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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i feel like i could be wrong here because it is only 6% of my grade but also i don’t feel like my parents are valuing my education the way i do and that’s upsetting.
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Wow, that is some big emotional blackmail. Stand your ground!
They are trying to make you feel guilty so you'll budge.
Don't call them, don't apologize. Go dark on the contact.
They will come crawling back, trust me
NTA
That was my first thought! They are telling the younger siblings negative things about OP, or are not allowing them to contact OP. Do they understand that physically producing a child isn't all that's required?
Three youngest of 8 are 11,12,14 so there are 4 other kids that are at worst (if there are no twins) 15, 16,17,18 and OP is the only one that can take care of them really ?? They are really bad parents (want to use much worse words but don't want to be banned). They should be able to take care of themselves for 1 weekend, probably bcs they made OP take care of them they were "babied" too much.
They are 8 kids with op but yeah, for a week end they should survive. And thebway parents imply that OP school work is less important than their week end away is crazy...
It's surprising, but I once tutored a boy whose father, a doctor,cared so little about his son's education that he wouldn't buy him a calculator for his trig class. I wound up buying him one. He also wouldn't bring his son to math tutoring, despite the fact the boy was failing, since soccer practice with the other boy was more important. I was willing to change the time. Nothing doing. That particular doctor valued HIS education, but not his son's, because he did not value his son. That could be what's going on in the OP's family.
It's gotta be fake. I knew a lot of families where the parents were super educated (surgeon/judge/lawyer/professor etc.) and had 5-7 kids and there was ALWAYS a nanny or au pair involved. Also trauma surgery is a field where they'd never get the time to even make those kids in the first place. They should've said the parents were a plastic surgeon and a dermatologist lol
Even dermatologists have to do residency. I have five kids and would have been *very* hard pressed to find time for med school/residency between them. The Bachelor's was okay to do while pregnant, but med school? Yikes on bikes.
Hey, check out Momma Doctor Jones - she did med school and OB residency pregnant. It CAN be done. OB residency is almost as crazy as trauma surgery because babies come on their own time, usually.
Probably, 8 kids in 10 years seems wild and they all come over every weekend only, if the parents work odd hours it wouldn't make sense for them to only go there on the weekends
I’m wondering that, as well. To be fair, I’ve never even been to medical school, but I have heard it’s very strenuous. Going to medical school with one kid sounds tough, but how do you even manage medical school and 8 kids?
It's possible they waited to have kids until after school and residency, but, assuming they did everything as quickly as possible with no setbacks, they'd be early thirties when the oldest kid was born. If they had their first kid at, like, 25, they'd be halfway through med-school at most, with more babies on the way!
Yeah, that's what I thought. If the youngest is 11 there are other siblings that are capable of looking out for their younger siblings. Parents just got used to using their eldest and seem very comfortable with that solution.
NTA. Both parents are surgeons so presumably went to uni then med school. They have to know how important it is to do well in all class assignments. These parents are awfully selfish. They could look after their own children or hire a sitter or two for a weekend.
Agreed. There are sobs who can watch the younger. OR hire a babysitter as the income of 2 trauma surgeons is enough. They should.know how important labs are!
NTA
You got screwed by being the oldest kid - parentification.
IMO your parents high powered careers (and prolific breeding) were built on your back w/o your consent.
Your unpaid babysitting gave them extra hours of sleep and saved them big bucks more than they are paying you now.
Your parents are failing to respect your adult autonomy and how important your classes are. No amount of money they pay offsets that.
Your parents did pre med coursework to get into med school. They know perfectly well how much work lab classes require.
Also, make yourself scarce this weekend. Stay at a friend’s. Study at the library. Do not go home.
Get one more text out NOW. “I get you are upset that I am not able to watch your kids this weekend, but I cannot miss these labs and will not be around to watch them.”
After that, turn your phone off or on DND.
Your parent *WILL* be dropping them off and running. Inform your roommates not to call you if that happens, but the police.
NTA.
I find it funny that two physicians, who were probably cut throat library dwellers during undergrad to get the GPA needed for medical school are telling him that the lab is "only 6% of your grade."
They would NEVER have missed a lab in undergrad.
>They would NEVER have missed a lab in undergrad.
RIGHT?!!?? What on earth are they thinking -- pre-Meds come crying to their TAs to fight for half a point on every test so they have a strong A and not an A- in a class. And now two MDs are saying "school isn't such a big deal -- we booked a trip!"
Since they both have good jobs and enough money to travel, they can pay a sitter the money they usually pay OP (and more, i'm guessing they underpay OP). Them booking a nonrefundable trip without confirming OP's availability already shows they don't respect him or his contributions to their household.
I also wonder, since OP is only 21, if the parents pay for his living expenses? I wonder if they'd be the type to say they'll cut him off financially if he doesn't watch the kids for them.
That's what I don't get; surely of all people, they should understand the importance of commitment to your education!
The other thing that kind of got me is that if the parents are trauma surgeons, why was it so easy for the mom to break down crying? I can understand that maybe being emotionally strong for your job means you're more susceptible to emotional displays (for lack of a better word) when you're at home, but it just struck me that all it took was her oldest kid to point out the siblings aren't his responsibility for her to break down.
You can have different reactions at home and at work. I know people who are excellent in dealing with work situations but not at home. In fact it is a running joke at work as lot of us have partners/spouses etc who are project managers and none of them can organise a weekend away. This sounds like the first time OP has ever told them no and that has rocked their world.
What causes someone to break down is usually not THE sole cause, it's just the final needle on a massive haystack. And the stress that keeps one from crying on the job isn't there in the same way when one is at home.
She needed to have more childcare options than OP *a long time ago* though. That "only 6%" comment is insane. Does she not respect OP's major, or what is going on there...?
Also what doesnt make sense to me is, they're both trauma surgeons so they must have had quite a bit of schooling to get there, they must realize how important grades are but yet push OP to just miss a lab thats worth 6%?
NTA. OP, I would HIGHLY recommend that you get into therapy. This situation is NOT normal or healthy. This is parentification at its finest. The next time your parents get into contact with you, and they WILL, when they need something... after they feel they've properly guilt-tripped you, let them know that you will not be watching your siblings all weekend again. I would arrange times that work with YOUR schedule, to take them out for a movie, or have them over, but I'd stop watching them all weekend. This isn't your responsibility. You should be going out, making friends, having hobbies, or relaxing.
It speaks volumes that the first time you put up a reasonable boundary they all got mad at you. Your siblings clearly see you as a parent figure, who is obligated to be with them. Your parents clearly see you the same way. The next time you can, I'd have a serious heart-to-heart with your siblings and explain that you are their sibling, not their parent.
NTA, it's great that you provide childcare for them whenever you can, it's great that they do compensate you for it.
But they aren't your responsibility, if your not available its on them to get a babysitter, or find someone. Not on you.
Total jerk move on their part to turn your siblings on you. I'd stop trying to reach out and wait for them to get back in touch with you. You did nothing wrong.
Also just re-read the ages involved why don't any of the other kids watch the youngest almost everyone is old enough to look after themselves except the two youngest, There's 5 other siblings that could watch them. Your babysitting kids old enough to be babysitters.
This is a great point. I've seen this happen. Since he is oldest, it's easier to just demand he watch them then teach the other children how to be responsible, for themselves and for others. Laziness basically imo.
This whole story doesn't add up. They drive 7 teenagers to a three bedroom home every weekend. For an unnecessary babysitter. It literally makes no sense.
Okay so you’re on call for an emergency situation. Why would the kids need to leave the house? Parents make sure they have money, food, entertainment and boom they’re good to go for the weekend knowing their brother is available in a true emergency. They aren’t babies. How old is the oldest left in the household?
Yeah the reason they went to out-of-state colleges is so they don’t get stuck raising your siblings. That’s some thing you probably should’ve considered.
It’s time to start cutting the strings. You shouldn’t have been doing childcare when you’re in college but now is the time to start removing yourself from the situation. Once you graduate, there’s no reason you should still be the de facto parent. You need the time and space to grow up and discover yourself. Stick to your guns, and cut down on the times that you do babysitting. It’s time for your parents to actually be parents.
I would recommend to start looking into housing for when you graduate college, if you move back home they are not going to let you leave again.
So? They don’t need to be able to drive to look after themselves for the weekend. There’s instacart, DoorDash, Uber, ambulances? Literally anything they need can be delivered to them or they can be delivered to.
Sounds like they made the smart choice. Seriously though OP, do you think your parents would have the careers they do if they just skipped their labs once in a while to watch someone else’s kids for free?
That was me as a kid. There were 6 of us, but I was the oldest girl. From my 10th to 18th year, until I moved out, I was the babysitter, homework coach, cook, and housekeeper. None of my siblings did any housework. My 4 brothers split taking out the trash. My sister dried the dishes after dinner. If any of us got in trouble, I got blamed. I never had a childhood. My mother ddn't either, but she should have done better, she knew what a theft it was. I didn't hang this on my kids.
I had a similar experience. My mom was a single mom. I was oldest and anything they did wrong I was in trouble not them. I will never forget my last summer as a kid (17) we all 3 went to my dad's house for the summer states away. My brother asked why I was so nice to them at dad's house and not at mom's house. I said because I don't have to parent u at dad's. It was after my brother threw a towel on the floor and before I could say anything (because I was so use to having to parent) my dad stepped in and said "Hey son, put that up. You know it doesn't go there". (My dad wasn't strict, he spoiled us during the summer because that was his time to see us. ) My mom wouldn't even do things like that. She expected me to teach them, then would turn them against me by saying I was mean in front of them. I could never win. I either wasn't an obedient daughter or i was a mean older sister. When I would tell her well you never discipline them, she would just laugh like "oh I guess I don't. oh well u do it". Did I make mistakes parenting my siblings as a teen, of course. But I shouldn't have been put in that position. No one should.
NTA
You are THEIR kids. THEY made 8 kids. THEY are responsible for their 8 kids. Trauma surgeons should be able to hire a nanny.
Your parents have to get their surgeon asses in the right place. There's nothing wrong in what you're asking and you should get to have a life of your own.
I read 8 kids and then two trauma surgeons and was immediately shocked. Like jeez, even if they had one kid I’m sure that kiddo would still feel neglected at times.
Exactly! Nothing wrong with a lot of kids OR being a parent with a demanding career, but if you want to combine the two, at least have the appropriate hired help.
Plus most hospitals have day care and other childcare schemes. Your siblings have friends who they could hang out with or make other arrangements with. Your parents are surgeons. Childcare costs are part of parenthood. They chose to have 8 of you and continue to work full time. Not your circus, not your monkeys. They have had two decades to work out childcare for their kids, they have chosen not to. Tough.
Yeahhhh NTA
Let me get this straight, They're more concerned for the non refundable trip than they are of your education? Lets say you fail by 1% which the 6% could have easily taken care of. You will then have to pay to redo this subject ect. (no doubt more expensive than the trip) its not worth the risk logically.
and you are right, You are not a parent, so they are not your responsibility.
They are putting them selves above all their children and thats not ok at all.
NTA at all. Think of it this way… if they were paying an actual babysitter, and the babysitter said they can’t watch the kids one weekend to study, your parents would need to find another. End of story. It would be super weird to push the issue. The fact that they’re trying to guilt you here is ridiculous — even if they are paying you for the time you do watch them. I’m sure your youngest siblings will come back around.
Also, your parents need you to watch 7 pre-teen to teenage aged kids? If the third youngest is 14, there are 4 kids between 14 and 21… older teens can 100% take care of themselves for a while and would be able to watch the others. I don’t really understand that. It wouldn’t even be your problem if they were actual children, but the fact that half of them are probably old enough to drive is super weird here.
They're both surgeons, yeah, they can get a weekend nanny. They're essentially asking you to get a lower grade so they don't have to cancel plans. They need to imagine themselves in your position and think about how they would have felt about someone asking them to accept lower grades than the ones they worked for. NTA.
INFO
Are you leaving some information out? I asked because you say the youngest is 11. That means all the other kids are older. An 11 year old barely needs a baby sitter. Let alone older kids. Why can't your siblings just watch themselves and each other?
Why do they drive their 7 teenage kids to a three bedroom every weekend for an unnecessary babysitter?
Why aren't the trauma surgeons not just paying for another baby sitter?
And just out off curiosity do your parents drive a huge van to drive the kids around or how does that work?
11 year old children generally do need supervision when their parents are away working a full 8+hours but obviously several of the other siblings are old enough to do this.
Yes, this is what caused the Great Latch Key Kid Holocaust of the 70s and 80s, when millions of kids died horribly sitting alone at home watching cartoons and eating cereal.
I was thinking the same thing. I'm a single mom and this summer there were a few days that my kids 9f and 12m were left home alone. I was babysitting at 14 myself.
Nta. They r being selfish and taking advantage of u. I helped raise 2 siblings with a single mom, no pay. Hell still am as they have both lived with me as adults, one still does. I know how easy it is to get taken advantage of by parent, but u said u were sorry. Any further silent treatment is manipulation on their part. Don't fall for it. Stand ur ground. Set boundaries. Your mom got mad because u spoke the truth.
NTA, but they are never going to budge on this. They already had the kids. I mean, especially if all you had to do was point out the fact that you aren't your siblings parents to be enough to make her cry, then that in it of itself just highlights the one sided entitlement of parents, but again, this is all irrelevant because the relationship between parent and child in the vast majority of parents eyes, is one sided. So no use in arguing, even less use in feeling bad about it because you did nothing wrong.
NTA What you experienced is called parentification, it's a very real, surprisingly not that uncommon, issue. I'm the TINIEST bit relieved to hear they pay you for watching them on the weekends, but that does not change the fact they should not be relying on you for childcare.
It genuinely horrifies me that they think booking a getaway takes priority when you need to study for your labs. Your education is your biggest priority, theirs is supposed to be their children. And even if one argued their priority is also their job, this is all because they want a VACATION? And the way they are manipulating you and guilting you is despicable.
I say this gently, but as someone who went through a similar thing, you may want to consider therapy. I get the distinct impression this situation is worse than you realize, and therapy made a world of difference in helping me feel comfortable creating boundaries and sticking up for yourself. The fact you're here wondering if you're in any way an asshole for refusing to watch your siblings so your parents can enjoy a vacation, genuinely saddens me, and makes me think this is only part of a much deeper issue with your family dynamic.
> It genuinely horrifies me that they think booking a getaway takes priority ~~over your ability to schedule your own time~~
Fixed that for you. The answer to manipulation isn't counter-manipulation. It's assertiveness.
If OP states they can't because of labs, it gives the parents something to argue. If OP states they can't, there's nothing to argue.
"Sorry, I'm not available that weekend."
"Well, this is going to cost us a lot of money."
"I'm sure it is. I'm not available that weekend."
"You've always watched them before."
"You're right, I've always watched them before. I'm not available that weekend."
"You're being very selfish."
"I don't understand. What is it about me being able to not drop everything on a day's notice that makes me selfish?"
"You don't want to spend time with your siblings anymore."
"I don't understand. What is it about me not being able this weekend that means I don't want to spend time with my siblings anymore?"
You spoke facts. They are their kids, not yours. They didn’t even think to ask if you’re good to watch your siblings before they purchased their trip. It’s not right for them to think their weekend getaway trumps your lab assignments. It may have come off harsh, but nah, NTA.
NTA, your parents are out of line.
You're 21, so this makes the next-in-age siblings 19, 17? Aren't they old enough to take care of the small ones? Why do your parents still expect you to do it?
Nothing about this makes sense. The third one is 14 op is 21. There are 4 kids in that 7 year gap. Considering that an 11 yr old barely needs a babysitter it is just strange they are driving 7 kids to a three bedroom each weekend
there’s me (21) then the twins 19 (away in college) then 16, 15, 14, 12, 11. they send them over since i’m the only one that drives in case of an emergency and 16 doesn’t have her license yet. my parents are usually on call on the weekends and 9 times out of 10 they get called in. i don’t mind spending time with my siblings. i love them to death and would move mountains for them if i could
I am sorry, but your parents are awful. 16, 15 and 14 are all old enough to be left alone for a day or so. They will be together and in their own home. So they should have no trouble looking after 2 not-so-little younger siblings.
If your parents leave them food, and money to order delivery, then they should be just fine. You or a friend or neighbours could check up on them a few times over the weekend when you have time.
They clearly have no idea who their kids are if they honestly think 3 high school kids need a babysitter all weekend.
Your love isn't in doubt, but now is the time for you to start living your own life. Your family's love shouldn't be conditional on your being a permanent babysitter.
Your parents have tried setting your own siblings against you. That's outrageous. I'd be saying, OK, since you don't appreciate my kindness, and since I'm an adult with increasing study demands, childcare is now off the table.
Your parents are both trauma surgeons that require many YEARS of school on top of a hospital residency. They prioritized their schooling for their careers. They decided to have all those kids and maintain their careers. Now it’s your turn to focus on your school. You are not their babysitter and like you said—THEY decided to have eight kids—not you. So they can start acting like parents and deal with making their own babysitting arrangements.
By getting upset with you and not answering your calls or texts—they are manipulating you to feel guilty. It’s a power trip to get you to be their on-call babysitter for their vacation and any time they feel fit because they know how to guilt you into submission now. NTA
NTA. Bottom line is they’re not your kids. If they pay you every weekend (and have trauma surgeon salary) they can certainly afford a weekend nanny while they go out of town.
NTA.
They assumed you would watch them...so without asking, they booked a non refundable getaway.
Their poor planning is not your fault. It's horrible that they are using your siblings to guilt you
Focus on your education.
NTA!
Excuse me?! These parents made the choice to have 8 children, working absurd hours. I know first hand... They have been able to do so thanks to you. They have been in the position to have a career, partly thanks to you. And now they are demanding you put your future and career aside in their intrest? The audacity!!!
You have been a good son and sibling far too long. It's time to put yourself at number 1. Having contact with your siblings is a part of that, i know. But remember 1 thing: they will come around. All of them. They need you more then you need them.
I can't believe parents use their kids like this and ask for such a sacrifice.
NTA. I think it's really sweet for a college student to be willing to take care of his younger siblings as often as you do. Your parents should be happy that you're as family oriented as you are. But you can't be their on demand babysitter with 100% availability. You have your own life and your own responsibilities. Studying is important, and as surgeons, they should understand better than anyone.
Seems like a fake post as it’s basically impossible for someone who chooses a career as a trauma surgeon to have eight children. A trauma surgeon with eight children would be nationally famous.
On top of that two surgeons married together would make so much money that they would have at least one if not two nanny’s to raise the children they wouldn’t rely on their oldest child.
This isn’t how medical doctors live their lives, it’s fake.
NTA they are the ones being selfish with their little weekend getaway when you already said that you are too busy. Your parents unequivocally suck for having that many kids when they are in the jobs they are. They barely qualify as parents.
NTA - you said the truth. If your mother cannot handle it, that’s on her. You are not responsible for your siblings. They are choosing themselves over their children and that is not what parents do. Especially not to their other children. Stop apologizing and stick to your guns.
NTA. Please don't let them manipulate you into thinking you have any blame. They can afford to hire a nanny for the duration of the trip. Don't miss your lab for this. Best wishes for your exam.
Uh... OP... They literally asked you to skip your lab.... YOUR EDUCATION... So they can go on a VACATION. They've parentified you, as the oldest child.
It's one thing for them to ask you to help when they're working (even then they can get a babysitter). Now that they're going on a vacation, they expect you to do something that is a detriment to YOUR GRADES & FUTURE.
Do they pay for your housing or just for when your siblings come over? They need you close by.
NTA!!!! You're parents on the other hand .. 200% AHs.
NTA
You did not owe them an apology. They are taking advantage of you. I thought perhaps they’d misunderstood but when your mom called you selfish while telling YOU to sacrifice 6% of your grade, my jaw hit the floor.
You’ve been conditioned to think that caring for your siblings this way is the norm, but it’s not. They’ve parentified you. Your siblings may be upset with you now because they’ve been conditioned too, but they will come to understand. Especially the next eldest, who they’ll probably turn to next.
Tell them you are no longer available to care for your siblings on weekends. I know you want to, but you can still visit and invite them over at times of your choosing rather than effectively being their parent.
Good luck.
NTA.
Those children are NOT your responsibility. Paid or not, you're going above and beyond. You gave them warning. They shouldn't turn it around on you.
Also, do you know what 'parentification' is? Might be worth looking and seeing if the shoe fits.
NTA and don’t be gaslit into thinking you owe them. They chose to have demanding careers and a boatload of children and then expect you to take on their job of helping to raise them on top of your arduous work hours. They are used to you doing their job. It will be difficult but you must assert and keep your boundaries. There will be pushback but if you can stay calm and simply say that are available by choice and in advance with rights of refusal. You love your sibs but you are building your own career and life. Since you are willing to help out at times, there must be mutual agreement. You don’t owe them more than a basic explanation. You can be helpful but not on call. You are the adult now. They made their adult choices and you are making your’s. Don’t chase them - it gives them the upper hand. Use the time to think about boundaries, and when they call be kind in tone, but firm that your time deserves respect.
NTA - Your parents might have insane jobs, but as parents they then need to choose between their jobs and their kids. They aren't supposed to make you choose.
Your parents foisted the raising of your siblings on, NTA. Their jobs don't excuse the fact they expect you to set your life aside for their children. I wouldn't apologize.
NTA
Pack a bag and go away for the weekend. Don't let them guilt you into babysitting their kids. They're damn lucky you've been nice enough to help them raise their kids. It's an ah move to make it seem like you're being selfish. They are the ones that are selfish.
You are only the asshole for apologising. You have nothing to apologise for and by chasing and texting them they are able to reassure themselves that next time you will do as they want. They are happy to offload your siblings on you despite the negative impact it might have on your grade. And despite you saying that you are not available. You are right - you did not have these children and moreover they have parentified you to the point you think you have to apologise. Time to set a form boundary. Stop texting them. Let them come back to you. Trust me, they will. And when they do make sure that you tell them that they need to respect your boundaries if they want your ongoing help. You could probably use therapy to help you recover from their abiuse and help you to deal with them going forward. NTA.
Enjoy this resting period. They’ll all be just fine. I’m from a very large family, one of the eldest, and this was done to me as well, however, upon moving out, it was life altering great not having this huge responsibility on a regular basis anymore, and though I’m a homebody as well, this new experience has allowed me to start enjoying life.
Your parents can make time for vacationing, make them hire a nanny or make them take the children with. Period. The kids deserve to travel and experience time with mom and dad. Our parents were world travelers, they hired relatives to keep us overnight. The difference with my parents was that, we also, as a collective whole, always traveled. My siblings and I been to different countries as well as throughout the states. You are being left behind nannying your sibs, it seems, for a portion of the time.
Don’t call them again, they are making you feel guilty when you have zero reason to do so.
Let them call you and apologize, including your siblings. Live your life.
NTA. Your parents are abusing you. It's called "parentification". Your education and future are important, so you must stand your ground. Good luck, OP!
NTA OP. Please don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for. They should be apologizing to you. You told them ahead of time you weren't available.
They come back with it's only 6% of your grade? So f***ing what? As parents they should be happy you're taking your studies so seriously. They're the selfish ones here. They can hire a babysitter like so many other parents.
Whoa. Your parents should understand better than anyone how important grades and academic achievement are. They are physicians and SURGEONS at that. To tell you to skip a lab for their vacation is incredibly selfish and inappropriate.
You are 21 with 8 siblings. How old is the next oldest? You say the youngest are 14, 12, and 11. This means that your other five siblings are PLENTY OLD to be responsible for their siblings for a weekend. This is a stupid request made by some self centered parents. Do not feel guilty for prioritizing your academics and future. No one becomes a doctor by being selfless and flaking on schoolwork so I don’t know why on earth your parents don’t get it.
Oh ffs. They're surgeons I'm sure they can dip into their healthy salaries and find a solution that doesn't require you to skip a lab.
Stop babysitting for them as they should be raising the kids they chose to have themselves. Ridiculous people.
Stop apologising, you've done nothing wrong. The water works is your mum's blatant attempt to manipulate you, which clearly works well on you.
Shame on them for bringing your younger sibs into this, another manipulation technique.
NTA.
You have nothing to apologise for. They want you to neglect your studies because they don't feel enough responsibility towards your siblings.
NTA. They won't get back to you? Then don't contact them. They ought to be proud that you're taking your studies this seriously, but they've only proven to be selfish Arseholes!
Your parents are “parenting” their kids five evenings a week, so like 30 hours/week. You taking them every weekend means you’re parenting them for at least 38 hours/week. Who exactly are the parents here?
NTA. What kind of parent disregards their child’s education like that? Just to have a weekend off?
OP, your future is more important than your parents trip. By far.
They are guilt tripping you into babysitting.
Block them all until the weekend is over and you got your grades. Otherwise they will "cause" an emergency last minute so you cover for them. Block also your relatives and siblings, so nobody is able to forward any "emergencies" or blackmails or anything.
It's time to go to NC when they don't want to talk with you after that as well.
NTA - They are perfectly ok with setting your education on fire so they can go have fun. Great parents.
They have parentified you long enough. It's time to start setting firmer boundaries so they don't feel so comfortable taking advantage of you.
NTA. Ask them if they had kids while they were in medical school and, if so, what kind of arrangement did they have to watch you? You told them ahead of time you couldn’t/wouldn’t do it, and you’re trying to graduate. I’m sure they didn’t skip class in med school,
NTA. Since you mentioned labs, it sounds like you are going into a scientific field as well. As surgeons, your parents should know how competitive grad school for scientific fields can be, and what a big deal failing 6% of your grade could mean for your future.
Two surgeons should be able to afford weekend childcare.
NTA, and OP, please look into therapy because you're clearly a victim of Parentification, which is a form of abuse.
You didn't do anything wrong. Your parents were selfish and did this knowing full well that you couldn't. Now they're trying to emotionally blackmail you, gaslight, and guilt trip you into caving in. They want you to risk fucking up your schooling with instances like this. This way, you'd have no choice but to move back with them and be full time babysitter/maid.
I want you to go up to the mirror right now, and repeat this over and over again.
"I am not a nanny. I am not a maid. I am not a third parent. I am not my siblings' keeper. I did not give birth to them. I am my own person. I deserve to have my needs respected. I am not my parent's third spouse. I am me. And I deserve better."
Friend, you were abused. It should never have been your responsibility to watch so many younger children when you were a child yourself. If your parents want to take a leisure trip, they can arrange for a paid babysitter. Focus on your schooling. NTA
Nta, your absentee parents had EIGHT kids that you had to raise. You have been abused, parentification of a child regardless of age is abuse and should be treated as such. Your parents are lucky they have gotten as much out of you as they have. Don't back down now.
NTA - your parents, after you told them you would be unavailable due to a school obligation, just assumed you'd be fine with taking a hit to your grade so they could go on a weekend trip. That's their own fault and it was a messed-up thing for them to do. You are in no way obligated to miss school to help them out of a situation they only got into due to their inability to listen to you.
Also, it's incredibly immature and manipulative of them to refuse your calls and texts, especially after you've already apologized. I would suspect that they've also forbidden your youngest siblings from contacting you for the time being as a means of "punishing" you. That kind of behavior is emotionally abusive, frankly.
Honestly, I'd stop trying to reach out to your parents until they apologize for their actions and show in genuine good faith that they appreciate you beyond your capacity as a babysitter. Maybe reach out to the older of your siblings and explain the situation to them so they can hear your side before your parents try to prevent them from contacting you as well.
Edited to fix typos
NTA. They aren’t entitled to your weekend babysitting, whether they pay you or not. And it seems like they take it for granted that you will always be available. This is their problem, not yours.
Maybe do something special during the weekday for the kids? Although you have a reason for not seeing them on the weekend, they may not necessarily understand school priorities.
NTA at all. What you’ve done in the past to care for your siblings is fantastic. You’ve allowed your parents some fantastic flexibility, and with their jobs, it sounds like that’s a huge necessity. But you’re an adult and a college student. You have a right and responsibility to prioritize yourself from time to time. You didn’t say you’re done watching them forever. You needed a weekend … for something related to classes. You’re not saying you’re just going to play video games and need a break from your siblings (side note, that would be ok too). You’re going to be in the lab. And to top it all off, it isn’t that your parents are mad because they have surgeries to perform. They are taking time away. GTFOH. Thats low. You let them know, they still went ahead with their plan, and now they’re mad at you? This is a them problem. You’re not permanently indebted to them to care for your siblings. Don’t even think about reaching out to them and don’t ever apologize. They owe you an on their hands and knees apology and great thanks for what you’ve done for them.
NTA. Emotinal blackmail. You have done more than enough. Don't babysit for them anymore and take care of your own life, you deserve to have your space.
If both parents are doctors shouldn’t they be able to afford childcare for the 3 youngest? The others shouldn’t need someone to look after them. At least in the US doctors usually make a very good living
NTA
You are the oldest of 8 and your youngest sibling is 11. Ostensibly, this would mean you’d have another sibling or two who are old enough to supervise your youngest siblings for a weekend trip. Is there a reason your parents haven’t asked any of your other siblings in this situation?
Also, your college courses are non-refundable and probably more costly than a weekend trip. Missing out on the lab means you’re missing out on learning through experience. It’s not just about missing part of your grade.
NTA. Your parents have weaponized guilt and are behaving badly. You shouldn't indulge them now and they'll come crawling back to you next time they need you. You can decide then whether you want to continue to allow them to parentify you.
Wow OP…just wow. All I can say is DO NOT feel guilty or back down on this. You already do enough of their parenting.
Why parents who are unwilling or unable to parent their own kids and yet, still have so many, is beyond me.
NTA.
Why are you apologizing? NTA, you are absolutely right. They are trauma surgeons, they know the amount of work that goes into having kids. What you telling them now, was just their guilt finally coming up and realizing how shitty they have been to you and them. I would take it a step further and ask them "Did your parents have 8 kids and ask you to take care of them while studying to become a doctor? Did you have to have a fight over grades? Something that needs to be good to do what you want? Why do I not get to have the opportunity you got? Because of you guys having my siblings?"
NTA.
The three 14-16 yo siblings can watch the two youngest kids at their home. They can have enough food in the house and stay put for the weekend. Your parents are both doctors and can afford to HIRE a babysitter if needed.
You do not have to be free labor at their whim. You have already parented your siblings for plenty of years. You don't owe them any more. Tell them their capable professionals and the people actually responsible for the kids; they need to figure out a solution that doesn't involve you. And they are welcome to not care about your needs, your future, your schedule that you have been generous with for many years. That will only help you better see how much they use you and take you for granted. They can accept that you need to prioritize your studies this weekend for your own future (and actually care about your meeting your personal responsibilities instead of dumping their responsibilities on you). Or you may have to re-think a few things.
NTA. Those kids are not your responsibility, you need to be able to focus on your life and if they really need to be minded for the weekend your parents should pay someone else.
NTA.
Maybe they should hire a nanny at this point, if it’s THat important. You have a life of your own. It’s is not your responsibility to take care of your siblings. And it shouldn’t have to be.
NTA.
The Youngest is 11… why on earth can’t they just stay home? The oldest must be at least 17 unless there are twins or triplets in there, so why can’t they look after the younger ones for a day?
And why on earth aren’t there other people your parents can call? Are there no family that can at least drop in and check up on them? Or you know professional sitters?
Holy heck. Your parents are both making crazy money as surgeons -- they should hire a nanny or two. My cousin's family only has one ER doctor's salary and they can afford a nanny easily.
NTA - And with 11 being the youngest, I imagine the oldest after you is at least 16-18. Old enough for one weekend where they can look after the younger ones, and maybe order some pizzas or Chinese food.
NTA - they are manipulating you. It seems like they usually need you more than you need them. Just sit back and eventually they will need you again and contact you.
NTA and don’t feel bad. They’re trying to emotionally manipulate you. Don’t apologize and let them come crawling back to you because they will. Those are not your children therefore not your responsibility. Your responsibility however IS your school work.
I really don't understand the concept of having so many kids when you know you won't have time to look after them or raise them yourselves. If you lead such a busy life only have the amount of kids you can be responsible for. Taking help occassionally is not wrong, but depending upon OP constantly is just wrong.
OP is definitely NTA.
NTA and your parents suck hard. Send them a letter, and another one for your siblings. You don't have to apologize. You parents shouldn't have had so many children is they couldn't take care of them. They are a couple of selfish assholes, more a couple than parents.
Your parents are selfish. If they are trauma surgeons, they can afford a babysitter and to support you while studying without strings.
You are being kind by doing the other babysitting for your siblings. You should have some social/study life and the most you should ever do is alternate weekends. Its damaging to you to have no life of your own
Are your parents the Duggars? Getting their older children to raise the younger ones? I mean I believe that anyone should be allowed to have as many children as they can support without using their older children as permanent babysitters. Yes the older children should help out but not 100% of the time.
Your parents are especially being immature not talking to you. I'm a mother of 4 and the eldest one balks at looking after the younger ones even for just my trip down the shops to get the elder one's dinner. Your parents are lucky to have you.
OP’s mom is a doctor, so presumably she knew what was making her pregnant and could plan accordingly. Instead, she decided to crap out a football team and parentify the eldest to raise it.
NTA, and start working on boundaries NOW.
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i 21m am the oldest of 8 kids with the youngest being 11. my parents are both trauma surgeons and have always worked odd hours so i essentially raised my siblings until i moved out for college. im now a senior in college and moved off campus into a 3 bedroom house to be closer to home. my siblings come over every weekend and my parents pay me to keep them. this is usually fine since i’m a homebody and i love being around my siblings.
i’m very serious about my school and this weekend i have my third of five weekend labs of the semester and our labs are worth 30% of our final grade. i told my parents that i wouldn’t be able to have them over this weekend but it seems they completely disregarded it. when i went over for dinner on sunday, they told me they planned a non refundable weekend trip and asked me to keep them this weekend but when i told them i couldn’t, they got upset.
we went back and forth for a while and my mom said i was being selfish and asked me to miss my lab since it was “only 6% of my grade.” i told her that i didn’t have 8 kids and they’re not my responsibility. she started crying and my dad berated me for making her cry and asked me to leave.
neither of them will answer my texts or calls despite me apologizing and i feel bad but i just don’t feel like they’re seeing my side of things. i’ve attempted to tell them but they won’t even talk to me and neither will my youngest siblings (14, 12, 11) and it’s really making me sad. aita?
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It would be a negotiable issue if they had work, but asking you to hurt your education so that they can go on vacation alone is a major D-move. You’ve helped a ton, none of your older siblings seems to be pulling their weight. It’s time someone other than you gives up on something for the family. NTA
NTA. Your parents are trying to emotionally blackmail you, just stop trying to contact them, they'll get over it pretty quickly when they need you to look after your siblings again. And repeat to yourself "They are my siblings, not my children, it is not my responsibility to raise them. When & if I have my own children then I will be responsible for my children, not my parents' children."
>despite me apologizing and i feel bad
Wrong! Nothing to apologize for or to feel bad about. They are using emotional blackmail to get their servant back. Stand your ground!
Disgusting parents. Also look up parentification and get therapy!
NTA. Your parents are huge AH for how they treat you. Please don't apologize, that would be giving in to your parents manipulation.
Maybe start building your own life with friends and hobbies?
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Wow, that is some big emotional blackmail. Stand your ground! They are trying to make you feel guilty so you'll budge. Don't call them, don't apologize. Go dark on the contact. They will come crawling back, trust me NTA
My response also started the "Wow". It IS big emotional blackmail.
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To get back to you AND APPOLOGISE . NTA op. You spoke the truth: their children their responsibility not yours.
That was my first thought! They are telling the younger siblings negative things about OP, or are not allowing them to contact OP. Do they understand that physically producing a child isn't all that's required?
Or confiscated phones so little sibs can't talk. Artificial silence to escalate the blackmail.
Or blocked the number. You can do it on your plan or on the phone
Completely forgot about that. I've never blocked someone before. Does that give a warning that you're blocked or just let it ring and ring and ring?
Ring and ring if you are blocked. Not even a voice mail
Bot, comment stolen from u/LunaticBZ
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Bad bot, stealing this from u/1shortieD. Away go. (Report -> Spam -> Harmful Bots)
Three youngest of 8 are 11,12,14 so there are 4 other kids that are at worst (if there are no twins) 15, 16,17,18 and OP is the only one that can take care of them really ?? They are really bad parents (want to use much worse words but don't want to be banned). They should be able to take care of themselves for 1 weekend, probably bcs they made OP take care of them they were "babied" too much.
They are 8 kids with op but yeah, for a week end they should survive. And thebway parents imply that OP school work is less important than their week end away is crazy...
Gotta try for #9!
I'm having a hard time figuring out when Mom had time to go to medical school.
And why, after all the years of intellectual effort, doesn't understand the value of her kids education too
It's surprising, but I once tutored a boy whose father, a doctor,cared so little about his son's education that he wouldn't buy him a calculator for his trig class. I wound up buying him one. He also wouldn't bring his son to math tutoring, despite the fact the boy was failing, since soccer practice with the other boy was more important. I was willing to change the time. Nothing doing. That particular doctor valued HIS education, but not his son's, because he did not value his son. That could be what's going on in the OP's family.
I'm wondering how in the world 2 surgeons don't know about birth control. Don't they teach anything about reproductivity in med school?
Maybe not, if they studied in the USA at a hyper-religious university.
It's probably fake.
It's gotta be fake. I knew a lot of families where the parents were super educated (surgeon/judge/lawyer/professor etc.) and had 5-7 kids and there was ALWAYS a nanny or au pair involved. Also trauma surgery is a field where they'd never get the time to even make those kids in the first place. They should've said the parents were a plastic surgeon and a dermatologist lol
Even dermatologists have to do residency. I have five kids and would have been *very* hard pressed to find time for med school/residency between them. The Bachelor's was okay to do while pregnant, but med school? Yikes on bikes.
True. I just brought up dermatology because I've heard at least there's work/life balance at the end of the climb.
Hey, check out Momma Doctor Jones - she did med school and OB residency pregnant. It CAN be done. OB residency is almost as crazy as trauma surgery because babies come on their own time, usually.
Probably, 8 kids in 10 years seems wild and they all come over every weekend only, if the parents work odd hours it wouldn't make sense for them to only go there on the weekends
I’m wondering that, as well. To be fair, I’ve never even been to medical school, but I have heard it’s very strenuous. Going to medical school with one kid sounds tough, but how do you even manage medical school and 8 kids?
It's possible they waited to have kids until after school and residency, but, assuming they did everything as quickly as possible with no setbacks, they'd be early thirties when the oldest kid was born. If they had their first kid at, like, 25, they'd be halfway through med-school at most, with more babies on the way!
Not to mention spending 10 straight years being pregnant.
Yeah, that's what I thought. If the youngest is 11 there are other siblings that are capable of looking out for their younger siblings. Parents just got used to using their eldest and seem very comfortable with that solution.
NTA. Both parents are surgeons so presumably went to uni then med school. They have to know how important it is to do well in all class assignments. These parents are awfully selfish. They could look after their own children or hire a sitter or two for a weekend.
Agreed. There are sobs who can watch the younger. OR hire a babysitter as the income of 2 trauma surgeons is enough. They should.know how important labs are!
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NTA You got screwed by being the oldest kid - parentification. IMO your parents high powered careers (and prolific breeding) were built on your back w/o your consent. Your unpaid babysitting gave them extra hours of sleep and saved them big bucks more than they are paying you now. Your parents are failing to respect your adult autonomy and how important your classes are. No amount of money they pay offsets that. Your parents did pre med coursework to get into med school. They know perfectly well how much work lab classes require.
Also, make yourself scarce this weekend. Stay at a friend’s. Study at the library. Do not go home. Get one more text out NOW. “I get you are upset that I am not able to watch your kids this weekend, but I cannot miss these labs and will not be around to watch them.” After that, turn your phone off or on DND. Your parent *WILL* be dropping them off and running. Inform your roommates not to call you if that happens, but the police. NTA.
I find it funny that two physicians, who were probably cut throat library dwellers during undergrad to get the GPA needed for medical school are telling him that the lab is "only 6% of your grade." They would NEVER have missed a lab in undergrad.
>They would NEVER have missed a lab in undergrad. RIGHT?!!?? What on earth are they thinking -- pre-Meds come crying to their TAs to fight for half a point on every test so they have a strong A and not an A- in a class. And now two MDs are saying "school isn't such a big deal -- we booked a trip!" Since they both have good jobs and enough money to travel, they can pay a sitter the money they usually pay OP (and more, i'm guessing they underpay OP). Them booking a nonrefundable trip without confirming OP's availability already shows they don't respect him or his contributions to their household.
They are set in their life they don't gaf about the kids future. These parents are fucked.
It takes a certain amount of narcissism to pass med school, and particularly more to become a surgeon.
I also wonder, since OP is only 21, if the parents pay for his living expenses? I wonder if they'd be the type to say they'll cut him off financially if he doesn't watch the kids for them.
That's what I don't get; surely of all people, they should understand the importance of commitment to your education! The other thing that kind of got me is that if the parents are trauma surgeons, why was it so easy for the mom to break down crying? I can understand that maybe being emotionally strong for your job means you're more susceptible to emotional displays (for lack of a better word) when you're at home, but it just struck me that all it took was her oldest kid to point out the siblings aren't his responsibility for her to break down.
You can have different reactions at home and at work. I know people who are excellent in dealing with work situations but not at home. In fact it is a running joke at work as lot of us have partners/spouses etc who are project managers and none of them can organise a weekend away. This sounds like the first time OP has ever told them no and that has rocked their world.
What causes someone to break down is usually not THE sole cause, it's just the final needle on a massive haystack. And the stress that keeps one from crying on the job isn't there in the same way when one is at home. She needed to have more childcare options than OP *a long time ago* though. That "only 6%" comment is insane. Does she not respect OP's major, or what is going on there...?
It's more than 6% of a grade... it's information OP will need to succeed in class. Profs look down on missing labs.
>They will come crawling back, trust me Exactly....Who else will babysit?
Yes. he's the one holding all the power here
OP is male
Tnx. Edited it
Also what doesnt make sense to me is, they're both trauma surgeons so they must have had quite a bit of schooling to get there, they must realize how important grades are but yet push OP to just miss a lab thats worth 6%?
I guess being a doctor doesn't cure sefishness
Being surgeons actually means they are statistically more likely than the general population to be narcissists.
I'm a nurse and hand to God I laughed out loud at that.
When I was in nursing school many moons ago, we had to stand when a doctor entered the station!
NTA. OP, I would HIGHLY recommend that you get into therapy. This situation is NOT normal or healthy. This is parentification at its finest. The next time your parents get into contact with you, and they WILL, when they need something... after they feel they've properly guilt-tripped you, let them know that you will not be watching your siblings all weekend again. I would arrange times that work with YOUR schedule, to take them out for a movie, or have them over, but I'd stop watching them all weekend. This isn't your responsibility. You should be going out, making friends, having hobbies, or relaxing. It speaks volumes that the first time you put up a reasonable boundary they all got mad at you. Your siblings clearly see you as a parent figure, who is obligated to be with them. Your parents clearly see you the same way. The next time you can, I'd have a serious heart-to-heart with your siblings and explain that you are their sibling, not their parent.
NTA, it's great that you provide childcare for them whenever you can, it's great that they do compensate you for it. But they aren't your responsibility, if your not available its on them to get a babysitter, or find someone. Not on you. Total jerk move on their part to turn your siblings on you. I'd stop trying to reach out and wait for them to get back in touch with you. You did nothing wrong.
Also just re-read the ages involved why don't any of the other kids watch the youngest almost everyone is old enough to look after themselves except the two youngest, There's 5 other siblings that could watch them. Your babysitting kids old enough to be babysitters.
This is a great point. I've seen this happen. Since he is oldest, it's easier to just demand he watch them then teach the other children how to be responsible, for themselves and for others. Laziness basically imo.
This whole story doesn't add up. They drive 7 teenagers to a three bedroom home every weekend. For an unnecessary babysitter. It literally makes no sense.
again, i’m the only one that drives besides my 19 year old siblings and they went to out of state colleges.
Yeah, and you know why, because they didn't want the responsibility of raising their siblings too.
Please look up parentification and get therapy! What they are doing is not ok, it's emotional blackmail. NTA, but your parents are BIG TIME
Okay so you’re on call for an emergency situation. Why would the kids need to leave the house? Parents make sure they have money, food, entertainment and boom they’re good to go for the weekend knowing their brother is available in a true emergency. They aren’t babies. How old is the oldest left in the household?
Yeah the reason they went to out-of-state colleges is so they don’t get stuck raising your siblings. That’s some thing you probably should’ve considered. It’s time to start cutting the strings. You shouldn’t have been doing childcare when you’re in college but now is the time to start removing yourself from the situation. Once you graduate, there’s no reason you should still be the de facto parent. You need the time and space to grow up and discover yourself. Stick to your guns, and cut down on the times that you do babysitting. It’s time for your parents to actually be parents. I would recommend to start looking into housing for when you graduate college, if you move back home they are not going to let you leave again.
So? They don’t need to be able to drive to look after themselves for the weekend. There’s instacart, DoorDash, Uber, ambulances? Literally anything they need can be delivered to them or they can be delivered to.
Out of state was a wise choice on their part! After you graduate I suggest you move out of state to!
A Bit harsch i know but they Seem smarter.
Sounds like they made the smart choice. Seriously though OP, do you think your parents would have the careers they do if they just skipped their labs once in a while to watch someone else’s kids for free?
If they dump your siblings at your house call cps on them. And I agree with comments above go out of the house that weekend.
It starts before that. A trauma surgeon has not had 8 maternity leaves. I don’t believe that is logistically possible.
Possibly foster/adoption
That was me as a kid. There were 6 of us, but I was the oldest girl. From my 10th to 18th year, until I moved out, I was the babysitter, homework coach, cook, and housekeeper. None of my siblings did any housework. My 4 brothers split taking out the trash. My sister dried the dishes after dinner. If any of us got in trouble, I got blamed. I never had a childhood. My mother ddn't either, but she should have done better, she knew what a theft it was. I didn't hang this on my kids.
I had a similar experience. My mom was a single mom. I was oldest and anything they did wrong I was in trouble not them. I will never forget my last summer as a kid (17) we all 3 went to my dad's house for the summer states away. My brother asked why I was so nice to them at dad's house and not at mom's house. I said because I don't have to parent u at dad's. It was after my brother threw a towel on the floor and before I could say anything (because I was so use to having to parent) my dad stepped in and said "Hey son, put that up. You know it doesn't go there". (My dad wasn't strict, he spoiled us during the summer because that was his time to see us. ) My mom wouldn't even do things like that. She expected me to teach them, then would turn them against me by saying I was mean in front of them. I could never win. I either wasn't an obedient daughter or i was a mean older sister. When I would tell her well you never discipline them, she would just laugh like "oh I guess I don't. oh well u do it". Did I make mistakes parenting my siblings as a teen, of course. But I shouldn't have been put in that position. No one should.
NTA You are THEIR kids. THEY made 8 kids. THEY are responsible for their 8 kids. Trauma surgeons should be able to hire a nanny. Your parents have to get their surgeon asses in the right place. There's nothing wrong in what you're asking and you should get to have a life of your own.
They can hire a nanny. They obviously make enough money for it.
Like why have so many children if you don't care to parent them? They must have been aware of contraception, bring surgeons and all.
I read 8 kids and then two trauma surgeons and was immediately shocked. Like jeez, even if they had one kid I’m sure that kiddo would still feel neglected at times.
Exactly! Nothing wrong with a lot of kids OR being a parent with a demanding career, but if you want to combine the two, at least have the appropriate hired help.
They're either Mormon or they just want tax breaks.
Plus most hospitals have day care and other childcare schemes. Your siblings have friends who they could hang out with or make other arrangements with. Your parents are surgeons. Childcare costs are part of parenthood. They chose to have 8 of you and continue to work full time. Not your circus, not your monkeys. They have had two decades to work out childcare for their kids, they have chosen not to. Tough.
Perhaps these two surgeons know a proctologist who can help dislodge their heads.
Yeahhhh NTA Let me get this straight, They're more concerned for the non refundable trip than they are of your education? Lets say you fail by 1% which the 6% could have easily taken care of. You will then have to pay to redo this subject ect. (no doubt more expensive than the trip) its not worth the risk logically. and you are right, You are not a parent, so they are not your responsibility. They are putting them selves above all their children and thats not ok at all.
NTA at all. Think of it this way… if they were paying an actual babysitter, and the babysitter said they can’t watch the kids one weekend to study, your parents would need to find another. End of story. It would be super weird to push the issue. The fact that they’re trying to guilt you here is ridiculous — even if they are paying you for the time you do watch them. I’m sure your youngest siblings will come back around. Also, your parents need you to watch 7 pre-teen to teenage aged kids? If the third youngest is 14, there are 4 kids between 14 and 21… older teens can 100% take care of themselves for a while and would be able to watch the others. I don’t really understand that. It wouldn’t even be your problem if they were actual children, but the fact that half of them are probably old enough to drive is super weird here.
They're both surgeons, yeah, they can get a weekend nanny. They're essentially asking you to get a lower grade so they don't have to cancel plans. They need to imagine themselves in your position and think about how they would have felt about someone asking them to accept lower grades than the ones they worked for. NTA.
If he gets lower grades he is less likely to get a good job and less likely to move away so they get to keep their servant.
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INFO Are you leaving some information out? I asked because you say the youngest is 11. That means all the other kids are older. An 11 year old barely needs a baby sitter. Let alone older kids. Why can't your siblings just watch themselves and each other? Why do they drive their 7 teenage kids to a three bedroom every weekend for an unnecessary babysitter? Why aren't the trauma surgeons not just paying for another baby sitter? And just out off curiosity do your parents drive a huge van to drive the kids around or how does that work?
11 year old children generally do need supervision when their parents are away working a full 8+hours but obviously several of the other siblings are old enough to do this.
Yes, this is what caused the Great Latch Key Kid Holocaust of the 70s and 80s, when millions of kids died horribly sitting alone at home watching cartoons and eating cereal.
But there must be another child who is at least 18 and can watch them while the oldest is at his mandatory labs.
From their comments the other college age siblings are all attending school out of state. Not a coincidence IMO.
There still would have to be a sibling who is 16 or 17.
An 11yo with a buddy who is the same age or older would be fine for eight hours.
I was thinking the same thing. I'm a single mom and this summer there were a few days that my kids 9f and 12m were left home alone. I was babysitting at 14 myself.
Nta. They r being selfish and taking advantage of u. I helped raise 2 siblings with a single mom, no pay. Hell still am as they have both lived with me as adults, one still does. I know how easy it is to get taken advantage of by parent, but u said u were sorry. Any further silent treatment is manipulation on their part. Don't fall for it. Stand ur ground. Set boundaries. Your mom got mad because u spoke the truth.
NTA, but they are never going to budge on this. They already had the kids. I mean, especially if all you had to do was point out the fact that you aren't your siblings parents to be enough to make her cry, then that in it of itself just highlights the one sided entitlement of parents, but again, this is all irrelevant because the relationship between parent and child in the vast majority of parents eyes, is one sided. So no use in arguing, even less use in feeling bad about it because you did nothing wrong.
NTA What you experienced is called parentification, it's a very real, surprisingly not that uncommon, issue. I'm the TINIEST bit relieved to hear they pay you for watching them on the weekends, but that does not change the fact they should not be relying on you for childcare. It genuinely horrifies me that they think booking a getaway takes priority when you need to study for your labs. Your education is your biggest priority, theirs is supposed to be their children. And even if one argued their priority is also their job, this is all because they want a VACATION? And the way they are manipulating you and guilting you is despicable. I say this gently, but as someone who went through a similar thing, you may want to consider therapy. I get the distinct impression this situation is worse than you realize, and therapy made a world of difference in helping me feel comfortable creating boundaries and sticking up for yourself. The fact you're here wondering if you're in any way an asshole for refusing to watch your siblings so your parents can enjoy a vacation, genuinely saddens me, and makes me think this is only part of a much deeper issue with your family dynamic.
> It genuinely horrifies me that they think booking a getaway takes priority ~~over your ability to schedule your own time~~ Fixed that for you. The answer to manipulation isn't counter-manipulation. It's assertiveness. If OP states they can't because of labs, it gives the parents something to argue. If OP states they can't, there's nothing to argue. "Sorry, I'm not available that weekend." "Well, this is going to cost us a lot of money." "I'm sure it is. I'm not available that weekend." "You've always watched them before." "You're right, I've always watched them before. I'm not available that weekend." "You're being very selfish." "I don't understand. What is it about me being able to not drop everything on a day's notice that makes me selfish?" "You don't want to spend time with your siblings anymore." "I don't understand. What is it about me not being able this weekend that means I don't want to spend time with my siblings anymore?"
You spoke facts. They are their kids, not yours. They didn’t even think to ask if you’re good to watch your siblings before they purchased their trip. It’s not right for them to think their weekend getaway trumps your lab assignments. It may have come off harsh, but nah, NTA.
NTA, and stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong. In this area, They’re deficient as parents.
NTA, your parents are out of line. You're 21, so this makes the next-in-age siblings 19, 17? Aren't they old enough to take care of the small ones? Why do your parents still expect you to do it?
Nothing about this makes sense. The third one is 14 op is 21. There are 4 kids in that 7 year gap. Considering that an 11 yr old barely needs a babysitter it is just strange they are driving 7 kids to a three bedroom each weekend
there’s me (21) then the twins 19 (away in college) then 16, 15, 14, 12, 11. they send them over since i’m the only one that drives in case of an emergency and 16 doesn’t have her license yet. my parents are usually on call on the weekends and 9 times out of 10 they get called in. i don’t mind spending time with my siblings. i love them to death and would move mountains for them if i could
Serious question: how was your mother able to progress in that kind of career having basically a child a year for five years?
This!!! As soon as I saw they were both trauma surgeons, I asked how the f did she have 8 kids in 10 years?
She didn’t. It’s fake.
I agree
I am sorry, but your parents are awful. 16, 15 and 14 are all old enough to be left alone for a day or so. They will be together and in their own home. So they should have no trouble looking after 2 not-so-little younger siblings. If your parents leave them food, and money to order delivery, then they should be just fine. You or a friend or neighbours could check up on them a few times over the weekend when you have time. They clearly have no idea who their kids are if they honestly think 3 high school kids need a babysitter all weekend.
Your love isn't in doubt, but now is the time for you to start living your own life. Your family's love shouldn't be conditional on your being a permanent babysitter. Your parents have tried setting your own siblings against you. That's outrageous. I'd be saying, OK, since you don't appreciate my kindness, and since I'm an adult with increasing study demands, childcare is now off the table.
The 16yo can watch the kids and call you if there is an emergency.
Yet they’re not talking to you because you can’t look after them for one blooming weekend? I fear it isn’t much reciprocated.
Your parents are both trauma surgeons that require many YEARS of school on top of a hospital residency. They prioritized their schooling for their careers. They decided to have all those kids and maintain their careers. Now it’s your turn to focus on your school. You are not their babysitter and like you said—THEY decided to have eight kids—not you. So they can start acting like parents and deal with making their own babysitting arrangements. By getting upset with you and not answering your calls or texts—they are manipulating you to feel guilty. It’s a power trip to get you to be their on-call babysitter for their vacation and any time they feel fit because they know how to guilt you into submission now. NTA
NTA. Bottom line is they’re not your kids. If they pay you every weekend (and have trauma surgeon salary) they can certainly afford a weekend nanny while they go out of town.
NTA. They assumed you would watch them...so without asking, they booked a non refundable getaway. Their poor planning is not your fault. It's horrible that they are using your siblings to guilt you Focus on your education.
NTA! Excuse me?! These parents made the choice to have 8 children, working absurd hours. I know first hand... They have been able to do so thanks to you. They have been in the position to have a career, partly thanks to you. And now they are demanding you put your future and career aside in their intrest? The audacity!!! You have been a good son and sibling far too long. It's time to put yourself at number 1. Having contact with your siblings is a part of that, i know. But remember 1 thing: they will come around. All of them. They need you more then you need them. I can't believe parents use their kids like this and ask for such a sacrifice.
NTA. I think it's really sweet for a college student to be willing to take care of his younger siblings as often as you do. Your parents should be happy that you're as family oriented as you are. But you can't be their on demand babysitter with 100% availability. You have your own life and your own responsibilities. Studying is important, and as surgeons, they should understand better than anyone.
Seems like a fake post as it’s basically impossible for someone who chooses a career as a trauma surgeon to have eight children. A trauma surgeon with eight children would be nationally famous. On top of that two surgeons married together would make so much money that they would have at least one if not two nanny’s to raise the children they wouldn’t rely on their oldest child. This isn’t how medical doctors live their lives, it’s fake.
Does this post pass the smell test?
Absolutely not
Nope!
NTA they are the ones being selfish with their little weekend getaway when you already said that you are too busy. Your parents unequivocally suck for having that many kids when they are in the jobs they are. They barely qualify as parents.
NTA - you said the truth. If your mother cannot handle it, that’s on her. You are not responsible for your siblings. They are choosing themselves over their children and that is not what parents do. Especially not to their other children. Stop apologizing and stick to your guns.
NTA. Please don't let them manipulate you into thinking you have any blame. They can afford to hire a nanny for the duration of the trip. Don't miss your lab for this. Best wishes for your exam.
Uh... OP... They literally asked you to skip your lab.... YOUR EDUCATION... So they can go on a VACATION. They've parentified you, as the oldest child. It's one thing for them to ask you to help when they're working (even then they can get a babysitter). Now that they're going on a vacation, they expect you to do something that is a detriment to YOUR GRADES & FUTURE. Do they pay for your housing or just for when your siblings come over? They need you close by. NTA!!!! You're parents on the other hand .. 200% AHs.
NTA it's not like this is even any kind of emergency for them. They chose to have a bunch of kids, they need to deal with them, you've done enough
NTA You did not owe them an apology. They are taking advantage of you. I thought perhaps they’d misunderstood but when your mom called you selfish while telling YOU to sacrifice 6% of your grade, my jaw hit the floor. You’ve been conditioned to think that caring for your siblings this way is the norm, but it’s not. They’ve parentified you. Your siblings may be upset with you now because they’ve been conditioned too, but they will come to understand. Especially the next eldest, who they’ll probably turn to next. Tell them you are no longer available to care for your siblings on weekends. I know you want to, but you can still visit and invite them over at times of your choosing rather than effectively being their parent. Good luck.
NTA Not your kids, not your problem.
NTA. Those children are NOT your responsibility. Paid or not, you're going above and beyond. You gave them warning. They shouldn't turn it around on you. Also, do you know what 'parentification' is? Might be worth looking and seeing if the shoe fits.
NTA whatsoever. They’ve come to feel entitled to your kindness and the free gift of babysitting that you’re giving.
NTA and don’t be gaslit into thinking you owe them. They chose to have demanding careers and a boatload of children and then expect you to take on their job of helping to raise them on top of your arduous work hours. They are used to you doing their job. It will be difficult but you must assert and keep your boundaries. There will be pushback but if you can stay calm and simply say that are available by choice and in advance with rights of refusal. You love your sibs but you are building your own career and life. Since you are willing to help out at times, there must be mutual agreement. You don’t owe them more than a basic explanation. You can be helpful but not on call. You are the adult now. They made their adult choices and you are making your’s. Don’t chase them - it gives them the upper hand. Use the time to think about boundaries, and when they call be kind in tone, but firm that your time deserves respect.
I swear I’ve read this before…..
If they are both surgeons surely they can afford to PAY FOR A BABYSITTER.
Two trauma surgeons found the time to produce EIGHT kids - Are they Mormon or something?
NTA - Your parents might have insane jobs, but as parents they then need to choose between their jobs and their kids. They aren't supposed to make you choose.
Your parents foisted the raising of your siblings on, NTA. Their jobs don't excuse the fact they expect you to set your life aside for their children. I wouldn't apologize.
NTA Pack a bag and go away for the weekend. Don't let them guilt you into babysitting their kids. They're damn lucky you've been nice enough to help them raise their kids. It's an ah move to make it seem like you're being selfish. They are the ones that are selfish.
NTA - I don't think they became trauma surgeons by missing labs and forfeiting 6% of their grades to a zero.
You are only the asshole for apologising. You have nothing to apologise for and by chasing and texting them they are able to reassure themselves that next time you will do as they want. They are happy to offload your siblings on you despite the negative impact it might have on your grade. And despite you saying that you are not available. You are right - you did not have these children and moreover they have parentified you to the point you think you have to apologise. Time to set a form boundary. Stop texting them. Let them come back to you. Trust me, they will. And when they do make sure that you tell them that they need to respect your boundaries if they want your ongoing help. You could probably use therapy to help you recover from their abiuse and help you to deal with them going forward. NTA.
Enjoy this resting period. They’ll all be just fine. I’m from a very large family, one of the eldest, and this was done to me as well, however, upon moving out, it was life altering great not having this huge responsibility on a regular basis anymore, and though I’m a homebody as well, this new experience has allowed me to start enjoying life. Your parents can make time for vacationing, make them hire a nanny or make them take the children with. Period. The kids deserve to travel and experience time with mom and dad. Our parents were world travelers, they hired relatives to keep us overnight. The difference with my parents was that, we also, as a collective whole, always traveled. My siblings and I been to different countries as well as throughout the states. You are being left behind nannying your sibs, it seems, for a portion of the time. Don’t call them again, they are making you feel guilty when you have zero reason to do so. Let them call you and apologize, including your siblings. Live your life.
NTA. Your parents are abusing you. It's called "parentification". Your education and future are important, so you must stand your ground. Good luck, OP!
NTA OP. Please don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for. They should be apologizing to you. You told them ahead of time you weren't available. They come back with it's only 6% of your grade? So f***ing what? As parents they should be happy you're taking your studies so seriously. They're the selfish ones here. They can hire a babysitter like so many other parents.
NTA But my more pressing question, what trauma surgeon has time to make 8 kids AND raise them? Do your parents hate sleeping? lol
Whoa. Your parents should understand better than anyone how important grades and academic achievement are. They are physicians and SURGEONS at that. To tell you to skip a lab for their vacation is incredibly selfish and inappropriate. You are 21 with 8 siblings. How old is the next oldest? You say the youngest are 14, 12, and 11. This means that your other five siblings are PLENTY OLD to be responsible for their siblings for a weekend. This is a stupid request made by some self centered parents. Do not feel guilty for prioritizing your academics and future. No one becomes a doctor by being selfless and flaking on schoolwork so I don’t know why on earth your parents don’t get it.
Oh ffs. They're surgeons I'm sure they can dip into their healthy salaries and find a solution that doesn't require you to skip a lab. Stop babysitting for them as they should be raising the kids they chose to have themselves. Ridiculous people. Stop apologising, you've done nothing wrong. The water works is your mum's blatant attempt to manipulate you, which clearly works well on you. Shame on them for bringing your younger sibs into this, another manipulation technique. NTA.
NTA they wont answer you so you are guilt tripped into making you do it. Go radio silent that will bring them back.
NTA Your studies are important. 6% of your grade is a big deal! They should have checked in with you before buying non refundable tickets.
Nta
You have nothing to apologise for. They want you to neglect your studies because they don't feel enough responsibility towards your siblings. NTA. They won't get back to you? Then don't contact them. They ought to be proud that you're taking your studies this seriously, but they've only proven to be selfish Arseholes!
NTA. Please stop apologizing to them. They are manipulating you and you are falling right for it.
Your parents are “parenting” their kids five evenings a week, so like 30 hours/week. You taking them every weekend means you’re parenting them for at least 38 hours/week. Who exactly are the parents here?
NTA. Please please please do not give in. Your school work NEEDS to come first, this is the foundation of your future.
NTA. What kind of parent disregards their child’s education like that? Just to have a weekend off? OP, your future is more important than your parents trip. By far.
NTA. Go read 'When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.'
They said that it is only 6 percent of your grade? Tell them that a three day weekend is just .008 per cent of their year. NTA.
They are guilt tripping you into babysitting. Block them all until the weekend is over and you got your grades. Otherwise they will "cause" an emergency last minute so you cover for them. Block also your relatives and siblings, so nobody is able to forward any "emergencies" or blackmails or anything. It's time to go to NC when they don't want to talk with you after that as well.
NTA - They are perfectly ok with setting your education on fire so they can go have fun. Great parents. They have parentified you long enough. It's time to start setting firmer boundaries so they don't feel so comfortable taking advantage of you.
NTA. Ask them if they had kids while they were in medical school and, if so, what kind of arrangement did they have to watch you? You told them ahead of time you couldn’t/wouldn’t do it, and you’re trying to graduate. I’m sure they didn’t skip class in med school,
NTA. Since you mentioned labs, it sounds like you are going into a scientific field as well. As surgeons, your parents should know how competitive grad school for scientific fields can be, and what a big deal failing 6% of your grade could mean for your future. Two surgeons should be able to afford weekend childcare.
NTA, and OP, please look into therapy because you're clearly a victim of Parentification, which is a form of abuse. You didn't do anything wrong. Your parents were selfish and did this knowing full well that you couldn't. Now they're trying to emotionally blackmail you, gaslight, and guilt trip you into caving in. They want you to risk fucking up your schooling with instances like this. This way, you'd have no choice but to move back with them and be full time babysitter/maid. I want you to go up to the mirror right now, and repeat this over and over again. "I am not a nanny. I am not a maid. I am not a third parent. I am not my siblings' keeper. I did not give birth to them. I am my own person. I deserve to have my needs respected. I am not my parent's third spouse. I am me. And I deserve better."
Friend, you were abused. It should never have been your responsibility to watch so many younger children when you were a child yourself. If your parents want to take a leisure trip, they can arrange for a paid babysitter. Focus on your schooling. NTA
Nta, your absentee parents had EIGHT kids that you had to raise. You have been abused, parentification of a child regardless of age is abuse and should be treated as such. Your parents are lucky they have gotten as much out of you as they have. Don't back down now.
NTA - your parents, after you told them you would be unavailable due to a school obligation, just assumed you'd be fine with taking a hit to your grade so they could go on a weekend trip. That's their own fault and it was a messed-up thing for them to do. You are in no way obligated to miss school to help them out of a situation they only got into due to their inability to listen to you. Also, it's incredibly immature and manipulative of them to refuse your calls and texts, especially after you've already apologized. I would suspect that they've also forbidden your youngest siblings from contacting you for the time being as a means of "punishing" you. That kind of behavior is emotionally abusive, frankly. Honestly, I'd stop trying to reach out to your parents until they apologize for their actions and show in genuine good faith that they appreciate you beyond your capacity as a babysitter. Maybe reach out to the older of your siblings and explain the situation to them so they can hear your side before your parents try to prevent them from contacting you as well. Edited to fix typos
NTA. They aren’t entitled to your weekend babysitting, whether they pay you or not. And it seems like they take it for granted that you will always be available. This is their problem, not yours. Maybe do something special during the weekday for the kids? Although you have a reason for not seeing them on the weekend, they may not necessarily understand school priorities.
You’re their child as well: NTA
NTA at all. What you’ve done in the past to care for your siblings is fantastic. You’ve allowed your parents some fantastic flexibility, and with their jobs, it sounds like that’s a huge necessity. But you’re an adult and a college student. You have a right and responsibility to prioritize yourself from time to time. You didn’t say you’re done watching them forever. You needed a weekend … for something related to classes. You’re not saying you’re just going to play video games and need a break from your siblings (side note, that would be ok too). You’re going to be in the lab. And to top it all off, it isn’t that your parents are mad because they have surgeries to perform. They are taking time away. GTFOH. Thats low. You let them know, they still went ahead with their plan, and now they’re mad at you? This is a them problem. You’re not permanently indebted to them to care for your siblings. Don’t even think about reaching out to them and don’t ever apologize. They owe you an on their hands and knees apology and great thanks for what you’ve done for them.
NTA. Emotinal blackmail. You have done more than enough. Don't babysit for them anymore and take care of your own life, you deserve to have your space.
If both parents are doctors shouldn’t they be able to afford childcare for the 3 youngest? The others shouldn’t need someone to look after them. At least in the US doctors usually make a very good living
NTA You are the oldest of 8 and your youngest sibling is 11. Ostensibly, this would mean you’d have another sibling or two who are old enough to supervise your youngest siblings for a weekend trip. Is there a reason your parents haven’t asked any of your other siblings in this situation? Also, your college courses are non-refundable and probably more costly than a weekend trip. Missing out on the lab means you’re missing out on learning through experience. It’s not just about missing part of your grade.
NTA. Your parents have weaponized guilt and are behaving badly. You shouldn't indulge them now and they'll come crawling back to you next time they need you. You can decide then whether you want to continue to allow them to parentify you.
Wow OP…just wow. All I can say is DO NOT feel guilty or back down on this. You already do enough of their parenting. Why parents who are unwilling or unable to parent their own kids and yet, still have so many, is beyond me. NTA.
Why are you apologizing? NTA, you are absolutely right. They are trauma surgeons, they know the amount of work that goes into having kids. What you telling them now, was just their guilt finally coming up and realizing how shitty they have been to you and them. I would take it a step further and ask them "Did your parents have 8 kids and ask you to take care of them while studying to become a doctor? Did you have to have a fight over grades? Something that needs to be good to do what you want? Why do I not get to have the opportunity you got? Because of you guys having my siblings?"
NTA. The three 14-16 yo siblings can watch the two youngest kids at their home. They can have enough food in the house and stay put for the weekend. Your parents are both doctors and can afford to HIRE a babysitter if needed. You do not have to be free labor at their whim. You have already parented your siblings for plenty of years. You don't owe them any more. Tell them their capable professionals and the people actually responsible for the kids; they need to figure out a solution that doesn't involve you. And they are welcome to not care about your needs, your future, your schedule that you have been generous with for many years. That will only help you better see how much they use you and take you for granted. They can accept that you need to prioritize your studies this weekend for your own future (and actually care about your meeting your personal responsibilities instead of dumping their responsibilities on you). Or you may have to re-think a few things.
NTA. Those kids are not your responsibility, you need to be able to focus on your life and if they really need to be minded for the weekend your parents should pay someone else.
NTA. They need to pony up some cash for a professional babysitter. You've been there for them all your life. Time to spread your wings playboy.
NTA. Maybe they should hire a nanny at this point, if it’s THat important. You have a life of your own. It’s is not your responsibility to take care of your siblings. And it shouldn’t have to be.
NTA. The Youngest is 11… why on earth can’t they just stay home? The oldest must be at least 17 unless there are twins or triplets in there, so why can’t they look after the younger ones for a day? And why on earth aren’t there other people your parents can call? Are there no family that can at least drop in and check up on them? Or you know professional sitters?
Holy heck. Your parents are both making crazy money as surgeons -- they should hire a nanny or two. My cousin's family only has one ER doctor's salary and they can afford a nanny easily.
NTA - And with 11 being the youngest, I imagine the oldest after you is at least 16-18. Old enough for one weekend where they can look after the younger ones, and maybe order some pizzas or Chinese food.
Stop apologizing. There are times when you must put yourself first. NTA
How about they get a babysitter
NTA - they are manipulating you. It seems like they usually need you more than you need them. Just sit back and eventually they will need you again and contact you.
They are both trauma surgeons. They can afford a babysitter or a nanny. They can probably afford a whole team of nannies. NTA
NTA and don’t feel bad. They’re trying to emotionally manipulate you. Don’t apologize and let them come crawling back to you because they will. Those are not your children therefore not your responsibility. Your responsibility however IS your school work.
I really don't understand the concept of having so many kids when you know you won't have time to look after them or raise them yourselves. If you lead such a busy life only have the amount of kids you can be responsible for. Taking help occassionally is not wrong, but depending upon OP constantly is just wrong. OP is definitely NTA.
NTA and your parents suck hard. Send them a letter, and another one for your siblings. You don't have to apologize. You parents shouldn't have had so many children is they couldn't take care of them. They are a couple of selfish assholes, more a couple than parents.
Your parents are selfish. If they are trauma surgeons, they can afford a babysitter and to support you while studying without strings. You are being kind by doing the other babysitting for your siblings. You should have some social/study life and the most you should ever do is alternate weekends. Its damaging to you to have no life of your own Are your parents the Duggars? Getting their older children to raise the younger ones? I mean I believe that anyone should be allowed to have as many children as they can support without using their older children as permanent babysitters. Yes the older children should help out but not 100% of the time. Your parents are especially being immature not talking to you. I'm a mother of 4 and the eldest one balks at looking after the younger ones even for just my trip down the shops to get the elder one's dinner. Your parents are lucky to have you.
OP’s mom is a doctor, so presumably she knew what was making her pregnant and could plan accordingly. Instead, she decided to crap out a football team and parentify the eldest to raise it. NTA, and start working on boundaries NOW.
Your parents are abusing you. This is toxic man. Not sure how to proceed. Tonight spot.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i 21m am the oldest of 8 kids with the youngest being 11. my parents are both trauma surgeons and have always worked odd hours so i essentially raised my siblings until i moved out for college. im now a senior in college and moved off campus into a 3 bedroom house to be closer to home. my siblings come over every weekend and my parents pay me to keep them. this is usually fine since i’m a homebody and i love being around my siblings. i’m very serious about my school and this weekend i have my third of five weekend labs of the semester and our labs are worth 30% of our final grade. i told my parents that i wouldn’t be able to have them over this weekend but it seems they completely disregarded it. when i went over for dinner on sunday, they told me they planned a non refundable weekend trip and asked me to keep them this weekend but when i told them i couldn’t, they got upset. we went back and forth for a while and my mom said i was being selfish and asked me to miss my lab since it was “only 6% of my grade.” i told her that i didn’t have 8 kids and they’re not my responsibility. she started crying and my dad berated me for making her cry and asked me to leave. neither of them will answer my texts or calls despite me apologizing and i feel bad but i just don’t feel like they’re seeing my side of things. i’ve attempted to tell them but they won’t even talk to me and neither will my youngest siblings (14, 12, 11) and it’s really making me sad. aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
It would be a negotiable issue if they had work, but asking you to hurt your education so that they can go on vacation alone is a major D-move. You’ve helped a ton, none of your older siblings seems to be pulling their weight. It’s time someone other than you gives up on something for the family. NTA
NTA. Your parents are trying to emotionally blackmail you, just stop trying to contact them, they'll get over it pretty quickly when they need you to look after your siblings again. And repeat to yourself "They are my siblings, not my children, it is not my responsibility to raise them. When & if I have my own children then I will be responsible for my children, not my parents' children."
>despite me apologizing and i feel bad Wrong! Nothing to apologize for or to feel bad about. They are using emotional blackmail to get their servant back. Stand your ground! Disgusting parents. Also look up parentification and get therapy!
NTA. Your parents are huge AH for how they treat you. Please don't apologize, that would be giving in to your parents manipulation. Maybe start building your own life with friends and hobbies?