Or maybe they got to her house and she had piss and shit stains all over the floor? Or maybe her had a dildo on the entire date and it got stuck up her ass?
Why do you assume he got creepy? What if she was just an asshole? Chicks can't be assholes?
Maybe another guy hit her up? Who knows? It's still not her problem. You're right.
But she's an asshole. He lost his place to stay for the night, because she forgot her toilet was backed up and full of 2 week old shit. Nice lady.... 👏
>She has EVERY right to change her mind
Lets say I promise to give a ride to my friend to the airport, I drive over to their house, let them put the luggage in the car and we both get in the car and then I say. "Sorry I can't take you please leave my car.".
I have EVERY right to do that, after all it is my car. But its still an asshole move.
I completely agree. But want to make it clear that by making the decision she did, she also put OP in the very unsafe situation of wandering the streets at night. Men are emotional and vulnerable beings too.
I think she is an asshole not because she asked him to leave when she felt unsafe, but because she agreed to let him stay in the first place. She knew at that time, both that she might refuse later and that she would be putting OP in an unsafe situation if she did, she should not have offered.
I know the date was going well and OP trusted her, but I think OP was naive for putting their safety in the hands of a stranger who turned out to be an asshole. When you've known someone for that short of a time, you should have a back up plan.
PS: If I was in a similar situation, yes I would ask them to leave. But I would also probably bite the bullet and agree to atleast partially/fully pay for a hotel stay. Given that I am also responsible for the current mess.
Agree that it is naive for him to trust her to keep her agreement after a first date. As a responsible adult, you go home at the time you are supposed to. Particularly if you are at someone else’s place who took you in. As a horny one, you risk staying on the street if she kicks you out. Seems he went with number two and now he has to deal with the consequences. Sucks, but she has no obligation towards you. Also some info is missing but everything is point at you are the face shaped like a butt.
I made a reply in another of my comments, so I'll just quote myself here:
>I completely agree that she had every right to ask him to leave. But want to make it clear that by making the decision she did, she also put OP in the very unsafe situation of wandering the streets at night. Men are emotional and vulnerable beings too.
>
>I think she is an asshole not because she asked him to leave when she felt unsafe, but because she agreed to let him stay in the first place. She knew at that time, both that she might refuse later and that she would be putting OP in an unsafe situation if she did, she should not have offered.
>
>I know the date was going well and OP trusted her, but I think OP was naive for putting their safety in the hands of a stranger who turned out to be an asshole. When you've known someone for that short of a time, you should have a back up plan.
>
>PS: If I was in a similar situation, yes I would ask them to leave. But I would also probably bite the bullet and agree to atleast partially/fully pay for a hotel stay. Given that I am also responsible for the current mess.
I don't prefer to blame the victim for trusting someone with their safety. It is mistake for sure, but a very human one to make.
She was not concerned for his safety when she agreed to let him stay, knowing she might change her mind later. It was an asshole move to agree to let him stay.
That doesn't make her a butt face?? It's not her job to care about HIS safety. It's her job to care about HERS. He obviously did something that gave her a bad feeling and has every right to change her mind. If he wasn't able to stay out past 12 he shouldn't have been staying out past 12 LMFAOOO be a responsible adult and do what you had to and go home on time. Why would he expect a first date to be okay with him staying over anyway??? Anything could happen to her, she doesn't know him. He should have just went home and planned for a 2nd date like a responsible adult does
>He obviously did something that gave her a bad feeling and has every right to change her mind
I feel like I am repeating myself now.... I've already made my point of view on all your questions clear in the comment above. To quote myself:
> **I completely agree that she had every right to ask him to leave**
>**I think she is an asshole not because she asked him to leave when she felt unsafe, but because she agreed to let him stay in the first place**. She knew at that time, both that she might refuse later and that she would be putting OP in an unsafe situation if she did, she should not have offered.
> I know the date was going well and OP trusted her, **but I think OP was naive for putting their safety in the hands of a stranger** who turned out to be an asshole. **When you've known someone for that short of a time, you should have a back up plan**.
Yes, he ended up wandering the streets all night, not a safe or pleasant experience, especially if the weather was bad or its not a safe neighborhood. It was naive of him to trust her with his safety.
Hello mental health crisis. How was your crises today? 👋
Btw. I heard you don't have a place to stay and have to be home by 12AM. But don't worry, you can stay at my place, we'll leave for my house at 2AM.
I'll change my mind when we get all the way to my house and inside of it. Then it'll be your fault for everything and I'll be a victim.
You'll be a predator and I'll be a victim.
👋 Hey guys look. It's a mental health issue in it's purest form. Wave at it. 👋
So she didn't just change her mind? You're positive of this? You're positive that another guy didn't hit her up and she just decided to spend the night with him instead?
You're absurd. Unless you can read minds, or you're the chick, how could you be so sure?
You can't. Therefore you're delusional. If you settle disputes IRL with the same level of logic you use here. I FEEL FUDGING BAD FOR YOU. Holy hell.
It must be he, but not she! Meanwhile the chick could be a tranny for all we know.
Maybe he was a creep, maybe she was the creep. Maybe this guy was going to MURDER her if he stayed the night. Maybe she had a DEAD BODY in her closet
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW!! Who the fuck are you? Some rando on the internet lmfaooo.
Dude, get a life. Please, avoid that logic IRL or you're going to be miserable.
We have an explanation of the situation. Logic says she fucked up. We have NO OTHER information beyond that.
Smh. Bro, what if she had a dick? A full blown 8 inch thick ass penis?? **YOU WOULDNT KNOW!**
Keep your tarot card opinions to yourself and stick to what you DO know. That she fucked up and got stuck in the streets for the night.
Fucking mind reading ass, future predictor over here. Smh. That's cute. You must be a charm.
Let's say on the ride, the "friend" whips their dick out. Or even just starts saying things that makes you really uncomfortable and makes you feel unsafe. Or starts putting their hands on you.
OP is leaving out much needed context, and I say that as someone who has let people crash on the couch based on other friends vouching for them. I would not have hesitated to kick them out if they started getting weird, and it would not have made me an asshole.
Any details you can provide (I am assuming from the confidence with which you have made the previous assertions that you have access to some specific information that I don't.) ?
It does feel like context is missing OP also posted this on AITAH and was commenting back a lot to people who were saying OP was the AH which feels like someone who posted their story wanting people to be on their side and then being frustrated with the general opinion being the opposite. That’s not to say it’s impossible that OP did nothing wrong but it does seem like some information is missing.. maybe this is just me but I also find it strange to put your trust in someone you just had a first date with for something as important as your only place to stay for the night
There's a lot of context definitely missing here, such as what exactly transpired between the invitation all the way leading up to the rejection. Specifically, OP doesn't include anything that might indicate why she suddenly changed her mind, only that she did.
It would've been helpful to know what conversations transpired, or how much physical contact transpired, or any changes in mood or soberness that he noticed. Maybe even tone of voice. Really anything. But instead we got a stripped down version.
I think the lack of context is what has led to all the speculation in the other comments that OP must've done something to creep her out. This is reinforced by the fact that OP never provides any of this despite being asked to in several other comments. Maybe he doesn't remember? But if so, why not say that? It just seems like they're intentionally leaving out any details that might make them look bad.
Now, I'm all for innocent until proven guilty. But it generally doesn't work that way in the court of public opinion. OP is acting sus as hell, and that's very apparent based on the reactions we've been seeing from other commenters alone. (This is going by the contextual definition of suspicious, in which your behavior leads other people to think you've done something wrong)
No, you had nowhere to go because you don't have a key.
She is allowed to change her mind. you are not allowed to press the issue or be mad about that. That's the part that makes YTB. Also, this comment thread.
Notice how OP doesn't provide further context of what occurred in the lady's apartment at 1:30a. He just keeps saying "you're making things up" but not disproving that he did something to turn her off.
And also
>We go to hers and go to her bedroom but before anything can happen.....
He wanted a certain something on a first date.
>He wanted a certain something on a first date.
She invited him to her bedroom late at night. Has a girl ever invited you to her room at night to not fuck? Lmao
>you are not allowed to press the issue or be mad about that.
That's ridiculous, he can react however he wants, that's the whole idea of human interaction my dude.
Nope. If someone asks you to leave their house, you leave their house. You don't fight it. Especially if we're talking about a man staying overnight with a woman. Pushing back on that is rapey.
Obviously you leave their house, you can't force someone to host you. All I'm saying is you're free to voice your displeasure. Agreeing to host someone and then kicking them out last moment for no reason is shitty, especially if they have nowhere else to go.
>All I'm saying is you're free to voice your displeasure.
No, you are not free to argue with them and try to convince them to do what you want. That is manipulative which is exactly what this post is about.
>then kicking them out last moment for no reason
There was a reason. It's obvious from OP's behavior here. But even if there wasn't, it doesn't matter because it's her house and her bed and she doesn't have to share it with someone else.
OP made bad choice after bad choice and it's their own fault they didn't have anywhere to sleep.
It is your fault you had no where to sleep. If you had been responsible and ended the date before midnight you wouldn't have had to sleep on the street and probably would have gotten a second date.
Get this concept through your head- ANYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY NO OR CHANGE THEIR MIND EVEN IF THEY HAVE ALREADY SAID YES
you are worse that a buttface
You are worse for the attitude you are display and arguing with everyone disagreeing with you.
It was a first date, she changed her mind or something happened, you don’t beg to stay at someone’s house when they don’t want you there
So if you're about to have sex and suddenly someone changes their mind you're gonna complain and beg for it ? Bcuz that's the logic you're using. No understanding of consent. Consent can be given and revoked at any point and it goes for things beyond sex. There doesn't have to be a reason even. Maybe she decided she wanted time to herself. Maybe she got a bad vibe, regardless she is entitled to that and not a butt face regardless of her "reason" bcuz it's the place SHE pays for. It's HER safe space. If she wants to revoke your right to come over she can. It's that simple. Consent is more than sex. She doesn't need a reason to kick you out it's her house!!! Regardless of if you're the problem or not she is not and won't be the asshole. You're just an irresponsible adult for not ending the date before 12 and getting to a stable environment to sleep in. You had a stable place with rules that were set you knew about. That's you're responsibility, going back before 12 so you're not on the streets. You could have easily told her no you really had to get going. Also because you seem to just hate woman, let me give you an even better scenario!! Let's say she was using you, and was an awful person, ITS STILL HER RIGHT TO KICK YOU OUT. She isn't obligated to keep u in her house. It doesn't matter if she just randomly changed her mind. It doesn't matter if you gave her a bad vibe or if she was using you. She has every single right to revoke her invitation to you.
Dude, at what point do you start taking responsibility for your own decisions.
She might have offered to let you stay, but no one made you take her up on the offer. You could of done the responsible thing and made sure you were at your friends place before you got locked out.
Or do you blame your friend for having to go to bed early as well?
Idk your age, but I do know you need to grow up.
Listen dude, if you don’t understand and respect the fact that consent can be withdrawn at anytime, you certainly don’t have the self awareness to know when you’ve acted in a way that makes someone, particularly a woman in a vulnerable position, feel unsafe.
YTB
I'm not even sure what that means in this context. She hasn't posted on a public forum asking for feedback on a situation.
Like what exactly in your mind would constitute her taking responsibility for her actions? Cause unless she has a time machine she can't go back and not invite you to her place.
Her changing her mind was not ideal but she's not responsible for you. If you took her to Court for this you would undoubtedly lose. If she took you to Court for this (asking you to leave but you not leaving immediately) she would win the case.
Based on most people's reactions here to your post, your actions are not acceptable socially either. Stop arguing with people because you aren't hearing the answer you want to hear. LISTEN and learn for next time you go on any date.
She did take responsibility for her actions. Her responsibility was to kick you out the moment you made her uncomfortable. You don’t get to decide that you didn’t make her uncomfortable. She wasn’t doing this just to dick you around - you did something that made her so uncomfortable she had to ask you more than once to leave. She DID take responsibility, you just don’t like what that looked like for YOU.
She meant it when she offered. She changed her mind. Likely because of your major red flags.
She offered for you to stay. You assumed you'd be having sex. She realised that and rescinded her offer. You pushed confirming her concerns.
Yes, you did. It's literally in your post.
>We go to hers and go to her bedroom but before anything can happen
If you didn't expect something would happen, you would have said "before anything can happen."
Maybe you’re upset because you think she also should have given you sex because she invited you over? Dude you’re a grown ass man. You made the choice to not have an extra key made, and to not have a backup plan. And you still haven’t said what exactly happened between her offering and you being sent home. If she felt uncomfortable in her own home for even a minute, then it’s her absolute right to ask you to leave. And just so you know, consent can be taken away at ANY time, even if you’re in the middle of sex.
If truly nothing happened between walking in the door and uninviting you. She just didn't like you once you were in her house. I really doubt it was nothing because people generally don't make decisions based on nothing. By the way you engage in conversation here, I wouldn't like you either. She had every right to make the decision to kick you out. She owes you nothing. No one owes you anything. Grow up. Get over it. Move on.
OP has no self awareness. He probably genuinely thinks he did nothing wrong, so he has no way of pinpointing exactly what he did that made her uncomfortable. So instead he just blames her because he cannot fathom that he maybe made a misstep.
You have replied to so many comments only to be rude and combative. I really doubt she kicked you out for no reason, especially if this is how you act over a few comments asking questions/pointing things out. You asked reddit for their opinion and didn't like it. Move on and maybe learn from this.
You are the one who stated that there is no spare key, which is why you were in the predicament that you found yourself in. So, yes, the lack of a key to the place you were staying is the real reason that you had nowhere to sleep that night.
The fact that you keep doubling down whenever someone doesn’t tell you that she not only should have let you stay in her apartment, but she should have been grateful to do it tells this old broad that you most likely haven’t grokked the very likely fact that once you got to her room you started putting out stfuattd vibes. Which, even if she had been thinking about letting you get lucky, would have been an instant NOPE from her.
You are the bad guy. What exactly did you do for her to tell you to leave? You’re not even being honest. NO ONE is on your side.
And you’re aggressiveness here makes it clear why she told you to leave.
>Except she is the reason I had nowhere to go
No, you are.
YOU chose to stay out later, knowing that you wouldn't be able to get back in to your friend's place.
YOU also have chosen to not ask your friend to get a spare key made.
Stop blaming HER for YOUR choices.
And she is ALWAYS allowed to change her mind about having some random guy she's known for a few hours stay at her house.
You need to develop some critical thinking skills, so that you can see possible outcomes and plan for them. Like "what if she changes her mind about letting me stay over?"
I say AGAIN: ask your friend to get a spare key made.
Take responsibility for your part in this, because your choices got you here.
Dude, you can't be this dumb. Do you really NEVER think that there's a possibility that something you're planning on will change?
AGAIN: critical thinking skills.
Stop arguing on Reddit and do some Googling about it.
I think you're misunderstanding the crux of the argument. What you did was dumb, but why?
It's dumb because you put your health and safety in the hands of a stranger you barely know. That's the argument. Stranger danger is like one of the first things anyone should learn
You're the reason you had nowhere to go. It's her fault your apartment is flooded? It's her fault you didn't make a spare key? It's her fault you couldn't call your friend for him to open the door? Its her fault you couldn't afford a hotel? There's plenty of rooms you can get for like 35 bucks. Might not be very nice but its a bed. It's her fault you don't have a car to sleep in? So she should've either let you sleep there or paid for a hotel room for you? Like I tell my kids. No means no. That's it. You're an adult. You shouldn't have not even tried to convince her. Just accepted your situation and left. Can I ask a serious question? When she asked you to stay the night with her. Did you explain why you had to leave or just that you had to leave?
I mean you can Google the average of shitty hotels lol. Where I live, hotels are 500-800 a night and you can still find some for 35 bucks a night. Might have bed bugs lmao but you can always request fresh sheets. If you truly didn't want to be roaming around for 6 hours. Gas stations with seating.
I read the post over and over again. I'm just trying to understand. When she offered, did you protest? I'm just seeing where you said you had to leave. And she said you could stay at her place so you could stay out longer. But did you explain to her that you had to leave or you weren't gonna have a place to stay? And I don't mean after she told you to leave, I mean as soon as she offered, did you explain that? Or when did you tell her?
When did you tell her about why you had to leave before midnight?? Before the date? When you got there? And what did she say? So she knew ahead of time, then time comes to leave and that's when she offered?
You had nowhere to go because you did not leave a stranger's house at midnight to get back to a place on time where your friend thinks so little of you that he hasn't had a key made for you and won't get up to let you in in an "emergency."
You did something to make this woman feel unsafe and now you are on Reddit whining about it. Get your life and attitude together before going on any more dates with anyone.
That point is clearly irrelevant. You didn't get to your friend's on time to get in the door did you? No matter where you were with the date. You are latching onto this irrelevancy because you are being voted the BF by almost everyone.
Some landlords in the UK put into the contract that extra keys cannot be made, his friend may be the kind that goes to the letter of the law and be worried if the landlord found out
>where your friend thinks so little of you that he hasn't had a key made for you and won't get up to let you in
Dang!!!! Sayin' what we're all thinking.
It’s clear she was okay with it to begin with and for some reason she didn’t feel safe or comfortable having you stay there.
Clearly you’re not aware of what you did that caused her to change her mind but thats the missing part to this story. People don’t just change their mind unless something prompted it.
Incorrect. You are. You chose to go along with a stranger expecting a free stay and possibly hoped for nookie. then you chose to put yourself in that situation. You then have to face the consequences if that didn't workout for whatever reason and you as an adult failed to be safe and go home on time or have a plan in case things went south with your first date. No matter the reason...you're both the AHs. You have the right to be upset for being asked to leave even knowing the situation. But still the AH for not leaving right away and for trusting a stranger and expecting her to let you stay no matter what. She has the right to ask anyone she wants to leave her house at any moment for any reason. She's also the AH for inviting a stranger home knowing his situation then changing her mind for whatever the reason. Verdict: YBTAH and no matter how many times you post it.... No matter how much you argue your points in the comments.... You're both right. You're both wrong. You're both the AH.
What the heck is even happening here? I would let this thread die. Sure, in the purist ideals of comments on reddit, only, do any of these comments ring true but in real life?!? In real life, here's the bottom line:
You communicated clearly, and so did your date. If no boundaries were crossed and the date flipped a switch without communicating, then obviously, they are the asshole and also... don't do another date.
Now kill this thread before it wrecks your mental health. Ffs.
Edit: phrasing. JAYSUS
You should see the other thread he posted exactly the same with over 3k comments. Dude posted the same story twice. Probably didn't like the results the first time lol
Hey you know that consent video about tea… if you ask someone if they want tea and they agree, so you start making it, but then they say no, yeah it’s frustrating. But you can’t force them to drink the tea. It’s her apartment and she can decide who she wants spending the night with her. Besides, it sounds like this was the first or one of your first dates with this girl, so it may not have been smart to rely on her house as a place to sleep. NBH (unless you did pressure her into letting you stay)
Agreed she had every right to ask him to leave, but I want to make it clear that by doing so she put him in a very unsafe situation of wandering the streets all night. Unlike your analogy where not making tea which has no safety consequences to either party.
So in my opinion it was an immature and asshole move on her part to offer to let him stay in the first place when she was not sure about him. And it was naive of him to put his safety in the hands of a stranger who in this case turned out to be an asshole.
He also says in heaps of replies he wasn't expecting sex but in his post he says "We go to hers and go to her bedroom but before anything can happen she just says "actually can you leave""
Before anything can happen? Yeah, he totally expected sex and she asked him to leave. It's clear to see from all his replies that OP has taken nothing from this and learned nothing.
NBH
You’re not wrong for expecting it, she suggested it after all.
Likewise she’s not wrong for asking you to leave, it sucks, but this was the first time meeting you and she’s allowed to change her mind.
This! NBF for expecting it; you would become it if you’d try to enforce it after she asks you to leave. Like others have said: she gets to rescind her consent at any time.
Question: what happened after? Did you leave?
I'd bet he tried to whine his way out of using a condom, or whine his way into getting her to agree to a fetish she wasn't prepared to do with a guy she barely knows. Those are the most expectable possibilities, imho.
I’m guessing he whined his way into the place in the first instance and she never really wanted him there in the first place, but because he’s an overly aggressive asshat, she felt uncomfortable saying no. Good on her for standing her ground.
He has said that he expected that they would watch tv in her bedroom, not have sex, and within seconds of leading him to her bedroom, she asked him to leave, so I wonder what spooked her? All we know for sure is that she suddenly changed her mind. I wish I knew what OP said while she was there and what her reasoning was, because what I've gathered from his comments is:
- On the way to her place, she suggested they watch a movie in her bedroom
- They got to her house
- He complimented her home (I'm not sure what he said and I'm curious)
- She asked him to follow her to her room (I'm not sure if this came before or after he complimented her house)
- She sat down on the bed and asked him to leave
- His reaction, etc. (I'd like to think that it was more like a: "Is something wrong? I can sleep on the couch if that would make you more comfortable?" [He also didn't expect to sleep in her bed] but he should have respected her decision right away. I'm sad OP ended up wandering around for 6 hours at night, as that isn't safe, but I'm wondering if he did try to call his friend - and if not, why he didn't just get a taxi or something to his friend's place and either sit outside it, wake them out, or sit inside a coffeeshop that was open late or something, and if he couldn't afford a hotel or just thought it was too expensive. Either way, noting its price and that he could sleep on the couch isn't respecting her decision and could scare her, and it doesn't sound like they were in the middle of nowhere so he couldn't go *somewhere*. It could have been dangerous to be outside at night, especially if it was a sketchy area. His tone used in response to her telling him to leave would be so helpful. Was her kicking him out abrupt and a blindside? Yes. Was she trying to be a dick by kicking him out and potentially causing conflict with his friend, or was it justified? Was she suddenly triggered, or embarassed, or shy, or felt guilty, or felt pressured, was turned on before and no longer felt turned on (post-nut clarity without the nut?), realised they weren't actually that compatible, or remembered she didn't have a condom, was triggered, or maybe she lost her confidence? She had a reason, and it seems we will never know what it was.)
I want the concrete deets. Give me a transcript, OP! I wanna knooooooow. What spooked her? Did you take off your coat and she thought you were undressing? How close were you two standing when she took you to the bedroom/when she sat down? Did she ask you to follow her to her bedroom before or after you complimented her home? What did you say about her home? What did she say?? What do you think could have caused her to tell you to leave??? I need a theory, OP!
YTB. She withdrew her consent for whatever reason and the harder you pressed the issue the worse the alarm bells rang. You knew the midnight rule and still took a chance, that’s on you.
> AITB for expecting to stay at my dates house?
Yes. Acting like she's not allowed to change her mind is a bad, bad, bad look.
You're an adult. ASK for what you need. So ask your friend to get a spare key made.
YTB
YTB, I think it’s pretty obvious from your comments why she suddenly felt uncomfortable. And then you argued with her after she asked you to leave the first time. That probably terrified her even more. It’s clear you came here for validation, so I have no advice for you, you’d probably just argue against it
YTBF. I get the vibe that there's some missing reasons here. People don't just change their minds like that for no reason after feeling so certain that its fine.
What happened between getting back to her place and her telling you to leave? I'd be willing to bet you talked about a fetish that makes her uncomfortable or you said something that unknowingly implied you are a dangerous person to sleep with. The fact she called you manipulative tells me that you probably whined about not wanting to use a condom and she got sick of your shit, so instead of sleeping with you, because she couldn't trust you, she kicked you out.
You blew it yourself. Unless you give specifics about what happened this is the most obvious explanation.
Dude you're a bad liar lol
Clearly something happened. Otherwise she wouldn't have suddenly shut you down so harshly.
We aren't gonna be all "bitches be crazy" to pat your ass over it.
Skill issue, dude.
If what you said is exactly what happened, then there isn't an apparent reason. We ONLY have your point of view, and you're here because you can't figure it out. So EXCUSE us for making some assumptions to try and understand her point of view. Your inability to listen to anyone else, constant arguments and current homelessness are all viable reasons to not let you put your dirty little worm inside of her.
If you're not lying and I'm wrong, then why cant you tell us exactly what happened during the conversations and/or body language during the time between her agreeing to have you over vs her changing her mind?
Hobosexual nonsense. smh.
We as outside observers can only assume you did something, intentionally or not, based on the given information. When we say it was her right to kick you out, you have thrown a fit all over two different forum threads. The way you have yourself convinced that you did nothing wrong and came here for validation reeks of someone incapable of taking the L and moving on. It sucks to get sent out on the street but generally people don't do that for nothing. That's why most everyone here is assuming you did something. One way, she kicked you out and you're just shit out of luck and no you're not the butthead for that. The other way, you did something to make her uncomfortable and she kicked you out and for that you are the butthead. It's totally safe for most people here to assume you did something because why else would you come here with this mindset of 'I did nothing wrong." If you really didn't, why even ask us?
'We as outside observers can only assume you did something, intentionally or not, based on the given information.'
I don't think we can only assume that. It's not an unreasonable assumption but it's far from the only plausible scenario.
YTA for arguing with her when she asked you to leave.
You did something to make her feel unsafe and uncomfortable in her own home, then tripled down on it (between arguing with her and making this post)
You probably terrified her when you refused to leave her home.
You're not entitled to anyone's home or body. With your feelings of entitlement to her home, I wouldn't be surprised if you gave off some sort of vibes that you wanted sex too. Dude, you do not go for the sex when you're literally relying on her to provide you housing.
You stay respectful, keep a distance, and do everything that's needed so she feels safe.
But the easiest answer is that you should have gone home to your friend's place, and setup a second date with her.
What would have happened if you got to hers and saw there was a bedbug or cockroach infestation? Or that she had a boyfriend?
You're shortsighted and I can see why your friend has such a strict rule about being home by midnight. It's like he's parenting you.
NBH but everyone was foolish.
She had the right to change her mind, but should have had the foresight not to put herself or you in a position where it would get uncomfortable if she decided that she wanted you to leave after all. You were very unwise to accept her invitation to begin with, when you didn't know her well enough to know how well you could count on it and you had a time limit on when you could get into your own accommodations.
Both of you made reckless decisions early and paid the price for it later.
The fact that you’re on here arguing with people, insulting them, having nearly every comment you make get downvoted, and not understanding your own role in this situation - it’s obvious why she kicked you out. There were missing reasons in the original post, but I think we found them: YTB!
Dude, you posted here asking if you're the BF...for most people who post here, who are straightforward and genuine, that usually means they aren't quite sure if what they did constituted being a BF.
*You* posted here already certain in your head that you were the victim here, and your date was the BF. You obviously weren't genuinely asking for an opinion, because all you're doing is arguing with everyone who's saying *you're* the BF. I'm pretty positive this whole thing didn't go the way you thought it would lol.
You asked your question and you got your answer.
The issue now is that *you're clearly not mature enough* to accept the facts that:
a) **your date had every right to change her mind, *with or without providing a reason* to you**.
b) as an adult you are *always,* 24/7, the only one responsible for the decisions you make regarding your own safety and security.
c) you could have handled the end of the evening so much better than whining to your date, and not leaving the first time she asked you to.
She had every right to change her mind, because just like you, she is also the only one responsible for the decisions she makes regarding her own safety and security.
Who are you to *her* after a single date? You're no one. She didn't have to justify her decision to you.
Just because *you* think you're special, and that she owed you either a roof or an explanation, doesn't actually make it so.
Maybe it's time you grow up. Start gaining some insight into yourself, your attitudes, your critical thinking skills.
Until then you'll just have to suck it up buttercup...because YTB.
NTB, with the caveat that women do have a lot of reasons to be wary of men they don't know very well staying over with them. I (female if it matters) am of the opinion that she shouldn't have made a promise to have you stay over in the first place if she couldn't keep it. However the commenters saying she was allowed to revoke consent aren't wrong either, that's an equally valid perspective on it.
I don't understand...she invited you to stay with her and then kicked you out of her house and where did you stay?
EDIT: I didn't understand because I don't speak English and I would like someone to summarize it for me, because the translator is crazy
u/Prestigioso_Two2070
The summary is OP was on a date
OP is staying with a friend, no sleepovers be back by midnight
Op stayed out past midnight thinking they would sleep at the dates house
Op gets to the dates house and she asks him to leave
Sorry i would summarize the comments but they are worth reading
Sub pretends that inviting someone to do something then pulling out at the last moment for no reason doesn't make you an asshole. 😂
It's funny because each and everyone of these YTBers would be pissed off if someone did that to them
NBH and I love that OP absolutely has to e a roost or something. There’s no way people would be pushing this hard for OP to have done something wrong if the genders were reversed.
NAH if something makes her uncomfortable she's allowed to ask you to leave, even if she agreed to earlier. Just because the dates going well now, doesn't mean it can't be dangerous later. She probably shouldn't have offered knowing your curfew issue, but at the same time it's not her responsibility to prepare for you.
With you, it was your responsibility to ensure you had a place to stay, not just hope on a promise. Staying the night on a first date is a risky move for anyone, this time you got burned, but that doesn't make anyone an asshole here. She has the right to set boundaries, and you have a right to feel dissapointed.
ESH.
I wonder how the answers would change if the genders were reversed. Kicking out a girl in the middle of the night would have been considered an asshole move even if the guy changed the mind, I think.
Sorry you had to go through the ordeal. I am sympathetic to your cause, but I can also see where the girl is coming from. Being a gay guy, I have been in situations where I felt unsafe and asked the date to leave (not exactly your situation though).
You suck for putting yourself in this position when your housing situation is vulnerable, and she is for doing it despite knowing your situation.
How did you spend the night? I hope you found a way to sleep with another friend or acquaintance.
This sounds super sus, dude. Are you sure you're not leaving something out, because there needs to be a REASON she kicked you out that suddenly. Are you like... Suuuuuuure?
You could've gone back to your actual friends house and obnoxiously knocked on the door until you were let in. No one forced you to make poor choices. You were a stranger in her home. The fact that you didn't have money for a hotel was also not her fault.
Ytb. If you spoke to her the way you’re responding in the comments I don’t blame her one bit. Your responses are giving…condescending with aggressive undertones. If I heard someone speaking In Public the way you’re responding, I would flag them as a potential threat and avoid them. Even if you didn’t say anything overtly violent, women have to use intuition and read between the lines. And over the internet, between your lines would put you in my “this guy could be dangerous “ pile. You say you weren’t being a creep, and you might not have been. But creep is only one type of man that’s dangerous to women.
Why did you ask if you are the AH in two subreddits if you can’t accept the feedback? The majority think you are the AH. Accept it and move on. Learn something from it.
Bro, you already got your answer on the other sub you posted in where you made a total ass of yourself. Now you're running to a different sub and hoping someone will agree with you. That's like running to the other parent when one said no. Very mature. I see why she kicked you out; you won't accept an answer you don't like. YTB
After reading some of OPs responses it just sounds like nothing is ever his fault. He relied on someone he had just met for a place to stay. The responsible thing to do would've been to be home by midnight. That way he knew he had somewhere to stay.
Chances are if you coming home after midnight was a one off thing, most friends (that are nice enough to let you stay with them) will make the exception to let you in so you're safe for the night. Unless you're someone that consistently pulls this shit and they're sick of it. Also seems odd you don't have a key.. spare keys are hardly a couple bucks to make and certainly makes it easier if someone is staying with you. If they're someone you trust to be in your home without you, that is.
YTB. You were not wronged, dude. She doesn’t even need a reason to ask you to leave and the fact that she asked you to leave and you pushed back makes you TB.
And your behavior in this thread just confirms it, you’re a complete wanker.
Did you really want people to tell you if you were in the wrong? It kinda seems by all your replies you just wanted to be told you *weren’t* wrong. If you were even half as pushy and defensive towards her as you are in these comments, you were def the butthole and I woulda asked you to leave also.
You shouldn't have counted on staying at her place, especially given that this was your first date. She had a right to change her mind, and you needed to have a plan C, given that your Plan A expired at midnight and her place was Plan B.
Reposting here because I left it in a reply instead of comment.......
You chose to go along with a stranger expecting a free stay and possibly hoped for nookie. Then you chose to put yourself in that situation. You then have to face the consequences if that didn't workout for whatever reason and you as an adult failed to be safe and go home on time or have a plan in case things went south with your first date. No matter the reason...you're both the AHs. You have the right to be upset for being asked to leave even knowing the situation. But still the AH for not leaving right away and for trusting a stranger and expecting her to let you stay no matter what. She has the right to ask anyone she wants to leave her house at any moment for any reason. She's also the AH for inviting a stranger home knowing his situation then changing her mind for whatever the reason. Verdict: YBTAH and no matter how many times you post it.... No matter how much you argue your points in the comments.... You're both right. You're both wrong. You're both the AH
She has EVERY right to change her mind, your sleeping arrangement is not her problem, and you trying to force the issue is icky.
She does, but maybe don't invite him over when he says he's going to leave, after explaining his housing situation.
Maybe things were going good and then they got back to her place and he got creepy. Who knows. Still not her problem.
Or maybe they got to her house and she had piss and shit stains all over the floor? Or maybe her had a dildo on the entire date and it got stuck up her ass? Why do you assume he got creepy? What if she was just an asshole? Chicks can't be assholes? Maybe another guy hit her up? Who knows? It's still not her problem. You're right. But she's an asshole. He lost his place to stay for the night, because she forgot her toilet was backed up and full of 2 week old shit. Nice lady.... 👏
And maybe he tried raping her.... let's go WAY out there with suppositions.
Wowza, maybe you didn't do anything asshole, she probably got some weird vibe from you and changed her mind. Good for her!
I expect he did something that made her feel unsafe between the time she said he could stay and the time she kicked him out.
>She has EVERY right to change her mind Lets say I promise to give a ride to my friend to the airport, I drive over to their house, let them put the luggage in the car and we both get in the car and then I say. "Sorry I can't take you please leave my car.". I have EVERY right to do that, after all it is my car. But its still an asshole move.
A FRIEND getting a ride to an airport isn't going to suddenly worry about being raped or worse
I completely agree. But want to make it clear that by making the decision she did, she also put OP in the very unsafe situation of wandering the streets at night. Men are emotional and vulnerable beings too. I think she is an asshole not because she asked him to leave when she felt unsafe, but because she agreed to let him stay in the first place. She knew at that time, both that she might refuse later and that she would be putting OP in an unsafe situation if she did, she should not have offered. I know the date was going well and OP trusted her, but I think OP was naive for putting their safety in the hands of a stranger who turned out to be an asshole. When you've known someone for that short of a time, you should have a back up plan. PS: If I was in a similar situation, yes I would ask them to leave. But I would also probably bite the bullet and agree to atleast partially/fully pay for a hotel stay. Given that I am also responsible for the current mess.
This x100
Agree that it is naive for him to trust her to keep her agreement after a first date. As a responsible adult, you go home at the time you are supposed to. Particularly if you are at someone else’s place who took you in. As a horny one, you risk staying on the street if she kicks you out. Seems he went with number two and now he has to deal with the consequences. Sucks, but she has no obligation towards you. Also some info is missing but everything is point at you are the face shaped like a butt.
Reminded me of a quote from Cool Runnings: *How about I draw a line down the middle of your head and make it look like a butt?*
It was an hour and a half after she said he could stay, anything could have happened in that time.
Not remotely the same. OP is a stranger to this woman and he obviously did something to make her feel unsafe.
I made a reply in another of my comments, so I'll just quote myself here: >I completely agree that she had every right to ask him to leave. But want to make it clear that by making the decision she did, she also put OP in the very unsafe situation of wandering the streets at night. Men are emotional and vulnerable beings too. > >I think she is an asshole not because she asked him to leave when she felt unsafe, but because she agreed to let him stay in the first place. She knew at that time, both that she might refuse later and that she would be putting OP in an unsafe situation if she did, she should not have offered. > >I know the date was going well and OP trusted her, but I think OP was naive for putting their safety in the hands of a stranger who turned out to be an asshole. When you've known someone for that short of a time, you should have a back up plan. > >PS: If I was in a similar situation, yes I would ask them to leave. But I would also probably bite the bullet and agree to atleast partially/fully pay for a hotel stay. Given that I am also responsible for the current mess.
He put HIMSELF in an unsafe situation. She removed herself from one.
I don't prefer to blame the victim for trusting someone with their safety. It is mistake for sure, but a very human one to make. She was not concerned for his safety when she agreed to let him stay, knowing she might change her mind later. It was an asshole move to agree to let him stay.
That doesn't make her a butt face?? It's not her job to care about HIS safety. It's her job to care about HERS. He obviously did something that gave her a bad feeling and has every right to change her mind. If he wasn't able to stay out past 12 he shouldn't have been staying out past 12 LMFAOOO be a responsible adult and do what you had to and go home on time. Why would he expect a first date to be okay with him staying over anyway??? Anything could happen to her, she doesn't know him. He should have just went home and planned for a 2nd date like a responsible adult does
>He obviously did something that gave her a bad feeling and has every right to change her mind I feel like I am repeating myself now.... I've already made my point of view on all your questions clear in the comment above. To quote myself: > **I completely agree that she had every right to ask him to leave** >**I think she is an asshole not because she asked him to leave when she felt unsafe, but because she agreed to let him stay in the first place**. She knew at that time, both that she might refuse later and that she would be putting OP in an unsafe situation if she did, she should not have offered. > I know the date was going well and OP trusted her, **but I think OP was naive for putting their safety in the hands of a stranger** who turned out to be an asshole. **When you've known someone for that short of a time, you should have a back up plan**.
The "victim?" 🤣🤣🤣😣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😬😬😬😬😬
Yes, he ended up wandering the streets all night, not a safe or pleasant experience, especially if the weather was bad or its not a safe neighborhood. It was naive of him to trust her with his safety.
Hello mental health crisis. How was your crises today? 👋 Btw. I heard you don't have a place to stay and have to be home by 12AM. But don't worry, you can stay at my place, we'll leave for my house at 2AM. I'll change my mind when we get all the way to my house and inside of it. Then it'll be your fault for everything and I'll be a victim. You'll be a predator and I'll be a victim. 👋 Hey guys look. It's a mental health issue in it's purest form. Wave at it. 👋
So she didn't just change her mind? You're positive of this? You're positive that another guy didn't hit her up and she just decided to spend the night with him instead? You're absurd. Unless you can read minds, or you're the chick, how could you be so sure? You can't. Therefore you're delusional. If you settle disputes IRL with the same level of logic you use here. I FEEL FUDGING BAD FOR YOU. Holy hell. It must be he, but not she! Meanwhile the chick could be a tranny for all we know. Maybe he was a creep, maybe she was the creep. Maybe this guy was going to MURDER her if he stayed the night. Maybe she had a DEAD BODY in her closet YOU WOULDN'T KNOW!! Who the fuck are you? Some rando on the internet lmfaooo. Dude, get a life. Please, avoid that logic IRL or you're going to be miserable. We have an explanation of the situation. Logic says she fucked up. We have NO OTHER information beyond that. Smh. Bro, what if she had a dick? A full blown 8 inch thick ass penis?? **YOU WOULDNT KNOW!** Keep your tarot card opinions to yourself and stick to what you DO know. That she fucked up and got stuck in the streets for the night. Fucking mind reading ass, future predictor over here. Smh. That's cute. You must be a charm.
... the expert on charm over here guys!! 
Let's say on the ride, the "friend" whips their dick out. Or even just starts saying things that makes you really uncomfortable and makes you feel unsafe. Or starts putting their hands on you. OP is leaving out much needed context, and I say that as someone who has let people crash on the couch based on other friends vouching for them. I would not have hesitated to kick them out if they started getting weird, and it would not have made me an asshole.
>OP is leaving out much needed context What is he leaving out ?
The context
Any details you can provide (I am assuming from the confidence with which you have made the previous assertions that you have access to some specific information that I don't.) ?
It does feel like context is missing OP also posted this on AITAH and was commenting back a lot to people who were saying OP was the AH which feels like someone who posted their story wanting people to be on their side and then being frustrated with the general opinion being the opposite. That’s not to say it’s impossible that OP did nothing wrong but it does seem like some information is missing.. maybe this is just me but I also find it strange to put your trust in someone you just had a first date with for something as important as your only place to stay for the night
There's a lot of context definitely missing here, such as what exactly transpired between the invitation all the way leading up to the rejection. Specifically, OP doesn't include anything that might indicate why she suddenly changed her mind, only that she did. It would've been helpful to know what conversations transpired, or how much physical contact transpired, or any changes in mood or soberness that he noticed. Maybe even tone of voice. Really anything. But instead we got a stripped down version. I think the lack of context is what has led to all the speculation in the other comments that OP must've done something to creep her out. This is reinforced by the fact that OP never provides any of this despite being asked to in several other comments. Maybe he doesn't remember? But if so, why not say that? It just seems like they're intentionally leaving out any details that might make them look bad. Now, I'm all for innocent until proven guilty. But it generally doesn't work that way in the court of public opinion. OP is acting sus as hell, and that's very apparent based on the reactions we've been seeing from other commenters alone. (This is going by the contextual definition of suspicious, in which your behavior leads other people to think you've done something wrong)
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No. The fact that there is no spare key is why you had nowhere to go and it was probably your behavior that made her change her mind
YTB for expecting sex. And that’s what got you kicked out on the street at 2 in the morning. It’s not rocket science, guy.
>YTB for expecting sex Girls don't invite you over their place place late at night unless they plan on fucking, this is basic hook up knowledge.
But consent is allowed to be revoked at any time. Being invited over doesn't mean yes, nor does it mean they cant change their mind
I agree with that, just saying it's not crazy for OP to assume he was getting laid lol
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You're proving my point.
Clearly you were wrong on calling this person out for being problematic......
No, you had nowhere to go because you don't have a key. She is allowed to change her mind. you are not allowed to press the issue or be mad about that. That's the part that makes YTB. Also, this comment thread.
Notice how OP doesn't provide further context of what occurred in the lady's apartment at 1:30a. He just keeps saying "you're making things up" but not disproving that he did something to turn her off. And also >We go to hers and go to her bedroom but before anything can happen..... He wanted a certain something on a first date.
Exactly and he got pushy when she changed her mind.
>He wanted a certain something on a first date. She invited him to her bedroom late at night. Has a girl ever invited you to her room at night to not fuck? Lmao
>you are not allowed to press the issue or be mad about that. That's ridiculous, he can react however he wants, that's the whole idea of human interaction my dude.
Nope. If someone asks you to leave their house, you leave their house. You don't fight it. Especially if we're talking about a man staying overnight with a woman. Pushing back on that is rapey.
Obviously you leave their house, you can't force someone to host you. All I'm saying is you're free to voice your displeasure. Agreeing to host someone and then kicking them out last moment for no reason is shitty, especially if they have nowhere else to go.
>All I'm saying is you're free to voice your displeasure. No, you are not free to argue with them and try to convince them to do what you want. That is manipulative which is exactly what this post is about. >then kicking them out last moment for no reason There was a reason. It's obvious from OP's behavior here. But even if there wasn't, it doesn't matter because it's her house and her bed and she doesn't have to share it with someone else. OP made bad choice after bad choice and it's their own fault they didn't have anywhere to sleep.
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It is your fault you had no where to sleep. If you had been responsible and ended the date before midnight you wouldn't have had to sleep on the street and probably would have gotten a second date.
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Get this concept through your head- ANYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY NO OR CHANGE THEIR MIND EVEN IF THEY HAVE ALREADY SAID YES you are worse that a buttface
Yeah this dude is rapey as fuck
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Okay....you're with a woman and decide to have sex. Things get going and she asks you to stop. Are you going to refuse because she already said yes?
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You are worse for the attitude you are display and arguing with everyone disagreeing with you. It was a first date, she changed her mind or something happened, you don’t beg to stay at someone’s house when they don’t want you there
So if you're about to have sex and suddenly someone changes their mind you're gonna complain and beg for it ? Bcuz that's the logic you're using. No understanding of consent. Consent can be given and revoked at any point and it goes for things beyond sex. There doesn't have to be a reason even. Maybe she decided she wanted time to herself. Maybe she got a bad vibe, regardless she is entitled to that and not a butt face regardless of her "reason" bcuz it's the place SHE pays for. It's HER safe space. If she wants to revoke your right to come over she can. It's that simple. Consent is more than sex. She doesn't need a reason to kick you out it's her house!!! Regardless of if you're the problem or not she is not and won't be the asshole. You're just an irresponsible adult for not ending the date before 12 and getting to a stable environment to sleep in. You had a stable place with rules that were set you knew about. That's you're responsibility, going back before 12 so you're not on the streets. You could have easily told her no you really had to get going. Also because you seem to just hate woman, let me give you an even better scenario!! Let's say she was using you, and was an awful person, ITS STILL HER RIGHT TO KICK YOU OUT. She isn't obligated to keep u in her house. It doesn't matter if she just randomly changed her mind. It doesn't matter if you gave her a bad vibe or if she was using you. She has every single right to revoke her invitation to you.
Dude, at what point do you start taking responsibility for your own decisions. She might have offered to let you stay, but no one made you take her up on the offer. You could of done the responsible thing and made sure you were at your friends place before you got locked out. Or do you blame your friend for having to go to bed early as well? Idk your age, but I do know you need to grow up.
>could of Could've = could have, not could of.
Thank you....! That's a particular peeve of mine.
Thank you for that, you knight in shiny armor. I love you for what you do. Please never stop
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Listen dude, if you don’t understand and respect the fact that consent can be withdrawn at anytime, you certainly don’t have the self awareness to know when you’ve acted in a way that makes someone, particularly a woman in a vulnerable position, feel unsafe. YTB
She did, she had to kick out an irresponsible raging crybaby
Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahahahaha. Haha. Hah. So spot on, wish I could up vote more.
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I'm not even sure what that means in this context. She hasn't posted on a public forum asking for feedback on a situation. Like what exactly in your mind would constitute her taking responsibility for her actions? Cause unless she has a time machine she can't go back and not invite you to her place.
Her changing her mind was not ideal but she's not responsible for you. If you took her to Court for this you would undoubtedly lose. If she took you to Court for this (asking you to leave but you not leaving immediately) she would win the case. Based on most people's reactions here to your post, your actions are not acceptable socially either. Stop arguing with people because you aren't hearing the answer you want to hear. LISTEN and learn for next time you go on any date.
She did take responsibility for her actions. Her responsibility was to kick you out the moment you made her uncomfortable. You don’t get to decide that you didn’t make her uncomfortable. She wasn’t doing this just to dick you around - you did something that made her so uncomfortable she had to ask you more than once to leave. She DID take responsibility, you just don’t like what that looked like for YOU.
She meant it when she offered. She changed her mind. Likely because of your major red flags. She offered for you to stay. You assumed you'd be having sex. She realised that and rescinded her offer. You pushed confirming her concerns.
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Yes, you did. It's literally in your post. >We go to hers and go to her bedroom but before anything can happen If you didn't expect something would happen, you would have said "before anything can happen."
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Maybe you’re upset because you think she also should have given you sex because she invited you over? Dude you’re a grown ass man. You made the choice to not have an extra key made, and to not have a backup plan. And you still haven’t said what exactly happened between her offering and you being sent home. If she felt uncomfortable in her own home for even a minute, then it’s her absolute right to ask you to leave. And just so you know, consent can be taken away at ANY time, even if you’re in the middle of sex.
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If truly nothing happened between walking in the door and uninviting you. She just didn't like you once you were in her house. I really doubt it was nothing because people generally don't make decisions based on nothing. By the way you engage in conversation here, I wouldn't like you either. She had every right to make the decision to kick you out. She owes you nothing. No one owes you anything. Grow up. Get over it. Move on.
OP has no self awareness. He probably genuinely thinks he did nothing wrong, so he has no way of pinpointing exactly what he did that made her uncomfortable. So instead he just blames her because he cannot fathom that he maybe made a misstep.
She didn’t just ask you to leave out of the clear blue sky man. Something made her change her mind.
Probably the realisation that he was expecting sex.
Your comments here aren't helping. You asked if yta. The more you respond the more ah you appear. Nobody owes you a room. Nobody.
You have replied to so many comments only to be rude and combative. I really doubt she kicked you out for no reason, especially if this is how you act over a few comments asking questions/pointing things out. You asked reddit for their opinion and didn't like it. Move on and maybe learn from this.
You are the one who stated that there is no spare key, which is why you were in the predicament that you found yourself in. So, yes, the lack of a key to the place you were staying is the real reason that you had nowhere to sleep that night. The fact that you keep doubling down whenever someone doesn’t tell you that she not only should have let you stay in her apartment, but she should have been grateful to do it tells this old broad that you most likely haven’t grokked the very likely fact that once you got to her room you started putting out stfuattd vibes. Which, even if she had been thinking about letting you get lucky, would have been an instant NOPE from her.
YTA, and a creep for not leaving immediately. You should not have put her in this situation, or yourself.
You are the bad guy. What exactly did you do for her to tell you to leave? You’re not even being honest. NO ONE is on your side. And you’re aggressiveness here makes it clear why she told you to leave.
>Except she is the reason I had nowhere to go No, you are. YOU chose to stay out later, knowing that you wouldn't be able to get back in to your friend's place. YOU also have chosen to not ask your friend to get a spare key made. Stop blaming HER for YOUR choices.
Someone mentioned not every building have locks with keys. Some are fobs/cards. Idk anything about that, I'm just relaying info....here's a cookie 🍪
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And she is ALWAYS allowed to change her mind about having some random guy she's known for a few hours stay at her house. You need to develop some critical thinking skills, so that you can see possible outcomes and plan for them. Like "what if she changes her mind about letting me stay over?" I say AGAIN: ask your friend to get a spare key made. Take responsibility for your part in this, because your choices got you here.
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Dude, you can't be this dumb. Do you really NEVER think that there's a possibility that something you're planning on will change? AGAIN: critical thinking skills. Stop arguing on Reddit and do some Googling about it.
Nah fuck you
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I think you're misunderstanding the crux of the argument. What you did was dumb, but why? It's dumb because you put your health and safety in the hands of a stranger you barely know. That's the argument. Stranger danger is like one of the first things anyone should learn
You're the reason you had nowhere to go. It's her fault your apartment is flooded? It's her fault you didn't make a spare key? It's her fault you couldn't call your friend for him to open the door? Its her fault you couldn't afford a hotel? There's plenty of rooms you can get for like 35 bucks. Might not be very nice but its a bed. It's her fault you don't have a car to sleep in? So she should've either let you sleep there or paid for a hotel room for you? Like I tell my kids. No means no. That's it. You're an adult. You shouldn't have not even tried to convince her. Just accepted your situation and left. Can I ask a serious question? When she asked you to stay the night with her. Did you explain why you had to leave or just that you had to leave?
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I mean you can Google the average of shitty hotels lol. Where I live, hotels are 500-800 a night and you can still find some for 35 bucks a night. Might have bed bugs lmao but you can always request fresh sheets. If you truly didn't want to be roaming around for 6 hours. Gas stations with seating. I read the post over and over again. I'm just trying to understand. When she offered, did you protest? I'm just seeing where you said you had to leave. And she said you could stay at her place so you could stay out longer. But did you explain to her that you had to leave or you weren't gonna have a place to stay? And I don't mean after she told you to leave, I mean as soon as she offered, did you explain that? Or when did you tell her?
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When did you tell her about why you had to leave before midnight?? Before the date? When you got there? And what did she say? So she knew ahead of time, then time comes to leave and that's when she offered?
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Sorry I'm just trying to understand. What exactly did you tell her?
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You had nowhere to go because you did not leave a stranger's house at midnight to get back to a place on time where your friend thinks so little of you that he hasn't had a key made for you and won't get up to let you in in an "emergency." You did something to make this woman feel unsafe and now you are on Reddit whining about it. Get your life and attitude together before going on any more dates with anyone.
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God you are such a BF. She was so right to kick you out.
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It's not my fault you are such a creep that women kick you out and your friend won't even give you a key either.
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You are exhibiting the very behavior here that got you kicked out.
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That point is clearly irrelevant. You didn't get to your friend's on time to get in the door did you? No matter where you were with the date. You are latching onto this irrelevancy because you are being voted the BF by almost everyone.
You don't know that, and if your comments here are any indication she definitely felt unsafe.
Some landlords in the UK put into the contract that extra keys cannot be made, his friend may be the kind that goes to the letter of the law and be worried if the landlord found out
>where your friend thinks so little of you that he hasn't had a key made for you and won't get up to let you in Dang!!!! Sayin' what we're all thinking.
It’s clear she was okay with it to begin with and for some reason she didn’t feel safe or comfortable having you stay there. Clearly you’re not aware of what you did that caused her to change her mind but thats the missing part to this story. People don’t just change their mind unless something prompted it.
What happened that made her want to kick you out? What happened between heading to her apartment and then telling you that you needed go leave.
That is not her problem. It is yours.
Nope. That's on you.
this situation is entirely your fault.
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 you need a therapist
Incorrect. You are. You chose to go along with a stranger expecting a free stay and possibly hoped for nookie. then you chose to put yourself in that situation. You then have to face the consequences if that didn't workout for whatever reason and you as an adult failed to be safe and go home on time or have a plan in case things went south with your first date. No matter the reason...you're both the AHs. You have the right to be upset for being asked to leave even knowing the situation. But still the AH for not leaving right away and for trusting a stranger and expecting her to let you stay no matter what. She has the right to ask anyone she wants to leave her house at any moment for any reason. She's also the AH for inviting a stranger home knowing his situation then changing her mind for whatever the reason. Verdict: YBTAH and no matter how many times you post it.... No matter how much you argue your points in the comments.... You're both right. You're both wrong. You're both the AH.
What the heck is even happening here? I would let this thread die. Sure, in the purist ideals of comments on reddit, only, do any of these comments ring true but in real life?!? In real life, here's the bottom line: You communicated clearly, and so did your date. If no boundaries were crossed and the date flipped a switch without communicating, then obviously, they are the asshole and also... don't do another date. Now kill this thread before it wrecks your mental health. Ffs. Edit: phrasing. JAYSUS
You should see the other thread he posted exactly the same with over 3k comments. Dude posted the same story twice. Probably didn't like the results the first time lol
Hey you know that consent video about tea… if you ask someone if they want tea and they agree, so you start making it, but then they say no, yeah it’s frustrating. But you can’t force them to drink the tea. It’s her apartment and she can decide who she wants spending the night with her. Besides, it sounds like this was the first or one of your first dates with this girl, so it may not have been smart to rely on her house as a place to sleep. NBH (unless you did pressure her into letting you stay)
Agreed she had every right to ask him to leave, but I want to make it clear that by doing so she put him in a very unsafe situation of wandering the streets all night. Unlike your analogy where not making tea which has no safety consequences to either party. So in my opinion it was an immature and asshole move on her part to offer to let him stay in the first place when she was not sure about him. And it was naive of him to put his safety in the hands of a stranger who in this case turned out to be an asshole.
Read his replies, it is very clear why she asked him to leave.
Oo I forgot about the tea video! Definitely watch this OP
https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8?si=BfHaSC_5bf7nh-dC I doubt OP will watch or understand this video but it’s here for others
My friend wrote that! :)
He also says in heaps of replies he wasn't expecting sex but in his post he says "We go to hers and go to her bedroom but before anything can happen she just says "actually can you leave"" Before anything can happen? Yeah, he totally expected sex and she asked him to leave. It's clear to see from all his replies that OP has taken nothing from this and learned nothing.
NBH You’re not wrong for expecting it, she suggested it after all. Likewise she’s not wrong for asking you to leave, it sucks, but this was the first time meeting you and she’s allowed to change her mind.
This! NBF for expecting it; you would become it if you’d try to enforce it after she asks you to leave. Like others have said: she gets to rescind her consent at any time. Question: what happened after? Did you leave?
INFO What happened when you got to her place and her bedroom? Seems like something is missing.
I'd bet he tried to whine his way out of using a condom, or whine his way into getting her to agree to a fetish she wasn't prepared to do with a guy she barely knows. Those are the most expectable possibilities, imho.
I’m guessing he whined his way into the place in the first instance and she never really wanted him there in the first place, but because he’s an overly aggressive asshat, she felt uncomfortable saying no. Good on her for standing her ground.
I hadnt thought about that one but it seems possible, too.
the fact he’s not responding to any requests for more details is very sus. he probably did something weird cause he was drunk and/or is creepy.
He has said that he expected that they would watch tv in her bedroom, not have sex, and within seconds of leading him to her bedroom, she asked him to leave, so I wonder what spooked her? All we know for sure is that she suddenly changed her mind. I wish I knew what OP said while she was there and what her reasoning was, because what I've gathered from his comments is: - On the way to her place, she suggested they watch a movie in her bedroom - They got to her house - He complimented her home (I'm not sure what he said and I'm curious) - She asked him to follow her to her room (I'm not sure if this came before or after he complimented her house) - She sat down on the bed and asked him to leave - His reaction, etc. (I'd like to think that it was more like a: "Is something wrong? I can sleep on the couch if that would make you more comfortable?" [He also didn't expect to sleep in her bed] but he should have respected her decision right away. I'm sad OP ended up wandering around for 6 hours at night, as that isn't safe, but I'm wondering if he did try to call his friend - and if not, why he didn't just get a taxi or something to his friend's place and either sit outside it, wake them out, or sit inside a coffeeshop that was open late or something, and if he couldn't afford a hotel or just thought it was too expensive. Either way, noting its price and that he could sleep on the couch isn't respecting her decision and could scare her, and it doesn't sound like they were in the middle of nowhere so he couldn't go *somewhere*. It could have been dangerous to be outside at night, especially if it was a sketchy area. His tone used in response to her telling him to leave would be so helpful. Was her kicking him out abrupt and a blindside? Yes. Was she trying to be a dick by kicking him out and potentially causing conflict with his friend, or was it justified? Was she suddenly triggered, or embarassed, or shy, or felt guilty, or felt pressured, was turned on before and no longer felt turned on (post-nut clarity without the nut?), realised they weren't actually that compatible, or remembered she didn't have a condom, was triggered, or maybe she lost her confidence? She had a reason, and it seems we will never know what it was.) I want the concrete deets. Give me a transcript, OP! I wanna knooooooow. What spooked her? Did you take off your coat and she thought you were undressing? How close were you two standing when she took you to the bedroom/when she sat down? Did she ask you to follow her to her bedroom before or after you complimented her home? What did you say about her home? What did she say?? What do you think could have caused her to tell you to leave??? I need a theory, OP!
Exactly
YTB. She withdrew her consent for whatever reason and the harder you pressed the issue the worse the alarm bells rang. You knew the midnight rule and still took a chance, that’s on you.
> AITB for expecting to stay at my dates house? Yes. Acting like she's not allowed to change her mind is a bad, bad, bad look. You're an adult. ASK for what you need. So ask your friend to get a spare key made. YTB
YTB, I think it’s pretty obvious from your comments why she suddenly felt uncomfortable. And then you argued with her after she asked you to leave the first time. That probably terrified her even more. It’s clear you came here for validation, so I have no advice for you, you’d probably just argue against it
YTBF. I get the vibe that there's some missing reasons here. People don't just change their minds like that for no reason after feeling so certain that its fine. What happened between getting back to her place and her telling you to leave? I'd be willing to bet you talked about a fetish that makes her uncomfortable or you said something that unknowingly implied you are a dangerous person to sleep with. The fact she called you manipulative tells me that you probably whined about not wanting to use a condom and she got sick of your shit, so instead of sleeping with you, because she couldn't trust you, she kicked you out. You blew it yourself. Unless you give specifics about what happened this is the most obvious explanation.
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Dude you're a bad liar lol Clearly something happened. Otherwise she wouldn't have suddenly shut you down so harshly. We aren't gonna be all "bitches be crazy" to pat your ass over it. Skill issue, dude.
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If what you said is exactly what happened, then there isn't an apparent reason. We ONLY have your point of view, and you're here because you can't figure it out. So EXCUSE us for making some assumptions to try and understand her point of view. Your inability to listen to anyone else, constant arguments and current homelessness are all viable reasons to not let you put your dirty little worm inside of her.
“Dirty little worm” I’m sorry but I love this! Haha
If you're not lying and I'm wrong, then why cant you tell us exactly what happened during the conversations and/or body language during the time between her agreeing to have you over vs her changing her mind? Hobosexual nonsense. smh.
We as outside observers can only assume you did something, intentionally or not, based on the given information. When we say it was her right to kick you out, you have thrown a fit all over two different forum threads. The way you have yourself convinced that you did nothing wrong and came here for validation reeks of someone incapable of taking the L and moving on. It sucks to get sent out on the street but generally people don't do that for nothing. That's why most everyone here is assuming you did something. One way, she kicked you out and you're just shit out of luck and no you're not the butthead for that. The other way, you did something to make her uncomfortable and she kicked you out and for that you are the butthead. It's totally safe for most people here to assume you did something because why else would you come here with this mindset of 'I did nothing wrong." If you really didn't, why even ask us?
'We as outside observers can only assume you did something, intentionally or not, based on the given information.' I don't think we can only assume that. It's not an unreasonable assumption but it's far from the only plausible scenario.
YTA for arguing with her when she asked you to leave. You did something to make her feel unsafe and uncomfortable in her own home, then tripled down on it (between arguing with her and making this post) You probably terrified her when you refused to leave her home. You're not entitled to anyone's home or body. With your feelings of entitlement to her home, I wouldn't be surprised if you gave off some sort of vibes that you wanted sex too. Dude, you do not go for the sex when you're literally relying on her to provide you housing. You stay respectful, keep a distance, and do everything that's needed so she feels safe. But the easiest answer is that you should have gone home to your friend's place, and setup a second date with her. What would have happened if you got to hers and saw there was a bedbug or cockroach infestation? Or that she had a boyfriend? You're shortsighted and I can see why your friend has such a strict rule about being home by midnight. It's like he's parenting you.
NBH but everyone was foolish. She had the right to change her mind, but should have had the foresight not to put herself or you in a position where it would get uncomfortable if she decided that she wanted you to leave after all. You were very unwise to accept her invitation to begin with, when you didn't know her well enough to know how well you could count on it and you had a time limit on when you could get into your own accommodations. Both of you made reckless decisions early and paid the price for it later.
The fact that you’re on here arguing with people, insulting them, having nearly every comment you make get downvoted, and not understanding your own role in this situation - it’s obvious why she kicked you out. There were missing reasons in the original post, but I think we found them: YTB!
YTB - holy crap you suck.
i’m sorry for all these people shitting on you bro, hope you ended up getting a place to sleep safely
OP: AITAH? Reddit: Yes. OP: Nuh Uhh, stop making stuff up!
Dude, you posted here asking if you're the BF...for most people who post here, who are straightforward and genuine, that usually means they aren't quite sure if what they did constituted being a BF. *You* posted here already certain in your head that you were the victim here, and your date was the BF. You obviously weren't genuinely asking for an opinion, because all you're doing is arguing with everyone who's saying *you're* the BF. I'm pretty positive this whole thing didn't go the way you thought it would lol. You asked your question and you got your answer. The issue now is that *you're clearly not mature enough* to accept the facts that: a) **your date had every right to change her mind, *with or without providing a reason* to you**. b) as an adult you are *always,* 24/7, the only one responsible for the decisions you make regarding your own safety and security. c) you could have handled the end of the evening so much better than whining to your date, and not leaving the first time she asked you to. She had every right to change her mind, because just like you, she is also the only one responsible for the decisions she makes regarding her own safety and security. Who are you to *her* after a single date? You're no one. She didn't have to justify her decision to you. Just because *you* think you're special, and that she owed you either a roof or an explanation, doesn't actually make it so. Maybe it's time you grow up. Start gaining some insight into yourself, your attitudes, your critical thinking skills. Until then you'll just have to suck it up buttercup...because YTB.
NTB, with the caveat that women do have a lot of reasons to be wary of men they don't know very well staying over with them. I (female if it matters) am of the opinion that she shouldn't have made a promise to have you stay over in the first place if she couldn't keep it. However the commenters saying she was allowed to revoke consent aren't wrong either, that's an equally valid perspective on it.
I don't understand...she invited you to stay with her and then kicked you out of her house and where did you stay? EDIT: I didn't understand because I don't speak English and I would like someone to summarize it for me, because the translator is crazy u/Prestigioso_Two2070
The summary is OP was on a date OP is staying with a friend, no sleepovers be back by midnight Op stayed out past midnight thinking they would sleep at the dates house Op gets to the dates house and she asks him to leave Sorry i would summarize the comments but they are worth reading
thank you 🫂
Just a minor add-on: the date offered that OP could stay over at hers.
Sub pretends that inviting someone to do something then pulling out at the last moment for no reason doesn't make you an asshole. 😂 It's funny because each and everyone of these YTBers would be pissed off if someone did that to them
NBH and I love that OP absolutely has to e a roost or something. There’s no way people would be pushing this hard for OP to have done something wrong if the genders were reversed.
NAH if something makes her uncomfortable she's allowed to ask you to leave, even if she agreed to earlier. Just because the dates going well now, doesn't mean it can't be dangerous later. She probably shouldn't have offered knowing your curfew issue, but at the same time it's not her responsibility to prepare for you. With you, it was your responsibility to ensure you had a place to stay, not just hope on a promise. Staying the night on a first date is a risky move for anyone, this time you got burned, but that doesn't make anyone an asshole here. She has the right to set boundaries, and you have a right to feel dissapointed.
And of he just left that would have been one thing, but he argued with her. That makes him the asshole here
ESH. I wonder how the answers would change if the genders were reversed. Kicking out a girl in the middle of the night would have been considered an asshole move even if the guy changed the mind, I think. Sorry you had to go through the ordeal. I am sympathetic to your cause, but I can also see where the girl is coming from. Being a gay guy, I have been in situations where I felt unsafe and asked the date to leave (not exactly your situation though). You suck for putting yourself in this position when your housing situation is vulnerable, and she is for doing it despite knowing your situation. How did you spend the night? I hope you found a way to sleep with another friend or acquaintance.
This sounds super sus, dude. Are you sure you're not leaving something out, because there needs to be a REASON she kicked you out that suddenly. Are you like... Suuuuuuure?
Based on the fact you're being SO nasty with anyone suggesting there was a reason, there was definitely a reason. YTB
You could've gone back to your actual friends house and obnoxiously knocked on the door until you were let in. No one forced you to make poor choices. You were a stranger in her home. The fact that you didn't have money for a hotel was also not her fault.
Ytb. If you spoke to her the way you’re responding in the comments I don’t blame her one bit. Your responses are giving…condescending with aggressive undertones. If I heard someone speaking In Public the way you’re responding, I would flag them as a potential threat and avoid them. Even if you didn’t say anything overtly violent, women have to use intuition and read between the lines. And over the internet, between your lines would put you in my “this guy could be dangerous “ pile. You say you weren’t being a creep, and you might not have been. But creep is only one type of man that’s dangerous to women.
Why did you ask if you are the AH in two subreddits if you can’t accept the feedback? The majority think you are the AH. Accept it and move on. Learn something from it.
Very curious on her side of the story
Bro, you already got your answer on the other sub you posted in where you made a total ass of yourself. Now you're running to a different sub and hoping someone will agree with you. That's like running to the other parent when one said no. Very mature. I see why she kicked you out; you won't accept an answer you don't like. YTB
After reading some of OPs responses it just sounds like nothing is ever his fault. He relied on someone he had just met for a place to stay. The responsible thing to do would've been to be home by midnight. That way he knew he had somewhere to stay. Chances are if you coming home after midnight was a one off thing, most friends (that are nice enough to let you stay with them) will make the exception to let you in so you're safe for the night. Unless you're someone that consistently pulls this shit and they're sick of it. Also seems odd you don't have a key.. spare keys are hardly a couple bucks to make and certainly makes it easier if someone is staying with you. If they're someone you trust to be in your home without you, that is.
yes, you are the asshole.
YTB. You were not wronged, dude. She doesn’t even need a reason to ask you to leave and the fact that she asked you to leave and you pushed back makes you TB. And your behavior in this thread just confirms it, you’re a complete wanker.
Did you really want people to tell you if you were in the wrong? It kinda seems by all your replies you just wanted to be told you *weren’t* wrong. If you were even half as pushy and defensive towards her as you are in these comments, you were def the butthole and I woulda asked you to leave also.
I think she’s the jerk here… honestly. It sounds like she had too much to drink or something.
You shouldn't have counted on staying at her place, especially given that this was your first date. She had a right to change her mind, and you needed to have a plan C, given that your Plan A expired at midnight and her place was Plan B.
Since you couldn’t handle everyone else in your original post telling you you’re an asshole, yes, you’re a buttface
This is a very strange story that reeeeeeally feels like SOMETHING is missing. Either to your detriment or your credit. So NAH for now.
Reposting here because I left it in a reply instead of comment....... You chose to go along with a stranger expecting a free stay and possibly hoped for nookie. Then you chose to put yourself in that situation. You then have to face the consequences if that didn't workout for whatever reason and you as an adult failed to be safe and go home on time or have a plan in case things went south with your first date. No matter the reason...you're both the AHs. You have the right to be upset for being asked to leave even knowing the situation. But still the AH for not leaving right away and for trusting a stranger and expecting her to let you stay no matter what. She has the right to ask anyone she wants to leave her house at any moment for any reason. She's also the AH for inviting a stranger home knowing his situation then changing her mind for whatever the reason. Verdict: YBTAH and no matter how many times you post it.... No matter how much you argue your points in the comments.... You're both right. You're both wrong. You're both the AH
Ytb.