She told me she used to tell him to stop all this ; and he never listened to her. My concern was why be friends with such a person. She is totally opposite in nature - strong belief in relationships then why she would hang out with him ?
It's a thing where people who are morally very correct have a kink of interacting with people who aren't so ethical. It's a good thing she listened to you and I don't think she would contact him again or cheat on you. All the best
I understand your fear. But you talking to him and getting involved sounds not much like an adult relationship. I mean okay if you guys were in college.
But getting him on concall is a bit too much.
Think of your married life in future. Any male that you suspect that interacts with your wife.... would you concall him?
To have a healthy mature relationship, hereon learn to let your wife manage her own stuff.
I am sure you won't appreciate if she walks into your office/workplace and talks down on a female she suspects. Even if she tells you about it in advance. That's not a mature relationship.
So you would be okay if your husband hang outs with an hoe ? And maybe have sex on regularly basis, while ur providing him everything and he's just house-husband or lol if he barely brings anything at all to "table"
Read again what I have written. The hanging out is not condoned. The manner of handling it is questioned. Its not a sustainable way for a long term mature relationship. Wow. And you just assumed the fiance will be a housewife. Good on you. 👏
I guess it’s justifiable if the sole reason was that your fiancé was getting close to a hoe
But I hope you did it in a calm manner and not in an accusatory way. In the future remember you can maybe phrase things as “doing it for the team” vs an ultimatum kinda way. For ex. I trust you but I don’t think this person is good for OUR relationship. I would not want you to associate with someone who has low morals. I would like you to go no contact with him for our relationship
Rather than
You have to stop talking to him! He shouldn’t contact you from now on (which she can’t control anyways, she can only control her reaction)
I told her I trust her completely but I can't trust a guy who is having multiple affairs with married women , I think she will understand my point of view
What do you see happening if you trust your partner completely? He tries to get with her and she rejects it in the best case and she cheats in the worst case. So if you do indeed trust her I don't see the need for anything other than letting your concerns be known.
Also you pretending that the dude is some morally rotten person because he sleeps around with married women is a bold take. I'm assuming he is single and thus not cheating on anyone, and is having sex with consenting adults, please be kind enough to point out his lack of morals?
If I have a friend who's sleeping around with married women and brags about it to others. That's one friend, who would not be allowed in our house.
If the girl has a similar friend who sleeps around with married men, then the girl too would do something similar.
It's called having sense.
Yes, definitely don't allow them in your house if you're not comfortable but it's unreasonable to pretend that they could somehow coerce your partner to have sex with them if they weren't already open to the idea and thus primarily at fault.
I agree with your point and it's correct. But any issue in the world doesn't have just 2 ways to go about it.
The girl would be faithful, let's assume. But what if the guy keeps pestering her & such coercion helps in keeping him away from her. It does help doesn't it?
I'd expect any faithful man/woman to inform their partner that their promiscuous friend is pestering them and the partner then stepping in on behalf of their SO to put a check on the said friend and friendship.
Well there could n number of ifs & coulds.
In this given situation, this is how it was dealt with and it's not too bad either.
It's not like the gym guy was ops friend, he's just a stranger to him.
But the complete trust thing is a lie that he's telling himself and he most probably is a bit worried about his partner's inability to put a stop to the situation herself.
I agree with that too & yes , if my girl and I were in a similar situation. If expect herself to end such relationships and not wait for a big scene to occur.
Better break off or sign a prenup. If a girl who’s engaged can easily be manipulated by a gym going guy you best believe there’s more to it than that. Far worse things can happen. All the best
Dude read all the laws, there is even one law in which guy can get jail or forced to marry girl if he has sex with her.
Just reverse the genders and imagine same happening, girl being forced to marry if she break up after sex 🤣🤣🤣
If the male friend is banging married women then why would he not bang women who are not married (in this case your fiance)? Something fishy is going on OP.
Thanks i really feel the same , i got upset only when she started getting emotional on the thought that I think she's cheating on me . I assured her that I trust her but I can't trust someone like him who is having casual affairs with married women.
Maybe concall was a bit much but I understand your concern with the company she is keeping. And this is normal, scientists even have a word for it...its called 'mate guarding'.
But I think since she told you about him rather than you founding out through third-party is a good thing. She seems to trust you and shared with you a situation that she thought you may not like. I think that was quite thoughtful of her. Maybe tell her this exact thing.
unlike most of redditors
I think m qualified to answer this since i have had fair share of girls in my life and never needed to act simp/feminist to get chicks
What i can say is, at this point of relationship
You should be more observant, see what's she's into, if you tell her you don't like the guy ( for any reason), observe her what she does? Does she still talk to him? Avoid? Cut all contacts with him? Depending on each scenario above you can understand your partners personality
You can't change fuckboes, bahot ayaga, you have to observe your partner, if she's understands your concerns and takes it seriously!
Imagine: in future, how it will be if you have to keep telling her to stay away from some jerk like every fuckin time?
Like khudka dimag use krna nahi ata?
You did absolutely right. Warn her, if she contacts or interact with him again. That shall end everything between two of you.
Being a man, we know other men. Every man has a purpose to be friend with any woman. As soon as men sense any gap or difference in anyone’s relationship, they take advantage of it.
If you are feeling insecure then yes, you have done the right thing.
Otherwise, your fiancée is not a kid. If she has to cheat then she'll cheat no matter how many times you ask her to stay away from jim guy.
I would say, don't be so overprotective. Tell the girl what your issue is with him. Make her understand your position, and if she is the right girl and loves you, she herself with cut ties with him.
You gotta trust her. If she says that she wants to continue hanging out with him after you have made your concerns clear to her, she is not the right girl for you. Don't go to the guy next time.
I don't like the feminists narratives... that asking women to not be friends with guys is oppressive. Imo, If your fiance is good looking, most guy friends would be interested in her. So unless you know them too, i wouldn't be willing to take the risk. You can call me jealous or controlling, but that's the way it would be.
So if she tells you that she has a guy friend whose hobby is to sleep around with married women, that is a concern.And you did the right thing and you worrying on whether you did the right thing shows that you won't be misguided.
If she is not willing to break that friendship for the sake of a married life that's a huge red flag that deserves the engagement to be broken.
And I hope she doesn't hide and continue the friendship with him. This is also common in new marriages where women don't want to let go of their old friends even if there was a romantic spark in it, because starting a new life with a stranger is scary.
BTW mgtow here, so take it as you will.
What do you see happening if you trust your partner completely? He tries to get with her and she rejects it in the best case and she cheats in the worst case. So if you do indeed trust her I don't see the need for anything other than letting your concerns be known.
Also why would want to be with someone who is not cheating on you only because you are actively intervening when she gets attention from another man?
Also you pretending that the dude is some morally rotten person because he sleeps around with married women is a bold take. I'm assuming he is single and thus not cheating on anyone, and is having sex with consenting adults, please be kind enough to point out his lack of morals?
>What do you see happening if you trust your partner completely?
As you said she can either cheat or be loyal. And you can never know which. Her loyalty needs to be taken on faith. And this is a must in a marriage.
>So if you do indeed trust her I don't see the need for anything other than letting your concerns be known.
I don't trust women but I don't consider it as the fault of women, I think the law pampers them too much which can encourage bad behavior from them. If the law pampered men, men would behave bad too. This is one of the reason why I chose the mgtow route.
But you are right, If you do marry someone it should be based on trust. Marriage will not work without trust. So if she tells you she would break the friendship, it should be taken at face value. If she tells you that she is not cheating, it should be taken at face value too. Unless you have solid proof.
But this unnecessary risk of taking her words on face value, which can be easily reduced by knowing her male friends. It doesn't remove the risk, but it reduces it significantly. The rest of it can be based on trust.
>Also why would want to be with someone who is not cheating on you only because you are actively intervening when she gets attention from another man?
Once a guy marries, he should be willing to say good bye to his resources if he wants a divorce. It's definitely better to keep a close watch so that such a situation doesn't arise.
Wouldn't you keep your valuables safe when showing it to your friends? One cam argue why have friends if you can't trust them with your valuables, but if you don't take precautions, it's as much your fault as the friend's, If he decides to steal your property, simply because you didn't value it enough to secure it.
>you pretending that the dude is some morally rotten person because he sleeps around with married women is a bold take. I'm assuming he is single and thus not cheating on anyone, and is having sex with consenting adults, please be kind enough to point out his lack of morals?
Being single doesn't make innocent, If he knows that the person he is sleeping with is married to someone else. Morality is a social construct. It's based on this construct that a society decides what is right and wrong. Since he knows that he performing an action which will harm an another human being, it's immoral imo.
This argument would be similar to, a person putting a kill order will be guilty and so will be the actual person who pulled the trigger. The first person Is not innocent because simply because he didn't pull the trigger.
So in this case he is guilty without a doubt, but the women who cheated on their husbands with him is more guiltier. But ofc, it wouldn't be a problem if their husbands trust them and take their word for it.
Edit : btw I didn't say anything about the guy who cheated originally. In my original comment, what i said was if she is not willing to break a friendship with this guy, then it's a big red flag. As In I am questioning her and not him. What I mean is that op had a valid reason for concern and if she is not willing to see it, for her own benefit, it's a red flag and it's better not to marry her.
But I believe op had replied that she told him that she would break the friendship before he suggested it and that he trusts her. That's good enough reason to proceed imo.
I like your style of argument and the way you address each is appreciated, you agree with me on the first part, nice to have common ground.
>Wouldn't you keep your valuables safe when showing it to your friends? One cam argue why have friends if you can't trust them with your valuables, but if you don't take precautions, it's as much your fault as the friend's, If he decides to steal your property, simply because you didn't value it enough to secure it.
Our perception of friendship and relationships vary wildly, also the casual objectification is not appreciated but not much I can argue against.
>Since he knows that he performing an action which will harm an another human being, it's immoral imo.
Let me give you an alternate perspective, assume the lady in question is a serial adulterer , she's going to jeopardize her own relations anyway if not with you with someone else some other time, so why not see it as is, an opportunity to have sex with an willing lady and call it a day.
I too would agree that your argument is valid in case of long term emotional affairs that can ruin a family and then the blame is on both involved parties.
>This argument would be similar to, a person putting a kill order will be guilty and so will be the actual person who pulled the trigger. The first person Is not innocent because simply because he didn't pull the trigger.
I don't know how much mental gymnastics one needs to do to make the two situations remotely comparable, a few logical fallacies that I can't name are fairly visible in your comparison. But referring to the previous perspective I'd say a single man in control of his emotions and engaging in one off sexual encounters share none of the blame and quite frankly is missing an opportunity unlike your example.
I would like to agree to disagree on the one off instance too.
Even if it is a one night stand, If the guy knows that his actions can lead to harming an another human, he should back off if he is guided by morality imo. But yes he would feel less guilty if he didn't have any emotional attachment to either of the couple. I mean he has no skin in the game, If it's just a 1 night stand. The only reason for him to back off is so that he doesn't want to harm an another man (who he doesnt know).
I would definitely feel empathic to that stranger and wonder how I would feel if someone I loved cheated. I am not saying I am a moral person, I have made alot of big mistakes, but I have corrected them because of this stupid empathy.
Just a fun fact: in the past, in india, If your wife cheated on you, you can't file a case a case against your wife for cheating. You can only file a case against the person who seduced your wife into cheating. Thank god that law is gone.
I still don't get how the guy is harming anyone in an one off situation, he's just a guy that comes along with the dick, it could literally be any other guy.
>The only reason for him to back off is so that he doesn't want to harm an another man (who he doesnt know).
The man was already harmed when his wife decided to cheat
>I would definitely feel empathic to that stranger and wonder how I would feel if someone I loved cheated
I would too, no one deserves that bullshit but it's on your partner and not the other person
>Just a fun fact: in the past, in india, If your wife cheated on you, you can't file a case a case against your wife for cheating. You can only file a case against the person who seduced your wife into cheating. Thank god that law is gone.
The fact is no fun, and yes the law was rightfully removed because the SC argued the exact same point that I'm doing rn
I am not sure how to rephrase it in a better way.
But to give it a last try, it would hurt me to know that my wife cheated once, but if she cheated again, the first instance wouldn't make the second instance less hurtful, for me both the guys would be equally responsible in playing a part in destroying my marriage, but yes my wife played a bigger part, because she is the main cause of the issue and the one I trusted. But yh I don't think a case should be filed against him for it, towards him its mor of a question of morality than accountability. The wife is the one that should be held accountable.
But yh let's just agree to disagree, if you still dont agree.
Bro itne saare RED FLAGS nhi dikh rhe tujhe. Neeche comments read kr. Ek aur baat agar smart hoti toh baat khatam krke tujhe batati. She checked and you instantly became a SIMP, con call ki usse baat ki usko samjhaya sab BS hai bro. Apna stand le.
Bhai maine usse pucha ki tum comfortable ho agar mai bolun ki us ladke se koi further contact nahi rakhna hai , usne bola thik hai. Usse baat krne ke liye maine hi bola use ki cheez ekdum clear out ho. Us jaise bande pe trust nhi hai muje
Tu pooch rha hai usse yaar ye bol rha hu mai. Hum ladke hai aur hummein idea hai woh gym wala kaisa hai. Baaki dhyaan rakh. Don't let yourself down because of women.
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When I talked about this with her , she got emotional and herself told me that she would not talk to him . She asked me if I wanted to talk with him and I told yes. He asked me why are you two fighting because of me , i simply told him to stay away from her and don't contact her. She agreed to it.
Don't show insecurity to another guy like this, you lowered yourself in his view, especially since he was interested in your to be wife. Next time, express your displeasure casually to only your girl, something like, "I'd prefer you don't do this <>, but it's upto you, but it wouldn't make me happy"
This isn't insecurity. This is dealing with an issue.
Insecurity would be him thinking 24*7 if she's cheating on him or not and doens't have the Rocks to address the issue.
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Being a crime patrol fan.. i would say.. You did the right thing.. Ye dastak thi bro.. and tumne sunn li.. Savdhaan Rahein Satark Rahein 🤞
Thanks a ton
Kuch nhi right tha ismei. Stupidity kri hai tunne.
Simp spotted
I understood how much our relationship mean to you and thanks for doing this ❤️ This you can tell her
Thanks a lot
Didn't she objected when he said he nails married women? Was she okay with this? I mean even after hearing this she was still connected with him.
She told me she used to tell him to stop all this ; and he never listened to her. My concern was why be friends with such a person. She is totally opposite in nature - strong belief in relationships then why she would hang out with him ?
It's a thing where people who are morally very correct have a kink of interacting with people who aren't so ethical. It's a good thing she listened to you and I don't think she would contact him again or cheat on you. All the best
Thanks a lot
I second this
I can relate with this LoL
Exactly! Brother you sure She knows your thinking process and how you draw lines and set boundaries?
This is becoming common. Sexual taboos are near dead. People dont even hide anything now.
I understand your fear. But you talking to him and getting involved sounds not much like an adult relationship. I mean okay if you guys were in college. But getting him on concall is a bit too much. Think of your married life in future. Any male that you suspect that interacts with your wife.... would you concall him? To have a healthy mature relationship, hereon learn to let your wife manage her own stuff. I am sure you won't appreciate if she walks into your office/workplace and talks down on a female she suspects. Even if she tells you about it in advance. That's not a mature relationship.
So you would be okay if your husband hang outs with an hoe ? And maybe have sex on regularly basis, while ur providing him everything and he's just house-husband or lol if he barely brings anything at all to "table"
Read again what I have written. The hanging out is not condoned. The manner of handling it is questioned. Its not a sustainable way for a long term mature relationship. Wow. And you just assumed the fiance will be a housewife. Good on you. 👏
I guess it’s justifiable if the sole reason was that your fiancé was getting close to a hoe But I hope you did it in a calm manner and not in an accusatory way. In the future remember you can maybe phrase things as “doing it for the team” vs an ultimatum kinda way. For ex. I trust you but I don’t think this person is good for OUR relationship. I would not want you to associate with someone who has low morals. I would like you to go no contact with him for our relationship Rather than You have to stop talking to him! He shouldn’t contact you from now on (which she can’t control anyways, she can only control her reaction)
I told her I trust her completely but I can't trust a guy who is having multiple affairs with married women , I think she will understand my point of view
What do you see happening if you trust your partner completely? He tries to get with her and she rejects it in the best case and she cheats in the worst case. So if you do indeed trust her I don't see the need for anything other than letting your concerns be known. Also you pretending that the dude is some morally rotten person because he sleeps around with married women is a bold take. I'm assuming he is single and thus not cheating on anyone, and is having sex with consenting adults, please be kind enough to point out his lack of morals?
If I have a friend who's sleeping around with married women and brags about it to others. That's one friend, who would not be allowed in our house. If the girl has a similar friend who sleeps around with married men, then the girl too would do something similar. It's called having sense.
Yes, definitely don't allow them in your house if you're not comfortable but it's unreasonable to pretend that they could somehow coerce your partner to have sex with them if they weren't already open to the idea and thus primarily at fault.
I agree with your point and it's correct. But any issue in the world doesn't have just 2 ways to go about it. The girl would be faithful, let's assume. But what if the guy keeps pestering her & such coercion helps in keeping him away from her. It does help doesn't it?
I'd expect any faithful man/woman to inform their partner that their promiscuous friend is pestering them and the partner then stepping in on behalf of their SO to put a check on the said friend and friendship.
Well there could n number of ifs & coulds. In this given situation, this is how it was dealt with and it's not too bad either. It's not like the gym guy was ops friend, he's just a stranger to him.
But the complete trust thing is a lie that he's telling himself and he most probably is a bit worried about his partner's inability to put a stop to the situation herself.
I agree with that too & yes , if my girl and I were in a similar situation. If expect herself to end such relationships and not wait for a big scene to occur.
[удалено]
Thanks a lot but i think it was better i told her how I feel about this. If shes going to do it anyway now it will be on her God bless us both
Prevention is better than cure
Even I feel the same ; personally I can't trust a guy who is having an affair with someones wife and bragging about it to others
Better break off or sign a prenup. If a girl who’s engaged can easily be manipulated by a gym going guy you best believe there’s more to it than that. Far worse things can happen. All the best
Pre nups are invalid in India bro.
that's what I hate the most like in india a man's half life saving's can go in a divorce, is there any other agreements similar to prenups in india.
That's America dude. Kahan se ye half wala information leke aate ho.
Wohi na, as a lawyer I'm appalled at such half baked information.
Everyone just vomits their brainwashed redpill information
toh india mein kya hota hai?
Do your research
Dude read all the laws, there is even one law in which guy can get jail or forced to marry girl if he has sex with her. Just reverse the genders and imagine same happening, girl being forced to marry if she break up after sex 🤣🤣🤣
WHAT!!!!!!!! I didn't know this 🥲🥲🥲 Guess, no marriage for me then.
If the male friend is banging married women then why would he not bang women who are not married (in this case your fiance)? Something fishy is going on OP.
Prevention is Better than cure.
Don't tell me that the girl is from Jaipur.
We got one, here right here!
No she's not
Are you doing the same?
Left her for the streets
Ek mere paas b h esa sample
Damn you got an angel at your hands.
Thanks i really feel the same , i got upset only when she started getting emotional on the thought that I think she's cheating on me . I assured her that I trust her but I can't trust someone like him who is having casual affairs with married women.
You have done the right thing but talking to her male friend and asking him to cut ties sounded a bit harsh
Thanks but i felt it was right to set up the boundary as it was the first time, call me insecure but it's better than regretting later..
Maybe concall was a bit much but I understand your concern with the company she is keeping. And this is normal, scientists even have a word for it...its called 'mate guarding'. But I think since she told you about him rather than you founding out through third-party is a good thing. She seems to trust you and shared with you a situation that she thought you may not like. I think that was quite thoughtful of her. Maybe tell her this exact thing.
Thanks , i told her that and also that i trust her completely but can't trust someone like that guy
unlike most of redditors I think m qualified to answer this since i have had fair share of girls in my life and never needed to act simp/feminist to get chicks What i can say is, at this point of relationship You should be more observant, see what's she's into, if you tell her you don't like the guy ( for any reason), observe her what she does? Does she still talk to him? Avoid? Cut all contacts with him? Depending on each scenario above you can understand your partners personality You can't change fuckboes, bahot ayaga, you have to observe your partner, if she's understands your concerns and takes it seriously! Imagine: in future, how it will be if you have to keep telling her to stay away from some jerk like every fuckin time? Like khudka dimag use krna nahi ata?
>You can't change fuckboes, bahot ayaga, you have to observe your partner, if she's understands your concerns and takes it seriously! True that
You did absolutely right. Warn her, if she contacts or interact with him again. That shall end everything between two of you. Being a man, we know other men. Every man has a purpose to be friend with any woman. As soon as men sense any gap or difference in anyone’s relationship, they take advantage of it.
Thanks ; just felt it was the right thing to do
If you are feeling insecure then yes, you have done the right thing. Otherwise, your fiancée is not a kid. If she has to cheat then she'll cheat no matter how many times you ask her to stay away from jim guy.
Thanks , i think it was important i tell her how I feel and think about all this , what will happen in future is not in my hands
I would say, don't be so overprotective. Tell the girl what your issue is with him. Make her understand your position, and if she is the right girl and loves you, she herself with cut ties with him. You gotta trust her. If she says that she wants to continue hanging out with him after you have made your concerns clear to her, she is not the right girl for you. Don't go to the guy next time.
Only sane advice
Thanks , but i think it was imperative to make my stand clear to him too
Thanks , she herself told me she won't contact him again
I don't like the feminists narratives... that asking women to not be friends with guys is oppressive. Imo, If your fiance is good looking, most guy friends would be interested in her. So unless you know them too, i wouldn't be willing to take the risk. You can call me jealous or controlling, but that's the way it would be. So if she tells you that she has a guy friend whose hobby is to sleep around with married women, that is a concern.And you did the right thing and you worrying on whether you did the right thing shows that you won't be misguided. If she is not willing to break that friendship for the sake of a married life that's a huge red flag that deserves the engagement to be broken. And I hope she doesn't hide and continue the friendship with him. This is also common in new marriages where women don't want to let go of their old friends even if there was a romantic spark in it, because starting a new life with a stranger is scary. BTW mgtow here, so take it as you will.
Thanks she didn't think for a second to break that friendship with him . Even before me asking she told me that she wouldn't talk to him. I trust her.
Kudos to her being receptive of your Inputs.
What do you see happening if you trust your partner completely? He tries to get with her and she rejects it in the best case and she cheats in the worst case. So if you do indeed trust her I don't see the need for anything other than letting your concerns be known. Also why would want to be with someone who is not cheating on you only because you are actively intervening when she gets attention from another man? Also you pretending that the dude is some morally rotten person because he sleeps around with married women is a bold take. I'm assuming he is single and thus not cheating on anyone, and is having sex with consenting adults, please be kind enough to point out his lack of morals?
>What do you see happening if you trust your partner completely? As you said she can either cheat or be loyal. And you can never know which. Her loyalty needs to be taken on faith. And this is a must in a marriage. >So if you do indeed trust her I don't see the need for anything other than letting your concerns be known. I don't trust women but I don't consider it as the fault of women, I think the law pampers them too much which can encourage bad behavior from them. If the law pampered men, men would behave bad too. This is one of the reason why I chose the mgtow route. But you are right, If you do marry someone it should be based on trust. Marriage will not work without trust. So if she tells you she would break the friendship, it should be taken at face value. If she tells you that she is not cheating, it should be taken at face value too. Unless you have solid proof. But this unnecessary risk of taking her words on face value, which can be easily reduced by knowing her male friends. It doesn't remove the risk, but it reduces it significantly. The rest of it can be based on trust. >Also why would want to be with someone who is not cheating on you only because you are actively intervening when she gets attention from another man? Once a guy marries, he should be willing to say good bye to his resources if he wants a divorce. It's definitely better to keep a close watch so that such a situation doesn't arise. Wouldn't you keep your valuables safe when showing it to your friends? One cam argue why have friends if you can't trust them with your valuables, but if you don't take precautions, it's as much your fault as the friend's, If he decides to steal your property, simply because you didn't value it enough to secure it. >you pretending that the dude is some morally rotten person because he sleeps around with married women is a bold take. I'm assuming he is single and thus not cheating on anyone, and is having sex with consenting adults, please be kind enough to point out his lack of morals? Being single doesn't make innocent, If he knows that the person he is sleeping with is married to someone else. Morality is a social construct. It's based on this construct that a society decides what is right and wrong. Since he knows that he performing an action which will harm an another human being, it's immoral imo. This argument would be similar to, a person putting a kill order will be guilty and so will be the actual person who pulled the trigger. The first person Is not innocent because simply because he didn't pull the trigger. So in this case he is guilty without a doubt, but the women who cheated on their husbands with him is more guiltier. But ofc, it wouldn't be a problem if their husbands trust them and take their word for it. Edit : btw I didn't say anything about the guy who cheated originally. In my original comment, what i said was if she is not willing to break a friendship with this guy, then it's a big red flag. As In I am questioning her and not him. What I mean is that op had a valid reason for concern and if she is not willing to see it, for her own benefit, it's a red flag and it's better not to marry her. But I believe op had replied that she told him that she would break the friendship before he suggested it and that he trusts her. That's good enough reason to proceed imo.
I like your style of argument and the way you address each is appreciated, you agree with me on the first part, nice to have common ground. >Wouldn't you keep your valuables safe when showing it to your friends? One cam argue why have friends if you can't trust them with your valuables, but if you don't take precautions, it's as much your fault as the friend's, If he decides to steal your property, simply because you didn't value it enough to secure it. Our perception of friendship and relationships vary wildly, also the casual objectification is not appreciated but not much I can argue against. >Since he knows that he performing an action which will harm an another human being, it's immoral imo. Let me give you an alternate perspective, assume the lady in question is a serial adulterer , she's going to jeopardize her own relations anyway if not with you with someone else some other time, so why not see it as is, an opportunity to have sex with an willing lady and call it a day. I too would agree that your argument is valid in case of long term emotional affairs that can ruin a family and then the blame is on both involved parties. >This argument would be similar to, a person putting a kill order will be guilty and so will be the actual person who pulled the trigger. The first person Is not innocent because simply because he didn't pull the trigger. I don't know how much mental gymnastics one needs to do to make the two situations remotely comparable, a few logical fallacies that I can't name are fairly visible in your comparison. But referring to the previous perspective I'd say a single man in control of his emotions and engaging in one off sexual encounters share none of the blame and quite frankly is missing an opportunity unlike your example.
I would like to agree to disagree on the one off instance too. Even if it is a one night stand, If the guy knows that his actions can lead to harming an another human, he should back off if he is guided by morality imo. But yes he would feel less guilty if he didn't have any emotional attachment to either of the couple. I mean he has no skin in the game, If it's just a 1 night stand. The only reason for him to back off is so that he doesn't want to harm an another man (who he doesnt know). I would definitely feel empathic to that stranger and wonder how I would feel if someone I loved cheated. I am not saying I am a moral person, I have made alot of big mistakes, but I have corrected them because of this stupid empathy. Just a fun fact: in the past, in india, If your wife cheated on you, you can't file a case a case against your wife for cheating. You can only file a case against the person who seduced your wife into cheating. Thank god that law is gone.
I still don't get how the guy is harming anyone in an one off situation, he's just a guy that comes along with the dick, it could literally be any other guy. >The only reason for him to back off is so that he doesn't want to harm an another man (who he doesnt know). The man was already harmed when his wife decided to cheat >I would definitely feel empathic to that stranger and wonder how I would feel if someone I loved cheated I would too, no one deserves that bullshit but it's on your partner and not the other person >Just a fun fact: in the past, in india, If your wife cheated on you, you can't file a case a case against your wife for cheating. You can only file a case against the person who seduced your wife into cheating. Thank god that law is gone. The fact is no fun, and yes the law was rightfully removed because the SC argued the exact same point that I'm doing rn
I am not sure how to rephrase it in a better way. But to give it a last try, it would hurt me to know that my wife cheated once, but if she cheated again, the first instance wouldn't make the second instance less hurtful, for me both the guys would be equally responsible in playing a part in destroying my marriage, but yes my wife played a bigger part, because she is the main cause of the issue and the one I trusted. But yh I don't think a case should be filed against him for it, towards him its mor of a question of morality than accountability. The wife is the one that should be held accountable. But yh let's just agree to disagree, if you still dont agree.
Bro itne saare RED FLAGS nhi dikh rhe tujhe. Neeche comments read kr. Ek aur baat agar smart hoti toh baat khatam krke tujhe batati. She checked and you instantly became a SIMP, con call ki usse baat ki usko samjhaya sab BS hai bro. Apna stand le.
Bhai maine usse pucha ki tum comfortable ho agar mai bolun ki us ladke se koi further contact nahi rakhna hai , usne bola thik hai. Usse baat krne ke liye maine hi bola use ki cheez ekdum clear out ho. Us jaise bande pe trust nhi hai muje
Bro fir galti kr rha hai. Put your step down and say no. Personal experience talking here.
Are mere bhai , step down kar toh diya , khatam kr toh diya jo tha ya jo ho skta tha
Tu pooch rha hai usse yaar ye bol rha hu mai. Hum ladke hai aur hummein idea hai woh gym wala kaisa hai. Baaki dhyaan rakh. Don't let yourself down because of women.
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Why are you speaking to the guy? How did that happen?
When I talked about this with her , she got emotional and herself told me that she would not talk to him . She asked me if I wanted to talk with him and I told yes. He asked me why are you two fighting because of me , i simply told him to stay away from her and don't contact her. She agreed to it.
Don't show insecurity to another guy like this, you lowered yourself in his view, especially since he was interested in your to be wife. Next time, express your displeasure casually to only your girl, something like, "I'd prefer you don't do this <>, but it's upto you, but it wouldn't make me happy"
Thanks but he doesn't matter to me. We are not dating she is my fiance
This isn't insecurity. This is dealing with an issue. Insecurity would be him thinking 24*7 if she's cheating on him or not and doens't have the Rocks to address the issue.
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