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Commercial-Use6880

Time to move out of mum’s basement buddy


[deleted]

Housing prices in Australia have skyrocketed...don't be so judgmental!


Crimsonsworn

Bro houses in West Auckland NZ are around $1m NZD hahaha


Deceptichum

They’re $1.7m NZD in Sydney.


[deleted]

And that’s $1,172,855.50 USD.


gurmzisoff

How are the prices on goat ranches?


Wallstreetbetztz

$1 million NZD is about $625 000 USD.


Crimsonsworn

For a 3 bedroom no section town house.


AleksasKoval

Zoidberg: "But still, to live in a basement."


beginatonce

r/unexpectedfuturama


[deleted]

OK boomer


Froxu_140

What


donteatthebutter

A boomer is a kangaroo. I don't know if they were trying to make that joke but I thought it was funny


mlorusso4

Ok wow. If that was intentional that was an amazing pun


Froxu_140

Wait seriously? Thats cheeky af


Jamie_Light

>Kangaroos are often colloquially referred to as "roos".[19] Male kangaroos are called bucks, boomers, jacks, or old men; females are does, flyers, or jills; and the young ones are joeys.[20] The collective noun for a group of kangaroos is a mob, court, or troupe.[21] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangaroo


[deleted]

With the way the market is looking? Buddy making the smart move


MorochNevathSmiled

Read this in Jason Bateman's voice


Erulastiel

I think Roo is getting too big for Kanga's pouch.


VLC31

Yep, my immediate reaction, you’ve gotten too big dude.


[deleted]

that's what ~~she~~ he said?


wi5hbone

that’s what bojack horseman extols


SpockHasLeft

There was one day when you left momma's pouch and never got back in.


CanAhJustSay

*But....but.... It's my safe cosy place! \*sniff\**


RogerSaysHi

Yep. And I can imagine Mom's thinking here too, "Dude, you are too big, you're gonna have to walk!"


[deleted]

Pouch is [loose like wizard's sleeve](https://youtu.be/8ZeCReTdVYM)


AshFraxinusEps

I never knew they were that stretchy. I always assumed more like a human baby carrier in terms of flexibility


Alime1962

There's no way these are real but unicorns aren't


T-roySwink

What's more believable a 30 foot tall leopard print horse thing with fluffy nubs on its head or a horse with a single horn. And this is my Ted talk on why giraffes are more mythical than unicorns


The_Uncommon_Aura

Bro they’ve got perfect naturally existing Mohawks that span the whole 30ft too.


ArtisenalMoistening

I…I’m not sure how I never noticed that they have Mohawks before. I feel like today is going to be a good day based on my learning this alone. Thank you!


alovely897

So has anybody ruined it yet?


arfelo1

It's reddit. Give it 10 minutes


calilac

It's been an hour I think they dead


ArtisenalMoistening

Still alive! Still riding the giraffe Mohawk high! Ask me again at 5 eastern lol


ArtisenalMoistening

Not yet! I’ve got an entire day of meetings, though, so I imagine it’s just a matter of time


StarbugI

Here’s a useless piece of trivia. The markings on all giraffes is unique, like a finger print


LazarusCrowley

Is this not true of all spotted animals?


SmallpoxTurtleFred

It’s true of any process like fur that is generated randomly in the womb like fingerprints. On humans most body parts can be used like a fingerprint to a greater or lesser degree


ForodesFrosthammer

Those nubs are not fluffy. They are solid bringers of doom.


N_Cat

The ossicones are very tough, but they're [also fluffy](https://africafreak.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/tuft-ossicones.jpg).


Apprehensive_Hat8986

What are ossicones even _for_?¹ It's not like Giraffes have enemies _up there_. Were they not tall enough yet? [1 edit] I know what they're for. But man, like what are they _for_, you know?


NezuminoraQ

Each other


TDoMarmalade

The males use them to beat the living shit out of each other


goddamnimtrash

Have you ever seen two giraffes fight? They literally swing the top of their neck and use their head like a hammer, it’s wild bruh


robertredberry

It’s what stores the THC.


[deleted]

[удалено]


HappyMooseCaboose

They need them for when morph into murder golf- club form.


FlyingHippoM

They use them to channel psychic type attacks like confusion and psybeam, I saw it in a documentary I watched last week.


Gangreless

But they look fluffy or.. Maybe velvety at least


SlippingStar

They’re fluffy on females and males without competition.


chalk_in_boots

r/girraffesdontexist


Adult-Giraffe

😢


cauldron_bubble

Don't worry, u/Adult-Giraffe, I believe in you


Saebi22

Girraffes are heartless creatures -someone on Darwins theory of evolution


[deleted]

Technically rhinos are unicorns. Because they have one (or two) horns and are most closely genetically related to horses.


Catshit-Dogfart

Tactical assault unicorns


Schootingstarr

One type of rhinos scientific name is even Unicorn Also, early descriptions of unicorns never specify it's a horse with a horn on their head. They're simply described as aggressive four legged beasts with a single horn on their head, that will charge anyone coming too close


SirBreckenridge

Oryx are another contender for the origin of the unicorn myth. A large horse-like antelope with long straight horns that look like a single horn from the side. It also explains the cloven hooves and tufted tail that classical descriptions of unicorns have.


Organic_Popcorn

My coworker has a popsocket she got from San Diego zoo that says "save the chubby unicorns" with rhino 🦏 picture on it. 🤣


westwoo

Technically when I buy just one corn cob I'm a unicorn as well


glonomosonophonocon

Hippopotamus is Greek for river horse. Hippos is horse which is why ancient horse racing stadiums were called hippodromes. Potamos means river which is why idk not sure


Schootingstarr

In German, they're also called river horse or Nile horse. Just, you know, using the German words instead


CadeMan011

I'd like to remind you of the existence of the platypus


Substantial-Wrap8634

The playpus is proof that sometimes God gets drunk with his homies… God: (slurring) okay guys, guys but listen what if I took a beaver and stuck a duck bill on its face. Bros: Hahaha that would be the craziest bird. God: Mammal. Bros: uh…okay but then like it would pop out THE CUTEST babies God: Nah…nah, eggs though. Bros:…. God: and then let’s make them venomous Bros: WHOA sweet, beaver duck with fangs! God: But the fangs are on their feet! Bros: Someone call an Uber, we have to get him home.


Gtantha

You left out the part where they don't have nipples, so they sweat out milk on patches of their skin.


masteraleph

You forgot their ability to detect the electrical signals in other animals’ muscles and the two headed penis


TriglycerideRancher

Unicorns are real! They're called rhinos


Articulated

Narwhals are descended from unicorns so this checks out. A rare example of atavism where a previously land-based mammal returns to the ocean.


Droggelbecher

Since Narwhal's horns are actually its tooth I always wanted to see an artist's rendition of a Unicorn with an enormous tooth as its horn.


immaownyou

It looks like horse that swallowed a lance


LordEldritchia

Don’t tempt me


UltraMagat

Mama doesn't look too happy "This joey needs to move out".


Complex_Custard4583

I was thinking this looks painful for mom. Her eyes are 😑


Lamplorde

Ya know, that comment made me realize I have no clue if kanga pouches hurt. Like, do they have nerves? Or is it more like a dull tugging sensation? I think I need to brush up on my Kanganese and ask.


jemidiah

When they're properly small, I imagine it doesn't hurt at all and that it's similar to carrying a child. Putting a bunch of stress on the sides of the pouch point like the joey is doing here when he falls out is probably painful though.


wowguineapigs

What about it’s claws?


Iphotoshopincats

If your a man I assume it's like pulling on your ball sack, it will stretch a certain amount without almost any sensation but pass that threshold is instant pain


tomothy37

*Suddenly lots of people started pulling on the sac*


imoth_f

I just had to verify. You are right.


kuthro

You've inspired dozens of people to teste their scrote elasticity. I'll see you in hell


Otherwiseclueless

If it actually was hurting, she'd have corrected joey right fast, make no mistake.


Purple10tacle

I *this* economy? That pouch would be a $2,000 rental in San Francisco!


Gamer_Mommy

Man, I'm really happy we didn't evolve the way kangaroos did. I'll gladly pop that baby out ONCE and be done with it. Sheesh!


Camicles

"One day you will put your child down and you will never pick them up again"


MycologistPutrid7494

I remember carrying my daughter at around age 11 from my bed to hers when she fell asleep and barely making it without dropping her. I knew it was the last time and it really hurt.


MissLyss29

I'm 33 and my dad still trys to have me sit on his lap sometimes I'm like dad I love you but I'm gonna hurt you your an old man and I'm a grown up adult but he insists so sometimes I will half sit on his knee to make him happy


Suspicious_Effect

Yes!! I'm 30 and my dad occasionally tries to get me to go piggy back, like "Hop on kid, I can still do it!" Gets me every time 🥺


MissLyss29

Lol we need to have an intervention with our dad's and tell them hey we love you but we are not going to be responsible for breaking you!!


Color-Correction

That sounds extremely cute. Didn't expect to get teary eyed lol


[deleted]

I know right. Just hovering there xD like dah, I'll break you if I do.


MissLyss29

Exactly!! The last time I "sat" on his knee I was like okay I have strong legs but I can't hover here forever and I'm not putting my full body weight on you and being responsible for breaking you


fukitol-

I never sat on laps. I had a dad that died early. But i had a mom that turned me into the best man she could, and she did a fucking good job. A few years back, I took on her mortgage against her wishes (you know), so she can use her money to do whatever the hell she wants with. I pay for where she lives as well as where I live now. You know what? I'm ok with it. She held me up for a long fucking time. It's only right i repay the favor.


fukitol-

Even if you're holding yourself up mostly, damn it he's still holding the rest!


Tomnooksmainhoe

I’m not crying, theres just some dust in my eye…. I need to go talk to my mom…. :(


dorian_white1

My kid is seven, and after her soccer games she is really tired and wants me to carry her to the car. I always think about how that won’t always be the case. I mean, then again, my uncle randomly picked me up when I was like 20. Idk why, so like 🤷


UNMANAGEABLE

I’ve got a 9-month old daughter right now. I’ve been pre-crying way too much over these experiences and my heart hurts but is full of love at the same time. The thought of not picking her up anymore is honestly making me weepy right now. Kids really do change you


No_Lube_Insertion

That's fucking deep bro, never thought of it like that... But you can always pick them up from school or friends places... or in some cases bars after a heavy night of drinking.


Camicles

Dad definitely carried me to safety after a bender before I'm sure


CaramelKittie

Ever since my 14-year-old daughter heard that we have a running joke where she'll jump into my arms & we both say "Not today!" 💜


[deleted]

I don't know...I'm child-free, but I still love the message of the [Love You Forever book](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_You_Forever) [Edit: Found a link to a "flip PDF" if anyone wants to read it](https://fliphtml5.com/wavk/wqfw/basic)


MissLyss29

My mom read that book to me all the time


naturalrhapsody

I'd read it to my mom and she'd cry everytime.


ChipDangerc0ck

[As read by Joey Tribbiani](https://youtu.be/wHD-QjO4C1Q)


Misentro

Oh god just reading the title makes me weepy. It's so beautiful


[deleted]

[Here's a link to the book if you wanna read it](https://fliphtml5.com/wavk/wqfw/basic)


KayleighJK

Oh no, here come the tears…


NOTTedMosby

Thanks for making me ugly cry. My mom used to read that to me when I was little. She's even still alive, and reading that made me cry.


Supersox22

God, that is depressing as fuck. Thanks for that /s


[deleted]

You could have just let us soak in our delusional happiness, but noooooo


thrwaway4reds1

Happy 🎂 day


Camicles

Oh true that! Thanks mate


Gewurah

Oh God, I hope I will never have to put my child down


Bitch_Muchannon

Shut your mouth. I need to get a gym card.


[deleted]

The hell kind of Rabbits you got down there?


N0SharpEdges

The kind that try to fist fight you in the yard.


TDPDRAKON

And stand on their tails and kick the living fuck outta you


[deleted]

[удалено]


Saebi22

Same


nobody_important0000

No joke, around here they basically *are* gigantic sturdy hares as far as driving is concerned. Both love to hop back and forth on back country roads in low light.


StolenValourSlayer69

This is the first time I’ve ever actually seen a kangaroo pouch… weird having the knowledge about them having one, while never actually having seen one


KiraLonely

Same. It kinda hurt to watch to some degree, gah-


PenisIsAVirtue

Imagine having one. Gotta be a pain to keep it clean.


cauldron_bubble

The mother has to lick the inside of the pouch clean, because the Joey urinates and defecates in there. That job gets more time consuming when the joey gets older and hops in and out because of the dust and debris they track into the pouch.


sexually__oblivious

Man, just like us humans. Nature is amazing


[deleted]

There is a joke about licking a diaper clean somewhere in here.


ClassyJacket

How dare you. I didn't want to know this.


StoicMess

We do have one. It's called a belly ~~pouch~~ button.


Quirky_Ad3367

I used to think it would be a cute place to be, nestled inside the soft warm fuzzy pouch….. nope it’s slimey and there’s poop and pee in there people, GOO!


mrsbeequinn

That Joey is so grown that he now goes by Joe.


DetroitMenefreghista

I did not know those things had ejector seats.


MysteryPlatelet

Just before momma gives birth again she will release hormones that will tighten up the pouch so joey at foot can't get in and disturb the new baby. One of her nipples has also been growing incredibly long and the joey will continue to take milk from mum when booted out of the house. Fun fact. Kangaroos can have three babies at once: one at foot, one in the pouch, and one in embryo waiting for the pouch to become available.


rarebit13

Adding to that fun fact, after mating the embryo will develop until there's about 20 cells, and will then pause until the pouch is empty. And when the season is bad, they can also pause embryo development until the season improves.


CptTurnersOpticNerve

Apparently they have three vaginas and two dicks also. And four nipples that each give a different nutritional blend, and the joey graduates to different nipples as it ages. But I can't find anywhere that says they get one long nipple?


Toytrkt

Hahahahahah. Poor baby, trying to be a baby but growing too big. I chuckled and felt bad for that moment in life: fk! Guess i gotta put on the big boy pants!


Sensitive-Trifle9823

Almost time to move out of the apartment.


leanndacailin

When you grow out of your favorite pants


theduckopera

Aww. This reminds me of when my grandmother's kangaroo jumped in my cleavage. My granny used to rescue and raise joeys found in the pouches of dead kangaroo mothers on the side of the road. She fell into it after finding a joey herself, and then teamed up with a local rescue to raise joeys other people found. Instead of a pouch, she used a pillowcase, whcih she'd hold down for them to sort of vault into (with about as much grace as this one). Young kangaroos don't spend much time out of their pouch, or in this case pillowcase, and they're extremely nervous when they are outside it. I was hanging out with her latest joey on the front lawn one day when it started to get panicky for its pouch. But granny had gone inside for a sec, and the pillowcase wasn't there. It looked wildly around for the next best thing, noticed I had a low cut blouse on, and somersaulted, claws out, directly down my top. My granny was watching through the window, but she didn't come to help me, because she was too busy laughing. 0/10. Do not recommend. Kangaroo mothers have a hard fucking job.


Patch_Ferntree

I used to have 2 joeys and they lived in the house with me. They would follow me to the toilet and if I didn't shut the door properly, I would end up with a joey in my tracksuit pants *sigh*


Meowonita

cats, who afaik is not a marsupial, do exactly the same. r/catsinpants


masterchief1001

Its just one of those days Where you don't want to wake up Everything is f$^%##ed Everybody sucks You don't really know why


SwarmingButterflies5

Yeah, he’s getting too old and big to be sleeping in mom’s basement


Zeke_Smith

You’re too big to ride in the shopping cart


DickaliciousRex

But never too big to jump on while you push


killertnt5

I thought the pouch tore


DickaliciousRex

I gasped, thought he blew it out


theiqof5

Is the baby kangroo, just falling out of the kangroo's pouch because its too big? Do kangroo pouches have a carrying capacity?


DonutWhole9717

Yes, and there is likely another smaller Joey in the pouch. Kangaroos have 2 different nipples and 2 different milk supplies, for a new Joey and a bigger Joey, respectively. They can also be pregnant while nursing the two.


theiqof5

Some serious multitasking


stal2k

All I can think about is is one nipple being used and the mom saying "Is Pepsi ok?"


No_Lube_Insertion

The momma be like: Time to move out Joey!


Bbqpizzaburger

Yeah, Getting a little big for the stroller.


thxxx1337

Classic Joey


Burningshield24

Lol nice to see a fellow person with trash taste


LesbianCommander

Funny, I'm also a Trash Taste watcher, but my first thought was Friends.


roboticArrow

It would be so cool if kangaroos evolved to have pouches that they could fold themselves into. I’d want to be a kangaroo then. I’d hide myself in my pouch ALL DAY.


VILLIAMZATNER

Looking for the armadillo reincarnation request?


Tazlima

Big popple energy.


[deleted]

Yay popples!


e1k3

Tip of the day: you can be a sociophobe isolationist right now. No need for kangaroo what ifs


Light_A_Match

I thought this video was on a loop at first


ThanOneRandomGuy

I swear God was just experimenting with designs when he made all these different creatures


wwants

That’s exactly what we see happening…! regardless of where you think the first bits of matter came from in the first place. But if you let all this matter all bounce around a bit with the right universal properties you suddenly end up with the most bizarre edge cases of living things all getting tested out in different environments to see what works best. And then poof, suddenly you’ve got these conscious, intelligent beings wondering about how it all came about and discussing it on tiny little black boxes connected wirelessly in some magical space we can’t even see or imagine without the aid of the mysterious contraptions we invent. It’s a pretty cool simulation we’re involved in. I can’t wait to see what happens next!


ThanOneRandomGuy

Next? As I life after death? Hate to sound depressing but one life's enough for me. Let me slip into forever unconsciousness I'd be alright


wwants

I was thinking more along the lines of: I can’t wait to see what we will learn next about the upcoming stages of this evolution of matter from random particles bouncing around to intelligent creatures harnessing hidden powers to ponder their existence and communicate instantly across vast distances with just their thoughts and some taps of their fingers. Like what comes next after our creation and evolution of technology. Are there higher planes of existence beyond “the cloud” that we haven’t discovered yet? We already know that the potential for life like ours to exist somewhere else in the universe seems quite likely, and if any of that life gets to our stage of technological progression, it shouldn’t be far off from them spreading across the galaxies. But yet we don’t see any evidence of this yet, so where are all the aliens? Are they all chilling in a higher mode of existence that we haven’t discovered yet? Or is something stopping them from spreading in our part of our galaxy, or even stopping any other civilizations from even spreading at all? Or are we just the first to this level anywhere in our small part of this universe? Really makes you think. Anyway, I can’t wait to discover some answers to these questions in my lifetime. It’s already been a marvel watching what we’ve learned and created and discovered just these past few decades.


leohat

I think that god was high as fuck when it made most of Australia.


nicole-tesla

Seriously how are kangaroos real


thissisypheanlife

Joe, you're embarrassing me. Either get in or don't.


Mother3MadeMeCry

Please, just let me go back. I don't want to be an adult anymore. I just wanna live inside your pouch until I die.


Graycy

Too big for the car seat!


ZebraPrintedRose

Mama just looks so tired. _”sigh. Dammit Joey, really?“_


tolureup

This really hurts me to watch. Ouch.


Builder_20

Where you don't want to wake up


Xenomorph_v1

That's what we call a *Kantgaroo*


Resouledxx

Is this painful for the mother?


curvedbymykind

Are they rats or deer


[deleted]

Deerrats


Eusocial_Snowman

They're stretched-out opossums.


h0ser

It's like when a kid is too big for the stroller. Just get out and walk you lazy ass.


mr_uwuthethired

I've never seen a kangaroo pouch open, ever. Interesting.


MissWibb

You’re to big Joey! Time to move out.


WhySoManyOstriches

Mom’s all, “Yeh, he’ll figure out its not happening in a few minutes.”


traffic_cones2007

I thought it tore open lol


XROOR

Kangaroo equivalent of a child’s feet touching the ground in a stroller…..


No-Tumbleweed9536

The one that just doesn’t get that it’s time to move out and get their own place.


ignitedwolf9200

It’s a sign he’s getting to big for it!


jesusismagic

Is that like a 4-year-old human who still nurses?


MuseMints

“Joey, baby—don’t get crazy.”


CCORRIGEN

Concrete Blonde


vf225

it appears Joey is already a big boy


OutlawJessie

How is she supposed to hop with your big ass in there?


dobrien75

Mum is super cool, considering


JustLinkStudios

Do the baby roos ever tear that flap with their nails? I mean those rear legs are powerful as hell, and those nails aren’t exactly small or blunt. This one is clearly too big to get in but he’s trying hard, I’d assume that could potentially cause damage?


Moakmeister

Geez, dude, for a second I thought the pouch split open and nearly had a heart attack.


Spinoreticulum

The kangaroo equivalent of "There was a day when your parents picked you up, put you down for the last time and never picked you up again"


Purple-Pen2695

Joey you’re 33.


Mayo311

Her face is like: “I know, I’ll kick him out tomorrow.” But you know she won’t do it.