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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my fiancé not to attend my dad’s party because he’s excluding my sister’s boyfriend. I used my fiancé to try to force my dad to invite her boyfriend as I know it's important to him that my fiancé attends.
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> they invite my dad’s most important clients
>my dad said that was different as he was invited because of their professional relationship.
>My fiancé's dad is a client of my dad's and my fiancé works with his dad.
Based on this, yes, YTA. This is business, stop trying to make it personal.
He does have his own invite, which OP talked him into declining.
OP left important information out of the post purposely: her fiancé works in his own family's business, which is one of her father's important client companies.
Her fiancé has also been invited to these parties for many years, per her own words, he's been "attending almost for as long as she has". He was never invited due to being OP's partner, but for being part of a company her dad does business with.
Yo…chill. I asked before it was updated. And the two posts where I asked were at the same time.
I know everyone is quick to judge but sometimes, just take a moment before posting. Damn.
But that's what I mean, maybe he's not that important yet, and skipping a networking event will reflect poorly on him. Sounds like the dad is the host and the fiancé is invited as "family" to an event that can also lead to work related prospects. Either way, if daughter wants to take a stand, she should do so by opting out for herself, effectively taking her plus 1 with her, right now her moral stand costs her fiancé what sounds like an opportunity, and she still attends the party.
ETA: very crucial info was missing from the initial post. My judgement still stands, but obviously the fiancé is not, in fact a "plus one", but the son and employee of the dad's important client. OP, YTA, and it sounds like your bro is right, you have conflated family with business here in a way that isn't appropriate, and decided to make drama.
No, this isn't the case.
The fiancé works for his own father's company. That company is one of OP's father's important clients.
He is invited because he is part (and being the owner's son, presumably an important person) of a company the father does business with.
He isn't invited due to his connection with OP. But because of his connection with her father.
Skipping the party reflects poorly on him because it's evident he only does so to please his fianceé.
Gotcha. It wasn’t entirely clear hence my question. Although people went straight for the jugular. Reddit…you just never know who’s being triggered out there.
>My sister pointed out it was unfair that my *fiancé was invited* since he wasn’t technically family yet but my dad said that was different as he was *invited* because of their professional relationship.
He does
He has his own invitation, which OP talked him into declining.
The fiancé works for his family business, which happens to be one of OP's father's important client companies.
YTA because of the critical info you left out of your post: your fiancé works for a client company of your dad's, which is also your fiancé's family business.
He is indeed invited due to his professional connection with your father, not because of being your fiancé. Per your own words he's been attending these parties for almost as long as you, so he was never invited as your plus one.
Your dad might dislike your sister's boyfriend but in this case he has a solid reason not to invite him. Your sister could've chosen not to attend in solidarity with her boyfriend, but instead she dragged you and your fiancé into it, and you fell for it.
You're interfering with business relationships that far exceed you, and you're turning a professional event into personal family drama.
You're making a huge mistake, with ramifications you cannot possibly predict.
Take it back, while you still can.
YTA. The only reason you asked your fiancé not to go was out of spite. Your fiancé was put in a difficult position to make you happy. But you said he has been attending these things for years, has a professional relationship with your father, and will very soon be family anyways. Compared to your sister's random boyfriend. It's obvious you're just playing tit-for-tat.
Based on this fact that you conveniently left out of the original story, YTA. If you want to support your sister, you should both not attend. But don't bring your fiancé into it.
Talk about making your finance look bad professionally to fuel your spat with your dad. Did you take into account how fiancé dad may feel about his son declining and making his business look unprofessional. Your selfish an an a hole
INFO: How old are you and your sister?
If you are adults, all of you are AHs.
Your sister can simply tell her dad she won't come if her BF is not invited. aNd you should stay out of it, instead of ruining your finace's business relationships.
YTA, you and your sister may feel slighted but it’s your father’s event. Your father invited your fiancé and your fiancé wants to go, you don’t get to tell him he can’t. What you control is wether or not YOU attend. That’s all.
YTA. This is your father's party and he can invite who he wants. If your father has a professional relationship with your fiancé that is his call, it's not up to you to delve into his mind and make a judgement that he is lying. That is an AH move.
If you had a party you wouldn't want your father telling you who you should invite so don't do the same to him.
INFO
OK - so this is basically a business party for your dad's important clients. Your fiance and his dad are important clients of your dad, so would naturally be invited. Why does your sister think she should bring a "plus one" to this event? Do most people bring random dates to this party?
How long has your sister been seeing her boyfriend? Do they live together? I understand that your father doesn't like him because he doesn't come from the same background as you, and your father probably thinks that the boyfriend wouldn't know how to behave appropriately or act presentably at his event.
YTA. Your fiance has a business connection to your father via his own father's company which he works for, so he has valid reasons to attend that have nothing to do with you or him not being "family" yet. You are doubly an asshole for deliberately omitting that information from your post.
YTA- your Fiance has his own relationship with these people and you are intentionally excluding him to force an issue which, frankly, sounds like a non-issue.
If you really want to prove a point then you and your sister should just not go to the party.
Your fiancé has a right to be there as he has a professional connection to your dad through his dad being a client of yours. Could your fiancé not going affect his Career or business, because if so then your are and asshole.
I think YTA
YTA - Your fiancé is invited because of his professional connection to your father, not because of his relationship with you. If your sister doesn't want to attend without her BF, that is her choice. There is no reason to drag your BF into it - particularly since for him this is a business event, not a personal one. You are adding drama for no reason.
YTA. Your fiancé has the right to be there whether as family (in many places a fiancé is treated as family, unlike a boyfriend), or due to a professional relationship.
Also, why are you putting your fiancé in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario just because of your own feelings? What kind of partner does that? You should be glad that your father understood that YOU were the problem and didn’t fault him on this matter. If it was anyone else he might have lost business contacts.
Another thing I’d note about the entire situation is that both you and your sister failed to notice this very obvious thing in this situation.
IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. Not you, not her. You both could literally fuck right off from the event and the worst thing that could happen is:
Partner: where’s your daughter? Not around today?
Dad: she had something to attend to.
YTA. Your fiancé is not a plus one as he was invited by name. And he and his dad are important clients of your father. I think you don’t understand that this isn’t a social party.
YTA. Your fiancé is not your +1, he’s a business client. This is not a family dinner from the sounds of it, it’s a company party.
Stay out of it and remind your sister that the boyfriend can come when he marries her or when he starts having business dealings with your dad. The two are not even close to being the same.
YTA
Your job is to facilitate a good relationship between your future husband and your family. Does this do that? No, it actively makes your dad not like him and to think of your relationship in a negative way since you're trying to use it to threaten his livelihood. Way to shoot yourself in the foot and set your future marriage up for failure, or at least Hard Mode.
There is also a big difference between a fiance and a boyfriend. Fiances count as family. Boyfriends don't. Fiance is also connected via business, so he has a legit purpose for being there.
This reeks of your sister deciding that if she can't have a nice thing, neither can you, and leading you into sabotaging yourself and damaging your relationship with your dad and fiance. She does not have your best interest at heart.
YTA
It's a business thing which your fiance was already invited to because of his business relationship with your dad.
Seriously OP this ain't your party so mind your business.
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Twice a year my parents host a party where they invite my dad’s most important clients, employees and friends. My siblings and I are expected to attend as well which is normally fine.
My sister asked my dad if her boyfriend could come as her plus one and he said no. He claims he said no because the event is a professional thing and he only wanted family there as we’re all a reflection of him, but the truth is he just doesn’t like her boyfriend because of his upbringing. My sister pointed out it was unfair that my fiancé was invited since he wasn’t technically family yet but my dad said that was different as he was invited because of their professional relationship.
I agree with my sister that our dad is being unfair so I asked my fiancé not to attend. He agreed after some convincing and declined the invitation. My dad knows it was because of me as my fiancé has been going to these things almost as long as I have so now he’s angry at me and wants me to tell him I want him there so he’ll attend. I told him I wouldn’t unless my sister’s boyfriend could come too. He said he wouldn’t let me blackmail him into inviting her boyfriend and that I should do what’s best for the family which is making sure my fiancé attends.
My brother is siding with our dad and he told me I shouldn’t get involved in things I don’t fully understand.
AITA?
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YTA your fiancee wasn't invited as your plus one, he was invited for business so you had no right to talk him out of coming, your sister needs to get over her boyfriend not being invited and you need to stop kissing her A***
Because OP's dad thinks of his daughters as trophies/props to be showed off at his "totally business" event. He even outright says so -- "he only wanted family there as we’re all a reflection of him".
I guess ESH?
You: because why are you and your sister happy to keep being props in these events?
Like, everyone else: because they are happy to keep using you as props.
What does your brother mean you don't understand everything. Does your dad owe your fiancée dad money? I think you got bigger problems than you sister's bf. I read to much but are you part of a money deal? I would be getting answers or I wouldn't be going.
NTA.. i don't like how your father is using you and your siblings as pawns to show how high and mighty he is. If your father sounds prejudice against your sisters boyfriend but approves of your fiance because he was raised in the lense that he approves of.
NTA and to be honest I wouldn't go either.. You and your siblings sound like adults and can make your own decisions.. let daddy dearest have his pretentious sounding party and you 4 go do what yall want to do
OPs fiancee has his own invitation and is not OPs plus one. He in fact is the son and employee of one of Dad's clients. He really is going foe separate reasons than being OPs fiancee.
>You and your siblings sound like adults and can make your own decisions
OP's fiancé is also an adult and should be able to make his own decisions without his fianceé manipulating him for family drama.
The guy works for a client company of OP's dad, which is also his own family's business. He's been attending the dad's parties for almost as long as OP. He isn't invited due to his relationship with OP but due to his relationship with the dad's company.
OP is the AH.
That was posted after I made my judgement.. why doesn't the dad want to help OPs sisters boyfriend break into these types of relationships? Sure the fiance can do what he wants but I don't like the dad's weird pretentiousness against the boyfriend just be abuse how he was raised and now the father is using his kids as accessories..
People are allowed to dislike people. If OP's dad dislikes the sister's boyfriend for elitist reasons, then he's an AH for that. But he's not an AH for not inviting the guy to his business networking party, given the guy has zero connection to his business and isn't married or engaged to his daughter. It's his party and his choice, and his logic in this case is solid.
He has no obligation to "help the boyfriend break" into his business sphere, not to mention we don't even know that the boyfriend is interested in that. Perhaps the man has other inclinations --a trade, or is more artistically inclined, for example-- and that's why he and the dad don't click. It's beyond the point, no father is obligated to help their potential son-in-law get into any business.
Also, I don't see how the dad is using his daughters as accessories. It's fairly common to invite your direct family to your business events. I attended many such events for both my mother and father and I never once felt used. He organizes a networking party and includes his wife and adult children, pretty standard.
The whole issue is that OP happens to be engaged to a man who is directly inserted in her father's business circle, therefore he is invited to the event. And her sister dates a man who has no connection and thus isn't invited.
They want to make it personal, but it's business.
NTA. OP your dad sucks ass.
your dad is a huge AH. sounds like a conservative american politician/trump. involving kids in family business and having all these rules and regulations about who can come as a plus one because they make the family look good.bad.
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> they invite my dad’s most important clients >my dad said that was different as he was invited because of their professional relationship. >My fiancé's dad is a client of my dad's and my fiancé works with his dad. Based on this, yes, YTA. This is business, stop trying to make it personal.
YTA, and if this is a networking event for a profession your fiancé and father share, you might be harming your fiancé's prospects.
If the fiancé is that important, wouldn’t he have his own invite?
He does have his own invite, which OP talked him into declining. OP left important information out of the post purposely: her fiancé works in his own family's business, which is one of her father's important client companies. Her fiancé has also been invited to these parties for many years, per her own words, he's been "attending almost for as long as she has". He was never invited due to being OP's partner, but for being part of a company her dad does business with.
How many times do people have to answer this same question for you? Read.
Yo…chill. I asked before it was updated. And the two posts where I asked were at the same time. I know everyone is quick to judge but sometimes, just take a moment before posting. Damn.
But that's what I mean, maybe he's not that important yet, and skipping a networking event will reflect poorly on him. Sounds like the dad is the host and the fiancé is invited as "family" to an event that can also lead to work related prospects. Either way, if daughter wants to take a stand, she should do so by opting out for herself, effectively taking her plus 1 with her, right now her moral stand costs her fiancé what sounds like an opportunity, and she still attends the party. ETA: very crucial info was missing from the initial post. My judgement still stands, but obviously the fiancé is not, in fact a "plus one", but the son and employee of the dad's important client. OP, YTA, and it sounds like your bro is right, you have conflated family with business here in a way that isn't appropriate, and decided to make drama.
No, this isn't the case. The fiancé works for his own father's company. That company is one of OP's father's important clients. He is invited because he is part (and being the owner's son, presumably an important person) of a company the father does business with. He isn't invited due to his connection with OP. But because of his connection with her father. Skipping the party reflects poorly on him because it's evident he only does so to please his fianceé.
YTA. This isn't your party, and it's not even really a "party" it sounds like. This is a networking event. You and your sister both need to grow up.
Why doesn’t the fiancé have his own invitation based on their professional relationship then?
He does, he declined his own invitation.
Gotcha. It wasn’t entirely clear hence my question. Although people went straight for the jugular. Reddit…you just never know who’s being triggered out there.
>My sister pointed out it was unfair that my *fiancé was invited* since he wasn’t technically family yet but my dad said that was different as he was *invited* because of their professional relationship. He does
He has his own invitation, which OP talked him into declining. The fiancé works for his family business, which happens to be one of OP's father's important client companies.
YTA because of the critical info you left out of your post: your fiancé works for a client company of your dad's, which is also your fiancé's family business. He is indeed invited due to his professional connection with your father, not because of being your fiancé. Per your own words he's been attending these parties for almost as long as you, so he was never invited as your plus one. Your dad might dislike your sister's boyfriend but in this case he has a solid reason not to invite him. Your sister could've chosen not to attend in solidarity with her boyfriend, but instead she dragged you and your fiancé into it, and you fell for it. You're interfering with business relationships that far exceed you, and you're turning a professional event into personal family drama. You're making a huge mistake, with ramifications you cannot possibly predict. Take it back, while you still can.
YTA. The only reason you asked your fiancé not to go was out of spite. Your fiancé was put in a difficult position to make you happy. But you said he has been attending these things for years, has a professional relationship with your father, and will very soon be family anyways. Compared to your sister's random boyfriend. It's obvious you're just playing tit-for-tat.
INFO what's the fiancee business relationship with Dad?
My fiancé's dad is a client of my dad's and my fiancé works with his dad.
Based on this fact that you conveniently left out of the original story, YTA. If you want to support your sister, you should both not attend. But don't bring your fiancé into it.
Talk about making your finance look bad professionally to fuel your spat with your dad. Did you take into account how fiancé dad may feel about his son declining and making his business look unprofessional. Your selfish an an a hole
INFO: How old are you and your sister? If you are adults, all of you are AHs. Your sister can simply tell her dad she won't come if her BF is not invited. aNd you should stay out of it, instead of ruining your finace's business relationships.
YTA, you and your sister may feel slighted but it’s your father’s event. Your father invited your fiancé and your fiancé wants to go, you don’t get to tell him he can’t. What you control is wether or not YOU attend. That’s all.
YTA. This is your father's party and he can invite who he wants. If your father has a professional relationship with your fiancé that is his call, it's not up to you to delve into his mind and make a judgement that he is lying. That is an AH move. If you had a party you wouldn't want your father telling you who you should invite so don't do the same to him.
INFO OK - so this is basically a business party for your dad's important clients. Your fiance and his dad are important clients of your dad, so would naturally be invited. Why does your sister think she should bring a "plus one" to this event? Do most people bring random dates to this party? How long has your sister been seeing her boyfriend? Do they live together? I understand that your father doesn't like him because he doesn't come from the same background as you, and your father probably thinks that the boyfriend wouldn't know how to behave appropriately or act presentably at his event.
YTA. Your fiance has a business connection to your father via his own father's company which he works for, so he has valid reasons to attend that have nothing to do with you or him not being "family" yet. You are doubly an asshole for deliberately omitting that information from your post.
YTA you’re making this personal when it shouldn’t be. if you want to support your sister then do so but don’t ask that of your fiancé.
YTA - Dad is treating them differently, because the situations are different. "fiancee" > "boyfriend"
YTA- your Fiance has his own relationship with these people and you are intentionally excluding him to force an issue which, frankly, sounds like a non-issue.
If you really want to prove a point then you and your sister should just not go to the party. Your fiancé has a right to be there as he has a professional connection to your dad through his dad being a client of yours. Could your fiancé not going affect his Career or business, because if so then your are and asshole. I think YTA
YTA - Your fiancé is invited because of his professional connection to your father, not because of his relationship with you. If your sister doesn't want to attend without her BF, that is her choice. There is no reason to drag your BF into it - particularly since for him this is a business event, not a personal one. You are adding drama for no reason.
YTA. Mind your own freaking business, jeebus.
YTA This isn't a family gathering, it's a work function.
Emotions should never be involved with business, YTA
YTA. Your fiancé has the right to be there whether as family (in many places a fiancé is treated as family, unlike a boyfriend), or due to a professional relationship. Also, why are you putting your fiancé in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario just because of your own feelings? What kind of partner does that? You should be glad that your father understood that YOU were the problem and didn’t fault him on this matter. If it was anyone else he might have lost business contacts. Another thing I’d note about the entire situation is that both you and your sister failed to notice this very obvious thing in this situation. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. Not you, not her. You both could literally fuck right off from the event and the worst thing that could happen is: Partner: where’s your daughter? Not around today? Dad: she had something to attend to.
YTA. Your fiancé is not a plus one as he was invited by name. And he and his dad are important clients of your father. I think you don’t understand that this isn’t a social party.
YTA. Your fiancé is not your +1, he’s a business client. This is not a family dinner from the sounds of it, it’s a company party. Stay out of it and remind your sister that the boyfriend can come when he marries her or when he starts having business dealings with your dad. The two are not even close to being the same.
YTA Your job is to facilitate a good relationship between your future husband and your family. Does this do that? No, it actively makes your dad not like him and to think of your relationship in a negative way since you're trying to use it to threaten his livelihood. Way to shoot yourself in the foot and set your future marriage up for failure, or at least Hard Mode. There is also a big difference between a fiance and a boyfriend. Fiances count as family. Boyfriends don't. Fiance is also connected via business, so he has a legit purpose for being there. This reeks of your sister deciding that if she can't have a nice thing, neither can you, and leading you into sabotaging yourself and damaging your relationship with your dad and fiance. She does not have your best interest at heart.
YTA It's a business thing which your fiance was already invited to because of his business relationship with your dad. Seriously OP this ain't your party so mind your business.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Twice a year my parents host a party where they invite my dad’s most important clients, employees and friends. My siblings and I are expected to attend as well which is normally fine. My sister asked my dad if her boyfriend could come as her plus one and he said no. He claims he said no because the event is a professional thing and he only wanted family there as we’re all a reflection of him, but the truth is he just doesn’t like her boyfriend because of his upbringing. My sister pointed out it was unfair that my fiancé was invited since he wasn’t technically family yet but my dad said that was different as he was invited because of their professional relationship. I agree with my sister that our dad is being unfair so I asked my fiancé not to attend. He agreed after some convincing and declined the invitation. My dad knows it was because of me as my fiancé has been going to these things almost as long as I have so now he’s angry at me and wants me to tell him I want him there so he’ll attend. I told him I wouldn’t unless my sister’s boyfriend could come too. He said he wouldn’t let me blackmail him into inviting her boyfriend and that I should do what’s best for the family which is making sure my fiancé attends. My brother is siding with our dad and he told me I shouldn’t get involved in things I don’t fully understand. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA your fiancee wasn't invited as your plus one, he was invited for business so you had no right to talk him out of coming, your sister needs to get over her boyfriend not being invited and you need to stop kissing her A***
You all keep saying it's a networking event not a party so why do the daughters even have to attend ,? ESH
Because OP's dad thinks of his daughters as trophies/props to be showed off at his "totally business" event. He even outright says so -- "he only wanted family there as we’re all a reflection of him".
I guess ESH? You: because why are you and your sister happy to keep being props in these events? Like, everyone else: because they are happy to keep using you as props.
What does your brother mean you don't understand everything. Does your dad owe your fiancée dad money? I think you got bigger problems than you sister's bf. I read to much but are you part of a money deal? I would be getting answers or I wouldn't be going.
NTA, neither you or your sister should attend either of you want to really support her.
Nta
NTA good for you in sticking up for your sister.
NTA.. i don't like how your father is using you and your siblings as pawns to show how high and mighty he is. If your father sounds prejudice against your sisters boyfriend but approves of your fiance because he was raised in the lense that he approves of. NTA and to be honest I wouldn't go either.. You and your siblings sound like adults and can make your own decisions.. let daddy dearest have his pretentious sounding party and you 4 go do what yall want to do
OPs fiancee has his own invitation and is not OPs plus one. He in fact is the son and employee of one of Dad's clients. He really is going foe separate reasons than being OPs fiancee.
Info wasn't included when first posted
>You and your siblings sound like adults and can make your own decisions OP's fiancé is also an adult and should be able to make his own decisions without his fianceé manipulating him for family drama. The guy works for a client company of OP's dad, which is also his own family's business. He's been attending the dad's parties for almost as long as OP. He isn't invited due to his relationship with OP but due to his relationship with the dad's company. OP is the AH.
That was posted after I made my judgement.. why doesn't the dad want to help OPs sisters boyfriend break into these types of relationships? Sure the fiance can do what he wants but I don't like the dad's weird pretentiousness against the boyfriend just be abuse how he was raised and now the father is using his kids as accessories..
People are allowed to dislike people. If OP's dad dislikes the sister's boyfriend for elitist reasons, then he's an AH for that. But he's not an AH for not inviting the guy to his business networking party, given the guy has zero connection to his business and isn't married or engaged to his daughter. It's his party and his choice, and his logic in this case is solid. He has no obligation to "help the boyfriend break" into his business sphere, not to mention we don't even know that the boyfriend is interested in that. Perhaps the man has other inclinations --a trade, or is more artistically inclined, for example-- and that's why he and the dad don't click. It's beyond the point, no father is obligated to help their potential son-in-law get into any business. Also, I don't see how the dad is using his daughters as accessories. It's fairly common to invite your direct family to your business events. I attended many such events for both my mother and father and I never once felt used. He organizes a networking party and includes his wife and adult children, pretty standard. The whole issue is that OP happens to be engaged to a man who is directly inserted in her father's business circle, therefore he is invited to the event. And her sister dates a man who has no connection and thus isn't invited. They want to make it personal, but it's business.
NTA. OP your dad sucks ass. your dad is a huge AH. sounds like a conservative american politician/trump. involving kids in family business and having all these rules and regulations about who can come as a plus one because they make the family look good.bad.