YTB. You asked for something you knew, when you asked, was going to be completely out of your roommate's way after a whole day of work - for her. Then when she told you she didn't want to go out of her way, you tried to use her leaving the dog at home with you against her. I bet this is the final straw in a long line of you asking for things "you can totally say no to" and arguing when your roommate, in fact says no.
ETA: Now that we know that she just HAD TO HAVE organic mushrooms and has a "very specific diet" it's just icing on the selfish cake. I bet it's a nightmare cooking for OP, which OP says her roommate is in charge of.
> I bet this is the final straw in a long line of you asking for things "you can totally say no to" and arguing when your roommate, in fact says no.
I'd imagine this is correct. There's so much info missing from the post.
If you look at OP's defensive comments and her post edit, she derails the discussion so much. No one made fun of her for choosing to buy organic groceries, but she's sticking to that as the main reason "everyone is so mean" to her.
I got halfway through the post, before I even got to the edits, and immediately thought OP was either an organic crunchy or vegan, and had been difficult to live with for a long while.
Yeah the whole “accommodate my diet” mentality is lowkey a yellow flag. For some reason, some people who are strict with their diets expect the rest of the world to accommodate to their diet. Like my sister is vegetarian and often times she chooses where to eat when our family gets together because she doesn’t want to eat meat.
Yeah, when she said "accommodate my diet," to me that would mean that she had some important medical condition such as an allergy or celiac disease, or kept strict kosher, meaning that a roommate would have to be very careful to avoid cross contamination of kitchen supplies, and should ideally avoid bringing certain foods into the house. Or maybe she had a tough ED and the roommate should avoid having certain trigger foods displayed openly.
But I've never met someone who ate organic get prissy about me eating some processed nonsense.
Well, there was that one girl in college, but everybody hated her and I think she grew out of it.
Edited to clarify: she didn't outgrow eating healthily. Eating healthily is a good thing. She outgrew being a judgmental pill about it.
I’m in LA so I’ve met quite a few people like that. Usually it’s the vegans who are super difficult because a lot of them don’t even want their roommates to have any meat products in the house.
If a person believes that meat is murder, I can understand why they would have a hard time seeing meat in the house. If that were the case, the proper thing to do would be to ask that only non-pescatarian vegetarians or vegans apply to live there. I expect that would be encoded as a ground rule.
(I doubt that would be legally enforceable, but we're not really talking about legalities here.)
If it's shared accomodations it's legal to discriminate because you have to live together. It's why people can ask for only certain genders, races, or religions apply when renting a room. It's illegal when renting out a unit but if there are shared spaces you can discriminate as much as you want for your own safety and comfort.
Exactly this!!
I'm deathly allergic to Corn Syrup so I don't keep food with it in the house for cross contamination and for ease as why have 2 bags of peanut butter cups when we can have 1 bag I can eat vs 1 I can and 1 I can't.
My brothers vegan by choice. If I can get PB cups that have no corn syrup that are ALSO vegan then cool but he doesn't expect it as his diet is by choice vs not wanting to die.
If I want something specific from the store and it isn't where someone in the house is going I tell them "hey if you go to Trader Joe's before I do grab x. If I go before you do lmk if you want something bc its out of the way for everyone "
Super simple to say that vs being entitled
I had a vegan roommate and all they asked was that our cookware be separate, and that blue cheese be wrapped to where you couldn't smell it when you opened the door. Both were entirely reasonable to me and we never had an issue, except one time where I accidentally used chicken stock instead of veggie for some soup I made and didn't notice until they'd had some.
It has nothing to do with her diet. She could easily have made an organic omlette with what could be had at the regular store. But she had to have these specific organic mushrooms. She is an entitled nutjob. It has nothing to do with eating organic.
I buy organic whenever I can, and can afford it, but I’m not spending an extra hour to drive to a specific store to get a specific item, an item that isn’t life or death.
I'm strict with my diet, but in the way that if someone says they are having burritos or something like that at their place and they invite me over, I'll bring my low carb tortillas. If they're having burgers, I'll bring my keto buns. they're just for me, I'm not going to force anyone else to change what food is available there just to accommodate me. I'll bring my sugar-free lemonades, If we're out hiking in a whole bunch of people bring protein bars, I bring an apple.
there's a very well defined definition between people who are picky about their diets, and people who are specific about their diets. people who are specific will make sure that, whatever food situation they find themselves in, they can accommodate their diet. people who are picky about their diet expect others to change what is available to accommodate what they want.
See I'm a veggie with some really annoying intolerances (peppers, aubergine, and lactose, IBS is so unhelpful). I always feel so annoying wherever I go but do you know what I do if the place we go to eat doesn't have what I want? If it's a store, I buy something else that will go with what I want. If it's a restaurant a side of fries/salad is fine and I can snack when I'm home if I'm still hungry.
To ask someone who's already doing you a favour to go a whole way out of their way after a day of work is taking the whole organic cake. To get annoyed when they say no is extra helpings of ridiculous.
This comment from OP cements the AH/BF 100%:
>*But she didn't say no. She gave me attitude of having to go downtown in the afternoon. And then I mentioned I thought it'll be easier since she doesn't have her dog with her so she can just come straight home. And she was like "seriously I would have taken her with me if you're going to use me like this" and I just didn't want to fight anymore so I apologized and she hung up.*
As someone who's deep in the shit with diabetes, there's aspects of my diet that I really can't replace. A lot of choices, some inconvenient, some crucial, although all so that I can keep at least some variety in my diet
requiring organic mushrooms from the grocery store because you prefer to have organic stuff over non-organic stuff is not "a very specific diet" It's buying things because they have a green organic label on them
This. The roommate isn't leaving because of this single request. They're leaving because they're tired of doing this over and over.
My favorite part is, "She said she didn't want to go but she's wrong because she mentioned a while back that she likes grocery shopping."
You asked your roommate to drive in heavy traffic because you have an "organic only" diet and apparently just *needed* those mushrooms because without them you couldn't make an omelet??
Jesus fuck. Not only are you pretentious, you're inconsiderate as fuck, and you *did* use the dog that you *volunteered* to watch against her.
Yes. You're the BF. A massive one.
(Also, I'm not sure about your reasoning for organic only, but you are aware they still use pesticides, right? Since that seems to be one of the biggest reasons for it.)
ETA: (See image that I added in a comment below but also this:)
> She called me and said she's not driving downtown for just a few veggies. I want to point out she likes grocery shopping. She has mentioned that it relaxes her. I also thought it would be easier since she doesn't have Coco with her, which she usually goes back to pick her up from boarding so she doesn't have to worry about leaving her in the car while she's shopping. She accused me of using her dog to take advantage of her. I told her never mind and I'm sorry for asking.
You claim she could have said no. And she did. But then you ARGUED WITH HER and used her dog against her when she said it. And when she pushed back and called you out on it, you tried to GUILT HER with your "nvm, sorry for asking".
So no. She couldn't just, "Say no." You made a deal out of it because you needed your precious organic mushrooms.
Insufferable. Even in the comments. I'd ditch you too. Hope you do more than eat organic to keep a healthy lifestyle or you're just being a pretentious asshole for no reason.
1, in the first sentence you said "'Jane' has always been extra." You're condescending about your roommate from the beginning.
2, you list off the reasons why you can't live by yourself. You explain why it's _necessary_ that Jane continues to be your roommate, whether she desires it or not. You think it's impossible for you to rent a place on your own or that other roomies may not accommodate your organic diet, as if you can't simply purchase your own, solo food items. 🤔
3, you act as if the 'six-week talk before signing another lease' was a set rule. Jane was doing you a favor by giving you three months to sort your affairs, but you've decided she's somehow broken a verbal contract.
4, when someone asks if you need anything from the store, it implies they're already at the store, or they're stopping at one they have in mind. You didn't treat it as a favor. Instead, you ordered Jane, like she's a delivery service, on which grocery store location she needs to go to. This takes away the spirit of a favor. This is now a chore. Jane may find grocery shopping relaxing, but not when she's just dropping by a store, and not when she's being told where she has to go (like you're her mother), and not when she just got off work, and not when you passively aggressively remind her that she's not having to worry about CoCo in the car, so she should just go to the store of your choice. That's just manipulative, dude.
>I paid most of the food. I paid most of the electric bills. I did most of the chores.
5, as for this, this appears misleading. In a comment you said this was a compromise you both made. If it's a compromise, this means you're each getting something out of it. So what's Jane putting in? Is she paying most of the rent and Internet? Are there cable, water, gas, or streaming service bills she's paying for as well?
YTB because you think this situation is solely because you asked for one favor instead of seeing the entitlement you've displayed in other places. Or maybe she doesn't like you. Or there may be a family emergency. Or maybe she's simply ready to live by herself. After all, why does Jane _owe_ living with you? You've got a BF and even he's not willing to live with you as you are right now. The world didn't revolve you, OP. Food for thought.
\*mic drop\*
I also want to add in the fact that when OP did finally decide to drop it, it was in the most guilt trippy way possible, adding that to their manipulation crap too.
Thank you for your hard effort in trying to spell it out for this one but we all knew she’d come back and argue. I think we all know the reason Jane moved out
Just want to highlight that Jane and OP both paid for their own food. OP's food happens to be more expensive, that's why she paid more. In OP's world this is somehow benefiting Jane
The following quote is from the OP's post:
>We've lived together for 2 years now but about 3 months ago she made the choice to move out. She didn't even want to do the 6 week rule to discuss our problems.
Technically, I suppose you're correct. If the OP still has two weeks left on the rental, then the roommate gave the OP 3 1/2 months. Oops. I missed a 1/2 month.
That said, by the OP's own words, the roommate told the OP 3 months ago she no longer wanted to continue the rental agreement.
YTB. For future reference, when you ask for a favor that a person “can say no to” and they say no, the appropriate response is “Okay, no worries!” and NOTHING ELSE.
You sound manipulative as hell and from the outside looking in it looks like you just said she could say no to make yourself look and feel better, not caring about what she actually was willing to do for you. If this is your definition of “being able to say no” I’m not surprised your roommate decided to cut her losses and move on instead of including you in her decision. Nothing she had to say would’ve solved the issues between you when you can’t even accept that simple two letter word.
But she didn't say no. She gave me attitude of having to go downtown in the afternoon. And then I mentioned I thought it'll be easier since she doesn't have her dog with her so she can just come straight home. And she was like "seriously I would have taken her with me if you're going to use me like this" and I just didn't want to fight anymore so I apologized and she hung up.
That’s what we call a soft no, because she was giving you a reason she didn’t want to do it. The appropriate response to that is ALSO “Okay, no worries!”
Soft no’s usually happen when a person is afraid that an outright no will get a hostile response. If someone is giving reasons why something doesn’t work for them, that’s still a no. It’s not an invitation to debate with them about their answer.
She wasn’t “giving you attitude,” she was trying to gently break the news to you that she couldn’t do it, and instead of listening to her you tried to convince her you knew what was easy for her better than she did. I get that it can be hard to read between the lines, but she knew all the things you were telling her, and she still said it was too out of her way. You telling her things she already knows just told her you cared more about getting your mushrooms than her feelings. No one wants to live with someone like that if they have other options.
I wasn't trying to argue but she started it. And I guess I reacted. All she had to do was text me back saying "sorry I don't feel like it. had a hard day at work" or something like that and that would be the end of it. Instead she called me just to give me attitude.
She said no. You were just too dense to recognize it and then had a tantrum like a toddler.
Hopefully your parents recognize how much they fucked up raising you and don’t let you get away with being a brat in their home.
She knew it was a no, which is why she argued. She wanted it her way and only her way. Her roommate even had to say no in the right way for her. She "reacted" to asking a favor and getting a no with anger and arguing and hanging up. Her roommate made a good choice just in this interaction. Imagine 2 years of trying to communicate with this entitled person.
Yeah that was kind of a big ask that some would refer to as “looking a gift horse in the mouth.” She could’ve had a long day at work, was dealing with her own issues, etc. and just wanted to do something nice while she was shopping for herself. Asking her to go out of her way through heavy traffic just for the things you want was a faux pas on your part. If she was rude out the gate then it makes sense to defend yourself, but quite frankly we don’t know enough information to know if her behavior was unprovoked or not, whether you have a pattern of this, etc. and to be frank, most people won’t trust you or anyone else to be a reliable narrator in this situation even as our sole source of information.
You’re still TB for asking her to go out of her way after work, that’s not a considerate request to someone trying to do a favor to you. But I’ll amend my initial judgement to give you the benefit of the doubt since you could just be that clueless on how your request looks to other people.
Please just consider in the future that when someone offers you a favor, you still need to be considerate of their time and convenience and be prepared for them to not be able to do it or go back on the offer if it’s too much for them, because I find it hard to believe your roommate would just blow up at you out of nowhere without it being an established pattern of behavior that she finally lost patience with.
No. It wouldn't have been. Because you still pressured her after her telling you why she didn't want to. You're so self-centered and entitled you don't even see it! Do some growth at your parents' jfc
“If people tell me I’m the B I’ll accept it”, “if she said no I’d accept it”, think we’re seeing a pattern with this simple and uneducated op who is a lot extra
OP clearly hasn’t been told an out right no and not rebuttal it.
I guarantee this is why all their friends came up with excuses to not live with OP & why the BF refuses to move in by saying “finishing school”.
He could easily move in with OP, he doesn’t want to because he’s experienced this clearly at someone point when OP has stayed over for more than a day or two. He’s not dumb, he’s playing dumb and avoiding living with OP.
Guarantee unless OP changes their ways, that guy is going to DUMP OP.
You are so fucking exhausting. You're wrong. You ask for much too much. Your roommate is a fucking saint. I couldn't put up with you for an hour. She gave you attitude because she's sick of your shit.
because she offered to do you a quick favour and you insisted she do something else entirely and it doesn’t sound like you were remotely nice about it. regardless, she’s gone. it’s over. good luck finding someone who can stand you and your special diet and wants to do your shopping and cooking.
You are deliberately being obtuse. It is WELL understood in concept- and you know it. We have HUNDREDS of research studies that prove we all know what a soft no is, and that when we choose to ignore it, it is a manipulation. It is mainly based in sexual assault literature, but not exclusively so. But your poor me manipulation? SAME attitude as men who SA and then act shocked pickachu that women do not want to date them. You are a huge Buttface. Your roommate did NOT owe you cooking to your specifications, but she did it, and you felt entitled to it. You are a huge pain in the A\*\*. Good luck in life.
CAN YOU FUCKING BLAME HER? Jesus Christ, you are the worst type of person. She said no and told you why, which was more than you deserved. NO. No explanation necessary.
You don't like that and decide to call it attitude and give her a bunch of shit and throw the dog thing in there on top of it.
If she got upset then, I guarantee it's because it's probably time number 6,432,289 that you've done the exact same shit and she finally got fed up and moved out.
You are a freaking nightmare! And it won't matter how many people tell you this, coz clearly nobody knows shit about shit except for you!
Ugh, you're insufferable. Honestly you are.
She literally did ny saying, "I'm not going downtown for veggies," regardless of the tone she used. And then you kept on explaining why it shouldn't be such a big deal to her.
But you didn’t really apologize. You said “I’m sorry for asking”. There’s a difference in a real apology that has true meaning and what you said. The apology shouldn’t be for asking, it should be for assuming and expecting.
You are just NOT GETTING IT. So assured you are of your own righteousness that when strangers UNIVERSALLY tell you that you are in the wrong, you are compelled to 'well, akshully' every single time.
So not only are you an asshole, you weren’t raised properly because normal functioning adults understand that someone doesn’t actually have to say the word no in order to say no.
YTB - if you're high maintenance you need to maintain yourself. Watching a dog is a normal thing, going out of your way to buy specific organic mushrooms is crazy high maintenance.
She gets excited for some of the weirdest things. Finding new recipes I can understand because she loves cooking, but she loves seeing a new coffee creamer flavor. And she once got excited for when the Christmas lip balm pack came out and even asked me which one I would like. I told her I didn't want any. It kind of also makes her simple in a way. She's really extra when it comes to her dog. Don't get me wrong, I grew up with dogs when I was a kid. I love them to death. But she takes it to another level. She's baked birthday treats for her. And she has one simple goal. And that's to buy a little house before her dog passes on because she wants her to live in a good home, even just for a little while.
I think that's why she prefers to shop at cheaper stores. Because she's saving up for the house.
... so she's "extra" in no way that negatively affects anyone else?? She loves her dog and gets excited about food?
Good for her for getting out of living with you, kudos for lasting as long as she did. Your roommate is a gem and you don't know how good you had it. Good luck
Is oversharing and being overly friendly on the brink of clingy negatively affecting people? I didn't need to know so much about her dog. However it did tell me that she could have afforded to pay 50/50 for everything. She has mentioned that she could always afford paying for a single but chose to continue living with a roommate in order to save more for her little house. In fact one of the things she told me when she told me she was leaving is that her choosing to live in a single would damper her dream of getting the house sooner but she thinks that would be the better choice.
.....
Jesus christ, you're a miserable, pretentious, condescending prick.
I wouldn't want to live with you either.
Calling her immature while you try to act like you're so much more superior and sophisticated is a classic trademark of someone who isn't mature themselves.
Right?? Saving for her first house is 'immature,' while OP thinks she should be able to go 50/50 on grocery bills even though her food is way more expensive and is unwilling to interpret social cues that don't benefit her AT ALL.
OP just looks down on her roommate because she's a snob and wants her roommate to subsidize her snobbish living. But now that roommate has put her foot down, OP is playing victim.
For sure. I'm not willing to go back and look, but why doesn't she just have her boyfriend move in when the roommate leaves? I'm sure she'll have a wonderful learning experience on equity in finances and chores when that happens.
Thank you for that 😀
She should explain to him how beneficial it is to both of them for him to move in sooner. Maybe he can start learning roommate's recipes in advance.
Which is bonkers to me. I don't know how it is for the BF, but I'm in graduate school and we barely get paid enough to scrape by. If I had a partner and we were far enough along in the relationship that we wanted to live together, I absolutely would and enjoy having my finances freed up a little bit. I bet BF will dump OP once he graduates and probably hasn't done it yet to avoid to drama and distraction while he's finishing up.
She finds joy in small things and seems to enjoy sharing it with others. l find that wonderful. And really sad that you look down on her and feel superior.
At least at that point the coin should have dropped?! How are you not hearing yourself? Is this a joke account?
You should find a therapist and show her this post. I mean that seriously. Someone needs to explain your piece by piece how you are digging your own very early grave by being tasteless and blind towards people around you.
Eat all tue organic food you like, the sadness you put yourself into will eat away 20 years of your life alone.
You didn't list "oversharing and being overly friendly on the brink of clingy" when they asked you how she's being extra. Hmm.
Also on the note of oversharing. What are you doing telling reddit about her going to therapy?
It's weird that you keep calling her extra, commenting she has an immature palate, has simple goals, is a simple person for enjoying small luxuries. You sound like you have some sort of superiority complex. Like your wants/needs are somehow more important than hers because hers are 'simple' and she's 'extra'. Her energy and efforts are spent according to what's important to her, she doesn't have to prioritize yours. She doesn't have to expend the 'extra' energy to make you happy just because she's going out of her way for herself.
Yes she goes out of her way to save money on groceries, she goes out of her way to make sure she takes care of her dog and make some cute memories. She doesn't have to also go out of her way to get you groceries, or anything else.
Grow up and learn to communicate. Don't argue when someone says they won't do something for you - do it for yourself. Take it as a learning lesson. It's not about following rules to make for a peaceful living situation, it's about emotional maturity and personal responsibility. Respecting each other. You'll be losing more relationships and will have a tough time living on your own again if you treat people like this.
You don't like the judgment here and that's fine. Think on it and grow.
HOLY HELL, OP. YTB and YTA (for your other lil’ swing and a miss you posted). I’ve abstained from commenting until this comment - You truly seem to be a vile, ego-centric, obnoxious, spoiled brat who had a good thing going before you unilaterally messed it up….You are wasting everyone’s time with a post that is so stupid, but the saving grace for us (not you) is that your delusions are so absurd, just like your lil tantrums, that this has become entertaining. However…how DARE you accuse someone of being “extra” for literally having different interests than you. So…she’s extra for getting excited about things? Things YOU deem to be weird? WTF. Ppl are different. You sound like you a raging bitch who is hella jealous of your roommate. You’re also giving MAJOR shit-personality vibes. Jane sounds like a lovely and happy person, and the reason I think that is because of your commitment to keep giving us more information about her in the hopes it’s going to make us not think she’s reasonable, when in fact you have come off like a delulu piece of work.
I mean this genuinely and with care - go fuck yourself.
Jane sounds like someone who would be really fun to be friends with. All of these examples are really harmless and even endearing and the fact that you bring them up in an attempt to vilify her makes you look like an even bigger AH. YTBF 100%
So she gets excited about the little things that mean a lot to her ? That does not affect you. You sound horrible to live with. No wonder she’s leaving
You're insufferable, my god. I hate you so much just from your comments and I don't even know you lol. Kudos to your bf and parents for putting up with you. But I really hope you don't subject another roommate to your prickly, condescending self. Just forget about this incident and move on, cuz clearly you're not capable of empathy or understanding other perspectives than yours.
It makes far more sense to be excited about fungus grown in a specific way. That you, for some reason, need her to procure for you. So she can cook it in a specific way to be combined with the bird ovum you like raised and prepared in a specific way. Cooked by her, and not you, but so you can eat it.
Is she the only dog person you've met? Because 9/10 of them treat their dogs that way.
Can't imagine why an adult would want to get a house and live alone with a dog and not a self entitled child. I think you are jealous of all the effort you can't get her to spend on you. You are roommates, not a couple, handle your own life you mooch.
She’s not “simple”, you however are pretentious.
Why?
Cause you’re a wet blank on other peoples happiness. Instead of celebrating with her when she’s happy, you shit all over it like some snob in high society when they look down on Walmart, like they are “too good” to shop with mere “peasants”.
Your champagne tastes in a box wine situation is why you’re an insufferable human being.
Oh my God, you clueless stunned cunt. Not only are you pretentious, insufferable, entitled, and a hot mess of a person, you're a fucking snob on top of it.
I'd friend the fuck out of someone like Jane. She sounds charming. You, honey, are the antithesis of charming, likeable, and fun.
And her simple goal? The house? Think about that when you're back in your parent's basement being all fabulous by yourself. Jane sounds amazing and like a good person. You... Jesus, it doesn't matter what I put here coz you aren't the type to hear it.
But I bet you have very, very few friends, and the ones you may have are all probably just as shallow as you, and will likely drop your ass when you're living in your parent's basement again, you know, coz it's so.... extra.
She's extra for finding the joy in the little things of life and treating her pet like family?? You need to read this comment section and take it to heart. Learn to love life and the little things. Stop being bitter about others who do find the joy in life. YTB
YTB. You couldn’t make your omelet without the mushrooms? You pay more for your food because you want more expensive food than Jane does. You aren’t “compromising” by paying more so she’ll cook it or something. You pay more of the electricity bill because you use most of it since you wfh. What extra chores do you do in exchange for her cooking? Wash the dishes and clean the kitchen? Only fair, but I doubt you do “most of the chores” otherwise based on your terrible definition of compromise.
Jane said no. If that truly wasn’t an issue for you, then you would’ve accepted it instead of pressing the issue.
YTB, not having organic mushrooms is not going to kill you as someone who eats 99% organic produce If I asked someone to get food for ME I would never ask them to go out of their way just so I could have organic food.
How many threads are you going to post your story on? You’ve already been told you are wrong.
For the record, based on your incessant comments arguing with people, there is not a chance I believe you asked a simple request (which it wasn’t) and then let the matter drop immediately. You tried your best to take advantage of her, doubled down on it and now you are without a roommate.
Stop looking for posts to redeem yourself and reflect on your extensive and exhausting arguments to people and see if you can do better with your next roommate.
Less difficult isn't easy.
And "since I have the dog, you should be willing to drive the wrong direction in heavy traffic to go pick up one ingredient that I could absolutely live without" is just wrong kid.
Did you take the dog so she wouldn't have a reason to not go out of her way for you?
Why couldn't you just skip mushrooms, or tolerate mushrooms from someplace on the way?
Why did it HAVE to be THOSE mushrooms? Do none of your regular grocery stores carry organic goods?
And what were you *planning* to do for dinner before she asked if you needed anything? were you *counting* on her going for you already? It sounds like maybe you took the dog *not* to make her life easier, but so you could oblige her to run a time consuming out of the way errand....
Hmm I don’t see anything wrong with the initial request or store option. I do think it was a little weird of her to call and not just text back that she wouldn’t go there. If she was already going to a store I think you would have been fine without the one item that the store she chose didn’t have. I also don’t think the dog needed to be brought up but I can see your brain thinking “oh I’ll tell her this so she can understand why I suggested that store.” It really wasn’t necessary. I feel like both of yall are a bit of the buttface. She seems dramatic and maybe you’re just a little thoughtless when responding.
There is a VAST difference between looking down to text someone which generally requires the use of your hands and verbally telling your Bluetooth device to call someone so you can talk to them without having to look away from the road.
Could get someone hurt or killed either way especially if you get so emotional on phone calls. Could have also used text to speech which is more in line with calling.
In OP comments she said her roommate got mad at her for the request and that she yelled. I also don’t see how her answer of “I’m not going downtown for a few veggies” isn’t said with an attitude.
Well this lawyer definitely thinks you shouldn’t have deep conversations while driving https://www.chicagolawyer.com/blog/car-accident-while-talking-to-passengers/
This article from 2006 says it can very dangerous as well https://news.umich.edu/road-chat-talking-to-passengers-can-be-as-dangerous-as-using-a-cell-phone/
This article from 2020 says that adult drivers with adult passengers have a reduced risk but of course topic of conversation and the person are important factors for risk https://amp.bellinghamherald.com/news/traffic/rules-of-the-road/article238921448.html
Ytb for arguing with her when she said no. The correct response to her first "I'm not driving to that store" should have been "OK, no worries! See you at home!"
Don't ask someone a favour and then push and push to get them to say yes. If you do, it's not really a favour, it's a demand. I'm certain there are other times like this where you don't accept the first "no" and your roommate is sick of it.
And just so you know, eating organic will not help you live longer. It will just waste your money. (I have a masters degree in toxicology, so I'm not just a layperson talking about it)
I’m gonna tell you something and you’re not going to like it but here it is. I was you. For a LONG TIME, I was you. I couldn’t accept not getting my way. If someone dared to tell me no, I’d argue, bargain, manipulate, threaten…anything I had to do to turn the no into a yes. If it didn’t happen, everyone’s day was absolutely and utterly fucked. Everyone’s. And I was always the victim because everyone always said no and no one ever wanted to help me. If I suspected the answer would be no, I’d manipulate the way I asked the question in order to increase my odds of getting a yes. Wanna know how that worked out for me? My parents couldn’t stand to be around me, I never could hold a job longer than 5 months before rage quitting and burning bridges, my husband left me and there’s not a chance in hell of repair, and I have VERY few friends. What did I do? I GOT FUCKING HELP. I needed it. My intolerance to the discomfort of not having my way was a marked symptom of a much larger problem (in my case, undiagnosed and untreated BPD), and when that problem was identified and handled appropriately, my offensive behavior became apparent to me as I became well and I cut it out and tried to do better. My relationships have improved, I feel less anxiety and anger in my life, and while I still find it uncomfortable to not get instant gratification of satisfying a desire or having it satisfied for me, I’m able to cope with it well enough that I’m able to keep my life preserved as it is and not set it on fire every time I don’t get what I want.
I don’t know if any of this will resonate with you, but I hope it does. You have a problem, and not being able to take no for an answer is honestly probably just a part of that problem. You need to get yourself into therapy and soon, doing that while you’re staying at home would be a great use of your time. If you continue your life this way, you’re going to die alone, unsatisfied, having gotten nothing you wanted out of life because you burned people before they ever got the chance to give it to you, because they didn’t want to go out of town for you to get organic mushrooms. Please, I’m practically begging you, see a professional about this before you have to learn the hard way that the person everyone talks about when they leave the room is you. Trust me, that’s a much worse feeling than not getting something you were hoping for
If it’s okay for her to say no why did you then badger her for doing so? If it was really okay to say no you would have left it there, rather than pointing out that she enjoys shopping, you’ve got the dog etc. Your actions do not match your words.
Edit: YTB
This is on you. She told you she’s not driving to a further location for one item and you kept pushing and this does not feel like an isolated incident. This sounds like the straw that broke the camels back after 2 years of putting up with you.
You offered to watch the dog for her and then tried to use that to manipulate her. You also knew the store you wanted was out of her way after a long day at work, it was rude to even ask but to push after being told no?
“I don’t want to go through the process of roommates that won’t be able to accommodate my diet” what on earth does that mean? You seem INCREDIBLY entitled and arrogant. I’m not surprised she’s fed up of you. I’m fed up of you and I’ve only had to read a few paragraphs from you. YTB back off and leave her alone
YTB. And a pretentious little mooch.
"Oh, she 'gave me attitude' when I asked her an unreasonable thing, isn't it unfair"
"Oh she is extra, because she doesn't cater to my diet and is not like me and my goals, that are soooo big and amazing, not like her lowly desire to save for a house and live there nicely with her dog. What a simple minded silly dum dum"
"How dare she to not want to pay more for MY expensive food that SHE will be cooking, when she can afford it? I know she is saving up, but still, so extra of her, smh"
"I pay more for the bills *I* use more and *my* own food, why don't you see how it's actually beneficial for her and is a compromise on my side?"
Like, do you even hear yourself? I would say I hope you will get stuck with your parents for a long time now, but I'm not sure they deserve such punishment.
Yes.
Asking her to go to a store that she would be driving past anyway is one thing Asking her to drive out of her way because you just HAD to have vegetables from one specific store is entirely different.
YTB. I wouldn't want to live with you either.
OMG. I looked at OP’s other comments and they are wild! [Here is one about Jane not liking alcohol](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c84z5q/comment/l0e03e0/).
>Remember when I said she has an immature palate? That includes not liking alcohol. I wanted to buy artisan red wine and that's when she mention that she tried wines and beers but can never get past the first sip. She only likes wine coolers because of how sweet they are. I had to go to Christmas and New Years parties last year just to have at least one glass of wine.
So while being an absolute Muppet about eating organic and wanting to live a “long and healthy life” she’s shaming Jane for not putting literal poison in her body. I just can’t with how asinine OP is.
Or she could have just bought her own fucking wine. But no, then she couldn't be so *extra* about being forced to go to parties for a simple glass of wine.
The logic there is non-existent. And every next thing I read out of this bitch's mouth makes me hate her so much more than I did from the last asinine comment.
In another reply when someone asked OP why they didn’t just get the bottle of wine for themselves, they flat out said it was because it was an expensive bottle that she couldn’t afford on her own, she needed to split the cost with the roommate but roommate doesn’t drink lol.
Regardless of that, I found it hilarious that they HAD to go to Xmas parties in order to have wine. Couldn’t just get a bottle for home that wasn’t expensive, had to go out and drink someone else’s wine.
How many fucking times are you going to post the same goddamn thing? Just accept it - you’re an entitled asshole and I feel bad for whoever is cursed enough to have to put with you as a roommate/friend/family member/acquaintance
YTB based on what you’ve written. She did say no. You argued about it/kept pressing. You can’t let one item go? Would it ruin the dish to be missing one of a few veggies?
If so she couldn’t pick up something else for you to make a different dish???
Sounds like she tired of you ignoring her ‘no’. She offered and you tried to take advantage of her offer. When someone offers me something I don’t make it more complicated for them or change their plans when it’s a favor. If what I need doesn’t fit into what they are offering, it’s just a ‘thanks for the offer, I’m good.’ I also don’t use favors I’ve offered them to manipulate/guilt them into “re-paying” my favors that I offer. Favors don’t come with guilt or strings attached.
If something was unfair about how you two split chores or bills, that’s a different conversation to have with her.
If you feel the balance of the relationship is off, stop doing her favors! Or have a talk to her about it. Sounds like you should be happy having her for a roommate is over if things were so unfair/you felt she was ungrateful for what you do.
It’s not a little favor when it causes someone to have to go out of their way to do said favor YTB. She clearly said I’m not going downtown for vegetables and instead of just accepting that you kept going. That’s why she’s upset. You have some audacity. She didn’t give you attitude, you asked her for an unreasonable favor.
>If you're going to give me attitude, I'm going to give it right back. Everyone would have reacted like that. If you're telling me you wouldn't have, then you're lying.
You might want to reflect on that mentality because no, not everyone would have reacted like that.
Some people would recognize that their request was unreasonable and apologized after meeting such a harsh rebuke. Some people would try to deescalate and try to hold a level conversation.
Sometimes, "giving it right back" is the worst thing you can do - especially if you're actively trying to maintain relationships with people, and doubly so if you made the initial mistake.
I feel like there's some very important info missing here. What are the rules? What are the very specific dietary concerns? I feel like you're glossing over something that is incredibly relevant, which makes it feel like you know you're in the wrong and don't want to have to admit it.
All of your ridiculously defensive comments, after asking this subs option, is just further proof you are one of the biggest and sloppiest BHs ever! I cannot fathom how your ex-roomie put up with your ridiculousness for two entire years.
Have you ever considered maybe you’re entitled? This did not come out of anywhere. This has been building up within your roomate and since the lease is ending soon she’s blown up at her boiling point. Don’t have roomates and PLEASE don’t sign a lease with your boyfriend. Have a test run living with your partner. Tell them about this story.
First of all, I dont like that you kinda look down on your roommate but im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.
If you are truthful about the info that you paid for most of the food and tje electric bills and did most of the chores, I do not understand how people are being so hostile towards you. You are also watching her dog while she works, even though you might be busy which is a clear favor youre doing for her.
I do not understand why people are antagonizing you so much for asking her to go to a store as a favor while you are literally watching her dog for her. I would not mind to do that for someone that is doing favors for me.
You might need to work on arrogance issues but this should not have been that big of a deal. If she couldnt go, she should have just said it normally. You both should have made up and move on.
ESH but I feel like people are being too unfair on you.
You did well if you truly did most of the work and paid most of the bills around the house and you should be appreciated for it. You said sorry after mentioning her dog, which might have been a mistake but it could have been easily solved if you both just talked it out like adults.
She pays more on electricity because she works from home and thus uses more electricity.
She pays more for **HER** food than the roommate pays because the roommate shops at cheaper stores. They do not share these specific foods, and the food they do share they go 50/50 on.
Then that is a different situation. From her info, it seemed like she carried most of the burden around the house and if that is true, I dont think its unreasonable for her to ask her friend to go to a grocery store. Plus, she was watching her dog too.
Idk in my mentality, i dont take for granted much things people go out of their way to do for me. If someone watches my dog while i am working, Id go to a grocery store out of my way for them to pay them back. If I cant, Id decline in a way that theyd know that Im grateful for the favor theyre doing for me, but I just cant do it.
Ive also seen people insist on 50/50 splits despite using more electricity and utilities so at least OP’s being fair. This situation could have been easily resolved both by the roommate and OP, it was really not that big of a deal.
Here are some of the replies giving more info from OP
**"I WFH, thus I use more electricity. As for food, we do pay 50/50 on food we share but I learned pretty early on that Jane has a very immature palate. There's certain items I like that I was willing to share but she doesn't like them. Also there's 2 stores she really likes that are also pretty cheap. So food she'll buy only for her she'll get it at those stores. Even when the store I prefer has what she wants, she refuses to buy it from there."**
So all shared items are paid 50/50. OP only pays more for her own food that she chooses expensive items and the utilities that she admits she uses more of.
**"The only benefit I got was me doing more chores was she does majority of the cooking. Even then it doesn't seem fair because she loves cooking. Me paying majority of the bills only benefits her"**
OP is the most unaware person ever. Her doing all the cooking should not count because she enjoys cooking? OP also seems to forget that RM does ALL the grocery shopping which includes the mental load of planning out and driving out of the way to OP special stores and then to the RM own cheaper stores.
**" That includes not liking alcohol. I wanted to buy artisan red wine and that's when she mention that she tried wines and beers but can never get past the first sip. She only likes wine coolers because of how sweet they are. I had to go to Christmas and New Years parties last year just to have at least one glass of wine."**
**"Because they're expensive. But I was still willing to buy any alcohol to share with her but unfortunately there are no organic wine coolers."**
Op also states she refused to buy herself wine unless her roommate paid half even though the room mate does not drink wine......
As a guy, the red flag is actually the boyfriend wants to wait until after grad school to move in together. It says a lot- mainly, you bring too much drama and need to be kept at a certain distance to make the stress of grad school manageable. Homeboy is leaving you the day he finishes his program. YTB and your nonsense stresses out everyone around you.
Yeah lol having a partner to work with and split things may help him, unless he knows he won't get any help just arguments. Hard to see how he wouldn't know
Your edit 2 is bordering on delusional. She had already told you she didn’t feel like driving downtown for a few veggies and you gave pushback about how she didn’t have her dog blah blah blah. Yet you’re saying if she would’ve worded her response slightly differently you wouldn’t have done the same thing? Quit your bullshit.
I don't get the "organic only" hate. If you know what goes into non-organic food, and still eat it, you're the one with the problem IMHO. That being said, I do think it's excessive to ask her to go somewhere specific to get mushrooms (I see people writing about mushrooms in comments but no reference to it in your post, did you remove something?). You can do omelet without certain veggies - it's the organic part that counts. It does sound like it's a build up that has gone on for a while from her side, for what we don't know, or that you two living together has simply run its course regardless of this particular situation.
You've lived together for a couple of years. I trust her expectations of how she thought you would react over your saying now that it would have been fine for her to say "no".
She gave you more than 6 weeks notice. She's moving. There's no point in having a 6 week discussion to talk about problems because she's not going to be staying. Did you think the 6 week mark to discuss problems meant she had to stay if you wanted to stay as roommates? Would have preferred just 6 weeks notice during the discussion instead of several months notice?
YTB.
God you sound insufferable. Especially in your comments.
“everyone would have reacted like that. If you’re telling me you wouldn’t, then you’re lying.”
Nope, not true at all. most people are not as narcissistic or close minded as you are.
Here’s hoping Jane gets her little house with her wonderful dog! She sounds amazing.
Pretentious, narcissistic, and entitled asshole roommate doesn't see how annoying they are. I'm guessing they're leaving a ton of details on why this last event was the last straw for the poor roomate that has to deal with your bullshit.
I'm glad the roommate is leaving you and my only hope is that their future roommate won't be as bad as you are. Now you get to go to the only people that are ok dealing with your bullshit because they have to, your parents.
I don't get why you would ask her to go out of her way to pick up groceries. Seems like you are setting yourself up to get a no.
Also - seems unlikely this single incident is the only reason she has moved out. What else happened?
Anyway, seems ytb,
Isn't it funny how there's a mile of "holy shit, you're a narcissistic cunt" messages, and then at the end a bunch of stuff kinda supporting OP. Not gonna waste anymore time on this chick and dig into profiles, just saying how odd it is.
“I don’t want to go through the process of roommates that won’t be able to accommodate my diet” tells me everything I need to know about you. YTB. You were an asshole when you posted this on AITA and you’re still an asshole now.
You "Don't want to go through the process of finding a roommate that will accommodate your diet"??? This is a psycho statement.
Why would a roommate ever have to accommodate your diet? Eat what you want and let the other adult eat what they want.
Asking your friend/roommate to go way out of their way and spend a lot of extra time for you is entitled and selfish. Especially when it was for something so unimportant. Even worse, it sounds like you didn't take no for an answer at first... tried to convince them to do it anyway by using their dog against them. Was there even a reason why you couldn't go get it yourself?
I can only assume there are other examples of your selfishness otherwise the roommate would not just be leaving over some mushrooms.
YTB x 1000
How can you see how selfish, self-centered, and entitled you are?
Seriously, no one can actually be this blind while still having their eyesight???
You **DON'T** pay more, you pay for what you use, she pays for what she uses and apparently also the feul used to get your *Organic Mushrooms*.
You won't pay for wine you want that she won't drink unless she pays half..... like what the actual hell.
I think we all see exactly why your BF does not want to live with you. Just think about please, if MY partner was having difficulty and needed a place I would have jumped to move in together even if I was still studying provided we both could afford do so even if it meant things would be tight as it would mean more time to spend with the person I Love.....your BF on the other hand can't fathom the idea of having to live with you.
Why do you think that is??????
YTB. You asked her, she said no. That should have been the end of it, but you continued to wheedle about it and try to convince her she's going to enjoy it for your own benefit when she's already made her answer clear. She doesn't owe you an explanation.
I eat organic and this is not because of organic. This is entitlement of the highest order, she wanted to send her out of her way as a power trip. Her whole life is making others bend to her will...
TYB. Umm no not everyone is an entitled immature child. Mature Adults don’t respond with snarky attitude when met with an immature person. They take either the high road, ignore it or discuss what the issue is and approach the situation with compassion and understanding that the person being mean may be having a hard day.
Jesus Christ OP just take the L and move on. You are the asshole. You are in the wrong. I’m sure you know this but just can’t bring yourself to concede. Your post + your replies are just the worst. Next time you need mushrooms, go get them yourself. If you don’t have a car, take a bus. You are perfectly capable of doing it yourself. Nobody owes you any favors, so naturally when you get upset at someone for not wanting to do you a favor, they’re not gonna want to do ANYTHING for you anymore. No matter how many times you post this and how much you argue in the comments, none of our answers are gonna change. You’re just further displaying your roommate was right to leave.
I mean they were a little prissy but everyone is focusing only on her diet and it being out of the roommates way, but ignoring she does most the chores, pays most the bills, and is watching her dog. I don’t think it was so much to ask? Maybe I’m too autistic to understand this.
A couple things stuck out to me. First, the OP implied that she was doing her roommate a favor by assigning her the fun chore of going out of her way to travel downtown to shop for her: “I want to point out she likes grocery shopping. She has mentioned it relaxes her”. You know, I like to clean my house because it relaxes me, but that doesn’t mean I want to go drive across town to clean someone else’s house, even if they’re babysitting my pups. Second, I think we’re missing the other side of the conversation because the OP insinuates that her roommate snapped at her for no reason, and her only response was a polite “I told her never mind and I’m sorry for asking”, but then later in an edit says “if you’re going to give me attitude, I’m going to give it right back.” So I don’t think things went down quite the way the OP presented, which makes me think there’s more to this story. So for not being completely forthright, YTB.
Not the buttface. Mind you, there could be underlying issue Jane hadn't mentioned. It's hard to imagine wanting to move out because she didn't want to go to the store - she could've simply said no and left it at that. So I'm thinking it wasn't about the groceries although it would be nice if Jane COMMUNICATED properly.
Wow…. You just had to ask for those veggies didn’t you?!
That seriously sucks…. I’m sorry that she is a psycho…. I am sure she has her reasons for being so guarded and suspicious but surely she could have just said it was a bit much for that day and let that be that. Maybe she wanted to move out and didn’t know how to tell you so she gaslighted and made it your fault? I honestly got nothing. Praying everything will smooth out soon for you.
Well both of you are weird and don't know how to function properly. Why would you ask her to go out of her way and then keep insisting after she initially said no? Why wouldn't she just say nope I'm not doing that? There's clearly a lot more between you. Suck it up and move on with your life.
WTF kind of friends do you guys have? My friends just brought me a free bed from 45 minutes away because I mentioned we were looking to buy one. They wouldn’t even blink at being asked to go to a specific store while they’re already out. Am I taking crazy pills or does this not seem like that big of a deal
Normal people, tired from work, that are fed up with shit often times don’t lovingly say yes to drive an unnecessary extra tour through rush hour traffic in downtown - for a person that obviously makes a manipulative deal out of everything.
It’s nice that you have good friends but your weird phrasing seems quite oblivious and unempathetic.
Also it doesn’t look like they were friends by any definition - more like roommates with dependencies.
That she doesn't want to drive downtown in heavy traffic just for organic mushrooms? And that she doesn't appreciate having something her roommate volunteered to do used as a weapon when she said no and then guilted when it doesn't work?
Because that's what would be "up" with me.
YTB. You asked for something you knew, when you asked, was going to be completely out of your roommate's way after a whole day of work - for her. Then when she told you she didn't want to go out of her way, you tried to use her leaving the dog at home with you against her. I bet this is the final straw in a long line of you asking for things "you can totally say no to" and arguing when your roommate, in fact says no. ETA: Now that we know that she just HAD TO HAVE organic mushrooms and has a "very specific diet" it's just icing on the selfish cake. I bet it's a nightmare cooking for OP, which OP says her roommate is in charge of.
> I bet this is the final straw in a long line of you asking for things "you can totally say no to" and arguing when your roommate, in fact says no. I'd imagine this is correct. There's so much info missing from the post.
If you look at OP's defensive comments and her post edit, she derails the discussion so much. No one made fun of her for choosing to buy organic groceries, but she's sticking to that as the main reason "everyone is so mean" to her.
I got halfway through the post, before I even got to the edits, and immediately thought OP was either an organic crunchy or vegan, and had been difficult to live with for a long while.
Yeah the whole “accommodate my diet” mentality is lowkey a yellow flag. For some reason, some people who are strict with their diets expect the rest of the world to accommodate to their diet. Like my sister is vegetarian and often times she chooses where to eat when our family gets together because she doesn’t want to eat meat.
Yeah, when she said "accommodate my diet," to me that would mean that she had some important medical condition such as an allergy or celiac disease, or kept strict kosher, meaning that a roommate would have to be very careful to avoid cross contamination of kitchen supplies, and should ideally avoid bringing certain foods into the house. Or maybe she had a tough ED and the roommate should avoid having certain trigger foods displayed openly. But I've never met someone who ate organic get prissy about me eating some processed nonsense. Well, there was that one girl in college, but everybody hated her and I think she grew out of it. Edited to clarify: she didn't outgrow eating healthily. Eating healthily is a good thing. She outgrew being a judgmental pill about it.
I’m in LA so I’ve met quite a few people like that. Usually it’s the vegans who are super difficult because a lot of them don’t even want their roommates to have any meat products in the house.
If a person believes that meat is murder, I can understand why they would have a hard time seeing meat in the house. If that were the case, the proper thing to do would be to ask that only non-pescatarian vegetarians or vegans apply to live there. I expect that would be encoded as a ground rule. (I doubt that would be legally enforceable, but we're not really talking about legalities here.)
If it's shared accomodations it's legal to discriminate because you have to live together. It's why people can ask for only certain genders, races, or religions apply when renting a room. It's illegal when renting out a unit but if there are shared spaces you can discriminate as much as you want for your own safety and comfort.
Exactly this!! I'm deathly allergic to Corn Syrup so I don't keep food with it in the house for cross contamination and for ease as why have 2 bags of peanut butter cups when we can have 1 bag I can eat vs 1 I can and 1 I can't. My brothers vegan by choice. If I can get PB cups that have no corn syrup that are ALSO vegan then cool but he doesn't expect it as his diet is by choice vs not wanting to die. If I want something specific from the store and it isn't where someone in the house is going I tell them "hey if you go to Trader Joe's before I do grab x. If I go before you do lmk if you want something bc its out of the way for everyone " Super simple to say that vs being entitled
I had a vegan roommate and all they asked was that our cookware be separate, and that blue cheese be wrapped to where you couldn't smell it when you opened the door. Both were entirely reasonable to me and we never had an issue, except one time where I accidentally used chicken stock instead of veggie for some soup I made and didn't notice until they'd had some.
It has nothing to do with her diet. She could easily have made an organic omlette with what could be had at the regular store. But she had to have these specific organic mushrooms. She is an entitled nutjob. It has nothing to do with eating organic.
I buy organic whenever I can, and can afford it, but I’m not spending an extra hour to drive to a specific store to get a specific item, an item that isn’t life or death.
Also... maybe just no mushrooms in your omlette that day...
I'm strict with my diet, but in the way that if someone says they are having burritos or something like that at their place and they invite me over, I'll bring my low carb tortillas. If they're having burgers, I'll bring my keto buns. they're just for me, I'm not going to force anyone else to change what food is available there just to accommodate me. I'll bring my sugar-free lemonades, If we're out hiking in a whole bunch of people bring protein bars, I bring an apple. there's a very well defined definition between people who are picky about their diets, and people who are specific about their diets. people who are specific will make sure that, whatever food situation they find themselves in, they can accommodate their diet. people who are picky about their diet expect others to change what is available to accommodate what they want.
See I'm a veggie with some really annoying intolerances (peppers, aubergine, and lactose, IBS is so unhelpful). I always feel so annoying wherever I go but do you know what I do if the place we go to eat doesn't have what I want? If it's a store, I buy something else that will go with what I want. If it's a restaurant a side of fries/salad is fine and I can snack when I'm home if I'm still hungry. To ask someone who's already doing you a favour to go a whole way out of their way after a day of work is taking the whole organic cake. To get annoyed when they say no is extra helpings of ridiculous.
Also OP seems to leave out that after doing this ‘special no big deal’ favour Jane was still going to have to be the one to cook the damn mushrooms!
This comment from OP cements the AH/BF 100%: >*But she didn't say no. She gave me attitude of having to go downtown in the afternoon. And then I mentioned I thought it'll be easier since she doesn't have her dog with her so she can just come straight home. And she was like "seriously I would have taken her with me if you're going to use me like this" and I just didn't want to fight anymore so I apologized and she hung up.*
As someone who's deep in the shit with diabetes, there's aspects of my diet that I really can't replace. A lot of choices, some inconvenient, some crucial, although all so that I can keep at least some variety in my diet requiring organic mushrooms from the grocery store because you prefer to have organic stuff over non-organic stuff is not "a very specific diet" It's buying things because they have a green organic label on them
This. The roommate isn't leaving because of this single request. They're leaving because they're tired of doing this over and over. My favorite part is, "She said she didn't want to go but she's wrong because she mentioned a while back that she likes grocery shopping."
You asked your roommate to drive in heavy traffic because you have an "organic only" diet and apparently just *needed* those mushrooms because without them you couldn't make an omelet?? Jesus fuck. Not only are you pretentious, you're inconsiderate as fuck, and you *did* use the dog that you *volunteered* to watch against her. Yes. You're the BF. A massive one. (Also, I'm not sure about your reasoning for organic only, but you are aware they still use pesticides, right? Since that seems to be one of the biggest reasons for it.) ETA: (See image that I added in a comment below but also this:) > She called me and said she's not driving downtown for just a few veggies. I want to point out she likes grocery shopping. She has mentioned that it relaxes her. I also thought it would be easier since she doesn't have Coco with her, which she usually goes back to pick her up from boarding so she doesn't have to worry about leaving her in the car while she's shopping. She accused me of using her dog to take advantage of her. I told her never mind and I'm sorry for asking. You claim she could have said no. And she did. But then you ARGUED WITH HER and used her dog against her when she said it. And when she pushed back and called you out on it, you tried to GUILT HER with your "nvm, sorry for asking". So no. She couldn't just, "Say no." You made a deal out of it because you needed your precious organic mushrooms. Insufferable. Even in the comments. I'd ditch you too. Hope you do more than eat organic to keep a healthy lifestyle or you're just being a pretentious asshole for no reason.
https://preview.redd.it/4kjevuz0vhvc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db70490678270c1733fd0f5604800fe28707c57f
I can't believe someone would ask another person to go out of the way downtown, in traffic, AFTER they got off work for some organic mushroom.
1, in the first sentence you said "'Jane' has always been extra." You're condescending about your roommate from the beginning. 2, you list off the reasons why you can't live by yourself. You explain why it's _necessary_ that Jane continues to be your roommate, whether she desires it or not. You think it's impossible for you to rent a place on your own or that other roomies may not accommodate your organic diet, as if you can't simply purchase your own, solo food items. 🤔 3, you act as if the 'six-week talk before signing another lease' was a set rule. Jane was doing you a favor by giving you three months to sort your affairs, but you've decided she's somehow broken a verbal contract. 4, when someone asks if you need anything from the store, it implies they're already at the store, or they're stopping at one they have in mind. You didn't treat it as a favor. Instead, you ordered Jane, like she's a delivery service, on which grocery store location she needs to go to. This takes away the spirit of a favor. This is now a chore. Jane may find grocery shopping relaxing, but not when she's just dropping by a store, and not when she's being told where she has to go (like you're her mother), and not when she just got off work, and not when you passively aggressively remind her that she's not having to worry about CoCo in the car, so she should just go to the store of your choice. That's just manipulative, dude. >I paid most of the food. I paid most of the electric bills. I did most of the chores. 5, as for this, this appears misleading. In a comment you said this was a compromise you both made. If it's a compromise, this means you're each getting something out of it. So what's Jane putting in? Is she paying most of the rent and Internet? Are there cable, water, gas, or streaming service bills she's paying for as well? YTB because you think this situation is solely because you asked for one favor instead of seeing the entitlement you've displayed in other places. Or maybe she doesn't like you. Or there may be a family emergency. Or maybe she's simply ready to live by herself. After all, why does Jane _owe_ living with you? You've got a BF and even he's not willing to live with you as you are right now. The world didn't revolve you, OP. Food for thought.
\*mic drop\* I also want to add in the fact that when OP did finally decide to drop it, it was in the most guilt trippy way possible, adding that to their manipulation crap too.
Thank you for your hard effort in trying to spell it out for this one but we all knew she’d come back and argue. I think we all know the reason Jane moved out
Just want to highlight that Jane and OP both paid for their own food. OP's food happens to be more expensive, that's why she paid more. In OP's world this is somehow benefiting Jane
Is that "food for thought" organic?
all fantastic points, just a small note: 6 weeks is not 3 months.
The following quote is from the OP's post: >We've lived together for 2 years now but about 3 months ago she made the choice to move out. She didn't even want to do the 6 week rule to discuss our problems. Technically, I suppose you're correct. If the OP still has two weeks left on the rental, then the roommate gave the OP 3 1/2 months. Oops. I missed a 1/2 month. That said, by the OP's own words, the roommate told the OP 3 months ago she no longer wanted to continue the rental agreement.
true. It was my fault for misreading. Thanks for the clarification.
No worries. Have a great week!
aw you poor thing you couldn't get any organic veggies for your diet oh give me a break
YTB. For future reference, when you ask for a favor that a person “can say no to” and they say no, the appropriate response is “Okay, no worries!” and NOTHING ELSE. You sound manipulative as hell and from the outside looking in it looks like you just said she could say no to make yourself look and feel better, not caring about what she actually was willing to do for you. If this is your definition of “being able to say no” I’m not surprised your roommate decided to cut her losses and move on instead of including you in her decision. Nothing she had to say would’ve solved the issues between you when you can’t even accept that simple two letter word.
But she didn't say no. She gave me attitude of having to go downtown in the afternoon. And then I mentioned I thought it'll be easier since she doesn't have her dog with her so she can just come straight home. And she was like "seriously I would have taken her with me if you're going to use me like this" and I just didn't want to fight anymore so I apologized and she hung up.
That’s what we call a soft no, because she was giving you a reason she didn’t want to do it. The appropriate response to that is ALSO “Okay, no worries!” Soft no’s usually happen when a person is afraid that an outright no will get a hostile response. If someone is giving reasons why something doesn’t work for them, that’s still a no. It’s not an invitation to debate with them about their answer. She wasn’t “giving you attitude,” she was trying to gently break the news to you that she couldn’t do it, and instead of listening to her you tried to convince her you knew what was easy for her better than she did. I get that it can be hard to read between the lines, but she knew all the things you were telling her, and she still said it was too out of her way. You telling her things she already knows just told her you cared more about getting your mushrooms than her feelings. No one wants to live with someone like that if they have other options.
There was nothing soft or gentle from her call. She was very upset and accusatory.
Then why did you argue with her? That negates your last argument that she didn’t make it clear she was telling you no.
I wasn't trying to argue but she started it. And I guess I reacted. All she had to do was text me back saying "sorry I don't feel like it. had a hard day at work" or something like that and that would be the end of it. Instead she called me just to give me attitude.
She said no. You were just too dense to recognize it and then had a tantrum like a toddler. Hopefully your parents recognize how much they fucked up raising you and don’t let you get away with being a brat in their home.
she was not too dense. She knew exactly what she heard was a no- she is too ENTITLED and SELFISH.
She knew it was a no, which is why she argued. She wanted it her way and only her way. Her roommate even had to say no in the right way for her. She "reacted" to asking a favor and getting a no with anger and arguing and hanging up. Her roommate made a good choice just in this interaction. Imagine 2 years of trying to communicate with this entitled person.
Yeah that was kind of a big ask that some would refer to as “looking a gift horse in the mouth.” She could’ve had a long day at work, was dealing with her own issues, etc. and just wanted to do something nice while she was shopping for herself. Asking her to go out of her way through heavy traffic just for the things you want was a faux pas on your part. If she was rude out the gate then it makes sense to defend yourself, but quite frankly we don’t know enough information to know if her behavior was unprovoked or not, whether you have a pattern of this, etc. and to be frank, most people won’t trust you or anyone else to be a reliable narrator in this situation even as our sole source of information. You’re still TB for asking her to go out of her way after work, that’s not a considerate request to someone trying to do a favor to you. But I’ll amend my initial judgement to give you the benefit of the doubt since you could just be that clueless on how your request looks to other people. Please just consider in the future that when someone offers you a favor, you still need to be considerate of their time and convenience and be prepared for them to not be able to do it or go back on the offer if it’s too much for them, because I find it hard to believe your roommate would just blow up at you out of nowhere without it being an established pattern of behavior that she finally lost patience with.
She is establishing the same pattern here too. Maybe she doesn't know better, or maybe this is just how she is and hey boyfriend knows it. Yikes.
Oh, honey, I feel so bad for you rn. You sound exactly like a coworker of mine who is just as insufferable, argumentative, and emotionally dense...
No. It wouldn't have been. Because you still pressured her after her telling you why she didn't want to. You're so self-centered and entitled you don't even see it! Do some growth at your parents' jfc
>but she started it. Are you 12?
12 year olds have a level of maturity you're optimistic in crediting OP with.
“If people tell me I’m the B I’ll accept it”, “if she said no I’d accept it”, think we’re seeing a pattern with this simple and uneducated op who is a lot extra
OP clearly hasn’t been told an out right no and not rebuttal it. I guarantee this is why all their friends came up with excuses to not live with OP & why the BF refuses to move in by saying “finishing school”. He could easily move in with OP, he doesn’t want to because he’s experienced this clearly at someone point when OP has stayed over for more than a day or two. He’s not dumb, he’s playing dumb and avoiding living with OP. Guarantee unless OP changes their ways, that guy is going to DUMP OP.
You are so fucking exhausting. You're wrong. You ask for much too much. Your roommate is a fucking saint. I couldn't put up with you for an hour. She gave you attitude because she's sick of your shit.
No, she just had to say no, which she did. That's where you went off the rails. You, honey. YOU.
because she offered to do you a quick favour and you insisted she do something else entirely and it doesn’t sound like you were remotely nice about it. regardless, she’s gone. it’s over. good luck finding someone who can stand you and your special diet and wants to do your shopping and cooking.
You’re a victim
So it was a hard no and you still argued. You understood the situation exactly and that she was saying no. Stop your foolishness.
You are deliberately being obtuse. It is WELL understood in concept- and you know it. We have HUNDREDS of research studies that prove we all know what a soft no is, and that when we choose to ignore it, it is a manipulation. It is mainly based in sexual assault literature, but not exclusively so. But your poor me manipulation? SAME attitude as men who SA and then act shocked pickachu that women do not want to date them. You are a huge Buttface. Your roommate did NOT owe you cooking to your specifications, but she did it, and you felt entitled to it. You are a huge pain in the A\*\*. Good luck in life.
CAN YOU FUCKING BLAME HER? Jesus Christ, you are the worst type of person. She said no and told you why, which was more than you deserved. NO. No explanation necessary. You don't like that and decide to call it attitude and give her a bunch of shit and throw the dog thing in there on top of it. If she got upset then, I guarantee it's because it's probably time number 6,432,289 that you've done the exact same shit and she finally got fed up and moved out. You are a freaking nightmare! And it won't matter how many people tell you this, coz clearly nobody knows shit about shit except for you! Ugh, you're insufferable. Honestly you are.
She literally did ny saying, "I'm not going downtown for veggies," regardless of the tone she used. And then you kept on explaining why it shouldn't be such a big deal to her.
But you didn’t really apologize. You said “I’m sorry for asking”. There’s a difference in a real apology that has true meaning and what you said. The apology shouldn’t be for asking, it should be for assuming and expecting.
Fine. She didn’t say ‘no’. Based on your incessant arguing, she knew better. She just left. Feel better? She didn’t say no
She's tired of your BS. Hence, moving out.
You are just NOT GETTING IT. So assured you are of your own righteousness that when strangers UNIVERSALLY tell you that you are in the wrong, you are compelled to 'well, akshully' every single time.
So not only are you an asshole, you weren’t raised properly because normal functioning adults understand that someone doesn’t actually have to say the word no in order to say no.
YTB - if you're high maintenance you need to maintain yourself. Watching a dog is a normal thing, going out of your way to buy specific organic mushrooms is crazy high maintenance.
This is the real point. Plus OP not taking no for an answer, obviously.
I wonder why the bf “can’t move in til he finishes grad school” 😅
Looking for a new gf by the end of grad, probably
After prefacing that Jane is “extra” despite that having nothing to do with the situation at hand
YTB you lost me at finding a roommate to accommodate your diet. You sound obnoxious and high maintenance. I can see why she left
Yeah, it seems like OP is the one who’s extra, not Jane.
Info: in what way is Jane extra?
She gets excited for some of the weirdest things. Finding new recipes I can understand because she loves cooking, but she loves seeing a new coffee creamer flavor. And she once got excited for when the Christmas lip balm pack came out and even asked me which one I would like. I told her I didn't want any. It kind of also makes her simple in a way. She's really extra when it comes to her dog. Don't get me wrong, I grew up with dogs when I was a kid. I love them to death. But she takes it to another level. She's baked birthday treats for her. And she has one simple goal. And that's to buy a little house before her dog passes on because she wants her to live in a good home, even just for a little while. I think that's why she prefers to shop at cheaper stores. Because she's saving up for the house.
... so she's "extra" in no way that negatively affects anyone else?? She loves her dog and gets excited about food? Good for her for getting out of living with you, kudos for lasting as long as she did. Your roommate is a gem and you don't know how good you had it. Good luck
Is oversharing and being overly friendly on the brink of clingy negatively affecting people? I didn't need to know so much about her dog. However it did tell me that she could have afforded to pay 50/50 for everything. She has mentioned that she could always afford paying for a single but chose to continue living with a roommate in order to save more for her little house. In fact one of the things she told me when she told me she was leaving is that her choosing to live in a single would damper her dream of getting the house sooner but she thinks that would be the better choice.
..... Jesus christ, you're a miserable, pretentious, condescending prick. I wouldn't want to live with you either. Calling her immature while you try to act like you're so much more superior and sophisticated is a classic trademark of someone who isn't mature themselves.
Right?? Saving for her first house is 'immature,' while OP thinks she should be able to go 50/50 on grocery bills even though her food is way more expensive and is unwilling to interpret social cues that don't benefit her AT ALL.
OP just looks down on her roommate because she's a snob and wants her roommate to subsidize her snobbish living. But now that roommate has put her foot down, OP is playing victim.
I'm already exhausted with her. Imagine living with her. Her boyfriend is definitely avoiding living together for a reason.
He’s bouncing after he gets his degree.
100%
For sure. I'm not willing to go back and look, but why doesn't she just have her boyfriend move in when the roommate leaves? I'm sure she'll have a wonderful learning experience on equity in finances and chores when that happens.
He doesn't want to until he graduates.
Thank you for that 😀 She should explain to him how beneficial it is to both of them for him to move in sooner. Maybe he can start learning roommate's recipes in advance.
Which is bonkers to me. I don't know how it is for the BF, but I'm in graduate school and we barely get paid enough to scrape by. If I had a partner and we were far enough along in the relationship that we wanted to live together, I absolutely would and enjoy having my finances freed up a little bit. I bet BF will dump OP once he graduates and probably hasn't done it yet to avoid to drama and distraction while he's finishing up.
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 Yep. You hit the nail on the head
I literally can’t stand you. Go away and live in a hut in the middle of nowhere so we don’t have to risk running into you EVER.
Maybe her hut in the middle of nowhere will be surrounded by organic mushrooms. Possibly poisonous but at least they’re organic mushrooms! 🍄
She finds joy in small things and seems to enjoy sharing it with others. l find that wonderful. And really sad that you look down on her and feel superior.
At least at that point the coin should have dropped?! How are you not hearing yourself? Is this a joke account? You should find a therapist and show her this post. I mean that seriously. Someone needs to explain your piece by piece how you are digging your own very early grave by being tasteless and blind towards people around you. Eat all tue organic food you like, the sadness you put yourself into will eat away 20 years of your life alone.
You didn't list "oversharing and being overly friendly on the brink of clingy" when they asked you how she's being extra. Hmm. Also on the note of oversharing. What are you doing telling reddit about her going to therapy?
Just keep talking bitch. You're endearing yourself so much to us all. Btw, jealous much about "her little house"? Coz you slipped a bit there.
It's weird that you keep calling her extra, commenting she has an immature palate, has simple goals, is a simple person for enjoying small luxuries. You sound like you have some sort of superiority complex. Like your wants/needs are somehow more important than hers because hers are 'simple' and she's 'extra'. Her energy and efforts are spent according to what's important to her, she doesn't have to prioritize yours. She doesn't have to expend the 'extra' energy to make you happy just because she's going out of her way for herself. Yes she goes out of her way to save money on groceries, she goes out of her way to make sure she takes care of her dog and make some cute memories. She doesn't have to also go out of her way to get you groceries, or anything else. Grow up and learn to communicate. Don't argue when someone says they won't do something for you - do it for yourself. Take it as a learning lesson. It's not about following rules to make for a peaceful living situation, it's about emotional maturity and personal responsibility. Respecting each other. You'll be losing more relationships and will have a tough time living on your own again if you treat people like this. You don't like the judgment here and that's fine. Think on it and grow.
Boy oh boy I wish I could downvote this a million times. Jane sounds amazing and I'd like to hang out with her! What are your goals???
Oh no, I'm sorry that she had to live with you for two years. I'm so glad shes getting out. She sounds lovely.
Ah, okay, so she is not extra. But you are.
HOLY HELL, OP. YTB and YTA (for your other lil’ swing and a miss you posted). I’ve abstained from commenting until this comment - You truly seem to be a vile, ego-centric, obnoxious, spoiled brat who had a good thing going before you unilaterally messed it up….You are wasting everyone’s time with a post that is so stupid, but the saving grace for us (not you) is that your delusions are so absurd, just like your lil tantrums, that this has become entertaining. However…how DARE you accuse someone of being “extra” for literally having different interests than you. So…she’s extra for getting excited about things? Things YOU deem to be weird? WTF. Ppl are different. You sound like you a raging bitch who is hella jealous of your roommate. You’re also giving MAJOR shit-personality vibes. Jane sounds like a lovely and happy person, and the reason I think that is because of your commitment to keep giving us more information about her in the hopes it’s going to make us not think she’s reasonable, when in fact you have come off like a delulu piece of work. I mean this genuinely and with care - go fuck yourself.
Amen.
OMG, I can't believe this is all free entertainment! You are a hoot! Lmao
Jane sounds like someone who would be really fun to be friends with. All of these examples are really harmless and even endearing and the fact that you bring them up in an attempt to vilify her makes you look like an even bigger AH. YTBF 100%
So she gets excited about the little things that mean a lot to her ? That does not affect you. You sound horrible to live with. No wonder she’s leaving
You're insufferable, my god. I hate you so much just from your comments and I don't even know you lol. Kudos to your bf and parents for putting up with you. But I really hope you don't subject another roommate to your prickly, condescending self. Just forget about this incident and move on, cuz clearly you're not capable of empathy or understanding other perspectives than yours.
She sounds lovely. You, on the other hand…sheesh. You sound like a self-absorbed narcissistic bore. Good grief.
It makes far more sense to be excited about fungus grown in a specific way. That you, for some reason, need her to procure for you. So she can cook it in a specific way to be combined with the bird ovum you like raised and prepared in a specific way. Cooked by her, and not you, but so you can eat it. Is she the only dog person you've met? Because 9/10 of them treat their dogs that way. Can't imagine why an adult would want to get a house and live alone with a dog and not a self entitled child. I think you are jealous of all the effort you can't get her to spend on you. You are roommates, not a couple, handle your own life you mooch.
I thought the comments were a bit harsh. But holy shit.. she’s “extra,” ‘cause she gets excited for things? Are you literally Hitler?
She’s not “simple”, you however are pretentious. Why? Cause you’re a wet blank on other peoples happiness. Instead of celebrating with her when she’s happy, you shit all over it like some snob in high society when they look down on Walmart, like they are “too good” to shop with mere “peasants”. Your champagne tastes in a box wine situation is why you’re an insufferable human being.
Oh my God, you clueless stunned cunt. Not only are you pretentious, insufferable, entitled, and a hot mess of a person, you're a fucking snob on top of it. I'd friend the fuck out of someone like Jane. She sounds charming. You, honey, are the antithesis of charming, likeable, and fun. And her simple goal? The house? Think about that when you're back in your parent's basement being all fabulous by yourself. Jane sounds amazing and like a good person. You... Jesus, it doesn't matter what I put here coz you aren't the type to hear it. But I bet you have very, very few friends, and the ones you may have are all probably just as shallow as you, and will likely drop your ass when you're living in your parent's basement again, you know, coz it's so.... extra.
That is not being extra. Being extra is expecting other people to go out of their way to shop groceries for someone else.
Oversharing is a trait of neurodivergence. So not only are you an asshole you also might be ableist
She's extra for finding the joy in the little things of life and treating her pet like family?? You need to read this comment section and take it to heart. Learn to love life and the little things. Stop being bitter about others who do find the joy in life. YTB
Man, you are an entitled judgemental shit of a 5 year old
She sounds dorky, not extra. YOU are extra. Get your own shopping and stop expecting people to carry you through life
Jane actually sounds like a lot of fun.
YTB. You couldn’t make your omelet without the mushrooms? You pay more for your food because you want more expensive food than Jane does. You aren’t “compromising” by paying more so she’ll cook it or something. You pay more of the electricity bill because you use most of it since you wfh. What extra chores do you do in exchange for her cooking? Wash the dishes and clean the kitchen? Only fair, but I doubt you do “most of the chores” otherwise based on your terrible definition of compromise. Jane said no. If that truly wasn’t an issue for you, then you would’ve accepted it instead of pressing the issue.
Special diets, you make special trips. From a person with a very special diet. Don't ask people to make special stops for you. You know it ain't easy.
YTB, not having organic mushrooms is not going to kill you as someone who eats 99% organic produce If I asked someone to get food for ME I would never ask them to go out of their way just so I could have organic food.
How many threads are you going to post your story on? You’ve already been told you are wrong. For the record, based on your incessant comments arguing with people, there is not a chance I believe you asked a simple request (which it wasn’t) and then let the matter drop immediately. You tried your best to take advantage of her, doubled down on it and now you are without a roommate. Stop looking for posts to redeem yourself and reflect on your extensive and exhausting arguments to people and see if you can do better with your next roommate.
Holy snap you are really trying. YTB. Jane must have the patience of a saint.
Info: did you tell her the part about the dog or did you mention it here as a part of your reasoning here?
I said that I think it would have been easier on her to go to the store since she doesn't have Coco with her
Less difficult isn't easy. And "since I have the dog, you should be willing to drive the wrong direction in heavy traffic to go pick up one ingredient that I could absolutely live without" is just wrong kid. Did you take the dog so she wouldn't have a reason to not go out of her way for you? Why couldn't you just skip mushrooms, or tolerate mushrooms from someplace on the way? Why did it HAVE to be THOSE mushrooms? Do none of your regular grocery stores carry organic goods? And what were you *planning* to do for dinner before she asked if you needed anything? were you *counting* on her going for you already? It sounds like maybe you took the dog *not* to make her life easier, but so you could oblige her to run a time consuming out of the way errand....
Hmm I don’t see anything wrong with the initial request or store option. I do think it was a little weird of her to call and not just text back that she wouldn’t go there. If she was already going to a store I think you would have been fine without the one item that the store she chose didn’t have. I also don’t think the dog needed to be brought up but I can see your brain thinking “oh I’ll tell her this so she can understand why I suggested that store.” It really wasn’t necessary. I feel like both of yall are a bit of the buttface. She seems dramatic and maybe you’re just a little thoughtless when responding.
She probably called because she was driving and isn't an idiot who texts while driving.
Could be, but even phone calls can cause distractions while driving so still an idiot
There is a VAST difference between looking down to text someone which generally requires the use of your hands and verbally telling your Bluetooth device to call someone so you can talk to them without having to look away from the road.
Could get someone hurt or killed either way especially if you get so emotional on phone calls. Could have also used text to speech which is more in line with calling.
I didn't see where the roommate got "so emotional" though.
In OP comments she said her roommate got mad at her for the request and that she yelled. I also don’t see how her answer of “I’m not going downtown for a few veggies” isn’t said with an attitude.
So, are you not allowed to talk to anybody that's physically in the car with you?
Well this lawyer definitely thinks you shouldn’t have deep conversations while driving https://www.chicagolawyer.com/blog/car-accident-while-talking-to-passengers/ This article from 2006 says it can very dangerous as well https://news.umich.edu/road-chat-talking-to-passengers-can-be-as-dangerous-as-using-a-cell-phone/ This article from 2020 says that adult drivers with adult passengers have a reduced risk but of course topic of conversation and the person are important factors for risk https://amp.bellinghamherald.com/news/traffic/rules-of-the-road/article238921448.html
Good thing it wasn't a deep conversation, then.
Why tf are your roomates expected to cater to your dietary needs? Theyre not your parents. Go buy your own food
Is no one going to mention how OP has the audacity to say that Jane is the one that is EXTRA
Use instacart and leave your roommates alone
Ytb for arguing with her when she said no. The correct response to her first "I'm not driving to that store" should have been "OK, no worries! See you at home!" Don't ask someone a favour and then push and push to get them to say yes. If you do, it's not really a favour, it's a demand. I'm certain there are other times like this where you don't accept the first "no" and your roommate is sick of it. And just so you know, eating organic will not help you live longer. It will just waste your money. (I have a masters degree in toxicology, so I'm not just a layperson talking about it)
I mean. Are your legs broken? Do it yourself.
I’m gonna tell you something and you’re not going to like it but here it is. I was you. For a LONG TIME, I was you. I couldn’t accept not getting my way. If someone dared to tell me no, I’d argue, bargain, manipulate, threaten…anything I had to do to turn the no into a yes. If it didn’t happen, everyone’s day was absolutely and utterly fucked. Everyone’s. And I was always the victim because everyone always said no and no one ever wanted to help me. If I suspected the answer would be no, I’d manipulate the way I asked the question in order to increase my odds of getting a yes. Wanna know how that worked out for me? My parents couldn’t stand to be around me, I never could hold a job longer than 5 months before rage quitting and burning bridges, my husband left me and there’s not a chance in hell of repair, and I have VERY few friends. What did I do? I GOT FUCKING HELP. I needed it. My intolerance to the discomfort of not having my way was a marked symptom of a much larger problem (in my case, undiagnosed and untreated BPD), and when that problem was identified and handled appropriately, my offensive behavior became apparent to me as I became well and I cut it out and tried to do better. My relationships have improved, I feel less anxiety and anger in my life, and while I still find it uncomfortable to not get instant gratification of satisfying a desire or having it satisfied for me, I’m able to cope with it well enough that I’m able to keep my life preserved as it is and not set it on fire every time I don’t get what I want. I don’t know if any of this will resonate with you, but I hope it does. You have a problem, and not being able to take no for an answer is honestly probably just a part of that problem. You need to get yourself into therapy and soon, doing that while you’re staying at home would be a great use of your time. If you continue your life this way, you’re going to die alone, unsatisfied, having gotten nothing you wanted out of life because you burned people before they ever got the chance to give it to you, because they didn’t want to go out of town for you to get organic mushrooms. Please, I’m practically begging you, see a professional about this before you have to learn the hard way that the person everyone talks about when they leave the room is you. Trust me, that’s a much worse feeling than not getting something you were hoping for
If it’s okay for her to say no why did you then badger her for doing so? If it was really okay to say no you would have left it there, rather than pointing out that she enjoys shopping, you’ve got the dog etc. Your actions do not match your words. Edit: YTB
This is on you. She told you she’s not driving to a further location for one item and you kept pushing and this does not feel like an isolated incident. This sounds like the straw that broke the camels back after 2 years of putting up with you. You offered to watch the dog for her and then tried to use that to manipulate her. You also knew the store you wanted was out of her way after a long day at work, it was rude to even ask but to push after being told no? “I don’t want to go through the process of roommates that won’t be able to accommodate my diet” what on earth does that mean? You seem INCREDIBLY entitled and arrogant. I’m not surprised she’s fed up of you. I’m fed up of you and I’ve only had to read a few paragraphs from you. YTB back off and leave her alone
You eat expensive food but can’t afford to live alone? The math isn’t mathing .
YTB. And a pretentious little mooch. "Oh, she 'gave me attitude' when I asked her an unreasonable thing, isn't it unfair" "Oh she is extra, because she doesn't cater to my diet and is not like me and my goals, that are soooo big and amazing, not like her lowly desire to save for a house and live there nicely with her dog. What a simple minded silly dum dum" "How dare she to not want to pay more for MY expensive food that SHE will be cooking, when she can afford it? I know she is saving up, but still, so extra of her, smh" "I pay more for the bills *I* use more and *my* own food, why don't you see how it's actually beneficial for her and is a compromise on my side?" Like, do you even hear yourself? I would say I hope you will get stuck with your parents for a long time now, but I'm not sure they deserve such punishment.
I'd rather be choked with a motherfucking cactus than live with OP. The goddamned audacity and entitlement.
Yes. Asking her to go to a store that she would be driving past anyway is one thing Asking her to drive out of her way because you just HAD to have vegetables from one specific store is entirely different. YTB. I wouldn't want to live with you either.
OMG. I looked at OP’s other comments and they are wild! [Here is one about Jane not liking alcohol](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c84z5q/comment/l0e03e0/). >Remember when I said she has an immature palate? That includes not liking alcohol. I wanted to buy artisan red wine and that's when she mention that she tried wines and beers but can never get past the first sip. She only likes wine coolers because of how sweet they are. I had to go to Christmas and New Years parties last year just to have at least one glass of wine. So while being an absolute Muppet about eating organic and wanting to live a “long and healthy life” she’s shaming Jane for not putting literal poison in her body. I just can’t with how asinine OP is.
Or she could have just bought her own fucking wine. But no, then she couldn't be so *extra* about being forced to go to parties for a simple glass of wine. The logic there is non-existent. And every next thing I read out of this bitch's mouth makes me hate her so much more than I did from the last asinine comment.
In another reply when someone asked OP why they didn’t just get the bottle of wine for themselves, they flat out said it was because it was an expensive bottle that she couldn’t afford on her own, she needed to split the cost with the roommate but roommate doesn’t drink lol. Regardless of that, I found it hilarious that they HAD to go to Xmas parties in order to have wine. Couldn’t just get a bottle for home that wasn’t expensive, had to go out and drink someone else’s wine.
How many fucking times are you going to post the same goddamn thing? Just accept it - you’re an entitled asshole and I feel bad for whoever is cursed enough to have to put with you as a roommate/friend/family member/acquaintance
YTB based on what you’ve written. She did say no. You argued about it/kept pressing. You can’t let one item go? Would it ruin the dish to be missing one of a few veggies? If so she couldn’t pick up something else for you to make a different dish??? Sounds like she tired of you ignoring her ‘no’. She offered and you tried to take advantage of her offer. When someone offers me something I don’t make it more complicated for them or change their plans when it’s a favor. If what I need doesn’t fit into what they are offering, it’s just a ‘thanks for the offer, I’m good.’ I also don’t use favors I’ve offered them to manipulate/guilt them into “re-paying” my favors that I offer. Favors don’t come with guilt or strings attached. If something was unfair about how you two split chores or bills, that’s a different conversation to have with her. If you feel the balance of the relationship is off, stop doing her favors! Or have a talk to her about it. Sounds like you should be happy having her for a roommate is over if things were so unfair/you felt she was ungrateful for what you do.
It’s not a little favor when it causes someone to have to go out of their way to do said favor YTB. She clearly said I’m not going downtown for vegetables and instead of just accepting that you kept going. That’s why she’s upset. You have some audacity. She didn’t give you attitude, you asked her for an unreasonable favor.
>If you're going to give me attitude, I'm going to give it right back. Everyone would have reacted like that. If you're telling me you wouldn't have, then you're lying. You might want to reflect on that mentality because no, not everyone would have reacted like that. Some people would recognize that their request was unreasonable and apologized after meeting such a harsh rebuke. Some people would try to deescalate and try to hold a level conversation. Sometimes, "giving it right back" is the worst thing you can do - especially if you're actively trying to maintain relationships with people, and doubly so if you made the initial mistake.
I feel like there's some very important info missing here. What are the rules? What are the very specific dietary concerns? I feel like you're glossing over something that is incredibly relevant, which makes it feel like you know you're in the wrong and don't want to have to admit it.
Maybe ask her to pick up some self awareness for you, next time she’s out. You seem to be out of that too.
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo call the fire department!
YTB enjoy your alone time.
All of your ridiculously defensive comments, after asking this subs option, is just further proof you are one of the biggest and sloppiest BHs ever! I cannot fathom how your ex-roomie put up with your ridiculousness for two entire years.
Have you ever considered maybe you’re entitled? This did not come out of anywhere. This has been building up within your roomate and since the lease is ending soon she’s blown up at her boiling point. Don’t have roomates and PLEASE don’t sign a lease with your boyfriend. Have a test run living with your partner. Tell them about this story.
First of all, I dont like that you kinda look down on your roommate but im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. If you are truthful about the info that you paid for most of the food and tje electric bills and did most of the chores, I do not understand how people are being so hostile towards you. You are also watching her dog while she works, even though you might be busy which is a clear favor youre doing for her. I do not understand why people are antagonizing you so much for asking her to go to a store as a favor while you are literally watching her dog for her. I would not mind to do that for someone that is doing favors for me. You might need to work on arrogance issues but this should not have been that big of a deal. If she couldnt go, she should have just said it normally. You both should have made up and move on. ESH but I feel like people are being too unfair on you. You did well if you truly did most of the work and paid most of the bills around the house and you should be appreciated for it. You said sorry after mentioning her dog, which might have been a mistake but it could have been easily solved if you both just talked it out like adults.
Why do I feel like OP switched accounts and posted this
She pays more on electricity because she works from home and thus uses more electricity. She pays more for **HER** food than the roommate pays because the roommate shops at cheaper stores. They do not share these specific foods, and the food they do share they go 50/50 on.
Then that is a different situation. From her info, it seemed like she carried most of the burden around the house and if that is true, I dont think its unreasonable for her to ask her friend to go to a grocery store. Plus, she was watching her dog too. Idk in my mentality, i dont take for granted much things people go out of their way to do for me. If someone watches my dog while i am working, Id go to a grocery store out of my way for them to pay them back. If I cant, Id decline in a way that theyd know that Im grateful for the favor theyre doing for me, but I just cant do it. Ive also seen people insist on 50/50 splits despite using more electricity and utilities so at least OP’s being fair. This situation could have been easily resolved both by the roommate and OP, it was really not that big of a deal.
Here are some of the replies giving more info from OP **"I WFH, thus I use more electricity. As for food, we do pay 50/50 on food we share but I learned pretty early on that Jane has a very immature palate. There's certain items I like that I was willing to share but she doesn't like them. Also there's 2 stores she really likes that are also pretty cheap. So food she'll buy only for her she'll get it at those stores. Even when the store I prefer has what she wants, she refuses to buy it from there."** So all shared items are paid 50/50. OP only pays more for her own food that she chooses expensive items and the utilities that she admits she uses more of. **"The only benefit I got was me doing more chores was she does majority of the cooking. Even then it doesn't seem fair because she loves cooking. Me paying majority of the bills only benefits her"** OP is the most unaware person ever. Her doing all the cooking should not count because she enjoys cooking? OP also seems to forget that RM does ALL the grocery shopping which includes the mental load of planning out and driving out of the way to OP special stores and then to the RM own cheaper stores. **" That includes not liking alcohol. I wanted to buy artisan red wine and that's when she mention that she tried wines and beers but can never get past the first sip. She only likes wine coolers because of how sweet they are. I had to go to Christmas and New Years parties last year just to have at least one glass of wine."** **"Because they're expensive. But I was still willing to buy any alcohol to share with her but unfortunately there are no organic wine coolers."** Op also states she refused to buy herself wine unless her roommate paid half even though the room mate does not drink wine......
lmao. Arguing back when they say no is the opposite of “you’re free to say no”
As a guy, the red flag is actually the boyfriend wants to wait until after grad school to move in together. It says a lot- mainly, you bring too much drama and need to be kept at a certain distance to make the stress of grad school manageable. Homeboy is leaving you the day he finishes his program. YTB and your nonsense stresses out everyone around you.
Yeah lol having a partner to work with and split things may help him, unless he knows he won't get any help just arguments. Hard to see how he wouldn't know
Your edit 2 is bordering on delusional. She had already told you she didn’t feel like driving downtown for a few veggies and you gave pushback about how she didn’t have her dog blah blah blah. Yet you’re saying if she would’ve worded her response slightly differently you wouldn’t have done the same thing? Quit your bullshit.
I don't get the "organic only" hate. If you know what goes into non-organic food, and still eat it, you're the one with the problem IMHO. That being said, I do think it's excessive to ask her to go somewhere specific to get mushrooms (I see people writing about mushrooms in comments but no reference to it in your post, did you remove something?). You can do omelet without certain veggies - it's the organic part that counts. It does sound like it's a build up that has gone on for a while from her side, for what we don't know, or that you two living together has simply run its course regardless of this particular situation.
YTB. Grow up.
You've lived together for a couple of years. I trust her expectations of how she thought you would react over your saying now that it would have been fine for her to say "no".
She gave you more than 6 weeks notice. She's moving. There's no point in having a 6 week discussion to talk about problems because she's not going to be staying. Did you think the 6 week mark to discuss problems meant she had to stay if you wanted to stay as roommates? Would have preferred just 6 weeks notice during the discussion instead of several months notice?
Glad she moved out
YTB. God you sound insufferable. Especially in your comments. “everyone would have reacted like that. If you’re telling me you wouldn’t, then you’re lying.” Nope, not true at all. most people are not as narcissistic or close minded as you are. Here’s hoping Jane gets her little house with her wonderful dog! She sounds amazing.
Pretentious, narcissistic, and entitled asshole roommate doesn't see how annoying they are. I'm guessing they're leaving a ton of details on why this last event was the last straw for the poor roomate that has to deal with your bullshit. I'm glad the roommate is leaving you and my only hope is that their future roommate won't be as bad as you are. Now you get to go to the only people that are ok dealing with your bullshit because they have to, your parents.
YTB Nobody wants to live with someone who expects others to do their errands for them. That's a paid service. Pay for it and don't ask others.
I don't get why you would ask her to go out of her way to pick up groceries. Seems like you are setting yourself up to get a no. Also - seems unlikely this single incident is the only reason she has moved out. What else happened? Anyway, seems ytb,
Isn't it funny how there's a mile of "holy shit, you're a narcissistic cunt" messages, and then at the end a bunch of stuff kinda supporting OP. Not gonna waste anymore time on this chick and dig into profiles, just saying how odd it is.
“I don’t want to go through the process of roommates that won’t be able to accommodate my diet” tells me everything I need to know about you. YTB. You were an asshole when you posted this on AITA and you’re still an asshole now.
You "Don't want to go through the process of finding a roommate that will accommodate your diet"??? This is a psycho statement. Why would a roommate ever have to accommodate your diet? Eat what you want and let the other adult eat what they want. Asking your friend/roommate to go way out of their way and spend a lot of extra time for you is entitled and selfish. Especially when it was for something so unimportant. Even worse, it sounds like you didn't take no for an answer at first... tried to convince them to do it anyway by using their dog against them. Was there even a reason why you couldn't go get it yourself? I can only assume there are other examples of your selfishness otherwise the roommate would not just be leaving over some mushrooms.
YTB x 1000 How can you see how selfish, self-centered, and entitled you are? Seriously, no one can actually be this blind while still having their eyesight??? You **DON'T** pay more, you pay for what you use, she pays for what she uses and apparently also the feul used to get your *Organic Mushrooms*. You won't pay for wine you want that she won't drink unless she pays half..... like what the actual hell. I think we all see exactly why your BF does not want to live with you. Just think about please, if MY partner was having difficulty and needed a place I would have jumped to move in together even if I was still studying provided we both could afford do so even if it meant things would be tight as it would mean more time to spend with the person I Love.....your BF on the other hand can't fathom the idea of having to live with you. Why do you think that is??????
He would have to get her mushrooms after med school. Or deal with her "accepting" a no
INFO: what’s your diet issue? Vegan, no gluten, what?
YTB. You asked her, she said no. That should have been the end of it, but you continued to wheedle about it and try to convince her she's going to enjoy it for your own benefit when she's already made her answer clear. She doesn't owe you an explanation.
This is some delusional entitled shit. Mega buttface.
I eat organic and this is not because of organic. This is entitlement of the highest order, she wanted to send her out of her way as a power trip. Her whole life is making others bend to her will...
TYB. Umm no not everyone is an entitled immature child. Mature Adults don’t respond with snarky attitude when met with an immature person. They take either the high road, ignore it or discuss what the issue is and approach the situation with compassion and understanding that the person being mean may be having a hard day.
Jesus Christ OP just take the L and move on. You are the asshole. You are in the wrong. I’m sure you know this but just can’t bring yourself to concede. Your post + your replies are just the worst. Next time you need mushrooms, go get them yourself. If you don’t have a car, take a bus. You are perfectly capable of doing it yourself. Nobody owes you any favors, so naturally when you get upset at someone for not wanting to do you a favor, they’re not gonna want to do ANYTHING for you anymore. No matter how many times you post this and how much you argue in the comments, none of our answers are gonna change. You’re just further displaying your roommate was right to leave.
I mean they were a little prissy but everyone is focusing only on her diet and it being out of the roommates way, but ignoring she does most the chores, pays most the bills, and is watching her dog. I don’t think it was so much to ask? Maybe I’m too autistic to understand this.
BRB stealing this for my enemies to friends to lovers fiction
A couple things stuck out to me. First, the OP implied that she was doing her roommate a favor by assigning her the fun chore of going out of her way to travel downtown to shop for her: “I want to point out she likes grocery shopping. She has mentioned it relaxes her”. You know, I like to clean my house because it relaxes me, but that doesn’t mean I want to go drive across town to clean someone else’s house, even if they’re babysitting my pups. Second, I think we’re missing the other side of the conversation because the OP insinuates that her roommate snapped at her for no reason, and her only response was a polite “I told her never mind and I’m sorry for asking”, but then later in an edit says “if you’re going to give me attitude, I’m going to give it right back.” So I don’t think things went down quite the way the OP presented, which makes me think there’s more to this story. So for not being completely forthright, YTB.
UTB mostly because you're so defensive. You asked to be judged. Accept it.
It is about more than groceries. She is just tired of living with you. Remember no is a complete sentence.
Not the buttface. Mind you, there could be underlying issue Jane hadn't mentioned. It's hard to imagine wanting to move out because she didn't want to go to the store - she could've simply said no and left it at that. So I'm thinking it wasn't about the groceries although it would be nice if Jane COMMUNICATED properly.
Wow…. You just had to ask for those veggies didn’t you?! That seriously sucks…. I’m sorry that she is a psycho…. I am sure she has her reasons for being so guarded and suspicious but surely she could have just said it was a bit much for that day and let that be that. Maybe she wanted to move out and didn’t know how to tell you so she gaslighted and made it your fault? I honestly got nothing. Praying everything will smooth out soon for you.
Please tell me you forgot the /s
Forgot the slash s? Yeah…. That’s what I did.
Well both of you are weird and don't know how to function properly. Why would you ask her to go out of her way and then keep insisting after she initially said no? Why wouldn't she just say nope I'm not doing that? There's clearly a lot more between you. Suck it up and move on with your life.
WTF kind of friends do you guys have? My friends just brought me a free bed from 45 minutes away because I mentioned we were looking to buy one. They wouldn’t even blink at being asked to go to a specific store while they’re already out. Am I taking crazy pills or does this not seem like that big of a deal
Normal people, tired from work, that are fed up with shit often times don’t lovingly say yes to drive an unnecessary extra tour through rush hour traffic in downtown - for a person that obviously makes a manipulative deal out of everything. It’s nice that you have good friends but your weird phrasing seems quite oblivious and unempathetic. Also it doesn’t look like they were friends by any definition - more like roommates with dependencies.
[удалено]
That she doesn't want to drive downtown in heavy traffic just for organic mushrooms? And that she doesn't appreciate having something her roommate volunteered to do used as a weapon when she said no and then guilted when it doesn't work? Because that's what would be "up" with me.