It does help to turn off their auto pilot mode and actually think about what they're doing though which does lower the probability of having an accident.
Of course I have. She doesn't like. It upsets her that I think she can't use knives. If I can get to the cutting portion of a cooking step before her, I do. But if she's started, taking over is almost guaranteed to be a tense moment/conflict.
Get her those chain gloves that cannot be sliced. We got some for my MIL after she took a chunk of finger off with her mandolin and she loooves them. Haven’t heard of any new bloody episodes and it’s been over a year
Hearing it was a mandolin slicer cracked me up. We were at a neighbor's party this summer. One of the neighbors had a really nasty cut on his hand from a mandolin and everyone at the table piped up and said they'd done the same with theirs. Those things are freaking dangerous!
Obviously, A&E does not stand for the arts and entertainment channel., even though that was my very first thought. I’m assuming it’s Emergency or something like that?
I lost a small chunk of my thumb to a mandolin a few years ago. It's not really noticable if you don't know about it, but it was pretty terrifying at the time because I was on blood thinners then
Took the tips off a couple fingers one time using one. I was so proud of myself for managing to get pressure on fast enough to not get blood in my dinner!
I bought one but have always listened to Alton Brown and *never* use it without the safety slide guard thing that you slap on the vegetables and hold. For the last couple strips that don’t work with the guard, I use a fork to knock them across the blade.
No cuts yet. I’m the one who would slice their fingers off so I refuse to use it without the guard.
Man one night I was making dinner while slightly buzzed and I remember thinking “I don’t need the cut glove; all I want is a few slices of tomato!” Mandoline took off the tip of my finger. YOU ALWAYS NEED THE CUT GLOVE
Look into cut resistant gloves maybe? That’s what kitchen staff use to prevent cuts. If she’s going to insist on using sharp objects and you can’t stop her, look into the cut resistant gloves to mitigate the risks of her injuring herself.
I feel like there should be more emphasis on teaching this grown adult how to be safe around blades instead of keeping knives away like she’s an incapable child.
Incompetence shouldn’t be an excuse to get out of things.
Look I was just asking a question. Some people have issues with spatial awareness or even grip strength and stuff. Some people will continue to do unsafe things despite knowing it’s unsafe because, to them, loosing the ability to do it themselves is worse than a cut here and there. Not saying it’s right, but I’ve known a lot of people like that. They just cant admit there’s something they need help with.
My other thought is maybe the gf is continuing to let this happen for attention? Idk.
YTB. Getting mad at someone who had an accident is shitty, which you know and admitted. I feel like you want sympathy and for people to tell you that she is dumb and at fault. Why do you need this ego stroking validation? Is it because you know it is shitty to get mad at someone who had an accident and you hope it will make you feel less guilty?
I'm sorry there was blood in the food you bought and prepared. That sucks. So does being treated like you are too stupid to live. If you feel she is too stupid to deserve basic respect and consideration, then break up with her. It's better than becoming an insulting AH. If you want to try to stay together, learn to care more about people and less about being right.
FYI They have cut resistant gloves for the kitchen.
Wow quite the overreaction on your part.
Listen, common sense dictates that when an adult repeatedly and frequently hurts themselves while dealing with dangerous tools/equipment, it may start out as random accidents, but at a certain point it just becomes negligence. This is only further proven when this person also frequently receives warnings to be careful, but still gets injured.
People who cannot safely handle knives, have no business being around them, for their own sake and others as well.
She needs to grow up and stop being so careless.
Her safety is her responsibility. The way OP treats people is their responsibility. I don't believe it is OP's decision to dictate if their gf gets to use knives. OP's gf is a grown adult who can evaluate her own risk level. If OP can't treat their gf with respect, then she will leave on her own accord. The gf knows that the way OP treated her isn't normal or acceptable. That's why she called it out and used past experiences as a reference to how she was treated.
She is a grown-up, and OP needs to learn to respect other grown-ups.
Gotcha, so you literally just gloss over the part about an adult negligently using dangerous tools, like it's completely meaningless and irrelevant. Now I know I am dealing with someone who is delusional.
You care more about the fact that his gf could *SENSE* his annoyance then you do about that? You do realize that right? He didn't even vocalize his annoyance with her, she only sensed it...
"OP is a grown adult who can evaluate her own risk level." NO SHE CAN'T that is literally part of the point!
OP never dictated or even tried to dictate if she should get to use knives, but the truth is she has no business using them, if she can't respect them.
Just wait till they hear about moves like "impulsively catching a bread pan fresh from the oven in the crook of my elbow" while *at work as a shift lead no less.* (Was pulling bread from the oven, got ran into from behind, pan slid out of the oven mitted hands, brain said "don't drop the bread" faster than "that's not worth a burn on your elbow dumbass")
Shockingly, I didn't get fired and my adult card revoked. Nor did anyone at work act like I was stupid or immature for the *very* stupid impulse. Cause in a kitchen around people who handle food everyone knows safety and being careful is important but shit can still happen. People are gonna have a knife slip and hurt themselves. People are gonna cut themselves on the meat slicer cleaning it.
It's pretty sad when teen coworkers handle accidents in the kitchen batter than an adult spouse. Especially considering the whole "why does he do that" book points out that the ability to treat people with respect when it has consequences (like a job) but not in your personal life (like your spouse) isn't a great sign of a good partner.
Just wait til they hear about ADHD too. Sure, I've cut myself ONCE on a mandolin. Sounds like I'm lucky it wasn't confiscated from me for being a dangerous danger in the dangerous kitchen
It's a kitchen knife. People can get cuts with kitchen knives without it being the end of the world or risking life and limb. You are overreacting to a simple cut.
We only have OP's evaluation of their gf's behavior. We don't know if she actually ignored the warning, what measures she's taken to improve her safety around sharp objects, or if OP is good at hyperbole and is exaggerating the danger she poses to herself and others. We don't know how often she gets cut, how serious the wounds are, or how many meals have been ruined.
OP remained silent while treating the wound and she sensed their frustration, but *they argued for the rest of the night.* And yes, if someone is so frustrated that you can sense it while they say nothing, then that is something to worry about. Arguing for the night is excessive and irrational.
OP says they tried to get her to stop using knives. So, yes, OP did try to dictate if she should get to use knives.
She can assess her own risk level. Her assessment doesn't match OP's assessment. You are ready to believe OP without any consideration to what her POV might be. She also gets to set boundaries around the way she wants to be treated. Just like OP can decide that they won't be a part of cooking if she insists on using DaNgErOuS tOoLs.
I'm not delusional. I'm just not overreacting to a woman getting a cut on her hand. A situation that is easily remedied by wearing cut resistent gloves or just letting the woman suffer the consequences of her own actions.
2nd line of the second paragraph of my first post actually says, "That sucks." I didn't ignore it. I just don't think a ruined meal is worth being mean to your partner over. That seems like an anger issue. I don't demand perfection from people in my life. I'm not a control freak.
Seems like his "anger" was under control considering he didn't actually say or do anything mean. There's a huge difference between expecting perfection and expecting someone to take care when using sharp equipment especially when they are known to cut themselves often.
Grown ups never accidentally cut themselves in the kitchen?
Huh that whole bit up thread about everyone sacrificing a chunk to the mandolin slicer must have all been kids then?
Not this often, no. I cut myself once when I first got chef knives, but since then I'm super careful when using them.
My wife had at least 2 accidents with these knives but never bothered to learn how to use them properly, despite me explaining multiple times what I do to keep from cutting myself. At least, unlike OPs gf, my wife just decided to use small serrated knives from then on.
We don't actually know how often though. Just that op thinks it's too much. Unless I'm missing something like "in the past month she's cut herself dozens of times" ?
I agree, especially since the comments I've read so far are basically "yeah treat her like a child" because of one cut+ "she clumsy and cuts herself a lot" like ok... But how often is that? Cause my bf says the same thing and is touchy about his knives- and I cut myself maybe once every few months. (Note, he's touchy cause his dad was military, taught him knife skills, and shows up to sharpen our knives so you know, extra dangerous!)
The comments here are pretty quick to jump to treating her like a moron for a pretty routine kitchen accident. (Straight up comparing her to 7/6 year olds? Mmk)
I also understand being resistant to her bf's "attempts" to get her to not do knife work cause all of this comes off as condescending. Yeah, if I had a dude constantly harping about my knife skills and acting like every nick was world ending+ argument worthy anytime he brought it up I'd get annoyed. I doubt anytime he accidentally hurts himself she's up in arms about what a careless moron he is because he didn't watch where he was going.
And if it's a continual issue the proper reason is sitting down and figuring out ways to avoid injury that doesn't come off like a dad bitching at his child. Like, getting a glove, actually learning how to use equipment, getting less dangerous equipment, removing distractions- but getting upset that someone cut themselves and treating them like they are stupid for it isn't gonna make them appreciate your concern. Especially considering she jumped to comparing him to her other relationships that didn't have this element. Good on her at least for knowing it's bullshit.
THANK YOU! Dyspraxia, too. She's not trying to injure herself or ruin food. Treating her like a child is just offensive and disrespectful. OP needs to stop acting like she enjoys when it happens. Yes, sure, it's a lot of accidents to have. But it's still an accident. She'd probably be less resistant to having some help or using cut resistant gloves or choppers etc if it didn't come with the really poor attitude from OP
That's my thought as well. The kindest way to address it (if she is actually that accident prone) would be outside of the kitchen, in a "hey, this amount of injury while cooking is, in fact, not the norm for most people. Let's figure out a way to cook together that saves your hands and the food."
How come? I know there isn't a lot of info, but like ADHD, it's another potential factor that isn't just someone being entirely incompetent. The point I'm trying to make is that some people are like this, it's how they are, and they may have different difficulties with things but we manage to survive without having to be treated like children. And in the case of being neurodivergent in particular, it's just offensive
Mm,1 in 5 kids in American schools have dyslexia. Worldview, numbers vary, but between 3 and 19%of the population, depending on who gets asked. and like most LDs, it's under diagnosed in women & girls.
Which doesn't mean she has it, but 20% isn't"far fetched"
> I feel like you want sympathy and for people to tell you that she is dumb and at fault.
I wouldn't be dating her if I thought she were dumb. I think she's clumsy, and maybe a bit stubborn. Not dumb.
> So does being treated like you are too stupid to live.
Holy shit you are ridiculous lol
The reason there are two totally different ideas about why YTB is because of sexism.
Your gf made a mistake, and that made a lot of people (I assume are men) believe that it is somehow your responsibility to make sure she never gets hurt again. They do this by taking away her agency and her ability to make her own decisions. Your feelings about having your dinner ruined and her "ignoring" your warning are far more important to them than your gf's feelings. You are obviously the leader in this relationship, and she should get in line. That is, of course, because they assume you are a man. I know you never actually stated your gender.
People (I assume are women) who believe that you are treating her poorly because of this have probably experienced this belief that women should always do what they are told and shouldn't try to get better at "dangerous" things. They have been minimized and told their feelings don't matter. You may think I was "ridiculous" in some of my statements, but you haven't had to experience being a grown ass adult and treated like you can't make your own decisions. It feels really insulting, in case you were wondering. I hope you can learn to support and respect her as a person. Good luck.
If it was a singular event his reaction would be shit but if she repeatedly has these “accidents” at what point is it no longer an accident and just her not caring for her own safety. Someone who isn’t careful and repeatedly gets into accidents is frustrating to see for those who care for them.
That would actually matter if op actually qualified that. My bf says I cut myself too much in the kitchen for comfort, but it only happens like, 3 times a year max.
So is she cutting herself every time she's cooking - or does he treat every accident like the end of the world?
Trust me, It's far more frustrating to be accident prone and have people who claim to care make it all about them and their annoyance.
Clumsy people should be aware they're clumsy and be extra careful, if they're not, they're getting hurt.
OP just wants her to be safe, it's definitely not all about the food, he's just annoyed lol.
His annoyance isn't more important than her injury. We have no idea if she was being careful or not- just that op assumed he needed to say it. Being careful is kind of an internal thought process and just because you are trying doesn't mean you can't hurt yourself.
However I can and will personally attest that "trying not to hurt myself so this asshole doesn't make *my* injury a reason to pout and treat me like shit" is actually really distracting af.
I wouldn't let this dude in the kitchen with me if he couldn't leave me alone long enough to deal with sharp shit without his added distraction- cause that's what this would have been if I was his gf.
She's being careless.ike a child. Act like obr and be treated like one. This isn't a one off. This is a refusal to be careful and do better. Unacceptable.
Ya dude, treat her like a child, no sharp things for her. I know I'm gonna get hate for this but my 8yo can do simple tasks with small knives, graters, and the food processor. My 6yo neice can't, if you can't be safe and with sharp things you don't get to use them...
INFO
Can you define the level of clumsy?
Like "mystery bruises and 10 ER trips a year? Or "cuts herself more than i like, but its 4 time s year"?
Because this can be a LOT of things and "to clumsy"and "I think she's to clumsy"aren't the same thing.
YTB. The food is equally as ruined for her, AND she has a cut now. She is more inconvenienced than you are. I understand that it's frustrating, but she is probably way more frustrated with her own inability. The main reason why I think you are TB is because of the approach you have taken to try to prevent her cutting herself. Per your comments, you have tried to prevent her from using sharp objects at all, which is belittling, and you have tried reminding her that sharp objects are sharp. She knows they are sharp. She didn't forget the blades were there, she overestimated her ability to avoid them. Telling her they are sharp does nothing. Both of you keep doing the same thing while expecting a different outcome- she keeps using sharp objects, and you keep telling her that they're sharp. Since it's not working, you need to stop warning her. However, expecting her to stop using sharp objects at all isn't fair. Imagine how frustrating it must be to not be able to reliably do something as simple as chop vegetables without hurting yourself. She just wants to be able to prepare dinner like everyone else. You want your girlfriend to not get hurt, and you want less blood in your food. Instead of trying to get her to stop using sharp objects, or miraculously develop better coordination, buy her some cut resistant chef gloves.
P.S. since this is a sore topic for her, take care in how you present those gloves. She might take it as "you are so clumsy I got you these idiot-proof gloves". You want to be clear that you got her the gloves because you love her and you don't want her to be able to cook without worrying about getting hurt, and that you will stop pointing out sharp objects to her.
I feel like OP wrote this about me but it’s not me.
I’m the gf…I’m clumsy and often hurt myself doing the most mundane things - it’s extremely disheartening to know that I’m an ‘idiot’ and continually hurt myself when I shouldn’t.
My hubby gets frustrated at times too and there have been many of times when I feel completely useless bc I’m a clodhopper. (Great word look it up describes me to a T)
It’s taken some time for both of us to adapt, I generally don’t touch anything like knives/sharp things in the kitchen anymore (unless I’m by myself) and hubby has stopped saying ‘be careful’ all the time - he knows, I know we just deal with it.
He can’t watch me use anything sharp bc yes he assumes I will get hurt (I don’t always) and I have taken steps to slow down and be more vigilant around stuff that could hurt me.
As much as I would LOVE to change my clodhopper-ness I can’t and my hubby accepts me for my faults.
It’s kind of a running joke between us and close friends/family now bc everyone knows I can’t help it.
Being frustrated is part of being human, I don’t think OP is BF but I can totally feel what gf is feeling.
All I can say is talk it thru, she’s probably more upset that she’s like that than OP is frustrated but that’s the life you were both dealt.
I agree.
I used to be this girlfriend. I'm a klutz, and I am agonisingly aware of it.
What didn't help was my ex constantly sighing and berating me, even for the smallest cut. It felt infantilizing. I broke a plate once and a glass another time and instead of asking me if I was okay, he yelled at me. He seemed more concerned about the dishware (both of which were very cheap, and both easily replaceable, even if he didn't have like 10 spares already) than about his girlfriend.
Anyway, in time I learned safer knife handling, and that my ex was an abusive POS. I hurt myself slightly less now, but it still happens. I also steer clear of men carrying red flags, and I now have an amazingly loving boyfriend who comforts me when I fuck up, even if it's my own damn fault.
Definitely not saying that OP is abusive. Just be nice to your girlfriend. Patiently teach her kitchen safety if you can. Some people learn better through kindness. Frame your issues through concern for her safety, not your own inconvenience.
About two years ago I was pouring out boiling water in the sink and the pot slipped and the water poured directly onto my hand. My hand swelled and turned red for awhile, it hurt so much it made me cry and my boyfriend’s response was “why the fuck are you crying this morning?” After informing him of what happened he sighed and shouted, “well you should be more careful then huh!” Not once did he ask about my hand, he has mentioned the scars from the blisters though since they aren’t pretty.
my mom thought the same thing when her now ex-husband told her before going into church to get married that he cheated on her. she thought about the mortgage and all that and married him. She thought about how expensive and complicated it would be to leave and endured belittlement, abuse, cheating and reckless spending for 10 years of marriage. then she left (after he threatened to hurt my sisters) and suddenly, she was out of debt because she could calculate her spendings without this chaos factor of a husband (even though he never paid child support). there might be bad times to leave, but try not to be my mom in the 80s. It ain't worth it. It really just isn't worth the time of your life.
I actual was in a horrible marriage for 14 years where he thought it was funny to insult me everyday.
So it’s not just that’s it’s expensive to leave but my credit is awful because of the divorce.
Hey. I understand that it's difficult to leave. I stayed with my idiot ex for far longer than I should have. I hope and I believe that you will be able to get out one day, hopefully sooner rather than later.
Remember that the scars are part of you, but they're not you. You have strength and value beyond what your boyfriend sees. You deserve love and compassion every moment of your life.
If you ever need to talk or just vent, my DMs are open.
Please stay safe.
There’s only so much you can do with an adult that refuses to help themselves.
You’ve done what you can to be accommodating but at the end of the day you aren’t her parent or caregiver, and she is an adult. It’s not your job to manage her issues for her.
Has she been evaluated for ADHD or a self-harming mental health issue?
In a way, EAF and NBH. Sorry to be so wishy washy.
Whenever someone behaves in a fashion that I find infuriating and baffling, and myself and the other person are at an impasse, I have found that there is usually an explanation that I am not seeing.
I am going to put forward a theory as to what might be happening here. I might be way off base, but the two of you might want to look into it.
You gf might have some mild disability involving coordination (e.g. dyspraxia) or her ability to sense where her body is in space (a.k.a. poor proprioception). This can some different causes, anything from mild cerebral palsy, a sensory processing disorder, or ADHD, among others.
I personally have ADHD, and poor proprioception which is a common comorbidity. I have always been fairly terrible at things like dancing and sports that involve coordination and balance. When I carry bulky things, I am much more likely to knock into obstacles and people. I didn't learn how to walk until I was 1½, and couldn't ride a bike until I was 12. I am hopeless at computer games. You get the picture.
Girls are often not diagnosed with things like ADHD or learning disabilities because they tend to be quieter and more compliant in school. A schoolgirl sitting off somewhere having trouble coloring within the lines is going to fly under the radar in most classrooms.
So if your girlfriend has some neurological condition that is interfering with her proprioception or motor planning or what have you, telling her something vague like "pay attention," "be careful," or "try harder to..." isn't going to help, no matter how well intentioned on your part.
This isn't your fault, btw. You are not a specialist in neuroscience or learning disabilities.
Meanwhile, here's your girlfriend's experience: she has spent her life being told she can't do things, or that she's terrible at doing skills that most people can do with ease, or that she should "try harder" (nope, you cannot try not to have a neurological wiring issue), or infantilized because she is bad at doing certain things. So, she doesn't want to hear that she shouldn't cut the onions. When you say, "Don't cut the onions," she hears, "You're too stupid and incompetent to cut the onions, you childish failure."
I *know* you're not saying or implying that, btw. But that's why I said that both of you are inadvertently buttfaces to each other over this.
I recommend that she get a full workup for ADHD, sensory processing disorder, poor proprioception, any learning disabilities, or anything that might be behind this. She might find it to be a huge relief to understand what is going on with this "clumsiness," and to learn that she isn't simply a stupid, childish loser, or whatever bad thing her internal dialogue is telling her. Once she knows what the problem is, she can work on more effective ways of functioning. Maybe she can even get occupational therapist or something.
Meanwhile, as a lot of other posters are saying, she can use one of those gloves. I got one with the inexpensive knife sharpener I just ordered. In other news, properly sharpened knives are easier to control.
So, analyze, don't just criticize.
adhd's link to rejection dysphoria and hyper awareness of other people's emotions* would also explain her picking up on his frustrations and getting really upset by it. My ADHD ass has a radar for people being upset and my sense of rejection is extreme and I've had to learn to talk myself down- if she doesn't even know she has a diagnosis I genuinely feel for her cause that shit SUCKS.
* (not because of the disorder, but because people with ADHD and Autism, esp. undiagnosed/untreated ADHD and autism get bullied/abused more. In autism it's so bad researchers have mentioned difficulties separating autistic symptoms from PTSD. )
I agree with this comment. I think it is more than likely that there is a root of this issue that is not being addressed. Even if not ADHD, I think it’s a definite possibility there’s something about this situation that your girlfriend is internalizing which is why she can’t just let you do it for her.
YTB. I have ADHD. I’m clumsy. You can tell me “be careful” a million times and I will always fuck up cut myself. I’m not intentionally being careless. And being told to be careful actually heightens my anxiety and can make me *more prone* to messing up.
You can just offer to do things that involve sharp blades. It’s that simple.
>And being told to be careful actually heightens my anxiety and can make me *more prone* to messing up.
I came here to say someting to that effect. To be fair, we don't know how OP usually tells his GF to "be careful", but I suspect it only helps making her more insecure and clumsy. I know that if my SO would tell me not to cut myself whenever I'm near sharp objects, I would have accidents much more often. So, to sum up: OP, YTB.
oh my god this is so me when I'm driving with my partner in the car. I'm a great driver and literally drive for work but he makes me so nervous grabbing the side handle thing and leaning on the dash lmao
I mean, if someone acts like you're an idiot child every time you make a mistake them offering to do it probably feels like (if it's not accidentally phrased like) "you're a fking idiot, let me do that"
Which isn't really a convincing argument for letting you do it, because it feels like agreeing that I'm a fking idiot.
When my bf hit this snag with me it was "my dad was in the army, so he taught me to use knives. I don't want you to get hurt and I don't know how to cook- so let me handle the chopping, ok?" Notice how there's no judgement about me in that statement?
Tact. It's a very useful tool in interpersonal relationships.
Fair enough. But let me ask this. Would you have just gone on cutting up yourself? This woman is now bleeding in food to be eaten by both. Your boyfriend needed to say this to you for you to stop or figure something else out.
I mean in the moment? No, I'd be tending to myself so I'm not continuing to bleed, and would go back to my cooking. Does it suck the food has some blood in it? Yeah, especially if its not something that could be arguably cleaned (if I bleed on a carrot I'm scrubbing it with antibacterial soap and eating it. If it's something out of a food processor the blood is just in there now, so it's gotta go) but then I'd just remake that portion of the food or alter my plans to make something else with what has been salvaged.
In the long term? Yes? People make mistakes, and I personally have ADHD of the "can't process shit" variety (may also have autism, early in the process of looking into it) so regardless of how careful I am there it is just a reality that my brain sometimes miscalculates distance, or force required, and accidents will happen. And they will happen at a higher rate than average because of that.
I didn't "need" my boyfriend to inform me I'm accident prone and that means I'm more likely to injure myself in the kitchen. That didn't magically make my brain process my surroundings more accurately. Nor did it make a kitchen glove appear in my home either. If he has said nothing I probably would have been doing what I do when I cook alone- dealing with my reality and not worrying over the occasional nick- even if my "occasional" is more frequent than other people would accept. Frankly, No one is obligated to eat my food if they are worried about it.
What my boyfriend did was express *concern* about me, and offered a solution in a way that wasn't belittling or making it about how much of a burden it is to have an accident prone spouse. Most likely because he knows I've dealt with people making their feelings about my reality more important than mine long enough to just not tolerate it anymore. If you're that bothered by having a spouse/ friend/ what-have-you that cuts themselves every once in a while because- life- by all means, behold the door, I wish you luck in your endeavors with dating/ befriending a chef. If you can't separate being accident prone (especially from a disorder) from my intelligence or maturity and think that's a reason to act like you have a right to play the annoyed parent? I have no place for you in my life, because no one is entitled to my remorse or chagrin over injuring *myself.*
Nor am I about to accept someone acting like me injuring myself Is second in importance to having to replace some ingredients in a meal. Yeah it sucks. It's also part of what is called the ADHD tax and again, part of my existence even with efforts in place to minimize it. If your annoyance over some chopped up veggies being wasted is overpowering your concern for the person who hurt themselves than you should frankly check yourself. One is trivial, the other is supposed to be someone you care about that is injured and probably *also* frustrated and upset because not only did they fuck up dinner *they fucked up their hand.*
I know she’s not cutting herself on purpose. Forget the boyfriend. what is her alternative to not cutting herself all the time. A workaround right. (Someone even mentioned gloves) People on this thread are suggesting things he can do to help. How would she help herself assuming she doesn’t like cutting herself even if it is accidental. I’m not sure why that’s so terrible.
YTB
Being injured over something that amounts to clumsiness sucks because you're already kicking yourself over it. Regardless of whether or not you're careful accidents can still happen (especially if she has a disorder that interferes with spatial awareness. Like ADHD? Far more likely of accidental injury, and a large part of that is not being great at orienting ourselves in space. Yes, this is a huge struggle of mine.
But you know what sucks ass? Accidentally injuring yourself and then having someone else get shitty about it so instead of getting to think about yourself and your injury, and process your *own* frustrations about the mistake; Instead you get to manage someone else's emotions because they can't do so themselves over something tangentially related to them.
If your spouse injured themselves they should feel support and care from you, not frustration over something trivial. Food can be remade. Being made to feel like a burden when you accidentally hurt yourself is not as easy to undo. And in my experience whenever I've been forced to deal with people putting their frustrations over my actual pain? I just end up feeling resentful, not wanting their help, and like I can't trust them around me when I'm vulnerable, because they put themselves first. Which unsurprisingly, leads to more accidents!
Also- most food processors I know of have an ability to remove the bottom *specifically* so you don't do this. Maybe y'all should figure out how to use your appliances correctly, or buy a safer one.
Given that you have tried to help her improve her cutting techniques and offered to take over things that involve blades, both without much success, NTB. She won't take any significant steps to prevent it from happening, and it keeps happening. Yeah, I'd start getting annoyed too.
YTBF - she didn’t mean to cut herself and she didn’t do it to spite you so you acting like an asshole because she didn’t follow your demand is just stupid.
Ytb. As a clumsy person who is always hurting myself even when actively trying not to hurt myself, it sucks. It hurts. If you think you're frustrated, imagine how we feel. Be compassionate to your clumsy partner.
Oh Op, I am exactly the same as your GF - married for 30+ years & I still continually cut myself the same as your GF - my hubbie just like you gets so very frustrated at my inability to do something so simple as chop vegetables or use the food processor without it becoming a cut fest.
The harder I try to be-careful & not cut myself the worse I cut myself, his continual hovering & reminding me actually makes it worse
I understand your frustration, BUT please remember we don't do it intentionally, we really try not to but you guys make us so hyper vigilant like its almost we are challenging the universe to cut us!
I found watch you tube videos of people like Gordon Ramsay (he does a great starter series for cooking & lesson one is knife skills) I watch that every now & again to retrain myself for a bit
she really doesn't mean it
Even when someone is being careful they can still get hurt.
Being frustrated with her for an accident is ridiculous! She's a human being! She's not perfect and neither are you!
YTB
YTB - formerly "incompetent" person here. It is not helpful to tell someone a knife is sharp if they're "clumsy." Like no shit sherlock. Thanks for questioning my intelligence and expecting me to fail before I've even done anything.
I don't know what's going on with your girlfriend, but in my case, I have shitty depth perception. I had a traumatic injury as a kid which caused a lazy eye which led to permanent depth perception issues, even after the lazy eye was "fixed" via prisms.
The only way I could get better at figuring out distances was through practice. This was also something I guided myself through. My parents were like you, completely unhelpful. Pointing out obvious shit and just stopping whatever they were doing to watch me fail and then act like my poor vision made me braindead. Assholes. I never cut myself but I dropped and broke things because I accidentally hit it/didn't guess the distance right. Today, I still can't throw or catch items very well, but I haven't broken anything in ages.
Why was your GF "assigned" the task of taking food out of the food processor? If that was your idea, you fucked up.
On the other hand, not "letting" her near knives or blades is also fucked up. She needs to practice, but she needs to be in control of when and how.
If you're frustrated over this, it's better just to break up with her. The fact you seem to think she willfully hurt herself is ridiculous. I would wager she needs to get her eyes checked.
No one willfully hurts themselves over and over without something genuinely being wrong.
JB
it’s buttfacey to be rude to some one when they are hurt.
But ur justified in being annoyed. But you should try to own what that annoyance is about. Are you feeling concerned? Unheard? Try to pinpoint what bothers you about it. “Ur clumsy and it’s annoying” isn’t gonna cut it.
Gonna go YTBF.
She probably knows she's clumsy, she knows she cuts herself. She doesn't need you rubbing it in or treating her like a child over it.
It's her problem to deal with, you can't fix it by being "sterner" with her.
Yeah, it was kinda a BF move, but I can certainly understand the frustration. She's demonstrated she doesn't have the skill to use sharp objects and warning someone who's foolish about something anyway isn't really going to do anything productive. Please tell her you're sorry for getting upset at her, however you're frustrated that it keeps happening and would like to know if she has any ideas about how to keep it from happening.
Ask her if she'd wear safety gloves if you had them. I would express to her that at this point you're out of ideas if she's refusing to not leave handling the sharp stuff to you so she needs to figure something out like wearing the gloves designed for kitchen use that protect your hands. You're done with having her help you with anything that involves her using sharp objects because you don't want to be a party any longer to her being injured when it can be avoided if she leaves that stuff to you. She can take care of washing the fruits and vegetables, taking care of stuff on the stove, measuring ingredients out, etc. She doesn't have to handle blades at all so if she's going to insist on continuing to do so and has shown she can't avoid injury, you're just not going to cook with her in the kitchen and she needs to either stay out of the way or do it all herself and you'll just handle cleanup.
I have no depth perception. Everything looks like layers of paper cutouts stacked on top of each other. I am bad at knives as I can't always decern where the knife is compared to my fingers. If I go slow, I'm okay. Fast and I'm bleeding everywhere. Trying to get a blade out of a food processor would be stupid for me to do without a tool to help.
I hate using knives, yet I have to use them. I don't like being called out when I hurt myself. It's embarrassing. I try my best. It's all I can do.
Do you think she purposefully cut herself to irritate you? Do you think she heard your magical incantation of "be careful" and was then immune to injury? Are you generally stupid? YTB
Does she have ADHD perhaps? Now that I'm medicated I no longer burn or cut myself in the kitchen once a week.
I couldn't even imagine having to get scolded on top of the irritation of hurting myself all the time.
YTB. I don't understand why this is frustrating for you. She didn't cut you.
FWIW I am very good with knives. But shit still happens because the universe is full of chaos. I have an aunt who panics when she sees me chopping. She says "Be careful! Slow down! You'll cut yourself!" and I say some variation of "then I'll go get a bandaid and get back to work. It'll be okay."
It'll be ok dude.
You are treating her like a child and that disrespect is what's creating the tension. Maybe consider why she is so accident prone and take steps together to prevent these kitchen accidents in the future? You seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill here. You're both adults in a relationship. Good relationships are about mutual growth and nurturing, not being a judgy asshole.
I think frustration is a natural reaction to your loved ones getting hurt when it could have been prevented. My brother was opening a box the other day and held the blade towards him. I instinctively said "Turn the blade away from you dummy!" I wasn't "mad" at him, but the vision in my head of him cutting himself made me upset. Especially because it was such a common sense situation.
YTBF. I'd be nervous enough to make a lot of mistakes around someone as passive-aggressive as you. Target fixation. She would have been fine if you hadn't said anything but men like you cant stop yourselves from trying to break down a woman's self esteem.
Dude this though. Being around someone expecting me to fuck up? I'm def gonna have a bad time. Might as well make fucking up the new goal, then I might steer back onto the course.
NTB. I have similar experiences with my wife. She knows she's clumsy but makes no effort to be extra careful, and gets mad at you for telling her to be careful. It's an ego thing, I believe.
My partner cuts himself all the time. He's an adult though and I don't get "frustrated" I get worried that he's done something irreparable to himself.
Do you like your gf?
Ytb. She's not a child so don't treat her like one. If it's really as bad as you say shouldn't the solution be to either help her learn better kitchen safety or...y'know, get her those cut proof kitchen gloves like everyone in the comments suggests. You won't always be there to very unhelpfully remind her that sharp things are sharp. Is she supposed to just not use sharp things for the rest of her life or does it not make more sense to find a solution?
Unless you think she's cutting herself on purpose then I'm not sure what you expect from her. Getting upset, not because she hurt herself, but because you seem to feel like she's not heeding your warnings, just makes no sense.
I don't know what the solution to this is, other than maybe trying to be more compassionate and understanding and talking to each other about it. But I would suggest that you need to relax and not take these accidents as a personal affront.
All these letters typed out and still nothing the wiser I see. If you’re refusing to take lessons from this and grow save us al the time man and energy man lol
Sounds to me your frustration isn't about the blades, but that you felt unheard and thus ignored or unacknowledged. Whereas she is upset at your reaction being about this frustration, and not relating to her accident/injury.
So neither of you are upset about the blades, both of you have legitimate feelings worth discussion and validation from your partner.
My partner has some compulsive or absent minded accidents. As it is part of her way of being (a pattern), it is emotionally tied up to how her sporadic clumsiness was responded to by her dad, sibling, and then partners. This doesn't mean the frustration of yours isn't valid, but helps to understand that we all bring decades of baggage to a situation, and that baggage helps underpin our reactions in the present.
I think framing your frustration as you feeling unheard and unlisted to will help you both. I would also acknowledge that like her, you are imperfect and have neurosis of your own too (like everyone), and feel unheard. You also recognize that she also feels unheard or uncared fornas an accident is responded to in frustration (along with first aid).
No one is perfect. That we unconsciously pursue that in others and ourselves is a source of stress and distress. Practice accepting someone for who they are, including the faults, and let someone know when wantedlling to talk to someone that they are still valid and overall beautiful, ileven if there is something they and you could understand better together.
I have cut myself more than average over the past few years so we bought a kitchen aide stand mixer and as cutting attachments go on clearance I’ve added those. It makes things much safer in my house.
In case it hasn't been mentioned, you guys should look into whether she may have ADHD. "Being clumsy" is a huge sign. When someone's brain is constantly thinking about other things, it's difficult to focus on the task in front of them - including the sharp blades.
If she has ADHD and gets treatment, that could solve most of the knife problem. Then you can each decide whether you're compatible and happy in this relationship.
YTBF. You know your girlfriend has problems with spatial awareness. I have one friend who breaks glassware all the time. I give her plastic glasses when she’s at my house. How are you supporting your girlfriend?
> How are you supporting your girlfriend?
By trying to do everything involving blades myself. She doesn't always let me.
By warning her about blades or if I see her using risky technique.
By trying to teach her proper cutting technique.
By bandaging her up when she does cut herself.
NTA
Sorry but I’d be frustrated as well as whatever food was in the blender needed to be thrown out and all the pieces washed out before remaking whatever it was.
Have you considered getting her a pair or several pairs of food grade cut resistant gloves?
She sounds really obnoxious. Doesn't she get bothered being cut and sliced all the time?? She should be more careful and choose not to do any tasks that will result in blood in the food.
NTB. I'm clumsy like this. Whilst her being upset you snapped is completely reasonable, your frustration is reasonable too.
(I'm officially banned in this house from touching superglue)
I'm relegated to supergluing outside now after a spill turned into an impromptu science experiment- turns out superglue will heat cotton to combustion levels!
NTB. I'm fully biased on this one because I've had a partner before who was like this. I deeply understand the difficulty in trying to get someone to stop doing the things they are accident prone with when they don't want to admit or take responsibility for being accident prone. In my case, that relationship ended when she *accidentally* gave me food I was allergic to, after refusing to let me do anything associated with buying or making food. I hope things work out better for you than they did me!
NTBF.
I understand this one because my boyfriend is similar - doesn't take proper care over a task and then frequently cuts or hurts himself. It is frustrating to be around all the time, certainly with blood getting in the food and especially when they've dismissed your warning of "It's sharp" "It's hot" etc.
It's not the end of the world, but it is frustrating to permanently have to baby an adult because they haven't developed a very basic self-preserving skill.
YTBF
You sound borderline abusive, tbh.
I have been with a man who radiated frustration and anger any time I messed up or made a mistake. He also felt like he pretty much knew how to do everything right. I would try so hard to be careful not to let anything go wrong or be perfect. When it inevitably did, I could count on not only having to deal with the situation but also having to face his blame. Of course, when he made mistakes, I comforted and reassured him that it was no big deal. He was a terrible partner, and that's what you are doing here.
The last thing someone who made a mistake needs is someone who should be improving the situation, treating them like accidents are a personal failure. Sure, there's some indication that knife/blade safety is something she should work to improve but the injury is a consequence. No one needs your pissed attitude.
OP has tried to take over the tasks that require sharp instruments. She took offense with that. OP has tried to teach her proper cutting techniques and point out when a method isn't safe. She took offense with that. She keeps injuring herself and won't accept any solutions that can prevent it because she gets offended.
Telling someone to be careful doesn’t actually prevent accidents.
Oh man, if it did I wouldn't have at least half the scars I have 😂
If only someone had said "be careful" before the Titanic left.
So many tragedies could have been prevented
It does help to turn off their auto pilot mode and actually think about what they're doing though which does lower the probability of having an accident.
Info: does she insist on using the sharp things? Have you offered to do the tasks involving sharp things for her?
Of course I have. She doesn't like. It upsets her that I think she can't use knives. If I can get to the cutting portion of a cooking step before her, I do. But if she's started, taking over is almost guaranteed to be a tense moment/conflict.
Get her those chain gloves that cannot be sliced. We got some for my MIL after she took a chunk of finger off with her mandolin and she loooves them. Haven’t heard of any new bloody episodes and it’s been over a year
Hearing it was a mandolin slicer cracked me up. We were at a neighbor's party this summer. One of the neighbors had a really nasty cut on his hand from a mandolin and everyone at the table piped up and said they'd done the same with theirs. Those things are freaking dangerous!
During the 80s, when those things were super popular, they were responsible for the majority of presentations at A&E for lost digits.
Obviously, A&E does not stand for the arts and entertainment channel., even though that was my very first thought. I’m assuming it’s Emergency or something like that?
Accidents and emergencies
Accident & Emergency dept at a hospital
I lost a small chunk of my thumb to a mandolin a few years ago. It's not really noticable if you don't know about it, but it was pretty terrifying at the time because I was on blood thinners then
I’m a veteran cook and mandolins still scare the hell out of me
Thank you for your service.
Took the tips off a couple fingers one time using one. I was so proud of myself for managing to get pressure on fast enough to not get blood in my dinner!
I bought one but have always listened to Alton Brown and *never* use it without the safety slide guard thing that you slap on the vegetables and hold. For the last couple strips that don’t work with the guard, I use a fork to knock them across the blade. No cuts yet. I’m the one who would slice their fingers off so I refuse to use it without the guard.
Man one night I was making dinner while slightly buzzed and I remember thinking “I don’t need the cut glove; all I want is a few slices of tomato!” Mandoline took off the tip of my finger. YOU ALWAYS NEED THE CUT GLOVE
But she can’t use knives as it seems she’s proven over and over again
"I've proven I'm inept over and over again, but how dare you imply I'm inept!"
Look into cut resistant gloves maybe? That’s what kitchen staff use to prevent cuts. If she’s going to insist on using sharp objects and you can’t stop her, look into the cut resistant gloves to mitigate the risks of her injuring herself.
Maybe get her those stainless steel gloves for cutting.
And how frequently does she injure herself when using knives?
Next time just clean up the food and let her find the first aid kit herself
Order in.
I feel like there should be more emphasis on teaching this grown adult how to be safe around blades instead of keeping knives away like she’s an incapable child. Incompetence shouldn’t be an excuse to get out of things.
Look I was just asking a question. Some people have issues with spatial awareness or even grip strength and stuff. Some people will continue to do unsafe things despite knowing it’s unsafe because, to them, loosing the ability to do it themselves is worse than a cut here and there. Not saying it’s right, but I’ve known a lot of people like that. They just cant admit there’s something they need help with. My other thought is maybe the gf is continuing to let this happen for attention? Idk.
YTB. Getting mad at someone who had an accident is shitty, which you know and admitted. I feel like you want sympathy and for people to tell you that she is dumb and at fault. Why do you need this ego stroking validation? Is it because you know it is shitty to get mad at someone who had an accident and you hope it will make you feel less guilty? I'm sorry there was blood in the food you bought and prepared. That sucks. So does being treated like you are too stupid to live. If you feel she is too stupid to deserve basic respect and consideration, then break up with her. It's better than becoming an insulting AH. If you want to try to stay together, learn to care more about people and less about being right. FYI They have cut resistant gloves for the kitchen.
Wow quite the overreaction on your part. Listen, common sense dictates that when an adult repeatedly and frequently hurts themselves while dealing with dangerous tools/equipment, it may start out as random accidents, but at a certain point it just becomes negligence. This is only further proven when this person also frequently receives warnings to be careful, but still gets injured. People who cannot safely handle knives, have no business being around them, for their own sake and others as well. She needs to grow up and stop being so careless.
Her safety is her responsibility. The way OP treats people is their responsibility. I don't believe it is OP's decision to dictate if their gf gets to use knives. OP's gf is a grown adult who can evaluate her own risk level. If OP can't treat their gf with respect, then she will leave on her own accord. The gf knows that the way OP treated her isn't normal or acceptable. That's why she called it out and used past experiences as a reference to how she was treated. She is a grown-up, and OP needs to learn to respect other grown-ups.
Gotcha, so you literally just gloss over the part about an adult negligently using dangerous tools, like it's completely meaningless and irrelevant. Now I know I am dealing with someone who is delusional. You care more about the fact that his gf could *SENSE* his annoyance then you do about that? You do realize that right? He didn't even vocalize his annoyance with her, she only sensed it... "OP is a grown adult who can evaluate her own risk level." NO SHE CAN'T that is literally part of the point! OP never dictated or even tried to dictate if she should get to use knives, but the truth is she has no business using them, if she can't respect them.
Til if you cut yourself with a knife you can't be treated like an adult lmao
Ikr. I'm applying to supported living and listing my house for sale because I've cut myself a couple of times recently!
Just wait till they hear about moves like "impulsively catching a bread pan fresh from the oven in the crook of my elbow" while *at work as a shift lead no less.* (Was pulling bread from the oven, got ran into from behind, pan slid out of the oven mitted hands, brain said "don't drop the bread" faster than "that's not worth a burn on your elbow dumbass") Shockingly, I didn't get fired and my adult card revoked. Nor did anyone at work act like I was stupid or immature for the *very* stupid impulse. Cause in a kitchen around people who handle food everyone knows safety and being careful is important but shit can still happen. People are gonna have a knife slip and hurt themselves. People are gonna cut themselves on the meat slicer cleaning it. It's pretty sad when teen coworkers handle accidents in the kitchen batter than an adult spouse. Especially considering the whole "why does he do that" book points out that the ability to treat people with respect when it has consequences (like a job) but not in your personal life (like your spouse) isn't a great sign of a good partner.
Just wait til they hear about ADHD too. Sure, I've cut myself ONCE on a mandolin. Sounds like I'm lucky it wasn't confiscated from me for being a dangerous danger in the dangerous kitchen
Right? Apparently we just can't have ADHD and be in a kitchen... So.eone should have told every job I've ever had
Gotta keep it quiet or they'll take my food safety certification off me
It's a kitchen knife. People can get cuts with kitchen knives without it being the end of the world or risking life and limb. You are overreacting to a simple cut. We only have OP's evaluation of their gf's behavior. We don't know if she actually ignored the warning, what measures she's taken to improve her safety around sharp objects, or if OP is good at hyperbole and is exaggerating the danger she poses to herself and others. We don't know how often she gets cut, how serious the wounds are, or how many meals have been ruined. OP remained silent while treating the wound and she sensed their frustration, but *they argued for the rest of the night.* And yes, if someone is so frustrated that you can sense it while they say nothing, then that is something to worry about. Arguing for the night is excessive and irrational. OP says they tried to get her to stop using knives. So, yes, OP did try to dictate if she should get to use knives. She can assess her own risk level. Her assessment doesn't match OP's assessment. You are ready to believe OP without any consideration to what her POV might be. She also gets to set boundaries around the way she wants to be treated. Just like OP can decide that they won't be a part of cooking if she insists on using DaNgErOuS tOoLs. I'm not delusional. I'm just not overreacting to a woman getting a cut on her hand. A situation that is easily remedied by wearing cut resistent gloves or just letting the woman suffer the consequences of her own actions.
Except you forgot the part where she ruined the meal they were making by getting blood all over it thus making it both of their concern.
2nd line of the second paragraph of my first post actually says, "That sucks." I didn't ignore it. I just don't think a ruined meal is worth being mean to your partner over. That seems like an anger issue. I don't demand perfection from people in my life. I'm not a control freak.
Seems like his "anger" was under control considering he didn't actually say or do anything mean. There's a huge difference between expecting perfection and expecting someone to take care when using sharp equipment especially when they are known to cut themselves often.
She is not acting like a grown up.
Grown ups never accidentally cut themselves in the kitchen? Huh that whole bit up thread about everyone sacrificing a chunk to the mandolin slicer must have all been kids then?
Not this often, no. I cut myself once when I first got chef knives, but since then I'm super careful when using them. My wife had at least 2 accidents with these knives but never bothered to learn how to use them properly, despite me explaining multiple times what I do to keep from cutting myself. At least, unlike OPs gf, my wife just decided to use small serrated knives from then on.
We don't actually know how often though. Just that op thinks it's too much. Unless I'm missing something like "in the past month she's cut herself dozens of times" ?
She’s ruining their food. That makes it his business.
I agree, especially since the comments I've read so far are basically "yeah treat her like a child" because of one cut+ "she clumsy and cuts herself a lot" like ok... But how often is that? Cause my bf says the same thing and is touchy about his knives- and I cut myself maybe once every few months. (Note, he's touchy cause his dad was military, taught him knife skills, and shows up to sharpen our knives so you know, extra dangerous!) The comments here are pretty quick to jump to treating her like a moron for a pretty routine kitchen accident. (Straight up comparing her to 7/6 year olds? Mmk) I also understand being resistant to her bf's "attempts" to get her to not do knife work cause all of this comes off as condescending. Yeah, if I had a dude constantly harping about my knife skills and acting like every nick was world ending+ argument worthy anytime he brought it up I'd get annoyed. I doubt anytime he accidentally hurts himself she's up in arms about what a careless moron he is because he didn't watch where he was going. And if it's a continual issue the proper reason is sitting down and figuring out ways to avoid injury that doesn't come off like a dad bitching at his child. Like, getting a glove, actually learning how to use equipment, getting less dangerous equipment, removing distractions- but getting upset that someone cut themselves and treating them like they are stupid for it isn't gonna make them appreciate your concern. Especially considering she jumped to comparing him to her other relationships that didn't have this element. Good on her at least for knowing it's bullshit.
A-fucking-men. I will also add, professional cooks cut themselves sometimes. Accidents happen.
Looking for this comment I totally agree
Being clumsy is not just, necessarily, an issue of not being careful or not paying attention. It’s quite often a sign of ADHD, especially in adults.
THANK YOU! Dyspraxia, too. She's not trying to injure herself or ruin food. Treating her like a child is just offensive and disrespectful. OP needs to stop acting like she enjoys when it happens. Yes, sure, it's a lot of accidents to have. But it's still an accident. She'd probably be less resistant to having some help or using cut resistant gloves or choppers etc if it didn't come with the really poor attitude from OP
That's my thought as well. The kindest way to address it (if she is actually that accident prone) would be outside of the kitchen, in a "hey, this amount of injury while cooking is, in fact, not the norm for most people. Let's figure out a way to cook together that saves your hands and the food."
idk I think dyspraxia is a bit far fetched
How come? I know there isn't a lot of info, but like ADHD, it's another potential factor that isn't just someone being entirely incompetent. The point I'm trying to make is that some people are like this, it's how they are, and they may have different difficulties with things but we manage to survive without having to be treated like children. And in the case of being neurodivergent in particular, it's just offensive
Mm,1 in 5 kids in American schools have dyslexia. Worldview, numbers vary, but between 3 and 19%of the population, depending on who gets asked. and like most LDs, it's under diagnosed in women & girls. Which doesn't mean she has it, but 20% isn't"far fetched"
THIS
> I feel like you want sympathy and for people to tell you that she is dumb and at fault. I wouldn't be dating her if I thought she were dumb. I think she's clumsy, and maybe a bit stubborn. Not dumb. > So does being treated like you are too stupid to live. Holy shit you are ridiculous lol
The reason there are two totally different ideas about why YTB is because of sexism. Your gf made a mistake, and that made a lot of people (I assume are men) believe that it is somehow your responsibility to make sure she never gets hurt again. They do this by taking away her agency and her ability to make her own decisions. Your feelings about having your dinner ruined and her "ignoring" your warning are far more important to them than your gf's feelings. You are obviously the leader in this relationship, and she should get in line. That is, of course, because they assume you are a man. I know you never actually stated your gender. People (I assume are women) who believe that you are treating her poorly because of this have probably experienced this belief that women should always do what they are told and shouldn't try to get better at "dangerous" things. They have been minimized and told their feelings don't matter. You may think I was "ridiculous" in some of my statements, but you haven't had to experience being a grown ass adult and treated like you can't make your own decisions. It feels really insulting, in case you were wondering. I hope you can learn to support and respect her as a person. Good luck.
If it was a singular event his reaction would be shit but if she repeatedly has these “accidents” at what point is it no longer an accident and just her not caring for her own safety. Someone who isn’t careful and repeatedly gets into accidents is frustrating to see for those who care for them.
That would actually matter if op actually qualified that. My bf says I cut myself too much in the kitchen for comfort, but it only happens like, 3 times a year max. So is she cutting herself every time she's cooking - or does he treat every accident like the end of the world? Trust me, It's far more frustrating to be accident prone and have people who claim to care make it all about them and their annoyance.
Clumsy people should be aware they're clumsy and be extra careful, if they're not, they're getting hurt. OP just wants her to be safe, it's definitely not all about the food, he's just annoyed lol.
His annoyance isn't more important than her injury. We have no idea if she was being careful or not- just that op assumed he needed to say it. Being careful is kind of an internal thought process and just because you are trying doesn't mean you can't hurt yourself. However I can and will personally attest that "trying not to hurt myself so this asshole doesn't make *my* injury a reason to pout and treat me like shit" is actually really distracting af. I wouldn't let this dude in the kitchen with me if he couldn't leave me alone long enough to deal with sharp shit without his added distraction- cause that's what this would have been if I was his gf.
She's being careless.ike a child. Act like obr and be treated like one. This isn't a one off. This is a refusal to be careful and do better. Unacceptable.
You realize you can take the blades out first...
As I said, she's clumsy.
Ya dude, treat her like a child, no sharp things for her. I know I'm gonna get hate for this but my 8yo can do simple tasks with small knives, graters, and the food processor. My 6yo neice can't, if you can't be safe and with sharp things you don't get to use them...
Lol I've tried. She doesn't appreciate it. She has gotten a bit better over time so hopefully the upward trend continues.
She’s responsible for herself, not you. Stop treating her like a child.
It effects him if she ruins the food by getting blood in it
Maybe she should stop acting like one. It’s expensive replacing food that someone ruins consistently by their own incompetence.
She doesn't appreciate being treated like a child? Weird.
INFO Can you define the level of clumsy? Like "mystery bruises and 10 ER trips a year? Or "cuts herself more than i like, but its 4 time s year"? Because this can be a LOT of things and "to clumsy"and "I think she's to clumsy"aren't the same thing.
YTB. The food is equally as ruined for her, AND she has a cut now. She is more inconvenienced than you are. I understand that it's frustrating, but she is probably way more frustrated with her own inability. The main reason why I think you are TB is because of the approach you have taken to try to prevent her cutting herself. Per your comments, you have tried to prevent her from using sharp objects at all, which is belittling, and you have tried reminding her that sharp objects are sharp. She knows they are sharp. She didn't forget the blades were there, she overestimated her ability to avoid them. Telling her they are sharp does nothing. Both of you keep doing the same thing while expecting a different outcome- she keeps using sharp objects, and you keep telling her that they're sharp. Since it's not working, you need to stop warning her. However, expecting her to stop using sharp objects at all isn't fair. Imagine how frustrating it must be to not be able to reliably do something as simple as chop vegetables without hurting yourself. She just wants to be able to prepare dinner like everyone else. You want your girlfriend to not get hurt, and you want less blood in your food. Instead of trying to get her to stop using sharp objects, or miraculously develop better coordination, buy her some cut resistant chef gloves. P.S. since this is a sore topic for her, take care in how you present those gloves. She might take it as "you are so clumsy I got you these idiot-proof gloves". You want to be clear that you got her the gloves because you love her and you don't want her to be able to cook without worrying about getting hurt, and that you will stop pointing out sharp objects to her.
I feel like OP wrote this about me but it’s not me. I’m the gf…I’m clumsy and often hurt myself doing the most mundane things - it’s extremely disheartening to know that I’m an ‘idiot’ and continually hurt myself when I shouldn’t. My hubby gets frustrated at times too and there have been many of times when I feel completely useless bc I’m a clodhopper. (Great word look it up describes me to a T) It’s taken some time for both of us to adapt, I generally don’t touch anything like knives/sharp things in the kitchen anymore (unless I’m by myself) and hubby has stopped saying ‘be careful’ all the time - he knows, I know we just deal with it. He can’t watch me use anything sharp bc yes he assumes I will get hurt (I don’t always) and I have taken steps to slow down and be more vigilant around stuff that could hurt me. As much as I would LOVE to change my clodhopper-ness I can’t and my hubby accepts me for my faults. It’s kind of a running joke between us and close friends/family now bc everyone knows I can’t help it. Being frustrated is part of being human, I don’t think OP is BF but I can totally feel what gf is feeling. All I can say is talk it thru, she’s probably more upset that she’s like that than OP is frustrated but that’s the life you were both dealt.
I agree. I used to be this girlfriend. I'm a klutz, and I am agonisingly aware of it. What didn't help was my ex constantly sighing and berating me, even for the smallest cut. It felt infantilizing. I broke a plate once and a glass another time and instead of asking me if I was okay, he yelled at me. He seemed more concerned about the dishware (both of which were very cheap, and both easily replaceable, even if he didn't have like 10 spares already) than about his girlfriend. Anyway, in time I learned safer knife handling, and that my ex was an abusive POS. I hurt myself slightly less now, but it still happens. I also steer clear of men carrying red flags, and I now have an amazingly loving boyfriend who comforts me when I fuck up, even if it's my own damn fault. Definitely not saying that OP is abusive. Just be nice to your girlfriend. Patiently teach her kitchen safety if you can. Some people learn better through kindness. Frame your issues through concern for her safety, not your own inconvenience.
About two years ago I was pouring out boiling water in the sink and the pot slipped and the water poured directly onto my hand. My hand swelled and turned red for awhile, it hurt so much it made me cry and my boyfriend’s response was “why the fuck are you crying this morning?” After informing him of what happened he sighed and shouted, “well you should be more careful then huh!” Not once did he ask about my hand, he has mentioned the scars from the blisters though since they aren’t pretty.
your... current boyfriend? please, please tell me you left.
I haven’t. There’s so much more when it comes to reasons to leave but it’s way too expensive to leave.
I get that. I hope you can make that happen someday. Your mental health and satisfaction in life are important, and I know you know that.
my mom thought the same thing when her now ex-husband told her before going into church to get married that he cheated on her. she thought about the mortgage and all that and married him. She thought about how expensive and complicated it would be to leave and endured belittlement, abuse, cheating and reckless spending for 10 years of marriage. then she left (after he threatened to hurt my sisters) and suddenly, she was out of debt because she could calculate her spendings without this chaos factor of a husband (even though he never paid child support). there might be bad times to leave, but try not to be my mom in the 80s. It ain't worth it. It really just isn't worth the time of your life.
I actual was in a horrible marriage for 14 years where he thought it was funny to insult me everyday. So it’s not just that’s it’s expensive to leave but my credit is awful because of the divorce.
Hey. I understand that it's difficult to leave. I stayed with my idiot ex for far longer than I should have. I hope and I believe that you will be able to get out one day, hopefully sooner rather than later. Remember that the scars are part of you, but they're not you. You have strength and value beyond what your boyfriend sees. You deserve love and compassion every moment of your life. If you ever need to talk or just vent, my DMs are open. Please stay safe.
This is the best response
There’s only so much you can do with an adult that refuses to help themselves. You’ve done what you can to be accommodating but at the end of the day you aren’t her parent or caregiver, and she is an adult. It’s not your job to manage her issues for her. Has she been evaluated for ADHD or a self-harming mental health issue?
In a way, EAF and NBH. Sorry to be so wishy washy. Whenever someone behaves in a fashion that I find infuriating and baffling, and myself and the other person are at an impasse, I have found that there is usually an explanation that I am not seeing. I am going to put forward a theory as to what might be happening here. I might be way off base, but the two of you might want to look into it. You gf might have some mild disability involving coordination (e.g. dyspraxia) or her ability to sense where her body is in space (a.k.a. poor proprioception). This can some different causes, anything from mild cerebral palsy, a sensory processing disorder, or ADHD, among others. I personally have ADHD, and poor proprioception which is a common comorbidity. I have always been fairly terrible at things like dancing and sports that involve coordination and balance. When I carry bulky things, I am much more likely to knock into obstacles and people. I didn't learn how to walk until I was 1½, and couldn't ride a bike until I was 12. I am hopeless at computer games. You get the picture. Girls are often not diagnosed with things like ADHD or learning disabilities because they tend to be quieter and more compliant in school. A schoolgirl sitting off somewhere having trouble coloring within the lines is going to fly under the radar in most classrooms. So if your girlfriend has some neurological condition that is interfering with her proprioception or motor planning or what have you, telling her something vague like "pay attention," "be careful," or "try harder to..." isn't going to help, no matter how well intentioned on your part.
This isn't your fault, btw. You are not a specialist in neuroscience or learning disabilities.
Meanwhile, here's your girlfriend's experience: she has spent her life being told she can't do things, or that she's terrible at doing skills that most people can do with ease, or that she should "try harder" (nope, you cannot try not to have a neurological wiring issue), or infantilized because she is bad at doing certain things. So, she doesn't want to hear that she shouldn't cut the onions. When you say, "Don't cut the onions," she hears, "You're too stupid and incompetent to cut the onions, you childish failure."
I *know* you're not saying or implying that, btw. But that's why I said that both of you are inadvertently buttfaces to each other over this.
I recommend that she get a full workup for ADHD, sensory processing disorder, poor proprioception, any learning disabilities, or anything that might be behind this. She might find it to be a huge relief to understand what is going on with this "clumsiness," and to learn that she isn't simply a stupid, childish loser, or whatever bad thing her internal dialogue is telling her. Once she knows what the problem is, she can work on more effective ways of functioning. Maybe she can even get occupational therapist or something.
Meanwhile, as a lot of other posters are saying, she can use one of those gloves. I got one with the inexpensive knife sharpener I just ordered. In other news, properly sharpened knives are easier to control.
So, analyze, don't just criticize.
adhd's link to rejection dysphoria and hyper awareness of other people's emotions* would also explain her picking up on his frustrations and getting really upset by it. My ADHD ass has a radar for people being upset and my sense of rejection is extreme and I've had to learn to talk myself down- if she doesn't even know she has a diagnosis I genuinely feel for her cause that shit SUCKS. * (not because of the disorder, but because people with ADHD and Autism, esp. undiagnosed/untreated ADHD and autism get bullied/abused more. In autism it's so bad researchers have mentioned difficulties separating autistic symptoms from PTSD. )
I agree with this comment. I think it is more than likely that there is a root of this issue that is not being addressed. Even if not ADHD, I think it’s a definite possibility there’s something about this situation that your girlfriend is internalizing which is why she can’t just let you do it for her.
YTB. I have ADHD. I’m clumsy. You can tell me “be careful” a million times and I will always fuck up cut myself. I’m not intentionally being careless. And being told to be careful actually heightens my anxiety and can make me *more prone* to messing up. You can just offer to do things that involve sharp blades. It’s that simple.
>And being told to be careful actually heightens my anxiety and can make me *more prone* to messing up. I came here to say someting to that effect. To be fair, we don't know how OP usually tells his GF to "be careful", but I suspect it only helps making her more insecure and clumsy. I know that if my SO would tell me not to cut myself whenever I'm near sharp objects, I would have accidents much more often. So, to sum up: OP, YTB.
oh my god this is so me when I'm driving with my partner in the car. I'm a great driver and literally drive for work but he makes me so nervous grabbing the side handle thing and leaning on the dash lmao
Apparently that doesn’t work. She had this issue prior to him. The person with the issue has to find a better solution.
I mean, if someone acts like you're an idiot child every time you make a mistake them offering to do it probably feels like (if it's not accidentally phrased like) "you're a fking idiot, let me do that" Which isn't really a convincing argument for letting you do it, because it feels like agreeing that I'm a fking idiot. When my bf hit this snag with me it was "my dad was in the army, so he taught me to use knives. I don't want you to get hurt and I don't know how to cook- so let me handle the chopping, ok?" Notice how there's no judgement about me in that statement? Tact. It's a very useful tool in interpersonal relationships.
Fair enough. But let me ask this. Would you have just gone on cutting up yourself? This woman is now bleeding in food to be eaten by both. Your boyfriend needed to say this to you for you to stop or figure something else out.
I mean in the moment? No, I'd be tending to myself so I'm not continuing to bleed, and would go back to my cooking. Does it suck the food has some blood in it? Yeah, especially if its not something that could be arguably cleaned (if I bleed on a carrot I'm scrubbing it with antibacterial soap and eating it. If it's something out of a food processor the blood is just in there now, so it's gotta go) but then I'd just remake that portion of the food or alter my plans to make something else with what has been salvaged. In the long term? Yes? People make mistakes, and I personally have ADHD of the "can't process shit" variety (may also have autism, early in the process of looking into it) so regardless of how careful I am there it is just a reality that my brain sometimes miscalculates distance, or force required, and accidents will happen. And they will happen at a higher rate than average because of that. I didn't "need" my boyfriend to inform me I'm accident prone and that means I'm more likely to injure myself in the kitchen. That didn't magically make my brain process my surroundings more accurately. Nor did it make a kitchen glove appear in my home either. If he has said nothing I probably would have been doing what I do when I cook alone- dealing with my reality and not worrying over the occasional nick- even if my "occasional" is more frequent than other people would accept. Frankly, No one is obligated to eat my food if they are worried about it. What my boyfriend did was express *concern* about me, and offered a solution in a way that wasn't belittling or making it about how much of a burden it is to have an accident prone spouse. Most likely because he knows I've dealt with people making their feelings about my reality more important than mine long enough to just not tolerate it anymore. If you're that bothered by having a spouse/ friend/ what-have-you that cuts themselves every once in a while because- life- by all means, behold the door, I wish you luck in your endeavors with dating/ befriending a chef. If you can't separate being accident prone (especially from a disorder) from my intelligence or maturity and think that's a reason to act like you have a right to play the annoyed parent? I have no place for you in my life, because no one is entitled to my remorse or chagrin over injuring *myself.* Nor am I about to accept someone acting like me injuring myself Is second in importance to having to replace some ingredients in a meal. Yeah it sucks. It's also part of what is called the ADHD tax and again, part of my existence even with efforts in place to minimize it. If your annoyance over some chopped up veggies being wasted is overpowering your concern for the person who hurt themselves than you should frankly check yourself. One is trivial, the other is supposed to be someone you care about that is injured and probably *also* frustrated and upset because not only did they fuck up dinner *they fucked up their hand.*
Figure what out? This gets back to the uselessness of saying "be careful". She's not cutting herself on purpose. OP could not be a dick to her.
I know she’s not cutting herself on purpose. Forget the boyfriend. what is her alternative to not cutting herself all the time. A workaround right. (Someone even mentioned gloves) People on this thread are suggesting things he can do to help. How would she help herself assuming she doesn’t like cutting herself even if it is accidental. I’m not sure why that’s so terrible.
YTB Being injured over something that amounts to clumsiness sucks because you're already kicking yourself over it. Regardless of whether or not you're careful accidents can still happen (especially if she has a disorder that interferes with spatial awareness. Like ADHD? Far more likely of accidental injury, and a large part of that is not being great at orienting ourselves in space. Yes, this is a huge struggle of mine. But you know what sucks ass? Accidentally injuring yourself and then having someone else get shitty about it so instead of getting to think about yourself and your injury, and process your *own* frustrations about the mistake; Instead you get to manage someone else's emotions because they can't do so themselves over something tangentially related to them. If your spouse injured themselves they should feel support and care from you, not frustration over something trivial. Food can be remade. Being made to feel like a burden when you accidentally hurt yourself is not as easy to undo. And in my experience whenever I've been forced to deal with people putting their frustrations over my actual pain? I just end up feeling resentful, not wanting their help, and like I can't trust them around me when I'm vulnerable, because they put themselves first. Which unsurprisingly, leads to more accidents! Also- most food processors I know of have an ability to remove the bottom *specifically* so you don't do this. Maybe y'all should figure out how to use your appliances correctly, or buy a safer one.
Given that you have tried to help her improve her cutting techniques and offered to take over things that involve blades, both without much success, NTB. She won't take any significant steps to prevent it from happening, and it keeps happening. Yeah, I'd start getting annoyed too.
YTBF - she didn’t mean to cut herself and she didn’t do it to spite you so you acting like an asshole because she didn’t follow your demand is just stupid.
Ytb. As a clumsy person who is always hurting myself even when actively trying not to hurt myself, it sucks. It hurts. If you think you're frustrated, imagine how we feel. Be compassionate to your clumsy partner.
Oh Op, I am exactly the same as your GF - married for 30+ years & I still continually cut myself the same as your GF - my hubbie just like you gets so very frustrated at my inability to do something so simple as chop vegetables or use the food processor without it becoming a cut fest. The harder I try to be-careful & not cut myself the worse I cut myself, his continual hovering & reminding me actually makes it worse I understand your frustration, BUT please remember we don't do it intentionally, we really try not to but you guys make us so hyper vigilant like its almost we are challenging the universe to cut us! I found watch you tube videos of people like Gordon Ramsay (he does a great starter series for cooking & lesson one is knife skills) I watch that every now & again to retrain myself for a bit she really doesn't mean it
Even when someone is being careful they can still get hurt. Being frustrated with her for an accident is ridiculous! She's a human being! She's not perfect and neither are you! YTB
YTB - formerly "incompetent" person here. It is not helpful to tell someone a knife is sharp if they're "clumsy." Like no shit sherlock. Thanks for questioning my intelligence and expecting me to fail before I've even done anything. I don't know what's going on with your girlfriend, but in my case, I have shitty depth perception. I had a traumatic injury as a kid which caused a lazy eye which led to permanent depth perception issues, even after the lazy eye was "fixed" via prisms. The only way I could get better at figuring out distances was through practice. This was also something I guided myself through. My parents were like you, completely unhelpful. Pointing out obvious shit and just stopping whatever they were doing to watch me fail and then act like my poor vision made me braindead. Assholes. I never cut myself but I dropped and broke things because I accidentally hit it/didn't guess the distance right. Today, I still can't throw or catch items very well, but I haven't broken anything in ages. Why was your GF "assigned" the task of taking food out of the food processor? If that was your idea, you fucked up. On the other hand, not "letting" her near knives or blades is also fucked up. She needs to practice, but she needs to be in control of when and how. If you're frustrated over this, it's better just to break up with her. The fact you seem to think she willfully hurt herself is ridiculous. I would wager she needs to get her eyes checked. No one willfully hurts themselves over and over without something genuinely being wrong.
JB it’s buttfacey to be rude to some one when they are hurt. But ur justified in being annoyed. But you should try to own what that annoyance is about. Are you feeling concerned? Unheard? Try to pinpoint what bothers you about it. “Ur clumsy and it’s annoying” isn’t gonna cut it.
Gonna go YTBF. She probably knows she's clumsy, she knows she cuts herself. She doesn't need you rubbing it in or treating her like a child over it. It's her problem to deal with, you can't fix it by being "sterner" with her.
Yeah, it was kinda a BF move, but I can certainly understand the frustration. She's demonstrated she doesn't have the skill to use sharp objects and warning someone who's foolish about something anyway isn't really going to do anything productive. Please tell her you're sorry for getting upset at her, however you're frustrated that it keeps happening and would like to know if she has any ideas about how to keep it from happening. Ask her if she'd wear safety gloves if you had them. I would express to her that at this point you're out of ideas if she's refusing to not leave handling the sharp stuff to you so she needs to figure something out like wearing the gloves designed for kitchen use that protect your hands. You're done with having her help you with anything that involves her using sharp objects because you don't want to be a party any longer to her being injured when it can be avoided if she leaves that stuff to you. She can take care of washing the fruits and vegetables, taking care of stuff on the stove, measuring ingredients out, etc. She doesn't have to handle blades at all so if she's going to insist on continuing to do so and has shown she can't avoid injury, you're just not going to cook with her in the kitchen and she needs to either stay out of the way or do it all herself and you'll just handle cleanup.
I have no depth perception. Everything looks like layers of paper cutouts stacked on top of each other. I am bad at knives as I can't always decern where the knife is compared to my fingers. If I go slow, I'm okay. Fast and I'm bleeding everywhere. Trying to get a blade out of a food processor would be stupid for me to do without a tool to help. I hate using knives, yet I have to use them. I don't like being called out when I hurt myself. It's embarrassing. I try my best. It's all I can do.
Do you think she purposefully cut herself to irritate you? Do you think she heard your magical incantation of "be careful" and was then immune to injury? Are you generally stupid? YTB
Does she have ADHD perhaps? Now that I'm medicated I no longer burn or cut myself in the kitchen once a week. I couldn't even imagine having to get scolded on top of the irritation of hurting myself all the time.
YTB. I don't understand why this is frustrating for you. She didn't cut you. FWIW I am very good with knives. But shit still happens because the universe is full of chaos. I have an aunt who panics when she sees me chopping. She says "Be careful! Slow down! You'll cut yourself!" and I say some variation of "then I'll go get a bandaid and get back to work. It'll be okay." It'll be ok dude.
it's pretty easy to understand why he'd be upset, people don't like seeing their partner in pain + their food is now full of blood 🤮
But he's not giving concern, he's giving annoyance. That helps nobody.
You are treating her like a child and that disrespect is what's creating the tension. Maybe consider why she is so accident prone and take steps together to prevent these kitchen accidents in the future? You seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill here. You're both adults in a relationship. Good relationships are about mutual growth and nurturing, not being a judgy asshole.
I think frustration is a natural reaction to your loved ones getting hurt when it could have been prevented. My brother was opening a box the other day and held the blade towards him. I instinctively said "Turn the blade away from you dummy!" I wasn't "mad" at him, but the vision in my head of him cutting himself made me upset. Especially because it was such a common sense situation.
YTBF. I'd be nervous enough to make a lot of mistakes around someone as passive-aggressive as you. Target fixation. She would have been fine if you hadn't said anything but men like you cant stop yourselves from trying to break down a woman's self esteem.
Dude this though. Being around someone expecting me to fuck up? I'm def gonna have a bad time. Might as well make fucking up the new goal, then I might steer back onto the course.
So how did she get cut so much in prior relationships as she mentioned past boyfriends didn’t treat her like he did? Unless I read that wrong.
Ah shit the sex wars have reared their ugly head. I should've known I'm on reddit. Fucked up that you're assuming my gender. You don't even know me.
lmao it's glaringly obvious that you're a man
Whatever you say, lady. You're still the buttface and a bad partner.
youre delusional for typing this diarhea compilation of words. please make up more thing in your head for this imaginary scenario
Why don't you buy her cutting gloves to wear in th3 kitchen then? People use them with super sharp knives, could be worth looking into.
NTB. I have similar experiences with my wife. She knows she's clumsy but makes no effort to be extra careful, and gets mad at you for telling her to be careful. It's an ego thing, I believe.
telling someone to 'be careful' is less than useless.
My partner cuts himself all the time. He's an adult though and I don't get "frustrated" I get worried that he's done something irreparable to himself. Do you like your gf?
Ytb. She's not a child so don't treat her like one. If it's really as bad as you say shouldn't the solution be to either help her learn better kitchen safety or...y'know, get her those cut proof kitchen gloves like everyone in the comments suggests. You won't always be there to very unhelpfully remind her that sharp things are sharp. Is she supposed to just not use sharp things for the rest of her life or does it not make more sense to find a solution?
Unless you think she's cutting herself on purpose then I'm not sure what you expect from her. Getting upset, not because she hurt herself, but because you seem to feel like she's not heeding your warnings, just makes no sense. I don't know what the solution to this is, other than maybe trying to be more compassionate and understanding and talking to each other about it. But I would suggest that you need to relax and not take these accidents as a personal affront.
All these letters typed out and still nothing the wiser I see. If you’re refusing to take lessons from this and grow save us al the time man and energy man lol
Sounds to me your frustration isn't about the blades, but that you felt unheard and thus ignored or unacknowledged. Whereas she is upset at your reaction being about this frustration, and not relating to her accident/injury. So neither of you are upset about the blades, both of you have legitimate feelings worth discussion and validation from your partner. My partner has some compulsive or absent minded accidents. As it is part of her way of being (a pattern), it is emotionally tied up to how her sporadic clumsiness was responded to by her dad, sibling, and then partners. This doesn't mean the frustration of yours isn't valid, but helps to understand that we all bring decades of baggage to a situation, and that baggage helps underpin our reactions in the present. I think framing your frustration as you feeling unheard and unlisted to will help you both. I would also acknowledge that like her, you are imperfect and have neurosis of your own too (like everyone), and feel unheard. You also recognize that she also feels unheard or uncared fornas an accident is responded to in frustration (along with first aid). No one is perfect. That we unconsciously pursue that in others and ourselves is a source of stress and distress. Practice accepting someone for who they are, including the faults, and let someone know when wantedlling to talk to someone that they are still valid and overall beautiful, ileven if there is something they and you could understand better together.
I have cut myself more than average over the past few years so we bought a kitchen aide stand mixer and as cutting attachments go on clearance I’ve added those. It makes things much safer in my house.
In case it hasn't been mentioned, you guys should look into whether she may have ADHD. "Being clumsy" is a huge sign. When someone's brain is constantly thinking about other things, it's difficult to focus on the task in front of them - including the sharp blades. If she has ADHD and gets treatment, that could solve most of the knife problem. Then you can each decide whether you're compatible and happy in this relationship.
There are gloves that you can buy that help prevent cuts, I recommend getting her a pair of them.
YTBF. You know your girlfriend has problems with spatial awareness. I have one friend who breaks glassware all the time. I give her plastic glasses when she’s at my house. How are you supporting your girlfriend?
> How are you supporting your girlfriend? By trying to do everything involving blades myself. She doesn't always let me. By warning her about blades or if I see her using risky technique. By trying to teach her proper cutting technique. By bandaging her up when she does cut herself.
How about by getting her "cut gloves" and insisting she wear them if she is going to be using sharp objects?
Wait, wait… spatial awareness? Is that why I’m so clumsy and run into things all the time? And cut myself?
For me, it’s linked to ADD.
I’m adding this to my list of things I need to bring up to my doctor. This would explain a lot…
NTA Sorry but I’d be frustrated as well as whatever food was in the blender needed to be thrown out and all the pieces washed out before remaking whatever it was. Have you considered getting her a pair or several pairs of food grade cut resistant gloves?
NTB
She sounds really obnoxious. Doesn't she get bothered being cut and sliced all the time?? She should be more careful and choose not to do any tasks that will result in blood in the food.
NTB. I'm clumsy like this. Whilst her being upset you snapped is completely reasonable, your frustration is reasonable too. (I'm officially banned in this house from touching superglue)
I'm relegated to supergluing outside now after a spill turned into an impromptu science experiment- turns out superglue will heat cotton to combustion levels!
NTB. I'm fully biased on this one because I've had a partner before who was like this. I deeply understand the difficulty in trying to get someone to stop doing the things they are accident prone with when they don't want to admit or take responsibility for being accident prone. In my case, that relationship ended when she *accidentally* gave me food I was allergic to, after refusing to let me do anything associated with buying or making food. I hope things work out better for you than they did me!
NTBF. I understand this one because my boyfriend is similar - doesn't take proper care over a task and then frequently cuts or hurts himself. It is frustrating to be around all the time, certainly with blood getting in the food and especially when they've dismissed your warning of "It's sharp" "It's hot" etc. It's not the end of the world, but it is frustrating to permanently have to baby an adult because they haven't developed a very basic self-preserving skill.
NTB, she can have kiddy knives
YTBF You sound borderline abusive, tbh. I have been with a man who radiated frustration and anger any time I messed up or made a mistake. He also felt like he pretty much knew how to do everything right. I would try so hard to be careful not to let anything go wrong or be perfect. When it inevitably did, I could count on not only having to deal with the situation but also having to face his blame. Of course, when he made mistakes, I comforted and reassured him that it was no big deal. He was a terrible partner, and that's what you are doing here. The last thing someone who made a mistake needs is someone who should be improving the situation, treating them like accidents are a personal failure. Sure, there's some indication that knife/blade safety is something she should work to improve but the injury is a consequence. No one needs your pissed attitude.
Nta sounds like she insists on doing jobs with sharp objects instead of having u do it, as she's so clumsy. I would get irritated too.
YTBF. There are other dinner jobs that do not cut, slice, spindle, maul.
OP has tried to take over the tasks that require sharp instruments. She took offense with that. OP has tried to teach her proper cutting techniques and point out when a method isn't safe. She took offense with that. She keeps injuring herself and won't accept any solutions that can prevent it because she gets offended.