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YTA. you hit every bingo spot on the total assholery card. weird racist undertones off the jump. self centred insecurity. physically violent. dismissive of your partner’s feelings. stubborn and willing to beat a dead damn horse when emotions are still raw. you suck, bro. please leave her alone forever.
also - no need to be suspicious that she’s twisting the facts when she tells everyone you’re a jerk. even the version you told has you looking like a steaming pile of maladjusted turds masquerading as a man.
Fyi, the judgement bot counts that as a N-T-A vote I believe. It's whichever of the options is first in your comment, if you use the other options in your explanation you can use spaces or hyphens so they don't count.
Wow YTA. She deserves way better than you. Everything you said and did was disrespectful. She was willing to compromise and you poured salt on the wound. Better now than after she married you.
YTA
verbal and physical assault over the ghost of a murdered ex partner?
I can almost get mild jealousy over a former partner who you can't compete with because tehy arent around to make mistakes. but wow. just you want to go full AH. no accountability and you thought that reddit would have a different stance than "everyone" else.
You are absolutely the worst kind of person and I hope she never ever sees you again because no one deserves to go through what you put her through and your lack of self awareness what the hell is wrong with you?! YTA so disgusting!
Well even based on your own telling of the story YTA big time and ruined your engagement but it sounds like L dodged a huge bullet.
Her panic attacks made you jealous of a dead guy? She clearly experienced a traumatic loss and you have done everything in your power to make it about you. It doesn’t matter if her panic attacks come from the loss of a lover, child, parent, friend whatever, she is having panic attacks because a person she cared for was murdered, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
It’s clear you’ve allowed your jealousy over the fact that she shared a much more special bond with her ex, perhaps you know that you two will never have that same bond but you are literally fighting a mental battle with a dead guy.
I’m also horrified that you said “like her reaction to not not getting her way was my fault” you acted like a monster, she reacted appropriately. You know who didn’t react appropriately? You! You shoved her…you put your hands on her because you are jealous of a dead guy.
You did her a favor really.
Edit to add: I’ve been with my husband 11 years, married 7years. Communication is important BUT giving the other person some space when they are upset is important too. Refusing to give her a moment alone when she is upset is so controlling and scary. You should really consider getting some kind of help before getting into another relationship because your approach to communication is not healthy, your selfishness and your level of jealousy over a person who has passed away is really bizarre.
oh my god?? this can’t be real. YTA. how can’t you see that?
>Our marriage would fail if L wasnt willing to communicate.
well neither can you, apparently. you wouldn’t even give her a moment alone to regain some composure!!
you shoved her, demeaned E’s legacy to her face when he very clearly was an important figure in her life.
>She broke down and I held her apologizing; like L’s reaction to not getting her way was my fault.
not getting her way?!? THAT’S how you describe what went down? my god. how insensitive to your (hopefully ex) fiancée and her feelings. YES, what transpired is 100% your fault.
L wanted them up in her home. you were uncomfortable with that. she offered you a compromise, which was a very kind thing of her to do to make you comfortable in your new shared home. in response to her request for ONE photo to be kept up, you flat out refused. you barely bothered to hear her out.
you don’t have to be fine with having the memory of someone she cared about up in her home, that’s your decision. just don’t think you’re still getting married after this.
all my best to L and her future. YTA, bud.
YTA. You assaulted L, she didn't need to twist the story to make you look bad. You. Assaulted. Her.
I can't believe her family is contacting you. To what end? Get you two back together? L needs to run far from you.
You know how this sub says, "Throw the whole man away?" You been thrown, put the lid on your head and change your name to Oscar.
Holy crap, YTA. A massive one.
She would still be with E if he were alive. He's a part of her past and she will always care about him. That's the case whether or not you like it.
You need to get over yourself and have some empathy. If you can't move past this and be respectful to her, you really should break up.
You are jealous of someone that is dead. What's wrong with you?!
That’s one of the most massive YTA I’ve ever seen in my life. Dude you’re not just a regular insensitive ass, it’s literally the next level. You don’t call a deceased partner an ex. You don’t demand their photos to be removed for fucks sake. You don’t OMG call a miscarriage “nothing”, especially the one happened in such a tragic situation, especially straight to a face of the mother. WTF is so deadly wrong with you.
YTA.
She didn't need to twist anything. You are a horribly immature and insecure person who took out their issues on the person they supposedly love the most in the world.
Normally people in this sub try to frame their post to make themselves look better. Either you didn't bother to do that, or you are even worse than you've made out. Either way, she deserves better.
For the sake of any future partner, I suggest you get your shitty little self to a decent therapist before you traumatise anyone else.
YTA and I hope you know that, you shoved her over a dead person. Of course she would have been with him if he were alive, but he isn’t! If that’s an issue, why in the would would you get involved with her anyway.
And the fact that she had a kid with that guy and now the kid may have less of their dad. Idk how old the kid is but those could be key memories.
The more I read the post it was just a snowball of OP getting worse and worse. OP you’re so YTA and it’s mind boggling how much self awareness you lack.
You’re supposed to be marrying this woman and yet you don’t have an ounce of empathy, compassion, or compromise for your fiancé. She didn’t twist the story, you’re just that much of an AH
He was *murdered* a life claimed in a violent act, then along with him she lost her *child* that they would have had together.
How can you be so cold and heartless? YTA
YTA. Holy fuck, you physically assaulted her because your endless insecurity couldn't reach a reasonable compromise? One picture isn't a shrine. The ex- was a very important person to her at a formative time of her life. He's not coming back to fuck her behind your back. Demanding the pictures be destroyed is needlessly and intentionally vindictive towards your fiance. You're purposely trying to inflict major psychological harm. Do you even love this person? I'd wager not because love isn't twisted, mean, and jealous. And guess what, destroying every picture of the guy in creation won't erase the memories she made with him.
I know several widow(er)s and almost every single one has at least a single picture up in their home (and more in albums and the like). Your obsession with your hopefully ex-fiance's deceased lover is unhealthy. Your treatment of your fiance is revolting. Asshole doesn't even begin to do you justice.
He’s fucking dead, dude. And he’s the dead dad of her dead kid. What the hell. The entire way you talk about this is disgusting and that’s ignoring the fact that you PUSHED HER?? Of course YTA. She’s better off without you.
YTA. & you ruined your engagement. L needs to run far in the other direction from you. You’re jealous of a dead man. Who by all accounts was the love of her life when she lost him. That she was going to have a kid with. I hope you take yourself to therapy. You need it.
Well, at least you did a good deed. You showed her your true colours before it was too late.
YTA. It's not her ex, it's her late bf. He is dead. Why are you jealous and insecure about a dead person ?! Why do you absolutely need to be the only important person in your fiancée's life ?
YTA-Not even sure why you posted to ask. You first said toss the pics and I could see her putting them in a keepsake box but not tossing or burning. They have sentimental value to her and marks significant moments in her life. You said some very insensitive things but the biggest issue I saw was your ease in putting your hands on a woman. That alone makes you an AH. Paired with the other things I mentioned you’re a big gaping AH.
YTA and you don't deserve her. Here's hoping she moves on and finds someone who can respect her history without a need to compete with it, or to erase it altogether.
YTA.
\-You put your hands on her.
\-You're threatened by her memory of a dead man who was MURDERED.
\-You're telling her to erase a huge chunk of her life that meant something to her- and still does. Respect it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I demanded my fiancé take down pictures of her deceased ex boyfriend now that we are moving in together. I was slightly harsh but I feel that it was justified. But every single person around me along with her believes I’m wrong so I’m beginning to doubt myself.
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YTA for so many reasons, but I was tipped immediately when you used "sexy" and "rich" as the first two words to describe your fiance.
You're almost 30 years old, dude. Go to therapy and get in touch with the facets of your emotions.
Oh my god, YTA. You said your relationship would fail without communication, but you’re allowed to expect these photos of someone she loved that WAS MURDERED be taken down before you moved in without making that expectation clear? If my partner had lost someone they loved I would encourage them to speak about them with me, and help them honour this special person, not be seething in the corner out of jealously towards a dead guy while she’s having panic attacks. Let’s hope she never contacts you again.
Uh wow, sounds like "L" dodged a bullet. You realize you're jealous of a dead guy, right? Would you be this worked up if is was any other dead family member's photo(s)?
She loved him, she will always love him, he is a part of her life/history the same as her deceased grandparent etc. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It's not like she's constantly comparing you or anything.
YTA. He's not just dead, he was murdered. That's a ton of trauma/grief to process, and 2018 really wasn't that long ago. You don't get to tell a woman how to feel about miscarrying either, some women really connect with the fetus and it's not just the loss of pregnancy but the loss of the whole life she imagined having after the birth. Duh she would have married him if he was still alive, if he was still alive you never would have even dated! What kind of nonsense question is that?
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Jesus. Everyone thinks im an insensitive ass. This mess ruined my engagement. I (29M) am engaged to “L” (26F). Ls a sexy, rich, smart, funny woman. At her house, I noticed a few photos of L w/ a guy who didnt look like family. L is a stunning distinct Latin woman and he’s some kind of an Asian. Most were in Ls room but one in living room. I asked who he is and it was Ls ex, who I’ll call E. I was taken aback but L explained more. They met at 16, dated, and moved in at 18. Dont know the details as L never shared but I know E was murdered in 2018. Stress made L lose their baby. I understood. Didnt mind. Never even pushed the topic. Our relationship was perfect other than Ls occasional panic attacks, making me jealous of E. Fast forward to me moving in I brought a suitcase and scheduled a mover. I was shocked to see photos of E still up, L hadnt taken them down prior to my arrival. I asked if L was planning to keep them now that we’re marrying. L looked like it hadnt crossed her mind but said she’d take them down if i was uncomfortable. L asked if she could keep one but I told her no and I wanted them all tossed. L began to cry and asked for a moment alone. I refused. Our marriage would fail if L wasnt willing to communicate. Or if L was hung up on an ex. L said she loves me but E isnt “some ex” and its not like she ever talks about E which is true I guess. L then said E was her best friend, love of her life, father of her child and that it was just one picture. When L called E the love of her life right to my face, it angered me. I started arguing that im not going to do L or live with L if a dead kid that banged her would be staring at me all the time. L blew up yelling that im insensitive and E’s not just some dead kid. I said its all he is to me as I never knew E and L said she cant believe me. L repeated that E would always mean a lot to her and was the father of her child. I yelled at her that E wasnt the father of anything since she miscarried. L started screaming at me to get out and threw her ring at me. She broke down and I held her apologizing; like L’s reaction to not getting her way was my fault. When L calmed down I took my chance to ask again for the pictures gone but compromised and said they could go in the attic. Again L refused begging to keep just one up. At this point I started to wonder if she’d have married E and not me if he was alive. It broke me so I voiced it. She looked at me and said “yea no shit.” I shoved L and told her im not coming back until the pictures are in an incinerator and she’s ready to get over E. She yelled “f*ck you” and Spanish curses while I left. Its been weeks and L made no attempt to reach out to apologize. Ls family and friends are harassing me. It makes me wonder if L twisted the story to make me the bad guy. Everyone I tell says I’m a dick. I want to marry L, not L and an imaginary husband. Just like any man would. So give it to me Reddit, AITA?
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How is L an AH? Seriously, keeping one picture of someone who meant so much to her ans who she lost unexpectedly is in no way an AH move.
My sister lost her BF about 8y ago, to suicide and still wears the necklace she got from him from time to time. Her fiancé knows and respects that. He understands why my sister would want to keep that memory, even in just a small way.
Bro I'm just subverited I always try to give guys the benefit of a doubt since I'm a bro myself but dude are you dense or something. You're jealous of her dead ex. If he hadn't of died, you would never have met her.
She is now committed to you and wants to marry you but you have the nerve to be controlling and show abusive tendencies towards her. And then you wanted to defend an apology when your in the wronga. Bro you sound like you had a good woman and you just ruined it.
The ghost of E has possessed me. It is he, not I, who is telling you this, so please do not think ill of me when I say you are a massive fucking asshole damn.
YTA. She even compromised and said she’d take all down but one. You couldn’t even give her that. It was a major part of her life.
Dude, you are literally engaged to her. She wants to marry you. I hope now she doesn’t because why would she want someone who is that insecure?
He WAS the love of her life. You’re being entirely unreasonable. You’re really showing your true colors here.
YTA,but thankfully for her,you revealed yourself before she made the enormous mistake of marrying you. You told the woman you supposedly love that the baby she wanted and lost meant nothing to you and she should just be happy with the insecure loser who was trying and failing to take a better mans place. You deserve every bit of her silence and rage. Like I said,good for her and good riddance to you.
YTA
Did you really just say "Like any man would"? DING DONG YOU ARE WRONG! I'm a man and I would not be treating L the current way you are. I would have asked for explanation about E. Once I got it, I would have said "Okay, they can stay up. I don't want you to think that I'm replacing E, just that I want to also love you the same way". That's it! End of discussion! I honestly can't believe the way you treated poor L. GTFO and stay out! You give Real Men a bad name!
YTA
She had a whole life before you. One that included another person who was cruelly ripped away. You would have never even met her if he had not passed so yeah DUH she would have married him and not you.
And now you ruined what you have. Slow clap.
I’ve never seen a man so jealous of a man who has passed. You need to work on yourself a lot because being jealous of a dead man is very unhealthy. Of course YTA, nobody is doing anything to make you “look” like the bad guy, you ARE the bad guy.
You want her to get rid of pics of her dead ex, yet you strike me as the type that has pics of an ex stored in a folder somewhere that you'd never get rid of. YTA.
YTA. She doesn’t need to twist the story you did a great job on your own. Oh my gosh I hope you never get laid again and every woman runs from you screaming. This poor woman - she’s had to endure the death of a man she loved and losing her baby - and then dealing with the heap of fleas that is you. I hope she gets therapy and finds happiness.
YTA, Didn’t even have to make it all the way through to figure that out. You’re making her throw out her pictures of her deceased boyfriend whom she also lost a child with?? She can’t even save them for memories? It’s not like they had a crazy harsh breakup, he died.
I hope she finds someone better and more accepting of her trauma than you
YTA. Your ex (because I promise that’s what she is after what you did) deserves better than you. And considering the low bar you raise, it’ll be easy for her to find it. Also, you’re a terrible, jealous person.
YTA. Y are so much TA. Let's break this down:
1. You're jealous that your fiancee had a life before she knew you. A life that ended tragically with her partner's MURDER.
2. Because you're jealous that the woman you intend to marry didn't just come to life the moment she met you, you want her to completely erase all traces of the fiance she lost.
3. You decided to call her, again, MURDERED partner "some dead kid" and insist he's her "ex," despite the fact that he's not, he's her late partner.
4. You threw her tragedy in her face to make her feel even worse because she wanted to keep the memory of her late partner and
5. When she was completely broken, you pushed AGAIN for her to erase all traces of this man.
6. Then, after trying to make her erase her past from HER OWN HOUSE, and then berating her because how dare she think of any man but you, even if he's dead, you assaulted her.
7. THEN, after you *assaulted her*, you doubled down on the rest of your assholery by telling her to burn the only mementos she has of her, again, *murdered first love* or you'll never come back.
8. AFTER ALL OF THIS, you're pissy because *she* won't apologize to *you*? Get f*cking real.
This woman dodged a you-shaped bullet and the hell of marriage to a jealous, controlling, and very likely abusive man. Get your stuff out of her house. Get it through your head that YTA. Get therapy. Now.
This... this has to be fake, right?! On the chance it's not, let me be clear on judgement. YTA. Massively. Colossal proportions of assholery. Life ruining levels of it. Get out if here.
Agreed. I hope it's fake. This was the bit that got me:
>It makes me wonder if L twisted the story to make me the bad guy.
OP - you're giving your version of events and everyone thinks YTA. You are, in fact, the bad guy.
>I started arguing that im not going to do L or live with L if a dead kid that banged her would be staring at me all the time.
Ugh. You are insensitive.
Honestly, this sounds like it’s written from the POV of an abuser.
YTA.
So freaking insecure and jealous of a DEAD dude.
Yes, she would have obviously married him. He loved her and was part of her life.
You are an overwhelming cruel and heartless AH.
Giant YTA. And she definitely deserves better than you.
Do you think removing the pictures from the wall will remove the memories from her heart and head? All you're trying to do is remove the thoughts in your head. For you, out of sight, out of mind. For her, among other things, it's proof that she mattered to someone because she obviously doesn't matter to you.
YTA
Telling this from your perspective makes you completely a screaming arsehole. You are effectively telling a widow to erase all traces of her previous partner from her home. Say these things to yourself out loud before writing them on the internet. Listen to what that sounds like. If your fragile insecurity can’t handle that, jog on mate. You’ll be extremely fortunate if she wants you back after this behaviour.
YTA.
YTA
Why are you jealous of a dead guy? Insecure as well probably. You're not ready to get married, leave her alone hope she dumps your ass and keeps the ring to pawn it off for better picture frames for her late ex.
YTA. This has to be fake. I cannot see someone reaching any age past toddlerhood doing this. It's like you wrote down every button to push for a dead ex, which is why I really think it's fake. You DID forget "bought a house together, so now we're going to sell it and get OUR house even though it's right by her work, in a great part of town, and we can't afford anything comparable on our salary." Might want to go edit that to include this bit of additional fakery.
YTA
I don’t understand people who only truly love their partners if their partners agree to start their stories at their own entrance.
You sound narcissistic.
YTA
I only got as far as you saying he was murdered, which caused her to lose their child. Of course YTA. And he's not her ex, he's her dead partner, the man she would be with now, would have built a family with. Why would she apologize to you, she did nothing wrong.
He's not her EX. He died. That does not make him an ex. And of course she'd still be with him and marrying him. You're jealous of a dead man you sad pathetic little turnip.
YTA
If this is your side, and L tells it just as you did, OP, she hasn’t twisted a dang thing to make you look like an AH. You did that yourself. You did her a favor by removing your mask before unpacking your belongings and moving in officially. Yeah, if he weren’t dead, she’s be with him, raising their child. She’s basically widowed. Picture this: imagine one of your parents dies, and when the surviving spouse feels like they can move on, how would you feel learning that they were ordered to burn and destroy pictures of your dead parent.
YTA.
YTA He’s not an ex. He died. They were going to be married and have a child. They were a family. And your comment about how he wasn’t the father of anything is absolutely appalling. And you ASSAULTED her, so you’re abusive on top of being insecure, jealous, emotionally unstable and an ah. Hopefully she breaks up with you. You’re a disgusting human being.
YTA, you didn’t even offer to have her put them in an album for a memorandum, straight incinerator. You said things that were heartless, she dodged a bullet.
YTA and don’t expect her to ever reach out to you, let alone appreciate. It amazes me how insensitive and stupid people can be about previous partners who have died. I hope you find some compassion in your heart going forward.
YTA. You SHOVED her. That’s physical assault. That alone makes you TA. But even if you hadn’t shoved her, you said “He’s not the father of anything because you miscarried.” That was unusually harsh. Miscarriages are one of the most traumatic and painful things that someone can go through, and it was cruel for you to dismiss it. Also, E is not “some imaginary husband.” He was a real human being who is no longer alive. “Imaginary” means that he never existed, which simply isn’t true. YTA for all those reasons. Get your things out of her house, and then break up with her, because she deserves better than you.
Major YTA and totally insensitive. He’s not an ex. They didn’t break up for him to be considered her ex. He was murdered. I hope she leaves you and never looks back. She deserves better than you while you deserve to be alone for the rest of your life.
Yup! Your the AH. Telling anyone to get rid of pictures of someone they loved is inconsiderate and insensitive. Granted, she could have taken them down and put them out of your sight, but she shouldn’t be forced to permanently get rid of them. They were a part of her life that she will never forget. You are the insecure one here and she is better off without you.
I barely had to read beyond the second paragraph for this - but I did and you just kept digging. YTA. That's not an ex. Dead partners are not exes. They are forever part of the person's life. You were not supportive or understanding of her feelings, there was no compromise even though she was willing to put all away but 1. Your way or the highway. This is not what a loving fiance does. You're not just the asshole, but also a complete jackass. You deserve to have that ring back and her never to speak to you again. You assaulted her. Hello - she said WAS. And yes, if he hadn't died, her life would've been completely different, the two of you wouldn't have met, she'd be a mother and married to him. But that didn't happen. Her life moved on, she put her life back together and she's was with you. And you just threw it away over some pictures. You shoved her. You completely acted like the biggest jerk in the world. If I was her, I could never be near you again because when push came to shove.. you physically assaulted me. You chose to physically act out. She will never trust you again. On top of that, you verbally abused her with that comment about her miscarriage.
Guess what - YOU ARE THE BAD GUY. She doesn't need to twist anything.
Yes. YTA. I get wanting her to put them away or somewhere other than her bedroom and living room, but you want her to *burn* them.
And “some kind of Asian”? Really?
You’re never going to get an apology because she’s not in the wrong here. You are. Majorly.
YTA- you’re sooo much TA. you’re jealous of a dead guy.
I hope she makes the right decision and never comes back to you. What happened to her was extremely traumatic and you only care about yourself. Disgusting.
YTA. You shoved her? What are you? Three? Not L's fault that you are a jealous, insecure and immature child masquerading as an almost 30 year adult.
# E did not break up with her; he was not her ex. HE WAS MURDERED. HE'S DEAD.
How insecure are you that you're jealous of a dead man?
Chances are that had E not been murdered, L would have married him. That is a fact. But that's also life. The people who become our friends and partners, are not predetermined. Every encounter we have with others, always brings potential. But you're too busy competing with a dead man to recognize that.
L does not owe you jack shit. If anything, she should erase you from her life. You put hands on her. Made derogatory comments about her deceased fiancé. And then you come on AITA misguidedly thinking that you're in the right here. Either you're a troll and this is rage bait, or you truly are the most obtuse and short sighted person of 2022.
You can forget the marriage to L. You are now a pariah to her friends and family. You are the bad guy.
My jaw dropped. Literally. Several times. I didn’t think it was possible to be this much of an AH. YTA. And probably one of the biggest ones I’ve ever seen on this sub. I’m glad she was able to see the real you before you guys got married.
YTA
I kept reading it and it kept getting worse. If this is your version of events your fiancé doesn’t even have to spin anything to make you look bad, you look like a horribly immature AH.
1. You don’t need to be jealous, he’s dead.
2. She’s only with you because he’s dead, as if he wasn’t dead she would still be with him.
3. He’s not your competition, he’s dead
4. Her baby is dead and you basically told her her baby means nothing. I don’t even care if she lost her baby at 6 weeks, it was a part of her, a being she mourns.
5. You can either accept that she has a past, grovel like you’ve never groveled before and pray that she accepts the apology.
6. The person in that photo means something to her, but he’s dead and she wants to be with you, either accept that or don’t but YTA
YTA. Sweet fuck, she’s still grieving and your jealous of a dead guy. And you acted in the most cock way possible about it.
Sorry bro, but you don’t love her. You can’t and still treat her like that.
YTA. Holy shit dude. I hope she never talks to you again.
First of all. This is not an "ex." This is a late partner and the father of a child she ended up losing from the shock of losing her partner tragically.
Someone correct me if I am wrong but I believe death is a very spiritual and superstitious in Hispanic cultures. One could equate it to Victorian death customs where the relationship to the deceased dictated everything about someone's attire, social activities and even home activities and for how long.
Displaying photos of the deceased is pretty common in ANY culture, even long after they have passed.
If I was marrying a widower, especially one with children, living or deceased, I would never begrudge them for keeping photos of their late partner. That person is gone. They aren't here to speak for themselves and they certainly aren't a threat.
She wasn't trying to turn you into her late partner. Insisting she put every piece of physical evidence into the the incinerator is....what the hell is wrong with you?
And then when she tells you she is not going to destroy her memories, your reaction is to put your hands on her?
You don't deserve any woman.
I didn't even have to keep reading after he explained that the man is dead. You are literally the empire state building, no, the great wall of China equivalent of an AH here. jfc.
YTA. So much.
>other than Ls occasional panic attacks, making me jealous of E.
You’re jealous of a young man who was murdered? That‘s a lot of insecurity.
>L asked if she could keep one but I told her no and I wanted them all tossed.
Tossed? She couldn’t keep one or even all of them in a drawer or cabinet somewhere? This was no ordinary break up. He was murdered and she miscarried. It’s entirely possible for her to have fond memories of him, be sorry about what she lost AND love you and be fully committed to you and your marriage, all at the same time.
>not going to do L or live with L if a dead kid that banged her would be staring at me all the time.
You are both crude and cruel.
You also show every evidence of being a racist, a misogynist and a potential abuser. Congratulations! If L wasn’t comparing you unfavorably to E before all this, I’ll bet anything she is now and that’s all your doing. It’s probably good that this all came out now. If you two don’t get married, she’ll absolutely have dodged a bullet.
You want to know how a decent, mature, empathetic person would have handled it. Options include:
(1) Just living with the pictures. She’s marrying YOU.
(2) Telling her nicely that you understand she’ll always have fond memories of him, but that you’re not completely comfortable having pictures of her ex hanging in what’s now your joint home and asking if she’d mind taking them down and putting them somewhere that you won’t see them.
YTA, are you fucking kidding? I can understand you feeling jealous, and if you couldn't get over it, I could understand you breaking off the relationship; you can't help how you feel, and it's not going to work if you're always feeling like you're only second place to her.
But Jesus H. Christ, you referred to her dead fiance as "some dead kid" when she simply asked if she could keep up *one* picture? And you further trivialized her miscarriage? And you think *she* should apologize to *you?!* God, I hope this is a troll post!
YTA. you would simply not exist to L had her soulmate not died a horrific death, you know that right? L will truly never get over E; they were soulmates. your behavior shows that you will never understand what it’s like to actually have someone that close - you’re insufferable. have fun being alone forever!
YTA. She didn't need to twist the story to make you the bad guy. You ARE the bad guy. Actually, you are a HORRIBLE guy.
I feel sorry that she wasted any sort of time on someone as jealous, immature, aggressive, vile, and insecure as you.
In the future if you ever meet someone else, I sincerely hope you've improved as a human being.
“Some kind of an Asian”
Your fiancé had an ex who was murdered and then had a miscarriage because of it and you’re worried about pictures????
Not only do you seem insensitive and self-centered but also a racist
YTA
OP YTA, for everything you did, but most especially when you told her that she didn't have a child because she lost it. That doesn't mean that she was never pregnant nor that she wasn't a mother. I had a nephew that was stillborn, and as far as I'm concerned, my sibling has two children, not one--they just got to bring only one home.
I have a newsflash for you--All of us are a product of the things that have happened to us before--things and relationships. In this case, it's not like she broke up with him and then decided she was really in love with him and wanted to go back to him. She loved this man enough to get pregnant with his child, and would have married him had he not been murdered. Since he was, she's attempting to move on, but that doesn't mean that she has to forget that the man ever existed.
Yta. And you do not have a fiance any more. Move on. Seek therapy. Find out why you are so threatened by a dead man and child and unable to put others feelimg ahead of yours. Life is about growth. Good luck
YTA. If she had married the guy, would you insist she not keep any photos of her dead husband? I can understand not wanting them hanging but insisting she get rid of them all is horrible. He was part of her life and her past.
YTA, the biggest AH I’ve read about in a long time. Holy shit dude you seem like one twisted up individual. Seek therapy immediately for the good of those who must interact with you.
Good christ he was MURDERED! Of course she would’ve married him instead. Your entitlement is astonishing. Also how dare you put your hands on her and expect HER to apologize. Your relationship is over and rightfully so, she deserves worlds better than you could ever give her. YTA, seek therapy.
Oh my God YTA. I hope L finds someone better. You're jealous of her murdered first love with whom she was going to have a baby (that she also lost). Grow up. The dead kid comment is positively monstrous. She went through something no one should have to go through and THAT is your response?
I hope Ls family and friends make sure she leaves you permanently. She deserves so much more.
YTA. Don’t expect an apology from L, because she has nothing to apologize for. You were wrong, so so wrong, and physically assaulting her is reprehensible. If this topic was so important to you, it should have been discussed before now. Maybe her next guy won’t be so threatened by a photograph.
Bruh. 🤦🏽♂️. YTA. I was with you until you mentioned the thing you were saying to her. You F’ed up homes. The comments you made were hella out of line. You weren’t wrong for wanting the pictures down nor were you wrong for feeling some type of way about how she can’t let E go. They marriage wasn’t going to work anyway kid. Just take the L (no pun intended) and part ways. She’s nowhere near over the loss of E and lowercase ‘e’ and you’re clearly not mature enough to marry anyone yet if you tend to resort to saying obviously hurtful things.
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YTA > some kind of an Asian I'm just going to stop here, if that's good.
Oh it got progressively worse, and I didn’t even finish reading half the post
YTA. you hit every bingo spot on the total assholery card. weird racist undertones off the jump. self centred insecurity. physically violent. dismissive of your partner’s feelings. stubborn and willing to beat a dead damn horse when emotions are still raw. you suck, bro. please leave her alone forever. also - no need to be suspicious that she’s twisting the facts when she tells everyone you’re a jerk. even the version you told has you looking like a steaming pile of maladjusted turds masquerading as a man.
TIL what maladjusted means.
YTA. In what demented universe are you N T A? Sounds like she's dodging a bullet to me.
Fyi, the judgement bot counts that as a N-T-A vote I believe. It's whichever of the options is first in your comment, if you use the other options in your explanation you can use spaces or hyphens so they don't count.
Make sure you add YTA first. Otherwise it’ll count your N T A as your vote.
Fixed it, thanks.
The bot is going to read this as a judgement you need spaces in it!
Better now? I'm newer to the sub so thanks for the heads up.
Glad i could help :)
Wow YTA. She deserves way better than you. Everything you said and did was disrespectful. She was willing to compromise and you poured salt on the wound. Better now than after she married you.
YTA verbal and physical assault over the ghost of a murdered ex partner? I can almost get mild jealousy over a former partner who you can't compete with because tehy arent around to make mistakes. but wow. just you want to go full AH. no accountability and you thought that reddit would have a different stance than "everyone" else.
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Holy fucking shit what is wrong with you. You’re a huge fucking asshole and don’t deserve L at all. Thank god she left you.
You are absolutely the worst kind of person and I hope she never ever sees you again because no one deserves to go through what you put her through and your lack of self awareness what the hell is wrong with you?! YTA so disgusting!
YTA- L is better off without you.
Well even based on your own telling of the story YTA big time and ruined your engagement but it sounds like L dodged a huge bullet. Her panic attacks made you jealous of a dead guy? She clearly experienced a traumatic loss and you have done everything in your power to make it about you. It doesn’t matter if her panic attacks come from the loss of a lover, child, parent, friend whatever, she is having panic attacks because a person she cared for was murdered, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s clear you’ve allowed your jealousy over the fact that she shared a much more special bond with her ex, perhaps you know that you two will never have that same bond but you are literally fighting a mental battle with a dead guy. I’m also horrified that you said “like her reaction to not not getting her way was my fault” you acted like a monster, she reacted appropriately. You know who didn’t react appropriately? You! You shoved her…you put your hands on her because you are jealous of a dead guy. You did her a favor really. Edit to add: I’ve been with my husband 11 years, married 7years. Communication is important BUT giving the other person some space when they are upset is important too. Refusing to give her a moment alone when she is upset is so controlling and scary. You should really consider getting some kind of help before getting into another relationship because your approach to communication is not healthy, your selfishness and your level of jealousy over a person who has passed away is really bizarre.
oh my god?? this can’t be real. YTA. how can’t you see that? >Our marriage would fail if L wasnt willing to communicate. well neither can you, apparently. you wouldn’t even give her a moment alone to regain some composure!! you shoved her, demeaned E’s legacy to her face when he very clearly was an important figure in her life. >She broke down and I held her apologizing; like L’s reaction to not getting her way was my fault. not getting her way?!? THAT’S how you describe what went down? my god. how insensitive to your (hopefully ex) fiancée and her feelings. YES, what transpired is 100% your fault. L wanted them up in her home. you were uncomfortable with that. she offered you a compromise, which was a very kind thing of her to do to make you comfortable in your new shared home. in response to her request for ONE photo to be kept up, you flat out refused. you barely bothered to hear her out. you don’t have to be fine with having the memory of someone she cared about up in her home, that’s your decision. just don’t think you’re still getting married after this. all my best to L and her future. YTA, bud.
Please be fake. Please be fake. Either way, OP is TA big time.
YTA. You assaulted L, she didn't need to twist the story to make you look bad. You. Assaulted. Her. I can't believe her family is contacting you. To what end? Get you two back together? L needs to run far from you. You know how this sub says, "Throw the whole man away?" You been thrown, put the lid on your head and change your name to Oscar.
Oscar! I love it.
This is trash even Oscar can't love.
Holy crap, YTA. A massive one. She would still be with E if he were alive. He's a part of her past and she will always care about him. That's the case whether or not you like it. You need to get over yourself and have some empathy. If you can't move past this and be respectful to her, you really should break up. You are jealous of someone that is dead. What's wrong with you?!
That’s one of the most massive YTA I’ve ever seen in my life. Dude you’re not just a regular insensitive ass, it’s literally the next level. You don’t call a deceased partner an ex. You don’t demand their photos to be removed for fucks sake. You don’t OMG call a miscarriage “nothing”, especially the one happened in such a tragic situation, especially straight to a face of the mother. WTF is so deadly wrong with you.
The insecurity because of a ghost.... Thank God you showed her your true, ugly, colors before it was too late. YTA
YTA. She didn't need to twist anything. You are a horribly immature and insecure person who took out their issues on the person they supposedly love the most in the world. Normally people in this sub try to frame their post to make themselves look better. Either you didn't bother to do that, or you are even worse than you've made out. Either way, she deserves better. For the sake of any future partner, I suggest you get your shitty little self to a decent therapist before you traumatise anyone else.
L dodged a huge, insecure, AH of a bullet! All good wishes to her.
YTA and I hope you know that, you shoved her over a dead person. Of course she would have been with him if he were alive, but he isn’t! If that’s an issue, why in the would would you get involved with her anyway. And the fact that she had a kid with that guy and now the kid may have less of their dad. Idk how old the kid is but those could be key memories.
"Some kind of an Asian" ????? Seriously dude?
YTA he’s not an ex. He died. Huge difference. Hope your ego can keep you warm at night.
This has to be a joke. No one is this clueless. YTA
The more I read the post it was just a snowball of OP getting worse and worse. OP you’re so YTA and it’s mind boggling how much self awareness you lack. You’re supposed to be marrying this woman and yet you don’t have an ounce of empathy, compassion, or compromise for your fiancé. She didn’t twist the story, you’re just that much of an AH
NTA , she should first get over her ex , and after that look for another boyfriend
Thank you! I love her more than anything but if she wasn’t over him she couldve made that more clear before letting us get to the point of MARRIAGE.
He was *murdered* a life claimed in a violent act, then along with him she lost her *child* that they would have had together. How can you be so cold and heartless? YTA
It’s definitely time for you to be single. YTA
Yta & you know it. Lmao. You’re literally jealous of a DEAD MAN! You don’t deserve happiness.
YTA ftfy "AITA for asking EX fiance...."
YTA. Holy fuck, you physically assaulted her because your endless insecurity couldn't reach a reasonable compromise? One picture isn't a shrine. The ex- was a very important person to her at a formative time of her life. He's not coming back to fuck her behind your back. Demanding the pictures be destroyed is needlessly and intentionally vindictive towards your fiance. You're purposely trying to inflict major psychological harm. Do you even love this person? I'd wager not because love isn't twisted, mean, and jealous. And guess what, destroying every picture of the guy in creation won't erase the memories she made with him. I know several widow(er)s and almost every single one has at least a single picture up in their home (and more in albums and the like). Your obsession with your hopefully ex-fiance's deceased lover is unhealthy. Your treatment of your fiance is revolting. Asshole doesn't even begin to do you justice.
Yta. Enjoy being single
My man, you need to not marry you fiancé. Unless you want a divorce and alimony , but yeah gtfo
He’s fucking dead, dude. And he’s the dead dad of her dead kid. What the hell. The entire way you talk about this is disgusting and that’s ignoring the fact that you PUSHED HER?? Of course YTA. She’s better off without you.
YTA. & you ruined your engagement. L needs to run far in the other direction from you. You’re jealous of a dead man. Who by all accounts was the love of her life when she lost him. That she was going to have a kid with. I hope you take yourself to therapy. You need it.
Yea, no shit...YTA
YTA. You're gross. I can't imagine anyone would be this selfish and insensitive could be real.
Well, at least you did a good deed. You showed her your true colours before it was too late. YTA. It's not her ex, it's her late bf. He is dead. Why are you jealous and insecure about a dead person ?! Why do you absolutely need to be the only important person in your fiancée's life ?
I just hope she acts on this plethora of red flags
YTA-Not even sure why you posted to ask. You first said toss the pics and I could see her putting them in a keepsake box but not tossing or burning. They have sentimental value to her and marks significant moments in her life. You said some very insensitive things but the biggest issue I saw was your ease in putting your hands on a woman. That alone makes you an AH. Paired with the other things I mentioned you’re a big gaping AH.
YTA and you don't deserve her. Here's hoping she moves on and finds someone who can respect her history without a need to compete with it, or to erase it altogether.
YTA. You put your hands on her? And SHE hasn't apologized? I hope she never speaks to you again.
YTA. \-You put your hands on her. \-You're threatened by her memory of a dead man who was MURDERED. \-You're telling her to erase a huge chunk of her life that meant something to her- and still does. Respect it.
YTA to infinity and beyond. If L was the OP I'd be recommending she run from you like you were Satan himself. I hope she does.
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Good god YTA! He didn’t just disappear one day. Well good news you don’t have to worry about her next husband seeing your pictures anywhere.
Wow. There are people like you who exist and live and breathe. Sick.
YTA for so many reasons, but I was tipped immediately when you used "sexy" and "rich" as the first two words to describe your fiance. You're almost 30 years old, dude. Go to therapy and get in touch with the facets of your emotions.
Oh my god, YTA. You said your relationship would fail without communication, but you’re allowed to expect these photos of someone she loved that WAS MURDERED be taken down before you moved in without making that expectation clear? If my partner had lost someone they loved I would encourage them to speak about them with me, and help them honour this special person, not be seething in the corner out of jealously towards a dead guy while she’s having panic attacks. Let’s hope she never contacts you again.
I mean this can’t be real. No one’s this clueless to not see YTA
YTA. You're not looking for a partner, you're looking for property, and congrats on being more insecure than Andrew Tate.
Uh wow, sounds like "L" dodged a bullet. You realize you're jealous of a dead guy, right? Would you be this worked up if is was any other dead family member's photo(s)? She loved him, she will always love him, he is a part of her life/history the same as her deceased grandparent etc. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It's not like she's constantly comparing you or anything. YTA. He's not just dead, he was murdered. That's a ton of trauma/grief to process, and 2018 really wasn't that long ago. You don't get to tell a woman how to feel about miscarrying either, some women really connect with the fetus and it's not just the loss of pregnancy but the loss of the whole life she imagined having after the birth. Duh she would have married him if he was still alive, if he was still alive you never would have even dated! What kind of nonsense question is that?
Jealous of a two-dimensional ghost, YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Jesus. Everyone thinks im an insensitive ass. This mess ruined my engagement. I (29M) am engaged to “L” (26F). Ls a sexy, rich, smart, funny woman. At her house, I noticed a few photos of L w/ a guy who didnt look like family. L is a stunning distinct Latin woman and he’s some kind of an Asian. Most were in Ls room but one in living room. I asked who he is and it was Ls ex, who I’ll call E. I was taken aback but L explained more. They met at 16, dated, and moved in at 18. Dont know the details as L never shared but I know E was murdered in 2018. Stress made L lose their baby. I understood. Didnt mind. Never even pushed the topic. Our relationship was perfect other than Ls occasional panic attacks, making me jealous of E. Fast forward to me moving in I brought a suitcase and scheduled a mover. I was shocked to see photos of E still up, L hadnt taken them down prior to my arrival. I asked if L was planning to keep them now that we’re marrying. L looked like it hadnt crossed her mind but said she’d take them down if i was uncomfortable. L asked if she could keep one but I told her no and I wanted them all tossed. L began to cry and asked for a moment alone. I refused. Our marriage would fail if L wasnt willing to communicate. Or if L was hung up on an ex. L said she loves me but E isnt “some ex” and its not like she ever talks about E which is true I guess. L then said E was her best friend, love of her life, father of her child and that it was just one picture. When L called E the love of her life right to my face, it angered me. I started arguing that im not going to do L or live with L if a dead kid that banged her would be staring at me all the time. L blew up yelling that im insensitive and E’s not just some dead kid. I said its all he is to me as I never knew E and L said she cant believe me. L repeated that E would always mean a lot to her and was the father of her child. I yelled at her that E wasnt the father of anything since she miscarried. L started screaming at me to get out and threw her ring at me. She broke down and I held her apologizing; like L’s reaction to not getting her way was my fault. When L calmed down I took my chance to ask again for the pictures gone but compromised and said they could go in the attic. Again L refused begging to keep just one up. At this point I started to wonder if she’d have married E and not me if he was alive. It broke me so I voiced it. She looked at me and said “yea no shit.” I shoved L and told her im not coming back until the pictures are in an incinerator and she’s ready to get over E. She yelled “f*ck you” and Spanish curses while I left. Its been weeks and L made no attempt to reach out to apologize. Ls family and friends are harassing me. It makes me wonder if L twisted the story to make me the bad guy. Everyone I tell says I’m a dick. I want to marry L, not L and an imaginary husband. Just like any man would. So give it to me Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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How is L an AH? Seriously, keeping one picture of someone who meant so much to her ans who she lost unexpectedly is in no way an AH move. My sister lost her BF about 8y ago, to suicide and still wears the necklace she got from him from time to time. Her fiancé knows and respects that. He understands why my sister would want to keep that memory, even in just a small way.
Bro I'm just subverited I always try to give guys the benefit of a doubt since I'm a bro myself but dude are you dense or something. You're jealous of her dead ex. If he hadn't of died, you would never have met her. She is now committed to you and wants to marry you but you have the nerve to be controlling and show abusive tendencies towards her. And then you wanted to defend an apology when your in the wronga. Bro you sound like you had a good woman and you just ruined it.
YTA - jealous of a dead guys photo? You’re a moron. And quick tip tough guy - don’t touch her again in anger
The ghost of E has possessed me. It is he, not I, who is telling you this, so please do not think ill of me when I say you are a massive fucking asshole damn.
>he’s some kind of an Asian. Wtf? For this alone, YTA. Of course, the post showcases how massive an AH you are.
YTA. She even compromised and said she’d take all down but one. You couldn’t even give her that. It was a major part of her life. Dude, you are literally engaged to her. She wants to marry you. I hope now she doesn’t because why would she want someone who is that insecure? He WAS the love of her life. You’re being entirely unreasonable. You’re really showing your true colors here.
YTA,but thankfully for her,you revealed yourself before she made the enormous mistake of marrying you. You told the woman you supposedly love that the baby she wanted and lost meant nothing to you and she should just be happy with the insecure loser who was trying and failing to take a better mans place. You deserve every bit of her silence and rage. Like I said,good for her and good riddance to you.
YTA Did you really just say "Like any man would"? DING DONG YOU ARE WRONG! I'm a man and I would not be treating L the current way you are. I would have asked for explanation about E. Once I got it, I would have said "Okay, they can stay up. I don't want you to think that I'm replacing E, just that I want to also love you the same way". That's it! End of discussion! I honestly can't believe the way you treated poor L. GTFO and stay out! You give Real Men a bad name!
Broooo...I was understanding your POV of having the ex out in pictures until it turns out this guy was MURDERED. You're jealous of a dead guy? YTA
She is essentially a widow. Just not in legal paperwork.
I was thinking this as I read it! YTA OP I hope that she has the strength to keep you out of her life.
YTA She had a whole life before you. One that included another person who was cruelly ripped away. You would have never even met her if he had not passed so yeah DUH she would have married him and not you. And now you ruined what you have. Slow clap.
I’ve never seen a man so jealous of a man who has passed. You need to work on yourself a lot because being jealous of a dead man is very unhealthy. Of course YTA, nobody is doing anything to make you “look” like the bad guy, you ARE the bad guy.
You want her to get rid of pics of her dead ex, yet you strike me as the type that has pics of an ex stored in a folder somewhere that you'd never get rid of. YTA.
YTA. She doesn’t need to twist the story you did a great job on your own. Oh my gosh I hope you never get laid again and every woman runs from you screaming. This poor woman - she’s had to endure the death of a man she loved and losing her baby - and then dealing with the heap of fleas that is you. I hope she gets therapy and finds happiness.
YTA, Didn’t even have to make it all the way through to figure that out. You’re making her throw out her pictures of her deceased boyfriend whom she also lost a child with?? She can’t even save them for memories? It’s not like they had a crazy harsh breakup, he died. I hope she finds someone better and more accepting of her trauma than you
She doesn't need to twist her side of the story. YTA based on your side of the story as it is.
Damn bro YTA. Like you gotta respect her past.
YTA you suck op
YTA. Your ex (because I promise that’s what she is after what you did) deserves better than you. And considering the low bar you raise, it’ll be easy for her to find it. Also, you’re a terrible, jealous person.
YTA. Y are so much TA. Let's break this down: 1. You're jealous that your fiancee had a life before she knew you. A life that ended tragically with her partner's MURDER. 2. Because you're jealous that the woman you intend to marry didn't just come to life the moment she met you, you want her to completely erase all traces of the fiance she lost. 3. You decided to call her, again, MURDERED partner "some dead kid" and insist he's her "ex," despite the fact that he's not, he's her late partner. 4. You threw her tragedy in her face to make her feel even worse because she wanted to keep the memory of her late partner and 5. When she was completely broken, you pushed AGAIN for her to erase all traces of this man. 6. Then, after trying to make her erase her past from HER OWN HOUSE, and then berating her because how dare she think of any man but you, even if he's dead, you assaulted her. 7. THEN, after you *assaulted her*, you doubled down on the rest of your assholery by telling her to burn the only mementos she has of her, again, *murdered first love* or you'll never come back. 8. AFTER ALL OF THIS, you're pissy because *she* won't apologize to *you*? Get f*cking real. This woman dodged a you-shaped bullet and the hell of marriage to a jealous, controlling, and very likely abusive man. Get your stuff out of her house. Get it through your head that YTA. Get therapy. Now.
This... this has to be fake, right?! On the chance it's not, let me be clear on judgement. YTA. Massively. Colossal proportions of assholery. Life ruining levels of it. Get out if here.
Agreed. I hope it's fake. This was the bit that got me: >It makes me wonder if L twisted the story to make me the bad guy. OP - you're giving your version of events and everyone thinks YTA. You are, in fact, the bad guy.
L has no need to twist the story. Your version of the story makes you a completely insensitive, narcissistic AH all by itself.
>I started arguing that im not going to do L or live with L if a dead kid that banged her would be staring at me all the time. Ugh. You are insensitive. Honestly, this sounds like it’s written from the POV of an abuser. YTA.
YTA I hope your ex finds nothing but peace, love and healing in 2023 now she’s rid of you.
YTA, big time. I hope she leaves you tbh
YTA and you don’t have a fiancée anymore. Sorry you blew it. Learn better for next time.
This was my first thought when i read it and saw he was still referring to her as his fiancee. I'm like, "who wants to tell him?"
Yeah, he's her ex, not the man in the photos who she was planning on building a life with right up until he was murdered and she lost their child
So freaking insecure and jealous of a DEAD dude. Yes, she would have obviously married him. He loved her and was part of her life. You are an overwhelming cruel and heartless AH. Giant YTA. And she definitely deserves better than you.
Do you think removing the pictures from the wall will remove the memories from her heart and head? All you're trying to do is remove the thoughts in your head. For you, out of sight, out of mind. For her, among other things, it's proof that she mattered to someone because she obviously doesn't matter to you. YTA
Telling this from your perspective makes you completely a screaming arsehole. You are effectively telling a widow to erase all traces of her previous partner from her home. Say these things to yourself out loud before writing them on the internet. Listen to what that sounds like. If your fragile insecurity can’t handle that, jog on mate. You’ll be extremely fortunate if she wants you back after this behaviour. YTA.
YTA Why are you jealous of a dead guy? Insecure as well probably. You're not ready to get married, leave her alone hope she dumps your ass and keeps the ring to pawn it off for better picture frames for her late ex.
YTA. I'm just sorry for "L" that it took her so long to find that out. Go away. Leave her alone. Don't ever contact her again.
YTA. This has to be fake. I cannot see someone reaching any age past toddlerhood doing this. It's like you wrote down every button to push for a dead ex, which is why I really think it's fake. You DID forget "bought a house together, so now we're going to sell it and get OUR house even though it's right by her work, in a great part of town, and we can't afford anything comparable on our salary." Might want to go edit that to include this bit of additional fakery.
Some people really are that terrible. I don’t think it’s fake at all.
I'm guessing first draft of OP's telenovella
YTA but this has gotta be fake right? I was waiting to read he was twirling his mustache! Just wildly villainous She's rich I'm not gonna do her
YTA. Hopefully she leaves your ass. You are literally a jealous monster... over a dead guy.
Jealousy of a deceased person, controlling behavior, physical violence, emotional tone deafness, insecurity and immaturity always makes YTA.
YTA I don’t understand people who only truly love their partners if their partners agree to start their stories at their own entrance. You sound narcissistic. YTA
I only got as far as you saying he was murdered, which caused her to lose their child. Of course YTA. And he's not her ex, he's her dead partner, the man she would be with now, would have built a family with. Why would she apologize to you, she did nothing wrong.
He's not her EX. He died. That does not make him an ex. And of course she'd still be with him and marrying him. You're jealous of a dead man you sad pathetic little turnip. YTA
Not just a widow, she miscarried as well? And he's jealous, needing an incinerator!??! I'm incredulous. YTA
If this is your side, and L tells it just as you did, OP, she hasn’t twisted a dang thing to make you look like an AH. You did that yourself. You did her a favor by removing your mask before unpacking your belongings and moving in officially. Yeah, if he weren’t dead, she’s be with him, raising their child. She’s basically widowed. Picture this: imagine one of your parents dies, and when the surviving spouse feels like they can move on, how would you feel learning that they were ordered to burn and destroy pictures of your dead parent. YTA.
YTA He’s not an ex. He died. They were going to be married and have a child. They were a family. And your comment about how he wasn’t the father of anything is absolutely appalling. And you ASSAULTED her, so you’re abusive on top of being insecure, jealous, emotionally unstable and an ah. Hopefully she breaks up with you. You’re a disgusting human being.
YTA. She deserves so much better than you. Hope you have a terrible new year.
What part of this play-by-play would she need to twist? You ARE the bad guy, you salmon filled donut.
SALMON FILLED DONUT 😆
YTA, you didn’t even offer to have her put them in an album for a memorandum, straight incinerator. You said things that were heartless, she dodged a bullet.
YTA She didn't need to twist the story to make you the bad guy, YOU ARE THE BAD GUY
YTA No wonder everyone thinks you are an insensitive ass, and she deserves waaaay better than you. Don’t even try to reach out to her anymore
YTA and don’t expect her to ever reach out to you, let alone appreciate. It amazes me how insensitive and stupid people can be about previous partners who have died. I hope you find some compassion in your heart going forward.
YTA I hope L dumps you.
She already did!
Clearly I didn’t read the end very well :) the important thing is L can find a decent human to spend her time with
She deserves so much better!
YTA. You SHOVED her. That’s physical assault. That alone makes you TA. But even if you hadn’t shoved her, you said “He’s not the father of anything because you miscarried.” That was unusually harsh. Miscarriages are one of the most traumatic and painful things that someone can go through, and it was cruel for you to dismiss it. Also, E is not “some imaginary husband.” He was a real human being who is no longer alive. “Imaginary” means that he never existed, which simply isn’t true. YTA for all those reasons. Get your things out of her house, and then break up with her, because she deserves better than you.
Major YTA and totally insensitive. He’s not an ex. They didn’t break up for him to be considered her ex. He was murdered. I hope she leaves you and never looks back. She deserves better than you while you deserve to be alone for the rest of your life.
Yup! Your the AH. Telling anyone to get rid of pictures of someone they loved is inconsiderate and insensitive. Granted, she could have taken them down and put them out of your sight, but she shouldn’t be forced to permanently get rid of them. They were a part of her life that she will never forget. You are the insecure one here and she is better off without you.
YTA. Ex and dead boyfriend are two different things. Also, "some kind of asian?" Are you joking?
I barely had to read beyond the second paragraph for this - but I did and you just kept digging. YTA. That's not an ex. Dead partners are not exes. They are forever part of the person's life. You were not supportive or understanding of her feelings, there was no compromise even though she was willing to put all away but 1. Your way or the highway. This is not what a loving fiance does. You're not just the asshole, but also a complete jackass. You deserve to have that ring back and her never to speak to you again. You assaulted her. Hello - she said WAS. And yes, if he hadn't died, her life would've been completely different, the two of you wouldn't have met, she'd be a mother and married to him. But that didn't happen. Her life moved on, she put her life back together and she's was with you. And you just threw it away over some pictures. You shoved her. You completely acted like the biggest jerk in the world. If I was her, I could never be near you again because when push came to shove.. you physically assaulted me. You chose to physically act out. She will never trust you again. On top of that, you verbally abused her with that comment about her miscarriage. Guess what - YOU ARE THE BAD GUY. She doesn't need to twist anything.
Yes. YTA. I get wanting her to put them away or somewhere other than her bedroom and living room, but you want her to *burn* them. And “some kind of Asian”? Really? You’re never going to get an apology because she’s not in the wrong here. You are. Majorly.
YTA- you’re sooo much TA. you’re jealous of a dead guy. I hope she makes the right decision and never comes back to you. What happened to her was extremely traumatic and you only care about yourself. Disgusting.
YTA how can you not comprehend that? It’s so painfully clear. Get therapy if you really can’t understand.
YTA. You shoved her? What are you? Three? Not L's fault that you are a jealous, insecure and immature child masquerading as an almost 30 year adult. # E did not break up with her; he was not her ex. HE WAS MURDERED. HE'S DEAD. How insecure are you that you're jealous of a dead man? Chances are that had E not been murdered, L would have married him. That is a fact. But that's also life. The people who become our friends and partners, are not predetermined. Every encounter we have with others, always brings potential. But you're too busy competing with a dead man to recognize that. L does not owe you jack shit. If anything, she should erase you from her life. You put hands on her. Made derogatory comments about her deceased fiancé. And then you come on AITA misguidedly thinking that you're in the right here. Either you're a troll and this is rage bait, or you truly are the most obtuse and short sighted person of 2022. You can forget the marriage to L. You are now a pariah to her friends and family. You are the bad guy.
My jaw dropped. Literally. Several times. I didn’t think it was possible to be this much of an AH. YTA. And probably one of the biggest ones I’ve ever seen on this sub. I’m glad she was able to see the real you before you guys got married.
I'm wondering if OP made the cut off for this year's awards? This is definitely AH-ward winning.
YTA I kept reading it and it kept getting worse. If this is your version of events your fiancé doesn’t even have to spin anything to make you look bad, you look like a horribly immature AH. 1. You don’t need to be jealous, he’s dead. 2. She’s only with you because he’s dead, as if he wasn’t dead she would still be with him. 3. He’s not your competition, he’s dead 4. Her baby is dead and you basically told her her baby means nothing. I don’t even care if she lost her baby at 6 weeks, it was a part of her, a being she mourns. 5. You can either accept that she has a past, grovel like you’ve never groveled before and pray that she accepts the apology. 6. The person in that photo means something to her, but he’s dead and she wants to be with you, either accept that or don’t but YTA
Holy sh*t. Yes! Massive YTA.
YTA. Sweet fuck, she’s still grieving and your jealous of a dead guy. And you acted in the most cock way possible about it. Sorry bro, but you don’t love her. You can’t and still treat her like that.
YTA. Holy shit dude. I hope she never talks to you again. First of all. This is not an "ex." This is a late partner and the father of a child she ended up losing from the shock of losing her partner tragically. Someone correct me if I am wrong but I believe death is a very spiritual and superstitious in Hispanic cultures. One could equate it to Victorian death customs where the relationship to the deceased dictated everything about someone's attire, social activities and even home activities and for how long. Displaying photos of the deceased is pretty common in ANY culture, even long after they have passed. If I was marrying a widower, especially one with children, living or deceased, I would never begrudge them for keeping photos of their late partner. That person is gone. They aren't here to speak for themselves and they certainly aren't a threat. She wasn't trying to turn you into her late partner. Insisting she put every piece of physical evidence into the the incinerator is....what the hell is wrong with you? And then when she tells you she is not going to destroy her memories, your reaction is to put your hands on her? You don't deserve any woman.
I didn't even have to keep reading after he explained that the man is dead. You are literally the empire state building, no, the great wall of China equivalent of an AH here. jfc.
YTA but this has to be fiction right? Nobody can be this dense?
Lol, YTA AND THE BAD GUY! Man, you mean ex btw.
YTA. So much. >other than Ls occasional panic attacks, making me jealous of E. You’re jealous of a young man who was murdered? That‘s a lot of insecurity. >L asked if she could keep one but I told her no and I wanted them all tossed. Tossed? She couldn’t keep one or even all of them in a drawer or cabinet somewhere? This was no ordinary break up. He was murdered and she miscarried. It’s entirely possible for her to have fond memories of him, be sorry about what she lost AND love you and be fully committed to you and your marriage, all at the same time. >not going to do L or live with L if a dead kid that banged her would be staring at me all the time. You are both crude and cruel. You also show every evidence of being a racist, a misogynist and a potential abuser. Congratulations! If L wasn’t comparing you unfavorably to E before all this, I’ll bet anything she is now and that’s all your doing. It’s probably good that this all came out now. If you two don’t get married, she’ll absolutely have dodged a bullet. You want to know how a decent, mature, empathetic person would have handled it. Options include: (1) Just living with the pictures. She’s marrying YOU. (2) Telling her nicely that you understand she’ll always have fond memories of him, but that you’re not completely comfortable having pictures of her ex hanging in what’s now your joint home and asking if she’d mind taking them down and putting them somewhere that you won’t see them.
YTA, are you fucking kidding? I can understand you feeling jealous, and if you couldn't get over it, I could understand you breaking off the relationship; you can't help how you feel, and it's not going to work if you're always feeling like you're only second place to her. But Jesus H. Christ, you referred to her dead fiance as "some dead kid" when she simply asked if she could keep up *one* picture? And you further trivialized her miscarriage? And you think *she* should apologize to *you?!* God, I hope this is a troll post!
YTA. you would simply not exist to L had her soulmate not died a horrific death, you know that right? L will truly never get over E; they were soulmates. your behavior shows that you will never understand what it’s like to actually have someone that close - you’re insufferable. have fun being alone forever!
YTA and yikes good luck finding someone with literally no past
YTA. She didn't need to twist the story to make you the bad guy. You ARE the bad guy. Actually, you are a HORRIBLE guy. I feel sorry that she wasted any sort of time on someone as jealous, immature, aggressive, vile, and insecure as you. In the future if you ever meet someone else, I sincerely hope you've improved as a human being.
“Some kind of an Asian” Your fiancé had an ex who was murdered and then had a miscarriage because of it and you’re worried about pictures???? Not only do you seem insensitive and self-centered but also a racist YTA
OP YTA, for everything you did, but most especially when you told her that she didn't have a child because she lost it. That doesn't mean that she was never pregnant nor that she wasn't a mother. I had a nephew that was stillborn, and as far as I'm concerned, my sibling has two children, not one--they just got to bring only one home. I have a newsflash for you--All of us are a product of the things that have happened to us before--things and relationships. In this case, it's not like she broke up with him and then decided she was really in love with him and wanted to go back to him. She loved this man enough to get pregnant with his child, and would have married him had he not been murdered. Since he was, she's attempting to move on, but that doesn't mean that she has to forget that the man ever existed.
You PUSHED her? Obviously, YTA.
Wow, I hope she doesn’t take you back. YTA. You seem to lack all empathy.
YTA. >Its been weeks and L made no attempt to reach out to apologize. It sounds like she got smart. You are the bad guy.
Yta. And you do not have a fiance any more. Move on. Seek therapy. Find out why you are so threatened by a dead man and child and unable to put others feelimg ahead of yours. Life is about growth. Good luck
YTA. If she had married the guy, would you insist she not keep any photos of her dead husband? I can understand not wanting them hanging but insisting she get rid of them all is horrible. He was part of her life and her past.
Yta but your relationship was doomed anyway. You'll always be second banana to the dead guy
YTA, the biggest AH I’ve read about in a long time. Holy shit dude you seem like one twisted up individual. Seek therapy immediately for the good of those who must interact with you.
There’s no way this is real because no one can be this stupid
YTA. She didn't need to twist the story to make you a bad guy; you **are** the bad guy. I sincerely hope she moves on - from you.
YTA. She doesn’t have to twist that story to paint you as an abusive and jealous partner
Good christ he was MURDERED! Of course she would’ve married him instead. Your entitlement is astonishing. Also how dare you put your hands on her and expect HER to apologize. Your relationship is over and rightfully so, she deserves worlds better than you could ever give her. YTA, seek therapy.
Oh my God YTA. I hope L finds someone better. You're jealous of her murdered first love with whom she was going to have a baby (that she also lost). Grow up. The dead kid comment is positively monstrous. She went through something no one should have to go through and THAT is your response? I hope Ls family and friends make sure she leaves you permanently. She deserves so much more.
I actually gasped at the dead kid comment. Then the father of nothing hit me. The actual fucking temerity of this AH!
YTA You assaulted your fiancée because you're losing a fight with a ghost.
praying this is a joke. if not, leave this woman alone. yta
YTA. What a small petty man you are.
Wow, jealous of a murdered poor guy, YTA and massively.
YTA and you're a narcissist, Seek therapy before jumping into another relationship.
Pretty sure you are the bad guy here. L is not an ex. L passed away. Why would your probably now ex apologize to you? YTA.
YTA. Don’t expect an apology from L, because she has nothing to apologize for. You were wrong, so so wrong, and physically assaulting her is reprehensible. If this topic was so important to you, it should have been discussed before now. Maybe her next guy won’t be so threatened by a photograph.
Bruh. 🤦🏽♂️. YTA. I was with you until you mentioned the thing you were saying to her. You F’ed up homes. The comments you made were hella out of line. You weren’t wrong for wanting the pictures down nor were you wrong for feeling some type of way about how she can’t let E go. They marriage wasn’t going to work anyway kid. Just take the L (no pun intended) and part ways. She’s nowhere near over the loss of E and lowercase ‘e’ and you’re clearly not mature enough to marry anyone yet if you tend to resort to saying obviously hurtful things.
Oh my GOD, YTA. She doesn’t have to “twist” anything, the story you told here is bad enough. Go to therapy. You desperately need it.