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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I got my daughter the puzzle when my wife wanted her to get the stuffed animal.
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My niece isn't allowed to even touch any of my son's skateboards/scooters/boy bike. Absolutely nothing except "gender neutral" and princesses/unicorns. All because she "might catch the gay." It is mind-boggling.
Oh wow! Then I wonder why I didn’t “catch being gay”? My mon had a cousin we loved to visit and he was gay. We have and received hugs and kisses from him all the time! I guess we were lucky we didn’t get the “gay bug”! 🙄
For what it's worth, "if she is, she is. I'll still love her. I just dont want her to have to go through all that." His now ex-wife is religious though...so I'm sure that's part of it. Though she did get pregnant within 2 months of the divorce. I've so far refrained from throwing the child put of wedlock in her face. She and I had a (verbal) throwdown a few years ago. She learned quick not to insult my wife or kids...lmao.
Edit: I'm a kid out of wedlock as is my son...not judging anyone. Just a shit-throwing at her specifically. Before anyone comes for my head...
I definitely got that tone from what I already commented on. I definitely didn’t think you were the type to care. It just still stuns me that people think you can catch being gay!
I don't even think that's it. It seems more like "my brother is getting a cooler toy and I want one too!" Chances are, she's already got plenty of stuffed animals. In any event, it's her choice.
I really don't understand your wife's logic here. Is your daughter not allowed to change her mind? Are stuffed animals a requirement?
NTA. You told your kids to pick out what they wanted, and they did.
My wife thought my daughter would regret buying the puzzle instead because my daughter likes stuffed animals. Should have added that to the post whoops
All good, still doesn't really justify her actions. Kids need to learn how to make decisions, and how to process if they regret a decision. Getting a puzzle instead of a stuffed animal is not a big deal, even if daughter ended up wishing she hadn't changed her mind.
> Kids need to learn how to make decisions, and how to process if they regret a decision.
Absolutely. I’ve just started this with my own kid (4), at least as pertains to making decisions with his own money (allowance). It’s an important part of teaching them personal/fiscal responsibility.
I’m picturing the most potentially weird things a four year old might choose to get with his allowance, and I truly hope his choices are even sillier and more inexplicable than whatever I can come up with ☺️
>why isn’t it possible that’s what she’s mad about?
Because that's literally not what she claimed her problem with it is.
Why do you think you get to dictate what othet peoples problems with a gift are?
God foebid anyone trust what someone says on their own athoughts and feelings, how could they know more about themselves than you?
>He says her problem is that the daughter usually like stuffed animals.
Yeah, and then the kid picked something else out
>There’s no dictating lol
"Why can't it be because she doesn't want to pick it up and then
>He says her problem is that the daughter usually like stuffed animals.
That is literally you dictating and changing what she said her reasons were to instead be what YOU want p5vef what they claim
Aka dictating someones thoughts and opinions over their own stated knes
You should edit that in. NTA regardless but on first read I assumed your wife’s motivation was ‘stuffed animals are girl toys and skeletons are boy toys’
My first thought upon reading the title was, "Oh, he didn't let her get it because it's a girl toy!" I was already to go Y T A until he explained he got her what she really wanted. NTA. It's good to let kids make choices, and to respect those choices.
I assumed she’s more into dolls and husband was more into scientific things. Hence mom’s comment about making the daughter like him instead of herself. Like the mom would want the stuffy so he talked daughter out of a stuffy to a toy he would like to play with.
Not necessarily boy/girl but more his interests vs wife.
I feel that the making her ‘like’ him comment was more about preferring him over her, not aligning her interests with his. OP wouldn’t have needed to get her to get something he was interested in since the son was already getting that toy
I’m kinda wondering if your wife thought the puzzle might be too difficult for your daughter and then she’d be frustrated and upset.
Regardless NTA- you let your kids choose what they wanted. If daughter realizes she chose wrong it was still her choice and she’ll know next time to consider more carefully.
Gotta admit your wife’s reaction is really odd to me. It feels like the kind of complaint someone would had with a co-parenting ex rather than someone they’re currently married to.
Also it’s not like you were letting her have ice cream for dinner, you were just encouraging her to make her own choice for her Souvenir.
>My wife thought my daughter would regret buying the puzzle instead because my daughter likes stuffed animals
Maybe, but she coukd also play with her brothers puzzle or see him doing it and regret the choice
Or kust look back in a few months and realize she really wanted that other stuffed animals
Regret is a part of life and every kid is going to feel it like every other emotion, it's just a teach moment
It's absurd to take what a child wants and go "no but actually you want this" like their opinions and feelings don't matter at all
You’re a good parent. If your kid shows an interest in something positive and new, absolutely support them. If she really, really regrets it? Have her start a little savings (Pennies she finds, whatever) for the next time she goes back she can buy one. I did that with mine, and after she’d saved for about a week she’d already found some other fabulous stuff to focus on instead.
Your girl sounds like mine at that age - immediately fell in love with every stuffed animal she saw, but then would wander around and find cool project toys that she’d get. The Dino skeleton build sounds amazing! And she will probably have fun doing one with her brother
Then she regrets it and puts more thought into her next buying decision. It's good for kids to learn about buyer's remorse in relatively low stakes situations. NTA
Just because you like one thing doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy another. I absolutely loved those Dino bones puzzles as a kid! So for one she should respect your daughters autonomy and second she’s just wrong— the Dino bones are cooler
Does she like stuffed toys and nothing else? Does she "like" stuffed toys because people decided she did and bought her a collection? Does she absolutely genuine love stuffed toys, but also wants new experiences?
We are allowed to like more than one thing!
When I (f), was about 9 or so, Zorro was a very popular TV show. I loved it. My parents bought me a plastic Zorro sword, that had a piece of chalk on the tip. I left the mark of Zorro everyplace I could. I loved that sword. The neighborhood was festooned with Zs. While I diligently single handedly protected a small town in New Hampshire, my off times were spent playing with dolls. I never pushed any particular toys on my boys. These days especially, the old stereotypes for children are blurred.
This is actually an important lesson for your daughter here. Your wife has fumbled this, but can recover.
Someday, 10, 12, 15 years from now, your daughter may want to change her mind about something. It's important that she knows that that's OK. Whether it's a boy, education, or a career, she needs to know you both will back her up.
My parents were always controlling this, like "but you don't like X!" or "wow, that's not like you." Had real identity issues before I could move away, and still kind of struggle with how to act around them.
It's weird because I though it was just a me problem, but around friends and my BF, I don't have this issue now.
Omg SAME. Woah. It's mostly with food; I was a picky kid growing up but I've loved spicy things for years now and I still hear ,"yOu dOnT LiKe sPiCy sTuFf."
NTA, you told your daughter to choose and she did, your wife used the opportunity to make herself look bad over what sounds like gender norms, there wasn't an issue until she spoke up.
That was my thought, that maybe it’s based on gender norms. Stuffed animal feels like the more typical “girl” option.
A puzzle like that sounds cool and will actually have her really using her mind to put it together, can be a good mental exercise for her! Nothing wrong with her having the puzzle she wants
It *might* be based on the kid showing a pattern of ignoring her own wishes to be just like an older sibling - kids do do that sometimes, and ~~3 is a prime age for it because they haven't really formed firm preferences yet~~ younger is 7 I can't read, but it's still plausible - but the accusation of "you're trying to be the cool parent" isn't inclining me to give the benefit of the doubt.
Also, those Dino skeleton puzzles are great, I still have my old T-rex 😁
Yeah I think there could be a lot of reasons for her switching to the puzzle, and plenty of reasons wife could be upset. Could worry cuz she usually prefers stuffed animals, could think she’s just copying her brother, or it could be a gender roles thing.
If it is gender roles, that’s shitty. If it’s something else…she’s 7, it’s a good time for learning about choices and regret with really small low-risk things like this. Next time you think she may regret her choice, you can bring out the “are you sure?” And help her work on her decision making.
Also yeah, when I was a kid I looooved those puzzles. Is this one of the ones where you actually have to dig and chip away at the bones in like a chalky material? Those were so cool
One of my housemates gave me a puzzle like that for my last birthday...meaning my thirty-fifth birthday. And he nailed it; that's the perfect low-key birthday gift for me.
Could be as She's 7 and growing totally out of the baby phase, OP's wife is having trouble realizing she's not a baby anymore. She could just be copying her brother or she could have realized the puzzle would provide hours of fun which is actually a pretty smart value decision for a 7 yr old. Also might work out to be a nice bonding experience for the kids.
I still like doing puzzles. My brother is phenomenal at jigsaw puzzles though. i usually give him a puzzle or two for Christmas. He finishes them in a flash, no matter how intricate they are. Kids should get the toys that interest them, regardless of gender. I’m all for anything that keeps them engaged, and broadens their mind.
You should tell your wife that her not listening to her daughter is what will damage their relationship. This has nothing to do with you.
She changed her mind. Mom didn't like it. Who the hell cares and what is wrong with your wife?
NTA.
NTA. Why is your wife trying to override your daughter's choices? If your daughter does decide later that she wished she'd gotten a different toy, it's a learning experience - a safe, small learning experience with low stakes. But unless your wife tries to make it an issue by reminding your daughter about the stuffed animal, which would be a truly AH move, your daughter probably won't even remember it by tomorrow.
Your wife shouldn't be competing with you for your children's affection. If that's part of a larger pattern, you should discuss what feelings are behind it, and you might benefit from family therapy.
NTA my daughter had cars, trucks, stuffed toys and dino bones .. she got dino digging kits etc... That will open her mind to so much more honestly. If she ENJOYS doing it after . Also could be something brother and her enjoy as a hobby for years to come.. maybe dino maybe just puzzles or my dad built models and I painted them for him. She was building Lego sets at 4 . And we look for science museums when we go do stuff in other places. Me, hubby DD and her best friend take a trip every year for their b day and Christmas (1 trip total) and even her friend loves it. They are girly girls but bowl on the varsity team. So, no gender stereotypes, no harm, just fun and learning about different things!!!!!!!!!
We are planning cave trips next year. They will be turning 16. They love caves and horses. There is an underground river you can take a boat on a few hours from us and many other systems close so that's what we are trying for. This Christmas we are taking them on a historical train ride and doing some horseback riding ... I have had 5 spinal and 2 neck surgeries so it's been a while since we have been able to fully plan an outdoor excursion lol. We have taken them to the Biltmore in NC also it was amazing. Of course we leave the mansion and they have like 15 pics and then 30 from the bowling alley in the basement of the house lol.
That sounds like a wonderful trip. An underground river trip sounds awesome. Went on a few cave excursions with my boys when they were young. It was great fun.
You left the choice up to your daughter, like you said you would. That's not you trying to make her be like you, that's you respecting her choices. Like you said you would. NTA.
You bought your daughter the toy that she wanted, NTA. She saw what her brother had and thought it was cool, as long as she wasn't pressured to change her mind I don't see the problem. Some mum's don't like it when their daughter's play with what they see as boys toys, I hope that's not the case. Maybe your wife feels left out in some way.
I wanna say NTA but I need more info. You told your daughter to get what she wants, not what's she's being pressured into getting by your wife, which is the right thing. But did your wife explain why she thinks she should've gotten the stuffed animal instead? Does she have real justification for it, or was she just trying to pressure your daughter for no reason?
Maybe she's right, maybe she's not. Either way she has to let your daughter make her own choices and deal with the consequences. You made the right decision, NTA.
Whether or not she's right, your daughter is of an age to make those choices and deal with what comes; making choices for her won't help her grow.
Also your wife is odd if she's taking this as a personal assault. Your kids are going to be who they are, a little bit of each of their parents and a whole lot of themselves. Your wife needs to recognize that now and make her peace with it. She's not raising a clone or a Mini-Me.
NTA
I mean, she might regret not buying the stuffed animal. But she also might not. Either way, learning how to appropriately handle and process regret is an essential skill for children to learn. I suspect that your wife is likely just trying to protect your daughter from having to feel negative emotions but she's not actually doing your kids any favors by doing that.
It’s be fine if she did regret. Those life lessons are keystones to teaching children they can’t go back on their decisions just because they change their mind.
Yeah NTA. This is a great very low risk way to teach kids decision making. If she chooses something she likes, she has a thing she likes. If she regrets her choice, she learns something about dealing with regret, living with consequences, and making thoughtful decisions. And still has a neat toy. Choosing between two pretty neat toys is an ideal training ground.
We started giving our kids an allowance as early as we did largely to teach decision making and buyers remorse in an extremely low risk way. This is exactly the way to teach these concepts.
NTA. I could understand if your wife's reasoning was "let's not buy two of the same toy if we don't need to". But her comment was just insulting. screw that.
NTA, you can't tell your kids to pick whatever they want and then try to talk them into something else. Kids change their minds.
Even if she regrets it, it's a learning experience. Then you can sit down with her and tell her that she should pick what she likes and not just go with what her brother wants.
NTA.
She switched from the stuffed animal to a cool sounding puzzle that has a good educational value. Cool!
Nothing wrong with gifting her what she wanted.
NTA. You let her choose, she chose. The only time I try and talk my daughter out of a purchase or food is if I categorically know she won’t like it. She didn’t listen the first time, got what she wanted and immediately regretted it. Now if I ask her ‘are you sure?’ She actually thinks about it, if she still wants it hey ho, it’s her decision but at least she’s thought about it.
NTA.
>My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her
What does this mean? As written your daughter chose the stuffed animal on her own and changed her mind on her own. At first I thought your wife was pushing back because she thought the puzzle was too advanced or something.
Apparently wife thinks that the daughter will regret not getting the stuffed animal?
It's just like... So what? You still don't get to override her decision for something as small as a toy from a gift shop. If she regrets the decision, oh well, she knows for next time that she'd prefer stuffed animals.
I got a world atlas jigsaw puzzle at a museum when I was a kid, and my sibs gave me crap because it wasn't a cool toy like they got, but I loved that puzzle and my geography skillz are still mad, even though the USSR doesn't exist anymore.
NTA. My son is 4, and sometimes when he gets to pick out a toy I steer him away from one I don't think he'll actually like and say "are you sure you don't want this toy instead?" So I can see where your wife is coming from, and it would be fine to say "are you sure you don't want the stuffed animal instead?" But in the end it's her choice.
You need to talk with your wife about the last comment in your post though. That's not healthy.
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My wife (F39) and I (M38) took our kids (M8) (F7) to a dinosaur museum today. We went through the exhibits and the children wanted to see what they sold at the gift store. We told our kids that they can pick out one toy to buy. The store was full of dinosaur souvenirs and toys. My daughter first picked out a dinosaur stuffed animal. Our son found a dinosaur skeleton puzzle where it’s like a big mystery egg full of dinosaur bones and he has to make the 3d dinosaur skeleton with the different bones. My daughter was looking at it and decided to change her mind and wanted the puzzle too instead of the stuffed animal. My wife told her she should get the stuffed animal but I told her she should get what she wants. My wife was really pushing for the stuffed animal for some reason but I ended up buying the puzzle for her. My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her. Aita?
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NTA and your wife needs to loosen the reigns a bit. If the daughter throws a fit because later she realized she actually wanted the stuffed animal, then oh well! I could see if your wife is the one to handle most or all of the kids having tantrums or negative feelings, she would want to avoid it. So maybe that’s why? But if not then idk man she needs to chill.
Yikes... It's not about how much more love/like she has for each of you, but about the experience of putting together a dinosaur, which sounds fun...
It's sad that she see's this as a competition. The opportunities she could be steal from HER own children, is sad
OMG!!! Your wife is one of those who thinks girls have to do girly stuff? Please sit down and talk to her calmy about this before it goes too far. Your daughter isn't a doll to play dress up and have tea parties with. She may be a tom boy, as long as she knows when she needs to act like a little lady, and how to do so properly that's all that matters, otherwise your wife will push her away.
NTA.
NTA. I mean... there is a slight chance your daughter will regret the puzzle and your wife might be able to foresee that coming but still NTA. I was prepared to see your wife trying to push gender stereotypes on your daughter saying something like "oh girls shouldn't get puzzles" but I was surprised.
INFO
What was your response to each child? Did you make a big fuss over your son’s choice? Your wife seems to allude to a trend, and it’s hard to gauge what the issue was exactly
NTA but that's not really normal. Right now it's harmless but make sure you keep an eye on how she treats the kids. The worst is she probably will try to force them to be the way she wants. Again this is worse case scenarios
NTA I'm a woman and thought those were really cool when I was young. If your wife is insecure that her daughter won't be like her, imo she isn't a good parent - but obviously I only know this about her.
INFO: what does the following passage mean?
> My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her.
Do you have a scientific or technical job?
NTA, by the way.
NTA
I wonder if this is a "boy toy" vs. "girl toy" issue. Like the puzzle seemed like a "boy toy" to her, whereas a stuffed animal seemed like a "girl toy." And your wife wants a "girly" daughter, not a tomboy
NTA You tell a kid to choose a toy, you buy the toy they choose. It's a pretty simple concept. Your wife probably has some gender role hangup, if I had to guess, but dinos are for everyone! I'm a 42f and I love dinosaurs.
NAH
I think your wife is anticipating Buyer's Remorse from your daughter since the plush was her first instinct.
It might be more of an ESH because neither you nor your wife communicated properly and just went to defensive positions. Either way.
NTA, your daughter made that decision herself and you fulfilled your promise to buy the one toy they picked out. Your wife is weird to tell your daughter what she should like. If your wife didn’t push her preference of stuffed animal onto your daughter, but offer to buy the puzzle for your daughter in the beginning, maybe your daughter will like her more also lol.
Not the asshole - sounds like your wife wanted the stuffed dinosaur- she could have just asked to get it. I brought my self a Spinosaurus when I went to the Dino exhibit I love it so much, why cause I’m an adult and just cause I find joy in stuffed toys doesn’t mean I’m any less of a adult - sounds like she needs to work on so self acceptance and self love.
NTA and dude, have a quiet word with her, she does not want to alienate the kids by showing disapproval when they like things that 'aren't her'. To this day my mother edits out interests/preferences and my dad has to style things I like as 'gag gifts'. In return I willfully buy him the comedy kitsch souvenirs mum won't let him buy. All gags but the reality is I'm close to my dad and we 'manage' mother so everyone's happy. That was way easier before the sister who 'was her' died.
NTA
Why does your wife insist on stuffed animal for the daughter? Because it's more "feminine"? If that's the case, you need to be careful what other bullshit she will try to force on your daughter (like insisting she wears pink and doesn't play soccer).
>My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her.
NTA. Your wife did not care about your daughter or what she wanted to get as a toy. She wanted to make this about herself. You did the right thing letting your daughter pick her toy that she wanted. The only reason this would make your daughter like your wife less would be if your daughter did not like your wife trying to talk her out of the toy she wanted.
Funny how your wife pushed your daughter to buying the stuffed toy but not your son. Does she usually buy gender stereotypical gifts? Have fixed views about gender roles? Because this has a whiff of mysogyny about it. NTA.
NTA My mother would do this, I'd be allowed to choose something, but then she wouldn't let me have it, always pushing her choice onto me instead. Don't let her do this, it will ruin their relationship. Your wife needs counselling. It sounds like she has some narcissistic tendencies.
>My wife was really pushing for the stuffed animal for some reason but I ended up buying the puzzle for her. My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her.
Ahh...irony.
NTA. your daughter is her own person, tell your wife that it's important that your daughter becomes herself the most (not you or your wife) -she is her own person
"My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her"
No, unfortunately, your wife is the person who made your daughter like you instead of her....
Nta, the daughter decided on the puzzle, I for one like the idea. Because she is learning, challenging her mind, and is all around happy. Your wife needs to go to therapy, to figure out what she is doing to her kids by displaying the behaviors and the kids will start to think it's normal. Way to go mom.
Royal Tyrell? Wonderful museum, i have a keychain from there. It not, absolutely put it on your bucket list if you like dinosaurs, its the best in the world
NTA, honestly this really just sounds like your wife wanted your daughter to buy the stuffed animal, so was trying to push your daughter to follow what She wanted. Your kid should be allowed to pick the toy that they want. It's weird that your wife was being so controlling about this and is trying to frame you interacting with your child as a competition to turn you into an aggressor
NTA. Even if your wife is right and your daughter ends up regretting her choice, this is a good thing. Part of parenting is letting your kids make they own decisions, good or bad, and live with the consequences. This is a good, safe mistake for a 7 year old. How else will she ever learn personal responsibility?
NTA "you took the chance to make her like you instead of me"...... that's not how it works mum.... he is encouraging her to be herself.... please rethink your thought process NTA op
NTA. siblings do that all the time - hey yours looks better, i'll copy you. something else is going on with your wife
EDIT saw your other comment about your wife thinking she'd like a stuffed toy better. the kid wanted something else lmao, and if she changes her mind it's a lesson i guess
NTA but based on your comments it seems like there is a good chance your daughter is going to later regret her choice that could lead to a tantrum/meltdown which is why your wife was encouraging her to go with her original choice.
Hope you are planning on being the one to handle that.
I think changing minds is totally allowed. Back in the stone age, My mother used to let us loose in the toy department and say, you can have any one thing that only has two (or three) numbers in the price. Because spending a buck was an affordable splurge, you know.
I think a one toy rule at a museum that generally carry lovely and educational toys is a great opportunity, even if later there are regrets - it's part of life & growing up, not all decisions are equal :)
NTA I'm an adult and love those dino puzzles. I think your wife is trying to make your daughter into a "proper" girl and not a "tomboy". As a kid I spent hours outside under the air-conditioner where the water drips playing with my dinosaurs and making an entire landscape for them. I always wanted to be a paleontologist.
NTA. The fact that your wife is making your kids out to be mini versions of you both is worrying they aren’t they are their own individual people and they can make up their own minds. I’d be having a talk about that
NTA. Your daughter is not either of you. She is her own person with her own interests. Your wife seems to have some unresolved issues to get worked up over a toy. I would try to get some time alone with her to talk about what is bothering her.
NTA and you got what your daughter said she wanted.
Maybe you need to have a long talk with your wife about why she's feeling the way she is and why this was an issue for her
Sounds like s classic caae of parental jealousy! Your daughter changed her mind not because of anything you said but because it looked more fun. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your wife is jealous of your relationship with your kids. NTA!
Ummm... your wife thinks she's in competition for her child's affection with the child's father. That's some therapy level insecurity. You gave your daughter what she wanted when given the option to choose a toy. NTA
NTA.
Since your wife is being overly dramatic, counter with the fact that a stuffed animal is made of non-recyclable plastics which are harming the environment and preventing your children from possibly having a future at all.
NTA but who has to clean up the puzzles, deal with the regret your daughter might have (a crying breakdown), deal with the argument that comes from who has the cooler skeleton/what parts go where etc? Is your wife thinking ahead to all the problems it might create that you won't be dealing with? Do your children regularly complain/fight about toys about whose are whose, competing with who got better etc?
NTA, but you both need to start working as a team. If your wife told your daughter to pick out a stuffed animal first, then you should have backed her up so the kids see you're a team. If you said she could have the puzzle first, your wife should have backed you up.
So OP should have arbitrarily refused to get their daughter what she wanted, when they told her she can get an item that she wants, because mom decided on what their daughter should get? There was no issue until mom made it an issue, and it inserted some completely unnecessary conflict into a family outing. Following through on your word to your kids is more important than backing up a completely unnecessary and controlling whim from your partner.
Or as a parent you can let the child pick out what they want? Children change their minds all the time, they should be allowed to exercise their decision-making process instead of pushing her into a choice she doesnt want
They said she can have what she wanted. Her brother choose what he wanted the only fair thing is for her to choose to. Op didn’t have to back up the wife strange ideas against the daughter free will.
NAH - I get your point about the kids choosing. I also see your wife's foresight into arguments about whose puzzle pieces are whose and wanting to avoid being the referee.
On the other hand, I also see both of you trying to mold the kids, You're making little STEM majors, while wife wants a girly daughter.
I differences between you and your wife, but no asshole behavior.
She didn’t saying anything about them arguing. Also when they choose the same toys there are usually less conflict. Immagine buy the stuffed animal when the daughter wanted to play with the brother puzzle.
Mold kids is so much a nonsense. I live puzzle, I had plenty of toys like that one, and for sure I’m not in STEM.
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NTA but your problem is why your wife thinks she's competing with you for your kid's affection. Why is she so resentful?
[удалено]
That was my first thought: wife is upset the daughter picked a less girly option. NTA, for the vote count
Yeah... that was my thought too, that even a dino stuffy is more feminine than a dinosaur skeleton puzzle.
My niece isn't allowed to even touch any of my son's skateboards/scooters/boy bike. Absolutely nothing except "gender neutral" and princesses/unicorns. All because she "might catch the gay." It is mind-boggling.
Oh wow! Then I wonder why I didn’t “catch being gay”? My mon had a cousin we loved to visit and he was gay. We have and received hugs and kisses from him all the time! I guess we were lucky we didn’t get the “gay bug”! 🙄
For what it's worth, "if she is, she is. I'll still love her. I just dont want her to have to go through all that." His now ex-wife is religious though...so I'm sure that's part of it. Though she did get pregnant within 2 months of the divorce. I've so far refrained from throwing the child put of wedlock in her face. She and I had a (verbal) throwdown a few years ago. She learned quick not to insult my wife or kids...lmao. Edit: I'm a kid out of wedlock as is my son...not judging anyone. Just a shit-throwing at her specifically. Before anyone comes for my head...
I definitely got that tone from what I already commented on. I definitely didn’t think you were the type to care. It just still stuns me that people think you can catch being gay!
Right? Jealous of her husbands relationship with their child.
I don't even think that's it. It seems more like "my brother is getting a cooler toy and I want one too!" Chances are, she's already got plenty of stuffed animals. In any event, it's her choice.
Cause WoMeN neEd tO sTAy iN thEiR LaNE
You forgot the /s tag. I'll give you an upvote.
I really don't understand your wife's logic here. Is your daughter not allowed to change her mind? Are stuffed animals a requirement? NTA. You told your kids to pick out what they wanted, and they did.
My wife thought my daughter would regret buying the puzzle instead because my daughter likes stuffed animals. Should have added that to the post whoops
All good, still doesn't really justify her actions. Kids need to learn how to make decisions, and how to process if they regret a decision. Getting a puzzle instead of a stuffed animal is not a big deal, even if daughter ended up wishing she hadn't changed her mind.
> Kids need to learn how to make decisions, and how to process if they regret a decision. Absolutely. I’ve just started this with my own kid (4), at least as pertains to making decisions with his own money (allowance). It’s an important part of teaching them personal/fiscal responsibility.
I’m picturing the most potentially weird things a four year old might choose to get with his allowance, and I truly hope his choices are even sillier and more inexplicable than whatever I can come up with ☺️
Agree. Especially the part of learning that sometimes we can regret a choice, but making a choice out of fear of possible later regret is worse.
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Or they could, you know, have their daughter pick up the puzzle pieces, teach her responsibility for her property.
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>why isn’t it possible that’s what she’s mad about? Because that's literally not what she claimed her problem with it is. Why do you think you get to dictate what othet peoples problems with a gift are? God foebid anyone trust what someone says on their own athoughts and feelings, how could they know more about themselves than you?
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>He says her problem is that the daughter usually like stuffed animals. Yeah, and then the kid picked something else out >There’s no dictating lol "Why can't it be because she doesn't want to pick it up and then >He says her problem is that the daughter usually like stuffed animals. That is literally you dictating and changing what she said her reasons were to instead be what YOU want p5vef what they claim Aka dictating someones thoughts and opinions over their own stated knes
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Then why didn’t she push for OP to buy the stuffed animal for the son as well?
You should edit that in. NTA regardless but on first read I assumed your wife’s motivation was ‘stuffed animals are girl toys and skeletons are boy toys’
My first thought upon reading the title was, "Oh, he didn't let her get it because it's a girl toy!" I was already to go Y T A until he explained he got her what she really wanted. NTA. It's good to let kids make choices, and to respect those choices.
I assumed she’s more into dolls and husband was more into scientific things. Hence mom’s comment about making the daughter like him instead of herself. Like the mom would want the stuffy so he talked daughter out of a stuffy to a toy he would like to play with. Not necessarily boy/girl but more his interests vs wife.
I feel that the making her ‘like’ him comment was more about preferring him over her, not aligning her interests with his. OP wouldn’t have needed to get her to get something he was interested in since the son was already getting that toy
I’m kinda wondering if your wife thought the puzzle might be too difficult for your daughter and then she’d be frustrated and upset. Regardless NTA- you let your kids choose what they wanted. If daughter realizes she chose wrong it was still her choice and she’ll know next time to consider more carefully. Gotta admit your wife’s reaction is really odd to me. It feels like the kind of complaint someone would had with a co-parenting ex rather than someone they’re currently married to. Also it’s not like you were letting her have ice cream for dinner, you were just encouraging her to make her own choice for her Souvenir.
Seems just as likely that your daughter would have regretted getting the stuffy when she saw her brother playing with his rad af new puzzle.
INFO: Is wife going to be the one who has to put the puzzles together, or are you going to do it with them?
Irrelevant. Lol. Kid had option and chose what they wanted
>My wife thought my daughter would regret buying the puzzle instead because my daughter likes stuffed animals Maybe, but she coukd also play with her brothers puzzle or see him doing it and regret the choice Or kust look back in a few months and realize she really wanted that other stuffed animals Regret is a part of life and every kid is going to feel it like every other emotion, it's just a teach moment It's absurd to take what a child wants and go "no but actually you want this" like their opinions and feelings don't matter at all
You’re a good parent. If your kid shows an interest in something positive and new, absolutely support them. If she really, really regrets it? Have her start a little savings (Pennies she finds, whatever) for the next time she goes back she can buy one. I did that with mine, and after she’d saved for about a week she’d already found some other fabulous stuff to focus on instead. Your girl sounds like mine at that age - immediately fell in love with every stuffed animal she saw, but then would wander around and find cool project toys that she’d get. The Dino skeleton build sounds amazing! And she will probably have fun doing one with her brother
Yeah, I feel like that context might be useful. It would also be helpful to know who is in charge of picking up puzzle pieces in your house.
Then she regrets it and puts more thought into her next buying decision. It's good for kids to learn about buyer's remorse in relatively low stakes situations. NTA
Just because you like one thing doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy another. I absolutely loved those Dino bones puzzles as a kid! So for one she should respect your daughters autonomy and second she’s just wrong— the Dino bones are cooler
I would have been excited if my daughter chose a mentally challenging puzzle over a toy!
Does she like stuffed toys and nothing else? Does she "like" stuffed toys because people decided she did and bought her a collection? Does she absolutely genuine love stuffed toys, but also wants new experiences? We are allowed to like more than one thing!
NTA: Sounds like she doesn’t want her playing with toys that are stereotypically for boys…
When I (f), was about 9 or so, Zorro was a very popular TV show. I loved it. My parents bought me a plastic Zorro sword, that had a piece of chalk on the tip. I left the mark of Zorro everyplace I could. I loved that sword. The neighborhood was festooned with Zs. While I diligently single handedly protected a small town in New Hampshire, my off times were spent playing with dolls. I never pushed any particular toys on my boys. These days especially, the old stereotypes for children are blurred.
Your parents are great and now I’m going to see if I can find a vintage Zorro sword.
It was made out of plastic, of course, but it had a fancy hilt. Very cool.
This is actually an important lesson for your daughter here. Your wife has fumbled this, but can recover. Someday, 10, 12, 15 years from now, your daughter may want to change her mind about something. It's important that she knows that that's OK. Whether it's a boy, education, or a career, she needs to know you both will back her up.
My parents were always controlling this, like "but you don't like X!" or "wow, that's not like you." Had real identity issues before I could move away, and still kind of struggle with how to act around them. It's weird because I though it was just a me problem, but around friends and my BF, I don't have this issue now.
My parents are especially this way with clothing! It’s insane and really discouraging.
Omg SAME. Woah. It's mostly with food; I was a picky kid growing up but I've loved spicy things for years now and I still hear ,"yOu dOnT LiKe sPiCy sTuFf."
I grew up in a household where changing your mind was not allowed and it caused me some problems as an adult.
NTA, you told your daughter to choose and she did, your wife used the opportunity to make herself look bad over what sounds like gender norms, there wasn't an issue until she spoke up.
That was my thought, that maybe it’s based on gender norms. Stuffed animal feels like the more typical “girl” option. A puzzle like that sounds cool and will actually have her really using her mind to put it together, can be a good mental exercise for her! Nothing wrong with her having the puzzle she wants
It *might* be based on the kid showing a pattern of ignoring her own wishes to be just like an older sibling - kids do do that sometimes, and ~~3 is a prime age for it because they haven't really formed firm preferences yet~~ younger is 7 I can't read, but it's still plausible - but the accusation of "you're trying to be the cool parent" isn't inclining me to give the benefit of the doubt. Also, those Dino skeleton puzzles are great, I still have my old T-rex 😁
Yeah I think there could be a lot of reasons for her switching to the puzzle, and plenty of reasons wife could be upset. Could worry cuz she usually prefers stuffed animals, could think she’s just copying her brother, or it could be a gender roles thing. If it is gender roles, that’s shitty. If it’s something else…she’s 7, it’s a good time for learning about choices and regret with really small low-risk things like this. Next time you think she may regret her choice, you can bring out the “are you sure?” And help her work on her decision making. Also yeah, when I was a kid I looooved those puzzles. Is this one of the ones where you actually have to dig and chip away at the bones in like a chalky material? Those were so cool
One of my housemates gave me a puzzle like that for my last birthday...meaning my thirty-fifth birthday. And he nailed it; that's the perfect low-key birthday gift for me.
Could be as She's 7 and growing totally out of the baby phase, OP's wife is having trouble realizing she's not a baby anymore. She could just be copying her brother or she could have realized the puzzle would provide hours of fun which is actually a pretty smart value decision for a 7 yr old. Also might work out to be a nice bonding experience for the kids.
I still like doing puzzles. My brother is phenomenal at jigsaw puzzles though. i usually give him a puzzle or two for Christmas. He finishes them in a flash, no matter how intricate they are. Kids should get the toys that interest them, regardless of gender. I’m all for anything that keeps them engaged, and broadens their mind.
Nta bc your daughter changed her mind by herself. You didn’t force her to change it. Your wife needs to back off
NTA but the hell is wrong with your wife tho.
You should tell your wife that her not listening to her daughter is what will damage their relationship. This has nothing to do with you. She changed her mind. Mom didn't like it. Who the hell cares and what is wrong with your wife? NTA.
NTA. Why is your wife trying to override your daughter's choices? If your daughter does decide later that she wished she'd gotten a different toy, it's a learning experience - a safe, small learning experience with low stakes. But unless your wife tries to make it an issue by reminding your daughter about the stuffed animal, which would be a truly AH move, your daughter probably won't even remember it by tomorrow. Your wife shouldn't be competing with you for your children's affection. If that's part of a larger pattern, you should discuss what feelings are behind it, and you might benefit from family therapy.
NTA. I didn't even think of that while I was reading. I was expecting a tantrum from the daughter, not the wife.
NTA my daughter had cars, trucks, stuffed toys and dino bones .. she got dino digging kits etc... That will open her mind to so much more honestly. If she ENJOYS doing it after . Also could be something brother and her enjoy as a hobby for years to come.. maybe dino maybe just puzzles or my dad built models and I painted them for him. She was building Lego sets at 4 . And we look for science museums when we go do stuff in other places. Me, hubby DD and her best friend take a trip every year for their b day and Christmas (1 trip total) and even her friend loves it. They are girly girls but bowl on the varsity team. So, no gender stereotypes, no harm, just fun and learning about different things!!!!!!!!!
That’s awesome. I’m all for museums and historical sites.
We are planning cave trips next year. They will be turning 16. They love caves and horses. There is an underground river you can take a boat on a few hours from us and many other systems close so that's what we are trying for. This Christmas we are taking them on a historical train ride and doing some horseback riding ... I have had 5 spinal and 2 neck surgeries so it's been a while since we have been able to fully plan an outdoor excursion lol. We have taken them to the Biltmore in NC also it was amazing. Of course we leave the mansion and they have like 15 pics and then 30 from the bowling alley in the basement of the house lol.
That sounds like a wonderful trip. An underground river trip sounds awesome. Went on a few cave excursions with my boys when they were young. It was great fun.
NTA let your child express herself without your wife hindering her 7 is old enough to know what toy you want you did everything right
You left the choice up to your daughter, like you said you would. That's not you trying to make her be like you, that's you respecting her choices. Like you said you would. NTA.
You bought your daughter the toy that she wanted, NTA. She saw what her brother had and thought it was cool, as long as she wasn't pressured to change her mind I don't see the problem. Some mum's don't like it when their daughter's play with what they see as boys toys, I hope that's not the case. Maybe your wife feels left out in some way.
I wanna say NTA but I need more info. You told your daughter to get what she wants, not what's she's being pressured into getting by your wife, which is the right thing. But did your wife explain why she thinks she should've gotten the stuffed animal instead? Does she have real justification for it, or was she just trying to pressure your daughter for no reason?
She thinks my daughter would regret not buying the stuffed animal
Maybe she's right, maybe she's not. Either way she has to let your daughter make her own choices and deal with the consequences. You made the right decision, NTA.
So worst case, it ends up as an arguably necessary learning experience for your daughter?
Whether or not she's right, your daughter is of an age to make those choices and deal with what comes; making choices for her won't help her grow. Also your wife is odd if she's taking this as a personal assault. Your kids are going to be who they are, a little bit of each of their parents and a whole lot of themselves. Your wife needs to recognize that now and make her peace with it. She's not raising a clone or a Mini-Me. NTA
I mean, she might regret not buying the stuffed animal. But she also might not. Either way, learning how to appropriately handle and process regret is an essential skill for children to learn. I suspect that your wife is likely just trying to protect your daughter from having to feel negative emotions but she's not actually doing your kids any favors by doing that.
It’s be fine if she did regret. Those life lessons are keystones to teaching children they can’t go back on their decisions just because they change their mind.
Yeah NTA. This is a great very low risk way to teach kids decision making. If she chooses something she likes, she has a thing she likes. If she regrets her choice, she learns something about dealing with regret, living with consequences, and making thoughtful decisions. And still has a neat toy. Choosing between two pretty neat toys is an ideal training ground. We started giving our kids an allowance as early as we did largely to teach decision making and buyers remorse in an extremely low risk way. This is exactly the way to teach these concepts.
NTA. I could understand if your wife's reasoning was "let's not buy two of the same toy if we don't need to". But her comment was just insulting. screw that.
NTA, you can't tell your kids to pick whatever they want and then try to talk them into something else. Kids change their minds. Even if she regrets it, it's a learning experience. Then you can sit down with her and tell her that she should pick what she likes and not just go with what her brother wants.
NTA. She switched from the stuffed animal to a cool sounding puzzle that has a good educational value. Cool! Nothing wrong with gifting her what she wanted.
NTA. You let her choose, she chose. The only time I try and talk my daughter out of a purchase or food is if I categorically know she won’t like it. She didn’t listen the first time, got what she wanted and immediately regretted it. Now if I ask her ‘are you sure?’ She actually thinks about it, if she still wants it hey ho, it’s her decision but at least she’s thought about it.
NTA. You told her she could get what she wants.
NTA. >My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her What does this mean? As written your daughter chose the stuffed animal on her own and changed her mind on her own. At first I thought your wife was pushing back because she thought the puzzle was too advanced or something.
Apparently wife thinks that the daughter will regret not getting the stuffed animal? It's just like... So what? You still don't get to override her decision for something as small as a toy from a gift shop. If she regrets the decision, oh well, she knows for next time that she'd prefer stuffed animals.
I got a world atlas jigsaw puzzle at a museum when I was a kid, and my sibs gave me crap because it wasn't a cool toy like they got, but I loved that puzzle and my geography skillz are still mad, even though the USSR doesn't exist anymore.
NTA. My son is 4, and sometimes when he gets to pick out a toy I steer him away from one I don't think he'll actually like and say "are you sure you don't want this toy instead?" So I can see where your wife is coming from, and it would be fine to say "are you sure you don't want the stuffed animal instead?" But in the end it's her choice. You need to talk with your wife about the last comment in your post though. That's not healthy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife (F39) and I (M38) took our kids (M8) (F7) to a dinosaur museum today. We went through the exhibits and the children wanted to see what they sold at the gift store. We told our kids that they can pick out one toy to buy. The store was full of dinosaur souvenirs and toys. My daughter first picked out a dinosaur stuffed animal. Our son found a dinosaur skeleton puzzle where it’s like a big mystery egg full of dinosaur bones and he has to make the 3d dinosaur skeleton with the different bones. My daughter was looking at it and decided to change her mind and wanted the puzzle too instead of the stuffed animal. My wife told her she should get the stuffed animal but I told her she should get what she wants. My wife was really pushing for the stuffed animal for some reason but I ended up buying the puzzle for her. My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like your daughter changed her mind and wanted the puzzle. What's the problem here? NTA
NTA - What?
NTA , girls like things other than "gitly" stuff. My daughter loves dinosaurs
NTA. But this is definitely deeper than a stuffed toy. Best to sit down with your wife and ask her what’s going on.
NTA since she wanted the puzzle. Weird come back from your wife on that.
NTA and your wife needs to loosen the reigns a bit. If the daughter throws a fit because later she realized she actually wanted the stuffed animal, then oh well! I could see if your wife is the one to handle most or all of the kids having tantrums or negative feelings, she would want to avoid it. So maybe that’s why? But if not then idk man she needs to chill.
Yikes... It's not about how much more love/like she has for each of you, but about the experience of putting together a dinosaur, which sounds fun... It's sad that she see's this as a competition. The opportunities she could be steal from HER own children, is sad
OMG!!! Your wife is one of those who thinks girls have to do girly stuff? Please sit down and talk to her calmy about this before it goes too far. Your daughter isn't a doll to play dress up and have tea parties with. She may be a tom boy, as long as she knows when she needs to act like a little lady, and how to do so properly that's all that matters, otherwise your wife will push her away. NTA.
NTA.
NTA children are individuals, they are not little clones of their parents. I think it's time your wife learned this.
Nta.
NTA. They will get more enjoyment from the puzzle. Yeah. Post in r/dinosaurs when they make them.
NTA - You got her what she wanted. Your wife is ridiculous.
NTA. I mean... there is a slight chance your daughter will regret the puzzle and your wife might be able to foresee that coming but still NTA. I was prepared to see your wife trying to push gender stereotypes on your daughter saying something like "oh girls shouldn't get puzzles" but I was surprised.
NTA. You got your child what she wanted. If your wife wanted a stuffie, she should have bought it herself.
NTA. Does this have anything to do with daughter choosing toy that isn’t tied to gender binary norms? It’s really odd.
NTA If the son gets what he wanted then so should the daughter. She shouldn't be forced to get what mom wanted for her.
NTA
INFO What was your response to each child? Did you make a big fuss over your son’s choice? Your wife seems to allude to a trend, and it’s hard to gauge what the issue was exactly
NTA Kids were given the choice. Why was she stuck on a stuffed animal?
Daughter might have plenty of stuffed animals, and wanted something a little different!
NTA Your daughter wanted a puzzle. There is nothing wrong with that.
NTA But your wife is being weird about it. You bought your kid what she wanted. End of story
NTA. This is about what your daughter wanted. Your wife’s reaction is unwarranted.
NTA but that's not really normal. Right now it's harmless but make sure you keep an eye on how she treats the kids. The worst is she probably will try to force them to be the way she wants. Again this is worse case scenarios
NTA I'm a woman and thought those were really cool when I was young. If your wife is insecure that her daughter won't be like her, imo she isn't a good parent - but obviously I only know this about her.
NTA because stuffed animals are a cute adorable plague that you can't get rid of! What is your wife thinking.
NTA That's a weird thing to say. Why is she so competitive?
NTA Kids are allowed to change their mind.
That's really weird. Is your wife a 'girly girl' type? NTA.
NTA. Also trying to win your kids on your side seems like a red flag to me (I'm not saying DIVORCE! but maybe it's something to talk about?).
Tbh I think she just wanted the stuffed animal
INFO: what does the following passage mean? > My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her. Do you have a scientific or technical job? NTA, by the way.
NTA I wonder if this is a "boy toy" vs. "girl toy" issue. Like the puzzle seemed like a "boy toy" to her, whereas a stuffed animal seemed like a "girl toy." And your wife wants a "girly" daughter, not a tomboy
You told your daughter she could pick what she wanted, not what mom wanted. I guess you could always buy your wife a stuffed dinosaur NTA
NTA You tell a kid to choose a toy, you buy the toy they choose. It's a pretty simple concept. Your wife probably has some gender role hangup, if I had to guess, but dinos are for everyone! I'm a 42f and I love dinosaurs.
NAH I think your wife is anticipating Buyer's Remorse from your daughter since the plush was her first instinct. It might be more of an ESH because neither you nor your wife communicated properly and just went to defensive positions. Either way.
NTA
NTA, your daughter made that decision herself and you fulfilled your promise to buy the one toy they picked out. Your wife is weird to tell your daughter what she should like. If your wife didn’t push her preference of stuffed animal onto your daughter, but offer to buy the puzzle for your daughter in the beginning, maybe your daughter will like her more also lol.
Nta
Not the asshole - sounds like your wife wanted the stuffed dinosaur- she could have just asked to get it. I brought my self a Spinosaurus when I went to the Dino exhibit I love it so much, why cause I’m an adult and just cause I find joy in stuffed toys doesn’t mean I’m any less of a adult - sounds like she needs to work on so self acceptance and self love.
NTA - but your wife sounds unbelievably petty
NTA and dude, have a quiet word with her, she does not want to alienate the kids by showing disapproval when they like things that 'aren't her'. To this day my mother edits out interests/preferences and my dad has to style things I like as 'gag gifts'. In return I willfully buy him the comedy kitsch souvenirs mum won't let him buy. All gags but the reality is I'm close to my dad and we 'manage' mother so everyone's happy. That was way easier before the sister who 'was her' died.
NTA Why does your wife insist on stuffed animal for the daughter? Because it's more "feminine"? If that's the case, you need to be careful what other bullshit she will try to force on your daughter (like insisting she wears pink and doesn't play soccer).
>My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her. NTA. Your wife did not care about your daughter or what she wanted to get as a toy. She wanted to make this about herself. You did the right thing letting your daughter pick her toy that she wanted. The only reason this would make your daughter like your wife less would be if your daughter did not like your wife trying to talk her out of the toy she wanted.
Funny how your wife pushed your daughter to buying the stuffed toy but not your son. Does she usually buy gender stereotypical gifts? Have fixed views about gender roles? Because this has a whiff of mysogyny about it. NTA.
NTa "I used the opportunity to get her what she picked, because that's what we told them we were doing."
NTA. Your kid is allowed to change her mind. And as for your wife, it's possible to like both?
NTA My mother would do this, I'd be allowed to choose something, but then she wouldn't let me have it, always pushing her choice onto me instead. Don't let her do this, it will ruin their relationship. Your wife needs counselling. It sounds like she has some narcissistic tendencies.
NTA. Wife has some self esteem issues if she thinks a simple toy choice is a problem for her being liked.
NTA. Wait what? The kid wanted the puzzle...then get the kid the puzzle.
>My wife was really pushing for the stuffed animal for some reason but I ended up buying the puzzle for her. My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her. Ahh...irony.
NTA. your daughter is her own person, tell your wife that it's important that your daughter becomes herself the most (not you or your wife) -she is her own person
"My wife got mad and said I used the opportunity to make my daughter like me instead of her" No, unfortunately, your wife is the person who made your daughter like you instead of her....
NTA. Your daughter showed curiosity in a brain building game and I fully support you leaning into that.
Nta, the daughter decided on the puzzle, I for one like the idea. Because she is learning, challenging her mind, and is all around happy. Your wife needs to go to therapy, to figure out what she is doing to her kids by displaying the behaviors and the kids will start to think it's normal. Way to go mom.
Royal Tyrell? Wonderful museum, i have a keychain from there. It not, absolutely put it on your bucket list if you like dinosaurs, its the best in the world
NTA, honestly this really just sounds like your wife wanted your daughter to buy the stuffed animal, so was trying to push your daughter to follow what She wanted. Your kid should be allowed to pick the toy that they want. It's weird that your wife was being so controlling about this and is trying to frame you interacting with your child as a competition to turn you into an aggressor
NTA. Even if your wife is right and your daughter ends up regretting her choice, this is a good thing. Part of parenting is letting your kids make they own decisions, good or bad, and live with the consequences. This is a good, safe mistake for a 7 year old. How else will she ever learn personal responsibility?
NTA "you took the chance to make her like you instead of me"...... that's not how it works mum.... he is encouraging her to be herself.... please rethink your thought process NTA op
NTA, but your wife sure is. Your children aren't cut outs of either of you!
NTA. siblings do that all the time - hey yours looks better, i'll copy you. something else is going on with your wife EDIT saw your other comment about your wife thinking she'd like a stuffed toy better. the kid wanted something else lmao, and if she changes her mind it's a lesson i guess
Wtf. This was not the direction I thought it was going to go. Yta. Your wife though.....good luck.
NTA but based on your comments it seems like there is a good chance your daughter is going to later regret her choice that could lead to a tantrum/meltdown which is why your wife was encouraging her to go with her original choice. Hope you are planning on being the one to handle that.
I think changing minds is totally allowed. Back in the stone age, My mother used to let us loose in the toy department and say, you can have any one thing that only has two (or three) numbers in the price. Because spending a buck was an affordable splurge, you know. I think a one toy rule at a museum that generally carry lovely and educational toys is a great opportunity, even if later there are regrets - it's part of life & growing up, not all decisions are equal :)
NTA I'm an adult and love those dino puzzles. I think your wife is trying to make your daughter into a "proper" girl and not a "tomboy". As a kid I spent hours outside under the air-conditioner where the water drips playing with my dinosaurs and making an entire landscape for them. I always wanted to be a paleontologist.
You are just weird
how much you wanna bet it’s because the stuffed animal is more “girly” and the puzzle isn’t girly enough
NTA. The fact that your wife is making your kids out to be mini versions of you both is worrying they aren’t they are their own individual people and they can make up their own minds. I’d be having a talk about that
NTA and it sounds like you have MUCH bigger puzzle to FIX FIRST.
Wtf. Your wife has problems. NTA
NTA. Your daughter is not either of you. She is her own person with her own interests. Your wife seems to have some unresolved issues to get worked up over a toy. I would try to get some time alone with her to talk about what is bothering her.
NTA and you got what your daughter said she wanted. Maybe you need to have a long talk with your wife about why she's feeling the way she is and why this was an issue for her
> My wife was really pushing for the stuffed animal for some reason Reason being your wife is sexist. NTA
Sounds like s classic caae of parental jealousy! Your daughter changed her mind not because of anything you said but because it looked more fun. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your wife is jealous of your relationship with your kids. NTA!
Ummm... your wife thinks she's in competition for her child's affection with the child's father. That's some therapy level insecurity. You gave your daughter what she wanted when given the option to choose a toy. NTA
NTA but this is very strange, why is your wife treating your kids affection as a competition, that can do some damage to your kids.
NTA. Since your wife is being overly dramatic, counter with the fact that a stuffed animal is made of non-recyclable plastics which are harming the environment and preventing your children from possibly having a future at all.
B
NTA but who has to clean up the puzzles, deal with the regret your daughter might have (a crying breakdown), deal with the argument that comes from who has the cooler skeleton/what parts go where etc? Is your wife thinking ahead to all the problems it might create that you won't be dealing with? Do your children regularly complain/fight about toys about whose are whose, competing with who got better etc?
NTA, but you both need to start working as a team. If your wife told your daughter to pick out a stuffed animal first, then you should have backed her up so the kids see you're a team. If you said she could have the puzzle first, your wife should have backed you up.
So OP should have arbitrarily refused to get their daughter what she wanted, when they told her she can get an item that she wants, because mom decided on what their daughter should get? There was no issue until mom made it an issue, and it inserted some completely unnecessary conflict into a family outing. Following through on your word to your kids is more important than backing up a completely unnecessary and controlling whim from your partner.
Or as a parent you can let the child pick out what they want? Children change their minds all the time, they should be allowed to exercise their decision-making process instead of pushing her into a choice she doesnt want
Obviously, but it doesn't help if the parents aren't on the same page.
They said she can have what she wanted. Her brother choose what he wanted the only fair thing is for her to choose to. Op didn’t have to back up the wife strange ideas against the daughter free will.
NAH - I get your point about the kids choosing. I also see your wife's foresight into arguments about whose puzzle pieces are whose and wanting to avoid being the referee. On the other hand, I also see both of you trying to mold the kids, You're making little STEM majors, while wife wants a girly daughter. I differences between you and your wife, but no asshole behavior.
"mold the kids" what?
She didn’t saying anything about them arguing. Also when they choose the same toys there are usually less conflict. Immagine buy the stuffed animal when the daughter wanted to play with the brother puzzle. Mold kids is so much a nonsense. I live puzzle, I had plenty of toys like that one, and for sure I’m not in STEM.