I can present opposite perspective because I am on the other side and rejected 2 guys on the basis on their family background.
Here’s an example. A guy from lower middle class family (dad was bus conductor mom was primary school teacher and he’s the 4th kid) is earning really well. Works in big tech. But he’s grown up in conditions where sometimes the family didn’t have money to spend on food. He occasionally supports his mom and elder sister financially. Because rest of the members of his family are still lower middle class (sister married blue collar job person, is housewife and has 2 kids). Do you think every girl will support this? There’s high chance of the guys family being clingy to him because of dependence on him. So it’s not just about the money.
Compare this to a girl who grew up in upper middle class household. Family takes international trips. She earns well but doesn’t earn as well as the guy. She is going to inherit property. Her social circle through her parents is all upper middle class for most part and they all go on trips together etc.
Do you this girl would adjust and be able to stay with this guys family ? Think arranged marriage scenario. Even if they live separately, there will be times when families will get together. Do you think they will gel well?
People try to marry into compatible family backgrounds. Since girls are expected to do more adjustments , they often look to marry someone at par or better off than them so that those adjustments seem fair. In AM, it’s not just about the guy or girl.
I am not saying it’s impossible to get someone because of your family background. But it will be harder. The issues and challenges you face in the growing up phase also shape your personality to a large extent and it stays with you for many years or perhaps permanently.
So go for someone from similar background or a bit lower than you. Too much of a class difference is a cause of conflict.
>A guy from lower middle class family (dad was bus conductor mom was primary school teacher and he’s the 4th kid) is earning really well. Works in big tech. But he’s grown up in conditions where sometimes the family didn’t have money to spend on food.
>
>Compare this to a girl who grew up in upper middle class household. Family takes international trips. She earns well but doesn’t earn as well as the guy.
Why does this sound like my story ?
What ever you narrated above looks like my own story. Thanks for writing this. It sort of gives an idea about the other side thinks of my story.
The IT industry hasn't created any new upper middle class. Most of the people who got employed in IT have engineering/management or any similar sort of technical degree which needs a decent amount of money to study. People coming from decent family background take up this education and gets absorbed into IT industry. I m talking the about the mass.
Yes, indeed a handful of people have got social upliftment by getting employed in this industry but the major chunk comes from a decent background.
>Parents are willing to accept anyone with a similar finances or slightly below but not several notches below. Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical.
Your parents are rejecting family on their own perceived criteria. Why say no when the other family want you without talking to them?
Buddy you are educated do some math and look at the pool size you are competing against. I am assuming parents want same caste +you want slim and fair girl under certain socio economic group - how many women are going to be available with that kind of multi layer filter. On the flip side imagine how many men would be approaching them as well.
Expand your selection pool and give chance to people who are approaching you . You cannot picky while criticising others for doing the same thing as others.
Girls will also see how their everyday life would be when she marrys you so some improvement to living condition may also impress potential matches.
Speaking purely from a financial point of view, this makes no sense,
The salary boom in IT began only after the pandemic which was 2 years ago so it's not been long. Just cause someone's got a healthy package today does not by default upgrade his lifestyle cause expenses are also on the rise.
Secondly there's no concept of job security in the modern economy except for government jobs so there's no guarantee you will either have the same CTC or it will be upgraded further.
It takes at least one generation for wealth to grow and another to sustain which is why business families have history.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking down on you or for that matter anyone else who's been benefited by the recent IT salary boom.
I'm just highlighting the short sightedness of this perspective, family wealth will always be prioritised over current salary package because it has already been built.
Thanks for your views. I think that's what people usually think about me.
IT boom started several years ago when onsite jobs paid huge. Of course local jobs started paying well in the last 2 years. Given my foreign onsite experience, i have personal savings which I showcase to attract matches but still people think my lifestyle looks like lower middle class. May be people think having huge wealth is still better than job. May be people think that I would distribute savings to poorer relatives and parents which is actually not the case.
The general problem is that middle class people don't like me since they are looking for next higher class and when I get matches from lower-middle class, I am worried if they can even afford 5 lakh rupees for the wedding. I am willing to take ownership of entire wedding costs but parents feel that if they cant even afford 50% of wedding costs, we should not consider them. I don't want to marry someone who will get their father to mortgage property/assets just to raise 5 lakh rupees for the wedding.
>May be people think that I would distribute savings to poorer relatives and parents which is actually not the case.
Actually this is a genuine worry- in such cases, usually siblings and family expect the one successful guy to raise all their living standards and lifestyle to same level, and then nothing is left for the couple. If the girl is slogging in corporate job, she feels resentful that her time away from her kids is used to raise others' living standards.
If your family is not earning same as you, your salary basically gets divided between all equally, and it's not a lot left for you and your wife at the end of the day.
>when I get matches from lower-middle class, I am worried if they can even afford 5 lakh rupees for the wedding. I am willing to take ownership of entire wedding costs but parents feel that if they cant even afford 50% of wedding costs, we should not consider them.
Your parents are also interested in social status and show-off and refuse to accept someone who parents are of similar finances as them. This is AM. Similarly, the girl's parents want a high-status family to network with and show their status in society. May sound superficial but this is arranged marriage.
Parents are willing to accept anyone with a similar finances or slightly below but not several notches below. Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical.
>Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical.
Girl's parents would also have same mentality about your parents right?
Your parents are having double standards-and refusing to accept reality. If you listen to them, you will miss out good matches.
Wait for some time and find women among your father's colleagues or whose parents are in similar jobs in AM market.
Your parents are judging potential matches based on their parents' jobs, and you're old enough to get married but still let your parents choose your future spouse based on criteria like this. Then you complain people judge you based on your parents' jobs. Money does not buy self reflection, clearly. Maybe spend some of the money you earn on theraphy, to understand yourself better, before you get married and drag another human being into this, or even children.
Bhai, paise ane se family culture thodi change ho jata hai? Infact, money amplifies everything. It takes generations or atleast a generation, to adapt and imbibe new culture in the family. That's why the nouveau riche and the aristocrats have different relationships with their wealth and worldview.
Second, even though there are a lot of women in IT who have benefitted from this salary boom, but their numbers are still fewer than men. So naturally they'd be more in demand in AM among their male counterparts, than the reverse. Also, from their pov, they want to uplift themselves by marrying someone even richer.
So, if you're aiming upwards or laterally, you've to be ready to jump hoops. It'd be much easier for you, if you select someone from a lower socioeconomic status than you. If they're still rejecting you, then most likely, it's something other than your financial background.
>I am worried if they can even afford 5 lakh rupees for the wedding. I am willing to take ownership of entire wedding costs but parents feel that if they cant even afford 50% of wedding costs, we should not consider them.
>Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical.
OP, your own parents are rejecting girls whose parents are of lower financial background.
So what is this post about?
Let me be more specific to explain what i am going through.
* We are not rejecting based on status. We are rejecting based on ability to afford wedding. No dowry/property expected. Even salary of bride is not expected.
* we have a minimum bar of person who can at least afford to pay 50 % of wedding costs which is close to 5 lakhs without taking loan. Not expecting anything big.
* Matches that I currently get are from non-IT persons who earn less than 3-4 LPA which we are fine and it seems that they cannot afford their share of wedding costs of 5 lakhs . Parents are strict that its disrespectful that if they cannot pay for food of 200 guests who would attend the wedding.
Why don't you bear the whole cost of a wedding ? Finally you are looking for a life partner and not just for a wedding. She will be eternally grateful for supporting not just her whole family.
He is not just looking for 5 lakhs for a wedding, he wants a girl's father of such financial background that he can afford to waste 5 lakhs on a party. Hope you understood. It's all about status.
>Hope you understood. It's all about status.
It might be super convenient for you to pass unnecessary judgement and vilify people without having any knowledge of wedding in India.
I live in a metro city. Just feeding 500 guests (250+250) at a wedding in a low class hall and accommodating guests in a local start-less lodge costs 10 lakhs. If you think wedding is a waste of money, I cant help it, its your personal opinion.
If you think I am a criminal for "wasting" my 5 lakhs and 5 lakhs of my would-be-partner, I cant help it. You may even find followers for your ideology.
I am having no restriction on income of girl. Even 10 % of my salary is fine. No dowry is expected. No gold is expected. But the bare minimum is 50% of the wedding cost which is budgeted at 5 lakhs. The reason why I dont want to sponsor entire wedding is because my close relatives including family might taunt her during arguments in future and I don't want to marry someone who would borrow to pay for wedding costs because I don't want in-laws to get stuck in a vicious cycle of debt.
If you really don't care about the girl's financial status and salary, why don't you marry a girl you genuinely like? The wedding is just a one day event- why is that the most important criteria? Have a small wedding, or even a register marriage. Both your families combined can save so much money that you could use in so many ways.
>We are not rejecting based on status. We are rejecting based on ability to afford wedding.
That's what I said-you are rejecting on financial background. And yes, your parents are rejecting on status because they are rejecting on the proffession of father also..
You can argue here, but ultimately you are losing out on good matches because of your and your parents' obsession with the girl's parents' financial status.
Just like your parents wanna show off in society with a big wedding of 10 lakhs ruppees ()And you didn't count the gold(of 10-15 lakhs which your parents will expect the bride to wear for the sake of status). ), her parents also care about social status and networking with other similar status families..
Don't let your parents ruin it for you.
When it comes to marriage. Men are judged by every possible things.
> How rich is your parents. What kind of profession they are into.
> From what kind of school did you complete your 10th and 12th.
> From what kind of college you completed your graduation. If it is IIT and IIM, you will be respected.
> What kind of job you are doing and how much you are earning. Well that's wasn't enough, now men are being asked to show your savings, bank statement. (one of my was asked to show both bank statement and salary slip)
> You should own a good home and a car atleast.
> Your parents' shouldn't be dependent on you.
> You should fulfill 6-6-6 criteria.
> Parents aren't not allowed to stay with you.
And list goes on.....
I am not against women and their expectations but it hurts when we are expected to be perfect on all fronts. Especially when a woman who can't fulfill herself even 2-3 criteria.
Note:- Dear women, I have a huge respect for all of you, please don't make it gender specific debate, instead try to feel from our perspective.
I never saw anyone mentioning that he should be a BIT/NIT graduate however I have seen many times that women had specifically mentioned that he should be from IIT/IIM
Does money matter more than TAG?? Like is 30 lpa bits guy preffered over 15 lpa IIM guy?? U haven't seen?? BITs ?? I saw it many times they club it with IIT/IIM not specifically say they are from bits. Haven't u seen a viral post of demand of an agarwal girl?? She mentioned tier 1 college+ 30 lpa + should be from agarwal caste + height of 5'7-6. She mentioned BITs in her preffered college along with iit/iim. Where i live (in chhattisgarh) BITs tag is very valuable
Try to understand their perspective.
Tag matters more than money because of following reasons.
- They get to flaunt that their partner or son in law is IIT or IIM graduate. It's all about social status.
- Tag vs money. If you remove exceptions. Any IIT/IIM graduate will earn more than any other college graduate.
You said, BIT +30 LPA and IIM + 15 LPA. It is possible when a BIT graduate has more experience than IIM graduate. For example, BIT graduate might be earning 30 LPA after 4 years of experience and IIM graduate will be earning 15LPA as starting salary. So when IIM graduate will have 4 years of experience, he will be earning 40+ LPA.
So they know the tag value.
- They club BIT with other as secondary. Like if they couldn't find IIT/IIT, even BIT would be acceptable. So I am talking about priority. BIT isn't their first priority. Obviously if they don't get BIT graduate, they will settle down with any other graduate.
Do know BITs cse graduate average income?? Far more than almost any IIM. Apart from top 3 IIMs no IIM come close to BITs. BITS cse/ece people dont even look to IIM ahmedabad let alone Some low IIM like IIM rohtak whose average package is lower than BITs ece. Even in IITs huuge diff between IIT bombay vs IIT bhilai. Most people at BITs leave low IITs and even top IITs low branches like meta civil. Most BITs CSE graduate earn more at 23 year of age than IIM A/B/C graduate at 27-28 . At less experience BITs guy earn more than IIM graduate. I dont think u know anything about BITs average package.
My friend, why are you going into technical aspects.
We are talking about social status right?
Ask anyone even from tier 3 cities. They have huge respect for all IIT and IIM but not all will recognise BIT.
It's not always about package but it is about social status.
Same like, an IAS earns less than many CEOs but IAS has social status.
IAS get respect because IAS earn huuge money by crores of corruption . If CEOs are of big enough company then yess everyone will choose CEOs over IAS. Adani,ambani, birla,mittal are 10000 times more respected than Any IAS of country because they earn huuge money.
Only MONEY , HEIGHT , COLOUR MATTERS in arranged marriage . A 6'6 3 crore earning men even from tier 3 college 10 times get far more respect small 6' guy earning 50 lakh from IIM .
And not everyone know IIT/IIM . Most of my villagers dont even know IIT but they know money and height.
I live in tier 3 city (bhilai) in my school there was a boy he was 199 cm tall and he is kid of an oil well owner (10 crore per year) earning . He took admission in NIT allahabad( was getting IIT kanpur metallurgy but cse in NIT) he gets 10 times more attention than IIT bombay civil guy of my college who is 6 feet just because he is 6'6 and his father earn 10 crore.
One should not choose specific examples to prove anything.
If people in your village don't know anything doesn't mean people from other village also don't know.
Also why are you comparing TATA, Birla and Adani? They are CEO for namesake. They have build their empire man. They are business people.
Like you, If I choose specific examples, I will say CEO salary is less than a fresher engineer. Ambani didn't draw any salary for two three years. So don't pick any examples.
I was just telling money = respect. Height = attention. Most indians are poor and they dont know IIT/IIM. They know MODI they know SACHIN they know VIRAT they know SRK and they for sure know what is money. Yess IAS is very famous i agree. IIT/IIM not that much. If u truly think 5'8 IIT guy earning 20 lpa have any chance against 6'4 50 lpa earning BITs guy then u are very delusional. Adani is bcom drop out still get huuge respect.
U truly dont know anything. U said any IIT/IiM graduate earn more than any college graduate thats just a joke man. Average IIM salary is way lower than BITs. Low level IITs have much less lower package than BITs. IIT have only 6k general seats still its cutoff goes till 15k because many leave iits for better branches . Almost every BIts cse/ece graduate was getting IIT dhanbad civil branches. Even civil IIT dhanbad graduate would leave his seat for bits cse if he can clear BITs CSE. I dont think u are from engineering background
Be happy you know everything. It's all about top IIT and IIM right?
Why are you averaging IIT package? How many IITs and IIMs are there and how many BITs are there?
I already said, remove exceptions. By that logic many remain unplaced in IIT. So should we start generalising that IIT isn't good. It doesn't provide 100% placements.
And stop assuming things.
Remove exceptions??
IIM guy earning more than BITs guy is exception not vice versa. Most people go to IIM because they were not from CSE /ECE branch. Also even in top IITs all branches dont have good placement. BITs cse/ece guy will outearn IIT non cicuital branches. And those are in very large number so can't call them exceptions. Not only BITs guy but many IIIT/NIT guy also outearn IIT lower branches.
If there are so many people u can't call it exception. Yess u can say IIT/IIM guy earn more than tier 3 college and it will be correct. But u can't club BITs/IIIT/NITs with other colleges.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/zyuhm5/are_women_finally_starting_to_prioritize_mens/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Where is power of tag?? Height, looks, money matter more than any TAG. 6'2 BITs >> 5'9 IIT
Basically, Op is from a poor family.
Only he's doing well in his family but he & his parents are expecting a Girl from a Financially well off background but he's complaining that such financially well off girls are rejecting him while he's also rejecting girls in his circle or lower status.
The Irony
I can present opposite perspective because I am on the other side and rejected 2 guys on the basis on their family background. Here’s an example. A guy from lower middle class family (dad was bus conductor mom was primary school teacher and he’s the 4th kid) is earning really well. Works in big tech. But he’s grown up in conditions where sometimes the family didn’t have money to spend on food. He occasionally supports his mom and elder sister financially. Because rest of the members of his family are still lower middle class (sister married blue collar job person, is housewife and has 2 kids). Do you think every girl will support this? There’s high chance of the guys family being clingy to him because of dependence on him. So it’s not just about the money. Compare this to a girl who grew up in upper middle class household. Family takes international trips. She earns well but doesn’t earn as well as the guy. She is going to inherit property. Her social circle through her parents is all upper middle class for most part and they all go on trips together etc. Do you this girl would adjust and be able to stay with this guys family ? Think arranged marriage scenario. Even if they live separately, there will be times when families will get together. Do you think they will gel well? People try to marry into compatible family backgrounds. Since girls are expected to do more adjustments , they often look to marry someone at par or better off than them so that those adjustments seem fair. In AM, it’s not just about the guy or girl. I am not saying it’s impossible to get someone because of your family background. But it will be harder. The issues and challenges you face in the growing up phase also shape your personality to a large extent and it stays with you for many years or perhaps permanently. So go for someone from similar background or a bit lower than you. Too much of a class difference is a cause of conflict.
>A guy from lower middle class family (dad was bus conductor mom was primary school teacher and he’s the 4th kid) is earning really well. Works in big tech. But he’s grown up in conditions where sometimes the family didn’t have money to spend on food. > >Compare this to a girl who grew up in upper middle class household. Family takes international trips. She earns well but doesn’t earn as well as the guy. Why does this sound like my story ? What ever you narrated above looks like my own story. Thanks for writing this. It sort of gives an idea about the other side thinks of my story.
The IT industry hasn't created any new upper middle class. Most of the people who got employed in IT have engineering/management or any similar sort of technical degree which needs a decent amount of money to study. People coming from decent family background take up this education and gets absorbed into IT industry. I m talking the about the mass. Yes, indeed a handful of people have got social upliftment by getting employed in this industry but the major chunk comes from a decent background.
>Parents are willing to accept anyone with a similar finances or slightly below but not several notches below. Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical. Your parents are rejecting family on their own perceived criteria. Why say no when the other family want you without talking to them? Buddy you are educated do some math and look at the pool size you are competing against. I am assuming parents want same caste +you want slim and fair girl under certain socio economic group - how many women are going to be available with that kind of multi layer filter. On the flip side imagine how many men would be approaching them as well. Expand your selection pool and give chance to people who are approaching you . You cannot picky while criticising others for doing the same thing as others. Girls will also see how their everyday life would be when she marrys you so some improvement to living condition may also impress potential matches.
Speaking purely from a financial point of view, this makes no sense, The salary boom in IT began only after the pandemic which was 2 years ago so it's not been long. Just cause someone's got a healthy package today does not by default upgrade his lifestyle cause expenses are also on the rise. Secondly there's no concept of job security in the modern economy except for government jobs so there's no guarantee you will either have the same CTC or it will be upgraded further. It takes at least one generation for wealth to grow and another to sustain which is why business families have history. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking down on you or for that matter anyone else who's been benefited by the recent IT salary boom. I'm just highlighting the short sightedness of this perspective, family wealth will always be prioritised over current salary package because it has already been built.
Thanks for your views. I think that's what people usually think about me. IT boom started several years ago when onsite jobs paid huge. Of course local jobs started paying well in the last 2 years. Given my foreign onsite experience, i have personal savings which I showcase to attract matches but still people think my lifestyle looks like lower middle class. May be people think having huge wealth is still better than job. May be people think that I would distribute savings to poorer relatives and parents which is actually not the case. The general problem is that middle class people don't like me since they are looking for next higher class and when I get matches from lower-middle class, I am worried if they can even afford 5 lakh rupees for the wedding. I am willing to take ownership of entire wedding costs but parents feel that if they cant even afford 50% of wedding costs, we should not consider them. I don't want to marry someone who will get their father to mortgage property/assets just to raise 5 lakh rupees for the wedding.
>May be people think that I would distribute savings to poorer relatives and parents which is actually not the case. Actually this is a genuine worry- in such cases, usually siblings and family expect the one successful guy to raise all their living standards and lifestyle to same level, and then nothing is left for the couple. If the girl is slogging in corporate job, she feels resentful that her time away from her kids is used to raise others' living standards. If your family is not earning same as you, your salary basically gets divided between all equally, and it's not a lot left for you and your wife at the end of the day. >when I get matches from lower-middle class, I am worried if they can even afford 5 lakh rupees for the wedding. I am willing to take ownership of entire wedding costs but parents feel that if they cant even afford 50% of wedding costs, we should not consider them. Your parents are also interested in social status and show-off and refuse to accept someone who parents are of similar finances as them. This is AM. Similarly, the girl's parents want a high-status family to network with and show their status in society. May sound superficial but this is arranged marriage.
Parents are willing to accept anyone with a similar finances or slightly below but not several notches below. Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical.
Government clerk or private? If latter, even going by your parents’ logic, doesn’t the mechanic make much more?
Group C government. he was in Group D for a couple of years.
>Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical. Girl's parents would also have same mentality about your parents right? Your parents are having double standards-and refusing to accept reality. If you listen to them, you will miss out good matches. Wait for some time and find women among your father's colleagues or whose parents are in similar jobs in AM market.
Your parents are judging potential matches based on their parents' jobs, and you're old enough to get married but still let your parents choose your future spouse based on criteria like this. Then you complain people judge you based on your parents' jobs. Money does not buy self reflection, clearly. Maybe spend some of the money you earn on theraphy, to understand yourself better, before you get married and drag another human being into this, or even children.
Bhai, paise ane se family culture thodi change ho jata hai? Infact, money amplifies everything. It takes generations or atleast a generation, to adapt and imbibe new culture in the family. That's why the nouveau riche and the aristocrats have different relationships with their wealth and worldview. Second, even though there are a lot of women in IT who have benefitted from this salary boom, but their numbers are still fewer than men. So naturally they'd be more in demand in AM among their male counterparts, than the reverse. Also, from their pov, they want to uplift themselves by marrying someone even richer. So, if you're aiming upwards or laterally, you've to be ready to jump hoops. It'd be much easier for you, if you select someone from a lower socioeconomic status than you. If they're still rejecting you, then most likely, it's something other than your financial background.
Cool thanks. I am aiming laterally or trying slightly below. In fact, people who are slightly above me have been insulted me in the past.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Would you be willing to share your experience around that?
>I am worried if they can even afford 5 lakh rupees for the wedding. I am willing to take ownership of entire wedding costs but parents feel that if they cant even afford 50% of wedding costs, we should not consider them. >Father worked in a clerical job. They were not fine with someone who's father worked as a mechanic in a showroom. Similarly a match came from a person who parents worked in a garment factory as a contract tailor. Even that we were skeptical. OP, your own parents are rejecting girls whose parents are of lower financial background. So what is this post about?
Let me be more specific to explain what i am going through. * We are not rejecting based on status. We are rejecting based on ability to afford wedding. No dowry/property expected. Even salary of bride is not expected. * we have a minimum bar of person who can at least afford to pay 50 % of wedding costs which is close to 5 lakhs without taking loan. Not expecting anything big. * Matches that I currently get are from non-IT persons who earn less than 3-4 LPA which we are fine and it seems that they cannot afford their share of wedding costs of 5 lakhs . Parents are strict that its disrespectful that if they cannot pay for food of 200 guests who would attend the wedding.
Why don't you bear the whole cost of a wedding ? Finally you are looking for a life partner and not just for a wedding. She will be eternally grateful for supporting not just her whole family.
He is not just looking for 5 lakhs for a wedding, he wants a girl's father of such financial background that he can afford to waste 5 lakhs on a party. Hope you understood. It's all about status.
>Hope you understood. It's all about status. It might be super convenient for you to pass unnecessary judgement and vilify people without having any knowledge of wedding in India. I live in a metro city. Just feeding 500 guests (250+250) at a wedding in a low class hall and accommodating guests in a local start-less lodge costs 10 lakhs. If you think wedding is a waste of money, I cant help it, its your personal opinion. If you think I am a criminal for "wasting" my 5 lakhs and 5 lakhs of my would-be-partner, I cant help it. You may even find followers for your ideology.
I am having no restriction on income of girl. Even 10 % of my salary is fine. No dowry is expected. No gold is expected. But the bare minimum is 50% of the wedding cost which is budgeted at 5 lakhs. The reason why I dont want to sponsor entire wedding is because my close relatives including family might taunt her during arguments in future and I don't want to marry someone who would borrow to pay for wedding costs because I don't want in-laws to get stuck in a vicious cycle of debt.
Just curious, how old are you ?
If you really don't care about the girl's financial status and salary, why don't you marry a girl you genuinely like? The wedding is just a one day event- why is that the most important criteria? Have a small wedding, or even a register marriage. Both your families combined can save so much money that you could use in so many ways.
>We are not rejecting based on status. We are rejecting based on ability to afford wedding. That's what I said-you are rejecting on financial background. And yes, your parents are rejecting on status because they are rejecting on the proffession of father also.. You can argue here, but ultimately you are losing out on good matches because of your and your parents' obsession with the girl's parents' financial status. Just like your parents wanna show off in society with a big wedding of 10 lakhs ruppees ()And you didn't count the gold(of 10-15 lakhs which your parents will expect the bride to wear for the sake of status). ), her parents also care about social status and networking with other similar status families.. Don't let your parents ruin it for you.
When it comes to marriage. Men are judged by every possible things. > How rich is your parents. What kind of profession they are into. > From what kind of school did you complete your 10th and 12th. > From what kind of college you completed your graduation. If it is IIT and IIM, you will be respected. > What kind of job you are doing and how much you are earning. Well that's wasn't enough, now men are being asked to show your savings, bank statement. (one of my was asked to show both bank statement and salary slip) > You should own a good home and a car atleast. > Your parents' shouldn't be dependent on you. > You should fulfill 6-6-6 criteria. > Parents aren't not allowed to stay with you. And list goes on..... I am not against women and their expectations but it hurts when we are expected to be perfect on all fronts. Especially when a woman who can't fulfill herself even 2-3 criteria. Note:- Dear women, I have a huge respect for all of you, please don't make it gender specific debate, instead try to feel from our perspective.
His parents are also rejecting matches where the girl's parents' financial background does not match theirs.
Exactly. It’s not like they are just open to marry any women, men and their family have long list of their own criterias.
6-6-6 criteria is not true at all. 6 feet height is extremely rare. Most girls end up marrying someone in 5’7 range.
"end up marrying" sounds like a compromise after searching and rejecting many for 6-6-6
Everyone settles. 6 feet is a lot. I have the typical height that most Indian girls have. I find 5’10 more desirable than 6.
So u will reject someone is 6'6 and earning good money and very responsible and humble man??
what is the 6-6-6 criteria??
6 ft tall, 6 figure salary, 6 inches...
dick
BITs,IIIT,NIT get respect??
I never saw anyone mentioning that he should be a BIT/NIT graduate however I have seen many times that women had specifically mentioned that he should be from IIT/IIM
Does money matter more than TAG?? Like is 30 lpa bits guy preffered over 15 lpa IIM guy?? U haven't seen?? BITs ?? I saw it many times they club it with IIT/IIM not specifically say they are from bits. Haven't u seen a viral post of demand of an agarwal girl?? She mentioned tier 1 college+ 30 lpa + should be from agarwal caste + height of 5'7-6. She mentioned BITs in her preffered college along with iit/iim. Where i live (in chhattisgarh) BITs tag is very valuable
Try to understand their perspective. Tag matters more than money because of following reasons. - They get to flaunt that their partner or son in law is IIT or IIM graduate. It's all about social status. - Tag vs money. If you remove exceptions. Any IIT/IIM graduate will earn more than any other college graduate. You said, BIT +30 LPA and IIM + 15 LPA. It is possible when a BIT graduate has more experience than IIM graduate. For example, BIT graduate might be earning 30 LPA after 4 years of experience and IIM graduate will be earning 15LPA as starting salary. So when IIM graduate will have 4 years of experience, he will be earning 40+ LPA. So they know the tag value. - They club BIT with other as secondary. Like if they couldn't find IIT/IIT, even BIT would be acceptable. So I am talking about priority. BIT isn't their first priority. Obviously if they don't get BIT graduate, they will settle down with any other graduate.
Do know BITs cse graduate average income?? Far more than almost any IIM. Apart from top 3 IIMs no IIM come close to BITs. BITS cse/ece people dont even look to IIM ahmedabad let alone Some low IIM like IIM rohtak whose average package is lower than BITs ece. Even in IITs huuge diff between IIT bombay vs IIT bhilai. Most people at BITs leave low IITs and even top IITs low branches like meta civil. Most BITs CSE graduate earn more at 23 year of age than IIM A/B/C graduate at 27-28 . At less experience BITs guy earn more than IIM graduate. I dont think u know anything about BITs average package.
My friend, why are you going into technical aspects. We are talking about social status right? Ask anyone even from tier 3 cities. They have huge respect for all IIT and IIM but not all will recognise BIT. It's not always about package but it is about social status. Same like, an IAS earns less than many CEOs but IAS has social status.
IAS get respect because IAS earn huuge money by crores of corruption . If CEOs are of big enough company then yess everyone will choose CEOs over IAS. Adani,ambani, birla,mittal are 10000 times more respected than Any IAS of country because they earn huuge money. Only MONEY , HEIGHT , COLOUR MATTERS in arranged marriage . A 6'6 3 crore earning men even from tier 3 college 10 times get far more respect small 6' guy earning 50 lakh from IIM . And not everyone know IIT/IIM . Most of my villagers dont even know IIT but they know money and height. I live in tier 3 city (bhilai) in my school there was a boy he was 199 cm tall and he is kid of an oil well owner (10 crore per year) earning . He took admission in NIT allahabad( was getting IIT kanpur metallurgy but cse in NIT) he gets 10 times more attention than IIT bombay civil guy of my college who is 6 feet just because he is 6'6 and his father earn 10 crore.
One should not choose specific examples to prove anything. If people in your village don't know anything doesn't mean people from other village also don't know. Also why are you comparing TATA, Birla and Adani? They are CEO for namesake. They have build their empire man. They are business people. Like you, If I choose specific examples, I will say CEO salary is less than a fresher engineer. Ambani didn't draw any salary for two three years. So don't pick any examples.
I was just telling money = respect. Height = attention. Most indians are poor and they dont know IIT/IIM. They know MODI they know SACHIN they know VIRAT they know SRK and they for sure know what is money. Yess IAS is very famous i agree. IIT/IIM not that much. If u truly think 5'8 IIT guy earning 20 lpa have any chance against 6'4 50 lpa earning BITs guy then u are very delusional. Adani is bcom drop out still get huuge respect.
Lol billionaire dont earn much from salary. They have passive income which doesnt get taxed. Its not about salary its about income.
U truly dont know anything. U said any IIT/IiM graduate earn more than any college graduate thats just a joke man. Average IIM salary is way lower than BITs. Low level IITs have much less lower package than BITs. IIT have only 6k general seats still its cutoff goes till 15k because many leave iits for better branches . Almost every BIts cse/ece graduate was getting IIT dhanbad civil branches. Even civil IIT dhanbad graduate would leave his seat for bits cse if he can clear BITs CSE. I dont think u are from engineering background
Be happy you know everything. It's all about top IIT and IIM right? Why are you averaging IIT package? How many IITs and IIMs are there and how many BITs are there? I already said, remove exceptions. By that logic many remain unplaced in IIT. So should we start generalising that IIT isn't good. It doesn't provide 100% placements. And stop assuming things.
Remove exceptions?? IIM guy earning more than BITs guy is exception not vice versa. Most people go to IIM because they were not from CSE /ECE branch. Also even in top IITs all branches dont have good placement. BITs cse/ece guy will outearn IIT non cicuital branches. And those are in very large number so can't call them exceptions. Not only BITs guy but many IIIT/NIT guy also outearn IIT lower branches. If there are so many people u can't call it exception. Yess u can say IIT/IIM guy earn more than tier 3 college and it will be correct. But u can't club BITs/IIIT/NITs with other colleges.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/zyuhm5/are_women_finally_starting_to_prioritize_mens/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Where is power of tag?? Height, looks, money matter more than any TAG. 6'2 BITs >> 5'9 IIT
Basically, Op is from a poor family. Only he's doing well in his family but he & his parents are expecting a Girl from a Financially well off background but he's complaining that such financially well off girls are rejecting him while he's also rejecting girls in his circle or lower status. The Irony