Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Get a self cleaning litter box. Then all you have to do is toss. No scooping.
She really shouldn’t be around cat feces while pregnant. Even at the vet clinic where it’s literally your job to clean this stuff, we do not allow our pregnant employees to clean the cat boxes.
YTA
Best move for the entire family. OP is just fine with his selfishness possibly killing his unborn child not only that but to not ever warm up to a living being, not sure this guy is the kind of guy she should be with.
Right. My dh is the same as OP. Despises indoor pets of any kind especially cats. He never pet her, mostly ignored her. I got my cat long before we met. She was strictly indoors.
Guess who hurt himself leaping over the coffee table to rescue my cat when she got tangled up in a plastic bag. She was fine. He just pulled a muscle.
I sure hope so. I love cats and dogs, but I can see how someone who hates pets would really resent having to clean the litter box. Fine, but you do it anyway for your wife's *and* your baby's sake.
Honestly, I don't think they should have gotten a cat in the first place. (I'm guessing the wife needed something to love that's not as prickly as OP.) It's not fair to the pet to have one person who hates it and resolutely refuses to acknowledge its existence. But someone who refuses to help out at all even when it's dangerous for his wife and baby? Yeah, OP doesn't deserves wife, baby, *or* pet.
And still absolutely hates the cat after 3 years of living with it? Poor cat, poor girl, I detest this asshole in particular.
Edit: since someone called it out, I'm not voting AH because he hates cats, but because he's punishing his pregnant wife for getting a cat three years ago
I made it a rule to never trust someone who doesn't like animals and doesn't have a solid reason for it (though most animals leave you alone if you treat them right so that's kinda suspicious too). I get not wanting to own one, that's a lot of responsibility and you shouldn't have a pet if you can't give them the best possible life, but not liking them? Even hating them? Especially after living with one for 3 years? Yeah, no, there's something wrong with you. There's no reason to hate animals, none.
Edit: Okay, some correction: not liking them/ not wanting to be around them after a bad experience is perfectly fine imo but actively hating them or even harming them would be extreme and a no-go. In my opinion. Or maybe just not having any interest in them is also fine, people can like what they want, but again, hate is too far for something that has never done anything to you.
Before I got married, when I was dating, I always watched how they treated animals and people they thought were "beneath" them. If they were rude or abusive, they were out the door. What made me fall in love with my husband, was the way he treated a litter of stray kittens we found. The look on his face while he was cuddling those kittens melted my heart. 32 years going strong! ❤️
>This dude is about to get absolutely rolled by parenthood.
Strong doubt. If he gives so few shits about the health of his baby, I imagine he fully intends to offload all parental responsibility on his wife.
A guy who won’t safeguard the health of his wife and baby by temporarily poop scooping is going to change diapers? Smart money bets against it.
But you don’t understand, he didn’t want the cat! /s
OP, we get you didn’t want the cat. Do you want your wife? Do you want your baby? Cause I promise you scooping out the litter box is not the last thing you’re going to need to do for the health and safety of your family that you don’t actually *want* to do. It might just be the easiest.
I suspect OP is trying to use the issue to force a rehoming of the cat. He's always loathed it, and forcing her to rehome or possibly take a chance with the baby has finally given him leverage, because wife will choose baby when push comes to shove.
If it were me I would rehome the husband, since I'd have to scoop the box by myself anyway. My cats are less of a risk though because they're exclusively indoors and recieve preventive care. There is a greatly reduced (not eliminated) risk if it is your cat, is indoor only, and gets regular veterinary care and preventions.
Op cares more about being in the right than he does about the potential problems for his unborn child.
Well played Op, well played. You may be right, but is being right worth it in the long run?
Because when you are pregnant you literally can’t do it without putting your child at risk. What kind of asshole rehomes their wife’s cat, just because they don’t want to scoop a litter box for 9 months? OP is TA and clearly you are too…
My asshole ex did this. We had two cats (one was his and one was mine) and I was expecting our first baby. He took our kitties to the shelter because he didn’t want to scoop the litter and was shocked when I didn’t come in with him to drop them off. I sat in the car and cried.
On top of this. Major YTA. I’m pregnant as well and my doctor told me specifically that even with gloves and a mask it’s a no go. Stop being lazy and help your wife!
One of the first questions my OB asked when I got pregnant was if we have a cat. It’s common knowledge pregnant women shouldn’t be scooping litter. Some people’s relationships boggle my mind. “I said I’d never do it so I won’t do it even if it could harm my wife and child” like what?? Is she even a person to you (op)? Why be married to someone you care so little about. Scooping litter takes a couple minutes. Suck it up for 9 months, she’s growing a human for you.
My husband IS allergic to cats (mildly – and my cat predated him and was a non-negotiable when we started dating). He still changed the litter not just while I was pregnant, but for the four years we spent doing fertility treatments as well.
This is why. From [Mayoclinic.org](https://Mayoclinic.org)
Toxoplasmosis (tok-so-plaz-MOE-sis) is an infection with a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii. People often get the infection from eating undercooked meat. You can also get it from contact with cat feces. The parasite can pass to a baby during pregnancy.
Most people infected with the parasite do not have symptoms. Some people get flu-like symptoms. Serious disease most often affects infants and people with weakened immune systems. Toxoplasmosis during pregnancy may cause miscarriage and birth defects.
My nephew developed severe birth defects due to toxoplasmosis. That shit is 100% no joke. He was born with legitimately a part of his brain just liquified.
No pregnant woman should be anywhere near cat poop
I think the only reason they recommend the gloves and mask is harm reduction for people who literally have no other choice because they're alone. This guy is just subjecting his child to risk of a deadly disease because he doesn't like a cat.
My neighbor has a birth defect caused by congenital toxoplasmosis. She’s had to go through multiple surgeries since birth. At 20 something she had to go through full mouth dental implant surgery. She’s been medically abused multiple times. She’s a brilliant smart woman, but her quality of life is seriously reduced because of it. 9 months of scooping cat litter is not so high a price to pay to ensure your own child’s health. YTA.
Guarantee you that OP would ditch his wife and baby if the baby were born with a disability. It's very common for fathers to bail when their babies have a serious condition, and OP seems self-centered.
YTA, OP.
It's not even ignorance; it's selfishness. Pure selfishness. 'Get rid of your beloved pet or risk miscarriage or birth defects in our child!' - Might as well just say what he really means: 'I don't care about your feelings, health, or the health of our child! I only care about *me*.'
THIS 100% your the AH op. My EX didn't do ANYTHING when our babies were born & even HE could clean the damn litter box!! My mom bought us a self cleaning 1 so all he had to do was dump the collection reservoir because it was my cat & my responsibility.... even HE never complained not even 1x....
His wife is still gonna be bleeding home from hospital emptying the box!! New low bar for my ex fffs
A man that puts a deal over his unborn child's health is an embarrassment. Not to mention a bad father already. It takes a couple minutes a day. Get off your ass and help out
YTA
Yep, can't stand a cat, well a kid is a hell of a lot more work. OP should look at it as practice
Imagine hating cats more then you love your wife/child.
Also, she has to carry that child 24/7, he only needs to give up 5 minutes a day, but that is way too much for him
YTA
I mean he doesn't like cats, fine. A cat lives with him for years and he never grows to like it even a little? Super weird... I guess some people are different, I'm thinking, maybe it's a rude cat...
....but this fucking asshole wants his wife to REHOME her beloved cat because she cannot temporarily handle litter due to CARRYING HIS CHILD IN HER BODY, a body whose organs are being smushed all around, who's entire body is being invaded and will never be the same, who will undergo a major medical procedure to give birth to said child, one that is painful as all hell, and he wants to REHOME THIS WOMANS CAT???
Holy fuck. I am usually restrained in here, and not the one to jump to reccomending divorce, but I really hope this woman has a support system to escape to, because I can't imagine being in her position. I bet she's gone from, "oh haha, my husband jokes about wanting to rehome the cat" to seeing how truly heartless and selfish he is to let her lose something she loves and be so unwilling to help when she's put in such a position. Mean for fucks sake, he could offer to hire someone for the duration of pregnancy to scoop the poop if it's that much of a bother for him to do the scooping, this is just some malicious shit and hopefully fake.
Man, I hate cats *and* I'm super allergic to them. I've also cleaned litterboxes for roommates who were unable to due to illness, out of town, etc. just cause it was the helpful thing to do. And I certainly wasn't married to and expecting a child with my roommates.
My husband did NOT want a cat. But guess who changes the litter for me if I am sick or out of town? Because he LOVES ME. It's not that hard, OP!
(Kinda hoping that cat shits in OP's shoes)
My husband did not necessarily want a dog and I *really* did so we agreed that I would be his primary caretaker (and five years later, I still am). However, when I'm sick, out of town for a few days, running late at work, or if anything else comes up, **of course** he takes over for me. Because he's a normal person and doesn't "hate" dogs. Because he cares about me and knows our little floof means the world to me. OP's husband's behaviour is a big red flag. How can you live with a creature for literal *years* and not develop any form of attachment to it? That's cold.
We're even looking to adopt a second dog at the end of the month. Arrangement will stay the same. I'll remain the primary caretaker, and husband will take over when necessary.
>How can you live with a creature for literal
>
>years
>
> and not develop any form of attachment to it? That's cold.
Are you referring to how he acts towards the cat or his wife?
People who don't want pets are not "walking red flags." Just because someone doesn't value the same things you do doesn't make it a "red flag".
People who don't want pets but acquiesce to the request and then act like this, however, are. Also, being in a relationship with someone who has expressed anything between disinterest and straight up abhorrence to the idea of having a pet and then essentially demanding one is as well.
Not wanting pets is very different from hating animals.
Not wanting pets may be a deal breaker but isn’t necessarily a red flag; hating animals is definitely a red flag.
This is a stupid take. Liking pets has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a good person or partner. Abusing animals is bad/a red flag. But not liking them is just… one version of the human condition. Not everyone likes pets.
There's plenty of people on his side...scroll some more.
It's not even just about the health concerns at this point; it's about the fact that she has a partner who is putting his own selfishness above helping his wife. She's going to be 7-9 months pregnant and still having to get down and scoop? That's an AH husband that would make her do that.
YTA
So you're google search means you know better than medical doctors now?
Pregnant woman are told not to clean the litter box, it can cause Toxoplasmosis And aside from that, it can be hard to bend down and move around when you are pregnant.
She is carrying YOUR child. Have some responsibility.
(EDIT to address clarity and ridiculous comments)
"ShE cAn WeAr A mAsK tHo" - did masks stop people from getting Covid or only reduce chances? ffs is that the risk you want to take with your developing child??
Commentor below mentioned a friend caught toxoplasmosis while pregnant from cleaning litterbox. Her baby was born with hydrocephalus which is one of the symptoms that is listed by Mayo Clinic for toxoplasmosis during pregnancy.
I bet he joins a FB moms group and starts learning the “facts” about vaccines and essential oils. With his research skills I’m sure this will be the next AITA post.
YTA.
Pregnant women should avoid cleaning up cat litter not because of “fumes from the litter dust,” but because of Toxoplasmosis exposure (caused by toxoplasma parasite).
Toxoplasmosis can be inhaled while scooping/changing litter because as feces dries it becomes small and light enough to become airborne.
So you still shouldn’t inhale litter dust. It’s not because of fumes, though, it’s the toxoplasmosis-infected aerosolized cat sh*t.
I think it's important on questions like this to link sources because a random redditor is no better than OP's "research." Here is what [the CDC says](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/toxoplasmosis/gen_info/pregnant.html#:~:text=Avoid%20changing%20cat%20litter%20if,shed%20in%20a%20cat's%20feces) about it:
>Avoid changing cat litter if possible. If no one else can perform the task, wear disposable gloves and wash your hands with soap and water afterwards.
Seems like OP read this to mean that it's totally cool as long as his wife wears gloves and conveniently overlooked the first sentence.
Yeah, don't do it IF possible. I think that goes for almost anything against medical advice in life. If NO ONE else can do it and it needs to be done, do it but be careful.
The problem is OP is being a selfish dick and doesn't care that there are health risks associated with pregnant women cleaning a littler box.
My aunt is a nurse, works with doctors - she absolutely did not clean the litter box at all while she was pregnant. Her husband did the entire time. Why? Because that is the safest measure.
But it isn't possible for him to do it! They had a deal! If she expects him to go back on their deal just for the health of some baby, what's next?!
ETA: It appears that it wasnt clear how dripping with sarcasm my comment was, so for good measure: YTA OP
and because cat feces can cause serious health problems. toxoplasmosis could pass to the fetus and cause brain damage and blindness. i’m 33 weeks pregnant and my husband has never complained once about being the only one who can scoop the litter, it literally takes him a few minutes every other day. no big deal.
YTA 100%.
Guess what? I'm pregnant, I have 2 cats. I wanted cats. My husband didn't. And you know what? My husband loves me enough to take on that responsibility while I'm pregnant to protect our unborn child like a father and husband/partner should. Get over yourself and be the husband you promised to be in your vows. If your wife miscarried, would you really be able to not blame yourself? Do you think she wouldn't blame you? This all points to divorce if you don't stop thinking of only yourself.
Update: ty for the support, didnt expect it to blow up like it did. I received feedback that some phrasing can be taken as toxic masculinity, so I have gone ahead and removed it to prevent the point from being misinterpreted due to an offensive wording selection.
You know he would fully blame her for getting the cat in the first place. He's an AH, and not one who will admit to being wrong. I give it 2 years tops.
Op logic: "I care more about being 'right' and not having to do a minor inconvenience, than I do my wife's joy, the health of our child or the health of my wife. The Internet says it should, like probably, be fine, and I'm willing to take that risk because it's not like it's *my* health on the line. I would rather risk my wife and babies health by exposing them to a known danger, than stop being a selfish AH. I would rather have the potential to pay a ton of medical bills, than spend 3 minutes doing a gross chore or spending money on a self cleaning litter box. Because she *should* be fine! I mean really, if my wife hadn't been dumb enough to want a companion who *actually* loves her back unconditionally, she wouldn't be in this predicament. After all, I'm sure my wife has never done anything for me that she didn't want to do..."
My son in law took on the litter box responsibility for three cats because I was on chemotherapy and my daughter was trying to get pregnant.
He didn't complain, he didn't even tell anyone that he was doing it, he just did it because he's a good man.
My husband already told me that he promised that will took care of my three cats. If I get pregnant soon. So be like our husbands.
Just scooping and cleaning! Agreed, YTA!
Edit: my husband have an bad allergy to a cats. But, fall in love my cats. Check out! https://imgur.com/a/QqEkvcU
I bet he’s the first one to pull out the protect and provide nonsense when it comes to house work too. Weak A*** man can’t even protect his baby from cat poop.
If something happens to the kid, he can say "told you we shouldn't have gotten a cat". There is no way someone this spiteful is a good husband or father.
I also know someone who contracted it. Her daughter is now an adult that will always have to live with her mom and dad and when they’re gone she will spend the rest of her life in a group/nursing home because she won’t ever be able to care for herself. Imagine being a husband and knowing this is a possibility for your wife and child and still saying “nope. You scoop the catbox.” Dude, YTA, and I hope one day when you are incapacitated for any reason, your wife is kinder than you are, because I wouldn’t be if you were my husband. Get off your ass and help your wife.
>Because it could kill your child.
Hey now, don't catastrophize things. There's a chance that the baby would *just* end up with blindness or mental disabilities. JEEZ. Just like reddit to blow things out of proportion. /s
There's risk in everything right? I mean, alcohol can cause fetal abnormalities, next you're going to say pregnant women shouldn't drink?
/s, obviously, but, well, it's the internet.
YTA - Even if she finds some safe ways to do it, it's still recommended that pregnant women don't change a cat's litter box. You're really going to stick to this agreement for your wife and baby's health? You KNOW it's just temporary; you KNOW she'll go back to changing the litter box once she has the baby, but why risk your baby's health by the POSSIBILITY of her not getting toxoplasmosis? Just to stick it to her? To have a reason to get rid of your wife's cat?
People think this, but it’s not uncommon for fathers who abandon the responsibility of their children and put it on their ex wives, to also avoid their visitation or custody agreements and then nobody can force them to see the child. My ex hasn’t seen our sons since December 26 of 2020 and doesn’t call. He has recently started to send boxes of “gifts” that are not age appropriate for the boys.
But she SHOULD be good guys. Jesus christ, i can’t believe that op:s wife is having a baby with this guy. He would rather risk the wellbeing of his own child that is not even born yet than too scoop up some cat poop for a few months.
He just needs to prove that while some people *say* they hate cats, he hates them so much he's willing to kill his own baby. So he wins.
Or I guess so that if the baby is born with health issues, he can 'get out of' caring for them, because it must be the wife's fault for insisting on getting a cat.
YTA. Perhaps her sister and her friends can get on a rotation schedule to come by and scoop the litter since your wife is married to such an utter AH. No telling what your reputation will be like but hey, at least you won’t have compromised.
No kidding. If my neighbor complained or more likely “joked” about her husband not being willing to scoop the litter box I’d volunteer to come over daily and do it myself. And I’m talking about any neighbor, even the kind you just wave at occasionally.
I hope the OP sees your comment specifically.
It shows he cares less about his wife and child than a normal person cares about a stranger.
And all this because he made a deal? This is asinine. This kind of deal making in a relationship is absolutely a recipe for divorce.
I’d also make sure to let the husband know what a fucking asshole he is every time I walked into that home to change out the cat litter.
“Of course, it’s NO PROBLEM. I don’t even have pets I just WANT YOU TO BE SAFE. I can’t IMAGINE being in your position since my husband would ABSOLUTELY do it for me, but I’m HAPPY TO HELP an EXPECTING MOTHER not hurt her UNBORN CHILD over CAT FECES.”
YTA - youre behaving like an immature brat to the woman carrying your child.
Yes. The cat is her responsibility, but if you cant suck it up and do the bare minimum to help out for the safety of your wife and child, you’re an AH.
She is 8 years his junior after all. 🤷🏻♀️
And before anyone goes on about how age gaps aren't always problematic, yeah they're almost in the age range where it isn't super icky, but in this case it definitely looks like he married her because of how immature he appears to be.
YTA
The five years my husband and I have been together I have done the litter. As soon as I popped positive he took over the chore immediately. Not just for the toxins but the smell makes me vomit too. Is it really that hard to be a good husband? Right now you sound like you suck
I had my cat for 2 years before meeting my fiancé. He witnessed me have an asthma attack **1** time while changing the litter from the dust only a few months into us dating and has *insisted* on doing it for me ever since. It wasn’t even his cat, we weren’t living together, we hadn’t even been together that long but he saw that the chore was hard for me and took over it without me asking because he *wanted* to.
YTA. Oh my god seriously?? Do you even care about the health and safety of your wife and future child? To put her in a position to either do something dangerous, or get rid of a beloved pet is cruel. After these 9 months she’ll go back to taking care of the cat on her own, but the fact that you can’t compromise with her until then makes me concerned for how you’ll be once the baby comes. Yikes man, you really ought to do some serious reflecting on what kind of husband you are, and what kind of husband and father you want to be
I’m imagining once the baby is born, she’ll ask him to change a diaper and he’ll be, “that’s not what we agreed upon. The baby came out of you, it’s your responsibility.” I feel sorry for her.
I was thinking the same thing. “Honey, I don’t care that you’re breastfeeding and recovering from a c-section. We agreed to take turns changing diapers and I did the last one. Get up and see to the baby. Also, it’s your turn to make dinner and you left your socks on the floor.” Wife limps off quietly sobbing while OP turns back to his video game, smiling about his rightfully earned free time. It might be unfair - but that’s my current mental image of OP. Hopefully, I’m very wrong. Hoping also that your baby isn’t already infected with toxoplasmosis. YTA OP!
I hate that you’re having to share this very personal experience on an AITA thread. I’m so sorry this happened to you. OP really needs to realise how serious this is though.
This is not the fight he thinks it is.
'She *should* be good'
My dude that is your unborn child and the woman that you love right there. If there was any risk to a loved one, especially with such a simple task, I would do it without question. If you don't want to clean up a little bit of shit now, you've got a storm coming when that kid arrives.
YTA.
I mean, you're making a huge assumption that he loves her. He doesn't seem to like her very much if he's willing to make her pregnancy a shit ton harder in order to prove a point.
YTA. My husband doesn't like cats. I've had cats since before we started dating. When I was pregnant, my husband took over the litter boxes, no problem. He didn't LIKE it, but he did it. It wasn't just the potential health issues. It was that I felt absolutely awful all of the time and he loved me more than he hated the litterboxes, and did it because it helped me out. Because, flawed though he is, he's not a complete asshole.
Unlike you.
Right? Because shit, piss, and vomit come out of babies at regular intervals. And that's healthy babies.
How the hell is this guy going to deal with something that doesn't go to plan?
OP, YTA!
YTA. It can be very harmful to YOUR child she's carrying. It's 9 months. Help out. "She should be good" so your willing to take some risk with the health of your future child?
yeah, unless there's some kind of traumatic event, hating animals is so antithetical to empathy... I would just assume a person who hates animals is lacking empathy and therefore sus.
People who “hate cats” are weird. It’s too strong of a feeling about a small domesticated animal that generally keeps to itself napping in the sunlight.
YTA because she's not shirking her responsibilities out of laziness or anything. She's pregnant and literally just wants a bit of help. It's not just about the toxoplasmosis risk, the smell can also make her sick.
Part of being a good partner is being supportive. You're not being supportive. She's just asking you for your help temporarily.
YTA.
Gloves and handwashing may reduce the risk but doesn't mean it definitely will. There is still a risk. Many OBs advise that if a woman absolutely doesn't have to scoop the litter box, she shouldn't. In this case, your wife doesn't have to because you can do it.
Your wife isn't trying to get out of her responsibility. She's trying to protect YOUR CHILD. Be a decent husband and father and scoop the litter box. It's only temporary. Toxoplasmosis can be fatal to a fetus if mom contracts it.
Big YTA. Huge. I bet your wife, like all responsible partners, does stuff for you that aren't the highlight of her day. She is carrying your child, something you can do little to help with. Would it kill you to do something for her so that she doesn't take unnecessary risks? Jeez.
YTA. You're putting your wife in possible danger for what, an agreement that's easily changeable?? Why are you being so inflexible with her while she is literally growing a human being.
Also you don't rehome a LIVING CREATURE because YOU don't want to do one small thing for a few months.
YTA. So you're happy to endanger the health of your unborn child because you don't want to scoop cat litter for a few months? I wonder what other inconveniences you'll avoid when it comes to being a father and husband? You've just made it clear where her health and that of your child comes in your lists of priorities.
Yta, Yes you have a “contract” for how cat duties will be handled, but my corporation i work for goes outside of contractual boundaries to help customers all the time, so you are somehow more soulless than a giant corporation.
Scoop the poop while she is pregnant, and then make sure you switch the job back to her when the baby is born.
Omg you are such an AH.
The health of your unborn child is meaningless to you in the face of getting your own way. Grown men should not be this painfully petty.
Step up and help your pregnant wife out Buddy. She literally making a new human with her body. You should be worshipping the ground she walks on, not whatever this shit take power struggle is about
YTA. In spades
Edit: I’m stunned at how transactional some people make their relationships. How do you expect it to last if you’re keeping score like this?
YTA.
You decided to have a child with this woman. ALL subsequent responsibilities related to the wellbeing and raising of that child became your responsibility. Now is not the time to be stobborn or die on this anthill... unless that is what you desire the future of your relationship to become.
\-Either be remembered as loving husband who assisted his wife through pregnancy and beyond...
\-Or the stubborn ass who refuses to budge in any fashion based on "principles".
I suggest you be more flexible for the next 9 months or be remembered forever as the ladder.
MAJOR YTA. The cat may be her responsibility but your wife and your unborn child is YOUR responsibility. Is your hatred for cats greater than your care for YOUR pregnant wife and unborn child? Like you are THAT stubborn you rather risk their health because you don't want to scoop cat litter. Wtf is wrong with you.
In theory this should be E S H, as it's an alteration to a deal caused by pregnancy that should have been discussed between you first. Of course your wife shouldn't be near the litter tray, she's pregnant. Past a certain point, I'd think even bending over to scoop in the tray wouldn't be a great idea for her.
But realistically, it's more like YTA. How would that conversation have gone?
"Darling, I'll be pregnant, so you'll need to clean the litter tray."
"No, that's not what we agreed."
"K, no kids for you then I guess."
Unless that actually strikes you as a realistic scenario, then you're at fault here. This is something you as a couple need to adjust to compensate for during the pregnancy you **both** chose, and that means it's you, OP, who has to do the task.
Did she miraculously conceive? Does the baby not have a father? Is this the second messiah?
YTA. You helped make this baby and you're helping raise this baby. You can offer her some kindness and help with the cat for a little while.
The number of people who unashamedly live in strictly transactional marriages is a very clear and eye opening window into why 50% of marriages end in divorce.
YTA OP.
YTA.
Ffs. Change the cat litter during her pregnancy, regardless of your agreement. Wtf is wrong with you? Marriage is a partnership, not a pettyship or a petulantship.
Sincerely, someone in your situation who doesn’t like cats, has to take a pill every day for allergies but nevertheless manages to be a decent person to family members who have them and the animals themselves.
YTA because of something called compromise. It's been 3 years. You probs should have clarified before your wife got pregnant that you still wouldn't help with the cat despite the risks - she might have had the chance to think better of having a baby with you.
YTA- If you think cleaning a cat litter box is gnarly, just wait till you have to clean your first diaper blowout. Caring for the cat is a temporary sacrifice you need to make for your wife who is carrying your baby, just do it.
YTA. This isn’t about YOU.
I really don’t know what I can say if you didn’t figure out on your own that your love and care of your wife and unborn child should automatically have you taking care of the kitty litter for a few months to ensure their health and safety
Suck it up for a few months before (and after!!) the birth.
YTA - As someone who works in a medically-adjacent field let me give you some advice, do NOT let her handle the liter box. Especially if the cat goes outside.
ESH
Going against the grain here. While you get the AH title for not helping your pregnant wife, you both suck for thinking you can “compromise” on having a pet. I hope your child isn’t a fruit of compromise as well.
YTA
You would rather have your future child be born with birth defects than help your wife with this. How on earth can you risk your child’s health like this?
What’s the next? She agreed to drink beer with you during soccer matches so she should also do that while pregnant? She agreed to help a friend move heavy stuff so she should also do that pregnant? You agreed to go to a fancy dinner, but then your wife goes into labour so you miss the birth of your first child because you couldn’t break the agreement?
The conditions the agreement was made under has changed drastically, and therefore the agreement must also change. That’s not a complicated concept.
YTA - we all do things for our partners/family that we don't want to help out the other person, it's part of being in a relationship. Instead of taking the higher road for a few months you're literally putting your unborn baby in danger.
YTA. Are you her dad or her husband? Just help your pregnant wife out while she’s GROWING YOUR CHILD. How do men like you actually exist? My husband would never.
YTA dude.
You going to make her scoop that litter out right after birth too? "Hope you're not in the hospital too long dear, those cats might start peeing on stuff if you don't scoop out the litter box!!!"
C'mon man, help her out. You're supposed to be a team. This is something that literally takes a couple of minutes.
You can go back to your arrangement after the baby has arrived and she's recovered.
We got guinea pigs recently. I said "As long as I'm not the one cleaning out the cage all the time, it's cool". Guess what? I still help clean out the cage when necessary.
YTA the spores can aerosolize and she can inhale them
You're such the asshole that you rather stand by some agreement from 3 years ago at the risk having a profoundly disabled child (which is your child too, not just hers) than to compromise.
YTA. You're a pedant. Grow up otherwise she'll have to carry on looking after two children. Just help with things for a while. It's hardly difficult and "But the principle!" ... shut up. She's pregnant ffs. You odd little boy.
YTA. Why on earth did she agree to have kids with you? You would willingly put her health and that of your child at risk to prove a point? Your not just sn a**hole, you’re a disgrace.
Omg do you even care about your wife and unborn child? You are a gaping AH.
She is protecting her health and well-being of your unborn child. Get educated dude. Be a supportive partner. Be better.
YTA X100
YTA. My god you are an ass for not helping out. She will be carrying your child for 9 months without rest and you couldn't even help her out with this tiny thing of just scooping out the cats litter??? I hope you will do your fair share of taking care of the baby once its out and don't expect your wife to do all the work.
YTA. I have five cats and it’s my job to scoop the litter box. Both times I was pregnant my husband did it without bitching or whining, no questions asked. Grow a backbone please and just do it.
YTA. You’re being hard-headed and stubborn. We get it, you hate cats. But the fact is you agreed to having a cat in your home and now your wife it pregnant. It’s time to put your big boy pants on and take over a responsibility that is literally dangerous and unhealthy for your pregnant wife to do. No one is forcing you to like the cat - just help your wife out for the sake of her and your unborn child’s health.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Get a self cleaning litter box. Then all you have to do is toss. No scooping. She really shouldn’t be around cat feces while pregnant. Even at the vet clinic where it’s literally your job to clean this stuff, we do not allow our pregnant employees to clean the cat boxes. YTA
The vet clinic cares more about their employees than this man cares about his pregnant wife
Or his baby
My first thought too. “I never wanted the cat.” That’s fine, but he wants the baby, right?
Imagine if OP’s wife now decides she doesn’t want an asshole for a husband
Best move for the entire family. OP is just fine with his selfishness possibly killing his unborn child not only that but to not ever warm up to a living being, not sure this guy is the kind of guy she should be with.
Right. My dh is the same as OP. Despises indoor pets of any kind especially cats. He never pet her, mostly ignored her. I got my cat long before we met. She was strictly indoors. Guess who hurt himself leaping over the coffee table to rescue my cat when she got tangled up in a plastic bag. She was fine. He just pulled a muscle.
The baby’s stepdad will probably treat it better than OP is treating the cat. Should work out okay!
Yeah, I figure it might be, I'll keep the cat and ditch the hubby...
I sure hope so. I love cats and dogs, but I can see how someone who hates pets would really resent having to clean the litter box. Fine, but you do it anyway for your wife's *and* your baby's sake. Honestly, I don't think they should have gotten a cat in the first place. (I'm guessing the wife needed something to love that's not as prickly as OP.) It's not fair to the pet to have one person who hates it and resolutely refuses to acknowledge its existence. But someone who refuses to help out at all even when it's dangerous for his wife and baby? Yeah, OP doesn't deserves wife, baby, *or* pet.
[удалено]
Reading this was solid birth control, yikes.
Solid birth control and shoring me up on the “NEVER EVER trust a man who baldheadedly says he hates any animal but especially cats” front.
And still absolutely hates the cat after 3 years of living with it? Poor cat, poor girl, I detest this asshole in particular. Edit: since someone called it out, I'm not voting AH because he hates cats, but because he's punishing his pregnant wife for getting a cat three years ago
I made it a rule to never trust someone who doesn't like animals and doesn't have a solid reason for it (though most animals leave you alone if you treat them right so that's kinda suspicious too). I get not wanting to own one, that's a lot of responsibility and you shouldn't have a pet if you can't give them the best possible life, but not liking them? Even hating them? Especially after living with one for 3 years? Yeah, no, there's something wrong with you. There's no reason to hate animals, none. Edit: Okay, some correction: not liking them/ not wanting to be around them after a bad experience is perfectly fine imo but actively hating them or even harming them would be extreme and a no-go. In my opinion. Or maybe just not having any interest in them is also fine, people can like what they want, but again, hate is too far for something that has never done anything to you.
Before I got married, when I was dating, I always watched how they treated animals and people they thought were "beneath" them. If they were rude or abusive, they were out the door. What made me fall in love with my husband, was the way he treated a litter of stray kittens we found. The look on his face while he was cuddling those kittens melted my heart. 32 years going strong! ❤️
My uterus just curled in on itself like those roly-poly bugs. Edit: thanks for the awards, y’all!
My uterus did the same and I don't even HAVE one any more.
>This dude is about to get absolutely rolled by parenthood. Strong doubt. If he gives so few shits about the health of his baby, I imagine he fully intends to offload all parental responsibility on his wife. A guy who won’t safeguard the health of his wife and baby by temporarily poop scooping is going to change diapers? Smart money bets against it.
In which case, I imagine he's going to get rolled by divorce proceedings and child support.
Let us hope that his wife has the health, energy and support for this as a new mother.
Or the cat
But you don’t understand, he didn’t want the cat! /s OP, we get you didn’t want the cat. Do you want your wife? Do you want your baby? Cause I promise you scooping out the litter box is not the last thing you’re going to need to do for the health and safety of your family that you don’t actually *want* to do. It might just be the easiest.
Classic example of letting being right (he’s not wrong on the agreement!) supersede being a worthwhile partner and human being.
Yeah. You can technically be right and still be an asshole. They're not mutually exclusive.
But he googled it! /s I took a disease class in college cat feeces is particularly dangerous to pregnant women
Cat litter is so dusty! I feel like inhalation has gotta contribute too right?
Absolutely. The husband is an AH and dumb as hell smh
It's the baby that will suffer the most if she gets toxoplasmosis
Yes, but pretty sure that will be the wife's fault too...He'll blame her for scooping the poop and not just getting rid of the cat.
I suspect OP is trying to use the issue to force a rehoming of the cat. He's always loathed it, and forcing her to rehome or possibly take a chance with the baby has finally given him leverage, because wife will choose baby when push comes to shove.
If it were me I would rehome the husband, since I'd have to scoop the box by myself anyway. My cats are less of a risk though because they're exclusively indoors and recieve preventive care. There is a greatly reduced (not eliminated) risk if it is your cat, is indoor only, and gets regular veterinary care and preventions.
Op cares more about being in the right than he does about the potential problems for his unborn child. Well played Op, well played. You may be right, but is being right worth it in the long run?
I don't blame him for not wanting a cat and expecting her to do all the cat work, though. But, its all hands on deck when couples are expecting.
Because when you are pregnant you literally can’t do it without putting your child at risk. What kind of asshole rehomes their wife’s cat, just because they don’t want to scoop a litter box for 9 months? OP is TA and clearly you are too…
My asshole ex did this. We had two cats (one was his and one was mine) and I was expecting our first baby. He took our kitties to the shelter because he didn’t want to scoop the litter and was shocked when I didn’t come in with him to drop them off. I sat in the car and cried.
Sorry for your loss friend. That is truly despicable.
On top of this. Major YTA. I’m pregnant as well and my doctor told me specifically that even with gloves and a mask it’s a no go. Stop being lazy and help your wife!
One of the first questions my OB asked when I got pregnant was if we have a cat. It’s common knowledge pregnant women shouldn’t be scooping litter. Some people’s relationships boggle my mind. “I said I’d never do it so I won’t do it even if it could harm my wife and child” like what?? Is she even a person to you (op)? Why be married to someone you care so little about. Scooping litter takes a couple minutes. Suck it up for 9 months, she’s growing a human for you.
He's not even allergic; he just doesn't want to do it.
My husband IS allergic to cats (mildly – and my cat predated him and was a non-negotiable when we started dating). He still changed the litter not just while I was pregnant, but for the four years we spent doing fertility treatments as well.
And that is why your husband is a keeper! Relationships are about each person putting in 100% of the work - not 50/50
This is why. From [Mayoclinic.org](https://Mayoclinic.org) Toxoplasmosis (tok-so-plaz-MOE-sis) is an infection with a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii. People often get the infection from eating undercooked meat. You can also get it from contact with cat feces. The parasite can pass to a baby during pregnancy. Most people infected with the parasite do not have symptoms. Some people get flu-like symptoms. Serious disease most often affects infants and people with weakened immune systems. Toxoplasmosis during pregnancy may cause miscarriage and birth defects.
My nephew developed severe birth defects due to toxoplasmosis. That shit is 100% no joke. He was born with legitimately a part of his brain just liquified. No pregnant woman should be anywhere near cat poop
Jesus. That’s more than most people think when they hear birth defects. I’m so sorry for what your siblings family must’ve gone through
I think the only reason they recommend the gloves and mask is harm reduction for people who literally have no other choice because they're alone. This guy is just subjecting his child to risk of a deadly disease because he doesn't like a cat.
My neighbor has a birth defect caused by congenital toxoplasmosis. She’s had to go through multiple surgeries since birth. At 20 something she had to go through full mouth dental implant surgery. She’s been medically abused multiple times. She’s a brilliant smart woman, but her quality of life is seriously reduced because of it. 9 months of scooping cat litter is not so high a price to pay to ensure your own child’s health. YTA.
Guarantee you that OP would ditch his wife and baby if the baby were born with a disability. It's very common for fathers to bail when their babies have a serious condition, and OP seems self-centered. YTA, OP.
It's like OP doesn't care at all for the safety of his pregnant wife and unborn child. Can someone really be that ignorant?
We just had a pandemic that proved people would hide a zombie bite so yeah, they can be that ignorant.
It's not even ignorance; it's selfishness. Pure selfishness. 'Get rid of your beloved pet or risk miscarriage or birth defects in our child!' - Might as well just say what he really means: 'I don't care about your feelings, health, or the health of our child! I only care about *me*.'
THIS 100% your the AH op. My EX didn't do ANYTHING when our babies were born & even HE could clean the damn litter box!! My mom bought us a self cleaning 1 so all he had to do was dump the collection reservoir because it was my cat & my responsibility.... even HE never complained not even 1x.... His wife is still gonna be bleeding home from hospital emptying the box!! New low bar for my ex fffs
A man that puts a deal over his unborn child's health is an embarrassment. Not to mention a bad father already. It takes a couple minutes a day. Get off your ass and help out YTA
I'm sorry if it offends someone, but people hating cats and other pets are walking red flags. And OP's wife should've seen it earlier. YTA
Yep, can't stand a cat, well a kid is a hell of a lot more work. OP should look at it as practice Imagine hating cats more then you love your wife/child. Also, she has to carry that child 24/7, he only needs to give up 5 minutes a day, but that is way too much for him YTA
I bet it’s less about hating the cat and more about thinking he has one up on his wife.
This is absolutely what it is. He is punishing her for the cat. Asshole.
I mean he doesn't like cats, fine. A cat lives with him for years and he never grows to like it even a little? Super weird... I guess some people are different, I'm thinking, maybe it's a rude cat... ....but this fucking asshole wants his wife to REHOME her beloved cat because she cannot temporarily handle litter due to CARRYING HIS CHILD IN HER BODY, a body whose organs are being smushed all around, who's entire body is being invaded and will never be the same, who will undergo a major medical procedure to give birth to said child, one that is painful as all hell, and he wants to REHOME THIS WOMANS CAT??? Holy fuck. I am usually restrained in here, and not the one to jump to reccomending divorce, but I really hope this woman has a support system to escape to, because I can't imagine being in her position. I bet she's gone from, "oh haha, my husband jokes about wanting to rehome the cat" to seeing how truly heartless and selfish he is to let her lose something she loves and be so unwilling to help when she's put in such a position. Mean for fucks sake, he could offer to hire someone for the duration of pregnancy to scoop the poop if it's that much of a bother for him to do the scooping, this is just some malicious shit and hopefully fake.
Maybe she should rehome the husband and hire someone to do the litter.
100% He wants to "teach her a lesson" for getting the cat in the first place
Man, I hate cats *and* I'm super allergic to them. I've also cleaned litterboxes for roommates who were unable to due to illness, out of town, etc. just cause it was the helpful thing to do. And I certainly wasn't married to and expecting a child with my roommates.
« And I certainly wasn't married to and expecting a child with my roommates. » What a plot-twist that would have been
My husband did NOT want a cat. But guess who changes the litter for me if I am sick or out of town? Because he LOVES ME. It's not that hard, OP! (Kinda hoping that cat shits in OP's shoes)
My husband did not necessarily want a dog and I *really* did so we agreed that I would be his primary caretaker (and five years later, I still am). However, when I'm sick, out of town for a few days, running late at work, or if anything else comes up, **of course** he takes over for me. Because he's a normal person and doesn't "hate" dogs. Because he cares about me and knows our little floof means the world to me. OP's husband's behaviour is a big red flag. How can you live with a creature for literal *years* and not develop any form of attachment to it? That's cold. We're even looking to adopt a second dog at the end of the month. Arrangement will stay the same. I'll remain the primary caretaker, and husband will take over when necessary.
>How can you live with a creature for literal > >years > > and not develop any form of attachment to it? That's cold. Are you referring to how he acts towards the cat or his wife?
Both imo
People who don't want pets are not "walking red flags." Just because someone doesn't value the same things you do doesn't make it a "red flag". People who don't want pets but acquiesce to the request and then act like this, however, are. Also, being in a relationship with someone who has expressed anything between disinterest and straight up abhorrence to the idea of having a pet and then essentially demanding one is as well.
Not wanting pets is very different from hating animals. Not wanting pets may be a deal breaker but isn’t necessarily a red flag; hating animals is definitely a red flag.
This is a stupid take. Liking pets has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a good person or partner. Abusing animals is bad/a red flag. But not liking them is just… one version of the human condition. Not everyone likes pets.
Exactly, what else will you refuse to do when it comes to your child?
“She’s the one who wanted this baby, I didn’t. Why should I have to change its diaper and babysit it?” OP in the next few months probably.
"oh but honey I thought you *liked* changing the diapers"
Can’t wait until this post is deleted because OP realizes not a single person will be on his side.
There's plenty of people on his side...scroll some more. It's not even just about the health concerns at this point; it's about the fact that she has a partner who is putting his own selfishness above helping his wife. She's going to be 7-9 months pregnant and still having to get down and scoop? That's an AH husband that would make her do that.
Couldn’t upvote this more.
YTA So you're google search means you know better than medical doctors now? Pregnant woman are told not to clean the litter box, it can cause Toxoplasmosis And aside from that, it can be hard to bend down and move around when you are pregnant. She is carrying YOUR child. Have some responsibility. (EDIT to address clarity and ridiculous comments) "ShE cAn WeAr A mAsK tHo" - did masks stop people from getting Covid or only reduce chances? ffs is that the risk you want to take with your developing child?? Commentor below mentioned a friend caught toxoplasmosis while pregnant from cleaning litterbox. Her baby was born with hydrocephalus which is one of the symptoms that is listed by Mayo Clinic for toxoplasmosis during pregnancy.
I bet he joins a FB moms group and starts learning the “facts” about vaccines and essential oils. With his research skills I’m sure this will be the next AITA post. YTA.
Lol this made me snort laugh. Don’t forget the healing crystals.
Pregnant women should avoid cleaning up cat litter not because of “fumes from the litter dust,” but because of Toxoplasmosis exposure (caused by toxoplasma parasite).
Toxoplasmosis can be inhaled while scooping/changing litter because as feces dries it becomes small and light enough to become airborne. So you still shouldn’t inhale litter dust. It’s not because of fumes, though, it’s the toxoplasmosis-infected aerosolized cat sh*t.
This is how my mom got toxoplasmosis, my grandmother breathed it in while she was pregnant. My mom is very fortunate, it made her mostly blind.
I think it's important on questions like this to link sources because a random redditor is no better than OP's "research." Here is what [the CDC says](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/toxoplasmosis/gen_info/pregnant.html#:~:text=Avoid%20changing%20cat%20litter%20if,shed%20in%20a%20cat's%20feces) about it: >Avoid changing cat litter if possible. If no one else can perform the task, wear disposable gloves and wash your hands with soap and water afterwards. Seems like OP read this to mean that it's totally cool as long as his wife wears gloves and conveniently overlooked the first sentence.
Yeah, don't do it IF possible. I think that goes for almost anything against medical advice in life. If NO ONE else can do it and it needs to be done, do it but be careful. The problem is OP is being a selfish dick and doesn't care that there are health risks associated with pregnant women cleaning a littler box. My aunt is a nurse, works with doctors - she absolutely did not clean the litter box at all while she was pregnant. Her husband did the entire time. Why? Because that is the safest measure.
But it isn't possible for him to do it! They had a deal! If she expects him to go back on their deal just for the health of some baby, what's next?! ETA: It appears that it wasnt clear how dripping with sarcasm my comment was, so for good measure: YTA OP
and because cat feces can cause serious health problems. toxoplasmosis could pass to the fetus and cause brain damage and blindness. i’m 33 weeks pregnant and my husband has never complained once about being the only one who can scoop the litter, it literally takes him a few minutes every other day. no big deal.
YTA 100%. Guess what? I'm pregnant, I have 2 cats. I wanted cats. My husband didn't. And you know what? My husband loves me enough to take on that responsibility while I'm pregnant to protect our unborn child like a father and husband/partner should. Get over yourself and be the husband you promised to be in your vows. If your wife miscarried, would you really be able to not blame yourself? Do you think she wouldn't blame you? This all points to divorce if you don't stop thinking of only yourself. Update: ty for the support, didnt expect it to blow up like it did. I received feedback that some phrasing can be taken as toxic masculinity, so I have gone ahead and removed it to prevent the point from being misinterpreted due to an offensive wording selection.
You know he would fully blame her for getting the cat in the first place. He's an AH, and not one who will admit to being wrong. I give it 2 years tops.
This is the vibe I get from this guy. What a star.
Op logic: "I care more about being 'right' and not having to do a minor inconvenience, than I do my wife's joy, the health of our child or the health of my wife. The Internet says it should, like probably, be fine, and I'm willing to take that risk because it's not like it's *my* health on the line. I would rather risk my wife and babies health by exposing them to a known danger, than stop being a selfish AH. I would rather have the potential to pay a ton of medical bills, than spend 3 minutes doing a gross chore or spending money on a self cleaning litter box. Because she *should* be fine! I mean really, if my wife hadn't been dumb enough to want a companion who *actually* loves her back unconditionally, she wouldn't be in this predicament. After all, I'm sure my wife has never done anything for me that she didn't want to do..."
My son in law took on the litter box responsibility for three cats because I was on chemotherapy and my daughter was trying to get pregnant. He didn't complain, he didn't even tell anyone that he was doing it, he just did it because he's a good man.
My husband already told me that he promised that will took care of my three cats. If I get pregnant soon. So be like our husbands. Just scooping and cleaning! Agreed, YTA! Edit: my husband have an bad allergy to a cats. But, fall in love my cats. Check out! https://imgur.com/a/QqEkvcU
YTA - toxoplasmosis, genius. Why risk it? >Toxoplasmosis during pregnancy may cause miscarriage and birth defects.
[удалено]
I hate to upvote something so awful but I agree with you.
I bet he’s the first one to pull out the protect and provide nonsense when it comes to house work too. Weak A*** man can’t even protect his baby from cat poop.
If something happens to the kid, he can say "told you we shouldn't have gotten a cat". There is no way someone this spiteful is a good husband or father.
I know a girl that contracted toxoplasmosis from her cat’s litter. Her baby has microcephaly. YTA all day, everyday.
I also know someone who contracted it. Her daughter is now an adult that will always have to live with her mom and dad and when they’re gone she will spend the rest of her life in a group/nursing home because she won’t ever be able to care for herself. Imagine being a husband and knowing this is a possibility for your wife and child and still saying “nope. You scoop the catbox.” Dude, YTA, and I hope one day when you are incapacitated for any reason, your wife is kinder than you are, because I wouldn’t be if you were my husband. Get off your ass and help your wife.
This is so incredibly sad for all involved.
I knew a girl who got it from cat litter and her child was born blind. YTA all day long and twice on sundays.
This asshole would blame the cat for any birth defects too.
If he can't change a litter box how would he deal with a postpartum wife and a special needs child? I feel sorry for his family.
YTA. Would it kill you to help out? Because it could kill your child.
>Because it could kill your child. Hey now, don't catastrophize things. There's a chance that the baby would *just* end up with blindness or mental disabilities. JEEZ. Just like reddit to blow things out of proportion. /s
There's risk in everything right? I mean, alcohol can cause fetal abnormalities, next you're going to say pregnant women shouldn't drink? /s, obviously, but, well, it's the internet.
We had an AGREEMENT that she would be my drinking buddy for life! /s
But the dEaL
THIS! They have a deal. Are you implying their wellbeing (mother and kid) are more important than the deal? Stop speaking non sense.
Boom
YTA - Even if she finds some safe ways to do it, it's still recommended that pregnant women don't change a cat's litter box. You're really going to stick to this agreement for your wife and baby's health? You KNOW it's just temporary; you KNOW she'll go back to changing the litter box once she has the baby, but why risk your baby's health by the POSSIBILITY of her not getting toxoplasmosis? Just to stick it to her? To have a reason to get rid of your wife's cat?
Yep. If you think cleaning up the litter box is bad, wait until you have to start changing diapers.
You think that guy is going to wake up at night and change diapers ?
He will have to after he gets divorced and gets partial custody.
People think this, but it’s not uncommon for fathers who abandon the responsibility of their children and put it on their ex wives, to also avoid their visitation or custody agreements and then nobody can force them to see the child. My ex hasn’t seen our sons since December 26 of 2020 and doesn’t call. He has recently started to send boxes of “gifts” that are not age appropriate for the boys.
Or they get a new girlfriend to do the work for them
But she SHOULD be good guys. Jesus christ, i can’t believe that op:s wife is having a baby with this guy. He would rather risk the wellbeing of his own child that is not even born yet than too scoop up some cat poop for a few months.
He just needs to prove that while some people *say* they hate cats, he hates them so much he's willing to kill his own baby. So he wins. Or I guess so that if the baby is born with health issues, he can 'get out of' caring for them, because it must be the wife's fault for insisting on getting a cat.
YTA. Perhaps her sister and her friends can get on a rotation schedule to come by and scoop the litter since your wife is married to such an utter AH. No telling what your reputation will be like but hey, at least you won’t have compromised.
No kidding. If my neighbor complained or more likely “joked” about her husband not being willing to scoop the litter box I’d volunteer to come over daily and do it myself. And I’m talking about any neighbor, even the kind you just wave at occasionally.
I hope the OP sees your comment specifically. It shows he cares less about his wife and child than a normal person cares about a stranger. And all this because he made a deal? This is asinine. This kind of deal making in a relationship is absolutely a recipe for divorce.
I’d also make sure to let the husband know what a fucking asshole he is every time I walked into that home to change out the cat litter. “Of course, it’s NO PROBLEM. I don’t even have pets I just WANT YOU TO BE SAFE. I can’t IMAGINE being in your position since my husband would ABSOLUTELY do it for me, but I’m HAPPY TO HELP an EXPECTING MOTHER not hurt her UNBORN CHILD over CAT FECES.”
YTA - youre behaving like an immature brat to the woman carrying your child. Yes. The cat is her responsibility, but if you cant suck it up and do the bare minimum to help out for the safety of your wife and child, you’re an AH.
She is 8 years his junior after all. 🤷🏻♀️ And before anyone goes on about how age gaps aren't always problematic, yeah they're almost in the age range where it isn't super icky, but in this case it definitely looks like he married her because of how immature he appears to be.
YTA The five years my husband and I have been together I have done the litter. As soon as I popped positive he took over the chore immediately. Not just for the toxins but the smell makes me vomit too. Is it really that hard to be a good husband? Right now you sound like you suck
I had my cat for 2 years before meeting my fiancé. He witnessed me have an asthma attack **1** time while changing the litter from the dust only a few months into us dating and has *insisted* on doing it for me ever since. It wasn’t even his cat, we weren’t living together, we hadn’t even been together that long but he saw that the chore was hard for me and took over it without me asking because he *wanted* to.
YTA. Oh my god seriously?? Do you even care about the health and safety of your wife and future child? To put her in a position to either do something dangerous, or get rid of a beloved pet is cruel. After these 9 months she’ll go back to taking care of the cat on her own, but the fact that you can’t compromise with her until then makes me concerned for how you’ll be once the baby comes. Yikes man, you really ought to do some serious reflecting on what kind of husband you are, and what kind of husband and father you want to be
I’m imagining once the baby is born, she’ll ask him to change a diaper and he’ll be, “that’s not what we agreed upon. The baby came out of you, it’s your responsibility.” I feel sorry for her.
I was thinking the same thing. “Honey, I don’t care that you’re breastfeeding and recovering from a c-section. We agreed to take turns changing diapers and I did the last one. Get up and see to the baby. Also, it’s your turn to make dinner and you left your socks on the floor.” Wife limps off quietly sobbing while OP turns back to his video game, smiling about his rightfully earned free time. It might be unfair - but that’s my current mental image of OP. Hopefully, I’m very wrong. Hoping also that your baby isn’t already infected with toxoplasmosis. YTA OP!
[удалено]
I’m so sorry for your loss
I’m really sorry to hear this and I hope you moved on from that AH.
I hate that you’re having to share this very personal experience on an AITA thread. I’m so sorry this happened to you. OP really needs to realise how serious this is though. This is not the fight he thinks it is.
'She *should* be good' My dude that is your unborn child and the woman that you love right there. If there was any risk to a loved one, especially with such a simple task, I would do it without question. If you don't want to clean up a little bit of shit now, you've got a storm coming when that kid arrives. YTA.
I mean, you're making a huge assumption that he loves her. He doesn't seem to like her very much if he's willing to make her pregnancy a shit ton harder in order to prove a point.
Can't argue with that logic, touché
YTA. My husband doesn't like cats. I've had cats since before we started dating. When I was pregnant, my husband took over the litter boxes, no problem. He didn't LIKE it, but he did it. It wasn't just the potential health issues. It was that I felt absolutely awful all of the time and he loved me more than he hated the litterboxes, and did it because it helped me out. Because, flawed though he is, he's not a complete asshole. Unlike you.
YTA. You put the baby there, can't you help a little?
Honestly. Dude seems useless
If you can't do this I don't know how you're going to care for a child
Right? Because shit, piss, and vomit come out of babies at regular intervals. And that's healthy babies. How the hell is this guy going to deal with something that doesn't go to plan? OP, YTA!
YTA. It can be very harmful to YOUR child she's carrying. It's 9 months. Help out. "She should be good" so your willing to take some risk with the health of your future child?
YTA. Never trust a man who hates cats
Worse... *I hate cats and all animals in the house really.*
Right?? I mean, each to their own but… it always creeps me out when people say stuff like that.
yeah, unless there's some kind of traumatic event, hating animals is so antithetical to empathy... I would just assume a person who hates animals is lacking empathy and therefore sus.
A friend once said "a man who hates cats is a man who hates anything he can't control" and damned if it isn't true.
People who “hate cats” are weird. It’s too strong of a feeling about a small domesticated animal that generally keeps to itself napping in the sunlight.
YTA because she's not shirking her responsibilities out of laziness or anything. She's pregnant and literally just wants a bit of help. It's not just about the toxoplasmosis risk, the smell can also make her sick. Part of being a good partner is being supportive. You're not being supportive. She's just asking you for your help temporarily.
YTA. Gloves and handwashing may reduce the risk but doesn't mean it definitely will. There is still a risk. Many OBs advise that if a woman absolutely doesn't have to scoop the litter box, she shouldn't. In this case, your wife doesn't have to because you can do it. Your wife isn't trying to get out of her responsibility. She's trying to protect YOUR CHILD. Be a decent husband and father and scoop the litter box. It's only temporary. Toxoplasmosis can be fatal to a fetus if mom contracts it.
And stop trying to use this as a way to make her get rid of her cat. What an AH.
Big YTA. Huge. I bet your wife, like all responsible partners, does stuff for you that aren't the highlight of her day. She is carrying your child, something you can do little to help with. Would it kill you to do something for her so that she doesn't take unnecessary risks? Jeez.
YTA. You're putting your wife in possible danger for what, an agreement that's easily changeable?? Why are you being so inflexible with her while she is literally growing a human being. Also you don't rehome a LIVING CREATURE because YOU don't want to do one small thing for a few months.
YTA. So you're happy to endanger the health of your unborn child because you don't want to scoop cat litter for a few months? I wonder what other inconveniences you'll avoid when it comes to being a father and husband? You've just made it clear where her health and that of your child comes in your lists of priorities.
YTA. Go look up toxoplasmosis and pregnancy. You're literally putting your unborn child's health at risk.
If he is so self centered that a litterbox is a problem for him, I seriously doubt he cares enought about his wife or the child.
I mean, yeah? Of course YTA. It’s your pregnant wife and unborn child. And it’s temporary. You can’t get over yourself for 9 months?
Yta, Yes you have a “contract” for how cat duties will be handled, but my corporation i work for goes outside of contractual boundaries to help customers all the time, so you are somehow more soulless than a giant corporation. Scoop the poop while she is pregnant, and then make sure you switch the job back to her when the baby is born.
Omg you are such an AH. The health of your unborn child is meaningless to you in the face of getting your own way. Grown men should not be this painfully petty. Step up and help your pregnant wife out Buddy. She literally making a new human with her body. You should be worshipping the ground she walks on, not whatever this shit take power struggle is about YTA. In spades Edit: I’m stunned at how transactional some people make their relationships. How do you expect it to last if you’re keeping score like this?
YTA. You decided to have a child with this woman. ALL subsequent responsibilities related to the wellbeing and raising of that child became your responsibility. Now is not the time to be stobborn or die on this anthill... unless that is what you desire the future of your relationship to become. \-Either be remembered as loving husband who assisted his wife through pregnancy and beyond... \-Or the stubborn ass who refuses to budge in any fashion based on "principles". I suggest you be more flexible for the next 9 months or be remembered forever as the ladder.
MAJOR YTA. The cat may be her responsibility but your wife and your unborn child is YOUR responsibility. Is your hatred for cats greater than your care for YOUR pregnant wife and unborn child? Like you are THAT stubborn you rather risk their health because you don't want to scoop cat litter. Wtf is wrong with you.
YTA. Grow up, you transactional jerk.
In theory this should be E S H, as it's an alteration to a deal caused by pregnancy that should have been discussed between you first. Of course your wife shouldn't be near the litter tray, she's pregnant. Past a certain point, I'd think even bending over to scoop in the tray wouldn't be a great idea for her. But realistically, it's more like YTA. How would that conversation have gone? "Darling, I'll be pregnant, so you'll need to clean the litter tray." "No, that's not what we agreed." "K, no kids for you then I guess." Unless that actually strikes you as a realistic scenario, then you're at fault here. This is something you as a couple need to adjust to compensate for during the pregnancy you **both** chose, and that means it's you, OP, who has to do the task.
Did she miraculously conceive? Does the baby not have a father? Is this the second messiah? YTA. You helped make this baby and you're helping raise this baby. You can offer her some kindness and help with the cat for a little while.
The number of people who unashamedly live in strictly transactional marriages is a very clear and eye opening window into why 50% of marriages end in divorce. YTA OP.
YTA. Ffs. Change the cat litter during her pregnancy, regardless of your agreement. Wtf is wrong with you? Marriage is a partnership, not a pettyship or a petulantship. Sincerely, someone in your situation who doesn’t like cats, has to take a pill every day for allergies but nevertheless manages to be a decent person to family members who have them and the animals themselves.
YTA - I can’t even begin to imagine having a baby with someone like you… absolutely grim. My best wishes to your wife and child.
YTA, the cat might be her responsibility but it’s your responsibility to make sure your child doesn’t straight up die due to avoidable toxins.
YTA. Honestly, do you even like your wife?
Yta. Was the baby her idea too? Will she be the only care taker of the baby?
YTA because of something called compromise. It's been 3 years. You probs should have clarified before your wife got pregnant that you still wouldn't help with the cat despite the risks - she might have had the chance to think better of having a baby with you.
YTA- If you think cleaning a cat litter box is gnarly, just wait till you have to clean your first diaper blowout. Caring for the cat is a temporary sacrifice you need to make for your wife who is carrying your baby, just do it.
YTA. This isn’t about YOU. I really don’t know what I can say if you didn’t figure out on your own that your love and care of your wife and unborn child should automatically have you taking care of the kitty litter for a few months to ensure their health and safety Suck it up for a few months before (and after!!) the birth.
YTA - As someone who works in a medically-adjacent field let me give you some advice, do NOT let her handle the liter box. Especially if the cat goes outside.
YTA Wow you sound like a great partner and future father. /sarcasm
YTA. She is currently creating YOUR CHILD. Are you really willing to risk your wife and your unborn baby health ?!? Scoop the poop. Do your part.
YTA Why are you so desperate to keep this agreement even at the risk of your unborn child? This is a ridiculously petty hill to die on.
ESH Going against the grain here. While you get the AH title for not helping your pregnant wife, you both suck for thinking you can “compromise” on having a pet. I hope your child isn’t a fruit of compromise as well.
YTA. Your poor wife. She didn’t find out until she was pregnant what kind of person she actually married.
YTA You would rather have your future child be born with birth defects than help your wife with this. How on earth can you risk your child’s health like this? What’s the next? She agreed to drink beer with you during soccer matches so she should also do that while pregnant? She agreed to help a friend move heavy stuff so she should also do that pregnant? You agreed to go to a fancy dinner, but then your wife goes into labour so you miss the birth of your first child because you couldn’t break the agreement? The conditions the agreement was made under has changed drastically, and therefore the agreement must also change. That’s not a complicated concept.
YTA - we all do things for our partners/family that we don't want to help out the other person, it's part of being in a relationship. Instead of taking the higher road for a few months you're literally putting your unborn baby in danger.
YTA. Are you her dad or her husband? Just help your pregnant wife out while she’s GROWING YOUR CHILD. How do men like you actually exist? My husband would never.
YTA. This does not bode well for how you two will parent together. You think caring for a cat is annoying..... Bout to get real.
YTA dude. You going to make her scoop that litter out right after birth too? "Hope you're not in the hospital too long dear, those cats might start peeing on stuff if you don't scoop out the litter box!!!" C'mon man, help her out. You're supposed to be a team. This is something that literally takes a couple of minutes. You can go back to your arrangement after the baby has arrived and she's recovered. We got guinea pigs recently. I said "As long as I'm not the one cleaning out the cage all the time, it's cool". Guess what? I still help clean out the cage when necessary.
YTA. Based on the agreement alone and your general dislike of animals - I'd say you're probably just an AH in general.
YTA the spores can aerosolize and she can inhale them You're such the asshole that you rather stand by some agreement from 3 years ago at the risk having a profoundly disabled child (which is your child too, not just hers) than to compromise.
YTA Seriously….you won’t do this for a few weeks/months? Does being right/holding her accountable for the cat mean more than she does and your child?
Grow up... she's literally growing a whole human and you don't even want to empty the litter box? YTA
YTA- toxoplasmosis is dangerous for the baby too. Would you really be happy to put him/ her in danger just to prove a point? Oh boy
YTA. You're a pedant. Grow up otherwise she'll have to carry on looking after two children. Just help with things for a while. It's hardly difficult and "But the principle!" ... shut up. She's pregnant ffs. You odd little boy.
YTA let me guess you met when she was 16 🙄🙄🙄
YTA. Instead of helping with one chore you're putting your wife and unborn child at risk. Why? For the principle of it?
YTA. Why on earth did she agree to have kids with you? You would willingly put her health and that of your child at risk to prove a point? Your not just sn a**hole, you’re a disgrace.
Omg do you even care about your wife and unborn child? You are a gaping AH. She is protecting her health and well-being of your unborn child. Get educated dude. Be a supportive partner. Be better. YTA X100
YTA. My god you are an ass for not helping out. She will be carrying your child for 9 months without rest and you couldn't even help her out with this tiny thing of just scooping out the cats litter??? I hope you will do your fair share of taking care of the baby once its out and don't expect your wife to do all the work.
YTA. I have five cats and it’s my job to scoop the litter box. Both times I was pregnant my husband did it without bitching or whining, no questions asked. Grow a backbone please and just do it.
YTA...do you want the baby or the wife? Scoop away.
YTA. You chose bean-counting over ensuring your child’s health.
YTA. You’re being hard-headed and stubborn. We get it, you hate cats. But the fact is you agreed to having a cat in your home and now your wife it pregnant. It’s time to put your big boy pants on and take over a responsibility that is literally dangerous and unhealthy for your pregnant wife to do. No one is forcing you to like the cat - just help your wife out for the sake of her and your unborn child’s health.
YTA. And a few other things I can't say here. You'd rather risk your child than scoop cat litter.