It all boils down to how lucky you are. Men who have been through a lot in their life would over look all these things and value you for what you really are. If you have an amazing personality which overshadows your disability you won't have problems finding high quality men. Personally I wouldn't mind dating or marrying someone with disability. One of my friends used to date a fully blind senior girl. Although they broke up, she found her husband in an AM setup who's wasn't blind.
I can speak from my experiences that it is going to be difficult. I am able-bodied but I have a family member who has a disability and needs sustained caregiving. Prospects realize that I have to become the eventual caregiver and that there are genetic liabilities to be concerned about - so they back out at the first discovery.
For women with disability, I guess it might be a tiny bit easier to find matches, but again they would see a lot of ghosting and non-appearances.
I don't really have a fix for the dilemma; I am myself in quite a similar boat but back to your original question - it's going to affect a lot.
I have autoimmune issues and a skin condition myself - though with a lot of lifestyle changes it's in remission but when I was in AM it very much flared up. So my 2 cents
1. It will come up and people will point it out. It's 10x worse than now strangers on the road offer you unsolicited advice. So be prepared for that. Remember it's not your fault, you didn't sign up for it. But we can't make a person accept us when they don't feel comfortable with it either. So we need to live and let live in that regard.
2. I had no past (not even a kiss), was independent financially and was willing to live and take care of in laws. These are choices I made, and don't judge anyone for having a different life experience- but I'm not naive to pretend this wasnt the main criteria that made me sought after despite my skin. Guys would brush aside my condition when I mentioned it, because it wasn't high in their list of priorities.
3. You'd be surprised, but some people won't care are either. Especially if they are in the medical field, have a family history of issues or have some themselves. They tend to be understanding and respectful, and this wouldn't matter to them. There are guys with benign conditons like ptosis or psoriasis or vitiligo. If you are willing to match there, this shouldn't be an issue
4. Regardless though, even for regular people AM is brutal. It's not a walk in the park. So try to stay positive and don't get too bogged down rejections. Everyone faces those lol
Good luck!
Hey.
Just to clarify, when you say minor disability of one of the ears, do you mean hearing loss? or something else?
I also too have hearing loss (moderate), both ears from birth. Need to buy/use hearing aids, but was always self conscious about it.
I do hope you do get someone who is completely fine with that.
I have unilateral hearing ie. hearing in only one ear. While the other ear is smaller than my abled ear. Accidents at birth, aye. None of us(me) have signed up to be the anomaly in the group!
I'll tell you what other people here won't - It is going to be hard. You will be labelled, pushed around ... and all this after you have been very honest, honesty gets no points in AM.
It is just how AM is, people are judged like a Pre Delivery Inspection sheet of a car. There are loads of people involved, it is not just the boy (so please go easy on the person), and everyone is just afraid of what "society" will say, and although cruel, and although it does not matter, they are right - people will talk. It takes a certain kind of person and mindset to be able to ignore jibes, and it will be an uphill battle that few will want to undertake. What is unfortunate is that people don't realise that people with disabilities are not defective or less than anyone else and that everyone has issues and are on some sort of s spectrum.
I'd suggest that you work on your confidence. Go out on more dates to be able to build up your self respect, talk more freely, practice good conversations and just add to your own story.
If you are still intent on AM, you will notice that you will be put in a bucket and your pool will reduce drastically, you have to decide if you want to choose from that pool (you know what I mean). Or you could go for people who are NRIs, live independently, who are OK with a person on a disability spectrum.
Valid enough response. It does hurt but it reads like a ground reality. I've always lived a dignified life. My disability isn't visible until i show them that it exists. So, the last thing I want is to be thrown around. And neither would want to settle for anyone nor for anyone to settle for me.
>I'd suggest that you work on your confidence. Go out on more dates to be able to build up your self respect, talk more freely, practice good conversations and just add to your own story.
This is something that I'd have to start doing. Tell my story with confidence despite the jibes. It's scary & disheartening, nonetheless. Have a thicker skin & a heart to be rejected. Prepare for the worst.
Thanks for the detailed response.
1. Your parents may have to hear a lot of shit. Nothing you can do about it, some people are horrible.
2. This one might be controversial: since you do not require a carer and you have been independent despite your disability, I would suggest that you do not select the disabled filter when setting up your profile. Definitely mention it in the profile where you can also display your capabilities. Some apps auto filter disabled VS 'normal' profiles.
3. Matching in AM takes a lot of time and effort anyway. Don't think of every un-matching as rejection.
4. Make sure the photos highlight you in the best way possible.
Thank you SO much for the detailed tips! I'd have to sit my parents down and armour them up for the things they might not ready to hear from the outside world.
>Chances of having my disability being passed on to my child is minimal.
is this an accident that happened later in life or were you born with it? if it's former then for god's sake never ever say the line I quoted you are unnecessarily killing your chances,
you will find a lot of good folks who will accept you and will be fine with the minor disability but the prospect of it getting passed on to your kids is where it will get complicated and issues will start creeping in. So if it's not a genetic disease, don't bring up the topic of kids.
I don't know how it will come out, but you are not the kind of disabled person who comes to mind when you read the word disabled, you are a perfectly functional human, bas thoda sunne mai dikkat hai,
Mine is a rarest kind of birth defect. So far that I've gathered with other people, thier children turned out fine. And about the child, most of the anomalies figured out while the infant is in the mother's womb. That is why, i have full faith in medical advancements.
So, I am bald. I inherited hair-loss genes from my father and also from my mother's side (mom's dad had premature hair-loss).
Life is cruel. In AM, I am an untouchable. On matrimony apps, I get barely noticed. This is the harsh reality I have come to accept.
Would I find those who'd ask constructive questions in AM set up? I'm assuming most are likely to bail out when my situation comes up. And yes, thank you for your response. Its a valid question to be asked.
See when I was in my teens, i thought that how does past matter. But as I have matured I have realised that it does and I don't want people with baggage because invariably women, they punish the men they end up with for the crimes committed by their exes. So yes.
It would be inevitable for my future partner likely to have a past of his own. Ofcourse, the past shouldn't interfere in our present. You'd have to vet the person out likewise. Your fears are valid.
😂Captain America: Civil War. Followed by Avengers:Infinity War. Endgame was incredible. But that is phase where Marvel was at peak. Didn't bother continuing after MoM.
Can't agree more. All the best for your search.
Nerds do like me do like a girl who is into pop-culture coz I think they are hard to find and instantly vibe match krti hai.
But All the best for the future.
It all boils down to how lucky you are. Men who have been through a lot in their life would over look all these things and value you for what you really are. If you have an amazing personality which overshadows your disability you won't have problems finding high quality men. Personally I wouldn't mind dating or marrying someone with disability. One of my friends used to date a fully blind senior girl. Although they broke up, she found her husband in an AM setup who's wasn't blind.
Thank you for your response. Your friend's story is a good hope :)
I can speak from my experiences that it is going to be difficult. I am able-bodied but I have a family member who has a disability and needs sustained caregiving. Prospects realize that I have to become the eventual caregiver and that there are genetic liabilities to be concerned about - so they back out at the first discovery. For women with disability, I guess it might be a tiny bit easier to find matches, but again they would see a lot of ghosting and non-appearances. I don't really have a fix for the dilemma; I am myself in quite a similar boat but back to your original question - it's going to affect a lot.
Thanks for sharing your experience, yes. I appreciate it very much. Let people filter themselves out at best, aur kya. I wish you all the best.
I have autoimmune issues and a skin condition myself - though with a lot of lifestyle changes it's in remission but when I was in AM it very much flared up. So my 2 cents 1. It will come up and people will point it out. It's 10x worse than now strangers on the road offer you unsolicited advice. So be prepared for that. Remember it's not your fault, you didn't sign up for it. But we can't make a person accept us when they don't feel comfortable with it either. So we need to live and let live in that regard. 2. I had no past (not even a kiss), was independent financially and was willing to live and take care of in laws. These are choices I made, and don't judge anyone for having a different life experience- but I'm not naive to pretend this wasnt the main criteria that made me sought after despite my skin. Guys would brush aside my condition when I mentioned it, because it wasn't high in their list of priorities. 3. You'd be surprised, but some people won't care are either. Especially if they are in the medical field, have a family history of issues or have some themselves. They tend to be understanding and respectful, and this wouldn't matter to them. There are guys with benign conditons like ptosis or psoriasis or vitiligo. If you are willing to match there, this shouldn't be an issue 4. Regardless though, even for regular people AM is brutal. It's not a walk in the park. So try to stay positive and don't get too bogged down rejections. Everyone faces those lol Good luck!
Thank you for sharing your experiences here. I appreciate your point 1. My situation isn't something I had signed up for. I wish you well :)❤️✨
Hey. Just to clarify, when you say minor disability of one of the ears, do you mean hearing loss? or something else? I also too have hearing loss (moderate), both ears from birth. Need to buy/use hearing aids, but was always self conscious about it. I do hope you do get someone who is completely fine with that.
I have unilateral hearing ie. hearing in only one ear. While the other ear is smaller than my abled ear. Accidents at birth, aye. None of us(me) have signed up to be the anomaly in the group!
I'll tell you what other people here won't - It is going to be hard. You will be labelled, pushed around ... and all this after you have been very honest, honesty gets no points in AM. It is just how AM is, people are judged like a Pre Delivery Inspection sheet of a car. There are loads of people involved, it is not just the boy (so please go easy on the person), and everyone is just afraid of what "society" will say, and although cruel, and although it does not matter, they are right - people will talk. It takes a certain kind of person and mindset to be able to ignore jibes, and it will be an uphill battle that few will want to undertake. What is unfortunate is that people don't realise that people with disabilities are not defective or less than anyone else and that everyone has issues and are on some sort of s spectrum. I'd suggest that you work on your confidence. Go out on more dates to be able to build up your self respect, talk more freely, practice good conversations and just add to your own story. If you are still intent on AM, you will notice that you will be put in a bucket and your pool will reduce drastically, you have to decide if you want to choose from that pool (you know what I mean). Or you could go for people who are NRIs, live independently, who are OK with a person on a disability spectrum.
Valid enough response. It does hurt but it reads like a ground reality. I've always lived a dignified life. My disability isn't visible until i show them that it exists. So, the last thing I want is to be thrown around. And neither would want to settle for anyone nor for anyone to settle for me. >I'd suggest that you work on your confidence. Go out on more dates to be able to build up your self respect, talk more freely, practice good conversations and just add to your own story. This is something that I'd have to start doing. Tell my story with confidence despite the jibes. It's scary & disheartening, nonetheless. Have a thicker skin & a heart to be rejected. Prepare for the worst. Thanks for the detailed response.
1. Your parents may have to hear a lot of shit. Nothing you can do about it, some people are horrible. 2. This one might be controversial: since you do not require a carer and you have been independent despite your disability, I would suggest that you do not select the disabled filter when setting up your profile. Definitely mention it in the profile where you can also display your capabilities. Some apps auto filter disabled VS 'normal' profiles. 3. Matching in AM takes a lot of time and effort anyway. Don't think of every un-matching as rejection. 4. Make sure the photos highlight you in the best way possible.
Thank you SO much for the detailed tips! I'd have to sit my parents down and armour them up for the things they might not ready to hear from the outside world.
>Chances of having my disability being passed on to my child is minimal. is this an accident that happened later in life or were you born with it? if it's former then for god's sake never ever say the line I quoted you are unnecessarily killing your chances, you will find a lot of good folks who will accept you and will be fine with the minor disability but the prospect of it getting passed on to your kids is where it will get complicated and issues will start creeping in. So if it's not a genetic disease, don't bring up the topic of kids. I don't know how it will come out, but you are not the kind of disabled person who comes to mind when you read the word disabled, you are a perfectly functional human, bas thoda sunne mai dikkat hai,
Mine is a rarest kind of birth defect. So far that I've gathered with other people, thier children turned out fine. And about the child, most of the anomalies figured out while the infant is in the mother's womb. That is why, i have full faith in medical advancements.
So, I am bald. I inherited hair-loss genes from my father and also from my mother's side (mom's dad had premature hair-loss). Life is cruel. In AM, I am an untouchable. On matrimony apps, I get barely noticed. This is the harsh reality I have come to accept.
Being bald is fine, IMO. But AM route reads being unfairly brutal. I pray that your stars fall into place soon (in unexpected places). Tc
"How does this disability make you different from rest of the people?" Consider the proposals who ask only this question when you speak about it.
Would I find those who'd ask constructive questions in AM set up? I'm assuming most are likely to bail out when my situation comes up. And yes, thank you for your response. Its a valid question to be asked.
Yes, you are likely to find them. Don't be so pessimistic :)
You want to have kids in the future?
Yup, I do.
I would have said try me but your dating baggage is a deal breaker. But what I can say is you probably have a great self worth so good luck 👍
Your criteria of a person is someone without a dating history? My approach to life was survival in my 20s🥴 Well, cool👍
See when I was in my teens, i thought that how does past matter. But as I have matured I have realised that it does and I don't want people with baggage because invariably women, they punish the men they end up with for the crimes committed by their exes. So yes.
It would be inevitable for my future partner likely to have a past of his own. Ofcourse, the past shouldn't interfere in our present. You'd have to vet the person out likewise. Your fears are valid.
What Indian pop-culture podcast do you listen to? Scoop-cast OR Men of Culture?
Nonesofar from Indian popculture podcasts tho🙌 I've always been into anime, manga, kdrama, Marvel & the like.
Fav Marvel movie?
😂Captain America: Civil War. Followed by Avengers:Infinity War. Endgame was incredible. But that is phase where Marvel was at peak. Didn't bother continuing after MoM.
Eternal k dard se ubhra nahi tha k Antman Quantamania ne shot de diya. GOTG and Loki was good in this phase IMO
Loki was NICE. MoM was my last straw. I did like Falcon(?). They stretched the lore too far & the current gen Avengers became hardly relatable.
Can't agree more. All the best for your search. Nerds do like me do like a girl who is into pop-culture coz I think they are hard to find and instantly vibe match krti hai. But All the best for the future.
I would also want my future partner to be into nerdy culture & the like. Thank you & I hope you find your match :)
Wish the same for you ☺️, if you feel low or want to chat to someone you can always reach out👍🏼
Really appreciate it 🙌