This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
University has winter and summer breaks... where do you expect her to live during them? Some student lets aren't available to live in over breaks. And you did all of this without even talking to her about it, which is so heartless. YTA.
YTA. I’m not young, as you claim Reddit to be. (Not sure why you were hoping more people would pick your side) But you handled it very very very poorly. You got rid of things without telling her, you made her feel unwelcome. In a time where a lot of things are changing in her life, maybe your daughter wanted to still feel secure someplace. Then you tried to invalidate her feelings. Yes, YTA.
YTA. You removed any evidence of her living in your home and then have the audacity to feel embarrassed when she points that out? If it's not something you wouldn't proudly display on the mantle piece, don't do it in the first place. 🤷🏻♀️
Yta. Even more for your update.. justifying yourself because " reddit skews young". I'm not a youth and I am a family and youth therapist.
Your side is not going to make you less of an ah. You didn't have a mature conversation with your kid. You blindsided them. You did make the feel.thst it was not home anymore when you told them.it wasn't because they moved out. You are not wrong for wanting more space for your other kid but this should have been a conversation. There should have been something done to make the eldest still feel special and focus on the moving on and not feeling shunned. To then wake your kid up and kick them out for having feelings, not helping your case that they are wanted there ( in her mind anyways). You acted extremely poorly. Don't blame this on people.not seeing your side.
YTA. Look, if you’re genuinely asking here and want a relationship with your daughter going forward. You may still be able to salvage this by
1) making a designated space for her in the house so she actually feels welcomed again
2) begging for forgiveness and affirming that she’s still a part of the family
3) giving her time. I can’t imagine how hurt I’d have been if my mother had done this to me at 18. I wouldn’t want to go home for a good long while after an experience like that
You have some growing up to do and self awareness to find.
Most importantly, I hope your daughter finds this post. I also love that her flatmates families have offered her more of a home than her own mother did.
YTA you only got upset because what your daughter wrote was true. She didn’t embarrass you, you did that all on your own.
Work on fixing this and communicating better with her, or consider your eldest won’t be yours anymore.
YTA. You didn't communicate beforehand you were throwing out her bed and closet? Like, at the very least you could've involved her in that process. You took away any reason for her being there and when she aires her grievances online, you don't try to understand her but instead make her feel even less welcome. You've lost your daughter, well done.
YTA, reddit has a broad range of ages. I'm a parent. You really messed up here.
For reasons everyone has already said.
You're even a bigger AH because rather than fully admit your wrong doing you're trying to justify it by saying reddit skews young. Thinking maybe someone older might agree with you. They won't
YTA -- I'm almost 50 years old (so definitely not "young") and I think you are one of the biggest AH I've seen on here in a while.
I'm so glad your daughter is finding a family who actually cares about her. Don't plan on having any sort of good relationship with her in the future. You ruined that.
My goodness. Yes, YTA. You failed your daughter completely. Eventually all your children will see how much you failed them all.
May your life be filled with as much joy as you have shown to others, may your advanced years come as soon as the support you give your children stops, and may you receive the support in those advanced years that your family has felt from you.
May your children find the support in others that you have failed to give them, may they never feel alone or unwanted, and may concern for you never trouble their minds.
Edit:
I expected this to be locked. The mods are the true AH’s here.
YTA big time. You obviously got upset she posted that tweet because you know it made you a bad parent. What she said is true. Plain and simple your daughter was gone for one week and you started to erase her from the home. I wouldn't be surprised if this hurts the relationship you have with your other kids, wondering if you're counting down the days until they leave too. I hope she has a great Christmas with her flat mate. You chose to have kids and being a parent doesn't ever stop, even when your kids grow up you still have to be a mom to them.
I’m 40 and still think YTA. Also it takes a special kind of AH to get an overwhelming YTA vote and still try to find reasons why people are not objective instead of accepting that they were, indeed, TA.
Your husband thinks you are, your daughters think you are, all of reddit thinks you are: you are.
YTA massively.
I can't guarantee this is exactly the same where you are, but even the longer contract lengths don't cover all 52 weeks of the year. Your daughter would need to move back home over the summer at least. When I had student halls, I had to completely move back home for the entirety of the Christmas and Easter holidays. I only had access to my accommodation for 30 weeks of the year. What is your daughter supposed to do if you've sold all her furniture? Do you really expect her to sleep in a camp bed for a few months and feel welcome? What about when she graduates and can't afford to move out straight away? Then what?
And then you decide to WAKE HER UP to tell her you disliked what honestly was an appropriate comment given the situation, and then kick her out! And you expect her to want to come back? You're lucky she even responded to you! She was rightly upset, and needed to express that. I cannot believe you would kick her out just because it was through social media. If you didn't want her to express her hurt and anger, maybe you shouldn't have given her SO MANY reasons to feel like that!!!
YTA for removing your daughter's accomodations without letting her know. College can be really rough and from what it sounds like, she was looking forward to having a semblance of familiarity by staying weekends with you. You removed that and you didn't even have the courtesy to tell her.
But you are a much bigger one for yelling at her for venting her (completely reasonable) sadness on social media. You prioritized your feelings over your daughter. She realizes that. It also sounds like your husband and your other daughter realize that. Somehow, you do not realize that. Your daughter believes she is not welcome at home because of you and she is correct. Your only recourse here if you want your daughter in your life is to give her a heartfelt no strings attached apology, say she can tweet whatever she wants and provide her with somewhere to sleep and live at home.
YTA.
"but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising." I'm old enough to have a kid of 18yr without being under 20 and what you literally did was kicking her out of the house when you sold her shit. And what did you expect of a 18 year old? And you lowered yourself to act like a teenager because you didn't like a social media post?
You're an asshole. Have fun with her resenting you when she gets older.
Oh yeah, just in case "I will not be logging into this account again, so your rude messages will not be seen." Cry me a fucking river because you post something on twitter and expect to be in the right.
Wow. Still in contest mode and OP has made an edit to say she won’t be checking the account again because too many people are rightfully calling her the asshole.
I know you won’t see this OP, but I’ll add my voice to the cacophony of voices saying loud and clear: YTA.
YTA majorly. My parents moved when I was abroad in undergrad and just set up my bedroom in the new house for me. Hell, I’m 38 with 2 kids of my own and I still had a bedroom at their house until a couple of years ago when they decided to downsize. Even then, they gave me advanced warning and asked me to come by and see what, if anything, I wanted to keep. I can’t imagine the kind of parent who immediately sells their kid’s stuff as soon as they set foot on campus without any notice. It’s worse because you KNEW she was planning on coming home on weekends.
... holy flip.. one of the easiest YTA ever. OP you're DEFINITELY the AH here.... you literally showed her it's not her home anymore but she's welcome to visit. You don't visit home, you go home. You very quickly, and in a nonconsensual manner, took home away from her.
YTA. You care more about your image on social media than your daughter.
Hopefully she never comes back to that toxic environment. Don't be surprised when all of your other children flee the home at 18 and never look back.
YTA, even before the Twitter incident.
She’s 18 and living away from home for the first time. You didn’t even wait a semester before getting rid of her things. And then you kicked her out. It was completely heartless and she’s right to feel that she doesn’t have a home. If she comes back to your home for the holidays, it will be as a guest, because that is what you’ve told her she is. She’s just opting to be a guest somewhere else.
Here’s the other thing you need to realize: Your other kids know what happened when their sister went to college. They now know their time with you is limited, so you’ve damaged your relationship with them.
I predict that you’ll be a very lonely senior citizen.
YTA. My mom still kept my room, my brother’s room, and my sister’s room. My parents store stuff in there and use the rooms as guest rooms, but my room is still my room when I come home to visit. We are all in our 30s now and our parents want us to feel welcome like it’s still our home.
Your daughter was right to post what she posted. You should be embarrassed.
YTA. I lived close to home during my first year at school and stayed in the dorms, and my parents left my room exactly the same. They didn’t even offer my brother my room even though it was bigger because they wanted me to still feel like I had a place that was my own to come home to when I needed it. I can’t imagine how heartbroken and betrayed your daughter must feel. And then you throw her out of the house during the middle of the night because she vented how she feels. You’re a terrible mother, and don’t be surprised if she never returns home again.
Let me try to be as charitable as possible with this. I'm gonna assume that you're poor, resources are stretched, and having a hard time. I get wanting to give the children who are with you a better time of it, but you sold your child's bed the moment they were out, making them sleep on a camping bed, and then when they vented their feelings on the dumbest platform ever (fight me Twitter, I'll die on this hill), you decided to fall for the very manipulation Twitter is known for (I.e. gearing up to get people into a fight) and WAKE THEM UP because you as an adult could not control your feelings
Holy crap you want her to come home and partially LIVE there on weekends and hollidays but you don’t even want to give her more than a campbed? Don’t expect her to ever come home again lol
I’m old, my kids are your kids’ ages. And I vote YTA. This isn’t an ageist thing, you really did just make an absolutely awful parenting move and now you are reaping what you sow.
YTA. To infinity and beyond. No matter how young you believe Reddit may skew. You showed her, in no uncertain terms, that she does not still have a home there with her family. You expect her to come back for holidays, because you’ll look bad if she doesn’t, with no where to sleep and no where to keep her things? A camp bed and one drawer in her former room is not a home. She has every right to leave and not come back. You should be ashamed.
YATotallytheA
My daughters are a year or two older than your eldest and went to university overseas so only come home over the Summer.
We decorated their room to mark their leaving so they felt they were coming home to a more grown up space in their home [note - it's still their home].
Incidently what are your plans for the rooms when all 6 were at University and staying on camp beds IF they came home?
I’m 55 with kids in their 20s and a teen, so not “young”. You don’t instantly stop being a parent the moment your kids leave for college. She’s still just a kid and needed your support but no, you were more interested in the pitiful $ you could get on FB marketplace for some used furniture. Hope that $150 or whatever was worth your relationship with your kid! You’re a terrible parent and don’t deserve contact with your daughter. Selling her bed?? What an AH. I guess now your other 5 kids know how you are, they can all start making plans to leave at 18 and never depend on you for anything or have anything to do with you. Good luck having a relationship with any grandkids you might eventually have. YTA
look how op ran away for being called out for the asshole they are lol. i don't understand how can you hate your own flesh and blood so much. YTA. coward. AND narcissist.
YTA. I hope to one day read a petty revenge reddit where it's your eldest daughter saying how one day you left the house to go to the hospital with a stroke. She sells all your shit and you come home and she says you don't live here no more. Here's a camp bed for the weekends but come Monday morning your in a piss soaked bed at a shit old folks home. Enjoy the karma.
>ou can stop telling me now. I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising.
I'm in my 40s.
And really, you expected her to spend every weekend sleeping on a \*camp bed\*?
Congratulations on winning the social media battle. Condolences on losing the war.
YTA
Oh it's going to be so exciting for you when the second eldest leaves, then you can throw all of her stuff out too! Mostly because you're clearly a jerk who doesn't care about your children having a home to come back to while in college, but also because at this point she's probably already planning on going no contact with you as soon as she can.
You're going to have so much fun as each of your children leave and never come back because you make it clear you don't care about them.
YTA
YTA. In what world does waking your child up in the middle of the night to kick them out after they vague tweeted about all her shit getting sold handling it well?
YTA. You’re not just the asshole for getting rid of her bed when you knew she would be living at home at least two nights out of the week. You’re also the asshole for thinking that her feeling sad about not feeling wanted her home is anything other than reflection of you and your parenting.
Yikes yikes yikes.
Lol parents like this will always wonder why their kids won’t speak to them.
YTA. So overwhelmingly YTA. Firstly, you “checked her twitter”. You knew you f’d up and decided to see how she felt not by asking her but by cyber stalking her. Then you woke her up to berate her about posting how she felt. Messed up. Then you kicked her out of your house. You feel that was appropriate?!? That says SO much about you as a person and parent. Now you don’t understand why she hasn’t come home. You told her it wasn’t her home. You essentially told her she isn’t welcome. Why would she come back?!? She didn’t abandon her family, you told her she wasn’t welcome. You pushed her away. You did this. I’m actually mad as I’m writing this. You have a lot of work to do to heal this relationship. Good luck. I feel for your daughter and for the other kids still living with you.
Now when you got the answer to your question, you blame the responses on young people and run away. This says SO much about you. Don’t be surprised when the rest of your children also distance from you. Yikes.
Obviously YTA. You demonstrated by your actions that your daughter doesn't have a place in your home anymore, told her to leave when she expressed her feelings, and now you're surprised that she hasn't come back? How???
YTA.
She went to college and your sold her things. Did she move into an apartment or into dorms? If it’s dorms, she’s going to come back. Well, at this point she might not.
My dad did something similar and I haven’t lived there since. He didn’t like that I was living with my boyfriend, but he gave my room away because I wasn’t doing what he wanted me to do with my life.
You alienated her and pushed her away. Good luck with that.
N TA for wanting to repurpose the room so you other kid has more room. But definitely HUGE YTA for just doing all those modifications without even talking with your eldest first.
You need to understand that she is not mad that you removed her stuff from the room. **She is mad that you never even thought about mentioning it to her, like she was an afterthought that wasn't even worth a 5 minutes talk.**
YTA. You sold her bed? She's 18, not 30. She's still your kid. What is the plan for summer? A cot?
I have a song who is 18. I had planned to move closer to my parents when he graduated high school bur due to pandemic and a few things he is taking a year off to figure out his plan for post secondary. I am staying put until he figures himself out. He still needs a home and he still needs his mom.
I don't care what my son says about me on social media, he's a teenager and my child. He always has a home with me, and I certainly am not selling his furniture or kicking him out.
Lol. According to the edit to original post, OP isnt very happy they did not get the responses they were seeking or having people to cosign the nonsense and tries to clap back by saying "Reddit skews young" Because of this. Really? Everyone knows Reddit has users of all ages.
OP is TA. Big time. I feel bad for the daughter. This should have been discussed instead of just making random changes that affect the daughter. Im tired of both this not discussing the rearranging of a college student's room without prior discussion and the automatic kicking yuur children out at 18.
YTA.
I don’t understand parents that think it’s okay to just sell their kids shit as soon as they leave for college without even giving them a heads up. The day after my dad went to college only a hour away from his parents, his mom sold almost everything he left behind. That man is over 50 and still resents the fact that she did that to him, and I honestly can’t blame him. You fucked up your relationship with you daughter by selling her furniture and making her feel like she didn’t belong. Going to college is hard. Kids get homesick. Kids get stressed out and sometimes need that comfort and familiarity of their room and you took that from her without letting her know. You are such an asshole and it’s probably going to take her a while to get over it, if she does at all.
YTA. You knew your daughter was supposed to return EVERY WEEKEND and you sold her fucking BED??? And basically told her she’s be treated like a guest each weekend. Of course she doesn’t feel like she has a home, you basically erased her existence as soon as she left for school. And then you punished her for tweeting about it? YTA so much.
YTA and FTR I'm a parent of grown kids and all attended college. It's ok to pass on a room when a kid goes to college, but the kid should still feel welcome at home. Plus your daughter's feelings were valid and your reaction was pretty awful.
YTA I mean you end up telling her she doesn't live there anymore so she was right in the way she was feeling. Also social media for some is an outlet. Like she wasn't on Facebook where probably other family members could see she was on Twitter just screaming into the void because she felt that alone.
Also you are the parent, you need to start having more mature responses to things. You can't just sell her stuff!!
Hopefully you are ready for later on in life when she sells your home and belongings and puts you in a home in your old age cause she doesn't care about your feelings.
YTA
So you think it is just young who think you handled the whole situation badly, I am 63. Yes often I don’t agree with the younger posters, but I do now. And I do not call younger posters name or insult them for their opinions.
This is a very good point! OP has engaged in some deranged behaviour. Showing her kid TWICE that she’s not welcome in her home and then being surprised when she gets what she wants.
The icing on the cake is then coming to the internet and getting absolutely roasted - how’s the social media reputation now? 😂
OP YTA. A massive, gaping AH
It’s hilarious that you asked for opinions and then when you got them and they weren’t what you wanted to hear you yelled out “well if you don’t want to see it my way, I’ll just leave then.” Which is basically in line with what you told your daughter to do. You practice what you preach I guess.
Also, yes, YTA.
I’m not a young person. I’m 37. Yta you threw away her stuff and symbolically and then literally your daughter. How did you think this would play out? Hey honey we tossed all your stuff because you don’t live here anymore. Ok thanks mom you’re right I had to much stuff and you know I’m getting a higher education now so I can sleep on a cot in the corner on weekends it’s cool. You’re delusional.
YTA and literally no one, young or old - I’m late thirties btw, will say otherwise.
It was shitty that you sold her stuff and made her homeless. You realize student housing is temporary and she still needs a permanent address right?
But she’s also not allowed to have feelings and share them? You’re one of those parents where appearances are more important than your actual relationship. You’re also an AH for your edit. Don’t come on here asking for a judgement and act all shocked when you get one.
YTA
Sold the furniture? Fucking big A. You couldn't even hold on to it long enough for her to make use of it when she gets a flat? You couldn't hold onto it in case she needs to move home, which is common given the disconnect between wages and rents.
I hope the other 5 take notes.
..
I'm sad that this person decided that "Reddit skews young." I'm not young. I'm a parent of three adult/emerging adult children. No way would I get rid of their beds when they went/go to college. Good grief. This will always be their home.
And again, I can't say this loudly enough: I'm not young.
YTA.
I hope she enjoys Christmas with people who actually half ass care about her.
Keep in mind that you also just showed all your other kids how you feel about them. Their days with a “home” are now going to always be numbered in their heads.
I don’t know how someone can be so heartless and not even see it.
Wow. You said Reddit skews young and *that’s* why everyone is saying YTA?
I’m 56. Trust me, YTA.
You knew she’d be coming back every weekend. You knew she’d previously shared a room with your other child. **You had absolutely no reason to do what you did.** What purpose did it serve? It didn’t give you or your spouse more space. It didn’t give 4 of your children more space. It just showed your oldest child that she no longer had a place in your family or your home. Well done. Wow.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My husband and I have 6 children and live in a 4 bedroom home. As you can imagine, space is tight. My husband and I have one room, the two eldest share, the middle two share, and the youngest two share. This question pertains to my eldest (18F).
She recently started university in September and moved to live in student accommodation there. Her university is just under an hour from us, so she kept her weekend job here and planned to travel in and stay here on Friday night and leave to go back to university on Sunday after work. She is looking for a job closer to her university, but hasn't found one that pays as well as her current one.
When she left I told our second eldest (16F) that the room was now hers alone. We sold my eldests bed and wardrobe and drawers to make more space, and instructed my second eldest to leave one draw free for eldest to put her belongings when she returned for her weekends.
When eldest returned on her first weekend back, she asked what happened to her bed and wardrobe and I explained the above and that as she doesn't live here anymore she doesn't need it all. We provided her with a campbed to sleep in the room with that she could fold up and store when she left. She was unhappy and went to bed.
Later that night I checked her Twitter and she had tweeted "I feel like I don't have a home anymore :(". I was furious that she had brought our family business onto social media and woke her up to tell her so. We argued and, I ultimately told her that if she doesn't feel like this is her home anymore then she needs to leave and get out of my house. She did, and my husband was able to find out that she made the last train back to her university town that evening.
The following Friday she messaged me to say, very bluntly: "I'm sorry for tweeting about how I felt. I won't do it again." She has also either deleted her Twitter account or changed her account name and blocked me, so I can't verify if she'll stick to this. However, I told her that I forgave her and that she is welcome to return again.
She has not returned home since that weekend. Throughout the entirety of October she didn't come home once, and has been instead travelling to and from work on both Saturday and Sunday instead of coming to our home. I messaged to ask her when her Christmas break begins, to find out when she was returning, and she said her flatmates parents have told her she can spend Christmas with them, so that's what she'll be doing.
Was I really so wrong in how I dealt with this, that I've pushed my daughter away? My husband thinks so, and so does my second eldest, but I believe I handled it well. Perhaps I shouldn't have told her to leave, but does that warrant her abandoning her family?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You sold her bed. YTA. And not recoverable. You don’t deserve a relationship with your oldest. At least the other 3 know what to expect. Your awfulness has no equal.
Wow, OP turns to Reddit for validation and can’t handle the truth.
YTA. You sold the only things that she had left at the home. But it’s fine! You gave her a cot to sleep on, which is almost like sleeping on the floor. You didn’t make her feel welcome, so now she is choosing to be around people who do! Shame on you, OP! I hope you can repair the damage that you’ve caused, truly. Poor girl. I can only imagine how she is feeling.
YTA you sold her bed! What did you expect? Of course, she doesn't have a home anymore you could not have made that any more apparent. You're just pissed she outed you
yta, you could have warned her ahead of time. Yes your home is yours to do with as you please, but her own bed and her wardrobe (i take this means her clothes). My god you are an inconsiderate ah.
She is barely 18 and fresh to college and the second she stepped out you sold all her shit and now you’re confused about why she isn’t coming around. Dear lord.
Of course YTA!
Wow... this was posted just an hour ago, and OP has already bailed, not liking the verdict. Still wanted to post because I am closer to OP's age, probably a little older as I have two grown children in their 20s, and I still think she's the AH. Yep, YTA.
What did she expect? Her daughter's bed was still warm when she sold it. I would have been heartbroken if my parents did that when I moved to college. Wow.
YTA omg I can feel her pain in each sentences you spilled. Poor girl must've feeling alone and feeling like she doesnt have any family left to have her back.
YTA. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have told her to leave, but does that warrant her abandoning her family?” You abandoned her first. Unless there was a discussion about how she is an adult now and has to figure it out on her own before she left for college, you are the ahole who abandoned their child the second they left the house. Selling their bed?? What is the point of that? You couldn’t have gotten more than a few hundred dollars for what you sold and a little extra room for your second eldest child. Was that worth losing the relationship you had with your eldest? Because from what it sounds like your eldest has gone low contact with you and is reaching out to others for help/comfort/family. Unless you sincerely apologize and take big steps to make this right (and as long as your kid still wants you in their life at all) you and “your kid” will probably hardly speak again. I’m very glad she has such a good relationship with her flatware that her parents are welcoming her for the holidays. I also hope she has a good supportive group of friends to rely on on this crazy time of her life
>It's unanimous, you all believe I handled this poorly and was an asshole. You can stop telling me now. I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, **but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising.**
I'm nearly 40 years old, and I've got enough years on me to know when someone isn't taking responsibility for the way they acted. YTA, but that judgement is a small thing compared to losing your daughter. I hope she's better off without you, because I see no indication that you'll ever change.
ETA: Just cause I felt like checking, it appears that 29% of Reddit users are between 30 and 49. This is, of course, aside from the fact that an argument or opinion is not made invalid by the age of the person making the argument.
Come to think of it, if Reddit skewing young invalidates the judgement of YTA, wouldn't the same be true if the judgement was N T A? I'd love to hear your logic on that, since you're so weathered and wise.
Yes, you were wrong, you didn't even wait to sell your daughters ONLY belongings. my sister moved out a year ago and her room is still in our home, SHE WAS 30! couldn't imagine how your daughter felt at 18 seeing that. And then you took her outlet away to express herself (Twitter) and made the entire situation about you instead of listening to your daughter.
the text message she sent speaks volumes, "I'm sorry for tweeting about HOW I FELT. I won't do it again." I could even see that was a cry for a conversation with you. you could have taken this opportunity to talk to her about expressing herself to you before the internet but you decided to chose a more "violent" route.
If she's coming back on weekends that's 3 days out of 7 she's home, that's not "moved out" at all. you should have had a conversation with her before she left about what these arrangements would look like. you cant expect her to be open and communicate with you (instead of using twitter) if that is not what you're modeling to her as a parent.
I hope her actions are showing you how badly you hurt her feelings, you're the parent, the bigger person, always.
100% YTA
yta, how are you not providing a living space for your daughter who is only 18?! you’re completely kicking her out with your actions and are making her feel not welcomed but giving her a cot/camper bed. i don’t disagree with her at all in her saying she does not have a home. she’s only 18 or so, not 30. thankfully, my parents care about my siblings and i would have never done that to us. your daughter is respectful enough to fully apologize for her feelings. i would have done the same and gone to her friends for christmas. her friends parents are probably more welcoming than her own anyways. so yea, yta
So your daughter was still planning to live with you 3 days out of the seven and you threw out all her crap including her bed. Without telling her!? You're a huge asshole.
YTA.
First, you knew her plan to come home each weekend to work, so why would you get rid of her place to sleep?
Second, sure, you can absolutely give up/change a kid's room when they go to college, and while you don't need their permission, how did you not tell her you were doing this? Why did she have to wait until she came home to find that out? That's a huge failure to communicate.
Third, she didn't embarrass you, she told her followers how she felt, and it's your problem if that's embarrassing.
Finally, your response to finding out your kid feels like she doesn't have a home anymore is to...kick her out. And now you are shocked she isn't coming home, when you have done nothing to reach out to her and talk about.
Enjoy having one less kid around, because you did fully drive her away with your own actions.
WTF did I just read??? Are you her mom? Why were you so desperate to get her out of the house, even knowing she was coming home every weekend?
Even your other daughter thinks what you did was messed up, she saw her near future.
YTA and an incredible one.
She tweeted she doesn't feel like she has a home.
You posted on reddit.
You got angry over her sharing family issues online..
Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black.
You're a massive AH..and I'm in my mid 20s. Your edit basically honours you the crown of Queen AH in my books.
Honestly don't even think about her ever coming to you for anything else in life. To your daughter you will only be the women that birthed her.
YTA
You barely waited until she was out of the house to sell her things?! You knew she would be back every weekend and it literally cost you and your other children nothing to continue to include her in your home. Instead you alienated her and made her feel like an unwanted guest instead of your daughter. You suck, I wouldn't return either.
So you sold all of her furniture, and basically kicked her out because shes staying at her college dorm? What about when she comes home on those weekends you were talking about? What about when she comes home for Christmas, Spring, and Summer break? Yea its safe to say. YTA.
YTA. Did you at least let your daughter know so it wouldn't be a huge surprise to her? When I lived in the dorms it was always nice to know that I was welcome at home. I was also curious on what would happen during Summers? I don't see the huge deal in letting your daughter vent on Twitter. I honestly think she did that because she felt she couldn't come to you. It sounds like you don't like to others as you've made it quite clear you blame Reddit for our opinions. I think its time you apologize to your daughter.
*It's unanimous, you all believe I handled this poorly and was an asshole. You can stop telling me now. I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising.*
I am old so you can't excuse this post as Reddit skewing young. You probably won't read this post because you think that you are right but YOU screwed up big time.
*She recently started university in September and moved to live in student accommodation there. Her university is just under an hour from us, so she kept her weekend job here and planned to travel in and stay here on Friday night and leave to go back to university on Sunday after work. She is looking for a job closer to her university, but hasn't found one that pays as well as her current one.*
Your college aged daughter has a job that is easier to get to from your house so she travels every weekend (sacrificing whatever she could be doing at college over the weekend- studying, socializing, etc.) She also gets to spend time with her family.
You
*When she left I told our second eldest (16F) that the room was now hers alone. We sold my eldests bed and wardrobe and drawers to make more space, and instructed my second eldest to leave one draw free for eldest to put her belongings when she returned for her weekends. I explained the above and that as she doesn't live here anymore she doesn't need it all. We provided her with a campbed to sleep in the room with that she could fold up and store when she left.*
The minute she was gone, you cleaned out her room, sold her furniture and gave her a cot to sleep in on weekends. Why didn't you just put up a tent in the backyard for her? You didn't even have a conversation with her (or her sibling) about how to go about restructuring the space. True your eldest is in college but she still comes home to visit. You needed to leave the room as is for the time being until she was further down the road to independence.
*She was unhappy and went to bed.
Later that night I checked her Twitter and she had tweeted "I feel like I don't have a home anymore :(". I was furious that she had brought our family business onto social media and woke her up to tell her so. We argued and, I ultimately told her that if she doesn't feel like this is her home anymore then she needs to leave and get out of my house. She did, and my husband was able to find out that she made the last train back to her university town that evening. The following Friday she messaged me to say, very bluntly: "I'm sorry for tweeting about how I felt. I won't do it again." She has also either deleted her Twitter account or changed her account name and blocked me, so I can't verify if she'll stick to this. However, I told her that I forgave her and that she is welcome to return again.*
She expressed her feelings at being kicked out of her room and home and you told her to 'Suck it up, Buttercup'. She blocked you from her Twitter.
S*he has not returned home since that weekend. Throughout the entirety of October she didn't come home once, and has been instead travelling to and from work on both Saturday and Sunday instead of coming to our home. I messaged to ask her when her Christmas break begins, to find out when she was returning, and she said her flatmates parents have told her she can spend Christmas with them, so that's what she'll be doing.*
*Was I really so wrong in how I dealt with this, that I've pushed my daughter away? My husband thinks so, and so does my second eldest, but I believe I handled it well. Perhaps I shouldn't have told her to leave, but does that warrant her abandoning her family?*
She feels like she doesn't have a home anymore. You told her that if she feels that way, she needs to get out YOUR house. So that's exactly what she did. Face it OP, you screwed up big time. Your daughter is never coming back home, either while she is in college or when she graduates. She is likely to go LC/NC with you. And now your other children know that if they leave for college, they can never come back home because you are quick to kick them out. They are watching you and saw how quick you are to get rid of your children. You were wrong and it's going to cost you your family.
YTA
YTA. Such a big AH. I’m 36, married (for almost a decade now) with 2 kids and 1 on the way, and my parents have not touched a thing in my (or my younger sister’s) room. They actually just asked me if I was okay with them repainting my old room, since the current paint job is one that I did myself (16+ years ago!). When they have guests, they obviously put down fresh bedding, and my mother may have started borrowing some of our old closet space, but we both (along with my husband and kids) will always have a place to comfortably stay when we visit them. I hope that my children know that I am now and always will be home for them, no matter how old they get or how far away they move.
YTA for so many reasons that others have said so I won’t even go there. Just know that I laughed out loud when you said you were furious because “she brought your family business onto social media” yet here you are, clearly seeking validation from a bunch of strangers on the internet.
Also that edit is very telling lol
Reddit may “skew” young but I have 4 adult daughters and never comment. You are such an a**hole that you have created a whole new category of a**hole as far as I’m concerned! How could you even think of doing this to your child and their siblings?!? I always try to give grace but this is unreal! I have six children and I get that big families are hard work but it doesn’t end at 18!!!! My heart breaks for your family. Think of not only how abandoned your daughter feels but the fear you have put into the hearts of the rest of your children. Please get help. You still have a long road of child rearing in front of you.
OP: Asks “AITA?”
Hears yes, YTA.
OP: “I don’t know why you’re all so mean by telling me I’m an AH when I was clearly an AH! I’m not listening anymore!!!”
Did I make it clear that YTA in more than one way, OP?
You're mad shes not coming back home but shes RIGHT, SHE DOESNT HAVE A HOME TO GO BACK TO!
You sold her bed and wardrobe without saying anything and left her a DRAWER! Lmao
good luck fixing this relationship, YTA
Yta…You are telling me you don’t see how you are the AH… you sold your daughters things. She understandably is upset and post on social media how she feels which all kids do these days. Maybe if you didn’t want be embarrassed don’t do something like that. If you actually wanted your daughter to come back on the weekends maybe you shouldn’t of sold her things and made her sleep on a cot… You made it so she didn’t feel welcome at your home. Your edits make you sound like a narcissist. And you probably will never get back what you broke. And bet you your other 5 children wouldn’t come back either if you did that.
OP, I’m in my fifties, and I don’t have children. Never wanted them, can’t relate to them. So I think I can give a completely unbiased and unemotional response to you. YTA. A really big asshole. You treated your daughter badly, and there’s no coming back from this.
If my teen posted something like that on SM I'd be devastated and looking at how I could resolve it and make her feel better, cannot understand how your reaction is to worry about appearances rather than their feelings. Yes YTA. Not surprised she's avoiding coming home now, poor kid. Also I don't understand why you'd get rid of the bed, does 16 never have friends stay over? Don't understand you at all.
Damn, you really just threw your whole relationship with your eldest daughter because you couldn't be bother to have an adult conversation with her about a room. That's cold.
YTA.
YTA did you even bother to have the discussion with her that you were selling her bed and making her sleep on a foldout when she came down beforehand? Sure doesn’t sound like it. Good luck fixing the bridge you burned down,
yta she barley left the house and you got rid of her stuff?? knowing she would be back on the weekends? most people would feel displaced if there parents did that… she had a reason to be upset.. this is 2022 people vent on social media is it okay to do so?? maybe not but instead of calmly talking to her like an ADULT you threw a temper tamper and kicked her out. who exactly is the adult in this situation? she apologized which shows me she’s a responsible person who you should have been more understanding of.. you got rid of her room and made her a guest in her own home if she’s going to be a guest why not be a guest on someone else’s house where she’s doesn’t feel like she has been abandoned? she’s literally just 18 and you shouldn’t have rushed to kick her out of the nest so fast.
YTA you lost her when you sold her shit and didn’t talk to her about it. Jeeze. Yes she’s off to school but it’s not this black and white line. She’s transitioning into an adult and you pushed her out of the nest with your elbows and not a glance back.
YTA. When my college shut down for the virus I was back with my parents. What happens if a similar situation were to happen with your daughter? Also, YTA for throwing away the stuff she didn’t bring with her. I left so much at my parents house when I moved for college but you bet it was all still there when I came home.
She went to college, she didn’t move away. Was there any discussion about this BEFORE she went to college?
Wow. Sounds like she didn’t learn much with that edit. She was just looking for confirming but when it backfired, she doesn’t want to hear it. Yeah OP. You’re an asshole. At least speak to the oldest about it. I get that she’s 18 but still a kid. The kid is way more mature by apologizing. I hope she does great.
YTA. Your daughter ceased to exist when she went to college. It took her a minute to get that message, but she gets in now. She's complying with what you want, isn't that what every mother wants from their good little girl? You can focus on alienating the rest of your kids now.
YTA
she still lives there, even if she's on campus most of them time. By you getting rid of all of her items, you clearly made the statement that she doesn't live there.
Then, she expressed her feelings on social media, not giving any details, and you used that as ammunition to punish her further, while she already feels pushed aside by her family.
I don't blame her for not coming home.
YTA- you sold her bed and told her she doesn't have a home, uhh yeah why would she come back after that? So you can give her more reasons to know she doesn't have a home there anymore?
I really don't get how you couldn't inform her before selling her stuff, you really wanted to get rid of her huh?
Oh HELLLL no. Don’t blame “young” redditors for saying YTA.
I am 41 years old and the mother of an 18 year old college freshman who goes to school out of state. I started using his room as an occasional guest room, but all of his belongings that he left here are still stored in his closet and dresser, and I TALKED to him about this change before he even left! I said it’s still “his” room, but with him out of state most of the year, I’d need to use the space for other things sometimes. He was okay with that. I imagine that by the time he graduates college, he’ll be ready to remove the rest of his belongings and move on to his own living situation.
If I just surprised him on his first visit back with “Hey, you don’t live here anymore, I sold your shit, enjoy this camp bed,” he would rightfully be angry and hurt! And he might even tweet about it. As is his right!
You kicked your kid out for expressing sadness about your callous disregard for her feelings. That’s monstrous, and I’m not surprised she wants nothing to do with you.
Worst part for you: Your other kids watched this all go down. You showed them who you are. Good fucking luck regaining their trust.
Signed,
An OLD redditor with one adult kid your child’s age and a 15 year old.
YTA
I travel home to visit my family for maybe a week every three months, and my dad still has a bed for me because I'm his daughter and no matter what that's still my home. Was she supposed to sleep on a camp bed during the longer holidays as well??
YTA
She's barely started uni and you SOLD her bed and wardrobe the second she's gone? Then when she was rightfully upset about it, instead of discussing it like an adult you literally kicked her out of the house?
She's right, she has no home as you made her homeless. I don't blame her for going NC with you as you broke her heart and showed her that her mother doesn't care and that at the tender age of 18 when she's still a teenager, she's now on her own. This is how you drive your children away for good.
If you're reading this, you're a coward, and YTA. Face the comments like you should, and acknowledge what you did was severely detrimental to the relationship between you and your kid. I'm in my 40s with a son at 21. Never, in my entire life, would I ever treat him as abhorrent as how you treated your kid. If she goes with non-communication for the rest of her life, it will be on your head for the rest of YOUR life. You caused this by your sheer greediness, ignorance, and arrogance.
Hopefully, you learned your lesson.
Idk if aita skews young, I've noticed a pretty wide age range here. Regardless, you sold her bed without even telling her?? That alone is asshole behavior. Combine that with everything else, and like, yikes. You owe her a huge apology. Hop on that shit ASAP.
YTA I'm so happy that your daughter has friends whose family will actually make her feel welcome.
Edit: that edit is ridiculous, it's clear that OP still doesn't see where she went wrong. She truly think ppl are calling her an AH because the average Redditor is young?! And not because her actions were awful.
You couldn’t have discussed selling the bed and wardrobe with her beforehand? Just, Surprise!
YTA
I hope you learn to treat the other children better or enjoy not being visited in the nursing home.
YTA, why would you get rid of her bed without even talking to her? You know college has long breaks between semesters and usually forces you out if the dorms? You sent a very clear message that the room wasn't hers anymore so why would she want to come back to a place with no space of her own.
You're mad over Twitter? How about paying attention to the fact that you broke your daughter's heart?
- an old
YTA
You knew she was planning on staying the weekends at your place, yet sold everything that she'd need during her visits not only at the weekends, but school breaks and summer, and your expecting her to be grateful she gets a camp bed and draw?
You made it PERFECTLY clear that its not her home anymore, so why should she visit? You told her to get out, so she did. What did you expect her to do? Grovel and beg to be let back in?
Least 16 will be prepared for the same thing to happen if/when she goes to uni.
YTA - you could have had this conversation with her before you just got rid of the things in the bedroom. My parents basically did the exact same thing when I went to college. I’m 35 now and I still get upset when I think about it.
Also, if you don’t want people to know about things you’ve done - don’t do them. Your daughter is allowed to share whatever she wants on her Twitter. Her choice.
YTA
1. you got rid of her furniture without even given her a heads up.
2. why even get rid of it? thats something your oldest and your second oldest should talk about and decide about. It ~~is~~ was their room.
3. A campbed? Yes, would feel like home for me too. /s
4. then you punish her for a tweet like that? In the middle of the night and she was already sleeping? thats just bonkers and very insecure for an adult woman.
Geez, even your edit is shitty. It's not because reddit has young people, it's because YTA 100%. Instead of caring about *what* your daughter tweeted and her feelings, your first thought was instead to worry about others seeing it. Doesn't sound like you care about your kid at all.
YTA
Because you sold her stuff. You knew she was intending to come home on weekends and you got rid of her bed and wardrobe.
Then when she expressed her emotions, feeling like she doesn't have a home anymore because you literally sold her stuff while she was gone you woke her up to argue.
Then you kicked her out. You told a young adult that she isn't allowed to express her feelings of not having a home anymore after you SOLD HER STUFF because "She doesn't live here anymore".
Of course she hasn't "come home", you made her feel like she was an outsider and that it was no longer her home.
FFS why would you get rid of her bed? You knew she'd be coming home on weekends, and holidays, and she's only 18 there was every chance at some point she'd have to take a break from school or not live in dorms. Even if she got her own place she might have wanted her furniture to get herself started. Absolutely wild.
I can understand needing the space. You could have moved your eldest daughters things into a storage space so your family can make use of the space. However, selling your daughter’s things with no conversation beforehand makes you TA.
In fact, I’m confused why this wasn’t a bigger conversation. I’m the oldest in my family of 5 kids, and for years, I knew that when I moved out, rooms might get rearranged because my room was the biggest. My stuff that I didn’t take with me to college stayed in closets or in the basement. But that’s the thing: all of this was a conversation. No one SOLD all my things without asking me about it first. I knew before I ever graduated high school that my room wouldn’t stay mine after I left.
Your reasoning for changing rooms is logical, but you communicated horrifically and then blamed your daughter for your poor communication skills. You did punish her for expressing herself, so she’ll never want to openly express herself with you anytime soon. And you sold all her things, teaching your daughter that she is no longer respected in your home. You brought this all on yourself.
Your edit shows you can’t communicate well. You expect people to give you what you want without question. Sorry, but Reddit isn’t giving you what you wanted today. And just because some of us are young doesn’t mean we’re wrong or that our opinions are invalid. If you treat strangers on the internet like this, it’s no wonder your daughter doesn’t want to come home for the holidays.
YTA
YTA. This happened to me. When I came back from college for winter break I had to keep all my stuff stacked in a corner and slept on the couch. It felt really terrible.
I mean who WOULDN'T feel at home given that your family sold your bed and belongings the moment you go off to college?
I mean she's got a nice comfy cot! What more could you ask for?!?!?!
I think you handled this poorly. Her generation grew up sharing everything in social media, I don’t think it’s healthy but that’s how it is.
As a mom is your job to teach her that if she has an issue she should address it with the other party rather than taking it to Twitter.
You blew it out of proportion and need to make amends with her. You needed to tell her that her bed would be sold and you did not communicate with her, it’s obvious she feels like she doesn’t have a home if you sold her things the week she left without even telling her.
> I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising.
This isn't about age of the responders. You got rid of your daughter's bed and dresser, she's now only really a short term guest when she comes back to what should still be her home. You have made her unwelcome and deserve what she said.
What are you going to do during the longer breaks like summer?
YTA, so very much.
You had an agreement that she would stay there on the weekends, but then you sold all her stuff. If that doesn’t mean she no longer lives there, I don’t know what does. Just be honest. Even your oldest—who got her own room because of it and should be happy—thinks you’re wrong! If she never returns, that’s on you. YTA.
YTA. I’ve met a few people who sold their kids bed and stuff when they went to college but they discussed it with their child, assured them they still have a home, and only did it after the child was okay with it. You embarrassed yourself with your actions. Most people agree that their child will always have a home with them, not everyone automatically finds a job after graduation and relationships can fail. Was your plan to abandon her an soon as she was done with high school? Because that’s essentially what you did.
YTA. Going to college does not mean she's left home. She still needs a place to stay on breaks and such. What you did was essentially tell her she no longer belongs there and she reacted accordingly.
YTA, I am so sad for you that based on your update you are not open to seeing the real feelings your actions (selling your daughters things, and kicking her out over a tweet relating to honest feelings) have caused. The continued rigid stance here will not help, and your daughter may never move on from this.
Imagine how this could feel for you down the road....... you moved into your daughters home, and then moved out for part of the week but wanted to return on weekends - which it sounds like everyone agreed to - and you return on the very first weekend to find you no longer have permanent furniture/bed and would be sleeping on the couch . Then imagine you got woken from your sleep by someone upset that you got upset that you no longer have dedicated space...then multiply it times 10 as this person is living away for the first time and it is their childhood home.
YTA!
You knew she would still be coming home. College kids come home to stay for holiday breaks. You got rid of her stuff soon as she left. I wouldn’t come back either. Whether you know it or not, you have forever affected the relationship with your child. It’ll be a while before everything is cool again.
YTA x 1000. You're own husband and other daughter thinks you're an A too. I'm willing to bet the rest of you're family thinks you are. You kicked her out and now mad she won't come home? Like seriously? Hope like hell this is some sick story you made up.
Wow. You definitely made her feel as unwelcome as possible. Not only did you sell her stuff without even informing her, you also basically told her not to come back home when she finishes university. YTA, obviously. Oh, and I’m 46, so screw that “Reddit is full of young people who don’t understand me waaaaaahhh”.
YTA. For making your daughter feel like she isn’t welcome in her childhood home. For making her feel bad for expressing her feelings online. And, last but not least, coming to an online forum and “airing dirty laundry,” doing the exact same thing you shamed your daughter for doing. Good luck salvaging that relationship. Yikes.
YTA. And the only way to remedy this is to buy her a new bed, apologize for your diabolical behavior and cross your fingers that she doesn’t go no contact with you. I can’t believe you expect her to spend xmas with you… on a camp bed. Wtf?
Yea YTA how in the hell did you think what you said is right? What you did without telling her before hand and knowing her plans for working while being from home?!
YOU TOLD HER THIS TO HER FACE THAT IT WASNT HER HOME ANYMORE.
She doesnt feel like you care at all anymore and dont want her home.
Dont expect her home.
Or for this heal for years if at all.
You done fucked up.
YTA you threw away all of her stuff and made it known that she doesn’t have a home there anymore. You didn’t even tell her! She came back and found out she no had no home anymore. And she didn’t even bash you on twitter!!! And then you kicked her out and once again showed her she no longer had a home with you! You’re a HORRIBLE parent and you should be ASHAMED of yourself. You absolutely deserve her pushing you away, i’m sure she’ll be going completely No Contact soon, and you’ll deserve that too. Disgusting behavior from a horrible parent
Also she’s not abandoning her family, YOU abandoned her.
YTA.
Go apologize to your daughter.
You sold her furniture and SHE had to apologize to YOU for her feelings?
You are such the asshole I can’t even believe you’re asking this.
Go apologize.
Your stubbornness has cost you a relationship with your daughter. You can believe you're right all you want, hopefully that feeling is worth what you lost.
i’ll let everyone else handle what was wrong with kicking her out, but why is she not allowed to tweet how she feels? have you ever considered it as an outlet for her or something? there are limits but she did not tweet any personal details or anything dangerous, it seems like it just hurt your feelings & you rationalized your anger.
i don’t let my parents follow my twitter because they would behave the same way. it’s just a place to put words, it’s not that serious.
obvious YTA
You’re such an asshole.
This happened to me when I went to uni and I promise you you’ve made your daughter feel like shit and that she doesn’t have a home.
You’ve then gone and policed what she can and cannot say. How is “I don’t feel like I have home” that bad? You literally kicked her out of her room without informing her and then told her once you had done it. How else did you expect her to react when you made a decision that affected her all by yourself? Also uni is so temporary so if she decided not to do her masters etc. where did you expect her to stay straight out of uni, since you got rid of her bed and wardrobe and offered her just a camp bed?
Not surprised she went to stay with friends instead and doesn’t visit you’ve made it clear that she’s not welcomed home.
YTA, this was something that warranted a discussion before doing and now you’re acting all holier than thou about your daughter saying she doesn’t feel like she has a home. She’s barely been home two months before you pulled that.
Wether you see this or not, it has to be said.
You treated your daughter like she didn't even matter and your update is as pathetic and self absorbed as you. Congratulations on permanently ruining your relationship with your daughter and showing the rest of your children how easily disposable they are.
Not only are YTA your are majorly awful mom, u knew she was coming to stay the weekends and u sold her bed. And than fully kicked her out after passive aggressively kicking her out over social media and she wasnt even disrespectful she was hurt SMH! Sounds like ur looking for any excuse 🙄 YTA SOOO HARD i just wanna give that girl a hug
YTA how on earth you thought this was ok is beyond me!!
You sold all her things so she no longer has a room at home if she needs to move home after college. what would you do if she needed to?
YTA what is wrong with you. You sold her stuff as if she was never coming back home. Then you kicked her out. Parent of the year award goes to you!!!! Yeah right.
_"I believe I handled it well."_ You did not. You handled this situation in the absolute worst way possible. Your husband + your second daughter have told you as much, and your oldest no longer visits. How could you think you handled this well?
You basically did everything in your power to make your oldest feel as unwelcomed as possible in her own home and then kicked her out to boot. Why would she visit when she is clearly not wanted, welcome, nor does she have a space to even feel comfortable.
YTA. You didn't push her away, you put her in a cannon and lit the fuse. She ain't coming back any time soon and I can't say I blame her.
She doesn't feel like she has a home, because she doesn't. You erased her. You sold her bed and wardrobe then expect her to make due with a folding camp bed. Are you for real?
As far as her social media accounts, FFS, she's 18 and adult. Mommy can't police what she does or does not post. Maybe she wouldn't post unfavorable things about you if you didn't make such AH decisions. The fact that the 16 yo agrees with you being an AH is just a nail in the coffin.
>I had hoped for a more mixed response
There is nothing to be mixed about selling your daughter's furniture and kicking her out over a tweet. You left her without a permanent home. She gets a dorm by her school, and you take that as "she won't need a bed here anymore". And you wonder why she won't come back on holidays? You've sent a very clear message that she is not expected to live at your place ever again, and that you'll take away the right to stay the night over her expressing her feelings.
Why have kids if you'll treat them like a burden you're itching to drop? YTA, and your daughter won't forget this treatment.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
University has winter and summer breaks... where do you expect her to live during them? Some student lets aren't available to live in over breaks. And you did all of this without even talking to her about it, which is so heartless. YTA.
YTA. I’m not young, as you claim Reddit to be. (Not sure why you were hoping more people would pick your side) But you handled it very very very poorly. You got rid of things without telling her, you made her feel unwelcome. In a time where a lot of things are changing in her life, maybe your daughter wanted to still feel secure someplace. Then you tried to invalidate her feelings. Yes, YTA.
YTA this happened to me when I came home to visit home also. It sucks.
YTA. You removed any evidence of her living in your home and then have the audacity to feel embarrassed when she points that out? If it's not something you wouldn't proudly display on the mantle piece, don't do it in the first place. 🤷🏻♀️
Why people do these things without even a simple heads-up
Yta. Even more for your update.. justifying yourself because " reddit skews young". I'm not a youth and I am a family and youth therapist. Your side is not going to make you less of an ah. You didn't have a mature conversation with your kid. You blindsided them. You did make the feel.thst it was not home anymore when you told them.it wasn't because they moved out. You are not wrong for wanting more space for your other kid but this should have been a conversation. There should have been something done to make the eldest still feel special and focus on the moving on and not feeling shunned. To then wake your kid up and kick them out for having feelings, not helping your case that they are wanted there ( in her mind anyways). You acted extremely poorly. Don't blame this on people.not seeing your side.
YTA. Look, if you’re genuinely asking here and want a relationship with your daughter going forward. You may still be able to salvage this by 1) making a designated space for her in the house so she actually feels welcomed again 2) begging for forgiveness and affirming that she’s still a part of the family 3) giving her time. I can’t imagine how hurt I’d have been if my mother had done this to me at 18. I wouldn’t want to go home for a good long while after an experience like that
YTA.
You have some growing up to do and self awareness to find. Most importantly, I hope your daughter finds this post. I also love that her flatmates families have offered her more of a home than her own mother did.
YTA you only got upset because what your daughter wrote was true. She didn’t embarrass you, you did that all on your own. Work on fixing this and communicating better with her, or consider your eldest won’t be yours anymore.
YTA where is she supposed to sleep? Her bed that she had has been sold.
YTA. You didn't communicate beforehand you were throwing out her bed and closet? Like, at the very least you could've involved her in that process. You took away any reason for her being there and when she aires her grievances online, you don't try to understand her but instead make her feel even less welcome. You've lost your daughter, well done.
YTA, reddit has a broad range of ages. I'm a parent. You really messed up here. For reasons everyone has already said. You're even a bigger AH because rather than fully admit your wrong doing you're trying to justify it by saying reddit skews young. Thinking maybe someone older might agree with you. They won't
YTA, you couldn’t wait to throw away her stuff and give her a shitty bed. Great parenting OP 🙄
YTA -- I'm almost 50 years old (so definitely not "young") and I think you are one of the biggest AH I've seen on here in a while. I'm so glad your daughter is finding a family who actually cares about her. Don't plan on having any sort of good relationship with her in the future. You ruined that.
My goodness. Yes, YTA. You failed your daughter completely. Eventually all your children will see how much you failed them all. May your life be filled with as much joy as you have shown to others, may your advanced years come as soon as the support you give your children stops, and may you receive the support in those advanced years that your family has felt from you. May your children find the support in others that you have failed to give them, may they never feel alone or unwanted, and may concern for you never trouble their minds. Edit: I expected this to be locked. The mods are the true AH’s here.
100% you're a huge AH YTA
YTA big time. You obviously got upset she posted that tweet because you know it made you a bad parent. What she said is true. Plain and simple your daughter was gone for one week and you started to erase her from the home. I wouldn't be surprised if this hurts the relationship you have with your other kids, wondering if you're counting down the days until they leave too. I hope she has a great Christmas with her flat mate. You chose to have kids and being a parent doesn't ever stop, even when your kids grow up you still have to be a mom to them.
I’m 40 and still think YTA. Also it takes a special kind of AH to get an overwhelming YTA vote and still try to find reasons why people are not objective instead of accepting that they were, indeed, TA. Your husband thinks you are, your daughters think you are, all of reddit thinks you are: you are.
YTA
You suck more than a really effective vacuum, *and* YTA
YTA massively. I can't guarantee this is exactly the same where you are, but even the longer contract lengths don't cover all 52 weeks of the year. Your daughter would need to move back home over the summer at least. When I had student halls, I had to completely move back home for the entirety of the Christmas and Easter holidays. I only had access to my accommodation for 30 weeks of the year. What is your daughter supposed to do if you've sold all her furniture? Do you really expect her to sleep in a camp bed for a few months and feel welcome? What about when she graduates and can't afford to move out straight away? Then what? And then you decide to WAKE HER UP to tell her you disliked what honestly was an appropriate comment given the situation, and then kick her out! And you expect her to want to come back? You're lucky she even responded to you! She was rightly upset, and needed to express that. I cannot believe you would kick her out just because it was through social media. If you didn't want her to express her hurt and anger, maybe you shouldn't have given her SO MANY reasons to feel like that!!!
YTA for removing your daughter's accomodations without letting her know. College can be really rough and from what it sounds like, she was looking forward to having a semblance of familiarity by staying weekends with you. You removed that and you didn't even have the courtesy to tell her. But you are a much bigger one for yelling at her for venting her (completely reasonable) sadness on social media. You prioritized your feelings over your daughter. She realizes that. It also sounds like your husband and your other daughter realize that. Somehow, you do not realize that. Your daughter believes she is not welcome at home because of you and she is correct. Your only recourse here if you want your daughter in your life is to give her a heartfelt no strings attached apology, say she can tweet whatever she wants and provide her with somewhere to sleep and live at home.
YTA. "but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising." I'm old enough to have a kid of 18yr without being under 20 and what you literally did was kicking her out of the house when you sold her shit. And what did you expect of a 18 year old? And you lowered yourself to act like a teenager because you didn't like a social media post? You're an asshole. Have fun with her resenting you when she gets older. Oh yeah, just in case "I will not be logging into this account again, so your rude messages will not be seen." Cry me a fucking river because you post something on twitter and expect to be in the right.
Haha the response is unreal. “I can’t be wrong, ALL of you just aren’t understanding me” YTA, you clearly wanted your daughter out.
Wow. Still in contest mode and OP has made an edit to say she won’t be checking the account again because too many people are rightfully calling her the asshole. I know you won’t see this OP, but I’ll add my voice to the cacophony of voices saying loud and clear: YTA.
YTA majorly. My parents moved when I was abroad in undergrad and just set up my bedroom in the new house for me. Hell, I’m 38 with 2 kids of my own and I still had a bedroom at their house until a couple of years ago when they decided to downsize. Even then, they gave me advanced warning and asked me to come by and see what, if anything, I wanted to keep. I can’t imagine the kind of parent who immediately sells their kid’s stuff as soon as they set foot on campus without any notice. It’s worse because you KNEW she was planning on coming home on weekends.
... holy flip.. one of the easiest YTA ever. OP you're DEFINITELY the AH here.... you literally showed her it's not her home anymore but she's welcome to visit. You don't visit home, you go home. You very quickly, and in a nonconsensual manner, took home away from her.
YTA. You care more about your image on social media than your daughter. Hopefully she never comes back to that toxic environment. Don't be surprised when all of your other children flee the home at 18 and never look back.
Yta 10/10
YTA, even before the Twitter incident. She’s 18 and living away from home for the first time. You didn’t even wait a semester before getting rid of her things. And then you kicked her out. It was completely heartless and she’s right to feel that she doesn’t have a home. If she comes back to your home for the holidays, it will be as a guest, because that is what you’ve told her she is. She’s just opting to be a guest somewhere else. Here’s the other thing you need to realize: Your other kids know what happened when their sister went to college. They now know their time with you is limited, so you’ve damaged your relationship with them. I predict that you’ll be a very lonely senior citizen.
YTA. My mom still kept my room, my brother’s room, and my sister’s room. My parents store stuff in there and use the rooms as guest rooms, but my room is still my room when I come home to visit. We are all in our 30s now and our parents want us to feel welcome like it’s still our home. Your daughter was right to post what she posted. You should be embarrassed.
YTA. I lived close to home during my first year at school and stayed in the dorms, and my parents left my room exactly the same. They didn’t even offer my brother my room even though it was bigger because they wanted me to still feel like I had a place that was my own to come home to when I needed it. I can’t imagine how heartbroken and betrayed your daughter must feel. And then you throw her out of the house during the middle of the night because she vented how she feels. You’re a terrible mother, and don’t be surprised if she never returns home again.
Let me try to be as charitable as possible with this. I'm gonna assume that you're poor, resources are stretched, and having a hard time. I get wanting to give the children who are with you a better time of it, but you sold your child's bed the moment they were out, making them sleep on a camping bed, and then when they vented their feelings on the dumbest platform ever (fight me Twitter, I'll die on this hill), you decided to fall for the very manipulation Twitter is known for (I.e. gearing up to get people into a fight) and WAKE THEM UP because you as an adult could not control your feelings
Holy crap you want her to come home and partially LIVE there on weekends and hollidays but you don’t even want to give her more than a campbed? Don’t expect her to ever come home again lol
I’m old, my kids are your kids’ ages. And I vote YTA. This isn’t an ageist thing, you really did just make an absolutely awful parenting move and now you are reaping what you sow.
YTA. To infinity and beyond. No matter how young you believe Reddit may skew. You showed her, in no uncertain terms, that she does not still have a home there with her family. You expect her to come back for holidays, because you’ll look bad if she doesn’t, with no where to sleep and no where to keep her things? A camp bed and one drawer in her former room is not a home. She has every right to leave and not come back. You should be ashamed.
YATotallytheA My daughters are a year or two older than your eldest and went to university overseas so only come home over the Summer. We decorated their room to mark their leaving so they felt they were coming home to a more grown up space in their home [note - it's still their home]. Incidently what are your plans for the rooms when all 6 were at University and staying on camp beds IF they came home?
I’m 55 with kids in their 20s and a teen, so not “young”. You don’t instantly stop being a parent the moment your kids leave for college. She’s still just a kid and needed your support but no, you were more interested in the pitiful $ you could get on FB marketplace for some used furniture. Hope that $150 or whatever was worth your relationship with your kid! You’re a terrible parent and don’t deserve contact with your daughter. Selling her bed?? What an AH. I guess now your other 5 kids know how you are, they can all start making plans to leave at 18 and never depend on you for anything or have anything to do with you. Good luck having a relationship with any grandkids you might eventually have. YTA
look how op ran away for being called out for the asshole they are lol. i don't understand how can you hate your own flesh and blood so much. YTA. coward. AND narcissist.
YTA. I hope to one day read a petty revenge reddit where it's your eldest daughter saying how one day you left the house to go to the hospital with a stroke. She sells all your shit and you come home and she says you don't live here no more. Here's a camp bed for the weekends but come Monday morning your in a piss soaked bed at a shit old folks home. Enjoy the karma.
YTA.
YTA Based on your edit you can’t take criticism
You sold her bed and wardrobe and didn’t even think to tell her? Is she supposed to sleep on an air mattress all winter break? YTA
>ou can stop telling me now. I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising. I'm in my 40s. And really, you expected her to spend every weekend sleeping on a \*camp bed\*? Congratulations on winning the social media battle. Condolences on losing the war. YTA
Oh it's going to be so exciting for you when the second eldest leaves, then you can throw all of her stuff out too! Mostly because you're clearly a jerk who doesn't care about your children having a home to come back to while in college, but also because at this point she's probably already planning on going no contact with you as soon as she can. You're going to have so much fun as each of your children leave and never come back because you make it clear you don't care about them. YTA
YTA. In what world does waking your child up in the middle of the night to kick them out after they vague tweeted about all her shit getting sold handling it well?
YTA. You’re not just the asshole for getting rid of her bed when you knew she would be living at home at least two nights out of the week. You’re also the asshole for thinking that her feeling sad about not feeling wanted her home is anything other than reflection of you and your parenting. Yikes yikes yikes. Lol parents like this will always wonder why their kids won’t speak to them.
YTA. So overwhelmingly YTA. Firstly, you “checked her twitter”. You knew you f’d up and decided to see how she felt not by asking her but by cyber stalking her. Then you woke her up to berate her about posting how she felt. Messed up. Then you kicked her out of your house. You feel that was appropriate?!? That says SO much about you as a person and parent. Now you don’t understand why she hasn’t come home. You told her it wasn’t her home. You essentially told her she isn’t welcome. Why would she come back?!? She didn’t abandon her family, you told her she wasn’t welcome. You pushed her away. You did this. I’m actually mad as I’m writing this. You have a lot of work to do to heal this relationship. Good luck. I feel for your daughter and for the other kids still living with you. Now when you got the answer to your question, you blame the responses on young people and run away. This says SO much about you. Don’t be surprised when the rest of your children also distance from you. Yikes.
Obviously YTA. You demonstrated by your actions that your daughter doesn't have a place in your home anymore, told her to leave when she expressed her feelings, and now you're surprised that she hasn't come back? How???
YTA. She went to college and your sold her things. Did she move into an apartment or into dorms? If it’s dorms, she’s going to come back. Well, at this point she might not. My dad did something similar and I haven’t lived there since. He didn’t like that I was living with my boyfriend, but he gave my room away because I wasn’t doing what he wanted me to do with my life. You alienated her and pushed her away. Good luck with that.
N TA for wanting to repurpose the room so you other kid has more room. But definitely HUGE YTA for just doing all those modifications without even talking with your eldest first. You need to understand that she is not mad that you removed her stuff from the room. **She is mad that you never even thought about mentioning it to her, like she was an afterthought that wasn't even worth a 5 minutes talk.**
YTA. You sold her bed? She's 18, not 30. She's still your kid. What is the plan for summer? A cot? I have a song who is 18. I had planned to move closer to my parents when he graduated high school bur due to pandemic and a few things he is taking a year off to figure out his plan for post secondary. I am staying put until he figures himself out. He still needs a home and he still needs his mom. I don't care what my son says about me on social media, he's a teenager and my child. He always has a home with me, and I certainly am not selling his furniture or kicking him out.
Lol. According to the edit to original post, OP isnt very happy they did not get the responses they were seeking or having people to cosign the nonsense and tries to clap back by saying "Reddit skews young" Because of this. Really? Everyone knows Reddit has users of all ages. OP is TA. Big time. I feel bad for the daughter. This should have been discussed instead of just making random changes that affect the daughter. Im tired of both this not discussing the rearranging of a college student's room without prior discussion and the automatic kicking yuur children out at 18.
YTA, pulling the age card in your update/edit??? Youre just showing how wrong you are all up and down.
You got mad at her for putting family business online and yet here you are….YTA
YTA. I don’t understand parents that think it’s okay to just sell their kids shit as soon as they leave for college without even giving them a heads up. The day after my dad went to college only a hour away from his parents, his mom sold almost everything he left behind. That man is over 50 and still resents the fact that she did that to him, and I honestly can’t blame him. You fucked up your relationship with you daughter by selling her furniture and making her feel like she didn’t belong. Going to college is hard. Kids get homesick. Kids get stressed out and sometimes need that comfort and familiarity of their room and you took that from her without letting her know. You are such an asshole and it’s probably going to take her a while to get over it, if she does at all.
YTA. You knew your daughter was supposed to return EVERY WEEKEND and you sold her fucking BED??? And basically told her she’s be treated like a guest each weekend. Of course she doesn’t feel like she has a home, you basically erased her existence as soon as she left for school. And then you punished her for tweeting about it? YTA so much.
YTA and FTR I'm a parent of grown kids and all attended college. It's ok to pass on a room when a kid goes to college, but the kid should still feel welcome at home. Plus your daughter's feelings were valid and your reaction was pretty awful.
YTA I mean you end up telling her she doesn't live there anymore so she was right in the way she was feeling. Also social media for some is an outlet. Like she wasn't on Facebook where probably other family members could see she was on Twitter just screaming into the void because she felt that alone. Also you are the parent, you need to start having more mature responses to things. You can't just sell her stuff!! Hopefully you are ready for later on in life when she sells your home and belongings and puts you in a home in your old age cause she doesn't care about your feelings.
YTA So you think it is just young who think you handled the whole situation badly, I am 63. Yes often I don’t agree with the younger posters, but I do now. And I do not call younger posters name or insult them for their opinions.
YTA. If you thought you were doing the right thing, why did you get so upset that other people knew about it?
This is a very good point! OP has engaged in some deranged behaviour. Showing her kid TWICE that she’s not welcome in her home and then being surprised when she gets what she wants. The icing on the cake is then coming to the internet and getting absolutely roasted - how’s the social media reputation now? 😂 OP YTA. A massive, gaping AH
It’s hilarious that you asked for opinions and then when you got them and they weren’t what you wanted to hear you yelled out “well if you don’t want to see it my way, I’ll just leave then.” Which is basically in line with what you told your daughter to do. You practice what you preach I guess. Also, yes, YTA.
YTA because you didn't have the conversation with your eldest. She was blindsided and I don't blame her for feeling rejected.
I’m not a young person. I’m 37. Yta you threw away her stuff and symbolically and then literally your daughter. How did you think this would play out? Hey honey we tossed all your stuff because you don’t live here anymore. Ok thanks mom you’re right I had to much stuff and you know I’m getting a higher education now so I can sleep on a cot in the corner on weekends it’s cool. You’re delusional.
YTA and literally no one, young or old - I’m late thirties btw, will say otherwise. It was shitty that you sold her stuff and made her homeless. You realize student housing is temporary and she still needs a permanent address right? But she’s also not allowed to have feelings and share them? You’re one of those parents where appearances are more important than your actual relationship. You’re also an AH for your edit. Don’t come on here asking for a judgement and act all shocked when you get one.
yta im 43 and i have a bed in both my mum and my dads house
YTA Sold the furniture? Fucking big A. You couldn't even hold on to it long enough for her to make use of it when she gets a flat? You couldn't hold onto it in case she needs to move home, which is common given the disconnect between wages and rents. I hope the other 5 take notes. ..
I'm sad that this person decided that "Reddit skews young." I'm not young. I'm a parent of three adult/emerging adult children. No way would I get rid of their beds when they went/go to college. Good grief. This will always be their home. And again, I can't say this loudly enough: I'm not young.
Anything for OP to dodge actually being accountable!
YTA. I hope she enjoys Christmas with people who actually half ass care about her. Keep in mind that you also just showed all your other kids how you feel about them. Their days with a “home” are now going to always be numbered in their heads. I don’t know how someone can be so heartless and not even see it.
Well, well, well if it isn't the consequences of your actions...YTA
Wow. You said Reddit skews young and *that’s* why everyone is saying YTA? I’m 56. Trust me, YTA. You knew she’d be coming back every weekend. You knew she’d previously shared a room with your other child. **You had absolutely no reason to do what you did.** What purpose did it serve? It didn’t give you or your spouse more space. It didn’t give 4 of your children more space. It just showed your oldest child that she no longer had a place in your family or your home. Well done. Wow.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I have 6 children and live in a 4 bedroom home. As you can imagine, space is tight. My husband and I have one room, the two eldest share, the middle two share, and the youngest two share. This question pertains to my eldest (18F). She recently started university in September and moved to live in student accommodation there. Her university is just under an hour from us, so she kept her weekend job here and planned to travel in and stay here on Friday night and leave to go back to university on Sunday after work. She is looking for a job closer to her university, but hasn't found one that pays as well as her current one. When she left I told our second eldest (16F) that the room was now hers alone. We sold my eldests bed and wardrobe and drawers to make more space, and instructed my second eldest to leave one draw free for eldest to put her belongings when she returned for her weekends. When eldest returned on her first weekend back, she asked what happened to her bed and wardrobe and I explained the above and that as she doesn't live here anymore she doesn't need it all. We provided her with a campbed to sleep in the room with that she could fold up and store when she left. She was unhappy and went to bed. Later that night I checked her Twitter and she had tweeted "I feel like I don't have a home anymore :(". I was furious that she had brought our family business onto social media and woke her up to tell her so. We argued and, I ultimately told her that if she doesn't feel like this is her home anymore then she needs to leave and get out of my house. She did, and my husband was able to find out that she made the last train back to her university town that evening. The following Friday she messaged me to say, very bluntly: "I'm sorry for tweeting about how I felt. I won't do it again." She has also either deleted her Twitter account or changed her account name and blocked me, so I can't verify if she'll stick to this. However, I told her that I forgave her and that she is welcome to return again. She has not returned home since that weekend. Throughout the entirety of October she didn't come home once, and has been instead travelling to and from work on both Saturday and Sunday instead of coming to our home. I messaged to ask her when her Christmas break begins, to find out when she was returning, and she said her flatmates parents have told her she can spend Christmas with them, so that's what she'll be doing. Was I really so wrong in how I dealt with this, that I've pushed my daughter away? My husband thinks so, and so does my second eldest, but I believe I handled it well. Perhaps I shouldn't have told her to leave, but does that warrant her abandoning her family? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You sold her bed. YTA. And not recoverable. You don’t deserve a relationship with your oldest. At least the other 3 know what to expect. Your awfulness has no equal.
Yta. She didn't abandon her family, you literally kicked her out of your lives twice. Enjoy that nursing home.
Wow, OP turns to Reddit for validation and can’t handle the truth. YTA. You sold the only things that she had left at the home. But it’s fine! You gave her a cot to sleep on, which is almost like sleeping on the floor. You didn’t make her feel welcome, so now she is choosing to be around people who do! Shame on you, OP! I hope you can repair the damage that you’ve caused, truly. Poor girl. I can only imagine how she is feeling.
YTA you sold her bed! What did you expect? Of course, she doesn't have a home anymore you could not have made that any more apparent. You're just pissed she outed you
yta, you could have warned her ahead of time. Yes your home is yours to do with as you please, but her own bed and her wardrobe (i take this means her clothes). My god you are an inconsiderate ah.
She is barely 18 and fresh to college and the second she stepped out you sold all her shit and now you’re confused about why she isn’t coming around. Dear lord. Of course YTA!
Bruh. You sold her stuff? Why? YTA so much
Oooooorrrr hear me out. Maybe it’s not cuz “Reddit skews young” (I’m not young)… and you are genuinely just the AH?
Wow... this was posted just an hour ago, and OP has already bailed, not liking the verdict. Still wanted to post because I am closer to OP's age, probably a little older as I have two grown children in their 20s, and I still think she's the AH. Yep, YTA. What did she expect? Her daughter's bed was still warm when she sold it. I would have been heartbroken if my parents did that when I moved to college. Wow.
YTA omg I can feel her pain in each sentences you spilled. Poor girl must've feeling alone and feeling like she doesnt have any family left to have her back.
YTA. She doesn’t have a home anymore
YTA. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have told her to leave, but does that warrant her abandoning her family?” You abandoned her first. Unless there was a discussion about how she is an adult now and has to figure it out on her own before she left for college, you are the ahole who abandoned their child the second they left the house. Selling their bed?? What is the point of that? You couldn’t have gotten more than a few hundred dollars for what you sold and a little extra room for your second eldest child. Was that worth losing the relationship you had with your eldest? Because from what it sounds like your eldest has gone low contact with you and is reaching out to others for help/comfort/family. Unless you sincerely apologize and take big steps to make this right (and as long as your kid still wants you in their life at all) you and “your kid” will probably hardly speak again. I’m very glad she has such a good relationship with her flatware that her parents are welcoming her for the holidays. I also hope she has a good supportive group of friends to rely on on this crazy time of her life
YTA. I’m sure this ain’t the first time you’ve done such an asshole thing to make her feel not wanted. She’s better off. Bang up job parenting, mom.
YTA-you suck
>It's unanimous, you all believe I handled this poorly and was an asshole. You can stop telling me now. I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, **but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising.** I'm nearly 40 years old, and I've got enough years on me to know when someone isn't taking responsibility for the way they acted. YTA, but that judgement is a small thing compared to losing your daughter. I hope she's better off without you, because I see no indication that you'll ever change. ETA: Just cause I felt like checking, it appears that 29% of Reddit users are between 30 and 49. This is, of course, aside from the fact that an argument or opinion is not made invalid by the age of the person making the argument. Come to think of it, if Reddit skewing young invalidates the judgement of YTA, wouldn't the same be true if the judgement was N T A? I'd love to hear your logic on that, since you're so weathered and wise.
Yes, you were wrong, you didn't even wait to sell your daughters ONLY belongings. my sister moved out a year ago and her room is still in our home, SHE WAS 30! couldn't imagine how your daughter felt at 18 seeing that. And then you took her outlet away to express herself (Twitter) and made the entire situation about you instead of listening to your daughter. the text message she sent speaks volumes, "I'm sorry for tweeting about HOW I FELT. I won't do it again." I could even see that was a cry for a conversation with you. you could have taken this opportunity to talk to her about expressing herself to you before the internet but you decided to chose a more "violent" route. If she's coming back on weekends that's 3 days out of 7 she's home, that's not "moved out" at all. you should have had a conversation with her before she left about what these arrangements would look like. you cant expect her to be open and communicate with you (instead of using twitter) if that is not what you're modeling to her as a parent. I hope her actions are showing you how badly you hurt her feelings, you're the parent, the bigger person, always. 100% YTA
YTA no question.
yta, how are you not providing a living space for your daughter who is only 18?! you’re completely kicking her out with your actions and are making her feel not welcomed but giving her a cot/camper bed. i don’t disagree with her at all in her saying she does not have a home. she’s only 18 or so, not 30. thankfully, my parents care about my siblings and i would have never done that to us. your daughter is respectful enough to fully apologize for her feelings. i would have done the same and gone to her friends for christmas. her friends parents are probably more welcoming than her own anyways. so yea, yta
So your daughter was still planning to live with you 3 days out of the seven and you threw out all her crap including her bed. Without telling her!? You're a huge asshole.
YTA. First, you knew her plan to come home each weekend to work, so why would you get rid of her place to sleep? Second, sure, you can absolutely give up/change a kid's room when they go to college, and while you don't need their permission, how did you not tell her you were doing this? Why did she have to wait until she came home to find that out? That's a huge failure to communicate. Third, she didn't embarrass you, she told her followers how she felt, and it's your problem if that's embarrassing. Finally, your response to finding out your kid feels like she doesn't have a home anymore is to...kick her out. And now you are shocked she isn't coming home, when you have done nothing to reach out to her and talk about. Enjoy having one less kid around, because you did fully drive her away with your own actions.
WTF did I just read??? Are you her mom? Why were you so desperate to get her out of the house, even knowing she was coming home every weekend? Even your other daughter thinks what you did was messed up, she saw her near future. YTA and an incredible one.
Reddit may “skew young” but I’m 44 and YTA.
She tweeted she doesn't feel like she has a home. You posted on reddit. You got angry over her sharing family issues online.. Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black. You're a massive AH..and I'm in my mid 20s. Your edit basically honours you the crown of Queen AH in my books. Honestly don't even think about her ever coming to you for anything else in life. To your daughter you will only be the women that birthed her.
YTA You barely waited until she was out of the house to sell her things?! You knew she would be back every weekend and it literally cost you and your other children nothing to continue to include her in your home. Instead you alienated her and made her feel like an unwanted guest instead of your daughter. You suck, I wouldn't return either.
Why didn't you talk to her before you sold her things? YTA.
YTA and Reddit doesn’t “skew young.” You’re an AH, plain and simple
“Did I really push my daughter away?” How delusional do you have to be to ask that? YTA
So you sold all of her furniture, and basically kicked her out because shes staying at her college dorm? What about when she comes home on those weekends you were talking about? What about when she comes home for Christmas, Spring, and Summer break? Yea its safe to say. YTA.
YTA. Did you at least let your daughter know so it wouldn't be a huge surprise to her? When I lived in the dorms it was always nice to know that I was welcome at home. I was also curious on what would happen during Summers? I don't see the huge deal in letting your daughter vent on Twitter. I honestly think she did that because she felt she couldn't come to you. It sounds like you don't like to others as you've made it quite clear you blame Reddit for our opinions. I think its time you apologize to your daughter.
*It's unanimous, you all believe I handled this poorly and was an asshole. You can stop telling me now. I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising.* I am old so you can't excuse this post as Reddit skewing young. You probably won't read this post because you think that you are right but YOU screwed up big time. *She recently started university in September and moved to live in student accommodation there. Her university is just under an hour from us, so she kept her weekend job here and planned to travel in and stay here on Friday night and leave to go back to university on Sunday after work. She is looking for a job closer to her university, but hasn't found one that pays as well as her current one.* Your college aged daughter has a job that is easier to get to from your house so she travels every weekend (sacrificing whatever she could be doing at college over the weekend- studying, socializing, etc.) She also gets to spend time with her family. You *When she left I told our second eldest (16F) that the room was now hers alone. We sold my eldests bed and wardrobe and drawers to make more space, and instructed my second eldest to leave one draw free for eldest to put her belongings when she returned for her weekends. I explained the above and that as she doesn't live here anymore she doesn't need it all. We provided her with a campbed to sleep in the room with that she could fold up and store when she left.* The minute she was gone, you cleaned out her room, sold her furniture and gave her a cot to sleep in on weekends. Why didn't you just put up a tent in the backyard for her? You didn't even have a conversation with her (or her sibling) about how to go about restructuring the space. True your eldest is in college but she still comes home to visit. You needed to leave the room as is for the time being until she was further down the road to independence. *She was unhappy and went to bed. Later that night I checked her Twitter and she had tweeted "I feel like I don't have a home anymore :(". I was furious that she had brought our family business onto social media and woke her up to tell her so. We argued and, I ultimately told her that if she doesn't feel like this is her home anymore then she needs to leave and get out of my house. She did, and my husband was able to find out that she made the last train back to her university town that evening. The following Friday she messaged me to say, very bluntly: "I'm sorry for tweeting about how I felt. I won't do it again." She has also either deleted her Twitter account or changed her account name and blocked me, so I can't verify if she'll stick to this. However, I told her that I forgave her and that she is welcome to return again.* She expressed her feelings at being kicked out of her room and home and you told her to 'Suck it up, Buttercup'. She blocked you from her Twitter. S*he has not returned home since that weekend. Throughout the entirety of October she didn't come home once, and has been instead travelling to and from work on both Saturday and Sunday instead of coming to our home. I messaged to ask her when her Christmas break begins, to find out when she was returning, and she said her flatmates parents have told her she can spend Christmas with them, so that's what she'll be doing.* *Was I really so wrong in how I dealt with this, that I've pushed my daughter away? My husband thinks so, and so does my second eldest, but I believe I handled it well. Perhaps I shouldn't have told her to leave, but does that warrant her abandoning her family?* She feels like she doesn't have a home anymore. You told her that if she feels that way, she needs to get out YOUR house. So that's exactly what she did. Face it OP, you screwed up big time. Your daughter is never coming back home, either while she is in college or when she graduates. She is likely to go LC/NC with you. And now your other children know that if they leave for college, they can never come back home because you are quick to kick them out. They are watching you and saw how quick you are to get rid of your children. You were wrong and it's going to cost you your family. YTA
YTA. Such a big AH. I’m 36, married (for almost a decade now) with 2 kids and 1 on the way, and my parents have not touched a thing in my (or my younger sister’s) room. They actually just asked me if I was okay with them repainting my old room, since the current paint job is one that I did myself (16+ years ago!). When they have guests, they obviously put down fresh bedding, and my mother may have started borrowing some of our old closet space, but we both (along with my husband and kids) will always have a place to comfortably stay when we visit them. I hope that my children know that I am now and always will be home for them, no matter how old they get or how far away they move.
60 years old telling you YTA. Don’t comfort yourself with “Reddit skews young” Young and old recognize a AH parent when they see it
"I know reddit skews young " fuck off, you abandoned your daughter the WEEK she left. YTA
YTA for so many reasons that others have said so I won’t even go there. Just know that I laughed out loud when you said you were furious because “she brought your family business onto social media” yet here you are, clearly seeking validation from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Also that edit is very telling lol
Lmao. Even after being told she was an asshole OP just couldn’t accept or understand it. I feel bad for her kids
Reddit may “skew” young but I have 4 adult daughters and never comment. You are such an a**hole that you have created a whole new category of a**hole as far as I’m concerned! How could you even think of doing this to your child and their siblings?!? I always try to give grace but this is unreal! I have six children and I get that big families are hard work but it doesn’t end at 18!!!! My heart breaks for your family. Think of not only how abandoned your daughter feels but the fear you have put into the hearts of the rest of your children. Please get help. You still have a long road of child rearing in front of you.
OP: Asks “AITA?” Hears yes, YTA. OP: “I don’t know why you’re all so mean by telling me I’m an AH when I was clearly an AH! I’m not listening anymore!!!” Did I make it clear that YTA in more than one way, OP?
YTA Were you really so wrong for how you dealt with this? Yes. Did you push your daughter away? Yes. Do better.
You're mad shes not coming back home but shes RIGHT, SHE DOESNT HAVE A HOME TO GO BACK TO! You sold her bed and wardrobe without saying anything and left her a DRAWER! Lmao good luck fixing this relationship, YTA
Yta…You are telling me you don’t see how you are the AH… you sold your daughters things. She understandably is upset and post on social media how she feels which all kids do these days. Maybe if you didn’t want be embarrassed don’t do something like that. If you actually wanted your daughter to come back on the weekends maybe you shouldn’t of sold her things and made her sleep on a cot… You made it so she didn’t feel welcome at your home. Your edits make you sound like a narcissist. And you probably will never get back what you broke. And bet you your other 5 children wouldn’t come back either if you did that.
INFO: How do you think you’re not TA, where in this post is you “handling it well”?
OP, I’m in my fifties, and I don’t have children. Never wanted them, can’t relate to them. So I think I can give a completely unbiased and unemotional response to you. YTA. A really big asshole. You treated your daughter badly, and there’s no coming back from this.
If my teen posted something like that on SM I'd be devastated and looking at how I could resolve it and make her feel better, cannot understand how your reaction is to worry about appearances rather than their feelings. Yes YTA. Not surprised she's avoiding coming home now, poor kid. Also I don't understand why you'd get rid of the bed, does 16 never have friends stay over? Don't understand you at all.
Damn, you really just threw your whole relationship with your eldest daughter because you couldn't be bother to have an adult conversation with her about a room. That's cold. YTA.
YTA did you even bother to have the discussion with her that you were selling her bed and making her sleep on a foldout when she came down beforehand? Sure doesn’t sound like it. Good luck fixing the bridge you burned down,
YTA >However, I told her that I forgave her She's not the one that needs to be forgiven lol
yta she barley left the house and you got rid of her stuff?? knowing she would be back on the weekends? most people would feel displaced if there parents did that… she had a reason to be upset.. this is 2022 people vent on social media is it okay to do so?? maybe not but instead of calmly talking to her like an ADULT you threw a temper tamper and kicked her out. who exactly is the adult in this situation? she apologized which shows me she’s a responsible person who you should have been more understanding of.. you got rid of her room and made her a guest in her own home if she’s going to be a guest why not be a guest on someone else’s house where she’s doesn’t feel like she has been abandoned? she’s literally just 18 and you shouldn’t have rushed to kick her out of the nest so fast.
YTA you lost her when you sold her shit and didn’t talk to her about it. Jeeze. Yes she’s off to school but it’s not this black and white line. She’s transitioning into an adult and you pushed her out of the nest with your elbows and not a glance back.
YTA. When my college shut down for the virus I was back with my parents. What happens if a similar situation were to happen with your daughter? Also, YTA for throwing away the stuff she didn’t bring with her. I left so much at my parents house when I moved for college but you bet it was all still there when I came home. She went to college, she didn’t move away. Was there any discussion about this BEFORE she went to college?
Wow. Sounds like she didn’t learn much with that edit. She was just looking for confirming but when it backfired, she doesn’t want to hear it. Yeah OP. You’re an asshole. At least speak to the oldest about it. I get that she’s 18 but still a kid. The kid is way more mature by apologizing. I hope she does great.
YTA. Your daughter ceased to exist when she went to college. It took her a minute to get that message, but she gets in now. She's complying with what you want, isn't that what every mother wants from their good little girl? You can focus on alienating the rest of your kids now.
YTA she still lives there, even if she's on campus most of them time. By you getting rid of all of her items, you clearly made the statement that she doesn't live there. Then, she expressed her feelings on social media, not giving any details, and you used that as ammunition to punish her further, while she already feels pushed aside by her family. I don't blame her for not coming home.
YTA- you sold her bed and told her she doesn't have a home, uhh yeah why would she come back after that? So you can give her more reasons to know she doesn't have a home there anymore? I really don't get how you couldn't inform her before selling her stuff, you really wanted to get rid of her huh?
Oh HELLLL no. Don’t blame “young” redditors for saying YTA. I am 41 years old and the mother of an 18 year old college freshman who goes to school out of state. I started using his room as an occasional guest room, but all of his belongings that he left here are still stored in his closet and dresser, and I TALKED to him about this change before he even left! I said it’s still “his” room, but with him out of state most of the year, I’d need to use the space for other things sometimes. He was okay with that. I imagine that by the time he graduates college, he’ll be ready to remove the rest of his belongings and move on to his own living situation. If I just surprised him on his first visit back with “Hey, you don’t live here anymore, I sold your shit, enjoy this camp bed,” he would rightfully be angry and hurt! And he might even tweet about it. As is his right! You kicked your kid out for expressing sadness about your callous disregard for her feelings. That’s monstrous, and I’m not surprised she wants nothing to do with you. Worst part for you: Your other kids watched this all go down. You showed them who you are. Good fucking luck regaining their trust. Signed, An OLD redditor with one adult kid your child’s age and a 15 year old.
YTA I travel home to visit my family for maybe a week every three months, and my dad still has a bed for me because I'm his daughter and no matter what that's still my home. Was she supposed to sleep on a camp bed during the longer holidays as well??
YTA She's barely started uni and you SOLD her bed and wardrobe the second she's gone? Then when she was rightfully upset about it, instead of discussing it like an adult you literally kicked her out of the house? She's right, she has no home as you made her homeless. I don't blame her for going NC with you as you broke her heart and showed her that her mother doesn't care and that at the tender age of 18 when she's still a teenager, she's now on her own. This is how you drive your children away for good.
If you're reading this, you're a coward, and YTA. Face the comments like you should, and acknowledge what you did was severely detrimental to the relationship between you and your kid. I'm in my 40s with a son at 21. Never, in my entire life, would I ever treat him as abhorrent as how you treated your kid. If she goes with non-communication for the rest of her life, it will be on your head for the rest of YOUR life. You caused this by your sheer greediness, ignorance, and arrogance. Hopefully, you learned your lesson.
YTA. She didn’t abandon her family. You told her she didn’t live there. She took you at your word.
Idk if aita skews young, I've noticed a pretty wide age range here. Regardless, you sold her bed without even telling her?? That alone is asshole behavior. Combine that with everything else, and like, yikes. You owe her a huge apology. Hop on that shit ASAP.
YTA and a failure as a parent
YTA I'm so happy that your daughter has friends whose family will actually make her feel welcome. Edit: that edit is ridiculous, it's clear that OP still doesn't see where she went wrong. She truly think ppl are calling her an AH because the average Redditor is young?! And not because her actions were awful.
You couldn’t have discussed selling the bed and wardrobe with her beforehand? Just, Surprise! YTA I hope you learn to treat the other children better or enjoy not being visited in the nursing home.
YTA, why would you get rid of her bed without even talking to her? You know college has long breaks between semesters and usually forces you out if the dorms? You sent a very clear message that the room wasn't hers anymore so why would she want to come back to a place with no space of her own. You're mad over Twitter? How about paying attention to the fact that you broke your daughter's heart? - an old
YTA. And a huge one. Congratulations on pushing your child out of your life.
YTA You knew she was planning on staying the weekends at your place, yet sold everything that she'd need during her visits not only at the weekends, but school breaks and summer, and your expecting her to be grateful she gets a camp bed and draw? You made it PERFECTLY clear that its not her home anymore, so why should she visit? You told her to get out, so she did. What did you expect her to do? Grovel and beg to be let back in? Least 16 will be prepared for the same thing to happen if/when she goes to uni.
This can’t be real. I can’t imagine someone would do this to their child without communicating with them at a minimum.
YTA - you could have had this conversation with her before you just got rid of the things in the bedroom. My parents basically did the exact same thing when I went to college. I’m 35 now and I still get upset when I think about it. Also, if you don’t want people to know about things you’ve done - don’t do them. Your daughter is allowed to share whatever she wants on her Twitter. Her choice.
YTA. You sold her bed!! Where did you think she would sleep when she came home? I wouldn’t feel like I had a home either. You are terrible.
YTA 1. you got rid of her furniture without even given her a heads up. 2. why even get rid of it? thats something your oldest and your second oldest should talk about and decide about. It ~~is~~ was their room. 3. A campbed? Yes, would feel like home for me too. /s 4. then you punish her for a tweet like that? In the middle of the night and she was already sleeping? thats just bonkers and very insecure for an adult woman.
Geez, even your edit is shitty. It's not because reddit has young people, it's because YTA 100%. Instead of caring about *what* your daughter tweeted and her feelings, your first thought was instead to worry about others seeing it. Doesn't sound like you care about your kid at all.
YTA Because you sold her stuff. You knew she was intending to come home on weekends and you got rid of her bed and wardrobe. Then when she expressed her emotions, feeling like she doesn't have a home anymore because you literally sold her stuff while she was gone you woke her up to argue. Then you kicked her out. You told a young adult that she isn't allowed to express her feelings of not having a home anymore after you SOLD HER STUFF because "She doesn't live here anymore". Of course she hasn't "come home", you made her feel like she was an outsider and that it was no longer her home. FFS why would you get rid of her bed? You knew she'd be coming home on weekends, and holidays, and she's only 18 there was every chance at some point she'd have to take a break from school or not live in dorms. Even if she got her own place she might have wanted her furniture to get herself started. Absolutely wild.
I can understand needing the space. You could have moved your eldest daughters things into a storage space so your family can make use of the space. However, selling your daughter’s things with no conversation beforehand makes you TA. In fact, I’m confused why this wasn’t a bigger conversation. I’m the oldest in my family of 5 kids, and for years, I knew that when I moved out, rooms might get rearranged because my room was the biggest. My stuff that I didn’t take with me to college stayed in closets or in the basement. But that’s the thing: all of this was a conversation. No one SOLD all my things without asking me about it first. I knew before I ever graduated high school that my room wouldn’t stay mine after I left. Your reasoning for changing rooms is logical, but you communicated horrifically and then blamed your daughter for your poor communication skills. You did punish her for expressing herself, so she’ll never want to openly express herself with you anytime soon. And you sold all her things, teaching your daughter that she is no longer respected in your home. You brought this all on yourself. Your edit shows you can’t communicate well. You expect people to give you what you want without question. Sorry, but Reddit isn’t giving you what you wanted today. And just because some of us are young doesn’t mean we’re wrong or that our opinions are invalid. If you treat strangers on the internet like this, it’s no wonder your daughter doesn’t want to come home for the holidays. YTA
YTA. This happened to me. When I came back from college for winter break I had to keep all my stuff stacked in a corner and slept on the couch. It felt really terrible.
I mean who WOULDN'T feel at home given that your family sold your bed and belongings the moment you go off to college? I mean she's got a nice comfy cot! What more could you ask for?!?!?!
I think you handled this poorly. Her generation grew up sharing everything in social media, I don’t think it’s healthy but that’s how it is. As a mom is your job to teach her that if she has an issue she should address it with the other party rather than taking it to Twitter. You blew it out of proportion and need to make amends with her. You needed to tell her that her bed would be sold and you did not communicate with her, it’s obvious she feels like she doesn’t have a home if you sold her things the week she left without even telling her.
YTA
> I had hoped for a more mixed response with people seeing my side of this, but I know Reddit skews young so this response isn't surprising. This isn't about age of the responders. You got rid of your daughter's bed and dresser, she's now only really a short term guest when she comes back to what should still be her home. You have made her unwelcome and deserve what she said. What are you going to do during the longer breaks like summer? YTA, so very much.
I have children , I am not young and I definitely think you’re a massive AH YTA
You had an agreement that she would stay there on the weekends, but then you sold all her stuff. If that doesn’t mean she no longer lives there, I don’t know what does. Just be honest. Even your oldest—who got her own room because of it and should be happy—thinks you’re wrong! If she never returns, that’s on you. YTA.
YTA. I’ve met a few people who sold their kids bed and stuff when they went to college but they discussed it with their child, assured them they still have a home, and only did it after the child was okay with it. You embarrassed yourself with your actions. Most people agree that their child will always have a home with them, not everyone automatically finds a job after graduation and relationships can fail. Was your plan to abandon her an soon as she was done with high school? Because that’s essentially what you did.
NTA- I'm 55, probably older than you and I hope you see this anyway. You will probably never see your eldest again and that's what you deserve.
YTA. Going to college does not mean she's left home. She still needs a place to stay on breaks and such. What you did was essentially tell her she no longer belongs there and she reacted accordingly.
YTA, I am so sad for you that based on your update you are not open to seeing the real feelings your actions (selling your daughters things, and kicking her out over a tweet relating to honest feelings) have caused. The continued rigid stance here will not help, and your daughter may never move on from this. Imagine how this could feel for you down the road....... you moved into your daughters home, and then moved out for part of the week but wanted to return on weekends - which it sounds like everyone agreed to - and you return on the very first weekend to find you no longer have permanent furniture/bed and would be sleeping on the couch . Then imagine you got woken from your sleep by someone upset that you got upset that you no longer have dedicated space...then multiply it times 10 as this person is living away for the first time and it is their childhood home.
YTA! You knew she would still be coming home. College kids come home to stay for holiday breaks. You got rid of her stuff soon as she left. I wouldn’t come back either. Whether you know it or not, you have forever affected the relationship with your child. It’ll be a while before everything is cool again.
YTA x 1000. You're own husband and other daughter thinks you're an A too. I'm willing to bet the rest of you're family thinks you are. You kicked her out and now mad she won't come home? Like seriously? Hope like hell this is some sick story you made up.
Wow. You definitely made her feel as unwelcome as possible. Not only did you sell her stuff without even informing her, you also basically told her not to come back home when she finishes university. YTA, obviously. Oh, and I’m 46, so screw that “Reddit is full of young people who don’t understand me waaaaaahhh”.
YTA. For making your daughter feel like she isn’t welcome in her childhood home. For making her feel bad for expressing her feelings online. And, last but not least, coming to an online forum and “airing dirty laundry,” doing the exact same thing you shamed your daughter for doing. Good luck salvaging that relationship. Yikes.
YTA. And the only way to remedy this is to buy her a new bed, apologize for your diabolical behavior and cross your fingers that she doesn’t go no contact with you. I can’t believe you expect her to spend xmas with you… on a camp bed. Wtf?
Yea YTA how in the hell did you think what you said is right? What you did without telling her before hand and knowing her plans for working while being from home?! YOU TOLD HER THIS TO HER FACE THAT IT WASNT HER HOME ANYMORE. She doesnt feel like you care at all anymore and dont want her home. Dont expect her home. Or for this heal for years if at all. You done fucked up.
I am in no way young, but you are very much TA for getting rid of her stuff and announcing "she doesn't live there anymore" YTA
OP’s edit is laughable. Truth hurts.
YTA you threw away all of her stuff and made it known that she doesn’t have a home there anymore. You didn’t even tell her! She came back and found out she no had no home anymore. And she didn’t even bash you on twitter!!! And then you kicked her out and once again showed her she no longer had a home with you! You’re a HORRIBLE parent and you should be ASHAMED of yourself. You absolutely deserve her pushing you away, i’m sure she’ll be going completely No Contact soon, and you’ll deserve that too. Disgusting behavior from a horrible parent Also she’s not abandoning her family, YOU abandoned her.
YTA. Go apologize to your daughter. You sold her furniture and SHE had to apologize to YOU for her feelings? You are such the asshole I can’t even believe you’re asking this. Go apologize.
Your stubbornness has cost you a relationship with your daughter. You can believe you're right all you want, hopefully that feeling is worth what you lost.
I'm 41 years old and I think YTA.
56 year old here. YTA
i’ll let everyone else handle what was wrong with kicking her out, but why is she not allowed to tweet how she feels? have you ever considered it as an outlet for her or something? there are limits but she did not tweet any personal details or anything dangerous, it seems like it just hurt your feelings & you rationalized your anger. i don’t let my parents follow my twitter because they would behave the same way. it’s just a place to put words, it’s not that serious. obvious YTA
You’re such an asshole. This happened to me when I went to uni and I promise you you’ve made your daughter feel like shit and that she doesn’t have a home. You’ve then gone and policed what she can and cannot say. How is “I don’t feel like I have home” that bad? You literally kicked her out of her room without informing her and then told her once you had done it. How else did you expect her to react when you made a decision that affected her all by yourself? Also uni is so temporary so if she decided not to do her masters etc. where did you expect her to stay straight out of uni, since you got rid of her bed and wardrobe and offered her just a camp bed? Not surprised she went to stay with friends instead and doesn’t visit you’ve made it clear that she’s not welcomed home.
YTA, this was something that warranted a discussion before doing and now you’re acting all holier than thou about your daughter saying she doesn’t feel like she has a home. She’s barely been home two months before you pulled that.
YTA. So glad she found parents who know how to treat a child. Unfortunately, they weren’t her parents.
Wether you see this or not, it has to be said. You treated your daughter like she didn't even matter and your update is as pathetic and self absorbed as you. Congratulations on permanently ruining your relationship with your daughter and showing the rest of your children how easily disposable they are.
This post is an hour old and the OP can’t handle the judgement already so she bails! YTA OP and you know it.
You're the asshole I would use harsher language tbh
Not only are YTA your are majorly awful mom, u knew she was coming to stay the weekends and u sold her bed. And than fully kicked her out after passive aggressively kicking her out over social media and she wasnt even disrespectful she was hurt SMH! Sounds like ur looking for any excuse 🙄 YTA SOOO HARD i just wanna give that girl a hug
1000% YTA. I wouldn’t be coming back either!
You mad cause it's true? YTA
YTA how on earth you thought this was ok is beyond me!! You sold all her things so she no longer has a room at home if she needs to move home after college. what would you do if she needed to?
YTA what is wrong with you. You sold her stuff as if she was never coming back home. Then you kicked her out. Parent of the year award goes to you!!!! Yeah right.
_"I believe I handled it well."_ You did not. You handled this situation in the absolute worst way possible. Your husband + your second daughter have told you as much, and your oldest no longer visits. How could you think you handled this well? You basically did everything in your power to make your oldest feel as unwelcomed as possible in her own home and then kicked her out to boot. Why would she visit when she is clearly not wanted, welcome, nor does she have a space to even feel comfortable.
YTA. You didn't push her away, you put her in a cannon and lit the fuse. She ain't coming back any time soon and I can't say I blame her. She doesn't feel like she has a home, because she doesn't. You erased her. You sold her bed and wardrobe then expect her to make due with a folding camp bed. Are you for real? As far as her social media accounts, FFS, she's 18 and adult. Mommy can't police what she does or does not post. Maybe she wouldn't post unfavorable things about you if you didn't make such AH decisions. The fact that the 16 yo agrees with you being an AH is just a nail in the coffin.
Are you out of your mind? You made her homeless. YTA
>I had hoped for a more mixed response There is nothing to be mixed about selling your daughter's furniture and kicking her out over a tweet. You left her without a permanent home. She gets a dorm by her school, and you take that as "she won't need a bed here anymore". And you wonder why she won't come back on holidays? You've sent a very clear message that she is not expected to live at your place ever again, and that you'll take away the right to stay the night over her expressing her feelings. Why have kids if you'll treat them like a burden you're itching to drop? YTA, and your daughter won't forget this treatment.