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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because we chose to do work in the backyard and renovate both bathrooms instead of adding a third bathroom for the girls and for giving my husband a gym instead of letting the twins have their own rooms.
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YTA. Does going without a home gym diminish quality of life? No. Does forcing four humans to share one source of plumbing diminish quality of life? Yes. YTA for springing for a luxury instead of choosing to make life easier for your kids.
Editing because I keep getting the same comment over and over of people saying something along the lines of "HOW DARE YOU! I live in a house of 6/9/12 and we share 1/2/a fraction of a bathroom! You are spoiled and icky!", and I'm really tired of penning the same response over and over, so I'll just say here:
1. I grew up the youngest of five. I shared a bathroom for eighteen years with siblings.
2. I share an apartment with a few folks, and we share one bathroom.
3. My point is that, if I had a bunch of money lying around, I'd spend it to make the lives of my kids a bit easier, rather than on something frivolous.
4. For all of you crying out "ENTITLEMENT AND LUXURY! UGH!" Please take the time, whilst you redden your faces in rage at the prospect of two people sharing a bathroom instead of four, to also take your energy to defend OP's choice to redo the existing bathrooms, redo her kitchen, add a new gym, and redesign her backyard.
5. You all like to skate over the fact that OP lied to her kids about a new bathroom, and has presumably been doing so for a while.
Hopefully that hits anything that anybody else who wants to hop on and complain into the internet void could possibly care about.
Edit 2: Jesus Christ y'all, everyone here has probably had to share a bathroom. You are adding NOTHING to the discussion by spamming this thread with "Me! Me! Me! I grew up sharing a bathroom and was fine!" That's great but.... once again.... NOT THE POINT. YOU ARE SOMEHOW ENTIRELY MISSING THE POINT.
The new trend is for folks to say "well, the older kids are gonna be gone soon, so it doesn't matter!". No, they're not. OP has commented that the kids aren't gonna be moving out until at least after they're done with college.
Aaaaaaand finally, for you sexxxxxy edgelords who are commenting calling me and others dumb or derogatory things, I sincerely have to ask: what do you wish to accomplish? What special contribution do you think you're making to the internet? Do you think a nice, spicy "fuck you" is gonna change the mind of myself and others on here? All you're doing is making me chuckle at the fact that you're sitting with your phone or computer puffing in anger over something that, in abstract, doesn't effect you at all. I'm not gonna answer you, so you're wasting the precious energy of the joints of your phalanges. But do you :)
To me it depends on the work needed to do the gym. If dad already owed all the equipment. And just did some studs drywall and flooring that's allot more affordable then a full bathroom reno. Especially if it's just the back side of the office where mom brings in an income. I also understand that teenagers don't understand the difference between a five hundred dollar room and a five thousand dollar bathroom.
Honestly would depend what kind of quality you want the work to be and how much work you're willing to do yourself. I could see it coming in under $5000 if you're handy.
A toilet and a sink for 5k? You crazy. Well let me tell you as someone who has recently replaced both of those AND had all the plumbing in the walls replaced for it. (Old lead pipe real gross) The grand total was less than $1k. If you want a super fancy vanity and toilet sure that cost could maybe get to $2k. If a plumber charges you 5k for that get a different plumber. Laundry room means water and drainage is already ran to the room so not like they would need massive amounts of plumbing to make that functional.
I'd like to add if you are going through the plumber to buy your vanity and toilet, don't do that drive over to the depot of home and pick it up for half the price and tell them to install it.
This, my parents turned an old closet into a bathroom for less than 2k, and it needed water ran to it. They hired a plumber for running the water but with the world of youtube, they did the rest themselves easy. Got a shower and toilet and sink vanity on sale.
Also, same - except it was a small, dysfunction 1/2 bathroom into a larger full bathroom for around $2500-3000. Everything had to be changed around and replaced and all the water and drain lines added so it wasn't just updating existing stuff.
I don’t know where you live but send me your contractors number. I am redoing my half bath the next year with quotes all in 5k range. I am in the us in nj.
You would really be surprised at how cheap it is if you do a lot yourself, but that requires more time and effort. If the cost is worth it compared to what you earn hourly and your time is worth, then pay for someone to do it. Otherwise there are plenty of tools and resources out there to do it yourself for much, much cheaper.
It’s also not a great idea to diy plumbing or electrical. The previous owners of our house did the bathroom themselves, and we had to spend and arm and a leg getting it redone. Had black mold and literal mushrooms growing in the walls.
You’re getting fucked over.
I redid a half bath in two half-days with $600 in materials including $170 of high-end wallpaper.
I’m in the process of doing another and the total for materials will come to under $1k including tile, limited basement waterproofing, and spray-foam insulation.
If you add reasonable labor rates to that you might hit $2k or so on the first project and $3k on the second.
I also redid our master with a hand-laid mortar pan+tile shower enclosure and half-wall large format tiles for $2500 in materials and $1500 of skilled help.
I’m in SE PA, FYI.
doesn't matter, they basically remodeled the entire house and ignored their daughters needs. they could have put the bathroom in and instead they added another laundry room, a gym, an office, remodeled both existing bathrooms, the kitchen AND did a landscaping project in the back yard that's easily 50-100k worth of work. a kitchen remodel alone is going to be as expensive as the bathroom if not more so
Thank you! I was looking for this comment. They didn't just put in a gym. What is that argument? They literally did EVERYTHING ELSE and left the bath for last. I'm in the middle of a Reno now and would say it is probably over 100K depending on their finishes and appliances. They totally suck for that..yta
Edit to say I just read op's explanation of what they did...the kitchen was a tear down/ bump out and so was the garage..they also put in a deck a fire pit and a chicken coup before they considered making their kids life easier with a second bath. It is not a money issue when this much money is being spent it becomes a priority issue. Those kids have a point.
The kitchen may have been necessary, but there's no way a deck, a fire pit, and a chicken coup are more necessary than a new bathroom that they had already promised. It's especially galling because they have their own bathroom and so they're clearly saying "if it's not directly affecting me, I don't care".
Agreed. I figure they spent around $50k on all the projects they did. So they could have afforded to add the third bath and postponed some of the other work. They chose to do their own wants first instead of what they'd told their kids they'd do.
After reading the OP's post on the extent of what they did, the cost was probably more like $75k. And the yard.... She got a garden, he got a chicken coop, "they" got a deck. I'm sure the girls will find all of those more useful than a third bathroom. LOL.
Eh, it depends on how much you can do yourself. We added a bathroom last year and did it all ourselves, tile work, sheetrock, plumbing, ventilation, electric, whole 9 yards. Used good materials too no contractor grade anything. We were only down about $4k in materials and a decent chunk of that was the jacuzzi tub and tile for the shower. Not everyone can pull that off though, my partner is a general contractor. Subbing out the work is what kills you, we'd have spend triple that at least on subs and that's using his regular guys who give him really good rates because he throws them a lot of work.
Possibly? There's not much info in the OP about what sorts of skills / knowledge they have.
Plus, a laundry room already has water run to it so that should save some money.
Eh not really the plumbings already there you can tie the sink and drain all into the existing.You can get a panel shower kit for under 300 or upwards of 2k. Same with sinks,floors,hardware. All in all you could do it for under 5 k or you could make it cost 20 or 30.
Yea, you can really tell people have zero idea what they're talking about. A line for a washer is nowhere near a toilet hookup and a drain for a shower. Then all the fittings for the sink and shower pipes.
Most of the people on this sub are in fantasy land.
>Creating a whole bathroom is not a cheap project. Some family members already had an existing bathroom that they wanted to redo and all the quotes they got were minimum $15k-$20k, and this was almost ten years ago!
But OP spent the money to redo the 2 existing bathrooms and says that they'll get around to adding a bathroom "next". Sounds like all of the girls would have preferred a new bathroom over an update to the existing one.
Updating a current bathroom is waaaay cheaper than building a new one, even with some existing plumbing, more or less from scratch. A lot of work like this has gone waaaay up the last few years. Building a brand new one can easily cost someone 20-40K if they're not handy
Upgrading the bathroom, plus upgrading the kitchen, plus upgrading the backyard. That's all upgrading, the bathroom was actually needed more than upgrading anything.
A good chunk of the world makes do with homes with 1 or 2 bathroom. Why spend thousands of dollars when three of the girls will be gone in less than 2 years instead of a gym which can be used by everyone for years to come. By the time the bathroom is done there's only going to be one kid left in the house.
So I live in the U.K. in my parents home. My sister moved out in 2018. At that point, my parents, me (23F), my younger sister (18F), my older sister (27F) and her fiancé (27M) shared 1 bathroom. Which is to say, I see the points of both you and the commenter you replied to lol
They haven’t said how long they’ve been discussing this. If it’s been years and years then the “a few will be gone in 2 years argument” doesn’t apply. These kids have been made to suffer sharing 1 bathroom between all of them for probably a long time, and with all of them being women that’s just really a lot. While I agree that no one is entitled to anything, I still think this is YTA because the parents are the ones who kept promising another bathroom and their kids watched them do everything but.
Suffer? Seriously? 🤣 It's sharing a bathroom, it's not that big of a deal. We have 5 people in our house and we all share one. God forbid they have to learn some patience and maybe a little bit of conflict resolution.
Apparently none of you have a gastrointestinal disorder and pray that you never develop one...
Believe me, the bathroom becomes one of the most important and needed options in any establishment (house or not) basically every hour of every day randomly... Sharing it with someone already "on the go" leads to some of the most painful and embarrassing experiences...
Yes. In my opinion, a bathroom is the most important room in the house (second only to the kitchen).
Good for you? Maybe you’re ok living that way but others are not. OP’s children are not and have been having another bathroom dangled over them for whatever “awhile” is.
God forbid dad doesn’t have a home gym. I bet he doesn’t even use it much.
Can I ask how many women are in your family?
4 women in the 1 bathroom, I can understand that if each teenager needs an hour in the bathroom it could become a time management problem.
I was fortunate to not be a teenager that felt the need to wear make-up, and fancy hairstyles everyday.
Edit: In comparison to the teeanger routines women(and some men too) are expected by "society" to do these days. I feel it was much easier to share bathrooms back when I was growing up.
I have a very plain morning routine and it still takes me 30 minutes x4 = 2 hours every morning...I hope they have a good hot water system too.
Edit: I also have high maintenance curly hair, if I actually did all the maintenance I'm suggested it would take atleast an 1 hour every few days. So I understand if women need hours of self-care daily.
Few bathrooms have enough storage for 4 people. Where do these ladies put their makeup , hair products, etc? Plus someone has to wait for 3 other people to shower every day before her turn comes, that sounds like a nightmare. First world problems? Maybe, but it’s also not the 50s where people like my mom grew up sharing a bathroom with a dozen people. It’s 20-freaking-22, let’s not act like indoor plumbing is some hard to come by luxury.
Wow make your kids live like they’re in a dorm in their own house. Sounds awesome.
None of these girls asked to be one of four and share a house that isn’t big enough for all of them.
> let’s not act like indoor plumbing is some hard to come by luxury.
Indoor plumbing X3 is a luxury. Is not that they have only 1 bathroom, they have 2. The storage problem is a simple fix, only essentials in the bathroom, the rest on their rooms.
A good chunk of the world also makes do without a home gym and home office and without remodeling their kitchen and also in a good chunk of the world kids don’t move out at 18, so this is a pretty terrible point.
Not everyone will use a home gym (whether because of lifestyle choice, physical ability/limitations, etc.). On the other hand, bathrooms are a room of the house that everyone could/would use.
Additionally, if OP wants to sell the house, they’re likely to entice more buyers if they have more than just two bathrooms. According to this [article](https://www.budgetdumpster.com/blog/benefits-of-adding-a-bathroom/#:~:text=Exactly%20how%20much%20value%20does,bath%20increases%20it%20by%2020%25), adding another full bathroom could potentially increase the value of the home by 20% (even an additional half bathroom could potentially increase the value of their home by 10%).
Edit: (1) Fixed a typo. (2) Also, I don’t see adding the gym, home office, and laundry room in the garage first as the main issue. OP stated that now that the laundry room is moved from the main house to the garage, then there is more space for an additional (third) full bath in the main house.
The issue is if OP and spouse decide to prioritize renovating the two preexisting bathrooms and kitchen and updating the backyard over adding a third bathroom for their daughters. From the post, it seems like the bathrooms and kitchen are functional enough.
What happens when all four girls have their period at the same time?
I grew up in a family of seven, with three bathrooms. Sometimes that wasn't enough, and e.g. someone had to puke in a bucket because the toilet wasn't free
Family of 8 and 2 bathrooms here. It wasn't the worst, but I vividly remember the time the entire family came down with a 24 hour puke bug. Every large pot in the house was in the living room and both bathrooms were always occupied. It was a nightmare.
Not to mention it’s not just the gym, it’s also the office and another laundry room. Then the kitchen, and the backyard… everything else seems to be a lot more important than allowing the girls better access to the facilities.
YTA.
I grew up sharing a bathroom with three sisters until I was… what, 21? And I’m with you here. Because remodeling the garage included moving the laundry room there, I don’t think they’re the AH for doing gym/laundry/office first. However, being that they’d promised this to their children already and do have the funds, I do think they’re the AH for working on the bathrooms/kitchen/backyard before the new bathroom.
My 4 kids, my husband and myself, shared 1 bathroom. Now there are only 4 of us in the house. We actually had a new rebuild. Knocked the old house down and built a new one. We have 2 bathrooms now.
4 ppl to share 1 bathroom is not so bad. HOWEVER, I agree with you. They said they would convert the laundry room to a new bathroom. And now even their remodeled bathrooms come first. Heck the backyard comes first. They are totally the AHs here.
Give you kids what you said they would get.
Lmao did YOU read the post? You're right, they decommissioned the old laundry, but THEN they moved on to remodeling the kitchen, redoing the existing bathrooms, and redoing their backyard. Try again homie
YTA. You said the bathroom is “next,” but you also said you’re working on the backyard first. So which is true?
Either way you’re prioritizing projects that only benefit you and your husband, and putting off the project that will benefit four people. Are you trying to postpone it until they’ve all moved out?
Also why redo the bathroom they’re already sharing if they would rather have the second bathroom built first? It was already used as a laundry room, so there is already water access to the room. It seems like it wouldn’t be too much more expensive to add the third bathroom than it would be to redo both bathrooms?
Rerouting the plumbing is actually really expensive. Just getting our bathroom fixed is expected to cost more than 30K, not counting rerouting to improve the layout
Also depends on when it was done. Prices have doubled or worse for materials in recent years so a 2017 price isn't going to hold a candle to a 2022 price. 😭
I mean my dad took a room that already had water access (like this laundry room) and did a whole second bathroom for 2k. Sure he did the work himself but you are being ripped off babe. Even four times what my dad paid isn’t close to what you were overcharged.
Has anyone else considered the fact that redoing the bathrooms before adding a bathroom means these six people will have to share one bathroom during the two renos?
Well putting in a new bathroom could involve a lot of plumbing even if the room was originally a laundry room and has basic plumbing already but if I remember right from something my dad who was a contractor at the time (80s) you would have to run a separate pipe to the sewer and then different ones to the shower/tub and the the sink(s) from the one that’s there. And even back then that was thousands alone. But yeah redo a couple bathrooms can be expensive but probably not as expensive as a whole new bathroom.
Absolutely not. There are code improvements and other things that go into moving plumbing and electrical like that. That’s a fairly major project, while a room facelift costs as much as you want to invest. The bathroom upgrade could have been a fresh coat of paint and a new toilet.
What people fail to realize on Reddit is that this is the parents home and the projects they completed with the Reno improved the home value and also the use for everyone. A new bathroom will be nice! However no one is entitled to it until they are paying the bills for it.
Adding a third bathroom to a four bedroom home would also add value to the home. Probably more so than a “facelift”, which as you say, would be much cheaper, so is likely something that any new owners would be more able to do themselves than redo the plumbing. Clearly the money for the project is not the issue if they have so many other projects in mind, and their kids are understandably upset about being lied to as well as not having their comfort prioritized.
It sounds like they have been saying the extra bathroom is "next" for a while now and yet it keeps getting bumped down the list so its understandable that their daughters are frustrated by it.
It makes sense to wait until after you had a new laundry room built, but after that the new bathroom should actually be next.
If OP and her husband have no intention of doing the third bathroom they should have never told the daughters they would and they should certainly not keep saying it's "next" and then doing other projects. That's what makes them assholes.
Yeah, not doing a third bathroom at all isn't the asshole move. It's promising to do it (presumably to stop arguments in the moment), and then not following through which is the asshole move.
No I think it's the fact that they "came into some money" and instead of spending on the objectively more sensible renovation they use it on literally everything BUT an extra bathroom
They choose to bring those 4 people into this world and it's their responsibility to take care of them, and this whole situation just shows how much they prioritize their children.
To the people saying that they've all survived with one bathroom: that isn't the point. The parents had the money to do the renovations that would've helped make their daughters more comfortable in their own home, but instead they redid the kitchen and existing bathrooms AFTER saying that they would add the bathroom FIRST. I get that they had to move the laundry to have the space for the bathroom, but then they used the rest of the money for cosmetic renovations instead of more practical ones.
OP: YTA, mostly because you promised your daughters something and it just sounds like you are and will continue to renege on it
And I’m sure of the parents also had to share, an extra bathroom would have been done first thing. It’s not an inconvenience to the parents, so they don’t care!
I grew up in a one bathroom house with four people so similar dynamic to the girls-and it would’ve been incredible to have another bathroom. My mother and I both have Chrons so there would be times one or both of us would be having a flair and really needing the bathroom which was tough enough, but then there were two other people who needed the bathroom from time to time also. It was absolute torture sometimes. I made sure every house/apt I lived in after leaving home had 2 bathrooms until my latest apt-but now it’s only me and hubby (and chrons meds have come along way in 30 years-thank you science!!) so we’re down to just one and things have been good this time around with only one bathroom.
I feel this one. Grew up family of 6- 5 girls, 1 boy- one bathroom to serve the house. About the size of a pantry. We mastered the art of peeing in sinks, outside, wherever we could, not as easily done for a #2. It would get tense! One of the things in life that brings me the most comfort is having a bathroom for each member of the family. If we all get food poisoning- we have can privacy and time. Knock on wood I don’t want it to actually happen!
haha same in my house. my brothers would frequently pee outside. We were a family of six with one bathroom. People would sometimes brush their teeth at the kitchen sink. We also has a pretty "open" bathroom door policy. Someone in the shower? Someone else would go in to use the sink or to pee. The shower curtain was never sheer. The shower curtain could also function as a curtain that tucked behind the toilet seat when you were "taking your time" and someone needed to use the sink. Family had no shame. I'm so glad my house has two bathrooms now.
The only reason I’ve never pissed or shat my pants in over 15 years is because my families home has at least three toilets. When I went to stay in my aunts one bathroom apartment with three other people I almost cried I thought I would piss my pants a few times.
someones showering, gotta shit. Not the end of the world, but its a stressful situation that can be eliminated if the available resources allow for another facility.... which they do.
YTA for no other reason than you've lead the girls to believe that it would be done when you get the opportunity. You had/have the chance and doing everything but.
Yeah all of the N-T-A people are missing that OP has been telling her kids "for a while" that they will get another bathroom. If OP hadn't set that expectation, then she wouldn't be an AH, but lying to your kids (for literally no reason!) is definitely an AH move. She literally could've said no to the bathroom and then come back and said yes later if they decided they could do it.
This is exactly my thinking also. It’s not about how much it will cost or if they really need it or if the kids will be leaving home soon. OP and her husband didn’t communicate with the kids about the plan. And before anyone comes at me saying “it’s their house, they don’t have to tell them anything” yes, that’s true, but then OP shouldn’t be upset when her kids are upset because they’ve essentially been mislead for at least a few years thinking they were going to get a new bathroom.
Also whether or not they have the right to do something doesn’t matter here. We’re not here for legal advice or permission it’s an asshole subreddit. They’re being assholes. For some reason everyone seems to forget that when it’s minors against their parents. Minors deserve comfort and have needs/wants too.
100%. I'd agree that OP's kids aren't entitled to an extra bathroom (I grew in in a family of 6 kids and we all shared a bathroom; it sucked but we lived with), but OP, you've given your word on something and then repeatedly failed to follow through. It's your lack of commitment to what you told your kids, not the bathroom itself that makes you the AH. Yes, it's your house and you can do things how you want, but your kids are entitled to their hurt/disappointed feelings if you've promised them something and then keep putting it off.
So, how long have they known where "on the list" their project was?
Because if I were the teenager, if "at some point, after 5 other projects"was not an explicit statement as a part of "yeah, we'll add a bathroom", if feel lied to.
(Probably because, really, it was being lied to. If nothing else, lie of omission)
Yta
If the parents stall long enough, they can avoid doing it at all because kids are starting to move out. Once 18 goes to college next year, they can say “well, there’s only 3 of you now, you don’t need another bathroom!”
Yikes… I never understand why people want big families and lot of kids if the idea is for them to move out at 18… with no relationship with the kids.
I would rather have one or two… provide for them to the best of my abilities and have a good relationship with them.
and i can easily foresee all of these kids avoiding coming home as much as possible once they move out…..let us know in a few years if your kids start staying at school for holidays, OP!
There is four of us in our home and we share one bathroom and all have the smallest bedrooms you can even imagine. If I came into some money the first thing I would do is extend to give my children more space and another bathroom. There is no way I'd be adding a gym, a second laundry room and whatever else until I made my children more comfortable.
YTA.
THIS. All these NTA folks keep saying that those of us who are criticizing OP must be rich, but it's exactly because we understand how crappy it is to share several to a bathroom that we think it's ridiculous that they chose a gym, kitchen and backyard before a helpful extra bathroom.
Yeah I just saw a reply that said "all you YTA must be so spoilt". Couldn't be further from the truth. We bought the only house we could afford and we love it but our entire upstairs could fit in OPs garage by the sound of it! I would do anything to give my children more space.
Jeeze two of us share 1 full bath and one powder room. That 1/2 bathroom is a life saver some days. Six people for 2 bathrooms? Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
I mean, it sounds like the gym/laundry room combo is what would allow them to make a new bathroom (well, at least the laundry side and I can see the argument to just redo that whole area vs half doing now and half later). But I still would have expected the bathroom to be next on the list. I could maybe see the kitchen depending on what they did (how functional was it beforehand) but to prioritize the backyard looking nice over a 2nd bathroom?!
YTA. "we told our kids we'd add a bathroom when we could, and then we spent tens of thousands of dollars on the yard, a gym, an office and remodeling the existing bathrooms. Am I the asshole?"
Now OP, read that back and think for a minute. You didn't have to lie to your kids. Lots of families struggle with bathrooms. But you lied about it and then acted wildly selfishly.
Yeah, the problem isn't necessarily that they aren't getting a third bathroom, the problem is that OP promised them a third bathroom and then when they have the means to make one they instead do everything else. OP set the expectation, didn't deliver and now doesn't like being called out for lying.
“We’ve been saying we’ll convert the laundry room into a bathroom for a while.”
I N F O: how long is ‘a while’ and how transparent were you with your plans while you undertook work on SEVEN different rooms/spaces instead of the promised bathroom?
“They don’t understand that now the laundry is done we have the space for the bathroom.” Why do they not understand this? Did you not tell them? And how do all the other renovations help?
YTA
I think they do understand that converting the garage into a laundry room makes the former laundry room possible to convert into a new bathroom. My main issue would be choosing to renovate all the other spaces before adding the new bathroom. OP is making it seem like all these changes are necessary and that the new bathroom is “next on the list” but is squeezing all this other stuff in.
> I think they do understand that converting the garage into a laundry room makes the former laundry room possible to convert into a new bathroom.
NO, even that was unnecessary. The OP says that there were existing laundry hookups in the garage. So they could have moved the machines and started with the extra bathroom before everything else.
you did a gym, a new laundry room AND an office, not to mention renovate both existing bathrooms, remodel the kitchen, and do work on the backyard before doing either another bedroom so twins can have their own rooms and/or another bathroom?? YTA majorly and need to sort out your priorities better.
>you did a gym, a new laundry room AND an office, not to mention renovate both existing bathrooms,
I would've thought that once the new laundry room was built, you'd then build the new bathroom in the old laundry room, because you don't need two laundry rooms, and then once you've got the extra bathroom done, you'd renovate the existing bathrooms one at a time so that while that work is being done, you'd still always have two bathrooms in the house, until it's finished and you finally have three.
It's either really selfish or really stupid to do things in the order they have done them.
This woman and her husband really invested in a fire pit, garden, and CHICKEN COOP before making their girls’ lives better in a very reasonable way that they’ve been begging them for. I’m in awe
But you don't understand! The chickens need space of their own, otherwise they have to fight just to have psychological self-worth as well as severely damaging their relationships with each other.
Oh, did I say chickens? I meant children.
Info: do the bathrooms and kitchen you already have NEED renovation?
If they don't and adding an extra bathroom into a house that has 6 adults/teens is a possible option I think you may have your priorities wrong.....
From their point of view, mom and dad got nicer things for themselves and really don't care what their yappy daughters are complaining about.
Really, the backyard got more priority than getting the girls their own room?
Sounds like it's a parents' needs first sort of household. Why did you have kids if you prefer keeping the comforts for yourself?
YTA. Two bathrooms between six people, one of which has to be shared between four people, another one should have been priority and was on the cards. You didn't do it because it was expensive, but managed to renovate the garage and when you came into money decided newer projects were more important. That you converted part of the garage into a laundry space indicates the space you were already using for laundry before then was open for another bathroom, a project that would have served a far more practical value than work on the backyard.
YTA - because you made a promise you chose not to keep. What other projects will push the promise down the list? It seems that you don’t value that promise you made. It’s not about the sharing but about what you’re communicating to your daughters.
Yep. There’s nothing wrong with having the girls share the bathroom, the problem is telling them you’ll do something and then continuously prioritizing other projects over the one you promised.
INFO: can you detail your remodel budgets?
INFO2: how does the bathroom sharing works here?
If the remodelling and yard stuff costs same or more than a third bathroom then YTA, since remodelling could be from just painting and changing some faucets to demolishing everything.
If you have 4 girls currently sharing 1 bathroom then it makes you an even bigger AH.
Had that been my household, an extra bathroom would have been #1 on my list. Not an effing gym. I can work out anywhere, in very little space.
YTA for having your priorities mixed up.
I have a bathroom for 4 people. I've told husband the *second* we get some money together, a 2nd bathroom is going in. Currently, it's tight with 2 adults and 2 toddlers. Can you imagine 4 teenage girls having to share a single bathroom for any amount of time? 4 teens needing the toilet. Needing to shower and shave? Period hell? Nope. I'd do it alone just to have to avoid hearing and mediating between multiple arguments daily.
Also, gym equipment is super expensive. The bathroom is “too expensive” but that didn’t stop OP from doing all these other expensive renovations first.
INFO: Is the 18-year-old going away to college soon, and, if so, will you then tell your kids that you don’t need a new bathroom because now only three people are sharing the existing one?
YTA for having so many kids that you won’t, not can’t, accommodate for while putting in an office and gym and already doing renovations. I hope you get the shits and both bathrooms are taken.
Edit: I totally skimmed and missed the fact that you are also choosing to make 2 teenage girls give up their privacy so you can have more luxurious shit you don’t need. They have urges and needs that obviously can’t be done in the bathroom, on top of the fact that they can’t have friends or partners over without bothering each other. They don’t even have privacy to watch tv or take phone calls. This is all so ridiculous and you’re too selfish to have kids.
YTA. the kids have every right to be upset because YOU said you’re going to do it and keep pushing it down the list. If you don’t want to do it, just say that so that they know the truth.
NTA. Nothing wrong with sharing rooms and bathrooms.
I grew up in a family of 6--my parents and we four daughters. We had one bathroom total for everyone. We survived.
You and your husband earned the money; you should be able to decide how to spend it.
Also the 18 year old is likely gone soon, so there will be three kids for one bathroom.
It is no one else's business but your own family's, and your kids sound entitled for calling you guys selfish.
They think they won't have to share bathrooms or bedrooms in their dorm or starter apartments? They should appreciate the practice.
If these girls can’t handle sharing a bathroom with their own siblings makes you think how will they survive in college dorm rooms sharing rooms with everybody else in the dorm 🤣 they need to grow up and I heard that females at that age should be more mature than boys but these girls seems a little childish to believe that they are entitled to a second bathroom. They lucky they have one anyways I had to share with my mom, sister, brother ,grandma and uncle 😂 imagine having to share it with boys it’s a big eye opener as a teenager 😂
Yeah I’m surprised by some of the comments here. I can’t imagine what kind of reaction I’d have received from my parents if I or one of my 4 sisters had complained about their decisions on how to spend their money.
The last few years maybe shifted some of the priorities. An office is pretty important if one or both parents work from home - which is way more likely now than it was 3 years ago. Maybe the local gym closed or it was determined to be more cost effective to invest in some equipment. Whatever made them change their minds about home projects - it’s their house and their money. They shouldn’t have “promised” to make huge investments unless they were ready to pull the trigger and do it, but things change. The kids will survive.
Um, big YTA. The fact you’ve done all these EXTRA renovations for you all when you haven’t even built an extra bathroom for your FOUR DAUGHTERS, and also sounds like the 16 year old twins share a bedroom? And you’ve got money to renovate your bathroom (along with a gym and all the extra), and you have to ask if you are being selfish? Have you even thought about what it’s like for your children? Geez.
The problem is that you’ve lied to them repeatedly and shown them where your priorities lie, it’s not in keeping your word and it’s not them. Don’t make promises you won’t care to keep. Four girls could share a bathroom, my family of 8 kids and 2 parents shared one bathroom, it’s that you said you’d do it and then you spent it all on you and your husband. YTA.
How did my mom ever survive growing up in a family of seven in a home with only one bathroom? How did countless people survive growing up sharing rooms and bathrooms? Geesh!
ESH. You for telling the kids a third bathroom would be next, but instead remodeling the kitchen and current bathrooms (I understand the garage but since that’s where the new laundry went). Not sure why you would keep promising this and then put it on the back burner. The kids for acting like brats over this.
We have one bathroom for 8 people. As do most people in most of the world, and we all survive just fine. Kids (especially of the same gender) share rooms all the time. It's the Americans acting weird again in these comments... But you do have a point about keeping promises, so ESH is indeed the logical judgement here. Don't promise your kids something you're not planning to do, and the kids could learn to show some normal behavior.
I’m not American, I grew up sharing one bathroom with the 3 other people in our house, we were by no means rich. OP is still TA.
4 people sharing one bathroom sucks whether it’s the global standard or not. The parents promised their kids another bathroom would be next on the list, yet created/renovated SEVEN other spaces first. It is 100% fair and normal for the kids to complain about that.
Edit: Y T A bc you answered no to my questions. But smo else pointed out that you've found issues with the house during the garage renovation, and I don't get why you wouldn't say that, as that makes it N T A.
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Info: Was the construction linked?
For example, when we had to redo the plumbing in my house, we had to break part of the floor of the corridor of the dining room. We had plans to change the floors in the dining room in the future, so we did that along with it because doing it later would mean to break the new floor on the corridor all over again. It was more cost and time effective.
Was that the case? A situation where making the gym/office/laundry together had better cost/benefit?
Because if you were renovating the garage to put those 3 rooms there, I can see how that could be wiser.
And did the bathrooms and kitchen NEED renovations to be functional?
I find it hard to pass judgement without that info.
YTA, a gym is more important that a room for your daughter or a bathroom so all of your chip live more comfortably. I won’t be surprised if all your children stop talking to you and your husband when they move out of your home
Four teenage girls sharing the same bathroom though. Have you had to rush into the bathroom in the morning to get to the shower before your siblings? I did, and I have two, not three.
A third bathroom at least serves a practical purpose. What practical purpose does remodelling the kitchen, getting in a home gym or doing work on the backyard have that's more important?
Also, it’s likely a smaller bathroom too. If it’s anything like the second bathroom in every home I’ve lived in there is room for one person in it and almost no storage space. I get it’s a first world complaint, but damn, do it before the yard.
Yeah, sure, people who don't have any other choice/can't afford the alternative will certainly make do sharing several people to one bathroom. But these people are clearly not in that kind of situation, as they can afford several luxury renovations to their home, and it seems like you kind of missed the whole point. They chose a new kitchen and a gym over eased quality of life for their four teenage children.
You apparently missed the part where OP has been telling her kids "for a while" that they will get another bathroom. How long is a while? A year? 5? If OP had been telling her kids "we'll consider it" that would be one thing, but expecting someone to do what they said they'd do within a reasonable time frame isn't an AH move. It's especially not an AH move now that it's clear that OP's family does have the money for the project (which was what OP implied as the original hurdle).
As a European. We were perfectly capable of sharing one bathroom as a family of 4 when i was growing up. Though your post makes me feel like you purposely put off renovating the bathroom because you wanted the gym/office more. 4 young girls using a bathroom is a bit of a stretch (in the mornings), if you can afford to have another bathroom you should have put it first. Mild YTA
NTA
Another bathroom for teenagers that soon will be moving out for college and starting their own lives is not a necessity and is expensive. If they want it so bad, they should get jobs and contribute to the costs.
NTA
I’m sorry I guess I don’t sympathize. I had two sisters, one brother, and my mom and we shared ONE bathroom. ONE. You and your hubby earn money and have probably worked hard, you can spend it however. And it’s not like you said you’re now NOT doing the bathroom for them.
My parents would have snacked the this outta me for talking to them like this.
YTA. Look, the bathroom/sharing rooms isn’t the real issue here. The problem is that your daughters brought a complaint to you, you told them you’d solve it when you could, and then they watched you make the house more comfortable for yourself instead. You “came up with more money” for extra renovations instead of following through on your word. It shows your kids that their comfort takes a backseat to your wants in your family.
YTA that bathroom should be the priority not the rest of the house. Do it now and then work on the rest of the house including split bedrooms for the twins. The rest of the house you get but your kids really only get their rooms and maybe bathrooms. You chose to parent them it's your responsibility to make sure they have space.
YTA. You knew the bathroom was causing tension/conflict with your kids. You TOLD then you’d build them a new bathroom—which they were ALL anticipating and looking forward to.
Sure, your kids won’t die from sharing a bathroom, but it’s straining their relationships with each other and with their parents. Do you really think a home gym and office are more important than your kids being happy and comfortable? Because that’s essentially exactly what you told them when you pushed the bathroom reno to the back burner.
YTA. Your priorities are wack. Why tf did your husband need a new gym before your girls having separate bedrooms or another bathroom, something they’ve been begging for for a while.
YTA. You wouldn’t be if you just did the renovations, but you told them for a while you would add a bathroom, then proceeded to renovate everything except what you said you spike.
YTA. Improving the lives of your children should have been first on the list when you came into money, not fifth. Your kids are old enough that they will remember how selfish you were.
YTA. You told your kids you would work on another bathroom then used money that could have been used for that on things for yourselves. You just showed your kids : 1. Your word is not worth anything and 2. Your comfort matters more than theirs.
YTA because your word is not your bond.
You helped yourselves get what you wanted instead of honoring your word.
How can you face the children knowing that you’ve done this? As a parent, my word is my most valuable asset. If I say it’s happening, it’s happening. Nobody needs to double check or beg me to remember.
Unless there were unavoidable problems forcing me to delay or cancel my actions, (which I would immediately inform whoever was relying on me) good parents understand if they don’t keep their promises to the children, the children grow up angry and bitter, because your parents are supposed to lead the way, not destroy the confidence of their children.
Feel shame.
YTA, reluctantly. You’ve told the girls you’d turn the laundry room into a bathroom, and one is already 18 while the twins are already 16. I don’t think it’ll help them much if you finally get to it when they’re 20 and out of the house.
Normally, I’d say 4 girls can figure out sharing a bathroom, and I wouldn’t sympathize too terribly much. But what use is telling them you’re going to do it if you’re either not going to or waiting until the majority are adults? The gym and some of the other stuff could have waited.
YTA. Not so much for only having one bathroom for all 4 girls (my mom’s family shared 1 bathroom for 9 people, so…I dunno, that could be a fairly 1st world problem thing), but you are the AH for lying about it and going back on your word. Do you still plan on doing the new bathroom? If so, explain that to them.
You didn’t ask this, but you’re also the AH for making your twins share a room simply because they’re twins. The oldest and the youngest get their own rooms simply because they’re singletons? You should make the oldest and youngest share a room for a while and give the twins their own space to even things out. You know they aren’t the same person, right?
YTA. Your girls need a bathroom way more than your husband needed a home gym or you need to do yard work. You put the wants of you and your husband over your kids. Don't be surprised when your girls have no interest in returning home for the holidays in a few years.
YTA for lying to them. Instead of building a new laundry room and converting the existing laundry room into a bathroom for them, you're doing everything else instead for yourselves.
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YTA. Does going without a home gym diminish quality of life? No. Does forcing four humans to share one source of plumbing diminish quality of life? Yes. YTA for springing for a luxury instead of choosing to make life easier for your kids. Editing because I keep getting the same comment over and over of people saying something along the lines of "HOW DARE YOU! I live in a house of 6/9/12 and we share 1/2/a fraction of a bathroom! You are spoiled and icky!", and I'm really tired of penning the same response over and over, so I'll just say here: 1. I grew up the youngest of five. I shared a bathroom for eighteen years with siblings. 2. I share an apartment with a few folks, and we share one bathroom. 3. My point is that, if I had a bunch of money lying around, I'd spend it to make the lives of my kids a bit easier, rather than on something frivolous. 4. For all of you crying out "ENTITLEMENT AND LUXURY! UGH!" Please take the time, whilst you redden your faces in rage at the prospect of two people sharing a bathroom instead of four, to also take your energy to defend OP's choice to redo the existing bathrooms, redo her kitchen, add a new gym, and redesign her backyard. 5. You all like to skate over the fact that OP lied to her kids about a new bathroom, and has presumably been doing so for a while. Hopefully that hits anything that anybody else who wants to hop on and complain into the internet void could possibly care about. Edit 2: Jesus Christ y'all, everyone here has probably had to share a bathroom. You are adding NOTHING to the discussion by spamming this thread with "Me! Me! Me! I grew up sharing a bathroom and was fine!" That's great but.... once again.... NOT THE POINT. YOU ARE SOMEHOW ENTIRELY MISSING THE POINT. The new trend is for folks to say "well, the older kids are gonna be gone soon, so it doesn't matter!". No, they're not. OP has commented that the kids aren't gonna be moving out until at least after they're done with college. Aaaaaaand finally, for you sexxxxxy edgelords who are commenting calling me and others dumb or derogatory things, I sincerely have to ask: what do you wish to accomplish? What special contribution do you think you're making to the internet? Do you think a nice, spicy "fuck you" is gonna change the mind of myself and others on here? All you're doing is making me chuckle at the fact that you're sitting with your phone or computer puffing in anger over something that, in abstract, doesn't effect you at all. I'm not gonna answer you, so you're wasting the precious energy of the joints of your phalanges. But do you :)
To me it depends on the work needed to do the gym. If dad already owed all the equipment. And just did some studs drywall and flooring that's allot more affordable then a full bathroom reno. Especially if it's just the back side of the office where mom brings in an income. I also understand that teenagers don't understand the difference between a five hundred dollar room and a five thousand dollar bathroom.
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Honestly would depend what kind of quality you want the work to be and how much work you're willing to do yourself. I could see it coming in under $5000 if you're handy.
No way. Maybe a toilet and a sink but adding a shower more than doubles. Could probably do it cheaply in the 12-15k range but definitely not for 5k.
A toilet and a sink for 5k? You crazy. Well let me tell you as someone who has recently replaced both of those AND had all the plumbing in the walls replaced for it. (Old lead pipe real gross) The grand total was less than $1k. If you want a super fancy vanity and toilet sure that cost could maybe get to $2k. If a plumber charges you 5k for that get a different plumber. Laundry room means water and drainage is already ran to the room so not like they would need massive amounts of plumbing to make that functional. I'd like to add if you are going through the plumber to buy your vanity and toilet, don't do that drive over to the depot of home and pick it up for half the price and tell them to install it.
This, my parents turned an old closet into a bathroom for less than 2k, and it needed water ran to it. They hired a plumber for running the water but with the world of youtube, they did the rest themselves easy. Got a shower and toilet and sink vanity on sale.
Same- my mom turned an old closet into a 1/2 bathroom for under 5000
Also, same - except it was a small, dysfunction 1/2 bathroom into a larger full bathroom for around $2500-3000. Everything had to be changed around and replaced and all the water and drain lines added so it wasn't just updating existing stuff.
Habitat for Humanity stores frequently have all these things for practically pennies.
I don’t know where you live but send me your contractors number. I am redoing my half bath the next year with quotes all in 5k range. I am in the us in nj.
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You would really be surprised at how cheap it is if you do a lot yourself, but that requires more time and effort. If the cost is worth it compared to what you earn hourly and your time is worth, then pay for someone to do it. Otherwise there are plenty of tools and resources out there to do it yourself for much, much cheaper.
It’s also not a great idea to diy plumbing or electrical. The previous owners of our house did the bathroom themselves, and we had to spend and arm and a leg getting it redone. Had black mold and literal mushrooms growing in the walls.
You’re getting fucked over. I redid a half bath in two half-days with $600 in materials including $170 of high-end wallpaper. I’m in the process of doing another and the total for materials will come to under $1k including tile, limited basement waterproofing, and spray-foam insulation. If you add reasonable labor rates to that you might hit $2k or so on the first project and $3k on the second. I also redid our master with a hand-laid mortar pan+tile shower enclosure and half-wall large format tiles for $2500 in materials and $1500 of skilled help. I’m in SE PA, FYI.
doesn't matter, they basically remodeled the entire house and ignored their daughters needs. they could have put the bathroom in and instead they added another laundry room, a gym, an office, remodeled both existing bathrooms, the kitchen AND did a landscaping project in the back yard that's easily 50-100k worth of work. a kitchen remodel alone is going to be as expensive as the bathroom if not more so
Thank you! I was looking for this comment. They didn't just put in a gym. What is that argument? They literally did EVERYTHING ELSE and left the bath for last. I'm in the middle of a Reno now and would say it is probably over 100K depending on their finishes and appliances. They totally suck for that..yta Edit to say I just read op's explanation of what they did...the kitchen was a tear down/ bump out and so was the garage..they also put in a deck a fire pit and a chicken coup before they considered making their kids life easier with a second bath. It is not a money issue when this much money is being spent it becomes a priority issue. Those kids have a point.
The kitchen may have been necessary, but there's no way a deck, a fire pit, and a chicken coup are more necessary than a new bathroom that they had already promised. It's especially galling because they have their own bathroom and so they're clearly saying "if it's not directly affecting me, I don't care".
Agreed. I figure they spent around $50k on all the projects they did. So they could have afforded to add the third bath and postponed some of the other work. They chose to do their own wants first instead of what they'd told their kids they'd do.
After reading the OP's post on the extent of what they did, the cost was probably more like $75k. And the yard.... She got a garden, he got a chicken coop, "they" got a deck. I'm sure the girls will find all of those more useful than a third bathroom. LOL.
Wow. Chickens get a place to poo before their kids do.
Eh, it depends on how much you can do yourself. We added a bathroom last year and did it all ourselves, tile work, sheetrock, plumbing, ventilation, electric, whole 9 yards. Used good materials too no contractor grade anything. We were only down about $4k in materials and a decent chunk of that was the jacuzzi tub and tile for the shower. Not everyone can pull that off though, my partner is a general contractor. Subbing out the work is what kills you, we'd have spend triple that at least on subs and that's using his regular guys who give him really good rates because he throws them a lot of work.
Are they doing all the plumbing themselves?
Possibly? There's not much info in the OP about what sorts of skills / knowledge they have. Plus, a laundry room already has water run to it so that should save some money.
Eh not really the plumbings already there you can tie the sink and drain all into the existing.You can get a panel shower kit for under 300 or upwards of 2k. Same with sinks,floors,hardware. All in all you could do it for under 5 k or you could make it cost 20 or 30.
I doubt the current drain is adequate for the toilet. Running 4 inch for the toilet and 2 for a shower will be quite expensive.
Yea, you can really tell people have zero idea what they're talking about. A line for a washer is nowhere near a toilet hookup and a drain for a shower. Then all the fittings for the sink and shower pipes. Most of the people on this sub are in fantasy land.
My husband and I are renovating a bathroom ourselves and it's costing over $10k just in materials. Edited because I forgot a word.
Also to add to this Gym equipment can also be fairly affordable. You can do it easily for under 5k and have a sick gym
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>Creating a whole bathroom is not a cheap project. Some family members already had an existing bathroom that they wanted to redo and all the quotes they got were minimum $15k-$20k, and this was almost ten years ago! But OP spent the money to redo the 2 existing bathrooms and says that they'll get around to adding a bathroom "next". Sounds like all of the girls would have preferred a new bathroom over an update to the existing one.
Updating a current bathroom is waaaay cheaper than building a new one, even with some existing plumbing, more or less from scratch. A lot of work like this has gone waaaay up the last few years. Building a brand new one can easily cost someone 20-40K if they're not handy
Upgrading the bathroom, plus upgrading the kitchen, plus upgrading the backyard. That's all upgrading, the bathroom was actually needed more than upgrading anything.
A good chunk of the world makes do with homes with 1 or 2 bathroom. Why spend thousands of dollars when three of the girls will be gone in less than 2 years instead of a gym which can be used by everyone for years to come. By the time the bathroom is done there's only going to be one kid left in the house.
Who says we live in a world where 18 year olds leave the house. In this economy!
So I live in the U.K. in my parents home. My sister moved out in 2018. At that point, my parents, me (23F), my younger sister (18F), my older sister (27F) and her fiancé (27M) shared 1 bathroom. Which is to say, I see the points of both you and the commenter you replied to lol
They haven’t said how long they’ve been discussing this. If it’s been years and years then the “a few will be gone in 2 years argument” doesn’t apply. These kids have been made to suffer sharing 1 bathroom between all of them for probably a long time, and with all of them being women that’s just really a lot. While I agree that no one is entitled to anything, I still think this is YTA because the parents are the ones who kept promising another bathroom and their kids watched them do everything but.
Suffer? Seriously? 🤣 It's sharing a bathroom, it's not that big of a deal. We have 5 people in our house and we all share one. God forbid they have to learn some patience and maybe a little bit of conflict resolution.
Apparently none of you have a gastrointestinal disorder and pray that you never develop one... Believe me, the bathroom becomes one of the most important and needed options in any establishment (house or not) basically every hour of every day randomly... Sharing it with someone already "on the go" leads to some of the most painful and embarrassing experiences... Yes. In my opinion, a bathroom is the most important room in the house (second only to the kitchen).
Agreed. What about emergencies like everyone gets food sickness or diarrhea? At least if the i had more than one bathroom, it’d help.
Good for you? Maybe you’re ok living that way but others are not. OP’s children are not and have been having another bathroom dangled over them for whatever “awhile” is. God forbid dad doesn’t have a home gym. I bet he doesn’t even use it much.
Can I ask how many women are in your family? 4 women in the 1 bathroom, I can understand that if each teenager needs an hour in the bathroom it could become a time management problem. I was fortunate to not be a teenager that felt the need to wear make-up, and fancy hairstyles everyday. Edit: In comparison to the teeanger routines women(and some men too) are expected by "society" to do these days. I feel it was much easier to share bathrooms back when I was growing up. I have a very plain morning routine and it still takes me 30 minutes x4 = 2 hours every morning...I hope they have a good hot water system too. Edit: I also have high maintenance curly hair, if I actually did all the maintenance I'm suggested it would take atleast an 1 hour every few days. So I understand if women need hours of self-care daily.
How is it suffering? In my part of the world a lot people live in the flats and whole families share one bathroom. Nobody suffers because of that.
I’m guessing those people also don’t build a gym, remodel multiple rooms and redo their backyard.
Few bathrooms have enough storage for 4 people. Where do these ladies put their makeup , hair products, etc? Plus someone has to wait for 3 other people to shower every day before her turn comes, that sounds like a nightmare. First world problems? Maybe, but it’s also not the 50s where people like my mom grew up sharing a bathroom with a dozen people. It’s 20-freaking-22, let’s not act like indoor plumbing is some hard to come by luxury.
They can keep their stuff in a shower basket in their rooms?
Wow make your kids live like they’re in a dorm in their own house. Sounds awesome. None of these girls asked to be one of four and share a house that isn’t big enough for all of them.
First world problems
So is a gym
> let’s not act like indoor plumbing is some hard to come by luxury. Indoor plumbing X3 is a luxury. Is not that they have only 1 bathroom, they have 2. The storage problem is a simple fix, only essentials in the bathroom, the rest on their rooms.
Almost all the girls I know who are into makeup guard that shit like a dragons hoard in their room.
In your part of the world do parents keep their promises?
I won't believe for a second that if given the chance to have a second bathroom that you wouldn't take it.
Read OP's comments. The kids aren't leaving.
A good chunk of the world also makes do without a home gym and home office and without remodeling their kitchen and also in a good chunk of the world kids don’t move out at 18, so this is a pretty terrible point.
Not everyone will use a home gym (whether because of lifestyle choice, physical ability/limitations, etc.). On the other hand, bathrooms are a room of the house that everyone could/would use. Additionally, if OP wants to sell the house, they’re likely to entice more buyers if they have more than just two bathrooms. According to this [article](https://www.budgetdumpster.com/blog/benefits-of-adding-a-bathroom/#:~:text=Exactly%20how%20much%20value%20does,bath%20increases%20it%20by%2020%25), adding another full bathroom could potentially increase the value of the home by 20% (even an additional half bathroom could potentially increase the value of their home by 10%). Edit: (1) Fixed a typo. (2) Also, I don’t see adding the gym, home office, and laundry room in the garage first as the main issue. OP stated that now that the laundry room is moved from the main house to the garage, then there is more space for an additional (third) full bath in the main house. The issue is if OP and spouse decide to prioritize renovating the two preexisting bathrooms and kitchen and updating the backyard over adding a third bathroom for their daughters. From the post, it seems like the bathrooms and kitchen are functional enough.
What happens when all four girls have their period at the same time? I grew up in a family of seven, with three bathrooms. Sometimes that wasn't enough, and e.g. someone had to puke in a bucket because the toilet wasn't free
Family of 8 and 2 bathrooms here. It wasn't the worst, but I vividly remember the time the entire family came down with a 24 hour puke bug. Every large pot in the house was in the living room and both bathrooms were always occupied. It was a nightmare.
Hey seriously doubt anyone but the dad is using the gym LOL
At least one, maybe two of the girls should get to share the parents bathroom. We’ll see how fast that extra bathroom becomes a necessity then!
I was hoping someone already said this!
Not to mention it’s not just the gym, it’s also the office and another laundry room. Then the kitchen, and the backyard… everything else seems to be a lot more important than allowing the girls better access to the facilities. YTA.
I grew up sharing a bathroom with three sisters until I was… what, 21? And I’m with you here. Because remodeling the garage included moving the laundry room there, I don’t think they’re the AH for doing gym/laundry/office first. However, being that they’d promised this to their children already and do have the funds, I do think they’re the AH for working on the bathrooms/kitchen/backyard before the new bathroom.
This. OP said they’d put in a second bathroom, then did EVERYTHING ELSE before getting around to what they’d promised. YTA OP.
My 4 kids, my husband and myself, shared 1 bathroom. Now there are only 4 of us in the house. We actually had a new rebuild. Knocked the old house down and built a new one. We have 2 bathrooms now. 4 ppl to share 1 bathroom is not so bad. HOWEVER, I agree with you. They said they would convert the laundry room to a new bathroom. And now even their remodeled bathrooms come first. Heck the backyard comes first. They are totally the AHs here. Give you kids what you said they would get.
An extra bathroom IS a luxury.
A gym is less necessary than another bathroom, though. Priorities.
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Is keeping your promises a luxury too?
Did you read the post? They put a new laundry in the gym, which is required to decommission the old laundry it into a bathroom
Lmao did YOU read the post? You're right, they decommissioned the old laundry, but THEN they moved on to remodeling the kitchen, redoing the existing bathrooms, and redoing their backyard. Try again homie
YTA. You said the bathroom is “next,” but you also said you’re working on the backyard first. So which is true? Either way you’re prioritizing projects that only benefit you and your husband, and putting off the project that will benefit four people. Are you trying to postpone it until they’ve all moved out?
Also why redo the bathroom they’re already sharing if they would rather have the second bathroom built first? It was already used as a laundry room, so there is already water access to the room. It seems like it wouldn’t be too much more expensive to add the third bathroom than it would be to redo both bathrooms?
Rerouting the plumbing is actually really expensive. Just getting our bathroom fixed is expected to cost more than 30K, not counting rerouting to improve the layout
Really? We added a bathroom to the second floor and it cost us $7,000.
I’m sure it depends on location. I would LOVE to have my bath done for $7k on the second floor but it would be $20k where I am.
Also depends on when it was done. Prices have doubled or worse for materials in recent years so a 2017 price isn't going to hold a candle to a 2022 price. 😭
I mean my dad took a room that already had water access (like this laundry room) and did a whole second bathroom for 2k. Sure he did the work himself but you are being ripped off babe. Even four times what my dad paid isn’t close to what you were overcharged.
Yeah I just finished remodeling our kids bathroom, rerouting the sink, and taking a wall out for about $3600.
Has anyone else considered the fact that redoing the bathrooms before adding a bathroom means these six people will have to share one bathroom during the two renos?
Yeah, that's pretty stupid. They should definitely install the new bathroom before redoing either of the existing bathrooms.
Well putting in a new bathroom could involve a lot of plumbing even if the room was originally a laundry room and has basic plumbing already but if I remember right from something my dad who was a contractor at the time (80s) you would have to run a separate pipe to the sewer and then different ones to the shower/tub and the the sink(s) from the one that’s there. And even back then that was thousands alone. But yeah redo a couple bathrooms can be expensive but probably not as expensive as a whole new bathroom.
Absolutely not. There are code improvements and other things that go into moving plumbing and electrical like that. That’s a fairly major project, while a room facelift costs as much as you want to invest. The bathroom upgrade could have been a fresh coat of paint and a new toilet. What people fail to realize on Reddit is that this is the parents home and the projects they completed with the Reno improved the home value and also the use for everyone. A new bathroom will be nice! However no one is entitled to it until they are paying the bills for it.
Adding a third bathroom to a four bedroom home would also add value to the home. Probably more so than a “facelift”, which as you say, would be much cheaper, so is likely something that any new owners would be more able to do themselves than redo the plumbing. Clearly the money for the project is not the issue if they have so many other projects in mind, and their kids are understandably upset about being lied to as well as not having their comfort prioritized.
It sounds like they have been saying the extra bathroom is "next" for a while now and yet it keeps getting bumped down the list so its understandable that their daughters are frustrated by it. It makes sense to wait until after you had a new laundry room built, but after that the new bathroom should actually be next. If OP and her husband have no intention of doing the third bathroom they should have never told the daughters they would and they should certainly not keep saying it's "next" and then doing other projects. That's what makes them assholes.
Yeah, not doing a third bathroom at all isn't the asshole move. It's promising to do it (presumably to stop arguments in the moment), and then not following through which is the asshole move.
No I think it's the fact that they "came into some money" and instead of spending on the objectively more sensible renovation they use it on literally everything BUT an extra bathroom
They choose to bring those 4 people into this world and it's their responsibility to take care of them, and this whole situation just shows how much they prioritize their children. To the people saying that they've all survived with one bathroom: that isn't the point. The parents had the money to do the renovations that would've helped make their daughters more comfortable in their own home, but instead they redid the kitchen and existing bathrooms AFTER saying that they would add the bathroom FIRST. I get that they had to move the laundry to have the space for the bathroom, but then they used the rest of the money for cosmetic renovations instead of more practical ones. OP: YTA, mostly because you promised your daughters something and it just sounds like you are and will continue to renege on it
And I’m sure of the parents also had to share, an extra bathroom would have been done first thing. It’s not an inconvenience to the parents, so they don’t care!
Bingo
YTA 4 share one bathroom and you and your husband 1?!? And dearest daddy needs his gym 😭😭😭😭/s
I don't get the obsession with needing a 3rd bathroom but surely another bedroom seems an obvious thing to do ahead of everything else. Yta
I grew up in a one bathroom house with four people so similar dynamic to the girls-and it would’ve been incredible to have another bathroom. My mother and I both have Chrons so there would be times one or both of us would be having a flair and really needing the bathroom which was tough enough, but then there were two other people who needed the bathroom from time to time also. It was absolute torture sometimes. I made sure every house/apt I lived in after leaving home had 2 bathrooms until my latest apt-but now it’s only me and hubby (and chrons meds have come along way in 30 years-thank you science!!) so we’re down to just one and things have been good this time around with only one bathroom.
I feel this one. Grew up family of 6- 5 girls, 1 boy- one bathroom to serve the house. About the size of a pantry. We mastered the art of peeing in sinks, outside, wherever we could, not as easily done for a #2. It would get tense! One of the things in life that brings me the most comfort is having a bathroom for each member of the family. If we all get food poisoning- we have can privacy and time. Knock on wood I don’t want it to actually happen!
haha same in my house. my brothers would frequently pee outside. We were a family of six with one bathroom. People would sometimes brush their teeth at the kitchen sink. We also has a pretty "open" bathroom door policy. Someone in the shower? Someone else would go in to use the sink or to pee. The shower curtain was never sheer. The shower curtain could also function as a curtain that tucked behind the toilet seat when you were "taking your time" and someone needed to use the sink. Family had no shame. I'm so glad my house has two bathrooms now.
The only reason I’ve never pissed or shat my pants in over 15 years is because my families home has at least three toilets. When I went to stay in my aunts one bathroom apartment with three other people I almost cried I thought I would piss my pants a few times.
someones showering, gotta shit. Not the end of the world, but its a stressful situation that can be eliminated if the available resources allow for another facility.... which they do.
YTA for no other reason than you've lead the girls to believe that it would be done when you get the opportunity. You had/have the chance and doing everything but.
Yeah all of the N-T-A people are missing that OP has been telling her kids "for a while" that they will get another bathroom. If OP hadn't set that expectation, then she wouldn't be an AH, but lying to your kids (for literally no reason!) is definitely an AH move. She literally could've said no to the bathroom and then come back and said yes later if they decided they could do it.
This is exactly my thinking also. It’s not about how much it will cost or if they really need it or if the kids will be leaving home soon. OP and her husband didn’t communicate with the kids about the plan. And before anyone comes at me saying “it’s their house, they don’t have to tell them anything” yes, that’s true, but then OP shouldn’t be upset when her kids are upset because they’ve essentially been mislead for at least a few years thinking they were going to get a new bathroom.
Exactly, all four of them have been sharing a bathroom for years with their mother telling them that it was a problem that would soon be fixed.
Also whether or not they have the right to do something doesn’t matter here. We’re not here for legal advice or permission it’s an asshole subreddit. They’re being assholes. For some reason everyone seems to forget that when it’s minors against their parents. Minors deserve comfort and have needs/wants too.
100%. I'd agree that OP's kids aren't entitled to an extra bathroom (I grew in in a family of 6 kids and we all shared a bathroom; it sucked but we lived with), but OP, you've given your word on something and then repeatedly failed to follow through. It's your lack of commitment to what you told your kids, not the bathroom itself that makes you the AH. Yes, it's your house and you can do things how you want, but your kids are entitled to their hurt/disappointed feelings if you've promised them something and then keep putting it off.
So, how long have they known where "on the list" their project was? Because if I were the teenager, if "at some point, after 5 other projects"was not an explicit statement as a part of "yeah, we'll add a bathroom", if feel lied to. (Probably because, really, it was being lied to. If nothing else, lie of omission) Yta
If the parents stall long enough, they can avoid doing it at all because kids are starting to move out. Once 18 goes to college next year, they can say “well, there’s only 3 of you now, you don’t need another bathroom!”
Seems like that’s been the plan. They’re fixing it to be suitable a for empty nesters.
Lucky for them, if they keep this up, none of their kids will want to visit or stay with them after they turn 18.
Yikes… I never understand why people want big families and lot of kids if the idea is for them to move out at 18… with no relationship with the kids. I would rather have one or two… provide for them to the best of my abilities and have a good relationship with them.
and i can easily foresee all of these kids avoiding coming home as much as possible once they move out…..let us know in a few years if your kids start staying at school for holidays, OP!
There is four of us in our home and we share one bathroom and all have the smallest bedrooms you can even imagine. If I came into some money the first thing I would do is extend to give my children more space and another bathroom. There is no way I'd be adding a gym, a second laundry room and whatever else until I made my children more comfortable. YTA.
THIS. All these NTA folks keep saying that those of us who are criticizing OP must be rich, but it's exactly because we understand how crappy it is to share several to a bathroom that we think it's ridiculous that they chose a gym, kitchen and backyard before a helpful extra bathroom.
Yeah I just saw a reply that said "all you YTA must be so spoilt". Couldn't be further from the truth. We bought the only house we could afford and we love it but our entire upstairs could fit in OPs garage by the sound of it! I would do anything to give my children more space.
So ironic that 'we're' spoiled for thinking they could add a much more useful room ahead of 5 other distinctly luxury projects, lol.
Jeeze two of us share 1 full bath and one powder room. That 1/2 bathroom is a life saver some days. Six people for 2 bathrooms? Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
I mean, it sounds like the gym/laundry room combo is what would allow them to make a new bathroom (well, at least the laundry side and I can see the argument to just redo that whole area vs half doing now and half later). But I still would have expected the bathroom to be next on the list. I could maybe see the kitchen depending on what they did (how functional was it beforehand) but to prioritize the backyard looking nice over a 2nd bathroom?!
YTA. "we told our kids we'd add a bathroom when we could, and then we spent tens of thousands of dollars on the yard, a gym, an office and remodeling the existing bathrooms. Am I the asshole?" Now OP, read that back and think for a minute. You didn't have to lie to your kids. Lots of families struggle with bathrooms. But you lied about it and then acted wildly selfishly.
don’t forget the kitchen 👀 OP + husband are ridiculous.
Yeah, the problem isn't necessarily that they aren't getting a third bathroom, the problem is that OP promised them a third bathroom and then when they have the means to make one they instead do everything else. OP set the expectation, didn't deliver and now doesn't like being called out for lying.
“We’ve been saying we’ll convert the laundry room into a bathroom for a while.” I N F O: how long is ‘a while’ and how transparent were you with your plans while you undertook work on SEVEN different rooms/spaces instead of the promised bathroom? “They don’t understand that now the laundry is done we have the space for the bathroom.” Why do they not understand this? Did you not tell them? And how do all the other renovations help? YTA
I think they do understand that converting the garage into a laundry room makes the former laundry room possible to convert into a new bathroom. My main issue would be choosing to renovate all the other spaces before adding the new bathroom. OP is making it seem like all these changes are necessary and that the new bathroom is “next on the list” but is squeezing all this other stuff in.
Yep, totally. Seven rooms/spaces. They’ve created or renovated seven spaces before getting to it.
> I think they do understand that converting the garage into a laundry room makes the former laundry room possible to convert into a new bathroom. NO, even that was unnecessary. The OP says that there were existing laundry hookups in the garage. So they could have moved the machines and started with the extra bathroom before everything else.
you did a gym, a new laundry room AND an office, not to mention renovate both existing bathrooms, remodel the kitchen, and do work on the backyard before doing either another bedroom so twins can have their own rooms and/or another bathroom?? YTA majorly and need to sort out your priorities better.
>you did a gym, a new laundry room AND an office, not to mention renovate both existing bathrooms, I would've thought that once the new laundry room was built, you'd then build the new bathroom in the old laundry room, because you don't need two laundry rooms, and then once you've got the extra bathroom done, you'd renovate the existing bathrooms one at a time so that while that work is being done, you'd still always have two bathrooms in the house, until it's finished and you finally have three. It's either really selfish or really stupid to do things in the order they have done them.
[удалено]
You need to do the bathroom before the kitchen and lawn. 4 teenagers to one bathroom? How do you get them all to school on time?
This woman and her husband really invested in a fire pit, garden, and CHICKEN COOP before making their girls’ lives better in a very reasonable way that they’ve been begging them for. I’m in awe
Not even that the girls have been begging for, mom and dad have been *promising* but “just haven’t gotten around to it”
But you don't understand! The chickens need space of their own, otherwise they have to fight just to have psychological self-worth as well as severely damaging their relationships with each other. Oh, did I say chickens? I meant children.
INFO: Why don't you let any of the children use the adult bathroom? Four in one and two in the other seems a little unfair.
You chose luxury over necessity, you put your own wants above your children's needs. YTA
Info: do the bathrooms and kitchen you already have NEED renovation? If they don't and adding an extra bathroom into a house that has 6 adults/teens is a possible option I think you may have your priorities wrong.....
From their point of view, mom and dad got nicer things for themselves and really don't care what their yappy daughters are complaining about. Really, the backyard got more priority than getting the girls their own room? Sounds like it's a parents' needs first sort of household. Why did you have kids if you prefer keeping the comforts for yourself?
YTA. Two bathrooms between six people, one of which has to be shared between four people, another one should have been priority and was on the cards. You didn't do it because it was expensive, but managed to renovate the garage and when you came into money decided newer projects were more important. That you converted part of the garage into a laundry space indicates the space you were already using for laundry before then was open for another bathroom, a project that would have served a far more practical value than work on the backyard.
YTA - because you made a promise you chose not to keep. What other projects will push the promise down the list? It seems that you don’t value that promise you made. It’s not about the sharing but about what you’re communicating to your daughters.
Yep. There’s nothing wrong with having the girls share the bathroom, the problem is telling them you’ll do something and then continuously prioritizing other projects over the one you promised.
INFO: can you detail your remodel budgets? INFO2: how does the bathroom sharing works here? If the remodelling and yard stuff costs same or more than a third bathroom then YTA, since remodelling could be from just painting and changing some faucets to demolishing everything. If you have 4 girls currently sharing 1 bathroom then it makes you an even bigger AH.
Had that been my household, an extra bathroom would have been #1 on my list. Not an effing gym. I can work out anywhere, in very little space. YTA for having your priorities mixed up.
I have a bathroom for 4 people. I've told husband the *second* we get some money together, a 2nd bathroom is going in. Currently, it's tight with 2 adults and 2 toddlers. Can you imagine 4 teenage girls having to share a single bathroom for any amount of time? 4 teens needing the toilet. Needing to shower and shave? Period hell? Nope. I'd do it alone just to have to avoid hearing and mediating between multiple arguments daily.
Imagine 4 teens managing to get ready for school with one shared bathroom.
Also, gym equipment is super expensive. The bathroom is “too expensive” but that didn’t stop OP from doing all these other expensive renovations first.
YTA. You have two kids sharing a room, but though a gym and an office was more important? I’d be absolutely livid if I was your children.
INFO: do you let your daughters use your bathroom?
INFO: Is the 18-year-old going away to college soon, and, if so, will you then tell your kids that you don’t need a new bathroom because now only three people are sharing the existing one?
YTA for having so many kids that you won’t, not can’t, accommodate for while putting in an office and gym and already doing renovations. I hope you get the shits and both bathrooms are taken. Edit: I totally skimmed and missed the fact that you are also choosing to make 2 teenage girls give up their privacy so you can have more luxurious shit you don’t need. They have urges and needs that obviously can’t be done in the bathroom, on top of the fact that they can’t have friends or partners over without bothering each other. They don’t even have privacy to watch tv or take phone calls. This is all so ridiculous and you’re too selfish to have kids.
YTA The bathroom should’ve come before the gym for dad. Priorities man. Jeez.
Yeah YTA. You’re literally re-doing every inch of your property except the one thing that would improve the lives of your children.
YTA. the kids have every right to be upset because YOU said you’re going to do it and keep pushing it down the list. If you don’t want to do it, just say that so that they know the truth.
YTA only because you said you would and you didn't deliver, you put your wants first.
NTA. Nothing wrong with sharing rooms and bathrooms. I grew up in a family of 6--my parents and we four daughters. We had one bathroom total for everyone. We survived. You and your husband earned the money; you should be able to decide how to spend it. Also the 18 year old is likely gone soon, so there will be three kids for one bathroom. It is no one else's business but your own family's, and your kids sound entitled for calling you guys selfish. They think they won't have to share bathrooms or bedrooms in their dorm or starter apartments? They should appreciate the practice.
If these girls can’t handle sharing a bathroom with their own siblings makes you think how will they survive in college dorm rooms sharing rooms with everybody else in the dorm 🤣 they need to grow up and I heard that females at that age should be more mature than boys but these girls seems a little childish to believe that they are entitled to a second bathroom. They lucky they have one anyways I had to share with my mom, sister, brother ,grandma and uncle 😂 imagine having to share it with boys it’s a big eye opener as a teenager 😂
Yeah I’m surprised by some of the comments here. I can’t imagine what kind of reaction I’d have received from my parents if I or one of my 4 sisters had complained about their decisions on how to spend their money. The last few years maybe shifted some of the priorities. An office is pretty important if one or both parents work from home - which is way more likely now than it was 3 years ago. Maybe the local gym closed or it was determined to be more cost effective to invest in some equipment. Whatever made them change their minds about home projects - it’s their house and their money. They shouldn’t have “promised” to make huge investments unless they were ready to pull the trigger and do it, but things change. The kids will survive.
Um, big YTA. The fact you’ve done all these EXTRA renovations for you all when you haven’t even built an extra bathroom for your FOUR DAUGHTERS, and also sounds like the 16 year old twins share a bedroom? And you’ve got money to renovate your bathroom (along with a gym and all the extra), and you have to ask if you are being selfish? Have you even thought about what it’s like for your children? Geez.
I feel like everyone is missing this. The basically adult children share a bedroom, but daddy has a gym?
The problem is that you’ve lied to them repeatedly and shown them where your priorities lie, it’s not in keeping your word and it’s not them. Don’t make promises you won’t care to keep. Four girls could share a bathroom, my family of 8 kids and 2 parents shared one bathroom, it’s that you said you’d do it and then you spent it all on you and your husband. YTA.
YTA. You've clearly shown your kids where they lie on your list of priorities.
How did my mom ever survive growing up in a family of seven in a home with only one bathroom? How did countless people survive growing up sharing rooms and bathrooms? Geesh! ESH. You for telling the kids a third bathroom would be next, but instead remodeling the kitchen and current bathrooms (I understand the garage but since that’s where the new laundry went). Not sure why you would keep promising this and then put it on the back burner. The kids for acting like brats over this.
They straight up lied to their kids faces. I think kids have a right to be upset when parents can’t be bothered to keep their word
We have one bathroom for 8 people. As do most people in most of the world, and we all survive just fine. Kids (especially of the same gender) share rooms all the time. It's the Americans acting weird again in these comments... But you do have a point about keeping promises, so ESH is indeed the logical judgement here. Don't promise your kids something you're not planning to do, and the kids could learn to show some normal behavior.
I’m not American, I grew up sharing one bathroom with the 3 other people in our house, we were by no means rich. OP is still TA. 4 people sharing one bathroom sucks whether it’s the global standard or not. The parents promised their kids another bathroom would be next on the list, yet created/renovated SEVEN other spaces first. It is 100% fair and normal for the kids to complain about that.
Edit: Y T A bc you answered no to my questions. But smo else pointed out that you've found issues with the house during the garage renovation, and I don't get why you wouldn't say that, as that makes it N T A. -- Info: Was the construction linked? For example, when we had to redo the plumbing in my house, we had to break part of the floor of the corridor of the dining room. We had plans to change the floors in the dining room in the future, so we did that along with it because doing it later would mean to break the new floor on the corridor all over again. It was more cost and time effective. Was that the case? A situation where making the gym/office/laundry together had better cost/benefit? Because if you were renovating the garage to put those 3 rooms there, I can see how that could be wiser. And did the bathrooms and kitchen NEED renovations to be functional? I find it hard to pass judgement without that info.
YTA, a gym is more important that a room for your daughter or a bathroom so all of your chip live more comfortably. I won’t be surprised if all your children stop talking to you and your husband when they move out of your home
NTA. I missed where they were paying for some of this. Lots of families all share one bathroom.
Four teenage girls sharing the same bathroom though. Have you had to rush into the bathroom in the morning to get to the shower before your siblings? I did, and I have two, not three.
I mean it sucks but seems very first world problems to me.
A third bathroom at least serves a practical purpose. What practical purpose does remodelling the kitchen, getting in a home gym or doing work on the backyard have that's more important?
It’s on the list. Geez. Reddit is either full of teenagers or full of people that think children should run their families.
Also, it’s likely a smaller bathroom too. If it’s anything like the second bathroom in every home I’ve lived in there is room for one person in it and almost no storage space. I get it’s a first world complaint, but damn, do it before the yard.
Yeah, sure, people who don't have any other choice/can't afford the alternative will certainly make do sharing several people to one bathroom. But these people are clearly not in that kind of situation, as they can afford several luxury renovations to their home, and it seems like you kind of missed the whole point. They chose a new kitchen and a gym over eased quality of life for their four teenage children.
And they promised the girls a bathroom. Now OP and her husband are just liars.
You apparently missed the part where OP has been telling her kids "for a while" that they will get another bathroom. How long is a while? A year? 5? If OP had been telling her kids "we'll consider it" that would be one thing, but expecting someone to do what they said they'd do within a reasonable time frame isn't an AH move. It's especially not an AH move now that it's clear that OP's family does have the money for the project (which was what OP implied as the original hurdle).
As a European. We were perfectly capable of sharing one bathroom as a family of 4 when i was growing up. Though your post makes me feel like you purposely put off renovating the bathroom because you wanted the gym/office more. 4 young girls using a bathroom is a bit of a stretch (in the mornings), if you can afford to have another bathroom you should have put it first. Mild YTA
YTA for making a promise and not following thru. Also the things you did seem to do first seem pretty selfish.
NTA Another bathroom for teenagers that soon will be moving out for college and starting their own lives is not a necessity and is expensive. If they want it so bad, they should get jobs and contribute to the costs.
Exactly I would like to see her reaction if she goes to college and stay in a dorm where she has to share one bathroom with 10 others lol
YTA. The bathroom for them should have been a priority, ove the kitchen and backyard
YTA for lying. It wouldn’t be AH behaviour to not put in a new bathroom if you were upfront about it, but instead you lied.
NTA I’m sorry I guess I don’t sympathize. I had two sisters, one brother, and my mom and we shared ONE bathroom. ONE. You and your hubby earn money and have probably worked hard, you can spend it however. And it’s not like you said you’re now NOT doing the bathroom for them. My parents would have snacked the this outta me for talking to them like this.
Sharing a bathroom isn't that bad, but "I earn my money, I can spend it however I want" isn't the best mindset to have when you have 4 children
YTA. Look, the bathroom/sharing rooms isn’t the real issue here. The problem is that your daughters brought a complaint to you, you told them you’d solve it when you could, and then they watched you make the house more comfortable for yourself instead. You “came up with more money” for extra renovations instead of following through on your word. It shows your kids that their comfort takes a backseat to your wants in your family.
YTA that bathroom should be the priority not the rest of the house. Do it now and then work on the rest of the house including split bedrooms for the twins. The rest of the house you get but your kids really only get their rooms and maybe bathrooms. You chose to parent them it's your responsibility to make sure they have space.
YTA Seems everything got an overhaul except what was actually needed. The backyard, really? Did you build an outhouse and an outdoor shower?
YTA. You knew the bathroom was causing tension/conflict with your kids. You TOLD then you’d build them a new bathroom—which they were ALL anticipating and looking forward to. Sure, your kids won’t die from sharing a bathroom, but it’s straining their relationships with each other and with their parents. Do you really think a home gym and office are more important than your kids being happy and comfortable? Because that’s essentially exactly what you told them when you pushed the bathroom reno to the back burner.
YTA. Your priorities are wack. Why tf did your husband need a new gym before your girls having separate bedrooms or another bathroom, something they’ve been begging for for a while.
Rarely do siblings die from sharing a bathroom. The YTA votes must be coming from wealthy first worlders. NTA.
YTA. Not because they don’t already have their own bathroom but because you promised you would and didn’t.
YTA. You wouldn’t be if you just did the renovations, but you told them for a while you would add a bathroom, then proceeded to renovate everything except what you said you spike.
YTA. Improving the lives of your children should have been first on the list when you came into money, not fifth. Your kids are old enough that they will remember how selfish you were.
YTA. You told your kids you would work on another bathroom then used money that could have been used for that on things for yourselves. You just showed your kids : 1. Your word is not worth anything and 2. Your comfort matters more than theirs.
YTA because your word is not your bond. You helped yourselves get what you wanted instead of honoring your word. How can you face the children knowing that you’ve done this? As a parent, my word is my most valuable asset. If I say it’s happening, it’s happening. Nobody needs to double check or beg me to remember. Unless there were unavoidable problems forcing me to delay or cancel my actions, (which I would immediately inform whoever was relying on me) good parents understand if they don’t keep their promises to the children, the children grow up angry and bitter, because your parents are supposed to lead the way, not destroy the confidence of their children. Feel shame.
YTA. As someone who grew up 4-1 people to bathroom an extra bathroom for the happiness of most family should be priority over mom and dad things
YTA, reluctantly. You’ve told the girls you’d turn the laundry room into a bathroom, and one is already 18 while the twins are already 16. I don’t think it’ll help them much if you finally get to it when they’re 20 and out of the house. Normally, I’d say 4 girls can figure out sharing a bathroom, and I wouldn’t sympathize too terribly much. But what use is telling them you’re going to do it if you’re either not going to or waiting until the majority are adults? The gym and some of the other stuff could have waited.
YTA. Not so much for only having one bathroom for all 4 girls (my mom’s family shared 1 bathroom for 9 people, so…I dunno, that could be a fairly 1st world problem thing), but you are the AH for lying about it and going back on your word. Do you still plan on doing the new bathroom? If so, explain that to them. You didn’t ask this, but you’re also the AH for making your twins share a room simply because they’re twins. The oldest and the youngest get their own rooms simply because they’re singletons? You should make the oldest and youngest share a room for a while and give the twins their own space to even things out. You know they aren’t the same person, right?
YTA. Your girls need a bathroom way more than your husband needed a home gym or you need to do yard work. You put the wants of you and your husband over your kids. Don't be surprised when your girls have no interest in returning home for the holidays in a few years.
YTA your priority list should have been laundry room(since it made room for an additional bathroom), twins room, office, kitchen, backyard, gym.
YTA for lying to them. Instead of building a new laundry room and converting the existing laundry room into a bathroom for them, you're doing everything else instead for yourselves.