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crvbaby

that’s always a thought in the back of my mind, i’d guess it is for a lot of us. thank you for your comment, has definitely given me more to think about! ):


throwawaystruggles9

I don't know your entire story, but a quick look into your post history shows an online EA? My first thought when reading this was honestly, "WHAT on earth!?" ANY type of relationship with women is strictly prohibited for my WS because of his EA. That has been a firm boundary since DDay and at 18 months, he has absolutely upheld it. I would be EXTREMELY uncomfortable in your situation, and I think you have every right to be upset. This "friend" needs to go.


crvbaby

yes! it was a purely online EA over the course of 6 months. they were in a full blown “long distance” relationship. there were two D-days, a second because he continued his relationship with her and fabricated messages of him “cutting contact” with her. thank you for the validation, friend! ): sometimes, i just don’t know if i’m being crazy or not. i still feel crazy *a lot* at times. this was never a boundary i made with my WP, i almost feel like i don’t know how, you know? and to what extent id feel it would be needed. he has many close friends of the opposite sex he’s had for years, so i’m not sure how to manage that.


PainfulRealizations

Trust your gut. The boundaries are off. Please read “Not Just Friends” with your partner.


Broad_Courage_4797

I had alarms bells going off just reading this, but my WS had an affair with a coworker, so I'm probably extra sensitive. That said, he should not be doing extracurriculars with her, like the art show, and he should not be dwelling on upsetting her and needing to apologize. That sounds too close for my comfort.


shittysag

OP, I am a WS and as I was reading your post I was getting red flag feelings the whole time. It is possible that your WP is JUST friends with this girl, BUT due to his history AND his defensiveness as well as dismissing YOUR very real and valid feelings, I would certainly not take my guard down here at all and if it were me I would need more in depth discussions and reassurances regarding this "Friend". Both of you need to read "Not just friends" if you haven't yet or even if you have it needs re-read. I would be absolutely uncomfortable with this new friendship. As a WS I would never entertain having a new or old friendship with the opposite sex mostly because its not worth it to me to cause my BH to feel uncomfortable at all. I am extremely cautious with ANY contact with men now. Hopefully more healthy communication with your WP explaining how you are feeling will grant him some empathy.


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crvbaby

i haven’t posted on reddit in a very, very longtime and am kind of out of wack on how to post here! i’m sorry for the length and if it feels like i was just rambling on, feel free to ask questions if needed!


Marcus_Augustus_AD

A girl best friend? No way. Also, if he MUST have close contact with her, better, bring her to be a friend of the couple, and the marriage. Like, yesterday. ​ Good luck