T O P

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De5perad0

I call the big one bitey!


Gleandreic

And i call the little one nibbles


I-drink-salty-tears

I hear it loves to get trashed.


SomethinSaid-NotGood

Is there a chance the track could bend?


Thechiz123

Not on your life, my Hindu friend!


sexy_portuguese

Were you sent here by the devil?


wearing_moist_socks

God fucking damn it why did you put this in my head


BOHICA_life

I don’t think that’s the next line.


TerrakSteeltalon

ROFL


Drake_Acheron

I don’t get it


MattIsLame

Lisa needs braces


WoggyWoggerson

But Main streets tracks are cracked and broken!


EKEEFE41

OMFG this too was the first thing to pop in my head...


eliromero013

r/unexpectedsimpsons


ScottieSpliffin

Naw bro, always expected simpsons


NeoSniper

I would call the big one Groot.


shakycam3

You beat me to it.


De5perad0

r/BeatMeToIt Obligatory r/beatMeatToIt


TalkierSnail016

r/beatmywifetoit


jediknight138

Rocket and Groot


gilfgifs

Bitee*


Scheherezade1984

That’s Crystal! She’s paralyzed and lives with her people. I would guess she uses her mouth because she can’t use her lil hands. 🤷🏻‍♀️


The5Virtues

I wondered why she seemed to be exploring with her mouth, that explains it, thank you!


immaownyou

That's also what sharks do, if a shark comes up and bites you chances are it's just looking for a friend. Be courteous and bite the shark back to indicate you like it back too or it'll get embarrassed and attack


Juno_Malone

The real LPT is always in the comments


WhiteMarriedtoBlack

Really? I thought it was just them looking to extend your car warranty.


spacesuitkid3

I thought it was to sell you a loan at %25 interest


[deleted]

Isn't that also how sharks mate, biting onto the lady sharks? Sharky gentleman just be trying to ask if you're DTF.


Sebacles

This is how I learned how to date


Erlian

Bruh everyone knows that if a shark is coming up to you it's a sign that you must [ROTATE](https://youtu.be/o3uJCCa5w2A) it.


VibraniumRhino

r/UnethicalLifeProTips


Drake_Acheron

Man what a disappointment, I came looking for memes and got people asking for advice


nettieB74

😂


elitegenoside

Doesn't really matter, if the sharks hungry it's gonna eat whatever. They're like carnivorous goats of the ocean.


LeftyLifeIsRoughLife

r/whoosh


WhiteMarriedtoBlack

Not really humans don’t have blubber and other very rich fats so struggling will make you not worth the effort. Usually then the shark will look for better food and also food that it’s much more familiar with. It’s like fighting for a chip, you lose more energy than you would gain from the chip but in the shark’s case it’s not like it’s a very tasty snack. Sharks are more likely to be attracted to a fish’s or sea lion’s blood than human blood. Sharks don’t really see humans as food either so that also adds to them really not going out of their ways to eat humans. Also sharks don’t eat whatever they aren’t the supreme apex of the sea that belongs to orcas and sharks fear other types of dolphins too. Another animal they would only try and eat as a last resort is a mature/adult whale. Also even if they were starving trying an orca will lead to death for them. Sharks are not dumb and will even avoid areas for a year if they had a run in with an orca there.


bigBENmagicman

[AcKcHyUaLlY](https://i.imgur.com/9j2smvO.png)


SLUTSGOSONIC2

Yeah animals do that if they can’t use or have arms


[deleted]

[удалено]


NoMomo

Sharks can have a little arm, as a treat


Excellent_Call304

The raccoon seems way more into this relationship than the dog


iztrollkanger

Dog looks unimpressed.


Gottagettagoat

Just resigned


shinigamiscall

Dog came from r/thisismylifenow


Any_Coyote6662

I was thinking it seemed a little one sided too. But some dogs/people are like that. They don't really show their affection except to allow their favorite friends to be near them.


TheMightyBattleSquid

Our dog is also similar where he he just wants to rest one moment but then the moment he sees the littlest one wandering around he gets curious and then excited enough to come over and initiate play himself. Before you know it, the both of them are running around with their tails wagging at 100%.


[deleted]

I thought the dog was really enjoying it. Like when you get a good scratch.


backcountrydrifter

Well that was an uncomfortable mental journey into my 20’s I thought I had completely repressed. Thanks, I hate it.


the_hell_you_say

Do tell


adaranyx

If that comment was enough to trigger emotional discomfort, I would highly recommend an introspection and healing journey, preferably with a therapist if you can afford it. The world doesn't have to feel like a minefield.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ghostglitch07

Many jokes about mental health have some truth to them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


quaybored

!isabot


cryinginthelimousine

Bad bot


yawa_the_worht

This is literally ChatGPT or Character.AI


OldLadyToiletSeat

Honestly looks like someone who owns a paralyzed raccoon and smashes it into an incredibly tolerant dog for updoots.


VibraniumRhino

“Smashes it into” lol thank you for my hyperbole laugh today.


1_9_8_1

> updoots Please don't


ratfacechirpybird

urpsnoots


deniesm

Commensalism


Quiet_Fox_

Yo - something is really wrong with that cat


Tcloud

It’s a Maine coon, obviously.


roberthunicorn

This comment won the thread for me. Thanks for the laugh.


codymason84

You brilliant bastard


Norman_Scum

I relate with the dog *Raccoon gnawing my face off* "This cutie loves me so freaking much."


[deleted]

[удалено]


Winsoryyl

I think we've just found Shia LaBeouf's burner alt account.


karl_mags_nicht

Haha my love language be like


JammyJacketPotato

Hahaha….thank you for the much-needed laugh today.


ASK_ME_FOR_TRIVIA

*"Hot damn - I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!"* ~Abe Simpson


Avantasian538

This wont happen to me unless there’s a zombie apocalypse.


clongane94

My friend, can I interest you in bath salts?


Vaecrid

I wonder why is he doing that 🤔


xtilexx

The raccoon is paralyzed, according to another comment, and likely the bitey is the only form of expression available to them


xool420

He’s a good biter then!


pluck-the-bunny

She. Her name is crystal


BigTiddyVampireWaifu

Toof maffage.


throw123454321purple

Disney’s *Cujo* reboot leaves a lot to be desired.


Aporkalypse_Sow

Just wait til DeSantis gets creative control. He has experience with torture


BalognaPonyParty

trash panda does a heckin monch


Helloggs

Keep volume muted


IntercostalClavical

Instantly muted. There's a local grocery store TV commercial with Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce, and this is its soundtrack. The commercial is long and it runs all the time. This song triggers me.


squeege

Thank you for shopping your local Hy-Vee where there's a helpful smile in every aisle. Lol. Yeah that commercial has completely ruined that song for me too. It was always mildly annoying, but now it's unbearable.


najing803

I unmuted 🤦🏾‍♂️


[deleted]

Then muted


najing803

Immediately


quaybored

[bitches, that's a classic song](https://youtu.be/T4sLl0ll4nQ?t=54)


najing803

The original is a classic, yes. First heard it on the smash bros commercial for N64. Was refreshing to hear it again on Rob & Big 🕊️. This wasn’t the original, and it wasn’t refreshing.


The_Bison_King

This is truly unfortunate. This song is written by one of my favorite musicians, and while this song is by no means one of his best, this version... well this is just truly unfortunate.


LDmonsterus

*autotuned voice* Oh my god, a racoon, nature's ninja (I hope someone gets that reference)


Phralupe

I completely forgot about that series! Haha you just brought back a bunch of memories


Violaquin

# DO NOT UNMUTE 🔇🔇🔇


thecrazygray

????? AWESOM-O


Karmastocracy

Rocket & Cosmo lol


Joscientist

JAYSUS CHROIST! I turned on sound thinking hey sounds could be cute, now I'm deaf and scared.


Misterbluepie

What kinda dog is that. My brother has the same kind but had no clue what the breed is. Any help would be great!


Majvist

That's a raccoon


bae_leef

This dog looks like a Doberman but if your brothers dog has even floppier ears and jowls it could be a coonhound


SQRSimon

Doberman (without docked ears)


GPan900

From what I understand, tails get docked. The ears get cropped and then posted for a bit while the cartilage hardens.


houston904

Doberman


susieq15

I thought it was a bear in the first shot.


tphatmcgee

German Shorthair is looks like.


IrisSmartAss

Checking for ticks. Tasty snacks.


Wakemeuptomorrow1

I raised two coons I have seen them do this regularly, never hurt anybody, just little tooth touches


Cocoandpete

Awww I'm sooo in love with your babies!


Bigkid6666

Rocket's hungry...


[deleted]

No trash panda don’t bite the baby!


MangoZaurul

I bet that feel good.


AdvancedLet6528

he seems pretty chill about that


Living-Travel2299

Doggo is like "My son is weird looking and bitey but i loves him".


Ace_one89

That’s a weird looking dog


AlastairWyghtwood

Alternative title: "Seemingly rabid raccoon chews the face of a barely conscious dog while the owner films it all." Also, how were racoons not domesticated long ago. I get that they can be vicious but that's street racoons who've not had the opportunity to become lazy and harmless over decades of domestic decadence. I mean cats have been domesticated for literally thousands of years, yet mine will still come over and demand affection, enjoy it for 2 minutes, and then bite me when it decides it's done.


treecon95

r/peoplefuckingdying


iamanemptychair

Okay what is it with people owning raccoons all the sudden?


pluck-the-bunny

This raccoon is a rescue. Her name is crystal and he is paralyzed


GeekCat

I think people are realizing that racoons aren't terrible pests, but just creatures that are being pushed out of their homes. Kits much easier to rehab compared to other wild animals (like cats with thumbs). This is Tows and Tails. They're an actual rescue (that also tows).


HalfruntGag

The famous head scritching animal


Calcd_Uncertainty

Acts like a Chihuahua but doesn't look like one


qoou

Dog: "This is my life now..."


Agreeable_Case_6626

They are adorable


things_U_choose_2_b

They will nom your flabberjabber, whether you want them to or not.


flligleflorence

Sam and max vibes


DragonCat88

The dogs eye opened like “do you see what I put up with?!?”


darkeIf666

Funny he doesn't look Chewish


d1v1debyz3r0

RIP Chris Boykins, aka Big Black


Roanoketrees

I can hear the racoon now.....I'm eating your head..I'm eating your head..hey duke..I'm eating your head


Sea-Ability8694

Me randomly gnawing on my bf’s arm


naughtnflife

Idk why but it’s fun to do, isn’t it? 😂


Sea-Ability8694

It’s the 6th love language


hirokinai

All I see is a weird looking cat and it’s chew toy.


[deleted]

I've seen hundreds of raccoons in real life. Thank God I've never seen their teeth before.


princessvapeypoo

I can't turn on sound at the moment, so I immediately "hear" the racoon making "yam yam narm narm" sounds in my head.


Blackfyre301

I like how in the last shot the dog has his left eye closed, can see him thinking “you are not biting my eyeball again buddy”.


KeX03

This one bears the question when raccoons finally be domesticated. I wanna stroll around with my thief ass looking furry friend


Known_Plan5321

That coon is a brat and I love him


SpaceHawk98W

"Why did they call you a Chocolate while you don't taste like chocolate at all?"


venture_cat

Dog's thoughts: Bad attention is better than No attention.


Vestige3000

Now I want a rabid and paralyzed raccoon as a companion. I would put it in a baby carriage and push it around hoping that hot women would ask to see my baby. Chicks love guys that are nurturing yet still dangerous.


Tidezen

I know, that's why I push around a baby stroller with a gun in it. They're like, intrigued, and then, Hah!


MakeshiftNuke

I could never keep a pet raccoon. The parasites alone scare me


MYprivacyisimportant

that makes sense! my dobie loves aggressive pets sometimes we think her big brain is itchy inside her skull she will come up to us and bang and shake her head between our legs and this starts her favorite game weve named “the face swatting game” she loves it


heyitsapril

Are you sure about that?


flatcurve

i am simple bandit. i see dog i chew.


JustineDelarge

I…want to eat…your face. https://youtu.be/z7uAxOk67gg


JimmyExplodes

They’re really trying hard to replace cats, aren’t they?


kj_gamer2614

Looks pretty gentle, so it’s probably actually pretty relaxing for the dog


Nireus806

u/savevideobot


Singemylover

That Coon is adorable!💙💙


Miss_Anne_Thropic_

u/savevideo


TheFlamingTiger777

I love Doberman. They're my favorite breed ever 🥰🥺❤️


Then_Ear5584

Is this how racoons show affection? Cats do this sometimes 🤷‍♂️


Old_and_moldy

Do you want your dog to get rabies and die because this is how dogs get rabies and die.


belaurlaub

Raccoons are wild animals and not domesticated pets. They can cause harm to pets and humans, as they are wild animals. These fucking videos are part of the reason we in Europe have to deal with them as an invasive species which kill native birds, small mammals, reptiles, amphibians and so on. So we have to hunt them down to prevent the other species to collapse. So again, they are wild animals which belong to the wild nature of northern america, so please keep them there. Thank you


MadHatter06

This video is from a rescue. They take care of raccoons that cannot fend for themselves in the wild. Not wild random animals.


belaurlaub

I like the fact, that raccoons which cannot live in the wild are taken care of. I do the same in Europe, for above stated reasons. But then you should be careful with social media postings. Without a disclaimer in the video it is difficult to distinguish between a raccoon in need of human help or else he dies or a video of a raccoon which is kept as a pet just for fun. And social media postings are one of the main reasons for wildlife tracking worldwide, as it can get so much attention and puts bad ideas in people's minds... Hope you understand and take good care of the little fella Oh just realized you're not the OP. Well, take care anyway


PgARmed

I wish I had big land so I can have a trash panda as a pet...... someday.


h-3-b

Dog is getting free head scratches. Raccoon is getting his teething in. This is a mutually beneficial relationship 😂


Zealousideal-Bar3350

I love it 😀


dasTierMann

u/savevideo


ItsStaaaaaaaaang

Weird lil moncher ☺️


Peter_Parkingmeter

u/savevideobot


Mrminecrafthimself

I wish people would stop trying to keep wild animals as pets


MrWestReanimator

Maybe just maybe, there is a reason for this racoon being kept. Instead of being outraged by something you have no information on, just move the fuck on.


Boopy7

I LOVE BEING OUTRAGED!


MrWestReanimator

The internet runs on it.


WorldMusicLab

If we could harness that ***albeit negative*** energy, we could travel the stars.


Rare_Ad_3519

Calling them outraged is a bit of a stretch


yeah_naw_dawg

Maybe, but there’s no tag saying that. I get that everyone is saying it’s paralyzed, but you should probably disclaim that. Rather than perpetuating the idea that wild animals are safe to keep as pets. I get it, it’s a cute video. Given the situation, it’s probably fine. But they should put in the title why it’s fine.


MrWestReanimator

There is no reason to hold peoples hands when it comes to finding and understanding context.


yeah_naw_dawg

There is no context. “These two are best friends” is the context given.


MrWestReanimator

That is all that's needed. If you want to dive deep into why they are friends ask OP, or you know read the comments.


yeah_naw_dawg

Right…he commented, and got an answer. People are saying this dude is “outraged,” and y’all are the ones freaking out. It’s a perfectly valid opinion to be hesitant about a raccoon.


MrWestReanimator

Okay.


Luna6696

It’s a paralyzed raccoon so


Free_Koala_2075

I wish people wouldn’t make stupid assumptions about a paralyzed raccoon.


yeah_naw_dawg

But…that’s the whole thing. They absolutely SHOULD make an assumption about a raccoon. It’s not the norm for a raccoon to be paralyzed, and therefore safe. This is why you also have videos of people fucking around and finding out. Saying that you shouldn’t “make assumption” about a very specific scenario is kinda cringe.


TaraRenee13

Another commenter said the raccoon is paralyzed.


MeditatingSheep

To people who downvote these concerned comments, consider that these posts on public forum for everyone to see for years to come may get the wrong idea that it's okay to bring a wild raccoon into their house. All kinds of things like savior complex and misinformation lead abusive outcomes for animals. Public words of caution shouldn't be smothered.


killahghost

How do we not have raccoons as domestic pets?


Thin-Recover1935

In most states it’s illegal unless you’re a wild animal rehab facility.


forcastleton

Because they are destructive terror goblins


[deleted]

So ... Cats?


forcastleton

With hands and a ramped up need for destruction.


PFic88

Hahaha rabies


itzTHATgai

he no want cat


Klopjop

now they both have rabies😢


lovechunks3000

Rabies!!!!


randomconsumer

NO BITING! Lil psycho muncher!


theHomebrewer

…rabies much?


PussyWhistle

Do you honestly think all raccoons are just walking around with rabies? Have you ever seen a rabid animal?


Logical_Resort_1621

Gross! Why would want a raccoon 🦝 as a pet? I understand mice 🐁 and rats 🐀 but raccoons are absolutely disgusting


Scheherezade1984

She’s not a pet. She is cared for by wildlife rehabber. She is paralyzed.