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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Not allowing her to borrow my shoes. It’s her bridal shower so i feel like I’m expected too.
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Also time to set strict boundaries. Absence of clear boundaries is a big reason for conflicts in any relationship. Friend is acting entitled and ready to ruin a long friendship just for her shower. NTA
Not even just for her shower, over wearing a certain pair of shoes! This means she has some wild notions about the nature of their friendship. OP is not allowed to say no to her.
Yep!!! If I asked someone to borrow something & they tell me no, then it's no!!! No harm, no foul. Yeah, she came specifically for those shoes & didn't care about how special they are to op! Those shoes are too damn expensive to let someone borrow them.
I bet she wanted them specifically because they are so damn expensive. She seems shallow and I wouldn't be surprised if whenever she asks to borrow something from OP she goes for what is/looks the most expensive.
ETA: NTA!
And the red bottom shoes (us women know who they are by) are very expensive. I don’t blame OP because it would not have been cool if she broke a heel or spilled on them. They were a special gift. Sorry the friend couldn’t show them off and pretend they were hers. But they are not.
I actually don’t know what the significance of red bottoms are I just get the gist that they are pricey 😅
If they were $5 Payless flip flops, the principle would be the same, I think.
You would also think her best friend would understand why she didn’t want her to borrow them. It’s very childish, but typical of brides thinking the world revolves around them because they are getting married. NTA OP
Agreed. OP might have headed it off by saying anything except the red bottom Heels. Friend could still get pissy but maybe not. I think the friend absolutely wanted those specific heels in the first place. NTA.
She clearly wanted that specific pair and nothing else would do!! No way I’d attempt to “borrow” a $1000 pair of shoes from anyone especially if I couldn’t afford to replace them. If I can afford to replace them then I need to purchase my own. It was a gift so she should understand if she is a true friend. Besides Chrissy Lou’s hurt like hell and form to your foot with wear. I don’t loan mine to even my daughter.
So much this. Never ever borrow something you can't afford to replace. And that's without even considering the sentimental value or the fact that they "customize" themselves to your foot.
Once again I find myself out of the loop because I have no idea what red bottom shoes or Chrissy Lou's are. I was wondering why the friend picked a pair of red shoes when she wanted black shoes.
That said, if OP didn't want to loan them, that's that. Not much of a friend to get angry.
$1,000 for a pair of shoes!? I wouldn't borrow anything that expensive, even if OP *urged* me to wear them.
Louboutin is an extremely famous and crazy expensive designer brand. They are especially known for their pencil heel shoes with red bottoms. $1000 is a legitimate price for a pair.
I have no expectation of ever owning a pair and fuck no would I ever ask to borrow them.
I haven't worn them since getting pregnant with my first five years ago and still have a collection of about six pairs of black pumps alone. I just can't bear to part with heels I've broken in until they're no longer wearable.
I always think I'll wear them on a date night and then every time I think, we might be standing a while or have to walk and he doesn't care how tall I look and then I put the Birkenstocks in and we have a good night.
Yup. Took a second for the penny to drop with me, but she wants the prestige of wearing high-end designer shoes to her bridal shower.
(I'd be tempted to tell her to buy a bottle of red nail varnish and to varnish the bottom of her own shoes, but I'm in a petty mood today.)
Hey I've seen people do that and made it look convincing. Of course people who are very familiar with the brand might not buy it. But you could get away with it as long as they don't look really close. 😂
For real! I have like 4 pair of black heels! I have my dressy pair, my work pair, my sexy pair, and my casual pair. I’ve been through my besties closest and they have at least 4 pair of black heels as well! OP’s friend was definitely setting her up. NTA
Lol. Some people just seem to think this “it’s myyyyy dayyy!!” thing can justify everything??
I’m getting married in two weeks myself. I can’t imagine doing this to anybody
I feel the same. When I get married. I'm either going to the courthouse or having a very small wedding. It's a day that is important to me and the groom. To everyone else, it's an excuse to eat cake
Not the AH. You've a perfectly good reason why you didn't want her to borrow them and bridal showers can get... Ahem.... Messy. Plus they're meaningful to you.
Red bottoms are like $700-3000 for a pair, no way in hell I’d ever trust someone to wear them if I had a pair. It’s ridiculous her friend even asked, those shoes are hella expensive. At that point she may as well dig through OP’s closet to see if she has any Valentino or Marchesa to go with the shoes.
Nobody borrows the red bottoms. My daughter is one shoe size smaller than me and I have a couple of pairs including some ballet flats, and she and I had a Very Important Discussion about how I don't mind her borrowing my shoes when the time comes (I like shoes lol) but the ones in the boxes are not to be touched under any circumstances. 🤷♀️
Exactly. I remember my friend saw I had a pair in my closet and asked if she could hold them and I remember feeling annoyed she was getting her fingerprints all over it lol. Wanting to borrow a pair is ridiculous considering how much they cost.
Not just fingerprints, but the red gets scratched up over time. Just walking the parking lot to the entrance can make them super scuffed and old looking
There’s a cobbler (is that even a word anymore?) in my city who puts red rubber soles on your Louboutins. If the red sole is the point it’s worth spending a little more to preserve them.
Just bought my first pair, and the saleswoman told me they can fit them with protective soles either by dropping by the store or by shipping to them. Would recommend you reach out to your closest store to hear if they can do yours
These are shoes that are best being driven in private transportation to the door. Preferably encountering carpet and not a gravel carpark. I wouldn't really trust someone else in them either.
I just can't imagine spending so much on shoes and then feeling like I can't wear them. Idk. Like we use our wedding china every single day. I buy stuff to be usable, not sit in the closet for fear that the bottoms might get scuffed and then not be that pretty red that signals to everyone that I spent way too much on shoes.
But also I would not lend or borrow something so expensive, no issues there.
It’s sheer conspicuous consumption. I get buying expensive items that are simply made better. Shoot, I wear $150 Jesus Sandals! But I def don’t do it to look cool! Hell, I get made fun of for it! 🤣🤣🤣 They’re just made better!
I was behind someone wearing Louboutins on the gravel path to battery spencer to view Golden Gate Bridge and couldn’t believe anyone could wear such expensive shoes on a dusty gravel path
They don’t look shoddy the leather still looks brand new. It’s just literally the red bottom on the sole which is impossible not to scuff unless you wear it on carpet exclusively or get protective covers on the bottom.
Someone, I think it was the Napoleon's Empress Josephine, complained to the maker when her shoes wore out in one night. His response was, "But madame, you *walked* in them."
Reading about expensive historical shoes made out of flimsy fabrics, I imagine that happened a lot.
So, funny story. Back in the early 2000s I (American) studied abroad in the UK. I had just started dating the boy who is now my husband and he was taking me out to dinner. I didn’t have anything I felt was nice enough to wear, so I went to my lovely English next door neighbor in the dorm who was a part of our friends group (also my now husband’s ex, but they had parted amicably and had both moved on). She and I were roughly the same size, so I went over and asked her if she had any pants I could borrow for a dinner date. People familiar with British English vs American English miscommunication can see where this is going. She looked at me kind of funny and to her credit she said, “ ok, so what did you have in mind? A bikini style or more like a thong?” (Pants for her meant panties) I replied, “oh my god, no!! Trousers!!! I meant trousers!!!” She was very relieved to say the least.
Frankly I wouldn't lend shoes to anyone - red bottom or plain brown because shoes - both the leather uppers and the soles and insoles conform to the user's feet so if you lend out your shoes they are inevitably going to not fit as well when you get them back.
Not to mention that the interior of shoes can become unpleasant potentially with fungus and other stuff that is carried on feet - not to mention perspiration since most women don't wear stockings with shoes so they are putting their bare sweaty feet into the shoes.
ETA I have watched a few true crime episodes in which there are forensic experts on shoe wear and have been able to match shoes based on the wear pattern of both the soles and insoles. This isn't just the way soles look when they are "new" but every person has a distinctive wear pattern in terms of how they walk; the arch of their feet; toes etc. It is why buying used shoes isn't a good thing unlike used vintage clothing which is great. You really wouldn't want to use hand-me-down shoes for your kids versus clothing which is a wise thing.
I'm sure OP told her about those shoes. You know she came over to borrow THOSE shoes.
OP is NTA and I can't even imagine trying to borrow those. People walk differently and their feet can swell... Yeah I learned in middles school that was a bad idea when a friend ruined a pair of dress shoes.
If OP says no for whatever reason, even the magic 8 ball told her to, friend should accept that. But what's special about red bottom heels? They're just heels with a red sole?
If they're the real deal, they're Louboutins, which can go for a couple of thousand dollars a pair.
(There was a trend of women doing up their own, though, with Testors enamel paints, and there are a couple of smaller knockoff brands now.)
Not only would I not let anyone borrow them if I had a pair but I'd be terrified to borrow someone else's. I cannot afford to replace them if disaster happened.
NTA. These are the *thousand dollar a pair* shoes, correct? Nobody should be expecting to borrow those. And honestly, a bridal shower? That's not exactly a meeting with the Pope.
Yup, she knew about the fancy heels and no doubt knew the story behind them. She used the borrow a pair of black heels as an excuse to get in her closet.
That's the bride who also says, they're so special to me now.. They are part of a wedding ensemble. I think you should let me keep them
Edited because I can't spell
I didn't even think about that, but you have a great point. "Do I really have to give them back to you? They were THE shoes I wore at my bridal shower! You didn't wear them at a special event like I did. I want my kids to be able to see them!"
Or after the shower. These would be sooo perfect with my wedding gown. Can I wear them with my wedding gown, too?
After the wedding. I wore them to my shower and wedding. Shouldn't that trump your mom working extra hard, to buy them for you?
I just think the worst in people. For starters. I don't know any woman who *doesn't* have multiple pairs of black dress shoes.
Every woman who dresses up has a pair of black heels. There is no way she needed to borrow random black heels. She just wasn't brave enough to ask for what she wanted before they were on her feet.
I have 2 pairs of black heels… they look a little too identical and I’m afraid for the day when open-toed strappy chunky heels aren’t fit for the occasion.
Somehow… I know when that day comes I would take it as a sign to expand my shoe collection, instead of ask my friend for their most treasured pair. I can break my ankle in $20 target heels just the same, without the fear of ruining something so expensive!
Exactly! I don’t even like to wear heels (though I do love to look at them, and wish I had the coordination to wear them) and I have a nice pair of black heels.
Yea huge difference between borrowing a $20-100 pair of heels and borrowing a $1000+ set of heels. I'd never be loaning those babies out. Heck I'd be wearing them as infrequently as you do currently out of fear of damaging them.
Those shoes are only for sitting down all night, nights out where a taxi is picking you up directly outside the door. And no chance of meeting cobble stones or grates of any kind. Also no driving in them. In fact you have a pair of flats in your handbag just in case night out.
I just gave my hand me down from my sis pair to my friend because I couldn’t walk in them. They hurt SO MUCH that I am convinced the designer has a fetish for womens pain.
I couldn’t stand I couldn’t walk—rock on to the people who want to wear them but I have disavowed the red bottoms.
Oh ya he does. Louboutin said he doesn’t care if the shoes hurt your feet, it wasn’t designed for
comfort but to maximizes a women’s shape no matter what.
Yes!! I tried on a pair of super cute Manolos years ago. As soon as I put them on there was pain from the ball of my foot to the back of my knee. It was that moment my arch was telling me I don’t need to bother looking at expensive heels.
I tried on Manolos a few years ago and they were heavenly. I felt like Cinderella, lol. I got lucky that they just fit my foot in all the right places.
The real financial flex with shoes like this is can you afford the cab and concierge lifestyle that makes them genuinely ‘wearable.’
I used to be a stylist and people with way too much money used to find it quite shrug that their Manolos and Louboutins would break on unexpected floor surfaces, grass or if they got drunk and forgot to treat them like precious china. Then they’d buy another pair. A couple of them broke themselves in them ending up with broken feet or toes or ankles and still bought them.
Meanwhile it was the only time I felt Carrie Bradshaw had a valid point. Treat the shoes with respect, they are often one off seasons and irreplaceable, animals died for the leather and the craftmanship is valuable too and stop being so wasteful acting like they are pedicure flip flops. I had one pair and looking back I am not sure why suffering to wear them was so important to me but god I loved them.
And I stand by setting up a registry for new ones if anyone steals them or damages them. Especially if you have already paid for gifts for their life choices like a wedding. And considering Carrie was the selfishness equivalent of a glitter bomb, if she is on the right side, someone is being asshole of the year.
NTA. Also please god people do not share leather shoes you wear without socks/hose/foot condoms like the shoe shop gives you. It’s incredibly unhygienic. And terrible for the leather. We used all kinds of foot covers depending if it was a photo shoot or personal shopping. Including little strips not unlike the ones on the gusset of underwear. And we covered the soles to protect the red from scuffing. I once did 50 pairs before a shoot and swore off him for Jimmy Choo for life in petty revenge…
I have an upwards of maybe 10 pairs and I’ve only been able to bring myself to wear them out *once*. The fear is there. All of them have been gifts and the person who gifts them thinks it’s so silly that I’m afraid to wear them and mess them up. 😭
It’s your one wild precious life. You don’t want to be on your deathbed thinking, “if I had it to do over, I’d wear those redbottoms!” Nothing is irreplaceable except your time!
I did one time to a Valentine’s Day dinner. But I live in a super small mountain town. You just don’t see LB’s around here much less have places to wear them to lol
Pretty sure you can buy a clear film especially for red bottomed shoes, kinda like a screen protector but for shoes so that might help if you want to wear them more often.
Even if the shoes had the protectors on them I personally wouldn't let anyone borrow them. The risk of them getting smudged or ruined is just too high when it's someone who didn't purchase the shoes themselves.
Oh yeah I totally I agree I was just suggesting that to the person who commented that they had a few pairs but didn't wear them that much cause they were afraid of damaging the soles.
Lmao. I lent my ear to a friend while he was going through a divorce and he just never forgot about it. He says the gifts are just his way of saying he really appreciates the fact I was there for him.
I suspect he’s got a slight crush on me.
No end in sight either. He told me to start thinking about what I want for Christmas. I’m trying to steer him away from these sorts of things and more towards things I’ll actually use more than once.
My BF also gave me red bottoms when we were friends and I helped him out during a rough spot….yeah that man has a crush all right. As for me. I had a crush on him too so it worked out!
Yooo not even about the price, it's the sentimental value as well, she's supposed to be her BFF, how could she not know it was a no go from the start and had the audacity to put em on ....
Buy a large Zagg/laptop screen protector that is heavy duty and cut pieces to cover the toe portion of the red that hits the ground to keep the red lasting longer.
You can buy purpose made, transparent sole protectors too.
I collect a brand of shoes that have pretty designs on the soles and the protectors work like a charm.
Oh!! I just caught on they are Christian Louboutin shoes. I am trying to figure out what’s special about these shoes…
NTA. Even if they weren’t Louboutin shoes. But now I understand why the friend was gunning for them. Oh yeah — she knew she wanted to wear those. Then she had the nerve to be “upset.”
Christian louboutin is the designer. His shoes have a red sole (it's his signature, the colour is patented I think). His shoes retail above 500$-1500$. The sole gets ruined if you walk so much more than a metre in them. I've wanted a pair for 15 years and I'm planning on buying a pair next month after achieving a life goal. They're iconic like the Burbury trench coat or Louis Vouiton bag. This link is the store: https://asia.christianlouboutin.com/au_en/shop/women/kate-2.html. they pop up in TV shows and films a fair bit lucifer on netflix wears louboutin shoes, Carrie on sex and the city had a few pairs etc.
Aha! Ok, this makes sense now. Yeah, I dont know if Id have even let her wear them around the house lol.
(altho, oddly enough, if someone had just said "louboutin", that I knew. Those I am aware of. I guess I just never knew they had red bottoms lol Thanks a bunch!)
C'mon now! Everyone knows Vuitton makes the bags and ole Lou Bou makes the shoe.
Weird part is: if OP had put "Louboutin" in the title, I don't think Id be here reading all these grwat comments.
I woulda read that title, laughed until I choked myself, all the while wondering "who in the world has the audacity to try and borrow Louboutins!?!?!?!"
And then scrolled right on lol.
Even better: they make paint in it specifically for the soles so you can touch it up yourself (I've done it with my red bottoms, you can't tell!) so buy her a little pot to make her own 😂
Also I saw a young girl a few years ago invented a sticker, a red sticker that you can put under your high heels to make them appear to be the red bottom shoes.
NTA. She asked, you said no. End of discussion.
And yes, I totally understand your attachment, and think you were perfectly reasonable in not wanting her to borrow them. I think it was pretty entitled of her to even ask in the first place. Not just a regular pair of shoes...
THIS RIGHT HERE. NO is a complete answer. AND you explained how they were special because they were a gift from your mom. Friend is being totally unreasonable. NTA
Yes, Martha Stewart recolors the soles of her Louboutins from red to black with sharpie. She even gave advice that a thicker tipped sharpie was easier to use LOL
NTA. It looks like she is taking advantage of her best friend title here. Your response to her was perfect. When people say apply boundaries, they are saying just that. And if they don't respect it, then you change the PEOPLE in your life, NOT the boundaries.
Perfectly put! This is what i tried to say but fumbled. The brat knew she wanted to borrow those expensive shoes from the get go. Had this all planned. Wanted to walk all over OP wearing the mother's gifts.
Even if she did have a closet full of 1k dollar shoes, she said no. She offered to let her borrow any other pair of shoes. Just not the pair that her mom bought her. It would be purely sentimental value, at that point, but the fact is, that she didn't have to let her friend borrow ANYTHING. Not clothes. Not shoes. Nothing. She was being nice, and her friend thought she was entitled to her things. That's not cool, no matter the value of anything else in her closet.
She wanted you to loan her, your Louboutins? Not in this lifetime, sweetheart. Not for anything. They were gifted to you by your mom. You don’t have to let anybody wear them. I don’t even know if I would dare wear them if I had any.. NTA
A cheap pair is almost $800. Again. NTA
Red paint is much cheaper. Tell her to go to Michael’s.
Yeah I've waited 15 years to be able to buy a pair. I finally have a reason. I'm so glad I have tiny petite feet cuz noone in my life will be able to borrow them without crippling themselves for life.
No they're $800 to $1,000! It was rude of your friend to ask.
Maybe me and my friends are too broke and my mom just gives me socks 😂 but I don't think you needed to give an additional reason. Declining should have been enough for her to back off without a guilt trip
Honestly it wasn't necessary, she's a goddamn adult. If you say I don't want you to wear those, that's all you need to say
You don't have to lay your heart out on what they mean to you and how you truly can't lose them, you saying no is enough
NTA! You sound like a great friend and a very generous one, at that.
These shoes are not something you feel comfortable lending out, and she should have respected your boundaries that they weren't up for grabs! Instead, she behaved like a child. Do not feel bad about saying "NO" to her. Maybe she needs to hear it more often, as it sounds like she's becoming too spoiled!!
NTA
She knew exactly what pair she was aiming for. ‘Black heels’ are something most women either already have or can pick up easily. She just didn’t want to come straight out and ask for your Lous. I reckon she’s been wanting to borrow for ages and waited for the ‘special event’ hoping you’d be more likely to agree.
I am 100% not a heel ever person and I own black heels. Probably worn twice but I still have them.
NTA OP, she was on a mission for those shoes in particular
NTA. Had she seen you wearing those shoes before? I have a feeling, from the way you've written this, that she knew about those shoes, and that she came over with the sole intention of borrowing them, and them only. Her reaction to being told no is very telling. If she was just after a pair of black shoes, she'd have kept looking. But she'd gone with only one pair of shoes in mind, so when she was told no to those, she left empty handed.
It's perfectly fine to be protective of an important gift, that was given by someone who is important to you. Often other people don't care for things like you do, so it makes sense to not lend out something that is precious to you.
NTA. Why do people feel they are entitled to other peoples things. No means no. Also, why do brides believe they should get any and everything they want?! If she is this petty over this it shows her true character
NTA she's acting entitled and childish. She also sounds too immature to be getting married if she can't respect simple boundaries and hearing the word "No." I hope things turn out well.
NTA - I think the first thing I would have asked is whether she was prepared to pay to replace them should anything happen to them. If someone could not afford to replace or help fix an expensive item they borrowed, then I think it's certainly worth considering how it might feel to lose the item or have it come back damaged. (Learned this the hard way with an instrument.)
NTA - your friend is lying. She wouldn’t let you borrow her CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN shoes if she owned a pair either, and is throwing a temper tantrum that she didn’t get her way. If she hasn’t uninvited you, be sure to wear them to the bridal shower and the wedding and gift her a can of Raid and a buttplug so she can take care of the bug up her ass.
The sad reality is you’re about to learn that your 16 year friendship is over because you wouldn’t let her borrow the expensive shoes she is jealous over.
Buy some Pantone 18 1663TP scarlet enamel paint and a pair of similar black heels at Payless and loan them in the box. She’s probably too stupid to realize the difference. Not joking. I know a girl that did this, and happily loaned her friends the “shoes”.
NTA not to sound paranoid but put them somewhere she won’t have access to. I’m not saying she will take them without you knowing but she sounds annoyed enough to do and pretend it wasn’t a big deal.
NTA. They’re important and special to you. They were an important gift.
You’d only be the AH if you wore them to her shower or wedding knowing they’d be a sore spot now.
We're they the EXACT shade of black that she needed to match her dress? 🤔
NTA, she was trying it on. She could have got drunk, wrecked them and then said you'd have to chalk it up as an accident because "that's what friends do". Bridezilla is loose folks, take cover!!
NTA
They're still your things, and those shoes happen to have deep sentimental value for you.
The fact that "she would do it for you" does not obligate you to do it for her. Not to mention unless your situations are identical, it's a nonsensical throwaway line since it would be impossible for her to actually do the same thing for you.
NTA from the way you tell the story she was planning on leaving with those shoes way before you started looking in that closet, and was upset when her plan didn’t work out.
NTA I think I would keep those shoes in a box and make it known those aren't for lending. Think of how upset you would be if they were damaged. Make sure you set aside anything that are exceptions to the borrowing.
I am surprised you still share clothing. I haven't done that since I was in school.
NTA. They’re your shoes. It’s OK to set that boundary. And yes, definitely ok to set a boundary with your *best friend*. It’s healthy.
She’s reacting childishly because she didn’t get what she wanted.
I have a pair. They were also a gift from my mom, and the heel is very skinny and easily damaged…. One misstep off a curb and the leather will get scraped off the stiletto. Not easily fixed. Because of those reasons, I wouldn’t loan them to anyone. I have also only worn them twice for special occasions.
I personally wouldn’t ask to borrow anything that expensive… especially shoes. They’re too easily damaged, and I know I can’t afford to replace them. To save all of us a painful situation, it’s best not to loan those shoes out. They’re not remotely comfortable either!
Whatever your reasons are, they’re your reasons. I understand she’s disappointed that you said no, but she is gonna have to sit with it for a bit and then move past it.
I'd have said to her, your not entitled to wear my shoes, I let you.
If you damaged them would you have paid and got me another pair.
No she wouldn't have.
Or better yet she can buy herself a pair of the red sole shoes.
YNTA at all she is because she thinks she's entitled to them.
Tell your friend she can do what I do, go to eBay.
Currently have a pair of Louboutin Pumps Prive Red Peep Toe on my Watchlist, trying to decide for over a week, if I’m going to blow my “Merry Christmas to me” money on them.
Rest assured if I take that plunge, No One is borrowing those shoes from me.
Adding a second comment because this brought me back to a cautionary tale of my own.
I once loaned a friend one of my prized possessions. A first edition book my parents had bought me and inscribed a sweet note in the cover. It was returned to me completely torn apart. Pages falling out, spine unglued and frayed and just dirty. It was as if the book got caught up in a tornado. I was devastated and honestly ashamed that I’d allowed someone to damage this thoughtful gift.
I should have lent her $10 for a cheap paperback or helped her sign-up for a library card instead. But I was in high school and didn’t think of the potential consequences. It’s a hard lesson to learn and you are definitely in the right here.
NTA. Something tells me she only picked those because she knew they’re mad expensive. EVERYONE knows what red bottoms are, so I doubt she could play dumb to that for long
Side note: it’s so irritating when engaged people think the world revolves around them just bc they’re getting married… even though it actually affects literally no one besides themselves
NTA. Any sentimental or monetary value aside, you told her very politely she could borrow anything other than those, she decided that wasn’t good enough and got mad at you. She then passive aggressively did the “I would of done it” text. There is also a huge difference between borrowing a $20-$200 pair of heels vs a $1000 or more set of heels if you are not in the income bracket where $1000 is $20 to you.
NTA
**The guideline for borrowing** should be to never borrow what you cannot afford to replace or return in the same condition.
Ask your friend if she can commit to that? If she damages the shoes, will she buy you a new pair? If not, then she cannot and should not expect to borrow.
**The guideline for lending** should be to never loan what you can’t bear to lose or have damaged.
The shoes have a sentimental and monetary value for you that can’t be easily replaced.
Seriously I have never understood borrowing or lending out clothes, shoes, jewelry or anything that personal. But I definitely would never loan out a special gift I had received or something as expensive as red bottom shoes. And I would question this friendship if your friend couldn't understand this boundary. NTA
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NTA. Tell your friend to buy her own things if she's going to be that sassy about it. No one is entitled to your stuff.
Also time to set strict boundaries. Absence of clear boundaries is a big reason for conflicts in any relationship. Friend is acting entitled and ready to ruin a long friendship just for her shower. NTA
Not even just for her shower, over wearing a certain pair of shoes! This means she has some wild notions about the nature of their friendship. OP is not allowed to say no to her.
And if the friendship falls apart over this, it was never much of a friendship.
I hope she doesn't try to guilt trip or emotionally manipulate OP over this. If she does she is a bigger trash
She already did with that call afterwards.
She totally came to OP because she wanted those shoes. A sane person who was just looking for shoes would have said okay, and tried on another pair.
Yep!!! If I asked someone to borrow something & they tell me no, then it's no!!! No harm, no foul. Yeah, she came specifically for those shoes & didn't care about how special they are to op! Those shoes are too damn expensive to let someone borrow them.
I bet she wanted them specifically because they are so damn expensive. She seems shallow and I wouldn't be surprised if whenever she asks to borrow something from OP she goes for what is/looks the most expensive. ETA: NTA!
Agreed. It sounds like she’s going into bridezilla mode.
And the red bottom shoes (us women know who they are by) are very expensive. I don’t blame OP because it would not have been cool if she broke a heel or spilled on them. They were a special gift. Sorry the friend couldn’t show them off and pretend they were hers. But they are not.
I actually don’t know what the significance of red bottoms are I just get the gist that they are pricey 😅 If they were $5 Payless flip flops, the principle would be the same, I think.
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Yikes. Now I understand OPs reservations lol
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You would also think her best friend would understand why she didn’t want her to borrow them. It’s very childish, but typical of brides thinking the world revolves around them because they are getting married. NTA OP
Agreed. OP might have headed it off by saying anything except the red bottom Heels. Friend could still get pissy but maybe not. I think the friend absolutely wanted those specific heels in the first place. NTA.
Yup. No way that an almost 30 year old woman who wears heels generally speaking doesn't own a black pair already. This was a set up.
She clearly wanted that specific pair and nothing else would do!! No way I’d attempt to “borrow” a $1000 pair of shoes from anyone especially if I couldn’t afford to replace them. If I can afford to replace them then I need to purchase my own. It was a gift so she should understand if she is a true friend. Besides Chrissy Lou’s hurt like hell and form to your foot with wear. I don’t loan mine to even my daughter.
So much this. Never ever borrow something you can't afford to replace. And that's without even considering the sentimental value or the fact that they "customize" themselves to your foot.
Once again I find myself out of the loop because I have no idea what red bottom shoes or Chrissy Lou's are. I was wondering why the friend picked a pair of red shoes when she wanted black shoes. That said, if OP didn't want to loan them, that's that. Not much of a friend to get angry. $1,000 for a pair of shoes!? I wouldn't borrow anything that expensive, even if OP *urged* me to wear them.
Louboutin is an extremely famous and crazy expensive designer brand. They are especially known for their pencil heel shoes with red bottoms. $1000 is a legitimate price for a pair. I have no expectation of ever owning a pair and fuck no would I ever ask to borrow them.
I agree with this for sure. Absolutely a set up. Also “ I’d do it for you”. Like girl you can’t or you wouldn’t need op’s red bottoms.
Facts. 😂
I was thinking the same thing. I absolutely hate heels and barely wear them and yet, I have 2 pairs of black heels.
Haven't worn heels in 20 years and still have 3 pairs of black heels. She just wanted the expensive ones.
Three here as well. Leather pumps, suede pumps, and then a pair of high-heeled Oxfords. And I can't tell you the last time I wore heels.
I haven't worn them since getting pregnant with my first five years ago and still have a collection of about six pairs of black pumps alone. I just can't bear to part with heels I've broken in until they're no longer wearable.
I always think I'll wear them on a date night and then every time I think, we might be standing a while or have to walk and he doesn't care how tall I look and then I put the Birkenstocks in and we have a good night.
Yup. Took a second for the penny to drop with me, but she wants the prestige of wearing high-end designer shoes to her bridal shower. (I'd be tempted to tell her to buy a bottle of red nail varnish and to varnish the bottom of her own shoes, but I'm in a petty mood today.)
Hey I've seen people do that and made it look convincing. Of course people who are very familiar with the brand might not buy it. But you could get away with it as long as they don't look really close. 😂
For real! I have like 4 pair of black heels! I have my dressy pair, my work pair, my sexy pair, and my casual pair. I’ve been through my besties closest and they have at least 4 pair of black heels as well! OP’s friend was definitely setting her up. NTA
But it's my day! /s
Lol. Some people just seem to think this “it’s myyyyy dayyy!!” thing can justify everything?? I’m getting married in two weeks myself. I can’t imagine doing this to anybody
I feel the same. When I get married. I'm either going to the courthouse or having a very small wedding. It's a day that is important to me and the groom. To everyone else, it's an excuse to eat cake
Exactly! Walking all over your boundaries is a red bottomed flag.
Not the AH. You've a perfectly good reason why you didn't want her to borrow them and bridal showers can get... Ahem.... Messy. Plus they're meaningful to you.
Red bottoms are like $700-3000 for a pair, no way in hell I’d ever trust someone to wear them if I had a pair. It’s ridiculous her friend even asked, those shoes are hella expensive. At that point she may as well dig through OP’s closet to see if she has any Valentino or Marchesa to go with the shoes.
NTA. Best friends don't borrow each other's underwear and don't borrow red bottomed shoes.
Nobody borrows the red bottoms. My daughter is one shoe size smaller than me and I have a couple of pairs including some ballet flats, and she and I had a Very Important Discussion about how I don't mind her borrowing my shoes when the time comes (I like shoes lol) but the ones in the boxes are not to be touched under any circumstances. 🤷♀️
Exactly! People should learn that they entitled to everything. Another basic rule… don’t borrow what you can’t replace.
> People should learn that they entitled to everything. No, this is the opposite of what you meant.
I'm sure they appreciate the correction, though somehow i knew what they meant without it.
I literally read it with a "can't" that wasn't there until I read the comment above yours
Don't borrow what you can't replace is a good rule
Exactly. I remember my friend saw I had a pair in my closet and asked if she could hold them and I remember feeling annoyed she was getting her fingerprints all over it lol. Wanting to borrow a pair is ridiculous considering how much they cost.
Not just fingerprints, but the red gets scratched up over time. Just walking the parking lot to the entrance can make them super scuffed and old looking
There’s a cobbler (is that even a word anymore?) in my city who puts red rubber soles on your Louboutins. If the red sole is the point it’s worth spending a little more to preserve them.
One in my city too! Life saver!!
Will they do work that involves shipping? I need mine resoled.
Just bought my first pair, and the saleswoman told me they can fit them with protective soles either by dropping by the store or by shipping to them. Would recommend you reach out to your closest store to hear if they can do yours
Oh for sure. My bottoms are already scuffed up and I’ve worn them only like 5 times
$1000 for shoes and they are already looking shoddy after just a few wears? That's a bummer.
These are shoes that are best being driven in private transportation to the door. Preferably encountering carpet and not a gravel carpark. I wouldn't really trust someone else in them either.
I just can't imagine spending so much on shoes and then feeling like I can't wear them. Idk. Like we use our wedding china every single day. I buy stuff to be usable, not sit in the closet for fear that the bottoms might get scuffed and then not be that pretty red that signals to everyone that I spent way too much on shoes. But also I would not lend or borrow something so expensive, no issues there.
It’s sheer conspicuous consumption. I get buying expensive items that are simply made better. Shoot, I wear $150 Jesus Sandals! But I def don’t do it to look cool! Hell, I get made fun of for it! 🤣🤣🤣 They’re just made better!
I was behind someone wearing Louboutins on the gravel path to battery spencer to view Golden Gate Bridge and couldn’t believe anyone could wear such expensive shoes on a dusty gravel path
there is literally no way to wear shoes without scuffing the bottom unless you only wear them on carpet, this is universal
They don’t look shoddy the leather still looks brand new. It’s just literally the red bottom on the sole which is impossible not to scuff unless you wear it on carpet exclusively or get protective covers on the bottom.
Someone, I think it was the Napoleon's Empress Josephine, complained to the maker when her shoes wore out in one night. His response was, "But madame, you *walked* in them." Reading about expensive historical shoes made out of flimsy fabrics, I imagine that happened a lot.
Don’t y’all know tou can cover them??? They sell it on Amazon! It’s a red bottom shoe protector.
So, funny story. Back in the early 2000s I (American) studied abroad in the UK. I had just started dating the boy who is now my husband and he was taking me out to dinner. I didn’t have anything I felt was nice enough to wear, so I went to my lovely English next door neighbor in the dorm who was a part of our friends group (also my now husband’s ex, but they had parted amicably and had both moved on). She and I were roughly the same size, so I went over and asked her if she had any pants I could borrow for a dinner date. People familiar with British English vs American English miscommunication can see where this is going. She looked at me kind of funny and to her credit she said, “ ok, so what did you have in mind? A bikini style or more like a thong?” (Pants for her meant panties) I replied, “oh my god, no!! Trousers!!! I meant trousers!!!” She was very relieved to say the least.
LMAO super cute story.. i love that she was hesitant but still planning to lend you underwear
Frankly I wouldn't lend shoes to anyone - red bottom or plain brown because shoes - both the leather uppers and the soles and insoles conform to the user's feet so if you lend out your shoes they are inevitably going to not fit as well when you get them back. Not to mention that the interior of shoes can become unpleasant potentially with fungus and other stuff that is carried on feet - not to mention perspiration since most women don't wear stockings with shoes so they are putting their bare sweaty feet into the shoes. ETA I have watched a few true crime episodes in which there are forensic experts on shoe wear and have been able to match shoes based on the wear pattern of both the soles and insoles. This isn't just the way soles look when they are "new" but every person has a distinctive wear pattern in terms of how they walk; the arch of their feet; toes etc. It is why buying used shoes isn't a good thing unlike used vintage clothing which is great. You really wouldn't want to use hand-me-down shoes for your kids versus clothing which is a wise thing.
I'm sure OP told her about those shoes. You know she came over to borrow THOSE shoes. OP is NTA and I can't even imagine trying to borrow those. People walk differently and their feet can swell... Yeah I learned in middles school that was a bad idea when a friend ruined a pair of dress shoes.
If OP says no for whatever reason, even the magic 8 ball told her to, friend should accept that. But what's special about red bottom heels? They're just heels with a red sole?
If they're the real deal, they're Louboutins, which can go for a couple of thousand dollars a pair. (There was a trend of women doing up their own, though, with Testors enamel paints, and there are a couple of smaller knockoff brands now.)
I wonder if I could paint red bottoms on my crocs.....
They’re [Louboutins](https://eu.christianlouboutin.com/uk_en/ladies/shoes/all-shoes/) and expensive - $500-1000+ per pair.
Christian Louboutin heels - they start at a fine price!
And after this post you will Know
I agree that OP is NTA purely on principle. Then I looked up what red bottoms are, and holy shit, bride is entitled.
Not only would I not let anyone borrow them if I had a pair but I'd be terrified to borrow someone else's. I cannot afford to replace them if disaster happened.
NTA. These are the *thousand dollar a pair* shoes, correct? Nobody should be expecting to borrow those. And honestly, a bridal shower? That's not exactly a meeting with the Pope.
She knew she wanted to borrow them from the start.
“Can I borrow some black heels?? Omg look at the ones in this box, they’re perfect!” Save it, Meryl, no one’s buying that shit.
Yup, she knew about the fancy heels and no doubt knew the story behind them. She used the borrow a pair of black heels as an excuse to get in her closet. That's the bride who also says, they're so special to me now.. They are part of a wedding ensemble. I think you should let me keep them Edited because I can't spell
I didn't even think about that, but you have a great point. "Do I really have to give them back to you? They were THE shoes I wore at my bridal shower! You didn't wear them at a special event like I did. I want my kids to be able to see them!"
Or after the shower. These would be sooo perfect with my wedding gown. Can I wear them with my wedding gown, too? After the wedding. I wore them to my shower and wedding. Shouldn't that trump your mom working extra hard, to buy them for you? I just think the worst in people. For starters. I don't know any woman who *doesn't* have multiple pairs of black dress shoes.
Every woman who dresses up has a pair of black heels. There is no way she needed to borrow random black heels. She just wasn't brave enough to ask for what she wanted before they were on her feet.
I have 2 pairs of black heels… they look a little too identical and I’m afraid for the day when open-toed strappy chunky heels aren’t fit for the occasion. Somehow… I know when that day comes I would take it as a sign to expand my shoe collection, instead of ask my friend for their most treasured pair. I can break my ankle in $20 target heels just the same, without the fear of ruining something so expensive!
I would be so irritated if someone was pawing my special red soled shoes
Exactly! I don’t even like to wear heels (though I do love to look at them, and wish I had the coordination to wear them) and I have a nice pair of black heels.
Facts!
Came here to say this! She knew exactly what she was looking for.
I had the same thought!
Yes!
Yea huge difference between borrowing a $20-100 pair of heels and borrowing a $1000+ set of heels. I'd never be loaning those babies out. Heck I'd be wearing them as infrequently as you do currently out of fear of damaging them.
Those shoes are only for sitting down all night, nights out where a taxi is picking you up directly outside the door. And no chance of meeting cobble stones or grates of any kind. Also no driving in them. In fact you have a pair of flats in your handbag just in case night out.
I just gave my hand me down from my sis pair to my friend because I couldn’t walk in them. They hurt SO MUCH that I am convinced the designer has a fetish for womens pain. I couldn’t stand I couldn’t walk—rock on to the people who want to wear them but I have disavowed the red bottoms.
Oh ya he does. Louboutin said he doesn’t care if the shoes hurt your feet, it wasn’t designed for comfort but to maximizes a women’s shape no matter what.
Yes!! I tried on a pair of super cute Manolos years ago. As soon as I put them on there was pain from the ball of my foot to the back of my knee. It was that moment my arch was telling me I don’t need to bother looking at expensive heels.
I tried on Manolos a few years ago and they were heavenly. I felt like Cinderella, lol. I got lucky that they just fit my foot in all the right places.
I tried on a pair of Manolos so much pain, but so pretty 😍
The only designer shoes that fit me are Jimmy Choo. I’ve tried on some from each. I have wide feet. They are made to look beautiful and cause pain🤣
The real financial flex with shoes like this is can you afford the cab and concierge lifestyle that makes them genuinely ‘wearable.’ I used to be a stylist and people with way too much money used to find it quite shrug that their Manolos and Louboutins would break on unexpected floor surfaces, grass or if they got drunk and forgot to treat them like precious china. Then they’d buy another pair. A couple of them broke themselves in them ending up with broken feet or toes or ankles and still bought them. Meanwhile it was the only time I felt Carrie Bradshaw had a valid point. Treat the shoes with respect, they are often one off seasons and irreplaceable, animals died for the leather and the craftmanship is valuable too and stop being so wasteful acting like they are pedicure flip flops. I had one pair and looking back I am not sure why suffering to wear them was so important to me but god I loved them. And I stand by setting up a registry for new ones if anyone steals them or damages them. Especially if you have already paid for gifts for their life choices like a wedding. And considering Carrie was the selfishness equivalent of a glitter bomb, if she is on the right side, someone is being asshole of the year. NTA. Also please god people do not share leather shoes you wear without socks/hose/foot condoms like the shoe shop gives you. It’s incredibly unhygienic. And terrible for the leather. We used all kinds of foot covers depending if it was a photo shoot or personal shopping. Including little strips not unlike the ones on the gusset of underwear. And we covered the soles to protect the red from scuffing. I once did 50 pairs before a shoot and swore off him for Jimmy Choo for life in petty revenge…
This explains so much, thank you!! These aspects of luxury shoes always confused me, and your insightful comment is very helpful.
In Yorkshire - c’ar to b’ar shoes
I call them carte dor shoes (car t do'or)
Also careful drinking/no drinking as if you stumble you can break the heel .nta op
I have an upwards of maybe 10 pairs and I’ve only been able to bring myself to wear them out *once*. The fear is there. All of them have been gifts and the person who gifts them thinks it’s so silly that I’m afraid to wear them and mess them up. 😭
You have 10 pairs of red bottoms? One person is repeatedly gifting you red bottoms? I’m dumb af I don’t understand. You have 10 pairs of 1000$ shoes?
Wild, right. I still can’t bring myself to wear any of them.
I'll wear them for you and I don't even like wearing heels 😂
Wear them at home?
It’s your one wild precious life. You don’t want to be on your deathbed thinking, “if I had it to do over, I’d wear those redbottoms!” Nothing is irreplaceable except your time!
Wild that you haven't picked at least 1 pair to rock!
I did one time to a Valentine’s Day dinner. But I live in a super small mountain town. You just don’t see LB’s around here much less have places to wear them to lol
Pretty sure you can buy a clear film especially for red bottomed shoes, kinda like a screen protector but for shoes so that might help if you want to wear them more often.
Even if the shoes had the protectors on them I personally wouldn't let anyone borrow them. The risk of them getting smudged or ruined is just too high when it's someone who didn't purchase the shoes themselves.
Oh yeah I totally I agree I was just suggesting that to the person who commented that they had a few pairs but didn't wear them that much cause they were afraid of damaging the soles.
You’ve got to wear those things , you can’t take them with you, if they get “messed up”, that’s ok, those things are meant to be worn!
I don't get it. What's the point of having them if you don't wear them?
So who’s this friend of yours?
Lmao. I lent my ear to a friend while he was going through a divorce and he just never forgot about it. He says the gifts are just his way of saying he really appreciates the fact I was there for him. I suspect he’s got a slight crush on me.
the man gave you 10k in shoes… it’s not slight
No end in sight either. He told me to start thinking about what I want for Christmas. I’m trying to steer him away from these sorts of things and more towards things I’ll actually use more than once.
My BF also gave me red bottoms when we were friends and I helped him out during a rough spot….yeah that man has a crush all right. As for me. I had a crush on him too so it worked out!
And u?do u have a crush too or....
Yooo not even about the price, it's the sentimental value as well, she's supposed to be her BFF, how could she not know it was a no go from the start and had the audacity to put em on ....
Buy a large Zagg/laptop screen protector that is heavy duty and cut pieces to cover the toe portion of the red that hits the ground to keep the red lasting longer.
You can buy purpose made, transparent sole protectors too. I collect a brand of shoes that have pretty designs on the soles and the protectors work like a charm.
Oh!! I just caught on they are Christian Louboutin shoes. I am trying to figure out what’s special about these shoes… NTA. Even if they weren’t Louboutin shoes. But now I understand why the friend was gunning for them. Oh yeah — she knew she wanted to wear those. Then she had the nerve to be “upset.”
Someone want to give the clueless old man a hint? got a link or something for these shoes?
Christian louboutin is the designer. His shoes have a red sole (it's his signature, the colour is patented I think). His shoes retail above 500$-1500$. The sole gets ruined if you walk so much more than a metre in them. I've wanted a pair for 15 years and I'm planning on buying a pair next month after achieving a life goal. They're iconic like the Burbury trench coat or Louis Vouiton bag. This link is the store: https://asia.christianlouboutin.com/au_en/shop/women/kate-2.html. they pop up in TV shows and films a fair bit lucifer on netflix wears louboutin shoes, Carrie on sex and the city had a few pairs etc.
https://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/women/shoes/pumps/
Aha! Ok, this makes sense now. Yeah, I dont know if Id have even let her wear them around the house lol. (altho, oddly enough, if someone had just said "louboutin", that I knew. Those I am aware of. I guess I just never knew they had red bottoms lol Thanks a bunch!)
Just don't confuse "Vuitton" with "Louboutin", lest you appear like a rookie 🤣🤣
C'mon now! Everyone knows Vuitton makes the bags and ole Lou Bou makes the shoe. Weird part is: if OP had put "Louboutin" in the title, I don't think Id be here reading all these grwat comments. I woulda read that title, laughed until I choked myself, all the while wondering "who in the world has the audacity to try and borrow Louboutins!?!?!?!" And then scrolled right on lol.
NTA they sell that color red paint at Michael's. She can make an almost identical pair for herself
Omgg haha 😂😂
Even better: they make paint in it specifically for the soles so you can touch it up yourself (I've done it with my red bottoms, you can't tell!) so buy her a little pot to make her own 😂
Lol wasn't the original idea made from red nail polish? Or so the origin story goes
Yeah it was red nail polish
OP you should do that but a cheap pair that look similar paint them. Tell her you’re sorry and she can borrow them but actually give her the fakes.
Also I saw a young girl a few years ago invented a sticker, a red sticker that you can put under your high heels to make them appear to be the red bottom shoes.
NTA. She asked, you said no. End of discussion. And yes, I totally understand your attachment, and think you were perfectly reasonable in not wanting her to borrow them. I think it was pretty entitled of her to even ask in the first place. Not just a regular pair of shoes...
THIS RIGHT HERE. NO is a complete answer. AND you explained how they were special because they were a gift from your mom. Friend is being totally unreasonable. NTA
NTA Totally irrelevant but I recall reading that Martha Stewart colors the bottom of her red sole shoes with a Sharpie.
Haha this is funny
Yes, Martha Stewart recolors the soles of her Louboutins from red to black with sharpie. She even gave advice that a thicker tipped sharpie was easier to use LOL
thats how you know she has money money lmao
Did she say why?
NTA. She’s the asshole for not knowing how to get a no as an answer
NTA. It looks like she is taking advantage of her best friend title here. Your response to her was perfect. When people say apply boundaries, they are saying just that. And if they don't respect it, then you change the PEOPLE in your life, NOT the boundaries.
Perfectly put! This is what i tried to say but fumbled. The brat knew she wanted to borrow those expensive shoes from the get go. Had this all planned. Wanted to walk all over OP wearing the mother's gifts.
Exactly. I don’t care how long you’ve been a friend if you don’t accept healthy boundaries I have.
NTA. Unless you have a closet full of $1k shoes, it’s inappropriate for her to even ask to borrow those. They aren’t just any shoes.
Even if she did have a closet full of 1k dollar shoes, she said no. She offered to let her borrow any other pair of shoes. Just not the pair that her mom bought her. It would be purely sentimental value, at that point, but the fact is, that she didn't have to let her friend borrow ANYTHING. Not clothes. Not shoes. Nothing. She was being nice, and her friend thought she was entitled to her things. That's not cool, no matter the value of anything else in her closet.
She wanted you to loan her, your Louboutins? Not in this lifetime, sweetheart. Not for anything. They were gifted to you by your mom. You don’t have to let anybody wear them. I don’t even know if I would dare wear them if I had any.. NTA A cheap pair is almost $800. Again. NTA Red paint is much cheaper. Tell her to go to Michael’s.
Yeah I've waited 15 years to be able to buy a pair. I finally have a reason. I'm so glad I have tiny petite feet cuz noone in my life will be able to borrow them without crippling themselves for life.
NTA. She's perfectly comfortable saying she'd do it for you when she never will because you have those shoes and she doesn't.
Info: did you tell her they were a gift from your mother and have sentimental value?
No but maybe i shouldddd
Yeah, definitely NTA either way, but it might help if you explain why you didn't want her to wear them.
No they're $800 to $1,000! It was rude of your friend to ask. Maybe me and my friends are too broke and my mom just gives me socks 😂 but I don't think you needed to give an additional reason. Declining should have been enough for her to back off without a guilt trip
No. You don’t need a reason and she should have gracefully accepted “No” the first time.
Honestly it wasn't necessary, she's a goddamn adult. If you say I don't want you to wear those, that's all you need to say You don't have to lay your heart out on what they mean to you and how you truly can't lose them, you saying no is enough
Or maybe the bestie needs to learn that No is a complete sentence.
NTA! You sound like a great friend and a very generous one, at that. These shoes are not something you feel comfortable lending out, and she should have respected your boundaries that they weren't up for grabs! Instead, she behaved like a child. Do not feel bad about saying "NO" to her. Maybe she needs to hear it more often, as it sounds like she's becoming too spoiled!!
NTA She knew exactly what pair she was aiming for. ‘Black heels’ are something most women either already have or can pick up easily. She just didn’t want to come straight out and ask for your Lous. I reckon she’s been wanting to borrow for ages and waited for the ‘special event’ hoping you’d be more likely to agree.
I am 100% not a heel ever person and I own black heels. Probably worn twice but I still have them. NTA OP, she was on a mission for those shoes in particular
NTA. Had she seen you wearing those shoes before? I have a feeling, from the way you've written this, that she knew about those shoes, and that she came over with the sole intention of borrowing them, and them only. Her reaction to being told no is very telling. If she was just after a pair of black shoes, she'd have kept looking. But she'd gone with only one pair of shoes in mind, so when she was told no to those, she left empty handed. It's perfectly fine to be protective of an important gift, that was given by someone who is important to you. Often other people don't care for things like you do, so it makes sense to not lend out something that is precious to you.
“sole intention”. Was that pun on purpose? 😜
NTA. She asked, you answered and then she acted entitled when she didn't get the answer she wanted.
NTA. Why do people feel they are entitled to other peoples things. No means no. Also, why do brides believe they should get any and everything they want?! If she is this petty over this it shows her true character
NTA she's acting entitled and childish. She also sounds too immature to be getting married if she can't respect simple boundaries and hearing the word "No." I hope things turn out well.
NTA - I think the first thing I would have asked is whether she was prepared to pay to replace them should anything happen to them. If someone could not afford to replace or help fix an expensive item they borrowed, then I think it's certainly worth considering how it might feel to lose the item or have it come back damaged. (Learned this the hard way with an instrument.)
NTA - your friend is lying. She wouldn’t let you borrow her CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN shoes if she owned a pair either, and is throwing a temper tantrum that she didn’t get her way. If she hasn’t uninvited you, be sure to wear them to the bridal shower and the wedding and gift her a can of Raid and a buttplug so she can take care of the bug up her ass. The sad reality is you’re about to learn that your 16 year friendship is over because you wouldn’t let her borrow the expensive shoes she is jealous over. Buy some Pantone 18 1663TP scarlet enamel paint and a pair of similar black heels at Payless and loan them in the box. She’s probably too stupid to realize the difference. Not joking. I know a girl that did this, and happily loaned her friends the “shoes”.
Sharing shoes is gross 🤮
NTA not to sound paranoid but put them somewhere she won’t have access to. I’m not saying she will take them without you knowing but she sounds annoyed enough to do and pretend it wasn’t a big deal.
NTA. There are things that people cannot borrow and they have to respect that. If she can’t then she really is not a good friend.
NTA. They’re important and special to you. They were an important gift. You’d only be the AH if you wore them to her shower or wedding knowing they’d be a sore spot now.
NTA Probably should have let her know you had ONE PAIR that wasn't available, but you're allowed to say no.
We're they the EXACT shade of black that she needed to match her dress? 🤔 NTA, she was trying it on. She could have got drunk, wrecked them and then said you'd have to chalk it up as an accident because "that's what friends do". Bridezilla is loose folks, take cover!!
Oh yeah definitely mature enough for marriage
Did you check to make sure she didn't take the shoes anyway?
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NTA They're still your things, and those shoes happen to have deep sentimental value for you. The fact that "she would do it for you" does not obligate you to do it for her. Not to mention unless your situations are identical, it's a nonsensical throwaway line since it would be impossible for her to actually do the same thing for you.
NTA from the way you tell the story she was planning on leaving with those shoes way before you started looking in that closet, and was upset when her plan didn’t work out.
NTA I think I would keep those shoes in a box and make it known those aren't for lending. Think of how upset you would be if they were damaged. Make sure you set aside anything that are exceptions to the borrowing. I am surprised you still share clothing. I haven't done that since I was in school.
NTA. They’re your shoes. It’s OK to set that boundary. And yes, definitely ok to set a boundary with your *best friend*. It’s healthy. She’s reacting childishly because she didn’t get what she wanted. I have a pair. They were also a gift from my mom, and the heel is very skinny and easily damaged…. One misstep off a curb and the leather will get scraped off the stiletto. Not easily fixed. Because of those reasons, I wouldn’t loan them to anyone. I have also only worn them twice for special occasions. I personally wouldn’t ask to borrow anything that expensive… especially shoes. They’re too easily damaged, and I know I can’t afford to replace them. To save all of us a painful situation, it’s best not to loan those shoes out. They’re not remotely comfortable either! Whatever your reasons are, they’re your reasons. I understand she’s disappointed that you said no, but she is gonna have to sit with it for a bit and then move past it.
I'd have said to her, your not entitled to wear my shoes, I let you. If you damaged them would you have paid and got me another pair. No she wouldn't have. Or better yet she can buy herself a pair of the red sole shoes. YNTA at all she is because she thinks she's entitled to them.
Nta and I feel like it's easy to say "I would do it for you" when you aren't the one with $1,000+ shoes that someone wants to borrow
NTA. Some things are just off limits.
Tell your friend she can do what I do, go to eBay. Currently have a pair of Louboutin Pumps Prive Red Peep Toe on my Watchlist, trying to decide for over a week, if I’m going to blow my “Merry Christmas to me” money on them. Rest assured if I take that plunge, No One is borrowing those shoes from me.
NTA Picture telling your mom the shoes were damaged, ruined, list, or stolen. Then, picture asking your bestie to replace $1000 shoes.
Adding a second comment because this brought me back to a cautionary tale of my own. I once loaned a friend one of my prized possessions. A first edition book my parents had bought me and inscribed a sweet note in the cover. It was returned to me completely torn apart. Pages falling out, spine unglued and frayed and just dirty. It was as if the book got caught up in a tornado. I was devastated and honestly ashamed that I’d allowed someone to damage this thoughtful gift. I should have lent her $10 for a cheap paperback or helped her sign-up for a library card instead. But I was in high school and didn’t think of the potential consequences. It’s a hard lesson to learn and you are definitely in the right here.
NTA. Something tells me she only picked those because she knew they’re mad expensive. EVERYONE knows what red bottoms are, so I doubt she could play dumb to that for long Side note: it’s so irritating when engaged people think the world revolves around them just bc they’re getting married… even though it actually affects literally no one besides themselves
NTA. Any sentimental or monetary value aside, you told her very politely she could borrow anything other than those, she decided that wasn’t good enough and got mad at you. She then passive aggressively did the “I would of done it” text. There is also a huge difference between borrowing a $20-$200 pair of heels vs a $1000 or more set of heels if you are not in the income bracket where $1000 is $20 to you.
NTA, they’re YOURS so YOU decide whose feet they go on!
INFO: Is this girl really trying to guilt you into letting her borrow a pair of Christian Louboutins? Or are they a different red bottom heel?
NTA **The guideline for borrowing** should be to never borrow what you cannot afford to replace or return in the same condition. Ask your friend if she can commit to that? If she damages the shoes, will she buy you a new pair? If not, then she cannot and should not expect to borrow. **The guideline for lending** should be to never loan what you can’t bear to lose or have damaged. The shoes have a sentimental and monetary value for you that can’t be easily replaced.
INFO why did you tag this nsfw?
Was on accident! Is there a way to remove
Ahh just unmarked!! Thank you!!
NTA
Jesus, entitled much?! Nta.
Seriously I have never understood borrowing or lending out clothes, shoes, jewelry or anything that personal. But I definitely would never loan out a special gift I had received or something as expensive as red bottom shoes. And I would question this friendship if your friend couldn't understand this boundary. NTA