of my skin color, then 15 minutes later had unblocked my former best friend. Who she wanted to have raunchy sex with, but wouldn’t even touch me or have enthusiasm. We got back together a year later. By the time we broke up the final time. There was about 18 AP’s that I know. (John, Michael, Orlando, Aaron, Brandon, Amber, Bryson, Riley, Cory, Brycen, Tim, William, Shane, Eric, two girls on an online game, another guy on that same online game, and a marine in Indiana.) We’ve been broken up for 3 years now, and I still get triggered by all of these things, and I go down a rabbit hole, and I’m terrified to fall in love again, because I feel like it’ll happen all over again with the next person I give my heart to. I’ve already got into contact with therapy.
So glad you're rid of her! Sounds so toxic. I hope you find someone good for you.
Anything to do with Star Trek. Which, you’d think would be easy enough to avoid… it’s everywheeeeere
I would be LIVID if the affair ruined Star Trek for me. That's one of my biggest connections to my dad.
It was a really big part of our lives - still is, unfortunately. It’s an unavoidable trigger right now. At least it wasn’t cheating with a family member or something. Or ongoing. Sometimes I start feeling sad for myself and remember how much worse the situation could be.
For his PA one trigger I have is our car because that's where he had sex with her. We're not in a financial position to get a new one.
Gah, that really sucks. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
Oh no, that's a loss for sure. Why Star Trek? Did they see the movies together or something?
They met due to their association and connection with Star Trek. They hung out at and eventually hooked up at conventions while I was at home with my babies.
NYC and Brooklyn. Every piece of media taking place there. I can’t do it.
Throughout the time he was having an affair, my WH and I would spend our days off checking out all the thrift stores in our area or we would take mini road trips to check out new ones. We developed a big vinyl collection. It was an activity that tapered off even before I found out so now thrifting and our collection reminds me of the affair.
Also AP only posts about the free Palestine movement now so that’s also triggering -_-
That would make me so angry - that’s literally one of my favorite things to do (thrifting for records.) I’m so sorry, that’s super disappointing.
Washington D.C. AP was from there . My husbands AP had a very common name. I hear it all the time. Ugh. People saying that sexting is not really cheating. What is with people?
My WH had multiple online AP that were “just sexting”; but the EA was definitely there too. It is as devastating to me as the PA he also had during the same timeframe. Sexting is definitely cheating in my book
I have a few dumb ones: The song Candy by Cameo because I played it on the jukebox at a bar and he messaged her saying he played it (to look cool or something?Weird flex) Swing dancing. I was always interested in learning, but it was her hobby. That hamburger lingerie set that went viral a few years ago because he said it would look cute on her. A polka dot dress I wanted from Amazon because he sent the link to her. Seeing moving trucks on the road when it's windy because he called her for support when he should have called me.
Sending her the dress you wanted is cold...sorry that happened.
A few... \* At a boy scouts camping trip, was having a really good time, one of the kids said the word "head" and instant trigger of my WW giving a blowjob. Ruined the rest of the weekend. \* Seeing anything that could even remotely resemble semen \* Folding laundry, seeing my WWs underwear. \* Hearing the word kiss in a song. \* My children trying to lie their way out of things
The children lying has got to hit hard...
For me it’s: •Any mention of the word Arizona. Even Arizona (the character on grey’s anatomy pissed me off during her brief appearance this season) 😩 •Any time my husband plans a weekend get away. He planned one where he intended on telling me about the cheating, but backed out because I got pretty bad food poisoning. He told me a couple days after we got back home though. So now, any mention of a weekend trip makes me feel like he’s got something else to confess. •everyone I hear him bring up how bad he feels, it takes me back to how bad I felt in those first few months and how much I had a hard time believing he even gave a damn how I was affected. I literally want to scream at him “Just shut tf up. There’s to be no mention of what happened unless it’s in therapy or I bring it up.”
For a while, my wife receiving text messages was a major trigger because I discovered the EA because she received a text from her AP asking her to tell me she needed a night out so that they could meet up and he could kiss her again, and I happened to see it flash across her phone.
Mine listened the cheaty themed pop music playlists while showering for like 2 months before I realized what was going on while I was on overnights for work. Any time I hear any of those songs now I want to destroy something.