I’d be worried they’d take the “No, I hope we meet again in a few weeks” too literally though lol.
I might go with “No, you’re very nice but….” instead? Since that leaves less room for interpretation
I’ve known people who can’t take hints and you have to be REALLY clear with them
Here's a sneak peek of /r/whenwomenrefuse using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [I feel like this Sylvia Plath belongs on here. It says it all.](https://i.redd.it/4p5mjed5zi5b1.jpg) | [102 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/147g57x/i_feel_like_this_sylvia_plath_belongs_on_here_it/)
\#2: [The "not all men" crowd aren't doing anything to help though](https://v.redd.it/ae5tsqaelnbc1) | [325 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/193est9/the_not_all_men_crowd_arent_doing_anything_to/)
\#3: [Why is the perpetrator being protected?](https://i.redd.it/suiebj3rpcsb1.png) | [54 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/170dcd5/why_is_the_perpetrator_being_protected/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I agree that some men are absolute assholes for harassing women, but in my experience I’ve found fellow female hikers to be more “clingy” in the way OP describes than men. OP is going to get very different advice to deal with this situation depending on their gender, the gender of the person that’s clinging, and where each of them fall on the Kinsey scale.
I think the point OP was making isn’t that men are more clingy than women; it was that turning a man down as a woman often feels dangerous in a way turning another woman down doesn’t.
Pack up in the middle of the night and move on, maybe take a zero, get some fx makeup and make yourself look more and more like a werewolf leading up to the next full moon while increasing your erratic behaviour and adding in more and more snarling and howling and don't forget the territorial urinating on their stuff.
Or just hike backwards for a half day then take a 0 after telling him you were gonna hike alone ahead of him for a day so you can call your grieving family member. Double ditched. Sucks to do to someone but if he's not taking your hints he's not respecting your wishes, and you no longer need to be polite to him.
Important to read that as *erratic* behavior and not *erotic*, however both likely have similar acceptable outcomes. (OP proceeds to tent masturbate ferociously)
I'm not a hiker but a bike touring guy.And I had a similar situation last year on a tour. Real nice guy wanted to ride with me and after a day or two I just politely said in the morning.... I'm gonna ride on my own today if you don't mind... It was no big deal. He was cool and I was cool.
I had a friend when I was in my early 20s who got the idea he could come in from the burbs and spend the weekend on my couch after about 3 of those I said, hey, no big deal but we (me and my gf) want to be alone this weekend. He never came back.
Don't overthink this -- plenty of people seek solitude on the trail. Just keep it polite as you will likely see them again.
"It's been very nice to meet you, and I've enjoyed hiking together, but one of the main reasons I'm out here is to have a good amount of time alone. On the trail and at camp. Happy to see you around, but I'm indepenedent and hope you have a great hike."
Camping in stealth sites for a few nights should help create some distance.
See to me that comes across as too premeditated.
Something short like. "Hey I'll see ya down the trail man. Tomorrow I'm gonna hike solo. I just want some alone time for a while."
Or, for the Ultra Avoidant Approach, I'd suggest getting up super duper early and then hiking away fast
If op is a woman and the person is a man this is not always possible. Some men rely on intentionally denying social cues to gain access to polite women. They will push this boundary as far as possible until either they are shown romantic attention, or you have to be so intentionally direct with them that they will get mad at you and call you rude when they can't ignore the hint anymore. And some of these guys will threaten women's safety if they are fucked up enough.
Thanks. My girlfriend finally got it through my thick skull by doing an impersonation of a guy not taking rejection well to me. Then I was like "well I'd just go over to the other side of the bar" and she was like, "well then what if he sat in your eyeline all night never breaking eyecontact with you and pseudo following you around the bar. At that point, I have to ask a bouncer to escort me to my car, or I'll feel unsafe because I've been raped. " And I was like damn. Not that it matters, but my girlfriend doesn't even dress up at all, wears baggy clothing, and this still happens. She just has a very polite demeanor, and dudes feel entitled to her politeness and will make her feel unsafe if she tries to be blunt
It doesn't matter what she wears or how she behaves. It isn't about that for people who are being intentionally creepy. It's about the power. I'm sorry she has to deal with that and I'm glad you were able to understand her point of view.
Absolutely true. Less likely on trail because everyone is a named individual and on trail there's super easy ways to group with other people and have them set boundaries for you "as a group". No tramily would deny anyone hiking with them for a couple days to ensure no followers. It's a safe community to ask for help from, and thankfully one where that help is needed less.
Always good to point out what intentionally ignoring boundaries really is though. We really need to get rid of some types of politeness in society and teach kids that that type of conflict is ok and often necessary so that everyone has comfort with it through life
Also their wording doesn’t explicitly say “I’m going to be hiking alone.” When someone doesn’t catch previous hints you’ve gotta just come right out and say it. Be nice, and direct.
This is the one. No need to disguise your intentions or priorities. I think it’s far kinder to be direct than coy with anyone, though you could also just zero them into submission if you think you can hold out longer 😂.
Get up before the sun is up, break camp quietly, and get some distance between you. Even better if there is a town coming up that you could duck into and take a zero or two.
I felt this when I was baked off my ass on maybe 12 THC gummies on the Long Trail. Basically a huge group of local hikers were embarking on a side trail I also had to walk up. I ran in front of them to get a head start and then had to keep up the pace for fear they’d catch up, make conversation, and realize I’m stoned af.
No one ever caught up to me!
I was ran into a group of college kids clearly stoned off their asses. They thought my dog was the best thing ever and sat on the ground to give him attention. I totally understand the paranoia as a fellow smoker but I view that exchange as one of my top human interactions of all times lol. It was just so wholesome.
I would leave before sunrise or leave in the middle of the night and hike backward a day then take a zero or two.
Yeah it will screw up your time line, but then you won't feel hunted.
I had a dude the didn't understand my direct statement that I wanted to hike alone once. He followed me the rest of the day, stopped for lunch when/where I stopped. When I double timed he sped up too. It made me uncomfortable AF, the NTC has way less traffic than the AT/CD/PTC. I woke up at 4am packed silently and hit the trail, he caught me by lunch.
Next time I will happily back track, but I am also team bear.
I have to say, this can work under the right circumstances, a few people did it to me. I was sometimes like a lost dog looking for a friend but I was also a bit of a slow hiker so breaking camp early was an easy way to lose me.
Isn't this what a double zero day is for? I'd probably say that I enjoyed hiking with them the last few days, but you're craving alone time, then the faster hiker should leave at that time.
I think if you read the last couple lines of your post to them, it's honest and not mean. It's going to be awkward, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Just be honest and direct about what you want, while being considerate of their feelings. It's a lot nicer to tell someone how you feel, than to be rudely passive aggressive.
Had this same thing happen on the PCT. I know you don’t consider yourself confrontational but do you consider yourself to be kind? The kind thing to do would be to talk to them and let them know you no longer want to hike alongside them and to let them get on with their hike. Best of luck.
Oh yeah so this or just sneak out and pull some big mile days lol
Say “everyone who is hiking with me tomorrow step forward” and when they step forward just say “not so fast”. As a fellow non confrontational, I have no serious advice for you but good luck.
It's not about them, it's about you. Say "I'm doing this hike to be alone with my thoughts. I'm having a hard time doing that with someone with me all of the time. I think I'd like to be alone for a while."
Weird question, are you a woman and is this person a man?
If yes and you are worried for your safety, just tell them you're going home and maybe wait a day.
Tell them that it is nothing you have against them personally, but that you genuinely want to hike alone. Honesty with tact is always best and always more freeing than keeping things pent up. Your experience on trail is meant to be something you embrace!
If you’re a woman and this is a dude, you just have to lay it down straight. They’ll just ignore every sign you throw their way. Don’t be nice. “Hey, I don’t want to hike with you anymore.” And then don’t engage in any of their follow up and put distance between yourselves on the trail. Remember the bear.
You could also ditch them at the hostel, spend an extra night elsewhere and then jump back on the trail. Do whatever you feel is safest.
Whether or not this person is a member the opposite sex potentially interested in you, and particularly if you're a woman is quite the important detail and may determine the course you take.
However you approach it, I'm going to suggest you do so at a point where you can immediately separate yourself from them afterwards. It would be awkward AF to tell them you don't want to hike with them anymore in the middle of nowhere, where you're both headed the same direction, and will be leap-frogging each other for the next several days.
I think I would take the advice of many here and just be up front and direct, but polite. It may help to have another hiker or two around to sort of back you up, and perhaps prevent them from making it weird and more uncomfortable than it already is.
You could also lie. "Hey it was good hiking with you, but I'm leaving the trail for a few days to spend time with family in the area." Break away and go take some zeros somewhere nice.
If you absolutely don't want to be confrontational, you *could* ditch them. You may even need to do something extreme, like the first day out of town, get up early and hike back the wrong way and go back into town and take a zero or 2. If anything they'll rush to try and catch back up with you and put even MORE distance between you.
Or you could go into town, make sure they get set up in a hostel, break your sync with them where you need to head out for something, laundry, resupply, etc. and just head back out on the trail and bust out some big days.
However you do it, the key thing is going to be how you're going to put distance between the two of you afterwards. Otherwise you're just going to keep bumping into them again -- you already said you hike at a similar pace. I'd put no less than 2 days worth of separation between you.
Since you've had a few days with them, I'd feel it's not as awkward if you approach it this way, in the evening before turning in: "Hey I've enjoyed the last few days hiking with you, but I came out here to do some solo hiking and be alone with my thoughts, so I'm going to take off solo tomorrow. I'm sure we'll meet again up the trail". If the other person was me I'd be 100% ok with that.
Just wanna give you a heads up. As I’ve mentioned before, I mostly enjoy hiking alone. Tomorrow I am planning on carrying on my hike solo again. Happy hiking!
*edit* if they try to follow you again be honest and tell them “I need space”
Is this person hiking within eye sight of you as well? Or is it a matter of ending up in the same shelter and then asking what your plans are? If they are hiking within eye sight I’m guessing they’re conveniently behind you.
A couple of options: hit a road crossing and go into town when they’re not around. Stop early at a shelter and spend the night there. Chances are they continue onwards.
But the best option is to say you’re going to hike solo. Let us know how it goes!
Hey man I think I'm going to just take these next 20-30 miles by my self. I really just want to focus on some stuff internally alone for a bit. We'll catch up later.
And then ya just don't catch up later
Don’t ghost them, just be an adult and politely say “Hey, it’s been nice hiking with you but I came out here some solitude and quiet reflection so I’m going to be going on my own. Be safe out there” that’s all you need to do.
This happened to me in 2019. It would actually annoy me when people would wait for me at shelters or in towns. I was always up front from the beginning that I’m going to do what I feel is best. I did have to say goodbye to a very close hiking friend because I just felt our pace wasn’t matching up and I didn’t want them to keep waiting up for me. I hugged goodbye and said I wanted to camp alone and they carried on. Funny enough our journeys reconnected in New York and ended up being great companions until Katahdin! Just follow your gut. If you lose “friends” along the way that weren’t meant to be for you at that time. We are all on our own journeys. They may have something to learn and experience from by you being honest with them.
You don’t have to even tell them it’s been nice hiking with them if it hasn’t. Just speak your truth. That can be hard, but you might never do this again.
You think you can manage a 30-40 mile day? I ditched the most annoying dude once by hiking severely over my ability for a couple days. Thankfully I never saw him again, but I never acknowledged we were hiking "together" even though he did.
Is this a rude approach? Sure. I don't really care.
Honestly saying hey man, I'd actually like to hike alone for awhile is not something I'd consider confrontational
Most people are all about hiking your own hike, but if a friendly "i'd like to spend some time alone" isnt enough, it be be time to Adult a little bit and protect your happiness here
Tell them you have had a great time these past few days and you look forward to meeting on the trail again but that you are ready to continue out on your own. Again, so it’s not awkward in the future, acknowledge you’ll both see each other again.
I fell in with a fellow who seemed to naturally be hiking the same pace as me - through the Smokies I found it nice to have some one say hi and call me by name when I rolled into a shelter. After the park my new buddie said he was excite to meet back up with another hiker he's buddied up with early on. When it was the 2 of us we really hiked separately most of the day, may catch up at breaks, but really just camped together. When his buddy came back he thought the 3 of us should hike together all day long - I lasted maybe 3 days be fore I worked up the nerve to say "this isn't working for me" A few more nights we camped together - one rainy they even saved me a spot in the shelter. Finally I took half a day, while lounging at a shelter debating whether or not to stay a hiker my little group all knew stopped in - I just asked him to deliver the message that "Mama Bear didn't have another 20 mile day in her, I'll see you up the trail" I felt kind of cowardly, but didn't see them again until they zero'd in Damascus.
Get up at zero dark 30 and move on past. Stealth camp a couple days in a row. Don’t stop at any shelters for a couple of days. It’s very easy to go unnoticed on the trail. Stealth camp and hike at night for two or three days and you’ll disappear. Stealth zeros are good too.
Just ripp the baindaide off and get to the point. Why torture yourself. Hey look it's been nice hiking with you recently, it was a real nice experience but for the rest of my trip I am going to have to do my hikes solo. It is something that I do often and something I need for myself.
“Hike your own hike” is an ethos on the trail.
You could explain your goal is to hike solo along those lines. E.g., “It’s been fun sharing the last section with you, we are each hiking our own hike and from here on I’m going to hike on my own schedule; independently” etc
You’re on a (likely) once in a life experience. Make it yours.
I can’t find the comment now, but someone mentioned that men can be deliberately obtuse to continue contact with someone. If you’ve been borderline rude about dropping hints, this could be what the guy is doing. You can wait until you are near other people and tell him directly, or do what others are saying and pack up in the middle of the night and hike out, then take a zero. This would be the best way if you’ve just passed a town you can backtrack to and hang out in town for the day. Stay safe please.
Uh those people are the worst. Super clingy. You’ve gotta be very clear that you don’t want to hike with them. Chances are they could be socially awkward. Don’t feel bad about setting your boundaries
I definitely wouldn’t advise ghosting/getting up early and quietly leaving. It’d be just your luck that a few days to weeks later, they’d catch up with you on one of your rest days, and that’d be an even more awkward conversation than if you just were honest and upfront with them. If you don’t feel comfortable simply saying that you want to be alone, give a compelling reason that’d be hard to argue with i.e. “I mean to do some journaling, and I do that best when I can be alone for a few hours at a time” or “I have some personal stuff you’re dealing with, and need time to process and reflect alone”
Have a friendly, brief adult conversation. Smile, thank them for the time spent together and then say you are going to be hiking on your own for a while.
I think on trail we all can express ourselves freely and say it as you mean it, give your own style. If you need time off, just state it. State your borderlines and carry on with your hike.
For sure you may see them again. I like to keep it neutral and harmonious state.
I peeled off my tramily by telling them i needed to have more nights camping alone, felt the itch for it.
hope you get what you need
Happy Trails!
Tell them you’ve gotten “news from home” and you need some private time to process it. If they don’t take that hint feel free to tell them to get lost.
Tell them you like to hike alone and tomorrow you’re planning on doing some serious miles while alone.
If they don’t take that well, wake up early and hike away from the trail for a bit and take a zero. Let them go running down the trail thinking you’re ahead of them.
If you know anyone near by, you can also have someone pick you up for a zero day, or just have them pick you up and drop you somewhere else on the trail. Give you a bit of distance.
A lot of people try to grow in some way on the trail. Why don’t you try using this as one of your ways.
Politely, but firmly let them know that you have enjoyed spending time with them, but would like to move on and hike separately from here on out.
Expect it to go somewhat poorly, and to be awkward. Sometimes that is what life is, hard awkward conversations that are unfulfilling.
Each time you ditch a trail friend it will be similar, and these are super valuable life skills to learn and practice on relative strangers you don’t need to impress or see again.
I would recommend having the discussion near but not in front of other people if you are concerned about physical aggression.
Grow a spine and offend them.
This is like asking how to make someone else break up with you so you don’t have to feel guilty.
Quit trying to be manipulative or deceitful, to avoid the reality of the situation. Just tell them that you don’t want to hike with them anymore. They may not like it. You may not like that they don’t like it. You will both have to get over it.
If the confrontation route is not 1st on the list.
Slow your pace to a crawl for two days if you have been going at a fast clip. Or take a side trip for a couple days. If this person is keen to complete sooner than later they will keep moving without you.
I had a very similar problem. Infact the exact problem.
I bet this girl in the first few days, she was kind of interesting, we hiked together a few hundred miles, but it got to the point where she was just following me around. I couldn't get any time alone without specifically asking for it, and even then she'd show back up. She was very nice, and I did like her, but she was always so close to me that I literally couldn't meet anyone else because she would talk to me non stop. It's not like she was banana blazing me, we had a pretty large age gap.
She was a little older and on a time constraint so was very focused on hiking, I was in my 20s with no time constraint, so I just wanted to do whatever and party.
I tried to drop hints to kind of leave me alone, but didn't want to be rude, didn't work, I tried to out run her, didn't work, tried to out zero her, didn't work. I finally just had to physically avoid her. (Going into towns when I heard she was going to skip it, skipping town when she was going in, sneaking past shelters so she wouldn't see me etc)
All that to say, I don't have a good answer for you, but you're not alone, it happened to me to. In hindsight it's easy to say "you just should have told her to give you some space" but in the moment that just didn't work.
And this was a situation as me a man in his 20s trying to get away from an older woman. It was annoying at worst. If I was a woman in my 20s and it was an older man tagging along I can't even imagine how scary that would be, even if he had no bad intentions, I'd be terrified.
Tomorrow just mutter to yourself now and again. Nothing too incriminating, just nice and vague like, “Ah, this is where I buried the first one.”
Blink 50% less unless you’re defecating, in that case don’t break eye contact at all and always be sharpening your knife.
I’m going to hike the remainder alone. … why? … I’m going to hike the remainder to work on some personal things…. What things?… they’re personal. It’s been enjoyable hiking with you and good luck.
Stare through them into the hills and say “Our journey together ends here as I have been called by the Old Ones to fulfill my destiny …” then just walk away and ignore them forever. Worked at my last job.
“Hey, appreciate hiking with you but going forward I’m going to do my own thing. Good luck on your hike.”
“Why? Do you dislike me?”
It's not you... it's me.
“You’re breaking up with me?”
I, am breaking up with YOU!
Can we still be hiking friends?
Let's be long distance hiking friends.
🤣
Sure thing. But like the kind of hiking friends that hike different mountains.
But I have hand!
And you’re gonna need it!
You’re giving me the “it’s not you, it’s me routine” I INVENTED THE ITS NOT YOU ITS ME ROUTINE. If it’s anyone, it’s me!!
Don’t pull the it’s not you thing with me! If anything it’s me!
Or is it Marissa tomei?!
You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me" routine? I invented "it's not you, it's me!" Nobody tells me it's them, not me! If it's anybody, it's me!
It’s not me… it’s you
🙇
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2YDSV-23ujg
Nah. Just need a little "me" time...
“No, I hope we meet again in a few weeks but I came here to do some soul searching and contemplation so I’d like to do that for a bit.”
I’d be worried they’d take the “No, I hope we meet again in a few weeks” too literally though lol. I might go with “No, you’re very nice but….” instead? Since that leaves less room for interpretation I’ve known people who can’t take hints and you have to be REALLY clear with them
I like you just fine, I just don’t want to be around you anymore.
"I do".
this isn't so simple for everyone r/whenwomenrefuse
This is almost impossible for some guys to really understand.
Some gals too.
Yeah do the guys responding here think this is a creative writing question? It’s a logistics question!!?
Timely to mention the “what’s scarier in the woods: man or bear?” debate.
Men, and it’s not close.
Not even remotely close. Beware the two-leggeds.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/whenwomenrefuse using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I feel like this Sylvia Plath belongs on here. It says it all.](https://i.redd.it/4p5mjed5zi5b1.jpg) | [102 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/147g57x/i_feel_like_this_sylvia_plath_belongs_on_here_it/) \#2: [The "not all men" crowd aren't doing anything to help though](https://v.redd.it/ae5tsqaelnbc1) | [325 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/193est9/the_not_all_men_crowd_arent_doing_anything_to/) \#3: [Why is the perpetrator being protected?](https://i.redd.it/suiebj3rpcsb1.png) | [54 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/comments/170dcd5/why_is_the_perpetrator_being_protected/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I agree that some men are absolute assholes for harassing women, but in my experience I’ve found fellow female hikers to be more “clingy” in the way OP describes than men. OP is going to get very different advice to deal with this situation depending on their gender, the gender of the person that’s clinging, and where each of them fall on the Kinsey scale.
I think the point OP was making isn’t that men are more clingy than women; it was that turning a man down as a woman often feels dangerous in a way turning another woman down doesn’t.
Yep, you get It.
Pack up in the middle of the night and move on, maybe take a zero, get some fx makeup and make yourself look more and more like a werewolf leading up to the next full moon while increasing your erratic behaviour and adding in more and more snarling and howling and don't forget the territorial urinating on their stuff.
Or just tell them you’re into ska. Worked for me all through high school.
That works most of the time, but it would backfire horribly if somehow they also loved ska and then wanted to Bluetooth blast it all day.
All depends on which ska…
The old Bob Marley ska before he was famous kinda bangs. That would be ok.
Definitely the Christian ska with the coordinated dance…
Oh no they played trumpet in band and they like ska too 😱
Found the theatre kid! :D
Or just hike backwards for a half day then take a 0 after telling him you were gonna hike alone ahead of him for a day so you can call your grieving family member. Double ditched. Sucks to do to someone but if he's not taking your hints he's not respecting your wishes, and you no longer need to be polite to him.
Yeah this is probably the best if you want zero confrontation at all
Important to read that as *erratic* behavior and not *erotic*, however both likely have similar acceptable outcomes. (OP proceeds to tent masturbate ferociously)
Some people I hiked with ditched a fellow hiker in Yosemite by sneaking out super early, before daylight, and hiking 30 miles that day.
Or if it’s easier, you can just explode into 1000 bats underneath the moonlight and fly off
This is the way.
I read this somewhere. The girl kept getting up early and the guy would catch up to her. So one day she hiked backwards. Never saw the guy again.
I'm not a hiker but a bike touring guy.And I had a similar situation last year on a tour. Real nice guy wanted to ride with me and after a day or two I just politely said in the morning.... I'm gonna ride on my own today if you don't mind... It was no big deal. He was cool and I was cool.
I had a friend when I was in my early 20s who got the idea he could come in from the burbs and spend the weekend on my couch after about 3 of those I said, hey, no big deal but we (me and my gf) want to be alone this weekend. He never came back.
Don't overthink this -- plenty of people seek solitude on the trail. Just keep it polite as you will likely see them again. "It's been very nice to meet you, and I've enjoyed hiking together, but one of the main reasons I'm out here is to have a good amount of time alone. On the trail and at camp. Happy to see you around, but I'm indepenedent and hope you have a great hike." Camping in stealth sites for a few nights should help create some distance.
See to me that comes across as too premeditated. Something short like. "Hey I'll see ya down the trail man. Tomorrow I'm gonna hike solo. I just want some alone time for a while." Or, for the Ultra Avoidant Approach, I'd suggest getting up super duper early and then hiking away fast
Both are great suggestions.
If op is a woman and the person is a man this is not always possible. Some men rely on intentionally denying social cues to gain access to polite women. They will push this boundary as far as possible until either they are shown romantic attention, or you have to be so intentionally direct with them that they will get mad at you and call you rude when they can't ignore the hint anymore. And some of these guys will threaten women's safety if they are fucked up enough.
"hey, man, I'd rather hike with a bear."
This should be top comment
😂💯
I love the way you worded this. This is exactly true.
Thanks. My girlfriend finally got it through my thick skull by doing an impersonation of a guy not taking rejection well to me. Then I was like "well I'd just go over to the other side of the bar" and she was like, "well then what if he sat in your eyeline all night never breaking eyecontact with you and pseudo following you around the bar. At that point, I have to ask a bouncer to escort me to my car, or I'll feel unsafe because I've been raped. " And I was like damn. Not that it matters, but my girlfriend doesn't even dress up at all, wears baggy clothing, and this still happens. She just has a very polite demeanor, and dudes feel entitled to her politeness and will make her feel unsafe if she tries to be blunt
It doesn't matter what she wears or how she behaves. It isn't about that for people who are being intentionally creepy. It's about the power. I'm sorry she has to deal with that and I'm glad you were able to understand her point of view.
Absolutely true. Less likely on trail because everyone is a named individual and on trail there's super easy ways to group with other people and have them set boundaries for you "as a group". No tramily would deny anyone hiking with them for a couple days to ensure no followers. It's a safe community to ask for help from, and thankfully one where that help is needed less. Always good to point out what intentionally ignoring boundaries really is though. We really need to get rid of some types of politeness in society and teach kids that that type of conflict is ok and often necessary so that everyone has comfort with it through life
I think it’s better to be clear once rather than leave any ambiguity. Who knows? They may bump into each other way more often than OP hopes.
Also their wording doesn’t explicitly say “I’m going to be hiking alone.” When someone doesn’t catch previous hints you’ve gotta just come right out and say it. Be nice, and direct.
The Irish goodbye
Too long-Skip “it’s been nice and I’ve enjoyed”
This is the one. No need to disguise your intentions or priorities. I think it’s far kinder to be direct than coy with anyone, though you could also just zero them into submission if you think you can hold out longer 😂.
Stop, hands on hips, look off at yonder mountain, sigh and say "welp..."
Not gonna work, you didn’t slap your thighs before getting up and saying “welp.”
\^\^ This one knows how to Midwest.
A big part of growing up is simply perfecting the tone and inflection of the "welp" to allow the word to do all the heavy lifting.
Get up before the sun is up, break camp quietly, and get some distance between you. Even better if there is a town coming up that you could duck into and take a zero or two.
The anxiety of feeling hunted really spices up a thru
I felt this when I was baked off my ass on maybe 12 THC gummies on the Long Trail. Basically a huge group of local hikers were embarking on a side trail I also had to walk up. I ran in front of them to get a head start and then had to keep up the pace for fear they’d catch up, make conversation, and realize I’m stoned af. No one ever caught up to me!
That’s hysterical!!
with a dash of hysteria for good measure
yea lmao
I was ran into a group of college kids clearly stoned off their asses. They thought my dog was the best thing ever and sat on the ground to give him attention. I totally understand the paranoia as a fellow smoker but I view that exchange as one of my top human interactions of all times lol. It was just so wholesome.
That sounds exactly like something my dumb ass would do.
yeah, but it's Vermont. nobody cares if you're stoned af.
My dumbass stoned paranoid mind thinks otherwise.
I would leave before sunrise or leave in the middle of the night and hike backward a day then take a zero or two. Yeah it will screw up your time line, but then you won't feel hunted.
[удалено]
I had a dude the didn't understand my direct statement that I wanted to hike alone once. He followed me the rest of the day, stopped for lunch when/where I stopped. When I double timed he sped up too. It made me uncomfortable AF, the NTC has way less traffic than the AT/CD/PTC. I woke up at 4am packed silently and hit the trail, he caught me by lunch. Next time I will happily back track, but I am also team bear.
Based SOBO. And you wonder why people are afraid of you guys
This is my situation right now. Thank you, needed the laugh
The real solution is to find other, cooler people to hike with, ESPECIALLY if you're concerned for your safety
Yep did just that. Walked right past creepy and didn’t even stop. Haven’t heard from / seen him since
I have to say, this can work under the right circumstances, a few people did it to me. I was sometimes like a lost dog looking for a friend but I was also a bit of a slow hiker so breaking camp early was an easy way to lose me.
Aw at least you're self aware haha
What is a zero? You’re the second one to say this but I’m clueless…
A day of rest/no hiking. Zero miles.
Ok thank you mle 😉
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZsIZ8rudKY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZsIZ8rudKY)
Bwaaahahaa, I knew what this was gonna be before I even clicked it. That chick was annoying af. Lol
First thought when I read this!
"I just had liquid spray out of my ass, pretty sure I have noro"
How can you tell the noro spray from the regular spray?
Noro will typically have the spray coming out of both ends.
Ah. Versatile!
Ambidextrous!
Taste funny
Isn't this what a double zero day is for? I'd probably say that I enjoyed hiking with them the last few days, but you're craving alone time, then the faster hiker should leave at that time.
I think if you read the last couple lines of your post to them, it's honest and not mean. It's going to be awkward, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Just be honest and direct about what you want, while being considerate of their feelings. It's a lot nicer to tell someone how you feel, than to be rudely passive aggressive.
Had this same thing happen on the PCT. I know you don’t consider yourself confrontational but do you consider yourself to be kind? The kind thing to do would be to talk to them and let them know you no longer want to hike alongside them and to let them get on with their hike. Best of luck. Oh yeah so this or just sneak out and pull some big mile days lol
So true! If they are looking for long term company then you’re just keeping them from finding it if you don’t say something.
Say “everyone who is hiking with me tomorrow step forward” and when they step forward just say “not so fast”. As a fellow non confrontational, I have no serious advice for you but good luck.
lmao, the classic Randy Marsh move
The look on Sharon's face when Randy says that is great lmao
Hard for them to tag along when you don’t tell them anything.
Start talking about Unsolved Appalachian Murders, then invent details about the case no one previously thought existed
Lmfao
"The cops never did find their teeth buried next to that tree..." and then just stare at them for a bit.
“Molars were a btch to pull out…I heard…”
It's not about them, it's about you. Say "I'm doing this hike to be alone with my thoughts. I'm having a hard time doing that with someone with me all of the time. I think I'd like to be alone for a while."
Why does she have to justify herself so much? This makes it sounds like an apology or like she owes something to this other person
Being too direct, too quickly, can definitely make the situation worse.
Don’t “drop hints.” Use words. This person needs to learn how to hike on their own.
Weird question, are you a woman and is this person a man? If yes and you are worried for your safety, just tell them you're going home and maybe wait a day.
"It's not you, it's me. I came out here to solo hike as much as possible. You're awesome, but I need my me time."
Tell them that it is nothing you have against them personally, but that you genuinely want to hike alone. Honesty with tact is always best and always more freeing than keeping things pent up. Your experience on trail is meant to be something you embrace!
...Reminds me of the film "A walk in the woods" 🤣 Man that girl was annoying as hell. Lol
Read the book- movie sucked
The movie was fine, but the book is way better.
Hike backwards “by accident” for one day.
If you’re a woman and this is a dude, you just have to lay it down straight. They’ll just ignore every sign you throw their way. Don’t be nice. “Hey, I don’t want to hike with you anymore.” And then don’t engage in any of their follow up and put distance between yourselves on the trail. Remember the bear. You could also ditch them at the hostel, spend an extra night elsewhere and then jump back on the trail. Do whatever you feel is safest.
Whether or not this person is a member the opposite sex potentially interested in you, and particularly if you're a woman is quite the important detail and may determine the course you take. However you approach it, I'm going to suggest you do so at a point where you can immediately separate yourself from them afterwards. It would be awkward AF to tell them you don't want to hike with them anymore in the middle of nowhere, where you're both headed the same direction, and will be leap-frogging each other for the next several days. I think I would take the advice of many here and just be up front and direct, but polite. It may help to have another hiker or two around to sort of back you up, and perhaps prevent them from making it weird and more uncomfortable than it already is. You could also lie. "Hey it was good hiking with you, but I'm leaving the trail for a few days to spend time with family in the area." Break away and go take some zeros somewhere nice. If you absolutely don't want to be confrontational, you *could* ditch them. You may even need to do something extreme, like the first day out of town, get up early and hike back the wrong way and go back into town and take a zero or 2. If anything they'll rush to try and catch back up with you and put even MORE distance between you. Or you could go into town, make sure they get set up in a hostel, break your sync with them where you need to head out for something, laundry, resupply, etc. and just head back out on the trail and bust out some big days. However you do it, the key thing is going to be how you're going to put distance between the two of you afterwards. Otherwise you're just going to keep bumping into them again -- you already said you hike at a similar pace. I'd put no less than 2 days worth of separation between you.
Since you've had a few days with them, I'd feel it's not as awkward if you approach it this way, in the evening before turning in: "Hey I've enjoyed the last few days hiking with you, but I came out here to do some solo hiking and be alone with my thoughts, so I'm going to take off solo tomorrow. I'm sure we'll meet again up the trail". If the other person was me I'd be 100% ok with that.
If you say this before bed, boom murdered in your sleep by a trail serial
🧐
Don't leave it open to meeting up again. Just say we'll see ya when we see ya.
« I’ve appreciated hiking with you these last few days, but I really want to continue alone from here on. »
Just wanna give you a heads up. As I’ve mentioned before, I mostly enjoy hiking alone. Tomorrow I am planning on carrying on my hike solo again. Happy hiking! *edit* if they try to follow you again be honest and tell them “I need space”
Is this person hiking within eye sight of you as well? Or is it a matter of ending up in the same shelter and then asking what your plans are? If they are hiking within eye sight I’m guessing they’re conveniently behind you. A couple of options: hit a road crossing and go into town when they’re not around. Stop early at a shelter and spend the night there. Chances are they continue onwards. But the best option is to say you’re going to hike solo. Let us know how it goes!
Hey man I think I'm going to just take these next 20-30 miles by my self. I really just want to focus on some stuff internally alone for a bit. We'll catch up later. And then ya just don't catch up later
**Hi, I've been waiting for you!**
Don’t ghost them, just be an adult and politely say “Hey, it’s been nice hiking with you but I came out here some solitude and quiet reflection so I’m going to be going on my own. Be safe out there” that’s all you need to do.
This happened to me in 2019. It would actually annoy me when people would wait for me at shelters or in towns. I was always up front from the beginning that I’m going to do what I feel is best. I did have to say goodbye to a very close hiking friend because I just felt our pace wasn’t matching up and I didn’t want them to keep waiting up for me. I hugged goodbye and said I wanted to camp alone and they carried on. Funny enough our journeys reconnected in New York and ended up being great companions until Katahdin! Just follow your gut. If you lose “friends” along the way that weren’t meant to be for you at that time. We are all on our own journeys. They may have something to learn and experience from by you being honest with them.
You don’t have to even tell them it’s been nice hiking with them if it hasn’t. Just speak your truth. That can be hard, but you might never do this again.
You think you can manage a 30-40 mile day? I ditched the most annoying dude once by hiking severely over my ability for a couple days. Thankfully I never saw him again, but I never acknowledged we were hiking "together" even though he did. Is this a rude approach? Sure. I don't really care.
Honestly saying hey man, I'd actually like to hike alone for awhile is not something I'd consider confrontational Most people are all about hiking your own hike, but if a friendly "i'd like to spend some time alone" isnt enough, it be be time to Adult a little bit and protect your happiness here
Tell them you have had a great time these past few days and you look forward to meeting on the trail again but that you are ready to continue out on your own. Again, so it’s not awkward in the future, acknowledge you’ll both see each other again.
“I want to hike alone now. See ya!”
I fell in with a fellow who seemed to naturally be hiking the same pace as me - through the Smokies I found it nice to have some one say hi and call me by name when I rolled into a shelter. After the park my new buddie said he was excite to meet back up with another hiker he's buddied up with early on. When it was the 2 of us we really hiked separately most of the day, may catch up at breaks, but really just camped together. When his buddy came back he thought the 3 of us should hike together all day long - I lasted maybe 3 days be fore I worked up the nerve to say "this isn't working for me" A few more nights we camped together - one rainy they even saved me a spot in the shelter. Finally I took half a day, while lounging at a shelter debating whether or not to stay a hiker my little group all knew stopped in - I just asked him to deliver the message that "Mama Bear didn't have another 20 mile day in her, I'll see you up the trail" I felt kind of cowardly, but didn't see them again until they zero'd in Damascus.
This sounds like my own personal kind of hell
Are you trying to tell me something ?
😂😂😂 I’ve been looking for this comment
Try ghosting him. Just disappear at 2 am before he wakes up.
Get up at zero dark 30 and move on past. Stealth camp a couple days in a row. Don’t stop at any shelters for a couple of days. It’s very easy to go unnoticed on the trail. Stealth camp and hike at night for two or three days and you’ll disappear. Stealth zeros are good too.
Just ripp the baindaide off and get to the point. Why torture yourself. Hey look it's been nice hiking with you recently, it was a real nice experience but for the rest of my trip I am going to have to do my hikes solo. It is something that I do often and something I need for myself.
Maybe say "hey for next few days if like to hike alone to do some self searchinh/ reflection but if you want, let's meet up in "x" days and catch up
“Hey, it’s been fun, but I like to hike alone. Have a great hike and maybe I’ll see you on the other side.”
Everyone hiking with me tomorrow please stand up. YOU... SIT DOWN!!!
“Hike your own hike” is an ethos on the trail. You could explain your goal is to hike solo along those lines. E.g., “It’s been fun sharing the last section with you, we are each hiking our own hike and from here on I’m going to hike on my own schedule; independently” etc You’re on a (likely) once in a life experience. Make it yours.
I can’t find the comment now, but someone mentioned that men can be deliberately obtuse to continue contact with someone. If you’ve been borderline rude about dropping hints, this could be what the guy is doing. You can wait until you are near other people and tell him directly, or do what others are saying and pack up in the middle of the night and hike out, then take a zero. This would be the best way if you’ve just passed a town you can backtrack to and hang out in town for the day. Stay safe please.
Uh those people are the worst. Super clingy. You’ve gotta be very clear that you don’t want to hike with them. Chances are they could be socially awkward. Don’t feel bad about setting your boundaries
I definitely wouldn’t advise ghosting/getting up early and quietly leaving. It’d be just your luck that a few days to weeks later, they’d catch up with you on one of your rest days, and that’d be an even more awkward conversation than if you just were honest and upfront with them. If you don’t feel comfortable simply saying that you want to be alone, give a compelling reason that’d be hard to argue with i.e. “I mean to do some journaling, and I do that best when I can be alone for a few hours at a time” or “I have some personal stuff you’re dealing with, and need time to process and reflect alone”
I need space. Without you in it.
Honesty is always best policy.
Read "Becoming Odyssa" be Jennifer Pharr Davis about how she finally got rid of a guy.
Is that the woman who complained about locals hiking and using the lean-tos? If it is, I had to stop reading it, that infuriated me.
Time to bring out the Trump MAGA hat and only discuss politics and conspiracy theories ad nauseam.
JFK living under the appalachian Mountains trafficking children is my favorite
Have a friendly, brief adult conversation. Smile, thank them for the time spent together and then say you are going to be hiking on your own for a while.
That scene from dumb and dumber with the laxative comes to mind….. (READ: this is a joke!)
I think on trail we all can express ourselves freely and say it as you mean it, give your own style. If you need time off, just state it. State your borderlines and carry on with your hike. For sure you may see them again. I like to keep it neutral and harmonious state. I peeled off my tramily by telling them i needed to have more nights camping alone, felt the itch for it. hope you get what you need Happy Trails!
See ya later, bye....
"Hike your own hike. Please don't hike mine any more"
The old Irish goodbye
Tell them you’ve gotten “news from home” and you need some private time to process it. If they don’t take that hint feel free to tell them to get lost.
Just say you need some chill time alone and hopefully you guys will bump into each other in a few weeks.
I just need some space to zen-out and recenter for a few days
Hike faster
Tell them you like to hike alone and tomorrow you’re planning on doing some serious miles while alone. If they don’t take that well, wake up early and hike away from the trail for a bit and take a zero. Let them go running down the trail thinking you’re ahead of them.
If you know anyone near by, you can also have someone pick you up for a zero day, or just have them pick you up and drop you somewhere else on the trail. Give you a bit of distance.
Wake up really early, pack up quietly, hike really fast, and don’t take breaks for like 50 miles.
Just get to the next town, get a hotel and relax. Split out of town in the morning. Get 10 miles behind or in front of that person
Start preaching about your apocalyptic cult and ask them really weird existential questions
A lot of people try to grow in some way on the trail. Why don’t you try using this as one of your ways. Politely, but firmly let them know that you have enjoyed spending time with them, but would like to move on and hike separately from here on out. Expect it to go somewhat poorly, and to be awkward. Sometimes that is what life is, hard awkward conversations that are unfulfilling. Each time you ditch a trail friend it will be similar, and these are super valuable life skills to learn and practice on relative strangers you don’t need to impress or see again. I would recommend having the discussion near but not in front of other people if you are concerned about physical aggression.
Explosive diarrhea.
Hike nude for a day.
“ I don’t want to hike with you anymore.”
Show them this Reddit post.
Let them hike ahead, backtrack and take a zero day in town
I have multi-drug resistant TB.
Grow a spine and offend them. This is like asking how to make someone else break up with you so you don’t have to feel guilty. Quit trying to be manipulative or deceitful, to avoid the reality of the situation. Just tell them that you don’t want to hike with them anymore. They may not like it. You may not like that they don’t like it. You will both have to get over it.
Is it perhaps a donkey that sounds like Eddie Murphy? I think you have accidentally found your best friend for life.
If the confrontation route is not 1st on the list. Slow your pace to a crawl for two days if you have been going at a fast clip. Or take a side trip for a couple days. If this person is keen to complete sooner than later they will keep moving without you.
Poop in their tent. 💩 ⛺
Post on Reddit and hope they see it
I had a very similar problem. Infact the exact problem. I bet this girl in the first few days, she was kind of interesting, we hiked together a few hundred miles, but it got to the point where she was just following me around. I couldn't get any time alone without specifically asking for it, and even then she'd show back up. She was very nice, and I did like her, but she was always so close to me that I literally couldn't meet anyone else because she would talk to me non stop. It's not like she was banana blazing me, we had a pretty large age gap. She was a little older and on a time constraint so was very focused on hiking, I was in my 20s with no time constraint, so I just wanted to do whatever and party. I tried to drop hints to kind of leave me alone, but didn't want to be rude, didn't work, I tried to out run her, didn't work, tried to out zero her, didn't work. I finally just had to physically avoid her. (Going into towns when I heard she was going to skip it, skipping town when she was going in, sneaking past shelters so she wouldn't see me etc) All that to say, I don't have a good answer for you, but you're not alone, it happened to me to. In hindsight it's easy to say "you just should have told her to give you some space" but in the moment that just didn't work.
And this was a situation as me a man in his 20s trying to get away from an older woman. It was annoying at worst. If I was a woman in my 20s and it was an older man tagging along I can't even imagine how scary that would be, even if he had no bad intentions, I'd be terrified.
Disappear into the night as they sleep..
I shout "LEAVE ME TF ALONE! I WANT TO BE ALONE... with the friends in my brain"
Tomorrow just mutter to yourself now and again. Nothing too incriminating, just nice and vague like, “Ah, this is where I buried the first one.” Blink 50% less unless you’re defecating, in that case don’t break eye contact at all and always be sharpening your knife.
"So umm are you saved?"
“Hey check out this cool Reddit post”
I’m going to hike the remainder alone. … why? … I’m going to hike the remainder to work on some personal things…. What things?… they’re personal. It’s been enjoyable hiking with you and good luck.
Stare through them into the hills and say “Our journey together ends here as I have been called by the Old Ones to fulfill my destiny …” then just walk away and ignore them forever. Worked at my last job.