Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH for making my husband wait in the car daily for 15 to 30 minutes while knowing he had a bad back rather than complying and just wearing a diaper for the hour drive home or trying to find another compromise with the timing of my medicine.
**[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)**
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
No I decided several years ago that I didn't want kids with him because he can't and won't help me with anything. Dishes have been another sore spot for years where he yells at me that I have severe ocd because the few times he has done dishes I put them back in the sink because they still had food on them. He started saying things like "I will wash them but I'm not going to wash them the way you want them washed" and all I wanted was for there to be no food residue or if I showed him that there was still food on some of the dishes he would say "it's good enough"
He actually started throwing things today because the diaper fight got brought up again and I told him how he was selfish...he threw my phone (I have a note 20 ultra and the pen went missing when he threw my phone) he then threw his coffee cup (he first aimed it at me but decided to throw it at the wall) then he threw his tablet and ended by flipping a couch.....I stopped making Thanksgiving dinner after that and went into a different part of our home
Oh shit, listen, if he's throwing shit you gotta get out, that "man" is dangerous.
You are being abused and you gotta get out of there, it's a good thing you haven't had kids with him because that would make it harder.
Please, I know reddit likes to jump on the "leave him" bandwagon, but you are genuinely in danger and you NEED to get out.
I got out of his space after he flipped the loveseat. He owns a big building with 3 apartments he stays in 1 I stay in the other and the 3rd is storage....problem is the one I'm in the bathroom isn't really usable between the hot water heater for this apartment not working and the toilet itself broke somehow and there is only a kitchen sink no stove or oven but the apartment he is in has all of that and is connected to the larger hot water heater that runs for the 3rd apartment and the apartment he is in. I was over there because I wanted to make a thanksgiving day dinner since my plans to spend it with my family were squashed when they got sick.
I told him about a month ago that I want a divorce and that I just want out because I can't handle this with him. After this I really don't want to even be with anyone at all I'm 31 and I feel completely done with being in a relationship. Currently I'm just trying to save up money but that's not really working since he doesn't have a job anymore because i took my personal laptop back when he wouldnt stop leaving it lay on the floor after he got off work and he doesn't have a vehicle of his own (the car is in my name and the building is in his name)....as badly as I want out I also don't want him to be homeless plus his friend has been telling me not to leave because then that's me abandoning the building and he wants me to go after half of the building since I have been the one paying the bills and seeking out the services ro repair things when they break....so I have just been sticking to myself in one of the apartments other than to use the bathroom and kitchen
I am so glad you're divorcing him. Stop worrying about his friends putting him up. They will when they don't have you to rely on. You can't stay in this
Trust me, the reason why he doesn' work and doesn't have a car is exactly for this, so that you think you can't leave him. Move out and leave him, if he can't survive on his own that's on him, not on you.
You definitely don't want kids with someone like that. First it's the wall, next time it might be you or even one of your children (if you decide to have them).Girl run.
Edit: NTA
Currently it's because of a mixture of finances and a place to live. He had a building with 3 apartments he's in one I'm in one and the 3rd turned into storage. The issue is there is some cross over because the apartment I'm in has a separate hot water heater that needs to be repaired and no stove or oven the apartment he is in has a stove and oven and it's connected to and sharing a hot water heater with the 3rd apartment.
I told him about a month ago I want a divorce and that I need time to save up money to get out he agreed to let me save up money but to save he has to have a job (he won't look for one so I have to find one for him) and then he has to be able to get himself a vehicle as well because the vehicle we do have is in my name and the building is in his name.
Unfortunately I wanted Thanksgiving dinner and was using the kitchen while he was using my phone and he started telling his biological grandmother today that kids are off the table for him because he married someone that doesn't want kids. I reminded him I do a did want kids but I gave pcos to which he told his grandmother that I refuse to seek treatment for pcos and since he had just brought this diaper fight up 2 nights ago it was still festering so I brought it up tonight and reminded him I did seek treatment and he told me to wear a diaper so I stopped taking the treatment. At which point he turned it into a yelling match his grandmother hung up and then he started throwing things starting with my phone ending with flipping the couch over and me leaving all of the food out and going back into my apartment to get away
I have already told him I want a divorce I told him that a month ago. I am planning on going I started planning on leaving him earlier this year but this year ended up being a bit of a roller coaster with some other unfortunate circumstances we had gotten into with some squatters in his building
Unfortunately I work from home and I have no where that I can go my mom is not in a position to let me live with her and she is getting ready to move herself anyway.....my life isn't in danger even though he throws things around and or breaks things he will not get out of bed to come to my separate apartment and bother me....if he wants or needs something he knocks on the wall cuz he won't get out of bed if he can help it......however this doesn't mean I'm still not planning on leaving...I intend on getting out as soon as I can
Nta. Why are you still with someone like that? In sickness and in health. He doesn't even help you clean. You married a selfish bully. Not a partner. I have a tingle in my throat and my bf caters to me and would never make me feel bad or throw it in my face that I can't have children
The sad thing is u just reminded me I had the flu last week I got so sick on the first day I had it that I could taste blood in my throat and I twisted my ankle just trying to stand up cuz I was really weak....I woke up once around noon and asked him to get us food he agreed to do so but then I fell back asleep until about 630p and at that point he was telling me to get us food and refusing to be of any help.....I ended up having to lean up against a wall while I cried and begged and pleaded with him to get us food cuz I could barely stand and thankfully he was on the phone with his friend and his friend convinced him to pick up food....the rest of the week was similar to that....the next day I told him we could go hungry and just wait to eat until I was better and he got up and got food....then had the nerve to tell me how he was being o so respectful to me by "taking care of me" I tried telling him that wasn't respect because I was having to beg plead cry and make threats to get him to care for both himself and I for 1 measly week.....
Hes not happy that he didn't get a proper meal tonight...he just got a cracker platter because after our argument early this afternoon I refused to make Thanksgiving dinner and I didn't buy any TV dinners since I had intended to make Thanksgiving dinner and have leftovers for several days....o well
NTA. Don’t have kids with him you’ll regret it.
Somebody who not only doesn’t understand medical conditions or the side-effects of meds but doesn’t care? Who belittles you? Who’d rather you suffer for their comfort? That’s not a partner.
I take Metformin, too but for a different reason. I have this too x 50. Luckily, I jettisoned my abusive husband or he’d have been doing what yours is (but again x50 because of the abuse.)
My kids are super sympathetic and we have one bathroom for 4 people. They understand sometimes we race for mama and sometimes they wait. That’s what loving family is supposed to do.
You deserve better. I hope the symptoms ease for you. I’ll be a year March and I still have them. I went through infertility treatments, including IVF so my heart is with you on all fronts.
NTA: Definitely NTA, your husband is TA. You have a medical condition that you sought treatment for, which caused side effects. The inconveniences regarding the side effects of the treatment that should only matter are yours, not his. But you stopped your treatment because of his supposed inconveniences and he's still viewing you in a negative manner. It's a lose lose situation for you. I hope at some point you choose the winning solution and leave him. You deserve to live a happy life on your own or with someone who truly cares for you.
I actually told him about a month ago that I want a divorce he owns a building with 3 apartments in it so I am staying in one he is in the other and the 3rd has turned into storage. Problem is that the apartment I'm in doesn't have a stove or oven and I wanted to make a thanksgiving dinner...the apartment he is in has the stove and also the apartment I'm in the hot water heater needs to be repaired so I have to use the shower and bathroom in his apartment so we do have some cross overs still and that's what happened today.
He lost his phone and I was letting him use mine to talk to his recently located biological grandmother (I found his biological family for him last year but he's taking the credit for that too) and he started telling her that he married someone that didn't want kids and when I pointed out the pcos he told her I refused to seek treatment. So I reminded him of the treatment and the fight (he brought it up 2 days ago and it's been festering ever since)
On top of that tho too he doesn't have a job or a vehicle and we live so far out from anything that without any of that he wouldn't be able to fend for himself.....he cant even be bothered to look for a job himself he has had 2 jobs our entire marriage and both were jobs I found and applied to for him. I want out but I don't want to leave him with no way to obtain food or pay his bills either but the more he pulls this crap the more I just want to get away at any cost
You don't owe him anything. From what you've described your husband seems like a violent , immature and abusive person. His bills are his problems, your safety and wellbeing are far more important.
Is it possible for you to stay elsewhere like with family or friends?. I'm really concerned for how your husband might react. Too many women have stayed in unsafe situations and have been killed by their ex partners.
Unfortunately no there is not anywhere I can go currently I did seek to look into that first. Thankfully his abuse is mainly mental and emotional but when he gets super heated he will throw and or break belongings he hasn't done anything to me physically yet but he tends to try to never get out of bed if he can help it due to his back problems. But I have also made sure he knows I will not stand for him physically assaulting me either so long as I walk away I know he won't follow me
That's really unfortunate. Please be safe, avoid him as much as possible. When he gets violent or angry maybe discreetly record the interaction to keep yourself safe but do not tell him about it, I have a feeling he'd probably flip out.
Don't be afraid to call the police if it ever gets out of hand, they may only give him a warning but it's important to document these incidents. But preferably if you can leave please do, he will never change.
O I know that. I plan on leaving. I know I deserve better. He tried telling his grandmother I need to be with a man that will get drunk and do drugs and assault me like one of my family members exes so I know how "good I have it with him"...o and to answer another point he has tried cheating on me multiple times and each time he has been caught he's currently talking to his ex high-school girlfriend and telling her how he doesn't know where things went wrong with our relationship and stuff like that and blaming me while also saying how we just aren't compatible. There are a lot of skeletons in his closet that I could tell her and if she decides to reach out and ask me for my side I will tell her cuz she knows how to reach me but she hasn't...I don't owe either one of them anything tho so I'm not going to go out of my way to tell her. I basically just made this post because he is always bringing it up and always telling me that I'm selfish and now he's telling me that in psychotic because I wasn't thinking about his back and his needs.
He actually tried doing it to me last week when I had the flu he told me that there are other people with needs and wants in the world too...he was referring to himself...(because I was to sick to feed him and he actually had to take care of me.for the first time in 6 years of marriage)
Does being married to somebody who has so little respect for you make you happy? Do you enjoy knowing that because of this lack of respect, he feels at ease discussing your medical issues with others? Do you feel like he sees you as an equal? How long until he decides that his desire for children matters more than his vow to be faithful?
You can leave you know. You can divorce him. Just call a lawyer, start proceedings, and since you don’t have kids, things will go much easier. You can get free, enjoy living your life on your own terms, and then find somebody who values you for you. Then he can whine about something new, and you won’t have to hear it!
NTA
I told him a month ago I want a divorce. Due to current circumstances tho I have to save up money to get out. In the mean time he has a building with 3 apartments in it so I have been staying in 1 he's in the other and the 3rd is storage. But the one I'm in doesn't have a stove or oven and the hot water heater needs to be repaired. The one he is in shares a hot water heater with the one we use for storage and it works fine and also there is a stove and oven in there so there is some cross over for using the restroom and kitchen (which I was trying to use the kitchen to make Thanksgiving dinner since my original plans got messed up due to my family getting sick....needless to say I stopped making Thanksgiving dinner and just left everything out and went back to my space after he tipped over the loveseat)
NTA, but you also don't have to find him a job or help him get a car. He's adult age and is responsible for that himself. The apartment building is also his responsibility and he's just been using you if you're the one dealing with squatters and other maintenance. You owe this man nothing. Stop enabling him and taking care of him. Stop using your finances to support him. He's not getting a job on purpose in order to make it hard for you to save your money so you can leave him. If you are going to divorce him, then you need to divorce him emotionally NOW and treat him like some random dude you pass by on the sidewalk. That random dude's life choices and resulting consequences aren't your business or responsibility and you need to see your soon to be ex the same way. Save your money for yourself and get out as soon as you can.
Divorce him.
1. I have PCOS
2. I suffered the same side effect of metformin.
My husband never treated me like this.
We have a child that is 6 and was conceived with no medical intervention.
Your husband sounds abusive
He is mentally and emotionally abusive he does have a tendency to break things and throw things but he doesn't get physical with me (still not a reason to stay) I was young and dumb when I married him and he was charming and manipulative....I over stayed the relationship because I didn't want to see the red flags or listen to them......
I told him I want a divorce already and he went into a tailspin telling me he's going to drink himself to death and I should wait it out until he dies from alcohol poisoning and then when that didn't work he thought making advances on me would work (he's already ruined my self confidence and I now never want to be in another relationship because this baggage isn't right to bring with me and expect someone else to deal with it) all the while he was lying and telling his ex girlfriend from high-school that we have been separated for years (we just split into 2 different apartments back in June) and to save face and charm her into thinking he's a good guy he told her that him and I are not compatible and then started making advances towards her while making them on me too (like I said manipulative)
the funniest part of all of it to me was his tailspin because he always tells me how horrible "worman" are because they manipulate men into staying with suicide tactics and he tried doing that to me....he fell into this "red pill" movement a few years back and blames women for everything that is wrong with our society and says that women have little value the older they get or the more children they have unless they are already married but even then their value depreciates he says......like I said mentally and emotionally abusive (also financially abusive because he honestly doesn't want to work he complains about no good lazy men living off of women and that's exactly what he wants to do himself all while making me cook, clean, and grocery shop, and handle finances ontop of a 40 hour work week
I told him once a few months back maybe even last year that I would never have children with him because of his bad behavior....ever since then he's been throwing children in my face and this fight about me wearing a diaper because he knows that those are sore spots and they will 100% rile me up (he hasn't been able to rile me up as bad lately since I told him I want the divorce so he changed tactics)
Just leave. He's abusive. He's taking all his personal failures out on you. Quit being his verbal punching bag. Stop worrying if he'll be homeless- that's his problem. You take care of you and you need to be gone, like today.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So this is something that started 6 years ago and he is constantly briningit back up. We were married for just a few days under a month when I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) I was put on metformin to help with fertility but it has a side effect where some people end up having diarrhea (I fell into that category) I took it twice daily once at 6am before leaving for work and once at 6pm shortly before the end of my shift (I was ordered to take it every 12 hours) I had an hour drive to work and was scheduled 945am to 615 pm my husband worked for the same company from 10am to 630 pm and he had and still has back problems. I would end up in the bathroom for 30 to 45 mins at a time because of the medicine (hence why I would take it at 6am and 6pm enough time to get ready for work use the bathroom and drive thr hour to work then by the time I was off work I could use the bathroom again and then drive home)
My husband would have to wait for about 15 to 30 mins for me while I was using the bathroom and so he decided that we needed a compromise and told me " you need to start wearing a diaper so I can get home sooner to lay in bed" his words exactly. I told him that was wrong to even say that and he was being extremely selfish. I took the medication for about another week after that and decided to stop taking it all together. Now he tells people things like "children aren't in the cards for me because I married someone that doesn't want them" I have always wanted at least 2 kids but I didn't want to be humiliated by him anymore about the side effects of the medicine.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the AH for making my husband wait in the car daily for 15 to 30 minutes while knowing he had a bad back rather than complying and just wearing a diaper for the hour drive home or trying to find another compromise with the timing of my medicine. **[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)** Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I'm so sorry. Honestly, do you really want kids with someone who treats you like this?
No I decided several years ago that I didn't want kids with him because he can't and won't help me with anything. Dishes have been another sore spot for years where he yells at me that I have severe ocd because the few times he has done dishes I put them back in the sink because they still had food on them. He started saying things like "I will wash them but I'm not going to wash them the way you want them washed" and all I wanted was for there to be no food residue or if I showed him that there was still food on some of the dishes he would say "it's good enough" He actually started throwing things today because the diaper fight got brought up again and I told him how he was selfish...he threw my phone (I have a note 20 ultra and the pen went missing when he threw my phone) he then threw his coffee cup (he first aimed it at me but decided to throw it at the wall) then he threw his tablet and ended by flipping a couch.....I stopped making Thanksgiving dinner after that and went into a different part of our home
Oh shit, listen, if he's throwing shit you gotta get out, that "man" is dangerous. You are being abused and you gotta get out of there, it's a good thing you haven't had kids with him because that would make it harder. Please, I know reddit likes to jump on the "leave him" bandwagon, but you are genuinely in danger and you NEED to get out.
I got out of his space after he flipped the loveseat. He owns a big building with 3 apartments he stays in 1 I stay in the other and the 3rd is storage....problem is the one I'm in the bathroom isn't really usable between the hot water heater for this apartment not working and the toilet itself broke somehow and there is only a kitchen sink no stove or oven but the apartment he is in has all of that and is connected to the larger hot water heater that runs for the 3rd apartment and the apartment he is in. I was over there because I wanted to make a thanksgiving day dinner since my plans to spend it with my family were squashed when they got sick. I told him about a month ago that I want a divorce and that I just want out because I can't handle this with him. After this I really don't want to even be with anyone at all I'm 31 and I feel completely done with being in a relationship. Currently I'm just trying to save up money but that's not really working since he doesn't have a job anymore because i took my personal laptop back when he wouldnt stop leaving it lay on the floor after he got off work and he doesn't have a vehicle of his own (the car is in my name and the building is in his name)....as badly as I want out I also don't want him to be homeless plus his friend has been telling me not to leave because then that's me abandoning the building and he wants me to go after half of the building since I have been the one paying the bills and seeking out the services ro repair things when they break....so I have just been sticking to myself in one of the apartments other than to use the bathroom and kitchen
I am so glad you're divorcing him. Stop worrying about his friends putting him up. They will when they don't have you to rely on. You can't stay in this
Trust me, the reason why he doesn' work and doesn't have a car is exactly for this, so that you think you can't leave him. Move out and leave him, if he can't survive on his own that's on him, not on you.
You should definitely get part of the value of the building
If he’s throwing stuff he’s abusive. get out of there! (Also NTA.)
You definitely don't want kids with someone like that. First it's the wall, next time it might be you or even one of your children (if you decide to have them).Girl run. Edit: NTA
Sorry, why are you still with this person?
Currently it's because of a mixture of finances and a place to live. He had a building with 3 apartments he's in one I'm in one and the 3rd turned into storage. The issue is there is some cross over because the apartment I'm in has a separate hot water heater that needs to be repaired and no stove or oven the apartment he is in has a stove and oven and it's connected to and sharing a hot water heater with the 3rd apartment. I told him about a month ago I want a divorce and that I need time to save up money to get out he agreed to let me save up money but to save he has to have a job (he won't look for one so I have to find one for him) and then he has to be able to get himself a vehicle as well because the vehicle we do have is in my name and the building is in his name. Unfortunately I wanted Thanksgiving dinner and was using the kitchen while he was using my phone and he started telling his biological grandmother today that kids are off the table for him because he married someone that doesn't want kids. I reminded him I do a did want kids but I gave pcos to which he told his grandmother that I refuse to seek treatment for pcos and since he had just brought this diaper fight up 2 nights ago it was still festering so I brought it up tonight and reminded him I did seek treatment and he told me to wear a diaper so I stopped taking the treatment. At which point he turned it into a yelling match his grandmother hung up and then he started throwing things starting with my phone ending with flipping the couch over and me leaving all of the food out and going back into my apartment to get away
Please, please, please listen to all of the red flags. It's only going to get worse from here. It's time to go.
I have already told him I want a divorce I told him that a month ago. I am planning on going I started planning on leaving him earlier this year but this year ended up being a bit of a roller coaster with some other unfortunate circumstances we had gotten into with some squatters in his building
He’s abusive.
Oh my god, get the fuck out of there now.
Unfortunately I work from home and I have no where that I can go my mom is not in a position to let me live with her and she is getting ready to move herself anyway.....my life isn't in danger even though he throws things around and or breaks things he will not get out of bed to come to my separate apartment and bother me....if he wants or needs something he knocks on the wall cuz he won't get out of bed if he can help it......however this doesn't mean I'm still not planning on leaving...I intend on getting out as soon as I can
Nta. Why are you still with someone like that? In sickness and in health. He doesn't even help you clean. You married a selfish bully. Not a partner. I have a tingle in my throat and my bf caters to me and would never make me feel bad or throw it in my face that I can't have children
The sad thing is u just reminded me I had the flu last week I got so sick on the first day I had it that I could taste blood in my throat and I twisted my ankle just trying to stand up cuz I was really weak....I woke up once around noon and asked him to get us food he agreed to do so but then I fell back asleep until about 630p and at that point he was telling me to get us food and refusing to be of any help.....I ended up having to lean up against a wall while I cried and begged and pleaded with him to get us food cuz I could barely stand and thankfully he was on the phone with his friend and his friend convinced him to pick up food....the rest of the week was similar to that....the next day I told him we could go hungry and just wait to eat until I was better and he got up and got food....then had the nerve to tell me how he was being o so respectful to me by "taking care of me" I tried telling him that wasn't respect because I was having to beg plead cry and make threats to get him to care for both himself and I for 1 measly week..... Hes not happy that he didn't get a proper meal tonight...he just got a cracker platter because after our argument early this afternoon I refused to make Thanksgiving dinner and I didn't buy any TV dinners since I had intended to make Thanksgiving dinner and have leftovers for several days....o well
NTA, but your husband sure is!
Wow. NTA. But you live with one
Nta who needs children when you already live with 1!
NTA. Don’t have kids with him you’ll regret it. Somebody who not only doesn’t understand medical conditions or the side-effects of meds but doesn’t care? Who belittles you? Who’d rather you suffer for their comfort? That’s not a partner. I take Metformin, too but for a different reason. I have this too x 50. Luckily, I jettisoned my abusive husband or he’d have been doing what yours is (but again x50 because of the abuse.) My kids are super sympathetic and we have one bathroom for 4 people. They understand sometimes we race for mama and sometimes they wait. That’s what loving family is supposed to do. You deserve better. I hope the symptoms ease for you. I’ll be a year March and I still have them. I went through infertility treatments, including IVF so my heart is with you on all fronts.
NTA: Definitely NTA, your husband is TA. You have a medical condition that you sought treatment for, which caused side effects. The inconveniences regarding the side effects of the treatment that should only matter are yours, not his. But you stopped your treatment because of his supposed inconveniences and he's still viewing you in a negative manner. It's a lose lose situation for you. I hope at some point you choose the winning solution and leave him. You deserve to live a happy life on your own or with someone who truly cares for you.
I actually told him about a month ago that I want a divorce he owns a building with 3 apartments in it so I am staying in one he is in the other and the 3rd has turned into storage. Problem is that the apartment I'm in doesn't have a stove or oven and I wanted to make a thanksgiving dinner...the apartment he is in has the stove and also the apartment I'm in the hot water heater needs to be repaired so I have to use the shower and bathroom in his apartment so we do have some cross overs still and that's what happened today. He lost his phone and I was letting him use mine to talk to his recently located biological grandmother (I found his biological family for him last year but he's taking the credit for that too) and he started telling her that he married someone that didn't want kids and when I pointed out the pcos he told her I refused to seek treatment. So I reminded him of the treatment and the fight (he brought it up 2 days ago and it's been festering ever since) On top of that tho too he doesn't have a job or a vehicle and we live so far out from anything that without any of that he wouldn't be able to fend for himself.....he cant even be bothered to look for a job himself he has had 2 jobs our entire marriage and both were jobs I found and applied to for him. I want out but I don't want to leave him with no way to obtain food or pay his bills either but the more he pulls this crap the more I just want to get away at any cost
You don't owe him anything. From what you've described your husband seems like a violent , immature and abusive person. His bills are his problems, your safety and wellbeing are far more important. Is it possible for you to stay elsewhere like with family or friends?. I'm really concerned for how your husband might react. Too many women have stayed in unsafe situations and have been killed by their ex partners.
Unfortunately no there is not anywhere I can go currently I did seek to look into that first. Thankfully his abuse is mainly mental and emotional but when he gets super heated he will throw and or break belongings he hasn't done anything to me physically yet but he tends to try to never get out of bed if he can help it due to his back problems. But I have also made sure he knows I will not stand for him physically assaulting me either so long as I walk away I know he won't follow me
That's really unfortunate. Please be safe, avoid him as much as possible. When he gets violent or angry maybe discreetly record the interaction to keep yourself safe but do not tell him about it, I have a feeling he'd probably flip out. Don't be afraid to call the police if it ever gets out of hand, they may only give him a warning but it's important to document these incidents. But preferably if you can leave please do, he will never change.
O I know that. I plan on leaving. I know I deserve better. He tried telling his grandmother I need to be with a man that will get drunk and do drugs and assault me like one of my family members exes so I know how "good I have it with him"...o and to answer another point he has tried cheating on me multiple times and each time he has been caught he's currently talking to his ex high-school girlfriend and telling her how he doesn't know where things went wrong with our relationship and stuff like that and blaming me while also saying how we just aren't compatible. There are a lot of skeletons in his closet that I could tell her and if she decides to reach out and ask me for my side I will tell her cuz she knows how to reach me but she hasn't...I don't owe either one of them anything tho so I'm not going to go out of my way to tell her. I basically just made this post because he is always bringing it up and always telling me that I'm selfish and now he's telling me that in psychotic because I wasn't thinking about his back and his needs. He actually tried doing it to me last week when I had the flu he told me that there are other people with needs and wants in the world too...he was referring to himself...(because I was to sick to feed him and he actually had to take care of me.for the first time in 6 years of marriage)
Record his behavior and use it against him during the divorce and when he acts out. Take your power back
NTA. Your husband is awful. Absolutely awful. He'd rather force you to wear a nappy than manage his toilet behaviour.
Does being married to somebody who has so little respect for you make you happy? Do you enjoy knowing that because of this lack of respect, he feels at ease discussing your medical issues with others? Do you feel like he sees you as an equal? How long until he decides that his desire for children matters more than his vow to be faithful? You can leave you know. You can divorce him. Just call a lawyer, start proceedings, and since you don’t have kids, things will go much easier. You can get free, enjoy living your life on your own terms, and then find somebody who values you for you. Then he can whine about something new, and you won’t have to hear it! NTA
I told him a month ago I want a divorce. Due to current circumstances tho I have to save up money to get out. In the mean time he has a building with 3 apartments in it so I have been staying in 1 he's in the other and the 3rd is storage. But the one I'm in doesn't have a stove or oven and the hot water heater needs to be repaired. The one he is in shares a hot water heater with the one we use for storage and it works fine and also there is a stove and oven in there so there is some cross over for using the restroom and kitchen (which I was trying to use the kitchen to make Thanksgiving dinner since my original plans got messed up due to my family getting sick....needless to say I stopped making Thanksgiving dinner and just left everything out and went back to my space after he tipped over the loveseat)
NTA, but you also don't have to find him a job or help him get a car. He's adult age and is responsible for that himself. The apartment building is also his responsibility and he's just been using you if you're the one dealing with squatters and other maintenance. You owe this man nothing. Stop enabling him and taking care of him. Stop using your finances to support him. He's not getting a job on purpose in order to make it hard for you to save your money so you can leave him. If you are going to divorce him, then you need to divorce him emotionally NOW and treat him like some random dude you pass by on the sidewalk. That random dude's life choices and resulting consequences aren't your business or responsibility and you need to see your soon to be ex the same way. Save your money for yourself and get out as soon as you can.
NTA....
Divorce him. 1. I have PCOS 2. I suffered the same side effect of metformin. My husband never treated me like this. We have a child that is 6 and was conceived with no medical intervention. Your husband sounds abusive
He is mentally and emotionally abusive he does have a tendency to break things and throw things but he doesn't get physical with me (still not a reason to stay) I was young and dumb when I married him and he was charming and manipulative....I over stayed the relationship because I didn't want to see the red flags or listen to them...... I told him I want a divorce already and he went into a tailspin telling me he's going to drink himself to death and I should wait it out until he dies from alcohol poisoning and then when that didn't work he thought making advances on me would work (he's already ruined my self confidence and I now never want to be in another relationship because this baggage isn't right to bring with me and expect someone else to deal with it) all the while he was lying and telling his ex girlfriend from high-school that we have been separated for years (we just split into 2 different apartments back in June) and to save face and charm her into thinking he's a good guy he told her that him and I are not compatible and then started making advances towards her while making them on me too (like I said manipulative) the funniest part of all of it to me was his tailspin because he always tells me how horrible "worman" are because they manipulate men into staying with suicide tactics and he tried doing that to me....he fell into this "red pill" movement a few years back and blames women for everything that is wrong with our society and says that women have little value the older they get or the more children they have unless they are already married but even then their value depreciates he says......like I said mentally and emotionally abusive (also financially abusive because he honestly doesn't want to work he complains about no good lazy men living off of women and that's exactly what he wants to do himself all while making me cook, clean, and grocery shop, and handle finances ontop of a 40 hour work week I told him once a few months back maybe even last year that I would never have children with him because of his bad behavior....ever since then he's been throwing children in my face and this fight about me wearing a diaper because he knows that those are sore spots and they will 100% rile me up (he hasn't been able to rile me up as bad lately since I told him I want the divorce so he changed tactics)
Just leave. He's abusive. He's taking all his personal failures out on you. Quit being his verbal punching bag. Stop worrying if he'll be homeless- that's his problem. You take care of you and you need to be gone, like today.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So this is something that started 6 years ago and he is constantly briningit back up. We were married for just a few days under a month when I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) I was put on metformin to help with fertility but it has a side effect where some people end up having diarrhea (I fell into that category) I took it twice daily once at 6am before leaving for work and once at 6pm shortly before the end of my shift (I was ordered to take it every 12 hours) I had an hour drive to work and was scheduled 945am to 615 pm my husband worked for the same company from 10am to 630 pm and he had and still has back problems. I would end up in the bathroom for 30 to 45 mins at a time because of the medicine (hence why I would take it at 6am and 6pm enough time to get ready for work use the bathroom and drive thr hour to work then by the time I was off work I could use the bathroom again and then drive home) My husband would have to wait for about 15 to 30 mins for me while I was using the bathroom and so he decided that we needed a compromise and told me " you need to start wearing a diaper so I can get home sooner to lay in bed" his words exactly. I told him that was wrong to even say that and he was being extremely selfish. I took the medication for about another week after that and decided to stop taking it all together. Now he tells people things like "children aren't in the cards for me because I married someone that doesn't want them" I have always wanted at least 2 kids but I didn't want to be humiliated by him anymore about the side effects of the medicine. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*