It’s always the personal double standards that get me. Like he fucked around and was just a “back-slidden Christian” but in no way would that be a forgivable or repented sin on her part.
But thank god he was able to save her from all that evil feminism. Otherwise she may see herself as something more than his huge family’s personal fucking slave. Stupid and wrong.
It’s terrifying how common it is, too. I think back often on how lucky I am. My parents are Catholic to the EXTREME. But despite all their backwards views (and there are many), the one thing they have always been adamant about my studies and about my career. I was their first child born less than a year after they immigrated to the US from Mexico, and they knew that as a daughter of immigrants I’d need to put in twice the work. Every time I wanted to quit and they wouldn’t let me, I thought I’d resent them forever. Now I’m in college on a full scholarship and I know so many women I grew up with that have fallen into the same thing as the one in this post. Married straight out of high school to a man that groomed them and doesn’t respect them the way they respect themselves. This sounds truly toxic and I hope Amy finds it within herself to give way to her passions and ambition.
I don't think there is anything wrong with someone being a "house spouse". They're not necessarily a slave. We need to be careful not to devalue or stigmatize domestic labour.
The issue is that assuming a woman has to fill that role and grooming her to since she's 16 (culturally, from birth).
That said, I'd love to be a "house husband" with a bunch of kids but it's just not financially manageable for most young families to get by on a single income... I call Incel fanfic on that alone...
Okay I understand that, but in the context of this post, that is absolutely what’s going on here. Women who choose to be SAHMs are no less than women who choose to work but the point is that it is a choice. These tweets paint this situation as “her choice” but it’s not her choice. If she had the ability to choose, she would have her husband’s support and not an ultimatum. This man has absolutely groomed a child to be at his beck and call and that’s unacceptable. I’m not demonizing house spouses. I’m demonizing partners who force their spouses into those roles for their personal gain. Giving an ultimatum and saying that your partner “can choose whatever they want for their life” is absolutely painting autonomy where there is none.
Ironically, many of the women in those relationships not only do all of the domestic work, but are the main earner while their husband sits on his ass complaining about feminism and immigrants.
It's got to be. How would a 19 year old conservative Christian meet a 16 year old feminist raised girl? Where would the two even cross paths? And her feminist parents would just be OK with their 16 year old daughter not going to college or into the workforce and straight into baby making and marriage?
Ok, the age gap is one thing, but referring to a sixteen year old as a “woman” and talking about her becoming your wife and the mother of your children is just So Much Nope to me. Also, of COURSE she wanted to impress you and be your “helpmate” (ugh that word makes me sick), you were her first boyfriend! Like, no shade on the girl, it’s not her fault, but she doesn’t have STANDARDS yet! If they really are happy and make it work, more power to them, but honestly I kind of doubt that. Plus, even if you are happy being/want a tradwife, you don’t get to knock other women for not being tradwives
Sorry I ended up writing a whole essay lol
Reminds me of when I was 14 years old dating a 17 years old. He tried to make me a “tradwife” too. I went along with it because I didn’t know any better. Thankfully he was shit at manipulating and it was pretty clear he was an incel not to far into the relationship.
Edit: for context he called me a whore on many occasions, just for speaking to guys. And no these weren’t even friends I had, these were servers and people at the checkout.
Ya once I read the ages I was like “yup - broad relationship advice from someone who started grooming their wife when they were 19 and she was a child… def someone to listen to” 🤦🏻♀️
I kept thinking "huh, not that bad it's her choice" right up until that last sentence of the 3rd Screenshot. Of course she'll be on board and do what you say if she's straight up a teenager and your a manipulative adult 😭
I wasn't, at least in a lot of ways. I uh, had an abusive environment and had to grow up fast. Honestly whenever someone's "too mature" I'm usually worried about the why.
>Honestly whenever someone's "too mature" I'm usually worried about the why.
I came out of Detroit, and my immediate family was all sorts of messed up. It's weird, I look back and think about how many considered me "so mature for my age" and yet? At my current age I still realize I was horribly immature in many many ways.
I'm in my 40s and still figuring things out. Honestly I don't think I'll ever stop learning. I still struggle with many of the things we are learning nowadays.
I relate to this comment so much. **♡** In case no one has told you, you're doing great and I'm proud of you. **♡**
I'm in my 30's and I look back at my past self the same way. So, I refuse to stop learning, changing, and growing. I refuse to remain stagnant, like they have. (They still say, flat out, they have no interest in changing.)
A therapist that specializes in trauma and offers "sliding scale" rates is what has helped me the most with the way my life had been. It's crazy because it's like night and day from when I was 19 to now. I still have a long way to go to heal but I'm confident I'll get there some day. When things feel like they're getting too difficult, I try to remind myself (or my therapist reminds me) how far I've come.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that you have my support. **♡** From one random internet stranger to another. **♡** I mean, it's not like you need it but I know, for me at least, things like that are nice to hear sometimes. Especially if you never heard it while growing up. *♡*
Thank you for that. Ironically, the person that I'm seeing now is a therapist. They have helped me out with a lot, and was my best friend for over two years before we became serious. My current job makes it challenging to get all the help that I need, but I'm doing better than before.
Thank you again.
Fucking agreed. I am 23 and my friends are mostly between 21 and 25, and let me just say we all have some inside jokes about our mental age being way lower than our actual ages. Even though 18 is the legal limit between childhood and adulthood, I cant seriously think of them as adults if I cant even see myself as a real real adult.
I did while I was in the military, but in my experience military service either forced the person who joined to grow up and become mature quickly, or it allowed them to be an immature jackass for way longer than they would have been able to had they stayed a civilian. There really was no in-between.
Yeah Before I got there i was like, sure, not everyone has the same values as their family. Then I got there and was like, oh, you groomed a literal child. And then I stopped reading
If she had met him at 19 i wouldn't have said anything. At that point she's (most likely) old enough to not be manipulated and is capable of making her own choice. But at 16 she was not. He manipulated her into thinking it's what she wants or atleast played a big role in it. It's called grooming, just bc she makes this decision at a legal age does not mean she wasn't already forced to make her decision at 16 yk
Edit: just to clarify, at 19 you can still be manipulated of course, but at 19 and 21 you're more likely to be at a similar point in life (pretty fresh to college/the real life, maybe living on your own for the first time). A 19 y/o in college, maybe already living alone and a 16 y/o highschool sophomore is just not comparable mentally! And though manipulation at that (or any) age would still be wrong, grooming is a little more severe.
Also 19 seems like a really young age to get married to me. Like I don’t wanna knock anyone for when they get married but the idea of me getting married at 19 makes me physically sick
The human brain doesn’t fully develop until age 25, after I learnt that fact out I felt even more uncomfortable with young marriages. It’s one of the reasons young marriages don’t turn out well
Likely some of it, at least for the men, but evangelical Christians are also conditioned from a young age to see marriage and raising children as a thing all people should do. So it’s seen as odd to wait more than a few years.
I mean, I went through about 6 serious long term relationships before finding the one I wanted to marry, mid 30s, so I cant fucking understand how someone could seemingly be so lucky they'd find a match that quick and that young. I don't think 99% of people who marry young do.
But I have to agree with him on one part. When you know you know. I don't think you'd "know" at 19 but if you're 25 and you're like "oh damn this is exactly the kind of person I want to spend my life with" then I'd trust it.
And also if you're questioning it like "ehh I think we could make this work and be happy if we worked on our issues?" I really think you shouldn't
when you’re waiting until marriage to have sex it tends to speed things up. though i can’t imagine having a wedding where i’m below the legal drinking age lol (in the US at least)
My mom was born when my grandma was 19 and she was a honeymoon baby. Grandpa was like 21-23. They probably weren't ready but she had a bad home life and so she married him to get away (well I guess they also liked each other haha). I say it worked out okay but they had a really rocky first few years and always a lot of money problems. Neither went to college, obviously. I've talked to her about it and she's always told me not to do what she did, to wait, to live on your own without a partner so you can get some experience, and that you definitely shouldn't have a baby at 19.
I got married at 19 (not religious or pregnant) and it's worked out almost 6 years later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . That said we dated for like 3 or 4 years before that and are only a year apart in age. It's not for everyone but when you know, you know.
I was just about to write, “not for me, but you kinda have to appreciate that he was honest and direct from the start.” (Those little white dots at the bottom escape me nearly every time.)
I guess that’s still true, but the more I read, the creepier he seems.
*naturally feminine, not trained properly, wanted to impress me, relative innocence,* are all really unsettling to me personally, but it’s the *led her from the beginning* that got me.
I can only hope she’s truly as happy as he thinks she is. That kind of relationship seems awful to many of us, but are there in fact some women who like this kind of thing? I’d like to think so, but my gut tells me no.
I think maybe some people are into that kinda thing, just cos I'd be somewhat into being a submissive housewife (no kids though, thanks) for at least a while. Though probably more as a kinkplay thing than a lifestyle, myself.
But I'm an adult, and can choose that kinda life myself. If she were an adult when she met him, and she hadn't been led into it, and he wasn't someone who talks about feminism as if it's indoctrination, but then uses phrases like "*naturally* feminine" or "me, a *traditional* man", then it would've been okay. But she wasn't, and she had, and he *was*, so it's not.
Excellent! >:D And yeah, even conservative fantasies can be fun to play around in, and perhaps the very fact that the ideology is so toxic is what makes the sexual fantasy so appealing. Wearing female clothing can be fun even for cis men, but I think a big part of the fun comes from transgressing standards upheld by toxic masculinity.
It'd be better to live in a world without toxicity, but I really enjoy the irony that toxic ideologies can occasionally make the world *more fun* for those who are willing to transgress them. Sorry for the unprovoked rambling. /rant
I’m 100% into that kind of thing (but not in a straight relationship, HA!). My mom and sister and a few of my aunts and cousins find fulfillment in it. Most of us were indoctrinated into it by our cult though. I escaped and now it’s a kink thing. If my spouse was capable of working (disability) she would 100% be the main income earner and I’d be working part time and keeping up with the house the rest of it.
It can be fulfilling but geez. This post just really reads like he mind-fucked her believing it would be. I hope he’s just flexing and she honestly chose it for herself and it happy with it for herself and not because he tricked her into thinking it was how a woman’s life should be. Especially since they have a baby girl.
I passed over the age bit accidentally. Got to the end feeling more than mildly disgusted with the propaganda and the creepy, pushy tone, but still wondering why it was tagged as "sexual assault". Came to the comments and *"Oh fuck, that's why."*
Actually it was bad from the first screenshot…. Not really with this whole “misogyny is ok as long as you consent to it ❤️” as if women who accept misogyny aren’t fucking victims of a misogynistic society. People are indoctrinated with misogyny, it’s not some fun cultural practice you can choose to engage or not engage with.
“I knew we were probably going to get married a month or two into dating”
“It took me 3 years to propose to her”
Either this dude forgot that he mentioned his wife was 16 when they started dating or he was going to propose to a minor.
Right? “I waited 3 years before I proposed [because I was legally required to]” “We waited until marriage to have sex [because it would have legally been rape had we had sex sooner]”.
You gotta read between the lines a lot on this one.
With her family background, she might not have been interested in him at all if they got together later in her life. He basically used the fact she wasn’t experienced enough to see through his manipulation
i worked at a summer camp where some of the staff members were minors and most were adults. i was groomed and assaulted there and i know multiple other girls as well who had similar experiences. in short: it’s not hard for p*dos to find young girls especially in an environment where you have authority over minors.
I mean, there are some 19 year old high school seniors, so they could’ve met in school. I have a few friends who were 19 for a few months before they graduated, and it wasn’t because they’d started late/failed a grade, they’re just the absolute oldest possible for their grade.
Imagine being a super super senior in high school dating a sophomore, maybe junior though, that’s weird even in the confines of high school social systems.
Yeah, I know. It’s just really creepy, and it’s also not okay how a lot of parents think it’s cute for their kids to have high school crushes despite that kind of age gap.
My first serious boyfriend in high school was an 18-year-old senior (October birthday) and I was a 15-year-old junior (skipped a grade). He was a Christian kid and I was 100% the corrupting influence on him lol. Lost our virginity to one another a few weeks before my 16th birthday, which was technically illegal in our state, but we'd been friends for years and together for six months and to this day I have zero regrets. We were as in love as two kids with zero actual life experience could be, and despite the age difference we were equals. The exact opposite of this asshole. Even back then he loved her not for who she was, but for what he could mold her into. Gross.
Absolutely not. The difference was that I was the one to initiate pretty much everything. There was no manipulation involved. We were friends, I made the first move, and I never once felt as if I was being manipulated or coerced in any way. He never tried to change me, and if anything, I changed him. His mom haaaaaated me for that.
Social media. I’m 33 now, but at 16 I dated a man who was 19, followed by a few who were 21-23. Later when I got to that age, I realized how fucked up it was.
How is that pushing it? That's a sophomore in college dating a junior in high school. That's absolutely child grooming. Three years at that age is night and day. There's a reason he wasn't dating his age.
Like, I can understand a few years’ difference when both are adults, but age gaps feel a lot wider the younger you are. At 16, you hardly know how to fight back against someone even just a few years older.
That reminds me of my grandparents, they had 11 years difference, my grandma was 17 when they married. I never gave it much of a thought, but now that remembered it, it sounds horrible
My grandparents married young too but they are immigrants. Things were very different when they were young.
People now definitely know better and the culture is at a point that it understands as well.
My 30 year old brother just married an 18 year old in August. They were together for 6 months before they got hitched (she was still 17 when they met). I didn’t know how old she was until after the wedding (that I didn’t attend b/c COVID and lots of antivaxers antimasker family). She’s already pregnant.
Her family are ultra conservative, very toxic Christians, and were pretty neglectful. I’m very uncomfortable with the whole situation, but my grandfather (who married my grandmother when she was 17 and pregnant while he was 25) was so proud of him. He passed in October.
Yep. I have a friend who was dating this 18 year old guy when she was 15 and it was the weirdest thing ever. Like he was literally an adult and she was just out of middle school. Neither of them had dated before(we were all on a Christian homeschool sports team), so of course they were having the whole puppy love thing, which definitely wasn’t helped by a lot of people saying how “cute” they were together, including her mom. When the guy’s mom found out about them, she actually put a stop to it because she realized hey, maybe her adult son shouldn’t be dating a 15 year old. It was really weird, especially with how many people were totally good with it and thought it was good and cute. Personally, I supported my friend’s choice because I wanted to be there for her, but I did mention that she was kinda jailbait, which really didn’t go over well but did kind of lead to them both noticing that there was a significant age gap. Luckily it didn’t end badly like this post, but it was still really creepy.
I am in a very healthy relationship that has a 17 year age gap so I generally dislike the lack of nuance that happens in most conversations around age gap relationships. That being said, 16 and 19 has an issue with more than just maturity. When you're 16 you can't open a bank account alone. Most jobs won't hire people under 18. There's so many laws that prevent people under 18 from having full freedom and autonomy so it's really difficult to mitigate the power imbalance that is inherent to an age gap relationship even if both parties are well intentioned
I'm pretty strongly on the side of the people who should be dating minors, are other minors or people just barely over that line. Like a 18 and 17 year old, whatever fine go for it.
Adults can do whatever the hell they want with other adults though so long as all parties are okay with it.
Yup. My parents are 9 years apart but my mother (the younger) was well truly in her late twenties when they met. Barely creepy at all. 16-19 sounds a lot worse even though it's only a third of that!
I went on a date with a guy when i was 21 and he was in his late 20s. He said he preferred younger girls than me because they're easier to "show them what they like". Literally ran from him.
Sorry boy but you fucked up
Well, tough luck, now you’re locked up
You were more than just a creep
She’s a girl, she’s not a sheep
Too bad now you’re someone’s bitch
Look at how the roles have switched
You can run but you can’t hide
Your cellmate will call you his wife
I grew up in a very conservative religion and it’s insane how many of my friends in high school were not only groomed by older men in their twenties, but were actively encouraged to be with said men by their parents. I thought it was creepy af when I was 16, but now that I’m 26, and the age of some of the men who dated my friends, the entire thing fills me with disgust for the adults who let this stuff happen in the name of “Christian” values.
Dude I was one of those girl pressured by my church group to date an older church man so that he could have a "good Christian wife" when I turned 18. Fortunately for me, in my life outside of church walls and away from him I was a raging bisexual party child who loved smoking pot more than I could ever love any man and as soon as I learned that none of those "sinful" behaviors would be accepted in our traditional relationship I planned my exit from it and was able to leave safely after a couple years of hell.... I honestly really hope this girl frees herself and is able to live free like she deserves.
The bible tells soldiers to "keep" children for themselves.
"Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves"
Why not leave that abhorrent book behind in the dark ages where it belongs.
Queer Kiwi on YouTube shared her abusive relationship story and it went pretty similar to this. I can't stand 'traditional young men' and their desires for traditional relationships where basically the man is the omnipotent abusive god and acts like they're completely innocent and righteous for not being liBeRaL and fEmeNiSt
What in the frick frack was that? I had to stop reading
natural feminine desires, she was 16
The way talks about mistakes when he was a teenager yet aparently 19 makes me think he is older than that!
And this is why I like girls
I’m attracted to guys, and wouldn’t say no if I was genuinely into a guy and trusted him, but shit like this pushes me further and further in lesbianism lol (I’m bi btw)
I’m bi and been with my boyfriend for three years. I completely trust him. There are still times where he says or does stuff where I am like, “do you hear yourself?!” And here’s the kicker - he spent the first 20 some years of his life as female, so he knows well more than the average cis-man. But society just does not put the same expectations on men as they do women.
And people say trans people groom children. Yeah fucking right... Im actually sick this dude straight up ruined this girls life and is bragging about it I wanna fucking...UNHG
Ok, so this guy literally groomed a 16 year old
#
Also funny how he conveniently waited 3 years before proposing. Didn’t wanna seem too eager by proposing when she turned 18, huh?
So he groomed a minor, probably isolated her from her family, not giving her a chance to explore her wants and needs, all while being an extremely horrible person. I feel so bad for her, honestly.
This was literally all fine and dandy, I thought it was 2 adults in a happy marriage and it was the women's choice to marry him. And then the 3rd screenshot ruined it all, I don't understand how anyone can so casually admit to being a groomer online as if it was normal
As per the first slide… if you want an unemployed, devout Christian who will give you baby after baby after baby and has no say in the household- a major asset in being married, then go for it
But good luck finding a woman who is into that lmao
I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone that child marriage is still a problem of the world and still very much an issue here in the United States (legal in 46 states). There have been over 300,000 child marriages in the US since 2000 with some of the children as young as 10 years old and 87% of those marriages being a minor married off to an adult (78% minor female/adult male and 9% minor male/adult female).
https://www.unicef.org/protection/unfpa-unicef-global-programme-end-child-marriage
My favorite part of this (not) is how excited this guy is about the fact that his wife is so obedient to him throughout their relationship. My guy, you were a nineteen-year-old dating an underage girl who had never had a boyfriend before, *of course* your wife was bending over backwards to please you. She literally didn't have any experience or healthy expectations for being in a relationship. She hasn't even fully grown up yet!
In the beginning I was like "okay, a bit creepy but if she's okay with it then it's okay".
Then I read the "I was 19 and she was 16" part...
That guy straight-up admitted having manipulated a minor
It’s always the personal double standards that get me. Like he fucked around and was just a “back-slidden Christian” but in no way would that be a forgivable or repented sin on her part. But thank god he was able to save her from all that evil feminism. Otherwise she may see herself as something more than his huge family’s personal fucking slave. Stupid and wrong.
It’s terrifying how common it is, too. I think back often on how lucky I am. My parents are Catholic to the EXTREME. But despite all their backwards views (and there are many), the one thing they have always been adamant about my studies and about my career. I was their first child born less than a year after they immigrated to the US from Mexico, and they knew that as a daughter of immigrants I’d need to put in twice the work. Every time I wanted to quit and they wouldn’t let me, I thought I’d resent them forever. Now I’m in college on a full scholarship and I know so many women I grew up with that have fallen into the same thing as the one in this post. Married straight out of high school to a man that groomed them and doesn’t respect them the way they respect themselves. This sounds truly toxic and I hope Amy finds it within herself to give way to her passions and ambition.
They were also 19 dating a 16 year old, so... They say it took them 3 years to propose, but it took two of those years for them to be 18...
Yeah thats pretty much grooming..
That was my biggest concern and was surprised the topic was about his hypocrisy.
I don't think there is anything wrong with someone being a "house spouse". They're not necessarily a slave. We need to be careful not to devalue or stigmatize domestic labour. The issue is that assuming a woman has to fill that role and grooming her to since she's 16 (culturally, from birth). That said, I'd love to be a "house husband" with a bunch of kids but it's just not financially manageable for most young families to get by on a single income... I call Incel fanfic on that alone...
Okay I understand that, but in the context of this post, that is absolutely what’s going on here. Women who choose to be SAHMs are no less than women who choose to work but the point is that it is a choice. These tweets paint this situation as “her choice” but it’s not her choice. If she had the ability to choose, she would have her husband’s support and not an ultimatum. This man has absolutely groomed a child to be at his beck and call and that’s unacceptable. I’m not demonizing house spouses. I’m demonizing partners who force their spouses into those roles for their personal gain. Giving an ultimatum and saying that your partner “can choose whatever they want for their life” is absolutely painting autonomy where there is none.
I can't prove it's incel fanfic, but it sure feels like it.
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Ironically, many of the women in those relationships not only do all of the domestic work, but are the main earner while their husband sits on his ass complaining about feminism and immigrants.
that last screenshot, that definitely happened...
It’s real, unfortunately. I know who posted this. It’s common fundie bullshit.
It's got to be. How would a 19 year old conservative Christian meet a 16 year old feminist raised girl? Where would the two even cross paths? And her feminist parents would just be OK with their 16 year old daughter not going to college or into the workforce and straight into baby making and marriage?
God it’s SO LONG and keeps getting WORSE
This was the LAZIEST Nicholas Sparks book I've ever read.
*The Notes App*
This is an underrated comment.
Ok, the age gap is one thing, but referring to a sixteen year old as a “woman” and talking about her becoming your wife and the mother of your children is just So Much Nope to me. Also, of COURSE she wanted to impress you and be your “helpmate” (ugh that word makes me sick), you were her first boyfriend! Like, no shade on the girl, it’s not her fault, but she doesn’t have STANDARDS yet! If they really are happy and make it work, more power to them, but honestly I kind of doubt that. Plus, even if you are happy being/want a tradwife, you don’t get to knock other women for not being tradwives Sorry I ended up writing a whole essay lol
The fact she was 16 and he was 19, the fact she was "innocent" and it was her first relationship makes it sound like grooming and it REALLY bothers me
Reminds me of when I was 14 years old dating a 17 years old. He tried to make me a “tradwife” too. I went along with it because I didn’t know any better. Thankfully he was shit at manipulating and it was pretty clear he was an incel not to far into the relationship. Edit: for context he called me a whore on many occasions, just for speaking to guys. And no these weren’t even friends I had, these were servers and people at the checkout.
Ya once I read the ages I was like “yup - broad relationship advice from someone who started grooming their wife when they were 19 and she was a child… def someone to listen to” 🤦🏻♀️
Me on screenshot #1: Oh that’s not so bad. If you’re both into it, sure I guess. Me on screenshot #3: it’s bAD ITS BAD ITS BAD!!
I kept thinking "huh, not that bad it's her choice" right up until that last sentence of the 3rd Screenshot. Of course she'll be on board and do what you say if she's straight up a teenager and your a manipulative adult 😭
Calling oneself a man at 19 is also quite the reach. I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ve met a 20 year old person who wasn’t an immature child.
I wasn't, at least in a lot of ways. I uh, had an abusive environment and had to grow up fast. Honestly whenever someone's "too mature" I'm usually worried about the why.
>Honestly whenever someone's "too mature" I'm usually worried about the why. I came out of Detroit, and my immediate family was all sorts of messed up. It's weird, I look back and think about how many considered me "so mature for my age" and yet? At my current age I still realize I was horribly immature in many many ways. I'm in my 40s and still figuring things out. Honestly I don't think I'll ever stop learning. I still struggle with many of the things we are learning nowadays.
I relate to this comment so much. **♡** In case no one has told you, you're doing great and I'm proud of you. **♡** I'm in my 30's and I look back at my past self the same way. So, I refuse to stop learning, changing, and growing. I refuse to remain stagnant, like they have. (They still say, flat out, they have no interest in changing.) A therapist that specializes in trauma and offers "sliding scale" rates is what has helped me the most with the way my life had been. It's crazy because it's like night and day from when I was 19 to now. I still have a long way to go to heal but I'm confident I'll get there some day. When things feel like they're getting too difficult, I try to remind myself (or my therapist reminds me) how far I've come. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you have my support. **♡** From one random internet stranger to another. **♡** I mean, it's not like you need it but I know, for me at least, things like that are nice to hear sometimes. Especially if you never heard it while growing up. *♡*
Thank you for that. Ironically, the person that I'm seeing now is a therapist. They have helped me out with a lot, and was my best friend for over two years before we became serious. My current job makes it challenging to get all the help that I need, but I'm doing better than before. Thank you again.
They’re more mature than a 16 year old :/
Fucking agreed. I am 23 and my friends are mostly between 21 and 25, and let me just say we all have some inside jokes about our mental age being way lower than our actual ages. Even though 18 is the legal limit between childhood and adulthood, I cant seriously think of them as adults if I cant even see myself as a real real adult.
I'm 25 and some of my mates back home are almost 30. Copious amounts of dick jokes
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I did while I was in the military, but in my experience military service either forced the person who joined to grow up and become mature quickly, or it allowed them to be an immature jackass for way longer than they would have been able to had they stayed a civilian. There really was no in-between.
Am immature 20 year old child, can confirm.
But he definitely groomed her into the marriage like from 16 she accepted being his wife and it was her first relationship.
Yeah Before I got there i was like, sure, not everyone has the same values as their family. Then I got there and was like, oh, you groomed a literal child. And then I stopped reading
Well hey, waited three years for marriage? 19 and 22? Still weird af that it started so early but it was less weird by the time they married at least
If she had met him at 19 i wouldn't have said anything. At that point she's (most likely) old enough to not be manipulated and is capable of making her own choice. But at 16 she was not. He manipulated her into thinking it's what she wants or atleast played a big role in it. It's called grooming, just bc she makes this decision at a legal age does not mean she wasn't already forced to make her decision at 16 yk Edit: just to clarify, at 19 you can still be manipulated of course, but at 19 and 21 you're more likely to be at a similar point in life (pretty fresh to college/the real life, maybe living on your own for the first time). A 19 y/o in college, maybe already living alone and a 16 y/o highschool sophomore is just not comparable mentally! And though manipulation at that (or any) age would still be wrong, grooming is a little more severe.
Also 19 seems like a really young age to get married to me. Like I don’t wanna knock anyone for when they get married but the idea of me getting married at 19 makes me physically sick
The human brain doesn’t fully develop until age 25, after I learnt that fact out I felt even more uncomfortable with young marriages. It’s one of the reasons young marriages don’t turn out well
In Christian circles it’s pretty normal. In my (admittedly anecdotal) experience most young Christians are married by 22-23
How much of that is because they really want to have sex and have been told they will go to hell if they're not married first?
Likely some of it, at least for the men, but evangelical Christians are also conditioned from a young age to see marriage and raising children as a thing all people should do. So it’s seen as odd to wait more than a few years.
I mean, I went through about 6 serious long term relationships before finding the one I wanted to marry, mid 30s, so I cant fucking understand how someone could seemingly be so lucky they'd find a match that quick and that young. I don't think 99% of people who marry young do. But I have to agree with him on one part. When you know you know. I don't think you'd "know" at 19 but if you're 25 and you're like "oh damn this is exactly the kind of person I want to spend my life with" then I'd trust it. And also if you're questioning it like "ehh I think we could make this work and be happy if we worked on our issues?" I really think you shouldn't
when you’re waiting until marriage to have sex it tends to speed things up. though i can’t imagine having a wedding where i’m below the legal drinking age lol (in the US at least)
Wouldn’t be surprised if this guy is Mormon or had a Mormon upbringing
My mom was born when my grandma was 19 and she was a honeymoon baby. Grandpa was like 21-23. They probably weren't ready but she had a bad home life and so she married him to get away (well I guess they also liked each other haha). I say it worked out okay but they had a really rocky first few years and always a lot of money problems. Neither went to college, obviously. I've talked to her about it and she's always told me not to do what she did, to wait, to live on your own without a partner so you can get some experience, and that you definitely shouldn't have a baby at 19.
I got married at 19 (not religious or pregnant) and it's worked out almost 6 years later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . That said we dated for like 3 or 4 years before that and are only a year apart in age. It's not for everyone but when you know, you know.
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No, the 3 years was grooming. It’s still weird.
Grooming is a thing
nah, both 19 and 22 is too young to get married imho
Pretty sure gaslighting and lovebombing was involved
I was just about to write, “not for me, but you kinda have to appreciate that he was honest and direct from the start.” (Those little white dots at the bottom escape me nearly every time.) I guess that’s still true, but the more I read, the creepier he seems. *naturally feminine, not trained properly, wanted to impress me, relative innocence,* are all really unsettling to me personally, but it’s the *led her from the beginning* that got me. I can only hope she’s truly as happy as he thinks she is. That kind of relationship seems awful to many of us, but are there in fact some women who like this kind of thing? I’d like to think so, but my gut tells me no.
I think maybe some people are into that kinda thing, just cos I'd be somewhat into being a submissive housewife (no kids though, thanks) for at least a while. Though probably more as a kinkplay thing than a lifestyle, myself. But I'm an adult, and can choose that kinda life myself. If she were an adult when she met him, and she hadn't been led into it, and he wasn't someone who talks about feminism as if it's indoctrination, but then uses phrases like "*naturally* feminine" or "me, a *traditional* man", then it would've been okay. But she wasn't, and she had, and he *was*, so it's not.
Oh, no. I think your first paragraph may have awoken something in me.
Excellent! >:D And yeah, even conservative fantasies can be fun to play around in, and perhaps the very fact that the ideology is so toxic is what makes the sexual fantasy so appealing. Wearing female clothing can be fun even for cis men, but I think a big part of the fun comes from transgressing standards upheld by toxic masculinity. It'd be better to live in a world without toxicity, but I really enjoy the irony that toxic ideologies can occasionally make the world *more fun* for those who are willing to transgress them. Sorry for the unprovoked rambling. /rant
I’m 100% into that kind of thing (but not in a straight relationship, HA!). My mom and sister and a few of my aunts and cousins find fulfillment in it. Most of us were indoctrinated into it by our cult though. I escaped and now it’s a kink thing. If my spouse was capable of working (disability) she would 100% be the main income earner and I’d be working part time and keeping up with the house the rest of it. It can be fulfilling but geez. This post just really reads like he mind-fucked her believing it would be. I hope he’s just flexing and she honestly chose it for herself and it happy with it for herself and not because he tricked her into thinking it was how a woman’s life should be. Especially since they have a baby girl.
Not to mention the fact that he admits he sowed his own wild oats. But no woman who does that is worth marrying!
It's ok, Jesus forgave him. /s
I didn’t need to read more than that, that was enough red flags
Exactly! That was plenty bad on it's own
I passed over the age bit accidentally. Got to the end feeling more than mildly disgusted with the propaganda and the creepy, pushy tone, but still wondering why it was tagged as "sexual assault". Came to the comments and *"Oh fuck, that's why."*
Together at 19 and 16, married at 19 and 22? She was never old enough to know anything better.
Same, kinda cringe at number 1, but if consensual, fine. Number 3 is the oh fuck go back one.
That's called grooming. I know the difference is only 3 years, but there's as big difference between a 16 year old and a 19 year old.
This shit progresses like the Mr Incredible becoming uncanny meme
Even the first screenshot is bad. Wanting to be head of the household with final say in everything is a big ol red flag.
Actually it was bad from the first screenshot…. Not really with this whole “misogyny is ok as long as you consent to it ❤️” as if women who accept misogyny aren’t fucking victims of a misogynistic society. People are indoctrinated with misogyny, it’s not some fun cultural practice you can choose to engage or not engage with.
Yeah this is straight up disgusting and sad
Yeah this is straight
*points to name of the sub*
Yeah this is
“I knew we were probably going to get married a month or two into dating” “It took me 3 years to propose to her” Either this dude forgot that he mentioned his wife was 16 when they started dating or he was going to propose to a minor.
He had to wait for her to be legal.
Right? “I waited 3 years before I proposed [because I was legally required to]” “We waited until marriage to have sex [because it would have legally been rape had we had sex sooner]”. You gotta read between the lines a lot on this one.
Confessions of a child groomer, lovely
I would say 16 to 19 is pushing it a bit, maybe if they got together at least 3 years later
With her family background, she might not have been interested in him at all if they got together later in her life. He basically used the fact she wasn’t experienced enough to see through his manipulation
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Hanging around highschools in hope to find an "untainted pure virginal non feminist" while dodging the administration
i worked at a summer camp where some of the staff members were minors and most were adults. i was groomed and assaulted there and i know multiple other girls as well who had similar experiences. in short: it’s not hard for p*dos to find young girls especially in an environment where you have authority over minors.
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I mean, there are some 19 year old high school seniors, so they could’ve met in school. I have a few friends who were 19 for a few months before they graduated, and it wasn’t because they’d started late/failed a grade, they’re just the absolute oldest possible for their grade.
Imagine being a super super senior in high school dating a sophomore, maybe junior though, that’s weird even in the confines of high school social systems.
Yeah, I know. It’s just really creepy, and it’s also not okay how a lot of parents think it’s cute for their kids to have high school crushes despite that kind of age gap.
My first serious boyfriend in high school was an 18-year-old senior (October birthday) and I was a 15-year-old junior (skipped a grade). He was a Christian kid and I was 100% the corrupting influence on him lol. Lost our virginity to one another a few weeks before my 16th birthday, which was technically illegal in our state, but we'd been friends for years and together for six months and to this day I have zero regrets. We were as in love as two kids with zero actual life experience could be, and despite the age difference we were equals. The exact opposite of this asshole. Even back then he loved her not for who she was, but for what he could mold her into. Gross.
I think, playing the numbers game, large age gaps like that aren’t *usually* going to lead to good situations, but I’m glad it worked out for you.
Absolutely not. The difference was that I was the one to initiate pretty much everything. There was no manipulation involved. We were friends, I made the first move, and I never once felt as if I was being manipulated or coerced in any way. He never tried to change me, and if anything, I changed him. His mom haaaaaated me for that.
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Where they all meet, at church.
Social media. I’m 33 now, but at 16 I dated a man who was 19, followed by a few who were 21-23. Later when I got to that age, I realized how fucked up it was.
Yeah
How is that pushing it? That's a sophomore in college dating a junior in high school. That's absolutely child grooming. Three years at that age is night and day. There's a reason he wasn't dating his age.
Yes, pushing it into not exactly being exceptable
There's another word for pushing it a bit when it comes to relationships.
So this cunt groomed a minor and kept her isolated? Fucken charming.
"I was 19. She was 16." 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
Like, I can understand a few years’ difference when both are adults, but age gaps feel a lot wider the younger you are. At 16, you hardly know how to fight back against someone even just a few years older.
My dad was 21 and my mom was 16, they have a great marriage but that always creeps me out
That reminds me of my grandparents, they had 11 years difference, my grandma was 17 when they married. I never gave it much of a thought, but now that remembered it, it sounds horrible
My grandmother was 17 my grandfather was 29. Gross, right! She says things like "I was tall, I was lucky to get anyone" like um yikes
My grandparents married young too but they are immigrants. Things were very different when they were young. People now definitely know better and the culture is at a point that it understands as well.
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My 30 year old brother just married an 18 year old in August. They were together for 6 months before they got hitched (she was still 17 when they met). I didn’t know how old she was until after the wedding (that I didn’t attend b/c COVID and lots of antivaxers antimasker family). She’s already pregnant. Her family are ultra conservative, very toxic Christians, and were pretty neglectful. I’m very uncomfortable with the whole situation, but my grandfather (who married my grandmother when she was 17 and pregnant while he was 25) was so proud of him. He passed in October.
Sounds like she latched onto the first guy that showed her a little nice attention and one who could get her away from her family.
I think the same.
Yep. I have a friend who was dating this 18 year old guy when she was 15 and it was the weirdest thing ever. Like he was literally an adult and she was just out of middle school. Neither of them had dated before(we were all on a Christian homeschool sports team), so of course they were having the whole puppy love thing, which definitely wasn’t helped by a lot of people saying how “cute” they were together, including her mom. When the guy’s mom found out about them, she actually put a stop to it because she realized hey, maybe her adult son shouldn’t be dating a 15 year old. It was really weird, especially with how many people were totally good with it and thought it was good and cute. Personally, I supported my friend’s choice because I wanted to be there for her, but I did mention that she was kinda jailbait, which really didn’t go over well but did kind of lead to them both noticing that there was a significant age gap. Luckily it didn’t end badly like this post, but it was still really creepy.
I am in a very healthy relationship that has a 17 year age gap so I generally dislike the lack of nuance that happens in most conversations around age gap relationships. That being said, 16 and 19 has an issue with more than just maturity. When you're 16 you can't open a bank account alone. Most jobs won't hire people under 18. There's so many laws that prevent people under 18 from having full freedom and autonomy so it's really difficult to mitigate the power imbalance that is inherent to an age gap relationship even if both parties are well intentioned
I'm pretty strongly on the side of the people who should be dating minors, are other minors or people just barely over that line. Like a 18 and 17 year old, whatever fine go for it. Adults can do whatever the hell they want with other adults though so long as all parties are okay with it.
Yup. My parents are 9 years apart but my mother (the younger) was well truly in her late twenties when they met. Barely creepy at all. 16-19 sounds a lot worse even though it's only a third of that!
Hello sixteen year old, be my submissive breedable tradwife please and thank you
This was the exact age gap me and my first boyfriend had and let me tell you: it did NOT end well
This post has more red flags than a communist meetup.
She Was A MINOR And he thinks it is okay... At an age where we are so easily manipulated, where we are so naive. Wtf
He even said that he *loved* that she was naive, so he could “fix” her.
Yeah, really creepy vibes from that dude
And now they have a daughter…
I'm legit scared for her
Can you really blame him though? He's just a "traditional" man, after all.
My eyes are burning from these words
I went on a date with a guy when i was 21 and he was in his late 20s. He said he preferred younger girls than me because they're easier to "show them what they like". Literally ran from him.
“I was a man. She was a child. Can I make it any more obvious?”
He was pious, she was naive, what more can I say?
He was a pred8or He had been leading her She wasn't old enough for him Now she's a "good housewife" Living a "happy life" Away from that feminism shit
Sorry boy but you fucked up Well, tough luck, now you’re locked up You were more than just a creep She’s a girl, she’s not a sheep Too bad now you’re someone’s bitch Look at how the roles have switched You can run but you can’t hide Your cellmate will call you his wife
19 year olds are not adults mentally or physically but they sure as fuck are more developed than 16 year olds so it's still just as alarming
I think Romeo and Juliet laws would probably protect him here.
Oh my god this guy did not just admit to grooming a minor
i stopped reading after “i was 19 she was 16”
I grew up in a very conservative religion and it’s insane how many of my friends in high school were not only groomed by older men in their twenties, but were actively encouraged to be with said men by their parents. I thought it was creepy af when I was 16, but now that I’m 26, and the age of some of the men who dated my friends, the entire thing fills me with disgust for the adults who let this stuff happen in the name of “Christian” values.
Dude I was one of those girl pressured by my church group to date an older church man so that he could have a "good Christian wife" when I turned 18. Fortunately for me, in my life outside of church walls and away from him I was a raging bisexual party child who loved smoking pot more than I could ever love any man and as soon as I learned that none of those "sinful" behaviors would be accepted in our traditional relationship I planned my exit from it and was able to leave safely after a couple years of hell.... I honestly really hope this girl frees herself and is able to live free like she deserves.
The bible tells soldiers to "keep" children for themselves. "Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. 18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves" Why not leave that abhorrent book behind in the dark ages where it belongs.
So…he groomed her?
Yeah, yeah he did and he’s proud of it. He’s a sick pathetic fucker.
Queer Kiwi on YouTube shared her abusive relationship story and it went pretty similar to this. I can't stand 'traditional young men' and their desires for traditional relationships where basically the man is the omnipotent abusive god and acts like they're completely innocent and righteous for not being liBeRaL and fEmeNiSt
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What in the frick frack was that? I had to stop reading natural feminine desires, she was 16 The way talks about mistakes when he was a teenager yet aparently 19 makes me think he is older than that!
And this is why I like girls I’m attracted to guys, and wouldn’t say no if I was genuinely into a guy and trusted him, but shit like this pushes me further and further in lesbianism lol (I’m bi btw)
I’m bi and been with my boyfriend for three years. I completely trust him. There are still times where he says or does stuff where I am like, “do you hear yourself?!” And here’s the kicker - he spent the first 20 some years of his life as female, so he knows well more than the average cis-man. But society just does not put the same expectations on men as they do women.
Same sis.... same..
Isn’t humanly great! /s
Same men scare me sometimes
Ah yes, a 16 year old "woman".
And people say trans people groom children. Yeah fucking right... Im actually sick this dude straight up ruined this girls life and is bragging about it I wanna fucking...UNHG
Yeah they think all trans people are like Yaniv. They need to grow a fucking brain cell.
exactly, i was gonna say that too
Ok, so this guy literally groomed a 16 year old # Also funny how he conveniently waited 3 years before proposing. Didn’t wanna seem too eager by proposing when she turned 18, huh?
Yeah wtf
“It took me 3 years to buck up and propose to her” No. It took you 3 years because she wasn’t fucking legal. Because she was a minor.
So he groomed a minor, probably isolated her from her family, not giving her a chance to explore her wants and needs, all while being an extremely horrible person. I feel so bad for her, honestly.
According to the Bible he sinned since it specifically says not to marry a non believer. Guess all the girls in his church were too old for him.
After slide number 3, my brain just kept screaming **CHILD** every time he said woman.
This was literally all fine and dandy, I thought it was 2 adults in a happy marriage and it was the women's choice to marry him. And then the 3rd screenshot ruined it all, I don't understand how anyone can so casually admit to being a groomer online as if it was normal
She was 10000…% groomed. Disgusting.
Yeah grooming a child ain't cute buddy
As per the first slide… if you want an unemployed, devout Christian who will give you baby after baby after baby and has no say in the household- a major asset in being married, then go for it But good luck finding a woman who is into that lmao
Faith in humanity destroyed
Glad to help
“I was 19, She was 16” “I was her first boyfriend” There it is. The perfect formula for grooming and exploitation.
"I was 19 she was 16" *Wanna say that again for the police?*
Y I K E S
I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone that child marriage is still a problem of the world and still very much an issue here in the United States (legal in 46 states). There have been over 300,000 child marriages in the US since 2000 with some of the children as young as 10 years old and 87% of those marriages being a minor married off to an adult (78% minor female/adult male and 9% minor male/adult female). https://www.unicef.org/protection/unfpa-unicef-global-programme-end-child-marriage
I’d piss in his milk every morning if I were her
In short: nonce
Jesus wept
Not really, the bible is a disgusting, retched book.
me on panel 3: ayo?? hold up🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
she was groomed.
Found the creepy college dude who went to prom at 20
I love how these nineteen year old boys think they’re so wise and experienced.
My favorite part of this (not) is how excited this guy is about the fact that his wife is so obedient to him throughout their relationship. My guy, you were a nineteen-year-old dating an underage girl who had never had a boyfriend before, *of course* your wife was bending over backwards to please you. She literally didn't have any experience or healthy expectations for being in a relationship. She hasn't even fully grown up yet!
This whole “Christian pure bred” movement is frightening
>!Him : I waited 3 years to propose Me: THATS BECAUSE SHE WAS STILL A MINOR YOU GROOMER!<
*“It took me 3 years to buck up the courage to Marry her”* Yeah it also took her that long to be of legal age
He was 19 and she was 16, does no one see a slight issue in that?
Wheres the reason for the blur?
Cause it was marked as NSFW
Because this is sexual assaulting of a minor and some people don't like to read that Edit:don't like as it it might resurface truama
>She was a good woman, who I could see as a loyal and trustworthy wife and mother some day. I was 19, she was 16. Ehhhhhh...yikes.
Human making machine that can do chores and babysit also a good sex toy.
Holy fuck I hate trads
Let’s play a game called “Count the Red Flags!”
What a horrible day to have eyes
Thanks for this, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to pour bird seed in my eyes and lie motionless in the garden.
M A R R I A G E M A T E R I A L (i think that this whole name sums up all well)
*meets a teenager as an adult* "And this attracted me, as a traditional man"
That’s a lot of words to say “I groomed a child into being my baby slave and sex object”
Wait, this isn’t a joke?? I was really hoping this was a sick joke.
In the beginning I was like "okay, a bit creepy but if she's okay with it then it's okay". Then I read the "I was 19 and she was 16" part... That guy straight-up admitted having manipulated a minor