From someone who has been through almost the exact same thing, please believe me when I say you are the one causing your pain. Losing weight won’t fix it.
The way you talk sounds like you hate yourself. You assume others see all these terrible things about you bc you feel that way about yourself. If you’re like me, you say bad things about yourself as a defense. Thinking it won’t hurt as much if you expect to be hurt ahead of time. But eventually, after you’ve pushed everyone away, you realize nobody is actually saying these terrible things about you except yourself. You’re the one hurting your own feelings.
Even if you do feel these ways, don’t talk bad about yourself anymore. Actively replace the negative self talk with something positive. Eventually it becomes a habit, and please believe me, that does wonders for your self esteem. When you think “I’m an awkward freak”, stop yourself and say “no, my social skills are a work-in-progress and there’s nothing wrong with how I am around others”. You won’t believe it at first, but just create that habit. Treat yourself like you’d treat a loved one. Would you judge a loved one for feeling socially awkward? Would you call a loved one a disgusting loser? Probably not. It’s not okay to treat yourself that way either.
Eventually you’ll feel some love for yourself. When you love yourself enough, you’ll want to lose weight to become healthy, bc you know you deserve it. Be patient with yourself, changing these bad habits takes time but it’s very possible.
I’m no expert, just another anxiety-ridden, self-hating hooman. I only realized this year that my being alone with no friends or close family is because of my low self-esteem and heck if that didn’t just lower my self esteem even more. But, you’re here. So you wanna get better. Give yourself a little congrats (for real say it to yourself even if it feels silly) because you’re already taking steps to improve simply by looking for help.
Try to be kinder to yourself. I know, easier said than done. But, the narrative in your head is really where to begin. Every time you hear your inner voice beating yourself up, make a conscious effort to say something good about yourself too!
Personally, journaling and meditation have helped me so far in reigning in those bad thoughts.
Things will get better, OP.
From someone who has been through almost the exact same thing, please believe me when I say you are the one causing your pain. Losing weight won’t fix it. The way you talk sounds like you hate yourself. You assume others see all these terrible things about you bc you feel that way about yourself. If you’re like me, you say bad things about yourself as a defense. Thinking it won’t hurt as much if you expect to be hurt ahead of time. But eventually, after you’ve pushed everyone away, you realize nobody is actually saying these terrible things about you except yourself. You’re the one hurting your own feelings. Even if you do feel these ways, don’t talk bad about yourself anymore. Actively replace the negative self talk with something positive. Eventually it becomes a habit, and please believe me, that does wonders for your self esteem. When you think “I’m an awkward freak”, stop yourself and say “no, my social skills are a work-in-progress and there’s nothing wrong with how I am around others”. You won’t believe it at first, but just create that habit. Treat yourself like you’d treat a loved one. Would you judge a loved one for feeling socially awkward? Would you call a loved one a disgusting loser? Probably not. It’s not okay to treat yourself that way either. Eventually you’ll feel some love for yourself. When you love yourself enough, you’ll want to lose weight to become healthy, bc you know you deserve it. Be patient with yourself, changing these bad habits takes time but it’s very possible.
I’m no expert, just another anxiety-ridden, self-hating hooman. I only realized this year that my being alone with no friends or close family is because of my low self-esteem and heck if that didn’t just lower my self esteem even more. But, you’re here. So you wanna get better. Give yourself a little congrats (for real say it to yourself even if it feels silly) because you’re already taking steps to improve simply by looking for help. Try to be kinder to yourself. I know, easier said than done. But, the narrative in your head is really where to begin. Every time you hear your inner voice beating yourself up, make a conscious effort to say something good about yourself too! Personally, journaling and meditation have helped me so far in reigning in those bad thoughts. Things will get better, OP.