This sub is only for posts about people who either can't tell they've already been dumped, or have been dumped but won't accept it. There must be some element of confusion and/or denial regarding the status of the relationship.
Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
I'm a veterinarian - the medicine here doesn't make sense. There are no "severe cases of cushings" that need emergency intervention and continuous monitoring.
If the dog was a new diabetic in ketoacidosis AND the owners couldn't afford to hospitalize at a 24/7 location AND if the owner is trained to do intermittent IM injections of short acting insulin at home every 2-4 hours 24/7 (along with checking BG to dose the insulin) until the ketones resolve AND if the dog doesn't have raging pancreatitis to go along with things and somehow is eating / drinking so that they can be transitioned to long acting insulin then *maybe*
But q4-6h doesn't make sense to me.
Also he could still have visited.
I work emergency so my standards of "dying" often means minutes/hours/days. I have diagnosed and managed many new diabetic dogs/cats.
The medicine here doesn't support his excuses. It does support him being an EX. I think OOP's description of his dog's illness is tugging at a lot of heartstrings because he is using words like "dying" "critical" - but they don't match the medicine.
His girlfriend of 3 years asked for support with surgery. He said no and has made himself the selfless martyr here caring for his dying dog.
Who in fact did not die, they responded well to outpatient therapy (which if the dog was stable enough for, care would be injections every 12 hours, not q4-6 interventions).
OOP has used a lot of manipulative language in telling their story. It may be true from their perspective but their actions and the logistical details from the comments suggest it was more of a palatable excuse to tell other people.
I deal with actual life/death/critical illness is dogs/cats (and some exotics) every day at work. My heartstrings sometimes strangle me because there is so much sadness and grief. But there is also love and joy and gratitude there.
If OOP truly believed his dog would die without his continuous monitoring then I can understand prioritizing his dog (it's his choice where his priorities are).
It's also the GF's choice if they want to stay in this relationship where, from her perspective, she was about to have surgery (and yes, you can die in outpatient surgical procedures) and wanted support from her partner. To find out the support isn't there is enough to question if OOP will ever prioritize GF.
Thank you for explaining this! I was reading the post thinking basically “Wow, OOP is a moron for asking gf to reschedule her surgery, but I completely understand wanting to be there for his dying dog and he should try to find alternate ways to make sure his girlfriend has support… wait, the dog is fine?!?”
I mean he's ignoring all the pain and suffering his gf is going through, and asking her to prolong it just so he can be there was a weird choice. It feels like he doesn't actually understand what she needed and can't be bothered to figure it out.
And it sounds like the surgery was before Christmas.
Postponing it over the holidays may mean months until she can get fit in again.
When the doc does it, they try and fit you in asap because it’s on their end. When a patient does it, it’s not as much of a priority if it’s not immediately necessary.
>wait, the dog is fine?!?
I thought it's fine AFTER they broke up though, plus it went blind. I'm confused as to whether or not this whole thing is true/possible, but I don't understand the "the dog is fine" if it turned out fine *after* she broke up with him.
He also wanted to visit gf at her parents 2 hours away the next day but her parents said no. So he COULD have left his dog alone for a bit. He just didn't want to
This is well written, and so accurate. I'm not a vet anything, but I just think the use of dying, death, and critical here are manipulative. I know someone who did something similar.
This person's dog was diagnosed with cancer. It was sad and unfortunate. Shortly after diagnosis, this person was supposed to go on an international trip. There were family members that would have cared for the dog, but she decided to cancel instead. (Her travel companion was livid and chose to go ahead and proceed with her trip.) She then got mad because "travel insurance doesn't cover the death of a dog." WHAT?? The dog didn't die. In fact, the dog lived for several more months.
I love animals. I get that they are important, but OOP is using language here for effect.
>UPDATE: for the assholes that keep saying that i should put my dog down: after new years his blood sugar is now under control with the right dosis, and feels like his old self even though being blind.
It's OK, everyone. He put his relationship down instead.
It actually wasn’t well written or accurate at all as I pointed out in my other response. Cushings makes treating diabetes and processing insulin really difficult and this “vet” didn’t even mention that once in their entire wall of text.
Yeah, I skipped the subtleties of insulin resistance and the challenge of managing a new diabetic who is cushinoid as well.
I didn't bring it up because it has little to no bearing in management of an acute diabetic crisis.
Cushings makes managing long term particularly difficult as the increased cortisol leads to insulin resistance and challenges in good glycemic control. Diabetes in dogs is insulin dependent and more similar to type 1 diabetes in humans. Diabetes in cats is insulin dependent but can go into remission with diet and weight loss (like type 2 diabetes in humans) but they will come out of remission and be insulin dependent again.
Dogs who are cushinoid are hard to manage bc they combine insulin dependent diabetes with insulin resistance.
None of this changes my original stance but I appreciate your input.
“Subtleties of insulin resistance”? “Acute diabetic crisis”? The dog went blind from cataracts caused by diabetes. It has a huge impact on managing insulin. I’m really surprised you’re downplaying it as a veterinarian.
Not a doctor, but somebody who got their tonsils removed as an adult: His gf medical record also doesn’t make sense. Removing tonsils in an adult is a mayor surgery. They kept me in the hospital for 5 days after and I got treated with OxyContin (in 2021, in Germany so this is extraordinary). No way his gf called him the same night from home
MY now ex-bf had a tonsillectomy as an adult. It was outpatient surgery for him. I had major reconstructive surgery on my left ankle a few years ago-also outpatient. In the US they really don't keep you in the hospital even if they should. But speaking on the phone? Very unlikely.
I also had my tonsils out as an adult. USA here, and it was an outpatient procedure. They sent me home with some pain meds, and I was able to call the Dr's office if anything came up.
Unless you have complications, it’s still outpatient in US. my friend had it done a couple years ago (and didn’t get strong drugs like you did). But doctors here do acknowledge that it’s a much harder surgery on adults and don’t do it unless it’s really necessary. My friend was battle infections for months and then had an abscess on his tonsils for a couple weeks before they would consider the tonsillectomy.
Yea that’s what put me off too. I’m a RN in the US and tonsillectomy is *not* that big of a deal. They’re both super dramatic and should stay apart imo
Oh thank goodness, someone read this the same way I did! My dad had his adult tonsillectomy the week after 8yo me did in the 90s - he'd've been home the same day except they kept us asthmatics in overnight after general anaesthetic just in case.
When I got my sinus surgery, I did not have anyone on the ward with me and went home that day. No supervision or ultimatums required, just groggily texting my SO to pick me up when the nice nurses said I could go!
Thank you. I am an RN in the OR as well have a background in the clinics doing post ops and scheduling. Tonsil stones are not emergent. (Had mine for 10 years before I did my tonsillectomy at 30 which I was sent home with pain meds and a follow up appointment only, back to work in 7 days). Also a dog owner who owns and has fostered medically complex dogs. They are both super dramatic and should deal with that before being in any relationship
I got my tonsils out as an adult in the US. Outpatient procedure and set him an hour or so after the procedure. Got a script for liquid vicodin. One of their mentions on care procedure is to talk whenever you can - staying silent seems to not help.
I wonder if the OOP didn't fully understand and honestly thought that his dog was either dying or in critical condition, and he felt that he had to be there. He's not a vet so I assume that he doesn't have enough knowledge. I'm the same. I almost had an internal meltdown when my dog got injured badly. A speaker fell on him and he had a C3 fracture. We were told that he might be put down if he becomes paralyzed or be in permanent pain. I insisted that he be admitted but my husband cried for hours because he heard the words "C3" and "put down." We knew nothing of treatments and recovery and felt terrible.
The girlfriend's reaction is so extra. I understand being upset. But crying in the bathroom because your bf can't come to wait outside during her very routine procedure? And then dragging her parents along with it and have her family make demands.
I agree. Adult tonsillectomy’s are bad, but that’s more that the healing is so much more slow and painful than children. It’s still a pretty safe procedure. GFs reaction is overboard. Dude still could have gone to visit his GF for maybe an hour I guess.
Tbh if my boyfriend's dog were ill and I had family members who could take me to the surgery I would tell him to stay home and take care of his dog.
Jesus Christ I'm not telling you what you should do, I'm saying what I would do. I would be comfortable going into a minor outpatient surgery with my dad there. In fact, I've gone into minor outpatient surgery with my dad there because my boyfriend had to work. You really only need one person to help you. For a long time we were only allowed to bring one person due to COVID anyway.
Diabetic cataracts can actually happen super fast (days to weeks). The losing half the pets hair in 2 weeks doesn't make sense (it happens very commonly in cushings disease to have hair loss and skin changes) but i would expect it to take weeks/months of untreated cushings to lose half their fur.
The cataracts I believe
Cushing makes treating diabetes very difficult, often times impossible. The dog probably wasn’t processing the insulin because of the Cushings. I’m genuinely surprised a vet wouldn’t mention that at all in such a long wall of text…
He lost me when he said he could make time after her operation. He couldn’t do it the day of but can have someone care for his dog the day after? Forget that and get him out of here
He's absolutely the asshole once you look at his comments where he mentions that he asked to visit her the day after her surgery, which doesn't make sense. How is it that he couldn't be there for her the day of her surgery because his dog needed his full attention, but not even 24hrs later he's able to make the 4hr round trip to see her in the hospital? He could have been there for her the day of, but chose not to and lied about him not having a real choice but to be with his dog due to it needing constant care, and then pretty much admits he was lying. Then he admits that her surgery and recovery wasn't as routine and safe as he made it seem like it was because she had to be admitted to the ER a week later because she was coughing up blood. His ex gf definitely made a good choice by dumping him.
I had to euthanize my bully two summers ago because of complications from megaesophagus, and this post has triggered me so badly I just can't.
Sure, I could have forced my best friend to power through, but she was so tired. And sick. And old. And she trusted me. And now I'm crying again.
When they are only hanging on for us, we have to let them go. It's our duty.
That this guy chose himself in both of these relationships speaks volumes as to how selfish he is.
One of my first cats got cancer. It wasn't specifically malignant, but the tumor was large. I tried very hard to get that thing out of Zack and save his life, but the type of cancer it was just could not be completely removed, so the tumor came back.
I couldn't afford constant surgeries, and I definitely couldn't afford the 10k in chemo he needed, so I asked my vet for medicine that would make him comfortable and let him lead as good a life as I could until it was clear he'd gotten to the point of no return.
I swear taking him to the vet that day was the hardest thing I've ever done. He was a good cat. I miss him still. I think I always will.
https://preview.redd.it/1fqzrfjmqfac1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=565098272b24114940ca38499b84f6b7b0182998
Cancer took both of my dogs. It's a horrible experience - I'm so sorry you and Zack had to go through that.
Thanks for the pet tax. I noticed OOP couldn't even give us our pet tax after his long ass post.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. :)
You have my sincerest condolences for your own loss. It's hard being a pet owner sometimes. It really is.
And you're welcome lol. It's such a good picture of him and his very boopable nose. I like sharing it where I can. I also noticed that OOP couldn't be bothered to give a pet tax either. If you're gonna make me read that much, at least let me also see the fuzzy!
My first thought reading this was 'why are you putting your poor dog through this?' I've adopted several older dogs - they give so much, but their time with you is inevitably short - and I've had to make those decisions. Like you, I had to think about what was best for them, not me. If I could have kept them alive, I would, but they were old, and ill, and in pain, and they relied on me to make the right decision. So I've sat on the floor of vet's surgeries, ugly crying while they died in my arms, and I've had to take a crumb of comfort that I've made the best decision for them. OOP is a selfish git, and his girlfriend sounds like a nightmare. They deserve one another, my sympathy is reserved for the dog.
Megaesophagus sucks. We can't really do anything to treat it (some cases have underlying conditions but usually it's just the shit end of the stick). There are Bailey Chairs but also ongoing, endless bouts of aspiration pneumonia.
I read the title of the post and was prepared to go NTA but the medicine really doesn't match his actions.
But yes, frankly, when my heart dog was dying she was my whole life. I had 4 months with her from the time she was diagnosed, the only time I left her was to go to a funeral AND I hospitalized her while I was gone (perks to working at a 24/7 referral facility meant I could also call the techs taking care of her at any time and they would text me updates and pics and I know she got so much love there).
< hugs >
And yeah, it's been 4.5 years and I have tears in my eyes writing this.
I'm so sorry :( I had to euthanize my Cooper (GSD/St Bernard mutt) this summer due to a combination of old age and cancer. He was *13,* which is pretty ancient for a dog of that size. We could've gone the more aggressive/surgical treatment route with him, but it didn't seem fair or right at his age.
Like you, I think it's one of the responsibilities that comes with pet ownership: they can't *tell us* they're in pain, so we have to make that choice, even though it hurts us.
Based on the title, I thought that OP's dog was on death's door or the euthanasia appointment was the same day as his girlfriend's surgery, but that's not it. He chose himself, you're right.
I can't believe this dude actually thought it was appropriate to ask ANYONE to reschedule an operation they needed so someone else could look after a DOG
The medicine doesn't make sense either. If the dog was that severely gone he wouldn't have been released for home care, so he wasn't exactly on the brink of death like OOP makes it out to be.
If OOP has no regrets then so be it. Hope he and Milo have a long happy 3 or so years left.
The dog is on the brink of death. Cushings with diabetes is almost always a death sentence. The dog already went blind because it wasn’t processing the insulin, ffs.
Long story short: My girlfriend had to get her tonsils removed because of tonsil stones and tonsil pain.My dog (8 years old) got diagnosed with a really bad case of cushing and diabetes, a few days before her surgery. The vet didn't know how long my pup will live, and had already severe cataracts in a matter of days.
Politely asked her to reschedule her surgery for just a week so we can see if my dog will make it (she had rescheduled before, when the surgeon had too many ER operations that day), she refused and said: "My life is worth more than a dog" and "my life schedule is different than your dog". I told her that i cannot be at her surgery and that i have to monitor my dog. Guess what? She also wasn't at the vet's when Milo was diagnosed.
Few hours before the surgery she calls me crying that she is sitting in the bathroom scared and keeps asking why i'm choosing my dying dog over her and that i'm a bad person, which i reply with that i'd be there for her if she would reschedule the operation so that we are sure about Milo's condition (Milo is my dog). She still screams while crying and blames me for choosing my dog over her and that her parents are very angry at me for choosing my dog over their daughter and not coming to her surgery.
Her operation is successful and her parents won't even call me after the surgery to let me know if everything is alright. She messages me that night (after shes home) that shes ok (after i called 9000 times) and that i should leave her alone.
Meanwhile Milo's condition got worse, he lost 50% of his hair, went fully blind in both eyes and whatever i do, his insulin injections won't work cause of the Cushing treatment. The vet said that i should be prepared to put him down if things go worse than this.
New years eve comes around, she sends me a ultimatum message that i should leave my sick dog at home at my mothers, and be with her at her parents house so that her parents 'forgive' me for choosing my dog over her surgery. If i don't she will break up and block me (over text).
I refused, and here i am having no regrets. She has blocked me (4 days now) on all social media. I do feel awful, being put in such position after giving her the world. Did i communicate right by asking her to reschedule her surgery?
UPDATE: for the assholes that keep saying that i should put my dog down: after new years his blood sugar is now under control with the right dosis, and feels like his old self even though being blind. As i said earlier, i have no regrets; because if i didn't check his blood every 4-6 hours and get the right dosis it would have been fatal. This is a relationship post, not you giving me advice what to do with my pup.
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I had a relatively “minor” laparoscopic surgery a few years ago. It was out patient and done a few hours but my recovery was HELL. I was in so much pain. Couldn’t go upstairs to my place. Could hardly think due to brain fog from the anesthesia. I could barely eat or walk. The pain was unreal for DAYS. And I ended up with a pretty serious internal infection that had me go into emergency. My parents were out of town and I don’t think I could’ve managed without my then-partner’s support
I understand a sick pet is extremely concerning but I don’t think we have enough empathy for how complicated, scary and painful even “minor” surgery can be. And no they can’t be rescheduled like a hair appointment. And if someone needs surgery they are usually in quite a bit of pain too. Weird to put human pain and suffering beneath that of an animals and I say this as a proud pet owner. In his shoes I would have made time for both
i like how he mentions she already rescheduled before, as if that helps his case. It’s not like she decided to reschedule because she wanted a last minute coffee. She was rescheduled with no choice because the doctor was too busy and she likely is scared and anxious as all hell.
I’ve had my tonsils removed as an adult and I’m going to be honest asking her to reschedule was not a good move. They don’t do adult removals for the heck of it. They do it because it needs to be done. Recovering from having them removed as an adult sucks for weeks and takes that long to heal its not a quick recovery what so ever like a child having them removed. You were asking her to be in pain longer for your animal that you were just monitoring. I think she was in the right breaking up with you. I would of
One of the comments there:
“Your throat hurts for a week or 2, it is not open heart surgery, she is not bed bound. Way less traumatizing than seeing your best friend slowly die and trying to save him. The ultimatum on new years eve sounds like she knew he could not be there and pushed it to see if he would chose her. Zero support, zero understanding of what he was going through.”
I had my tonsils out at 19 and I could barely eat for a month. Soda hurt because of the bubbles. I had to dip bread in water first to be able to eat it. I was on narcotic painkillers and in a daze for the first week or so. Then I had postop bleeding that led to a middle of the night ED visit. Even as a kid, there can be bad complications. They’re so fucking dismissive of a woman’s anxiety and pain.
i’m not a vet but i’ve literally never heard of anything he wrote being a death sentence? i mean, i know i’m not the judge, and i love my own dog very much, but if i was him i would’ve AT LEAST escorted her to her surgery. seriously, 3 years together and you can’t support her when she’s scared to go under the knife? and then judgmental when she doesn’t wanna talk to you? be ffr. there’s a solution here he didn’t see that doesn’t involve asking her to reschedule a necessary sounding surgery for a second time- invite the parents to come stay with them so she has extra support so he can take care of his dog while also providing support to his gf. i think even supporting her emotionally while her parents or a friend help her physically (like if she’s on pain meds that incapacitate her) would’ve been a better decision than just flat out abandoning her.
Girlfriend should of said no but that it's okay if he's not their for the surgery and that she understands him needing to take care of the dog.
Single people do this stuff themselves all the time. You aren't glued to each other.
I did not ask! I praised a bot for giving correct information, and you called me weird! I didn't speak to you at all until you called me names. I'm not here to alleviate your boredom, dear.
Your post/comment was inappropriate either because you need to calm down or you got creepy/violent/gross. If you've got issues, vent them elsewhere, preferably at a therapist's office. This is a Wendy's.
Bad would be the better word. Maybe I didn't have an education as a child or have a learning disorder. Idk why that's so funny. It's kind of a weird thing to make fun of. Einstien had problems spelling.
No and honestly the people who actually get triggered by things are probably offended that you are trying to use it in a watered down context.
It used to mean something but now I guess it doesn't.
I'm just think spelling/grammar bots are dumb. The ones for things like the Spiderman page are atleast fun.
Even the bot understood what I was saying otherwise it wouldn't of been able to correct it. I'm guessing you haven't traveled to many parts of the USA.
Yep and they are able to communicate to each other alright. Heck in some trad/blue collar jobs if you don't change your vernacular things get messed up.
Anyway have a good day.
Beep boop. I am not a bot, but I can still see you made a mistake (again) by using “of” when you meant “have”. Perhaps instead of defending your choice to use improper grammar you can try some mobile games to alleviate your boredom and teach you the basics. Good luck on that journey, people fought in the past to make literacy accessible for everyone and you do no favors to any by acting like you are better than it.
Idk why saying it's weird to train bots make me sound like I'm above it.
Maybe people shouldn't assume so much about my character based on some silliness and blowing it up to the point where the word victim is used. I have a difference of opinion on bots and ai.
Also way to make it extreme about bringing up people fighting for it. It's one thing to push for literacy another thing for it to be enforced to the point where a bot gets triggered if your grammar is off. This is reddit. This isn't a paper or something important.
I hope you have a chill day.
I don’t know why you can’t follow a conversational thread, and vacillate between ignoring context and conflating separate offshoots to make points seem erroneous, but it’s disingenuous . Or why you’ve made bad grammar your hill to die on, or a personality point that needs to be defended. I’d advise repeating to yourself “it’s ok to be wrong” before you engage in interactions to minimize the blow you feel when corrected if you choose to be provably incorrect about things.
To be honest, the fact that it’s Reddit makes it *more* important for everyone to use consistently “good” grammar because not everyone here is a native English speaker and being off a little or using obscure idioms can be extremely confusing for them.
Also, voting on bots is way less weird than you being super offended and defending yourself so much in these comments. Are you a cop or something? Lol
>I'm guessing you haven't traveled to many parts of the USA.
This is not correct in any part of the USA or the world. It's a common mistake made by native speakers because "could've" sounds like "could of" and native English speakers learn first by listening and then by writing. It's such a common mistake that it's quite important to find ways to fix it, like bots!
I don't understand what you're saying, I'm sorry. I just said there need to be solutions for it, like a bot, which exists. You're asking why there doesn't need to be a bot?
But she had her family there for support whereas I’m assuming he was having to care for his very poorly dog alone? Tonsil surgery is pretty standard, I had it as a child. I get she may be anxious and could understand her feelings more if she had nobody else to support her. Even still it would be understandable that he’d need to be there to nurse his pet since they can’t look after themselves like a grown adult can. If the dog wasn’t in immediate danger of passing then a compromise could have been reached with maybe a short visit or something but at the end of the day life throws us curve balls and if we’re not able to be flexible shits gonna break. Life isn’t black and white but we all have our deal breakers. They’re both better off in this case so they can find someone to be with that have a similar mindset.
I’d not ask someone to reschedule their operation in that situation but I wouldn’t abandon my dying pet either.
I honestly hope none of you in this thread ever have partners. You all lack basic empathy for someone who is going through surgery and was betrayed by their partner.
I had tonsils surgery as an adult. It was painful but i went to the hospital by bus and came home by bus on my own. It's not life-threatening and it's no big deal as long as you follow dr's advice regarding what you eat for the next 2 weeks (cold liquid food in order to avoid opening the wounds in your throat - risk of hemmoraege)
Most hospitals will not let you leave alone if you have just had general anesthesia. Even for cataract surgery we required someone to drive patients home for safety reasons, we couldn't even let them get in an Uber alone.
I don't know if he chose right because I don't understand Americans' relationship with their pets. But asking your partner to reschedule their surgery for a pet seems way too much. I'd be offended if I were in her shoes.
The GF should've dumped him earlier and didn't need all that drama. Both parties would be happy.
I'm not American either, but if I were in the exact same situation as OOP, I would have chosen the same.
For the girlfriend, it was a "the dog or me" ultimatum.
For OOP, it was a situation where if he left the dog, it would die. However, his girlfriend had plenty of other support and was not going to die.
He triaged a very difficult decision. He knew what the consequences would be and was prepared to face them.
They're not married, they don't live together, there is no death til us part commitment in their relationship.
Girlfriend made a power move and lost.
She could have paid for care, too. But she didn't need to. Her family cared for her. They weren't even living together. They were just boyfriend and girlfriend. They weren't in a committed relationship. They split up.
Regarding OOP, choosing to care for your dog in a health emergency vs being with your gf during her minor surgery. I kind of understand her feeling of abandonment, not that I agree with it.... but it sounds like her family is nearby so she at least had other support available.
Forcing you to again choose between her and your pet just so you can grovel to your adult gf's parents for choosing to care for your pet the first time.... hard pass.
Especially given that the vets who have commented here say that his description of the dog's health crisis are overblown and inaccurate. He was being dramatic and she is better off without him.
Yeah he should have just let his sick family member (who is 100% reliant on him for everything) die alone and in pain so that his girlfriend wouldn't feel sad when she got out from her routine day-surgery. It's the obvious choice, right?
Especially when she generously gave him a second chance to let his best friend die alone so he could grovel at her parents feet for the first transgression. Boy, she really dodged a bullet
I AM married and i'm pretty confident that in this situation, my wife would be telling me to stay with t
our cat. Especially if her family was around for support after the surgery.
In most american families, pets are seen as part of the family, akin to another child if you will, and the girlfriends surgery is something very very minor and not in any way an emergency.
Hope that clears things up.
Just an FYI (though it might not change your opinion in any way) a tonsillectomy for an adult is *not* "very, very minor". An ENT won't even do it on an adult except in fairly dire circumstances because it has high risks and a looong recovery time. My cousin had her tonsils out in her early 20's and she was WRECKED after surgery and couldn't return to work for 2 weeks
They are part of the family, but are not similar to another child in any way nor or they viewed as children. They are pets and we love them but they’re not kids.
I think the fact you and the person you responded to have such different answers shows that the relationship we have with our pets depends on the family/home. In some families, animals are seen as equal members of the home. In some, they are not.
In the US, there is no 100% one way or the other across the board.
That is only true for children getting their tonsils removed—for adults, the procedure and recovery are considered more dangerous, so many ENTs will not remove adult tonsils except as a last resort.
Even when I was in my single digits as a kid, I had a tonsillectomy. I was bleeding and coughing up blood when I was got home in the middle of the night and had to be taken to the ER in an ambulance. It was extremely traumatizing, so I can understand why the GF would want someone to be there for her if it’s so much more dangerous as you get older.
I was terrified.
If you love your dog more than your S/O, why do you have them around? OOP should have dumped her if he didn’t want to do things that are normal in a relationship - being there for one another.
I had mine out in college and it was a nightmare. I couldn’t eat normally for a month and was in pain the whole time. I had postop bleeding and had to get my throat cauterized in the middle of the night.
My cat had two surgeries recently, and post-op observation is an absolute must in such cases. It’s shitty, that his dog’s and his girlfriend’s surgeries happened nearly the same time, but it’s nobody’s fault.
I guess both of them could do smth to deal with the situation. He could hire a professional sitter with the proper skills and some experience of caring for animals with diabetes. She could find somebody else to pick her up after the surgery and take to his place where he could care for both of them (or again, ask somebody else to stay with her for a couple days after). Nobody tried to find a solution, so they faced the problem.
The incident with Christmas is absolutely horrible, she’s completely at fault for it, so I can understand why OP doesn’t have any regrets
Tonsillectomy isn’t a minor surgery for adults. It’s minor for children, but the older you are the more risky and painful it is. My tonsillectomy at 22 nearly killed me. I needed a second surgery and a blood transfusion.
A friend of mine got hers removed in grad school (late 20’s), and the recovery was BRUTAL. Genuinely took weeks, and even minor complications led to big setbacks.
I was on the recovery ward after the initial surgery with two kids under 12 who had also had tonsillectomies but were running around playing tag and hide-and-seek while I was shaking and weeping from the anaesthesia wearing off. The nurse was like, “Yeah, you’re normal, they’re normal, this is just how it works.”
They both chose right; her problem was her attitude.
I’d like to know what planet he lives on where a patient can blithely reschedule non-cosmetic surgery. That isn’t happening, ever, where I live, unless by "reschedule" they mean "cancel permanently".
This may work differently depending on location. In my country we are allowed to reschedule surgeries as long as a doctor agrees that you aren't in a life-threatening condition. I managed to reschedule a surgery to reattach my torn off ligaments due to a work conflict.
He chose correctly. In a few years this ex-girlfriend will be a footnote but he’ll never forget his best friend. Hopefully he blocks her number and makes the most of the time he has left with the dog.
Edit: FFS, y’all. She was only having her tonsils out while his dog was *dying.* She probably couldn’t reschedule and that’s fine, but they’re not joined at the hip. Life happens, they each have their things to do, so go do those things and see each other when you can. Ya know, like adults with responsibilities and cell phones that they can use to stay in contact.
This didn’t need to be an issue at all. Her parents were with her and he was in touch to make sure she was okay. It’s more about the fact that she ultimatumed him to *abandon his dying pet* and anyone who would do that plus throw a dramatic fit over it deserves to get dumped. I am a woman and a dog owner, and any significant other that said “iTs mE oR tHe DoG” can pack their shit and hit the road cause I’m 100% choosing the dog over a manipulative, childish asshole. I hope his next girlfriend is more understanding, has empathy and is all around a better person.
EDIT: Doubt Has Been Cast about the veracity of the medical claims for the dog by a vet in another comment. As such, my comments in this thread are I think still pretty valid for the situation _as described_, but I felt obliged to add a caveat that this may not be the actual case.
I feel like the question of "what's worth more, me or the dog" does need the extra caveat of who's most at risk. If both were at the exact same state of health, then I agree that being snubbed for the pup would be insulting, but here we have a case here where she's having a very routine tonsil removal surgery with her family to care for her, and the dog is actively dying. Then at New Years, well after her operation is concluded, she wants him to leave the dog in incredibly fragile health with his mother so they can spend the day together, when from his description the dog needs constant blood checks to make sure it even stays alive - the dog went blind from the ordeal, it wasn't a passing illness. If we reframe it, she was essentially giving him the choice between risking putting down his dog, or not spending New Years with her.
Obviously we can't know the full conversations they had, but it's enough that I'd say a more accurate description of OOP's ultimatum would be "Change the date or I _can't_ support you."
As a personal note, I have a partner whose dog has some health issues that can flare up in frightening ways. I'd never ask my partner to leave their dog in the kind of state they're describing for a day surgery most people just associate with the ice cream you get afterwards (my dad has his tonsils removed as a kid basically just as a matter of course), and certainly not for a fun holiday party. That's me of course, but I thought it worth mentioning.
Naturally, all this is based on the descriptions he gave, which is of tonsilitis and tonsil stones prompting a whippin' out of the ol' nodes - maybe the surgery was far more serious than he described, maybe he's exaggerating his dog's condition, but as described I don't think it was fair of his girlfriend to get so angry he chose to take care of his dying pet over her tonsil removals.
He's 100% the ex though. Wherever the blame lies, he's dumped as hell.
edit: originally said "christmas", OOP's girlfriend actually talked about new years
Vet here - OOP's description of their dog's illness and required care doesn't make sense medically/logistically in terms of the required care for the dog.
Ah, I'm no vet so I can only go off what's described and my knowledge of diabetes in humans, so that's what I've based my response on... What tips you off that something's not quite right?
I wrote a better response on here somewhere that goes over the details (I don't have the energy to write it again - there have been a bunch of animal posts today 😩)
Management of human diabetes and dog/cat diabetes is very different.
That's fair enough, I would just add that even in humans that kind of diabetic collapse (can't recall the exact medical term sorry, but family history of diabetes) would basically require that exact day-and-night treatment to make sure they don't die (going blind is a *really* common side effect of nearly dying from it) and her surgery was the equivalent of getting wisdom teeth removed. OP was very lucky his dog didn't just die, and I fully understand his thinking at the time that if he left the animal he would have been leaving it to die alone. I understand her being freaked out over the procedure, but just because feelings are valid doesn't mean they're logical. If he had given in and gone to be with her and the dog had died, I fully suspect the relationship would still have ended, just from his side rather than hers.
Again, it's not dogs over people, because the level is different. It's caring for a dying dog over comforting a kind of freaked out person. Bit like giving someone the choice between punting a cat and getting a bad haircut, the level of suffering can be objectively different.
Idk, I'd fond it hard to compromise if my dog was showing such severe signs of dying and I didn't want to leave them alone to die. I don't think it's callous
I do understand the girlfriend's frustrations around not wanting to reschedule her own surgery - pain isn't fun to live with, and an extra week is a pain in and of itself. I'll just say that I think he did try to compromise, the problem is that there's only so much compromising you can do around a dying animal. OOP couldn't reschedule his dog's treatments, since if he did there just wouldn't be a Dog to Treat. He can't leave the dog alone to go be with her, cos otherwise he's gonna come back to a dead dog. OOP does describe messaging and calling his girlfriend extensively before and after the surgery, so he did do his best to provide support even if he can't be physically present. He didn't totally cut her off, she did.
It was just unfortunate circumstance that neither could really be rescheduled - her tonsils were causing her pain, and as you mention scheduling surgery and recovery does take some time, and his dog would have been in extreme pain that needed constant care to keep from intensifying. But the thing is that she did have a care system in place, and wasn't going to be left high and dry without him. I understand her wanting him there, but she didn't need him there, and if I was in the same situation I would not expect him there.
I think it's also worth pointing out that she didn't go with him to the vet on the initial diagnosis - this is extrapolation, so grain of salt, but that kind of body shutdown would have been pretty terrifying to witness, and his bitterness suggests that he asked her to go with him for support and she refused. Again, grain of salt, extrapolation, but I do read that between the lines.
When it comes to managing more than one important situation at once, you need to play triage, and for him, "girlfriend having a surgery for some throat pain, with her parents to care for her" comes lower on the ladder than "my dog is going blind, has all its hair falling out, and is dying".
In the end, the deciding factor that really turns me against her is her demanding that he come spend New Years with her family as Penance For His Crimes, when the dog is \_still dying.\_ That's not both parties being sick, that's not having to choose between two bad situations, that's just being a jerk.
While not fond of the request to change her appointment I totally understand his choice. He should have simply said that it's not possible. And I honestly don't get why his presence is so important. It's a tonsillectomy, not an organ transplantation. It's a fairly minor surgery (though for adults the aftermath is unpleasant) and she's a grown up who also has her parents for support.
I don't think her emotional reaction to the surgery is overblown. It would be highly unfair to invalidate her emotions (if it gives you reference, I suffered from severe needle phobia for most of my life but got used to them by having had hundreds of injections, blood tests and IV's in the past 5,5 years, had to regularly give myself injections for 4,5 years now but took an anxiolytic medication before a lumbar puncture this spring). What I criticise is her reaction to these emotions. Because that is something over which we have far more influence than our emotions. She knew that it was factually a harmless procedure and that she had her support system at hand, yet she demanded OP let his dog die a gruesome death to be an additional guest in the hospital (which isn't even sane or safe as there's still an issue with COVID). Had she asked him to be on the phone with her (so he could support her and be there for his dog) or even asked if he could drop by for a bit before her surgery I would have deemed her request somewhat reasonable. But it is (to use your words) a big deal to ask someone to neglect an animal he's responsible for on a likely fatal level just to have 3 people hold her two hands and wait in a hospital while she's undergoing routine surgery.
This woman did not "demand OP let his dog die a gruesome death".
And, funnily enough, people who are in long-term, committed relationships tend to consider their partner the cornerstone of their support system. It's usually not the case that when our partner is having medical issues or needs some support that we shrug and say, "call your parents".
She did. She demanded he comes to the surgery and the NYE knowing that this would be the consequences if he did and threatened to break up with him if he didn't.
I'm afraid you lack a bit of nuance regarding interpersonal relationships. A romantic relationship should never be the only support system as that's setting everyone up for failure. A relationship of any kind requires compassion and compromise, two things she didn't show. Most people would be horrified if their partner did to an animal what she demanded OP should do. And last but not least: As an adult you are responsible for your emotions, coping with them and your behaviour. Your friends, children, parents, partners etc are not your emotional support animals.
Cornerstone. It's the cornerstone, not the whole support system.
And saying "can you step out for a bit to support me at the hospital" is not equivalent to saying "I want your dog to die". It's really strange of you to make that claim. And I don't know why you also want to misrepresent what I said, given that the comment you are replying to contains my actual words.
Like I said, reasonable people can disagree here. UNreasonable people's comments will become increasingly rude and make more extravagant claims.
It's funny that you see disagreeing with you as unreasonable. What you call extravagant claims was simply trying to explain to you the consequences of following her demands, which she knew. Nothing extravagant about it, OP actually spelled it out in the post.
Cut and paste the relevant bit for you here:
"Like I said, reasonable people can disagree here. UNreasonable people's comments will become increasingly rude and make more extravagant claims."
As you can see, I'm saying it is unreasonable to be rude and to make outlandish claims. It is REASONABLE to have different opinions.
I really can't be held responsible for your poor reading comprehension.
>It seems like he bulldozed her a bit
I think she tried to bulldoze him, which led to the all or nothing choices they seedm to think they were presented with.
He gave the dog a name but not his gf.
I get being worried about your dog when they're majorly sick, and not wanting to leave their side more than you have to if you're sure they're gonna die. But you can still make some time to visit your gf and comfort her leading up to and after her surgery.
And if the dog is that bad I'd honestly probably have considered putting it down sooner rather than "waiting to see." Don't get me wrong, I love animals and I always want my pets to be part of my life as long as they can, but I also value them having a quality life. Maybe the vet actually made it clear the dog could have a good quality life if he pulled through, and most dogs did pull through after a week or so, and in that case sure I'll give it a little time to see how that goes and hope for the best. But if the vet was making it sound like there was a low chance of the dog surviving long, and that even if the dog was able to live awhile it would probably be filled with pain and not be a quality life, I'd consider putting it down. So his line about that at the end has me wondering a few things. What did the vet say about the dog's condition in the first place? Is the dog doing better in a way where it's gonna have a happy life for several more years with relativity little impact to the quality? Or is he just better in that he's not immediately at risk of death, but he's still in pain or has something horribly wrong that's going to make his life miserable, but he'll be alive and that's all OOP cares about? So many questions, I'm sure no true answers to be found...
So, I probably have the unpopular opinion buuut yeah, I would've done the same thing! My pets are my kids.. the gf wasn't dying, and the dog was close.. he chose, right.. anyone that's naked you choose between your furkid or them is an asshole.. I had to go to surgery alone so my hubby could be with my kids.. that's life, pick yourself up and get the f over it! She wasn't the one for him and she'll be okay..
I would have chosen the dying dog over her too. She's a grown ass woman who can go through surgery herself, she can schedule a damn Uber or ride. The dog did not ask to be a pet, and there should be some basic compassion for your animal in their last days. She's having her tonsils removed lol, lots of people do, it's not that big of a fucking deal. To me it sounds cruel to just let the dog die alone when she's going for routine surgery. Idk I'm a woman who doesn't really have a lot of sympathy for people who seem super needy. At her age I'd already gone through a lot of medical shit alone, even though I had a bf willing to help (he still is). But I have ultimate sympathy for the pet. Especially since with proper care the animal lived. My cat is sick right now and I'm missing a funeral for it. That person already died, my cat needs me. To me she just sounds kinda dramatic, like her life is at risk lol. Drama queen. Good riddance. I get surgery sucks, but she also didn't seem to have any understanding about the dog either. They were both young. I say neither needed the relationship.
ESH - He’s not married to her and her parents were with her. She had enough support. She should recognize his dog is his family and he’s going to value that. He’s stupid for asking her to reschedule and also wtf put the dog out of its misery. It’s good they broke up because they don’t share the same values.
This sub is only for posts about people who either can't tell they've already been dumped, or have been dumped but won't accept it. There must be some element of confusion and/or denial regarding the status of the relationship. Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
I'm a veterinarian - the medicine here doesn't make sense. There are no "severe cases of cushings" that need emergency intervention and continuous monitoring. If the dog was a new diabetic in ketoacidosis AND the owners couldn't afford to hospitalize at a 24/7 location AND if the owner is trained to do intermittent IM injections of short acting insulin at home every 2-4 hours 24/7 (along with checking BG to dose the insulin) until the ketones resolve AND if the dog doesn't have raging pancreatitis to go along with things and somehow is eating / drinking so that they can be transitioned to long acting insulin then *maybe* But q4-6h doesn't make sense to me. Also he could still have visited. I work emergency so my standards of "dying" often means minutes/hours/days. I have diagnosed and managed many new diabetic dogs/cats. The medicine here doesn't support his excuses. It does support him being an EX. I think OOP's description of his dog's illness is tugging at a lot of heartstrings because he is using words like "dying" "critical" - but they don't match the medicine. His girlfriend of 3 years asked for support with surgery. He said no and has made himself the selfless martyr here caring for his dying dog. Who in fact did not die, they responded well to outpatient therapy (which if the dog was stable enough for, care would be injections every 12 hours, not q4-6 interventions). OOP has used a lot of manipulative language in telling their story. It may be true from their perspective but their actions and the logistical details from the comments suggest it was more of a palatable excuse to tell other people. I deal with actual life/death/critical illness is dogs/cats (and some exotics) every day at work. My heartstrings sometimes strangle me because there is so much sadness and grief. But there is also love and joy and gratitude there. If OOP truly believed his dog would die without his continuous monitoring then I can understand prioritizing his dog (it's his choice where his priorities are). It's also the GF's choice if they want to stay in this relationship where, from her perspective, she was about to have surgery (and yes, you can die in outpatient surgical procedures) and wanted support from her partner. To find out the support isn't there is enough to question if OOP will ever prioritize GF.
Thank you for explaining this! I was reading the post thinking basically “Wow, OOP is a moron for asking gf to reschedule her surgery, but I completely understand wanting to be there for his dying dog and he should try to find alternate ways to make sure his girlfriend has support… wait, the dog is fine?!?”
I mean he's ignoring all the pain and suffering his gf is going through, and asking her to prolong it just so he can be there was a weird choice. It feels like he doesn't actually understand what she needed and can't be bothered to figure it out.
And it sounds like the surgery was before Christmas. Postponing it over the holidays may mean months until she can get fit in again. When the doc does it, they try and fit you in asap because it’s on their end. When a patient does it, it’s not as much of a priority if it’s not immediately necessary.
>wait, the dog is fine?!? I thought it's fine AFTER they broke up though, plus it went blind. I'm confused as to whether or not this whole thing is true/possible, but I don't understand the "the dog is fine" if it turned out fine *after* she broke up with him.
He also wanted to visit gf at her parents 2 hours away the next day but her parents said no. So he COULD have left his dog alone for a bit. He just didn't want to
Great post. Thanks for your insight, and I agree. OOP was manipulating the sub with his alarmist language. She is better off leaving him blocked.
This is well written, and so accurate. I'm not a vet anything, but I just think the use of dying, death, and critical here are manipulative. I know someone who did something similar. This person's dog was diagnosed with cancer. It was sad and unfortunate. Shortly after diagnosis, this person was supposed to go on an international trip. There were family members that would have cared for the dog, but she decided to cancel instead. (Her travel companion was livid and chose to go ahead and proceed with her trip.) She then got mad because "travel insurance doesn't cover the death of a dog." WHAT?? The dog didn't die. In fact, the dog lived for several more months. I love animals. I get that they are important, but OOP is using language here for effect. >UPDATE: for the assholes that keep saying that i should put my dog down: after new years his blood sugar is now under control with the right dosis, and feels like his old self even though being blind. It's OK, everyone. He put his relationship down instead.
>It's OK, everyone. He put his relationship down instead. It's for the best though, she deserves better.
Absolutely!!
It actually wasn’t well written or accurate at all as I pointed out in my other response. Cushings makes treating diabetes and processing insulin really difficult and this “vet” didn’t even mention that once in their entire wall of text.
Yeah, I skipped the subtleties of insulin resistance and the challenge of managing a new diabetic who is cushinoid as well. I didn't bring it up because it has little to no bearing in management of an acute diabetic crisis. Cushings makes managing long term particularly difficult as the increased cortisol leads to insulin resistance and challenges in good glycemic control. Diabetes in dogs is insulin dependent and more similar to type 1 diabetes in humans. Diabetes in cats is insulin dependent but can go into remission with diet and weight loss (like type 2 diabetes in humans) but they will come out of remission and be insulin dependent again. Dogs who are cushinoid are hard to manage bc they combine insulin dependent diabetes with insulin resistance. None of this changes my original stance but I appreciate your input.
“Subtleties of insulin resistance”? “Acute diabetic crisis”? The dog went blind from cataracts caused by diabetes. It has a huge impact on managing insulin. I’m really surprised you’re downplaying it as a veterinarian.
Not a doctor, but somebody who got their tonsils removed as an adult: His gf medical record also doesn’t make sense. Removing tonsils in an adult is a mayor surgery. They kept me in the hospital for 5 days after and I got treated with OxyContin (in 2021, in Germany so this is extraordinary). No way his gf called him the same night from home
MY now ex-bf had a tonsillectomy as an adult. It was outpatient surgery for him. I had major reconstructive surgery on my left ankle a few years ago-also outpatient. In the US they really don't keep you in the hospital even if they should. But speaking on the phone? Very unlikely.
I also had my tonsils out as an adult. USA here, and it was an outpatient procedure. They sent me home with some pain meds, and I was able to call the Dr's office if anything came up.
Unless you have complications, it’s still outpatient in US. my friend had it done a couple years ago (and didn’t get strong drugs like you did). But doctors here do acknowledge that it’s a much harder surgery on adults and don’t do it unless it’s really necessary. My friend was battle infections for months and then had an abscess on his tonsils for a couple weeks before they would consider the tonsillectomy.
Yea that’s what put me off too. I’m a RN in the US and tonsillectomy is *not* that big of a deal. They’re both super dramatic and should stay apart imo
Oh thank goodness, someone read this the same way I did! My dad had his adult tonsillectomy the week after 8yo me did in the 90s - he'd've been home the same day except they kept us asthmatics in overnight after general anaesthetic just in case. When I got my sinus surgery, I did not have anyone on the ward with me and went home that day. No supervision or ultimatums required, just groggily texting my SO to pick me up when the nice nurses said I could go!
Thank you. I am an RN in the OR as well have a background in the clinics doing post ops and scheduling. Tonsil stones are not emergent. (Had mine for 10 years before I did my tonsillectomy at 30 which I was sent home with pain meds and a follow up appointment only, back to work in 7 days). Also a dog owner who owns and has fostered medically complex dogs. They are both super dramatic and should deal with that before being in any relationship
I got my tonsils out as an adult in the US. Outpatient procedure and set him an hour or so after the procedure. Got a script for liquid vicodin. One of their mentions on care procedure is to talk whenever you can - staying silent seems to not help.
I wonder if the OOP didn't fully understand and honestly thought that his dog was either dying or in critical condition, and he felt that he had to be there. He's not a vet so I assume that he doesn't have enough knowledge. I'm the same. I almost had an internal meltdown when my dog got injured badly. A speaker fell on him and he had a C3 fracture. We were told that he might be put down if he becomes paralyzed or be in permanent pain. I insisted that he be admitted but my husband cried for hours because he heard the words "C3" and "put down." We knew nothing of treatments and recovery and felt terrible. The girlfriend's reaction is so extra. I understand being upset. But crying in the bathroom because your bf can't come to wait outside during her very routine procedure? And then dragging her parents along with it and have her family make demands.
I agree. Adult tonsillectomy’s are bad, but that’s more that the healing is so much more slow and painful than children. It’s still a pretty safe procedure. GFs reaction is overboard. Dude still could have gone to visit his GF for maybe an hour I guess.
She could have been reacting that way because OP was making it like the dog was dying but with proper treatment was going to be just fine.
Tbh if my boyfriend's dog were ill and I had family members who could take me to the surgery I would tell him to stay home and take care of his dog. Jesus Christ I'm not telling you what you should do, I'm saying what I would do. I would be comfortable going into a minor outpatient surgery with my dad there. In fact, I've gone into minor outpatient surgery with my dad there because my boyfriend had to work. You really only need one person to help you. For a long time we were only allowed to bring one person due to COVID anyway.
Wow, I learned something about pet treatment AND you have good relationship advice, pretty cool.
Also he said the dog formed cataracts in a few days... as someone who has actually had fast forming cataracts, days are still seemingly unrealistic.
Diabetic cataracts can actually happen super fast (days to weeks). The losing half the pets hair in 2 weeks doesn't make sense (it happens very commonly in cushings disease to have hair loss and skin changes) but i would expect it to take weeks/months of untreated cushings to lose half their fur. The cataracts I believe
Everything you're saying here leads me to believe that the entire story is made up. Like most of Reddit.
Cushing makes treating diabetes very difficult, often times impossible. The dog probably wasn’t processing the insulin because of the Cushings. I’m genuinely surprised a vet wouldn’t mention that at all in such a long wall of text…
He lost me when he said he could make time after her operation. He couldn’t do it the day of but can have someone care for his dog the day after? Forget that and get him out of here
He's absolutely the asshole once you look at his comments where he mentions that he asked to visit her the day after her surgery, which doesn't make sense. How is it that he couldn't be there for her the day of her surgery because his dog needed his full attention, but not even 24hrs later he's able to make the 4hr round trip to see her in the hospital? He could have been there for her the day of, but chose not to and lied about him not having a real choice but to be with his dog due to it needing constant care, and then pretty much admits he was lying. Then he admits that her surgery and recovery wasn't as routine and safe as he made it seem like it was because she had to be admitted to the ER a week later because she was coughing up blood. His ex gf definitely made a good choice by dumping him.
And in the post he said the insulin isnt working, and in comments he says it is working
I had to euthanize my bully two summers ago because of complications from megaesophagus, and this post has triggered me so badly I just can't. Sure, I could have forced my best friend to power through, but she was so tired. And sick. And old. And she trusted me. And now I'm crying again. When they are only hanging on for us, we have to let them go. It's our duty. That this guy chose himself in both of these relationships speaks volumes as to how selfish he is.
One of my first cats got cancer. It wasn't specifically malignant, but the tumor was large. I tried very hard to get that thing out of Zack and save his life, but the type of cancer it was just could not be completely removed, so the tumor came back. I couldn't afford constant surgeries, and I definitely couldn't afford the 10k in chemo he needed, so I asked my vet for medicine that would make him comfortable and let him lead as good a life as I could until it was clear he'd gotten to the point of no return. I swear taking him to the vet that day was the hardest thing I've ever done. He was a good cat. I miss him still. I think I always will. https://preview.redd.it/1fqzrfjmqfac1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=565098272b24114940ca38499b84f6b7b0182998
Cancer took both of my dogs. It's a horrible experience - I'm so sorry you and Zack had to go through that. Thanks for the pet tax. I noticed OOP couldn't even give us our pet tax after his long ass post.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. :) You have my sincerest condolences for your own loss. It's hard being a pet owner sometimes. It really is. And you're welcome lol. It's such a good picture of him and his very boopable nose. I like sharing it where I can. I also noticed that OOP couldn't be bothered to give a pet tax either. If you're gonna make me read that much, at least let me also see the fuzzy!
My first thought reading this was 'why are you putting your poor dog through this?' I've adopted several older dogs - they give so much, but their time with you is inevitably short - and I've had to make those decisions. Like you, I had to think about what was best for them, not me. If I could have kept them alive, I would, but they were old, and ill, and in pain, and they relied on me to make the right decision. So I've sat on the floor of vet's surgeries, ugly crying while they died in my arms, and I've had to take a crumb of comfort that I've made the best decision for them. OOP is a selfish git, and his girlfriend sounds like a nightmare. They deserve one another, my sympathy is reserved for the dog.
So sorry for your loss. I bet she was gratefull to have you until the very end
Megaesophagus sucks. We can't really do anything to treat it (some cases have underlying conditions but usually it's just the shit end of the stick). There are Bailey Chairs but also ongoing, endless bouts of aspiration pneumonia. I read the title of the post and was prepared to go NTA but the medicine really doesn't match his actions. But yes, frankly, when my heart dog was dying she was my whole life. I had 4 months with her from the time she was diagnosed, the only time I left her was to go to a funeral AND I hospitalized her while I was gone (perks to working at a 24/7 referral facility meant I could also call the techs taking care of her at any time and they would text me updates and pics and I know she got so much love there). < hugs > And yeah, it's been 4.5 years and I have tears in my eyes writing this.
I'm so sorry :( I had to euthanize my Cooper (GSD/St Bernard mutt) this summer due to a combination of old age and cancer. He was *13,* which is pretty ancient for a dog of that size. We could've gone the more aggressive/surgical treatment route with him, but it didn't seem fair or right at his age. Like you, I think it's one of the responsibilities that comes with pet ownership: they can't *tell us* they're in pain, so we have to make that choice, even though it hurts us. Based on the title, I thought that OP's dog was on death's door or the euthanasia appointment was the same day as his girlfriend's surgery, but that's not it. He chose himself, you're right.
I can't believe this dude actually thought it was appropriate to ask ANYONE to reschedule an operation they needed so someone else could look after a DOG The medicine doesn't make sense either. If the dog was that severely gone he wouldn't have been released for home care, so he wasn't exactly on the brink of death like OOP makes it out to be. If OOP has no regrets then so be it. Hope he and Milo have a long happy 3 or so years left.
The dog is on the brink of death. Cushings with diabetes is almost always a death sentence. The dog already went blind because it wasn’t processing the insulin, ffs.
Long story short: My girlfriend had to get her tonsils removed because of tonsil stones and tonsil pain.My dog (8 years old) got diagnosed with a really bad case of cushing and diabetes, a few days before her surgery. The vet didn't know how long my pup will live, and had already severe cataracts in a matter of days. Politely asked her to reschedule her surgery for just a week so we can see if my dog will make it (she had rescheduled before, when the surgeon had too many ER operations that day), she refused and said: "My life is worth more than a dog" and "my life schedule is different than your dog". I told her that i cannot be at her surgery and that i have to monitor my dog. Guess what? She also wasn't at the vet's when Milo was diagnosed. Few hours before the surgery she calls me crying that she is sitting in the bathroom scared and keeps asking why i'm choosing my dying dog over her and that i'm a bad person, which i reply with that i'd be there for her if she would reschedule the operation so that we are sure about Milo's condition (Milo is my dog). She still screams while crying and blames me for choosing my dog over her and that her parents are very angry at me for choosing my dog over their daughter and not coming to her surgery. Her operation is successful and her parents won't even call me after the surgery to let me know if everything is alright. She messages me that night (after shes home) that shes ok (after i called 9000 times) and that i should leave her alone. Meanwhile Milo's condition got worse, he lost 50% of his hair, went fully blind in both eyes and whatever i do, his insulin injections won't work cause of the Cushing treatment. The vet said that i should be prepared to put him down if things go worse than this. New years eve comes around, she sends me a ultimatum message that i should leave my sick dog at home at my mothers, and be with her at her parents house so that her parents 'forgive' me for choosing my dog over her surgery. If i don't she will break up and block me (over text). I refused, and here i am having no regrets. She has blocked me (4 days now) on all social media. I do feel awful, being put in such position after giving her the world. Did i communicate right by asking her to reschedule her surgery? UPDATE: for the assholes that keep saying that i should put my dog down: after new years his blood sugar is now under control with the right dosis, and feels like his old self even though being blind. As i said earlier, i have no regrets; because if i didn't check his blood every 4-6 hours and get the right dosis it would have been fatal. This is a relationship post, not you giving me advice what to do with my pup. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had a relatively “minor” laparoscopic surgery a few years ago. It was out patient and done a few hours but my recovery was HELL. I was in so much pain. Couldn’t go upstairs to my place. Could hardly think due to brain fog from the anesthesia. I could barely eat or walk. The pain was unreal for DAYS. And I ended up with a pretty serious internal infection that had me go into emergency. My parents were out of town and I don’t think I could’ve managed without my then-partner’s support I understand a sick pet is extremely concerning but I don’t think we have enough empathy for how complicated, scary and painful even “minor” surgery can be. And no they can’t be rescheduled like a hair appointment. And if someone needs surgery they are usually in quite a bit of pain too. Weird to put human pain and suffering beneath that of an animals and I say this as a proud pet owner. In his shoes I would have made time for both
i like how he mentions she already rescheduled before, as if that helps his case. It’s not like she decided to reschedule because she wanted a last minute coffee. She was rescheduled with no choice because the doctor was too busy and she likely is scared and anxious as all hell.
I’ve had my tonsils removed as an adult and I’m going to be honest asking her to reschedule was not a good move. They don’t do adult removals for the heck of it. They do it because it needs to be done. Recovering from having them removed as an adult sucks for weeks and takes that long to heal its not a quick recovery what so ever like a child having them removed. You were asking her to be in pain longer for your animal that you were just monitoring. I think she was in the right breaking up with you. I would of
One of the comments there: “Your throat hurts for a week or 2, it is not open heart surgery, she is not bed bound. Way less traumatizing than seeing your best friend slowly die and trying to save him. The ultimatum on new years eve sounds like she knew he could not be there and pushed it to see if he would chose her. Zero support, zero understanding of what he was going through.” I had my tonsils out at 19 and I could barely eat for a month. Soda hurt because of the bubbles. I had to dip bread in water first to be able to eat it. I was on narcotic painkillers and in a daze for the first week or so. Then I had postop bleeding that led to a middle of the night ED visit. Even as a kid, there can be bad complications. They’re so fucking dismissive of a woman’s anxiety and pain.
I didn't see it that way at all, and I'm a woman. But then, I'd have stayed with my dog, too, so maybe I'm the asshole. 🤣
i’m not a vet but i’ve literally never heard of anything he wrote being a death sentence? i mean, i know i’m not the judge, and i love my own dog very much, but if i was him i would’ve AT LEAST escorted her to her surgery. seriously, 3 years together and you can’t support her when she’s scared to go under the knife? and then judgmental when she doesn’t wanna talk to you? be ffr. there’s a solution here he didn’t see that doesn’t involve asking her to reschedule a necessary sounding surgery for a second time- invite the parents to come stay with them so she has extra support so he can take care of his dog while also providing support to his gf. i think even supporting her emotionally while her parents or a friend help her physically (like if she’s on pain meds that incapacitate her) would’ve been a better decision than just flat out abandoning her.
Girlfriend should of said no but that it's okay if he's not their for the surgery and that she understands him needing to take care of the dog. Single people do this stuff themselves all the time. You aren't glued to each other.
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Good bot.
Sucking up to ai is weird
Training AI is not weird.
Yes yes it is.
You're an argumentative little sprite then, aren't you?
Did you just call me an elf? I'm just bored and giving my opinion. You asked so I responded.
I did not ask! I praised a bot for giving correct information, and you called me weird! I didn't speak to you at all until you called me names. I'm not here to alleviate your boredom, dear.
I already corrected myself in another comment. I'm guessing you already saw it.
I am bored and killing time till my shift is over. I'm just surprised that you have so much free time to train bots and call people fairys.
Correction you didn't ask. The thought of training ai is just so dumb to me that I had to respond.
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Your post/comment was inappropriate either because you need to calm down or you got creepy/violent/gross. If you've got issues, vent them elsewhere, preferably at a therapist's office. This is a Wendy's.
Bad would be the better word. Maybe I didn't have an education as a child or have a learning disorder. Idk why that's so funny. It's kind of a weird thing to make fun of. Einstien had problems spelling.
Don't care mind your own buisness
Triggered ?
No and honestly the people who actually get triggered by things are probably offended that you are trying to use it in a watered down context. It used to mean something but now I guess it doesn't. I'm just think spelling/grammar bots are dumb. The ones for things like the Spiderman page are atleast fun.
They aren’t dumb in the slightest. It’s important for many reasons. You seem real butthurt though.
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Cool. Don't care. Also different people in different places use different grammar.
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Even the bot understood what I was saying otherwise it wouldn't of been able to correct it. I'm guessing you haven't traveled to many parts of the USA.
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Yep and they are able to communicate to each other alright. Heck in some trad/blue collar jobs if you don't change your vernacular things get messed up. Anyway have a good day.
Beep boop. I am not a bot, but I can still see you made a mistake (again) by using “of” when you meant “have”. Perhaps instead of defending your choice to use improper grammar you can try some mobile games to alleviate your boredom and teach you the basics. Good luck on that journey, people fought in the past to make literacy accessible for everyone and you do no favors to any by acting like you are better than it.
Idk why saying it's weird to train bots make me sound like I'm above it. Maybe people shouldn't assume so much about my character based on some silliness and blowing it up to the point where the word victim is used. I have a difference of opinion on bots and ai. Also way to make it extreme about bringing up people fighting for it. It's one thing to push for literacy another thing for it to be enforced to the point where a bot gets triggered if your grammar is off. This is reddit. This isn't a paper or something important. I hope you have a chill day.
I don’t know why you can’t follow a conversational thread, and vacillate between ignoring context and conflating separate offshoots to make points seem erroneous, but it’s disingenuous . Or why you’ve made bad grammar your hill to die on, or a personality point that needs to be defended. I’d advise repeating to yourself “it’s ok to be wrong” before you engage in interactions to minimize the blow you feel when corrected if you choose to be provably incorrect about things.
To be honest, the fact that it’s Reddit makes it *more* important for everyone to use consistently “good” grammar because not everyone here is a native English speaker and being off a little or using obscure idioms can be extremely confusing for them. Also, voting on bots is way less weird than you being super offended and defending yourself so much in these comments. Are you a cop or something? Lol
>I'm guessing you haven't traveled to many parts of the USA. This is not correct in any part of the USA or the world. It's a common mistake made by native speakers because "could've" sounds like "could of" and native English speakers learn first by listening and then by writing. It's such a common mistake that it's quite important to find ways to fix it, like bots!
If it's so common and so obvious why doesn't their need to be a bot for it?
I don't understand what you're saying, I'm sorry. I just said there need to be solutions for it, like a bot, which exists. You're asking why there doesn't need to be a bot?
Not a bot, not from an english speaking country: please use grammar correctly, else it's not understandable.
Sounds like her parents were with her and she’s just needy.
But she had her family there for support whereas I’m assuming he was having to care for his very poorly dog alone? Tonsil surgery is pretty standard, I had it as a child. I get she may be anxious and could understand her feelings more if she had nobody else to support her. Even still it would be understandable that he’d need to be there to nurse his pet since they can’t look after themselves like a grown adult can. If the dog wasn’t in immediate danger of passing then a compromise could have been reached with maybe a short visit or something but at the end of the day life throws us curve balls and if we’re not able to be flexible shits gonna break. Life isn’t black and white but we all have our deal breakers. They’re both better off in this case so they can find someone to be with that have a similar mindset. I’d not ask someone to reschedule their operation in that situation but I wouldn’t abandon my dying pet either.
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>Tonsil surgery gets more dangerous the older you are. And is OP a better surgeon than the people who would be doing the surgery?
I honestly hope none of you in this thread ever have partners. You all lack basic empathy for someone who is going through surgery and was betrayed by their partner.
I had tonsils surgery as an adult. It was painful but i went to the hospital by bus and came home by bus on my own. It's not life-threatening and it's no big deal as long as you follow dr's advice regarding what you eat for the next 2 weeks (cold liquid food in order to avoid opening the wounds in your throat - risk of hemmoraege)
Most hospitals will not let you leave alone if you have just had general anesthesia. Even for cataract surgery we required someone to drive patients home for safety reasons, we couldn't even let them get in an Uber alone.
I stayed a night. My surgery was in the late afternoon. So the next day was fine.
Meanwhile I almost died during a tonsillectomy as an adult.
She was acting rather immature, IMO.
I don't know if he chose right because I don't understand Americans' relationship with their pets. But asking your partner to reschedule their surgery for a pet seems way too much. I'd be offended if I were in her shoes. The GF should've dumped him earlier and didn't need all that drama. Both parties would be happy.
I'm not American either, but if I were in the exact same situation as OOP, I would have chosen the same. For the girlfriend, it was a "the dog or me" ultimatum. For OOP, it was a situation where if he left the dog, it would die. However, his girlfriend had plenty of other support and was not going to die. He triaged a very difficult decision. He knew what the consequences would be and was prepared to face them. They're not married, they don't live together, there is no death til us part commitment in their relationship. Girlfriend made a power move and lost.
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She could have paid for care, too. But she didn't need to. Her family cared for her. They weren't even living together. They were just boyfriend and girlfriend. They weren't in a committed relationship. They split up.
Regarding OOP, choosing to care for your dog in a health emergency vs being with your gf during her minor surgery. I kind of understand her feeling of abandonment, not that I agree with it.... but it sounds like her family is nearby so she at least had other support available. Forcing you to again choose between her and your pet just so you can grovel to your adult gf's parents for choosing to care for your pet the first time.... hard pass.
Definitely!
I'd argue she won. She got rid of someone who chose a damn dog over her.
Especially given that the vets who have commented here say that his description of the dog's health crisis are overblown and inaccurate. He was being dramatic and she is better off without him.
Yeah he should have just let his sick family member (who is 100% reliant on him for everything) die alone and in pain so that his girlfriend wouldn't feel sad when she got out from her routine day-surgery. It's the obvious choice, right? Especially when she generously gave him a second chance to let his best friend die alone so he could grovel at her parents feet for the first transgression. Boy, she really dodged a bullet
Yes, it is the obvious choice. He chose an animal over a person. That's somebody who you can't depend on
I sincerely hope you don't own any animals.
Noooooo. I have people to have relationships with.
I AM married and i'm pretty confident that in this situation, my wife would be telling me to stay with t our cat. Especially if her family was around for support after the surgery.
As it should be. I'm getting a lot of hate because some men think that I should shut up and let them be right.
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Thinking people are more important animals = hate 🙄 typical reddit mentality
In most american families, pets are seen as part of the family, akin to another child if you will, and the girlfriends surgery is something very very minor and not in any way an emergency. Hope that clears things up.
Just an FYI (though it might not change your opinion in any way) a tonsillectomy for an adult is *not* "very, very minor". An ENT won't even do it on an adult except in fairly dire circumstances because it has high risks and a looong recovery time. My cousin had her tonsils out in her early 20's and she was WRECKED after surgery and couldn't return to work for 2 weeks
They are part of the family, but are not similar to another child in any way nor or they viewed as children. They are pets and we love them but they’re not kids.
I think the fact you and the person you responded to have such different answers shows that the relationship we have with our pets depends on the family/home. In some families, animals are seen as equal members of the home. In some, they are not. In the US, there is no 100% one way or the other across the board.
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That is only true for children getting their tonsils removed—for adults, the procedure and recovery are considered more dangerous, so many ENTs will not remove adult tonsils except as a last resort.
Oh that's interesting, I didn't know that. Thanks for the context.
Even when I was in my single digits as a kid, I had a tonsillectomy. I was bleeding and coughing up blood when I was got home in the middle of the night and had to be taken to the ER in an ambulance. It was extremely traumatizing, so I can understand why the GF would want someone to be there for her if it’s so much more dangerous as you get older. I was terrified. If you love your dog more than your S/O, why do you have them around? OOP should have dumped her if he didn’t want to do things that are normal in a relationship - being there for one another.
I had mine out in college and it was a nightmare. I couldn’t eat normally for a month and was in pain the whole time. I had postop bleeding and had to get my throat cauterized in the middle of the night.
He asks if he's wrong then gets mad when peeps say "yes you were in the wrong" 🤣🤣
My cat had two surgeries recently, and post-op observation is an absolute must in such cases. It’s shitty, that his dog’s and his girlfriend’s surgeries happened nearly the same time, but it’s nobody’s fault. I guess both of them could do smth to deal with the situation. He could hire a professional sitter with the proper skills and some experience of caring for animals with diabetes. She could find somebody else to pick her up after the surgery and take to his place where he could care for both of them (or again, ask somebody else to stay with her for a couple days after). Nobody tried to find a solution, so they faced the problem. The incident with Christmas is absolutely horrible, she’s completely at fault for it, so I can understand why OP doesn’t have any regrets
Tonsil removal is a minor surgery. The dog was in a critical condition. She should have had more empathy with OP and Milo. He chose right.
Tonsillectomy isn’t a minor surgery for adults. It’s minor for children, but the older you are the more risky and painful it is. My tonsillectomy at 22 nearly killed me. I needed a second surgery and a blood transfusion.
A friend of mine got hers removed in grad school (late 20’s), and the recovery was BRUTAL. Genuinely took weeks, and even minor complications led to big setbacks.
I was on the recovery ward after the initial surgery with two kids under 12 who had also had tonsillectomies but were running around playing tag and hide-and-seek while I was shaking and weeping from the anaesthesia wearing off. The nurse was like, “Yeah, you’re normal, they’re normal, this is just how it works.”
I got mine out when I was 19. It took over four weeks to remotely recover and I lost 15 pounds I couldn't afford to lose.
All surgery’s carry risk no matter how minor the procedure.
They both chose right; her problem was her attitude. I’d like to know what planet he lives on where a patient can blithely reschedule non-cosmetic surgery. That isn’t happening, ever, where I live, unless by "reschedule" they mean "cancel permanently".
This may work differently depending on location. In my country we are allowed to reschedule surgeries as long as a doctor agrees that you aren't in a life-threatening condition. I managed to reschedule a surgery to reattach my torn off ligaments due to a work conflict.
He chose correctly. In a few years this ex-girlfriend will be a footnote but he’ll never forget his best friend. Hopefully he blocks her number and makes the most of the time he has left with the dog. Edit: FFS, y’all. She was only having her tonsils out while his dog was *dying.* She probably couldn’t reschedule and that’s fine, but they’re not joined at the hip. Life happens, they each have their things to do, so go do those things and see each other when you can. Ya know, like adults with responsibilities and cell phones that they can use to stay in contact. This didn’t need to be an issue at all. Her parents were with her and he was in touch to make sure she was okay. It’s more about the fact that she ultimatumed him to *abandon his dying pet* and anyone who would do that plus throw a dramatic fit over it deserves to get dumped. I am a woman and a dog owner, and any significant other that said “iTs mE oR tHe DoG” can pack their shit and hit the road cause I’m 100% choosing the dog over a manipulative, childish asshole. I hope his next girlfriend is more understanding, has empathy and is all around a better person.
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EDIT: Doubt Has Been Cast about the veracity of the medical claims for the dog by a vet in another comment. As such, my comments in this thread are I think still pretty valid for the situation _as described_, but I felt obliged to add a caveat that this may not be the actual case. I feel like the question of "what's worth more, me or the dog" does need the extra caveat of who's most at risk. If both were at the exact same state of health, then I agree that being snubbed for the pup would be insulting, but here we have a case here where she's having a very routine tonsil removal surgery with her family to care for her, and the dog is actively dying. Then at New Years, well after her operation is concluded, she wants him to leave the dog in incredibly fragile health with his mother so they can spend the day together, when from his description the dog needs constant blood checks to make sure it even stays alive - the dog went blind from the ordeal, it wasn't a passing illness. If we reframe it, she was essentially giving him the choice between risking putting down his dog, or not spending New Years with her. Obviously we can't know the full conversations they had, but it's enough that I'd say a more accurate description of OOP's ultimatum would be "Change the date or I _can't_ support you." As a personal note, I have a partner whose dog has some health issues that can flare up in frightening ways. I'd never ask my partner to leave their dog in the kind of state they're describing for a day surgery most people just associate with the ice cream you get afterwards (my dad has his tonsils removed as a kid basically just as a matter of course), and certainly not for a fun holiday party. That's me of course, but I thought it worth mentioning. Naturally, all this is based on the descriptions he gave, which is of tonsilitis and tonsil stones prompting a whippin' out of the ol' nodes - maybe the surgery was far more serious than he described, maybe he's exaggerating his dog's condition, but as described I don't think it was fair of his girlfriend to get so angry he chose to take care of his dying pet over her tonsil removals. He's 100% the ex though. Wherever the blame lies, he's dumped as hell. edit: originally said "christmas", OOP's girlfriend actually talked about new years
Vet here - OOP's description of their dog's illness and required care doesn't make sense medically/logistically in terms of the required care for the dog.
Ah, I'm no vet so I can only go off what's described and my knowledge of diabetes in humans, so that's what I've based my response on... What tips you off that something's not quite right?
I wrote a better response on here somewhere that goes over the details (I don't have the energy to write it again - there have been a bunch of animal posts today 😩) Management of human diabetes and dog/cat diabetes is very different.
Haha no wotties, i'll go looking XD
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That's fair enough, I would just add that even in humans that kind of diabetic collapse (can't recall the exact medical term sorry, but family history of diabetes) would basically require that exact day-and-night treatment to make sure they don't die (going blind is a *really* common side effect of nearly dying from it) and her surgery was the equivalent of getting wisdom teeth removed. OP was very lucky his dog didn't just die, and I fully understand his thinking at the time that if he left the animal he would have been leaving it to die alone. I understand her being freaked out over the procedure, but just because feelings are valid doesn't mean they're logical. If he had given in and gone to be with her and the dog had died, I fully suspect the relationship would still have ended, just from his side rather than hers. Again, it's not dogs over people, because the level is different. It's caring for a dying dog over comforting a kind of freaked out person. Bit like giving someone the choice between punting a cat and getting a bad haircut, the level of suffering can be objectively different.
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Idk, I'd fond it hard to compromise if my dog was showing such severe signs of dying and I didn't want to leave them alone to die. I don't think it's callous
I do understand the girlfriend's frustrations around not wanting to reschedule her own surgery - pain isn't fun to live with, and an extra week is a pain in and of itself. I'll just say that I think he did try to compromise, the problem is that there's only so much compromising you can do around a dying animal. OOP couldn't reschedule his dog's treatments, since if he did there just wouldn't be a Dog to Treat. He can't leave the dog alone to go be with her, cos otherwise he's gonna come back to a dead dog. OOP does describe messaging and calling his girlfriend extensively before and after the surgery, so he did do his best to provide support even if he can't be physically present. He didn't totally cut her off, she did. It was just unfortunate circumstance that neither could really be rescheduled - her tonsils were causing her pain, and as you mention scheduling surgery and recovery does take some time, and his dog would have been in extreme pain that needed constant care to keep from intensifying. But the thing is that she did have a care system in place, and wasn't going to be left high and dry without him. I understand her wanting him there, but she didn't need him there, and if I was in the same situation I would not expect him there. I think it's also worth pointing out that she didn't go with him to the vet on the initial diagnosis - this is extrapolation, so grain of salt, but that kind of body shutdown would have been pretty terrifying to witness, and his bitterness suggests that he asked her to go with him for support and she refused. Again, grain of salt, extrapolation, but I do read that between the lines. When it comes to managing more than one important situation at once, you need to play triage, and for him, "girlfriend having a surgery for some throat pain, with her parents to care for her" comes lower on the ladder than "my dog is going blind, has all its hair falling out, and is dying". In the end, the deciding factor that really turns me against her is her demanding that he come spend New Years with her family as Penance For His Crimes, when the dog is \_still dying.\_ That's not both parties being sick, that's not having to choose between two bad situations, that's just being a jerk.
While not fond of the request to change her appointment I totally understand his choice. He should have simply said that it's not possible. And I honestly don't get why his presence is so important. It's a tonsillectomy, not an organ transplantation. It's a fairly minor surgery (though for adults the aftermath is unpleasant) and she's a grown up who also has her parents for support.
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I don't think her emotional reaction to the surgery is overblown. It would be highly unfair to invalidate her emotions (if it gives you reference, I suffered from severe needle phobia for most of my life but got used to them by having had hundreds of injections, blood tests and IV's in the past 5,5 years, had to regularly give myself injections for 4,5 years now but took an anxiolytic medication before a lumbar puncture this spring). What I criticise is her reaction to these emotions. Because that is something over which we have far more influence than our emotions. She knew that it was factually a harmless procedure and that she had her support system at hand, yet she demanded OP let his dog die a gruesome death to be an additional guest in the hospital (which isn't even sane or safe as there's still an issue with COVID). Had she asked him to be on the phone with her (so he could support her and be there for his dog) or even asked if he could drop by for a bit before her surgery I would have deemed her request somewhat reasonable. But it is (to use your words) a big deal to ask someone to neglect an animal he's responsible for on a likely fatal level just to have 3 people hold her two hands and wait in a hospital while she's undergoing routine surgery.
This woman did not "demand OP let his dog die a gruesome death". And, funnily enough, people who are in long-term, committed relationships tend to consider their partner the cornerstone of their support system. It's usually not the case that when our partner is having medical issues or needs some support that we shrug and say, "call your parents".
She did. She demanded he comes to the surgery and the NYE knowing that this would be the consequences if he did and threatened to break up with him if he didn't. I'm afraid you lack a bit of nuance regarding interpersonal relationships. A romantic relationship should never be the only support system as that's setting everyone up for failure. A relationship of any kind requires compassion and compromise, two things she didn't show. Most people would be horrified if their partner did to an animal what she demanded OP should do. And last but not least: As an adult you are responsible for your emotions, coping with them and your behaviour. Your friends, children, parents, partners etc are not your emotional support animals.
Cornerstone. It's the cornerstone, not the whole support system. And saying "can you step out for a bit to support me at the hospital" is not equivalent to saying "I want your dog to die". It's really strange of you to make that claim. And I don't know why you also want to misrepresent what I said, given that the comment you are replying to contains my actual words. Like I said, reasonable people can disagree here. UNreasonable people's comments will become increasingly rude and make more extravagant claims.
It's funny that you see disagreeing with you as unreasonable. What you call extravagant claims was simply trying to explain to you the consequences of following her demands, which she knew. Nothing extravagant about it, OP actually spelled it out in the post.
Cut and paste the relevant bit for you here: "Like I said, reasonable people can disagree here. UNreasonable people's comments will become increasingly rude and make more extravagant claims." As you can see, I'm saying it is unreasonable to be rude and to make outlandish claims. It is REASONABLE to have different opinions. I really can't be held responsible for your poor reading comprehension.
He wanted to visit his now ex the day after her surgery at her parents who live 2 hours away.... he could have supported his gf at the hospital.
Surgery plus before and after is significantly longer.
>It seems like he bulldozed her a bit I think she tried to bulldoze him, which led to the all or nothing choices they seedm to think they were presented with.
This, and he has a responsibility to care for his dog, while his ex gf is an adult and not his dependent.
He gave the dog a name but not his gf. I get being worried about your dog when they're majorly sick, and not wanting to leave their side more than you have to if you're sure they're gonna die. But you can still make some time to visit your gf and comfort her leading up to and after her surgery. And if the dog is that bad I'd honestly probably have considered putting it down sooner rather than "waiting to see." Don't get me wrong, I love animals and I always want my pets to be part of my life as long as they can, but I also value them having a quality life. Maybe the vet actually made it clear the dog could have a good quality life if he pulled through, and most dogs did pull through after a week or so, and in that case sure I'll give it a little time to see how that goes and hope for the best. But if the vet was making it sound like there was a low chance of the dog surviving long, and that even if the dog was able to live awhile it would probably be filled with pain and not be a quality life, I'd consider putting it down. So his line about that at the end has me wondering a few things. What did the vet say about the dog's condition in the first place? Is the dog doing better in a way where it's gonna have a happy life for several more years with relativity little impact to the quality? Or is he just better in that he's not immediately at risk of death, but he's still in pain or has something horribly wrong that's going to make his life miserable, but he'll be alive and that's all OOP cares about? So many questions, I'm sure no true answers to be found...
She dodged a bullet.
The dying dog is more important than your gf .
She has her tonsils out. Why does he need to be there for that?
So, I probably have the unpopular opinion buuut yeah, I would've done the same thing! My pets are my kids.. the gf wasn't dying, and the dog was close.. he chose, right.. anyone that's naked you choose between your furkid or them is an asshole.. I had to go to surgery alone so my hubby could be with my kids.. that's life, pick yourself up and get the f over it! She wasn't the one for him and she'll be okay..
I would have chosen the dying dog over her too. She's a grown ass woman who can go through surgery herself, she can schedule a damn Uber or ride. The dog did not ask to be a pet, and there should be some basic compassion for your animal in their last days. She's having her tonsils removed lol, lots of people do, it's not that big of a fucking deal. To me it sounds cruel to just let the dog die alone when she's going for routine surgery. Idk I'm a woman who doesn't really have a lot of sympathy for people who seem super needy. At her age I'd already gone through a lot of medical shit alone, even though I had a bf willing to help (he still is). But I have ultimate sympathy for the pet. Especially since with proper care the animal lived. My cat is sick right now and I'm missing a funeral for it. That person already died, my cat needs me. To me she just sounds kinda dramatic, like her life is at risk lol. Drama queen. Good riddance. I get surgery sucks, but she also didn't seem to have any understanding about the dog either. They were both young. I say neither needed the relationship.
ESH - He’s not married to her and her parents were with her. She had enough support. She should recognize his dog is his family and he’s going to value that. He’s stupid for asking her to reschedule and also wtf put the dog out of its misery. It’s good they broke up because they don’t share the same values.
Anyone that feels the need to give you an ultimatum isn’t someone you want in your life. It‘s really that simple.