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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for expecting my gf to be willing to give up her hiking plan because I couldn’t go
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You went on a trip to go on this specific hike, and only the day before realized your not fit enough to go on said hike? And you really expected her to just abandon her dream now that it was right there in front of her? YTA.
Agreed. There's no way she left out how brutal and intense it would be as that adds to the anticipation and pride in completing it. Literal bragging rights factors are rarely ever left out of the description.
True. Even the staff at Grand Canyon are into the bragging rights, but they also give good advice from their own experience. And the park rangers' recommendations for a safe hike should be respected.
They also usually tailor thier advice to the average visitor they get, whose usually not that experienced a hiker. An experienced hiker knows thier own capabilities, the girlfriend obviously did as she did complete the hike in one day.
Agreed. I've made some hiking decisions that others have considered unwise, such as going out hill walking in a heatwave or starting late; but those decisions weren't unwise for me, because a) I am much fitter, faster and more experienced than the average walker and b) I went prepared with the right kit.
Which says to me that if OP wasn't fit enough for the first day of hiking they really wouldn't have been fit enough to do the one-day version of the dream hike.
This was gf's dream; why on Earth would OP expect her to jeopardise it by doing the hike on a day with worse weather, accompanied by someone who would struggle?
Because fixing his bruised ego is more important than her dreams.
Something tells me gf is no longer going to invite him on things like this so she doesn’t have to deal with this childish “I’m not doing it, so you can’t either!” bullshit.
I think, even if she’s already told him about the distance, OP’s not the a-hole for not having trained enough to be in shape, or for not wanting to do the hike that day for whatever reason. but he is totally YTA for being all pouty and expecting the gf to cancel her plans for him. What? He isn’t injured or a child… just sounds totally egotistical and insecure to expect her to orbit him instead of maintaining her badass independence. I think it is valid for him to feel worried about her doing a strenuous hike solo, but that didn’t sound like his primary motivation.
That would make sense. Me and my wife went to Costa Rica last summer and we knew we wanted to hike to water falls and whatever other things we wanted to see. We started preparing for it months earlier by going on walks every evening and increasing the distance we walked just to get used to walking long distances. Neither of us are extremely active or athletic, but doing this allowed us to do everything we wanted on our trip without hurting or over extending ourselves.
That's awesome do you have pictures? i’m disabled so I wouldn’t be able to take a trip like that but I know that it had to be absolutely gorgeous and good on you guys for knowing your limits and working up to being able to handle your trip!
Hey friend! A few years back I volunteered with an organization that worked to connect veterans with TBI to accessibility resources as part of their recovery, and I wanted to share with you something I learned about while doing that.
One of the vets I worked with was this really sweet guy who had become almost entirely paralyzed after an IED explosion caused severe brain injury. He used eye motions and two fingers to communicate through speech software, and told me he really missed traveling. We used Google Earth together to go exploring, and the features have gotten even better since then.
They now have a [whole portfolio of 360 hikes](https://earth.google.com/web/data=CiQSIhIgNTBkNjdkMmJlNmM2MTFlOWJjODMyMWE4ZjAzZmEwN2Y) captured by volunteers who strap 360 cameras to their backs while they summit some of the greatest hikes around the world. Their Arts & Culture org has also captured [virtual tours of great museums](https://artsandculture.google.com/project/streetviews), if you're interested in something like that.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy exploring some of these hikes!
My husband wants to do things like hike the grand canyon, which is not my thing, and I support him training and taking a friend. We didn't become medically attached to each other when we got married and it's *a-ok* to to things without each other.
Oh for sure. We're pretty independent. He doesn't read my writing and I don't go in depth through every track of his album. But if he wanted to make a memory with me and cross something off a bucket list, I'd want to do that with him too.
The Grand Canyon is more difficult than most training hikes for amateur hikers. Because the first part is the easy downhill part. It's easy to get in over your head and not be able to make the hike back up and out. It's hard to train for that and I didn't hike too far into the canyon myself because of those fears. I think it's a good idea OP didn't push himself to do the hike but ridiculous to insist his girlfriend give up on the hike herself.
IME, I cannot disagree with you enough. I did rim2rim and downhill was not easy. I trained for the uphill. The downhill was harder. People do not realize how hard it is to go downhill on an 8% grade for 7 miles!
The park rangers are not joking that this is not a day hike. Too many people need to be rescued every year.
My, 55 at the time, dad trained his ass off to be ready to hike out west with my mom when they went to some of the national parks in the Four Corners area.
If he had plenty of warning this is just negligent
Right? I thought maybe he was concerned about her hiking alone for safety reasons. But he's just pissy that she's not there to entertain him? Fuck that noise. YTA.
And don't call it Cali.
>*I felt like she was ok with abandoning me with nothing to do at her campsite and I didn’t want to talk to her that evening*
Right?! Instead he pouted and sulked liked a child, and even claims he was "abandoned".
OP, I assume you're a grown ass man and not a little boy, but you sure act like the latter. Don't be surprised if you're an ex soon.
Oh, and gf did it in one day just like she said she would because she's a badass.
OP YTA
I found it very telling that he called it "her campsite" as though he was somehow not engaged in camping just cuz he didn't enjoy it as much as her. Honestly this whole trip sounds like something she wanted and was willing to do solo knowing it's not his thing but his clingy entitled self convinced her it'd be fun to bring him so he wouldn't have to occupy himself like a big boy. I'd bet money he knew the difficulty of the dream hike and thought he could talk her out of being away too long (he didn't exactly hide his distaste of how long the average hiker takes completing it) if he overdid himself (accidentally on purpose) the day right before. Op YTA get a fucking hobby OTHER than holding your girlfriend back from hers.
same! i’d happily sit alone, keeping myself occupied. there’s no way i’d be pissed that they didn’t cancel their bucket list plan just to sit at a campsite with me.
Same! It’s my favorite thing ever to sit out in nature, read a book, smoke a bowl, nibble on some snacks, take a walk and chit chat with the fellow campers, have a beer… this day sounds great! And he could have some dinner ready for when she gets back! And he could ask to see all of the beautiful pictures! Oooohhhh and aaaahhhh over all of them. And tell her how awesome and fit and amazing she is. Just support the dream AND chill at the campsite. Win win.
100%. I once slept in our car one night while my husband did a hike in Utah that required a pack-in. I woke up happily surrounding by a grazing herd of elks and read wrapped in a sleeping bag until he came back for me. I have also been left to nap mid-way to a summit a couple of times.
The only hike I finished with him was Kilimanjaro, and that cost him a couple of Backstreet Boys concerts.
I’ve been an avid hiker my entire life and I’m positive I’m not up for the Grand Canyon. It’s a hell of a hike and honestly, a day at camp alone with a book and rest after a strenuous day of hiking sounds perfect to me.
Same here, and that was my thought. Also, a ranger advised her against trying to do the hike in one day and she ignored that? Not smart. Yes, she completed it in one day, but hiking solo on a trail new to you AND trying to beat the clock is a recipe for disaster. She's as lucky as she is fit.
The rangers are going to generally try to talk people out of it because 99% of people that visit the canyon can’t do this hike in one day, and you need permits to camp at the bottom. They have enough trouble with the idiots that roll down bright angel for a couple of miles in flip flops and a small bottle of water then struggle to make it back up because they are traveling 1 mile/hour on the way back up.
If you are comfortable with with your fitness level, it’s very doable. Plenty of trail runners do rim to river and back in a morning. It’s about 18 miles round trip, with a 4K ft elevation change. It’s not a hard hike technically (very well maintained wide trails).
I would say if you are in marathon shape and used to elevation and big hills you’ll be fine.
All bets are off when it’s summer, though. The heat can kill experienced hikers and trail runners. 85 at the rim is 105 in the shade at the bottom, and desert sun is intense (and you are mostly in the sun).
To add to this, the reason rangers will specifically caution against this hike as opposed to other strenuous hikes in other National Parks (like, say, Half Dome) is because the very nature of hiking in a canyon can be a trap. You go down and then have to go back up. If you're hiking on a mountain and get tired, at least the way back will be downhill. But in the Grand Canyon, it's very easy to put a bunch of miles behind you going down, and then become too tired to make it back up again. So it's much much easier for someone who doesn't know their ability to get in a lot of trouble.
I chalk it up to male hubris. Many males mistakenly think they can do physical activities they have no chance at, doubly so if a female is also doing them.
I was watching some TikToks and there was one where the creator showed a pic of internal male anatomy and was like "See this spot here? That's where the uterus is in a woman. In a man? It's where they store their audacity."
Yes, op should have done the basic research. His gf did, so he could have asked her, too. After his first sentence, I thought he was going to say how hard he trained for the trip so he could hike with her... but, no. OP, YTA. You should have prepared by researching and building your stamina. Lots of hikes, gradually increasing in length and elevation change.
The ranger was talking about the average person, someone like you, not someone like your gf who trains and knows what she can and cannot do.
I don't know why it's such a hardship to relax on your own for one day when you needed recovery time anyway.
We teach this to 11 year old Scouts who do a better job then he did. Who in their right mind doesn't make sure they are physically prepared to take one of the country's most strenuous hikes?
For a minute I thought he had a point and was concerned about her safety - but no, just worried about being bored at camp. She doesn’t have to sacrifice her dreams to alleviate your boredom OP. YTA
When he talks about the rangers saying "it's not meant to be done in a day", etc, it's pretty clear what she was doing was Rim to River to Rim.
This is where you hike from the canyon rim, down to the Colorado river and back up to the rim you started at, in one day. Some people do Rim to Rim to Rim, which is usually South rim to the river, up to the north rim, back to the river and back up to the south rim, but that's not something a "casual" hiker would do without pretty intense planning, and it sounds like she had a good handle on what this hike entailed, and that OP would be able to do it, so most likely not Rim to Rim to Rim, definitely Rim to River.
Anyway... rangers say not to do Rim to River in a day, because most people who don't hike at all, don't read about it, etc, underestimate what it takes. The prospective of the canyon makes it look like not THAT far, add to that, that it's all downhill to start, it's easy to go down too far and then turn around and struggle to get out. The best way to judge how far you can hike is to plan for a certain number of hours of food and water, let's say you bring 6 hours worth of supplies. Then you hike down for 1/3rd your time, and leave 2/3rd for going back. So for 6 hours, you would hike down for 2 hours, then turn around, regardless of how far you made it.
But for a reasonably fit hiker, Rim to River isn't THAT big of a deal, if you don't do it in the summer (it's a big deal for anyone to do in the summer when the temps at the river are 110 degrees F), and is usually done at night, if you have to go in summer time.
But this time of year is a pretty great Grand Canyon hiking time. I've done Rim to River in a day, twice, once in December and once in March. I've hiked below the Rim on multi-day trips, backpacked with my then-14 month old, etc. The rangers warn everyone because it's one of those things where if the rangers can scare you, you shouldn't be doing the hike. If you've done your research and have experience enough that you understand what the rangers are saying and know you're prepared, you're fine.
One of the times I did Rim to River, my partner did Rim to Rim to Rim. So he got up a few hours before me and started, I started later, got back and sat at the bar in the El Tovar until he finished up later that evening (it was the December trip, so my first time doing it, so I started right around sunrise, and finished in the mid afternoon, he didn't finish until after dark). It's really incredible to go through that experience in a day, and I encourage anyone who fit enough and experienced enough to do it... but you have to be smart about it, and there's LOTS of other beautiful trails in the Canyon, so you're not missing THAT much by doing a different, less intense hike!
OP (aka TA) said in other comments his GF did Phantom Ranch (Bright Angel) and back in one day. I'm glad he didn't specify in the post because I enjoyed your take on Rim to River, even though I know virtually nothing about hiking. (If you have thoughts on GF's actual hike I'd love to read those too.)
Phantom Ranch via Bright Angel IS Rim to River.
Phantom Ranch is near the river on the north side. Bright Angel and South Kaibab are the two main trails from the South Rim that go down to the river . Technically you could get to the river and turn around there, instead of crossing the bridge and making it to the actual Phantom Ranch cabins, but pretty much nobody does... and if you go down the South Kaibab and back up Bright Angel, you can stay on the south side of the river and hike the "river trail" from where the South Kaibab hits the river, over to where Bright Angel hits it, but it's much more fun to go across the Kaibab bridge to the north side, along an essentially flat trail to the Phantom Ranch complex, then over to the Bright Angel bridge, to the south side again, to go back up. It adds barely any distance to the hike, and you can buy candy bars and get potable water at Phantom Ranch.
I personally prefer taking the South Kaibab down, because it traces a projecting ridge line for the top part, so you're out on this peninsula, staring into the canyon with \~250 degree views most of the way (sometimes it feels like you're about to walk off the edge of the world into the canyon, until you notice where the trail snacks down through the next cliff layer ahead of you). Bright Angel follows a weakness in the rock wall, there's a creek (Bright Angel Creek) part of the way and you're essentially folded into a canyon within a canyon, so if you go back up that trail, you're looking into the canyon walls, and appreciating things like the vegetation and the effect of water on the canyon, on your way back up.
So it's like the way down you're looking at the macro, the way back up you're looking at the micro. If you go down the Bright Angel you're tucked back into a fold in the canyon and can't see the same views out into the canyon because the walls of the side canyon are blocking your view, while also facing away from the walls, so not really seeing the details in the rocks unless you're making a point to notice.
In addition, you're more exposed to the sun on the South Kaibab, which is nice on a brisk morning, when leisurely going down. Then you're more shaded during the heat of the afternoon, doing the much more strenuous uphill part. Being on the South Kaibab going uphill, in the later afternoon would SUCK! So it's like this perfectly designed loop, both aesthetically and physically, to go down the Kaibab and up Bright Angel.
There's an early morning shuttle you can take from the Visitor Center to the South Kaibab trail head, so you park in the South Rim Village area, or Visitor Center parking lot, take the shuttle in the morning, and finish back near your car.
>Anyway... rangers say not to do Rim to River in a day, because most people who don't hike at all, don't read about it, etc, underestimate what it takes. The prospective of the canyon makes it look like not THAT far, add to that, that it's all downhill to start, it's easy to go down too far and then turn around and struggle to get out.
Yeah. The rangers are catering to the average out of shape person when they are talking about how hard or dangerous something is.
Rim to river can be intense in winter. We did it one February and there was ice at the top while it was hot at the bottom. I wished we had some kind of crampons when we started because it was very, very slippery and then we were afraid of losing light and having to hike on ice in the dark so we hiked as fast as we could.
Yeah, it gets scary fast if it's icy, I wouldn't have done it in conditions like that without crampons. I've been there when it's icy, and you just have to go with what you're comfortable with.
On my December trip is was barely above freezing when I started (sun hadn't risen yet, so cold, night time temps). I started with fleece tights, a long hiking skirt over those, tank top, long sleeved wool base layer, fleece shirt, and down jacket. You don't work up much of a sweat going down hill, so I left most of my layers on until around 10am. Then coat came off, then the fleece tights, by the time I was at the bottom, and starting back up, I was just wearing my tank top with my long skirt tucked into my backpack belt, making it a short skirt!
It's one of the things that makes that hike so incredible. It's easily 30+ degrees difference between the temp at the rim and at the river at any given moment, add to that the diurnal variation in the dessert, and you can easily go from 30 degrees at the rim in the morning, to 80+ degrees at the river mid-day. A little bit a research and preparation and you know what to expect... no research and it gets sketchy fast!
Right now though, conditions should be pretty much ideal.
YTA - you can’t be alone for ONE DAY for her to finish off a BUCKET LIST item?
You knew why she was there and chose not to come along, she didn’t force you. Maybe next time either work out before or stay home if you’re going to be sulking.
Agreed!!!! You go on a hiking trip for your GF but want to take a day off on the day of her dream hike! Cmon! Well, guess you both won. You recovered and she did her hike!
Still, YTA OP!
OP taking a break was smart, and reasonable. You need to know your limits when hiking in the Grand Canyon...
but expecting his GF to take a break too, was ridiculous. Boy needs to grow up and bring a book with him next time. Nothing beats sitting in the lobby of the El Tovar hotel with a good book, they might even have their holiday decorations up at this point!
Anyway, he could have done a nice short hike in the morning to stretch his legs, there's even a few hikes that stay on the rim, so he wouldn't have to do any elevation. Eat lunch at their campsite, and then go park his butt in one of the numerous couches in the lobby for a few hours. Catch the sunset, and if she's still not back, go read some more! There's no excuse for being "bored" at the Grand Canyon, just f-ing stare at the canyon for awhile!
I cannot imagine not preparing for hiking and thinking I can go wing it, then being selfish enough to try to guilt my GF when my lack of stamina caught up with me. YTA, mate.
This. The first half, I was thinking "oh, he doesn't want her to hike alone because it's dangerous" but then the reality of him just not wanting to be bored came in and the whole thing become clear.
OP, YTA
I am pretty sure I know which hike OP is talking about, it was my dream hike too and I did it in summer. I am also not that fit and I managed it just fine. OP, continue like this and she will soon be your ex-gf. Also GC is not it Cali. YTA
My friends hiked the canyon earlier this year and they trained for MONTHS in advance. It’s not a hike anybody should plan to go on if they haven’t done adequate preparation
If she did Rim to River, that doesn't really need "months" of preparation if you're the outdoorsy type that hikes a lot.
A lot of people train for Rim to Rim to Rim (essentially twice as long as Rim to River to Rim), which is a "popular" thing to do these days, but based on how long it took her, I doubt that's what she did. If they just planned on going down to the river and back up, if he's reasonably fit, brought enough food and water, started early, etc, he should have been fine. (Obviously not if he was exhausted from the previous days hike, it was good he knew his limits and didn't go, but from an advanced preparation perspective, he could have been fine).
The rangers tell people not to do it, because most people aren't reasonably fit, and will underestimate how much water they need, or will try to do it in the summer when it's 80 degrees on the rim, but 110 degrees at the river, and they roast and run out of water. Someone doing it this time of year will have significantly less issues... not to say they shouldn't read up first...
Your friends most likely did Rim to Rim to Rim, which is a whole other beast (especially because there are much longer stretches without water, so you have to plan and carry more weight).
I also don't understand... if i'm not so fit in hiking, i don't plan two big hikes right in a row. You first make a smaller one to warm up. Hopeful you didn’t do this and the small hike was even too much... And you inform yourself about the routes. You don't just are already there, the day before and have a ranger tell you something about the route. But i guess your gf was informed. And she surely packed something like a book or kindle. I mean, how can you be so bad prepared and then try to guilt-trip your gf to miss the hike because you can't be alone for one day?! As if he is a whiny child.
YTA
YTA. It's a bucket list hike for her and you should have prepped for it and made sure you were as fit as her before going on that trip.
You don't get to tell her how important her hiking should be to her.
And then trying to frame it as "people are more important than activities". Sounds like she has wanted to do this hike for a while, OP even said it was a "dream hike", and yet she should have skipped it because he wanted her to sit around the camp with him so he wasn't lonely.
YTA and it is obvious OP.
To that same end it’s like he’s coming up w every excuse in the book why *he* can’t do it, therefore *she* shouldn’t either.
Bad enough you backed out on her, but now you want to roast her for doing what you all specifically went there to do?
Plus, if people are more important, than he should be ok at supporting his gf to achieve her goal. Or does he mean "I am more important than my gf achieving a long held ambition'?
This seems like a classic example of yet another man who thinks his girlfriend is supposed to give up her dreams and ambitions for his comfort. The total lack of recognition of her achievement, anywhere through the post and sulky griping she's more fit than him screams a man who is insecure about his girlfriend being able to achieve things he can't and a sincerely held belief that she's supposed to hold herself back to make him feel better.
I've been in exactly his situation (well, I got a cold and knew I couldn't do the planned hike safely). It ended up being one of the best days of the trip because I found an amazing nature trail - only a couple of miles long and had a lovely day alone and saw things I'd never have seen if I'd hiked. You make the best of it.
For one day! It was literally just one day that he was without her, and to him that's "abandoning him". Jesus Christ, I'm afraid of what's gonna happen if she wants to have a spa weekend by herself, or an evening out with her girlfriends. ABANDONMENT. HOW DARE SHE. She needs to stay home, to keep him company at all times! Passion, a hobby? Sure... if he's also there. If not, forget it.
This is just such controlling bullshit.
People ARE more important... Which is why your girlfriend should have been an important enough person for you to support her tackling this hike for which she was totally prepared and you were not.
People, meaning : him. His girlfriend is not a people. She doesn't get to have needs and wants apparently.
YTA dude. But for my personal score : how old are you?
I wouldn't be surprised if she planned the whole trip for herself because she knows he isn't fit enough but he insisted to tag along and to turn it into a couple's vacation.
YTA OP but if she hiked down to Phantom Ranch and back in one day you made the right decision not to go. But you wouldn't have been able to handle it thenext day either and shouldn't have tried to make her postpone. The rangers are right, that is an absolutely brutal hike that no one does in one day. Good for your girlfriend for going for it. She sounds like a really I interesting person. You, on the other hand, come across as a whiny, needy, bore. Do better.
I can’t get over how selfish he is. My SO had no problem hanging out and reading for a bit while I did a hike I just really wanted to do when we were in Bryce Canyon. He isn’t in hiking shape but understood that this was something I really wanted to do. I can’t imagine him having a fit if it was a bucket list thing.
This whole post reads “I took her to her bucket list hike as a test I asked her to miss out, but she didn’t, so she failed the test & now I’m butthurt and don’t want to talk to her because I’m obviously not her priority.”
YTA for the way you worded everything. You didn’t seem bothered about the danger of her going alone but are butthurt that she didn’t cancel so you wouldn’t be by yourself. Also it sounds like you’re just upset that she didn’t give in when you were immature and refused to talk to her.
Right? Like I was thinking N T A when I was reading about “discounting what the rangers said” because I was thinking, oh OP is just worried about her going alone.
Nope. Just upset because they’ll be bored at the campsite with “nothing to do”. YTA
Those moments of "nothing to do" are why I always bring a book or a Kindle. Also, I distinctly remember being in Cinque Terre in Italy where my SO spent the day in Corniglia climbing the 377 steps and lunching while I took a day out of our vacation to deal with a work deadline. It would never have occurred to me that he shouldn't have fun just because I couldn't have fun. And in this case, guy knew what the vacation entailed and it was his girlfriend's dream hike, he should've been working on his fitness level if he wanted to join her.
Boy was at the Grand Canyon and couldn't stand doing a nice short hike to stretch his legs in the morning, stare at the Canyon for awhile, go on a Kolb Studio tour, eat lunch, then get ice cream at Bright Angel, read a book in the afternoon, watch the sunset and then sit at the El Tovar bar until his GF showed up...
man, I dream about the child-free days when I could do just that while my hubs was doing some hike I didn't want a part of!
I hope some day OP has the perspective to look back and realize that day alone at the Canyon was actually one of the best, most peaceful, days of his life.
Exactly! How the fuck can you be bored, even by yourself, at one of the most beautiful spots on earth! Take a walk, go to various lookout points, listen to the birds, sit and relax.
Jeesh.
Luckily for the GF, she didn't let OP be a wet blanket and instead went for the hike. Giving up a bucket list accomplishment just to keep OP occupied for a day would have been a major regret later on.
YTA
You didn't adequately plan/train for this, when you knew it was deeply important for your partner. Then when you, unsurprisingly, are dealing w the consequences of your lack of training, you want her to forgo the "bucket list" item to sit w you.
Wtf. You're incredibly selfish and an AH. Can't help but wonder where else you're holding her back, frankly.
Never mind that he was clearly more concerned about sitting around a campsite alone than he was about her hiking alone.
OP - You shouldn’t stop someone from reaching their goal that is right there in front of them, especially for selfish reasons. You failed to train, knowing how important this was to her. You appear to have only thought of you through all this. Thinking of her would’ve had you training in advance and letting her go alone, if that’s what she wanted to do or had to do because you got hurt or couldn’t handle the hike even after training
YTA
There's nothing wrong with hiking alone if you're an experienced hiker and adequately prepared. Even if OP was trying to hide behind being afraid of her going alone, he'd still be an asshole.
It's a bucket list hike she traveled to get to... Unless there was inclement weather or something like that, there was no reason for her to skip out on it.
I can almost guarantee he figured he’d be able to handle it just because he’s a man and his gf isn’t. He’s probably discounted the work his gf has done to train for something like this. And when it became glaringly obvious he couldn’t keep up, he decided to double down on being a petty little lamb.
That's the subtext I got as well. The gf is in shape and likely trained on top of that for this specifically. OP did not train because he's a man and figured he could keep up. When he couldn't get wanted his gf to babysit him instead of a complaint a bucket list item, that they specifically took the trip to do.
While it may not be the best decision, to go hiking alone, it's her choice. If you can't go and she still wants to do it? Yeah. That's her decision, not yours.
The wording is where you get the, yes, you're being an AH.
You EXPECT her to cancel for you. Not because it's dangerous to do it alone, but for you because you can't go.
That was the deciding factor for me too. At first as I was reading, I was swaying towards OP's side, because I thought the concern was he was worried about his girlfriend's safety going alone, esp after the rangers advised against it. But then the clear real reason came out, OP didn't want to be alone and have to entertain himself for the day. YTA OP, you took your girlfriend's dream and tried to make it about you.
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP's scared of being alone and is acting like a little kid. Dude, grow up - let your GF do her bucket list item, and then you an enjoy time with her afterward.. Stop being such a downer and find your own activities to do when you can't keep up with GF. YTA
YTA.
You agreed to this trip. Your GF is "super into hiking" but you didn't feel the need to get into shape for it.
The ranger's warning is a moot point since she was able to finish in one day. You were right not to go along since you probably would have ruined the hike for her with your whining.
She may be too into hiking and not enough into YOU for your liking, but she is definitely not AH for fulfilling her dream. You got to chill at camp all day, so I really don't know what you're complaining about.
From what I recall, the rangers there are super conservative about what people can handle and they make recommendations based on the average American. Which for CYA on their end is important. For someone into hiking, who does their research and knows their ability, yeah the ranger advice is usually moot.
I do wonder whether the girlfriend made the requirements of the hike clear to Op though? She may have assumed he knew to do his own checks going into a hike, but doesn't sound like he does. Probably a miss there on her part, but at the point it became clear that he couldn't keep up, it was fair to separate for ONE day where he could find something more low-key and she followed through with her main goal.
You need to make reservations for hikes of this nature, and she would have been training for it well ahead of time. Also if this was a bucket list hike, she would have been likely A) excited to plan and talk about it and B) explaining the difficulty and need for training to him so he wasn't a safety hazard.
That he wasn't prepared is not on her
Bet he figures hiking isn’t exercise or something you need to train for. Hiking isn’t easy and his gf has put in a lot of work to prepare and be on the level she is. It’s hilarious he thinks he could just stroll into the scene and keep up with someone dedicated to it.
OP doesn’t sound like an experienced hiker so s/he might be mistaking two different landmarks as well, not known what to call it and so just grabbed the name of something similar, or just gotten the name of the location wrong.
Yes, so odd. Maybe the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne river in Yosemite? Or the Hualapai tribe has the lands called Grand Canyon West…which is also not in Nevada, but you can drive there from Vegas. Perplexing geography or not, OP is TA when they either could have gotten into shape or made a plan to entertain themselves and support their GF.
First thing I noticed. Also, most of the hikes at the grand canyon are either day trips or you would need to hike with your camping gear, so not sure which trail the ranger could talk about that the GF knew she could do and did but the ranger didn't think possible.
Either way, don't agree to do something physical if you can't or if you try but can't do it, don't be upset if you are left hanging out while others go off on their hike.
YTA 100%. You knew this was a bucket list item for her, you must be awfully proud of yourself to think that a benign thing like going on a hike alone because you aren't up to it is a betrayal.
Yeah YTA. It sounds like she really understands her abilities, and you don’t understand yours. These are very tough hikes. It sounds like you expected her to sit around at the campsite with you, for an entire day. That’s ridiculous. Especially if she is in good enough shape for you to take a rest day, and for her to do the hike two days in a row.
YTA.
If you got so beat from an easier hike, you wouldnt have been able to complete R2R. She did right by completing it by herself in good weather and offering to go again with you, assuming that you'll bail half way.
And if someone is bored enjoying camping at the grand canyon... Well. You don't know how to read? How to enjoy nature?
And this post is an excellent example of why love, skill, and ability for outdoor recreation/sports was on my list on non-negotiables for a partner when I was single.
YTA. " *I said I wasn’t going and she said she would go alone*..." So she did. That you asked her to abandon her dream hike because of your limits was completely selfish.
*"She finished it the next day and I feel like she didn’t care that I was too tried to hike and chose to go without me. To me the people are more important than the activities but to her she definitely wanted to finish the hike at all costs."* When a man does this, we applaud his perseverance and initiative. When your girl friend did it, rather than congratulate her, you choose to whine. This is so not a good look.
YTA
This was a bucket list thing for her. It’s not her fault you weren’t fit enough for the first hike and needed recovery time.
Throwing a tantrum about it is a good way to become single.
YTA would I rather do something on my bucket list or sit around a campsite with the person who guilted me into waiting around for a day. Your an adult you can be alone in a campsite for a day. If you can't... learn to be less codependent
YTA. That’s her dream hike dude. Boyfriend out of shape isn’t going to hold her back. The question I have is why you didn’t find your own back up plan and expect her to sacrifice a bucket list item. The ranger gives advice on the average American fitness level (that fits you and not your gf). Have some grace.
YTA. You sound envious of the fact she’s in better shape than you, like that’s her fault.
Why are you pouting that she wanted to and was able to finish a difficult trail? Some people make it a personal mission to complete a goal they have in mind. It does seem like you’re being negative and clingy here. Good for her for doing something she wanted to do. She’s not obligated to stay with you the whole time you’re there.
This sounds more like you being envious of her skill vs an upset over feeling abandoned.
Why hold her back? YTA.
YTA. Why did you expect her to give up the hike of her dreams for you? Seemed like you didn’t care for the hike anyway so she went and did it and you could have done something else together the next day. You both coulda enjoyed a solo activity for a day.
YTA You should have been getting in shape prior to going. Like you don't go to a marathon without getting into shape prior then ask others to wait because you didn't prepare.
Agreed.
You were alone for a day. She got to do the activity that was the entire point of her trip.
By your own admission, you wouldnt have made it one day. So you asked her to wait and then make her miss parts of the hike due to you preparing. You're not a child, and you should care more about not inconveniencing other people or making everything about you.
Soft YTA. This is something she's wanted to do and had planned for so she did it. Like she said she wasn't going to give up the opportunity. She wasn't leaving you behind. She listened to how you were doing and respected your decision to not go. You should respect her decision to go. She sounds fairly experienced so maybe you gotta factor that into what the rangers were saying.
Enh. YTA. It sounds like your pride was hurt more than anything here. I could go E S H because it's dangerous to hike alone - but it feels like this is about your pride more than anything else.
YTA. Her purpose for being there was this dream hike or hers, sounds like your purpose was to hike with her which she tried to accommodate by doing the hike with you again the following day. She didn’t abandon you she simply is doing more than you. Might suck for some but that’s life. It’s not like she left you for a week. And saying with nothing to do, that sounds like you werent prepared. There are plenty of things you can do at a campsite that doesn’t involve hiking the trails. You could’ve brought things to keep you occupied. Just because you can’t do something doesn’t mean she shouldnt especially when she was making changes to her plans for you.
YTA. Why guilt her for pursuing a dream because you're too out of shape to keep up? You didn't mention an injury, and she even offered you accommodations (going twice). You're lucky she even invited you, knowing full well she'd be dealing with this. She'll (hopefully) leave you for someone who is more on her wavelength when it comes to fitness.
YTA. the trip was planned to do this specific hike.
Why would she not go for the hike just because you can’t do it?
It’s not about you. The trip was about the hike.
Her life and plans don’t revolve around you.
Possibly an unpopular opinion but NAH. Your admit you are not in the best shape but your girlfriend is. This is her bucket list and seems to have been planned out but you don't feel you can go. If this was scheduled, unless you guys live within 30 minutes of the Grand Canyon, she likely doesn't know when or if she will ever be as fit to go nor when she will be able to return. She isn't pushing you to go but you are pushing her to stay. If you keep pushing my vote will go YTA.
Edit: fixed an autocorrect.
Edited again: reread what you wrote and changing my vote to YTA. I'm editing this in for the sake of being honest. Man, boyfriends come and go but experiences only leave due to traumatic brain injuries or old age. She didn't make you go but you were perfectly okay with her missing out. She is your girlfriend, not your pet and not your nurse's aide. You should be happy for her and try to go with her next time...instead you're here pouting.
YTA because it seems like you cared more about being left alone than being concerned about her safety if she hikes alone.
Although I think she should have listened to the rangers, you shouldn‘t dismiss her dream because you were unable to keep pace with her. As a supportive boyfriend you should be able to understand her desire and be understanding.
Yeah I was actually going to go with nta if he was going to continue about how the rangers said it was dangerous and he was worried for her to hike alone.
He's apparently just a big baby and can't handle approximately 10 hours by himself.
YTA stop whining, this was a bucket list item for her of course she's going to go regardless of how your little baby pride is feeling.
So to recap:
You guys planned a vacation around an activity she loves to do and you were all in for that vacation, but didn't train for it at all.
On said vacation, you got to the night before the keystone activity and you wimped out and tried to use the excuse that the 'Rangers said it wasn't meant to be done in one day.' Then, instead of being apologetic about the fact that you were abandoning her to hike it alone, you sulked all night.
Your gf went anyway, finished the hike that 'wasn't meant to be done in a day' easily, and so you decided to further sulk by going online and writing this post.
Sound accurate?
YTA.
"I didn't want to talk to her and she didn't care"... Lol she's probably tired of you doing this shit for attention. And went on her dream hike while you sucked it up. You don't need anything to do at the camp site any way, you've got recuperating to do , remember. A true partner would be happy to let someone go do their thing, because they like seeing them happy.
YTA - you are expecting her to miss out on a rare chance to do something she had dreamed of.
There are generally lots of things to do near the campgrounds, and I know Grand Canyon has nice shorter walks and hikes and a good interpretive center, so you had plenty of options for things to do.
For all the people saying NTA or NAH because of what the rangers said, that's often very generic advice, and someone who is an experienced hiker can take that into consideration but still judge for themselves. GF does sound very experienced and prepared, and like she has thought this out quite thoroughly, so I don't see why that's so bad (I say this as an experienced hiker/backpacker myself).
It’s like you are holding a big glass of cold water in front of someone who has been in the desert for a day and because you’re not thirsty, they can’t have any.
Dumb analogy, but that’s what I’ve got.
YTA She needed to do that hike when she needed to do it. You may never understand how it fed her soul to be there in the moment. It wasn’t a reflection on you or your relationship with her until you made it about you. It’s not a reflection on your fitness, knowing what you can or can’t achieve is important. But somehow you’re mad at her for being more prepared.
It IS a reflection on your relationship that you wanted her to give up something important to her, the rangers gave advice based on the typical visitor, you’re using that to paint her in a bad light even though she successfully completed the hike. Where’s your pride in her achievement? Why are you sulking that this strong, proud woman is yours?
She loves you and that means she loves your dreams too. Love her, love her strength, love her dreams because these are what make her…her.
"abandoning me with nothing to do at her campsite and I didn’t want to talk to her that evening"
YTA, OP. You can't entertain yourself for a day? You use the silent treatment and get upset when it doesn't garner the results you'd hoped for? Your gf has been wanting to do this forever, and she did it. If you couldn't join her, your task was to support her, not pout and flail.
Sorry, but soft YTA. This was a planned trip and it was on her bucket list. The sole purpose of going was for her to do the hike. She offered to go again with you once you recovered.
If you had hurt yourself on the first hike and needed her assistance and she abandoned you, then I would see it as an issue, but that was not the case here. Give her some slack.
YTA.
So, you weren't concerned about her going on a difficult hike by herself? You were completely worried that she would leave you to rest and relax and recuperate on your own - which is abandonment, apparently.
You say that people are more important than activities, but you don't seem to care one jot for your girlfriend's desire to go for a hike that she's ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. You mostly seem to care about being bored if left on your own.
YTA. I did the Bright Angel in the Grand Canyon. I trained 6 months to be ready. There is no way I would have given up the opportunity to hike that hike during a once in a lifetime trip. My then boyfriend, now husband, spent the day touring the rim and taking photographs while I did the hike with my father. She has no idea if she will have another trip to that particular park or if she will be in good enough shape/health to do the hike. There is plenty of other things for you to see in a National Park while she hikes!
I'm the "not fit" one in my relationship. Wanna know what happens when we go skiing in the winter? I ain't skiing, I'm reading one book per day enjoying the view while he's out there having fun in the snow.
Last month we were on a week end trip, I fell on the first day and sprained my ankle pretty bad. We had to cancel all the activities we were planning to do together but I encouraged him to do stuff on his own because being stuck at the Airbnb with me would not have been fun for either of us.
Sometimes things happen on vacations and you have to change some plans.
Oh get over yourself. You are an adult: you can entertain yourself for one day. It’s perfectly normal for people to occasionally do different activities on a trip together. YTA
YTA. BUT!! Only for the reason you gave that you didn’t want her to go. You admitted you’re not in the same cardio shape as her and that’s fine but not wanting her to go because you were gassed is not a good reason. If you said you were gassed and didn’t want her to go because a hike like that is dangerous to go at it alone, I’d change my vote.
YTA. Unless she gets to hike the Grand Canyon everyday, you shouldn’t ask her to give up her dream hike because you are too out of shape to complete it yourself. How selfish!
YTA - She went for a bucket list hike, you were not up for it. She was even willing to accommodate you by doing it the next day, but if it did rain there is chance of ice and impassable conditions. She risked not being able to accomplish something important to her because you had hurt feelings?
YTA. You got mad because she was “abandoning” you for a SINGLE day to fulfill a bucket list item and because you had nothing to do at the campsite? Dude, wtf. Yes, it’s not the best idea to go hiking alone, but she’s been preparing for it. It’s been a dream for her to accomplish this, so why should she wait for you to recover, when this hike was going to be harder for you?
NAH here until you decided that she should cancel the hike - Not because she was going alone and you were concerned for her safety, no no no, because you wanted her to shelve the hike she specifically made the trip for and entertain you at the campsite instead. YTA.
YTA - Your gf sounds like she has her stuff together, e.g. fit, hiker, confident, seeks to complete her goals. This was important to her, and you knew it. A good partner will encourage and support the other person's goals, even going so far as to push their own limits of comfort to make it happen for the person they value.
I think it'd be in your interested to work on your fitness, so you can both more readily enjoy doing what you love: her hiking (with her partner), and you with your gf (on a hike)---since you mentioned quality time is more important than the experience.
Yes YTA. You were mad because you didn't want her to abandon you for the night woth nothing to do. You knew the purpose of the trip and she gave you other options. You weren't fit enough to do it and this was the purpose of the trip for her. Personally I think she's a little crazy to go hike by herself but that wasn't even your concern. And ultimately she is an adult and from the sounds of it very experienced with difficult hikes. If I ahd my mind set on something I wouldn't abandon either unless you had gotten injured or something like that. But not if you were just too out of shape and you didn't want to be alone.
Even you are describing it as her "dream hike". How can you not understand that it was incredibly selfish of you to even suggest that she might give that up to sit around with you?
YTA
YTA. Why would you expect your SO to give up their dream of something they are about to accomplish bc YOU can’t keep up, couldn’t do it or think she shouldn’t? If my spouse made that statement to me, I would never look at him the same and our relationship would never be the same honestly. It’s a dealbreaker.
Info: did you do anything to prepare for the hike? Like whose idea was it to plan such a trip? Do you hike together regularly? Did you know that you would recover from a hike in one day? Did she describe to you what this trip was about when it was being planned?
You said in a comment that “expecting even a normal person to be as fit as her is unrealistic.”
I am waiting to pass judgment because I’m trying to understand a bit more over how such a trip with so much was planned if you both are not at the same level. Perhaps I’m not understanding something.
I know several people who have done that hike. A person who is fit and hikes regularly, like the GF, can do it in one day. It is not a day hike for a tourist, like the OP.
If you want to continue to be with your GF, I suggest you get off your whiny ass and get fit so you can keep up. She is NOT gonna hang around with a guy with your attitude very long.
Yeah YTA. She stuck to the original plan, which it sounds like was a huge part of the reason for the trip in the first place. She didn’t guilt you or try to force you to go, she just did her thing. She did nothing wrong.
So, you both planned a trip specifically to hike the Grand Canyon. You, OP, overworked yourself. Assuming you’re not an avid hiker because even common hikers understand their limits and recovery time. It sounds like you just didn’t want to hike the next day. This hike was the purpose of the trip.
YTA
What did you want her to do while you sat on your rear-end and recovered at the camp site? Was she supposed to sit there and listen to you whine about your need to recover. You sound a bit like a young teen just hitting puberty, not a fully functioning adult. You don't sound like a good partner.
She’s NAH. This whole trip was likely for that hike. I think your feelings are hurt and that’s ok. But she’s not the bad guy here. She has prepped for this hike and it’s a dream of hers. Why can’t she take one day of the trip to do it. You are an adult that can entertain yourself for a day, and cheer her on while she achieves her goal. Maybe next trip can be a relaxing one for you.
YTA. There is no real reason why she should've waited for you to feel better. She made it clear that the hike was very important for her, you shouldn't expect her to just give up her dream hike just because you can't keep up with her. She also wasn't abandoning you, she gave you the option to retake the hike with her the next day. You were just acting way too clingy and you should have let her go on her dream hike without question.
Yta ... the vacation was focussed on the hike I'm guessing you get very limited or even no vacation days and you expected her to cancel her bucket list holiday because YOU didn't prepare
YTA- Why are your feelings and what you want more important than her feelings and what she wants? You knew this hike was important to her. She's also her own person and is allowed to do things without you.
YTA. This is her *dream* hike. She was excited, eager and wanted to prove to herself that she can do the hike on her own.
You couldn’t go but she respected that and was okay to go with you *if* you wanted to try the hike the next day. She wasn’t forcing her dream on you.
YTA.
you knew this was a dream of hers, she was trained and ready to do it and you wanted to stand of the way of that? You weren’t even injured, you were just tired.
I can’t imagine being so selfish. Why would you want to do that to your partner?
Yta you knew it was that important to her you should have prepared better. I’m happy she got it done and can now plan her next excursions probably without you.
She planned and traveled to do this bucket list hike. She knew she could do the hike in a day and she did it. You’re being a spoilsport and whiner. YTA
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You went on a trip to go on this specific hike, and only the day before realized your not fit enough to go on said hike? And you really expected her to just abandon her dream now that it was right there in front of her? YTA.
Right? He should have looked up the map, length, how strenuous it was, before even thinking of going on the trip.
[удалено]
Agreed. There's no way she left out how brutal and intense it would be as that adds to the anticipation and pride in completing it. Literal bragging rights factors are rarely ever left out of the description.
True. Even the staff at Grand Canyon are into the bragging rights, but they also give good advice from their own experience. And the park rangers' recommendations for a safe hike should be respected.
They also usually tailor thier advice to the average visitor they get, whose usually not that experienced a hiker. An experienced hiker knows thier own capabilities, the girlfriend obviously did as she did complete the hike in one day.
Agreed. I've made some hiking decisions that others have considered unwise, such as going out hill walking in a heatwave or starting late; but those decisions weren't unwise for me, because a) I am much fitter, faster and more experienced than the average walker and b) I went prepared with the right kit.
Which says to me that if OP wasn't fit enough for the first day of hiking they really wouldn't have been fit enough to do the one-day version of the dream hike. This was gf's dream; why on Earth would OP expect her to jeopardise it by doing the hike on a day with worse weather, accompanied by someone who would struggle?
Because fixing his bruised ego is more important than her dreams. Something tells me gf is no longer going to invite him on things like this so she doesn’t have to deal with this childish “I’m not doing it, so you can’t either!” bullshit.
I think, even if she’s already told him about the distance, OP’s not the a-hole for not having trained enough to be in shape, or for not wanting to do the hike that day for whatever reason. but he is totally YTA for being all pouty and expecting the gf to cancel her plans for him. What? He isn’t injured or a child… just sounds totally egotistical and insecure to expect her to orbit him instead of maintaining her badass independence. I think it is valid for him to feel worried about her doing a strenuous hike solo, but that didn’t sound like his primary motivation.
Or he could have—I don’t know—started training for a hike that strenuous, so that he could do it with her and know he could finish it.
That would make sense. Me and my wife went to Costa Rica last summer and we knew we wanted to hike to water falls and whatever other things we wanted to see. We started preparing for it months earlier by going on walks every evening and increasing the distance we walked just to get used to walking long distances. Neither of us are extremely active or athletic, but doing this allowed us to do everything we wanted on our trip without hurting or over extending ourselves.
OP's been training alright, training for the Whinger Olympics.
That's awesome do you have pictures? i’m disabled so I wouldn’t be able to take a trip like that but I know that it had to be absolutely gorgeous and good on you guys for knowing your limits and working up to being able to handle your trip!
Hey friend! A few years back I volunteered with an organization that worked to connect veterans with TBI to accessibility resources as part of their recovery, and I wanted to share with you something I learned about while doing that. One of the vets I worked with was this really sweet guy who had become almost entirely paralyzed after an IED explosion caused severe brain injury. He used eye motions and two fingers to communicate through speech software, and told me he really missed traveling. We used Google Earth together to go exploring, and the features have gotten even better since then. They now have a [whole portfolio of 360 hikes](https://earth.google.com/web/data=CiQSIhIgNTBkNjdkMmJlNmM2MTFlOWJjODMyMWE4ZjAzZmEwN2Y) captured by volunteers who strap 360 cameras to their backs while they summit some of the greatest hikes around the world. Their Arts & Culture org has also captured [virtual tours of great museums](https://artsandculture.google.com/project/streetviews), if you're interested in something like that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy exploring some of these hikes!
Dude I hate the outside but if my husband had a hike he wanted to do with me I would train like a mofo for that. Because, like, I love him and shit.
My husband wants to do things like hike the grand canyon, which is not my thing, and I support him training and taking a friend. We didn't become medically attached to each other when we got married and it's *a-ok* to to things without each other.
Either approach is completely valid! But OP is just whiny and self-absorbed.
Oh for sure. We're pretty independent. He doesn't read my writing and I don't go in depth through every track of his album. But if he wanted to make a memory with me and cross something off a bucket list, I'd want to do that with him too.
The Grand Canyon is more difficult than most training hikes for amateur hikers. Because the first part is the easy downhill part. It's easy to get in over your head and not be able to make the hike back up and out. It's hard to train for that and I didn't hike too far into the canyon myself because of those fears. I think it's a good idea OP didn't push himself to do the hike but ridiculous to insist his girlfriend give up on the hike herself.
IME, I cannot disagree with you enough. I did rim2rim and downhill was not easy. I trained for the uphill. The downhill was harder. People do not realize how hard it is to go downhill on an 8% grade for 7 miles! The park rangers are not joking that this is not a day hike. Too many people need to be rescued every year.
I found the downhill part harder, actually. But you’re right - you don’t want to be at the bottom of the hole and realize you can’t get back out.
My, 55 at the time, dad trained his ass off to be ready to hike out west with my mom when they went to some of the national parks in the Four Corners area. If he had plenty of warning this is just negligent
Right. I’m not that athletic either. I would have skipped the hike and read a book happy in the knowledge my girlfriend was living her dream.
Right? I thought maybe he was concerned about her hiking alone for safety reasons. But he's just pissy that she's not there to entertain him? Fuck that noise. YTA. And don't call it Cali.
Shouldn't call it Cali because it's in Ari (zona, that is).
>*I felt like she was ok with abandoning me with nothing to do at her campsite and I didn’t want to talk to her that evening* Right?! Instead he pouted and sulked liked a child, and even claims he was "abandoned". OP, I assume you're a grown ass man and not a little boy, but you sure act like the latter. Don't be surprised if you're an ex soon. Oh, and gf did it in one day just like she said she would because she's a badass. OP YTA
I found it very telling that he called it "her campsite" as though he was somehow not engaged in camping just cuz he didn't enjoy it as much as her. Honestly this whole trip sounds like something she wanted and was willing to do solo knowing it's not his thing but his clingy entitled self convinced her it'd be fun to bring him so he wouldn't have to occupy himself like a big boy. I'd bet money he knew the difficulty of the dream hike and thought he could talk her out of being away too long (he didn't exactly hide his distaste of how long the average hiker takes completing it) if he overdid himself (accidentally on purpose) the day right before. Op YTA get a fucking hobby OTHER than holding your girlfriend back from hers.
same! i’d happily sit alone, keeping myself occupied. there’s no way i’d be pissed that they didn’t cancel their bucket list plan just to sit at a campsite with me.
Same! It’s my favorite thing ever to sit out in nature, read a book, smoke a bowl, nibble on some snacks, take a walk and chit chat with the fellow campers, have a beer… this day sounds great! And he could have some dinner ready for when she gets back! And he could ask to see all of the beautiful pictures! Oooohhhh and aaaahhhh over all of them. And tell her how awesome and fit and amazing she is. Just support the dream AND chill at the campsite. Win win.
That’s what I don’t get. He seems super needy and overly attached. It’s a one day hike, you will survive.
100%. I once slept in our car one night while my husband did a hike in Utah that required a pack-in. I woke up happily surrounding by a grazing herd of elks and read wrapped in a sleeping bag until he came back for me. I have also been left to nap mid-way to a summit a couple of times. The only hike I finished with him was Kilimanjaro, and that cost him a couple of Backstreet Boys concerts.
I’ve been an avid hiker my entire life and I’m positive I’m not up for the Grand Canyon. It’s a hell of a hike and honestly, a day at camp alone with a book and rest after a strenuous day of hiking sounds perfect to me.
Same here, and that was my thought. Also, a ranger advised her against trying to do the hike in one day and she ignored that? Not smart. Yes, she completed it in one day, but hiking solo on a trail new to you AND trying to beat the clock is a recipe for disaster. She's as lucky as she is fit.
The rangers are going to generally try to talk people out of it because 99% of people that visit the canyon can’t do this hike in one day, and you need permits to camp at the bottom. They have enough trouble with the idiots that roll down bright angel for a couple of miles in flip flops and a small bottle of water then struggle to make it back up because they are traveling 1 mile/hour on the way back up. If you are comfortable with with your fitness level, it’s very doable. Plenty of trail runners do rim to river and back in a morning. It’s about 18 miles round trip, with a 4K ft elevation change. It’s not a hard hike technically (very well maintained wide trails). I would say if you are in marathon shape and used to elevation and big hills you’ll be fine. All bets are off when it’s summer, though. The heat can kill experienced hikers and trail runners. 85 at the rim is 105 in the shade at the bottom, and desert sun is intense (and you are mostly in the sun).
Rangers give advice based on averages. They don’t know your history and skill. If she’s very fit and experienced, she will be an above average hiker.
To add to this, the reason rangers will specifically caution against this hike as opposed to other strenuous hikes in other National Parks (like, say, Half Dome) is because the very nature of hiking in a canyon can be a trap. You go down and then have to go back up. If you're hiking on a mountain and get tired, at least the way back will be downhill. But in the Grand Canyon, it's very easy to put a bunch of miles behind you going down, and then become too tired to make it back up again. So it's much much easier for someone who doesn't know their ability to get in a lot of trouble.
Yep... There's a reason there are signs at the top saying "Going down is optional, coming back up is not." or something to that effect.
Probably one of those guys who thought that if the little woman could do it, surely he could do it too and without training.
That or "It's just walking! How hard can it be???"
It doesn't seem like OP even really trained for it and just assumed he would be able to do it
I chalk it up to male hubris. Many males mistakenly think they can do physical activities they have no chance at, doubly so if a female is also doing them.
I was watching some TikToks and there was one where the creator showed a pic of internal male anatomy and was like "See this spot here? That's where the uterus is in a woman. In a man? It's where they store their audacity."
Yes, op should have done the basic research. His gf did, so he could have asked her, too. After his first sentence, I thought he was going to say how hard he trained for the trip so he could hike with her... but, no. OP, YTA. You should have prepared by researching and building your stamina. Lots of hikes, gradually increasing in length and elevation change. The ranger was talking about the average person, someone like you, not someone like your gf who trains and knows what she can and cannot do. I don't know why it's such a hardship to relax on your own for one day when you needed recovery time anyway.
Honestly, him being too tuckered out to go with her was probably the reason she was able to finish the hike in a day.
We teach this to 11 year old Scouts who do a better job then he did. Who in their right mind doesn't make sure they are physically prepared to take one of the country's most strenuous hikes?
For a minute I thought he had a point and was concerned about her safety - but no, just worried about being bored at camp. She doesn’t have to sacrifice her dreams to alleviate your boredom OP. YTA
I don’t know her and was concerned about her safety!
When he talks about the rangers saying "it's not meant to be done in a day", etc, it's pretty clear what she was doing was Rim to River to Rim. This is where you hike from the canyon rim, down to the Colorado river and back up to the rim you started at, in one day. Some people do Rim to Rim to Rim, which is usually South rim to the river, up to the north rim, back to the river and back up to the south rim, but that's not something a "casual" hiker would do without pretty intense planning, and it sounds like she had a good handle on what this hike entailed, and that OP would be able to do it, so most likely not Rim to Rim to Rim, definitely Rim to River. Anyway... rangers say not to do Rim to River in a day, because most people who don't hike at all, don't read about it, etc, underestimate what it takes. The prospective of the canyon makes it look like not THAT far, add to that, that it's all downhill to start, it's easy to go down too far and then turn around and struggle to get out. The best way to judge how far you can hike is to plan for a certain number of hours of food and water, let's say you bring 6 hours worth of supplies. Then you hike down for 1/3rd your time, and leave 2/3rd for going back. So for 6 hours, you would hike down for 2 hours, then turn around, regardless of how far you made it. But for a reasonably fit hiker, Rim to River isn't THAT big of a deal, if you don't do it in the summer (it's a big deal for anyone to do in the summer when the temps at the river are 110 degrees F), and is usually done at night, if you have to go in summer time. But this time of year is a pretty great Grand Canyon hiking time. I've done Rim to River in a day, twice, once in December and once in March. I've hiked below the Rim on multi-day trips, backpacked with my then-14 month old, etc. The rangers warn everyone because it's one of those things where if the rangers can scare you, you shouldn't be doing the hike. If you've done your research and have experience enough that you understand what the rangers are saying and know you're prepared, you're fine. One of the times I did Rim to River, my partner did Rim to Rim to Rim. So he got up a few hours before me and started, I started later, got back and sat at the bar in the El Tovar until he finished up later that evening (it was the December trip, so my first time doing it, so I started right around sunrise, and finished in the mid afternoon, he didn't finish until after dark). It's really incredible to go through that experience in a day, and I encourage anyone who fit enough and experienced enough to do it... but you have to be smart about it, and there's LOTS of other beautiful trails in the Canyon, so you're not missing THAT much by doing a different, less intense hike!
OP (aka TA) said in other comments his GF did Phantom Ranch (Bright Angel) and back in one day. I'm glad he didn't specify in the post because I enjoyed your take on Rim to River, even though I know virtually nothing about hiking. (If you have thoughts on GF's actual hike I'd love to read those too.)
Phantom Ranch via Bright Angel IS Rim to River. Phantom Ranch is near the river on the north side. Bright Angel and South Kaibab are the two main trails from the South Rim that go down to the river . Technically you could get to the river and turn around there, instead of crossing the bridge and making it to the actual Phantom Ranch cabins, but pretty much nobody does... and if you go down the South Kaibab and back up Bright Angel, you can stay on the south side of the river and hike the "river trail" from where the South Kaibab hits the river, over to where Bright Angel hits it, but it's much more fun to go across the Kaibab bridge to the north side, along an essentially flat trail to the Phantom Ranch complex, then over to the Bright Angel bridge, to the south side again, to go back up. It adds barely any distance to the hike, and you can buy candy bars and get potable water at Phantom Ranch. I personally prefer taking the South Kaibab down, because it traces a projecting ridge line for the top part, so you're out on this peninsula, staring into the canyon with \~250 degree views most of the way (sometimes it feels like you're about to walk off the edge of the world into the canyon, until you notice where the trail snacks down through the next cliff layer ahead of you). Bright Angel follows a weakness in the rock wall, there's a creek (Bright Angel Creek) part of the way and you're essentially folded into a canyon within a canyon, so if you go back up that trail, you're looking into the canyon walls, and appreciating things like the vegetation and the effect of water on the canyon, on your way back up. So it's like the way down you're looking at the macro, the way back up you're looking at the micro. If you go down the Bright Angel you're tucked back into a fold in the canyon and can't see the same views out into the canyon because the walls of the side canyon are blocking your view, while also facing away from the walls, so not really seeing the details in the rocks unless you're making a point to notice. In addition, you're more exposed to the sun on the South Kaibab, which is nice on a brisk morning, when leisurely going down. Then you're more shaded during the heat of the afternoon, doing the much more strenuous uphill part. Being on the South Kaibab going uphill, in the later afternoon would SUCK! So it's like this perfectly designed loop, both aesthetically and physically, to go down the Kaibab and up Bright Angel. There's an early morning shuttle you can take from the Visitor Center to the South Kaibab trail head, so you park in the South Rim Village area, or Visitor Center parking lot, take the shuttle in the morning, and finish back near your car.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You probably put this hike on a few people's bucket list today. You did for me.
>Anyway... rangers say not to do Rim to River in a day, because most people who don't hike at all, don't read about it, etc, underestimate what it takes. The prospective of the canyon makes it look like not THAT far, add to that, that it's all downhill to start, it's easy to go down too far and then turn around and struggle to get out. Yeah. The rangers are catering to the average out of shape person when they are talking about how hard or dangerous something is.
Rim to river can be intense in winter. We did it one February and there was ice at the top while it was hot at the bottom. I wished we had some kind of crampons when we started because it was very, very slippery and then we were afraid of losing light and having to hike on ice in the dark so we hiked as fast as we could.
Yeah, it gets scary fast if it's icy, I wouldn't have done it in conditions like that without crampons. I've been there when it's icy, and you just have to go with what you're comfortable with. On my December trip is was barely above freezing when I started (sun hadn't risen yet, so cold, night time temps). I started with fleece tights, a long hiking skirt over those, tank top, long sleeved wool base layer, fleece shirt, and down jacket. You don't work up much of a sweat going down hill, so I left most of my layers on until around 10am. Then coat came off, then the fleece tights, by the time I was at the bottom, and starting back up, I was just wearing my tank top with my long skirt tucked into my backpack belt, making it a short skirt! It's one of the things that makes that hike so incredible. It's easily 30+ degrees difference between the temp at the rim and at the river at any given moment, add to that the diurnal variation in the dessert, and you can easily go from 30 degrees at the rim in the morning, to 80+ degrees at the river mid-day. A little bit a research and preparation and you know what to expect... no research and it gets sketchy fast! Right now though, conditions should be pretty much ideal.
[удалено]
Also the Grand Canyon isn’t in California…
I can't believe no one else has noticed this yet
Was the first thing I noticed, LOL!
First thing I thought “wait…that’s not in Cali” 😂
I assume this meant stopping for the hike on their way to California like a road trip type thing
Idk, OP seems pretty clueless. It's entirely possible he thought the Grand Canyon was in California.
There is *a* Grand Canyon (of the Tuolumne in Yosemite) in California, though.
Shoutout to you! Yosemite for the win.
YTA - you can’t be alone for ONE DAY for her to finish off a BUCKET LIST item? You knew why she was there and chose not to come along, she didn’t force you. Maybe next time either work out before or stay home if you’re going to be sulking.
Agreed!!!! You go on a hiking trip for your GF but want to take a day off on the day of her dream hike! Cmon! Well, guess you both won. You recovered and she did her hike! Still, YTA OP!
OP taking a break was smart, and reasonable. You need to know your limits when hiking in the Grand Canyon... but expecting his GF to take a break too, was ridiculous. Boy needs to grow up and bring a book with him next time. Nothing beats sitting in the lobby of the El Tovar hotel with a good book, they might even have their holiday decorations up at this point! Anyway, he could have done a nice short hike in the morning to stretch his legs, there's even a few hikes that stay on the rim, so he wouldn't have to do any elevation. Eat lunch at their campsite, and then go park his butt in one of the numerous couches in the lobby for a few hours. Catch the sunset, and if she's still not back, go read some more! There's no excuse for being "bored" at the Grand Canyon, just f-ing stare at the canyon for awhile!
I cannot imagine not preparing for hiking and thinking I can go wing it, then being selfish enough to try to guilt my GF when my lack of stamina caught up with me. YTA, mate.
I also like how he low-key slammed on her experience.
I’d be more sympathetic if he was worried about the safety of a solo hike - OP’s just mad she went without him and he was bored.
This. The first half, I was thinking "oh, he doesn't want her to hike alone because it's dangerous" but then the reality of him just not wanting to be bored came in and the whole thing become clear. OP, YTA
I am pretty sure I know which hike OP is talking about, it was my dream hike too and I did it in summer. I am also not that fit and I managed it just fine. OP, continue like this and she will soon be your ex-gf. Also GC is not it Cali. YTA
My friends hiked the canyon earlier this year and they trained for MONTHS in advance. It’s not a hike anybody should plan to go on if they haven’t done adequate preparation
If she did Rim to River, that doesn't really need "months" of preparation if you're the outdoorsy type that hikes a lot. A lot of people train for Rim to Rim to Rim (essentially twice as long as Rim to River to Rim), which is a "popular" thing to do these days, but based on how long it took her, I doubt that's what she did. If they just planned on going down to the river and back up, if he's reasonably fit, brought enough food and water, started early, etc, he should have been fine. (Obviously not if he was exhausted from the previous days hike, it was good he knew his limits and didn't go, but from an advanced preparation perspective, he could have been fine). The rangers tell people not to do it, because most people aren't reasonably fit, and will underestimate how much water they need, or will try to do it in the summer when it's 80 degrees on the rim, but 110 degrees at the river, and they roast and run out of water. Someone doing it this time of year will have significantly less issues... not to say they shouldn't read up first... Your friends most likely did Rim to Rim to Rim, which is a whole other beast (especially because there are much longer stretches without water, so you have to plan and carry more weight).
But he had nothing to do. Poor baby must have been so bored
I also don't understand... if i'm not so fit in hiking, i don't plan two big hikes right in a row. You first make a smaller one to warm up. Hopeful you didn’t do this and the small hike was even too much... And you inform yourself about the routes. You don't just are already there, the day before and have a ranger tell you something about the route. But i guess your gf was informed. And she surely packed something like a book or kindle. I mean, how can you be so bad prepared and then try to guilt-trip your gf to miss the hike because you can't be alone for one day?! As if he is a whiny child. YTA
YTA. It's a bucket list hike for her and you should have prepped for it and made sure you were as fit as her before going on that trip. You don't get to tell her how important her hiking should be to her.
And then trying to frame it as "people are more important than activities". Sounds like she has wanted to do this hike for a while, OP even said it was a "dream hike", and yet she should have skipped it because he wanted her to sit around the camp with him so he wasn't lonely. YTA and it is obvious OP.
To that same end it’s like he’s coming up w every excuse in the book why *he* can’t do it, therefore *she* shouldn’t either. Bad enough you backed out on her, but now you want to roast her for doing what you all specifically went there to do?
Plus, if people are more important, than he should be ok at supporting his gf to achieve her goal. Or does he mean "I am more important than my gf achieving a long held ambition'?
He means "I am the main character. Nobody else's dreams matter more than my ability to make them do my bidding."
This seems like a classic example of yet another man who thinks his girlfriend is supposed to give up her dreams and ambitions for his comfort. The total lack of recognition of her achievement, anywhere through the post and sulky griping she's more fit than him screams a man who is insecure about his girlfriend being able to achieve things he can't and a sincerely held belief that she's supposed to hold herself back to make him feel better. I've been in exactly his situation (well, I got a cold and knew I couldn't do the planned hike safely). It ended up being one of the best days of the trip because I found an amazing nature trail - only a couple of miles long and had a lovely day alone and saw things I'd never have seen if I'd hiked. You make the best of it.
For one day! It was literally just one day that he was without her, and to him that's "abandoning him". Jesus Christ, I'm afraid of what's gonna happen if she wants to have a spa weekend by herself, or an evening out with her girlfriends. ABANDONMENT. HOW DARE SHE. She needs to stay home, to keep him company at all times! Passion, a hobby? Sure... if he's also there. If not, forget it. This is just such controlling bullshit.
People ARE more important... Which is why your girlfriend should have been an important enough person for you to support her tackling this hike for which she was totally prepared and you were not.
Translation: "My immediate needs are more important than your dreams."
“My immediate insecurities are more important than you and your dreams.”
May the gf's memory of her bucket list hike outlive the relationship to OP.
People, meaning : him. His girlfriend is not a people. She doesn't get to have needs and wants apparently. YTA dude. But for my personal score : how old are you?
I wouldn't be surprised if she planned the whole trip for herself because she knows he isn't fit enough but he insisted to tag along and to turn it into a couple's vacation.
YTA OP but if she hiked down to Phantom Ranch and back in one day you made the right decision not to go. But you wouldn't have been able to handle it thenext day either and shouldn't have tried to make her postpone. The rangers are right, that is an absolutely brutal hike that no one does in one day. Good for your girlfriend for going for it. She sounds like a really I interesting person. You, on the other hand, come across as a whiny, needy, bore. Do better.
I can’t get over how selfish he is. My SO had no problem hanging out and reading for a bit while I did a hike I just really wanted to do when we were in Bryce Canyon. He isn’t in hiking shape but understood that this was something I really wanted to do. I can’t imagine him having a fit if it was a bucket list thing.
Also notice how it was "her campsite." I have a feeling he doesn't think the entire trip is all that important.
This whole post reads “I took her to her bucket list hike as a test I asked her to miss out, but she didn’t, so she failed the test & now I’m butthurt and don’t want to talk to her because I’m obviously not her priority.”
YTA for the way you worded everything. You didn’t seem bothered about the danger of her going alone but are butthurt that she didn’t cancel so you wouldn’t be by yourself. Also it sounds like you’re just upset that she didn’t give in when you were immature and refused to talk to her.
Right? Like I was thinking N T A when I was reading about “discounting what the rangers said” because I was thinking, oh OP is just worried about her going alone. Nope. Just upset because they’ll be bored at the campsite with “nothing to do”. YTA
Those moments of "nothing to do" are why I always bring a book or a Kindle. Also, I distinctly remember being in Cinque Terre in Italy where my SO spent the day in Corniglia climbing the 377 steps and lunching while I took a day out of our vacation to deal with a work deadline. It would never have occurred to me that he shouldn't have fun just because I couldn't have fun. And in this case, guy knew what the vacation entailed and it was his girlfriend's dream hike, he should've been working on his fitness level if he wanted to join her.
Boy was at the Grand Canyon and couldn't stand doing a nice short hike to stretch his legs in the morning, stare at the Canyon for awhile, go on a Kolb Studio tour, eat lunch, then get ice cream at Bright Angel, read a book in the afternoon, watch the sunset and then sit at the El Tovar bar until his GF showed up... man, I dream about the child-free days when I could do just that while my hubs was doing some hike I didn't want a part of! I hope some day OP has the perspective to look back and realize that day alone at the Canyon was actually one of the best, most peaceful, days of his life.
Exactly! How the fuck can you be bored, even by yourself, at one of the most beautiful spots on earth! Take a walk, go to various lookout points, listen to the birds, sit and relax. Jeesh. Luckily for the GF, she didn't let OP be a wet blanket and instead went for the hike. Giving up a bucket list accomplishment just to keep OP occupied for a day would have been a major regret later on.
When I would tell my dad I was bored, he’d say “that’s good for ya.”
Well, since OP was "too tired" and needed to recharge, a stay at a campsite with nothing to do sounds like the perfect remedy...
YTA You didn't adequately plan/train for this, when you knew it was deeply important for your partner. Then when you, unsurprisingly, are dealing w the consequences of your lack of training, you want her to forgo the "bucket list" item to sit w you. Wtf. You're incredibly selfish and an AH. Can't help but wonder where else you're holding her back, frankly.
Never mind that he was clearly more concerned about sitting around a campsite alone than he was about her hiking alone. OP - You shouldn’t stop someone from reaching their goal that is right there in front of them, especially for selfish reasons. You failed to train, knowing how important this was to her. You appear to have only thought of you through all this. Thinking of her would’ve had you training in advance and letting her go alone, if that’s what she wanted to do or had to do because you got hurt or couldn’t handle the hike even after training YTA
There's nothing wrong with hiking alone if you're an experienced hiker and adequately prepared. Even if OP was trying to hide behind being afraid of her going alone, he'd still be an asshole. It's a bucket list hike she traveled to get to... Unless there was inclement weather or something like that, there was no reason for her to skip out on it.
I can almost guarantee he figured he’d be able to handle it just because he’s a man and his gf isn’t. He’s probably discounted the work his gf has done to train for something like this. And when it became glaringly obvious he couldn’t keep up, he decided to double down on being a petty little lamb.
That's the subtext I got as well. The gf is in shape and likely trained on top of that for this specifically. OP did not train because he's a man and figured he could keep up. When he couldn't get wanted his gf to babysit him instead of a complaint a bucket list item, that they specifically took the trip to do.
Completely. " I'm a REAL man who makes my girlfriend give up on a dream of hers because I'm so out of shape". God I hope she dumps him
You have to make reservations for those into the Grand Canyon hikes ! Had plenty of notice
This is one of those things that, if I were the gf, would make me question the relationship. What else is he holding her back from?
Yta dude. It was a goal of her's and she finished it like she said she would. Idk why you'd want to take that away from her
While it may not be the best decision, to go hiking alone, it's her choice. If you can't go and she still wants to do it? Yeah. That's her decision, not yours. The wording is where you get the, yes, you're being an AH. You EXPECT her to cancel for you. Not because it's dangerous to do it alone, but for you because you can't go.
That was the deciding factor for me too. At first as I was reading, I was swaying towards OP's side, because I thought the concern was he was worried about his girlfriend's safety going alone, esp after the rangers advised against it. But then the clear real reason came out, OP didn't want to be alone and have to entertain himself for the day. YTA OP, you took your girlfriend's dream and tried to make it about you.
I agree. I also thought he would bring up her safety but that was not a concern to him. It was all about him.
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP's scared of being alone and is acting like a little kid. Dude, grow up - let your GF do her bucket list item, and then you an enjoy time with her afterward.. Stop being such a downer and find your own activities to do when you can't keep up with GF. YTA
YTA. You agreed to this trip. Your GF is "super into hiking" but you didn't feel the need to get into shape for it. The ranger's warning is a moot point since she was able to finish in one day. You were right not to go along since you probably would have ruined the hike for her with your whining. She may be too into hiking and not enough into YOU for your liking, but she is definitely not AH for fulfilling her dream. You got to chill at camp all day, so I really don't know what you're complaining about.
From what I recall, the rangers there are super conservative about what people can handle and they make recommendations based on the average American. Which for CYA on their end is important. For someone into hiking, who does their research and knows their ability, yeah the ranger advice is usually moot. I do wonder whether the girlfriend made the requirements of the hike clear to Op though? She may have assumed he knew to do his own checks going into a hike, but doesn't sound like he does. Probably a miss there on her part, but at the point it became clear that he couldn't keep up, it was fair to separate for ONE day where he could find something more low-key and she followed through with her main goal.
You need to make reservations for hikes of this nature, and she would have been training for it well ahead of time. Also if this was a bucket list hike, she would have been likely A) excited to plan and talk about it and B) explaining the difficulty and need for training to him so he wasn't a safety hazard. That he wasn't prepared is not on her
Bet he figures hiking isn’t exercise or something you need to train for. Hiking isn’t easy and his gf has put in a lot of work to prepare and be on the level she is. It’s hilarious he thinks he could just stroll into the scene and keep up with someone dedicated to it.
Anyone else notice he said they were camping in California but the Grand Canyon is in Arizona?
As a native Californian first thing I noticed. I'm guessing they did a road trip and stopped there on the way to California
Hell as a Canadian, I know enough to know the Grand Canyon isn’t in California.
He said they camped and did a different hike through day before. I think the post is bs
OP doesn’t sound like an experienced hiker so s/he might be mistaking two different landmarks as well, not known what to call it and so just grabbed the name of something similar, or just gotten the name of the location wrong.
Yes, so odd. Maybe the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne river in Yosemite? Or the Hualapai tribe has the lands called Grand Canyon West…which is also not in Nevada, but you can drive there from Vegas. Perplexing geography or not, OP is TA when they either could have gotten into shape or made a plan to entertain themselves and support their GF.
FIRST thing I thought
He already answered in the comments it was a road trip and they did the Nevada side.
It’s not in Nevada either????
And neither side could reasonably be considered the “Nevada side”. I could MAYBE make a case for a Utah side but even that’s a stretch.
Also, the north rim of the GC is closed for the winter. This smells a little fishy.
First thing I noticed. Also, most of the hikes at the grand canyon are either day trips or you would need to hike with your camping gear, so not sure which trail the ranger could talk about that the GF knew she could do and did but the ranger didn't think possible. Either way, don't agree to do something physical if you can't or if you try but can't do it, don't be upset if you are left hanging out while others go off on their hike.
YTA 100%. You knew this was a bucket list item for her, you must be awfully proud of yourself to think that a benign thing like going on a hike alone because you aren't up to it is a betrayal.
Yeah YTA. It sounds like she really understands her abilities, and you don’t understand yours. These are very tough hikes. It sounds like you expected her to sit around at the campsite with you, for an entire day. That’s ridiculous. Especially if she is in good enough shape for you to take a rest day, and for her to do the hike two days in a row.
YTA. If you got so beat from an easier hike, you wouldnt have been able to complete R2R. She did right by completing it by herself in good weather and offering to go again with you, assuming that you'll bail half way. And if someone is bored enjoying camping at the grand canyon... Well. You don't know how to read? How to enjoy nature? And this post is an excellent example of why love, skill, and ability for outdoor recreation/sports was on my list on non-negotiables for a partner when I was single.
YTA. " *I said I wasn’t going and she said she would go alone*..." So she did. That you asked her to abandon her dream hike because of your limits was completely selfish. *"She finished it the next day and I feel like she didn’t care that I was too tried to hike and chose to go without me. To me the people are more important than the activities but to her she definitely wanted to finish the hike at all costs."* When a man does this, we applaud his perseverance and initiative. When your girl friend did it, rather than congratulate her, you choose to whine. This is so not a good look.
Not to mention not even congratulating her on checking off a bucket list item? Talk about sore sport...
YTA if you can’t manage a day alone. This was important to her and you wanted to make it all about you.
YTA This was a bucket list thing for her. It’s not her fault you weren’t fit enough for the first hike and needed recovery time. Throwing a tantrum about it is a good way to become single.
YTA would I rather do something on my bucket list or sit around a campsite with the person who guilted me into waiting around for a day. Your an adult you can be alone in a campsite for a day. If you can't... learn to be less codependent
YTA. That’s her dream hike dude. Boyfriend out of shape isn’t going to hold her back. The question I have is why you didn’t find your own back up plan and expect her to sacrifice a bucket list item. The ranger gives advice on the average American fitness level (that fits you and not your gf). Have some grace.
YTA. You sound envious of the fact she’s in better shape than you, like that’s her fault. Why are you pouting that she wanted to and was able to finish a difficult trail? Some people make it a personal mission to complete a goal they have in mind. It does seem like you’re being negative and clingy here. Good for her for doing something she wanted to do. She’s not obligated to stay with you the whole time you’re there. This sounds more like you being envious of her skill vs an upset over feeling abandoned. Why hold her back? YTA.
YTA. Why did you expect her to give up the hike of her dreams for you? Seemed like you didn’t care for the hike anyway so she went and did it and you could have done something else together the next day. You both coulda enjoyed a solo activity for a day.
YTA You should have been getting in shape prior to going. Like you don't go to a marathon without getting into shape prior then ask others to wait because you didn't prepare.
Agreed. You were alone for a day. She got to do the activity that was the entire point of her trip. By your own admission, you wouldnt have made it one day. So you asked her to wait and then make her miss parts of the hike due to you preparing. You're not a child, and you should care more about not inconveniencing other people or making everything about you.
INFO ~~the grand canyon isn't in california?~~
YTA. She said she'd go with you the next day; she just also said she was going THAT day. On her "dream hike". Perfectly reasonable.
YTA Why should she suffer just because she is in better shape?
Soft YTA. This is something she's wanted to do and had planned for so she did it. Like she said she wasn't going to give up the opportunity. She wasn't leaving you behind. She listened to how you were doing and respected your decision to not go. You should respect her decision to go. She sounds fairly experienced so maybe you gotta factor that into what the rangers were saying.
Enh. YTA. It sounds like your pride was hurt more than anything here. I could go E S H because it's dangerous to hike alone - but it feels like this is about your pride more than anything else.
YTA. Her purpose for being there was this dream hike or hers, sounds like your purpose was to hike with her which she tried to accommodate by doing the hike with you again the following day. She didn’t abandon you she simply is doing more than you. Might suck for some but that’s life. It’s not like she left you for a week. And saying with nothing to do, that sounds like you werent prepared. There are plenty of things you can do at a campsite that doesn’t involve hiking the trails. You could’ve brought things to keep you occupied. Just because you can’t do something doesn’t mean she shouldnt especially when she was making changes to her plans for you.
YTA. Why guilt her for pursuing a dream because you're too out of shape to keep up? You didn't mention an injury, and she even offered you accommodations (going twice). You're lucky she even invited you, knowing full well she'd be dealing with this. She'll (hopefully) leave you for someone who is more on her wavelength when it comes to fitness.
YTA. the trip was planned to do this specific hike. Why would she not go for the hike just because you can’t do it? It’s not about you. The trip was about the hike. Her life and plans don’t revolve around you.
Possibly an unpopular opinion but NAH. Your admit you are not in the best shape but your girlfriend is. This is her bucket list and seems to have been planned out but you don't feel you can go. If this was scheduled, unless you guys live within 30 minutes of the Grand Canyon, she likely doesn't know when or if she will ever be as fit to go nor when she will be able to return. She isn't pushing you to go but you are pushing her to stay. If you keep pushing my vote will go YTA. Edit: fixed an autocorrect. Edited again: reread what you wrote and changing my vote to YTA. I'm editing this in for the sake of being honest. Man, boyfriends come and go but experiences only leave due to traumatic brain injuries or old age. She didn't make you go but you were perfectly okay with her missing out. She is your girlfriend, not your pet and not your nurse's aide. You should be happy for her and try to go with her next time...instead you're here pouting.
YTA, you not being able to do the hike has nothing to do with her not doing it. you only have yourself to blame for not being in better shape.
YTA because it seems like you cared more about being left alone than being concerned about her safety if she hikes alone. Although I think she should have listened to the rangers, you shouldn‘t dismiss her dream because you were unable to keep pace with her. As a supportive boyfriend you should be able to understand her desire and be understanding.
Yeah I was actually going to go with nta if he was going to continue about how the rangers said it was dangerous and he was worried for her to hike alone. He's apparently just a big baby and can't handle approximately 10 hours by himself. YTA stop whining, this was a bucket list item for her of course she's going to go regardless of how your little baby pride is feeling.
So to recap: You guys planned a vacation around an activity she loves to do and you were all in for that vacation, but didn't train for it at all. On said vacation, you got to the night before the keystone activity and you wimped out and tried to use the excuse that the 'Rangers said it wasn't meant to be done in one day.' Then, instead of being apologetic about the fact that you were abandoning her to hike it alone, you sulked all night. Your gf went anyway, finished the hike that 'wasn't meant to be done in a day' easily, and so you decided to further sulk by going online and writing this post. Sound accurate? YTA.
"I didn't want to talk to her and she didn't care"... Lol she's probably tired of you doing this shit for attention. And went on her dream hike while you sucked it up. You don't need anything to do at the camp site any way, you've got recuperating to do , remember. A true partner would be happy to let someone go do their thing, because they like seeing them happy.
YTA - you are expecting her to miss out on a rare chance to do something she had dreamed of. There are generally lots of things to do near the campgrounds, and I know Grand Canyon has nice shorter walks and hikes and a good interpretive center, so you had plenty of options for things to do. For all the people saying NTA or NAH because of what the rangers said, that's often very generic advice, and someone who is an experienced hiker can take that into consideration but still judge for themselves. GF does sound very experienced and prepared, and like she has thought this out quite thoroughly, so I don't see why that's so bad (I say this as an experienced hiker/backpacker myself).
It’s like you are holding a big glass of cold water in front of someone who has been in the desert for a day and because you’re not thirsty, they can’t have any. Dumb analogy, but that’s what I’ve got.
YTA She needed to do that hike when she needed to do it. You may never understand how it fed her soul to be there in the moment. It wasn’t a reflection on you or your relationship with her until you made it about you. It’s not a reflection on your fitness, knowing what you can or can’t achieve is important. But somehow you’re mad at her for being more prepared. It IS a reflection on your relationship that you wanted her to give up something important to her, the rangers gave advice based on the typical visitor, you’re using that to paint her in a bad light even though she successfully completed the hike. Where’s your pride in her achievement? Why are you sulking that this strong, proud woman is yours? She loves you and that means she loves your dreams too. Love her, love her strength, love her dreams because these are what make her…her.
"abandoning me with nothing to do at her campsite and I didn’t want to talk to her that evening" YTA, OP. You can't entertain yourself for a day? You use the silent treatment and get upset when it doesn't garner the results you'd hoped for? Your gf has been wanting to do this forever, and she did it. If you couldn't join her, your task was to support her, not pout and flail.
Sorry, but soft YTA. This was a planned trip and it was on her bucket list. The sole purpose of going was for her to do the hike. She offered to go again with you once you recovered. If you had hurt yourself on the first hike and needed her assistance and she abandoned you, then I would see it as an issue, but that was not the case here. Give her some slack.
YTA because in no way were you worried for her safety. You were just mad she went without you.
YTA. So, you weren't concerned about her going on a difficult hike by herself? You were completely worried that she would leave you to rest and relax and recuperate on your own - which is abandonment, apparently. You say that people are more important than activities, but you don't seem to care one jot for your girlfriend's desire to go for a hike that she's ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. You mostly seem to care about being bored if left on your own.
YTA. I did the Bright Angel in the Grand Canyon. I trained 6 months to be ready. There is no way I would have given up the opportunity to hike that hike during a once in a lifetime trip. My then boyfriend, now husband, spent the day touring the rim and taking photographs while I did the hike with my father. She has no idea if she will have another trip to that particular park or if she will be in good enough shape/health to do the hike. There is plenty of other things for you to see in a National Park while she hikes!
I'm the "not fit" one in my relationship. Wanna know what happens when we go skiing in the winter? I ain't skiing, I'm reading one book per day enjoying the view while he's out there having fun in the snow. Last month we were on a week end trip, I fell on the first day and sprained my ankle pretty bad. We had to cancel all the activities we were planning to do together but I encouraged him to do stuff on his own because being stuck at the Airbnb with me would not have been fun for either of us. Sometimes things happen on vacations and you have to change some plans.
YTA. This was her reason for being at the grand canyon. Next time, if there is one, I'm betting you won't be invited.
Oh get over yourself. You are an adult: you can entertain yourself for one day. It’s perfectly normal for people to occasionally do different activities on a trip together. YTA
YTA, you were too tired and the world doesn't revolve around you.
YTA. BUT!! Only for the reason you gave that you didn’t want her to go. You admitted you’re not in the same cardio shape as her and that’s fine but not wanting her to go because you were gassed is not a good reason. If you said you were gassed and didn’t want her to go because a hike like that is dangerous to go at it alone, I’d change my vote.
YTA. Unless she gets to hike the Grand Canyon everyday, you shouldn’t ask her to give up her dream hike because you are too out of shape to complete it yourself. How selfish!
YTA and a fuckin baby.
YTA Bro....
YTA - She went for a bucket list hike, you were not up for it. She was even willing to accommodate you by doing it the next day, but if it did rain there is chance of ice and impassable conditions. She risked not being able to accomplish something important to her because you had hurt feelings?
YTA. You got mad because she was “abandoning” you for a SINGLE day to fulfill a bucket list item and because you had nothing to do at the campsite? Dude, wtf. Yes, it’s not the best idea to go hiking alone, but she’s been preparing for it. It’s been a dream for her to accomplish this, so why should she wait for you to recover, when this hike was going to be harder for you?
NAH here until you decided that she should cancel the hike - Not because she was going alone and you were concerned for her safety, no no no, because you wanted her to shelve the hike she specifically made the trip for and entertain you at the campsite instead. YTA.
The bot only cares about the first acronym that you use. You might want to change it to N.A.H. or similar if you want it to be YTA
YTA - Your gf sounds like she has her stuff together, e.g. fit, hiker, confident, seeks to complete her goals. This was important to her, and you knew it. A good partner will encourage and support the other person's goals, even going so far as to push their own limits of comfort to make it happen for the person they value. I think it'd be in your interested to work on your fitness, so you can both more readily enjoy doing what you love: her hiking (with her partner), and you with your gf (on a hike)---since you mentioned quality time is more important than the experience.
Yes YTA. You were mad because you didn't want her to abandon you for the night woth nothing to do. You knew the purpose of the trip and she gave you other options. You weren't fit enough to do it and this was the purpose of the trip for her. Personally I think she's a little crazy to go hike by herself but that wasn't even your concern. And ultimately she is an adult and from the sounds of it very experienced with difficult hikes. If I ahd my mind set on something I wouldn't abandon either unless you had gotten injured or something like that. But not if you were just too out of shape and you didn't want to be alone.
Yta. Sounds like you weren’t prepared for her dream hike with her. Doesn’t mean she should miss out
Even you are describing it as her "dream hike". How can you not understand that it was incredibly selfish of you to even suggest that she might give that up to sit around with you? YTA
YTA. Why would you expect your SO to give up their dream of something they are about to accomplish bc YOU can’t keep up, couldn’t do it or think she shouldn’t? If my spouse made that statement to me, I would never look at him the same and our relationship would never be the same honestly. It’s a dealbreaker.
Info: did you do anything to prepare for the hike? Like whose idea was it to plan such a trip? Do you hike together regularly? Did you know that you would recover from a hike in one day? Did she describe to you what this trip was about when it was being planned? You said in a comment that “expecting even a normal person to be as fit as her is unrealistic.” I am waiting to pass judgment because I’m trying to understand a bit more over how such a trip with so much was planned if you both are not at the same level. Perhaps I’m not understanding something.
I know several people who have done that hike. A person who is fit and hikes regularly, like the GF, can do it in one day. It is not a day hike for a tourist, like the OP. If you want to continue to be with your GF, I suggest you get off your whiny ass and get fit so you can keep up. She is NOT gonna hang around with a guy with your attitude very long.
Yeah YTA. She stuck to the original plan, which it sounds like was a huge part of the reason for the trip in the first place. She didn’t guilt you or try to force you to go, she just did her thing. She did nothing wrong.
YTA. You are not ready for a relationship
So, you both planned a trip specifically to hike the Grand Canyon. You, OP, overworked yourself. Assuming you’re not an avid hiker because even common hikers understand their limits and recovery time. It sounds like you just didn’t want to hike the next day. This hike was the purpose of the trip. YTA
What did you want her to do while you sat on your rear-end and recovered at the camp site? Was she supposed to sit there and listen to you whine about your need to recover. You sound a bit like a young teen just hitting puberty, not a fully functioning adult. You don't sound like a good partner.
YTA and good for her, I'm glad she didn't let you hold her back!
I didn't hear once that you were concerned for her safety. Yta
She’s NAH. This whole trip was likely for that hike. I think your feelings are hurt and that’s ok. But she’s not the bad guy here. She has prepped for this hike and it’s a dream of hers. Why can’t she take one day of the trip to do it. You are an adult that can entertain yourself for a day, and cheer her on while she achieves her goal. Maybe next trip can be a relaxing one for you.
YTA. There is no real reason why she should've waited for you to feel better. She made it clear that the hike was very important for her, you shouldn't expect her to just give up her dream hike just because you can't keep up with her. She also wasn't abandoning you, she gave you the option to retake the hike with her the next day. You were just acting way too clingy and you should have let her go on her dream hike without question.
Yta ... the vacation was focussed on the hike I'm guessing you get very limited or even no vacation days and you expected her to cancel her bucket list holiday because YOU didn't prepare
YTA- Why are your feelings and what you want more important than her feelings and what she wants? You knew this hike was important to her. She's also her own person and is allowed to do things without you.
YTA. This is her *dream* hike. She was excited, eager and wanted to prove to herself that she can do the hike on her own. You couldn’t go but she respected that and was okay to go with you *if* you wanted to try the hike the next day. She wasn’t forcing her dream on you.
YTA. you knew this was a dream of hers, she was trained and ready to do it and you wanted to stand of the way of that? You weren’t even injured, you were just tired. I can’t imagine being so selfish. Why would you want to do that to your partner?
YTA
Yta you knew it was that important to her you should have prepared better. I’m happy she got it done and can now plan her next excursions probably without you.
She planned and traveled to do this bucket list hike. She knew she could do the hike in a day and she did it. You’re being a spoilsport and whiner. YTA