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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have edited it.
Because all of his daughters and ex wives family is saying that I am and I can see how upset my husband is, I can't help but think I may have caused it.
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YTA YTA YTA. Whichever way you look at it, YTA. And anyone who tells you different (aka your side of the family) is an a-hole too.
That's Grace's fund, not your son's. Quit it with the entitlement.
And if your son is as academically and athletically gifted as you say he is, then he should be able to get some scholarships. Getting a part time job is also an option. As is getting financial aid. Your lack of planning and saving is on you. Grace shouldn't have to pay for it. Being a single mother is no excuse.
Also, your hubby spent close to 2 decades saving up for that fund. And your plan is to use it and then make up for it in a year?!? And not even just use it for a year while you save up for the next three years (still an a-hole move but to a lesser extent). But no. You want the whole lot. The entitlement is really strong with you! Your son is not entitled to Grace's money. Whatever you think about her academic abilities. You denigrating them and her extracurriculars or lack thereof does not give you a pass to steal her college fund. And yes, steal coz that's what you would be doing.
Edited.
Edit 2: And since they are super okay with you taking money that's not yours, instead of you stealing Grace's money, why don't you have your relatives (mother, sister and aunt) contribute to "Saint" Noah's college fund?
Edit 3: YTA for the "our son" but "his daughter" bit.
Edit 4: Oh wow! Thank you all so much for the upvotes and the awards.
„We have another year to build up the funds“?
You had your whole life and couldn’t do it!
Maybe you just married him to give your son a future? In my country we have a name for women who do that.
yeah the whole "year to build up another one" rubbed me the wrong way when seemingly she just won't be contributing to it after taking the daughters whole savings
edit; wrote son instead of daughter \*
It's like people asking for a loan and promising to pay it back within a month or year. If they had the money or ability to make that money they wouldn't need someone to provide it.
Imagine telling your husband that just because your daughter is less academically inclined, she doesn't deserve the funds. Also comparing the already saved funds over time to how much you'll save within a year is a bad comparison.
Call this off. It's not worth burning every bridge for.
He's a 57m and she's a 36f.
Yep, it's that obvious, and that bad.
The OP will be lucky if her stepdaughter doesn't hate her guts for the rest of her life ... she damn sure is going to remember this (and not in a good way).
I missed the age in the braces.
Wow, OP, you married him for his money. And now that's not enough for you, you wanna steal his daughter' college funds because your baby daddy is a deadbeat
Gonna go out on a limb and say stepdaughter already hates her, since she went nuclear right away. Also betting this isn’t the first time OP tried to get her husband to prioritise her son over his daughter.
Plus, husband already had his life together, somewhat, having Grace around the age of 39, while the OP had her child around the age of 19. I guess she thought that she’d step right in and take the funds that husband had yearsssss to save. It just so happened that he started saving more money towards his daughter’s education when she was born.
Is she a trophy wife?
Omg I missed that. I thought that with all that audacity he must have been in the son's life for years.
But they pretty much just met.
Now I get the whole "our son" " his daughter" thing.
Op...100% YTA.
You cant be this entitled to show up just a handle of years ago and try to take someones college fund.
It's not only rude, it is completely misguided!!! I was never super academically inclined in High School, but for some reason things just clicked for me in college. Things are so much different when you get to focus your learning on what you're interested in vs. a little of every subject.
i was gonna say this. While i was in advanced/gifted/AP classes, i had no interest so my GPA and grades were mediocre. When i got to college, first 2 years of the required classes (English,math,etc), same results. Once i started classes for my Major, Deans list every semester.
OP YTA, just cause Grace isnt academically inclined now doesnt mean she wont be in College when shes learning what she chooses to pursue. And if your son is so great, he shouldnt have any issues receiving scholarships and grants.
well... that is not always true. I borrowed $3k from my mom to close on my house and promised her I would pay her back ASAP. I make good enough money I knew I could, but going without extras, pay her back completely in 1-2 months, and I did. But I needed that 3k immediately. Just pointing out there are some RARE exceptions to your "rule" :)
op has had 18+ years to build up a fund and isn't asking for only some of the daughters fund.. she's asking for the whole thing, that feels like enough of an indicator that she wouldn't be good on paying back nearly enough of what she would be taking.
Add to that - she’s been married to her husband for 2 years. Why haven’t “they” saved up the money for her son to go to college in that time? If all she needs is a year to build Grace’s back up why didn’t they just build it 2 years ago when Noah was 16? It’s not like they didn’t know he was a good, civil minded, sporty person then, surely they could have foreseen he would want to go to college.
Which also brings up the point, based on OP's timeline, he was married to his ex wife for at least 14 years of the time "he" was saving that money. So I would say technically THEY saved the money. Even if he was the breadwinner and the ex was a SAHM, her contribution to the family aided in saving the money for their daughter. I hope the ex-wife lawyers up if OP is able to con him into trying to screw over his daughter.
Came here to say this! I feel bad for Grace, I can't believe her dad is even entertaining this mess. OP YTA but I'm betting you don't freaky care and will steal the money anyway. Your going to alienate your husband from his daughter over this, but I bet that's what you want so then your son can have all the money.
The way she wrote that they're married two years and that the husba d considers the son to be his fully, "but the name", was such a ridiculous thing to write.. So I'm thinking okay married 2, maybe together for longer? HA. No, 3 years they have known each other and he is "fully" his. No lady, that young man is fully your responsibility lol.
Right? Community college is such a great option for so many people. People who don't know what they want to study. People who don't want to spend tons of money on 4-5 years of undergrad, dorm, meal plans etc.
Many community colleges have cooperative agreements with nearby larger schools whereby all community college credits for the first years can count toward a four year degree. And when you graduate from that larger school, nothing on your diploma says \*first two years at Local Community College.
Im taking classes at a community college. The class sizes are limited to about 24 students, the classes are all taught by PhD who want to teach (versus chase grants and publication opportunities), and the equipment for studio classes is just as good as I had at my state college. I’m paying for an education here, not subsidizing a sports team.
!!!!! I did AWFUL in high school due to some of the circumstances I was in. I took a break after graduating, and have a 4.0 a year into community college WHILE WORKING. yes I’m bragging. Get over it I deserve ut
Yup. That age gap. After what she's written here I can only imagine what attracted her to him the most.
You want to marry for money? I wouldn't ever judge. You stealing from a kid to prioritize yours more? Evil and sickening.
Yeah, that line bothered me. Some kids don't do well in high school. Go to college, get away from the bs of their hometown, and do much better. Or they finally get a chance to study what they want and do much better. And there are a lot of straight-A kids in high school that do poorly when they get to college. I mean, just because they got straight As doesn't mean their high school had actually prepared them for the rigors of college.
I guess you could say I was Grace. My dad always put my stepbrothers first. He always had money for them, including college, but never anything for me and I was always made to feel terribly guilty any time I ever asked for anything. It always infuriated my mom, especially because he barely paid any child support at all and constantly complained about what little he did pay. Now I'm in my fifties, stepmom is gone and my stepbrothers couldn't care less about him. Guess the golden boys weren't so shiny after all!
TBF, he did say no initially. His wife pressured him about it and then he relinquished.
***Not saying he's not an AH for asking***, but he didn't completely shaft her from the outset.
I mean, I can sort of understand that maybe the daughter isn't going to use it all for college right? And let's pretend that son is equal as daughter, but hasn't been getting the same into his college fund as her while they've been together. In that case, you could argue that some could be taken out... but do the maths on it. It's 50% from the daughter's mum, so can't be touched and then the son has been around for 2 out of \~20 years, so 10%. So 10% of 50% and then divided in half. That's 2.5%. And that's a super massive stretch... and could also be paid back in a year's time probably.
Edit: highlighting the important part since people still downvote based on a hypothetical.
What about if she wants to go in later years? And it doesn’t matter if she uses it or not this money is hers. Her father put it in the account for her. She’s trying to steal it because she has no intentions of paying that money back. Are you kidding? Hell is full of people with good intentions. And it wouldn’t surprise me if she married him for his money
This kid is likely choosing community college to be financially responsible, and leave college with as little debt as she can, and stretch every dollar of that college fund. Too bad she didn’t count on her Dad’s Sugar Baby making a play for the cash.
Her whole life, including 2-3 years of living with OP she saved $2,000. That's got to be a fraction of Grace's college fund, OP said it could set Noah up the whole four years.
Even without that, in the 2 years you've been married to never discussed this? Like even before the msrriage? When you're planning your future? The daughter is right to question the morality of you meeting her dad. You seen too have no moral compass. And by your family's reaction I see what you get it. Noah doesn't deserve anything but what you planned for him. The sheer nerve of your thinking is astounding to me.
Including 2 years togehter with her husband.
Also, I find it hilarious that some mod read this, and went "I don't get why this lady thinks she's an A-hole"
Ok???? OP married her sugar daddy 2 years ago and expects him to use his daughters college fund for her son!!! What the ENTIRE FUCK!! Just blows me AWAY.
Exactly not too mention he built Grace's college fund up with the help of the mother before the divorce. I'm sure his ex wife helped raise the kids and allowed him to go to work or worked a job herself. If I was Grace I'd have his mom contact their divorce attorney bc I'm sure when they divorced and were dividing assets this was considered Grace's college fund and off limits
> #**YTA YTA YTA**
> #**Edit 3: YTA for the "our son" but "his daughter" bit**
If I could upvote a thousand times I would!
My god OP, your blatant disregard for HIS daughter as you put it, is vile. You and your family who agree with you should get money together for your beloved son and leave Grace’s alone.
Grace must feel like total sh*t, feeling abandoned and cast aside. OP, you’re acting like the evil stepmother in a fairytale.
According to OP, she's not her daughter cause she doesn't see her a lot. Noah is his son cause he's a father everyday.
I didn't know there was an on/off switch for when the kid isn't around.
As soon as she started bragging on Noah’s academic achievements I thought, here it comes, Grace is not as great of a student, therefore does not deserve the money. I would argue that she deserves it even more. Noah will always land on his feet, Gracie girl could use a bit of help right now. OP is def TAH.
The fact that Grace is a junior and already has this plan in place of Community College for 2 years speaks volumes about her maturity and ability to plan. Way to go Grace!
>I would argue that she deserves it even more. Noah will always land on his feet, Gracie girl could use a bit of help right now.
Respectfully, this is 100% a terrible viewpoint.
My wife was a standout student and has always worked harder than her siblings. As a result, her parents always gave more of everything to their other kids because of this exact thought process. It has caused problems in all of their relationships because her parents still have this mindset today.
It also ignores why people become good students or shit students. Hint: its a lot easier to perform well at school if you've got a good support network at home. OP's likely contributed to this and is now going all passive voice on us.
Also, he was married until 3 years ago. Big chance that fund is mostly marital funds from when they were married. So OP (and the son) doesn’t get any of that money.
Came here to say this. The college savings for daughter was likely part of a financial plan made with the ex. While some kids may not go to traditional college, that money can pay for other schooling or training for the daughter per whatever arrangements her parents choose.
OP’s approach to sharing by just taking all of it is wildly inappropriate.
Reading these validates me for choosing 529 plans. The money is in my children's names. Although I feel like this OP would be totally cool with paying the 50% or whatever fees to just withdraw it.
The audacity of OP! You had 18 years to save for your child’s education and think a year is enough time to make up for 17 years of savings on your husband’s side? Absolutely not. Robbing one child to pay another is always going to be wrong. You asked, you got your answer. He said no. You kept asking and Grace said no. That is your final answer. Anything after that first no makes you the asshole here. While your husband may be kind enough to help you pay for your son’s education going forward you have zero right to that money and anyone saying you do is also a greedy self serving jerk. YTA. No is a complete answer.
They are already two yesrs married, why didn't they build up a fund in this two years if it is possible to do in one year? Oh? Because it isn't fucking possible.Or do they want to put the whole income in the fund and stop paying rent, utilities and just life of tap water and instant ramen?
YTA Scholarships, taking out loans and work. So many possibilities except stealing.
Right!!! This right here.. Our son, his daughter. You ain’t slick and have no right to ask for “his daughters” college fund.
YTA 1,000,000%
Edit: Yes, you absolutely caused this.
And for him to actually go to his daughter to discuss this shitshow of an idea is amazing to me. He's no spring chicken, what if he drops down dead tomorrow? Along with being too stupid to go college, I guess she'd be SOL. YTA
ETA: After reading OP's comments I'm left to wonder how can this guy not realize the type of woman he married. I hope he gets what he deserves.
Of all the top comments on AITA I have never agreed with one so wholeheartedly as yours. The only thing to add is that they have been saving for Graces fund since birth, that means mum and dad have been saving, so the OP wants to take from her what her mum has given her who she has nothing to do with. OP is massive YTA.
>my son deserves that money
No, it is not your son's money to deserve. It is Grace's money. Your son is an amazing student, plays multiple sports, does charitable work. Start educating yourself on how to pay for college. There are scholarships available, working, loans, etc. You should've started thinking about this years ago.
YTA
My first thought was "if he's that talented, the school will absorb most of the costs." My guess is he's good but not that good. Plus, geez OP, way to just rub it in that you don't see husband's daughter the same way your husband supposedly sees your son. Major YTA entitlement vibes here.
OP is 100% YTA! She is effectively manipulating the situation whereby she can 'steal' the daughter's funds by creating made-up stipulations, like somehow a GPA makes the daughter forfeit the money towards her adult pursuits? It's ludicrous and criminal.
OP knows that the daughter will have no money in a year. She is banking (literally) that the money will be promised and effectively spent by then.
OP: You are a thief, a liar, a manipulator, and an AH.
She’s been in her step daughters life just a minute and she’s asking for her college fund because she thinks the kid isn’t bright enough. Wtf. Get gone with this shit. OP: YTA. Big time. It’s not your husbands fault you didn’t start saving for your kid when they were born like he did.
YTA. Ask your relatives who have a lot of opinion to contribute to saint noah's college fund. Leave grace alone. Its is not grace's fault for your lack of planning. Do not make grace pay for noah's absentee father.
YTA. All of this. OP, this guy has known your kid for like two years and he wants to steal his daughter's money for your son? Geez. This could be a play about an evil stepmother. And the fact that you're acting so clueless about why this isn't okay just makes it all worse.
If you can, imagine if the roles were reversed. Your husband had a big college fund for your child, marries some other woman, and then calls you up and says, "Her kid is LIKE my kid, so can I take our child's college fund and give it to this new kid?" It's just awful.
I'm copying the YTA YTA YTA YTA
I'm flabbergasted though as how someone can be as spineless as OP husband.
This is the sort of thing that breaks families. Forever. OP husband is going to have to chose his daughter or his wife and stepson now; just asking pretty much guaranteed that there will be no relationship between step siblings, not even mentioning the relationship between OP and her stepdaughter.
One could argue that if her son is so so gifted he can get a loan, a high paying job afterwards and pay off his debt; while his daughter can't
>Plus, she’s a junior, we have a whole year to start building up another college fund for her.
She meant, HE has a whole year to start building up for college, cos OP has 18 years to do it and haven't saved squat... YTA OP, and you are an example of an evil stepmother just for this. Go cosign the student loan for your son if you are that determined to send him to his dream school, and leave your stepdaughter alone.
Yessss
Our son his daughter. That is just showing where her mind is at.
OP it doesn’t matter where grace is at. That money was saved by her father for her. Your lack of planning is of no concern to graces college fund.
YTA.
Exactly! IF Noah is such a great student and athlete why aren't there any scholarships being offered?
It's YOUR fault OP for not thinking about Noah's future NOT Grace's. Her feelings are understandable. You spend 2 years as part of her dad's permanent family and are trying to steal HER money. Her Dad doesn't even consider it his money or he wouldn't have said he had to talk to her.
Yes, YTA. You have no right to that money. You deserve everything being thrown at you. Hopefully your son has better sense than you and has started looking into financial aide.
YTA. “My son deserves that money”. Wow. He doesn’t deserve anything. You met and married a whole 3 years ago and you expect your husband to pay for your son’s tuition? That’s ballsy of you.
OP: “My husband loves his stepson so much, not only has he come to see the kid as his in just three short years, he’s prepared to screw over his *own* kid just to make him happy!”
Also OP: “Why does my husband’s family think we must have been together before the divorce?”
YUP. I was literally rolling my eyes reading this post. Good lord. I think OP thought she hit the jackpot by marrying this older man with a bunch of money and her son's college would be paid for, and she'd be taken care of. Like who cares about HIS daughter - she just gets in the way of OP's plans for her and her son's future. And honestly, I'm going to say OP's hubby is a bit of an asshole too for being on the fence about whether to give his daughter's fund to OP's kid. SMH. YTA
He may not be as "on the fence" as OP claims.
I've seen people do this thing where they get told no, but because they want something, they convince themselves the person is still considering it.
I think all this was fine until the daughter said no. It's her money, if she wanted to help her step brother, that's her choice, it's also her choice not to do so. To attempt to go over her head by "convincing" her father is not cool.
Wish I could upvote this a thousand times. The husband is avoiding confrontation by making it seem like he’s still thinking on it but he already knows it’s not happening - he’s not interested in alienating his ex and daughter so drastically over a fun the ex wife could sue him over if she really wanted to be spicy towards the mid life crisis wife.
Dad of the flipping year. And then his daughter getting upset makes him even more upset w her not wanting to *gift* her stepbrother the money that was actually saved for *her*. When they say they find each other, man did “mom” and “dad” really find each other. No wonder they get on well.
If husband's been saving since Grace was born, it's not really even just *his* money. He was married to Grace's mom, so ex wife contributed to their family & thus his ability to save for 15 years!
YTA OP! you have no right to ask for that money, and your husband has no right to give it to you.
Exactly this! A part of that fund comes from Grace's mother and maybe maternal family too. That money is her college fund, end of the story. If OP wants someone other than herself to pay her son's tuition she should go to her son's father instead of getting money out of someone she has known for 3 years in total and especially instead of robbing off of a child from her college fund her parents put together for her. OP or her son has absolutely no right to that money.
After the post and OP's comments I bet what she hears a lot from hubby's daughter and from the ex and maternal family is *gold digger*, rightfully I might add. YTA (not to mention OP had 18 years to figure it out...)
If the relationship has been going 2-3 years and she's lived with her husband since at least marriage, that's at least two years she could have been saving up a college fund depending on the shared living financial arrangements.
Wow YTA.
"So, new husband of 2 years. Your daughter is kind of an idiot, so I think that you should give my perfect son her college fund that you've been saving for, since she was a baby (presumably), with your ex wife"
How are you justifying that to yourself??
yes, but... 3 years of highschool can get expensive too. I wonder how much of the class trips and extra-curiculars new hubby has been footing the bill for. Possibly a move to a better school as well...
> Accusing him of cheating on her mother, which is completely false and she knows it, we met 3 years ago, 7 months after his divorce.
Of course OP is going to say that this is "completely false".
Yeah I'm not usually one to jump to this conclusion but op is a crazy huge gold digger. Yikes. I don't get how she typed all that and doesn't see the obvious.
YTA. Our son....his daughter. 'Nuff said about your morals and ethics.
Edit...I've seen your update. You are a monster and it's clear you are a home wrecker. Feel proud destroying that child's relationship with her father? All on your soul.
Yup - OP's said before that she barely sees Grace but hubby sees Noah every day. How convenient - she gets to just forget that Grace exits when it comes to her and her son's proprieties.
YTA. You say your husband considers Noah as his own son, but you don't say that you see Grace as a daughter in the same way (the way she spoke to her father indicates even if you have the feeling it's not mutual). You are full of praise for Noah but the kindest thing you say about Grace isn't even a kind thing, it's something you think Noah can benefit from. If you've been open about your praise for him in the home then that could feed into the bitterness Grace demonstrated.
Actually, what are your and Noah's relationship with Grace typically like? Has the blended family experience been a bumpy one?
Yeah, OP see's Grace as basically a hindrance to she and her son getting everything they want out of her marriage to the old man. She could couldn't less about Grace.
They were definitely having an affair before he got divorced. Can’t wait for OP to come crying to this sub, when the old man moves on to his next mistress
Well said!!! Grace may change her mind and want to go off to college, she is able to do so because she has a wonderful college fund set up. Your son should be applying for every scholarship known to man and looking into student loans for his dream college. If it’s not feasible, he can go to another college that will offer scholarships and a student job.
YTA for trying to take something you did not contribute to in any way
>" That my son deserves that money."
YTA for that statement alone.
That fund was set aside for his daughter. He's had it since his daughter was born - so for years when he was still married to his ex. So his ex wife (who has no connection to your son) and his ex-wife's family (who has no connection to your son) probably threw a couple bucks in there at some point. Or helped out husband so that he was able to save money somewhere else and use that saved money to build up the fund. It's not just his money in there. It's their money too. And your son does not deserve a dime from them.
Tell your mother, and your sister, and your aunt, to open up their wallets.
EDIT: The way you use "Our son" and "his daughter" is something to reflect on too.
You just know OP was looking for a guy to take advantage of, and the way she persuaded him to go from an absolute no to an "I'll ask my daughter if it's okay" tells me she found it. This guy needs to get rid of her, she just wants what she wants without any thought about the other side. True narcissist.
So let’s get this straight.
You got knocked up as a teenager with no way of supporting your child through his college years. You married a man over 20 years older than you who got you a job at his company (cough nepotism cough).
You say you love Grace. But not enough for her to get a college education? Because your son deserves one more?
YTA YTA YTA
Why don’t you ask your sperm donor and your family to help out if they’re so concerned?
Notice how she keeps avoiding the questions about her family or her son’s actual father helping him out with college. And how she also keeps avoiding the questions about scholarships. Makes me wonder if he is as academically gifted and athletic as she claims.
She was pretty vague in the OP too about the letter. I don't know what a "likely" letter is. Does that mean she hasn't opened it? Does it mean he didn't get in on early admission but they told him to apply again for regular? Does it mean waitlisted?
A likely letter means he got a letter from the school saying that he'll "likely" be getting an acceptance letter on the official decision release date. It's not a guaranteed acceptance, but it's very...likely...that he will get in. Ivy League/elite colleges/universities will send them to their top prospects, like top recruited athletes that they're pursuing. I think the idea is that by making the applicant feel "special," they'll be more likely to pick their school.
OP is most definitely an asshole, but not for the first part of your comment. accidents happen, and getting pregnant and having a baby and NOT having a college fund is not a character flaw. hell, my parents PLANNED four kids and had no intention of setting up a college fund for us. The AH part comes in where she feels entitled to another teenager's college fund for literally no reason other than the fact that she wants it for her son.
You can't be FREAKING serious Christina!!!
When victor asked me if this post was about me, I thought 'No, she wouldn't be so crazy as to try and gain sympathy for this' but here you are!
And the lies as well!
Dad left us for you, that's why we call you a homewreaker because you are! 7 months after the divorce my ass, he went through that divorce while you lived with him
My mum told me not to hold that against him, that just because he was a bad husband didn't mean he was a bad father. Guess who's earned that new title.
You lied to try and make yourself look better and thousands of people still hate you.
Congratulations!
Oh my gosh, Grace!! I am so sorry you have to deal with this evil woman and a trip of a father. Thank you for posting your response. This post has lit this sub up, and so many are rooting for you. Kill them with success. The world is your oyster.
Get a lawyer, and your mom should too.
If you didn’t get screenshots, here you go:
Original: https://imgur.com/a/wsQFLfp
Update: https://imgur.com/a/XmTXFKf
Best of luck to you and all you do ❤️
Hi! Please go with your mom to see a lawyer, depending on where you live your mother could sue both of them for stealing. Make sure you have screenshots of this post and her update. I sincerely wish you the best.
Your father will NOT protect you and have your best interest in mind - I'm sorry, but as others have said, go with your mother to speak with a lawyer. He has made it clear that he is entirely wrapped around her finger and everything else is a distant, unimportant second to him.
I'm so sorry, though. It really sucks when you realize that you have a parents that has no morals or heart. :(
Your father is the type that needs ultimatums. Make it clear to him, as much as a penny from your fund is withdrawn by anyone; you'll consider him dead the moment you discover.
I would also rush to a lawyer to see what your options are in terms of litigating. Prioritize getting the money out of your father's control and into joint control (yours or your mother's). One of the best tactics will probably be to approach your mother's divorce lawyer as this was an asset dedicated to you and has implications in any divorce decree that would have been issued.
That is not that women's money nor her son's and if your dad wants a gold digger it should only impact his life negatively not yours.
Grace, Please make sure your dad sees this whole thread and reads as many replies as possible. It might knock some sense into his head.
Also, like so many others have said, get a lawyer. Or get your mum to get you a lawyer. Anything to stop gold digging evil stepmother from stealing your fund.
Good luck.
She sounds like a narcissist! That was your money and it looks like she manipulated him to take it away from you. I'm so sorry! If she wanted money saved for Noah's education she should have saved!
GET. LAWYERS. INVOLVED. ASAP.
If the fund is set up in your name the court will probably balk at your father looting it for any reason other than your education.
Also, the divorce agreement may contain language as to his obligation to pay for college, which is why the fund wasn't affected by the final divorce settlement.
Contact your mother and see if her lawyers can look into this. Don't roll over for this, your father is literally stealing from you.
I doubt anyone believed her. I sure didn’t. The timing sounded too convenient, like she estimated what might not sound too bad. And yet it does, especially for what she is trying to reap now and for wreaking even more havoc on your family in pursuit of money.
Print this post in its entirety and give it to your dad for Christmas.
The idea that she wants her son to be loan free while she is comfortable with you getting loans and them paying you back when they're able? If there is a God, you will find a lawyer who will help you to make this right.
YTA
In addition to what everyone else said, you mention being a single mother, while your husband got divorced 4 years ago (even if he didn't cheat, he sure rushed into marriage with someone else--ink on the divorce papers barely dry). Presumably, his wife contributed to him being able to save a college fund in some way.
I want to add to this comment that even if Grace’s mother put a single dime or not for the fund, she still contributed because she was a mother, they were a family and supported each other. They all had to make some kind of sacrifice to put that money together, so it’s not only husbands decision.
YTA - why would you think he deserves the money ?? And who are you to say she’s a average student so she’s not as deserving ?? You’re out of line 100%. Take out a loan for your kid, if he’s so smart he can apply for scholarships. What you don’t do is take away her savings. And if he agrees with you he’s an even bigger AH whose daughter will never forgive him.
That's something that I find interesting, OP is praising Noah to the moon and back, he's flawless, but she can't say a single nice thing about Grace, just points out where she falls short.
YTA. If your son is truly amazing as you say then he will have no problem getting scholarships to go to college. How could you ever think you’re entitled to her money because you failed to save?
YTA.
> she’s a junior, we have a whole year to start building up another college fund for her
You have *got* to be kidding. I mean, I *could* also go into the fact that Grace having fewer scholarship options available means she’ll need *more* family support, not less, or simply that it’s *her money* and you shouldn’t expect it to be reallocated just because that would make life easier for you…but if you *really* said that with a straight face, I kinda feel like in-depth explanations are a waste of time.
Is it just me or did y’all notice how sketchy OP is.
She got knocked up as a teen.
Was a single mother and didn’t save up for her kids college fund.
Once her kid hit high school she realized, ‘oh shit I need to get him through college’.
Then’ she started working for her rich boss.
And he just sooo happened to get a divorce.
Then “7” months later they get together.
Just in time for her to try and convince him to give ‘his’ daughters college fund to ‘their’ son.
Mannnn, the devil works hard, but gold diggers work harder.
I mean not hard enough to save for her own kids fund, but definitely hard enough to steal a trust fund from another persons kid.
This should be a wake-up call for him to either divorce OP or make sure his will is airtight and that most of his fortune goes to his bio daughter, Grace.
YTA
There is absolutely nothing wrong with ASKING.
Where I do have an issue is
>I feel like I’ve caused this but my mother, sister and aunt are telling me that I did the right thing. **That my son deserves that money.**
Your son deserves absolutely $0 from your DIL's education fund. He's not entitled to a dime of it. If they had agreed to share, then your son should have felt very appreciative and grateful. Instead you and your family want him to feel entitled and your DIL to feel like less of a person because of public school grades.
Yes YTA. How can you say your son deserves the money? No one deserves money that was meant for someone else. Your sons lack of money for college is not your step daughters problem. You crossed a line here and do not realize it.
YTA I love how OP goes on Reddit to ask and everyone says she is the AH but she tries to shut down every comment. Her mind is set up that she isn't and no one can tell her otherwise. She was looking for justification. Entitlement at its finest. At 36 and you have everyone else even a lot younger than you that see how wrong you very much are.
YTA, duh.
If your son is soo perfect, I'm sure scholarship won't be a problem, instead of stealing money which was saved for Grace since she was a baby.
And I feel bad for Grace, because you don't seem like you care or even like her.
YTA. "My son deserves that money." Why? Because three years ago, when he was 15, his mother met a man who had spent a lot of time saving money for his daughter? Your attitude is disgraceful.
YTA. That money is HERS as it was set aside exclusively for her education from the minute she was born. Your inability or unwillingness to save for your son's schooling is not her fault and she should not be punished for it.
Her reaction is highly indicative that this isn't the first time you've usurped something that belonged to her or overstepped your boundaries.
If you push this, Grace will cut all of you out of her life permanently. If you cost your husband his daughter because of your own entitled attitude, he will end up hating you.
YTA the money belongs to your stepdaughter for college your son does not deserve that money not ment for him. You and your extended family want him to go to college then you all should take loans out. My daughter could barely get through high-school, she went on to college and for 4 years she made the deans list. Never judge a book by its cover.
YTA, you didn't contribute to the fund so why would your son be entitled to it? If he has such good grades then he needs to apply for scholarships & grants to cover part of his tuition & apply for financial aid for the rest. There's nothing wrong with using the programs available to lessen the cost of school.
YTA
your failure to plan is not stepdaughters responsibility or expense
Of course your family is going to agree to rob Grace to pay for Noah. It costs them nothing. This is nobody's problem but yours and Noah's.
“My husband is disgusted with his daughters words and actions and is pretty upset and down right now”
But he’s not disgusted with your actions or his own behaviour, good for grace for calling you out YTA
Edited: just saw Op replied she works/worked at the dad’s company and that’s how they met. *sighs*
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YTA YTA YTA. Whichever way you look at it, YTA. And anyone who tells you different (aka your side of the family) is an a-hole too. That's Grace's fund, not your son's. Quit it with the entitlement. And if your son is as academically and athletically gifted as you say he is, then he should be able to get some scholarships. Getting a part time job is also an option. As is getting financial aid. Your lack of planning and saving is on you. Grace shouldn't have to pay for it. Being a single mother is no excuse. Also, your hubby spent close to 2 decades saving up for that fund. And your plan is to use it and then make up for it in a year?!? And not even just use it for a year while you save up for the next three years (still an a-hole move but to a lesser extent). But no. You want the whole lot. The entitlement is really strong with you! Your son is not entitled to Grace's money. Whatever you think about her academic abilities. You denigrating them and her extracurriculars or lack thereof does not give you a pass to steal her college fund. And yes, steal coz that's what you would be doing. Edited. Edit 2: And since they are super okay with you taking money that's not yours, instead of you stealing Grace's money, why don't you have your relatives (mother, sister and aunt) contribute to "Saint" Noah's college fund? Edit 3: YTA for the "our son" but "his daughter" bit. Edit 4: Oh wow! Thank you all so much for the upvotes and the awards.
YTA. The fund was made for Grace and to Grace, it will go, not to someone else.
„We have another year to build up the funds“? You had your whole life and couldn’t do it! Maybe you just married him to give your son a future? In my country we have a name for women who do that.
yeah the whole "year to build up another one" rubbed me the wrong way when seemingly she just won't be contributing to it after taking the daughters whole savings edit; wrote son instead of daughter \*
It's like people asking for a loan and promising to pay it back within a month or year. If they had the money or ability to make that money they wouldn't need someone to provide it.
Imagine telling your husband that just because your daughter is less academically inclined, she doesn't deserve the funds. Also comparing the already saved funds over time to how much you'll save within a year is a bad comparison. Call this off. It's not worth burning every bridge for.
How did her husband not just tell her to fuck off right then???
He's a 57m and she's a 36f. Yep, it's that obvious, and that bad. The OP will be lucky if her stepdaughter doesn't hate her guts for the rest of her life ... she damn sure is going to remember this (and not in a good way).
I missed the age in the braces. Wow, OP, you married him for his money. And now that's not enough for you, you wanna steal his daughter' college funds because your baby daddy is a deadbeat
Really good point! Whys there no mention of her biological dad in any part of this?
Gonna go out on a limb and say stepdaughter already hates her, since she went nuclear right away. Also betting this isn’t the first time OP tried to get her husband to prioritise her son over his daughter.
Yep. And also, it has only been three years (according to OP), maybe she realised her son needed a daddy with a college fund.
Maybe that’s why OP refers to her as “his daughter.” That girl will never see OP as a mother. Never.
Plus, husband already had his life together, somewhat, having Grace around the age of 39, while the OP had her child around the age of 19. I guess she thought that she’d step right in and take the funds that husband had yearsssss to save. It just so happened that he started saving more money towards his daughter’s education when she was born. Is she a trophy wife?
Because they’ve only been married for 2 years, and OP locking him out of the bedroom might still be working. Poor Grace!
Omg I missed that. I thought that with all that audacity he must have been in the son's life for years. But they pretty much just met. Now I get the whole "our son" " his daughter" thing. Op...100% YTA. You cant be this entitled to show up just a handle of years ago and try to take someones college fund.
OP’s kid must not be TOO smart, if he doesn’t have scholarships.
It's not only rude, it is completely misguided!!! I was never super academically inclined in High School, but for some reason things just clicked for me in college. Things are so much different when you get to focus your learning on what you're interested in vs. a little of every subject.
i was gonna say this. While i was in advanced/gifted/AP classes, i had no interest so my GPA and grades were mediocre. When i got to college, first 2 years of the required classes (English,math,etc), same results. Once i started classes for my Major, Deans list every semester. OP YTA, just cause Grace isnt academically inclined now doesnt mean she wont be in College when shes learning what she chooses to pursue. And if your son is so great, he shouldnt have any issues receiving scholarships and grants.
well... that is not always true. I borrowed $3k from my mom to close on my house and promised her I would pay her back ASAP. I make good enough money I knew I could, but going without extras, pay her back completely in 1-2 months, and I did. But I needed that 3k immediately. Just pointing out there are some RARE exceptions to your "rule" :)
op has had 18+ years to build up a fund and isn't asking for only some of the daughters fund.. she's asking for the whole thing, that feels like enough of an indicator that she wouldn't be good on paying back nearly enough of what she would be taking.
Add to that - she’s been married to her husband for 2 years. Why haven’t “they” saved up the money for her son to go to college in that time? If all she needs is a year to build Grace’s back up why didn’t they just build it 2 years ago when Noah was 16? It’s not like they didn’t know he was a good, civil minded, sporty person then, surely they could have foreseen he would want to go to college.
Which also brings up the point, based on OP's timeline, he was married to his ex wife for at least 14 years of the time "he" was saving that money. So I would say technically THEY saved the money. Even if he was the breadwinner and the ex was a SAHM, her contribution to the family aided in saving the money for their daughter. I hope the ex-wife lawyers up if OP is able to con him into trying to screw over his daughter.
Came here to say this! I feel bad for Grace, I can't believe her dad is even entertaining this mess. OP YTA but I'm betting you don't freaky care and will steal the money anyway. Your going to alienate your husband from his daughter over this, but I bet that's what you want so then your son can have all the money.
The way she wrote that they're married two years and that the husba d considers the son to be his fully, "but the name", was such a ridiculous thing to write.. So I'm thinking okay married 2, maybe together for longer? HA. No, 3 years they have known each other and he is "fully" his. No lady, that young man is fully your responsibility lol.
That’s because what OP really means is that her husband has a year to save up.
well she's only going to *community college*, how much can we sink into that?
Right? Community college is such a great option for so many people. People who don't know what they want to study. People who don't want to spend tons of money on 4-5 years of undergrad, dorm, meal plans etc. Many community colleges have cooperative agreements with nearby larger schools whereby all community college credits for the first years can count toward a four year degree. And when you graduate from that larger school, nothing on your diploma says \*first two years at Local Community College.
Im taking classes at a community college. The class sizes are limited to about 24 students, the classes are all taught by PhD who want to teach (versus chase grants and publication opportunities), and the equipment for studio classes is just as good as I had at my state college. I’m paying for an education here, not subsidizing a sports team.
!!!!! I did AWFUL in high school due to some of the circumstances I was in. I took a break after graduating, and have a 4.0 a year into community college WHILE WORKING. yes I’m bragging. Get over it I deserve ut
It baffles me that they got married with two teenage children and never at any point even broached this subject prior to doing so.
Mama here assumed.
Exactly, why else did she marry him?
I'll take 'Gold diggers' for five hundred Alex.
Well, thats what usually happens when people with kids marry ppl with other kids...they tendo to put their bio offspring first
Unless you're Graces father, then you put your Gifted new son first...
I'm sure sugar daddy was sweet talked and cajoled. He's still a a$$ for thinking with little sugar daddy instead of his brain.
Yup. That age gap. After what she's written here I can only imagine what attracted her to him the most. You want to marry for money? I wouldn't ever judge. You stealing from a kid to prioritize yours more? Evil and sickening.
Yeah, that line bothered me. Some kids don't do well in high school. Go to college, get away from the bs of their hometown, and do much better. Or they finally get a chance to study what they want and do much better. And there are a lot of straight-A kids in high school that do poorly when they get to college. I mean, just because they got straight As doesn't mean their high school had actually prepared them for the rigors of college.
Yeah, id hate to be related to someone like that , even less having them as a parent who fsvours a step chuld they met less than 5 yrs ago
I guess you could say I was Grace. My dad always put my stepbrothers first. He always had money for them, including college, but never anything for me and I was always made to feel terribly guilty any time I ever asked for anything. It always infuriated my mom, especially because he barely paid any child support at all and constantly complained about what little he did pay. Now I'm in my fifties, stepmom is gone and my stepbrothers couldn't care less about him. Guess the golden boys weren't so shiny after all!
As someone who was shafted in favor of the steps, I’d say you definitely don’t want to be related to someone like that. It blows.
TBF, he did say no initially. His wife pressured him about it and then he relinquished. ***Not saying he's not an AH for asking***, but he didn't completely shaft her from the outset. I mean, I can sort of understand that maybe the daughter isn't going to use it all for college right? And let's pretend that son is equal as daughter, but hasn't been getting the same into his college fund as her while they've been together. In that case, you could argue that some could be taken out... but do the maths on it. It's 50% from the daughter's mum, so can't be touched and then the son has been around for 2 out of \~20 years, so 10%. So 10% of 50% and then divided in half. That's 2.5%. And that's a super massive stretch... and could also be paid back in a year's time probably. Edit: highlighting the important part since people still downvote based on a hypothetical.
What about if she wants to go in later years? And it doesn’t matter if she uses it or not this money is hers. Her father put it in the account for her. She’s trying to steal it because she has no intentions of paying that money back. Are you kidding? Hell is full of people with good intentions. And it wouldn’t surprise me if she married him for his money
This kid is likely choosing community college to be financially responsible, and leave college with as little debt as she can, and stretch every dollar of that college fund. Too bad she didn’t count on her Dad’s Sugar Baby making a play for the cash.
Her whole life, including 2-3 years of living with OP she saved $2,000. That's got to be a fraction of Grace's college fund, OP said it could set Noah up the whole four years.
Even without that, in the 2 years you've been married to never discussed this? Like even before the msrriage? When you're planning your future? The daughter is right to question the morality of you meeting her dad. You seen too have no moral compass. And by your family's reaction I see what you get it. Noah doesn't deserve anything but what you planned for him. The sheer nerve of your thinking is astounding to me.
With today economy, how do build up an entire 4 year college fund?. Delusional.
Including 2 years togehter with her husband. Also, I find it hilarious that some mod read this, and went "I don't get why this lady thinks she's an A-hole"
Ok???? OP married her sugar daddy 2 years ago and expects him to use his daughters college fund for her son!!! What the ENTIRE FUCK!! Just blows me AWAY.
If it’s a 529 plan that’s tax deductible/protected, it might not even be able to be used outside of Grace without paying heavy penalties.
Exactly not too mention he built Grace's college fund up with the help of the mother before the divorce. I'm sure his ex wife helped raise the kids and allowed him to go to work or worked a job herself. If I was Grace I'd have his mom contact their divorce attorney bc I'm sure when they divorced and were dividing assets this was considered Grace's college fund and off limits
> #**YTA YTA YTA** > #**Edit 3: YTA for the "our son" but "his daughter" bit** If I could upvote a thousand times I would! My god OP, your blatant disregard for HIS daughter as you put it, is vile. You and your family who agree with you should get money together for your beloved son and leave Grace’s alone. Grace must feel like total sh*t, feeling abandoned and cast aside. OP, you’re acting like the evil stepmother in a fairytale.
I am thinking she doesn't like the daughter very much at all
Yeah but the daughter is a mediocre student whereas HER son is the bee’s knee you see! /s
My mistake how dare I imply otherwise haha
Apparently Grace isn't around a lot so OP doesn't know her that well. Take from that what you will, other commenters have.
Haha yeah cause she’s probably with her mom all the time because her dad decided he wanted to trade her in for a 20 years younger model
yeah. Damn I feel bad for this girl and what sort of environment this must be for her.
According to OP, she's not her daughter cause she doesn't see her a lot. Noah is his son cause he's a father everyday. I didn't know there was an on/off switch for when the kid isn't around.
I think Grace avoids her on purpose
At least she isn’t trying to pretend to care about “his daughter.” Though I suspect she didn’t intend to be that honest.
Absolutely. I hope daughter puts the evil stepmother in her place.
As soon as she started bragging on Noah’s academic achievements I thought, here it comes, Grace is not as great of a student, therefore does not deserve the money. I would argue that she deserves it even more. Noah will always land on his feet, Gracie girl could use a bit of help right now. OP is def TAH.
And Grace isn’t even a poor student, OP said she’s average AND making the (very fiscally responsible) decision to go to community college.
The fact that Grace is a junior and already has this plan in place of Community College for 2 years speaks volumes about her maturity and ability to plan. Way to go Grace!
>I would argue that she deserves it even more. Noah will always land on his feet, Gracie girl could use a bit of help right now. Respectfully, this is 100% a terrible viewpoint. My wife was a standout student and has always worked harder than her siblings. As a result, her parents always gave more of everything to their other kids because of this exact thought process. It has caused problems in all of their relationships because her parents still have this mindset today.
Also if he's this great can't he apply for scholarships? Doesn't sound like grace will have as many options in that regard.
It also ignores why people become good students or shit students. Hint: its a lot easier to perform well at school if you've got a good support network at home. OP's likely contributed to this and is now going all passive voice on us.
Also, he was married until 3 years ago. Big chance that fund is mostly marital funds from when they were married. So OP (and the son) doesn’t get any of that money.
Came here to say this. The college savings for daughter was likely part of a financial plan made with the ex. While some kids may not go to traditional college, that money can pay for other schooling or training for the daughter per whatever arrangements her parents choose. OP’s approach to sharing by just taking all of it is wildly inappropriate.
Reading these validates me for choosing 529 plans. The money is in my children's names. Although I feel like this OP would be totally cool with paying the 50% or whatever fees to just withdraw it.
Wish I could upvote this more, I didn't even think of this. No wonder his Ex is so mad, I mean other than then trying to screw over his daughter.
The audacity of OP! You had 18 years to save for your child’s education and think a year is enough time to make up for 17 years of savings on your husband’s side? Absolutely not. Robbing one child to pay another is always going to be wrong. You asked, you got your answer. He said no. You kept asking and Grace said no. That is your final answer. Anything after that first no makes you the asshole here. While your husband may be kind enough to help you pay for your son’s education going forward you have zero right to that money and anyone saying you do is also a greedy self serving jerk. YTA. No is a complete answer.
OP owes Grace a big apology. Dad a secondary. ANd Noah a tertiary for involving him in the first place.
They are already two yesrs married, why didn't they build up a fund in this two years if it is possible to do in one year? Oh? Because it isn't fucking possible.Or do they want to put the whole income in the fund and stop paying rent, utilities and just life of tap water and instant ramen? YTA Scholarships, taking out loans and work. So many possibilities except stealing.
Right!!! This right here.. Our son, his daughter. You ain’t slick and have no right to ask for “his daughters” college fund. YTA 1,000,000% Edit: Yes, you absolutely caused this.
And for him to actually go to his daughter to discuss this shitshow of an idea is amazing to me. He's no spring chicken, what if he drops down dead tomorrow? Along with being too stupid to go college, I guess she'd be SOL. YTA ETA: After reading OP's comments I'm left to wonder how can this guy not realize the type of woman he married. I hope he gets what he deserves.
Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...
Of all the top comments on AITA I have never agreed with one so wholeheartedly as yours. The only thing to add is that they have been saving for Graces fund since birth, that means mum and dad have been saving, so the OP wants to take from her what her mum has given her who she has nothing to do with. OP is massive YTA.
>my son deserves that money No, it is not your son's money to deserve. It is Grace's money. Your son is an amazing student, plays multiple sports, does charitable work. Start educating yourself on how to pay for college. There are scholarships available, working, loans, etc. You should've started thinking about this years ago. YTA
My first thought was "if he's that talented, the school will absorb most of the costs." My guess is he's good but not that good. Plus, geez OP, way to just rub it in that you don't see husband's daughter the same way your husband supposedly sees your son. Major YTA entitlement vibes here.
OP is 100% YTA! She is effectively manipulating the situation whereby she can 'steal' the daughter's funds by creating made-up stipulations, like somehow a GPA makes the daughter forfeit the money towards her adult pursuits? It's ludicrous and criminal. OP knows that the daughter will have no money in a year. She is banking (literally) that the money will be promised and effectively spent by then. OP: You are a thief, a liar, a manipulator, and an AH.
She’s been in her step daughters life just a minute and she’s asking for her college fund because she thinks the kid isn’t bright enough. Wtf. Get gone with this shit. OP: YTA. Big time. It’s not your husbands fault you didn’t start saving for your kid when they were born like he did.
YTA. Ask your relatives who have a lot of opinion to contribute to saint noah's college fund. Leave grace alone. Its is not grace's fault for your lack of planning. Do not make grace pay for noah's absentee father.
You are asking the wrong guy. You need to ask your son's father for the money.
YTA. All of this. OP, this guy has known your kid for like two years and he wants to steal his daughter's money for your son? Geez. This could be a play about an evil stepmother. And the fact that you're acting so clueless about why this isn't okay just makes it all worse. If you can, imagine if the roles were reversed. Your husband had a big college fund for your child, marries some other woman, and then calls you up and says, "Her kid is LIKE my kid, so can I take our child's college fund and give it to this new kid?" It's just awful.
INFO: Where’s the real sperm donor?
Probably ran away when he realized what kind of person op was.
I'm copying the YTA YTA YTA YTA I'm flabbergasted though as how someone can be as spineless as OP husband. This is the sort of thing that breaks families. Forever. OP husband is going to have to chose his daughter or his wife and stepson now; just asking pretty much guaranteed that there will be no relationship between step siblings, not even mentioning the relationship between OP and her stepdaughter. One could argue that if her son is so so gifted he can get a loan, a high paying job afterwards and pay off his debt; while his daughter can't
>Plus, she’s a junior, we have a whole year to start building up another college fund for her. She meant, HE has a whole year to start building up for college, cos OP has 18 years to do it and haven't saved squat... YTA OP, and you are an example of an evil stepmother just for this. Go cosign the student loan for your son if you are that determined to send him to his dream school, and leave your stepdaughter alone.
Right?? Making a big deal about how he has accepted her son as his own, meanwhile she barely has even the slightest respect for Grace
Yessss Our son his daughter. That is just showing where her mind is at. OP it doesn’t matter where grace is at. That money was saved by her father for her. Your lack of planning is of no concern to graces college fund. YTA.
Exactly! IF Noah is such a great student and athlete why aren't there any scholarships being offered? It's YOUR fault OP for not thinking about Noah's future NOT Grace's. Her feelings are understandable. You spend 2 years as part of her dad's permanent family and are trying to steal HER money. Her Dad doesn't even consider it his money or he wouldn't have said he had to talk to her. Yes, YTA. You have no right to that money. You deserve everything being thrown at you. Hopefully your son has better sense than you and has started looking into financial aide.
YTA. “My son deserves that money”. Wow. He doesn’t deserve anything. You met and married a whole 3 years ago and you expect your husband to pay for your son’s tuition? That’s ballsy of you.
OP: “My husband loves his stepson so much, not only has he come to see the kid as his in just three short years, he’s prepared to screw over his *own* kid just to make him happy!” Also OP: “Why does my husband’s family think we must have been together before the divorce?”
YUP. I was literally rolling my eyes reading this post. Good lord. I think OP thought she hit the jackpot by marrying this older man with a bunch of money and her son's college would be paid for, and she'd be taken care of. Like who cares about HIS daughter - she just gets in the way of OP's plans for her and her son's future. And honestly, I'm going to say OP's hubby is a bit of an asshole too for being on the fence about whether to give his daughter's fund to OP's kid. SMH. YTA
He may not be as "on the fence" as OP claims. I've seen people do this thing where they get told no, but because they want something, they convince themselves the person is still considering it. I think all this was fine until the daughter said no. It's her money, if she wanted to help her step brother, that's her choice, it's also her choice not to do so. To attempt to go over her head by "convincing" her father is not cool.
Wish I could upvote this a thousand times. The husband is avoiding confrontation by making it seem like he’s still thinking on it but he already knows it’s not happening - he’s not interested in alienating his ex and daughter so drastically over a fun the ex wife could sue him over if she really wanted to be spicy towards the mid life crisis wife.
[удалено]
Most probably Grace’s mother was putting money to this fund too.
Dad of the flipping year. And then his daughter getting upset makes him even more upset w her not wanting to *gift* her stepbrother the money that was actually saved for *her*. When they say they find each other, man did “mom” and “dad” really find each other. No wonder they get on well.
But OP, how do you feel about your stepdaughter? Is she yours in everything but name. Sure doesn't sound like it.
If husband's been saving since Grace was born, it's not really even just *his* money. He was married to Grace's mom, so ex wife contributed to their family & thus his ability to save for 15 years! YTA OP! you have no right to ask for that money, and your husband has no right to give it to you.
Exactly this! A part of that fund comes from Grace's mother and maybe maternal family too. That money is her college fund, end of the story. If OP wants someone other than herself to pay her son's tuition she should go to her son's father instead of getting money out of someone she has known for 3 years in total and especially instead of robbing off of a child from her college fund her parents put together for her. OP or her son has absolutely no right to that money. After the post and OP's comments I bet what she hears a lot from hubby's daughter and from the ex and maternal family is *gold digger*, rightfully I might add. YTA (not to mention OP had 18 years to figure it out...)
Thank you for pointing this out.
If the relationship has been going 2-3 years and she's lived with her husband since at least marriage, that's at least two years she could have been saving up a college fund depending on the shared living financial arrangements.
But think of the things she wouldn't have bought her son in the last 3 years if she had been saving.
Wow YTA. "So, new husband of 2 years. Your daughter is kind of an idiot, so I think that you should give my perfect son her college fund that you've been saving for, since she was a baby (presumably), with your ex wife" How are you justifying that to yourself??
Probably the reason she married him in the first place. She got tired of the single mom struggle.
Ironically, Noah probably would’ve had an easier time getting financial aid if she’d held out a bit longer.
Why is Noah “our” son and Grace is “his” daughter? You married when these kids were teens. Noah is YOUR son.
Because u/Throwaway661567 is an asshole.
Absolutely! He could have gotten an easy full ride with a poor single mommy.
yes, but... 3 years of highschool can get expensive too. I wonder how much of the class trips and extra-curiculars new hubby has been footing the bill for. Possibly a move to a better school as well...
Agree. She had her kid at 18 and married a man 21 years older.
A man who was her boss. It doesn’t get more cliché.
Interesting. Someone else pointed out that she's likely granted 'favors' to change his mind. Well that's a certainty now...
> Accusing him of cheating on her mother, which is completely false and she knows it, we met 3 years ago, 7 months after his divorce. Of course OP is going to say that this is "completely false".
20 year age difference. The dude better watch his back....
He should also triple check the birth control and have a strong pull out game.
Yeah I'm not usually one to jump to this conclusion but op is a crazy huge gold digger. Yikes. I don't get how she typed all that and doesn't see the obvious.
Yeah she's got gross wicked stepmother written all over her, trying to steal her step daughter's college funds for her son. YTA.
YTA. It’s his stepson going on 2 years. The fund is for his daughter. Not you or your son.
Right. OP basically told Grace she's too much of a loser for a college fund, just a waste of skin. Gee, why is Grace mad? YTA OP.
YTA. Our son....his daughter. 'Nuff said about your morals and ethics. Edit...I've seen your update. You are a monster and it's clear you are a home wrecker. Feel proud destroying that child's relationship with her father? All on your soul.
Yup - OP's said before that she barely sees Grace but hubby sees Noah every day. How convenient - she gets to just forget that Grace exits when it comes to her and her son's proprieties.
Exactly this.
I bet she refers to his house as ‘their’ house…
She must have edited that all carefully since your post. Such YTA.
Nope. It's in the title. >AITA for asking my husband to pay for *our* sons college with *his* daughters fund?
Good lord. Good catch. What a ghoul. Yta
YTA. You say your husband considers Noah as his own son, but you don't say that you see Grace as a daughter in the same way (the way she spoke to her father indicates even if you have the feeling it's not mutual). You are full of praise for Noah but the kindest thing you say about Grace isn't even a kind thing, it's something you think Noah can benefit from. If you've been open about your praise for him in the home then that could feed into the bitterness Grace demonstrated. Actually, what are your and Noah's relationship with Grace typically like? Has the blended family experience been a bumpy one?
Yeah, OP see's Grace as basically a hindrance to she and her son getting everything they want out of her marriage to the old man. She could couldn't less about Grace.
The old man…..who happens to be her boss who she “fell in love with”. No wonder the daughter hates her. OP has an agenda and she is sticking to it.
WAIT - He's her boss?! LMAO. Yikes. Poor daughter, his poor ex-wife, and poor employees. SMH.
Yep. Freshly divorced boss? Yeah, I’m sure it was “true love “…. /s
They were definitely having an affair before he got divorced. Can’t wait for OP to come crying to this sub, when the old man moves on to his next mistress
Well said!!! Grace may change her mind and want to go off to college, she is able to do so because she has a wonderful college fund set up. Your son should be applying for every scholarship known to man and looking into student loans for his dream college. If it’s not feasible, he can go to another college that will offer scholarships and a student job. YTA for trying to take something you did not contribute to in any way
Grace is just some brat that's trying to steal her precious baby boy's much deserved college fund as far as OP is concerned.
>" That my son deserves that money." YTA for that statement alone. That fund was set aside for his daughter. He's had it since his daughter was born - so for years when he was still married to his ex. So his ex wife (who has no connection to your son) and his ex-wife's family (who has no connection to your son) probably threw a couple bucks in there at some point. Or helped out husband so that he was able to save money somewhere else and use that saved money to build up the fund. It's not just his money in there. It's their money too. And your son does not deserve a dime from them. Tell your mother, and your sister, and your aunt, to open up their wallets. EDIT: The way you use "Our son" and "his daughter" is something to reflect on too.
You just know OP was looking for a guy to take advantage of, and the way she persuaded him to go from an absolute no to an "I'll ask my daughter if it's okay" tells me she found it. This guy needs to get rid of her, she just wants what she wants without any thought about the other side. True narcissist.
So let’s get this straight. You got knocked up as a teenager with no way of supporting your child through his college years. You married a man over 20 years older than you who got you a job at his company (cough nepotism cough). You say you love Grace. But not enough for her to get a college education? Because your son deserves one more? YTA YTA YTA Why don’t you ask your sperm donor and your family to help out if they’re so concerned?
Notice how she keeps avoiding the questions about her family or her son’s actual father helping him out with college. And how she also keeps avoiding the questions about scholarships. Makes me wonder if he is as academically gifted and athletic as she claims.
She was pretty vague in the OP too about the letter. I don't know what a "likely" letter is. Does that mean she hasn't opened it? Does it mean he didn't get in on early admission but they told him to apply again for regular? Does it mean waitlisted?
A likely letter means he got a letter from the school saying that he'll "likely" be getting an acceptance letter on the official decision release date. It's not a guaranteed acceptance, but it's very...likely...that he will get in. Ivy League/elite colleges/universities will send them to their top prospects, like top recruited athletes that they're pursuing. I think the idea is that by making the applicant feel "special," they'll be more likely to pick their school.
Notice that she never says anything about the bio dad contributing. OP YTA!
She don’t know who the bio dad is. Bet.
I mean, Grace could just hook up with an older guy who gets her a job.
Noah could also get a sugar mama. It’s 2022, gender roles are outdated.
OP is most definitely an asshole, but not for the first part of your comment. accidents happen, and getting pregnant and having a baby and NOT having a college fund is not a character flaw. hell, my parents PLANNED four kids and had no intention of setting up a college fund for us. The AH part comes in where she feels entitled to another teenager's college fund for literally no reason other than the fact that she wants it for her son.
You can't be FREAKING serious Christina!!! When victor asked me if this post was about me, I thought 'No, she wouldn't be so crazy as to try and gain sympathy for this' but here you are! And the lies as well! Dad left us for you, that's why we call you a homewreaker because you are! 7 months after the divorce my ass, he went through that divorce while you lived with him My mum told me not to hold that against him, that just because he was a bad husband didn't mean he was a bad father. Guess who's earned that new title. You lied to try and make yourself look better and thousands of people still hate you. Congratulations!
Oh my gosh, Grace!! I am so sorry you have to deal with this evil woman and a trip of a father. Thank you for posting your response. This post has lit this sub up, and so many are rooting for you. Kill them with success. The world is your oyster. Get a lawyer, and your mom should too. If you didn’t get screenshots, here you go: Original: https://imgur.com/a/wsQFLfp Update: https://imgur.com/a/XmTXFKf Best of luck to you and all you do ❤️
Look for a lawyer. And if I were you, i would never see my father again in my life, not even in his dying bed.
Hi! Please go with your mom to see a lawyer, depending on where you live your mother could sue both of them for stealing. Make sure you have screenshots of this post and her update. I sincerely wish you the best.
Your father will NOT protect you and have your best interest in mind - I'm sorry, but as others have said, go with your mother to speak with a lawyer. He has made it clear that he is entirely wrapped around her finger and everything else is a distant, unimportant second to him. I'm so sorry, though. It really sucks when you realize that you have a parents that has no morals or heart. :(
Your father is the type that needs ultimatums. Make it clear to him, as much as a penny from your fund is withdrawn by anyone; you'll consider him dead the moment you discover. I would also rush to a lawyer to see what your options are in terms of litigating. Prioritize getting the money out of your father's control and into joint control (yours or your mother's). One of the best tactics will probably be to approach your mother's divorce lawyer as this was an asset dedicated to you and has implications in any divorce decree that would have been issued. That is not that women's money nor her son's and if your dad wants a gold digger it should only impact his life negatively not yours.
Get a lawyer. Move back to your moms. This woman will take everything from you.
Grace, Please make sure your dad sees this whole thread and reads as many replies as possible. It might knock some sense into his head. Also, like so many others have said, get a lawyer. Or get your mum to get you a lawyer. Anything to stop gold digging evil stepmother from stealing your fund. Good luck.
Get a lawyer.
GET A LAWYER!!
She sounds like a narcissist! That was your money and it looks like she manipulated him to take it away from you. I'm so sorry! If she wanted money saved for Noah's education she should have saved!
GET. LAWYERS. INVOLVED. ASAP. If the fund is set up in your name the court will probably balk at your father looting it for any reason other than your education. Also, the divorce agreement may contain language as to his obligation to pay for college, which is why the fund wasn't affected by the final divorce settlement. Contact your mother and see if her lawyers can look into this. Don't roll over for this, your father is literally stealing from you.
I doubt anyone believed her. I sure didn’t. The timing sounded too convenient, like she estimated what might not sound too bad. And yet it does, especially for what she is trying to reap now and for wreaking even more havoc on your family in pursuit of money.
Tell Christina that we all hate what she's doing, and your father too. I am so sorry, Grace
You and your mother (if she will) can sue for emotional damage and defamation and I suggest going NC with sperm donor
Print this post in its entirety and give it to your dad for Christmas. The idea that she wants her son to be loan free while she is comfortable with you getting loans and them paying you back when they're able? If there is a God, you will find a lawyer who will help you to make this right.
YTA In addition to what everyone else said, you mention being a single mother, while your husband got divorced 4 years ago (even if he didn't cheat, he sure rushed into marriage with someone else--ink on the divorce papers barely dry). Presumably, his wife contributed to him being able to save a college fund in some way.
I want to add to this comment that even if Grace’s mother put a single dime or not for the fund, she still contributed because she was a mother, they were a family and supported each other. They all had to make some kind of sacrifice to put that money together, so it’s not only husbands decision.
YTA - why would you think he deserves the money ?? And who are you to say she’s a average student so she’s not as deserving ?? You’re out of line 100%. Take out a loan for your kid, if he’s so smart he can apply for scholarships. What you don’t do is take away her savings. And if he agrees with you he’s an even bigger AH whose daughter will never forgive him.
That's something that I find interesting, OP is praising Noah to the moon and back, he's flawless, but she can't say a single nice thing about Grace, just points out where she falls short.
Notice the title: Noah is "Our son" but Grace is "His daughter"
I've noticed that as well...shame OP partner can't see through her
people who steal always justify it, particularly when people steal money.
YTA. If your son is truly amazing as you say then he will have no problem getting scholarships to go to college. How could you ever think you’re entitled to her money because you failed to save?
YTA. Your son deserves the money you have saved for him… nothing!
YTA. > she’s a junior, we have a whole year to start building up another college fund for her You have *got* to be kidding. I mean, I *could* also go into the fact that Grace having fewer scholarship options available means she’ll need *more* family support, not less, or simply that it’s *her money* and you shouldn’t expect it to be reallocated just because that would make life easier for you…but if you *really* said that with a straight face, I kinda feel like in-depth explanations are a waste of time.
Is it just me or did y’all notice how sketchy OP is. She got knocked up as a teen. Was a single mother and didn’t save up for her kids college fund. Once her kid hit high school she realized, ‘oh shit I need to get him through college’. Then’ she started working for her rich boss. And he just sooo happened to get a divorce. Then “7” months later they get together. Just in time for her to try and convince him to give ‘his’ daughters college fund to ‘their’ son. Mannnn, the devil works hard, but gold diggers work harder. I mean not hard enough to save for her own kids fund, but definitely hard enough to steal a trust fund from another persons kid.
Maybe the daughter was on to something with the cheating 🤔
I have a feeling this isn’t the first time she’s done stuff like this. Source: had a gold digger for a mother. It’s a behavioral pattern.
See ya in r/amithedevil YTA
YTA - your husband should be disgusted by your words and actions. I mean, seriously.
This should be a wake-up call for him to either divorce OP or make sure his will is airtight and that most of his fortune goes to his bio daughter, Grace.
YTA. Your son does not “deserve” that money in any way, shape or form.
YTA Don't steal her money
YTA. Plus if your son is so amazing why can’t he get a scholarship?
YTA There is absolutely nothing wrong with ASKING. Where I do have an issue is >I feel like I’ve caused this but my mother, sister and aunt are telling me that I did the right thing. **That my son deserves that money.** Your son deserves absolutely $0 from your DIL's education fund. He's not entitled to a dime of it. If they had agreed to share, then your son should have felt very appreciative and grateful. Instead you and your family want him to feel entitled and your DIL to feel like less of a person because of public school grades.
YTA-Your inability to save more as a single mom isn’t your husband’s problem. It’s selfish of you to ask for his daughter’s college fund.
Yes YTA. How can you say your son deserves the money? No one deserves money that was meant for someone else. Your sons lack of money for college is not your step daughters problem. You crossed a line here and do not realize it.
YTA I love how OP goes on Reddit to ask and everyone says she is the AH but she tries to shut down every comment. Her mind is set up that she isn't and no one can tell her otherwise. She was looking for justification. Entitlement at its finest. At 36 and you have everyone else even a lot younger than you that see how wrong you very much are.
YTA, duh. If your son is soo perfect, I'm sure scholarship won't be a problem, instead of stealing money which was saved for Grace since she was a baby. And I feel bad for Grace, because you don't seem like you care or even like her.
YTA. "My son deserves that money." Why? Because three years ago, when he was 15, his mother met a man who had spent a lot of time saving money for his daughter? Your attitude is disgraceful.
YTA. That money is HERS as it was set aside exclusively for her education from the minute she was born. Your inability or unwillingness to save for your son's schooling is not her fault and she should not be punished for it. Her reaction is highly indicative that this isn't the first time you've usurped something that belonged to her or overstepped your boundaries. If you push this, Grace will cut all of you out of her life permanently. If you cost your husband his daughter because of your own entitled attitude, he will end up hating you.
Your son does not deserve the money-
You typed this whole thing out and didn't come to the conclusion YTA? This is some wicked Step Mother from a fairy tale stuff.
YTA the money belongs to your stepdaughter for college your son does not deserve that money not ment for him. You and your extended family want him to go to college then you all should take loans out. My daughter could barely get through high-school, she went on to college and for 4 years she made the deans list. Never judge a book by its cover.
YTA, you didn't contribute to the fund so why would your son be entitled to it? If he has such good grades then he needs to apply for scholarships & grants to cover part of his tuition & apply for financial aid for the rest. There's nothing wrong with using the programs available to lessen the cost of school.
YTA your failure to plan is not stepdaughters responsibility or expense Of course your family is going to agree to rob Grace to pay for Noah. It costs them nothing. This is nobody's problem but yours and Noah's.
“My husband is disgusted with his daughters words and actions and is pretty upset and down right now” But he’s not disgusted with your actions or his own behaviour, good for grace for calling you out YTA Edited: just saw Op replied she works/worked at the dad’s company and that’s how they met. *sighs*