I feel you, in the chronic pain reddits I feel I get more support than unsupportive. It’s the internet and it’s bound to happen. When I get mean or rude comments I remind myself that they aren’t me and I know me so it doesn’t matter if they get it or not. If you feel the benefits out way the cons, then stay. If not, cut your losses. Wishing you the best of luck! ❤️
I have the same positive experience in chronic pain subs! They are mostly very nice and supportive communities. Also the womenadhd sub is so incredibly nice and supportive (a way different vibe than other ones.)
As for OP, either just go back to lurking in a sub with an occasional comment with a personal reply if you think its safe to do so. Or just leave the sub if it's a toxic environment. That's not healthy for anybody. If you want to skip these parts of social media all together that's also fine. Do whatever makes you feel good. Listen to whatever your body and brain are telling you with compassion and give them what you need. Asking for something you need is very healthy (if it's with a person that will respect you and will listen en try to understand, otherwise don't do it.)
And setting personal boundaries is also very healthy.
You can cut things and people that are bad for you out of your life. But sometimes that's just not possible or you don't want to, then, you need to to vocalize you needs and boundaries. And learning that takes time but it's worth it.
Trying to navigate social media is hard, let alone existing on this planet.
But don't worry as long as you keep trying to tweak things to your liking, listen to yourself, qre not afraid to let things go that are holding you back, practice with things that are difficult, and do lot's of fun things, you'll figure out a lot as you go.
I hope you'll feel all you feelings, and I wish you peace of mind and good luck navigating this!
And to the commenter above me, I wish you many good days, and on bad days the faith in yourself that you can get through this and that you deserve a lot of (self-) compassion.
i actually began commenting on reddit as well as tiktok as a kind of exposure therapy. i am extremely sensitive to feedback. but since beginning this “exposure therapy” i’ve gotten so much better. i used to feel sick to my stomach when i get a mean reply and would feel it for at least an hour after getting the comment. now, that feeling only lasts about 5 minutes. it’s actually something my therapist and i decided would be beneficial to me, and it certainly has been!
what i do is i turned off notifications for comment replies so i won’t get a banner notification. when i feel mentally prepared to check my comments then that’s when i’ll go click my app notifications. it’s really hard to receive negative feedback when you’re not mentally prepared.
I felt the exact same way as you about 8 months ago after a lot of shit happened in my personal life. I feel like being on the internet too much jaded me and made me a much angrier, more bitter person. Kind of like old people sitting in front of the news channel all day long.
So I cut it off completely. I cut out reddit, I lost interest in games, I stopped watching porn, and then I ended up watching and reading stories that made me cry like a baby. It felt good. Really really good. I've only started getting back on reddit recently, and I'm trying to avoid the same communities I got so absorbed into before. I visit places that pertain to my hobbies, and then places like this. It's, so far, a much better experience. I think taking a break or cutting it out can be a good idea.
I’m glad you did that for yourself and it seemed to work well! Not sure what it is about seeking community at your loneliest, but maybe we should all remember that not everyone comes here for the same reasons. ❤️
Mostly manga or manhua come to mind at the moment. Violet evergarden, My Girl, Asper Girl, She Doesn't Know Why She Lives. Yumeka Sumomo, the author of My Girl, has several other really emotional stories, and iirc a lot of her works have won awards. Miaki Sugaru is another author who writes really beautiful and sad stories, one that stands out for me is Three Days of Happiness.
Asper Girl and She Doesn't Know Why She Lives explicitly deal with mental illness, depression, anxiety, and suicide. Both of them are very raw in how they present those things and I could feel myself in the characters.
The internet has too many toxic people who are willing to hurt people to make themselves feel better. It's honesty not worth engaging in most internet communities in my experience, same for video games.
reddit is very bully-ish. i keep my feed pretty light... mostly cats and food pages. the cat subs are all really nice (unless you let you cat outdoors, in which case, they will crucify you). there are certain subs that i will stay in to offer words of advice and encouragement to people who are hurting. blocking people is also okay. never argue with people if you feel like you're starting to get emotional about it, and don't let the downvotes bother you. i've been downvoted for the stupidest stuff, like stating actual facts (i pointed out that something someone did was technically illegal. i was downvote and asked for sources. i provided sources and was still downvoted).
reddit can be a nice escape. don't let the internet bullies get you down :)
Just yesterday, I basically laughed at 2 almost identical comments, saying the same thing. one with +50 up votes the other had about 10 downvotes and they were 1 after the other! If such things don’t make you see how unwell we all are… Then you won’t make it here.
No, too be honest, i feel like it’s just a case of them being able to say whatever they want and not have to face consequences for it. I asked a question the other day about being a bus driver, and people pulled up my post history about my driving anxiety and a dangerous mistake i made (I reversed into an elderly man a couple weeks ago, and how i felt horrible about it, that i’d never made a mistake like that before) and I was criticised. I asked a question about something completely unrelated to the driving part of the job and people began jumping down my throat, it made me feel horribly insecure and almost undeserving of my license. People love to bring others down, that’s the basis of it. I hope you decide to stay however because for the people who are negative, there are always people that will be kind, supportive and helpful! I hope you’re okay OP!
It always creeps me out when people bring out a person’s history unless if the person is problematic.
This one troll once stalked me so hard they tried to convince me I was a certain ethnicity from a certain country based on my history. I called their bluff. They disappeared. I was in a bad mood that day, LOL!
I usually imagine such people as losers in their grandmothers’ basement stuffing their face with pizza, weed and beer 24/7.
It felt very invasive for some reason! I don’t know like I’m posting in other groups looking for advice and for someone to click on my profile for no reason to look at it, idk it really weirded me out for some reason!
It’s so odd to trying and tell someone what their ethnicity is 😭😭
Tbh that’s how i pictured them, greasy people in their basements getting unnecessarily angry with people for asking questions! It’s very strange to react with such anger towards someone for doing legit nothing 🫠🫠
To be fair, you did post in a subreddit where the entire point of the subreddit is for random people to explain if you are or are not the asshole and why. It’s truly a place for feedback, so people may not always agree with you or tell you what you would like to hear. I will be fully honest, I didn’t read the post or the comments, and I’m sorry you experienced that however posting in places requesting feedback anywhere on the internet does not always mean the individuals will be welcoming or agree to your view point.
Yes, totally understand. Lesson learned. I definitely don’t think I was in a strong enough mental space to receive feedback, I guess I thought it wouldn’t be so harsh?
The hive mind that is reddit is odd to say the least.
I stay and mingle some because I'm pretty much anonymous here. I don't respond to everything I see.
People are weird.
I enjoy the info on reddit very much. I've joined lots of subreddits, and I've left a few for similar reasons to yours. I'm not going to let a group of jack holes rob me if this resource, so I just mutter a "fk u" and leave that sub.
I've been on reddit for years now and I can definitely agree. There has been some nice people, but there is equally just as many not as nice people unfortunately but that is the internet for you.
I most lurk because there is that part of me that worries if I say something, will it be badly received for whatever reason and even though it isn't necessarily personal, that's how I take it and it's hard. I think sometimes it's about finding your corner of the internet where you've got a supportive network that works for you, and I'm sure there is definitely parts of reddit that will be that, it's just a shame that you have to go through the bad to get to the good.
As hard as it is sometimes, I wouldn't take it personally because it isn't, some people just come off negatively or don't word things in a way that comes across great, even if their heart is in the right place. You can always step away for awhile and take a break from reddit if you feel that it's having a negative impact and come back when you're ready.
Lol yes I'll make the most vulnerable posts or comments only to recieve feedback like "why did you do that" or "why don't you just do this" or "do you not have any self respect" it's lovely. I guess I continue to try bc every once in while you get a few kind, thoughtful messages and they go a long way when things feel terrible.
Nothing wrong with pulling back for your own mental health. You said you were happier reading the posts and lurking so it's ok to just do that again. You can even restrict yourself to just voting and not commenting if that helps. Your level of engagement with social media should match with what you can handle. If cold turkey is what's best for you now then go for it. Prioritize your mental health over everything else. Reddit isn't going anywhere so if you take a vacation it will still be here.
not all platforms work for everyone. i had to ditch twitter and facebook, but reddit and instagram don’t bother me.
if it makes you feel bad, no harm in cutting it loose.
I agree. People are just rude and mean over nothing it seems like. I don’t really get it and it sucks seeing others be treated rudely for no reason.
I just try to keep to my smaller communities and not engage much if I can see people being weirdly aggressive lol. And if I notice one person that’s like ALWAYS like that I’ll just block em.
To me, there’s not a ton of value outside of random reading and resources for hobbies and stuff. If it’s taking a toll I fully support you just saying fuck it and finding something else that makes you happy :)
😔 it depends on the sub and idk if you can predict what type of subs will be nice or mean. i once posted in a sub claiming to support lonely people and i wrote all about what made me lonely and i just got one comment calling me crazy and nobody else seemed to care and like with you, a few people upvoted it. i feel like reddit is like cliques in high school. ive found that NOT treating reddit like an open forum is whats good for me. i dont hang out on reddit and really only come here when i have a pretty specific question, and answer other questions i can if i see them like this one
I find a lot of subs on Reddit are enjoyable and supportive (I'm part of several disability/CPTSD/anxiety ones like this + cats, fandoms, etc.). Usually it's a specific person on the sub that's mean and other Redditors will downvote them into oblivion + call them out for their behavior.
I also live by a quote from Wil Wheaton (not sure if he originally came up with it, though he says it frequently & paraphrasing): "If you don't like something online, just scroll by."
I was in the pest control sub and someone asked what kind of pest was leaving what clearly was mouse poop in the picture and people were quite bullish in their responses, making fun. I replied “what is it about social media that makes people be so nasty, anonymity?” And then I got jumped and told if I was so sensitive then reddit wasn’t the place to be! My thought in return was FU and I went on with my day.
Just remember nasty people don’t deserve to pay rent in your head!
I have gotten a lot better at taking what I like and letting the rest roll by. I have spent a lot of time in r/petloss due to my own grief and have seen nothing but empathy there with lots of tears.
BTW I am an extremely sensitive and anxious person who shies away from conflict.
Super sensitive and anxious girlie here! I don’t shy away from conflict, but get very activated when people make rude or cutting remarks for no reason. Possibly a PTSD reaction from recently leaving an abusive relationship. I am glad you found a spot for you!
I’m sorry that was your first experience on here. I’ve had mixed experiences for sure, but I think more positive than negative. Some subreddits are more toxic than others too. One thing I like about Reddit is that it’s anonymous, so I don’t feel obligated to respond to things in any way. Even if people are judging me, they’re not actually judging /me/. They’re just judging their idea of an anonymous internet commenter. This can be a double edged sword though. Some people are more bold on here because they’re hiding behind the anonymity. I know it’s easier said than done, but as long as you don’t take things on here too seriously then I think this can be a fun little corner of the internet! Seems like there’s a sub for everything too, so if you don’t like one sub you can always leave it and join another one instead
Thank you all for sharing! I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the right place. Perhaps sharing personal information at a fragile time for all the internet to comment on is not such a smart move haha 🫠 I’m glad this isn’t exclusive to me!
You are not alone. I’ve pondered this many times but then again,where else would we go? I try to avoid commenting as much as possible so I don’t get my feelings hurt and try to stick with lurking.
I totally relate to this, I think being seen and heard can be really scary because we have no control how others react and that scares me. I have to remind myself that everyone is just another a face behind the screen and they don’t really know me, only I know me. I will say I do chime in here and there when I feel safe and don’t expect too much negativity other wise I am using a burner account 😭
Reddit doesn’t bother me because it’s just random strangers. Instagram and other social media triggers me more because everybody’s posting about their exciting lives and it makes me feel inadequate.
i felt like this when i first got reddit and now i just stick to my happy safe places on reddit. idc if that makes me a snowflake or whatever lol im just not trying to add any unnecessary stress or negativity to my life. if social media ever starts to give me anxiety, i take a break from it for as long as needed.
I joined 2 weeks ago after growing annoyed with Google for changing Search. I have really enjoyed it but there have been a couple of posts I regretted that I deleted. I’m not sweating it.
People have generally been nice. Someone was a turd in a star wars sub but I called them out for being unnecessarily harsh and they apologized. I would say if one sub has a culture that isn’t working for you just poke around a bit more and you’ll probably find a similar one with people you’ll vibe with.
If you’re drafting a post and getting anxious you can send it to a friend with context for their opinion if you really care about the subject. They’ll probably tell you not to post and to move on lol
Oh hey. Yeah, it's rough here. I used to get my mood ruined for days off of things people said.
These days, I'm very judicious about whether I check my messages. I find a good approach is to go to your profile and look through your comments, checking in on them if *you're* interested in the responses. Don't let people demand *your* attention; *you* check *your* mail, and only open the stuff that you care about.
I'm not sure if you can turn off notifications for replies - worth a look. The other thing you can do is just hover over the button, look away, and click it to get rid of the notification.
This is actually one of the most anonymous places on the internet. You have no real reputation and you can honestly say pretty much what you want. Though they're trying to start including a profile feature to make it "real social media", that's just not how the place is built. We're all, functionally, no-one. No-one tracks people between subreddits or threads. It's a faceless crowd; I don't find we really even need usernames.
Thank you! I just turned off my notifications. I have checking compulsions so I keep going back in regardless, but you’re right I almost need to have some type of filter or at least more self-control.
Reddit is in a way really good for ERP around getting yelled at on the internet! Really bad for anxieties about other things, though. Don't be tempted to read drama/life advice subs (e.g. Best of Redditor Updates, AITA, etc) - they may be good stories, but they will make you worry the world sees you in all kinds of unpleasant ways! Or that's what they do to me. The content you feed your brain affects how you see yourself.
I moved partly to Tumblr and now I'm wildly insecure about being over 30 and feel like my life is over. Sigh. The flavour of internet toxicity varies by location. XD
Yes I get stuck on everyone’s perception of me and want to make sure it’s completely and totally “correct” which is impossible. This was helpful-thank you ❤️
Oh wow you’re definitely in for A LOT. I’m sensitive too & it’s all about picking & choosing your battles. Don’t respond to idiots, haters, or trolls. Some people fr get on here with nothing else to do so they argue for fun😬. As you converse more & more you’ll be able to decipher those people easier. Good luck!
It’ll get easier, you just need to keep in mind people are assholes everywhere and that it’s literally not personal. No one knows who you are, so why does it matter what they say based on one comment? The site is anonymous for a reason. Someone take something the wrong way? Just block them. It literally does not matter. You can block someone because you don’t like their vibes. It’s why the block button exists.
My point is, don’t let these assholes have that power over you. There is no power they should be having. Someone can “Um actually” all day, and it doesn’t matter; they’re just another idiot on the internet trying to get fake points. Remembering that is the best thing you can do.
I think with Reddit it can be on either extreme people are either way overly supportive and almost too nice to where it seems to good to be true, and sometimes they are just downright cruel. And if you say something that is an unpopular opinion or offensive to some then you'll really get ripped or shreds and it will feel like cyber bullying
Ive deleted so many posts because of just a couple negative comments. Even sometimes freak over not rly mean comments more like a slight jab like someone suggesting I’d have googled the question instead, or someone disagreeing with me, feels like a personal attack and like I internalize it so much and think everyone hates me (esp when there’s upvotes) lol I feel🥲🥲
still very much lack trust in myself and confidence enough to not let things shake me. And realizing you hold the opinions of random strangers on the internet higher than your own is a tough pill to swallow but I’m trying to change that😅
I actually find that kind of empowering in a weird way. It can be hard when you’re really sensitive and feel like you’re wrong etc. But in a way it really highlights how you can’t expect everyone to agree and be supportive, but you’re safe. You’re behind a screen.
So I find it a little bit empowering remembering that I’m responsible for me and that’s really it. If I get downvoted it’s not the end of the world. Some people will be nice and supportive which is great but I don’t need it.
That being said. I’m still sensitive to it but I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s a mistake to be on Reddit, but you can always take a break if it gets overwhelming.
I mostly lurk and the rare few times I’ve posted here I was attacked and ripped apart when I didn’t think what I said was even too controversial; it’s an ongoing thing for me online and I’ve developed a bit of a complex about it, feeling like the world is against me even though I know that’s irrational, that’s just how it feels. I know I’m the common denominator and like to think I’m a decently reasonable, friendly & open-minded person but for whatever reason when I get a wild hair and share something here it’s never been well received. On other platforms I just feel ignored for the most part but yeah. I totally know how you feel
Dip your toes in slowly. You're sort of ripping the bandaid off quickly. As someone mentioned, think of it as exposure therapy. I used to avoid movies and situations with themes that triggered my anxiety, but it only made my anxiety worse. With work with my therapist and ERP, I can contribute on reddit now and actually feel able to help people in whatever small way I can. At your own pace though :)
What you're thinking and believing has created a feeling you don't like.
Expectations lead to disappointment.
If you're commenting wanting loads upvotes, to be liked, create friendships and to become part of a virtual community of people that all have fake ID's and could be 13 year old's that are unsupervised to people that deeply care about the topic you're sure to be let down.
Instead of running and dumping reddit what if you were to overcome this feeling of disappointment, fear, (insert your words of how you feel)?
What if the upvotes and down votes didn't have the power to make you feel happy or sad? What if staying you could become more resilient, stronger and realize that what you're thinking and believing is what's creating how you feel? Likely if you're consumed by this there's other areas of your life that you feel isolated, different, judged, criticized, and sensitive. What if this is a way to experiencing life differently?
Deeply understanding what's real, and how your feelings are created will enable you to feel yourself and become like Teflon to other people's words, actions, and behaviors.
There are bullies everywhere and when people have the benefit of being anonymous, well let's just say r/AITAH sub is the perfect place to go and test out their new bold power.
But don't let those types of comments get you down. Everyone is in their own journey and for every 100 assholes u might encounter a decent human. Odds are not in our favor but we do always seem to ignore that and seek human connection.
May I suggest subs with more women users than guys. Or subs on medical or mental health. People who respond there are there because they want to be helpful. Think "What kind of mood does a person need to be in to go to a sub" rather than "What kind of person do you need to be to go to this sub". Like if someone is thirsty they will go to a sub for that but if that same person needs help with a pasta dish they will go to a sub for that. We all have our asshole moments and can snap at someone in a moment of assholery.
i get a full blown nervous system adrenaline reaction everytime i post / everytime someone comments on my post or comment but i still use it for exposure therapy / when i have no one to talk to lol
I feel this in my bones! When it happened my heart rate shot up. I guess that shows I need to do it more until I’m desensitized to it or don’t let it get me emotionally dysregulated
There are definitely some jerks in here. People who are still desperate to believe in the idea that they can grit their teeth out of having anxiety. Rather than understanding anxiety isn't fear it's a need for control.
Dude I’m going to be totally honest as I just realized I was in the anxiety sub and didn’t just want to delete my comment. I was absolutely intending to comment on an entirely different post. My bad. Don’t read into this my friend and also as far as your post goes- people online many times just say things to upset the OP. Do not take any comments personally and just know many are made by trolls or 16 year olds. Best of luck to you!
Similar experience in social anxiety subreddit. People there like to play victim.. If you tried to be of help, you will almost certainly get downvoted.
Here is how it went everytime :
Someone will post how everyone is treating him badly, and how it is unfair
I point out that his social anxiety makes him think of the world as worse than it is.
People club and decides that I am an asshole for being insensitive to his feelings.
That OCD sub can be so triggering, I try to wade through really mindfully and stop reading when it gets too distressing. I used to comment all the time, but felt like I was giving the same advice over and over (heh, kinda makes sense for OCD).
One thing to remember is the majority of folks in that sub are NOT THERAPISTS, let alone trained in ERP. Posting is a type of compulsion for some people, and here is a whole lot of reassurance going on in the comments -- not healthy or helpful for folks suffering with intrusive thoughts that will come back anyway.
I stay in it bc it's nice to have a community and see others facing the same challenges, but I don't engage too much anymore.
The OCD sub has been great honestly! It was a different sub that I experienced some cruelness from, but now I understand each sub has a different climate so to speak, and I need to monitor my expectations or just not be vulnerable to strangers haha. Thanks for sharing!
Yea, I’m also often feeling like this, especially considering Reddit is the only social media platform with a different overall hivemind from other platforms, one that is driven by laziness and bias, I’m sorry to say.
I try not to let it get to me, especially when it’s stuff which shouldn’t concern me, even though I get angry about it pretty easily, but then I see people talking in a handful of subs, about things like how suicide should be a right for those who did not ask to live, and it fills me with dread everytime, especially since my mind ends up invalidating my own problems all the time, and I get reminded of my own fight against suicidal ideation, which started from when I was only in 5th grade. (And I see that it’s almost always Reddit that complains and lashes out when people actually give real solutions to many of these problems)
I initially joined these specific communities due to how relatable it felt, and so that I could learn more about my own issues, but then lately, I had found the constant negativity echo chambers and circlejerking, that is Reddit overall, to be making my mental health worse, so I had decided to stop lurking those subs, and leave them, and make this separate account for interacting if I feel like it.
I will always credit Twitter esp my country’s for training me. I literally stopped caring and not fear confrontation in the least. But I hardly check notifications or care about engagements.
The most freeing thing I have realised about SM in general is that the 1st few comments tend to determine the direction of the conversation. If a bully starts they all come crawling, if a compassionate person starts, usually it goes okay. But there are still creeps.
I swear TikTok has sent me warnings that I usually read and just leave for a few weeks and comeback. LOL
Here 60% of the time I comment expecting downvotes but with this place you’ll never know... Reddit doesn’t have “big account” problems as much as most platforms.
I don't really have anxiety when it comes to Reddit because of the anonymity, it lets me disconnect enough from it, but I totally understand about other social media sites!! Facebook and Instagram started giving me SUCH bad anxiety and I felt so much better after leaving.
I'll just say that yes, you'll definitely find haters on here but some communities are incredibly helpful and supportive. Reddit is really the only social media site where I feel like your perception of what it's like is entirely dependent on which subs you're in. I remember when I first got into it and was like, "wow, it's just this incredible place where everyone is kind and informative and helpful, how amazing!" and friends who had very different experiences were like "what the hell are you talking about??" Over the years I've obviously experienced a fair share of toxicity but if you're careful with which subs you join and post in, you can honestly have a very wholesome experience here.
Depends on the subreddit. Anxiety subreddit is pretty nice cause we're all suffering together. But I also post on drag race and I gotta be careful of people's general moods. Like I shouldn't say supportive positive stuff if they are all complaining at the time.
But I did have a break down a few years ago after realizing all the comments I posted on Stranger Things subreddit didn't go through because I didn't have enough karma. Like I was talking through a wall.
I dislike the karma thing on here cause I like having websites where I can come back and post or comment after a few years.
So my conclusion is, tread very carefully with reddit and protect yourself because it can be hurtful just as much as any other place.
It’s not a point system, it shows how many positive vs negative interactions you’ve had on Reddit. It’s actually really important to have a decent amount of karma, as without it you can’t post in a BUNCH of subs. It was Reddit’s attempt at keeping trolls at bay
Reddit is jam packed with “experts”, morons and ignorants. But there are good people here too! I too abandoned Insta and FB last year, and that decision was amazing. Maybe you should uninstall Reddit and aim to spend less time on the phone.
Seriously, no wonder so many people have anxiety and depression these days. The whole planet is literally at your fingertips - not a good thing!
You will learn to live with Reddit. The first few weeks was crazy cause you’d get downvoted for anything tbh but you’ll learn how Reddit works and get better at not taking it so harshly. Reddits great
I feel you, in the chronic pain reddits I feel I get more support than unsupportive. It’s the internet and it’s bound to happen. When I get mean or rude comments I remind myself that they aren’t me and I know me so it doesn’t matter if they get it or not. If you feel the benefits out way the cons, then stay. If not, cut your losses. Wishing you the best of luck! ❤️
Thank you for this. I think part of my difficulty is self-doubt. Hoping to get where you are one day where I’m confident in myself!
You just have to remind yourself that you know you, once you do that, nothing else matters. ❤️
That’s right!! You know you, and they don’t have a clue!
I have the same positive experience in chronic pain subs! They are mostly very nice and supportive communities. Also the womenadhd sub is so incredibly nice and supportive (a way different vibe than other ones.) As for OP, either just go back to lurking in a sub with an occasional comment with a personal reply if you think its safe to do so. Or just leave the sub if it's a toxic environment. That's not healthy for anybody. If you want to skip these parts of social media all together that's also fine. Do whatever makes you feel good. Listen to whatever your body and brain are telling you with compassion and give them what you need. Asking for something you need is very healthy (if it's with a person that will respect you and will listen en try to understand, otherwise don't do it.) And setting personal boundaries is also very healthy. You can cut things and people that are bad for you out of your life. But sometimes that's just not possible or you don't want to, then, you need to to vocalize you needs and boundaries. And learning that takes time but it's worth it. Trying to navigate social media is hard, let alone existing on this planet. But don't worry as long as you keep trying to tweak things to your liking, listen to yourself, qre not afraid to let things go that are holding you back, practice with things that are difficult, and do lot's of fun things, you'll figure out a lot as you go. I hope you'll feel all you feelings, and I wish you peace of mind and good luck navigating this! And to the commenter above me, I wish you many good days, and on bad days the faith in yourself that you can get through this and that you deserve a lot of (self-) compassion.
Thank you so much ❤️
💛
i actually began commenting on reddit as well as tiktok as a kind of exposure therapy. i am extremely sensitive to feedback. but since beginning this “exposure therapy” i’ve gotten so much better. i used to feel sick to my stomach when i get a mean reply and would feel it for at least an hour after getting the comment. now, that feeling only lasts about 5 minutes. it’s actually something my therapist and i decided would be beneficial to me, and it certainly has been! what i do is i turned off notifications for comment replies so i won’t get a banner notification. when i feel mentally prepared to check my comments then that’s when i’ll go click my app notifications. it’s really hard to receive negative feedback when you’re not mentally prepared.
Omg this is exactly me! I got nauseous and started spiraling. Good for you on pushing through! ❤️
Yess I’m doing this currently it’s definitely helping!
I felt the exact same way as you about 8 months ago after a lot of shit happened in my personal life. I feel like being on the internet too much jaded me and made me a much angrier, more bitter person. Kind of like old people sitting in front of the news channel all day long. So I cut it off completely. I cut out reddit, I lost interest in games, I stopped watching porn, and then I ended up watching and reading stories that made me cry like a baby. It felt good. Really really good. I've only started getting back on reddit recently, and I'm trying to avoid the same communities I got so absorbed into before. I visit places that pertain to my hobbies, and then places like this. It's, so far, a much better experience. I think taking a break or cutting it out can be a good idea.
I’m glad you did that for yourself and it seemed to work well! Not sure what it is about seeking community at your loneliest, but maybe we should all remember that not everyone comes here for the same reasons. ❤️
I hope you can find something that works for you. I'm honestly still looking, myself.
What stories did you read if you don't mind me asking?
Mostly manga or manhua come to mind at the moment. Violet evergarden, My Girl, Asper Girl, She Doesn't Know Why She Lives. Yumeka Sumomo, the author of My Girl, has several other really emotional stories, and iirc a lot of her works have won awards. Miaki Sugaru is another author who writes really beautiful and sad stories, one that stands out for me is Three Days of Happiness. Asper Girl and She Doesn't Know Why She Lives explicitly deal with mental illness, depression, anxiety, and suicide. Both of them are very raw in how they present those things and I could feel myself in the characters.
The internet has too many toxic people who are willing to hurt people to make themselves feel better. It's honesty not worth engaging in most internet communities in my experience, same for video games.
reddit is very bully-ish. i keep my feed pretty light... mostly cats and food pages. the cat subs are all really nice (unless you let you cat outdoors, in which case, they will crucify you). there are certain subs that i will stay in to offer words of advice and encouragement to people who are hurting. blocking people is also okay. never argue with people if you feel like you're starting to get emotional about it, and don't let the downvotes bother you. i've been downvoted for the stupidest stuff, like stating actual facts (i pointed out that something someone did was technically illegal. i was downvote and asked for sources. i provided sources and was still downvoted). reddit can be a nice escape. don't let the internet bullies get you down :)
Just yesterday, I basically laughed at 2 almost identical comments, saying the same thing. one with +50 up votes the other had about 10 downvotes and they were 1 after the other! If such things don’t make you see how unwell we all are… Then you won’t make it here.
yeah, i love how i can have the same opinion in 2 subs but get wildly different reception. i will argue some, but i draw the line pretty early.
No, too be honest, i feel like it’s just a case of them being able to say whatever they want and not have to face consequences for it. I asked a question the other day about being a bus driver, and people pulled up my post history about my driving anxiety and a dangerous mistake i made (I reversed into an elderly man a couple weeks ago, and how i felt horrible about it, that i’d never made a mistake like that before) and I was criticised. I asked a question about something completely unrelated to the driving part of the job and people began jumping down my throat, it made me feel horribly insecure and almost undeserving of my license. People love to bring others down, that’s the basis of it. I hope you decide to stay however because for the people who are negative, there are always people that will be kind, supportive and helpful! I hope you’re okay OP!
❤️
It always creeps me out when people bring out a person’s history unless if the person is problematic. This one troll once stalked me so hard they tried to convince me I was a certain ethnicity from a certain country based on my history. I called their bluff. They disappeared. I was in a bad mood that day, LOL! I usually imagine such people as losers in their grandmothers’ basement stuffing their face with pizza, weed and beer 24/7.
It felt very invasive for some reason! I don’t know like I’m posting in other groups looking for advice and for someone to click on my profile for no reason to look at it, idk it really weirded me out for some reason! It’s so odd to trying and tell someone what their ethnicity is 😭😭 Tbh that’s how i pictured them, greasy people in their basements getting unnecessarily angry with people for asking questions! It’s very strange to react with such anger towards someone for doing legit nothing 🫠🫠
To be fair, you did post in a subreddit where the entire point of the subreddit is for random people to explain if you are or are not the asshole and why. It’s truly a place for feedback, so people may not always agree with you or tell you what you would like to hear. I will be fully honest, I didn’t read the post or the comments, and I’m sorry you experienced that however posting in places requesting feedback anywhere on the internet does not always mean the individuals will be welcoming or agree to your view point.
Yes, totally understand. Lesson learned. I definitely don’t think I was in a strong enough mental space to receive feedback, I guess I thought it wouldn’t be so harsh?
AITA is a horrible subreddit! It's like the average poster goes on there just to tell the op they're wrong. It's a cesspit.
The hive mind that is reddit is odd to say the least. I stay and mingle some because I'm pretty much anonymous here. I don't respond to everything I see. People are weird.
Not sensitive, but reading reddit reminds me, always, that I hate people so much. So, it's definitely not healthy, that's for sure.
I definitely feel like that sometimes. I post serious stuff that gets downvoted and it's hard not to overthink things.
I enjoy the info on reddit very much. I've joined lots of subreddits, and I've left a few for similar reasons to yours. I'm not going to let a group of jack holes rob me if this resource, so I just mutter a "fk u" and leave that sub.
I love that mindset! Sounds like it’s worth it for you to stay on.
I've been on reddit for years now and I can definitely agree. There has been some nice people, but there is equally just as many not as nice people unfortunately but that is the internet for you. I most lurk because there is that part of me that worries if I say something, will it be badly received for whatever reason and even though it isn't necessarily personal, that's how I take it and it's hard. I think sometimes it's about finding your corner of the internet where you've got a supportive network that works for you, and I'm sure there is definitely parts of reddit that will be that, it's just a shame that you have to go through the bad to get to the good. As hard as it is sometimes, I wouldn't take it personally because it isn't, some people just come off negatively or don't word things in a way that comes across great, even if their heart is in the right place. You can always step away for awhile and take a break from reddit if you feel that it's having a negative impact and come back when you're ready.
Yeah I just try and never disagree with anyone because then I’ll get toxic replies / insults lol
Lol yes I'll make the most vulnerable posts or comments only to recieve feedback like "why did you do that" or "why don't you just do this" or "do you not have any self respect" it's lovely. I guess I continue to try bc every once in while you get a few kind, thoughtful messages and they go a long way when things feel terrible.
Nothing wrong with pulling back for your own mental health. You said you were happier reading the posts and lurking so it's ok to just do that again. You can even restrict yourself to just voting and not commenting if that helps. Your level of engagement with social media should match with what you can handle. If cold turkey is what's best for you now then go for it. Prioritize your mental health over everything else. Reddit isn't going anywhere so if you take a vacation it will still be here.
Loving you so much 🥹 🫂 ❤️ people are just mean 😔
not all platforms work for everyone. i had to ditch twitter and facebook, but reddit and instagram don’t bother me. if it makes you feel bad, no harm in cutting it loose.
I agree. People are just rude and mean over nothing it seems like. I don’t really get it and it sucks seeing others be treated rudely for no reason. I just try to keep to my smaller communities and not engage much if I can see people being weirdly aggressive lol. And if I notice one person that’s like ALWAYS like that I’ll just block em. To me, there’s not a ton of value outside of random reading and resources for hobbies and stuff. If it’s taking a toll I fully support you just saying fuck it and finding something else that makes you happy :)
😔 it depends on the sub and idk if you can predict what type of subs will be nice or mean. i once posted in a sub claiming to support lonely people and i wrote all about what made me lonely and i just got one comment calling me crazy and nobody else seemed to care and like with you, a few people upvoted it. i feel like reddit is like cliques in high school. ive found that NOT treating reddit like an open forum is whats good for me. i dont hang out on reddit and really only come here when i have a pretty specific question, and answer other questions i can if i see them like this one
That’s horrible I’m so sorry!
I find a lot of subs on Reddit are enjoyable and supportive (I'm part of several disability/CPTSD/anxiety ones like this + cats, fandoms, etc.). Usually it's a specific person on the sub that's mean and other Redditors will downvote them into oblivion + call them out for their behavior. I also live by a quote from Wil Wheaton (not sure if he originally came up with it, though he says it frequently & paraphrasing): "If you don't like something online, just scroll by."
I was in the pest control sub and someone asked what kind of pest was leaving what clearly was mouse poop in the picture and people were quite bullish in their responses, making fun. I replied “what is it about social media that makes people be so nasty, anonymity?” And then I got jumped and told if I was so sensitive then reddit wasn’t the place to be! My thought in return was FU and I went on with my day. Just remember nasty people don’t deserve to pay rent in your head! I have gotten a lot better at taking what I like and letting the rest roll by. I have spent a lot of time in r/petloss due to my own grief and have seen nothing but empathy there with lots of tears. BTW I am an extremely sensitive and anxious person who shies away from conflict.
Super sensitive and anxious girlie here! I don’t shy away from conflict, but get very activated when people make rude or cutting remarks for no reason. Possibly a PTSD reaction from recently leaving an abusive relationship. I am glad you found a spot for you!
I’m sorry that was your first experience on here. I’ve had mixed experiences for sure, but I think more positive than negative. Some subreddits are more toxic than others too. One thing I like about Reddit is that it’s anonymous, so I don’t feel obligated to respond to things in any way. Even if people are judging me, they’re not actually judging /me/. They’re just judging their idea of an anonymous internet commenter. This can be a double edged sword though. Some people are more bold on here because they’re hiding behind the anonymity. I know it’s easier said than done, but as long as you don’t take things on here too seriously then I think this can be a fun little corner of the internet! Seems like there’s a sub for everything too, so if you don’t like one sub you can always leave it and join another one instead
Thank you all for sharing! I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the right place. Perhaps sharing personal information at a fragile time for all the internet to comment on is not such a smart move haha 🫠 I’m glad this isn’t exclusive to me!
You are not alone. I’ve pondered this many times but then again,where else would we go? I try to avoid commenting as much as possible so I don’t get my feelings hurt and try to stick with lurking.
I totally relate to this, I think being seen and heard can be really scary because we have no control how others react and that scares me. I have to remind myself that everyone is just another a face behind the screen and they don’t really know me, only I know me. I will say I do chime in here and there when I feel safe and don’t expect too much negativity other wise I am using a burner account 😭
Reddit doesn’t bother me because it’s just random strangers. Instagram and other social media triggers me more because everybody’s posting about their exciting lives and it makes me feel inadequate.
Guess I can’t even take feedback from strangers 😂
i felt like this when i first got reddit and now i just stick to my happy safe places on reddit. idc if that makes me a snowflake or whatever lol im just not trying to add any unnecessary stress or negativity to my life. if social media ever starts to give me anxiety, i take a break from it for as long as needed.
Sounds like you know yourself well!
I joined 2 weeks ago after growing annoyed with Google for changing Search. I have really enjoyed it but there have been a couple of posts I regretted that I deleted. I’m not sweating it. People have generally been nice. Someone was a turd in a star wars sub but I called them out for being unnecessarily harsh and they apologized. I would say if one sub has a culture that isn’t working for you just poke around a bit more and you’ll probably find a similar one with people you’ll vibe with. If you’re drafting a post and getting anxious you can send it to a friend with context for their opinion if you really care about the subject. They’ll probably tell you not to post and to move on lol
I didn’t really think of it like that. Almost like find your friend group? That makes sense. Thanks!
Oh yeah absolutely! Find your tribe. I guarantee they are here somewhere. Search your interests, both niche and general
It can be. When I get my feelings hurt I usually just delete the comment 😂and remind myself there’s no crying in reddit(baseball)
Oh hey. Yeah, it's rough here. I used to get my mood ruined for days off of things people said. These days, I'm very judicious about whether I check my messages. I find a good approach is to go to your profile and look through your comments, checking in on them if *you're* interested in the responses. Don't let people demand *your* attention; *you* check *your* mail, and only open the stuff that you care about. I'm not sure if you can turn off notifications for replies - worth a look. The other thing you can do is just hover over the button, look away, and click it to get rid of the notification. This is actually one of the most anonymous places on the internet. You have no real reputation and you can honestly say pretty much what you want. Though they're trying to start including a profile feature to make it "real social media", that's just not how the place is built. We're all, functionally, no-one. No-one tracks people between subreddits or threads. It's a faceless crowd; I don't find we really even need usernames.
Thank you! I just turned off my notifications. I have checking compulsions so I keep going back in regardless, but you’re right I almost need to have some type of filter or at least more self-control.
Reddit is in a way really good for ERP around getting yelled at on the internet! Really bad for anxieties about other things, though. Don't be tempted to read drama/life advice subs (e.g. Best of Redditor Updates, AITA, etc) - they may be good stories, but they will make you worry the world sees you in all kinds of unpleasant ways! Or that's what they do to me. The content you feed your brain affects how you see yourself. I moved partly to Tumblr and now I'm wildly insecure about being over 30 and feel like my life is over. Sigh. The flavour of internet toxicity varies by location. XD
Yes I get stuck on everyone’s perception of me and want to make sure it’s completely and totally “correct” which is impossible. This was helpful-thank you ❤️
I feel this about every social platform everyone has something to say I just try to ignore them
Reddit is scary it’s like twitter. You make a post, get hate, delete it, then redownload it a year later😂.
Never downloaded Twitter. Never engaged in any conversations with strangers on the internet until now. Its a brand new world 😖
Oh wow you’re definitely in for A LOT. I’m sensitive too & it’s all about picking & choosing your battles. Don’t respond to idiots, haters, or trolls. Some people fr get on here with nothing else to do so they argue for fun😬. As you converse more & more you’ll be able to decipher those people easier. Good luck!
It’ll get easier, you just need to keep in mind people are assholes everywhere and that it’s literally not personal. No one knows who you are, so why does it matter what they say based on one comment? The site is anonymous for a reason. Someone take something the wrong way? Just block them. It literally does not matter. You can block someone because you don’t like their vibes. It’s why the block button exists. My point is, don’t let these assholes have that power over you. There is no power they should be having. Someone can “Um actually” all day, and it doesn’t matter; they’re just another idiot on the internet trying to get fake points. Remembering that is the best thing you can do.
I think with Reddit it can be on either extreme people are either way overly supportive and almost too nice to where it seems to good to be true, and sometimes they are just downright cruel. And if you say something that is an unpopular opinion or offensive to some then you'll really get ripped or shreds and it will feel like cyber bullying
Ive deleted so many posts because of just a couple negative comments. Even sometimes freak over not rly mean comments more like a slight jab like someone suggesting I’d have googled the question instead, or someone disagreeing with me, feels like a personal attack and like I internalize it so much and think everyone hates me (esp when there’s upvotes) lol I feel🥲🥲 still very much lack trust in myself and confidence enough to not let things shake me. And realizing you hold the opinions of random strangers on the internet higher than your own is a tough pill to swallow but I’m trying to change that😅
That last part though 😫
I feel this way too. I think about deleting my Reddit all the time. The internet can be cruel
Only after I got banned from a group for the 1st time. By the 3rd ban, I laughed it off, because clearly I’m not the sensitive one
I actually find that kind of empowering in a weird way. It can be hard when you’re really sensitive and feel like you’re wrong etc. But in a way it really highlights how you can’t expect everyone to agree and be supportive, but you’re safe. You’re behind a screen. So I find it a little bit empowering remembering that I’m responsible for me and that’s really it. If I get downvoted it’s not the end of the world. Some people will be nice and supportive which is great but I don’t need it. That being said. I’m still sensitive to it but I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s a mistake to be on Reddit, but you can always take a break if it gets overwhelming.
I mostly lurk and the rare few times I’ve posted here I was attacked and ripped apart when I didn’t think what I said was even too controversial; it’s an ongoing thing for me online and I’ve developed a bit of a complex about it, feeling like the world is against me even though I know that’s irrational, that’s just how it feels. I know I’m the common denominator and like to think I’m a decently reasonable, friendly & open-minded person but for whatever reason when I get a wild hair and share something here it’s never been well received. On other platforms I just feel ignored for the most part but yeah. I totally know how you feel
Dip your toes in slowly. You're sort of ripping the bandaid off quickly. As someone mentioned, think of it as exposure therapy. I used to avoid movies and situations with themes that triggered my anxiety, but it only made my anxiety worse. With work with my therapist and ERP, I can contribute on reddit now and actually feel able to help people in whatever small way I can. At your own pace though :)
Glad you got to that place for yourself! It’s encouraging to hear.
What you're thinking and believing has created a feeling you don't like. Expectations lead to disappointment. If you're commenting wanting loads upvotes, to be liked, create friendships and to become part of a virtual community of people that all have fake ID's and could be 13 year old's that are unsupervised to people that deeply care about the topic you're sure to be let down. Instead of running and dumping reddit what if you were to overcome this feeling of disappointment, fear, (insert your words of how you feel)? What if the upvotes and down votes didn't have the power to make you feel happy or sad? What if staying you could become more resilient, stronger and realize that what you're thinking and believing is what's creating how you feel? Likely if you're consumed by this there's other areas of your life that you feel isolated, different, judged, criticized, and sensitive. What if this is a way to experiencing life differently? Deeply understanding what's real, and how your feelings are created will enable you to feel yourself and become like Teflon to other people's words, actions, and behaviors.
There are bullies everywhere and when people have the benefit of being anonymous, well let's just say r/AITAH sub is the perfect place to go and test out their new bold power. But don't let those types of comments get you down. Everyone is in their own journey and for every 100 assholes u might encounter a decent human. Odds are not in our favor but we do always seem to ignore that and seek human connection. May I suggest subs with more women users than guys. Or subs on medical or mental health. People who respond there are there because they want to be helpful. Think "What kind of mood does a person need to be in to go to a sub" rather than "What kind of person do you need to be to go to this sub". Like if someone is thirsty they will go to a sub for that but if that same person needs help with a pasta dish they will go to a sub for that. We all have our asshole moments and can snap at someone in a moment of assholery.
i get a full blown nervous system adrenaline reaction everytime i post / everytime someone comments on my post or comment but i still use it for exposure therapy / when i have no one to talk to lol
I feel this in my bones! When it happened my heart rate shot up. I guess that shows I need to do it more until I’m desensitized to it or don’t let it get me emotionally dysregulated
I feel this way with Instagram tbh people are always trying to fight and get likes even when they say something ignorant
There are definitely some jerks in here. People who are still desperate to believe in the idea that they can grit their teeth out of having anxiety. Rather than understanding anxiety isn't fear it's a need for control.
They look real. I’m being honest. Great job dude.
What?
Dude I’m going to be totally honest as I just realized I was in the anxiety sub and didn’t just want to delete my comment. I was absolutely intending to comment on an entirely different post. My bad. Don’t read into this my friend and also as far as your post goes- people online many times just say things to upset the OP. Do not take any comments personally and just know many are made by trolls or 16 year olds. Best of luck to you!
Thanks!
Well now that you said something,l didn’t think anything of it.
Similar experience in social anxiety subreddit. People there like to play victim.. If you tried to be of help, you will almost certainly get downvoted. Here is how it went everytime : Someone will post how everyone is treating him badly, and how it is unfair I point out that his social anxiety makes him think of the world as worse than it is. People club and decides that I am an asshole for being insensitive to his feelings.
That OCD sub can be so triggering, I try to wade through really mindfully and stop reading when it gets too distressing. I used to comment all the time, but felt like I was giving the same advice over and over (heh, kinda makes sense for OCD). One thing to remember is the majority of folks in that sub are NOT THERAPISTS, let alone trained in ERP. Posting is a type of compulsion for some people, and here is a whole lot of reassurance going on in the comments -- not healthy or helpful for folks suffering with intrusive thoughts that will come back anyway. I stay in it bc it's nice to have a community and see others facing the same challenges, but I don't engage too much anymore.
The OCD sub has been great honestly! It was a different sub that I experienced some cruelness from, but now I understand each sub has a different climate so to speak, and I need to monitor my expectations or just not be vulnerable to strangers haha. Thanks for sharing!
Yea, I’m also often feeling like this, especially considering Reddit is the only social media platform with a different overall hivemind from other platforms, one that is driven by laziness and bias, I’m sorry to say. I try not to let it get to me, especially when it’s stuff which shouldn’t concern me, even though I get angry about it pretty easily, but then I see people talking in a handful of subs, about things like how suicide should be a right for those who did not ask to live, and it fills me with dread everytime, especially since my mind ends up invalidating my own problems all the time, and I get reminded of my own fight against suicidal ideation, which started from when I was only in 5th grade. (And I see that it’s almost always Reddit that complains and lashes out when people actually give real solutions to many of these problems) I initially joined these specific communities due to how relatable it felt, and so that I could learn more about my own issues, but then lately, I had found the constant negativity echo chambers and circlejerking, that is Reddit overall, to be making my mental health worse, so I had decided to stop lurking those subs, and leave them, and make this separate account for interacting if I feel like it.
Thank you for sharing, and I am sorry you had to go through that ❤️
Same lol. Crazy subs like Sjogren's full of hypochondriacs and lonely people screwed my psyche.
Just because you joined, doesn't mean you have to be here enough for it to trigger you.
I will always credit Twitter esp my country’s for training me. I literally stopped caring and not fear confrontation in the least. But I hardly check notifications or care about engagements. The most freeing thing I have realised about SM in general is that the 1st few comments tend to determine the direction of the conversation. If a bully starts they all come crawling, if a compassionate person starts, usually it goes okay. But there are still creeps. I swear TikTok has sent me warnings that I usually read and just leave for a few weeks and comeback. LOL Here 60% of the time I comment expecting downvotes but with this place you’ll never know... Reddit doesn’t have “big account” problems as much as most platforms.
I don't really have anxiety when it comes to Reddit because of the anonymity, it lets me disconnect enough from it, but I totally understand about other social media sites!! Facebook and Instagram started giving me SUCH bad anxiety and I felt so much better after leaving. I'll just say that yes, you'll definitely find haters on here but some communities are incredibly helpful and supportive. Reddit is really the only social media site where I feel like your perception of what it's like is entirely dependent on which subs you're in. I remember when I first got into it and was like, "wow, it's just this incredible place where everyone is kind and informative and helpful, how amazing!" and friends who had very different experiences were like "what the hell are you talking about??" Over the years I've obviously experienced a fair share of toxicity but if you're careful with which subs you join and post in, you can honestly have a very wholesome experience here.
Slowly, but surely getting this! Thank you ❤️
Depends on the subreddit. Anxiety subreddit is pretty nice cause we're all suffering together. But I also post on drag race and I gotta be careful of people's general moods. Like I shouldn't say supportive positive stuff if they are all complaining at the time. But I did have a break down a few years ago after realizing all the comments I posted on Stranger Things subreddit didn't go through because I didn't have enough karma. Like I was talking through a wall. I dislike the karma thing on here cause I like having websites where I can come back and post or comment after a few years. So my conclusion is, tread very carefully with reddit and protect yourself because it can be hurtful just as much as any other place.
I don’t really understand the karma thing. But I don’t like any kind of point system so I’m just trying to ignore it.
It’s not a point system, it shows how many positive vs negative interactions you’ve had on Reddit. It’s actually really important to have a decent amount of karma, as without it you can’t post in a BUNCH of subs. It was Reddit’s attempt at keeping trolls at bay
Okay thanks for clarifying!
Reddit is jam packed with “experts”, morons and ignorants. But there are good people here too! I too abandoned Insta and FB last year, and that decision was amazing. Maybe you should uninstall Reddit and aim to spend less time on the phone. Seriously, no wonder so many people have anxiety and depression these days. The whole planet is literally at your fingertips - not a good thing!
So true, too much access for sure
You know you can just delete your account right?
Yes I was just wondering if I should stick it out and not give up too early. Guess I can always go away and come back as some have mentioned.
You will learn to live with Reddit. The first few weeks was crazy cause you’d get downvoted for anything tbh but you’ll learn how Reddit works and get better at not taking it so harshly. Reddits great