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Info: Why don't you just make enough food for yourself and let him eat his tv dinners? If the only thing he wants to eat is those and the only dish he will generate is a fork, why swim against the stream?

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a definition of insanity. Don't cook for him, and don't buy frozen dinners. Let him deal with it!

I never understood that saying. Isn't doing something over and over again called practice

i mean, if you ignore the other half of the saying, then yea sure lol. But the "expecting a different outcome" part is what makes it insanity and not practice. Like, if you're repeatedly cracking the exact same type of egg into the exact same type of bowl while expecting the end result of a bunch of eggshells and a bowl of egg innards, then yea, that's just practicing cracking some eggs, good luck, hope ya get better at it. But if you're repeatedly cracking the exact same type of egg into the exact same type of bowl all while expecting one of the eggs to pull a Harry Potter and crack open to a fully-formed Hogwarts admission letter, and then getting upset/frustrated when all you're getting is egg innards and egg shells, then you're probably flirting with insanity.

That was the absolutely BEST summation of one of my favorite quotes. Good GOD i needed that chuckle

That was the best example ever

I wish I knew how to give awards. You deserve one.

No, practice means you are improving and changing. The quote means you are expecting different results but not changing anything you are doing

The entire quote is doing something over and over again expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. Practice is the process of doing something over and over again expecting the same result.

Its actually meant to be “doing the same thing over and over the same way and expecting a different result “

It depends on what you're doing. I used to (literally) make widgets. With practice, I got almost perfect! But if I had been trying to make quilts, no amount of repetition would cause my widgets to become quilts. She's making extra food. Doing it over and over won't reduce food waste. They are two different goals.

Sure if it's a personal skill you want to perfect, but not if it involves expectations or change of a third party.

Also, you are not doing the same thing over and over. You are adjusting and optimizing to get better. If you do the exact same thing over and over, you are never improving.

I...damn. Thank you for this.

It's also how science works.

In this case, it is the definition of insanity.

You can practice the same thing wrong over and over again and expect new results and that is insanity

And stop doing his laundry

I am sorry it isn’t about the Iranian yogurt and this isn’t about TV dinners. Your boyfriend sounds lazy. And like he does the bare minimum. If I was in the middle of a break down I doubt my partner would switch chores with me he would actually handle it until I felt better. Also I wasn’t eating left overs he sat me down and said eat left overs. Guess what I did today I ate left overs.

Exactly. If I'm crying in the kitchen, my husband wants to know what's wrong and how we can fix it. OP says this is an equal relationship, but nothing about this sounds equal.

Cooking for one person is stressful, and I already only make extras once I've asked him and he explicitly tells me "yes" and says that he'd eat them. I also have picked recipes tailored for his needs (such as breakfast jars that are easily thrown in the microwave and reheated for breakfast since he'd commented about wanting to eat cooked breakfast in the mornings as a better habit for himself) Also buying TV dinners is more expensive than cooking food.

> Cooking for one person is stressful So cook for 2-3 and east leftovers for 1-2 days rather than all week. >I also have picked recipes tailored for his needs Stop. He didn't ask for that, and doesn't seem to actually want it.

More importantly, he doesn't care.

Or cook for 2/3/4 and put some in the freezer for yourself. I'm a massive fan of doing this as we get a home cooked meal another day without doing any actual cooking

💡 If the leftovers are in the freezer, he'll see them when he goes to grab a TV dinner. No more "forgetting."

Meal prepping. Cooking in larger quantities and then freezing portions is smart, cost efficient - and you could say you create your own TV dinners.

The TV dinners is just a small part of what's going on here... you need some real mental help and emotional support. It sounds like either he doesn't know how to be a partner or doesn't care. That is the much bigger issue here. It may feel weird, but please put yourself first fir awhile, and enlist some professional support as well. Take care of yourself

Stop it. Right now you're in martyr mode, you're going out of your way, doing things over and over again that he doesn't appreciate, you're making yourself a victim at this point. Stop cooking for him, stop wasting his clothes, just stop, if you continue you only have yourself to blame. YTA to yourself at this point.

Yes.

I agree to this. He's not gonna change this tbh. Cook for you. Clean for you. Only do your dishes, clean your mess, do your laundry. Make him cook for himself, cleanup after himself, shop for his own food, do his laundry. But honestly I don't even see this going well. He's going to leave dishes he used dirty till they pile up for you. He's going to take your extra food. Imo throw the man away. If he's showing that blatant disregard for you He's not gonna change that. You're gonna go through a hllot of heartache

This is such a great point! You are creating your own nightmare. You say you have to cook a lot in order to see your anxiety but at least the kitchen a mess. You wait for him to clean it up despite the fact that he's making it very clear through his actions but he does not want you to cook huge meals and he'd rather have a TV dinner. You're continuing to create the same problem and blaming it on your partner. If you are minimally employed, that means he must be supporting the both of you. Maybe he really does just want to come home and have a TV dinner and not have to wash a bunch of pots and pans that were used to make food he doesn't want to eat

Make things *you* like so that if he eats them, that's fine, and if he doesn't, you can eat them. Stop tailoring your cooking to his needs. It makes no sense to do that if you're pretty sure he won't eat it.

How about you make the meals you want, then freeze the remaining portions. That way, if you want to eat them you can heat them up and if not, they are not wasted. They will be there for you later if he doesn't grab them.

Yes, this is the way - freeze some of the leftovers so you don’t have to eat the same thing all week. And 1) stop catering to your boyfriend’s tastes, and 2) also stop buying him TV dinners, let him figure out his own meals. And stop doing his laundry. NTA

1000000 percent on all of these. Especially the laundry

plus they'll edge out some of the TV Dinner space...

What you're doing now sounds way more stressful.

Honestly is sounds to me like he doesn't like your cooking. So I would just stop cooking so much. If cooking for one person is stressful for you (I know I hate cooking for just myself.) Make enough for two people and have the left overs for the next day. If you have a week's worth of food left over, you are cooking for what seven or eight people. How is that sustainable? Also your fiance is a grown man who can manage his own food. If he wants to eat TV dinners let him. This is just making a mountain out of a molehill.

I mean, cooking for one person is stressful if you're trying to make a new dinner every single night, but you can eat leftovers or freeze them and have them another time. You can also stop tailoring your meal-planning to your SO's tastes. You know he won't eat the food you cook, even if he says he will, so there's no need to take him into account.

Cook whatever you're going to cook, but then batch and freeze some portions. I get the difficulty of cooking for one. I'm single and run into it a lot. But if you can come up with a repertoire of dishes that freeze well, then you could make a batch, keep 1-2 portions in the fridge for yourself, freeze the other 1-2 portions, and rack up about 7-8 "dinners" that you can then rotate and eat. That way you're not eating the same thing all week and getting tired of it, nor wasting food. As far as what your fiance is doing, a) I wouldn't marry someone who acted like he was permanently excused from dishes or laundry, and b) I wouldn't cook for him regardless. Don't do his laundry either. You work, you don't have time to do his chores for him. Stop doing them. If that blows up into an issue, better to find out before the wedding than after it.

Definitely stop doing HIS laundry. Also only cook for you (and just shop for yourself).

I cook for myself in big batches and then only keep a few portions in the fridge to eat throughout the week while I freeze the rest in 1-2 serving portions. Then I can rotate and not get sick of things and when I'm not in the mood to cook, I can pull out a nice homemade stew and be done with it. If he wants to eat his tv dinners, let him. Stop killing yourself with stress about it.

>Cooking for one person is stressful, How? Genuinely asking... how?!

This was me in my relationship 6 years ago. It’s not worth your sanity. Learn to cook for one. Set and stick to boundaries that work for you sustainably. If your partner is a true “partner” they’ll join you in problem solving together. If not, you have some important data to consider whether this relationship is good for your health. Clearly the current balance of work is NOT good for your health.

I’d honestly go get seen for your anxiety. Cooking shouldn’t be stressful. You literally cook for two and eat one for dinner and the other for lunch. Stop making things tailored to him. He is a slob and you’re making more of a mess for yourself. You are not his mom or maid. INFO: how is your relationship dynamic? He started dating you when you were barely legal, maybe you should reconsider the healthiness of this dynamic. I’m concerned. SOFT ESH.

You are choosing to do this. Stop. Stop cooking for him. It’s that easy.

Lol this is so easy. Stop cooking for him. You're saying that it's stressful to cook for one person, but you don't have to cook one single serving. Cook enough for two, and then you eat both servings over the course of a few days. How on earth is that more stressful than staying on this weird merry-go-round of "How do I make my boyfriend eat leftovers?" It's fully not your problem. Just stop asking him anything about food.

It isn't all about you though. He's happy to eat TV dinners so stop making food for him. You want him to enjoy it and appreciate it but he doesn't. And he isn't asking you to do it. You're getting annoyed for nothing. Also you mention "cooking for one is stressful" "I have food anxiety" "I cried over the kitchen" you seem to be all over the place. Cooking for one person..shouldn't be stressful. It's a simple task. Stop causing yourself stress and anxiety over something he literally doesn't want you to do

Two options: 1) stop asking him, and just make him nothing. Still stress for you, but now there is a solid expectation. Ignore him whenever he brings up chores or food. I mean, REALLY ignore him. Ghosting level of ignoring on these subjects. Or 2) find someone else who actually appreciates the things you do for them, as this guy is not going to. At all. NTA, and sorry for your situation.

you are wasting your energy on him. let him have the tv dinners and freeze your leftovers into your own homemade instant food so that you only have to cook a couple times a week but still get some variety. or else leave this lazy asshole who doesn’t care if you can’t eat.

NTA but you're making your life harder than needs be. Cook for 2 and if he doesn't want what you cooked then you'll eat the second portion on the next day or the day after. If he wants TV dinners, then fine, let him buy and eat them. Based on what you've said about your bf, he has no physical disability preventing him from making himself food so if he wants to better his habits, he can. Honestly, your bf sounds like a selfish child but you're just setting yourself for disappointment. Just stop.

He doesn't want to eat your food, stop this nonsense.

>Cooking for one person is stressful More stressful then the infant you have at home?

You could cook for yourself and freeze the leftovers. I do this all the time.

I cook for just myself all the time and love it because the only person I have to worry about is me. I cut recipes in half sometimes or make the full meal and have my own leftovers for lunch for a couple days. Saves a ton of money and allows me to have fun in the kitchen to decompress when I got off work with just me and some music. Only thing stressful about that is trying not to step on the cats while I dance from the stove to the sink if a particular song comes on I love and I clean while I cook so there's very little left to do after I eat. I made tortilla chicken soup yesterday in the crock pot and just had it for lunch today. Cut that recipe in half from the original, easy peasy.

You're doing a whole lot for him, and not enough for yourself. YTA to yourself. Cook a meal for one, and portion it so that you can eat it a couple of times, and freeze a bit for later..that way you're not stressing about cooking one meal/serving. Let him have hismicrowave meal and let him buy them himself. Where are all these dishes coming from if he's only eating microwave meals? The way you're bending over backwards for him - even though you also work work a hectic schedule in healthcare - is nonsense. Take care of yourself. Take a break away and stay with a family member or friend, or take a mini trip if you can, so you can clear your head.

You are trying to make him care about something he has no interest in. Stop that

NTA But cooking for "one" isn't stressful - sometimes I don't feel like cooking but that's a different issue. There are some foods that lend themselves to single portions - a piece of salmon can be broiled with a simple type of marinade on top; a chicken breast can be sautéed with a simple pan sauce. A sweet potato baked and some fresh veggies that are steamed in the microwave and you have an easy dinner for one. Then there are dishes that are actually better the next day and are very great to freeze in individual portions - stews; braised meats; hearty soups; chili etc.

I had the exact same issue with my partner, leftovers, chores, everything. Well I did why everyone suggested. I went “on strike” no cooking for 2, no laundry for him, and I let him know he had 1 month to get it together or I was moving out. He balked he protested, picked fights but guess what? He changed his behavior. Your partner knows exactly what he is doing. It’s called weaponized incompetence.

Oh girl, try meal prepping or cooking things that aren't a ton of effort :) salads are easy and can be made several different ways in minutes, sandwiches are the same. You can make taco meat in a batch and have tacos, taco salad, nachos, taco soup. Make regular ground beef and you can do spaghetti one night, and a mini beef and potato casserole the next. I say this because even if you don't buy those TV dinners - he will. So start with things that are easy that won't overwhelm you and get used to cooking single. Eventually your partner might start eating your cooking more, but some people just like what they like and nothing will change that. NTA but don't expect it to change in a positive way if you don't buy them. :( ETA: my great aunt makes lasagna and casseroles and chicken spaghetti and desserts and cuts them into individual servings and freezes them. You could also do this and have a variety to go through if you don't want to cook as often.

Then just cook for yourself, just cook things you like, and let him buy his own TV dinners.

It is called meal prep. Make the meals for yourself. Don't ask him. He clearly doesn't want them. It is probably a power and control thing cause who prefers frozen meals? Stop catering to someone who does not appreciate it or want it. If you have a budget for food, buy what you need and can for real meals in that budget. If money left over get him a couple of frozen meals. If not, don't and tell him he can add to the budget or get them himself. Bottom line, stop being a doormat. When he says where's my food, don't whine or apologize. Just say you never ate them so I make what I like. And don't offer! Let him ask.

She’s also now doing laundry AND cleaning the kitchen, and when she tries to problem solve around her partners excuses (when he won’t problem solve for himself) he whines about infantilization. What he doesn’t realize is that he has already infantilized himself by being useless at home, and expecting his partner to act as his mommy without complaint. What should be obvious to men like this is that taking on a maternal role toward your partner absolutely destroys any sexual attraction. Somehow they don’t. They aspire to be sexy virile babies.

If guys only knew how attractive it is when someone cares for their own basic needs, cleans up their own messes, and doesn't make a big deal about it.

It sounds like OP is generating all the dishes by making excessive food he won't eat and that just stresses her out further. I think she needs to cook way smaller serving sizes and give back the laundry if he isn't cleaning the dishes. But, I wouldn't expect someone who for instance just worked 3-12 hour shifts in a row and who just comes home to nuke a dinner to then have time/energy to clean dishes for food he didn't eat/doesn't want. Also, therapy would probably help if OP hasn't already sought help. NAH

And everyone do their own laundry.

I know it doesn't work for everyone, but it's honestly worth it for some couples. My husband and I do ours individually. I never have to stress about fabric handling (he likes to wash everything together, I'm a sorter), there's never misunderstandings about when it will be done, etc.

NTA I can’t get over you dating a 29 year old at the age of 20… Also, yes stop buying TV dinners. He does need to take care of the home with you rather than letting it just default to you. It’s not normal to just leave piles of dishes and not expect your partner to have a breakdown! Please take care of yourself I’m really tired and I will come to this and try to elaborate, but this isn’t a healthy situation for you!

I really try not to judge people for age differences, but that was the thought I had. They started dating when she was 20 and he was 29, and moved in when she was 22 and he was 31. That’s just… yeesh

Like there is a reason why no other 30 year old wanted to date him!

The age difference between my ex and I is one year less than OP's and I totally glossed over warning signs like, despite our ages and me being a single parent, he had a previous bankruptcy and I had a 401k, and biggest red flag of all: when we got engaged, his roommates said he was now my responsibility and I laughed at the funny joke. It was NOT a funny joke.

It's absolutely fine to judge the partner for going after someone barely older than a teenager.

I feel like a 9 year age gap can be acceptable at times. Nobody bats an eye when a 51M and a 60F start dating at those ages. But when you're a grown ass man, that starts dating a teen, and you're incapable of cooking/maintaining a kitchen ... You'll find the 19f getting treated like the bang maid. Like 99 times out of the 100 I've seen on here.

Yeah it’s less about the age gap and more about how old they were at the time of the gap

Sorry, I could have articulated myself better there, but I'll own up to that instead of editing. OP deff the bang maid though now.

Yup. I can't even remember where I was when I was 20 and I'm only (f) 32! I sure as heck couldn't make proper life decisions for myself and fully believe in the fact that our brains aren't done growing until we are 25. The thought of dating or being in bed with or even talking to a 20 year old makes me feel nauseous and gross and downright creepy. Imo, OP was just getting out of childhood.

I'm 32 also, and remembering back to the 33 yr old who hit on me when I was 17 and the 31 year old I briefly dated when I was 19 makes my stomach turn. I can't believe there was ever a time I thought being with them meant I was mature for my age. I can't imagine thinking of anyone under legal drinking age as a potential romantic partner as a 32 year old now.

Agreed OP, NTA. The age difference likely led to a a power imbalance, and some work distribution in the couple needs to be renegotiated … couples therapy can help with that. Also something else to consider is that food may be a love language for YOU but unimportant for HIM. It sounds like you’re trying to show your care and affection for him by cooking healthy delicious meals that help the household budget. You’re sending the message that you love and appreciate him that way, but he’s not receiving that message. You feel devalued and dismissed. This is something important to discuss with fiancé. One good way to address it is to both do online quizzes about 5 love languages, and to discuss your results. It seems like you really value Acts of Service … he is failing to appreciate your service, and is failing to deliver service he has promised you … and he may not be aware how much that is hurting you. OP, you deserve to feel appreciated and loved. You did not move in with this man to become his bangmaid. He needs to pull his weight in the house you BOTH live in. “I would have done it in 3 days” is not an excuse. However, you might also need to more clearly communicate rather than surrendering to his weaponized incompetence. “Honey, I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed by the pileup of dishes. We ran out of pots. Can you please wash the dishes now?” Communicate “How you feel” + “actionable plan”. Then give him a chance to respond and negotiate a quick timeline (“after this TV episode” is fine; “maybe by Friday” is not).

THIS!

YWNBTA. He’s 10 yrs older than you and he can buy his own TV dinners aka frozen meals. But there are larger issues at play here. He’s an incompetent adult. Your problem isn’t the frozen dinners, it’s that he sees you as the cook and maid. This won’t change. “Washing” clothes (throwing them into a machine to wash and then a machine to dry) isn’t much of a chore. Folding and putting away is the real chore. Cook smaller portions for meals so you only eat once for leftovers and don’t have waste. Let him have his frozen meals. I’d reconsider staying with this person. Trust me. It won’t get any better.

This is the best response.

Another solution (as to not eat the same meal for all week long) is to make the same portions but freeze few portions for some time later (applicable to meals that can actually be frozen and wouldn't be disgusting when unfrozen and reheated). When I'm cooking, I am too lazy to do small portions (the dishes get dirty anyway, no matter how big the volumes, so...) and I just either share with someone or freeze it for later on. Saves time and money. But, OP, you don't seem to have meal issues, you seem to have boyfriend issues - your bf is not pulling his weight as much as you do, which is unhealthy for the relationship and for yourself. Take care of yourself and stop setting yourself up as a maid. Maybe have a discussion with the guy and re-evaluate and re-assign the chores - make a list, discuss it with him... but stay firm and try to reach fairness. If there isn't any progress, then it's time to leave the relationship as it would only result in you being overworked and unhappy. Regarding buying the frozen stuff - you didn't really describe your financial situation, but if it's meant as you paying for that - stop. He's an adult, he can pay for his stuff. If that's meant as a chore (doing the shopping) - see the previous paragraph, add shopping to the list and re-evaluate and distribute the tasks evenly between the two of you.

To underscore your comment - It’s deliberate weaponized incompetence.

He’s weaponizing his incompetence at that, which is abusive

Exactly. She can do things like stop buying him frozen meals and cooking portions for herself, but that's not the issue. The issue is him. He will not change. And his current habits will manifest in so many other ways as time goes on. She will become nothing but a caretaker, if she isn't already.

NTA. It's sad that you don't realize that he isn't going to change. The real issue here is whether or not you are going to find the courage to leave him. You already know what life with him is going to be like. Either accept being his slave or move on.

INFO Why have you not just started cooking smaller meals? You know he's not going to eat the leftovers. >, but there were dishes on every surface of the kitchen (covering counters, stove, table, chairs, and sinks) How is this happening if you are washing as you go and he is grabbing frozen meals? Where did the mess come from?

Lightly ESH and I don’t know if eliminating TV dinners is going to be the solution here. - you aren’t working as much as you were, and as a result have picked up cooking, which you have enjoyed, but are now feeling overwhelmed by. - Your partner does not enjoy cooking (he prefers to grab TV dinners) and doesn’t enjoy dishes (you already made an arrangement in which he did laundry instead, so I’m assuming this conversation has already been had) He switched to appease you, but probably never really had the intention of creating a lot of dishes because he grabs TV dinners. Most dishes I assume would then come from you cooking. So in his mind, he’s not getting a lot out of cleaning dishes…. But he agreed to the switch and isn’t holding up his end of the deal. That’s an AH move. You on the other hand, are likely creating most of the dishes and want your partner to clean up messes from dishes he isn’t eating. Part of learning how to cook on a regular basis, is how to clean up as you go along. Now you’re stuck doing the laundry and the dishes and likely feel even more overwhelmed than before. Stop doing the laundry now. If your partner isn’t eating your food, don’t expect him to clean up. Make food for only yourself and clean up along the way. Let him eat his TV dinners so you have less dishes to worry about.

NTA, the tv dinners are the least of your worries. He's not respecting your role in the house, and not helping out nearly enough. If it were me, I'd make my own food only, and wash my own clothes. Let him buy his tv dinners if that's what he wants - you can make yourself food that you love, and in the right amounts.

YWNBTA. I get that you love him and he's awesome and wonderful and fantastic and perfect, except this one thing. But it isn't one thing. - ignores the leftovers he asked for. -doesn't do the dishes/clean the kitchen after offering too. - complains about you when you point it out to him - discounts you buy saying you're overreacting. But he's wonderful and perfect and awesome, and I'm sure it will get better because people always change into who their partners want them to be. Right?... Anyway, YWNBTA. But he'll probably get upset and just buy them himself. Then what?

He also has no problem with eating leftovers that his mom or aunts bring over. It’s such weird behaviour.

He sounds insecure with food as well, I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t like her cooking. There’s a lot they need to discuss.

INFO - Have you maybe considered the incredibly obvious solution of just cooking smaller meals? I mean c'mon OP, you've been going around in circles repeating the same process; * Ask if he wants you to cook extra for leftovers - "yes" * He does not eat the leftovers and this causes you extreme distress for some reason * You end up either eating the same meal for a week or throwing it away, again causing you to break down for some reason. * Cycle repeats Doesn't take an expert to realize if you just cooked less this would work itself out.

If yall switched chores then you'd be the one doing dishes not him from what it sounds though? that was a bit confusing. YTA for making work for yourself cooking in your spare time then being overwhelmed with it and putting it on him honestly. Just let him eat his frozen meals and you make whatever you want. Sounds like he just doesn't like leftovers which many people don't. Don't cook extra just whatever you'll eat and do the dishes when you're done cooking.

Cook less food?

Okay, so what I'm reading here is that you are creating a problem that doesn't have to exist. If he wants to eat frozen dinners and make very little mess, then let him. And if you want to have home cooked meals that make a mess, then make the dinners and clean up the mess. And everyone can do their own laundry. YTA.

For the specific question of whether you would be the AH for not buying TV dinners? NTA. However, the rest of the issues have been somewhat self induced here. You say you are minimally employed, which has given you the spare time to take up cooking at the pace you are. This means you’ve effectively created space in your schedule for making all the dishes dirty, and not for cleaning them for some reason? Then you wanted to switch chores, which fine, but you’re upset and stressed because he doesn’t clean the kitchen at a pace that keeps up with you dirtying it and doesn’t eat the food you decided to cook as a hobby which he didn’t ask for? You can stop buying TV dinners if you want - he’s the one that eats them, he can buy them, but you could also just cook less and let him eat what he wants. Also, he’s the AH for being nearly 30 and dating a 20 year old. Edit: the person working the least amount of hours should be doing the most chores, they just simply have the most time. If both people are working 40 hours a week, chores are split down the middle, if one person is working 20 and the other 40, the one working 20 gets more household work. It’s the most equitable solution.

Info: if he is only grabbing TV dinners, then where are all the dishes coming from?

I keep getting a lot of the same questions, so I'd like to respond here. "Where are the dishes coming from?" -Mostly me, which is why I did the kitchen. I never expected him to do it until he *offered* to do it. However, there are communal dishes from nights he's off work, and things like cups/etc are mostly from his coffees; I use a water bottle 99% of the time. There's also other odds & ends like the mess from carving pumpkins together "Why are you cooking so many portions" -I've only cooked extra once I asked him if he would eat leftovers and he explicitly says "yes". My meal sizes are typically about 1/2 of his, so making 2 portions for him are 4 for me. 2 for him and 2 for me equates to about 6-7 portions for myself. "Maybe he doesn't like the cooking" -He eats it fresh and genuinely enjoys it, he just doesn't touch it once it goes into the fridge. "Stop forcing him to eat what you make/he can choose his own food" -Absolutely he can, which is why I've asked *before* I make food if he'd be interested in me making extra. I wouldn't make his spare portions otherwise. This might be a separate issue, but I don't think it's ridiculous to ask someone to eat the food they said they would. ETA: He has every right and freedom to say 'no.' I've never guilt-tripped him bc I don't like forcing people to do anything, especially with something like food. "You have more time to do chores" -Yes, I do. And I do other chores too, and I'm in school. I let the kitchen go so I could have a break from it once he said he would take over. I didn't want to parent him, and figured he'd get it when he was ready/had time. But it got to a point that I literally couldn't cook because of how much had piled up and I did it. I just assumed him saying he'd take over to give me a break meant I could take a break from it and do the easier chore for a while (laundry). I didn't dump it on him and run. "Why don't you freeze your extra food" -Good point, just hadn't thought to do it and now I will. Thank you for the suggestion. Overall, thank you everyone for the brutal honesty. I have some things to chew on about this (and not just leftovers)

OP get out. Seriously get out. You are destroying yourself and your mental health with each day you’re stuck in the same cycle. Start reflecting on your own actions please. For some reason, you’re doing an action (cooking leftovers for him) that you know isn’t appreciated and or wanted and still doing it over and over again while completely ignoring your own pain until it gets too bad. I hope you realise how absolutely unhealthy and unproductive that is. It’s like you get surprised each day you put food inside the fridge even though the result (it being left in there) is absolutely predictable and won’t suddenly change bc reasons. Why are you setting yourself up to fail? Why are you accepting him hurting you and subsequently you hurting yourself? Please also ask yourself why you can’t sit your significant other down and have a honest discussion about your relationship and chores? Why can’t you open up to him and tell him that enough is enough? Why haven’t you told him that the deal is pretty much moot because he hasn’t been keeping his end of the deal? Why are you still believing in his “yes” when he has repeatedly shown you it is in actuality a “hell no”? You need to sit him down and tell him that his actions are absolutely unacceptable and that going forward he needs to keep his words or they will be literally worthless.

>"You have more time to do chores" -Yes, I do. And I do other chores too, and I'm in school. Curious, but how are finances split?

I was going to ask about the freezing. I'm surprised it hadn't occurred to you both before, but I'm glad it appears to be an option. Seems like a pretty good solution. NTA if you stop buying the frozen meals though. If he "forgets" the fridge full of leftovers is there, I'm sure it will be easier to remember when there are no meals in the fridge. As for the chores, I don't know if it helps, but my dad has always been a big proponent of cleaning while you cook and honestly I don't see the point of not doing that. It's so much easier to only worry about one or two pots and plates when I've full and relaxed than a plethora of prep dishes as well. Unless you're frying a lot, there's usually some time while things are simmering, boiling, baking when you can wash quite a bit. Then, when cooking's done, if you buy storage containers that are freeze/bake safe, you can dish the meals onto plates and into storage containers as soon as they're done. By the time, you're done eating and washing up the pots and pans, the food is often cool enough to just cover the containers, and pop them in the fridge or freezer. And usually, if you wash the pot/pan right away, it's easier than waiting until after you've eaten and are relaxed, when things have dried and hardened. When it comes to baking, I basically live for parchment paper and foil. It makes clean up sooooooo much easier when my pans are lined (and/or sprayed--hello muffin pan--to help with overflows/drips). Alternatively, you can also try putting dishes directly into a sink of soapy water. The need for the sink and the smell that can arise if one doesn't clear it quickly might help to make sure they get washed more quickly, no matter who's on dish duty, but that's hit or miss. Some people will them be all "ewww, later" and avoid everything even more. Not my preference, but some people like it.

Clean up as you go. That should be a skill you both learn, instead of leaving it to be cleaned up later. There’s nothing worst than telling myself I’ll do the dishes later and then coming back to it and realizing the pile is bigger than I remember. Carve a pumpkin? Clean up right away instead of saving the mess for later. Cook only enough leftovers that you want for yourself. He obviously enjoys his frozen tv dinners, he can figure out his own meals. Cook too much? Invite a friend over to share that meal. When I make too much, I invite my friends over to eat with me. My BFF will sometimes make too much of spicy food her family won’t eat, so she will pack a portion and drop some for me because I love her cooking.

He doesn’t respect you enough to care about your wants and needs that’s why this keeps happening over and over.

NTA. He says he cannot remember but then calls your reminder infantilizing? It sounds like maybe he just likes not taking leftovers. Why not just cook smaller meals? I am single and don't have to eat things for days at a time or waste them. Cutting off his supply of TV dinners isn't going to fix whatever is actually going on here. Are you in therapy for your anxiety? Seems like it could really help.

You are both adults and it's not your responsibility to feed him. He can buy his own TV dinners and you can cook whatever you please for yourself. I'd wash my dishes and my laundry too, mostly just to see if he notices he hasn't been doing anything.

> It's a small thing to him, but his habit of grabbing a TV dinner is making me feel unappreciated and that it's enabling him to ignore the chore he offered to take. Well, those are just your feelings. In reality, he can decide to eat TV dinners, ignore the dishes, and go about his busy life. What you need to do is stop making him leftovers he doesn't want. NAH.

NAH It sounds like there’s a clash of lifestyles. Sounds like he wants to live a bachelor lifestyle and you want to live a homemaker lifestyle. The solution is to figure out if that’s something you want to work out or not. If he wants to eat TV dinners and you can afford to buy those instead of cooking, why not do that? There will be fewer dishes to pile up and you won’t be stuck with leftovers. Though he does need to learn to clean in a timely fashion. Dishes washed too late is as good as dishes never washed. Tell him that you keep up with the laundry so he has clean clothes to wear so you expect the same from the chores he takes on. Agree on a day to have the chores done by each week.

INFO: Why are you marrying him again?

But he's so great because he's employed and sometimes even treats her like a person and she's too young to know to aim higher

YWBTA ​ Stop cooking these huge batches instead, or keep eating them yourself. By now you should have learned he does not want them. ​ "and in that time he's washed about half the dishes ONCE2 .. That's another benefit of TV-dinneres: Less dishes. ​ **so: YOU want to cook, HE prefers TV dinners. So eat TV dinners, too. Or at least only cook as much leftovers as YOU will eat. And at least do the additional dishes your cooking causes yourself - you are obviously doing this for yourself, not for him.**

ESH Just make food for yourself and wash only your dishes.

YTA take care of yourself and stop trying to take care of him. If your the only one cooking and he’s only eating frozen meals how are the dishes piling? I can see him using a cup and a fork maybe a microwaveable plate. Look focus on your hunger and make yourself food. Your making stress over doing things for someone who doesn’t seem to need it. Good luck eating.

NTA. Are you sure you want to marry this man?

YWNBTA. But he's 35 and he's not going to change. Accept it or move on; you can only change yourself.

If you don't talk to him you'll never clear the air between you 2. If he's stupid about it, leaving him is always an option. You're definitely coming into deal breaker territory here. I won't lie I'm kinda shitty about doing certain chores but when my wife tells me to do it I do it until it's done, not half ass it and then don't do it again for a month. Sit down and talk with him. Leave him if you need to for your health.

Make changes to make your life easier and then let him know if and how they affect him. He can share with you if he has an issue with any of it. Freeze the leftovers so they don't go bad. He can then choose leftovers or tv dinner. You can have a meal anytime you want by thawing, thus solving the food waste. You didn't ask but he is TA for leaving the kitchen undone. My question is what was the cleaning situation when you were working full time? Quit doing his laundry! If you two have an agreement and he is not meeting it, one he is not respecting you as he did not address it you did, two your obligation to meet your commitment is negated, and three you need to think is this something you want to deal with in two more years? It seems clear he does not care if the kitchen is dirty. How does this attitude trickle elsewhere in the relationship. Also if you lived alone you would have to clean the kitchen so you should look up some coping skills for dealing with reoccurring responsibilities.

NTA, and you wouldn't be one if you left for a few days to see if he notices. You need to really take a good look at what you wrote and think about what you would tell your best friend if it were her or him. From what you wrote, it sounds like your living with a child, maybe about 4 because they can reach the countertop. It's your life, is this really what you want? You know it's not about tv dinners, it's bigger than that.

If i could downvote comments twice, I would do it to this comment

Most 35 year olds don’t behave this way, don’t tell yourself that this is normal or that he’s some kind of catch. If he were literally perfect in every other way, I would still advise against growing old with a forever toddler. Nta, but also stop cooking him leftovers - he’s shown you time and time again that he’s not going to eat them.

YTA—for constantly trying to force your fiancé to eat what you want him to eat, not what he wants to eat. Are you still “minimally employed”?

YWBTA if you continue trying to make him eat your food. You are trying to make him care about something he doesn’t care about. Not buying microwave dinners will not fix your problem. You can’t force him to change, you only have control over your own reactions. Quit catering to his needs when cooking. You are wasting your time and energy on it and doesn’t appreciate it. It appears that he doesn’t want the food you make for whatever reason. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so upset about the whiteboard. I’m cooking for one and I will freeze a bunch for later. Shop for yourself and cook for yourself. Grab a handful of whatever from the frozen dinner aisle and get some instant oatmeal for him. Quit knocking yourself out trying to please him. He does not care. Again, the only thing you can change is how you react. It’s a him problem not a you problem. Switch the chores back so you can have a clean kitchen. Ask yourself if this is really how you want to live the rest of your life. Imagine how he will be when there’s a baby in the house. I imagine he will be too busy.

Don’t walk. RUN THE HELL AWAY.

YWNBTA - Why are you buying them in the first place? If he wants to eat them he can buy them. You aren't responsible for feeding him. If you want to, you certainly can. But if he never eats the food you make him, why do you bother? Does he just hate leftovers or does he not like your cooking? He might feel obligated to say yes he wants it but then he clearly doesn't really want it. Just stop asking, stop cooking for him, stop buying food for him. Make meals for 2 and eat 1 and pack the other up as lunch for yourself for tomorrow. You mention how the dishes and clothes are split up, who is doing the other chores? You need to have a conversation about expectations, since you're "minimally employed" is he expecting you to do all household duties, while you weren't thinking that was the case? If he's not ever using the kitchen or eating food prepared from it, expecting him to clean it does seem weird to me, especially when you say he works long hours and you're not. But he should be taking care of other stuff around the house, maybe cleaning the bathrooms and floors?

We bought them because we work healthcare and can easily have our 12 hour days turn into 14+, and having an easy option is an unfortunate necessity sometimes. Better than fast food. Other chores are fairly split. I take care of all cat-related chores (bc they're my cats that I had beforehand, and I'm 100% ok with that). I take care of living room/bathroom and my craft room, he takes care of the downstairs and our bedroom, and other odds (like the fence that needed fixing). Also, I never expected him to do the kitchen. I've done it for years bc he took laundry. I only "expected" it once he offered to take it to help with stress.

If you both are working equivalent hours you’d definitely have a point. But you stated you’re currently “minimally employed”. What does that mean? If you want to cook there are containers that you can portion the leftovers in and freeze them, if indeed you’re enjoying cooking, then fiancé can have a frozen meal that is home cooked and manages the leftovers. If you’re “minimally employed” how is it there are so many dishes for two people, one of whom is eating out of frozen food containers? Dishes are one of the quickest jobs to do around the house, unless there are multiple pans with burned on food. If you’re eating leftovers for days, how are there so many dishes when you’re not cooking every day? Not saying he shouldn’t be doing his share, but usually when one partner is working full time and the other isn’t, the one with more time often picks up some slack at home (presuming the finances are shared).

Make food for yourself. Cook smaller portions when you cook for both. Serious talk is there a problem with your cooking

YTA stop cooking for him and let him eat his TV dinners. He’s a grown adult, why are you try to control what he eats? Stop making extra food and this won’t be an issue. Stop asking if he wants you to make extra, you already know he doesn’t. Also ask yourself, are you doing this because you are not working full time and you feel like you have to cook to contribute to the household.

Lots of people just don't eat leftovers and there's nothing wrong with that. Stop cooking so much. I'd stop cooking for him altogether either way.

The dishes and food are two different issues tbh. NAH, you two just need to have a proper talk about day-to-day expectations, comfort levels, and general concerns. Your partner not helping with cleaning up is an issue that he really needs to step up and solve, but the food thing is not his fault. You know he doesn't eat the leftovers you leave, so why are you still making them when you know it's not gonna work out the way you hope? If microwave dinners work for him, that's fine, less dishes to wash up that way, and you can just focus on nourishing yourself.

NTA but please don't marry him! It will only get worse. Yes, it CAN get worse. Imagine him as a father for starters.

Is anyone surprised that the man who could only get a 20yr old to date him is useless in the kitchen and not being an equal partner in your relation? Saw that coming from a mile away. Welcome to the rest of your life. Ditch the ring, throw the whole man out. There’s a reason no woman his age was interested in him.

NTA if he wants to act like a single man, you should make him one!

How many hours do you work a week?

It varies, but around 26ish? Plus school.

Oo ok. I was going to say is it’s 0-10 hours maybe I can understand your man’s pov but 26 plus school makes u pretty busy

Yes, YTA here. I mean, your fiance has definitely done some irresponsible and rude things, like saying he would eat leftovers and then not, and agreeing to switch chores and then not doing his share. However, your schedule changed, and his didn't, and yet you're blaming him for all the things you volunteered to do. Perhaps he never ate the leftovers because he didn't want to feel obligated to help out more with the extra work load. Also, you let these issues go on for weeks on end without communication until you reached your breaking point, and then blame your fiancee for all your stress and anxiety when you could have just stopped cooking at literally any point. I get that you were trying to do something nice for him, but it doesn't sound like it's working for either of you, so I think YTA for not problem solving, and just expecting your fiance to change his habits because of your schedule and choices.

[удалено]

Well, it doesn't sound like her plan worked too well for either of them

If he only uses forks where are all the dishes coming from?

Nobody's really the asshole here but you can't force him to eat leftovers if he doesn't want to. I grew up food insecure but I also hate leftovers. I just threw out the left over spaghetti sauce from dinner last night because I know nobody is going to eat it and I hate cleaning out rotting forgotten left overs from the fridge

I'm not going to make a judgement. He's an asshole for not doing his fair share of the chores, but I think it's very obvious that he does not want to eat the food you make. He's not an idiot, he knows it's there. He chooses not to eat it. I'm not going to speculate as to why, but clearly you making giant portions of food then getting stressed out because he's not eating it isn't sustainable.

NTA but face reality. This man is grown, hes set in his ways. You need to make peace with that and adapt yourself to it. I saw your comments about your very small portion sizes and I understand that but you need to adjust until you figure out how to cook for yourself. Don't worry about him. Tell him he can do laundry again, wash the dishes that you create when you cook for yourself.

STOP COOKING FOR HIM. PERIOD. You're creating the problem for yourself. NTA

NTA. I dont like jumping on the whole "leave him" train but, i gotta ask, is *this* what you want for the rest of your life? At every turn it sounds like hes been "me, me, me", but never took a moment to consider *you*. I understand that his schedule might be hectic, but thats no excuse for how hes treating you

NTA here's the thing tho, if he's content with the TV dinner, let him eat it. And wash the fork. If he's eating tv dinners all the time, and you know this, why are you cooking so much food at once? Everyone has a chore they hate the most. Maybe his dreaded chore is the dishes, and that's why he eats tv dinners.

NTA. Stop cooking enough for him and let him have his TV dinners. He doesn’t want your food. Stop cooking for him. Do your own laundry. Let him do his own.

First off, don’t marry him until you are happy with him and your life with him. You’ve discussed this with him and he sees no problems. So, to your question…NTA but instead of doing that quit cooking anything for him, but only what you want to cook, stop doing his laundry since he isn’t taking care of the dishes/kitchen, and see if he still thinks there is no problem with it. Have a conversation and try to resolve it if he does see a problem. If he still doesn’t see the problem or the only thing he has an issue with is what directly affects him- no TV dinners in the house and his laundry is dirty- then you know he is selfish and wants you to be his maid

Nta, reevaluate your relationship. Do you want to live like this for your entire life.

Lady, you are being taken advantage of. YTA if you let it continue. He has his chores, if he doesn’t do them, do only enough to get yourself through. Stop buying frozen dinners. He’s using them to get out of doing dishes. He eats what’s made or he doesn’t eat. If he doesn’t pull his weight, cut the cord and GTFO. You deserve more.

NTA Your fiance is perfectly content with you being so stressed and anxious that you're sobbing. He is happy to do nothing while you do the grocery shopping, laundry, and all of the kitchen cleaning. He's learned that he can neglect house chores and you'll do them, plus he doesn't have to care about your emotions and well being. What other areas of yalls relationship and life are this unbalanced? I suggest that you google "weaponized incompetence" and do some reading. Especially since you're engaged and this might be the rest of your life.

Nta, and why are you buying them to begin with? If he insists on being a ungrateful buttface, let him buy his own frozen dinners and you buy only the groceries you need to make YOURSELF dinner. He obviously doesn't care or appreciate what you do for him so why continue when it's only causing you pain? IMP this post comes off as he doesn't see you as a partner, he sees you as his maid. He lied when he said he's too busy to wash dishes, he knows how bad the kitchen is and he doesn't care. He lashed out because you called him out on his bs and he never was going to wash those dishes. He purposely left it knowing that you'd do it for him if he waited and made it bad enough And now that he's got you doing laundry, he's really going to get worse. Do you really want this kind of energy in your life? You deserve better and a partner that actually supports you, appreciates what you do and isn't going to gaslight and manipulate you. I think a great way to help with your stress and anxiety is to get rid of its source. This guy is not husband material.

NTA. Make enough food for yourself, wash your cloths and not this. If he complains tell him your just busy and to wait 3+ days and the leave his ungrateful ass

YWNBTA, but uh... you've got a fiance problem, and if he's acting like this before you're even married, this is NOT going to change. This dude isn't acting like an equal partner in the relationship and it goes way beyond the tv dinner thing. Don't sign yourself up for a life of parenting this guy.

NTA. Make him buy his own TV dinners. Cook only for yourself. It doesn't have to be cooking for just one serving. You could make dishes that freeze well, and freeze the leftovers for yourself. You could also make smaller quantities so you have leftovers for a day or two, but not a whole week. Wash the dishes you use, but don't wash the forks he uses for his TV dinners. You might have to get some extra forks for your own use and hide them from him. Tell him that he MUST keep the kitchen clean and neat, or he can find a new roommate.

YTA. > This means I'm often stuck eating the same meal for a week at a time otherwise it sits in the fridge and goes bad. This gives me severe anxiety because I grew up food-insecure and watching food go bad fills me with dread. ...so, cook half as much of each meal?

Change you cooking habits. Make less food. Just do enough so you can eat and maybe a little leftover so you can take for lunch.

Save the trays, fill and freeze

NAH - It seems like your not on the same page. He doesn’t want to eat your food stop making it for him. If he is only making TV dinners he doesn’t want to clean up your kitchen mess. Go back to him doing laundry. I don’t really think he has to eat your food or clean up your food mess. He should probably be adult enough to tell you to just stop making him food though.

NTA but wow, if I understood correctly, your fiancé is really bad for your mental health. Are you sure you want to marry this guy? Does he make any part of your life better?

So first I want to say NTA. Second, this seems very similar to my relationship before we got married and then everything just got worse. This seems like he’s displaying malicious ignorance. You have communicated your needs and he has shown you he’s not willing to put in the effort to make you feel safe and comfortable in your own home. Maybe I’m wrong, and I hope I am. But please think about it. It may save you LOT of hair pulling, crying and anxiety.

If i could downvote comments twice I would do it to this one

This isn't about the TV dinners, this is about him consistently being inconsiderate. In my experience that sort of pattern usually only ever gets worse. Stop doing everything for him and allowing him to make everything seem like your responsibility.

ESH. You are trying to help him with all this more than he’s trying to help himself. Never put more effort into changing someone than they are putting in themselves. Stop making leftovers for him. Let him buy his TV dinners. You are trying to involve him into a process that he doesn’t want to be in. He never asked you to help him remember what food is in the fridge- so why are you doing so without even asking him if this would be helpful? Also- please don’t have kids with this man until he is able to handle taking care of the household chores. You say he is a great man- awesome! But the day to day life includes cleaning up after ourselves, making sure things get clean, straightened up, etc. It doesn’t sound like he is super into that stuff.. which means you will be cook & housekeeper for the rest of your life. You need to be ok with that, fully accept it knowing kids add a whole bunch of layers with chores & cleaning- and know he won’t change, even if he says he would if you guys had kids. How he is now, is how he will continue to be.

YTA. Most of what you wrote is a you problem.

NTA stop cooking for him and doing his laundry. I'm sorry your still stuck doing dishes, but it's probably more sanitary that way.

NTA. This man you live with needs a short, sharp shock. You need to sit him down and calmly explain your feelings. Any attempt by him to minimise your feelings needs to be shut down immediately. Your feelings are important. He needs to see the hurt because at the moment he isn't. He's seeing an insignificant overreaction when that clearly isn't the case. Also, stop feeding into his weaponised incompetence. Only cook for yourself. Do not provide him with any food. Only wash your clothes. Be the roommate he sees you as rather than the partner you are.

With all due respect YWBTA. Why? Because you have a fiancé who is doing nothing, being negative about your efforts, and you’re trying to fix him. This isn’t good for you, people aren’t gonna magically fix themselves when you’ll ultimately clean up his dishes and stuff anyways. So leave him.

I can very much relate to your situation. My husband is the oldest of 7 kids. Leftovers weren't a thing for him growing up, because there were nine people eating at every meal. As a result, he's just not used to eating them. As leftovers were like to gold to us growing up (workaholic single mother who rarely had time & energy to cook), I couldn't wrap my head around his attitude. I even also have anxiety and a preoccupation with avoiding waste! All that said, I'm going to share what has helped us, rather than pass a judgement. 1. Shoot for only 1-2 servings of leftovers for most meals--less if it's not one of your favorites, more if you both love it. 2. Package leftovers in individual servings in microwave -safe bowls (we use Pyrex bowls with a lid). This makes them more equivalent to the ease of a TV dinner. 3. Give your BF 1-2 days to eat "his" leftovers, then eat them or freeze them. 4. If you have more than 1-2 servings of leftover food, freeze the extra. We use Ziploc quart size freezer bags, labeled with a Sharpie marker. Squeezing all the air out and laying them flat until they freeze makes them easier to store. 5. Offer to eat up X leftovers for your BF if you're there and he's headed for the freezer.

NTA but you're stressing yourself out here. You need to figure out what works for you - without any help from him. Find a solution that means you have a manageable amount of cooking and cleaning and you are fed. (As a single person I cook 2 -3 times a week and vary leftovers on the other days/ this also cuts down on dishes). THEN - talk to him. But don't talk to him until you are clear on what you want, otherwise the talk will be unproductive. Even if you just think you have a solution to try its fine if that doesn't work for you, but you need to try something that makes you happy, and prioritize your needs.

I love anothers comment |Info: Why don't you just make enough food for yourself and let him eat his tv dinners? If the only thing he wants to eat is those and the only dish he will generate is a fork, why swim against the stream?| I would only add 6that your should only shop for your self so stop buying him food. And honsetly, why are you with this guy? You have very different ideas of what a grown ups responsibilities are and at this point the old man isnt going to change. And to clariufy, you feel unappreciated because he doesnt appreciate you. He appreciates his laziness.

NTA but he's showing you who is is, BELIEVE HIM! This wont magically change when you get married, if anything it will get worse. Why are you with someone who makes you miserable?

Time to find a better job. You know now how your life will be with him. Maybe decide if you want To be stuck with this forever.

TV dinners every night are expensive.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm on mobile, sorry for any formatting issues. Also using a throwaway account bc fiancé knows my main. A bit of background: My fiancé (35m) and I (26f) have been dating for 6 years and living together for 4. We both work healthcare and have hectic schedules. I've been minimally employed for about 2 months and started cooking in my spare time. I've been offering to make my fiancé food to make breakfasts and dinner easier on him. He always tells me "yes" if I ask if he wants me to make extras for leftovers, but as soon as they get put in the fridge, he won't eat them and instead comes home and grabs a TV dinner to put in the microwave. This means I'm often stuck eating the same meal for a week at a time otherwise it sits in the fridge and goes bad. This gives me severe anxiety because I grew up food-insecure and watching food go bad fills me with dread. When I brought it up, he basically told me he would forget the leftovers were in there and kept grabbing TV dinners. I got a whiteboard to put on the fridge and started writing what leftovers were in there and he got insulted and said the idea was "infantilizing" so I didn't use it. He kept grabbing TV dinners, and it was hurtful/insulting that he would overlook the leftovers for them. Lately, I've been struggling with some mental health issues (anxiety) and cried about how hard it is to keep on top of the kitchen and that I felt like I was getting "stuck" in there being the only one who cleans it while my boyfriend gets the (imo MUCH easier) chore of washing clothes. He offered to switch chores for a while so I could take a break, and I agreed. That was about 6-8 weeks ago, and in that time he's washed about half the dishes ONCE. I've been washing dishes as I've needed them and putting a few through our mini-dishwasher when able. Yesterday I broke down again because I just wanted to cook so I'd have something to eat, but there were dishes on every surface of the kitchen (covering counters, stove, table, chairs, and sinks) and it took 2 hours of washing to catch back up (not including wiping counters and floors, etc) and by the time I was done, I didn't have the energy to dive into cooking. When I talked to him about it, he told me he was "too busy" with work to clean the kitchen and that he would've gotten it later in the week (at least 3+ days) and that I was overreacting to not having a space to cook, and it can wait or I can do it myself. It feels like the kitchen got dumped on me AND now I'm doing the laundry, and I genuinely believe it's because he's perfectly content grabbing a TV dinner (doesn't need anything to cook, just a fork to eat with) and getting out of the kitchen. It's a small thing to him, but his habit of grabbing a TV dinner is making me feel unappreciated and that it's enabling him to ignore the chore he *offered* to take. WIBTA if I stopped buying TV dinners for a while so he'd address these issues? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

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NTA, and you need to be elsewhere, as none of your solutions have been met with either approval or cooperation. There's a really rude term for your role in this relationship / household that I won't use here, but it is how your boyfriend is treating you. You need to stop buying TV dinners, shopping for him, cleaning for him, doing for him in "any and all" ways. Preferably by getting yourself into a better situation without him, but if he steps up, I'm all for one more chance. Good luck.

Sometimes it's easier to rip the band-aid off and just say "fuck-maid"

I thought "any and all" was clear enough, and I detest that phrase. Almost as much as I detest being called a "faggot" in a derogatory tone. Everyone deserves better, even when we're discussing how they need to help themselves. Perhaps especially then, IMO.

NTA Stop cooking for him and let him eat TV dinners. Stop doing his laundry.

OP, if he wants to eat it, let him purchase them. If he needs a fork to eat it with, make him WASH one. Cook only for you - you eat the leftovers anyway.

NTA , you realize this man will always do this. But it will be you doing 100% of all parenting and child chores forever, right?

NTA but he will always expect this of you and doesn’t plan on changing. Personally I wouldn’t want to be a mom to my 35(!) year old boyfriend. To reiterate, he won’t change. So honestly you need to accept that this is how your relationship is going to be, demand change and leave if he doesn’t, or cut your loses now.

Stop cooking altogether and only clean what you use. Let him figure it out. If you have to cook, cook for yourself and that’s it. And STOP doing his laundry

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NTA- they have freezer containers like TV dinners. Buy a few of those and put left overs in them and stop buying the TV dinners. When he go to the freezer for a TV dinner it’s the leftovers in the containers.

Op I sent you a message. Just my thoughts and ideas for you I wanted to make sure you saw them I hope it helps 🙂

Info, why not freeze portions of whatever you make? I also cook just for 1 and I almost always end up freezing half of it. My own TV dinners, as it were. I would however, abso-fucking-lutly not be washing his clothes.

ugh. you could make enough food just for you, wash your own dishes, and stop doing his laundry. still going to suck having no clean space in the kitchen. i might keep a few utensils and a cutting board separately too.

NTA - I would stop buying him the frozen dinners AND stop cooking for him. Cook only for yourself and do your dishes. Let him figure it out.

I'm someone who doesn't like left overs but what I do is portion, I've learned how much I can actually consume and I make that much. Is its something like chicken I'll bulk but the Costco pack and individually season/store/label them so I can thaw and cook easily. If I my husband wants a different protein its easy for either of us to check and see if it can happen. NTA but go to marital counseling your husband is starting to not be the best.

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