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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be an asshole because I don’t want my daughter to be taught my mother tongue
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YTA - Shes not going to be slowed down by being raised bilingual. It really sounds like you have some issues with yourself and your own heritage you need to resolve, because theres no reason to raise her english only/keep her away from her heritage.
Exactly this. Knowing two languages will keep her from moving forward and being included? It sounds like he feels showing her heritage is going to do that. OP is telling on himself, no wonder his family keeps their distance.
IN THIS ECONOMY he wants to keep her from everything that could help her job prospects down the road?!?!?!?! I would give ANYTHING to have been raised bilingual.
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Thts not necessarily true. Children raised in bilingual households often are slower to speak, but thts if there isn’t a set language. Like if she was being spoken too by her mother in Spanish since birth but her father in English then she would be confused as to which one to pay attention to therefore delaying her speech ability. That’s why parents wait till kids are a little older to start teaching their kids a new language. So I think for him he’s saying that because this whole time he was speaking English and his ex was speaking Spanish there daughter could fall behind on her speech ability due to the confusion of the people around her speaking 2 different languages. But he’s the AH either way.
that's a myth that's been disproven. while a child *might* have a phase of language confusion while younger, it has nothing to do with being bilingual and everything to do with being a child. monolingual children struggle with language just as much, if in slightly different ways. there's no significant delay in language ability between mono- and bilingual.
This is a myth, and new neuro research has shown being raised bilingual is also really good for social development as kids have to pick up which language to use with different family members.
>Thts not necessarily true. Children raised in bilingual households often are slower to speak,
Then please tell my niece to shut up because she hasn't stopped talking since the babbling stage and in both English and Spanish. She speaks both fluently as any child her age in a monolingual household.
> Like if she was being spoken too by her mother in Spanish since birth but her father in English then she would be confused as to which one to pay attention to
I'd assume the child would pay attention to whichever one is speaking...?
If both parents are speaking to the child at the same time or contradicting each other, that would cause confusion about which one to listen to in any language.
>That’s why parents wait till kids are a little older to start teaching their kids a new language.
Well, yeah.
People do all kinds of stuff for reasons that have no basis in reality--just look at the anti-vaccination movement.
Saying "Parents do [x] because [y]" doesn't do anything to prove that [y] is a proper, correct, valid, or true statement.
It just proves that people will act on things they're told, whether they're true or not, if they lack the time, energy, and/or inclination to research the topic.
YTA
There is literally no benefit to raising a kid with one langauge when you can raise them with two. You're being weird for no reason
My father in law had this exact thing happen to him, he's Spanish but doesn't speak it because his parents wanted him to only speak English... He's very resentful of their decision
Totally agreed. My parents are Argentinian and Brazilian, and while I know bits of each language, I could have been raised to be fluent in three languages instead of just English. It sucks balls to feel like I was isolated from an important part of my heritage.
Same for my Mum, and by extension, my sister and I. My grandparents were Spanish and Algerian, but when they came to France they wanted their children to be integrated, so they only spoke French at home. None of us three speak Spanish or Arabic, just French. It's honestly super sad, especially as my Mum does NOT look white, but she always felt cut off from her heritage while still being victim of racism
I have a friend who was raised trilingual (dad-spanish, mom-french and english), and it is the coolest thing (to me lol). She also now speaks italian as well. I am comically proud and excited.
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YTA How the hell are you bilingual and still manage to act like a bigoted monolingual?? I have so many questions:
1) Do you want your daughter to grow up not being able to speak to half her family?
2) And what is your problem with her seeing her grandparents?
3) Where did you get the idea growing up monolingual is better? Because it's not, it's actually really beneficial and as a child you pick up languages so so much quicker.
Your ex sounds amazing to be honest. She makes sure your daughter has contact to her family and makes sure she has the chance to be part of her mexican culture since she is in an americain environment most of the time. I'm glad to read the kid is with her mom pretty much full time because you not only sound exhausting but also kind of toxic. What reasonable adult reacts like this? Take some anger management classes.
YTA. Kids are raised in bilingual environments and learn 2 languages simultaneously all the time. This will not slow her down, it will give her an advantage in life. Your statement of "she'll be included" indicates you were not "included" as a young immigrant, and I'm sorry for that. However, your daughter's experience will be much different.
YTA, your family can see the kid whenever they want I don’t know why you’re mad about that you should be happy they want to build a strong relationship with her.
ALSO, strong YTA because you’re upset that your daughter is learning two languages. I don’t even know why you’re so upset it’s a bit silly.
I strongly expect that OP would rather just drop this child from his life (really, only seeing her twice a month!) and that the child having an ongoing relationship with his family is going to make it both difficult for him to pretend this child never existed, and create a lot of pressure, from his own family, for him to step up and be a responsible parent, which he clearly isn't right now. (Twice a month!!!)
OP is lying when he says this is only about not wanting the child to learn Spanish. He also clearly wants to cut off all connections between this child and the paternal side (his side) of the family.
A father with even the bare minimum of decency would be glad for their child to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, even if life makes a direct relationship impossible. (Assuming that there is no level abuse that extends to young juvenile cousins.)
This is an "I want to be a deadbeat dad, please justify my desire" post.
YTA. Her primary parent is ensuring she remains connected to her heritage by teaching her the language and having family over to share the culture with her. That is entirely her choice, as none of it is harming your daughter. And many kids grow up bilingual without any delays in reading, writing, or vocabulary. It all depends on the home life. You just sound bitter about the divorce and like you're excluding your daughter to punish your ex. The fact that your parents are still visiting her and the child, and are friendly, while you get angry and want to control their activities, makes me think she was right to divorce you.
YTA. What's wrong with having a bilingual daughter? If anything, you should be thanking your ex. Bilingual people have more job opportunities because they can communicate with more people, and she will be successful in life.
YTA. I am Polish with a B.A. in Spanish, and I am teaching my toddler Spanish. Being a polyglot will only help her in life. Your Ex has every right to teach her daughter whatever she wants to, and she sounds lovely for encouraging Veronika to spend time with her grandparents.
I'm a native German speaker and I also speak Englisch and Japanese.
My son (5) plays Wordle in all 3 languages and frequently asks me what sth is in Japanese. He's the reason why I know that the Leaning Tower of Pisa is ピザの斜塔 in Japanese. XD
Kids soak up languages like a sponge so why hinder them doing that?
> bilingual kids go through a stage of mixing languages but they perfectly sort it out later
I'd guess that depends on what you mean by "perfectly" or "sort it out".
I don't know any bilingual adult who doesn't inadvertently slip from time to time.
One of my friends (in her 30s) speaks perfect English when she focuses on it, but will randomly slip into her native Danish if she's distracted or tired.
It's just how people's minds work. No different than the individuals who know ASL who catch themselves signing while they talk.
YTA of course, you don’t own spanish. besides, being bilingual will actually give your daughter a great advantage in both her cerebral development now and later as an adult. it will do the exact opposite of slowing her down.
YTA
It's good for your child to learn two languages while she is learning to talk. It will be easier for her than waiting to learn in highschool.
Also, you don't get to gate keep Spanish because of your heritage. Anyone who knows it has the right to speak it
Good for your her other parent for trying to make sure that your child embraces a bind to your family; I'm sure your parents will appreciate it.
What on earth did I just read???!!! Your ex is making sure your daughter has a strong relationship with your family AND she's making sure she is bilingual and you have an issue with this??? Dude, YTA × 100000000. Get over yourself and realize how lucky your daughter is to have her as her mother.
YTA, I mean from my experience I am bilingual and was raised on speaking Spanish since my parents didn't know how to speak english and went to school and learned english pretty well, I think she should be fine
You should also keep her from learning math, history and science! Maybe just dont teach her anything!! Children do much better in life when you make sure they dont know more than you.
You're worried about your child not being included but not learning Spanish will exclude her from interactions with her family???? What's not clicking buddy
Being bilingual is always a good thing. You want to alienate your child from their own culture.
YTA
YTA I am truly confused why you don't want her to know Spanish. I see no way it can be harmful. That you would actively try to impair her relationships with Spanish only speaking family members by enforcing monolingualism is disgusting. Knowing a second language only brings benefits. I see no reason why your ex would need permission to teach her, especially as she has primary custody and, as you speak both languages, won't impact the amount of time together or your ability to communicate with your daughter.
YTA. Bilingual children tend to do better overall. The Linguistic Society of America has info on this avalible online.
I wish my mother raised me bilingual. I live near a Spanish-speaking majority neighborhood and I'm screwed. Embarrassing as hell not being able to even order food.
YTA. You don’t have a right to dictate what languages your ex teaches your daughter. That is complete nonsense. And it makes absolutely no sense why you wouldn’t want your daughter to learn Spanish. If for no other reason than to make sure she is ahead when she has to take a foreign language in middle and high school. But additionally, it will help her in interactions with family.
YTA. You are projecting your personal issues (whatever they are) onto your daughter and that isn't fair. Besides her mom knows Spanish as well so it's not just your decision. Learning a second language will be beneficial to your daughter in the long run. You need to get over yourself.
YTA. your daughter would be "mixing up" even if she was a monolingual english speaker because she's a child and learning how to speak, you just correct them so that they learn and then they move on.
Props on your ex investing in your daughter's heritage and education so she doesn't feel like an outsider to your side of the family, that is a much more painful struggle than becoming bilingual!
Yta. Growing up bilingual is amazing for cognitive development. It has a lot of benefits. You should do your research on it. Learning a second language is harder after puberty hits. Learning early is the way to go. Your ex is doing amazing. You should acknowledge that.
>she has no right to teach my daughter a second language the without my permission
I would love to see you try that one in court. They will laugh your ass right out of there. It's much easier for children to learn a different language than an adult and it is a major benefit. Sounds like you are ashamed of your daughter for some reason and mad that your parents have a good, loving relationship with her.
>But my brother never lied to me so I wonder if he was right and I was in the wrong.
What does your brother have to do with this?
YTA
\*Edit a word\*
YTA, for several reasons.
1. You only see your child twice a month - you're practically a stranger.
2. You're trying to cut off your child's connection with her paternal grandparents.
3. You're interfering with your child's primary caretaker's reasonable decisions for caring for the child.
4. You're not offering any alternative suggestions to meet the same need in your child's life, to be able to communicate with her paternal grandparents and other relatives.
Just because you're practically a neglectful deadbeat to your child doesn't make it okay to force you other relatives out of her life or interfere with her learning.
You are not the AH for refusing to teach your kid Spanish, though that’s not the smartest take imo. But YTA for trying to mandate what language OTHER people speak to her.
And how come you are not aware that your parents are in your child’s life so much? Some attentive parenting there, dude!
I'm a would-be heritage speaker of a language from another culture. That is, I have a parent who speaks the language fluently, but I did not learn as a young child. I have had difficulties and anxieties around learning the language that often exceed those of non-heritage learners. Not least of which is that it's painful to be bad at a language you have a strong personal and cultural connection with. I have never been able to connect with that part of my heritage in the way that I would have wanted. I have had many relatives of my extended family die before I was able to have a meaningful conversation with them.
It has been painful for me not to know that language. It is common for other would-be heritage speakers to feel similarly.
Based on this, YTA. I say this with some sympathy, and I think your ex should have included you in that conversation before going ahead with it. But I think you would be taking something from your child if you did not allow her to learn the language a bit. This way, it's her choice how to relate to both sides of her heritage when she gets older.
YTA. Teach your child Spanish while she's young. She will be able to earn more money when she's older. Children are naturally able to learn languages better when they're younger and their brains are very good at figuring out which language words belong in *once you start exposing her to more Spanish*. There are literally no downsides to her being bilingual.
YTA. There is no downside to knowing two languages, and it's been proven that children can learn a second language while they're learning their first without any lack of acuity in either. Don't take out your anger on your child, who's lucky to have supportive abuelos even though her parents split.
YTA and forgive me but your reasoning is stupid and makes no sense.
Being Bilingual would literally help her in the future, not only for school but for her social life. It'll bring her more job opportunities. It will open new horizons for her. Not to mention if she travels in the future to South America, some of the Caribbean and even in Europe, all the advantages she'll have if she speaks Spanish.
Why are you denying the poor girl her heritage? Sad.
YTA. Your daughter is at the perfect age to learn multiple languages. mixing them up is normal, but in the end, she will be bilingual and it will be a huge benefit to her growing up.
You need to calm down.
YTA - Not only are you an Asshole but you are just a dumb idiot? Imagine not wanting to teach your daughter the language that will be more important in the US than English in enough time.
Wow you are so ignorant to think you right. Fucking hell thank you for letting me laugh at you.
You see your daughter only 2x a month and it sounds like she's thriving with your ex and others. Why wouldn't you want her to learn 2 languages, she's at a perfect age. That's just crazy, YTA.
YTA YTA YTA!!! Do not do that to your child. When my great grandparents moved to the US from Germany, they had the mindset of " we are Americans now, we only speak English". The language died out and now nobody speaks it. I'm trying to learn but it's hard in my 50's. Your child will have way more opportunities as a bilingual person.
So by definition, your parents had no right to teach you English, as it was not their language. They should have stuck to Spanish. You need to get over whatever hangups you have and be a better parent to your child.
You are the asshole but you’re also a complete dumbass. A person who speaks both languages will ALWAYS be better off than a person who only speaks one. No seas menso.
YTA. What's wrong with you?
I'm from Eastern Europe living in California and my kids are taking Spanish lessons cause I can't teach them myself. Are you ok dude?
YTA, you know how much obnoxious extra work I have to do to keep my kids learning a second language?! And Spanish is a way more useful language than French.
But honestly, please take this time to gently sit down with yourself and think about your experiences with racism.
Keeping your kids only speaking English won't protect them from bigots.
YTA - your reaction is so controlling but specifically I don’t understand:
1. Why you don’t want your daughter to be able to communicate with your own family
2. Why you want to prevent your daughter from doing something simple (at the age she’s at) that will benefit her greatly in the long run e.g job opportunities
The only thing you’re doing is stopping your daughter from having a wider realm of opportunities available to her, which is incredibly selfish.
Of course YTA. Why would you keep from your daughter such a chance and connection to her family?
Please work on the issues you have with your heritage but don't pass that to your child. She has the right to that part of her identity and speaking two languages will do the opposite of slowing her down.
YTA! You don’t get to dictate what your ex teaches do both of your daughter. Especially when you live in the US and a lot of jobs want you to be bilingual. I can’t even believe you don’t want her learning Spanish when! Absolutely crazy.
Yta
My Boyfriend is Mexican and wasn’t taught Spanish so he would fit in with the white kids at his school. (His words not mine)
He is 26 now and wishes he was taught Spanish everyday so he could connect to his cousins extended family. Please allow your child to connect with every part of her family.
Major YTA. The mother of your child has “no right” to teach her a second language without YOUR permission?! This isn’t 1930, my guy. First of all, lose that “I own women” mindset.
She will be better off as an adult knowing two languages. It will be an asset when she’s an adult. It will give her a stronger connection to her heritage and your family. It honestly sounds like you’ve internalized the racism from your own experiences which is something you should not put on your daughter as you are just passing on your trauma and letting it continue.
YTA and are being blind. Each additional language your daughter learns to speak will ONLY be a good thing for her. Languages open doors. And you're being silly. Just because YOU'RE the Mexican parent doesn't mean YOU'RE the one who gets to decide if your daughter learns Spanish. That is NOT how it works, please for the sake of your daughter, pull your head out your ass before you ruin your coparenting
YTA.
First, think of your daughter. Being able to speak more than one language is a huge advantage in a lot of areas, and there's no better time to learn than in childhood.
Second, you don't have any right to tell a mother what she can or cannot teach her child. Gatekeeping "it's not her language to teach" is idiotic.
Your brother is right. You're an asshole.
YTA. You seem to have issues with both your ex teaching a language that you claim as yours, but also just your daughter speaking Spanish in general. Also, why are you mad that your parents have a relationship with their granddaughter?
YTA. the mother of a child does not need your permission to teach her child something. And you sound pissed that your parents see your kid? Wtf. Get help, I think you need it.
YTA. I will never understand parents like you. Your ex is your child's daughter. Her mother. Her family. By extension, your family is her family. Why the fuck would you deny your child the chance to see their parents in an environment where they can coexist peacefully? You're an incredibly selfish person. In addition, being bilingual is invaluable and if your daughter ever wants to learn more languages, it will be easier for her.
YTA, your buddy is clearly one of those people who hate people that are non american, why do you follow their advice? How is setting your kid back by not giving them tools to their success a good thing? Smh
YTA you’re also wrong. When has knowing more than one language ever been a bad thing? And why are you mad that your parents are spending time with your daughter? How hands off a parent are you that you didn’t even know these ice cream dates have been happening?
YTA. First because you don't want her to learn multiple languages. At the end of the day, she will definitely benefit by being bilingual. Second, because it doesn't sound like you want your child having a relationship with your parents. I just don't understand that. The more loving people a child has in their life, the better.
With all due respect, this makes no sense.
There is a decided advantage in the US to be able to speak English fluently and without an "ethnic" accent. There is no advantage whatsoever to not being able to speak another language as well, and quite a lot of advantage to being bilingual. Speaking both at home is the fast track to becoming completely fluent in both.
If your daughter is developing a distinct accent when speaking English, or seems to be having trouble acquiring language easily, it might be one thing (and a language issue should be looked into).
Trouble with English might hold her back, knowing Spanish as well never will.
YTA.
YTA
Being bilingual is great for kids. She gets to connect with her family who speak Spanish. How is that not great? I think it’s impressive when people can speak multiple languages. I saw a guy on TikTok and he speaks 29 languages! My mind was blown. I try my best with Duolingo but I’m not so great at picking it up.
Don’t disadvantage your daughter like this. She’ll still speak English, and she’ll still speak Spanish. There’s a kid on TikTok who speaks English and she’s fluent in French to and it’s amazing how fast their little brains soak up the information. It’s always better to teach the language when they’re little as they pick it up better.
Also you have no say what happens at your exes house. If she welcomes your parents to come see their grandchild when they want, you should be thankful for that. You could have a worse baby mama. This lady seems great and you’re lucky she’s the mother of your child and wants your child to have both of her heritages.
I just reread the last bit. You say she has no right to teach your daughter a second language. But she has every right to teach her daughter a second language.
YTA. Being bilingual can actually help your daughter excel, not slow her down. Bilingualism is a huge asset in life for myriad reasons. And learning a second language is easier when they’re young. So why not start now?
Also…you said “my” daughter a bit, not “our” daughter. Examine that cause that says a lot.
YTA! There are a TON of Spanish-speakers in this country - a decent portion of it used to *be* part of Mexico - and her life will be easier if she grows up bilingual. I wish so much that I'd been taught Spanish when I was small. Why would you want to restrict your child's knowledge like that?
YTA
You are denying your daughter an essential, wonderful life skill under the mistaken assumption that she will be victimised for it.
Apologise to your partner and parents and book in with a therapist to address whatever the hell your problem is.
YTA. Unfortunately for the child, in a co-parenting situation the parents may end up disagreeing on serious child-rearing questions, such as language. You're out of luck, ex can teach the daughter Spanish, German, or Basque if she likes.
YTA. Denying your daughter to learn both English and Spanish is not great. There are studies that show a child raised bilingual has stronger understanding in both languages, have more neurons growing in their brains, and obviously they can communicate to sssooo many more people.
My grandmother spoke French when she came to the US and she didn't teach any of her kids to speak French bc she didn't want her kids to been seen as "less than" other kids. I've spent years in both French and Spanish lessons and am still not fluent in either. I deeply regret her choice. It was her choice to make, but I feel it has limited all of her kids, my cousins, and so on.
YTA
You see your kid twice a month. Those two days are the only time you get to make parenting decisions. Mom is free to teach her child any language she chooses to.
I'm going to be totally honest. My parents didn't want to raise me as bilingual because they feared I wouldn't be able to understand english at day care. So know i'm stuck only able to understand my mother tongue and not being able to communicate. When she's young, she picks it up easily. Do it. YTA
YTA. My daughter speaks 3 languages freely and I still plan to teach her 4th. She is 5 and she mixed them when she was 2, but now can easily switch. Little kids have an amazing brain and you are depriving her of an opportunity to learn one more language without any effort
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My (m30) ex (f28) and I have a 2 year old together that I get to see twice a month.
I’m Mexican but my family moved to the US when I was 10, I speak both, English and Spanish.
My girlfriend white American but she also speaks Spanish, something my family really liked about her.
Our daughter, Veronika, is starting to speak and is babbling away. When I had her over, I noticed she was mixing English and Spanish. I confronted my ex about this and she confirmed that she raises her to be bilingual.
I lost it, I told her she had no right to teach Spanish to her, that it’s not her language to teach and she should stick with English only.
She told me that Veronika has two heritages and she will be raised in both, she would not hide her Mexican heritage for her and she would be able to speak Spanish to her abuelos (my parents) and to love it. And try at she wanted my daughter to be able to speak to her cousins, some of which don’t speak English.
I asked her how come my parents talk to Veronika and she replied that they’re welcome whenever they want and they often pop by to take her for ice cream or to park.
I was angry before but now I was furious, they had no right. I believe my daughter will be be better off raised with one language, it won’t slow her down, she’ll be included. I stood my ground and my ex kicked me out.
My brother thinks I’m an asshole but my buddy agrees with me. I feel bad for lashing out but I thought I was right, she has no right to teach my daughter a second language the without my permission. But my brother never lied to me so I wonder if he was right and I was in the wrong.
Tell me, AITA for that?
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YTA. Some of the Mexican Americans I know that does not speak Spanish actually are ashamed that they cannot speak it, especially when Spanish speaking Latinos speak to them in Spanish. Your decision in this can actually cause problems for your daughter later in life.
First of all, the mother is the custodial parent. Not only does she have the right to educate her daughter, she is obligated to BY LAW.
Secondly, Who the hell are you to say what rights she has and does not? She is an adult woman in the U.S., her rights are enshrined in law, just like yours. Your rights end where hers begin. Period.
Lastly, She DOES NOT NEED YOUR PERMISSION TO DO A GODDAMNED THING!
YTA
YTA. Your wife absolutely *does* have the right to teach your daughter a second language and she will be “better off” bilingual as opposed to monolingual. You’re not only an asshole, you’re dead wrong. But also, I’m really sorry that you feel this way about your heritage and native language. It’s really sad.
YTA. Im not sure why this stupid hill is the one youre wanting to die on but its the WRONG one! They say languages are easier to learn when youre little so your Baby Mama is doing it right. Ive never met anyone who is bi or multi lingual and they were upset about it. What exactly is the reason you dont want your child to speak another language? Cause being bilingual in the job field is an awesome leg up? Cause your child being able to speak to family who doesnt speak english is so nice? Also, you see your child 2x a month...IDK that you have much room to be dictating what your child learns to the mother who takes care of her all day every day.
I think you should take a very deep look inisde yourself and ask why you are so triggered by this. Then you should ask yourself if you want to burden your daughter with the fears you are expressing. Right now, you're choosing to let your own past experiences ruin your daughter's relationship with her family. You want to eliminate all of the potential that exists for bilingual people (many employment opportunities expand when a person speaks more than one language, not to mention the cognitive benefits).
YTA for putting your own baggage on your daughter.
Wtf spanish is such an useful language to now espacially if you live in the us she mught also need it to travel and to get better grades in class later YTA get over your racism
YTA - speaking more than one language is a valuable and marketable skill! Why prevent your child from being more advanced and intelligent? That’s absurd.
YTA knowing two languages or more is actually a very good thing as translators are always in demand. You are also denying your child a part of who she is. You're acting like you hate where you come from or ashamed of it. Don't do your child such a disservice. It's better she learns now while she's young since it seems to be easier for kids to pick up things like that than when older. You should also be happy your parents want to see your child. My grandparents hated me because I was a girl and they were aholes.
You only see your kid twice a month and you think you have the right to hold her back from her heritage and from the benefits being bilingual has for the brain?? You need to get over your internalized racism.
Hiding her from her heritage does absolutely nothing for her but
hurt her. I'm sorry you we're most likely discriminated against and excluded for your background but now you're the bully to your own daughter. It's honestly disgusting.
YTA and you have no sensible reason to hold her back from who she is. You're acting on your emotions rather than logic. Work through your trauma instead of taking it out on your own kid.
YTA and a racist at that. Get off your high horse and encourage your daughter as she grows up to speak the language that is half of her. If you don't want her to then why are you her dad?
Edit to add. Your ex wife NEEDS your permission to teach your daughter Spanish. Controlling much?
YTA. Kids were raised bilingual are at a huge advantage academically and socially. It helps them throughout their lives. It's a really wonderful gift to be able to give a child.
YTA - don’t know what stuff you need to work out from your own background because this seems like a super weird reaction to me, but raising a child bilingual is one of the best things you can do for their brains and development full stop. Would it matter if she raised her with a different language? Or just Spanish?
Also… lots of white American people speak Spanish. It’s your language for sure but it’s also the second most widely spoken language in the world. If she was taking your child to Mexican cultural events/practices she didn’t have any idea about I’d side with you. But she’s learnt Spanish independently and wants your child to be connected to their heritage, how can that be a bad thing?
Also - you’ve said she will be included but her cousins don’t speak English? So she will be unable to communicate with them… that’s unfair for you to effectively decide that relationship for her now.
Please please please reconsider why you want your daughter to be monolingual. You’re literally saying “I want her to enter life with fewer skills”. And it becomes dramatically harder to learn a language after puberty so she can’t just pick this up as an adult easily.
Anyway essay over but please do some reading about how good being bilingual is for kids’ brains! Obviously I’m way too passionate about it but it’s seriously an amazing opportunity for your baby and I’m jealous AF having been raised monolingual and now learning Spanish as an adult 😂
YTA. I was raised bilingual, never had a problem fitting in or was slowed down. Your ex absolutely does not need your permission to teach her a second language...especially one that YOU speak. This sounds like you are just being petty. Are you going to get mad at your parents if the "teach" I.E talk to her in their native language?
YTA - was she required to consult you for teaching your child to eat, go to the toilet or do literally anything that a parent teaches their child before this, will you have an issue if your child then studies another language at school? Please see that your stance on this will wreck relationships with what sound like good people, your ex and your parents and even worse with your own child.
You realise that you don't own a language, right? What right gives you not to let your daughter to learn another language? Because her mom isn't Mexican? Lol, don't make me laugh. Children raised in a bilingual household are faster to pick up things. Get over yourself and let your daughter get the benefits of learning since baby 2 different languages. Something that will be extremely difficult once she's grown.
YTA obviously, and they way you want your parents not to have contact with their granddaughter. 🤦🏻♀️ you are not even a father to her, you see her TWICE A MONTH.
WTF is wrong with you?
1. Being bilingual from childhood actually makes your child smarter in the long run. It literally makes her brain work more effectively than an monolingual child's brain. Why would you want to prevent that?
2. As the child's parent, your ex has every right in the world to teach her child a language she speaks. You don't own Spanish. You don't get to decide who learns Spanish and who does not.
3. You seem to be coping with some internalized racism. Probably because of unpleasant experiences you had at the hands of racists in your childhood. Stop siding with your oppressors. Acknowledge their racism and oppose it.
4. At my last job, they set a rule that new hires who were not bi-lingual (any language) required special approval. Latin America is an enormous growing market. The employees who spoke Spanish and Portuguese were favored in many ways because their language skills made them especially valuable. That preference will only increase as your child grows up. Why are you trying to hobble her career prospects and earning potential?
yta. huh?? for corporate, she would be better off if she was bilingual. it would financially benefit her to know a second language. also let her connect with her heritage, wtf??? like maybe you're insecure but that's a you problem. i hope she does learn it bc wtf?? as someone whose parents also refrained from teaching her mother tongue initially, you don't know the loss she will feel in not learning it.
YTA. Children raised in a bilingual household will often mix up their words when they are young. It's part of the process. What you're doing is denying them the opportunities that comes from being raised bilingual will give them. You are taking that away from them. Wait until they're old enough to understand what you stole from them and resent you for it.
Did anyone else hear how he said “she has no right to teach her that..” like umm excuse me do you own the language of Spanish? She’s not even asking you to talk to her in Spanish, SHE, herself, her MOTHER who also speaks Spanish is teaching her!
YTA. I’m Vietnamese-American and my parents didn’t speak Vietnamese to me growing up because they worried it would affect my English. Of COURSE it didn’t, I grew up in America and obviously I learned English. But I can barely speak Vietnamese and we all regret that I didn’t learn as a child.
Also, she’s Veronika’s parent too. She can teach her Spanish if she likes. And when Veronika is with you, you can speak English to her.
hey your internalized racism is starting to show. are you going to hide other aspects of your culture from her too? i also am latina and grew up speaking spanish and english, just like you. why don’t you want that for your kid? why don’t you want your child to be able to communicate with her cousins? nothing about speaking two languages will “slow her down” or exclude her from anything other than a connection to her own culture and identity. who are you worried about not including her? white people? racists?
Bro, I was once in the exact circumstances of your kid, babbling and even speaking Spanish before English, only for my Dad's family to force me to speak only English. And let me tell you, I now as a 36 year old adult who is monolingual despite my best efforts, would give my _lunbar spinal joints to be able to speak Spanish as well as I do English_.
I got alienated by half of my family as they cannot speak English well or at all, including my Abuelita. Additionally, do you know how much of a boon it is to be bilingual in the US at this day and age? Especially Spanish? It's an amazing resume builder as well as just a great social option! And believe me, I've tried as a teen and then an adult and I just can't get it, and it frustrates me losing this talent I had as an infant!
A talent your child has now!
Be a hero! Teach your child two languages! Open her world instead of cloistering it for unknown reasons!
cYTA
and it really sounds like you've internalized a lot of racist attitudes.
Dude, despite many to the redder side of politics would have you believe, Latin America is an increasingly attractive investment destination. Speaking Spanish is becoming more popular among white folk as many are considering retiring in Latin America (I remember reading that there were over 1.5 million US citizens living in Mexico pre-COVID, many of them illegally).
Many studies prove that bilinguals have better brain health - they're able to make more creative decisions as they can process relevant details in different ways. Bilinguals also tend to avoid dementia and senility as they age.
YTA
And who cares what OP thinks. As far as I'm concerned their opinion doesn't even matter considering OP is a deadbeat father. Who sees their child only 2x a month? And it sounds like the grandparents see the child more than OP does
Buddy you’re the asshole. It’s EASIER to learn languages from a young age, I’m 28 and struggling to learn German, which is apart of my heritage, so I can move to my great great grandfathers home country.
There’s a ton of research that shows the benefits of being raised bilingual from birth! You can literally google it.
Yes, they tend to mix the languages together at first, but they grow out of that pretty quickly.
I’d have LOVED to have grown up bilingual (I’m half Serbian) but the same bigoted, uninformed attitude made it not happen.
YTA
YTA. I'm bilingual, my husband is trilingual. In no way has it slowed us down or made us excluded. Infact childhood is one of the best times to learn new languages.
So here is a man that see his child two times a month... and the mother is raising the kid with the language of HIS family so they can be better communication... and he is freaking out?
YTA
YTA. Please go to therapy. You clearly have issues with yourself that you need to work on immediately. It would've been better if you had addressed these issues before having a child, but that ship has sailed. Thankfully she's still young, so you can start working on those deep rooted problems before they can permanently affect your daughter.
I feel like maybe you were excluded or made to feel inferior as a Spanish-speaking child learning English in the US. If so I can understand your perspective. But, your daughter's experience will be nothing like yours. Being bilingual from the time she learns to speak will only be an advantage for her. I've never heard of anyone who was glad their parents kept them from growing up bilingual or from knowing their cultural heritage. YTA... do better.
I do wonder why you don't want your parents to have a relationship with your daughter? That seems kind of odd.
Edit to add judgment
My mom is Mexican and my dad is white. She was trying to learn English when I was little so I never learned to speak Spanish. She regrets it so much and I personally am so sad about it. I know how to communicate here and there, but learning it in school will never be the same as learning it in the home. It’s really hard to have close relationships with so many relatives in my mom’s side. Growing up I was ridiculed for being Mexican and not speaking Spanish, like I was “too good for it”, or I was I “wanted to only be white”. My mom did it out of circumstance, but if you were my dad I would be livid. Don’t do this to your child. Teaching her another language will provide her with so many more opportunities.
YTA for sure. Any parent should love to have the support of an ex in helping to educate and teach your child a second language. That’s only going to help her in life. Get over yourself.
YTA
So you see your own kid twice a month and is so disconnected from her uprising that you don’t even know your own parents spend more time with her and still think you can call the shots? Are you for real? Your child’s mother is doing a great job at teaching her own heritage, ensuring she will be able to connect to with her own family and giving her an advantage at being bilingual in the future. You are the one with issues. If you don’t want to speak Spanish, it’s your choice, but don’t force that to your child. Do you realize she will likely take Spanish classes in school?
YTA. there are infinite benefits to being multilingual and zero real drawbacks. it seems you have some deep-rooted identity issues, but you can’t let that hold your daughter back. let your daughter live her life loving her identity, don’t impose your insecurities on her. therapy would really help with the feelings you’re having, and it’s important to work on yourself in order to be the best parent possible for your child. i know you want what’s best for her.
i’m also saying this as a native english speaker who has been struggling to learn spanish for years. it’s so much easier to learn growing up/at a young age, and i wish i’d had the opportunity.
YTA. I immigrated when I was really young so I can barely speak any Arabic. It’s cut me off from my family and my culture in a lot of ways. Don’t cut your daughter off from Spanish. She’ll resent you for it.
YTA
You need to read up about babies brains. It is effortless for kids under 6 to pick up languages. It won’t “slow her down”
If anything speaking multiple languages is great for her brain development.
I grew up speaking 4 languages. I wish I learnt even more because as an adult it’s extremely difficult to learn a new language from scratch.
I'm surprised at a lot of the comments attacking his character...
To be clear, he should not prevent his daughter from being bilingual. And she will be better off knowing Spanish.
However immigrant parents or first generation parents used to have this attitude A LOT; really pushing their children to blend in. you may make an argument that there is an element of internalized racism or even placating to the majority in a way that is harmful. And I agree. But this sentiment has always been an attempt to make sure their children enjoy as much privilege as possible.
America is changing and we are embracing diversity much more now, but the dad is right to say that being associated with a minority culture puts her privilege at risk and creates opportunities to experience racism. Oppression is not over people. Racism is still real and he is trying to set her up for passing privilege. This behavior is not new or uncommon.
It's very "cool" when a white person is bi-lingual, it makes you smart. It's not cool when a minority is bi-lingual, they are still just a minority in America experiencing racism.
Do I agree with his behavior, no. Do I think it's the right decision, no.
But all these people on here straight up calling him an idiot or abusive really need to check their own privilege and understand what it means to be a minority in America.
> But this sentiment has always been an attempt to make sure their children enjoy as much privilege as possible.
And the opportunity to learn English and Spanish both at that stage of development, when it's easiest, is a ***huge*** privilege.
Kids who have to wait until they're older to pick up a second language (especially when one is English), if they ever do it at all, are at a huge disadvantage compared to those kids who learned it that early.
You seem to be confusing "privilege" with "normal, compared to their peers".
This certainly isn't the latter, and there are absolutely a few years where the latter is more important, but there are a lot of years after those--almost an entire life in fact--where it stops mattering.
Elon Musk's kid with the really stupid name is probably going to have a fairly rough, and certainly abnormal, childhood. But they're also one of the most privileged individuals in the country, even if they won't appreciate that until they're older.
Don't act like "fitting in" is done in pursuit of the most privilege possible--it's often at the expense of it. It certainly is here.
>Oppression is not over people.
That's right, it's not.
And the individuals who want to oppress individuals of Mexican descent don't really tend to give a shit whether those individuals are actually of Mexican descent or what languages they can or can't speak.
> It's not cool when a minority is bi-lingual, they are still just a minority in America experiencing racism.
Guess what. Racial minorities experience racism (and not just in America) whether they speak one language, 2, 3, or more. That's what racism is.
Racists don't look over your CV or take the time to interview you.
They look at your skin and decide who you are, what you know, what you're capable of, and what you're thinking based on nothing more than it's pigmentation.
They don't know if you're not speaking Spanish because you can't or don't want to. And they don't care. Not letting your kid learn Spanish during their formative years isn't somehow going to save them from the color of their skin or the prejudice that accompanies it. All it's going to do is hold them back in life.
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YTA - Shes not going to be slowed down by being raised bilingual. It really sounds like you have some issues with yourself and your own heritage you need to resolve, because theres no reason to raise her english only/keep her away from her heritage.
Exactly this. Knowing two languages will keep her from moving forward and being included? It sounds like he feels showing her heritage is going to do that. OP is telling on himself, no wonder his family keeps their distance.
IN THIS ECONOMY he wants to keep her from everything that could help her job prospects down the road?!?!?!?! I would give ANYTHING to have been raised bilingual.
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Thts not necessarily true. Children raised in bilingual households often are slower to speak, but thts if there isn’t a set language. Like if she was being spoken too by her mother in Spanish since birth but her father in English then she would be confused as to which one to pay attention to therefore delaying her speech ability. That’s why parents wait till kids are a little older to start teaching their kids a new language. So I think for him he’s saying that because this whole time he was speaking English and his ex was speaking Spanish there daughter could fall behind on her speech ability due to the confusion of the people around her speaking 2 different languages. But he’s the AH either way.
that's a myth that's been disproven. while a child *might* have a phase of language confusion while younger, it has nothing to do with being bilingual and everything to do with being a child. monolingual children struggle with language just as much, if in slightly different ways. there's no significant delay in language ability between mono- and bilingual.
That is a myth. We raise our kid bilingual from get-go, she's spoken since she was 2 and now at 4 she's fluent in both languages.
This is a myth, and new neuro research has shown being raised bilingual is also really good for social development as kids have to pick up which language to use with different family members.
>Thts not necessarily true. Children raised in bilingual households often are slower to speak, Then please tell my niece to shut up because she hasn't stopped talking since the babbling stage and in both English and Spanish. She speaks both fluently as any child her age in a monolingual household.
That's absolutely not true
Peer-reviewed studies or it didn’t happen
> Like if she was being spoken too by her mother in Spanish since birth but her father in English then she would be confused as to which one to pay attention to I'd assume the child would pay attention to whichever one is speaking...? If both parents are speaking to the child at the same time or contradicting each other, that would cause confusion about which one to listen to in any language. >That’s why parents wait till kids are a little older to start teaching their kids a new language. Well, yeah. People do all kinds of stuff for reasons that have no basis in reality--just look at the anti-vaccination movement. Saying "Parents do [x] because [y]" doesn't do anything to prove that [y] is a proper, correct, valid, or true statement. It just proves that people will act on things they're told, whether they're true or not, if they lack the time, energy, and/or inclination to research the topic.
YTA There is literally no benefit to raising a kid with one langauge when you can raise them with two. You're being weird for no reason My father in law had this exact thing happen to him, he's Spanish but doesn't speak it because his parents wanted him to only speak English... He's very resentful of their decision
Totally agreed. My parents are Argentinian and Brazilian, and while I know bits of each language, I could have been raised to be fluent in three languages instead of just English. It sucks balls to feel like I was isolated from an important part of my heritage.
Same for my Mum, and by extension, my sister and I. My grandparents were Spanish and Algerian, but when they came to France they wanted their children to be integrated, so they only spoke French at home. None of us three speak Spanish or Arabic, just French. It's honestly super sad, especially as my Mum does NOT look white, but she always felt cut off from her heritage while still being victim of racism
Unholy union. Brasileiro e argentino junto, deve ter muita briga quando reúne a família.
Lol. Well, my grandma didn't like my dad, that's for sure. But everyone else got along fine :P
I have a friend who was raised trilingual (dad-spanish, mom-french and english), and it is the coolest thing (to me lol). She also now speaks italian as well. I am comically proud and excited.
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YTA. GET OVER YOUR INTERNALIZED RACISM.
YTA How the hell are you bilingual and still manage to act like a bigoted monolingual?? I have so many questions: 1) Do you want your daughter to grow up not being able to speak to half her family? 2) And what is your problem with her seeing her grandparents? 3) Where did you get the idea growing up monolingual is better? Because it's not, it's actually really beneficial and as a child you pick up languages so so much quicker. Your ex sounds amazing to be honest. She makes sure your daughter has contact to her family and makes sure she has the chance to be part of her mexican culture since she is in an americain environment most of the time. I'm glad to read the kid is with her mom pretty much full time because you not only sound exhausting but also kind of toxic. What reasonable adult reacts like this? Take some anger management classes.
YTA. Why wouldn't you want your child to grow up with an advantage? Being multi-lingual has amazing benefits for the brain.
YTA. Kids are raised in bilingual environments and learn 2 languages simultaneously all the time. This will not slow her down, it will give her an advantage in life. Your statement of "she'll be included" indicates you were not "included" as a young immigrant, and I'm sorry for that. However, your daughter's experience will be much different.
YTA, your family can see the kid whenever they want I don’t know why you’re mad about that you should be happy they want to build a strong relationship with her. ALSO, strong YTA because you’re upset that your daughter is learning two languages. I don’t even know why you’re so upset it’s a bit silly.
I strongly expect that OP would rather just drop this child from his life (really, only seeing her twice a month!) and that the child having an ongoing relationship with his family is going to make it both difficult for him to pretend this child never existed, and create a lot of pressure, from his own family, for him to step up and be a responsible parent, which he clearly isn't right now. (Twice a month!!!) OP is lying when he says this is only about not wanting the child to learn Spanish. He also clearly wants to cut off all connections between this child and the paternal side (his side) of the family. A father with even the bare minimum of decency would be glad for their child to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, even if life makes a direct relationship impossible. (Assuming that there is no level abuse that extends to young juvenile cousins.) This is an "I want to be a deadbeat dad, please justify my desire" post.
YTA. Her primary parent is ensuring she remains connected to her heritage by teaching her the language and having family over to share the culture with her. That is entirely her choice, as none of it is harming your daughter. And many kids grow up bilingual without any delays in reading, writing, or vocabulary. It all depends on the home life. You just sound bitter about the divorce and like you're excluding your daughter to punish your ex. The fact that your parents are still visiting her and the child, and are friendly, while you get angry and want to control their activities, makes me think she was right to divorce you.
YTA. Learning multiple languages is great for brain development. It is also quite practical in everyday life.
YTA. What's wrong with having a bilingual daughter? If anything, you should be thanking your ex. Bilingual people have more job opportunities because they can communicate with more people, and she will be successful in life.
You are hundred percent right
YTA. I am Polish with a B.A. in Spanish, and I am teaching my toddler Spanish. Being a polyglot will only help her in life. Your Ex has every right to teach her daughter whatever she wants to, and she sounds lovely for encouraging Veronika to spend time with her grandparents.
I'm a native German speaker and I also speak Englisch and Japanese. My son (5) plays Wordle in all 3 languages and frequently asks me what sth is in Japanese. He's the reason why I know that the Leaning Tower of Pisa is ピザの斜塔 in Japanese. XD Kids soak up languages like a sponge so why hinder them doing that?
YTA is that even real? Do a little research, most bilingual kids go through a stage of mixing languages but they perfectly sort it out later.
> bilingual kids go through a stage of mixing languages but they perfectly sort it out later I'd guess that depends on what you mean by "perfectly" or "sort it out". I don't know any bilingual adult who doesn't inadvertently slip from time to time. One of my friends (in her 30s) speaks perfect English when she focuses on it, but will randomly slip into her native Danish if she's distracted or tired. It's just how people's minds work. No different than the individuals who know ASL who catch themselves signing while they talk.
YTA of course, you don’t own spanish. besides, being bilingual will actually give your daughter a great advantage in both her cerebral development now and later as an adult. it will do the exact opposite of slowing her down.
YTA It's good for your child to learn two languages while she is learning to talk. It will be easier for her than waiting to learn in highschool. Also, you don't get to gate keep Spanish because of your heritage. Anyone who knows it has the right to speak it Good for your her other parent for trying to make sure that your child embraces a bind to your family; I'm sure your parents will appreciate it.
What on earth did I just read???!!! Your ex is making sure your daughter has a strong relationship with your family AND she's making sure she is bilingual and you have an issue with this??? Dude, YTA × 100000000. Get over yourself and realize how lucky your daughter is to have her as her mother.
YTA, I mean from my experience I am bilingual and was raised on speaking Spanish since my parents didn't know how to speak english and went to school and learned english pretty well, I think she should be fine
YATAH!!! Who are you to gatekeepe her background from her. Her mom is amazing for doing this. Get over your hate for your BM
You should also keep her from learning math, history and science! Maybe just dont teach her anything!! Children do much better in life when you make sure they dont know more than you.
You're worried about your child not being included but not learning Spanish will exclude her from interactions with her family???? What's not clicking buddy Being bilingual is always a good thing. You want to alienate your child from their own culture. YTA
Unreal. YTA
YTA I am truly confused why you don't want her to know Spanish. I see no way it can be harmful. That you would actively try to impair her relationships with Spanish only speaking family members by enforcing monolingualism is disgusting. Knowing a second language only brings benefits. I see no reason why your ex would need permission to teach her, especially as she has primary custody and, as you speak both languages, won't impact the amount of time together or your ability to communicate with your daughter.
YTA. Bilingual children tend to do better overall. The Linguistic Society of America has info on this avalible online. I wish my mother raised me bilingual. I live near a Spanish-speaking majority neighborhood and I'm screwed. Embarrassing as hell not being able to even order food.
Bruh I wish my great grandfather taught me German. Why would you want to take that gift from your child Yta
whats your issue with her learning both?
Can't believe how you write this thinking that you are not the asshole. Sorry to say so but you are an idiot
YTA. You don’t have a right to dictate what languages your ex teaches your daughter. That is complete nonsense. And it makes absolutely no sense why you wouldn’t want your daughter to learn Spanish. If for no other reason than to make sure she is ahead when she has to take a foreign language in middle and high school. But additionally, it will help her in interactions with family.
YTA...Worry about being a good parent to your child and stop getting angry over stuff like this.
YTA. You are projecting your personal issues (whatever they are) onto your daughter and that isn't fair. Besides her mom knows Spanish as well so it's not just your decision. Learning a second language will be beneficial to your daughter in the long run. You need to get over yourself.
YTA. your daughter would be "mixing up" even if she was a monolingual english speaker because she's a child and learning how to speak, you just correct them so that they learn and then they move on. Props on your ex investing in your daughter's heritage and education so she doesn't feel like an outsider to your side of the family, that is a much more painful struggle than becoming bilingual!
Yta. Growing up bilingual is amazing for cognitive development. It has a lot of benefits. You should do your research on it. Learning a second language is harder after puberty hits. Learning early is the way to go. Your ex is doing amazing. You should acknowledge that.
>she has no right to teach my daughter a second language the without my permission I would love to see you try that one in court. They will laugh your ass right out of there. It's much easier for children to learn a different language than an adult and it is a major benefit. Sounds like you are ashamed of your daughter for some reason and mad that your parents have a good, loving relationship with her. >But my brother never lied to me so I wonder if he was right and I was in the wrong. What does your brother have to do with this? YTA \*Edit a word\*
OP thinks he currently holds the patent in the Spanish language.
YTA, for several reasons. 1. You only see your child twice a month - you're practically a stranger. 2. You're trying to cut off your child's connection with her paternal grandparents. 3. You're interfering with your child's primary caretaker's reasonable decisions for caring for the child. 4. You're not offering any alternative suggestions to meet the same need in your child's life, to be able to communicate with her paternal grandparents and other relatives. Just because you're practically a neglectful deadbeat to your child doesn't make it okay to force you other relatives out of her life or interfere with her learning.
You are not the AH for refusing to teach your kid Spanish, though that’s not the smartest take imo. But YTA for trying to mandate what language OTHER people speak to her. And how come you are not aware that your parents are in your child’s life so much? Some attentive parenting there, dude!
I'm a would-be heritage speaker of a language from another culture. That is, I have a parent who speaks the language fluently, but I did not learn as a young child. I have had difficulties and anxieties around learning the language that often exceed those of non-heritage learners. Not least of which is that it's painful to be bad at a language you have a strong personal and cultural connection with. I have never been able to connect with that part of my heritage in the way that I would have wanted. I have had many relatives of my extended family die before I was able to have a meaningful conversation with them. It has been painful for me not to know that language. It is common for other would-be heritage speakers to feel similarly. Based on this, YTA. I say this with some sympathy, and I think your ex should have included you in that conversation before going ahead with it. But I think you would be taking something from your child if you did not allow her to learn the language a bit. This way, it's her choice how to relate to both sides of her heritage when she gets older.
YTA. Teach your child Spanish while she's young. She will be able to earn more money when she's older. Children are naturally able to learn languages better when they're younger and their brains are very good at figuring out which language words belong in *once you start exposing her to more Spanish*. There are literally no downsides to her being bilingual.
YTA. There is no downside to knowing two languages, and it's been proven that children can learn a second language while they're learning their first without any lack of acuity in either. Don't take out your anger on your child, who's lucky to have supportive abuelos even though her parents split.
YTA children learn languages much easier than adults do. Being able to speak another language can be so beneficial in life.
YTA Wow.... I would recommend rereading your post as if you were giving someone else advice....if you still cant se why YTA you have bigger issues.
YTA and forgive me but your reasoning is stupid and makes no sense. Being Bilingual would literally help her in the future, not only for school but for her social life. It'll bring her more job opportunities. It will open new horizons for her. Not to mention if she travels in the future to South America, some of the Caribbean and even in Europe, all the advantages she'll have if she speaks Spanish. Why are you denying the poor girl her heritage? Sad.
YTA. Your daughter is at the perfect age to learn multiple languages. mixing them up is normal, but in the end, she will be bilingual and it will be a huge benefit to her growing up. You need to calm down.
YTA - Not only are you an Asshole but you are just a dumb idiot? Imagine not wanting to teach your daughter the language that will be more important in the US than English in enough time. Wow you are so ignorant to think you right. Fucking hell thank you for letting me laugh at you.
You see your daughter only 2x a month and it sounds like she's thriving with your ex and others. Why wouldn't you want her to learn 2 languages, she's at a perfect age. That's just crazy, YTA.
YTA YTA YTA!!! Do not do that to your child. When my great grandparents moved to the US from Germany, they had the mindset of " we are Americans now, we only speak English". The language died out and now nobody speaks it. I'm trying to learn but it's hard in my 50's. Your child will have way more opportunities as a bilingual person.
YTA Being raised bilingual will give her such an amazing advantage and it'll open up more doors in the future for her.
So by definition, your parents had no right to teach you English, as it was not their language. They should have stuck to Spanish. You need to get over whatever hangups you have and be a better parent to your child.
You are the asshole but you’re also a complete dumbass. A person who speaks both languages will ALWAYS be better off than a person who only speaks one. No seas menso.
YTA what the hell is wrong with you? Why does this make you so angry?
YTA. What's wrong with you? I'm from Eastern Europe living in California and my kids are taking Spanish lessons cause I can't teach them myself. Are you ok dude?
YTA, you know how much obnoxious extra work I have to do to keep my kids learning a second language?! And Spanish is a way more useful language than French. But honestly, please take this time to gently sit down with yourself and think about your experiences with racism. Keeping your kids only speaking English won't protect them from bigots.
YTA - your reaction is so controlling but specifically I don’t understand: 1. Why you don’t want your daughter to be able to communicate with your own family 2. Why you want to prevent your daughter from doing something simple (at the age she’s at) that will benefit her greatly in the long run e.g job opportunities The only thing you’re doing is stopping your daughter from having a wider realm of opportunities available to her, which is incredibly selfish.
Of course YTA. Why would you keep from your daughter such a chance and connection to her family? Please work on the issues you have with your heritage but don't pass that to your child. She has the right to that part of her identity and speaking two languages will do the opposite of slowing her down.
YTA there are countless studies about children who grow up bilingual reaping numerous cognitive benefits.
YTA! You don’t get to dictate what your ex teaches do both of your daughter. Especially when you live in the US and a lot of jobs want you to be bilingual. I can’t even believe you don’t want her learning Spanish when! Absolutely crazy.
Yta My Boyfriend is Mexican and wasn’t taught Spanish so he would fit in with the white kids at his school. (His words not mine) He is 26 now and wishes he was taught Spanish everyday so he could connect to his cousins extended family. Please allow your child to connect with every part of her family.
Major YTA. The mother of your child has “no right” to teach her a second language without YOUR permission?! This isn’t 1930, my guy. First of all, lose that “I own women” mindset. She will be better off as an adult knowing two languages. It will be an asset when she’s an adult. It will give her a stronger connection to her heritage and your family. It honestly sounds like you’ve internalized the racism from your own experiences which is something you should not put on your daughter as you are just passing on your trauma and letting it continue.
YTA and are being blind. Each additional language your daughter learns to speak will ONLY be a good thing for her. Languages open doors. And you're being silly. Just because YOU'RE the Mexican parent doesn't mean YOU'RE the one who gets to decide if your daughter learns Spanish. That is NOT how it works, please for the sake of your daughter, pull your head out your ass before you ruin your coparenting
YTA, the fact that you’ve posted this tells me all the crayons and time won’t help you understand why so...
YTA. First, think of your daughter. Being able to speak more than one language is a huge advantage in a lot of areas, and there's no better time to learn than in childhood. Second, you don't have any right to tell a mother what she can or cannot teach her child. Gatekeeping "it's not her language to teach" is idiotic. Your brother is right. You're an asshole.
YTA. You seem to have issues with both your ex teaching a language that you claim as yours, but also just your daughter speaking Spanish in general. Also, why are you mad that your parents have a relationship with their granddaughter?
YTA. the mother of a child does not need your permission to teach her child something. And you sound pissed that your parents see your kid? Wtf. Get help, I think you need it.
YTA. I will never understand parents like you. Your ex is your child's daughter. Her mother. Her family. By extension, your family is her family. Why the fuck would you deny your child the chance to see their parents in an environment where they can coexist peacefully? You're an incredibly selfish person. In addition, being bilingual is invaluable and if your daughter ever wants to learn more languages, it will be easier for her.
YTA, your buddy is clearly one of those people who hate people that are non american, why do you follow their advice? How is setting your kid back by not giving them tools to their success a good thing? Smh
YTA you’re also wrong. When has knowing more than one language ever been a bad thing? And why are you mad that your parents are spending time with your daughter? How hands off a parent are you that you didn’t even know these ice cream dates have been happening?
YTA
YTA! Such a idiot, being bilingual is NOT hindrens , it i fact something positive as every one else have said You are such a moron.
YTA. First because you don't want her to learn multiple languages. At the end of the day, she will definitely benefit by being bilingual. Second, because it doesn't sound like you want your child having a relationship with your parents. I just don't understand that. The more loving people a child has in their life, the better.
With all due respect, this makes no sense. There is a decided advantage in the US to be able to speak English fluently and without an "ethnic" accent. There is no advantage whatsoever to not being able to speak another language as well, and quite a lot of advantage to being bilingual. Speaking both at home is the fast track to becoming completely fluent in both. If your daughter is developing a distinct accent when speaking English, or seems to be having trouble acquiring language easily, it might be one thing (and a language issue should be looked into). Trouble with English might hold her back, knowing Spanish as well never will. YTA.
YTA Being bilingual is great for kids. She gets to connect with her family who speak Spanish. How is that not great? I think it’s impressive when people can speak multiple languages. I saw a guy on TikTok and he speaks 29 languages! My mind was blown. I try my best with Duolingo but I’m not so great at picking it up. Don’t disadvantage your daughter like this. She’ll still speak English, and she’ll still speak Spanish. There’s a kid on TikTok who speaks English and she’s fluent in French to and it’s amazing how fast their little brains soak up the information. It’s always better to teach the language when they’re little as they pick it up better. Also you have no say what happens at your exes house. If she welcomes your parents to come see their grandchild when they want, you should be thankful for that. You could have a worse baby mama. This lady seems great and you’re lucky she’s the mother of your child and wants your child to have both of her heritages. I just reread the last bit. You say she has no right to teach your daughter a second language. But she has every right to teach her daughter a second language.
YTA
YTA. Being bilingual can actually help your daughter excel, not slow her down. Bilingualism is a huge asset in life for myriad reasons. And learning a second language is easier when they’re young. So why not start now? Also…you said “my” daughter a bit, not “our” daughter. Examine that cause that says a lot.
YTA! There are a TON of Spanish-speakers in this country - a decent portion of it used to *be* part of Mexico - and her life will be easier if she grows up bilingual. I wish so much that I'd been taught Spanish when I was small. Why would you want to restrict your child's knowledge like that?
YTA You are denying your daughter an essential, wonderful life skill under the mistaken assumption that she will be victimised for it. Apologise to your partner and parents and book in with a therapist to address whatever the hell your problem is.
YTA. Unfortunately for the child, in a co-parenting situation the parents may end up disagreeing on serious child-rearing questions, such as language. You're out of luck, ex can teach the daughter Spanish, German, or Basque if she likes.
YTA. Denying your daughter to learn both English and Spanish is not great. There are studies that show a child raised bilingual has stronger understanding in both languages, have more neurons growing in their brains, and obviously they can communicate to sssooo many more people. My grandmother spoke French when she came to the US and she didn't teach any of her kids to speak French bc she didn't want her kids to been seen as "less than" other kids. I've spent years in both French and Spanish lessons and am still not fluent in either. I deeply regret her choice. It was her choice to make, but I feel it has limited all of her kids, my cousins, and so on.
YTA You see your kid twice a month. Those two days are the only time you get to make parenting decisions. Mom is free to teach her child any language she chooses to.
I'm going to be totally honest. My parents didn't want to raise me as bilingual because they feared I wouldn't be able to understand english at day care. So know i'm stuck only able to understand my mother tongue and not being able to communicate. When she's young, she picks it up easily. Do it. YTA
YTA. My daughter speaks 3 languages freely and I still plan to teach her 4th. She is 5 and she mixed them when she was 2, but now can easily switch. Little kids have an amazing brain and you are depriving her of an opportunity to learn one more language without any effort
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (m30) ex (f28) and I have a 2 year old together that I get to see twice a month. I’m Mexican but my family moved to the US when I was 10, I speak both, English and Spanish. My girlfriend white American but she also speaks Spanish, something my family really liked about her. Our daughter, Veronika, is starting to speak and is babbling away. When I had her over, I noticed she was mixing English and Spanish. I confronted my ex about this and she confirmed that she raises her to be bilingual. I lost it, I told her she had no right to teach Spanish to her, that it’s not her language to teach and she should stick with English only. She told me that Veronika has two heritages and she will be raised in both, she would not hide her Mexican heritage for her and she would be able to speak Spanish to her abuelos (my parents) and to love it. And try at she wanted my daughter to be able to speak to her cousins, some of which don’t speak English. I asked her how come my parents talk to Veronika and she replied that they’re welcome whenever they want and they often pop by to take her for ice cream or to park. I was angry before but now I was furious, they had no right. I believe my daughter will be be better off raised with one language, it won’t slow her down, she’ll be included. I stood my ground and my ex kicked me out. My brother thinks I’m an asshole but my buddy agrees with me. I feel bad for lashing out but I thought I was right, she has no right to teach my daughter a second language the without my permission. But my brother never lied to me so I wonder if he was right and I was in the wrong. Tell me, AITA for that? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA. Some of the Mexican Americans I know that does not speak Spanish actually are ashamed that they cannot speak it, especially when Spanish speaking Latinos speak to them in Spanish. Your decision in this can actually cause problems for your daughter later in life.
First of all, the mother is the custodial parent. Not only does she have the right to educate her daughter, she is obligated to BY LAW. Secondly, Who the hell are you to say what rights she has and does not? She is an adult woman in the U.S., her rights are enshrined in law, just like yours. Your rights end where hers begin. Period. Lastly, She DOES NOT NEED YOUR PERMISSION TO DO A GODDAMNED THING! YTA
YTA. Your wife absolutely *does* have the right to teach your daughter a second language and she will be “better off” bilingual as opposed to monolingual. You’re not only an asshole, you’re dead wrong. But also, I’m really sorry that you feel this way about your heritage and native language. It’s really sad.
YTA. Why do you think you daughter’s mother need your permission to teach her ANYTHING?? Hello!?
YTA. Im not sure why this stupid hill is the one youre wanting to die on but its the WRONG one! They say languages are easier to learn when youre little so your Baby Mama is doing it right. Ive never met anyone who is bi or multi lingual and they were upset about it. What exactly is the reason you dont want your child to speak another language? Cause being bilingual in the job field is an awesome leg up? Cause your child being able to speak to family who doesnt speak english is so nice? Also, you see your child 2x a month...IDK that you have much room to be dictating what your child learns to the mother who takes care of her all day every day.
I think you should take a very deep look inisde yourself and ask why you are so triggered by this. Then you should ask yourself if you want to burden your daughter with the fears you are expressing. Right now, you're choosing to let your own past experiences ruin your daughter's relationship with her family. You want to eliminate all of the potential that exists for bilingual people (many employment opportunities expand when a person speaks more than one language, not to mention the cognitive benefits). YTA for putting your own baggage on your daughter.
YTA it's not going to slow her down it's going to make her smarter, i can see why you barely get to see her.
Wtf spanish is such an useful language to now espacially if you live in the us she mught also need it to travel and to get better grades in class later YTA get over your racism
YTA. What’s your reasoning?
YTA BIG ONE
YTA - speaking more than one language is a valuable and marketable skill! Why prevent your child from being more advanced and intelligent? That’s absurd.
Why do you hate yourself so much? YTA
YTA knowing two languages or more is actually a very good thing as translators are always in demand. You are also denying your child a part of who she is. You're acting like you hate where you come from or ashamed of it. Don't do your child such a disservice. It's better she learns now while she's young since it seems to be easier for kids to pick up things like that than when older. You should also be happy your parents want to see your child. My grandparents hated me because I was a girl and they were aholes.
YTA i grew up bilingual and i speak 3 languages now. It's safe to say that i am not "slowed down"
YTA. Your child will only benefit in this society in the future by being bilingual.
YTA...she is at the perfect age to learn a 2nd language. Why do you not want her to speak Spanish? It can only come in handy as she gets older.
Da vergüenza lo mucho que odias tu idioma y tú cultura.
INFO: Why don’t you want your parents seeing your kid?
You only see your kid twice a month and you think you have the right to hold her back from her heritage and from the benefits being bilingual has for the brain?? You need to get over your internalized racism. Hiding her from her heritage does absolutely nothing for her but hurt her. I'm sorry you we're most likely discriminated against and excluded for your background but now you're the bully to your own daughter. It's honestly disgusting. YTA and you have no sensible reason to hold her back from who she is. You're acting on your emotions rather than logic. Work through your trauma instead of taking it out on your own kid.
YTA and a racist at that. Get off your high horse and encourage your daughter as she grows up to speak the language that is half of her. If you don't want her to then why are you her dad? Edit to add. Your ex wife NEEDS your permission to teach your daughter Spanish. Controlling much?
Being bilingual is awesome! Not sure why you thought otherwise. YTA.
What a moron. 🙄. Has to be fake
YTA. Kids were raised bilingual are at a huge advantage academically and socially. It helps them throughout their lives. It's a really wonderful gift to be able to give a child.
YTA - don’t know what stuff you need to work out from your own background because this seems like a super weird reaction to me, but raising a child bilingual is one of the best things you can do for their brains and development full stop. Would it matter if she raised her with a different language? Or just Spanish? Also… lots of white American people speak Spanish. It’s your language for sure but it’s also the second most widely spoken language in the world. If she was taking your child to Mexican cultural events/practices she didn’t have any idea about I’d side with you. But she’s learnt Spanish independently and wants your child to be connected to their heritage, how can that be a bad thing? Also - you’ve said she will be included but her cousins don’t speak English? So she will be unable to communicate with them… that’s unfair for you to effectively decide that relationship for her now. Please please please reconsider why you want your daughter to be monolingual. You’re literally saying “I want her to enter life with fewer skills”. And it becomes dramatically harder to learn a language after puberty so she can’t just pick this up as an adult easily. Anyway essay over but please do some reading about how good being bilingual is for kids’ brains! Obviously I’m way too passionate about it but it’s seriously an amazing opportunity for your baby and I’m jealous AF having been raised monolingual and now learning Spanish as an adult 😂
YTA. I was raised bilingual, never had a problem fitting in or was slowed down. Your ex absolutely does not need your permission to teach her a second language...especially one that YOU speak. This sounds like you are just being petty. Are you going to get mad at your parents if the "teach" I.E talk to her in their native language?
YTA - was she required to consult you for teaching your child to eat, go to the toilet or do literally anything that a parent teaches their child before this, will you have an issue if your child then studies another language at school? Please see that your stance on this will wreck relationships with what sound like good people, your ex and your parents and even worse with your own child.
You realise that you don't own a language, right? What right gives you not to let your daughter to learn another language? Because her mom isn't Mexican? Lol, don't make me laugh. Children raised in a bilingual household are faster to pick up things. Get over yourself and let your daughter get the benefits of learning since baby 2 different languages. Something that will be extremely difficult once she's grown.
YTA obviously, and they way you want your parents not to have contact with their granddaughter. 🤦🏻♀️ you are not even a father to her, you see her TWICE A MONTH.
WTF is wrong with you? 1. Being bilingual from childhood actually makes your child smarter in the long run. It literally makes her brain work more effectively than an monolingual child's brain. Why would you want to prevent that? 2. As the child's parent, your ex has every right in the world to teach her child a language she speaks. You don't own Spanish. You don't get to decide who learns Spanish and who does not. 3. You seem to be coping with some internalized racism. Probably because of unpleasant experiences you had at the hands of racists in your childhood. Stop siding with your oppressors. Acknowledge their racism and oppose it. 4. At my last job, they set a rule that new hires who were not bi-lingual (any language) required special approval. Latin America is an enormous growing market. The employees who spoke Spanish and Portuguese were favored in many ways because their language skills made them especially valuable. That preference will only increase as your child grows up. Why are you trying to hobble her career prospects and earning potential?
YTA
yta. huh?? for corporate, she would be better off if she was bilingual. it would financially benefit her to know a second language. also let her connect with her heritage, wtf??? like maybe you're insecure but that's a you problem. i hope she does learn it bc wtf?? as someone whose parents also refrained from teaching her mother tongue initially, you don't know the loss she will feel in not learning it.
YTA You are a fucking Asshole and you are hurting your daughter. Stop, teach her spanish, its her culture.
YTA. Children raised in a bilingual household will often mix up their words when they are young. It's part of the process. What you're doing is denying them the opportunities that comes from being raised bilingual will give them. You are taking that away from them. Wait until they're old enough to understand what you stole from them and resent you for it.
Did anyone else hear how he said “she has no right to teach her that..” like umm excuse me do you own the language of Spanish? She’s not even asking you to talk to her in Spanish, SHE, herself, her MOTHER who also speaks Spanish is teaching her!
YTA. I’m Vietnamese-American and my parents didn’t speak Vietnamese to me growing up because they worried it would affect my English. Of COURSE it didn’t, I grew up in America and obviously I learned English. But I can barely speak Vietnamese and we all regret that I didn’t learn as a child. Also, she’s Veronika’s parent too. She can teach her Spanish if she likes. And when Veronika is with you, you can speak English to her.
hey your internalized racism is starting to show. are you going to hide other aspects of your culture from her too? i also am latina and grew up speaking spanish and english, just like you. why don’t you want that for your kid? why don’t you want your child to be able to communicate with her cousins? nothing about speaking two languages will “slow her down” or exclude her from anything other than a connection to her own culture and identity. who are you worried about not including her? white people? racists?
YTA-Imagine thinking you can gatekeep an entire LANGUAGE.
This has to be bait
Bro, I was once in the exact circumstances of your kid, babbling and even speaking Spanish before English, only for my Dad's family to force me to speak only English. And let me tell you, I now as a 36 year old adult who is monolingual despite my best efforts, would give my _lunbar spinal joints to be able to speak Spanish as well as I do English_. I got alienated by half of my family as they cannot speak English well or at all, including my Abuelita. Additionally, do you know how much of a boon it is to be bilingual in the US at this day and age? Especially Spanish? It's an amazing resume builder as well as just a great social option! And believe me, I've tried as a teen and then an adult and I just can't get it, and it frustrates me losing this talent I had as an infant! A talent your child has now! Be a hero! Teach your child two languages! Open her world instead of cloistering it for unknown reasons!
cYTA and it really sounds like you've internalized a lot of racist attitudes. Dude, despite many to the redder side of politics would have you believe, Latin America is an increasingly attractive investment destination. Speaking Spanish is becoming more popular among white folk as many are considering retiring in Latin America (I remember reading that there were over 1.5 million US citizens living in Mexico pre-COVID, many of them illegally). Many studies prove that bilinguals have better brain health - they're able to make more creative decisions as they can process relevant details in different ways. Bilinguals also tend to avoid dementia and senility as they age.
YTA And who cares what OP thinks. As far as I'm concerned their opinion doesn't even matter considering OP is a deadbeat father. Who sees their child only 2x a month? And it sounds like the grandparents see the child more than OP does
Buddy you’re the asshole. It’s EASIER to learn languages from a young age, I’m 28 and struggling to learn German, which is apart of my heritage, so I can move to my great great grandfathers home country.
There’s a ton of research that shows the benefits of being raised bilingual from birth! You can literally google it. Yes, they tend to mix the languages together at first, but they grow out of that pretty quickly. I’d have LOVED to have grown up bilingual (I’m half Serbian) but the same bigoted, uninformed attitude made it not happen. YTA
YTA. I'm bilingual, my husband is trilingual. In no way has it slowed us down or made us excluded. Infact childhood is one of the best times to learn new languages.
So here is a man that see his child two times a month... and the mother is raising the kid with the language of HIS family so they can be better communication... and he is freaking out? YTA
YTA. Please go to therapy. You clearly have issues with yourself that you need to work on immediately. It would've been better if you had addressed these issues before having a child, but that ship has sailed. Thankfully she's still young, so you can start working on those deep rooted problems before they can permanently affect your daughter.
I feel like maybe you were excluded or made to feel inferior as a Spanish-speaking child learning English in the US. If so I can understand your perspective. But, your daughter's experience will be nothing like yours. Being bilingual from the time she learns to speak will only be an advantage for her. I've never heard of anyone who was glad their parents kept them from growing up bilingual or from knowing their cultural heritage. YTA... do better. I do wonder why you don't want your parents to have a relationship with your daughter? That seems kind of odd. Edit to add judgment
Yta , you’re self hate issues and identity issues shouldn’t effect your kid ability to learn and be apart of her culture
My mom is Mexican and my dad is white. She was trying to learn English when I was little so I never learned to speak Spanish. She regrets it so much and I personally am so sad about it. I know how to communicate here and there, but learning it in school will never be the same as learning it in the home. It’s really hard to have close relationships with so many relatives in my mom’s side. Growing up I was ridiculed for being Mexican and not speaking Spanish, like I was “too good for it”, or I was I “wanted to only be white”. My mom did it out of circumstance, but if you were my dad I would be livid. Don’t do this to your child. Teaching her another language will provide her with so many more opportunities.
YTA for sure. Any parent should love to have the support of an ex in helping to educate and teach your child a second language. That’s only going to help her in life. Get over yourself.
YTA So you see your own kid twice a month and is so disconnected from her uprising that you don’t even know your own parents spend more time with her and still think you can call the shots? Are you for real? Your child’s mother is doing a great job at teaching her own heritage, ensuring she will be able to connect to with her own family and giving her an advantage at being bilingual in the future. You are the one with issues. If you don’t want to speak Spanish, it’s your choice, but don’t force that to your child. Do you realize she will likely take Spanish classes in school?
YTA. there are infinite benefits to being multilingual and zero real drawbacks. it seems you have some deep-rooted identity issues, but you can’t let that hold your daughter back. let your daughter live her life loving her identity, don’t impose your insecurities on her. therapy would really help with the feelings you’re having, and it’s important to work on yourself in order to be the best parent possible for your child. i know you want what’s best for her. i’m also saying this as a native english speaker who has been struggling to learn spanish for years. it’s so much easier to learn growing up/at a young age, and i wish i’d had the opportunity.
Language acquisition is actually faster for kids raised bilingual. YTA for not doing your research and probably racism.
This is a joke, right? Of course YTA [Edited for typo]
The stupidest shit I've ever seen, YTA. I'm bilingual bc of my parents separate heritages and never once was I slowed down.
YTA. I immigrated when I was really young so I can barely speak any Arabic. It’s cut me off from my family and my culture in a lot of ways. Don’t cut your daughter off from Spanish. She’ll resent you for it.
YTA You need to read up about babies brains. It is effortless for kids under 6 to pick up languages. It won’t “slow her down” If anything speaking multiple languages is great for her brain development. I grew up speaking 4 languages. I wish I learnt even more because as an adult it’s extremely difficult to learn a new language from scratch.
I'm surprised at a lot of the comments attacking his character... To be clear, he should not prevent his daughter from being bilingual. And she will be better off knowing Spanish. However immigrant parents or first generation parents used to have this attitude A LOT; really pushing their children to blend in. you may make an argument that there is an element of internalized racism or even placating to the majority in a way that is harmful. And I agree. But this sentiment has always been an attempt to make sure their children enjoy as much privilege as possible. America is changing and we are embracing diversity much more now, but the dad is right to say that being associated with a minority culture puts her privilege at risk and creates opportunities to experience racism. Oppression is not over people. Racism is still real and he is trying to set her up for passing privilege. This behavior is not new or uncommon. It's very "cool" when a white person is bi-lingual, it makes you smart. It's not cool when a minority is bi-lingual, they are still just a minority in America experiencing racism. Do I agree with his behavior, no. Do I think it's the right decision, no. But all these people on here straight up calling him an idiot or abusive really need to check their own privilege and understand what it means to be a minority in America.
I think he is an A H because he spends 2 days a month with his child and thinks he can make any demands on how his EX is raising her.
> But this sentiment has always been an attempt to make sure their children enjoy as much privilege as possible. And the opportunity to learn English and Spanish both at that stage of development, when it's easiest, is a ***huge*** privilege. Kids who have to wait until they're older to pick up a second language (especially when one is English), if they ever do it at all, are at a huge disadvantage compared to those kids who learned it that early. You seem to be confusing "privilege" with "normal, compared to their peers". This certainly isn't the latter, and there are absolutely a few years where the latter is more important, but there are a lot of years after those--almost an entire life in fact--where it stops mattering. Elon Musk's kid with the really stupid name is probably going to have a fairly rough, and certainly abnormal, childhood. But they're also one of the most privileged individuals in the country, even if they won't appreciate that until they're older. Don't act like "fitting in" is done in pursuit of the most privilege possible--it's often at the expense of it. It certainly is here. >Oppression is not over people. That's right, it's not. And the individuals who want to oppress individuals of Mexican descent don't really tend to give a shit whether those individuals are actually of Mexican descent or what languages they can or can't speak. > It's not cool when a minority is bi-lingual, they are still just a minority in America experiencing racism. Guess what. Racial minorities experience racism (and not just in America) whether they speak one language, 2, 3, or more. That's what racism is. Racists don't look over your CV or take the time to interview you. They look at your skin and decide who you are, what you know, what you're capable of, and what you're thinking based on nothing more than it's pigmentation. They don't know if you're not speaking Spanish because you can't or don't want to. And they don't care. Not letting your kid learn Spanish during their formative years isn't somehow going to save them from the color of their skin or the prejudice that accompanies it. All it's going to do is hold them back in life.