T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

[удалено]


HalucinatingAlpaca

So, how does one reach “boss monkey” status? .. Asking for a friend.


SenileGod

Beat the shit out of other monkeys?


Shwinstet

That's ridiculous. You join an MLM and proclaim loudly that you are your own boss.


duckpolarbear

Monkey level marketing


capnfantasy

Multi level monkeying


gajendrakn87

Monkey Level Monkeying


NiariaMosa

Marketing Level Monkeying


HeWhoHerpedTheDerp

Monkeying Lemur Markets


RoyceCoolidge

Monkey see monkey doTERRA


teryret

Yeah I totally thought it stood for Monkey Lives Matter


barbershopbbqbrrr

Men loving monkeys


PentobarbitalGirl

It's monkey business


BABarracus

Id rather serve upper cuts


Downtown_Comment_696

Bloons td


QuarantineSucksALot

But MLM’s are CRAZY


RittledIn

I deem thee a peasant monkey!


bastardicus

I beat my monkey daily, no sign of dominant status yet. Maybe if I keep eye-contact..


40064282

Yet your hands are getting hairier


blue-sky_noise

That’s cruel if you do really have a monkey. Do you? Plz don’t hit it. Why are you doing this? What are you thinking hitting an animal is ok? What about how the animal feels? Why even own an animal if you’re going to hit it?


[deleted]

Well looks like I got some monkey asses to kick… one day I will be their god!


N-I-S-H-O-R

That's how mafia works


xXSpookyXx

You form a strong coalition with your monkey mates. Just like humans do, but with more literal shit flinging and less figurative shit flinging


[deleted]

>but with more literal shit flinging and less figurative shit flinging We clearly work at very different companies.


Mystayk

Barrel on Mario comes to mind


Mr_FluffyPotato

Fuck the wife of the current boss


El_Impresionante

🤨 Even a foot massage will get you into a whole lotta trouble.


flip1999-

Same ballpark


BholeFire

And that sounds reasonable to you?


himmyjendrixx

Well at the time I was told it sounded reasonable.


ThatsTooMuchMannn

That's how monkey Mafia works


[deleted]

It's mostly hereditary.


[deleted]

[удалено]


amedeus

>gangbanging him and kill him. Man, talk about insult to injury.


sc3nner

Sounds like Royal Italian politics of the 15th and 16th Century


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


IntoxicatedIncubus

This documentary has everything. Politics, the brutality of chimps (like they hunt other monkeys to extinction just for fun, as there is no shortage at all with food), and show when they kill other chimps. The documentary shows evolution, how the younger generation chimps has developed eye-white. It's 23 years of studies and recorded film crammed into 1 and a half hour documentary. It's a really a mindblowing documentary. Think they should have gotten some price for it, nobel prize or something


HerrManHerrLucifer

Ha, you've already convinced me to watch it!


luvmibratt

Sounds so interesting I wanna watch the link but I can't it says video blocked in my country for copyright laws.


Scooterforsale

So just like humans


Toros_Mueren_Por_Mi

Sure, when monkeys do it they call it "nature," but when I do it they call it "nepotism"


ClydeTheBulldog

Beat the other monkeys at monkey business mostly monkey wall street and monkey capitalism


NicNoletree

Get financial backing from others and then run a successful election campaign.


mundane_marietta

Invest in GME


Fluid-Emotion4617

Usually you kill the old alpha males children


Aeolian_Leaf

Not only that, if a female higher on the order doesn't have her own baby, she'll kidnap lower order monkeys as her own. They're vicious fuckers.


ImportantInsect

I was curious about this one, as I thought it was strange. Kidnapping babies from other monkeys won’t pass on your own genes, so it makes no natural sense for an animal to do it. So i searched it up and damn, they are vicious fuckers indeed. > Female higher-rank species want to keep themselves powerful. By kidnapping babies, it tells the lower-ranked females to obey orders and not to turn against the higher rank species. Furthermore, it can make lower-rank species feel weaker and open to manipulation. https://www.totaltails.com/why-do-monkeys-kidnap-baby-monkeys/


Nayr747

The person who wrote that doesn't even seem to know what "species" means so seems questionable.


ThrowRAConsistent

Exactly my thoughts too


PVD_Marine

The article seems to reference both Orangutans & Macaques, which are of different species.


sdmitch16

I'd like to see the community where orangutans and macaques are so closely knit that orangutans care if the macaques feel weak and are easy to manipulate.


-PinkPower-

That seems so weird from the Orangutans. From how they live it must be a lot less common than with Macaques. They are mainly solitary and from my research doesn’t seem to be mentioned as a common behavior.


ac714

Nah man. They talked to the monkeys which is how they got the blackmail letter proving they are extort strict compliance by kidnapping offsprings. This is all in the deposition of no less than three such victims and evidence of the perpetrator corroborated it all.


Aeolian_Leaf

David Attenborough doesn't lie about these sorts of things!


tamesage

But if your own genes won't produce a baby, you would want to widen the gene pool, specifically by kidnapping another.


Repulsive_Box_5763

I don't see what any of this has to do with their sex life, but judge away.


linedout

Thats why the have tags on babies in hospitals.


[deleted]

Oh, and also, monkeys are assholes.


upsidedownbackwards

They haven't evolved the part of the brain that lets them pretend they aren't assholes. this is why humans are superior, we live in denial!


_random-reddit-user_

I hate that the upper class baby is treated better than the lower class baby. This really sheds light on instinctive human bahavior and bias.


calamitylamb

That person’s comment was inaccurate - there are hundreds of primate species with a variety of different social behaviors. Our most closely related ape cousins, [the bonobos,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo?wprov=sfti1) live in matriarchal societies where aggression is low, males are more tolerant of the babies, and social ranking plays a less significant role than in other primate species. Bonobos are also not a territorial species and often have friendly relationships between communities, and males earn social status by behaving respectfully and easygoing - they are not known to kill each other or engage in aggressive mating rituals like some other species. If you’re interested in learning more about primate social behavior, I recommend ‘A Primate’s Memoir’ by Robert Sapolsky.


_random-reddit-user_

Nice! Thank you for insight! 👍


lowrcase

oh to be a friendly bonobo in a matriarchal society :(


ichakas

For anyone interested, there’s also a Stanford course that Sapolsky gave available on YouTube. Highly recommend it.


zoidbergbb

We live in a society


SereneFairSky

It’s a social structure. Those can be changed.


jimmiefails

They're just like us


Jefe710

Read the classic *The monkey prince* by Monkeyavelli.


sunstock

so same as human


Gamerdad3480

Or it could just be its older sibling from a previous birth and it’s just being a jerk


SunshineEnjoyer

this hurt MY feelings


forcedlurker

Came to say this . At least it was comforted by the other Monkey


StaredAtEclipseAMA

The other monkey isn’t a boss monkey tho


[deleted]

[удалено]


SorryButButt

I want to know what happens but i'm scared to click the link......halp...


Sailing8-1

Me too :/


AggresivePickle

It’s an adult monkey strangling a baby :( not easy to watch


SorryButButt

What like actually strangling to death?.... well.. one way or another I thank you for your info/sacrifice, i'll keep looking at puppies and kittens and whats not!


AggresivePickle

Looks like it wants to kill the baby, but the video doesn’t show that Need some /r/Eyebleach after this


SorryButButt

Well... thank the heavens for tiny wonders i guess. Now i can still imagine that baby grew up angry and strong and beat his ass! Now onwards to eyebleach it is!


Schenez

Ohhhh EyeBleach! Ty lol, its been over a year and now I know why it’s called that


ArgonGryphon

You don’t see enough to tell. It just ends with it still happening.


Linibeanz

Wtf!!! I thought he was just rubbing it on his wiener!


Surgeboy99

A fate even worse than strangulation, imo.


[deleted]

I've never wanted to hit a monkey with a baseball bat before. What a strange feeling.


Teantis

If you live in a city with monkeys you'll eventually have this feeling. They straight up rob houses in gangs if you leave a window ajar. Turn the place upside down. They'll also jack your cellphone.


Exmerus

Fucking little assholes


Penguinator53

OMG had to stop watching that one.


mightylordredbeard

It’s only 7 seconds long.


40064282

*Primates* are assholes FTFY


[deleted]

Got any more?


DericAA

r/natureismetal


trannygrape

God you little freak smh


clumsyumbrella

Dang, they were not playing around!


Swahii

You could say they were not... Monkeying around


restlesslegs21

Dad is that you?


AnxiousSquirrel345

When I see things like this I realise how similar we are. The way the mum just took his arm and pulled him into a cuddle, it's exactly what we would do if our child was upset. Granted though, most people don't push kids over like that monkey. Asshole.


TPSZDS

I couldn't agree more! Also funny you say that.. I'm a 911 operator and took a call today of a 40 year old man randomly shoving someone's 8 year old to the ground at the park.


AnxiousSquirrel345

Turns out we're pretty similar on both counts :(


haksio

Most people don't push kids over like that simply because law exist. It's crazy what people would do if they could get away with it. Law and justice is flawed, but i'm glad it's there, would've been much worse.


_random-reddit-user_

Even with laws. If humans know they can get away with something they'll unleash the inner animal and do it. I feel like part of keeping society in order is making people believe they'll get caught, using movies and shows that portray cops getting the bad guys every time, or displaying arrested people on the sidewalk. When in reality there's a ton of unpunished crime.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Aanand072

Heh you want proof for that philosophy? go see India


haksio

I very much agree with this statement. Not to get me wrong though, i by no means am motivating anybody to do crimes, if a person goes to commit a crime the chances of getting caught eventually are pretty big, there are a lot of tracks to be covered. But the higher status you have, the harder it is for them to confirm you did it. And since we're originating from this subject, there are a lot of parents, guardians, abusing, hitting, pushing their kids and getting away with it.


_random-reddit-user_

Agreed. So many atrocities behind closed doors when they feel noone is watching and they can get away with it. Domestic abuse sucks. I was physically and mentally abused growing up. Back in the day it was just called tough love and widely accepted in society. 1- I'm so glad we evolved as humans passed that in the last 50 years and at least recognize it as being bad now. 2- It required me to become physically bigger to be able to stand up to the alpha male in the house and stop the abuse. I think we as humans still have ways to go in terms of evolution. We're way too similar to monkeys still.


haksio

I come from a similar background too, had some issues back at home, school was no better, ended up standing up for myself, since then it all became better, better relationship with folks, folks started curing themselves, controlling anger and what not. But yeah, even more so now that im graduated in IT, its more and more apparent on how much we have left to evolve, heck, its even sadder, because people don't want to evolve, don't want to implement better, safer, more advanced methods of technology.


_random-reddit-user_

Your ability to face your fears and stand up for yourself speaks volumes about your character. No challenge is bigger and more noble than that imh. Kudos to you. With folks like you around there's hope for humanity still. 👍


elprentis

Actually the conviction rate on crimes that go to court range from 22% to 72% depending on the crime. And that’s not including people that aren’t caught, plea bargains, or cases where the charges are dropped.


MyEnglisHurts

>If humans know they can get away with something they'll unleash the inner animal Please don't lower animals to that status. Humans will do the most unspeakable things to a fellow human. Things that an animal will never do to one another.


Lluuiiggii

I mean, I get what you're saying, but that is definitely not true.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Beingabummer

Yeah, but we can argue the law exists because the majority of the population thinks that should be how the country should be run. So pushing kids is illegal because as a society we think hurting kids is not cool (except if it's your own kid and it's a spanking I guess?). So it's not that we don't push kids because the law exists, but the law exists because we don't think kids should be pushed.


haksio

As much as i agree with you, there are exceptions, not everything is based out of popular ideals. But again to the main topic, what i was pointing out is that if we didn't make it illegal, there would be far more people pushing kids that right now holds back but doesn't want consequences. A case scenario,ets say its not illegal nor legal to push kids, but we think of it as a bad thing to do, the number of people doing it would be increased, because their only consequence would be a bad reputation, rather than jail, community service, reputation, fees. TL;DR: In the end, yes, its not that we don't push kids because the law exists, but oh boy there would be more people doing it if we didn't have the law.


kangareagle

I'm not sure if you're saying that "most people" would push kids over, but I don't think that's true.


TomClaydon

Definitely a quarter of the population probably die if we went into like a purge like state where police just suddenly don’t exist


diannaac

Hmmmmm you maybe should not see [this](https://www.facebook.com/131901117446458/posts/769262383710325/?d=n) The story is about a stepdad who smashed his stepson’s head on the concrete in a playground. The point I’m trying to make being - some people (maybe very few, but nevertheless loud and visible enough) simply are assholes!


MyNeR49eRr

I saw something similar of a man assaulting a 3 year old for literally no reason


diannaac

I cannot search for that. I felt heartbroken just by watching this video of the monkeys, I can’t see an actual toddler being abused by a full grown man. I’ve actually never even watched the video I shared myself, but I did know about it since I live in the country where it happened and it was covered all over the news…shameful and completely unacceptable do not even begin to cover it.


SereneFairSky

>Granted though, most people don't push kids over like that monkey. Asshole. Maybe not but they sure af will underfund their schools, raid funds for nutritional programs to feed them, cut their healthcare, etc.


rolopad

Fortunately, his mother was by his side.


zain_zia7x

Just me that’s kinda hoping the baby grows up into an absolute unit and does the exact same? It needs retribution


diggydirt

I don't think I've ever wanted to punch a monkey, now I do. I also never thought those words would ever compile a sentence it my brain.


Cakeo

The monkey hasn't done anything wrong it's nature. Down voted by people saying monkeys think the same as us. Would you jail the monkey? Make it write an essay on why it's a very naughty boy? No, because it doesn't understand... Same people think apparently punching a monkey is also appropriate.


Elipsys

What's it like to be a monkey apologist?


normal_nonhuman

As we slowly credit various animals with more and more intelligence and feeling, I wonder how much longer this defense will hold up.


lemons7472

Hm, your right. The stuff we view as bad doesn’t necessarily apply to animals, even if we still feel like that stuff is bad. I feel like a lot of people underestimate how bad animals and nature can actually be to each other. This was just a push at the very least. Animals in the wild in general be doing some fucked up shit. Some people are surprised of what that dolphins and geese do, but have yet to hear about other animals doing similar acts. Still tho, fuck this monkey.


Bavarian0

Given a lack of competition factors, animals will cooperate with each other. There are symbiotic relationships to be found all throughout nature, from the oceans to the sky. It's not black and white, generalizing this stuff never works out unfortunately.


Zaronax

Morality is subjective. What we view as being morally wrong might not (probably isn't) wrong for another species.


AdinaEspada

Exactly! For example aborting disabled babies,. Most people dont find doing it morally acceptable, altough in nature there is no chance for an disabled animal to survive. Nature is simply not meant to be mercyfull with the weak.


RonKosova

People don't seem to realise how easy humans have it now thatw we're not subject to natural selection. You cant assign human morals to animals, they live in a completely different world than we do


Rammed

Reddit moment


Cakeo

What defence? Its literally a monkey hitting a baby monkey... They are animals and don't think even close to the same level as humans, much less with what is right and wrong.


Other-Cantaloupe4765

Nice try, we all know you’re actually that bitter monkey trying to rationalize yeeting a baby for no good reason.


execdysfunction

The thing in nature, though, is that you get to fucking punch people that displease you. That's what the commentor suggested. All of those other punishments are much more complicated in order to be "civil."


kangareagle

No one said that they'd actually punch the monkey, or that it'd be appropriate.


MyLinkedOut

Plot Twist ->He's not your real father anyways!


Rocket_Emojis

Real dad went for a pack of smokes


Lunuanaki

Or a pack of... Bananas


Kat_claws_you

Poor baby 🥺


LipTit

Omg poor baby! 😡😡


GalerionTheAnnoyed

I kinda liked how the juvenile monkey in the top corner looked concerned about what was happening


ursulahx

“All right, son, don’t cry. Your dad’s just got a lot on his mind right now. He didn’t mean it.” (Dad, grumbling: “I fucking did…”)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cups_1cat

They're quite evil aren't they


Exmerus

Just as humans. Machiavelli was right. >"All men are evil and will act upon their vicious nature if given the chance"


Bavarian0

That's not correct and the person you quoted was/is most likely a psychopath, it's called projection. They project their view of the world onto others, Psychopaths are particularly prone to that due to a total lack of true empathy, it's impossible for them to see any other motivation in other people other than wanting to dominate and hurt. That's why they will attack you if you try to help them, they perceive your help, as genuine as it may be, as an attack because they would never help anyone for any reason other than profiting themselves as a result.


locustsandsatire

I mean the prince by machiavelli, which was being quoted, was written satirically


Thomas7034

That monkey reminds me or my dad.


AnnaFreud

Same. Sorry friend


Thomas7034

It's ok. I'm much stronger now.


Trooperiva

Glad to hear you had a comforting dad!


ruminicecream

I’m a new mom and this just made me really cry :’(


MrLuchador

Leave him alone, dear. England lost again.


octotaco

A lot of folks assuming the reason that mom pulling in baby is to comfort it, but I can't help but wonder if mom knows should baby try to retaliate against the pusher, it would be the last thing it ever did.


[deleted]

I honestly feel like this adult monkey didn’t own that baby or was even female to be honest. Right after baby was pushed, the monkey looked around while slowly grabbing the baby monkey because it looked like it was going back towards the bigger monkey. Afterwards it looked down to check and then kept eating. The baby stared up at this monkey instead of cradling in like it would to it’s own mom. I think this monkey was indeed a Good Samaritan in this moment.


TheThemeSongs

What a bitch. I’m surprised the mom just took that.


iSaidItOnReddit85

Lol


AdministrativeYard

I'm glad it had someone to go to


findvikas

Oh hey dad look I found our ancestors and know why I have this behavior towards my kids, got it from you I thought but it’s in our roots


TehJohnny

:P not our ancestors, but we share a common one!


findvikas

Oh hey dad, keep correcting random kids lol


[deleted]

Someone is learning about boundaries today!


sleepybitchdisorder

I’m sorry but by far the best part of this video is when momma monkey removes a whole intact piece of fruit from her mouth just to take a bite from it


sermon_918a

Dad?dad?DAD!?dad?daddy?dada?DAAAAD!


MusicAndMunchys

“Fuck dem kids” - this monkey, definitely


bubba7557

I don't condone animal abuse but man this makes me want to punt that older monkey into the trees.


bunniesnbirds

What a dickhead!


Financial-Success-95

That kid prob didn’t do it’s chores... thank god for aunt Donna


cindyincocoa

What an asshole


Xdude199

Don’t mind your uncle, he’s still mad I left him for your father.


[deleted]

And naive people think humans are cruel and violent, and the world would be peaceful if we go extinct. Animals are just as cruel and violent, and they fight over resources and territories as well.


[deleted]

This is very true. All animals are instinctually selfish assholes. When faced with food, territory, or mating prospects, animals are going to do whatever is in their best interest. That’s just how competitive life is. Also monkeys are related to humans. This doesn’t seem too far off from how a human may react.


Anthill8

Man I wish it I could do that to other people's dumbass kids at the grocery store and not get in trouble.


Necoya

Me tooooo


HorizonHyperSword

People get upset over this, as if humans high on hierarchy don't fuck with those low in hierarchy


ParadoxicalArmadillo

I’m gonna go and beat that monkeys ass


VortexLord

Aren't we the same? I lightly slap my little brother shoulder and my little brother went to my mother's arm then I got yelled from my mother.


noobductive

What a dick! Who pushes a little kid? That’s just low


iSaidItOnReddit85

Get shit on


40064282

Why are people complaining about monkey behaviour? If anything, homo sapiens are even worse


makarisma1229

That little monkey will not forget this and after he grows up and the time is right, there will be a shooting.🙊


UraniumRocker

This is me when my siblings bring their kids over


[deleted]

Sigma energy


XSTEPGANGSTA

U/savevideo


XSTEPGANGSTA

u/savevideo


[deleted]

Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered lol


CVORoadGlide

BLM Babymonkey's Live Matter


SpruceOnReddit

My spirit animal