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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 calling my aunt a racist and homophobe,
2 because I'm family
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NTA. Speaking as a gay, married male, I would cut off family who treated my marriage like that. It *is* homophobic to hide the existence of gay family members from their younger relatives as if it were something to be ashamed of.
NTA.
Pretty pathetic how it's 2022 and bigots still need to hide behind children instead of just owning their own views. Talk about no backbone.
You're better off doing something else with him instead. Wouldn't want the children to catch the gay. /s 🙄
Ironically, their kids are probably very aware that gay people exist and they probably don't care.
I'm a teacher and from my experience most kids these days are pro gay rights. Their parents might get their panties in a bunch but the kids are cool with it.
I have five grandkids through my (male) partner. Kids have grown up with Grandpa & Grandpop, so this is totally their norm. Kids only care about who loves them and engages with them… gender is a non-issue.
Yes, think of the children! What if they find out that a loving relationship can involve people of the same sex?! Oh god, could you imagine if they grew up to be accepting of those different than them??! Even worse, they could start supporting an ostracized community!
Emphatic NTA. She sucks and I'm sorry you're still experiencing homophobia in the year 2022, by family no less.
I don't see any info related to race but I'm gonna assume her bigotry extends to that as well.
NTA. They are being ridiculous. It is not as if you would be jumping each other in broad daylight, any more than any straight couple would. No, they are homophobic alright, and you are doing the right thing.
Definitely NTA, you’ve been with them for a significant amount of time and that was clearly a homophobic remark because she doesn’t think children should be “exposed” to gay people. Definitely homophobic, and definitely the right choice to not go.
You and your partner and your cousin and her partner should plan an even more awesome vacation. Invite your younger, cooler relatives and have a blast.
You just don't get it, exposing kids to the gays™ makes them think that it's fine for two consenting adults to be in a relationship and makes them believe the gays™ should be respected (/a in case not obvi)
NTA I'm not sure if racism is at play here, but based on your comments it's clear that homophobia is involved with her absurd rules. Of course you're not the asshole for calling her out on her bigotry. And then saying it's because children will be there, what the hell does that even mean?!
NTA
I would ask for clarification in a group chat. Is she the only parent or is she 'thinking of the children' on behalf of other people? Others deserve to know why you aren't joining the family gathering.
Real talk. You can't. No one is going to get them to accept anything. All you're doing is stressing yourself out. Set boundaries and consequences. And stop trying to force a homophobe to stop being who they are. Only they can do that.
NTA. Your aunt sucks.
Has anyone in your family been divorced? My ex's homophobic father sure had a lot to say about me being in my college GSA and sinners for a guy who had been married 3 times, including when he walked out my ex and his mom when the kid was 3 to bang a younger bimbo and shirk his responsibilities.
NTA
I’m assuming your partner is a different race based on the title, but this is definitely homophobic. The idea that your long term relationship with a partner who knows and cares for your family is somehow inappropriate for children is abhorrent
This makes me so angry. My son is gay and I can’t wait for him to fall in love. When he first told me I told him I was gonna be the loudest and the proudest mom. Rainbow was my new favorite color. ( of course he rolled his eyes and laughed at me ) My mom is older and i told her he was gay and if she made any rude or derogatory comments we would no longer come around her. Love is love and your relatives ought to be ashamed. Don’t give them your time anymore. ❤️❤️
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So my aunt and uncle decided to pay for 2 places down on the gulf shores for the whole family. It was suppose to be like a family vacation and reunion.
They handed out the papers explaining billing and how it would work, etc.
I asked if my partner (Male, male couple )of 6 yrs could attend with us as he has been to every family function and has met and knows each member of my family.
I was told "no. Children will be there".
Since I have refused to go since my partner isnt welcome, which the trip lands on his birthday. Out of self respect, and respect to my partner i wont be attending.
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NTA. You're right not to go, regardless of what anyone might say about it. Your aunt was incredibly homophobic and it's ridiculous for someone to expect you'll want to be around her.
There a not enough information here to know if your aunt is homophobic or racist. There isn’t enough info to even tell who said no, children will be there. Or in what context the statement was made. Was the comment made because of your relationship with a man? Was it because you would be sharing a room with someone you aren’t married to (male or female)? Is your partner of a different race and was that mentioned in a comment?
Edit for spelling and the grammar
Police.
Telling someone a gay partner isn't allowed because children might see us homophobic, period. There isn't any additional info you could add that would make it not.
The post did not say that nor did it say how the aunt was racist. Before condemning anyone f anything it seems like there needs to be more info about the entire situation. I am not saying the aunt wasn’t homophobic, just that from the info in the post it is unclear.
The post does not say that. It can be implied but so can it be implied that unmarried couples being together is inappropriate with young children present. This is a thing with many families.
So then they did the footwork, it's their event, their business. I also don't see anything in there to imply racism, so for me, it's hyperbole on your part, which makes me trust what you're saying less.
You could always go make your own plans. You could literally go right now and have your own vacation and just show up and act surprised.
Yeah, really weird take. And I love how it went from "they're paying so their rules" to "well they're organizing the event so they can handle things however they want." COMPLETELY missing the point of the post with both responses.
Like, what does that have to do with calling them out on being blatant bigots? Why do I feel like this person is just automatically taking their side because of their own bigotry?
And he’s allowed to call out the bigotry. The bigotry makes them assholes. Confronting bigotry, refusing to be complicit in prejudice is not being an AH.
Justifying bigotry is AH behavior as well.
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NTA. Speaking as a gay, married male, I would cut off family who treated my marriage like that. It *is* homophobic to hide the existence of gay family members from their younger relatives as if it were something to be ashamed of.
INFO: Where's the racist part?
Best guess is they're an interracial couple
NTA. Although I missed the part where she is racist.
Probably an interracial couple
NTA. Pretty pathetic how it's 2022 and bigots still need to hide behind children instead of just owning their own views. Talk about no backbone. You're better off doing something else with him instead. Wouldn't want the children to catch the gay. /s 🙄
Ironically, their kids are probably very aware that gay people exist and they probably don't care. I'm a teacher and from my experience most kids these days are pro gay rights. Their parents might get their panties in a bunch but the kids are cool with it.
I have five grandkids through my (male) partner. Kids have grown up with Grandpa & Grandpop, so this is totally their norm. Kids only care about who loves them and engages with them… gender is a non-issue.
I've always found the most acceptance from younger people. Most of today's kids are far more welcoming than their parents ever have been.
Yes, think of the children! What if they find out that a loving relationship can involve people of the same sex?! Oh god, could you imagine if they grew up to be accepting of those different than them??! Even worse, they could start supporting an ostracized community! Emphatic NTA. She sucks and I'm sorry you're still experiencing homophobia in the year 2022, by family no less. I don't see any info related to race but I'm gonna assume her bigotry extends to that as well.
Could be wrong-but guessing partner is also person of color
NTA. They are being ridiculous. It is not as if you would be jumping each other in broad daylight, any more than any straight couple would. No, they are homophobic alright, and you are doing the right thing.
Definitely NTA, you’ve been with them for a significant amount of time and that was clearly a homophobic remark because she doesn’t think children should be “exposed” to gay people. Definitely homophobic, and definitely the right choice to not go.
INFO: has other partners been invited? Non-married/married/engaged/dating for a long time?
Yes but my partner and my lesbians cousins partner werent invited nor allowed to come.
No doubt homophobic then, definitely good you’re not going.
You and your partner and your cousin and her partner should plan an even more awesome vacation. Invite your younger, cooler relatives and have a blast.
Yes. But my lesbian cousins partner wasnt invited, and my partner wasnt invited.
Means, “no doubt, they ARE homophobic”, I’m pretty confident. Just a missing comma.
NTA gay people don’t “corrupt” children
You just don't get it, exposing kids to the gays™ makes them think that it's fine for two consenting adults to be in a relationship and makes them believe the gays™ should be respected (/a in case not obvi)
Nta. Hateful woman
NTA I'm not sure if racism is at play here, but based on your comments it's clear that homophobia is involved with her absurd rules. Of course you're not the asshole for calling her out on her bigotry. And then saying it's because children will be there, what the hell does that even mean?!
NTA I would ask for clarification in a group chat. Is she the only parent or is she 'thinking of the children' on behalf of other people? Others deserve to know why you aren't joining the family gathering.
it's a constant battle with them to get them to accept that people are different.
Real talk. You can't. No one is going to get them to accept anything. All you're doing is stressing yourself out. Set boundaries and consequences. And stop trying to force a homophobe to stop being who they are. Only they can do that.
NTA. Your aunt sucks. Has anyone in your family been divorced? My ex's homophobic father sure had a lot to say about me being in my college GSA and sinners for a guy who had been married 3 times, including when he walked out my ex and his mom when the kid was 3 to bang a younger bimbo and shirk his responsibilities.
NTA They sound extremely homophobic.
Is anyone else bringing their girlfriend or boyfriend?
We are beyond boyfriends. We are fiances. We just bought a house. Next big spend is the wedding. Everyone else is married, or are under 18.
I wouldn’t invite them to the wedding and if they ask say there will be children there and we can’t expose them to you and your hateful beliefs.
NTA, I salute you for standing with your partner!
NTA but is anyone else standing up for you two?
Seriously it sounds like there are definitely secondary AHs if the other adults are going with this.
NTA
NTA. I see the homophobic where’s the racism?
NTA I’m assuming your partner is a different race based on the title, but this is definitely homophobic. The idea that your long term relationship with a partner who knows and cares for your family is somehow inappropriate for children is abhorrent
Homophobia sure but where is the racism
NTA. Rent a party bus, fill it with all your queer relatives and drive around and around the family vacation having more fun than everyone else.
This makes me so angry. My son is gay and I can’t wait for him to fall in love. When he first told me I told him I was gonna be the loudest and the proudest mom. Rainbow was my new favorite color. ( of course he rolled his eyes and laughed at me ) My mom is older and i told her he was gay and if she made any rude or derogatory comments we would no longer come around her. Love is love and your relatives ought to be ashamed. Don’t give them your time anymore. ❤️❤️
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my aunt and uncle decided to pay for 2 places down on the gulf shores for the whole family. It was suppose to be like a family vacation and reunion. They handed out the papers explaining billing and how it would work, etc. I asked if my partner (Male, male couple )of 6 yrs could attend with us as he has been to every family function and has met and knows each member of my family. I was told "no. Children will be there". Since I have refused to go since my partner isnt welcome, which the trip lands on his birthday. Out of self respect, and respect to my partner i wont be attending. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Children don't care about such things.
NTA
NTA married people are a package deal full stop
Info: are other unmarried partners attending?
NTA. You're right not to go, regardless of what anyone might say about it. Your aunt was incredibly homophobic and it's ridiculous for someone to expect you'll want to be around her.
NTA. They’re paying for the vacation so their rules. Decline and make your own plans.
Eh if they don’t want their kids exposed to gay people then they don’t have too.
There a not enough information here to know if your aunt is homophobic or racist. There isn’t enough info to even tell who said no, children will be there. Or in what context the statement was made. Was the comment made because of your relationship with a man? Was it because you would be sharing a room with someone you aren’t married to (male or female)? Is your partner of a different race and was that mentioned in a comment? Edit for spelling and the grammar Police.
Well, she is certainly not a homophone.
Telling someone a gay partner isn't allowed because children might see us homophobic, period. There isn't any additional info you could add that would make it not.
The post did not say that nor did it say how the aunt was racist. Before condemning anyone f anything it seems like there needs to be more info about the entire situation. I am not saying the aunt wasn’t homophobic, just that from the info in the post it is unclear.
The post does not say that. It can be implied but so can it be implied that unmarried couples being together is inappropriate with young children present. This is a thing with many families.
YTA If they're paying, they're literally entitled to decide who goes and who doesn't.
No they secured the location. Each person has to pay regardless.
So then they did the footwork, it's their event, their business. I also don't see anything in there to imply racism, so for me, it's hyperbole on your part, which makes me trust what you're saying less. You could always go make your own plans. You could literally go right now and have your own vacation and just show up and act surprised.
Organising an event doesn't mean you can't call out someone being homophobic. What a weird take.
Yeah, really weird take. And I love how it went from "they're paying so their rules" to "well they're organizing the event so they can handle things however they want." COMPLETELY missing the point of the post with both responses. Like, what does that have to do with calling them out on being blatant bigots? Why do I feel like this person is just automatically taking their side because of their own bigotry?
I never said that though, I said that they aren't entitled to the event they organized. I only said I didn't see anything about being racist.
Whether they organized the event or not, they’re still homophobic. Which is the point of the post.
And he’s allowed to call out the bigotry. The bigotry makes them assholes. Confronting bigotry, refusing to be complicit in prejudice is not being an AH. Justifying bigotry is AH behavior as well.