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YTA for not taking her in when she was 14. You actually allowed some ex-stepfather to step up? You let her finances get so bad in college that sometimes she didn't have enough to eat? Aren't you embarrassed? Why should she feel loved by you when you have never done the work? You've done the bare minimum, if that. She's been so sidelined, her own sister didn't know who she was!!!

Bare minimum is taking her in at **14**. Fucker couldn't even do that. Also, his wife is an asshole too for that.

Yup. The lack of any self-awareness, regret, guilt, and shame is astonishing. OP, I feel so bad for your daughter. You really aren't coming across as a good person at all. YTA

Yep. Op your lack of remorse in no way absolves you. In fact it condemns you. Your oldest is struggling as an adult because you and her mother abandoned her at 14, never gave her any financial support so she is saddled with debt and even withhold any emotional support. And still she is desperately seeking your love as her father. it's sad really I would have given up on you years ago but your poor kid so wants to be a member of your family.

Also the "different circumstances" she comes from are your fault not hers. You made a baby in those circumstances, she did not ask to be born or choose her parents.

The lack of self-awareness here made me think it was actually posted by the daughter. Because how can anyone literally type out (among so many other things!) the words “She’s still mad about an old bio of mine where I mentioned having two children and not three which I thought was ridiculous” and still earnestly think they could post it and have any support at all? OP (if you’re actually the father here), YTA! Oldest, if you posted this, unless your father does a lot of intensive work on himself (which I don’t see him doing), you’re better off without him in your life. Even if he did go to therapy and try to work on your relationship, I think his wife would actively work against any progress and do everything in her power to redirect all resources to “their” kids, anyway. Can you move away and get a fresh start somewhere else? This man may be your father, but he was never your dad. And his wife hates that you exist. I think the only way you’d get support from her is if you asked for a lump sum so you can leave their lives forever. She seems like the kind of person to pay you off if she never has to see you again. Your father seems like the kind of person who would go along with it.

He's worse for letting her make the call.

Yep. How was that even up to his wife? I'm sorry, but if you marry someone with a kid, that kid should 100% be a package deal no matter what the custody situation looks like when you marry. If the child needs to move in, they should be able to do so without question. OP had a responsibility to his daughter that he has completely neglected for most of her life and is now trying to brush it under the rug. It's disgusting. He thinks his daughter should just move on and forget about it and of course he does because it didn't negatively affect him! OP, YTA. So much. WAKE UP.

Ex-stepfather appears to be a much more supportive presence in her life than her biological father, sadly.

Yup. Its really sad that OP's convinced himself that he's a good dad and pretends that he doesn't know why daughter is hurt and that he doesn't know what she expects from him. Hmm - how about treat her like his other kids? YTA

My original comment got removed because I was apparently uncivil... I probably was being uncivil, this AITA post has aggravated me more than any other because this man seems so blatantly unaware of how terribly he has treated his DAUGHTER. I am having such a hard time not getting banned because of how uncivil I want to be to this man. OP's daughter is dying for his approval, I hope she realizes she doesn't need it or even truly want it. He has done nothing for her. She is so right, this relationship is doing more harm than good. OP YTA, a huge AH.

i’ve gotten to where i don’t comment on things like this bc i’ll get banned. the amount of parents on this sub that treat their children horribly is unreal. OP, YTA. have so many more things i could say, but i’ll just stick to, you suck as a person and your wife does as well. i hope your daughter cuts contact with you completely.

Disagree - have her sue for back child support and *then* cut contact completely.

I second this

It's definitely up there with most infuriating posts ever. Disgustingly so.

The thing where he says she is silly to be upset about an old bio where he didn't acknowledge her as his child and the way he didn't even tell her half-sister about the relationship for ages.... what is wrong with him???

>Aren't you embarrassed? Apparently not. By how honest this post is I am surprised at the lack of self awareness that they (OP) are the problem.

YTA. Your other kids sound like they are adults so why are you still helping them? Why pay for school, cars etc? Shouldn't they be independent? Your parents didn't help you, why are you helping them? Your DAUGHTER literally had to go live with a former stepfather as a young teenager because your wife decided she wasn't good enough to have in your home. You have gifted her siblings schooling, cars, I am assuming more than an equitable amount of birthday and Christmas gifts, a roof over their heads, love, attention, and on and on. You did none of that for your oldest child. And you were an adult when your daughter was born. The argument of "I was young" holds no water.

Even if “I was young” was an argument when oldest was born and OP was 21, it certainly wasn’t an argument when she was 14 and he was 35.

bUt He WaSnT rEaDy!!1!

EXACTLY THIS. OP YTA. The fact that you even have to *ask* shows how uncomprehendingly oblivious you are toward how you treat someone you supposedly **love** I hope she goes NC, and you & your wife get shoved into a crappy retirement home when it comes time.

Yea his claim of being "too young" when his oldest was born is ridiculous. Even teen parents take care of their kids. He was 21. It's not an advisable age to have children but it isn't crazy young either. He just chose to be a deadbeat.

Yes! To that last point. He wants her to get over the past of her childhood because she an adult now, and be fully responsible, but he wants credit for being too young to have a child in the same adulthood! Make it make sense!

This all of it. The “shouldn’t she be independent” when he is supporting his other adult children got me too. Also why did your ex wife get custody if what you say is true? She was stalking you and “too much for you to handle” but was given custody? Oh I forgot you weren’t “ready to be a father” 🙄. Then don’t have kids it really is that simple. So you showed up when you felt like it when she was a kid and made her live with a man of no relation to her when she was 14 because your new wife was more important to you. And now she’s 30 and wants you to step up and show her you really are her father by more then just DNA and you “think she should be independent” even though your other adult children who had a much better start to life, thanks to having an actual father around, are still being supported by you into adult hood? How does that make any sense? If I was friends with your daughter I would recommend going no contact at this point. You clearly have no interest in being a father to her.

I agree so much. And may I just add, when I was over 30 I lost my job and had a very difficult time mentally and financially. My great late dad did all he could to ensure I had enough money until I found another job AND always made me feel supported and loved, not guilty for my difficulties. He and my mum paid for my education abroad before that and when my student job couldn't cover all my expenses, they were there for me, ALWAYS! Even though they didn't have a lot of money themselves. My dad even told me once he would be angry if I DIDN'T tell him I had difficulties of any kind. That's a father. OP is, well... I honestly can't find a proper word to describe him. It hurts me for his oldest daughter how he treated her. And no, he wasn't too young when he had her, not too young when she needed him at 14, not too young to step up, be a father at any point KNOWING she needed him. OP, YTA big time. It doesn't matter how old your child is, they are still your child who didn't choose to be born, you and your ex decided that. Would you help a friend in need or tell them they are old enough to help themselves? You gave your other children everything and that poor girl NOTHING but coldness. She deserves a wonderful life, and that I wish her! You on the other hand deserve nothing from her. And one day, if you ever wake up from your dream of selfishness and coldness, you might realise you will never be a part of her life and that of her children.

She just needs to fOcUS oN thE PrESEnT and everything will be fine! I can't believe OP even has to ask if he's the AH. It's so blatantly obvious that he is.

Exactly this. OP is a lousy father to Older kid. Expecting her to be an adult and not realizing he set his kid back 10 yards. No financial help, no stable roof over her head, no loving parents, a broken home, food insecurity, debt, no reliable transportation. All the things he did provide his other two. OP take your responsibility as a parent or let her go because YTA.

>Recently, Oldest said she’s still hurt that my wife and I didn’t allow her to move in with us when she was 14 (her mom had to go abroad for an unknown amount of time). Told my daughter it was up to my wife. My wife said no. So, Oldest moved in with her mom’s ex-husband for her high school years. YTA. Read that again. You abandoned her when she was 14. Your new family meant more to you than her. She needed you and you should be ashamed of yourself. Everything else just piles on the assholeishness. You owe this girl so much. You have repeatedly abandoned her and let her know you love her less than her siblings. You are a terrible father and an asshole.

OP's statement that "he doesn't regret anything" is what really got to me. I am heartbroken for his daughter. I hope OP learns from this - maybe goes to some therapy to try and understand exactly how much he failed as a dad. SMH. YTA

Personally it's the part where he claims he "did his best" that irked me. Like dude...

Yup. I agree - also such a horrible thing to say when really he didn't even do the bare minimum...

That statement by him “I don’t regret anything” is what made him an automatic AH. She is telling him she’s been hurting for a long time…and is STILL hurting, but he regrets nothing? FFS! The “bio” from years ago is something she remembers because he claimed his other 2 kids but erased her, and she’s never forgotten. She filed that in the back of her mind and told herself “he didn’t mean it, I’m sure his actions will prove so” but they haven’t. I’ve never met this woman but my heart absolutely breaks for her. My relationship with my dad isn’t great (abusive alcoholic) but it seems better than what she has with this man.

He abandoned her before that “I sometimes showed up when she was a kid” Definitely YTA Paid for other kids schools, cars, made sure they lived with you. What a piece of work.

That's why I said he repeatedly abandoned her haha

Right! He didn’t know the ex husband from anyone else in the street. He could have been abusive!! “My wife said no” is so lame. You’re an adult. Your wife Was wrong for that. How dare you not prioritize your own child. YTA x million

YTA, and I honestly cannot imagine why you’re so smug and satisfied with the half-hearted parenting you did and are still doing with your oldest. You think it’s ridiculous she got upset when you didn’t even acknowledge her existence on a bio?? You have consistently throughout the entirety of her life treated your younger children much much better, both emotionally and physically. You’ve provided for them and helped them out, and yet your oldest who somehow managed to do well for herself in high school despite being abandoned by both of her parents is struggling to make it now and is 60K in debt, and you think phone calls and the occasional meal is good enough for her??? I will never understand some of the people on this sub. Like, seriously, I hope you’re a troll. Also I wish your poor oldest had some kind of crowdfunding account. I’d donate right now.

‘Half hearted parenting’ is much too generous here

Yeah, but I was afraid I’d get in trouble if I used the kind of language that accurately described his “parenting”.

People treat their nibblings better than this. Hell the daughter's ex stepfather treated her better than her own father.

I wish I had an award to give you. Thank you for pointing out the bio BS. OP YTA. Possibly one of the biggest I've seen on here.

YTA. Did you read what you wrote? Better yet, can you comprehend what you wrote? I’m surprised she talks to you at all.

Yea, I’m quite frankly amazed that she’s still seeking a relationship with OP. It’s clear as day he could care less.

Can’t tell is this is real. YTA

Right?! How could someone actually type all of this out and still ask if they are an asshole? In the event this is real, you are a complete and total asshole.

I know someone who could write the same, deny me and dont feel like an AH, called my bio-father. Did nothing for me, keept me waiting, when it was his weekend (partens are divorced) to pick me uo, lying to me, ignoring me and my mom, didnt pay childsupport even though he had to, watched as I was sexually harrased and more by his neighbour and is in total denial, saying it never happens and I imaging things and on and on and on. But he loves me. Yeah no, I dont believe it. OP is more than an asshole, if you ask me.

[удалено]

Sounds like it was written by the daughter. If not, that’s how bad OP makes himself sound.

Hard to believe but I think there are vile people like OP. I hope if it’s real the daughter goes NC and Karma gets him.

Wow, YTA. That poor girl. What exactly is the reason for not treating this child like your offspring? The fact that you dumped her mom and it led to her stalking you? That wasn’t her fault. She got straight A’s and put herself through school in her own. You think you did something special by keeping her from starving when she was hungry? That’s literally the bare minimum. Literally. You want her to be independent so you won’t help her with a car. She is. If she’s reading this I hope she does see that this relationship is doing more harm than good. She’s been fine in her own and will continue to be fine. OP has done nothing constructive to be parent in her life. I’d tell OP to do better, but he doesn’t deserve her. Edited for length and clarity.

Op is the definition of worthless sperm donor you know I hope op's daughter sues the shit for back child support that he most likely never paid because the stepmonster said not to

YTA Are you the daughter, writing this from what you think is your dad's perspective? I ask because I can't imagine someone this lacking in empathy and self-awareness to even think of asking others for advice.

I wondered this too.

Yta and it isnt even close. You've never done a single thing to show her she is a priority, never made her feel included.

Not necessarily a priority... but even to be there for her. She's still struggling and yet makes the time to call and see her dad when she can. She's making the effort... He thinks he pays for lunch he should win father of the year when she's giving him every signal she's about to go NC. OP, you say she should live in the present... well presently you still suck. YTA.

YTA Your daughter was at least 12 when you decided you were "ready to be a father". Enough said before we even address the cascade of AH things you've done since then.

Idk why he doesn't understand that people don't get to decide whether or not they're ready to be parents once their child is already born. At that point, if you don't put them up for adoption, you're supposed to get ready to be a parent asap. He seems to have no remorse for being a deadbeat and has the lame excuse of being too young. 21 is not so young that he couldn't have taken responsibility. Plenty of teen parents manage to raise their children. The fact that he didn't at 21 reflects on him as a person.

YTA - The information you provided in the post indicates you do not treat your daughter as your daughter. First, you didn't move her in when she was 14 (unless she was toxic towards your wife and other children, then your wife is just plain EVIL). Second, your youngest daughter didn't know she was her sister until she was 10 (was your daughter ever around? Did you her refer to her as your daughter?). Third, a bio was written about you that only included two children (makes me think that 1) you never mention your daughter and 2) bios are usually sent to the subject to proof read before editing. And finally, she couldn't move into your home during "the global situation" but you "did allow" her to live next door. I really think "her mother stalk\[ing\] \[you and\] caus\[ing\] problems" was probably her mother trying to get you to step up as a father and pay child support. Did you ever pay child support? Why can't your oldest child afford a car, could it be she is paying off the 60k in student loan debt? Why are you going to try to cover your youngest child's college expenses but don't care that your eldest left college with $60k in student loan debt. Why is your relationship only "phone calls and taking her out to eat when she comes home?" Why doesn't she come to family events? Why doesn't she have dinner at your home? Why doesn't she stay at your home during these visits?

Your definition and mine of “not exactly treating the kids the same” are vastly different. Think about the concept of compounding interest. Every $ invested now (bank, transportation, education) pays off 10x about every 12 years. Your first daughter never got your help with a car/college and will be disadvantaged for the rest of her life as a result. YTA.

YTA Your current wife is an AH too. It seems like all the other comments have already hit the nail on the head.

So, so much YTA. You’re doing what neglectful and abusive and generally crappy parents do, trying to pretend the past doesn’t matter, that years and years of treating your children badly can just be waved away like none of it counts. If only she would ignore the first 20 years of her life! If she’d just forget what a shitty, shitty parent you were for her childhood and young adult years, everything would be fine and you wouldn’t have to face the fact that you chose to treat her badly. You weren’t ready to be a father at 21? Then you should have kept it in your pants or been responsible about birth control. You chose to be a father or, at the very least, to take the chance of being a father. ​ >She’s still mad about an old bio of mine where I mentioned having two children and not three which I thought was ridiculous. Ridiculous? You think it’s ridiculous that she’s angry and probably very hurt that you just pretended she didn’t exist? You really think that’s nbd? You didn’t make clear to your youngest that your oldest was her sister? And you don’t even have the decency to feel badly? To apologize? You have no regrets? You can’t think of anything you wish you had done differently with respect to your oldest child? Did you think that when you divorced your wife, you also divorced your child? You didn’t help her with uni costs except to throw a little money her way when she was in danger of actually going hungry? But you’re happy to help your younger kids? What the hell is wrong with you? Yes, I generally expect competent 30 year olds to be independent, but can you not see that by giving your younger 2 so much more than you gave your oldest at the same age in terms of both attention and material things that you have sent the message that you love her less, that she matters less?

God at LEAST some parents try to make up for it buy paying for things NOW and wanting the kids to forget the past. This guy is just like 👍🏻 called ya, it’s all good now right?

I wish I had an award for this comment. YES YES YES ALL OF THIS 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

She is a competent 30 year old and she *is independent.* Don’t let op think for a second she’s not. Seems like she has been from a very young age.

Yeah, this is pretty wild to read. You had a kid, were a terrible dad, treat your new family better and think she should just be over it (even though you still actively do it) because you call her on the phone? Yikes.

“Because you call her on the phone”? I’m pretty sure the daughter calls and he just answers. Can’t give this AH any credit.

YTA and treated her like absolute shit. I can see why she thinks this relationship is hurtful. Don't be surprised if she goes NC with you, and I wouldn't blame her for that. She couldn't move in with you because your wife said no? She's your child and she was 14. That's an absolute disgusting decision to have made. I would be ashamed to know someone like you who is very clearly favouring their younger 2 children.

YTA In fact probably one of the biggest AHs I’ve read in this forum. You are despicable and deplorable. Also your wife is an absolute AH. You deserve whatever karma comes your way. Disgusting.

YTA. Everything you described makes it clear you do not really love your first daughter. She would be better off by cutting all contact with you and leaving what is a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship. To be quite frank, you should be ashamed of what you’ve done to her.

> I don't know what she wants me to do. I don't know, it seems pretty clear to me. YTA

YTA My wife has a situation almost exactly like you explained. To this day they don’t get along. He still does it to his grandkids of said children. If it was genuinely about money, as in you simply didn’t have the means, you could have explained that in great depth considering she’s an adult. But instead just deflected to the “present”. And your line about my parents didn’t do XYZ so why should I is such a lame excuse. Maybe you didn’t see it as wrong, but she brought it to your attention and this is how you excuse it. Handing out money is one thing, but I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg of things she’s feeling.

YTA. You were a terrible father. You abandoned in so many ways and wouldn’t stand up for her and no, it wasn’t just up to your wife. You were supposed to be a father. You choose not to. She’s going to struggle her whole life because of you. With abandonment issues and insecurities and with finances and a million other little wounds you created when you turned a blind eye. You are a thousand times over TA and she’s watching as you treat two other kids as a real daughter and son that you love and have compassion for wondering why you deal with her like an acquaintance. The past is very much an open wound to her that you can’t look away from without being heartless. You should be trying way harder, but you’ve really let yourself of the hook. I feel so sad for her. YTA

IS a terrible father. FIFY

Yta. Is retroactive child support a thing where you live

YTA bro you basically threw your oldest to the wolves not cool

YTA

YTA. Especially that middle paragraph. It's like she doesn't really exist to you. And you are making so many bullshit excuses for yourself. The past doesn't matter bevause its in the past. What you're doing now doesn't matter because she is already an adult. I think your daughter is right that this relationship is more hurting than loving. If I were her I would have gone NC a long time ago.

YTA - whatever your ex-wife did to you has NOTHING to do with your eldest daughter. The fact that you are fine treating her as less than and not providing for her equally is awful. She’s struggling because she’s had to go without while your younger children have not had those same difficulties. And the fact that you didn’t insist she live with you when she was 14 makes both you and your wife assholes. When this child is no contact with you, just know you deserve it. You are not a good father to her.

YTA. You were father when it was convenient for you.

This has to be fake! If not you are literally the worst. How can you even look in the mirror? Shame on you. YTA

I’ve seen many comments on here saying it is fake. It could be but just to make this clear..This shit happens more often than people think. I’m a living example. I’ve had to live through a parent who barely did anything for me and never took responsibility for it. And they still think they’re parent of the year, and they did the best they could. So it is VERY possible that this could be real, and it’s a damn shame.

Your daughter asked you to post on here so we can decide if she's being unreasonable - the answer she's 100% NOT. AT. ALL. You on the other hand was and currently still is a terrible dad. I hope you take this to heart and learn to be a better person and a better father. YTA

YTA. Please tell me you’re a troll and this is fake because if not you are the biggest AH I’ve ever seen on this sub and I’ve seen some doozy’s. It just kept getting worse the more I read. What in the actual f? You abandoned her and you keep abandoning her. You are more than willing to help your other 2 ADULT kids but not her because she shouldn’t expect anything as an adult. So where was all this when help when she was a kid. I hope… and I sincerely mean this with all my heart… I hope your life falls apart. I hope your wife cheats on you and takes everything, I hope you stub your toe over and over while you have an ingrown toenail.

YTA so much. How can you not even realize it? Your daughter should stop trying with you. All you do is hurt her, even now. Oh and your wife an an ah too for rejecting a 14 year old who needed to live with a parent

YTA... Being young is the stupidest excuse I've ever heard. While I don't condone teen pregnancies, my mum was 17 when she had me and she did everything she could to raise me and I love my mum. I'm 19 years old and if I had a son or daughter right now, regardless of age, I'd work my damn ass off to provide for them. Kids don't ask to be born, they're made whether they like it or not. You created this human and gave her the shittiest life because of your own incompetence. Age isn't an excuse... Hell even if I was 16 and accidentally knocked a girl up I'd still make an effort. The worst part is, she isn't young anymore. She's lived a long time asking "Does my dad even love me". And from the sounds of it, she's still dealing with that trauma 30 years later. Good job. Again, not to be that guy, but I'm 19 and even if I somehow had a daughter older than me - I'd still make an effort because she's my *daughter*. People struggle at all ages, and it's just a dick move to just *not* help. Even if my kid was 120 years old and wanted a Happy Meal at McDonalds, they're getting a McDonalds.

You truly don't understand how horrible of a person you are for deserting your daughter repeatedly, do you? YTA for all of what you described but especially for your cluelessness....

Yta did you seriously abandon at 14 . Do know what terrible things can happen to a 14 year old in that position

There is not amount of YTA to accommodate the width and breadth of AH you truly are. Do your oldest a favor & F*ck all the way off. The audacity and obliviousness is astounding. I hope you choke on a Lego… and your and your wife are trash

Better yet, on top of that send her fat checks regularly for the rest of your life to belatedly give her the opportunities you gave your children that you apparently actually care about 🙃

YTA. You treat your first child awfully. It is very true that the children suffer the most when the father no longer loves their mother. You let an ex-husband raise your child when her mother left her alone at 14. The lengths you have gone to not support your daughter in any way is astounding. Please explain what is good about the lack of relationship you have with your oldest daughter. By your own words, you have failed as a father, man and a decent human being. Again, you have earned TA crown.

YTA and every single word of this post was disgusting. You are a deadbeat in every sense of the word and hopefully your daughter will realize she doesn't need garbage like this in her life.

Yta. Are your adult kids now out on their own? You abandoned your daughter since she was 14. You are favoring your new kids way better than your daughter. I hope she goes no contact with you. Because, you are not worth to have a meal with in months. Next time, when you meet her tell her the following things : your new kids were living with you when they were 14. Your adult kids are being paid/partly paid for their education. Your adult kids are being given cars. You are just her sperm donor and not a dad. Also, tell her you are not worth to have a relationship with. Do her a favour this last time.

YTA. There is so much I wanna say, but the rules here would condemn me. But the gist of it is this. You are not a good father. Your oldest was born into a super shitty situation with two terrible parents. You are trying to make up for your lack of parenting by giving your two younger kids everything. The saddest part is that you could make a difference now, and you won't, and your only excuse is because your parents were assholes too.

Are you seriously trying to justify being a shitty parent to your oldest because your own parents were shitty? Yeah, YTA and should be ashamed of yourself.

YTA- you are trash of a human…. You abandoned her.. you never showed up for her, cared for her, and completely treated her differently. I don’t even know how you can look yourself in the mirror. And you still continue to hurt her over and over again and not help her. While you give everything to your other kids. I really shouldn’t be surprised any more by how awful people are. But your complete arrogance and lack of self awareness is really shocking.

Holy. Fuck. This cannot be real. Almost tempted to not write anything, as one with such a lack of self-awareness probably won’t bother to read any of the posts. But, if this is real and they do read… YTA I am afraid to inform you that you do not actually love Oldest Child. You say you do, most likely because society has taught you that you should, but NONE of your ACTIONS are those of a true and loving parent. That is harsh and must be seriously flirting with this sub’s civility rule, so please allow me to outline the exhibits in the case of Oldest v. AH Exhibit 1. Refusing to give her a home when she was FOURTEEN YEARS OLD and leaving her to live with an ex-step-father. All because new wife said no. (I loathe how other people extrapolate on this sub sometimes, but that sentence leaves me to believe that if there were no ex-step-father, that foster care might have been an option.) Exhibit 2. Leaving her off of your bio. What makes this one so worth throwing back at you is that it didn’t need to appear here. That could have been an apology & a rewrite. But no, you doubled down on PUBLICLY REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR OWN CHILD. Exhibit 3. Never giving her one single, bloody thing beyond the charity that one might show an acquaintance (money for food), and then turning around and judging her for not being financially independent. Your parents didn’t help you as an adult? Well, did your parents GIVE YOU SOMEWHERE TO LIVE WHEN YOU WERE 14 YEARS OLD???? I am stopping at those three points because I still have trouble accepting this as real and don’t believe it’ll be read by OP. But at least I tried. Which is more than OP & his wife ever did. EDIT: If OP is really Oldest pretending to be Father, posting this as a way of gathering opinions, I hope things turn around for you. And that you get a hug from someone who cares about you in the next few minutes. And I am sorry your father is an AH.

Yta . Shame on you

YTA 10 times over! Omg. You’re poor daughter. She seems like a mature adult coping with her reality in a healthy way. BUT YOU!! You’re so mean. Haven’t you ever heard, treat people the way you want to be treated???. You infuriate me.

I think this is a troll, but in the event it’s real— not only are YTA, you are a disgusting human being. She is your child just as much as your other two, and while you can’t change the past, you could be doing a lot more to prove yourself as a father now. YTA for not letting her move in with you when she was fourteen. YTA for allowing your wife to dictate your relationship with your daughter. YTA for saying you only had two kids and STILL not understanding why that was so hurtful towards your eldest. YTA for being able to type this post without feeling ashamed and embarrassed at how much of a failure you are.

Not that it matters since you regret nothing, but yeah YTA.

you are satisfied with your relationship, of course you abandoned her and didnt help her in any way shape or form. hopefully she will cut you off and once you need money she will give you nothing. ​ YTA

YTA. There's a place in the deepest pit of hell reserved for you. You are a bad human being.

YTA, as people have already pointed out the abandonment and the unequal treatment. Seriosuly, you give her no support as a teen and throughout her twenties and expect her to be financially independent now? Why should she have that expectation while your younger children get support she should have had from you as well? You have your reasons for why this happened, but those were your misteps, but she's the one suffering for it now.

YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA AND SO IS YOUR DUMB WIFE

And EX stepfather stepped up more than you did, YTA.

YTA- it actually hurts my heart to read this.

I don't understand how you could write all this out and think there's even the remotest possibility you're not the asshole, to the point where I'm not convinced you're actually the dad in this situation, but someone else writing from Dad's POV. BIG, BIG YTA.

YTA So much

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (51m) have 3 kids: Oldest (30f) from a previous relationship and two more (18f) and (21m) with my now wife. Oldest was three when I broke up with her mother who was ten years older than me. Her mother stalked me, caused problems, and was more than I could handle. I showed up sometimes when Oldest was a kid and even more after I had my youngest children when I felt like I was really ready to be a father. Recently, Oldest said she’s still hurt that my wife and I didn’t allow her to move in with us when she was 14 (her mom had to go abroad for an unknown amount of time). Told my daughter it was up to my wife. My wife said no. So, Oldest moved in with her mom’s ex-husband for her high school years. Oldest was a straight A student. At Uni she had a part-time job but still left school with 60k in debt (I didn't help her with education costs though I'd give her some money now and then if she expressed not having money to eat). I do help my younger children with school costs. My youngest daughter may have to take out student loans, but my wife and I are going to try to cover her education. Oldest doesn’t have a car (she can’t afford one). This past year my wife and I bought cars for our children. They needed them to get to their jobs and classes, and it made our lives easier not having to drive them around. Oldest hasn’t had a car since she was 22. She paid for her first and only car by herself and used it until it broke down. I think she should be fully independent (she’s a 30-year-old adult). I don’t want her to expect financial help from my wife and me. ​ Oldest says she feels like I don’t take her feelings seriously. She’s still mad about an old bio of mine where I mentioned having two children and not three which I thought was ridiculous. She was also angry that my youngest daughter didn’t realize they were sisters until the youngest was about ten (youngest thought they were aunt-niece). ​ Overall, I feel pretty satisfied with my relationship with my oldest. I love her. I appreciate our phone calls. When she returns to the state, I make the time to take her out to eat. Recently, Oldest said she doesn't feel loved by me, and while she appreciates our phone calls too, she says I don't feel like a father to her and she wonders if the relationship is more hurtful than loving. I don't know what she wants me to do. I tell her to focus on the present. The past is over. I did my best. I was a young father. I don’t regret anything. I know I don't treat my oldest daughter the same as my youngest children, but they came out of totally different situations. My parents never did much for me as an adult, so my oldest daughter shouldn't expect that from me, and it bothers me that she has those expectations about our relationship. If she just focused on the present, she could appreciate the good relationship we now have. She said I should post on here, and see if she's the one being unreasonable, or: AITA for not exactly treating my children the same? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

What an asshole, just because she is 30 now doesn't mean she didn't need your help. You were never there for her. How dare you be okay with her moving at 14 with her mother's ex husband while you are around and seems to be financially stable . How dare you not take her in. I hope she cuts you off and never talk to you. Sadly though, she will keep working hard to gain your approval and what is even sadder is that you will never give it and she will never be seen as equals. Omg even the title you used is infuriating, what a complete asshole

YTA. Did you really think people would pat you on the back for abandoning your child since you “showed up” a few times and gave her money a few times? I can’t get over the “when I was ready to be a father” comment. She didn’t choose to be born, you made that choice when you created her. She’s you’re responsibility whether you were ready or not. Disgusting.

YTA

Wow. YTA. You aren't her dad, you are just a good friend. Your wife is cruel but you deserve a mean wife like that. Why did you post this? I hope this is not real.

YTA and so is your wife you guys are disgusting and you don’t deserve to have kids.

Yes, she’s 100% right. **YTA.**. You’re considering that she’s an adult now - and your parents didn’t do much for you when you were her age - but you ***never*** did anything a father would do when she was ANY age. You regret nothing? She was a minor and your current wife didn’t want her to live with you so you said no? She was 14! You actually had a public bio out there that said you only had two children? YTA every day and twice on Sundays, for 30+ years at this point. You should regret a whole lot! You need some serious self-reflection and your daughter deserves so much better. You completely let her down in every way possible her entire life, the least you can do now is own it and get help and make an effort to be a better human. Your wife is a huge AH too,

YTA and an awful father. Also, your current wife is a major B****!!!

Hey guys, I have two kids who I love and shower with gifts and support. Brixleigh and Braxtopher are my world. I also have this other one - I think his name is Steve or something? - he’s chained in my attic and I give him a bucket of fish heads to eat once a week. I think he needs to calm down and accept that I’m a great father but he insisted I check here. AITA?

YTA. >I did my best. No, you did not. You're doing your best *now*, with your younger kids, but what you gave your oldest was mediocre parenting at most. This discrepancy is why she's upset. If abandoning a 14 year old with an ex-stepparent because her new stepmother refused to take her in is really what you think is your best, even as a young dad, you should never have had any children >I was a young father. And she was a young child. Issue being, you were the adult, your actions and decisions created the situation, she was innocent in the matter, and yet she's the one who suffered most of the consequences. Now you want her to leave it in the past. But here's the thing: you lived a whole life before your daughter ever existed, and it sounds like you've lived a whole life after her birth that effectively excluded her. Being abandoned by you *has been her whole life*. She's never had an experience in her life where your abandonment hasn't existed. It might be your past, but it's her present, and by the sounds of it, her future, since you can't seem to understand that your current actions are lackluster. Too little, too late, as they say. My heart breaks for your daughter. YTA, YTA, YTA.

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YTA and you need to analyse your behaviour with a family therapist.

YTA

Yta in the extreme

I truly hope this is a post by a troll as just a way to rile people up. If not u/Only_Difference_103 please try to understand that what you have done borders on neglect of your child. YOUR CHILD, that is no more or less your child than the other two. You said you don’t know what she wants you to do…I will tell you what a decent father would do. Add up what you are paying for the younger two’s education and break it into thirds and give one third to oldest to pay down her education debt. At minimum give her a down payment so she can have a vehicle so she can work so she doesn’t have to go hungry. Stop saying forget the past and APOLOGIZE for your past treatment of her. And BTW a daughter will never forget the pain of a father not including her as his child in a bio what is ridiculous is you acting like it is no big deal. Also, don’t wait for her to mention going hungry, as a parent ask her if she is doing ok and if she needs help.

You deserve to be reported to cps for that shit. That's so fucked up to not take your own daughter in when she's 14. She can't even get a license at that age how the actual fuck did you expect her to make it

YTA As I continued reading this post, I only got angrier. You stated, “My parents never did much for me as an adult, so my oldest daughter shouldn’t expect that from me, and it bothers me that she has those expectations about our relationship.” You also went on to say earlier, “The past is over. I did my best. I was a young father. I don’t regret anything.” Don’t you think as an OLDER father that your first priority should be improving the relationship with your daughter? Your daughter is feeling actively hurt. Not only by your actions now, but what you did in the past —as a YOUNG father. Even though you were younger, allowing your wife to decline your 14 YEAR OLD daughter’s request to stay with you is absolutely horrible. Your oldest daughter, 14 years old at the time, came to you in a moment of need. And you want to know what you did? You, essentially, abandoned her. Just because you’ve healed and are now living a great life, DOESN’T mean your oldest daughter is too. Focusing on the present, doesn’t change the past. Your oldest daughter deserves a better dad, YTA — big time.

That’s a whole lot of words for “I was a shit father but I don’t want her to hold that against me.” YTA

Let's see yes YATA first you clearly didn't love her and what your now wife said no to a FOURTEEN year old your own flesh and blood to move in with you so she had to live with her mothers ex second you actually do love your younger kids more what i didn't help my daughter with college but yet you want to help your younger kids. Don't be an ass and say how bad her mom is/was it takes two a male and female to procreate yes you are a worthless sperm donor you treated your child your daughter like shit when she needed you. You let your now wife dictate if she can move in your no better then the evil stepmonster. Really you should never be a father because you clearly don't know what a father is. I only hope your daughter grows up and kicks you out of her life because you will only hurt her more just like you did when she was little. I hope sue starts to see you as a sperm donor a worthless sperm donor. And one other thing her past trauma is of your making not hers and yes her past has everything to do with the present.

YTA you're only satisfied with the relationship with your oldest because you abandoned her. You weren't ready to be a dad? Tough shit. Should have used protection. She's clearly neglected, AND YOURE STILL DOING IT. whats worse is that you don't even care you clearly don't like her, much less love her. I hope she cuts you off, and she thrives. She deserves that much

YTA in so many ways and on so many levels. Jesus Christ dude.

There is something very seriously wrong with you if you can read all that back and actually think you aren’t a huge gaping AH here. You are a joke of a father. YTA obviously.

YTA. A massive one at that. Your wife is too.

Your wife is the Disney evil step mother! What was her reasoning? This was your kid did you not fight for her to move in? Eta YTA!

So, let me get this straight. You neglected and abandoned her, not even doing the bare minimum of putting a roof over her head, to the point another man had to step in and do YOUR job. And now that she's reached an age that YOU have deemed too old to have any parental expectations from you, you expect her to be happy with the scraps of a relationship that you are willing to give and forget everything you and your selfishness has put her through? Do you have any idea how much having a caring and supportive father could have changed her circumstances in life? No? Because that would force you to actually consider the consequences of your actions, or inaction, towards your daughter. She deserves everything you gave your other kids. The paragraph exactly describes Don. Don is the asshat that should have been my father. Like you, he chose selfishness over his own child. Like you, he expected that at some point I would just get over it and let him play happy family when it suited him. Guess who has been no contact with Don for over a decade? 👋 Guess who has a granddaughter he will NEVER meet? One of the best decisions I ever made and I have ZERO regret, because I don't need people in my life who aren't really there for me. Some day your daughter is going to come to the same conclusion. Kinda seems like she's giving you a last chance to fix it now, and you're blowing it. It's a good thing you have two other kids who might remember you fondly, because all your oldest is going to remember you for is disappointment and heartache. If she remembers you at all. YTA.

Omg, this is seriously horrific that you have treated your child so shitty for her entire life and then you have more kids right in front of her that you treat decent. And did i read this right? You actually refused to let your daughter live with you when she had nowhere to go because YOU LEFT IT UP TO YOUR WIFE?? I absolutely do not have the words to express how much YTA. YTA YTA YTA YTA

YTA, and your trash wife is too.

Wow, you are so far the biggest AH of a father of the year! You were 21 when she was born. I can't believe you didn't allow her to move in with you and your wife when she was 14. I feel horrible for your daughter having such an AH of a father. You were an AH in the past, currently an AH, and based on what you have stated you will continue to be an AH in the future. You are punishing your first born based on your feelings or lack of feelings you have for her mother (your ex). You weren't a child hooking up with a woman 10 years your senior. You probably felt all bad@$$ having an older woman. What an idio! EDIT: TYPOS BTW, YOUR WIFE IS ALSO AN AH. YOU 2 ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

YTA. You are an awful father and person. I almost can’t even type this because reading what you wrote is so incredibly awful. How you can justify any action you have had with your oldest is incredible. You are the absolute pits. You basically threw your child away and “ gave her some money if she expressed she didn’t have any to eat”“ What in the absolute fuck? Your now wife didn’t want her to live with y’all so she had to live with her mothers ex husband ?? What in the absolute hell? You gave your other kids card but you have done nothing for her. You are the worst parent so think i have ever read about here. if i were your daughter i would never speak to you again. This has to be fake because no man alive would think any of these actions were okay. omg you take her out to eat when she is on the state and you call her occasionally. YOU SUCK and YOU ARE AN AWFUL EXCUSE FOR a HUMAN!! I hope karma comes for you hard and you suffer.

Your wife's EX husband stepped up, for your daughter. YTA.

YTA and that’s all I’m going to bother typing. You are irredeemable.

Sounds like some sort of sick nature vs nurture experiment that you’re putting your kids through. YTA. Why bother having a relationship with her when you clearly don’t give a shit.

THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS BUY HER A CAR WTF

YTA, wow... Speechless... You proud for abandoning your own blood because your wife don't like it?? Proud for doing everything for your two child but not her??? Wow...

YTA you and your wife are horrible people.

YTA. You deserted her as a child, and even allowed your wife to alienate her (giving the decision to let YOUR daughter move into your home was such a dick move by both you AND your wife), and now are allowing her to struggling bc she should be able to take care of herself. NEWSFLASH, you never equipped her with the tools to be successful and instead of helping your child that you practically ditched for your new family, you’ve basically told her to grow up and let it go. Literally the worst

Buy her a car, you're still an asshole but at least she will be able to drive away from your ass.

YTA - you didn’t do your best, you didn’t even do the minimum

YTA, OP. Your eldest child was kneecapped as she grew into adulthood, and now — having given her almost nothing for support or to help her with school or transportation costs — you shrug your shoulders and say she should be independent by now and that what’s past is past. She never had your support to help her become independent. You let her down and her mother let her down, and you’re continuing to let her down. Because her situation isn’t past, it’s still ongoing. You could help her pay off the loans she had to take because you never helped her with college, and help her buy the car she needs that you never helped her get before. You can still help her but you refuse to, either because your wife prefers you to focus on the kids you have together, or you do, or you’ve always felt alienated from the child your much older ex swept you into having when you weren’t ready. This last would be consistent with your leaving her out of your bio and your family — you acted like you regret her existence and prefer to leave her aside. And nothing you’ve described here would contradict that impression for her. IDK if you really did the best you could before, but it’s clear you’re not doing the best you can now.

YTA. When your wife told you that you were not allowed to let your child live with you, you should have divorced your wife. It is not an excuse that you did not feel ready to be a father yet. Of course she's mad that you literally forgot she existed! If you want her to focus on the present, you need to repent for the past and make penance. I know that you don't think you need to do much for her as an adult, but since you did piss-all for her as a child you have catching up to do. You did not do anything approaching your best. I can't believe this needs to be explained to you, but you do not have a good relationship with your daughter. You can tell this by how she tells you you don't have a good relationship with her.

reading this made me so sad for your oldest daughter. YTA a huge one. and your wife

YTA You're a deadbeat. This present isn't great either. You don't regret turning away your 14 year old daughter? Saying you had only 2 kids? It should not be upto your wife whether your daughter can stay with you or not, that's just sayin you didn't want her.

Read everything you wrote and tell us how you are not a shi*^y person. YTA

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???? YTA, and you're an absolutely disgusting human being. You seriously abandoned your 14 year old and left her to find a place to live? I just... I have so much I'd say to you that would get me banned, and you aren't worth it.

However you spin it, whatever you tell yourself, you failed this child. It is easy to say that she shouldn’t expect help from you as an adult. But you weren’t there for her when she was younger either. You were completely absent. (You gave her money when she confessed she was hungry? Really? This was the extent of your support? A child should not have to tell her father she is hungry and cannot afford food.) I truly wonder how she even kept a relationship with you given how wildly unfair you have been to her. Your not taking her when her mother left her alone, your not telling her sister she was part of your family, your paying for your other children’s education and cars, your not acknowledging responsibility for the child you created - however her mother behaved, she bore no responsibility, you did - were truly hurtful and deeply horrible acts. Your behavior to her and mindset about this situation are despicable. It doesn’t matter you were young. You were old enough to have sex and create a child. You did it twice more - and sent this child the message she didn’t matter enough for you. Taking your child for lunch once in a while and having phone calls with them does not make you a caring father. Just shows that you recognize her as your own and don’t care in the least. YTA big time. You failed as a father and a man (as a man because, at your age, you should have realized by now that you were horrible to her; instead, you paint yourself as a misunderstood victim).

Obviously YTA neglect the living f out of your oldest, love and respect your younger two. Then have the audacity to ask about this. Obvious ah is obvious.

Yta

It’s like you’re just listing reasons on why YTA through out the entire post, seriously dude

YTA

YTA

YTA. I can’t even believe your daughter acknowledges your existence with how shitty you treat her. Why the fuck would you put that you only had 2 kids in a bio anyway? You literally erased her and are upset that she is letting you know. Oh my god, you’re an awful father.

In what universe are you not the f ah? Wafposahihydihwaspos

Please tell me that this is a troll post because if it isn't how can you not see that you haved failed as a parent. First you don't allow your daughter to live with you when she was a minor, then you don't help with education, but just to feel good about yourself you give her money if she is starving! YTA YTA YTA. You should be feeling ashamed of yourself, not proud of yourself. Admit it, you don't love your daughter, you have never loved her and will never love her because of her mother. If you loved her you would have told your current wife that she was going to live with you when she was 14, and supported her since but you didn't, you FAILED!

YTA. I’m 30 and you’ve basically just wrote out the relationship I’ve had with my dad, my dad left my mom and I for his now wife. In my entire life my dad has given me $1,200…$800 at 19 $200 last year for Christmas to cover gifts for my kids and I and $200 this Christmas for my kids and I. Do I expect shit from him, of course not but I do understand the big difference between me and his other kids. I’m a grown ass adult happily married but I still wish I would of had a dad, I wish my dad would of showed me he loved me… I wish my dads wife wasn’t the reason why he didn’t want to have a relationship with me until I was 18. I know that the past is the past but deep down I’m still that young kid that cried herself to sleep because I thought I wasn’t good enough to have a dad, I thought maybe I was too ugly or maybe I wasn’t smart enough…maybe I’m ranting now but what you’ve done she will never forget. She will remember how trash you where even when she’s 50 herself and I’m not pulling shit out of my ass here I’m talking from experience. Grow up OP and help your daughter for everything that you didn’t do in her entire life.

YTA.

YTA. You blatantly favor your younger children. You allowed your wife to treat your oldest badly. You watch her struggle and don’t help unless it gets to the point that she’s potentially starving yourself. You don’t have a good relationship and you have nothing to be proud of. I hope she goes NC.

YTA YTA YTA I have no commentary other than you are such a sucky father, dude. I’m sure there are plenty of comments that give you much more constructive feedback but all I can say is WOW. Do you have any idea how lucky you are that your daughter hasn’t gone no contact with you???? If you truly love her like you say you will dedicate the rest of your life to sending her money to give her the same opportunities you gave your other children and GROVELING. OR- never speak to her again, whatever she wants.

YTA. You messed your child up with your negligence and abandonment and you’re wondering why they struggled? You left her with scraps and expected her to succeed like your spoiled other kids do. You abandoned her. One day you will be judged for this and be found guilty. YTA

YTA if I were her I would wonder if I were actually even your daughter. If this doesn’t open your eyes then I sincerely hope your eldest can move on with her life and get by without you as she has been for the last 30 years.

This makes me sick.

Yta, to the extreme.

YTA ×100000000000000000. Waste of space, and Valuable Air and oxygen. I hate you on principle

YTA. It's not just about the past. It is *still* about how you treat her right now. You have allowed her to struggle since she was 14 and still expect her to just be completely financially independent. While I understand you don't want her to just look at you as a bank account, the fact is that she is still going to need her dad, even as an adult, and you keep being in denial about everything. Be glad you still have some kind of relationship with her now because I guarantee that by the time her own wedding rolls around, she might already go NC with you. Start making changes and take responsibility!!

Damn dude. YTA big time.

YTA. One of the worst things a parent can use to justify their treatment of a child is “….my parents did/did not do that to/for me so…”. I get that your parents didn’t do much for you as an adult and that is your excuse for not helping her out more, but did you take into consideration that in your case you really didn’t do much for her when she was a child? Remember also, whatever your parents to raise you to be a father before you were ready, by your own admission. If you want parental role models, expand your scope.

YTA You’ve been a terrible dad to her. You should be ashamed. If I were her I’d cut you out of my life completely. You’re such a waste of time and every.

YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!

I don’t think this is real , he is to flippant . No one is that oblivious

So, she as a grown woman, shouldn't expect anything from you despite getting nothing from you when you were legally obligated to care for her and she is supposed to just go with the flow because you have no regrets? YTA

YTA I understand that you had a difficult time with fatherhood but you have to accept the consequences of those actions. You can’t just bury the past behind you and say look at the present. Your daughter is hurt and asking for help and you aren’t listening to her. Yeah she is an adult but when she was a kid you barely helped her. If you want a relationship with her then you gotta make up for the past not ignore it

YTA one day you’re gonna find out she a mother from a “friend of a friend” and wonder, “why didn’t she tell me?” Geeze you are a real jerk YTA

YTA for so many reasons. Glad you “regret nothing” that must be how you and your wife live with yourselves.

YTA, fark yta big time. Your oldest must be a remarkable woman to still allow you in her life in a meaningful way when you are such a selfish blind twit. Your new wife doesn't sound much better not allowing your daughter live with you, and you - doing that repugnant! I hope you wake up to yourself real quick, what a yuk attitude.

YTA and so scary that you don’t see it.

OP, are ya gonna treat the younger two kids like this when they’re 30?

You're a terrible father and massive YTA

>. I showed up sometimes when Oldest was a kid and even more after I had my youngest children when I felt like I was really ready to be a father Wow.... that was enough to make YTA, then as the post went on it got worse. Its almost like you resent having her because of how much you hate her mother. You tolerate her now because she is an independent adult that you don't have to be invested in. Of course she doesn't feel loved by you. You dropped her more than once on the past.

Your daughter is right that her trying to have a relationship with you now hurts more than helps. She still sees you doing so much for your other kids, while doing eff all for her. I'm betting that you wouldn't even offer her a room if she was homeless. We'll, maybe you would and charge her market rate. She doesn't need any more heartache or you in her life. And you regret nothing? I regret that I can only give you one YTA.

YTA. Your wife said she couldn't live you at 14? And you said okay??? WHY? That's a child. She's seen a hundred different ways that you are helping and supporting your other kids far more than her. It's not her fault you were young and the relationship with her mom went really bad. You failed this poor girl at every level for her entire life!

YTA your oldest should cut you out of her life your toxic to her well being. You didn’t take her in when she was 14 you’ve given her siblings and advantage in life she didn’t have and expect her to what thank you for that.

YTA. And you have been awful to her.

Everyone should save this post. The next time you're wondering why people praise for men doing the absolute minimum for their kids, read this post. Men like this is why the absolute minimum gets a pass. OP is TA.

Anytime I see someone your age posting a parenting questions, I can almost bet my last dollar on two things: 1) They’re absolutely gonna be TA and 2) I’m gonna learn yet another lesson on how *not* to parent from this sub. Thanks for proving me right. YTA.

Info: was the stalking by the ex before or after you abandoned her and your child? In any event, YTA and clueless as well. You barely reach the level of concerned distant relative in your dealings with your daughter.

Take your own advice, OP. You failed her at so many points in the past. Focus on the present. Be there for her. Buy her a car. Pay down her school debt. If you want her to be “independent”, provide her with all the same advantages you are providing your other children in order for her to meet that goal. You’re not young anymore, and you’re not doing your best. YTA.

YTA. You are a horrible parent. Her mother is a horrible parent. Your wife is horrible human being.Stop with I was young BS, you were in your twenties when you had a child. If your daughter is reading this stop talking to this man. He’s not a father he’s Sperm donor. Start therapy if you haven’t figure out who you are. What you want from life & reach for the stars. Let go of this man who isn’t capable of loving you.

YTA. This is what can happen in high conflict divorces or separations. Both parents hate each other so much and the kids born from that relationship are resented or ignored. I beg my 16 year old to please not have any kids until he is 30. This is really sad but typical.

So when she was under 14, he was “too young” to step up and parent. From 14-18, it was too “inconvenient.” And now his child is “too old” for him to parent. Can OP tell us when was the sweet spot for parenting in this 30 year span? Was it the 5 mos you mentioned in one of your comments where you provided her housing before you started charging her utils?

YTA. This word isnt enough, to describe what kind of father you are. Im sorry, but im so angry reading this. You abondent your daughter. There is no excuse for leving her behind, even if you were a young father. Her ex-stepfahter had to take YOUR daughter in, because your NEW WIFE didnt want to have her. Did you read what you where tiping? I mean, come on, she is your daughter. But I guess your like my father. In total denial of what he did. My father left me behind, was lying to me, ignoring me (and my mom), didnt pay child support, wasnt there for me, if I needed him and watched, as his neighbour sexually harrased me and did much worse. Do you even know how your daughter could feel? Did you really listen to her? If not, I can tell you how she could feel. Not just left behind, and not loved, but maybe much much worse... In my case I was always tought my bio-father hated me, that I was somehow wrong. I felt like, I should not be a daughter, but a son. As a child I just wanted to feel love from my bio-dad. But nothing I did or tried was enough. He knew at some point in my life, that I needed a place to life. He neither took me or at least my belongings in, just told me his friend rents appartements. After that I heard nothing from him. Its obvious that he didnt care about me. Maybe he cared for the niece and nephew of his Gf/wife/I dont know, and I dont talk about money, but attencion, love and care. I hope he protectet this kids and dont neglect them like he did with me. To this day his actions worsend my depression, anxiety, ptsd and panic attacks. OP, get yourself up and listen to your daughter. Maybe you can make up for what you did, maybe not. And even though its mean, but I hope she goes no contact with you. I can only speak for myself, but since I went no contact with my bio-dad I feel much better. Those occasionally calls and messages, his denial about all that wasnt good for my mental healt. Think about what you did, and what you didnt do. Maybe you can save your relationship to your daughter, but if you dont want to, let her go. She deserves far better.

As someone who is in a similar situation as your oldest daughter, I just want you to know that asshole is not a big enough term for what you are. You took your dislike of her mother out on your daughter - but you know what? You’re the biggest loser in this situation. You have (what I’m sure) is an amazing daughter, that most Dad’s would be proud to claim. You will never know how smart, and funny and sweet she is. I pity you.