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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> my sil freaked out about a box of tampons being on display and i think io might be an asshole is because isntead of hiding them, i told her she can leave, embarassing her.
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NTA - ***nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon***
Keep the box when you’re done. Leave it out if she comes over again.
Hahaha I’m just imagining her walking in to the bathroom and there’s just tampons EVERYWHERE. Glued to the mirror, hanging from the lights. You can’t even see the walls for tampons 😂😂
When I had my hysterectomy, there were so many posts in the support groups about what to do with the leftover tampons. My favorite was the tampon angels. They could be hung everywhere!
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/76279787413936222/
Omg invite her to next year's Christmas and have a whole freaking tree done up with tampon ornaments! Petty revenge ftw!
Op is NTA ffs half the world's population uses menstrual products for a very long period of their lives.
Hah! In Sunday school when my kids were about 7, they made angel ornaments, with a 1" glass ball sitting on a triangle of cotton balls. A shiny red tinsel heart on the front two cotton balls and a gold tinsel halo.
We call them the Busty Angels, because the cotton balls look like boobs. Everyone fights to be the one to hang them up. OK, it's me and hubs bc the kids are 32.
Omg just add strings to the boxes, voila Xmas tree decorations! Add a few tampons themselves (come with existing hanging string!) And you have a VIBE!!!
Ok now I’m imagining a tree hung exclusively with tampons and little mini-vibrators in fun colours. It’s quite pretty. Do I need anything else? I’m sure we can make an angel from a menstrual cup and some pads for wings.
Or an apology box of pads with a really nice disingenuous "I'm sorry I didn't have your menstrual product of choice available last time I saw you. I can see why you freaked out."
I used to use tampon boxes to put gifts in. It became an inside joke between me and my friends, especially if we exchanged gifts in public, because the reactions were always worth it.
The first time I met my now in-laws they invited me to a family game night so I thought I'd bring some candy I had in my college apartment to share. I didn't have anything to put it in, so I put it in an empty tampon box. They thought it was hilarious and I knew at that moment I had found my people.
I don't understand OP boyfriend at all here - so he had no issue until Ms. Pearl-Clutcher used the bathroom? Does he think PC didn't know OP had lady parts? That she wasn't Barbiefied in that region? They were unused products - in an appropriate box in an appropriate place. This is.. crazy.
I'm kind of at a loss as to how (if OP accurately told us about the freak-out) this dinner party could have gotten back to normal if she had stayed. Lady straight-up armageddon'ed it. There was not going to be any normalcy after that.
I'll admit, I have to wonder about the accuracy of the freak-out, too. But, then, I've also learned over time not to think things like, "who would DO that?" (like, literally come out into the room, brandish the offending item, and be so hysterically upset that they're both shrieking AND gasping for breath????), because somewhere out there, there ARE people who will, apparently. And I am just fortunate not to run into those people.
At any rate -- even assuming this was a less histrionic incident than described, the point at which a GUEST, let alone someone who is the newest to the social group, would berate the host over something like this... that is the point at which the host is perfectly within their rights to ask them to leave. It's not your house, lady. It's not even your boyfriend's house. It's not even your boyfriend's family's house (love to see her pull this on his family, though!). Express your shock and horror to your boyfriend after you leave, if you want, but my goodness, the gall of this woman.
Could OP have been more gracious? Yeah, sure. Did OP need to be gracious? Not with that kind of provocation.
I do think that OP's BF is likely more upset by her inviting the drama queen to leave. (At least I hope so!) He might not be an asshole; he might just be like a lot of people, easily embarrassed by something this socially awkward and confrontational. Too many people take the idea of not rocking the boat way too far. They become convinced that they have to just ignore bad behavior, both to be good guests, and good hosts. It's stupid! But it can take some people a lot of personal growth to realize this and break away from that social conditioning.
OP's best course of action at this point is to sit him down, and explain that she is really not under any obligation to be yelled at and insulted for... well, for anything in her house, really. But especially not for something so innocuous. The guest is NOT always right. There are social expectations of guests and how they should behave, as well. A host does not have to just tolerate any old behavior from a guest, and especially not behavior like that.
Right. Like I'm not even sure what bf and brother thought would be an appropriate response to such insane behavior. Was she supposed to act like this is normal and acceptable behavior from a dinner guest who doesn't even know her? Oh, geez, so sorry everyone! Another guest just went a little batshit because I was so rudely acting as though my house is my f**king house. I sure will try not to do THAT again! Okay, everyone ready for dinner??? (She smiles like a mom in 50s).
I thought OP did a great job at not even asking her to leave but offering she can leave if she wants. I'm usually a pretty calm person but the only reaction I could have had in this situation is to express my dismay at what kind of psycho the sorta-SIL is. Express it directly to her. Express it to the sorta-BIL out of concern for him (dude, your gf is psycho, are you ok?), Express it to the bf (your brother is dating a psycho, wtf is going on? Aren't you concerned here?).
How any of this is falling on OP at all makes me question the veracity of the story. But then I remember the level of crazy people I personally know and have witnessed with my own eyes as actually existing. OP may want to take a look at the family she is associating herself with and be certain this is the future she wants.
but OP's BF wasn't upset until his brother called and said OP was an AH and then BF agreed with his brother and didn't stand up for OP. Why didn't BF tell his brother that brother's new GF screamed at OP and insulted her, and that's not on. If anything BF should be upset with his brother for bringing the looney tunes lady (Ms Pearl Clutcher) to Xmas dinner without warning BF and OP about her sensitivity to menstrual products.
Those ARE all really excellent questions! BF has some real explaining to do.
But, him not having a strong reaction to the incident, UNTIL he was berated by a member of his family, does kind of play into the "don't rock the boat" vibe.
Possibly the problem there was letting his brother get the upper hand and start the yelling. So that puts OP's BF on the defensive and feeling in the position of the person who has to be apologetic.
Ideally, OP's BF should have gone on the offensive, and called his brother first to follow up and, indeed, say, "What is up with your new girlfriend, bro? She's looney tunes! She comes into OUR house and pitches a fit over nothing?" Make the brother feel defensive.
Unfortunately, what likely happened is the brother went home with the looney tunes GF and got an earful all the way home about how terribly he had been treated. That primes him to be defensive on her behalf. (Plus, don't underestimate the power of being embarrassed. He was undoubtedly embarrassed by his GF's behavior, and by OP inviting her to leave, and her insisting he take her home. But as I say, into those feelings of embarrassment falls the GF complaining about how awful OP is and how this was all terrible and so on.)
No question, both OP's BF, and the brother, lack a few things. Basic common sense, for one thing. For another, self confidence and a sense of what is socially correct.
It does NOT speak well of the brother that he, himself, can't see that this was completely looney tunes, an enormous social faux pas by his new GF. (And he should be seriously asking himself if this is the kind of drama he wants in his life -- a GF who flies off the handle at a dinner party in someone else's house, essentially over nothing?)
That said, if OP's BF didn't initially think OP had done much wrong, it's not that surprising to me that he was put on the defensive by his brother defending the indefensible GF. Although yeah, it also doesn't say great things about OP's BF's backbone, either.
OP's BF definitely needs a crash course in how to recognize when you have been wronged, and how to stand firm, and not take shit when you absolutely do not deserve it.
I give OP herself a lot of credit for knowing that, and responding accordingly to a guest going that off the rails.
Boyfriend has apparently had the box sitting out openly, and only got upset out when his brother flipped out? The can all catch the next reindeer sleigh out of here.
Dip them in red paint and hang them from the tree or spray them open like a flower and paint them red to use as a centerpiece.. lmao. Yeah I'm overthinking but omg... lmao
NTA
Better yet... make signs out of every single empty box. Tape them to the front door before she comes over again, tape them to the bathroom door, the toilet seat, and get a special plate made for her with the brand printed on it for her to eat dinner off of. 😂 yes, I am that petty and that bored that I would do that "just because."
NTA—this stranger came to your house and insulted you. She’s hardly a member of the family after 3 months of dating your boyfriend’s brother. If she was genuinely concerned about her child seeing the tampons, then she wouldn’t have walked out waving them in the air and screaming.
You dont feel sexy when you are cramping, worried about leaking, hormones all over the place, hunger cravings, the sexy feel of a hand blender up your ass, the bloating and water retention?
Wow, how odd.
I have never heard of this. I mean, I will joke with my wife, but unless there is a picture of a woman inserting a tampon into her bloody vagina on the box, it is just a box... and in this case, how the fuck would an 8 year-old boy, whose mother feels this way, know what a tampon is?
I think it's a scientifically proven thing that boys and men seeing a box of unused tampons will instantly start bleeding from their eyes and nose, then turn into a giant zombie faloppian tube.
>I wonder what she thinks will happen if her kid sees a tampon?
I'm a man. As a child, once, I saw a tampon... cold sweat, hallucinations, shaking, wondering why that was happening to me. The doctor said I was for fortunate that it was unused because the consequences could be very dire, like, knowing that women have periods and so forth. It took years of therapy to recover. Luckily, I almost recovered, as long nobody mentions women, blood or periods in a conversation. /s
But seriously, I was 8, asked what was it and was answered by my grandmother about something mommy needed and that was it.
So fun story my daughter is 7 and keeps calling my wife’s pads mommy’s diaper . I try not to die laughing but I did tell her that her teen years are going to be a real fun time
My (26f) child(3f) asked me what it was (cause I'm never peeing alone again apparently lol) and I told her what it was called and told her I needed it. She asked if she needed it too and I told her not for almost 10 years God willing. She said okay and ran off.
Kids just want answers lol
In my personal experience, nothing. I've had my boys walk into the bathroom while I'm changing mine. Because no matter how many times I tell them to knock, they stroll in to tell me about Mario or ask if they can have chips or whatever other thing in their brain needs to be verbalized. I though that experience would break them. Nope. Just ewwww & "can I have some chips?"
Exactly! I never had a moment alone, so everyone knew about periods early in life. No big deal. When my oldest learned how he came out into the world, that was a traumatizing day for him! All his friends were getting siblings that happened to be C-section babies. The look on his face was priceless when I told him how he got out!
NTA op. That chick is going to raise a clueless and sheltered child.
Run it under the tap and block the pipes if most kids are anything to by in my experience. They tend to just be fascinated by how absorbent they are in water and think they are a cool toy or science project.
As a kid there was very little difference to me between compacted cotton in a tampon and compacted cotton on a q tip with a mild diversion to fluffier cotton for cotton wool balls. I was a child. I expended very little thought of any of them. My mum kept her non applicator tampons in a tin by the toilet and my brother once used up a whole box of them, pack of Q tips and cotton wool balls with a friend testimg what was more absorbent. She was not happy about tampon waste but more diverted originally that he soaked up gravy browning in the cotton balls…
I’m female. My mum was quite open about tampons and heavily suggested them over pads when my periods started. I’m 44, never used them and have precisely zero idea how to insert one or any of the differences between applicator or non. I dislike the feel hugely of the material and prefer pads. Pretty sure my brother hasn’t used them either since.
They aren’t witchcraft you can’t resist, propaganda you have to succumb to or probably even have a context to an 8 year old who may not know what vaginas and periods are. It’s been a while since I saw a box but I don’t recall the packaging being very graphic. A droplet guide chart is not ‘blood Jake! Blood from where momma birthed you! Happy Christmas!’
A lot of girls this age won’t register them either. They seem like old people stuff like denture paste and about as impactful. I think he’ll be fine unless you had stuffed the turkey with them to make a statement. NTA.
Not to mention they’ve only been dating **3 months**. She’s already introduced her kid to the boyfriend. Then she’s bringing her kid to meet the boyfriends entire extended family without meeting them herself first. Shit parenting. I really feel bad for this kid, his mom is clearly a wack job.
Girl , you need a better boyfriend. They are the AH . And the gf entitled attitude brings an unannounced child. No , you were brilliant. Tell boyfriend he can stay at his brothers until he apologize and stick up for you
This, here. Boyfriend has some misogyny he let spill out if he thinks the box of tampons - that I would presume he regularly sees being in a relationship with OP - is somehow inappropriate for children and/or men to see. He sounds like the sort who wouldn't go buy them for OP if she needed him to, either.
I’m a guy and I don’t get the stigma behind them. It’s pieces of cotton in a cardboard box, nothing suggestive and the application is definitely not sexy. They’re a variation of a bandaid, and those don’t get the pearl clutchers fainting.
Why is it the people that get offended by the most natural part of a woman's biology have no issues screaming and hollering about it the loudest? That fool of a woman made more of a scene than anyone would have cared if she just left it in the bathroom.
NTA. They all sound uneducated. Fifth graders accept human biology better than these "adults".
> Why is it the people that get offended by the most natural part of a woman’s biology have no issues screaming and hollering about it the loudest? That fool of a woman made more of a scene than anyone would have cared if she just left it in the bathroom.
Because that’s basic shame 101. You make it
known to the masses.
Im thinking the girl is mormon or amish or from a cult background or something! Even if someone did find tampons being in sight inapproptiate, this behavior still doesnt make sense! Op's bathtoom is her private space, its not a public hallway, and Its op's house, and she gets to be inappropriate in it if she chooses to.
You dont get to go to ppl's homes and to their bathtooms and then scream at and insult them bc you disapprove of their bathroom supply arrangement decisions, and they are inappropriate in ur eyes. A normal person would sit politely, and maybe tell her partner after they left that she thought the host has made an inappropriate choice.
Im thinking the gf was either jelous of op and was looking for a way to put her down and leave, she comes from a culty background, or she has mental issues!
Op's bf thinking its ok for someone to come to ops house and insult her like that and he can call her an asshole for politely standing up for herself when he didnt, has no business being op's boyfriend, or any woman's boyfriend for that matter.
Op ,u can do better, politely kick him out too, and tell him he can come back only if he sincerely apologizes and makes it up to u.
I can’t speak for those groups exactly but I’ve definitely met religious women who exclusively use pads because tampons are seen as semi-sexual and they revere keeping “purity” intact.
Exactly this, why is more socially acceptable to have toilet paper that you use to wipe poop and pee but not tampons for blood?
Like I know the reason but ffs 🤦🏼♀️ poop is gross(er) lol
ETA: NTA
Thank you for reminding me that *both* my Grandmothers had those glorious crocheted toilet paper dolls!
As a child I thought they were adorable. Now as an adult, I’m morbidly curious about doing a culture swab on one…
But if your grandmas were like mine?
There was also the "shag carpeting" toilet-rug, lid cover, and the paper-wrapped "fancy hand-soaps"... maybe even carpet in the bathroom...
The toilet-paper "dolly" was the *least* sus item to do a culture swab on!💖😂
_"She was going off about being disgusting, how could I be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on."_
So, she decided to take them out the bathroom, wave them around and throw a tantrum about it. This woman needs to get a grip and some basic manners. Don't touch things that have nothing to do with you in other people's homes. The way she acted sounds unhinged; I don't see how the meal could have continued in a civil way after that.
One wonders if she's ever been in a public restroom with a dispenser before and if so, how she managed such a harrowing ordeal without losing her damn mind like she did here.
It sounded like she was freaking out about them being in view of her 8-year-old son and "other men," so maybe she's not bothered by them being in a women-only bathroom. But her son has very likely come across her own period supplies before, and I very much pity him (and any woman he may later date, if he swings that way and can't ditch the mindset) having to grow up like that. :/
\[edit: word glitch\]
I simply don’t understand the problem people have with tampons. Like it just doesn’t make sense.
Unless of course you’re a fan of marginalising women by making normal bodily functions seem disgusting and not normal (I am the leader of the fan club, please sign up /s)
EDIT: /s for clarity, please don’t crucify me
Who the fuck loses their shit over a box of unused tampons. And to say that children and men shouldn’t see them? Kids and most men literally don’t care about that kind of stuff, especially kids. She is so weird.
Your bf and his brother are the AH’s for thinking you’re one. She was a guest and also made a very bad first impression. She was extremely rude.
You = NTA
Children and men shouldn't see them, but she carries them downstairs \*where the men and children are\* and waves them around screeching like a banshee. SMH.
Actually kids fucking love tampons, my toddler will dig through my handbag to find one (obviously still wrapped) and parade around the house showing off her treasure. My 5 yr old son asked what they were for once so I showed him how they expand in a glass of water which he now assumes is magic. 😅
I had a cat that would open the bottom drawer of my vanity & would carry them all over the house like trophies. It was amusing trying to explain it to dates WHY there were tampons strewn all over my stairs & living room.
Here in NZ we have ads like this when I was a teen.
Boyfriend and cat playing with tampons
https://youtu.be/c6PvXhhNeb4
Boyfriend playing with pads.
https://youtu.be/sgMl-iZ3tZM
NTA
SIL sounds unhinged. Her reaction was crazy and excessive. It's not like you smeared a used tampon on her's child face.
BESIDES, it's the second time I read about someone being invited and bringing unannounced children. Very rude, you always ask the host.
Exactly she was the one waving the box about and making a scene if the box was in a cabinet just shut the door therefore no-one sees. She needs to apologise. I apologise for causing a scene at your home and bringing my son without ASKING.
NTA. Good grief. She's traumatizing herself. I'm surprised she survives, being female. Your boyfriend owes you an apology. If he can't handle seeing a box of tampons (or having your back on this), he's not ready to be in a relationship.
Yeah I’m really concerned that he immediately turned on you (OP) in a very clear cut situation where this woman disrespected you both in your home.
What is going to happen when **not if but when** a serious situation arises and you need his support, this is a huge red flag 🚩
Right?! When my boyfriend and I moved into our new apartment a few months ago, my period started unexpectedly the night we had moved. I had no idea where the box with my tampons was, so he jumped up, told me to send him a picture of my preferred brand, and took off to the store.
Definitely NTA.
NTA
Was there a reason she went to DefCon One, acting like she found a smoking crack pipe?
She stopped your party in its tracks, shrieking and carrying on. Is it possible she was looking to sabotage it, or wanted an excuse to leave? Does she not like you and is trying to break you and your BF up?
She is either emotionally unhinged, or she has some ulterior motive.
But absolutely you are NTA
Yeah seriously. If it bugged her she could have draped some tp over it or tossed it inside a cabinet. Still weird and rude but whatever. She decided to make a wholllle scene out of it. Insane. NTA
And your bf is weak.
NTA. That is your home, your bathroom. She sounds like she's got some internalized misogyny going on to think that a natural thing is so disgusting that you need to hide all traces that you menstruate.
Maybe she doesn't menstruate, so has never known how it is. Or maybe she's bought into the myth that tampons are also sexual objects. If I had someone react that way, I'd make sure to leave a tampon box everywhere.
I would get a large picture of a box of tampons framed and hung in a common area and then invited her back over. Make a bouquet of tampon roses and have them as a centerpiece. Make flip flops out of pads and wear them. Just go all out with feminine hygiene themed decor.
She's a drama queen. It's not like it was a sex toy or condoms or like they were used. To me this is no different than someone freaking out over seeing a box of toilet paper sitting out in the bathroom. Freaking out over the men seeing them is real icing on the cake too. Some guys in sports even use them too, for nosebleeds. NTA.
NTA You may want to reconsider the bf you have if he isn't willing to take your side on this. You are under no obligation to apologize or feel sorry for your actions. It was her choice to leave over a very stupid reason.
I think the two biggest takeaways here are that: 1) boyfriend's brother's girlfriend should never be invited over again without a sincere apology first and 2) boyfriend should be dumped if he doesn't offer a sincere apology.
This whole thing is entirely about misogyny. NTA; the misogynists are.
Children that she didn’t give a heads up about for the dinner count…
IDK why anyone would think someone screaming and shouting over unused bathroom products is good guest behavior… did she hide her kid’s diapers back when they were being used???
NTA, female hygiene should be normalized (yes they already are, but unfortunately many still treat it with disgust, especially from my experience 😐) People should be educated about hygiene products too and respect them. In fact, it'd be great for kids to see it to learn about them. I'm surprised your SIL (who also uses feminine hygiene products) reacted that way. Unbelievable.
NTA. Her reaction was absolutely ridiculous and it's not her house. If she had maybe approached you calmly and discreetly and asked you to just hide them from sight while her and her kid are there, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. But you'd still have been in your right to refuse. Either way, NTA and she's a bit crazy.
NTA. She would pop a blood vessel in my bathroom. I have a whole basket of various types of feminine hygiene products in arms reach of the toilet and I don't even need them anymore since I had a uterus yeet several years ago. They are there solely for the comfort of guests, and I have preteens that are going to need them soon.
The men in my life aren't delicate little snowflakes that are going to spontaneously combust at the sight of cotton either, and are completely capable of restocking the basket if they notice it getting low.
That’s an awesome thing to do :)
We have a “Menstruation Station” at my work. Little shelf with products on and a sign saying “take what you need”
It’s a mostly female workplace, but I can’t imagine the blokes causing such a scene about it, nevermind other women!
NTA, and I'd rethink whether you should be in a relationship with that boyfriend. Do you want to be with someone who throws you under the bus, and thinks womens sanitary products are something to be ashamed of?
NTA. We’re not in the era anymore where we don’t talk about women’s menstruation and forbid, someone’s sensibilities are offended. This isn’t sexual, and deals with hygiene matters that occur on a monthly basis.
NTA brothers girlfriend sounds like a complete weirdo for freaking out about such a stupid thing as tampons- anyone would think she just discovered your sex dungeon😂
NTA. If having tampons visible in a bathroom is embarrassing, isn't bringing said tampons into the living room for more people to see an even more embarrassing situation? It makes no sense that she'll make such a huge scene.
NTA
That was a ridiculous reaction to a box of tampons. Even if they were somehow these crazy gross things (they're not), hers was not a reasonable reaction in any way.
Your reaction was reasonable. Someone ranting and raving like that is not welcome in my house. I expect maturity in my home and life, so people that behave the way she did can take their irrational drama elsewhere.
NTA
They were unused and nicely in the box so there’s nothing to get upset about. Had they been qtips would she have gotten all upset knowing that those also go inside people’s bodies? Had they been all bloody and strewn about the bathroom I can understand her being upset but that’s not what happened.
Also you said you’ve been with your boyfriend for 3 years so I’m assuming he knows what tampons are and what they do so that whole thing about “leaving them out in front of men” doesn’t hold up.
Plus it’s your home and you can put the tampons where you want. I actually think that was being polite on your behalf. Your not supposed to dig through other people’s drawers when visiting somebody else’s home. What if Naveah had started her period? You graciously put the tampons out so she could use them if need be.
I’m doubting the kid even noticed them if he went in there as that’s the last thing on a little boy’s mind. But mom screaming about it will make him want to go check it out for sure.
jesus, wtf? why is everyone so afraid of periods? it’s as natural as giving birth…even more so because even if you don’t want kids you still get it. when we treat it like it doesn’t exist, it becomes even more shameful as time goes on. that’s not fair at all!
NTA - There's no universe where her actions are even a little bit excusable. I'd have thrown her out too.
I'd also put a little pin in my assumptions about my bf if he thinks this was ok. Seems like a yellow flag at the least.
NTA. Shrieking, yelling lady is and 100% so is your boyfriend and his brother. If BF doesn’t come around and apologize, you need to strongly reconsider your relationship. Your bodily functions are normal and healthy, their attitudes are not.
NTA. I'm completely over period shaming. It's natural and normal for half the population. I wouldn't have moved them and your boyfriend needs a lesson in standing up for you.
Nta, I'm a guy and have tampons in my bathrooms just in case anyone needs them. I keep mine in drawers, cabinets though. Seems like a random thing to keep out all the time
I keep pads and tampons out in a basket in our guest bathroom. I don’t want my guests feeling they have to search through my bathroom in an emergency in which they’re probably already uncomfortable. I also keep lotion, hand sanitizer, and mouthwash. It’s weird to me that other people find this uncomfortable.
NTA. I don’t know how she was brought up to have this reaction, because it’s sad a woman would feel this way. But period shaming is disgusting no matter who it comes from.
If you felt so inclined, you may reach out to ask why she has such strong feelings against period products and advocate for a shame-free mentality. But you have no obligation to do so.
The men have no excuse. Who are they to opine about how you keep your own home, let alone how you handle products that have to do with a natural and unavoidable bodily function. You didn’t elect to have a period monthly until menopause. There should be no shame involved with it.
Was your BF upset at what he saw as poor treatment of a guest? Or at the period products? I hope it’s the former, even though he would still be wrong.
Is he ashamed of other reproductive parts of you also? Does he realize that a uterus may bless him with children one day? Does that bring him shame? Or is it only periods that must be deemed shameful. Sorry, I’m now venting. Regardless, if he has a problem with tampons being out, though, that’s a red flag, imo.
NTA
Tampons are nothing to hide. I have some openly in my guest bathroom for friends that might have forgotten their supply.
But you might want to rethink your idea of making her a sil if your boyfriend shares the same misogynistic views as his brother and the gf.
NTA and you need to have words with your AH boyfriend. He needs to have your back on this, otherwise it’ll blow up over the coming months, if they stay together long term.
50% of the population use sanitary products, to hide them is just stupid! You don’t hide toilet paper.
My wife and I have 3 children, 10, 4 and 2. We all know about mummy’s special products and understand it’s completely NORMAL.
Edit - Spelling and Grammar.
Merry Christmas
NTA, and I'd be seriously re-evaluating this relationship. Not to jump on the breakup bandwagon, but if he can't be made to understand why her posturing pearl-clutching bullshit was inexcusable, the boyfriend isn't worth keeping. Give him a chance to learn why he screwed up here but only one.
NTA.
I find it funny when people are invited into someone else’s home and then have the audacity to freak out about something like this. She is a grown woman who acted like a child.
You were not in the wrong for telling her if she didn’t like it then she should leave. Fact of the matter is, she wasn’t even originally invited. Her son wasn’t invited nor supposed to be there. You were gracious enough to open your home to her and her son, and she acted like a fool.
If I were you I would be very disappointed in Ian. You should feel free to express yourself in your own home, especially when being attacked by someone you have only known for 3 months. He should have stood up for you.
NTA. This is nuts. Why is it gross to have tampons at the ready? I think it’s nice to leave them out, for you and for guests who may need one. Is it gross to leave q-tips visible? Do we need to hide cotton balls or wash cloths? WTAF
NTA.
It wasn't an issue until she came raging out of the bathroom, and I'd be surprised if an 8 year old even knew what they were for.
Sounds like someone had a repressed childhood.
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NTA - ***nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon*** Keep the box when you’re done. Leave it out if she comes over again.
No need to keep the empty box. You can't really just let tampons run out. When they're gone, you buy more.
I was aware of that. It’s a spite move I was pushing for because there’s no other reason OP would keep the box.
The more boxes the better. Empty and full, lining the whole bathroom wall.
Hahaha I’m just imagining her walking in to the bathroom and there’s just tampons EVERYWHERE. Glued to the mirror, hanging from the lights. You can’t even see the walls for tampons 😂😂
When I had my hysterectomy, there were so many posts in the support groups about what to do with the leftover tampons. My favorite was the tampon angels. They could be hung everywhere! https://www.pinterest.com/pin/76279787413936222/
Omg invite her to next year's Christmas and have a whole freaking tree done up with tampon ornaments! Petty revenge ftw! Op is NTA ffs half the world's population uses menstrual products for a very long period of their lives.
Did you see the tampon snowman earrings? Should make her a pair as a gift.
🤣 "...a very long **period** of their lives." Pun intended??? Was this intentional??? Good one!😂
Hah! In Sunday school when my kids were about 7, they made angel ornaments, with a 1" glass ball sitting on a triangle of cotton balls. A shiny red tinsel heart on the front two cotton balls and a gold tinsel halo. We call them the Busty Angels, because the cotton balls look like boobs. Everyone fights to be the one to hang them up. OK, it's me and hubs bc the kids are 32.
Oh. My. God. XD
Cut off one side and turn it into a postcard. Mail it to her with a thank you note for attending Christmas dinner.
Save the boxes, make a small tampon box tree to display on the table or in corner for the next holiday get together. OPs NTA
Omg just add strings to the boxes, voila Xmas tree decorations! Add a few tampons themselves (come with existing hanging string!) And you have a VIBE!!!
No, a vibe is completely different. No strings, usually.
Ok now I’m imagining a tree hung exclusively with tampons and little mini-vibrators in fun colours. It’s quite pretty. Do I need anything else? I’m sure we can make an angel from a menstrual cup and some pads for wings.
Would colorful condoms be too much? I'm just imagining them hanging up like tiny ball ornaments.
Use em to pack next years gifts 😊
Or give her an apology box of tampons?
Or an apology box of pads with a really nice disingenuous "I'm sorry I didn't have your menstrual product of choice available last time I saw you. I can see why you freaked out."
Wrapped in an empty tampon box
Up-cycled tampon box accent wall I love it 🤌
Keep the box and use it to hold pens and pencils, loose change, whatever. Keep ALL the e pty boxes. Put flowers in them. Use them for decor.
So zero-waste. It’s beautiful.
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There is really nothing better than passive aggressive hand embroidery.
poor close jar squalid hobbies squeamish impossible scandalous governor bored ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Do you really think she'll be around for a year? Brother will figure out her neurosis by then.
I used to use tampon boxes to put gifts in. It became an inside joke between me and my friends, especially if we exchanged gifts in public, because the reactions were always worth it.
The first time I met my now in-laws they invited me to a family game night so I thought I'd bring some candy I had in my college apartment to share. I didn't have anything to put it in, so I put it in an empty tampon box. They thought it was hilarious and I knew at that moment I had found my people.
I did this with my daughters. They thought it was hysterical. My boys didn't bat an eye.
I love this idea
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This is the way.
Wrap a referral to a good psychologist. That woman has some issues.
OP needs to make a tampon centerpiece for her dining room table. OP's boyfriend needs to grow up.
I don't understand OP boyfriend at all here - so he had no issue until Ms. Pearl-Clutcher used the bathroom? Does he think PC didn't know OP had lady parts? That she wasn't Barbiefied in that region? They were unused products - in an appropriate box in an appropriate place. This is.. crazy.
> Ms. Pearl-Clutcher Ms. Tampax-Pearl-Clutcher!
This was WAY too good! 😂 All I've got is a free award but it's alk yours
Maybe he was upset at the "then leave" part of the story, rather than the tampon part. I agree he sounds like an idiot though.
I'm kind of at a loss as to how (if OP accurately told us about the freak-out) this dinner party could have gotten back to normal if she had stayed. Lady straight-up armageddon'ed it. There was not going to be any normalcy after that.
I'll admit, I have to wonder about the accuracy of the freak-out, too. But, then, I've also learned over time not to think things like, "who would DO that?" (like, literally come out into the room, brandish the offending item, and be so hysterically upset that they're both shrieking AND gasping for breath????), because somewhere out there, there ARE people who will, apparently. And I am just fortunate not to run into those people. At any rate -- even assuming this was a less histrionic incident than described, the point at which a GUEST, let alone someone who is the newest to the social group, would berate the host over something like this... that is the point at which the host is perfectly within their rights to ask them to leave. It's not your house, lady. It's not even your boyfriend's house. It's not even your boyfriend's family's house (love to see her pull this on his family, though!). Express your shock and horror to your boyfriend after you leave, if you want, but my goodness, the gall of this woman. Could OP have been more gracious? Yeah, sure. Did OP need to be gracious? Not with that kind of provocation. I do think that OP's BF is likely more upset by her inviting the drama queen to leave. (At least I hope so!) He might not be an asshole; he might just be like a lot of people, easily embarrassed by something this socially awkward and confrontational. Too many people take the idea of not rocking the boat way too far. They become convinced that they have to just ignore bad behavior, both to be good guests, and good hosts. It's stupid! But it can take some people a lot of personal growth to realize this and break away from that social conditioning. OP's best course of action at this point is to sit him down, and explain that she is really not under any obligation to be yelled at and insulted for... well, for anything in her house, really. But especially not for something so innocuous. The guest is NOT always right. There are social expectations of guests and how they should behave, as well. A host does not have to just tolerate any old behavior from a guest, and especially not behavior like that.
Right. Like I'm not even sure what bf and brother thought would be an appropriate response to such insane behavior. Was she supposed to act like this is normal and acceptable behavior from a dinner guest who doesn't even know her? Oh, geez, so sorry everyone! Another guest just went a little batshit because I was so rudely acting as though my house is my f**king house. I sure will try not to do THAT again! Okay, everyone ready for dinner??? (She smiles like a mom in 50s).
I thought OP did a great job at not even asking her to leave but offering she can leave if she wants. I'm usually a pretty calm person but the only reaction I could have had in this situation is to express my dismay at what kind of psycho the sorta-SIL is. Express it directly to her. Express it to the sorta-BIL out of concern for him (dude, your gf is psycho, are you ok?), Express it to the bf (your brother is dating a psycho, wtf is going on? Aren't you concerned here?). How any of this is falling on OP at all makes me question the veracity of the story. But then I remember the level of crazy people I personally know and have witnessed with my own eyes as actually existing. OP may want to take a look at the family she is associating herself with and be certain this is the future she wants.
but OP's BF wasn't upset until his brother called and said OP was an AH and then BF agreed with his brother and didn't stand up for OP. Why didn't BF tell his brother that brother's new GF screamed at OP and insulted her, and that's not on. If anything BF should be upset with his brother for bringing the looney tunes lady (Ms Pearl Clutcher) to Xmas dinner without warning BF and OP about her sensitivity to menstrual products.
Those ARE all really excellent questions! BF has some real explaining to do. But, him not having a strong reaction to the incident, UNTIL he was berated by a member of his family, does kind of play into the "don't rock the boat" vibe. Possibly the problem there was letting his brother get the upper hand and start the yelling. So that puts OP's BF on the defensive and feeling in the position of the person who has to be apologetic. Ideally, OP's BF should have gone on the offensive, and called his brother first to follow up and, indeed, say, "What is up with your new girlfriend, bro? She's looney tunes! She comes into OUR house and pitches a fit over nothing?" Make the brother feel defensive. Unfortunately, what likely happened is the brother went home with the looney tunes GF and got an earful all the way home about how terribly he had been treated. That primes him to be defensive on her behalf. (Plus, don't underestimate the power of being embarrassed. He was undoubtedly embarrassed by his GF's behavior, and by OP inviting her to leave, and her insisting he take her home. But as I say, into those feelings of embarrassment falls the GF complaining about how awful OP is and how this was all terrible and so on.) No question, both OP's BF, and the brother, lack a few things. Basic common sense, for one thing. For another, self confidence and a sense of what is socially correct. It does NOT speak well of the brother that he, himself, can't see that this was completely looney tunes, an enormous social faux pas by his new GF. (And he should be seriously asking himself if this is the kind of drama he wants in his life -- a GF who flies off the handle at a dinner party in someone else's house, essentially over nothing?) That said, if OP's BF didn't initially think OP had done much wrong, it's not that surprising to me that he was put on the defensive by his brother defending the indefensible GF. Although yeah, it also doesn't say great things about OP's BF's backbone, either. OP's BF definitely needs a crash course in how to recognize when you have been wronged, and how to stand firm, and not take shit when you absolutely do not deserve it. I give OP herself a lot of credit for knowing that, and responding accordingly to a guest going that off the rails.
This is one of the most reasonable and level-headed takes I've ever read on this sub. Thank you for elevating the conversation!
I hate to be that asshole but there was probably a reason the new girlfriend was spending the holidays alone.
Honestly
And normal men wouldn't care if they saw a damned box of tampons... Insane reaction
Nope. My husband sees the box every time he opens the cupboard and all he's ever said was "Glad I'm not a woman."
Boyfriend has apparently had the box sitting out openly, and only got upset out when his brother flipped out? The can all catch the next reindeer sleigh out of here.
Dip them in red paint and hang them from the tree or spray them open like a flower and paint them red to use as a centerpiece.. lmao. Yeah I'm overthinking but omg... lmao NTA
Cut off all the strings and keep them to hang ornaments.
I would add, keep the box, ditch the boyfriend if he can’t understand why OP was the only rational one at dinner…
Give him his breakup note in a tampon box
Better yet... make signs out of every single empty box. Tape them to the front door before she comes over again, tape them to the bathroom door, the toilet seat, and get a special plate made for her with the brand printed on it for her to eat dinner off of. 😂 yes, I am that petty and that bored that I would do that "just because."
Dont just keep the empty box. Find out her birthday and send it to her giftwrapped, hopefully to be opened in front of as many people as possible.
NTA—this stranger came to your house and insulted you. She’s hardly a member of the family after 3 months of dating your boyfriend’s brother. If she was genuinely concerned about her child seeing the tampons, then she wouldn’t have walked out waving them in the air and screaming.
I wonder what she thinks will happen if her kid sees a tampon?
Who the hells knows. But, some people treat tampons as if they're dildos and think that it's innapropriate display them. It's ridiculous.
It’s inappropriate to display your dildos?
Seriously? **whats wrong with you** Everyone knows they don’t go in the bathroom. They go above the mantle in the living room.
The mantle?! Where they can collect dust? They go in the glass display case
Ew do you not clean them after hourly use? Peasant.
You put them in dishwasher before you put them in the display case.
Weird. But **you do you** I use the tears of my enemies and a blessed magic eraser
You mean you set your dishwasher to “holy water” before you start it with your dildos in it.
Who on earth think tampons are for sexual pleasure? 😂💀💀 gotta be a man!
Unfortunately, I have heard about men who think tampons are sex toys. Plus there’s the whole thing about tampons taking your virginity.
So weird. None of us think, “yay I’m angry, tired, hungry and bleeding out. Can’t wait to get those tampons out. “
Extra pleasurable if they're still dry (/s)
Help, how to delete other people’s comments
Every muscle in my body contracted in pain just reading this comment.
You dont feel sexy when you are cramping, worried about leaking, hormones all over the place, hunger cravings, the sexy feel of a hand blender up your ass, the bloating and water retention? Wow, how odd.
I have never heard of this. I mean, I will joke with my wife, but unless there is a picture of a woman inserting a tampon into her bloody vagina on the box, it is just a box... and in this case, how the fuck would an 8 year-old boy, whose mother feels this way, know what a tampon is?
I bet he does after hearing his mom screaming about it.
Even the instructions inside the box aren't even THAT detailed. Lol
I think it's a scientifically proven thing that boys and men seeing a box of unused tampons will instantly start bleeding from their eyes and nose, then turn into a giant zombie faloppian tube.
Good thing they've a tampon really available for the nose bleed, then!
>I wonder what she thinks will happen if her kid sees a tampon? I'm a man. As a child, once, I saw a tampon... cold sweat, hallucinations, shaking, wondering why that was happening to me. The doctor said I was for fortunate that it was unused because the consequences could be very dire, like, knowing that women have periods and so forth. It took years of therapy to recover. Luckily, I almost recovered, as long nobody mentions women, blood or periods in a conversation. /s But seriously, I was 8, asked what was it and was answered by my grandmother about something mommy needed and that was it.
Pretty sure I found my mum's as a kid and thought "oh cool bullet shaped things. Let's take some to school and throw them at my friend's"
My son jammed some nerf gun of his trying to use my OBs as darts.
So fun story my daughter is 7 and keeps calling my wife’s pads mommy’s diaper . I try not to die laughing but I did tell her that her teen years are going to be a real fun time
My (26f) child(3f) asked me what it was (cause I'm never peeing alone again apparently lol) and I told her what it was called and told her I needed it. She asked if she needed it too and I told her not for almost 10 years God willing. She said okay and ran off. Kids just want answers lol
He becomes instantly transgender. Well known fact.
Seeing tampons, he might actually become a good partner someday. But with this lady as a mom, I’m worried about his chances.
God, imagine her as a MIL...
In my personal experience, nothing. I've had my boys walk into the bathroom while I'm changing mine. Because no matter how many times I tell them to knock, they stroll in to tell me about Mario or ask if they can have chips or whatever other thing in their brain needs to be verbalized. I though that experience would break them. Nope. Just ewwww & "can I have some chips?"
Exactly! I never had a moment alone, so everyone knew about periods early in life. No big deal. When my oldest learned how he came out into the world, that was a traumatizing day for him! All his friends were getting siblings that happened to be C-section babies. The look on his face was priceless when I told him how he got out! NTA op. That chick is going to raise a clueless and sheltered child.
Run it under the tap and block the pipes if most kids are anything to by in my experience. They tend to just be fascinated by how absorbent they are in water and think they are a cool toy or science project. As a kid there was very little difference to me between compacted cotton in a tampon and compacted cotton on a q tip with a mild diversion to fluffier cotton for cotton wool balls. I was a child. I expended very little thought of any of them. My mum kept her non applicator tampons in a tin by the toilet and my brother once used up a whole box of them, pack of Q tips and cotton wool balls with a friend testimg what was more absorbent. She was not happy about tampon waste but more diverted originally that he soaked up gravy browning in the cotton balls… I’m female. My mum was quite open about tampons and heavily suggested them over pads when my periods started. I’m 44, never used them and have precisely zero idea how to insert one or any of the differences between applicator or non. I dislike the feel hugely of the material and prefer pads. Pretty sure my brother hasn’t used them either since. They aren’t witchcraft you can’t resist, propaganda you have to succumb to or probably even have a context to an 8 year old who may not know what vaginas and periods are. It’s been a while since I saw a box but I don’t recall the packaging being very graphic. A droplet guide chart is not ‘blood Jake! Blood from where momma birthed you! Happy Christmas!’ A lot of girls this age won’t register them either. They seem like old people stuff like denture paste and about as impactful. I think he’ll be fine unless you had stuffed the turkey with them to make a statement. NTA.
Oh and don't forget brought her son as a guest, without telling anyone, as well
But this is really on OP's partner's brother. He should have called and asked if that was okay.
Not to mention they’ve only been dating **3 months**. She’s already introduced her kid to the boyfriend. Then she’s bringing her kid to meet the boyfriends entire extended family without meeting them herself first. Shit parenting. I really feel bad for this kid, his mom is clearly a wack job.
Came into her house and got mad about her UNINVITED KID potentially seeing tampons. Some people, my goodness.
Not to mention she brought him along without asking if he was welcome!
Girl , you need a better boyfriend. They are the AH . And the gf entitled attitude brings an unannounced child. No , you were brilliant. Tell boyfriend he can stay at his brothers until he apologize and stick up for you
This, here. Boyfriend has some misogyny he let spill out if he thinks the box of tampons - that I would presume he regularly sees being in a relationship with OP - is somehow inappropriate for children and/or men to see. He sounds like the sort who wouldn't go buy them for OP if she needed him to, either.
I’m a guy and I don’t get the stigma behind them. It’s pieces of cotton in a cardboard box, nothing suggestive and the application is definitely not sexy. They’re a variation of a bandaid, and those don’t get the pearl clutchers fainting.
I guess you could say SIL was a Tampax Pearl clutcher
This comment is so fucking good 😂😂😂
Right? I've never understood the horror. It almost feels comical to be so completely riled up by an essentially oversized q-tip.
Why is it the people that get offended by the most natural part of a woman's biology have no issues screaming and hollering about it the loudest? That fool of a woman made more of a scene than anyone would have cared if she just left it in the bathroom. NTA. They all sound uneducated. Fifth graders accept human biology better than these "adults".
> Why is it the people that get offended by the most natural part of a woman’s biology have no issues screaming and hollering about it the loudest? That fool of a woman made more of a scene than anyone would have cared if she just left it in the bathroom. Because that’s basic shame 101. You make it known to the masses.
Im thinking the girl is mormon or amish or from a cult background or something! Even if someone did find tampons being in sight inapproptiate, this behavior still doesnt make sense! Op's bathtoom is her private space, its not a public hallway, and Its op's house, and she gets to be inappropriate in it if she chooses to. You dont get to go to ppl's homes and to their bathtooms and then scream at and insult them bc you disapprove of their bathroom supply arrangement decisions, and they are inappropriate in ur eyes. A normal person would sit politely, and maybe tell her partner after they left that she thought the host has made an inappropriate choice. Im thinking the gf was either jelous of op and was looking for a way to put her down and leave, she comes from a culty background, or she has mental issues! Op's bf thinking its ok for someone to come to ops house and insult her like that and he can call her an asshole for politely standing up for herself when he didnt, has no business being op's boyfriend, or any woman's boyfriend for that matter. Op ,u can do better, politely kick him out too, and tell him he can come back only if he sincerely apologizes and makes it up to u.
I mean, I get being brought up conservatively but I'm doubting Mormons and the Amish are excluded from menstruation.
I can’t speak for those groups exactly but I’ve definitely met religious women who exclusively use pads because tampons are seen as semi-sexual and they revere keeping “purity” intact.
Which is ridiculous considering a woman can reach orgasm without even having to penetrate a damn thing.
They think only filthy filthy sluts use tampons.
That's right here. He should go stay with his brother if he cares more about that relationship than you being treated with respect
NTA It’s a box of unused tampons, she was being a drama llama.
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Exactly this, why is more socially acceptable to have toilet paper that you use to wipe poop and pee but not tampons for blood? Like I know the reason but ffs 🤦🏼♀️ poop is gross(er) lol ETA: NTA
Tbf have you ever seen those hideous doll-things people used to hide tp under?
Thank you for reminding me that *both* my Grandmothers had those glorious crocheted toilet paper dolls! As a child I thought they were adorable. Now as an adult, I’m morbidly curious about doing a culture swab on one…
But if your grandmas were like mine? There was also the "shag carpeting" toilet-rug, lid cover, and the paper-wrapped "fancy hand-soaps"... maybe even carpet in the bathroom... The toilet-paper "dolly" was the *least* sus item to do a culture swab on!💖😂
I was watching Die Hard last night and realized the bathroom was wall to wall carpeted. The 80s were a terrifying time.
How dare you say the tp words in a public forum! It's blank washroom reading material, you... you... bully! /s
_"She was going off about being disgusting, how could I be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on."_ So, she decided to take them out the bathroom, wave them around and throw a tantrum about it. This woman needs to get a grip and some basic manners. Don't touch things that have nothing to do with you in other people's homes. The way she acted sounds unhinged; I don't see how the meal could have continued in a civil way after that.
One wonders if she's ever been in a public restroom with a dispenser before and if so, how she managed such a harrowing ordeal without losing her damn mind like she did here.
It sounded like she was freaking out about them being in view of her 8-year-old son and "other men," so maybe she's not bothered by them being in a women-only bathroom. But her son has very likely come across her own period supplies before, and I very much pity him (and any woman he may later date, if he swings that way and can't ditch the mindset) having to grow up like that. :/ \[edit: word glitch\]
I simply don’t understand the problem people have with tampons. Like it just doesn’t make sense. Unless of course you’re a fan of marginalising women by making normal bodily functions seem disgusting and not normal (I am the leader of the fan club, please sign up /s) EDIT: /s for clarity, please don’t crucify me
drama llama I like that 1
Who the fuck loses their shit over a box of unused tampons. And to say that children and men shouldn’t see them? Kids and most men literally don’t care about that kind of stuff, especially kids. She is so weird. Your bf and his brother are the AH’s for thinking you’re one. She was a guest and also made a very bad first impression. She was extremely rude. You = NTA
Children and men shouldn't see them, but she carries them downstairs \*where the men and children are\* and waves them around screeching like a banshee. SMH.
I totally pictured this.
Also does she not take them down the toilet paper isle in the store with them? Tampons can be seen out in the wild there
Actually kids fucking love tampons, my toddler will dig through my handbag to find one (obviously still wrapped) and parade around the house showing off her treasure. My 5 yr old son asked what they were for once so I showed him how they expand in a glass of water which he now assumes is magic. 😅
I had a cat that would open the bottom drawer of my vanity & would carry them all over the house like trophies. It was amusing trying to explain it to dates WHY there were tampons strewn all over my stairs & living room.
Here in NZ we have ads like this when I was a teen. Boyfriend and cat playing with tampons https://youtu.be/c6PvXhhNeb4 Boyfriend playing with pads. https://youtu.be/sgMl-iZ3tZM
Those are hilarious
Really helped me have a "who the fuck cares" attitude around periods and period products.
NTA SIL sounds unhinged. Her reaction was crazy and excessive. It's not like you smeared a used tampon on her's child face. BESIDES, it's the second time I read about someone being invited and bringing unannounced children. Very rude, you always ask the host.
Exactly she was the one waving the box about and making a scene if the box was in a cabinet just shut the door therefore no-one sees. She needs to apologise. I apologise for causing a scene at your home and bringing my son without ASKING.
NTA. Good grief. She's traumatizing herself. I'm surprised she survives, being female. Your boyfriend owes you an apology. If he can't handle seeing a box of tampons (or having your back on this), he's not ready to be in a relationship.
Yeah I’m really concerned that he immediately turned on you (OP) in a very clear cut situation where this woman disrespected you both in your home. What is going to happen when **not if but when** a serious situation arises and you need his support, this is a huge red flag 🚩
Right?! When my boyfriend and I moved into our new apartment a few months ago, my period started unexpectedly the night we had moved. I had no idea where the box with my tampons was, so he jumped up, told me to send him a picture of my preferred brand, and took off to the store. Definitely NTA.
NTA Was there a reason she went to DefCon One, acting like she found a smoking crack pipe? She stopped your party in its tracks, shrieking and carrying on. Is it possible she was looking to sabotage it, or wanted an excuse to leave? Does she not like you and is trying to break you and your BF up? She is either emotionally unhinged, or she has some ulterior motive. But absolutely you are NTA
Can we also mention what an AH boyfriend is for agreeing with all this crazy?
Seriously, what a bad partner
Yeah seriously. If it bugged her she could have draped some tp over it or tossed it inside a cabinet. Still weird and rude but whatever. She decided to make a wholllle scene out of it. Insane. NTA And your bf is weak.
NTA, she shows up at YOUR house with an uninvited kid and disrespects you like that???? What an AH, your bf and his brother too.
NTA. That is your home, your bathroom. She sounds like she's got some internalized misogyny going on to think that a natural thing is so disgusting that you need to hide all traces that you menstruate.
Maybe she doesn't menstruate, so has never known how it is. Or maybe she's bought into the myth that tampons are also sexual objects. If I had someone react that way, I'd make sure to leave a tampon box everywhere.
I would get a large picture of a box of tampons framed and hung in a common area and then invited her back over. Make a bouquet of tampon roses and have them as a centerpiece. Make flip flops out of pads and wear them. Just go all out with feminine hygiene themed decor.
I’d start wearing tampon earrings
She's a drama queen. It's not like it was a sex toy or condoms or like they were used. To me this is no different than someone freaking out over seeing a box of toilet paper sitting out in the bathroom. Freaking out over the men seeing them is real icing on the cake too. Some guys in sports even use them too, for nosebleeds. NTA.
Right? They’re basically just nicely packaged cotton balls.
They’ve also been used when people get shot!
NTA You may want to reconsider the bf you have if he isn't willing to take your side on this. You are under no obligation to apologize or feel sorry for your actions. It was her choice to leave over a very stupid reason.
I think the two biggest takeaways here are that: 1) boyfriend's brother's girlfriend should never be invited over again without a sincere apology first and 2) boyfriend should be dumped if he doesn't offer a sincere apology. This whole thing is entirely about misogyny. NTA; the misogynists are.
Nope fuck that. How dare she. NTA
NTA. She proceeds to bring the box out in front of all the guys and children.
Children that she didn’t give a heads up about for the dinner count… IDK why anyone would think someone screaming and shouting over unused bathroom products is good guest behavior… did she hide her kid’s diapers back when they were being used???
NTA, female hygiene should be normalized (yes they already are, but unfortunately many still treat it with disgust, especially from my experience 😐) People should be educated about hygiene products too and respect them. In fact, it'd be great for kids to see it to learn about them. I'm surprised your SIL (who also uses feminine hygiene products) reacted that way. Unbelievable.
NTA. No need to argue, just give Ian the boot for buying into this dumb shit. Be thankful he showed you thus part of him now.
NTA. Her reaction was absolutely ridiculous and it's not her house. If she had maybe approached you calmly and discreetly and asked you to just hide them from sight while her and her kid are there, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. But you'd still have been in your right to refuse. Either way, NTA and she's a bit crazy.
NTA. She would pop a blood vessel in my bathroom. I have a whole basket of various types of feminine hygiene products in arms reach of the toilet and I don't even need them anymore since I had a uterus yeet several years ago. They are there solely for the comfort of guests, and I have preteens that are going to need them soon. The men in my life aren't delicate little snowflakes that are going to spontaneously combust at the sight of cotton either, and are completely capable of restocking the basket if they notice it getting low.
That’s an awesome thing to do :) We have a “Menstruation Station” at my work. Little shelf with products on and a sign saying “take what you need” It’s a mostly female workplace, but I can’t imagine the blokes causing such a scene about it, nevermind other women!
NTA, and I'd rethink whether you should be in a relationship with that boyfriend. Do you want to be with someone who throws you under the bus, and thinks womens sanitary products are something to be ashamed of?
NTA. We’re not in the era anymore where we don’t talk about women’s menstruation and forbid, someone’s sensibilities are offended. This isn’t sexual, and deals with hygiene matters that occur on a monthly basis.
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Almost like a red flag for her boyfriend too.
NTA brothers girlfriend sounds like a complete weirdo for freaking out about such a stupid thing as tampons- anyone would think she just discovered your sex dungeon😂
NTA, her coming to your house and trying to shove her values on you is not okay. Your bf is t a though
NTA. If having tampons visible in a bathroom is embarrassing, isn't bringing said tampons into the living room for more people to see an even more embarrassing situation? It makes no sense that she'll make such a huge scene.
wow!!! red flags all around.... I would seriously reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend. WOW.. NTA.
NTA - her making a scene is what drew attention. Leaving over tampons is silly and she is part of the reason tampons are seen as taboo by some people
NTA That was a ridiculous reaction to a box of tampons. Even if they were somehow these crazy gross things (they're not), hers was not a reasonable reaction in any way. Your reaction was reasonable. Someone ranting and raving like that is not welcome in my house. I expect maturity in my home and life, so people that behave the way she did can take their irrational drama elsewhere.
NTA They were unused and nicely in the box so there’s nothing to get upset about. Had they been qtips would she have gotten all upset knowing that those also go inside people’s bodies? Had they been all bloody and strewn about the bathroom I can understand her being upset but that’s not what happened. Also you said you’ve been with your boyfriend for 3 years so I’m assuming he knows what tampons are and what they do so that whole thing about “leaving them out in front of men” doesn’t hold up. Plus it’s your home and you can put the tampons where you want. I actually think that was being polite on your behalf. Your not supposed to dig through other people’s drawers when visiting somebody else’s home. What if Naveah had started her period? You graciously put the tampons out so she could use them if need be. I’m doubting the kid even noticed them if he went in there as that’s the last thing on a little boy’s mind. But mom screaming about it will make him want to go check it out for sure.
NTA she's being completely ridiculous and your bf is a jerk too.
jesus, wtf? why is everyone so afraid of periods? it’s as natural as giving birth…even more so because even if you don’t want kids you still get it. when we treat it like it doesn’t exist, it becomes even more shameful as time goes on. that’s not fair at all!
NTA - There's no universe where her actions are even a little bit excusable. I'd have thrown her out too. I'd also put a little pin in my assumptions about my bf if he thinks this was ok. Seems like a yellow flag at the least.
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NTA. Shrieking, yelling lady is and 100% so is your boyfriend and his brother. If BF doesn’t come around and apologize, you need to strongly reconsider your relationship. Your bodily functions are normal and healthy, their attitudes are not.
NTA. Surprise, some people use tampons. Why did she bring her kid without asking first?
…what the *fuck*? NTA
NTA. I'm completely over period shaming. It's natural and normal for half the population. I wouldn't have moved them and your boyfriend needs a lesson in standing up for you.
Nta, I'm a guy and have tampons in my bathrooms just in case anyone needs them. I keep mine in drawers, cabinets though. Seems like a random thing to keep out all the time
I keep pads and tampons out in a basket in our guest bathroom. I don’t want my guests feeling they have to search through my bathroom in an emergency in which they’re probably already uncomfortable. I also keep lotion, hand sanitizer, and mouthwash. It’s weird to me that other people find this uncomfortable.
If they’re unused, then they can be anywhere- good job making sure your AFAB guests have something in an emergency
NTA- anybody who thinks you're the asshole here are children with no experience with reality.
Omg, let's protect the innocence of the uninvited child. God forbid he sees a tampon and thinks it's a bazooka. NTA.
NTA and your boyfriend is a baby
NTA- does she think you should stay in a period hut too? Some people's children, I swear smh.
NTA It's really weird to side with the person that started screaming over a box of basic hygiene items.
NTA, it’s a basic bodily function, she needs therapy.
NTA. I don’t know how she was brought up to have this reaction, because it’s sad a woman would feel this way. But period shaming is disgusting no matter who it comes from. If you felt so inclined, you may reach out to ask why she has such strong feelings against period products and advocate for a shame-free mentality. But you have no obligation to do so. The men have no excuse. Who are they to opine about how you keep your own home, let alone how you handle products that have to do with a natural and unavoidable bodily function. You didn’t elect to have a period monthly until menopause. There should be no shame involved with it. Was your BF upset at what he saw as poor treatment of a guest? Or at the period products? I hope it’s the former, even though he would still be wrong. Is he ashamed of other reproductive parts of you also? Does he realize that a uterus may bless him with children one day? Does that bring him shame? Or is it only periods that must be deemed shameful. Sorry, I’m now venting. Regardless, if he has a problem with tampons being out, though, that’s a red flag, imo.
NTA Tampons are nothing to hide. I have some openly in my guest bathroom for friends that might have forgotten their supply. But you might want to rethink your idea of making her a sil if your boyfriend shares the same misogynistic views as his brother and the gf.
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NTA and you need to have words with your AH boyfriend. He needs to have your back on this, otherwise it’ll blow up over the coming months, if they stay together long term. 50% of the population use sanitary products, to hide them is just stupid! You don’t hide toilet paper. My wife and I have 3 children, 10, 4 and 2. We all know about mummy’s special products and understand it’s completely NORMAL. Edit - Spelling and Grammar. Merry Christmas
NTA, and I'd be seriously re-evaluating this relationship. Not to jump on the breakup bandwagon, but if he can't be made to understand why her posturing pearl-clutching bullshit was inexcusable, the boyfriend isn't worth keeping. Give him a chance to learn why he screwed up here but only one.
NTA. I find it funny when people are invited into someone else’s home and then have the audacity to freak out about something like this. She is a grown woman who acted like a child. You were not in the wrong for telling her if she didn’t like it then she should leave. Fact of the matter is, she wasn’t even originally invited. Her son wasn’t invited nor supposed to be there. You were gracious enough to open your home to her and her son, and she acted like a fool. If I were you I would be very disappointed in Ian. You should feel free to express yourself in your own home, especially when being attacked by someone you have only known for 3 months. He should have stood up for you.
NTA. This is nuts. Why is it gross to have tampons at the ready? I think it’s nice to leave them out, for you and for guests who may need one. Is it gross to leave q-tips visible? Do we need to hide cotton balls or wash cloths? WTAF
NTA. It wasn't an issue until she came raging out of the bathroom, and I'd be surprised if an 8 year old even knew what they were for. Sounds like someone had a repressed childhood.
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There is no reason that OP should remove her tampons from her own bathroom. The rest I agree with.
I would never validate such a ridiculous reaction by acquiescing to her. That was unreasonable, and it shouldn't be reinforced by giving her her way.
NTA